147: Cooking In Soup & Long Island Lisa (with Michael Cera)
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And we are, what were you going to say, Gareth? Back.

know about you were teasing my hoodie and then you said well i was gonna say just start the show first of all you've got a jar of marbles behind you uh marbles these are nuts okay um by the way wait wait hold on hold on marbles wait hold on so wait let me did you just work out yes what did you do

I've been working with a great trainer, Rudy Garcia. I wanted to ask you about the—it's amazing. I wanted to ask you about the jiu-jitsu life. Well, Rudy Garcia— What is your update? Well, Rudy was my jiu-jitsu trainer. Okay. And have we changed the workouts? No.

Well, I've just, I've stopped doing jujitsu because something happened to my right knee and it happened not while I was fighting or sparring, but while I was alive. Non-contact. Non-contact. Which is the worst. And it's been like six months. So bad you can't even make fun of it. What is it? What happened? So remember when we used, nothing. That's the worst part of it. Remember when we used to make fun, when we would play frizz balls and we would tease you about being an Oldsmobile? I'm an Oldsmobile.

Nothing happened. It just, my knee, something happened. And then when I would like bend down to get up, like if I get out of a car, my right knee freezes like an old man. It's like you can tell when a storm's coming. Yeah. But even in Barrett, what I really wish happened was that like some 22-year-old punk did it to me. And I put up a good fight, which is worse. I was laying around, man. My knee just went like, too many years, man.

Yeah. I'm ending. Well, that's... I'm ending. When my mother had her hip replaced, she was like, I'm back, baby. And I was like, what? Well, your mother's hips have been worked. All right. Here's... I just mean she walks all the time. Where were you going with that? It's brutal. She's a big walker. Stop talking for a little bit now. I agree. Thank you. What I was going to say is because you said you were shirtless and you just threw a hoodie on. Yeah. It is funny how, like...

If we're meeting to do the show. Totally different. It's like such an event. I'm packing lunches. If we're meeting, you're wearing a weird vest and we're both dressed in doer clothing from head to toe.

Or quints. Or quints. If not, we're both in short shorts, but we're hoodies. It's the way that we're like, it's, it's, we should like, it takes two minutes to set up and you're still like, Jesus Christ, I'm going to be late. Yes. But I will say, God damn, do I love a zoom? That's great. For somebody who's a homebody who likes to just stay in your routine. This is the greatest technology of the last chunk of years.

No, I agree. Even like with my schedule being gone all the time, it's so, it means we can do the show every week or bank every week or whatever. You know, I had a moment during the pandemic when I was doing press for something. It might've been hoops.

but I had to do a full press tour from home. But it was before you and I were doing a podcast, so I did not even think of Zoom yet. If you remember when I did Zoom early on your podcasts, I never planned it. I was the worst guest. I was so bad with technology. Well, it was really bad. And we were like, okay, let's go. I think you ended up recording it on your phone and in an echo chamber. But I'm doing Kelly Ripa.

And Ryan Seacrest, I believe, was the co-host at the time. And it's 6 in the morning. My kids were staying up late. I think I was doing a Jeff Bain, a poker game the night before. My hours were all over the place. And I get on the Zoom. I'm in this exact spot, but this room used to be a closet. And as I'm talking about the project with Kelly Ripa, she goes...

are you in a closet, Jake? And I realized I was on live television and she could see my wife's dresses that were 15 years old. And she goes like, can I, and then Ryan Seacrest is roasting me. And I had a moment of like, this is a nightmare actually. It, it,

Once you take care of the background, it's better. But that's the thing. Zoom roasting, it's like the background Zoom roast, it's so low-hanging fruit. It's also really enjoyable. I know, but this was 2020, Gareth. I know. No, it was better. You really could get away with it. Every meeting I used to start on Zoom. By the way, you got a pair of pants hanging behind you. I haven't even commented. Stop.

You just have pants hanging behind you. Honestly, you should have seen my, like, Jason Bourne identification. I go to the pants as we were talking. Like, boy, those pants are pretty. Yeah. But you are right about the Zoom, how little it matters.

because there's no way I would be wearing a hoodie shirtless underneath before wearing these. No way I would get roasted. Who cares? No, and you're still sweaty because you've been working out with your Rick Garcia trainer. Be careful. I wouldn't talk trash. I'm pretty tough. I'm not talking trash. I wanted to get their name wrong a little bit. You said my mother's hips have been worked. So,

So if I get your trainer's name wrong by three letters, let's just relax. All right. Should we briefly talk about the podcast war? Or should we just let social media do the talking? Well, you know, Lamar Morris is a filthy liar who wears pajama outfits on the show. We're going to talk about it. No, I don't think we need to. He's an utter clown. If me and him were in a battle, he would for sure be Drake and I'd be Kendrick Lamar. It wouldn't even be a question. He's a hundred percent Drake. That's his vibe.

He's a, uh, little more than just sweet guys. He's a little geek. He's a door. Let's just, he should get a locker by bullies like you and me. You got lockers. Thank God. Uh, let's just contextualize it a little bit. Um, and that you did his show. You talked about how on our show, about how the reaction to our podcast on his show was better than the reaction to even his podcast at his show. Yeah. That led him to absolutely deep fake, uh,

a video with reactions. We're not idiots. We know this. I mean, we're talking about footage from Apollo 25 to 30 years ago. The heyday. But it is officially... By the way, the heyday is the best. Nothing better than our era of growing up, probably the 90s, watching after SNL. I was just going to say. When I'd be disappointed in SNL and I'd go like, I don't know. I mean, it was okay.

I wanted to like it more. And then all of a sudden, Steve Harvey would come out there. Every guest would come out. They would rub the rock and I would go. The log, yeah. The log. And then the Sandman would come out. The fact that you were allowed to boo people offstage was.

What a gift that show gave us. It really was amazing. And I wonder like what it did to the child, like the child that was just like, I want to perform. Like I remember being like, holy shit. I mean, the intimidation factor on bombing at Apollo only to be countered by if someone goes in and kills, drag it like the snakes then and kill. So this won't surprise you, but my dream with Bill Bungroff, who I just went to Portland with, uh,

Uh, he, do you know Billy Bungeroth at all? No. Quick shout out to Portland really fast. He and I, he, he had prostate cancer and he had it removed. Uh, and so he went out, he's like, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take like a little trip to celebrate. I'm gonna go to Portland. And I was like, what if I came up and surprised you? And we just had not really surprised, but just came up and we had like 24 hours together. We stayed at a hotel called the Woodlark.

I'd never been to Portland. I didn't know where to go. Oh, really? Yeah. I loved it. Right at the hotel, which we loved, it was one of those places you could kind of hang out in there. And then we just walked around the city. We went to the Japanese gardens. We went to some like Portland outdoor store. It was just everything about it. It's great. I was like, man, I have been told Portland's one thing.

It's awesome. Portland, like any major city, has areas that are like, you know, have difficulties. But overall as a city, it's such a walkable, easy town. But if you go up there and you're doing stand-up, stay at the Woodlark, do the experience, don't get a car, just walk around. I was like, it was fun, man.

Well, I would love to do that, and I'm glad your buddy's okay. That is everyone should get checked, your PSI. But this is about our show. Something happened with Bill, and then I tangented. Doesn't matter.

This is, this is, this is, this is. Oh, we were talking, yo, who cares? Well, we were talking about how Lamorne, we were talking about Lamorne. Being a clown. Yeah, speaking of clowns, Apollo clowns, you called Lamorne a clown. Yes, exactly right. You made fun of how he swims. We talked about maybe having a swim off. Apparently Kyle and I are in a feud of our own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So things are heated. Things are bad. And we're coming for you in whatever way that means. Right, Jake? But you know, yes, but you know what we need to also talk about? And look at us having a long intro. I know.

We need to talk about our special guest today. Yes. Who is a guy we both know. He's one of my best buddies who I adore. One of the best humans and one of the funniest guys on planet Earth, Mr. Michael Cera joins the show. Truly a gem. And you worked with Michael when you wrote for Arrested Development, correct? Yes.

He was in the room for probably a few weeks writing, and then I think he just got into acting mode. But yeah, I mean, very few actors were allowed in the writer's room, and there's a reason for that, but he really is just such a talented guy. Mike's going to direct a movie soon, and I think when he starts directing, his whole game is going to change because even as an 18-year-old, he's always seen the whole picture.

And just such a guy, such a talent, really funny on the show. I think people are going to really like it. There's one crossover call with all three of us, and then you and him do a couple solos. Just a really, it was really an honor having him on. As you've seen, season two, we're having less guests.

And it's because at the end of season one with our schedule, Gareth and I weren't together that much. And we were doing it with other guests a lot. And we heard the response from the crowd. And we also missed doing it just together. So we're going to continue this kind of new way of kind of less guests, more us. And every once in a while, have a special guest come in and do that. Yeah.

We love it. And it's why we're America's number one podcast, number one podcast in the world. That's right. The Morning After. You know, people could, you know, I mean, The Morning After. Is that even a podcast or is it just you? You know what? They're the real Wayne's World. That should be called, you know what? Their show should be called Kyle's World. Oh, gee, gee. And LeMorn's Garth. LeMorn's Garth, dude. That's a good one.

Kyle does a great job on that show. He's got to figure out that mustache. We all do. Yeah, agreed. But Lamorne? Yeah.

He's a geek. All right. Well, I think we've really, I mean, look. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to fist fight him. Okay. All right. All right. All right. Listen, you got a bad knee. You already talked about it. You got that Doppler knee. Why don't you calm down? I want to have like a hike off with him. I want to just expose him for the fraud he is. He's also got water muscles. He's a fake dude. He takes steroids.

