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We're back. Oh, Jake. You know what we've been doing? We're deep into season two now. We are. And you know what we've been doing is we have been airing them as they come in. Trying to. Yeah. Trying to. Season one, what we did is we just banked a lot and we moved them around. I think part of the experiment of this year, and maybe it's worth talking about, is maybe we edit less. Sure.
And just put them in order and see what happens. What do you think, Gareth? What's your gut feeling? I mean, I think, you know, some of these you want some polish on because, you know, I think there's some times where they can go on long. I'm as guilty as the caller is. Same with me. But, no, I think there is something to – I mean, we talked about it before. Like, we've had calls where we feel like we're on a deadline and we're, like, 45 minutes in and someone's like, no, no.
And we're like, oh my God. But there is, the process is pretty good. I will say in some of these early ones we've recorded,
Um, good options. Yeah. And also great problems. So I think that, uh, you know, some are easier than others, but I don't, I'm not against that. Just to kind of feel it out. Sure. Yeah. Just to kind of see the actual vocal. If they don't like that, we'll know. They'll let us know. We will know. And Gareth, what are you excited about with, uh, Jordan love and our bet?
Because we have a bet that ends at the end of next year. Well, this is going to be February. Oh, so we're going to know. This is right around when we'll know what's going on. Our bet is this year and next year. Well, it was three years, and one year's passed, so I have two Super Bowls left for the Packers to win the Super Bowl. I can't believe it. Sometimes I hear the bets back that I make. Now, if you would have said get to the Super Bowl, I don't know if I could do it. The NFC's not great.
But you said win it. You know what's also not good is that people in my life have learned about my option A name. And now they're pushing. They call it out. Yeah. They go, of course you want to buy the first thing. You're option A. And I'm going, no, this is a legit decision I'm making. Well, the bet we made was Gary said that Jordan Love and the Green Bay Packers will win a Super Bowl within three years and we bet $1,000 on it.
Well, no, you gave me odds though. Okay. So I have some odds. My payout is less. I pay you less than you pay me. Okay. But the bet is insane. Yeah. And so we will know at this point, we're recording this early. Yeah.
Well, no. If you've won. Future Us is no. Yeah. By the time this airs... By the way, Future Us is cool, and a movie that is underrated, even though it is highly rated, is Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. You want to talk about great sequels? Yeah. I never saw the sequel. Oh, my God. That's how you do a sequel. Totally different. You're talking about the one they made like five years ago. No, no. Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, the sequel to Excellent Adventure. Okay, I got it. So...
Because they did make one a few years ago. You're not talking about the remake? No. Okay. Did you see the remake? Yes. It was terrible. It's fun to see them. Speak freely. Keanu's not listening. Yeah, well, come on.
It was terrible. It wasn't terrible, but the first two are really good. Yeah, the first one I remember seeing back in the day and thinking, probably the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. That was the best movie. It actually ruined for... Saying Socrates is harder for me because of them calling him Socrates. Socrates. Yeah, I've said, like, Socrates before. Like, I've been like, well, very similar to Socrates. By the way, Keanu in that era, his performance in Parenthood... Ugh.
Was so good. He was my favorite actor as a kid. By the way, Point Break. The best. So good. That era of movies was so good. The best. Yeah. The best. I'll tell you what, when I fell off of the Keanu train a little bit, was, I mean, I look, well, I just adored it. It was like, Point Break was probably the coolest movie I'd ever seen in my life. Yes.
Johnny Utah. Every time I'd go by Lake Michigan and I'd see a baby wave, I'd be like, I might just run in there and disappear. He's not coming back. Yeah, I'm wearing jeans right now, and I might just go into that wave that goes up to my belly button, and you'll never see my ass again. Jake, we see you. Yeah, because I can't swim great. Jake almost drowned trying to point break. I'm not going over my tits because Lord knows I can't hold my nose underwater.
Doesn't matter. I'm still Johnny Utah. Johnny Utah's alive because of his tits.
These tits keep me up. By the way, a realistic Johnny Utah is he's not a great swimmer. He's got tits. Well, I mean, he was an athlete who blew out his knee. He probably doesn't look... By the way, every cool character from the 80s and 90s was an athlete who blew out his knee and he just went too hard and lived in a trailer. Ricky Texas. They were just the coolest characters. By the way... I'm Ben Kansas. Do you love the original Roadhouse as much as I do? Yes. Yes.
But for the reasons, but I think part of the reason we like that movie is because it was one of the first movies where I saw boobs. No, we have to, I mean, look, yes, but that was for me, total recall. Uh, when there was, well, there was three boobed woman, but that doesn't count. It counted for me. That's just horrible. We got to start this show. What a horrible reveal. Uh,
Listen, we want to thank... Starting from me. Listen, gosh, I can't believe the... One of those was fake. That's like three-card Monty with a chest. Doesn't matter. Even better. Listen, the show's... And I'm still looking forward. Imagine the guy you just heard talk helping people with problems. That's the premise of the show. And we're at about 150. Well, listen. 150 episodes. We're excited. We're having fun. We appreciate the support. Yes. Share the show. Tell people. Yeah, please. And without further ado. Further ado.
Hello. Hello. How are you? Can we get your name, please? My name is Erin. Erin. And where are you calling from, Erin? St. Louis, Missouri. Oh, St. Louis, Missouri. And what do you like to do in St. Louis? Just go to the arcade bars, I guess. Oh, arcade bars, I guess. And what's your favorite arcade game?
Um, probably the Super Mario. Old school. Old school, yeah. Gareth, what's your favorite arcade game?
