82: Keeping This All In with Paul Scheer
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And we're...

We're back on Monday morning. We sure are, Jake. Boy, we got a banger. We got a banger. We got a banger. We've got a podcast pro, an improviser, an actor, a writer, super funny guy. Super funny guy. You know him from his podcast, How Did This Get Made? Yep.

He's also got a new book that is kind of an extension from the pod a little bit, but we get into that a little bit. It's called Joyful Memories of Childhood Trauma. Recollections. Okay. You know, it's called Joyful Recollections of Childhood Trauma. Yeah. Paul Scheer. Yeah. Who is awesome. Joyful Recollections of Trauma. This is why guys like us write things down. All right. His book, Joyful Recollections of Childhood Trauma. Trauma. Lose the Childhood.

Joyful recollections of trauma. Keeping this all in. Do not. Do not. Wait, by the way, yes. Title. I think we have to. But he does tell some stories. And he gave some about us that were really funny. And Kevin, when he came in, Kevin was like, this dude, nobody works harder than this dude. He's the hardest working guy I've ever met. He's a beast. He's an animal. He's an animal. He's great. And he just fits right in. He's awesome.

awesome, awesome calls. Um, it's really funny. You're leaving all those out. No, you're not. God damn it. I can't, you know what? Then you're going to do it from now on. I can't, but I can't either. No, mine will be worse. Cause I'll have to go. All right. You know what? Actually, how about this? Why don't you do one now? And we'll see how close you get. Okay. Uh, Paul sheer from the podcast. How did this get made? And he wrote a great book about his childhood called childhood stuff. Oh,

One word right. Childhood Trauma Recollections. That's a pretty good title. I mean, it's interesting. Probably what we should title the episode is Childhood Recollections. All right, now do your best to say the title. Oh, shit. Why? Do the intro. Let's hear it. Okay. All right. You know him from his podcast, How Did This Get Made? And his book...

Joyful recollections of childhood trauma. Is that right? Of trauma. Kevin, do not read it. We've got Paul Scheer with us today. He's the host of the podcast, How Did This Get Made? And he wrote a memoir called

Joyful recollections. So confident. I know. You could see his eyes. He wanted to grab that little binky so bad, that computer screen. Do it again, Kevin. We got Paul Scheer with us today. He's the host of How Did This Get Made? And he wrote the book Joyful Recollections of Trauma. Oh. But by the way, he could have gotten it wrong. We don't know. There's no way for you and I to know. We're just sitting here fucking lying. You're not wrong. Without further ado.

Hello, how's it going? Good. How about you? I'm doing well. Hey, gentlemen. Hey, can we get your name, please? Yeah, absolutely. My name is Ben. Ben, you got a special guest.

A guy I have known kind of about 20-ish years. My gosh, that's really... Since old New York days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A guy I've been a fan of as a talent. Oh, my gosh. And as a kind human. I'll take both of these compliments. Thank you so much. Well, I am a fan and a talent. I think you're a talent, and I'm a fan of yours. I haven't stopped introducing you. Mr. Paul!

Paul Scheer is on the show. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here and I'm excited to hear this problem that you have. Ben. His name is Ben, right? So Ben, where are you from?

I live in Tulsa. Tulsa. Okay. There's a lot of production happening. Eric Ellison's shooting a show right now in Tulsa. I was just in Oklahoma City. They have a whole giant studio down there. They shot Twisters, Killer of the Flower Moon, a movie called Reagan. Eric Ellison's in a pilot right now in Tulsa. This is where it's all happening. Why Tulsa? Why Oklahoma? All I'm going to say is this.

The reason why I'm in Twisters, the sequel to Twister, is because I was going down to Oklahoma on a flight and the director also happened to be on a flight and he's like, "Are you in Oklahoma?" I was like, "Yeah." He's like, "You wanna be in the movie?" - Wow. - Is this true? - Yeah. - That's great. - What were you doing in Oklahoma? - You played books. - I was shooting- - You played books. - I just fly on flights, that's how I get jobs now. - That's great. - To Atlanta, Oklahoma, Vancouver. - That's very smart. Whatever production's happening. - They're like, "Oh, local hire, great. We don't even have to audition you."

No, I was there directing a Super Bowl commercial, a regional Super Bowl commercial out of Oklahoma because they actually have, it's actually a really interesting thing. 911 is the emergency hotline. They have this hotline called 988, which is the mental health crisis line. And they've saved like 60,000 lives in the last year in Oklahoma because they are basically, and everybody has it. They're the only ones that finance it. Wow.

Wow. So they have like mobile teams that come out to your house, help you out, find you a therapist. It's pretty good. Truly amazing. Yeah. So Ben from Tulsa, Oklahoma. Don't call nine, eight, eight. You call this podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Take food out of our mouth. Exactly. Look, they're not even half as entertaining. Here to help at gmail.com. So Ben, what is the problem, sir?

I thought I dialed 9-8-8. I thought you guys were going to show up. I did. Just tell us the issue. We'll figure it out. Yeah, this is 9-8-8. Awesome. Anyways, I'm 37 years old. I live in Tulsa from Southern California. I hate Twisters, but looking forward to the movie. Anyways, what brings me to my problem, I'm the middle child of three boys who have an awesome, badass, loving, amazing dad.

Our dad is incredible. He has spent our entire life pranking us, trying to scare us, but in the most loving way. He's just an incredible human being. As he gets older, that kind of gets us to having more of these conversations around his wishes for after he passes on. I will not get into any weird scenarios or anything like that, but it leads me to this question. He has this wish for after he dies that he has told me and my brothers.

Now, instead of just like a very traditional afterlife, he thinks it would be funny to have all of his bones turned into a skeleton. Oh.

and then be placed in my older brother's doctor's office as like a funny bit, but he's very serious about it. I love your dad. And my older brother, yes, he is a doctor, and he wants his remains to be a skeleton in his office in which my brother could then refer to him as his dad, move him around every day. Oh, my God. What?

Well, this is amazing because, you know, Del Close, like famed improv guru Del Close, donated his skull to a theater to basically do plays like Macbeth and stuff like that. So this is not unheard of. So your dad wants his bones to be in his son's doctor's office. How are the siblings? How are you guys feeling about this? What's happening?

You know, I, okay, as a middle child, I feel like with, you know, the lack of love my entire life, I want to be the person that helps my dad get what he wants in his afterlife. My dad has actually pulled me aside separately from my brothers and said, hey, Ben, this is your responsibility to convince your older brother that this is a good idea because I want it to happen. Well, now here's my question just in a general sense. I don't know if anyone knows this, but

When I see those skeletons, like in a school or in a doctor's office, I assume that they're plastic. Yeah, I agree. About, I would say they used to be more bones. Okay. Now they're getting more plastic. I remember as a kid, they didn't feel plastic. I remember, I'm seeing it weird, but I remember the age where I was like, oh, this isn't real. Right. It seems like it's, and that's, and this is my biggest question because

the want to do this like i think that there does need to be some real just before anyone convinces anyone like can you do this yeah is this possible because we're talking about like you gotta melting the flesh off of a body so ben how have you looked into this my google search history is clear of this topic i haven't dove in i'm assuming this might be like a

An out of country, like exploration here. I don't know. I don't like any. I think you can do it here. Really? You can do this. This is science. Does anybody have a connection to the people who do the bodies exhibit? We can get your dad. Speaking of things that. And so what is the specific question here? This is a hell of a setup.