Okay. All right. Listen, there's a lot coming out. He has fake facial hair. His little fake mustache. He can't grow facial hair. He's got a weird puberty thing. He's never fully grown through it. Your suggestion is that both hosts on that podcast have to figure out their mustaches.

Look, Kyle's is okay. Okay. Lamorne's is fake. He literally gets pubes from a weird animal and glues them on his face. Wow. He's a joke, dude. All right. All right. Listen, well, we're very excited for you guys. He's a eunuch. He doesn't have genitals. Okay. And, uh, you know, obviously things are getting heated here. Not to me. Anyway, you know what? Things are getting honest. We appreciate all the support. Keep telling people that we're back for season two. He believes in unicorns. This, this season's great. And, uh, we're very excited. He hates new girl fans.

Further ado. By the way, Lamorne will not do the New Girl reunion. This is fact. We are all on board, including Brian, the security guard. I'm the guy trying to arrange it. Kyle, we've said, let's have him be on the show. He's been in. Lamorne said no because you want to know why he's passed? He's afraid that Kyle is going to get too much of a spotlight.

Dark. This is dark. This is dark stuff. Well, anyway, that was some ado, but without further ado, enjoy the show. Hello. Hello. Hey, how are you? I'm well. How are you? I'm doing well. Can we get your name, please? Yeah, my name is Sam. Sam. Sam, you're on with me, Mr. Gareth Reynolds, and our first special guest of season two.

Mr. Michael Serra is on the podcast. Hi, how are you doing? Thank you. Yeah, so Sam, where are you calling from, bud? I'm calling from Michigan, a little town called Grand Rapids. Oh, I know Grand Rapids. And I agree, Grand Rapids has some nice kind of size to it. And so how old are you, Sam? I am 34. 34. And what do you like to do, Sam?

Well, I do a lot, but I like the outdoors. I'm a little bit of a woodworker. Cool. I'm a dad. How many kids you got? I have three boys. Oh, fun. What ages?

17, 15, and eight. Wow. You got the whole spectrum. Wow. And so when you say woodwork and what kind of wood, like you, you like make little bears and stuff. Nope. Someone's yard. Someone wants it for his yard. Somebody's. Could you ever make a silverback? Can you make a silverback that weighs about 400 pounds? You ever make a Jake gorilla? Can you make a silverback with my face? Okay. But definitely his body, not mine. Oh,

Okay. We don't want a silverback with my body. It's not going to be a silverback. A naked you made of wood. Gross. I actually have a good specimen here that I could base the carving out of right out my window here. All right. So Sam, we have a picture of you, but you feel like you're jumping into something good. So take over. The floor is yours.

Well, Jake, thanks. I have a problem. I work in a professional setting in an office building here in Grand Rapids, and just being

our office building backs up into a residential neighborhood and what would be considered our backyard neighbors. Um, we have a man and a woman who are just really big fans of using their hot tub. Um, you know, any opportunity that they get, uh, you know, nice day out. Oh,

Take it easy, Mike. Mike, take it easy. A clothing optional situation and they definitely opt out of it. I'm with Garrett. And I'm telling you guys, this is right out my window. Okay, so you're where you work in the back kind of shared space with

There's a couple. Can you describe what these two people look like? Because I do think it matters. Yeah, slowly. I'm pretty familiar with all of their body parts, which you want me to... So you've seen everything. I've seen it all. Are they in their 20s? Are they in their 90s? Are they seven feet tall? Are they four feet tall? Yeah. Retired. They're probably 60s, 70s. They're probably five feet something. Okay. It's changing. Everything's changed. So kind of a couple in their 70s.

Uh, not incredibly tall, not incredibly short, which makes it a little less exciting. They're somewhere in the fives. Um, they, and they seem to be a couple with one another. Yes. Are they doing things together that make you feel uncomfortable or are they just straight on nudists who don't have clothes on while they bathe? As far as I can tell, they're just straight on nudists. They don't care. Interesting.

who is observing their activities in their backyard. You have like a high vantage point? You're looking down on them from your office? Yeah, a little bit. They have a privacy fence, but it only goes up to the base of the hot tub. So I can see it all. They're not worried about it, it sounds like. No, they might be into it, honestly. I think you answered this, but I just want to make sure. There's no hanky-panky going on.

No, there's no hanky-panky, but I'm feeling creepy because it's just beyond my monitor. I'm watching them masturbating constantly with an eye match on. And out of all the masturbating. Yeah. I feel creepy because what I think about when these two lovely old people are just taking a hot bath. It's like, keep shouting, do it already.

I feel creepy by what I yell at these people. So you feel creepy, Sam, because in nature, in a way, by looking out your window, you're spying.

Uh, that's right. And you don't feel like you're spying because you're allowed to look out your goddamn window. Who could look away? Let's be honest. Well, that was going to be my question. Yeah. Like, could you not just not look when they go out there? Does that feel, I mean, I think that's the down the narrow, like. Yeah, but also it's complicated because I understand if I'm at work, I like to look out my window. And then if I see two people walking naked to a tub, I'm going to look and I feel like a creep.

It's also very, it's got to be one of those things where it's like when it's happening, it's a little train wrecky in the sense that you're like, I want to just. And you can't look away. This is happening. And so say Sam wants to invite a business associate into his office one day for an important meeting. Yeah. And then everyone's just hypnotized by the flesh. You got to really plan where you seat people to hear your pitches. Yeah. They're out there about shmitting. Yeah. Yeah.

And so how long has this been going on, sir? I hesitate to say. It's been too long. It's no reflection on you how long it's been going on. It kind of is, though, with your response, though. It seems like it might be, Sam. I just have waited too long for too long. Yeah, it's been about a year. A year, okay, okay. That's not my idea of too long for this kind of situation. Oh, okay.

I love the... That says more about me, I think. Yeah, but I love the way, Sam, you've got this kind of peaceful voice and it's very slow. Oh, well, I hesitate to say this is a really nice part of this call. So we've got, you've been looking for 12 months. Have you done anything up to this point or is this call your first call of action?

This is my first call to action. Yeah, it's time to do something. So I got a question, Sam, because I'm now starting to see what's happening here. I understand your tone a little bit of being a little bit ashamed it's taken a year. How much do you watch?

I mean, I don't linger on it. I try to stay focused. But? But it's right there. It's right above my monitor. I don't even have to move my neck. All I do is lift my eyes six inches, and it's right there. And there is a certain gravitational pull. A hundred percent. So what percentage of you, now I just need the goddamn real truth, because we'll never be able to pitch you out of this if we're not living in reality.

I know more than 50% of you hates this, but what percentage likes it? Oh, probably 20% gets a kick out of it. Okay, that's fair. That's a fair number. That's a big hindrance. That's a healthy, like 80% it's a problem. Or maybe it's like 60% hates it, 20% like it, 20% neutral. No.

No, it's a... You'll have to cook the books on this, Jake. I just want to know what we're dealing with here. Sam's a bit of an mystery to me. I'm trying to get a sense of old Sam. I should have asked him about the animal in the jungle. I've seen a lot of naked bodies in my life. I used to work in a hospital. Good for you.

And so seeing nakedness is not a foreign concept to me. And so it's not, it's not, but it's the, it's the environment that I'm in. It's, it doesn't belong. And so what are you doing in that office at that computer? What are you, what are you, what are you doing? I run a, I run an agency for the elderly and we provide caregivers. If you're watching two elderly people cooking soup,

That is now a nightmare for your job. It feels lynching. Yes. So you are running an agency to help older people while you're watching two older people cooking their naked bodies in a hot tub. That's a distraction. You can't get away from it. It's everywhere. You're right. You're not wrong. So you are at about 80% this needs to go away, 20% kind of likes it.

Correct. That's right. Why don't you build yourself a wooden window blocker using your skills? It sounds like an infomercial. That was such a clean pitch. I feel like I'm watching Laura Grenier on Shark Tank, and she's actually doing the QVC right now. Ladies and gentlemen, we've got the wooden blocker thing.

I mean, you couldn't make a little wooden thing that goes just right on top of your computer screen and gives you a sort of, just blocks your field of vision. No, no, it just goes right here and it blocks just the very spot. Oh, I understand what you're saying. Like a bookmark-sized piece of wood.

That's pretty interesting. That is pretty interesting, actually. To have a very clear sort of like blocker for when they're out there that you kind of eyeball measure so that when they're there, you kind of can like build a little bit of a castle wall. A privacy screen that you literally just put up. Yeah. And it's a funny message as if it was like an R-rated thing that it gets blurred out. Yeah, or just like a cocoon sign or something.

I like that. I like that a lot. So that's an option for sure. I think, and especially as a woodworker, you could make something pretty fun. What is your feeling of a confrontation?

So I don't want to be the guy that calls the police on them. They're just trying to live their best lives. - No, nobody's saying that. They're allowed to do this, I think. - Of course, 100%. But also, if your vibe is police, you don't call this podcast. - Yeah. - We believe that snitches get snitches. - Yep. - All good. All right. Well, so I'm not opposed to a confrontation. - Okay. And when we bring that up to you, is the thing that you like face-to-face combat? You want to knock on a door? Or do you like a letter? Or do you like sounds? I'm trying to get a sense of you.