I mean, honestly, I would say any one of those driving ones. Oh, where you do the drive-ins? Yeah. And if it's a motorcycle. Will you do the new expensive ones? I mean, I steer a little clear of those because they're a little much. Like that is a very immersive experience and it'll be like $10. But yeah, I'll go ahead for that. What about you? That's what you like, yeah. I mean, guess. I mean, I feel like it's going to be either a shooter or like an NBA jam type. Pinball. Pinball.
Pinball's a great one. Pinball's a great one. I bet you get the no tilt a lot too. I can see you getting the light. Stop tilting. It's very funny. That's my wife's favorite too. Yeah, that's my wife's favorite too. I love that yours is the motorcycles, Garrett. I mean, if you saw it from a distance, you'd be like, I can see his ass crack. This is pretty pathetic. This is for sure going back to Robert and Barbara from the Shark Tank. But Aaron, it's not about us. It's about you. What can we do for you right now? Um,
Okay, so I have this newish friend at work. We've been friends a little bit less than a year. And we were doing a project on work and she was wearing sweatpants. And her friend, or my friend, she...
where's her pants so far up her butt crack? She's just kind of like a walking wedgie, I guess. And it kind of makes her pants look a little bit shorter too. And I just am just wondering if I should tell her about it or if I should just let it go and pretend like I'm not seeing anything. Gareth, can you see that bigger? Yeah, it's different than what I pictured because it's like...
The pants aren't necessarily as taut as I thought they would be or like hiked up, but the crack is super prominent. You know what they also are? They're like stretch pants. They look like exercise pants. Yeah. More than full on sweatpants. Yeah.
but the, the butt's doing a lot of the work. But look at, look at behind the knee, behind the knee, there's wrinkles. So fabric wise, it's not taught everywhere. It's hard to imagine how the fabric goes so up the, the, I'm going to, I'm going to tell you something that might put you in trouble here. Uh, it might be the woman's body because I don't think that, I don't think this is necessarily how she's hiking up those pants. I might, I think it might be the shape of the body.
It's, yeah. Well, okay, let's get into it because I have it now CSI blown up. There are underwear.
Because you could see the straight line there, so there's underwear. So really quickly, for anybody listening, we no longer do YouTube, which I know is annoying timing, but we are on Patreon. So just get on it for this if you want to see it, and then get off if you want to get off it, but it's worth seeing. So it is a woman in gray stretch pants. You are right, Aaron. She has pulled them up.
Yes, they're hyped. This is not her body. This is a decision she has made. She's put her hand in the fabric and pushed it into her butt is what it looks like. What it also looks like is the butt cheeks are eating the sweatpants. Yes, it looks like they're sucking it in like angel hair pasta.
Yeah. And there is, do you agree with me, Jake, that there is an underwear line there? Yes, I see a line. So we're talking about two different layers being rammed up there. And so Aaron, I understand your dilemma. If I was in the position where you took this photo, I would be thinking about this nearly nonstop. It would be... It's not a good look. It would be something I thought about all the time. Yeah.
It's constantly on my mind, and I just don't know what to do about it. So let's start from the beginning. What have you done? What have you thought? Where are you at in this situation? I haven't... Honestly, I haven't got too far. So I honestly was just thinking about just letting it go and just hoping I...
Don't have to see her in those kind of situations again. It's a lot to do with. Is she wearing those pretty much, is that the style of pants she wears all the time? Yes, unfortunately. And I just don't really understand because I've also seen it, and now I've seen it a couple of times in shorts too. And it's just like, I don't know if this is who she is. I think what she does is she takes her right hand and pulls the back of them up.
And just make sure they don't go too low. And I don't think she realizes what's happening back there. I completely agree that I don't think she knows what this looks like. You know, you wouldn't do this if you did. No. And you know what I think you could do? I think there's a way to play this while trying to maintain some sensitivity for this woman.
In the photo you sent, there's cigarette prices against the side where you got like a Bronson for $5.73. You got Reds for $10.14. You got Newports for $7.11.
You could maybe ask her a question specifically about the prices and send her this photo. Oh. Right? And go like, am I insane? Interesting. Like, am I insane, but a Bronson is $573,000?
That's good. Right? So she goes, oh, yeah, looks, and then goes, Jesus, fuck. Is that what my butt looks like in these pants? I think that's good because I really don't think she must be doing it for a reason. I mean, she has to be doing this for a reason. Like a statement? No. No. I don't think this is a statement. Do you want me to honestly say what I think? I think she has swamp butt.
I think she gets swampy back there and I think she puts it up there to sort of... Try it? I'm being serious. Well, to sort of... I know you're being serious. To sort of... And I'm judging you. And I'm judging you.
I'll be honest. We all are. But we appreciate your honesty. I'll follow the sword. Your handle of swamp butt is to yank your underpants further up? No, no, no, no. It's not number one. No. There's multiple other ports of call before I'm going with that. Oh, but your last effort. This is the Hail Mary. Yeah, okay. This is where you go at the end, where you sort of just treat it like a butt tampon. By the way, you're not wrong. So, Aaron, where are you guys? Is...
Swamp butt, heat, a thing there. Where are you? I mean, it can be, but not at the time that we need to be wearing pants. Are you in Florida? She's in St. Louis. Oh, St. Louis. St. Louis. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. I'll say, though, sometimes you walk into places and you go, Jesus, this is overcompensating for the outside. She's inside right here. Yeah, but you would see sweat marks.
