83: Wait Is The Caller The Villain?
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We are back, Jake. With a fun episode. I don't know the colors on this one.

So I can't say it's a banger. But you are that confident that it's a good episode. I am as well. I don't think we've had calls that we haven't liked.

Very few. In a while. In a while. Very few. This is a solo episode. Yeah, it's just the guys. Just the boys. I always like a solo episode. It always feels nice. It's Wayne's World without Madonna, which is always enjoyable. That's right. It's the sketch, not the movie. Just the guys in the basement. And some of the sketches could be towards the end of the night.

That's right. We don't need to make $100 million at the box office. No, the pressure's low. These are just two guys going like, shwing, shwing. Oh, man, remember. It is what it is.

I loved Wayne. Everything those guys did was the... Everybody that era of... That movie, the amount of times I saw that movie in the theater. Like, remember when you would see movies as a kid and you would be like, I am that person in real life. And it was like, that's not sustainable. But I was like... It doesn't matter. Unfortunately, I'm one of the Wayne's World crew. I totally relate. I am also... I am not only these characters, I am this movie somehow. Kevin, you look...

Very hunky today. I mean, I know you're a hunk of the show, but you, the green is working for you. What's going on with you? Well, you set me up perfectly because I had a kind of an existential crisis that I think has turned into something good. I went to the mall to get some new shirts. Um, even though doers been sending some nice ones, uh,

That's a pro, Gareth. That's a pro move by the kid. That is. Yep. Very good. Very good. Wiped my nose with some Kleenex at the mall. Had to look for some help on Zoc, Doc. I went to the fitting room, took my shirt off, started to take my pants off, hit my stomach in an angle in the mirror where probably three people on either side of me heard, nope.

And I just put my clothes back on. I went straight to the gym and I said, I'd like to buy 25 sessions with a personal trainer. And they said, right this way. So I'm now doing three sessions a week with a personal trainer. Whoa. So let me ask you. This is big, exciting news for the pod. This is big. This is big. And I'm a little threatened, but go ahead. Let me ask you a question, Kev.

Yeah. What's the goal here, Big Daddy? What are we trying to get to? Do we have a number? Do we have a look? Do we have a pick we could take with our shirts off with a little bit of oil on it? What's the goal? I saw a number that I have never seen on a scale that I didn't like. And so I'm trying to lose. What's that number, Kev? Two zero zero. Okay. And you did 25 sessions is bold. That's an income. Yeah.

Okay. So that's, and then what are we hoping to get to by when? And so maybe as a show we can keep track of, maybe there's a world if we don't hit that number or if we do. Yeah. Something could happen. Yeah. Like an oily pick.

where you're flexing in, I don't know, some sort of tight bottoms with a fan on you. I don't know. I'm just making this up as I go. Kevin, just a lot of oil, ideally. Kevin, listen to Jake, please, because as you know, this is an advice show, and Jake is trying to help you. And I'm talking about not a little bit of oil, but the kind of oil that we need to do outside. All right, buddy. Put the brakes on the oil pitch a little. Trust me, Garrett, you're going to want a lot of oil. It's going to be incredibly fun. Oh, I want it. I just want to get us there with a little oil and then on the day. Yeah.

On the day we grease this baby. That's why it's a two-man pitch. That's such a good goal that if I don't hit it, I have to use a lot of oil in a picture. Okay, so what number are we hoping by when, Kev? I think 180. I'm going to a wedding the weekend of my birthday, August 23rd in Vegas. I kind of want it to be at 180 by August.

Should I go? Yeah, then let's go 180 by August. Is that like 10 pounds a month, though? It's kind of a lot. It's very possible. Just sign the dotted line, buddy. Here's what I'll say, Kevin. I don't think we go any lower than this because you are going to be building muscle. So you're not just crash diving. This is Jiu-Jitsu Jake coming at you right now, Kevin. I don't know if you hear this. So if you want Jiu-Jitsu, Bill. No, no, no. 200. Jake, stay in the pocket. I agree. Sorry. But you turned me. Stay in the pocket. Okay, you're right. Stop it. Oh, I'm a ripper.

I'm turned around. Okay. What are you saying? He just broke a pencil like it was nothing, which it is. So here's where we're at because we got to get out of this intro. 180 by my birthday, by my birthday, not August 1st. So August 23rd. Okay. And then if you do not hit it, do you agree to a photo with short shorts in your backyard with a bunch of oil that we can post? Yes. Okay. And then if you do hit it,

Yeah. What's something that Garf and I- Then you guys got to do it. Pass. Come on, buddy. Well, then we got to go down to about 160. Live on Earth with the rest of us. Yeah. But what is something you would like that the Garf and I could do for your new studio? I'll throw it to you and I'll say you each have to bring something that

that you think I will be impressed by. I don't know what it is, but I'll let you guys pick. I like that. Let me just say, mine might be a pic of you oiled up in your backyard, and I might need to do a shoot. And mine might be signing that pic. Yeah. No, but I agree. We'll figure it out in a day. We'll get you something really nice. So we got a thing. We are at 180 by August 23rd. And we'll do a weigh-in on the show.

Great. I'll bring a scale. That'd be fun. And we got it. We got us a little game and we got a couple of months to do it. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening and enjoying the show. You got a fun one today. There is a follow-up on this one, Kevin. Yep. Enjoy the show.

Hello. Hi. It's happening. First call of the day. You feel that energy? I do. It's happening. It's happening. All right. Places, three, two, one. Can we get your name, age, and where you're calling from? So I'm going to go with Christine. We actually outlawed the pseudonyms. So we really... Wow. Officially. Yeah, legally... No, I'm just kidding. All right. Christine? Yeah. Okay. Christine?

And I am from the Los Angeles area, but I'm in the Valley. Do it, Jake. I know you're going to ask. Thank you for doing it. Hey, Christine, thanks for being a fan of the show. We appreciate you. The Valley is very clean. That's enough for us. Name. Oh, Anya, welcome to the show. Jake getting his morning Jack and Coke.

The guys like Stevie Ray Vaughan of podcasting. And then I'm going to need those parliament lights, dear. Just the five. And then a little bit of the powder for the gums. Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't put that on the radio. It's not the radio. It's the podcast. Hey, hey, hey. It's the podcast. Kelflin? Kelflin. Kelflin, whatever the goddamn name is, boy. Cut that out. We'll cut it. Amen. Not on my watch. Sorry. All right. Who's got a light for that? That's a pen. Okay. Christine, LA area, the Valley. Age? Age.

37. 37. All right. Why don't you tell us what the hell. You're just a baby. You are a baby. Just like us. Look at us. It's not about us. All right. What's going on, Christine? After my whole routine about Parlaments. Parlaments aged you. Okay. So I am a college professor. Who is it? And I teach college classes at a high school as well as on the college campus. Hold on. This seems like Garak logic. Smart kid. Yeah.