My question is, though I think my dad is a maniac, I still want to respect his wishes. So how do I go about convincing my older brother since it would be his office, his every day? So what's your older brother's thoughts on this?

I think my older brother, anytime my dad has said it to us, he's like, oh, he's just being dad. He's just messing around. This isn't really what he wants. Whenever we get to the point where we see his will or whatever it is, it's not true. So he kind of just plays it off as if it isn't real. But given my dad has pulled me aside. So I got something to connect to you on this one.

I moved in with my dad in my mid-20s when we were getting to know each other. And we were talking about when you die, how do you know? Are you there? Are you watching? And we were both Cubs fans. We watched the Cubs games together. And he said, well, let's make a deal. When I die, take my ashes.

Break into Wrigley Field. Go on the right side of home plate as like a righty hitter and scatter me there. Then take a moment. And if I have any ability to break through, I will give you a fucking sign then. So.

He said it to me. We meant it. We talked about it over the years. I brought it up with my siblings. My brother laughed. My sister's like, my fucking dad is not going to be in a baseball stadium. He's got to be with like the Dolphins. It's like the U.S. where he loves. We're all like, whatever. You know, she didn't love the idea as much. Long story short, my career kind of starts. I start going like, dad, there might be a chance here. Yeah. I get to know the Cubs a little bit. I do some things for them. I'm like, there might be a real world here. My dad passes.

We split the ashes. You can actually do this when you like, when you divvy, we divvy it up. So my brother and I had half, my sister had half. The Cubs reached out, said, do you want to throw out the first pitch? I said, this is a good moment. This is it. I took a bunch of the ashes in my front pocket in like a little jar. I put some of them on the mound right before I threw out the pitch. After I threw out the pitch, you like shake hands with the catcher. I beelined past him.

Went to home plate, took the ashes, put them on the ground, scattered them down like I'm a diehard fan just trying to feel it. Scattered as much of them as I could. Took a second, looked around, didn't feel anything. But did the moment of which we promised, shook the mascot's hand and walked out of there. Wow. Ashy handshake. And so where I'm going with this is regardless, if your brother passes on it,

It is your job to deliver your brother, your dad's skeleton, inform that all he needs to do is place it out. And if he doesn't, then you keep it in your house. But this is what your dad wants. This is a tradition I'm trying to do in my family. I'm talking to my father-in-law about my mother, like, my mom, where do you want to be? I've already talked to my wife about, like, I think you should give your kids a big challenge.

so that the grieving process is part of it is like, how do I make this happen? That's your job. The end of the mission, you say goodbye. I love this idea. And I think that, you know, there's a couple, there's a couple things that I would jump in and say about what you have in front of you. First of all,

- It's a big ask. - It's a big ask. - A big ask. - Big ask. - We don't even know it's possible. But we do know that Doug Close got a skull there. - It's possible. - Now, there's something where you can say maybe a skull is easier.

Right and get that fucking skull put it in a lucite box. That's exactly right You can get you don't have to like it doesn't have to be the whole the whole thing like hung up on a rail hand Get that right do something, you know get the hand in the middle finger gesture and yes and put that in a lucite box Like you don't think that like the Terminator arm. Yeah. Yeah, there's something about it that I don't know what your brother specializes in if it's just internal medicine or he had these a different doctor but

I think you could look at versions of it that might be more acceptable. Because I remember there was a guy on that show, the guy with the camera on HBO, I'm just forgetting. John Wilson, yes. He talked to a guy whose leg got taken off. That is the craziest. And that guy has the leg in his living room. So there is worlds. I think, Ben, this is 100% doable.

I don't think there's a spin. I think it is your, make sure double check with your dad. Haven't put it in writing. Yeah. That this is very real because people will come after you and say, yo, but if he puts it in writing and he signs it, but it is your responsibility. If your brother passes on it,

That's his past. But I like what Paul's saying. There's a world where you have it, and science can do it, but if they can't, you get the skull. You get the hand. And if nobody else does it, that is in your home and passed down through yours. That's what your dad wants. You say he was a great guy. You loved him. You owe him this. You owe him this. But I will say the most important part of all of this is it's got to be in writing because when...

the death happens everyone goes a little wild and if you all of a sudden say whoa whoa whoa give me that hand you're going into Greg's office people are going to freak the fuck out there's about a year where everybody acts wild but if it's in writing Ben this is black and white for me

I would say this is what I would say. I think you should have your dad talk to you all at the same time. You'll facilitate it. Get your brothers. OK, so that we know going into it, we're going to do this. Then we can do whatever bone soak process follows. I'm not sure if your brother passes on it. Since your dad loves pranks, I would maybe opt for. And this is a wild pitch. Just as an option. You take the skeleton and.

It's the normal stuff to be pitching. You might want to call 988. The more that I go through this, this might be a little... Okay. Take the bones.

And why don't we put him in like a hard rock glass case and maybe put him in like a pirate outfit for like, like, like now you're now you're treasure Island. Well, now you're making him into some, a mascot that he may not have a, he may have a thing against pirate. Well, let's see what he says. I think we can, nothing. He'll be dead. We'll pitch him now while he's put on a Magnum PI mustache. I'm into that. Sure. Detroit Tigers. If you're going to keep a skeleton in your house,

I agree. Maybe we want to punch it up a little bit. Yeah. I'm going to make one turn on Gareth's pitch. I actually like that idea. If you have it, have fun with it. Your dad pranked you every year. Yeah. He likes. Yeah. Have fun with it. Put him in different backgrounds. Yeah. I mean, the fact that his brother is in a doctor's office, he has a prop.

that naturally fits in. Totally. A human being who is not a doctor, who has a skeleton in their house is creepy. Especially if it's your dad. And especially if it's your dad. You don't want to, you don't, I don't know what your situation is if you're dating, if you're married or whatever. Kids. But kids,

But you don't need anyone to come into that house. It's no bueno. Yeah, you don't want that skeleton in your house. It's tough. If I dropped my kids off at a play date, and as I was saying hi to the parents, being like, yeah, so an hour and a half, and I go, what's that? And the guy goes, my dad? I'd go, pack it up.

We're out. Oh, I forgot we have a doctor's appointment. They can't spend one minute. Yeah, that's a rough one. I will say, too, like, I just I do think it's important what you're saying about, like, facilitating the discussion that we know that it's not a bit because, again, my stepfather passed away and my mom who decided we must.

grieve him in a traditional Jewish way. We're not Jewish. We've never experienced any of that tradition. She was like, he was Jewish. And I was like, well, but I've never heard him speak anything of that. And we're not. And she's like, we have to get milk crates. We have to sit on milk crates. We have to sit Shiva. And then she was obsessed with covering all the mirrors. Now my mom's house had floor to ceiling mirrors, like almost 30 feet tall because it was like the whole house was like mirrored. So I'm like,

up on ladders with cray paper trying to cover every mirror in the house. This is a handful of years ago, like four or five years ago. And, you know, I'm just trying to figure out like what to do. And my mom has like gone crazy. We are doing a traditional, like she's like, we got to get this. We got to get this. And I was like, okay. And we're just facilitating that insanity of a traditional Jewish, you know, wake.