Yeah, we have all the seasons, so if it's pants, it's like fall-ish. I don't think you're wrong, Gareth. I think you're potentially on to something. Well, either way, it's a little irrelevant because what are we going to do about it? I like your pitch. You don't know her too well, right, Erin? Correct. I have only been friends with her for like seven months or something. That seems pretty long to be able to, I mean. I mean, do you text?
Yeah, we text. A lot? Yeah. I think you might... I mean, this is the straight... This is down the middle. Try it. But I think you might want to say, you know... I have two pitches. One is the earnest one where you just say, hey, you know...
I'm not going to lie. Like, just do you know that it looks like that back there? That maybe is my last ditch. Gareth, that's a brutal text, my man. It's not a text. It's an impersonation. Okay, that's a face. If I got a text from somebody like that, I'm saying get your sword out. Get your sword out. We're going into a battle.
Do you know that's what your butt looks like, dude? No. Look, there's delicate language. Yeah, I was doing this on purpose. This is a mean—that's a text you would send to me, Gareth. I turn everything into a thong. And it would trigger me. Hey, Jake, do you know your butt looks like this in sweatpants? It would be horrible. It's like someone saying your breath stinks or whatever. Okay, quick question. Save your next pitch, Gareth, because I want to hear it. It's wild.
Erin, if you saw her with a booger in her nose, are you the kind of person who would say something? Yeah, I can definitely say something if she had a booger in her nose. I can say a pretty wild thing. And you guys have that kind of dynamic?
Yeah, we're goofy people, but I've seen also a little bit of a defensive side too. So that's why I was a little bit nervous about it. But particularly, I mean, we're pretty goofy. You are. So what would your guess be? Can you do us a quick little favor and you play you and her and
How you could loosely bring up kind of going off Gareth's thing being like, do you know your pants are wedged up there and what your honest guess of what she would say back to so we can get a real sense of the type of character we're dealing with.
Okay. Well, I mean, if I said that she might be a little defensive and I don't know why, because sometimes she's defensive about weird things. So, I mean, if I said that, I don't, I could see it going two ways. One being like, oh, hell no, that's crazy. I didn't know that. Or also being like,
Well, I do that because, I don't know, for some crazy reason. Yeah, I got you. But the angry, it reminds me of when I was in fourth grade, I was playing football with some friends and a guy got hurt. And I said, are you okay? And as he was crying, he yelled, do I look okay? Yeah. That's a really defensive way to deal with you getting hurt, my man. Exactly. The booger comp is really good because everybody wants to know. You'd want to know. Did you just banaka-jick?
Yeah, I just found it in one of my drawers. I've been using it like all day and I love it. Okay, good to catch up. I think it was something about looking at this ass. I just said the breath. I said it's like knowing you have bad breath. I'm looking at this ass. How you doing? I'm Jake. Nice to meet you. Oh, you're in. I get you. You would want to know. You would want to know. Even if you're defensive. Now the question is, do you want to put yourself in that situation
which, like, I don't know. I mean, maybe you don't, but here's my other pitch, and it's a weird one. I would replicate the look and see if she gets... See if she gets eyes on your version of it, and maybe that prompts something. That's the soft way to get it out there a little. I love a replicate. Now, you're entering dangerous territory on the replicate because...
But the line between parody and helpfulness is tricky. You've got two asses scrunched up with sweatpants. That's a tough little look. In my dream scenario, here's how this plays out. Okay. You go for it. You get a similar style. You fucking credit card it deep inside there. And then you're hanging out with her and she's
she, she goes, you're like wedged up there and you really do it. And you go, Oh, I know I do. I will. You do it too. I, yours is the same. Like that's where, or you do it differently and you do that same moment. And if she goes, you're wedged up there, you go, Oh my God, thanks for telling me. You don't tell her until the next day. And then you go like, girl, just like I was yesterday. You're wedged up today. Here's, here's,
Here's the other version of that. Either you or your wife do the wedging and you talk to her as a sidebar of like, look at how my wife's got it. I mean, her pants are so much up there. Oh my God, Gareth, I have an idea based on that, which I really like. You replicate this same photo, but you do it of your wife's butt and you tease your wife behind your back to your friend. Oof.
And you go like, look at what she did. You go, look, I love my wife. I like it. Look at her. Her butt cheeks are eating the sweatpants. It's disgusting. I honestly. And then you say to her, what do I do? Do I tell her? I mean, look, this is as close as you can get to pointing out that sweatpant wedgie butt is an issue without telling her that she suffers from it.
So we got some good pitches for you on this one. So you do the replicate, right? You do Gareth, you just dress like her. You're hoping for her to say, you got sweatpants up your butt and you can at some point say same. A version of that that's less confrontational is you take a photo of your wife's butt with sweatpants stuck up there.
You show her jokingly and ask her, what do you think I should do? Or the third idea is you show her this photo and ask her a question about something on the side of, so that you can just, or ask her about those pink shoes and,
May I do an overtime? Yes, go ahead. Here's my quick overtime pitch. Have your wife wedgie her butt exactly like this picture. And then to both of them, when you're hanging out, say you notice something, which is that they both do the butt wedgie and kind of poke fun at both of them lightly. And your wife is there. So then it feels like they're on a team. I like bringing it up that the...
Then you would need the wife to say, all right, I'll agree to stop if she does. Because what you don't want is them being proud of this thing. The reason why I like your pitch is because I don't think she knows it looks like that. I don't think she does either. So I think it's a way to show her what it looks like without being, like, that's why I like your pitch. You're like, cigarette prices. It's just a little, like, what are you going to ask about cigarette prices? This is a way where you go, you know, you say, my wife and you, look at this, side by side. Do the same thing. That's right. Same butt.