I am a college professor, but I teach at an elementary school. That's pretty good. She's an elementary school teacher. Look, she's a college kindergarten professor. They have these. Okay. All right. So you're teaching college classes to babies. Okay. Got it. All checks out. All right. Not a question so far. And what are you teaching these little babies? AP stuff? What's going on? As in they make AP in their diaper and you change it? AP, A-M-B-C-D. AP. AP.

A, B, alphabet. All right. All right. Christine, you're a college professor. You teach high school kids.

Sometimes. I think we're going to pretend we understand what this means. She means that she at some time she'll go to college and you'll teach the smarter kids or you'll teach like some kind of college. Wouldn't that make you a high school teacher? No, because she's also at she's mainly at a college. OK, Christine, I'm employed. I'm employed by a college. I'm a regular college professor. But now they offer college courses to high schoolers. So you can get credit for being like.

Both places. When I was in high school, they offered junior high classes to me and I took them and didn't dominate. Which sucked. Being like, I'm at grade level and they're like, for a seventh grader? And I'm like, god damn, you got some smart seventh graders. I can buy cigarettes. These kids are smarter than me. I have a bold beard.

Okay, we get it. You're a college professor. The college pays you to teach high school kids. Where are we at, Christine, from the Valley, who's only 37? You're just a little baby? A little baby. So I go to the high school in the morning, and then I go to the college in the afternoon. In the morning, when I go there, it's really early, 7.30 a.m., so I avoid the drop-off, the student drop-off line. And I get there super early. There's no one in the parking lot. I park in the faculty lot at the far corner. Okay.

I'm fairly sure, because it's been happening since September, that there's a high school teacher there who thinks I'm taking her parking spot. Okay. And she's gotten progressively more aggressive at me without actually just coming out and saying, you're parking in my parking spot. And I've decided...

I'm going to just keep parking in this parking spot. She's getting crazy. Why don't you... Okay, let me ask two questions. The first is, what would make her think she has ownership over the spot? The second, why are you taking my parking spot? Gareth is that teacher. This is weird. Let me teach the kids. So why does she think it's hers? Just because she was there first?

she seems like someone who's been teaching at this high school for decades. Okay. But there's no like, there's no like name or like, okay. All right. But she's maybe been there for years. You know what? It sounds like, like an X. Yeah. Right. You start dating somebody and somebody comes around and like, I've been with her for 15 years. I don't care, Roger. Yeah. Yeah. She just kind of, okay. So she feels some kind of ownership. And then what, how can we call her Ruth? Let's call her Ruth. That's great. Uh, what,

Ruth is a great name. We're all loving Ruth. How is it escalating? How are you feeling the tension come to a hotter boil? Good question. So originally, she would just zoom in. And again, no one else is in the parking lot. I'm in the far corner. So there's other open spots.

Oh, it's completely empty because I get there so early. Super weird move by Ruth. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Ruth's out of her mind. So you go in an empty parking structure. You take the far one. Ruth zooms in, gets mad, squeezes next to you.

Yes. She has her music blaring. What kind of tunes? What kind of tunes? What kind of tunes? Is it Not Like Us by Kendrick Lamar? That'd be amazing. This slaps. Are you Drake? Is she Kendrick? Yes. Sorry, I'm not doing this. Maybe. All right. What kind of tunes is Ruth blasting? Honestly, it sounds like heavy metal. Nice. Oh, my God. Is that a surprise? Okay, nice. Okay. Wait, quick pause. Are you a heavy metal guy, Kevin? Yes. Yes.

No way. And I'm jealous that Gareth is friends with the lead singer of Lamb of God. Oh, not only my friends of them. We text cat videos back and forth. What is Lamb of God? It's a metal band. An amazing metal band. So when I found out you were a drummer, do you do heavy metal? No, I'm not nearly as talented enough. My friend is a heavy metal guitar player. And I'm like, let's jam. And then he'll play like Metallica. And then I'm like, goom cha, goom goom cha. Yeah. So bad.

bad next to each other you liking heavy metal yeah is a shocking turn it is oh yeah my best friend fully warped me into a metal head i would say steely dan yeah yeah yeah okay i'm giving steely dan okay so christine so ruth 60s is coming in blasting heavy metal squeezing next to you floor is yours what's happening

So when she gets out of the car, she'll stare me down. She's got her sunglasses on. She looks really done up for a high school teacher. I'm not going to lie. She's got her high heels on, slings the door, stares me down. And then sometimes, now more than it used to be, she'll mumble loudly at me. But I can't tell what she's saying because I have rolled down the window a few times and been like, is everything okay? What'd she say?

She either walks away or she just kind of waves at me. Like, go away kind of wave. Christine, you're going to get fucked up. Yeah. Yeah.

I got to say, first order of business, you got to keep that body of yours safe. Ruth is going to eat you for dinner. Well, okay. Ruth is going to eat you for dinner. Whatever we say, number one priority, we got to keep that 37-year-old baby body safe. You got a 60-year-old heavy metal lady driving fast, wearing heels. She's going to eat you alive. Grumbling. She's going to eat you alive. And then a couple times I've come back to my car and there's just a cone that

on the front and back of just my car. Oh, my God. She's coning you? Here's my advice. Quit the job. Honestly, run. Run. Start biking to work. You seen the baby reindeer? Oh, my God. I mean, what is she? Just be careful, my friend. She's coning you. Okay, so keep going.

Another time, because sometimes it's so early and I don't have to teach for like an hour. So I like take a nap if I'm not grading. And so I'll just like take a little nap or whatever. And there's been a security guard who will come up and they know I work there. Like I have a hang tag, like a faculty tag. And they'll be like, who are you? Why are you here? And I'm like, is there a problem? He's like, no, I'm just making sure everything's cool. And you think Ruth is behind this?

I think Ruth, I definitely think so. Cause I, that was like months into me being there. I don't, I'm not opposed. I think Ruth is just saying to security, there's a homeless lady sleeping in. It's definitely got that. Like she's just calling the cops a lot. She's just one of those people. Yeah. Okay. And then there's one more, but I don't, I don't necessarily think she's behind us. I did come out once. There was a big scrape on my bumper, but it could have come at,

At another time. Like I could have just not noticed it. I like how you're legally protecting yourself there. Yeah. You got a fake name, but you're still there. Some legalese. You're not an idiot. You are a college professor. Yeah. Who goes to high schools? Okay. So, and, and you alluded to this year, you don't, your solution for this that you do not want to be pitched is park somewhere else. You want to, this is the hill that you are prepared to die. Or let's, what is your specific question? Yeah. Okay.