I don't know. I'm not opposed to face-to-face. I don't shy away from confrontation. I just feel you have very little ground to stand on. They're on their private property. I know, but here's how we could start. It's just an idea. A knock on the door with some version of a gift as peace offering and to say, I just need to let you know through my vantage point

I see you guys naked every day. I'm not the only person. So do these people. Don't you think they know that? Well, yeah, that would be Sam. Do you think they know that, you know, they're naked and other people around see them naked? I don't think so. Okay. No, then I have a great idea. Sam, I have a great idea. Next time they're in the hot tub, unroll, open your window from work and yell, Hey guys, how's the temp?

and they go I can do that and you go how's the temp is it more than one at 110 or about 105 in that tub should be 104. you go you got to live at about 104 if you're 108 it's going to prune your skin too much and you go make sure it's about 104 okay and then you can say when they're in the water yeah

When they're in the water, it's not visibly apparent that they're naked, right? You can say something passive-aggressive like, but at least you've got those bathing suits on, so that should offer you some protection if it's too hot. But the idea of this is you're planting a seed to them. This little intimate moment of cooking and soup together, it's a three-person soup. I'm here too.

I like that. I think that is. Let me ask one more question and then I'll float a similar pitch. Where is where are you seeing them naked the most, Sam? Are you seeing when they're about to get in the tub? Is that when they're the most naked or are you able to see like through the water? Are you able to are you seeing boobs above the fray?

No, so it's the transition times that's the worst, yeah. The walk to the transition. The walk to and to the soup, yeah. The climbing, the mounting. We could cater a gift in the, like we could get a couple robes, you know, as a gift to sort of help that walk from abode to the water. Yes, or, but I think you're dead right, because then once they're in the tub, it's not an issue, is it? Yeah.

No. So we can't get them not to enjoy their hot tub because they've lived 70 years on this earth. They deserve it. They deserve it. But you shouldn't walk from your back door to your tub totally naked if you have neighbors who see. So here's what I would do. Especially in Grand Rapids weather, that is not favorable to the human form at that age.

What are you referring to? What do you mean? I think the weather is going to be shrinking things and purpling things. The veins become more varicose. I don't think it's the best look. You're not wrong. He's not. Sam, here's a thought. If you could get the timing right, as you see them walking to the tub, yell, taking a tub? Yes.

Can you open your window, Sam? Is your window going to have the ability to open up or is it like a pane glass office? It does not open. It's a fixed window. All you really have is the bang on the window move. It's just different. Hard to come up. Or you go up on the roof. Or you get up on the roof. Or you Oswald it up on the roof. That's no good. So here's what I would do.

I would leave a note at their door. I would not confront them. And the note would say, I see you walk naked to your tub. Don't know if you care or not, but I just wanted to let you know.

Do I like cut this out of a magazine letters? Nope. I wouldn't do it like that, Sam. Nope. That's not, that's scary. But I would do, I would do like a sending this just as an FYI and maybe leave like a bottle of wine is like an apology thing of like, but when you, uh, but I work in the building over here, uh, and, and I would lie and say my coworkers and I have discussed and nobody knows if you guys know, uh,

But we see you as you, we do not see you in the tub, but when you walk from your house to the tub naked, we can see your body. From our view, when you're in the tub soaking, we can't see it. That is an amazing note. That's an amazing thing to find. Some people find it distressing, not me personally. Some people talk about how it gets a little purple and there's shrinkage. But what I would say is...

And the fact that we're in Grand Rapids might be a problem. I feel like we're using the letter to kind of knock on my pitch a little, which feels very meta. Nope. What I'm really using it for is to let them know that from point A to point B, I see you. Yeah. And if that's okay with you, then we can figure out the next pitch. But we've got to know, Sam, if grandma and grandpa know they're being seen. Yeah.

We got to let them know. What do you think, Sam? I like it, you know, and I like the bottle of wine gesture too, because I, I don't want to, um, you know, like, I think the yelling pitch was like a little aggressive and I don't, like you say, I don't want them to stop enjoying their hot tub. It does not. Hey Sam, how would it sound like if you yelled? Yeah. You taking a tub? Can we just hear that once?

You want me to put the phone down and yell it? Yeah, sure. All right. They're taking a tub. Are you taking a tub? I don't hate it. I love it. I don't hate it. It just came out of his shell. By the way, Sam, you got a hell of a yell, man.

Sam, are you in the office now? Yeah, I am. Are they out there? No, they're not. They're not there. Don't you have co-workers in the area? I'm wrapping up solo today. That was a shockingly exciting interview.

But no, because of the window. If the window opened, I think we could have a conversation. I 100% agree. I like the pitch.

What I would add is I would add maybe going to some cheap department store and just getting a couple robes so we can really add a solution to what we're calling out here. I like the wine. I like the note. Me too. Why not just get a blue and a purple robe just for each one? I think that might be step two.

Maybe. It feels like an attack on the veins. It feels like it's a shot across the bow at the vein. How are we going to have a step two? They're not able to communicate. Are we leaving an email or anything like that? That's interesting. Well, you just see what the result is. Yeah, the result would be if they keep doing it. It would speak for itself. But it feels like...

Jake in this binaca phase, has he been binaca-ing the whole show, Michael?

and that's the first it's the first i've seen i have you have well obviously not for you there alone so is it more for the the taste the sensation yeah yeah he's got he's hooked a little it's like his vape um i would say the only reason i would say robes up top is because the follow-up there's no back and forth so then it might seem like you're kind of being a little badgery hey sam i got a question sam question for you bud

We're kind of closing in on our pitch and that's either a letter, a wine, a bathrobe with either the messaging, just so you know we can see you or FYI, we see you, this is what we see, you can cover up with these if you choose. What zone are you feeling most comfortable with? Yeah, I like the robes as a backup. Okay.

If it needs a second message, just a little push in the right direction. But I think if the bottle of wine does not... Because then you give them something to enjoy in the hot tub. It's very friendly. Yeah, it's a very friendly gesture. So, Sam, what are you going to say in the letter? You know, this feels like...

Um, I don't want it to get too wordy. I feel like you guys got pretty wordy in your, in your, uh, concept creation there. So I think, you know, just a simple, Hey, we're here, uh, and we see you, um, and,

Let's cover it up. Nope. I'm going to push back. I understand that we're going for word economy, but I think we see... I think we were missing words. We're here is not enough information. We're here, period. We see. It's like a nodding. Yeah, that would be a very haunting note. We have your socials. Yeah. So, Sam, I think you've got to let them know where here is and what you see and when you see it. Yeah. I don't think we want them to think you're always seeing them.

I agree. Any veiling of information is going to come across as terrifying. We're here. We see you. You should know. It's my nightmare. Yeah. You're right. I would definitely start with like, hey, I'm around the area. I work right across from your backyard. I work right across from where you're at. There's no need for vagueness. Sam, do you feel awkward about them knowing it's you?

No, no, I don't. And I could even write it in a nice little card. That's what I would do. We have a lot of cards in the office here that we send out. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. But you guys have company cards. I don't think it's bad to put it in a company card. Yep.

We don't have branded cards. Sam, will you try again with a few more words and can we hear how that comes across? And the opening is important, remember. Yeah. Hey, neighbors. Great, great, great, great. I work in your backyard.

And I can see over your fence when you guys are enjoying your hot tub. And I would love it if you guys could cover up during the transition to and from the hot tub.

You're a neighbor. A little aggressive for my taste, but that sounds like who Sam is. Same. But maybe that's the Grand Rapids way, too. Sam, is that just you? Is that just Grand Rapids? Because for the three of us, we all went, it's a little harsh. I think what we were saying is that... Here's what I think it is, Garrett. I think the way he speaks...

is so mild-mannered that if I read those, I would be reading them more aggressively than I think he's intended them. Is that what you want to say? Basically, yeah, because I think what we're saying in the middle there is the idea is more like just so you, like you're doing them a favor by letting them know you can see them naked versus, hey. Versus a request. Yes, and the first one, I think this first one, Sam, is what we're kind of pitching, but again, you play your game.

but i think we're pitching is just fyi right i can see you getting to and fro the soup if they continue step b is we're just going to send them robes they might but this might be a multi-level thing but i work across here i do this i see i don't know if you guys know that but if you do we can all see you yeah yeah but i don't see it i don't see it in the tub

That's right. I've tried. I can't see through the water. Believe me, I've looked. Not from a lack of effort. Binoculars don't help. Nothing helps me see through the actual water. Can you drain the water three inches? So what do you think of that, Sam? Do you need the hard jets on all the time? Yeah. Let it settle, gang. What do you think of that zone, Sam? Yeah, no, I think that's right. That's perfect. Can we hear it one more time then?

Can you be kind of writing it out as we're hearing it? Oh, sure. Yeah. Thanks, man. I like that you're not going to use the word soup. It's important. Well, he didn't say that. You said that. No, I think you said it. Well, I've mentioned it as soup, but he never said he wasn't using soup. Yeah, a couple times. Confusing.

What do you guys think about a hot tub? Soup feels impressive. You don't think of a hot tub as soup? No, to be quite honest. People soup. No, it's not human stew. All right, honey, I got to go take a soup. All right, me and my boys are going to go stew. I got a big day. I'm going to lay in the soup for about 30 minutes, then I'm going to bed. Dude soup.

All right, Sam. So let us know when you're ready. We would love to hear this and then hopefully you leave it by then either tonight after work or tomorrow morning, maybe. Yep. Sounds good. I can do that. Appreciate you. Hey neighbors. I work in the building behind your house and I just wanted to let you know, we can see you transition from your house to the hot tub. And pause was strange. Agreed. But it works, Sam. It works. Yeah.

we could see a transition from the house to the hot tub and oh i don't know where to go from here uh just wanted to let you know yeah i just wanted to just wanted to let you know what's happening from our point of view in case comma you wanted to cover up okay so you wanted to cover up great all right all the best all right yeah

And then to avoid any awkwardness or embarrassment, I'm leaving you this bottle of wine as a gesture of good faith. Yeah. Enjoy it. It's a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. It's to your taste. Yep. 2016. And I think that's kind of it, Sam. How do you feel about that?