Okay, Erin. Absolutely. Erin, what are you thinking here? Where are you at here? Well, I don't think, honestly, my wife would, you know, pull that up her ass to take a picture. You know, I could do that. That section, the second one I was going to go with, because I'm going to go with the cigarette price one, the first pitch. Okay. I'm definitely going to do that first and see if she even, like, notices, like, that
Anything else but the cigarette prices, yeah. But then do this, Erin. Would you text it to her? And what question would you ask? Probably like something about like, did...
Someone changed the price of the cigarettes for Newport because they're supposed to be a different price. Okay, and that would make sense with your job. That would be a normal question. Yes, yeah, because we change prices at the stores and stuff constantly. Why don't you say you think a customer maybe went in there and fucked around with the prices? Are you wrong or something like that?
Sure. Why not? But I think that's fair to do that via a text. Yes. And maybe the only reason I'm saying that is because maybe we could then get a response and have it ourselves too. Because then she's seeing the photo. I think you're safe to do it in text because...
Look, she's either going to see it or she's not going to see it. Yes. This picture. Which would be wild. Our eyes do not go to the cigarette price. We both right away go, oh my God. Nobody's going to look at the cigarette prices. Not even her. I would imagine even yourself, unless she knows and she's made a choice that she, you know. She might go, God damn, my ass looks great. I've done it. I've pulled off what I'm trying to pull off. And then God bless. Then yeah. Then what are you going to do? You got a friend who fucking does this. That's the thing.
Sorry. And then that's a different call. Yeah. By the way, you're a writer. Then that's a different call. Yeah. You really have one option after you do that, which is the pull aside. Because, you know, this is kind of your first, like, is she going to go, oh, my God. It's like an alcoholic seeing themselves blacked out in a picture. It's like, oh, God. That's right. Yeah. Yeah.
And so, Aaron, then I think we know, but just for the fun of recapping, because I like a good recap, would you walk us through exactly what you're going to do?
All right, I'm going to text her a picture of the picture I sent you guys and ask her about the cigarette prices and if someone changed the prices correctly or not and see if she notices that her pants are up her ass in the picture and hope for the best. Great. I guess, you know. And then you're going to take a screenshot. If that doesn't work, then...
Yeah. By the way, if that doesn't work, then you call back. I definitely think we need a callback either way. I mean, this is a very... We're going to know very quickly because here's what's not going to happen. It's not going to be an immediate fix. She's not going to go out and buy all new sweatpants.
She's also not going to text you, my ass looks like that. She's going to privately freak out if she's disturbed. But you're going to really tell because that looks like a work outfit. She looks comfy. She's going to wear something like that again. What you might see a couple days after that text is that nearly the same exact sweatshirt in that same getup, but just a little bit looser in the butt. And that's all we're looking for. We're looking for 10% better.
That's right. It's just such a strict ridge. Yeah. Some wins on this show, we're looking for 100%.
This is just, we're looking for one big step in the right direction. Yeah. And this isn't just because she has a big gray piece of fabric jammed up her ass, but the silver lining. That's what we're after. And so, Aaron, will you send that text and then will you please follow up with us in about two weeks or a month? This is important for the show. This one is important for the show. This one is. I feel that as well. I'm not going to lie, Aaron. This would make my work day harder.
I also feel bad for her. I feel bad for her more than even seeing ass crack. I feel bad. This is, I feel bad for Aaron. I feel bad for me. You feel good for you. I'm so sorry. Maybe. Garrett is happy. Garrett likes seeing stuff like this. Now, where are you taking this? Where are you going right now? Bye Aaron. Thank you for the call. Please follow up. Bye. Bye. Thanks. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye.
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Hi there. Hi. Thank you so much for having me on your show. You're very welcome. Thank you for joining us on the show, whoever you are. Can we get your name, age, and where you're calling from, please? Sure. I'm Roli. I'm 37, and I'm in London. Roli, we detected a London accent because I don't know if it was Jake went to international school. What part of London are you from, Roli? Yeah.
Well, probably the same part where the sound's a bit... I don't think so. I would fully agree. No, I don't think so. I'm not from London, but I live here now. No, hold on. Jake, where are you from in London? Let's just... Where are you from? Where were you from originally? No, no. Where are you from? And it's Raleigh. Where are you from, Jake? Where are you from, Raleigh? You're from Raleigh? Yeah.
Gareth, stop. Yeah, me too, yeah. But what are you saying? You're saying his name is... No, hold on a second. You're saying you're from his name? No, I'm simply trying to let the guest speak. Where are you from?
What can we do for you, sir? Okay. Yeah, so I'm calling today because every morning when I get up, I go for a little walk around my neighborhood, like a 15-minuter. And pretty much most days, if not every day, this old lady...
she tracked me down and she just says the grossest stuff i've ever heard to me it's so sexually explicit and disgusting and i can't get her to stop and i was wondering if you guys had any advice if her name is pam i'm gonna freak out enough enough good lord so okay this is how old are we talking is this lady
I'm not great with ages. I go for about mid-70s. And we obviously, yes, great setup. We obviously need some examples of what she's doing. But before we get there, before we get there, so just so I can paint the picture a little bit, because this is a setup I do like a lot. Yes. You live in London. You go for a morning walk. You set a 15-minuter. You added an hour at the end of minute, which I appreciate.