Yes. No, my question is, what do I do? Because I am not a super confrontational person, but my biggest confrontation has been rolling down the window and being like, hey, is everything okay? By the way, that's bold. That's bold.

Well, I got I was pretty mad. And that was like the most extreme that I've done so far in terms of actually talking to her. But yes, I want to know what to do. I guess parking somewhere else is an option, but it's not my favorite option. Of course it's not. Well, so I just want to know how do I resolve it? Because I'm going to have to keep going there if I'm doing this particular class. Let me ask you this. Are you looking for honey or vinegar?

Because what's the difference? Okay. Easy, bud. What we could do is we can sweeten Ruth up or what we can do is we can keep escalating it a little bit. Let me ask you a question. And I just got to cut right to the meat of this. Christine, you and Ruth in a dark alley. No one's watching. It turns into a scrap. Who's walking out of there winning? It's the jujitsu. Me. You are? Yeah. Okay. Sorry, arthritic. Okay.

And I could knock her down off those heels. Okay, that's important to know. And I appreciate you saying that's jiu-jitsu. But we're not suggesting. No, no. But it's important to know. No. Because I'm not going to lead you down a path if you say like, hey, I'm doing a safari. I'm in Africa. And there's this really aggressive lion. And the tour guide's saying, don't play with its nuts. But I want to throw a thing at its nuts.

I'm saying you're going to get killed if you go, it's a house cat. And I want to just... You're the kind of guy I want a safari with. Who's trying to toss stones at lion sacks. I just did one in San Diego, the San Diego Safari Park. Took a lot for me not to weird out a little bit. You get any nut shots or what was weirding you out? The...

the guy had a big ponytail who was running it and was acting like the it guy from the british office right and we're like you know we're just in a weird zone my man you're really holding court yeah you're being a little gnarly to the kids yeah kids he's being a little like kids would ask little questions and he'd have a tone where he they'd be like do the rhinos ever leave and he'd go yeah they grab a suitcase and walk out at the end of the day and i'm like that little boy seven

I like. Christine, back to you. I like Safari Jake. My wife didn't. I bet she didn't. I got a bunch of eyes. You be quiet. It's not about you. You're being wild. I like that it's not about you in your marriage. That feels good for me. That's great to hear. Christine, about you. Yes. You do not want to just move spots. That's the thing.

No, I feel like she's, I don't think she deserves it at this point. I kind of agree with you. Kind of mean. So here is my pitch to you. You get to work 15 minutes early, or then earlier. When you're there, you sit on the hood of the car with a position that going to the safari shows dominance. Sure. When she parks next to you and mumbles, you say, hey Ruth, what's up?

What are you mad at? She goes, you go, I can't hear you, dear. What are you mad at? She goes, you're in my spot. You go, show me the sign.

Because this is one, I think, we got to confront this. That's head on. Head on. I don't dislike that at all. Because this problem is unique in that our caller is getting what they've already won. If Ruth was calling, I would have a different thing. I like that. Okay. I'm also going to suggest a few others here. Okay. Maybe get there early and maybe film from a distance her behavior towards your car.

I would also, these security guards who keep fucking with you, I would maybe like pull one of them aside and be like, hey, someone keeps putting cones like in front of my car. Can you figure out like how they're getting them? Yeah. Where the hell they're coming from?

I also just for shits and gigs, maybe we can escalate the bumper sticker game a little bit. We could maybe go with something where we put maybe a Lamb of God bumper sticker on there. See what that does to Ruth's psyche. Or we can you can get bumper stickers made. You can get your own stickers made and you can get five bumper stickers that go. I park where I want faculty life.

You know, I knew kid in school. Yeah. Yes. Stuff like that. That just is kind of very specific. Your heavy metal socks. Well, I was going to say very specific, but not specific enough where she can connect. But you could very easily get those just those texts, those texted bumper stickers. Another one would be cone her car.

Let's cone her car. I was just going to do that same zone. Keep going. Cone her car. And my last one would be get there early and...

pretend like you're in a panic and you're on the phone receiving some bad news and seem very agitated when she gets there. And when she gets there and gives you a look, just go, not today, Ruth. I can't today. And just let that sit there. I've got one other one for you. I think Gareth gave you some good heat, but I got one more. And that is parking her spot. Why? Because it doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, it's very crazy. So you're in the corner spot. That's what she wants. She's in the one next to the corner. Take the one next to the corner. Oh, I got enough. Then everywhere she goes the next day, park in her spot. And then she'll go, I don't even know what spot I want. And you go, you go left. I go left. You go right. I go. You're her goddamn shadow. How about I like that, right? I like that. I like that. She might get to the older lady. Michael, this is.

Fucking bitch is driving me crazy. You know what that goes to? It's just a parking spot. I like that. What if we want to get nuts? Yeah, I do. Why don't we over park in that spot? Take both. Take over a little bit of the other spot. I'd take a both. And you know what else I would do? And I don't know why I would do it, but back it in. Ooh, yes. Back in, take both is aggressive. Here's the other one. I would...

Take your original spot and cone her spot. Oh, fucking good. You know what? You could get a little caution tape, too, to make it official. Yeah. So here's what we got. I like that. I'm falling in love with the last suit. Here's what we got, Christine. We gave you some heat here, but now this is up to you. We got to figure out what you're going to do. The head on. You're in a safari. You see a wild animal. Make eye contact. Film Ruth. Ask security. Get involved in the bumper sticker game.

Park in her spot. She goes left. You go left. You're her shadow. Cone her car. Pretend you had an emergency on the phone. And when she gets out, say, I can't today. Not today, Ruth. Not today, Ruth. Take your spot, but cone her spot back in and take both.

Christine, Los Angeles, the Valley, 37, college professor who works at a high school. What are you going to do? I think I'm going to do a combination of some of these. I think...

Well, I do always get there before her. So I feel like she almost never beats me unless there's an issue. So I feel like I can do a lot of things before she arrives to get things set up. I think probably, I don't think I'm going to sit on the hood of the car. I feel like that might be...

too much but i do think i could i i don't know her name so i could definitely yell at ruth at her and i think that would be pretty um insane i don't think she'd understand how to how to do that when i said ruth and when we we weren't saying yell the fake i i don't know if you want to throw the fake name let's all right let's let the sailboat sail all right let's go

Floor is yours, Christine. I think, yeah, I just, I don't know her name. But I do like the idea of shadowing her. So I just keep switching spots. You're a wild cat. I think that will bother her. It will. Oh, it will. Because this is already ruining her. It seems like it's ruining her morning every morning. Question for you, big dog. I just got to ask. Why are we ruining this older lady's life? Now you ask? Well, because I don't know. Because...