I feel good. I feel good about it. Yeah. I mean, there's two potential office buildings that it could be. Of course. Mine and someone else's. And so I think it's a 50-50 shot, except for the fact that I'm probably one of the only offices that...

That's looking right at their backyard. So if they looked out their window, they could probably see exactly. But you've already said you're not worried about this. Yeah, that's okay. You have nothing to hide. Yeah, you're not naked. Identify you. If they look and they're looking in the window, wave.

And then yell, taking a soup. Taking a soup really fast. Can we hear it one more time? I think you said taking a tub. Taking a tub. Oh, yeah. I thought you said soup. No, no. We've all actually been talking about getting the soup out of here. You know what I mean? I agree with that. So Sam, soup, say whatever you want to say at the end. Soup. And then let's just hear you yell. I do want to hear Sam say taking a soup. They're looking at the note. At a deli. They see you. You wave and yell this. Go ahead when you're ready. All right.

Hey, how's it going? Really good. Hey, Sam, thank you for the call. I think we're in a good zone. Follow up. Follow up. Will do. This is business.

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Can we get your name please? My name is Kate. Kate. And where are you calling from Kate? I'm calling from Rhode Island. Rhode Island. And how old are you Kate? 33. 33. And what do you like to do? What's like a fun hobby for you? I have a toddler and a seven month old, so sitting in silence on my couch watching it. Yes. Wow. And by toddler, what's a toddler's age?

Three. Oh, so you got a three. So you're right in it. We're the same. You're on the phone right now with a dear friend of mine, 18 years of friendship. Mr. Michael Serra is on with you right now. Kate. Hi. Hello. Hi, Kate. Hi. So wait, you're 33. Well, you became a mother by today's standards quite young, didn't you? I did. I had my daughter on my 30th birthday, actually. The actual birthday? Yeah.

Yeah, she came five days late right on my birthday. So I turned 30. Wow, that's foreshadowing. Just taking over your spotlight, huh? Oh, she sure did. So Kate, you got a three-year-old, a seven-month-old. You're from Rhode Island. Really quickly, if you're in the jungle and you're running around and you turn around and you see an animal, what's the first animal that pops in your head that you're seeing?

Panther? Ooh, back-to-back Panthers. Panther and a turtle? Panther. Okay, now a question for you. If you were to have a last meal, what would that last meal be? You can eat anything you want. It doesn't have to go together. Oh, Jesus. A steak burrito, the one with the french fries in it. Yum. Ooh, crazy. And? Alongside that, probably just a regular, like a plain pizza from Long Island. Okay. Yeah.

Steak burrito with fries in it and just a generic old cheese pizza from Rhode Island. A cheese pizza and an ice cold Dr. Pepper. You know what, Michael? I do have a sense of Kate by what she likes to eat and what animals she sees in the jungle. A lot of info there. Yeah, I agree. Okay, great. Kate, what can we help you with today? I'm actually calling about said third-year-old who took my spotlight. Wow.

Oh. So she's really, she didn't actually take my spotlight, but she's really into pretend play, like, and she's really into it. So she really likes playing store. Like she has a little cash register and she likes to play store. And so she makes my husband, her dad and I be the cash, like the checkout people. And she brings us various items around the house and her shopping cart. But to make it more fun, we started playing characters, Lisa and Janice.

I'm Lisa, my husband's Janice, and they're two, like, 40-year-old women from Long Island. I love this. But the problem is my daughter...

She really likes Lisa and Janice a lot more than she likes me and my husband. Naturally. When she gets upset, when she wants something, she'll ask to talk to Lisa instead of me. She won't listen to me. She'll only listen to Lisa. So like in front of, she'll do this like in front of family and friends. So I have to just start talking in a thick, long accent and then she'll do whatever I want or she'll stop crying. Oh.

Wow. And it's just, it's so embarrassing and it's really hard to explain to people. Like, it's like this grocery store clerk that we play and then she'll offer Janice and then we have to, it's just, it's a nightmare. And I need her to like me as much as she likes Lisa. But I haven't figured out how to do that yet. This is a very clean pitch. I actually 100% get it. Before we get into it, can we hear Lisa a little bit?

I knew this would happen. Okay. So, um, yeah, actually I just want to talk to Lisa for the rest of the show. Can we do something where at times can we ask to talk to Lisa and at times can we talk to Kate? This is, yes, this is my whole life. All right. Let's hear Lisa please. She talks to Lisa about me sometimes, which is not nice. Okay. Um,

Darcy, thank you for coming into the store today. What did you pick out? Did you get a new hairbrush? Oh my God. I love a new hairbrush. You know what I say? The higher the hair, the closer to God. Oh my God. I have a bumper sticker that says that. But you know, Darcy, your mom, she's a great lady. You gotta start liking her. You gotta start treating her better. You gotta start listening to your mom. That's great. Lisa. Lisa's cool.

Yeah, I get why she loves Lisa. Lisa's got a lot of charisma. I want her to listen to me too. I understand. Okay, so now we have a sense of Lisa, Mike. We have a sense of Kate. And the daughter's name is Darcy? Yes. I heard that because Lisa said it, but you hadn't, Kate. Darcy. So you started creating Lisa and your husband decided to be Janice for some reason, which I like. Yeah. And then Darcy now likes Lisa more than Kate. Yeah.

Yeah. And she'll listen to Lisa more. So like this morning she wouldn't clean up her toys. And then she said, let me talk to Lisa. And then Lisa told her to clean up her toys and the entire living room was clean in like 10 minutes. Okay. So walk me through how that actually happened. Cause I used to do a thing that I still kind of do when my daughters have gotten too old where I pretended to be their babysitter who was named Sarah and

And Sarah was a real person. Yes. Well, I was Sarah and I would go like, was there a real Sarah that you were? No. Oh, it was just a made up. Okay. Sarah would come in and I'd be like, Hey guys, it's me, Sarah. And I would do all terms about like women that was like really annoying for them.

Where they would be like, we hate you, Sarah. And I'd be like, but that's okay because I love myself because I am beautiful just like you and you guys don't need lip gloss. And Sarah was meant to give the messaging that Jake felt, but just to annoy them. So I had the opposite where mine to this day, and even they've done it on their friend, where they'll go like,

I'll go like, hey guys. And they'll go like, we hate you Sarah. We hate you. So that's going to be where my pitch starts here, Kate. I think Lisa might be a little bit too cool. And I think what we have to start doing is Lisa has to start becoming a little bit weirder and ruining the vibe with Darcy. And then Kate steps in and saves the vibe. That's interesting. Okay.

Right, because I disagree completely. I think, honestly, I have a three-year-old as well. And I have a three-and-a-half-year-old, actually. Yours is just three or three-and-a-half-ish? Just three.

Just three. Like she just started three like two months ago. Yeah. Okay. So three starts getting, and Jake, you'll attest, like three is real, like challenging territory. The three nagers.

My son became... Yeah, he's hard. Yeah, it's like everything is... They're really starting to carve their own sense of autonomy and all that. And they have strong feelings about everything. Like, just my son now, he has a real hard time getting out of his pajamas in the morning. He really loves them. And we're like, we've got to get you dressed now. We've got to go ahead and out the door. Clock's ticking. And he's like, it's very upsetting. We have to really negotiate about getting out of the pajama. Little things like that. So I'm thinking...

If you have a tool in your arsenal, this character of Lisa, that helps you in any way get past challenging moments like cleaning up the toys...

You know, it's great. I mean, like Darcy is a smart kid. She knows that she knows you're her mama and she knows that Lisa is a character, but she it's cozy for her. And it also you found a way to motivate her somehow. I think the only problem in the equation that I could see is the embarrassment on your end. And I think you just swallow that and you're all good.

Just embrace it. Just like, you know. Kate, I got a question. That's my take. Did you call in with the hopes that somebody would say, your problem's not valid, just swallow it.

Is that why you called in a podcast that offers help to hear Michael Cera say, oh, you know what? Your problem is not a problem. It's a blessing to be humiliated in front of your friends and have a child ask for a fictional character over you. I think giving a fresh perspective is valid advice. So here's what I think, Kate. So actually, hold on. We're going to go to you, Kate.

You've heard two initial takes. And just like the choose your own adventure, you're going to start driving this a little bit. My first pitch, and we could also give more pitches, is let's sour Lisa a little bit. Because everybody likes the babysitter until the babysitter gives some rules, right? Everybody likes the cool person until the cool person says like, hey, you can't do that.

Mike's advice is lean into this tool you have of cool Lisa who's getting your child to do everything she wants. And then maybe we could pitch things to you because you were saying earlier sometimes it's embarrassing if in front of people we can maybe pitch things you could say in those moments. So of these two zones, Kate, where are you at?

I think I'm going to have to start making Lisa less cool just because she's expanding our Lisa Janice world. She's named our dog Doris and Barney now, and our son is named Mary. She's taking over. And they're all part of this grocery store world. She's creating a fictional world like the fake Seinfeld episode. Correct. But so here's what we need to do, in my opinion.