You see a 70 year old lady during your walk with the first time you saw her and she said something. How did that go? Do you wave at her? Like, how does this start? Where do you see her? What's the, yeah, you've absolutely nailed it. So I moved here a couple of years ago now and, um, I was going to check out the neighborhood and there's this gorgeous little area that it looks like Hugh Grant should be doing a rom-com there. And, um, I was walking through, everyone was really friendly. Uh,
lots of families. And this lady was like, she was smiling at me. And so like, as I walked past her, smiled back, you know what you do? And yeah, she just fired one off at me. And like, and ever since, it's been a daily occurrence. What were you wearing, you little, what were you wearing, you little slut? Yeah, tees. Yeah, I mean, I had my miniskirt,
on and my hair was a bra. Little boy short shorts. I think it was winter in London to be honest, so I was probably wearing some pretty thick clothes. That first day, what did this older woman say to you? Yeah, the first one is one of the only ones I can really say without just sort of
pacifying it a bit because it's pretty gross. But yeah, the first one I thought I misheard until it happened so many times and this became a theme. And so I was walking past her and I smiled at her
and she said shit on me. Oh my God. What the fuck? And that's become a real... It's become one of the two big themes of her. And for some reason, it only seems to be me. In the neighborhood, I've seen her talking to other people. She seems pretty active in the local church. What? She doesn't seem... I mean, I'm not going to lie. She...
Visually, she probably, unfortunately, fits a few stereotypes. Somebody might fire something off like that. What would the stereotype possibly be, my man? Oh, God. The pigeon on the right one, too? Trench coat, nothing underneath? No, I'd say she seems to look... If I thought she was in any trouble, I wouldn't phone up and have a laugh about it. She looks a little rough. I don't know.
They look like they had an argument a long time ago and they're trying to stay as far away from each other as possible. I'm like, I wouldn't say dentistry is number one on her priority list. Well, she's missing some of the big hits. Scale of Wanda completely shocked by that. That was not what I was expecting. No, I wasn't expecting it either. No, me. No. So, okay. So she walks by you, says shit on me. And what do you do?
So I honestly, I thought I'd misheard that one. I like because it was so it was a little surreal. And then so but it was made pretty clear like the next few times when I went. Yeah, that was something she was pretty into as well as some other things that were extremely graphic and very demanding. Just to be clear, they're always kind of like
things she wants you to do to her? It's pretty much to her what she wants to do to me. Yeah. In a really weird way. Hold on. For anybody listening with kids, you know, cover their ears, whatever you want to do, but we got it here. So what else is she saying? Yeah, let's roll. I mean, I'm not, I can't say the exact words because they're not. Of course you can. Okay. But do you mind if I just say like sort of. Yes. Yes. You can get close to it. Yes.
But like,
Like one that was yesterday was, oh God. Okay. Like, like asked me in my dirty seat. Oh my God. This is a, this is a morning walk. This is my literally like how I start my day. This is not how we judge London mornings. Oh, and honestly, I've lived here a long time. It's not been my usual experience. Yeah.
Okay. And how often is this? This isn't happening every day. No, it's not. It's sort of like it I'd say on average with it's like four or five times a week, like mornings a week. That is absolutely insane. Yeah. Insane. There was a good two week period where there was none and it was just glorious. But then she came back with a vengeance. I got a question for you. She was writing new material. Yeah. When she says F me in my dirty sea, how do you respond?
First few times I just laughed at it because it was quite an extraordinary thing. Like they range, but that's pretty much the theme. Like it's along those lines. And like, and then like, the worst thing I did was ask my friends what I should do about it. Because now this has become, you know, every day what she said next. Like, they very much want it to continue on. I'm not loving it. Agreed.
I'm split on this one personally. I did once say to her, can you please stop saying these things to me? They make me really uncomfortable. And she said, you'd love it. You dirty little, you know what? Well, I mean, you did ask for that one. I mean, she's dominating me. She's fully dominating you. Does she, like if you're trying to kind of walk away from her, does she seek you out?
Yeah, good question. When this was happening like fairly early on, I was like, I'm a bit numb to it now, I guess. But like early on, I was like trying to really avoid this. Like where I live, you can either go the nice way, which is this little walk and it's really charming. There's a rose garden and everything. Or if you go the other way, it's just one of the main arteries into the center of the city. So it's madness. It's ugly. So this really is the only nice way.
little way. And like, so I try and mix my roots up a bit or like there's this rose garden it goes through and I was trying to like go through different ways, but honestly, she's a little... You should be able to walk wherever you want to walk. We are not victim blaming here. You are allowed to take a walk without getting sexually harassed by this weird old lady. And like, okay, if we're being totally honest, it is absolutely fucking hysterical, but it is a version, it is harassment. It is.
I mean, it is like a sexual harassment. I mean, honestly, this woman is sexually harassing you in a park. It's funny because of what she's saying and that she's English and that she's 70. So what we're going to do, Gareth, because we're going to live in the funny because of this show.
So he wouldn't be calling us if it was a more serious thing. He was crying when he goes to us. I'm not feeling violated. It's just annoying. I am, but you're not. But that type of call is very real. And this is not the place to call for that. This is, there's a lady who is...
saying shit on me shit on me have me have me in my dirty seat have me in my dirty seat and when you're saying it's like she's in the house yeah and when you're saying stop it stop saying that she's saying you know you love it
So, we are in a situation now, now it's making sense. I don't think you should change your route. You're allowed to go where she wants. Now, my question about her is, is she a, does she have a home or is she just kind of roaming the area? Yeah.