I just got a tone from her. This is the first two minutes. I just got a tone from our dear friend Christine that she's like, I'm going to call the old lady Ruth and then I'm going to do this that's going to ruin her day. You are full court pressing. You are going for it. I'm just...

wondering what we're pitching here, my guy. Well, we're pitching here because this is what she was. It's just, it's dug under her skin. But what's your goal here? Is the goal to, because I think the goal is, no, I think the goal is to end this. End her. We want her to retire. No, that's not our goal. We are going through. No, our goal is to end this weird parking dynamic, not

Make a 60-year-old lady miserable. We crush her. No, we don't. We want to crush her. So, Christine, are we on the same page of the goal? We will try to end her.

I really tried in the beginning to be like nice. Like I'd smile at her. I, I, I retried. I tried. Like I said, I, I rolled down the window and I was like, Hey, is everything okay? And she just like mumbled and walked away. And so I'm just now at the point where this has been going on for so long that I'm like, well, I don't know if I should just give up or if I should,

Right. Okay. So walk us through what you're going to do and just take this as a little bit of advice. Let's not be insane. Yeah. Let's try to be kind people. I still want my job. Yeah. We're in a bad situation and we're trying to get out, but we are all citizens of planet earth. I like the sobriety that's hit you at the end of this call. Well, I just, I just imagined a six year old lady calling me and going like, I'm just having the bad day. What happened?

Well, my job's really hard, but this fucking lady started taking my spot. And now she shadows me. She's harassing me. She's calling me Ruth. She stared at me like she's a goddamn line. And if I'm in an alley with her, she could beat me up. And I'm going to go, I hate Christine. Yeah. Well, listen, we never know if we're pitching the villain of the story. Really? That's true. We think the caller is the protagonist. The caller's always the hero. That's a turn on our show. Yeah.

Christine, so pitch this again, but you're the protagonist, right? You're not the villain. No, I'm definitely the hero of this story. I'm doing my best. But remember, the villain would tell you they're the hero to convince you to get the information they want. But also, every story needs a hero. Not all heroes wear capes. So walk us through this one. How are we getting out of this? What the goal is, I would be happy if you and Ruth

could pleasantly smile at each other in the hallway and laugh about this. That's honey. That's the honey approach. Yeah, that's the honey approach. Yes, and I did try the smiling because I'm just not a very confrontational person, but the passive-aggressive approach has been working better for me. Okay, so walk us through what we're doing here, how we're getting out of here. Floor is yours with a little bit of hint of sugar. Okay. Well, I think I'm going to stick to the shadowing, but I...

I don't know how consistent I'll be because I'll probably forget the next day, but I'm going to maybe park just in those two spots. So then some days she does get her spot. Right. That's right. You know what I'm going to pitch? I got a new pitch and it's going to be fast. Kevin, I know we're out of time. Here's what I'm going to pitch. You pretend Ruth and you made a deal and it's every other day.

So you get your way half the time, but we give it to Ruth the other half. So you are just in a relationship that you have decided to be very cool about. So one day she gets the spot. The next day you do. She doesn't have to know that you made this deal with her, but you did. And guess what? You walk out of this half the time. You got her spot half the time. You got yours.

And God damn, maybe you could end up being friends. I don't know how this story ends. What do you think about a 50? They won't be friends. Who cares? Yeah, I don't think she likes me. But what do you think about going 50-50? Half the time you take the spot, half the time you give it to her. Just see what happens. See if the temperature changes.

Yeah, I think that's a good a good policy. And then I might I might I might do something with the bumper sticker game. You're a wild. So this is what I love. Jake keeps trying to lead you in a direction. Yeah, yeah, I do get that. I think I'm going to do a little bit of what you said, a little sugar in the car. And I think that's the move to pull for me. Christine, really fast. And then we got to go. What would the bumper sticker say?

I think I like the I park wherever the fuck I want. All right. Thank you for the call. You are the villain, my friend. We can't take the spice out of a jalapeno. Nature just made it that way. Christine, we appreciate the call. Keep us posted. Good luck. Thank you, guys. All right. Bye. See you.

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Hello. Hello. Hi. Welcome to the show. My name is Jake. You're on with Gareth. You're on with Kevin, who does heavy metal apparently. Yep. Or wants to, likes it. Hi. Hi. What's your name, please? My name is Taylor. Taylor. Hi, Taylor. How old are you, Taylor?

I'm 28 years old. And where are you calling from, Taylor? St. Louis, Missouri. Ooh, St. Louis, Missouri. Okay. And what's your favorite band, Taylor? My favorite band is Paramore. Oh, yeah, sure. What's Paramore? Paramore, the best band ever. They have the only female lead singer in the Rock Hall of Fame. Cool.

Can you give us a taste of your favorite Paramore song on the spot? Taylor, three, two, one. Don't be self-conscious. Just let it rip and go.

Whoa, I never meant to brag, but I got him where I want him now. Oh, Taylor, you got a beautiful voice. What's the problem today? Not your voice. Not the singing. Not that angel pipe. And it's not delivering on the spot with pressure. You're ready to go. Taylor, I hate to brag. We're in a studio and there's a band recording a podcast in a studio next to us. And they are friends with Paramore. Ooh.

How quickly... Can you transfer me over to them? All right. Listen, Taylor, you were doing great. You jumped ship on our show so fast and so hard. It does hurt. All right, Taylor, what's going on? Yeah. So I actually am graduating with my master's degree this Saturday. Okay. Wow. Yeah. And I got a new job that I start on May 20th. And it's...

And it's a development director. So I'm like head of a department. It's a small department, but it's a department. And everyone like in the department and in the office that is kind of like under me, for lack of a better word, is older than me. And I'm very awkward with older people. So I'm trying to figure out how can I like...

gain rapport or like establish myself as a boss, even though I'm younger and kind of childish. Ooh, that's a very interesting, interesting one. Clean. Have anything, have you met the people? Yes, I have met most of them. I've met my team that I'll be directly supervising, but I haven't been formally introduced to like the other employees that will also, has anybody given you any pushback or is this all in between your ears?