And yeah, and so like, it would have been so much easier if at one point he said, just bury me. Yeah. But let me make a turn on that. You got a lot of mirrors. I respect you. Paul's a busy man. When you have to guess what somebody wants, you will guess crazy. There's not a cray paper budget needed for when I die. Woo!

But let me make a pitch because I think they're both right that you've got to have some sort of a meeting. I think it's a mistake to do it while he's alive with everyone there. And I'll tell you why. Just a lot of chefs in the kitchen. Right. Because the one thing I hate about big group meetings is when everybody has an equal vote. You're like, well, this was an hour and a half that was totally wasted. Here's what I recommend. Do it on video. I love it.

Have a video where your dad says, my dear sons, this is part of the will that we surprised you on. Part of the comedy of that, too, is I'm speaking to you from beyond. Yes. Great. Great. One of the best bits I've ever seen of that that I watch and cry and laugh at the same time is there's this Irish dad who died. And at his funeral, he put a speaker in the casket. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And he's like.

I'm in here. Stop laughing. You're bloody. Love it. The best. But what I would do is as a surprise to everybody, you and him make a video where he says to whatever the lawyer's name is going to be, where you go like, this is real. And here's what I would like. And if my son, and then he says him by name,

If you're too much of like a tight ass, you won't do your office. That hurts me. And now I'm dead. You've heard it. Let him do his final prank, his final bit. And then he says, this is what I want to happen. I love you boys. Have them do something really sweet. So you're all crying. I love it. You guys were the best thing that ever happened to me. Let him do it. However he wants to then go. But this I want. And guys,

I want the middle finger flying high. Bye, boys. And your job right now is to do all the research. So someone can't say, well, how are we even going to do it? I already know. You have an envelope with all the information. But, Ben, you're the middle boy. You wanted daddy's love. Go get it. This is the way you get it now. Get it before he dies. Make a video of it.

make this happen. The only thing I'm going to say, though, and this is maybe a step away from it, it's not a great prank as much as it is like an installation. I wish, you know, for a dad who's pranking, I wish there was like a little bit more of a... Well, you know what we could do? Yeah. Is we could hang a little sign around the skeleton in the doctor's office that says dad. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, that's a little bit of a punch. That's a bit on the punch. A little punch. Yeah, we need something. Because again, I don't want to go in like with tennis elbow and be like, I didn't come here for like reveals. Yeah, exactly. Hey, Ben, are you going to do this? Are you going to push your dad to do the video? And are you going to give us your word that you're going to make this happen? No, I really, you know, what's funny is like the name tag thing and the dressing him up that Gareth was pitching is not far off to what I think he wants. Like he wants...

to be like seasonally in a pirate costume or seasonally in a magic suit. That's a great bit. I mean, just a hat. A hat on a skeleton. A hat. Whatever. Just get a hat on. A little open treasure. Come on. Enjoy it. Put him in like short shorts and an Oklahoma Sooners hat. Put socks on him. Put him in a Raiders outfit. Let's get crazy. He was a linebacker. Hey, Ben, we appreciate the call, buddy.

No, thank you so much. I'm definitely, I think, I think I'm going to make a video. Hold on. If you make that video. Yeah. Will you send it to us? Can we air part of that video?

I will legit have my dad make a last will and testament video. Okay. And then we will not air the personal stuff. If he's like, we will just air the part about him talking about the skeleton. So anything that gets real, we will beep out names. But the part where he says, boys, this is real. We'll just air that. Can you send that to us, please? Okay. I love this. Yeah. He probably won't give a shit either way, but I'll do it.

I love it. We will air it. We are part of this and we hope that he lives for so long that the podcast is done before you execute it. Yeah. I don't want to go that far. I mean, it would be great for both to have a lovely life, but one long life, long life. Yeah, exactly. Come on. Are we going to be doing this in 15 years? I don't know. Who knows? Who knows? Ben, we appreciate the call. Thanks, bud.

Thanks. In 15 years, I'll send you a pic of the skeleton. Now we're talking. Thank you. And Jake, we are brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscription, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. We've talked about this before. We've both had multiple things we did not know we were still paying for. That's

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Hello. Hi there. Welcome to We're Here to Help, America's number one podcast. Don't look it up. I'm sorry, Paul. You're on with Jake Johnson and me, Gareth, and we have a very special guest. Very excited to have Paul Scheer joining us today. Thank you, Paul. I am excited to be here and I'm excited to take this call. Even though I don't know what it is, I feel like I'm going to have some great advice. Right attitude. Right attitude. I don't even think we need to do the call. Kevin, hang it up. No. Okay. What is your name, please?

Hi, my name is Ellie. Ellie, okay. And roughly how old and where are you calling from? I'm 31 and I'm from Orange County. Okay. And what's going on? What can we help you with?

Well, so my sister is getting married next month and me and my husband and our three young kids are flying out there for the wedding. And I have been very kind of anxious, stressed about the flight because there's five of us and the rose on

on the Southwest flights are six feet. And I am just overthinking the person that's going to be sitting with us and how to approach them and how to, you know, welcome them to the circus. I'm going to say one thing just right off the bat, find yourself a tick tock of a guy who has created the best Southwest hack, which is he has a hoodie and he puts his hand through the hoodie. Oh my. And then, and then, and then,

has it up like a puppet almost and so leans it forward and as you walk down the aisle it looks like someone's sitting next to you i have to say good i don't agree without even getting too far into your problem i don't know if that'll be beaten yeah that is unbelievable but what if it's a full flight that southwest is the wild west it is the wild west can get i hate it it makes no sense they have added somehow they make you feel like you're on coke when boarding yeah yeah because it's like

Oh, it was so complicated to know where you were sitting before you got on the fight. So we took that out and we've now made it like jockeying. And then you also feel guilty because it's like, I'm a 17. Well, I'm a 14. Okay, got it. Like you're like in line checking. Yeah, I think I'm right ahead of you, sir.

It's like it's so uncomfortable to ask. Why would they do that, actually? They want a Hunger Games airline. But honest to God, because I flew there about 18 months ago with my kids. Yeah. And I'm like, I want to know where this, like, I don't get why they do this. I have asked because it has plagued me. And they say, oh, you get a faster boarding. And I don't understand that because what happens is, yeah, you may be getting a lot of people on, but then there's an absolute,

confusion on the flight as people are jockeying for seats, putting their bags in different locations. And I hate that vibe because it's too skinny of an aisle. Yes. I want to know where I'm sitting. Well, also what they do is they make that

24 hours ahead of time check yes you are like well i gotta get up at 3 40 i have a southwest flight unless you want to pay the extra 50 dollars and more bullshit but ali this is not about our grievances they're a great sponsor of this show we're so proud to have by the way southwest we love you gotta love i just want to say thank you to zoc doc rocket money and southwest airline the best peanuts in the game fly all across the states and uh

Pick your own seats. Slash Gil Sessions. Feel like you're Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas when boarding. But, Ellie, we're going back to you. So you are flying. Where are you flying to? Where's this wedding? We're flying from San Diego to Baltimore. That's a big flight. A big flight. And give us a, and this matters, but give us an age of these kids.