Yeah, she lives in one of the buildings on this really nice square with a rose garden in the middle, I believe. She comes in and out of there. I mean, one night, well, one random thing that happened is I was coming back for some drinks one night at about, I don't know, two in the morning, and it was empty, the streets, and she just was standing there with, I think, sandwiches wrapped in aluminum foil,
And she was trying to give them to me. Now this could be my mother. You know what I'm getting at? Don't say that, Gareth. So this happened to me before I met Gareth. This happened to me with Pam. Jake, come on. It's just, you don't, I hope everyone can see his face.
The way he said it, he delivered it. He's acting. He's acting. He's acting. We're getting Jake the character. Yeah. 69 with me. Stop it now, buddy. Come on now. You're on a pitch count. Your arms get tired. I'm in love with you. Enough. Roley, it's very difficult. I have some pitches. What are you noodling, Jake? My first thought is we need to be a little careful. This woman sounds actually scary.
So my first thought was this. Maybe we play the game with her. Like I used to have a neighbor who would never listen in Atwater, and he would just talk at me. And then what I started doing is as he was talking at me, I would talk at him, and we would have the weirdest conversation of nonsense. And I was just trying to make myself laugh where he would literally go like –
You know, my back front fell two feet into your yard and I'll go, I love salami sandwiches with mustard. And then he would go, well, the winds are coming east to, and everything the other one said was insanity, but it made the experiences more fun for me. What I wouldn't do with this is you could get yourself in a spider web that you can't get out of.
We might be dealing with like a really dangerous character. Well, I like the idea of maybe just talking about like things you have to get from the grocery store over her to sort of drown it out. The thing that scares me is the cookies in the tinfoil.
Yes. It made me think baby reindeer. Okay. Yes, absolutely. Um, I've got, am I out of line to think that we could be, okay. Talk me out of that situation.
I do like just waffling my own nonsense right back at her. The only thing is the one time I did say to her, like, can you please stop? And she just kept saying stuff to me. It sort of made it look like now when my neighbors were walking past, now I was having a conversation that involved this stuff rather than me just having it said at me. Right. I get that. It sort of seems like now I'm involved.
What you could do is just every time it happens, let out a yelp and try to like, like it physically has hurt you. And like, like if she would just be like, Hey, Remy, fuck me. No, but I think, but I think she's going to turn that into you like it. Don't you? Here, here are my pitches. Let me throw something out based off of that. What do you think about a handwritten sign that says, stop, this is gross.
Well, again, as much as I love it for her seeing it, I do feel like when I'm walking around all the kids in the playground in the Rose Garden, it's going to look like I'm maybe the problem. Okay. Yeah, you don't. Okay. Okay, here's what I got. Sorry, I don't mean to be a contrarian. No, no. We're trying to find an answer. This is a tough one. This is a tricky one. Here's my first one. Just say you're a cop. When she doesn't say you're a cop.
I'm a cop. You can't do, I'm an officer. Try something like that. That's my first one. And the other two I had were kind of nixed out. The other one is AirPods.
Just wear AirPods and make sure you're playing something and listening to it when you walk by and make it very obvious to her that you have them in and that you're listening to something else. I've got an idea. I wear like big over-the-ear headphones and that's still, she's not in like, not a problem. But you can hear her through that?
Oh, I sure can. Yeah. And they're really annoying in the way they let you hear what's behind you. So when I walk past her, it's just perfect. Like, here you go. I'm going to go off something because I kind of like the I'm a cop thing. The thing I'm going to pitch off that is maybe film her.
Oh, that's good. That's very good. And here's what I think it is like, and it's going to be weird at first, but if she goes like, what are you doing? You could say like, I'm going to report her and I'm going to report all this. This is insane behavior.
Or evidence. I mean, you don't want to make it too... What do you think, Ryan, when we say that? I like that, yeah, because when I knew I was going to speak to you guys, I was like, should I take a picture? But I felt a bit bad about that, because I'm not sure how she's doing. But if it's just for her own sort of like, maybe I shouldn't be doing this, I think that's a pretty good idea. I've got a weird turn on this, and this could be a mistake. What if you ask her if she's willing to be a subject of a documentary?
I think you're, I think over engaging. What do you think, Rolly? I think that sounds like the start of a Netflix documentary in which I'm found in her sink or something. You're right. You're right. I just think she seems like such a character. I want to get that camera on her, but I don't think you're wrong. The soft version of that is the one you pitched, which is the filming of her people. I changed. One of the worst things about today is there's a level of filming everything and everyone, but this is, this can really play to your advantage. Um,
I don't think this woman is going to want to be on camera saying some of this shit. And if she does, great for the show, we can hear it. I do think it kind of gives this element now of like, you're not just throwing this away to me. But it's the same idea of you are magnifying the bad behavior. So there's another idea going off of that, the idea of like an amplified mic. Or what about an air horn?
What about if you have someone on FaceTime and when she comes up, you show them her doing it? Like you're sharing it with another person? Or have you ever thought about taking a walk with someone else and just... Seeing if she does it in front of others? And even pointing her out to that person? Like making her feel like she's the best?
Yeah. So when I walk with my partner, she just says like, um, yeah, she just says nice things to her. Like, can we be friends? No way. So this is all just about you. That's very strange. Maybe I'm one of a few. I don't know her world, but it feels like it.