It's definitely all in between my years. Everybody's actually been really nice and excited. So it's amazing. So then I got a first beginning of a pitch from your... Wait, let me ask one question. What is the age difference? Like, what's the biggest age gap and what's the smallest? The biggest age gap for someone on my team is probably like 14 years. She's like...

mid to late 40s she's a calculator okay and there are other people closer to you obviously someone a couple years younger than you or older than you as far as i've met everybody in like the admin office no one's younger than me the only person around my age uh actually is leaving and i thought would be friends but she's no longer there okay uh i'm ready to pitch taylor go

Okay, I'm ready to hear it. So you're 28. The oldest is 45. You're a little bit nervous that they're going to view you as a kid and it's going to be a little weird because you're a little awkward. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Really awkward. Let me tell you the saddest part about being 45. We think we're 28. Look at the way Gareth and I are dressed. I don't know why I have to take shrapnel. I'm just sitting here. I'm looking at you. Stop doing it. And don't call me honey. Call HR, sweetheart. You dress like that. You're going to get it from me. What are you? You dress like that, kiddo. You're going to get it from me. Excuse me. You little flirt. I'm not flirting. I'm furious. You're begging for it. I am.

not i'm not giving it to you you're married with kids yeah i'm married to that and these are my kids so here's my pitch to you taylor do a thing when you're all talking where you say something like well we're all the same age okay treat everybody the 45 year olds as if you think you guys are all basically the same generation adjacent

The band you like is classic rock. You didn't say, like, what's your favorite music? You didn't go like, this new thing that's not electronic. It's something new. It's somebody plays a Nintendo Switch and then bangs my head against a brick wall while I'm doing TikTok. And someone my age goes like, oh, for fuck's sake, just hit me in the head with two bricks. You're into classical rock. That's what I imagine Paramore is. That's what it sounded like. Yeah. So your taste isn't the taste of something that's so New World.

So just show that to you, the difference between 45 and 28 is something on a calendar. Gareth, I like it. I like it. I think. But I think part of what you want to have, like a extra layer just to kind of get into this situation. Let me ask you this. I got a couple of bad ones, as usual.

What is the uniform for this job? Casual? What are we wearing? What do you think of uniform? It's business casual. You think they're an overalls? Whatever you want. Overalls and gloves, Gareth. I'm in the middle of my investigation. You haven't had a job in too long, my king. I'd like to be left alone. First of all, I was sexually harassed on this episode by my co-host. I need a minute.

I think maybe we throw in... That's all I need. I don't need much longer than it is. I can't believe what's happening. I could be done in about 30 seconds with your little body. Oh, my God.

My God, sir. I like a redhead, honey. Stop it. It's crazy. The way he's looking at me is filthy. It feels like I get to travel to Ireland and I'm standing right here in the valley. You're right. You're in Los Angeles. Knock it off. You've known me for 20 years. But I feel like I'm outside of Dublin, honey. No, you're not. Stop saying honey and making your jaw push forward. It's like a dog with an underbite. Okay. Okay.

Listen, sorry about that, Taylor. It's just there's some... He's asking for it. I am not. I'm demanding it. Stop. It's about Taylor. Stop. I'm trying to get into the Taylor part of it. But your eyes are saying keep going. They're not. Shut up. You don't tell me to shut up after all that. Taylor, sorry about that. Don't worry. This is just a couple of guys going through something that's pretty abnormal.

No, I get it. I would say maybe you're a good boss. I would say maybe you throw in a couple old rock shirts. You like rock. Cool. Why don't you wear a couple Rolling Stone shirts? Another one. Do you wear glasses? No, but I could. Now you do. Fake glasses age you up a little bit. This is pretty good. Give you a sense of authority. Just wear fake glasses for a little bit and then you can get contacts or LASIK, you know, in the heads of people. The other thing I would maybe do just to kind of give yourself an ease in.

when you get there why don't we all go out to dinner or lunch and everyone goes out and you can pick somewhere that's not like you know tgi fridays pick a place that's okay yeah that some of the older people will like and you know maybe buy a round of drinks something like that but kind of establish yourself as cool the boss but you're cool about it i got something too taylor and i think we're gonna be i think we're gonna be kind of in the same thing you got a a partner

Yeah, I have a girlfriend. Okay, so I would potentially, is she your age? Yes. Damn. I would potentially fake the girlfriend, have a photo of an older woman, a woman in her late 40s, early 50s. Kathy and I just are so in love. Put a photo of it on your desk.

I'm not afraid if she's a silver fox and somebody goes like, oh, who's that? And you go like, that's my girlfriend. And they go like, oh, Taylor's. What if I just put her in an old person filter? Yes. Sure. Yeah, that's right. You know, take her to Six Flags and get one of those old timey Western photos taken. No, but I mean this, Taylor. I would do that for real or I would maybe just...

salt and pepper her hair a little bit you can do a little bit of like a you could do baby powder to get there at that effect take a photo and then if they meet her in eight months they're not going to say like you look so much older in the photo you don't mention her age but let her dress older there's a good look older put her in some glasses put her in like kind of like a 50 year old's outfit and if she ever comes in have her just kind of walk with a bit of an arthritic

curve and offer hard candy to people is in real life. Is she older than you? By a couple months. Yes. So you can. This is what I was hoping. I like older women. Now you can say things like, yeah, I mean, my my my partner's older. Yeah. OK. If somebody makes a young comment where they go like, hey, a 28 year old, you're just a kid. You go like you sound like my girlfriend who's always I'm with an older. I'm an old soul. Yes.

But you then have a photo and they go... Okay, I kind of like that because I can throw her under the bus. Yes, but then the vibe is from the workers, she's 28 going on 50. Look at that lady she's with. What I also like about your pitch is that there is an opportunity for how you decorate your space to age you up a little bit again in your preferences and personality. I think so too. So you could just...

you know, your favorite movie. You could hang a, like, put a Tootsie poster in your office. I've got a pitch on that. Can you say that again but with your shirt off, honey? All right, you know what, Taylor? Jake's going to finish the call. I have to go to HR for a half-hour meeting. But, Taylor, I think we're serious on that. It'll probably be longer than a half

I don't need you involved in this part of the show. So I think here's our pitch. I say you age up your girlfriend, you age up how you dress at first and you kind of put some like

40 year old stuff in the office. So like the bands you like, I like what Gareth was saying about like, you know, an Aerosmith shirt. So people go, oh, you like that? And you go, yeah, I'm more into that kind of music. And then that's it. You let that ride. And that's enough of a seed to the geezers in the group to go. She's pretty cool. She's one of us. I also think fake glasses. I agree with all that Jake just said. So Taylor, what are you going to do?

I'm liking them all honestly so I might do them all um I always wanted glasses but I have good vision so it's just an excuse for me to start wearing fake glasses right and I'm down for that good um I also think that it'd be hilarious to make my girlfriend look old just as a bit in my own life yep uh that would be hilarious and I think the dinner thing is definitely a good thing I

I would feel weird because I would feel like I'd have to pay for it. And I'm still like a broke child, but I'm sure I could save some up. Figure it out because I do think you do have to pay for it. If there's a group dinner that someone throws together, there's like a work thing. And then they go like, should we split the bill in eight parts? You're like, or just don't do this.

Yeah. Yeah. I would just want to pay. Maybe I'll get a company card. I would get a company card. That's great. But I think I got, yeah, go ahead. I got one more too. What do you carry? You carry a bag with you to work or places?