We got to figure out what she loves about Lisa. And then we got to figure out little things that you Kate know about Darcy that she would not like. Okay. So what is it about Lisa in your opinion, apart from she's got a great accent, she's got a great vibe, but what does Lisa do with Darcy? That is just fun. She plays grocery store with her. She does like the accent because my husband's family is from long Island. So I think she,

Lisa sounds like her aunt, so she likes that. She likes grocery store. Lisa pretty much just plays with her whenever she wants to play. The problem is when she plays now, she doesn't want me, Kate, to play with her. She'll just look at me and say, Lisa. Because Lisa's fun and Kate's got some rules such as eat your veggies and chew a lot and I'm afraid you're going to choke kind of vibe.

Yeah, like Kate's looking out for my safety and I'm not interested in that. Kate's aka a drag. I want to get a sense of what Darcy feels like talking to Lisa. Okay, got it. If possible. So you're going to be Darcy? Michael. You are. No, Michael. Because you said you want to get a sense of Darcy. I want to get a sense. Oh, I thought you were about to do a Darcy role play. Do you mind trying to be? Which I was excited about. Would you consider being Darcy so I could see it? I don't know enough about her yet.

She's three. I know. She's pretty much it. She's got a younger sibling. She likes Lisa. That's all I know. Yeah. Will you try to be Darcy? Me? Yeah, please. Okay, what... Any interpretation. What is my goal in this scene? To figure out what you like or don't like about your mom. Okay.

All right. Let's just do a poll. Actually, Kate, is there anything you want to tell Michael about baby Darcy that could help him in this? Remember, our goal of this is to be clear. Any help would be appreciated. We're trying to get Lisa's light to dim a little bit and Kate's light to turn up a little bit. Darcy likes makeup a lot. Princesses. Captain America. She really likes Captain America. Yeah. I'm kidding. She likes to dance and sing.

And she likes to swim. Okay. She doesn't like to clean up her toys. And I got a question for you, Kate, not Lisa. Okay. Ever since the new baby was born seven months ago, have you gotten a little bit more strict with her, given her more responsibility?

Not really. She's been shockingly good with him. So we haven't really had to do that yet. And I'm just kind of riding that out, hoping that sticks. Okay. So the vibe's pretty easy going. Darcy's life hasn't changed that much since what's her little brother's name? Archie. Archie. Archie and Darcy. And when Darcy mostly talks to Lisa, is it mostly just transactional? Like I remember when my kids were three, it was just a lot of...

how much for this? And they would go like four, four. And then you go, okay. And then they, they go back and they get something else. And then you do the joke. If you go like, I didn't order this coffee. It tastes terrible. And then they go back and they get you another one. Yeah. Does it get any transactional? And now she's, you know, expanding it to Lisa. Let's do this. Like we're not just in the grocery store anymore. We're coloring. Oh, so she fucking took Lisa out of the store and into her life.

All right, so let's get into it a little bit. Michael, do you have a pretty good feeling of how you can start with Darcy? No. Okay, I think that's good enough to start. And Lisa, do you feel confident? I am always confident. Okay, so we're going to start with I'm Kate, and I'm just saying, oh, yeah, you wanted to hang out with Kate. I'm Kate. I'm Kate. I'm Kate. She's Lisa. You're Darcy.

Okay. How you doing, Darcy? You want to play supermarket? I love playing supermarket, mommy. Okay. Do you want to play with me? No, I'd rather play. As you know, I really prefer Lisa. I'd love to play with you. Don't you want to just play you and me? No, I want Lisa or else I'm going to make your life hell. All right. Take it easy. Okay. There we go. Now we're talking.

Hi, Duffy. Hi, Lisa. Hi, thank you for showing up. I was just having the worst, you know, I was just stuck in that same old bullshit with my mom, but thank God you're here. I'm doing her inner spirit. I can't like talk like a... Try what, Lisa? I'm so glad you came into the store, but you can't talk like that about your mother. She is wonderful. I talked to her a few times. You don't know her like I know her, but no, she's cool, but let's just put it this way. I prefer you.

The other day we had the best dance party to define gravity. Oh my gosh, she is such a good dancer. She taught me a lot of good moves. She never shows me that side of her, but I like our talks. I feel like I can be really real with you and be myself. That's so weird. It's been weird between me and her. Yeah. See, she says, she talks about me behind my back, but like, we don't know.

Darcy, you're acting really different today. Yeah, I gotta say. Wait, wait. Hold on. Pause. Cut. Cut. Hold on. I gotta say, that was a weird read on Darcy. I can't. I forget what I'm supposed to do. Not question case. Mothering. Can you do Darcy for a little bit? Yes. So now...

I want to see what you make of this challenge. In hearing this, Kate, I now do have a clear pitch. Okay, great. And I have a clear idea for you. And I know you've already started it, but I think what we need to do is we need to up-talk Kate and then have Lisa and Kate hanging out with Darcy at the same time. And you got to go a little Eddie Murphy in early movies where you're all characters. Okay.

Okay. So I'm going to be the room during character changes. Okay, great. You sell it by your voice and your facial expressions so that Darcy can be sitting there and going, Hey mom, can I get some, can I get you to drawing with me and Lisa? And then you go from mom to Lisa and you let little Darcy's imagination flow

Do whatever she wants with that. But you are both, but Kate is part of the goddamn fun of Lisa. And it's your job to get me there, and I'm going to play baby Darcy. Okay, and am I doing both? Yes, you are finding a way to do both. And Michael, if you can find your way into this somehow, see what happens. Should I be Janice? Wait, what is the...

Janice is Lisa's friend and Janice is going through a divorce with her ex-husband, Gary. Gary. Okay. So we now have a plan and Kate, this is actually my pitch to you. So this is, you've heard the show before, right? Yes. This is the point where you're now practicing to see if it works.

Okay, so I'm Kate and Lisa playing the Darcy. You are, but you're going to initiate the change that you're both, and if you think my Darcy's wrong, I'm not against getting a note. Okay, great. And if you think Mike's Janice is weird, give him a note. Okay. In three, two, one, we take you to the supermarket. Hey, Lisa. Hey, Darcy. Welcome to the supermarket. How are you doing today? Yeah, I'm pretty good. Want to do some drawing?

Wait, wait. Oh my God. Who's that? Kate. Kate. Hello. Come in. Hey, Lisa. How are you today? Supermarket's looking great. Extra clean. Hey, Darcy. Who's that? Darcy. Hi, it's me, mom. I want to be with Lisa. Darcy, you can't talk to your mother like that. I invited Kate here. Oh my God. I love it so much. Kate, you look gorgeous today. I really love what you did with your hair. Is that another messy bun? Thank you, Lisa. Yes. Yes, it is. You know, it's been working for me.

Darcy, do you want to play Super Mario with me? I thought we could buy some new nail polish. Mike, what do you think? I think Darcy was kind of reserved and confused and not really, didn't sound like she was really in a state of play. I got to tell you, Kate, I think you took the direction perfectly. Felt weird. I got lost in it a little bit too. Me too. Me too.

Yeah. I think that's a good direction for Kate. For sure. I think you and I are having a hard time finding our footing with Darcy, but I think Kate is in the pocket. And that's kind of what matters. I agree. But here's what I kind of felt on that one, Kate, and I think here's how we could win. I don't think Lisa should ever scold Darcy for not loving Kate. I think Kate, I have an idea.

Let's try this. Start the pitch, and we're talking. Mike, you can be Darcy this time if you want. All right, I'll take another crack at Darcy. Yeah, because I missed two. And then let's start with you, Kate, as Lisa, and then introduce Kate. But when Kate comes, present Darcy with a cookie or something that was like in your purse.

So we're not doing the, you can't talk to your mother like that. There's no negative. Kate is just as much fun as Lisa and Kate comes with gifts that Darcy would like. Okay, great. Let's just try it. We're going to go to the supermarket in three, two. Darcy, thanks for coming in today. Hi, Lise. Hey, Doss. How you doing? Oh my God. Are you buying some new nail polish? Gorgeous. Yeah, I ran out.

Hey, guys. Hey, Dars. Dars, I was just in the back and I found all these lollipops. They have extra cotton candy ones if you want one. What are you doing here? What are you doing here, Mom? I came shopping to the grocery store. Oh, Dossie, I invited her. I knew that we had all these lollipops and she was talking about how she needed some new ones. Nobody tells me anything. Michael, stop it. Stop it. Kate. Kate. Kate.

this is a am i just supposed to take to it right away okay this is a by the way i love this i will tell you kate i think you did excellent when you brought lollipops and there was no negativity i think i'm seeing darcy go of course i want a lollipop then you can go right back to lisa but then kate slowly has fun things to add to when you're hearing this as an idea kate what are you thinking

I actually really like this a lot. I think that I can pull this off. I think you can too. And I think if you, I would have three things, lollipops and then two other stuff that every time Kate talks early on, she's giving away shit. Okay. So I'm kind of Pavloving her. A hundred percent. The Kate voice means sweets, but the Lisa voice is not negative. Okay.

but she doesn't have treats but she doesn't have treats her treat is that weird accent she does can we try one more time with michael you as darcy and let's think about the darcy character for a second she's not mad at kate michael well okay she likes kate she just loves lisa you take you take darcy jake then okay

Then will you start as Janice? I never really got to be Janice, so I'd like to take another crack at Janice. Can we start with Janice and Lisa, and then I'll come in as Darcy? Janice and Lisa. They're in the restaurant at the beginning, and I'll walk in. Yes. Okay. In the grocery store. Say it again, Kate?

Kate comes in too. Kate comes in. Yeah, Kate comes in when Lisa's ready. Kate comes in with... Yeah, okay. Kate knows what to do with Lisa.

Kate, do you feel confident? Because you're the only one working right now. But if this pitch works, we're getting off after this one. We've won and we're going to try this with Darcy. I think I got it. Okay. I think I got it. So we're going to go to the supermarket with Janice and Lisa and Darcy's right outside. It's probably raining. She's walking in in three, two, one. So Gary is reading my, he's been reading my emails.