Okay, go ahead. What if you put a few signs in the park that are almost like those guitar lesson ones where you can rip off a number for a guitar lesson? How about an email that says, have you been harassed by an old woman in the park who says dirty things to you? Put a few of those up and maybe you get a few people together and you can find a community. And worst case to her, she's like, oh shit. And then you guys could all go there one day? Yeah, but then there's something. You could all go confront her or something.
I think there's something interesting about that. She lives right on the park, so that's pretty interesting. Yeah, I like that. Because what you could do is if you got more than five people, you could go outside of her house together. Or just take the morning walk together.
So she knows you don't know. That would be a strange group to get together. That would be a strange group. And then if you guys all saw you had similarities to each other, it would just weird it out to you. Like, we all wear our jeans in the same way. And make you ask questions that you don't want the answers to. I'm really, I like Gareth's things about maybe forming a community, but I'm really leaning towards having your phone out.
And as you round, get near her house, start recording and just put it out. And as soon as she says something, you point it at her. And if she just says, what are you doing? You just say evidence.
I like that a lot. And I think maybe it would be a good way to start with that. And then if that's not doing it, go with the signs. And then it seems like I've started with gathering evidence. Now I'm sort of looking for allies. Because all she's going to do when she says that is nobody wants, especially if they're quietly doing this to you, they don't want it public. I agree. Yeah. So you're just saying there's something happening here, Goofy, that you don't know about, but I'm getting evidence. Yeah. I'm bringing it to a podcast.
Yes, I'm bringing it to a podcast. And you're damn right you are. And that's not an empty threat. You are. And so I think there's something to that. I think so too. If you feel good about that one, I think that's a good start. So, Rolly, walk us through your official game plan. And if you're not going to do it, then we can keep pitching because we want to get you out of this situation. You should be able to walk in. I really like this. I think I...
It hadn't occurred to me to film her. It'd only been to go with my partner, but I like that a lot. I think that's pretty confronting. And I think if that doesn't work, there's loads of signs around that park all the time that people check out. I think that's a great idea too. Just start an email address for it. And then, ooh, you should start an email address for sure. But if she gets hold of it. Great. Whatever. Getting harassed over email is better than in person.
Imagine if she emails about herself. Now this is Netflix. I've been harassed by her too. Let's meet at a cafe. It's just one person emailed back and it turns out to be her. And then you meet her in a parking lot late at night and it's her. With a sandwich and a
So do us a favor on this one. One, keep yourself safe. Don't go near the fire on this one. And two, will you follow up with us in a few weeks? Oh, please. Yeah, definitely. I really appreciate your advice. When are you going to pull the trigger on this? Tomorrow. Oh, well, yeah, I'm guessing either tomorrow or the next day, given the odds. But just have that phone ready because what you don't want is you don't want to, after she says shit on me, you then hit record. Have it rolling in your jacket.
I would have it out and I would have it rolling 30 seconds before you see her. I agree. Walk by her with it. And then if she does say hi, you say hi. But even like whatever, as soon as she says it, you then let her know you got it on tape. It's changing who you are to her, which is great. And all of a sudden she's gone. Fuck. I got to find a new guy to F me in my dirty seat. Yeah.
And what we might want to do is if she stops harassing you, you've mentioned being up near a park near kids a lot. We might want to put her on blast a little bit and put signs up of her as the call number two saying like, be careful of this lady. You know, let's just get on the show. Third, uh, Berg is out. She's our third co-host. We love her. She's awesome.
She and Berg host one when we're both too busy. I don't know if that's, I mean, coming from me, that pitch is a little off. Shit on me. Fuck me. It's a little strange. All right, Samantha, no more pitches for a minute. They're all shitting on you. All right, well, we appreciate it. And follow-up was for real. So you are going to do the camera?
Yep, definitely. Yeah. Okay. Let us know. Thanks so much guys. I really appreciate it. And Rolly, maybe call us before you do the, uh, uh, forming a community. Oh, can you help me write it? That'd be, yeah, maybe we can help you write it. We can talk that one out. Cause we don't want to get you in a danger zone with that one. Okay. That sounds good. Thanks guys. I love it. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
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hello hi welcome hi welcome back to the show thank you can we get your name please it's aaron aaron and aaron could you remind us what your problem was should we do a clue and try to guess jake no yeah yeah it could be fun aaron can you give us a clue and can we try to guess uh sure it uh had to do with um pants
Oh, was it a woman whose pants were up her butt and you work with her? Oh, that is. Good game. The clue's fun. Oh, I've been reliving this wedgie. And so, yes. So you had a coworker who pulled her sweatpants off her butt. And can you tell us what our pitch to you was? I couldn't, I can't imagine what we would pitch in this situation.
Um, well, you said to mention like something in the picture, like a cigarette prices or something. Right. Yeah. That's a good pitch.
Yeah, and then Garrett said something like... Put Parmesan all over her butt? Taking a picture of a wedgie, giving myself a wedgie or something and bringing it up for my wife. The way you're talking about his pitch makes sense. By the way, Aaron, it's really demeaning.
The way you had, you had a lot of mustard on Garrett's pitch. And then when it comes to my pitch, it was like a blah, blah, blah. Take a picture of what I suggested was that you show a picture of your wedgie. And you're like, can you believe I'm walking around like this? By the way, not a bad pitch, actually. We'll tell that to Aaron's attitude. So Aaron, what did you decide to do?
Um, I went with the first one about the picture. Um, but instead of asking about the cigarette prices, I asked about like her shoes saying like my wife wanted new athletic shoes. And that's why I have the picture. Gareth, will you read the, actually, do you want to read them Aaron? Or do you want, how about this? You read what you wrote. Gareth, you read the response. Can't wait.