Well, I have a seven-year-old who's very independent but has a very weak stomach. That's a really horrible start. Four-year-old told me he's scared of flying. Okay. And a two-year-old who is, well, two. Okay. Well, can I ask a wild question right out of the gate? I just want to, you know, because this is not the solution part. This is just question part. Yeah. Is there a world in which you just don't bring the kids and you have somebody watch the kids and you go to the wedding?

They're all in the wedding and my sister's very excited for them to come. Okay. Okay. That's all. Just wanted to make sure that was. I'm going to do another Paul and I like his approach here. We're just throwing it out there before we get in there. Is there a world you can buy a six ticket?

Right. Yeah. And then you just control it. And that six ticket has your bags of Cheerios. It has your iPads because you're going to need your stretch room. You're going to need some stretch room. You're also going to need a bag of stuff where you're entertaining these three. Is there any world? And if the answer is no, we're moving on. Is there any world we solve this with by the row?

It's not really in the cards. It's not outside the realm of possibility. But I'm also understanding that we're talking about three on one side and three on another. We're not doing six across. No. Three and three. So you will have an aisle separating these people too. So someone is either going to be... I'll tell you who's going to be sitting next to strangers. Dad.

Yes. It's going to be three. It's going to be mom will be with three. One of the probably the seven year old is in the aisle. Dad's in the middle. Strangers at the window. That's probably has. Yeah. And I think if you. Yeah, that was kind of what we were thinking. I always when I do things with my kids, if we're flying and there's the random one, it's not even a question.

Dad's next to the stranger. Wait, so you're saying the arrangement is a continual one, two, three, four, five, and then the stranger gets the window. Yes. See, what I would do is... Put the stranger in the middle of the two kids and sleep. Well, how weird do you want to get, really?

I really appreciate, as someone who doesn't have kids and flies all the time, that you even have public empathy for this poor bastard. Garrett's response is put the kids in the cage and put them on it and fly them that way. Yeah, I like Paul's question. Don't bring them. But I would almost say that you should maybe put...

stranger in the aisle because that at least gives them a little bit of room and an out. But the problem is, is the the group is always passing things in between. Maybe. Yes. But I think I would rather that than feel kid trapped. Here's what I'm going to say. And maybe it's a bold move, but I think your number one goal is to make it look

the most unappealing seat choice you could possibly do. Put those bags there with the Cheerios, take it over. So if somebody even is thinking about it, if it is a full flight, you can't do anything about it. But you don't want anyone to even think about it until it's literally the last resort. So you're like, "Ugh, packing up the Cheerios, putting it all back." You want them to feel inconvenienced. That's, I think, part of it. And I also think this, you're traveling with kids,

People have empathy. Like you may be like, Oh, I hate that baby. But, but you know what? You, you have the rule of the roost. I think you have the rule of the roost. But let's talk Ellie for a second about the making things unappealing because there's going to be, there's going to be a turn on this. If you're sold out, you're sold out. But if you're not sold out, there are ways you could do the tech talk thing where you pop a hand up, but it's going to be hard with kids because when your kids get on, there's just so much happened. You got a seven, a four and a two.

you're you're just trying to wrangle wild animals yeah thank god for ipads thank god for ipads but there is a world where you heighten your look okay all right right yeah because there's every once in a while you'll see i'll be on a plane you'll see a family mom's keeping it tight dad's looking good you go mom and dad are control in control of the they the guards are in control of yeah yeah other families you'll see

Mom's hair is all over the place. Looks like a bird's nest. Dad hasn't slept in a while. He's wearing straight up sweatpants with mustard on it. I was going to say, well, it's very helpful to be like, I don't love pajamas.

Any time someone wears pajamas in the airport, I'm like, I don't want to stay for this night. Pajamas, messy hair. That is, it is a nice way to kind of, again, we're talking about putting people off. If you want to go one step further, have a box of tissues in your hand. Yes. Very helpful. Regardless of your kids being sick or not, just be passing tissue. Also, have the four-year-old on a loop, say, as he's getting in. I'm going to barf. I'm going to barf.

Have the kids play their roles. I actually, I one time, I one time. I wouldn't sit there. I, I, on a Southwest flight was flying back from Vegas after the Superbowl and a guy sat next to me and he opened a garbage bag and he said, I'm really hung over. I'm probably going to throw up during takeoff. Did you get up and leave? I had no option, but I was furious. But an open garbage bag or even the barf bag open. Gareth, you're totally right. Ellie, what if you give one of your kids, the four year old,

Because the seven-year-old, he could maybe pull it, but you said he's independent. At seven, he might be embarrassed. Four, he's just looking for your approval. Give him a barf bag and fill it with candy so it just looks weighted. And as he walks in, put him right in the aisle and say, before we take off, if you look in the bag at all that barf, when people walk by, you get to eat the candy. I mean, this is a great way to get your kids involved. Now, I'll say this. Okay.

- Ultimately what we're saying is, I think anyone who's rational, if you put enough kids, even if they're not gonna sit there for the flight, on the aisle, right? So that's the first thing that people are seeing, right? You're gonna like-- - You're gonna deter. - Like guards at a moat. - So yes. So in the aisles a great idea. There's another thing that happened to me on a flight that just blew my mind that a kid did within the last two years.

They had their iPad and they didn't have headphones. And wild to the point where I literally said to the mom above the aisle, no headphones. Yeah. I mean, they give them to you for free. You could take the headphones. It is a wild choice. I, as somebody who has traveled with kids multiple times and had in those early days, like great flights and then terrible flights. And there was no rhyme or reason to it.

you know that you're just trying to survive. But I do find that to be aggressive. Like, I'm trying to keep my kid quiet. I'm trying to keep them happy. We are. You know, like when kids are crying, I always say like, youth, like if people go like, oh, they look at me, I'm like, you think I want this? Yeah. I don't want this. I'm trying to actively. This is a nightmare. Yeah, this is awful for me. So, but the headphones are,

I believe that you can say. But if you do that, if one of your kids is a seven-year-old, here's what you need to create. You guys are a fucking zoo and the animals have escaped. And your aisle, you and your husband. Cheerios need to be everywhere. Your husband, in the middle, while people are out, you could say, what's your husband's name? Spencer. Spencer.

Spencer, you get in the middle, go like this. Like as people are first getting going, I'm trying my hardest, Spencer. Okay. Okay, Spencer. Enough. I like it. I think all this is good. I would also recommend you go last row because yes, right. You last row near the toilet. It's easy for the kids. And then you're not dealing with any back row distractions. You've eliminated like some of the problems. You are putting yourself in a very long flight next to an airplane bathroom, which

Southwest has to smell. You're already having a hard time. Why make it harder? I will say this. This is a great little thing. Now we're not talking about passengers. This is just how do you deal with your kids? I think that obviously phone time, iPad time, whatever screen you want, let it fly. My friends came up with this great device that I use.