You know what? I'm so fucking... He's disgusting. I'm so fucking scared. I'm so glad you're leaving him. I can't believe it. I mean, how can we ever know there's no trust anymore? He's a horrible person, Janice. Hi. I never realized he was... Darcy, is that you? Hi. Wow, you're a sight for sore eyes. What are you looking for? Oh my God, you are so wet. Was it raining outside? Yeah, raining.

And then I brought some lollipops. I have this lollipop because it was raining. I have these lollipops from the grocery store. Oh my God, Kate, you brought Darcy lollipops? Kate's always thinking about Darcy. She always talks about her. She always talks about guys. I mean, when you look at her.

Darcy, I also, I want to bake some cookies later if you want to do some cookies with me after we leave the grocery store. With Lisa. Lisa, can you bake cookies with us? Oh, you know what? I have to take Jenna. Guys, guys, hold on. Hold on. I think we can never get negative. Why can't she have Lisa and Kate? But the whole idea was to get Lisa out. We're getting there, Michael.

It's a slow burn. Okay. But that first cookies, of course, Lisa could come, but then slowly Kate is more interesting.

Katie, phase her in. Does that make sense, Kate? Jake, don't get upset because the instructions are so unclear. Like, we're doing our best. We're really trying. We're trying hard. But here's what I think, Kate. Here's my official pitch. And thank you guys for both doing those demonstrations because this is, I got to tell you, Kate, this isn't an easy one. But I do think we've cracked something that I do believe is going to work. Here's my real pitch to you, all bits aside.

I think Lisa introduces Kate to Darcy. And then I think you do the Eddie Murphy where you are both characters, but Lisa never tells Darcy. If Darcy says, just Lisa, Lisa never goes like...

Well, Kate's a wonderful person. Never negative. Then, okay, just Lisa for now. And then you reintroduce Kate again later. Kate always has things. Dribbles. And that every time she goes, I want to make cookies, Kate's making them. Can Lisa come? Of course she can come. But Kate's also part of the fun. So Lisa's obsessed with Kate. Yes. Lisa just likes Kate. But also, Lisa's obsessed with Darcy. Right. Got it. What do you think of that as a pitch, Kate?

I like this a lot better because I, yes, I like this a lot better than just like going cold turkey on Lisa or leaning into Lisa because now Kate can be involved. Yep. And maybe we can weed out a little bit. Look, I think it's really weird stuff, but I truly believe it's going to work. No, I agree. It's a very, it's a weird problem that I have, but I, it's a weird world that I've gotten myself into, but I,

I like this. Can you do me a big favor for the show? Sure. The next time you do this, can you record the audio on your phone so that it's you introducing Kate into the mix and we get to hear the real Darcy? Now, you don't have to do a video because a video might make, you know, change the vibe. But if you just do like a voice note on your phone, just like, you know, leave it open.

Okay. So now that we've talked about it a lot, we can play right at the end of this how it really goes. Okay. And that's not the official follow-up. We can do a follow-up later, but that would be really nice to have to tag right onto this because I'm sure you could play this with her later today. I guarantee you as soon as I'm out of my bedroom, she'll ask. So maybe first chance while it's hot.

Let's play the game. You see how it goes. Everything we just practiced, put it into motion and let's see what happens. Send that to us and then we'll do a real follow-up in a few weeks. Okay. That sounds good. Kate, good luck. I think you're in really good hands. Good luck, Kate. Good luck. All right. Thank you, guys. Thanks, bud. I can share your mommy's pen with her? Yeah. Oh, that's nice. She'll let me use it? Yeah, Lisa, you can use my pen. And Darcy, I brought you this lollipop. Aww.

That was so nice of you, Mommy. Thanks, Lisa. Can I color with you guys? Yeah. Oh, awesome. I'm so excited for you to color with us, Mom. What do you think, Gus? You excited that she's going to color with us? Yeah. Awesome. I'm going to use blue. Thanks for giving me my lollipop. You're welcome. Mama. Thanks for inviting me to color with you. You're welcome, Mommy.

Yay! Thank you, Mommy. You're welcome. This episode is sponsored by Babbel. You say you'll learn a new language every year, but few of us actually commit to it. Babbel makes it easy for you to learn one in less time than you think.

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Yeah, my name is Kylie. Kylie? Kylie, yes. How you doing, Kylie? Hi, Kylie. You've got a special guest, Kylie. I don't know who is it. I've known for 20 years. Yeah, just about. Just about.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Michael Serra has joined the podcast. Thank you. Kylie, you're a lucky lady. This guy is sharp as a tack. I'll say. Okay, don't put so much pressure on Kylie to react to this.

Hey, Kylie, can we get a big reaction, Kylie? Yeah, I mean, you're doing this big setup and she's like, oh, am I supposed to? Now we're talking, Kylie! I apologize, Kylie, that you keep putting me in that position. I'm going to keep putting you in that position, Kylie. I'm excited. Let's get on to Kylie. I'm ready. Hey, let's not say let's get on to Kylie. Take it easy. So, Kylie, where are you calling from today? Okay.

I am calling from St. Louis. St. Louis. Great city. Great city. Great city. City museum. Yeah. And you should know this. Michael is in a hotel in London and just ordered himself a delicious cocktail. Yeah. It's not London though. The thing is, it's not outside of London. It's an hour outside of London. Wow. It's actually, I'm actually in Watford. Yeah. Lovely place right here. Yeah.

You know, it's nice, Watford. I think I've kind of maxed out on everything it has to offer. Well, enough about Watford. Let's get back to Kylie. It has a lot to recommend. Let's get back to Kylie. I don't want to make this all about Watford. So Kylie from St. Louis, how old are you roughly? I just turned 30. 30. And you got a favorite animal in the animal kingdom?

Yeah, I think I really like a panther. I think they're really pretty. That's pretty cool. Mike, you got any questions for Kylie so we can get to know her a little bit more? She likes a panther. She's 30. She's from St. Louis. Yeah. I mean, a panther. Yeah, I mean, the animal question kind of feel, I mean, I don't feel like I know her better at all from that answer, to be honest. I feel like that's like, there's a question for sort of a four-year-old. Like, why don't I ask you sort of, I don't know, a question.

What did you, did you, did you study? Did you go to school? Did you go to any post high school? Did you go to university or college? Is this a bad first date, Michael? I did, Michael. Yeah, it is. Yeah. What did you study, Kylie? Just give us a sense of what you spent years of your life studying. So I went to this university in the middle of nowhere, Missouri, and I studied art history. That's cool. That's exciting. That's great. I was wrong. That's interesting. Very rich.

Yeah. Okay. So Kylie, art history likes a panther. Now I feel embarrassed that I always ask about the animal. I feel like a four-year-old in a 46-year-old man's body. But it is something I find very interesting. But Kylie, it's not about me. It's about you. What can we do for you today? What's the issue?

Okay, so my question. So I have like a talent for finding things that people left in books, like at like antique stores. Like I found probably like six or seven things over the years. And my most recent treasure has put me in a little bit of a pickle. So I met up with this woman that I talked to on Facebook Marketplace. And it looked like she was getting rid of a lot of her like old like undergrad textbooks.

And so I'm like, okay, cool. I went, I picked them up. As I'm putting them in their corresponding bookshelves, what do you know, a postcard falls out. And it lands message side down. And so all I see is what looks like a kind of like an abstract painting of a sunset and then two little stick figures holding hands in the bottom. I then flip it over.

And what I see is a message that was never meant for anyone to read, let alone myself. Very intimate, too intimate. And now I'm like, do I? Well, hold on. Kylie, Kylie, Kylie, Kylie, Kylie. Before we get to what the question is, what does that mean? Very intimate, too intimate. Yeah. Are you willing to reveal the contents of the note? You can't call in. Yeah. You've got to. I mean, can you send a screen grab of it as well?

It's all remaining in the book. Oh, right there. Of course. So this was the postcard that you found in a book. Is that correct, Kylie? Correct. Correct. Okay. I haven't read it all yet, but I have to say it's kind of sweet. So here we go. Well, first of all, there's a pair of lips over in the corner that says moi. I guess that's like a kissing sound. It says, Aloha, my sexy lady. So I guess I'm thinking someone who lives in Hawaii maybe wrote it.

I want to thank you for the last months with you. And then they started to write something and thought better of it and scribbled it out. It said, I enjoyed each moment being with you. I just have to comment on the scrawl. It's kind of a strange kind of writing. It is.

Yeah, amateur hour. Like a young person, yeah. It feels like a teenager. Or older person with bad handwriting. I mean, mine is not much better. I don't have great handwriting. No, I don't either. So, I enjoyed each moment being with you. The hot sex, the vivid, weed-induced orgasms, the laughter, the...

People watching, spying on turtles, your touch, your sleepy face, our deep discussions, road trips, hikes, spontaneous anything, and much more. It's been an amazing ride, and I look forward to the next adventures. Despite this looming month... Sorry, despite... That's what it says, right? Yes, that's correct. So I guess they're spending a month apart. Despite this looming month, I'm excited to have you by my side again soon.

I am going to miss you. It's very sweet. It's sweet. It's very, very sweet. It's a love note. They had a great little romance. They had some hot sex. They got stoned, had some orgasms. And it looks like they both did, which is positive. They laughed. They people watched. They spied on turtles. So, Kylie, you see this note. This guy loves her. This guy loves her. And it seems like she loves him.