Um, either a backpack or like a giant purse. Okay. I would like the giant purse. I would maybe go to the Goodwill or Salvation Army and get one of these pink fuckers from like 1980. A big boy. Get a big boy just for the first couple weeks. That also, along with the glasses, kind of gives you an air of like a grandma. You're a big boy with a big pink bag. You better watch your mouth.

And I want to stop it with my goodies. You stop it. You're not talking about my pink bag anymore. Big boy. Disgusted. Stop calling me big boy. Reach in there. You'll find some good treats. I'm going to start muting you, Jake. All right. That is a first.

And deserve. So Taylor, I think you're in a good zone. Also keep in mind that they don't think of you as that much younger, but if you do all these, I think you're going to win for sure. I agree. I think it'll work. Okay, I'm definitely going to age up my outfits too. A month into this, it's not going to matter anymore.

That's reassuring. Yeah, thank you. Before we get ready, Taylor, I just want to apologize to you, to the community, to the listeners. My behavior has not been appropriate. What was wrong with your behavior? I made a joke of sexually harassing you because...

You're good looking. All right. And then I'm going forward. Are we going to see this shade again? Because it depends on how we both act. Depends how I act. All I did was sit here and try to give someone advice. 100 percent my fault. I will make the adjustment. OK, I'm asking you not to wear doer clothes, though. Do when you're in do when you're in do or you're going to want to do him. Taylor, you're in good shape. But can we get a photo of what you do with you and your girlfriend?

Yeah, I will definitely show you my old girlfriend. That's what we're hoping for. All right, Taylor. Good luck. Keep us posted. Thank you so much. Thanks. Hello. Hi there. What's your name and age and what's going on? My name's Cam. I'm 29. Okay. And I just have a quick question of ethics for you guys. Oh, boy. Keep in mind a lot of times we advise people to lie their way out of situations.

It's a real quick one. Okay, let's go. Okay, so I'm doing a challenge with my buddies here coming up. The 999 challenge. Are you guys familiar with that? No. Okay, so during a baseball game, you eat nine hot dogs and you drink nine beers in nine innings. Fun. Okay, that sounds possible. I've been to so many games, I've never heard of 999. I haven't either. Okay. I've definitely drank way more beers than that. I don't think I've ever had nine hot dogs in a sitting. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. So nine, nine, nine, three, nine. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever heard of the 22 thrown out club? 13, three, eight. You're like, we're losing. Let's just get out of here. All right. So keep going, sir. Nine, nine, nine. Okay. So it's coming up here. There's a, there's a baseball game. My buddy sent. And my question is, um, it's going to be $2 dog night at the local ballpark. I'm sure they're high quality. Also, where are you from, man? You got an interest. It's going to be really good. Where are you from? I'm,

I'm from Albuquerque, New Mexico. Oh, wow. Not what I was thinking. And is it the local ballpark? Is it a minor league affiliate? Is it independent ball? What are we talking? Yeah, it's a minor league affiliate. We're the isotopes. I think it's the Rockies right now. Is it single, double, or triple? Sure.

Should be triple, I believe. Eric Edelstein and I used to announce games every once in a while for the Bakersfield Blaze, which I think is a double-A affiliate. There's a movie. He's done it a lot. That tracks so strongly. One day he called and he's like, brother, it's worth it. And we went there and we were sitting in the booth and I was getting half-cocked. He was driving. So just doing a lot of like,

that's a nice looking kid at second base. And Eric being like, cause Eric is an announcer. He used to do Gonzaga basketball where he'd be like, he sure is. That's Scott Williams stands at five foot seven. Eric is like, like margin. Just so. Yeah. Right. Right. All right. So go ahead. Nine, nine, nine, the isotropes. So nine, nine, nine. I guess my big question is regarding to the ethics of the challenge to keep up with the spirit. Am I allowed to,

In your guys' mind to front load the hot dogs, front load the beers, can I crush five in the first inning? Yeah, absolutely. Or do I need to? No, no, no, no, no. You know what I mean? No, no, no. Hold on. You're going to start to crack up. Sweetheart. Sweetheart. Any way you do the nine. The thing is not called one, one, one, four, nine. Times nine. It's called nine, nine, nine. If you want it, sweetheart, eat nine hot dogs.

Nine buns, ten nine beers. Yeah, you can cobiage. You can Joey Chestnut this if you want. You can dip the buns in the beer. You ever seen those food eating competitions? That's what I'm saying. Whatever you got to do. Yeah, just get through there. Yeah, why would you... Just get him down. Why do you think that this would not work? Because he's a man of ethics.

Yeah, you really are. The idea of it seems to be every one beer, one hot dog. The idea that there's a man calling to see if he can eat nine hot dogs and nine beers over nine innings being like, what's the right way to do it? But here's my question to you. If you were going to go your own path, what do you think the best move is? I think personally, now that I know I'm allowed to do it, I would do, you know, front load some hot dogs, get

Four or five in the first couple innings, crush some beers. I think the beers are going to be the easiest part. I agree. But guess what's going to be the hardest part? Guess what's going to be the hardest part? Yeah. The bun. I was just going to say, that's going to expand once the beer hits. So if I were you, I think whatever you do, you probably want to be wrapping up the nine part of the hot dogs and be around beer seven by like the fifth or sixth inning. I got a pitch. Go.

I say you do not eat. I like this pitch. Don't eat from about 4 p.m. the next day. Do that intermittent fasting. Yeah. So you are fucking hungry. Yes. Then get the nine hot dogs. Just eat the meat.

those nine hot dogs with just imagine sitting next to this guy he's got a lap full of buns and you're like hey buddy my kid is just trying to have a normal day you're literally rooting life for my family uh but you could fly through nine hot dogs yes and i'm talking about it wouldn't even be hard i could eat nine hot dogs without buns without even blinking i feel like i've eaten like

five hot dogs at a baseball game before. Just without thinking, without trying to... At this point... I'm the only thing I'm competing against is myself. My life expectancy. My personal standards, which I love. I'm competing against when my heart's going to explode. So I would crush those dogs. Then I would put the buns in a bag. Okay, so bring a bun bag. Then...

Three of your hot dogs, you can have one beer, but you're only having it for taste. At that point, you're at inning two. You got nine hot dogs in your stomach, one beer. That's quite an inning. At that point, I want you to take a little bit of mustard, a little bit of salt, and I want you to put it on the buns and rip them up into bite-sized bits. So pigeon the buns up with mustard. Yes.

Now, you're in a eight inning game called fucking drink a bunch of beer, have a weird bread, mustard, salt snack. I would just start pounding both and get them in you early. Everything. But either way, ethically, you're clear no matter what. Just get them in you. You got nine innings. Nine at the time. How do you win 9-9-9? Have you and me competed?