You buy a bunch of things and you wrap them.

And then you kind of dole out. Unwrapping. Unwrapping during the fight. So it becomes this kind of, it could be small, a matchbox car, an action figure, something. But it's not like, oh, these are my toys. I'm getting something new. Very small, but it's wrapped. They're opening it up. It kind of occupies them. You do that three times over six hours. It's just another way of keeping it moving. So, Ali, here's another move. So we've now given you some really good options on how to deter enemies.

Yes. How to entertain the kids. But the initial question of, you know, you're thinking about that six seat. Here's the, here's another move. You go to the person at the, at the gate when you're checking in and you say, my youngest kid has a phobia of people. And they say, we're in an era now of phobias. So you can now say you have every, if, if you go to a kid's party. Yeah.

Parents will walk up to you and go like, my son can't be around birthday cakes. The host will throw the fucking cake out. He's allergic to the sky. You'll go like this. Oh, so we don't do birthday cakes? And they go, no, you know what? The candle scares Phoenix because of the fire. And everyone goes, get rid of the candle. And then also what happens is then you feel guilty. Like, I didn't even know that he was.

know that he would have to keep going. And guess what? If he has a fear of fire, who cares about fire? I'll throw everything out. We don't need it. Put a hose on the cake. Who cares? At check-in, I would also ask if it's a full flight. Yes. Because then at least you know that you might have a fighting chance of getting... But there are people... This is why I say the phobia, Gareth. Because you're right. First things first. You say, is it full flight? They say no. Then you say...

I'm really asking for an open seat because my youngest has a crazy two year old phobia of strangers and screams and yells. And then you go like, we're doing everything we can. But if he's around somebody, it's like he's I.

I don't know if his siblings showed him something. I'm going to say this. Don't do it to the gate agent. Do it to the flight attendant because the flight attendant is going to be on the flight seeing you. That's interesting, yes. Because the gate agent seems like, ah, that's not my, you know, it's like you can kind of get in there. And I also think

That you want to be friends with that flight attendant. You want to make sure that they feel like you are, you're working together a little bit and they will help you and they won't force people into your seat. You know what my wife did? We had a horrific flight when we went to London for a job when my kids were 18 months. It was horrific.

As bad of a flight as it could ever be we had a whole plan it backfired in such a way That's the other thing you have to make sure that you have multiple options because things will plan a falls apart I had a point where my daughter was crying soon was an overnight. I thought they were gonna sleep My daughter got scared

My wife and I were separated. She had one eye, the other. So I was alone with a crying baby. We were in the area where the flight attendants, this kid was crying so hard. A man in the middle of the night stood up and started walking towards me. And I thought what he was going to say was, could you quiet that baby? But because I had heard a baby crying for three and a half hours, I was so fried that I'm like, I'll fight you.

I hate you as much as you hate me. I hate this. He walked up. He was about my size, a little bit older than me, but not an older guy. 50s. We made eye contact. We were looking at each other. He put his arm around me and rubbed my back. Wow. This is... I swear to God, we stared at each other, and I said, thank you. I really needed that. He was like, it's hard, man. This is what I'm going to tell you. You will find this ally. Great empathy. Yeah, because it's like anyone who has done it knows...

how hard it is. I learned this trick from a parent, which I thought was really good. You get like a couple bags of candy, small bags of candy, like, you know, and you just before the fight starts say, hey, everybody, I'm so sorry. We got young kids. Thank you. Yes. Like you're just kind of ingratiating her. Same pitch. So the other thing, what my wife did on that flight was she bought three Starbucks gift cards and the people around us, she said, we are trying our hardest. You didn't choose this.

When we land, if you didn't get enough sleep, please get a coffee on us. The vibe was everybody around us went like, you're doing the best you can. That is, and that's all you can do. Now I'll say this. And you know, look, I talked to my doctor about this.

And I say this with a very- - Thank you so much for the call. - But like melatonin. - What doctor? - Our doctor said, "Look, you're going on this big flight. "We just came back from Europe with the kids "and I have a seven and a nine year old." And he's like, "Look, it's a three milligram of melatonin. "Give it to them and they will most likely conk out." - Did they? - They did. - Oh yeah. - Okay. - And it wasn't like they weren't groggy. I mean, they were supposed to sleep. It was like the right time.

and it was a night like and that's the other thing too you have to book the flight at the right time yeah because you may be like i don't want to leave early in the morning but sometimes when you leave early in the morning it's better or you leave late at night you got to find that thing because you don't you don't want them to get on a flight late at night then land really late because then they'll be you got to like you have to do some mental math so time zones ellie i gotta tell you we've shot a lot of bullets at you what are you thinking you're gonna do

Well, I think I'm going to definitely like be really sweet with the flight attendant and kind of explain the situation and hope for the best there. Okay. I'm leaning towards like having the Starbucks gift cards as well. I think that's a really good idea. And the candy in the barf bag, definitely doing that. I,

get a little nervous with looking too out of control because I am such a people pleaser. So I will probably still stick with headphones, but I think definitely... Here's what I worry about you a little bit. I'm just now saying this as a friend. Yeah. I can tell you're very presentable and your kids are going to be presentable and you got your husband dressed nicely too. Yeah. You have made your little family of five. If I saw you guys in a photo above a fireplace, I'm thinking cute family. Yeah. So if I'm a...

I don't mind sitting next to this because I know Ellie's such a people pleaser. She's keeping this group high and tight. Ellie, I think you've got to get a little on the A side of this. Put a little mustard on it so that you get that extra seat. You're going to be glad you have it. Because if you don't, then you're really hoping somebody doesn't go. You're hoping the person sits next to you is an old grandma. Just think about how that extra seat will benefit this situation. And all we need from you is a bag. Talk to the flight attendant. Gift cards.

and look a little rough. - Little paste in the hair. - We also have an attack called your one son's fear of flying, which I think you can remedy with books, but also I find a really good thing. My kid was afraid of roller coasters and on YouTube they have these first person ride throughs and you can kind of just, so you put it on the TV so you can even like show them that. So they start to feel like,

you know, it's not like all new. Like kind of like let them get acclimated over a YouTube clip, a couple of YouTube clips, like get them like, cause the more like, I often find that why kids are afraid of something is very different. Like you're like, oh, they're afraid because they're up in the air. And then you're like, why are you afraid? And they're like, oh, because don't planes travel through time? No. Like, you know, like their reasoning is wild logic. So it's like as much as you can, like,

pull out like, you know, why they're afraid or like get them used to it before you go there. Cause that actually is a nightmarish situation. And also take care of your, your other kids belly. Like no reason to give them a burrito. The presence idea that Paul presented is also good. I think that's a way to just kind of keep bread crumbing towards the end of the flight. So LA in closing, in closing here, could you do us a favor? And as you're preparing for this,

Could you try to mess with your look a little bit? Yeah. And send us photos. And if you don't want your face in, we'll blur your face. Yeah. But just to get like what you regularly look like and what you're thinking. A onesie would be so good. Because just I just want you to think a little bit of your if you please people, then they want to sit by you. You are being the opposite of the people pleaser. Yeah. You are not pleasing people. Yeah. You are not pleasing people.