Yeah. If it is a him, it could be a woman. And I agree that there's something Hawaii-based because of Aloha or just a cool kind of Keanu vibe. Maybe they were in Hawaii. Yeah, you said there was a sunset on the other side, so kind of a Hawaiian postcard vibe. Yeah. So, Kylie, you find this. Is there anything we're missing or is this all you found at this point of the story?

This is all. So I should preface on the other side, the initials. I know that it's the woman who I picked the book up from because it has like her. Oh, I understand. She wrote it. No, no, no. Or no, no. She's the woman. She's the sex. And it was like, obviously like left on the bedside. Like it was never mailed. So it was left.

But I know no other information about her. Her Facebook is private. I don't know if she's still married. You know she smokes weed. Yeah, but this is, Kylie, I hear what you're saying on this. This is getting interesting. So, Kylie, will you ask the question you're going to ask? Because now I feel like I'm getting a sense of where you're at here. Okay, so looking at the postcard, it is obviously old because it's a little yellowed. Yeah.

My question is, like, do I insert myself kind of into this woman's personal life by reaching back out to her and telling her, hi, I read this. I was never supposed to. Do you want it back? Maybe embarrass her. I don't really know because I wouldn't really want random people to read this. Or do I just keep it to myself, which like no harm, no foul, except for yes, harm, yes, foul. I would know. But by the way, yes, harm, yes, foul, because you also have her postcard.

Yeah. Yeah. I have an immediate take on it. I have an immediate take that's very clear to me, but it might not be for everybody. You might really not agree, Jake, but from, from, from where I'm standing, I think, first of all, let me ask you, you had like a brief interaction with her, right? No. So here's the thing. I only talked to her. Oh,

You know what? Well, then you're just in the text realm with her, right? So far. Which is perfect. I think you could text her. Yeah, it's so impersonal. It's so... She didn't even have to ever see your face or face you as a human being. But you could offer, I think... So, I mean, in a way where she's like, does she even care, you know? But, like, I think if I were you, I would offer, I would say, hey, you know, there was a postcard in one of these books. It's clearly sort of from your past and written to you, and I wonder if, you know...

you know, for like nostalgic reasons, if you want a blast from the past potentially, or maybe if it's meaningful to you, if you'd like it back and put the ball in her court. Cause I think if it were me, if I find something or see something I haven't thought about in a long time, or it reminds me of a person or a love or something, it's so nice to see it. I mean,

I don't know. So, I mean, why not? I'm going to actually 100% be in agreement with Mike. I think we have a very clean way with a messenger and a text message. Text and messenger is basically the same thing. Are you on board with that? And the only reason I say it's the same thing because I know I don't know and I'm guessing Mike doesn't know. Mike, do you still have a flip phone in my hand? It's text on a screen. Yeah. So I know you and I are in the same galaxy here. But, Kylie, I got a question for you now.

Because I think we're going to bullshit around, but where we're going to get to is we think you should message her a version of You Have It. Is that a world you want to go? If so, we could help you write it now and you could send it while you're with us.

Oh, yeah. Cause I, I agree with Michael. Like I am kind of a romantic person. If I, I love these little tokens of like a long lost love or something or just, I think it's really beautiful. It's really with so much love too. Who knows? Maybe it's like her husband and maybe that was like the beginning of their marriage. And that would be an important thing. So Kylie, are you into the three of us right now crafting a message and sending it when we're done with it?

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Okay, great. And before we get into that, you told us earlier in the call, you have been known for finding things in junk shops and thrift shops. Well, I too am a junk shop guy. I've got a big part of my life. My mother owned them when I was growing up. Can you give us a little taste of the fun stuff you found over the years?

Yeah, I think my favorite, there's this champagne bar slash library in Asheville, North Carolina. And it's full of just like hundred year old books and you can just drink champagne. And I found...

book on Abraham Lincoln and I opened it up and it was written in 1904 and sprinkled throughout were Valentine's written by this girl named Ruby in 1904 in Ohio. Great. Then you flip a few pages over. There's like a hall pass. There's no, like she really, it was like she kept this book as like her journal. That is so cool. Yeah.

Yeah. And then another time I bought a crisp hundo and a little picture book. Oh, wow. By the way, less romantic and cool, more a little greedy. Cool. I mean, it's a miracle. Yes. I like the first one. It was, there was this beautiful thing. It was at all. And the other one's like, I stole a hundred books from somebody who owned a bookstore.

I don't consider that stealing. I know what I'm about, okay? Yeah, I respect it. It feels good to get a hundred bucks. How many times in your life do you find a hundred bucks? Never. Yeah. That's how my father used to give me gifts as a child.

What, just a hundred? Yeah. We would see him, you know, we weren't seeing him often in those days. We'd go to his little condo and he would hide a hundred dollar bill around his condo and we'd have to run around and find it. When we found it, he would go, Hey, happy birthday. Wow. Well, it takes me like 20 to 30 minutes where you knew it was coming, but you couldn't leave unless you found it. Uh, Kylie back to you. Are you excited about writing this message together?

I honestly am. I feel like I'm a part of something bigger than myself right now. Now we're talking. Can you... Let me brace you though, Kylie. Let me brace you for a potential disappointment because it's very possible that she's not...

like romantic and wants nothing to do with you you know the future how do no no i just want her to be braced because i could see myself getting kind of all swept up and then it comes back like no no thank you agreed yeah no just recycle it yeah but we'll see yeah we'll see which case is yours or this is the beginning of a great story right

Natalie, do you mind, or Jesse, do you mind putting the image of the letter in front of us as we're penning this to see if there's any inspiration there? Kylie, do you have the ability to start typing as we talk and making revisions? Because then at the end of this, I'd love you to read out loud what we all have. Yeah, let me put you on speaker. Hold on. Thanks.

I think starting it with an address of Aloha. Same. No, you can't. Of course you can. No, I think I would end up feeling my friend, comma. I think on the back end, then when the woman gets the thing and she'd be like, oh, it's Aloha. And she said, oh, it'd feel almost like a jab. Or if this is an old love letter, it would feel like a laugh. Like, cause you have read it.

I'm against Aloha. Mike's a no, I'm a yes. Where do you stand? Do you want to start with Aloha, my friend? I do not want to start with Aloha. Right. I think it's an instant alienation. Then let me pitch one other thing really fast. How about lips with a mwah? N-W-O-H. Do you like that or no? I like that. It's going to take a lot of time to write the letter if you keep suggesting things that are impossible to include and we have to vote against you every time. It's going to take an hour. Yeah.

Well, Kylie, what do you think? So I'm a yes, Mike's a no. Where do you live on something like this? Des Moines? Yes. I think I'm no Des Moines. Okay, I'll stop pitching this stuff. My image of this letter was a little different, but I will go to the group consensus now. So really fast before we start.

What do we all think the mission of this letter is and what are we looking to accomplish? I want to let her know in good faith that I, if she wants this, I have it. I will deliver it back to her. If she never wants to see it again, block me. I don't know. Yeah. I like that. It's so simple. It's a simple, uh,

mission without any without any agenda of its own we are offering the opportunity for you to hand deliver this letter and if she doesn't want it and she doesn't respond that means she doesn't care yes right and i'll put it on my fridge all right michael do you want to start a version of the letter and just kind of dictate in it do you feel comfortable you have a read on it or no

Yeah, I do. I found, well, just say, just say, just say, I found, I found a postcard in one of the books. Quick question. Hold on, hold on. Kylie, Kylie. Yeah. Let me just ask you, cause you're calling in, right? Yeah. Do you want to have a little bit of fun with the tone of this or no? It is totally up to you. We are on your team, but we can do a very straightforward. I found a postcard in yours. It feels personal by nature. Would you like me to drop it off? All the best, Kylie.

That's an easy letter. I'm hoping for some fun. There's another one that just, you know, at the beginning of every like Goonies type movie, you might be, this might be the beginning of a great love story, a great adventure. Who knows? So maybe there's a world where we splash a little fun.

What do you think, Michael? My feeling is the fun is fun. Fun is fun, but the fun would be strictly for our enjoyment, not anything to do with...

kylie and the woman and what do you think kylie it's only to enhance your show you're the only person actually who benefits from us making it non like us making it flower you know mr no at all why don't we ask our third friend on this call kylie kylie what do you think what do you think what do you want you called us we didn't call you how do you want this letter to go

Well, first, I do want to say I really like the different tones that I'm getting from both of you. And I think it's really enriching my experience to have kind of like a devil and an angel. I think that's correct. And thank you for saying that. I think it's clear who's who. I think it's like I've become sort of like Kylie's pseudo advocate here a little bit. Projected. I feel like she and I have that sense. That's just my feeling. Oh, you little gaslighter. Yeah.

I don't know. You have that little rapport. No, I feel like you and I have that little rapport, Kylie, and that I am the one trying to advocate for you as Michael sways you into a vanilla-flavored ice cream that you don't want. I think we can all have rapport. If you're my devil and angel, are you on my shoulder? So, Kylie, let's do something.

You kind of know where Mike's saying in his ear and you kind of know what I'm saying in your ear. Why don't you start typing out the letter and just say it out loud? That's a good idea. I think Kylie can do it. You know what we, I obviously want aloha and moi. I obviously want something in there. I love that you had some hot sex and some vivid orgasms.

I would definitely bring up your sleepy face he misses and a little thing here and there in the letter. And Mike would make it two to three lines of very serious with a all the best. Your suggestions are such an invasion. The whole reason she even had a problem in the first place that she wanted to bring to us was she felt...

This is, you know, not her place to insert herself into this woman's, you know, private situation. And you're telling her to flaunt all of the phrasing that she's being delicate about in the woman's face. Or the woman left it in the book on purpose. Right. And...