You have your philosophy for 999. I got mine. I'm fucking I told you how I'm doing mine by ending for I'm drinking my fourth beer, enjoying myself in the hot Albuquerque sun. And I'm eating weird bun bites. Listen, I don't hate your policy to me. I'm just like, you know, like having a bag for my crushed up buns with mustard, like kind of like making it a weird. Yeah, it's not going to meet a woman. Yeah, I may as well eat it with chopsticks. Let's just fucking blow the roof off this place.

Like if you watch those eating competitions, you got to get it down fast. So I would just get the food in you as quick as possible. That's why I get it in as quick as possible. But it's going to expand in you. But I mean, again, at some point you're going to be pounding those buns anyway. That's true. So stop it. Title. Not even an episode. Name of your memoir. Okay. So just pound those. You're going to pound those buns. So I think just finish early. What you don't want to do.

Start with three hot dogs, have two beers, and start. You're going to have to pound pretty fucking quick, in my opinion. Another name of your memoir. That's the sequel. Pound quick. You're going to have to pound really fast, in my opinion. In my opinion. We appreciate the call, buddy. Good luck. Thanks, Cam. Good luck. Let us know how it goes. Appreciate it, guys. All right, buddy. Bye.

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Hey everyone, producer Kevin here. This next follow-up is the second follow-up of one of our callers. The first one is episode 59. It is the first call from the March 7th episode called Spraying Mess. And then if you'd like to hear the first follow-up with that caller, it is episode 67 from April 4th called Ranger's Range. So if you'd like to listen to both or either of those as a refresher, go for it. Enjoy.

Hello. How's it going there? Good. How's it going there? Good. What is it? It's me. It is Connor and the guy who called about the room. Connor. Weird roommates. Dude.

So this is our third. I know. I'm like, Connor, just people probably know you now. You're a friend of the show. But Connor, will you set up your first two calls? The floor is yours. The first situation, the second situation, and then where we're at. So the first situation, I moved down to Florida for a job and I had to get an Airbnb rental.

And the first rental I was rooming with two senior citizens, Roger and Cindy. They were not a couple, but Roger was very much into cleaning the common area for himself.

Cindy had backed off and I was calling in to see if I could figure a way out to get this area back from the senior citizen. The second call was about Roger and Maria were two new roommates that moved into this house. And Roger, I mean, Roberto, it was Roberto. Roberto, Roberto. And Roberto didn't speak a lick of English and he would go around. He was your buddy.

He was a nine-finger construction worker, and Maria was in there trying to really make the place her own and kind of put people at odds in the house. And Roberto and I were not feeling it. Quick question, Connor. This is a one-bathroom place, yeah? You're all sharing one, John? This house, no. I had my own bathroom. Okay, respect. It changes it. Yeah, that's a big change. Okay, keep going. They shared their own, yes. Okay, God bless.

Anyway, now I am calling now for the third time where I have now been to a new house with new people. What do we got? Well, I left the other house after Roberto left. He completed his construction job. It's an excellent Costco, by the way. I'd recommend it to anybody. Thank you very much. Shout out. Costco construction somewhere in Florida. Yeah. We get to then Maria and I are there and

And within just about like two hours of us being the only two people in the house, she wants to start. They started a fucking will. They won't day of all the ages. He wants to start a cleaning schedule for the bathroom that I do not use. Ah, between you and her.

Do you want me to participate in cleaning the bathroom that I do not use? Do you want her to clean yours? At that point, I was basically just out. I was like, oh, I was kind of taken back when she asked. And she's like, oh, or you could have me just do it by myself.

And I was like, okay, Mario, what's going on here? And so anyway, she ended up, that was the final straw. I immediately went on Airbnb and tried to find a new place to live. And I have now found this place

It's on the road. It's a traveling circus. I have to wipe my roommate's ass. Yeah, it's good. I sleep with the elephants and one lion, but life has been good. I highly recommend the freight train. With a merman. So the new place. The new place is with a 75-year-old pest control man who is a deep state conspiracy believer.

And the only thing else he loves more are TikToks and smoking cigarettes. Your picks and roommates, my king. Good Lord. Yeah, it is. How about a couple of 25-year-old geeks just looking for somebody to chip in a little bit? Yeah. Don't those exist near college? I mean, honestly.

That's not Connor. That's not Connor. It's not Connor. Connor would be a fish out of water, man. He couldn't breathe there. He walks in. He sees a 24-year-old girl going like, hi, I'm just... He's like, get me out of here. He sees one guy, an 80-year-old guy with two fingers smoking a cigarette, and he just goes, I see a roommate. I'm home. He sees a 77-year-old man who's like, sometimes when I run the garbage disposal, my nipples squirt. And he's like, hey, buddy.

As he's driving, if there's a building and one of the windows has smoke coming out, he's home. And there's always a new Pope. Yes. So 75 years old, pest control. I know who these people are before I get in. Well, Connor, look, you're the light for the weirdo moths. Can we be honest? Yeah. But so an Airbnb, you're going, you're not paying before you, you go and you meet. Correct. Yeah.

No, it's you book it. And then like they say, Oh, interesting. I gotcha. But your dice rolls are, are gold. So yes, that's right. Keep going. And anyway, this guy also has a roommate and this roommate is, he's a snowbird. He comes down to Florida from Minnesota during the winters, but he himself described it as he doesn't leave the house.

That's not great. How old is this cat? This guy is about 50. Okay. Young guy. Young guy. Yeah. He's a kid. Yeah. Is he a silver Fox or do you still have color up there? Little puppy. No, he is a silver Fox. Absolutely. Okay. Well, some people go gray early. What's his vibe? His vibe is very much like the original Cindy vibe. He came out of his room twice. The one time was when I asked him if I needed to move my car for him and

He himself said, I don't really leave the house, so you're fine. I was like, okay. That sounds like Cindy 2.0 and 75 cigs. You're basically back to Roger and Cindy. I am. And I guess this time with this version of Roger, Bill and I, we've been having a food feud, you could call it, I guess, where he likes to make himself a lot of food for himself there.

And then he kind of realizes he made a lot, and then he offers it to people. And so the first time he said, oh, do you want to have some spaghetti? I was like, sure, I'll have some spaghetti. I didn't like how he made his spaghetti, but I had a few bowls. And I was like, all right, I'm going to be like... You said bowls? You said bites or bowls, Mark? He said bowls. What are you going to do? You're going to have just the one? One bowl and say thank you. So most people...

one bowl and out. Yeah. If you don't like it. You have to play it up a little. You got to give him some satisfaction. I got to tell you from Connor, from Roger's point of view, Phil's point of view, he might be calling in saying, I made some spaghetti. I offered it to my kid roommate. He had multiple bowls of spaghetti. I offered him a bowl. He wanted, he had said, get the bowl. He said, get another bowl. I said, okay, I'll get another bowl.