You want them to complain behind your back and say, Smelly Ellie. Smelly Ellie is who we're looking for. I also think the other thing is this. Thank you. Ellie, always be unpacking. Do not stop unpacking the bag until. Repack. Look like you're fine. It doesn't even look like an option. Always be unpacking. But there's always, there's so much going on there. It's chaos. So you want everybody to go.

Ellie is not in control of that group, and her husband seems to be a dud, and I pass. San Diego to Baltimore ain't no joke. And you're going to have other people trying this tactic. Yes, successfully. Like Paul was saying with this TikTok. Oh, is that your group? Look at this group. Oh, yeah. We were right about you. This is a great looking group.

Okay, so Ellie, you got a wild out. Yep. Go for it. And we need Spencer to wild out too. Have Spencer wear sunglasses the whole time. Have Spencer shave his beard into a mustache. Yes. Or get Spencer one of those shirts that says, like, you know, I don't fuck with bullshit. You know, like one of those, like, you know, a shirt of the person that you don't want. That's exactly right. Have Spencer wear a tank top. Okay. Please.

I would say maybe a Rambo bandana look. If he wears a bandana and a tank top, a man with kids and a tank top, I'm not sitting near him. He is an attractive man. He's got a great beard, but you put a pair of baseball player sunglasses on him and one of those shirts, all of a sudden you get a very different vibe. Absolutely. Ellie, I think we're in a good zone with you. And we can hear you're in the car. Please follow up with us. Thank you. Bye, Ellie. Thanks. All right. Bye. My name is Mark. I'm 60 years old.

father of Mike, Ben, and Steven. Just wanted to call and let you know that I wanted to become a skeleton when I die. After having cancer and a liver transplant lately, I thought about not making it through those surgeries, so I spoke with the boys,

about wanting to be a skeleton. In fact, I've really put a lot of pressure on Ben to talk Mike into making me into a skeleton. He's a doctor. He can do these things. So at that point in time, I can hang in his closet. I could be dressed for different holidays. I can do all kinds of things while I'm a ghost. And he'd never know.

But I did want to say, you know, to you and your team that I definitely want to become a skeleton. I think it'd be a great thing to do for the boys. And I say that with all my heart. Thanks a lot. I'll talk to you later.

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Hey everyone, producer Kevin here. This next follow-up is from episode 74 of the podcast. It's called He Just Lost His Wife and Dog with David Cross. It is the second call from that episode. So if you'd like to listen to it as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy.

Hello. Hello. Welcome back. We're here to help for your second call, probably. Yeah, we know that this is a follow up. We have no clue what it is. Jake's flexing. Things are going crazy already. Stretching brother. Stretching brother. What? Looks like a flutch at this point in my life, my man. What? Things are bad. What is your name? And will you just remind us of your first call a little bit?

Yes, my name is Larissa and I'm calling to follow up on the Chicago rat hole. Oh, wow. I think we know what the follow up is. The goddamn thing got filled up. Yeah. Well, it got taken. It got ratnapped.

So there was a rat. It looked like a rat hole in concrete in Chicago. For a second, you became Gil Buchanan. And Chicago, a wonderful town. I've spent a lot of time there. WBCN, unbelievable station. Loved every moment of my time there. Shout out Carissa Buchanan.

Is that your first wife? Yes, my fourth wife. Fourth wife. I actually at one point was legally married to three different women, and there was a polygamy lawsuit against me. That's why I had to spend two years in the Utah market.

But Larissa, this is about you. So there was a rat. There was a rat hole in Chicago. It looked like a rat. And it became this thing. And people were pissed off that it became a tourist attraction. Well, because tourists were going there, leaving cheese and coins. And yeah, they were pouring beer on it. Which attracts real rats to a neighborhood. Larissa, you wanted to write an article. And your friend was annoyed with you and said, we don't need another article.

And then our suggestion was what? We remember the setup. I can't remember the setup. Well, go ahead. What exactly was our advice? We had a skew on the article. You had some pretty good advice. You had some pretty level-headed advice. The letter was

over the top. Like, the response, like, it was a really desperate, crazed letter. And so, I didn't know really how to respond to that person because it kind of put, like, a lot of pressure on me to, it was like, please don't publish this article. Right. Like, a very desperate plea as if they were truly oppressed. Right.

instead of mildly inconvenience. So I really didn't know how to respond. That's a good way of putting it. I like that. Yeah. And your advice, you were with David Cross. There's a lot of singing and your advice was basically to...

include the perspective in the article and to write back what did he say i loved how he phrased it because it helped me um write the write it back up to respond in a way that merited no further response so basically like to be like bye like thank you yeah yeah yeah concerns shown

because this isn't like a buddy of mine this is an acquaintance of mine so that was yeah right made it kind of that's different really intense yeah yeah and rude because yeah don't write your articles don't get paid to do your job because it mildly annoys me that people care about a hole in the ground um so that was your advice so what happened so well what happened is pretty massive like

I have nothing to do with this, but the rat hole was scooped out of the ground very recently. They scooped it? They took it. They didn't fill it in. There were many times when people thought it was filled in and the community banded together to chip it out or whatever. If you look it up online, they took two big pieces of cement out of the village sidewalk. Out of the earth.

And then... Threw it into Lake Michigan. Oh, they saved it. They saved it. No, and so... It's in the Smithsonian. You may know this. There's a big music festival in Chicago called Riot Fest.

which is like a punk alternative festival they are desperate to buy it yeah jake's rolling his sleeves up and it looks bad but uh yeah they put him down two hot dogs coming out of a shirt taste of chicago yeah hey don't put ketchup on these arms i feel sick um

Okay, yeah. So, all right. So Riot Fest? They want to buy it. They're trying to buy it. Oh, wow. So they want to buy it. I think it's a great solution. They want to buy it for like...

five grand and then bring it out every year seems fair i think makes sense yeah yeah they want to buy a piece of garbage for five grand and somebody's going like no no yeah all right i can't imagine we couldn't possibly sell a piece of cement garbage for five grand just give them the fucking thing it's literal garbage or break it into little pieces and throw it in dumpsters they took it out in the most chicago way like they didn't remove it

and say it was because it was this nuisance to the condo owners who live right next to it. They said the sidewalk was uneven. Oh, that's hilarious. I thought you were going to say the most Chicago where there were 19 guys with mustaches standing around for 14 hours. And then in 30 minutes, two guys moved it out really fast. They went over budget. A lot of talk. A lot of Caleb Williams talk. Yeah, yeah. I like that. I mean, he fades his nails, but I...

Guys, we got to get this out of here. If he can throw the pigskin, he can throw the pigskin. If he can't throw the pigskin. Yeah, I don't begrudge anyone for anything. The next day at noon, one guy goes, should I lift up the concrete? Yeah, it's about time, Bobby. Probably, yeah. Let's get it all out of here. All right, so they take the concrete out. A cool punk rock festival wants to buy it. But Larissa, we need to know about your article.