And she just loved this letter she got. And she sent it to somebody who's the kind of person who collects old things and loves a story. And she was basically saying, this was 25 years ago, an old love. I want you to experience the laughs that I had when I first got this.

So this would be your version, Jake. Hey, I found the letter that you planted for me and game on. The game is afoot. I'm biting. I'm willing to come there and have some weed-induced laughs with you and learn a little more about your past. Aloha means hello and goodbye. So Kylie, Kylie, will you just start the letter and let us listen for a little bit?

and kind of run it. And then if you're open to it, we might interject a little bit with thoughts, but let's see what you come up with. Okay. Thanks. I want to hear Kylie's style. Same.

So I'm going with something like, I started very straightforward as per Michael. I found a book card in one of the books I got from you. If you don't want this, let me know. And then I kind of just made myself a little vulnerable. And I said, I'm kind of a romantic, so I collect and keep any tokens from friends, loved ones. And this is something that I would keep if it was sent to me.

If you want it, let me know. I'll be glad to swing by after work and put it in your mailbox. Very sweet. Now, when did you write all that? I mean, were you writing that? Like it's all written already. You wrote it while we were talking or when did you write this whole thing? Yeah. Well, no, to be honest, this is a fully scripted show. I have one and a half sentences. It's very eloquent. No, you nailed it. Perfect. Kyla, can I pitch something at the beginning though?

please so you just mentioned the postcard and then you're talking about the as a romantic you would save things like this but you're not given any of the specific fun of the card i think it's very funny that they have comma spying on turtles comma and you are in fact spying on their relationship

Is there anything in there? I found the postcard that somebody must have written you about your time spying on turtles and the like, and want to know if you want this back. Myself, I'm a romantic. Just a little, a little heat on this. Just a little heat on this.

That's a really good idea. The woman might take it as a veil. Can we hear from Kylie first, Michael? Can we hear from Kylie first? No, of course. My apologies. You already know where I'm sticking. Yeah, I know you hate it. I can tell by the way you're looking at me. But I'd love to hear from Kylie, please. What do you think about a little heat about the Turtles?

You're really stuck on the turtles and I'll play ball. I agree, Kylie. You do? I agree that he's stuck a little bit. I think Kylie's a great sport about it. I didn't say the hot sex, right? I mean, saying people watching, going from that to spying on turtles, what a love letter. By the way, to describe orgasms as vivid, we introduced vivid orgasms. I mean, none of these fuzzy...

ambiguous orgasms that you normally get. That I lived through. These were very real. By the way, I don't think I've ever had a vivid orgasm. I've only had fuzzy ones. Your sleepy face was really gross to me. I agree. It is. So it's gross? It's like, ugh, I should not be reading this about her sleepy face. Oh, it feels a little invasive, yeah. So...

Kylie, with the pitch in mind about the idea of adding a little bit of heat from the letter, will you just take a second, look at the letter, look at what you have, see if you can add something and then present it back. And if we all feel good about it, we could maybe send it and that's what could end this call. And obviously we're going to need a follow-up from you. Yeah, of course.

- Okay, I think, okay, let me know. So hi, Blink, I found a postcard in one of the books I got from you. If you don't want this, let me know. I'm kind of a romantic, so I like to keep these things from friends and loved ones. But so this is something you wanna keep and remember. And then in parentheses, I said, lest we forget the turtles. Let me know and I will drop it in your inbox after work this week. - Michael, your thoughts?

Where are you on the turtle line? I mean, I love it. I think the whole thing is really working. I'm worried a little that she might... There might be a ward on this piece. I mean, you know, if I got this message... Okay, now I'm in her shoes. I'm going, what is being insinuated? I mean, I'm a little afraid now. I'm a little afraid of you. Same.

And what I'm bargaining for here. What am I agreeing to? The Turtles is a really weird direction we went into and I want to cut it out. You see that it's sort of like, I know something. It felt so weird. It would have creeped me out. I would have never written back. I would black

your number. No, run, go. Oh God. You feel so naked. Yeah. Let's do this. Will you erase the turtles and read it one more time? And then if we're all already done. So one more time from start to finish, let's just hear it and make sure we're locked and loaded. Do you mind? Yeah. Yeah. So hi blank. I found a postcard and one of the books I got from you, um,

If you don't want it, let me know. I'm kind of a romantic, so I like to keep these things, you know, from friends and loved ones. If this is something you want to keep, let me know. I'll come by sometime this week and drop it in your mailbox after work. Can I ask one last thing in here? Yeah. I think the letter is perfect. Could you also say, P.S., if you don't want it, could you tell me what happened between you two?

I would kill it right away. God, I'm just so curious what happened. Trust me, I am too. But I don't know this woman. I think you're right. I don't want to put any onus on her. Okay, I got you. So maybe we're doing this in phases. Who the hell are you? You're right. I'm just the lady who bought the book who once found $100 in a book and kept it. I'm the kind of lady who doesn't view that as stealing.

I bought the book. Is it not mine? No one's arguing. I think it is. Finders keepers. I agree. So if you go to a bank and you find $1,000 in the safe and you keep it. That's different from finding, I think. I found it in your wallet.

I don't know if that'll hold up in court. I don't know if anything will. I took the guy. This whole court's on him. I don't think finding it's the crime. It's whatever you did before the finding it that would be the charge. This isn't a law show, Michael. It's an advice show. Let's move on. So Kylie, okay, then I'm not going to push for sending it. But if she writes back, before you write back again, will you call in? Because what I would love to get to, because I think she's going to write back to this.

What I'd love to get to is that we as a show get to find out more what happened between the sexy lady and Mr. Hawaii. Hell yeah. No, for sure. Will you do us a favor and will you send that message right now so that we know it's off in the world?

Yeah, the copy. It'd be interesting if that was like her, you know, longtime partner. Or maybe it's just a fling that she's hardly thinking about. Yeah, that she saved. Or maybe she was reading this book while and then something bad happened. You never know. Yeah, like I know nothing about her. So everything, all these ideas, I'm dreaming them up in my head.

Okay, where is she? By the way of finds, that's a good find. That's an easy if she says no, it's an easy framer. So Kylie, have you done it? I sent it. Thanks so much. And will you please follow up with Michael? Go ahead. Just before, like, I really like talking to you, Kylie. So I kind of wanted to include you in this too. I don't want to, but I want to tell you, Jake, real quick, a thing I found recently. Did I tell you it? No. Okay. So my son was, you know, born, uh,

Yeah, three and a half years ago. Our pregnancy was like during COVID. My wife's pregnancy. I know you're not supposed to say our. Okay. You know what I'm saying. Okay.

So we didn't get to see my family for all that time. Anyway, the first time my family got to meet him, because we went and we were working and stuff, and we didn't get home with him until he was turning one years old. So after his first birthday, we went home up to Canada and saw my family. We were at my mom's house. And in this, she has one room with a lot of my stuff in it, including a dresser that has been since my childhood. This dresser has come, it's moved through like several different moves through a few houses. It's got a bunch of stuff in it.

And I would start rifling through it like I normally do when I go home to see what's in there. And there's all this stuff. And I find in this dresser for the first time, you know, in my life, I've never stumbled upon this item before. I find in the dresser.

A letter that I wrote when I was 10 years old addressed to my son. No way! And it's a letter to my son written by me. I had obviously no concept of it like at all. Whoa, Michael. So I sat down when I was 10. I was like sent to my room and I wrote this letter to him. What's it say? Yeah.

It's a whole letter to him. I have it framed in my house. It's like, I'm here in my room. It's the turn of the millennium or something. It's got a lot of stuff. I don't know. The sign-off, it says, I hope you're enjoying the future because I'm sure enjoying the past. And it says, I love you very much.

And the envelope said to be read only by the son of Michael Cera. It was written in crayon. I got it framed. But like, you know, like this 10 year old kid sat down and wrote this, like with this crazy idea that one day his son would wrote it. And that really is going to come true. That's the crazy thing. Amazing. Like an arrow through time.

And what was really interesting was like, it was amazing to have this thing in my hand that was like really a treasure, a treasured item, but it was from myself. But it was like, I've treasured it more than anything I've ever treasured. And it was just from me to me. That's awesome. That is, that sounds like wheelhouse stuff you like. God, I know. I'm so, it was crazy. Like after you hadn't seen your family in so long. Hadn't found it until right when it was. Yeah. Yeah.

So it like hit its target perfectly this thing I was so nervous until it was finally behind glass like framed like traveling home with I was so nervous about it It was so precious to me. Yeah, you'll see I come whenever you come visit Kylie follow up with us. Okay, absolutely. Thank you guys so much. Thanks so much. Bye Kylie Okay, okay

What do you want to be? This princess. And what do you want me to be? Okay, Doss, I'll be this princess? And I'll be this princess. Okay. Please don't put this on me, Lisa. Sure. I'm not big enough to put stuff on me. You're not big enough to put stuff on you, Doss. You can do anything you put your mind to. Okay.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash heretohelppod to see our entire catalog.

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix, and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostyke. Animations by Andrew Strzelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. It is...

I'm always thinking of you.

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod.

Hi, I'm Caleb Herron, host of the So True podcast, now on HeadGum. Every week, me and my guests get into it, and we get down to what's really going on. I ask them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life, a bunch of other questions, and we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge.

Whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Brittany Broski or Drew O'Fuolo or my actual biological mother, Kelly, my guests and I are just after the truth. And if we find it, great. And if not, no worries. So subscribe to So True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on the So True with Caleb Heron YouTube channel. New episodes drop every Thursday. Love ya.