Okay, so you eat a bunch of balls of spaghetti.

And so then after that, though, every once in a while he'd make himself food. But when he does like the spaghetti, he dumped a lot of olive oil on it. And that wasn't for me. I wasn't a big fan. Six bowls later, you're like, I don't like this. Yeah. Can I finish it? Yeah. I'm going to eat this entire cake, but I didn't like it. Too much butter. So then on, I'm always bringing in my own food to eat.

And he cooks the food before I get there. And every once in a while, he's like, oh, do you want some food? I got it in the fridge. And I was like, no, I got my own food, thanks. He goes, oh, well, if you want it, it's there tomorrow. I'm like, okay, that's fine. Tomorrow comes around, I brought back some food. He hears me come in and he's like, oh, um...

You know, I can just put it in the oven for you right now. He doesn't know that food I was talking about. Yeah, this is a weird, this is becoming a weird guy. It's strange. Why does he want to feed you? You're just, it's also a very, it's like a good problem and not a problem, but it's a weird problem. But I got to tell you, if I'm Connor, no me gusta.

Yeah. Cool it. I don't like your weird food, man. It is a bit hard. And it's not shared economics. It's not like we all pitch into a fund. I buy my food, you buy your food. We just share the fridge, my king. Yes, but he gets somewhat funny passive-aggressive when I turned him down there. Give us a taste of what that passive-aggressive vibe feels like. So I come back, he's like, oh, I'll put it in the oven for you. I got some food. I go, I've

Got some Panera. And he kind of just stares at me and goes, I made a lot of food, Connor. I'm like, I understand, though. He's like, there's going to be a lot to put away here. I get that, though. He's like, you know, I don't even know if I have the fridge space to put all this food away. I'm sorry to hear that, though. Then he starts, like, doing some big moaning and groaning. What kind of food is he favoring? Noodles. Is it noodles? Like, what?

No, I think the other day he made a deep fried pork shoulder, I believe he called it. Jesus fucking Christ. This guy's an animal. Okay, so we're seeing the situation there. Cindy 2.0, you don't see. Philly's trying to fatten you up for the kill. What do you think, Connor? Where are we at on this one? What are we going to do?

Well, if he's also fattening me up, he's also trying to sweat me out too because he doesn't turn on the AC in this house. And we're in Florida. That's not great. That's not great. Holy shit, man. He's full of pork shoulder and sweating. What a disgusting situation. You got to sweat the shoulder out. Holy fuck, Connor. What are we going to do here? How do we get out of this one? You going to stay or you going to leave? I don't know.

I think we're okay here. You do? Yeah, I do. I think that it's like, I think you're okay. I think what you could do is you could say you're trying to lose a little bit of weight before the summer and be very pleasant in that way. Yeah. Maybe pick him up a little something from Panera one of these days, hand that off to him, kind of a mea culpa. Yeah. And then I think what we have with you, Connor, and I want us to preserve the honesty of these situations because it's so great.

is we just need to keep knowing what Airbnb halls you find yourself in. Because it is, even if it's boring, it's interesting. Yeah. I mean, you really are. You play roommate roulette, and it is fantastic. So, Connor, what are you going to do here, my guy? What's the move? Are you going to just grit and bear it, or do you want to move here? I mean, I might have to start looking at the moving. But do you like, oh, how about this? How about this, Connor? I got an idea. Where is the switch for the AC? Okay.

The AC, it's near, it's pretty close to his room, actually. It's not inside his room. But not in his room? No. And do you guys share the utilities bill? I'm sure it's a third, a third, a third.

I'm free. I mean, whatever it is, I just pay for the room. So yeah, probably. Yeah, but it's included. So it's included. So you know what I do if I'm you and you walk in? Turn that bitch on. That's what I do. And you know what else I do when he offers you food? You don't have to be nice about it. You just say, no thanks. And he goes, well, there's a lot of food. And you go, that sounds like a you problem, not a me problem.

wow jake i got a bag really but you can be nice and then you go yeah then you go it smells good my man you go i think i would i would start turning the ac on and i think yeah you just go oh no thanks i just i'm like really i'm on like a calorie count right yeah and then if he says if he turns it off go hey my uh my king i need i'm sweating in here

I need a little bit colder. Yeah. And if he goes, no, you go, now we got an issue and now we can figure it out. But he's just stepping forward. If this was jujitsu, fine. If this is chess, he's moving his pieces. He's moving his pieces near your king. You're not going to win if you just keep defending.

It's just going to be a matter of time before he pinches you out. I would start pushing the AC, Connor. You got to start slowly pushing back. Take away his knight. Take away his bishop. Kill off some of his pawns. And then very quickly, you and Cindy 2.0. I guarantee Cindy 2.0 is baking in that room. Yeah, she's like a pork shoulder. Hot as hell. Maybe I can...

Bring it up, but I can't be going up immediately out the gate just pressing the AC. Like, that's the one rule that you could do, and you know in somebody's house here. You can't touch the guy's AC. Look, you can always, someone can always make themselves warmer.

So tell him to put on a sweater if there's an issue. But I would push it. And again, let's say it doesn't work. You're going to move situations. And that's good news for everybody, especially us. Yes. And what did so what do you think, Connor? What do you what are you going to actually do, my man?

I mean, I got to start dropping some hints probably, like be walking by and like, wow, it's really warm in here or something like that. Like subtle things here and there. I got a question. I got a question. And I'm going to take it nice and slow for Garrett. Inside joke. You know what I mean, Garth? Yeah. So I got a question. Why? Why?

Do you have to ask about the AC if the switch is available to you? Just turn it on. I would do that. Just turn it on. You don't think it leads to more problems here? No. It's a shared space. You are paying for the AC. It gets the conversation going. If he turns it off, then you could say like, hey man, do you know what state we're in? And also you're in there cooking pork shoulder. Yeah.

you're not a restaurant. I mean, it's going to heat the place up. You are deep frying pork in Florida in a box. Yeah. It is far within your rights to turn it on and at least start the conversation. Will you at least, and look, Connor, you've already said you're already considering the sneak out plan and another one, but before you do it, can you experiment with just turning the AC on and see how that goes before you go? And let us know, please. Let's see.

It's not over, Gareth. I got 19 more questions. I will try. I will try for you guys. You are going to try? I will try. And before you go, could you very quietly and very slowly do the alphabet frontwards and backwards? Connor, it was great to catch up with you. We appreciate the call. Gareth has to go. He's got another podcast he has to run to. We love you. Bye, Connor. Bye, guys. Bye, buddy. Bye.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

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