Oh, well, my article, I mean, it's pretty great. Like for me, it's on Thrillist.com, which is a really fun website. So my article came out really well. Like I think I interviewed 15 people and they all had really beautiful stories about violence.

this rat hole, this squirrel hole. Like one guy, this guy, Don DeGrazia, like he named it. It's named little, little Stucky. That's what he called it. And it's like the mascot for his softball team. And I bet he's really feeling it. Little Stucky. You got a new nickname, Gareth. Oh, shit. Mo. Mo and little Stucky. A rat in concrete. Yeah.

Who won't go away. He won't go away. He'll appear one day. Can I do the intro for this one, Moe? Shut up, little Stucky. Sorry.

It's Moe, Little Stucky, and the Marshmallow Man. Little Stucky and the Marshmallow. All right. So you know what we're going to do? We'll have Caitlin post a link to the Thrillist so people can read it. Check out your story. But this was a really fun follow-up.

Yeah, and it's, I mean, I hate that they took it, but I bet in the end it's going to be better. I really hope that Riot Fest gets it because a limited exposure to the rat hole might be better for everyone. I agree. That piece of garbage will find a good home. Yeah, it'll find a good home. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. Thank you. We appreciate the call and the follow-up. Yep. Bye.

Hey everyone, producer Kevin here. This next segment is an edited chat with our guest after the calls to hear the full extended conversation as well as early access to episodes. You can go to patrion.com slash here to help pod. Enjoy. All right, man. And then before we go, uh, if you're okay with it, we'd like to just do a little chat with you. Ask you some questions. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Cool. Well, you alluded to something there about your mother, uh,

something on your podcast that comes up. Your book is kind of a highlight reel of some of the strange childhood trauma that maybe you didn't realize was trauma. Yeah, you know, my book is called Joyful Recollections of Trauma. And I think that

I've often told these stories about my life, especially on How Did This Get Made, and thinking like, this is normal. My grandma told me, don't answer the door because there's a butcher down the block who grinds kids up into chopped meat. And the reason they caught him was one of the moms bought some chopped meat. And as she was frying it up, the little burger said, you know, which I was young enough to believe that that's real. Yeah, right. So when I would tell that story,

And Jason and June would look at me like, wait, what? What do you mean? Wait, what is this? And I'm like, yeah, you know, the butcher makes him to chop meat. Things that felt normal and fine. And so you start to tell these stories like, oh, yeah, we I one time I went into the city to go see a naked lady. They're like, wait, hold on. What did you do? Yeah. And I like and so I said things off the cuff all the time and never really gave it that much thought. And people are like, oh, you should write a book. You should write a book.

And I knew that like if I wanted to write a book, I'd have to go a little bit deeper than the anecdote of like what that was. And and I really kind of took it seriously. So I started writing and just seeing where that kind of led. And I think the book is very different than the book that.

I intended to write. It has all these things, all these like funny things, weird moments with Christopher Walken, you know, uh, you know, doing stuff at UCB. It's not really a book about my path as an actor as much as it is like, uh, as a dad or, you know, finding my wife, you know, and that like this kind of thing. And one of the bigger through lines of it is, uh, my mom got remarried at one point to this like super abusive dude. And we lived in this insane situation where, uh,

We were basically had nobody to help us get out of it. And so, you know, the first part of the book is really like that, like living under that thing and then kind of escaping it. And then how old were you when she, we, I was like fifth grade is I think when we were able to get out. Yeah. So like, Oh, so your childhood was under this monster. Yeah. So that was a really like intense thing. And,

you know, it's always been a part of the story, but I'd never really talk about it. Even to my wife, when she read the book, she was like, wait, this happened? I was like, oh yeah, I guess. Because it's like, there's a little bit of a stigma on it too, to talk about stuff like that. Like, you know, cause it's like, I don't want to bum people out or I don't know. And it's private or whatever. But I think what was kind of,

interesting about it was i look back on those moments i have insane stories about like you know i played hide and go seek with this girl who i went to school with who uh her dad was i guess working for a very uh high up military figure and when we went missing because we were playing hide and go seek they sent a swat team after us uh you know so there's stuff like that in there but then there's also this thing about like the ramifications of

of living in a house that is that kind of, uh, that, and then, and then kind of being like, how do I want to create my version of it? And am I okay to do that? Cause I was a little scared to kind of have kids and, and,

and open that world up because it was a little it was like i don't want to fall into that trap i don't want to be that person even though i wasn't you know so that's it's it's kind of wrestling with a bunch of different stuff in that have you taken your kids to see a naked woman yet i mean soon it's well once my my kids turn 10 in a couple weeks so that's when i would do it yeah right great question well i just want to make sure we're carrying on a good tradition oh here's what i'll say you know i love showing my kids movies and i try to be

smart about it. I don't want to be the person who's like, I like this movie, watch this movie. I'm like, I look at them, I go, I think you'll like this and then I play it. But like, so Happy Gilmore, giant, like giant hit, falling off the couch, dying laughing. They both have crushes on Julie Bowen.

now. Like they think that she's the hottest woman of all time. And it's amazing. And they see old modern families still. And so they're all in, but, um, you know, then I'm like, all right, well, what else could we do that? They're liking this stuff. And I showed them adventures and babysitting and the original, original, great movie. So funny. And then you realize there are things in these movies that

That we just don't see in regular movies anymore like the big crux of that movie is that she looks like a playboy centerfold It's a peachy movie But that's the runner is that the Elizabeth shoe looks like the girl who's on the cover of playboy Then they steal a playboy and the playboy is in play the entire movie So my kids don't even know what a playboy is, but they're like ooh, and there's no nudity, but it's like ooh I'll tell you the weird thing. I'm doing with my kids and what cuz I have two daughters Yeah, so

All the movies I loved, I've always seen them from a boy's point of view. Yeah.

all the characters from the movies that grew up, all the girls are hot and the ones that the main characters crush after. Yeah. And my kids are not interested. So I'm like, I'd be like, wait till you see stand by me within 10 minutes. They're like, it's just about these boys walking around talking about crushes. And I was like, well, no, it's, it's a great story. There's a body. I'm like, Oh, it's a great story about all boys. But the thing I got him into that is not appropriate, but I really like his catfish.

Really? Yes, and I'll tell you why. Because I like having them know people on the internet are crazy and this isn't real life. Yeah. I like that idea. It's like a weird, they'll watch, and now my daughter, we were watching one last night, she'll do things during an episode, she'll be like, there's no way she's real or she has emotional problems. Wow.

Pretty awesome response. By the way, that's a really smart way because I've found my kids now are watching YouTube, kids YouTube, and they'll reveal things to me like, well, I know this, I know that. I'm like, okay, hold on one second. Where are we getting this information? Because YouTube may be for kids, but it doesn't have to be factual. And that's the tricky thing. And so sometimes the kids will come in with like,

the kid brain stuff it's like oh there's a dog bigger than a house and i'm like what do you mean yes i saw a picture of a dog bigger than a house and he's like oh that's photoshop yeah so my kids are falling victim to those pranks a lot how did you get to human giant because i remember i saw it or like it was very clear from my generation uh and more when i say my generation there was a group of us the gethards and all that but i wasn't part of them i was part of oliver raleigh and my buddy bill bungeroth tonight well i think what it was is like

We had the keys to the castle not because we were good But because we they needed someone to run it like you know It was like the UCB were doing their sketch show their improv show there and they're like their own solo shows They were giving sure but we were the ones are like well. We need a 10 o'clock Saturday show We need midnight yeah, you're a very nice guy, but you were killing well. You're nice to say it I mean we like but it was also for me. Yeah, no

No stakes. Let's do this show. Great, let's go do this show. It wasn't like we're trying to get anywhere or do anything. It was like, let's just do something funny. This was the goal. Yeah, the goal was just be and do funny shows. And we failed as much as we succeeded. But I think that that bond and Human Giant, what came out of that was really just, Aziz was a stand-up who was hanging around. There was another island of this theater which was like, oh, stand-ups would come in and do shows and they kind of improvise. They kind of do bits with comedians

comedians are like improvisers and Aziz is like I'm gonna do the stand-up show I don't want to host it with like an improviser I want to bridge that gap and we can just do bits so the first week they hosted it was Aziz and and Rob doing something that became Shutterbugs which is like children talent agents and they shot a little video for it and then they did like live parts of it in

in the show right and then the second show is he's hosted was me and Aziz and we went to the Scientology Center and taped it in New York and we went deep in and we had this thing yeah we were making these sketches and then all of a sudden we're like oh let's shoot this and then Aziz and I like came up with this idea for illusionators and we shot that like and it was very again organic and some exec from MTV saw it and was like you guys should have a sketch show

And we're like, us? Like, Rob has white hair. You know, I'm bald. And this is Aziz. Like, you have on the, you have like the hills on. And like, 3-6 Mafia are doing shows. Like, what? We're not in this zeitgeist. But the guy who ran MTV at the time was like, I love Andy Milonakis. I love you. And I also love the hills. And like, so he had a great thing. And we. It was a great show. We just got to thread this needle, which was like, it was the most fun experience.

experience we ever had because we had the support of a network to do whatever we wanted to do and then we got out early they gave us a third season we had hosted like a 24-hour marathon and we got our second season our ratings were doing pretty good and then aziz got parks and rec and we made a decision as a group it wasn't like and i think aziz sometimes gets like upset if we say oh aziz got parks and rec so we stopped doing the show it was a team it was a team decision because

We wrote as a team. And it was like every one of us made those sketches good. It wasn't like, oh, one person was a writer. Jason Walner was part of this too. Directed Borat and stuff, Borat 2. He also directed a really crazy funny movie. I'm forgetting the name. Paul T. Goldman. It was so good, I literally had to...

I found his email, I think through Gassner, just to say like, you did it, man. That show is unbelievable. It's unbelievable. I don't know if it's getting a second seat. It's unbelievable. And I've been watching Jason do that for 15 years. I remember when he first went there and met the guy.

And I was like, whoa, wait, what's going on? What's the name of the show again? Paul T. Goldman. On Peacock. Yes. It's so good. Six episodes. Yes. It's really great. But so, sorry, I want to go back to you. Yeah. So then, but then you're doing Human Giant, because I remember that thing was erupting. Yeah, that was, yeah. It hit immediately. And it was fucking good. Yeah, it really was. So there are certain people who hit and there are certain shows that go, but you're like, yeah, that was just, you guys were doing it right. And then Aziz gets Parks, you guys saw it going. And then what happens to you?

At that point, we are sitting in this moment where we're like, what are we going to do? Because they want us back. And so I feel very comfortable with this decision going like, I don't want Aziz to come in on a shoot day because Mike Schur and Greg Daniels, they're like, we'll let you have Aziz whenever we're not using him. We want him to keep on doing the show. But I was like, he's going to come in and be like, I didn't write this sketch. I feel like weird. And so I was like, we'll figure out what goes next. And

There was about, you know, maybe like six months into that, I really regretted that decision. And then about a couple, maybe six months after that is when the league kind of came around. And that was the change. That was the change. But it was, I always feel like you have to do this, like swinging from one vine to the next and just jump and then don't know where you're going to go. It's like the league, we did that for seven years. They wanted us back. And as a group, we were like...

- It's over. - No, it's over. We did seven years of it. And people said to us, "Well, it's an ATM machine. Just keep on going back." It's like, yeah, but,

You want to feel that fun of doing it. You don't want to feel bored by it. And we did that with NTSF. I did the show on Adult Swim. We did four seasons. We did 42 episodes. We did it. You don't have to keep on doing everything. The only show that I felt like I would have liked to have done another season for was Black Monday. We did three seasons of that. And that was Cheadle and Regina. And I think the biggest problem with that was

it was on Showtime. And not many people get Showtime and it's like, hopefully it will get released on a different platform at one point. Yeah, but it was like, that was the only, it was such a good show and so funny that I wish we had just a little bit more because the cast was so great.

Well, we appreciate you coming. I appreciate being here. I'm genuinely excited to read the book. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah. The stories from your podcast, How Did This Get Made, for you of your childhood are exceptional. There's a lot of stuff in here that I forgot about that I'm excited for people to see and read. And here's the thing, and I'm here because I want to be here, but if you do pre-order the book,

One of the things I'm very proud of is that I learned how to do my little website design and I put a special feature section on my website of proof of

these things happening I have the proof like the receipt they have the receipts because I talk about this whole idea like I collect things they collect these boxes full of mementos so when I tell you that I went to go meet the honey I shrunk the kids kids at my blockbuster video I have all those autographs with the blockbuster logo on it I've saved all that stuff I have I

is lucky. Yeah, I mean, I have like plays. I have like, like the school play that I did. Speaking of our second caller, I'm sad for your kids in a lot of years when they go, do we save this? Well, that was the thing. I know, that's the thing. The fuck is Blockbuster Video? He's gonna have to have a decoupage room.

Well, now we got to watch the original Honey, I Shrunk the Gator, then get sad, miss our dad, and then throw this shit out. I try to keep on compacting the boxes so it's less and less. I go through it and I sweep it. Every time you move. Yeah, I'm like, this is going to be a little bit more. I used to save every newspaper clipping of ever.

everything that i did like it was it was like i want to gotta save this gotta save this for my press kit you know as people who like the the local as people who wants my syracuse when i performed live at syracuse i had the same improv show i had the dorkiest little folder of like oh you never know i'm at fedex kinko's trying to figure it out i'm like my position went like this before photoshop the saddest moment is when you realize something didn't work like when i delete my like

really bad scripts from Jake's writing folder. There's nothing sadder to go like, this one's never going to get developed further. They end up becoming relics of just a time that was ill-fated. You think like, I'll want this later to remember. You're like, I want to forget this. I really wish I didn't remember this. I wish those eight months of me being like,

oh man this is it it wasn't it and it's also like it's hard to let it because it is it's hard to let it go like I worked on a reboot of Galaxy Quest for for like two years and you know and I'm like this is great and it was like and then everyone got fired and it's like and that's it we're never gonna talk about it again yeah all right Paul thank you so much thank you so much

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt, and the associate producer and editor is A.J. McKeown. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio, and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

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