Okay, but I don't have it in front of me. Okay, I'll read you. You read her. This is awesome. Okay. Yo, forgot I took this pic during MAP because I was going to ask what shoes you were wearing because Steph needs new athletic shoes and didn't want to interrupt while you were on the computer entering numbers. What are they? Those are from Lululemon. I got them on sale. Let me see what they're called.
Man, I was clenching my butt. WTF. OMG, I didn't even notice. I'm dead. Holy cow! We're back, baby! We're back! This is an amazing win. We needed this.
Yeah, it was. Oh, wait, it goes on, it goes on, it goes on. Oh, there's more. And then she wrote, go ahead, Gareth. They were called the Charge Feel Low Woman's Workout Shoe, but I think I got them hella cheap because they aren't carrying that kind. But the Bliss Feel shoes by Lululemon are really popular too. They're not any more expensive than...
than like popular Nike shoes, even though they say Lululemon. Sounds good was your response. Link. Yes. Okay. Is that it? Is there more?
Well, and then she said more about these shoes that like honestly. Who cares about these shoes? I don't care about these shoes. And I just kept saying like sounds good. And then we actually did a project together for the past two days. And she came up to me asking about if I like looked at the shoes. And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. Oh.
Oh, wow. She said the Lululemon ones. And she's like, didn't you look? And I was like, oh. Oh, right. Okay, so, all right. So that makes sense. So you got caught in the weeds and the shoes. You always got to remember the main lie, but that's fine. You got yourself out of it. Then you can also say at a certain point, I passed him on to my girlfriend or wife, whatever she is. She's handling it. Now, the real question is,
And the only thing that fucking matters on this whole call is how has the butt crack been since this text exchange?
It hasn't been as bad as that picture. That picture is brutal. But? It is really, but they are still just a tad high and now I got the shoe problem where she's coming at me with those. But I think. Oh, shit. So the butt's still an issue and now she's always talking shoes.
Yeah, I think I should probably be able to be like, hey, it's up your butt again. And she'd be fine with it. But she's going to really keep going on with these shoes. And I just, I don't. You know what you can do now? I got a pitch. Yeah, I got one too. Now you can say jokingly, hey, you clenching?
That's what I was going to say is now you can take pics and go, hey, the clench is back. Yeah, but you don't have to take a pic. Yeah, show her. She needs to see this. Because now all you have to say is,
Are you a little stressed? Why? Because you're clenching. And now she knows what it looks like. She does. But Jake, let me ask you this. What gets you to want to get in shape faster? When someone says, you look like you packed on a couple pounds. Or when you see yourself sitting in front of a plate of spaghetti, you have four chins and you're a big fat piece of crap. Well, how about this, Gareth?
If I was sent this photo once, I wouldn't keep following up with the shoes. That's very true. So we are dealing with a wild animal. No offense. Yes.
So she, even after this, is still clenching a little bit. I cannot. It honestly looks like she's re-looking at the picture now, as Rob is forcing us to. It really looks like a second crack is almost formed. Like, Jake, can I use a term I don't want to use? Yeah. Butt-gina. It almost looks like a butt-gina form. Yeah.
Gross. The fabric has formed a vagina. Don't gross me. You laughed. Stop. So, Aaron, here's where I feel we are. I feel like we didn't solve the problem with the pitch. So what we can do now is try plan B, and that is when you see the wedgie and the clinch, just say clinch. Okay.
I mean, I think clench is... Because she wrote clenching. I know, but it's... She did, but... I didn't realize I was clenching my butt so much. What does she think this is, like a muscular issue? Like the issue is why is it rammed up there? Yes.
Well, the clenching might be eating the pants. It looks like it's eating. It looks like what a black hole does. It's just taking all the energy around it. Aaron, do you feel comfortable next time she's clenching saying, just FYI, you're clenching? Absolutely. Because I think now, because of the tacks and the shoes, she told you about the clenching, you didn't.
So now you could say, because you brought that up, now I can't stop seeing it. Can I do one more? Yeah. Let's, because it looks like you're, you know, I forget what kind of store this is or whatever, but I'm sure it's the type where if you know there's someone who passes bad checks or shop lists, their picture ends up on the wall or something like that. Let's do a picture of this and say, have you seen this clench?
and put it in front of where only you and other people who work there can see. Now only you and her can see. Only you and her can see. But by the way, take away her face and everything. So it's literally just a photo. It's what Rob has, which is horrifying. But it's just a photo of the top of her butt to the top of her hamstring. Yes. And it's just, don't be a clencher.
Don't be, yeah. How about gut clenching issues, question mark? Dial 1-800-NOMO-CLENCH. Yeah. What do you think of something like that, Erin? Absolutely, actually. Okay. So we've given you a couple of ideas. One is to get a photo of just the clench, give it to her as a joke or put it on her desk with something funny on it so you guys could have a laugh.
where you say like, no more clenching, something like that. Two, when she's clenching, bring it up to her and try to make it a little bit of a conversation where that she could say to you like, hey, as a friend, do I have a booger in my nose? She could be like, hey, am I clenching? And you go, yeah, why don't you try taking the pants down a little bit? And then she goes, does it help? You go, it helps so much. Clench. Because she might, you know, I don't know what my butt looks like. I'm not looking in the mirror from behind. It doesn't look like that. You don't have a butt, Gianna.
I hope so. But if I did, I would like someone to tell me. Absolutely. And you would adjust. That's why I just want to say very quickly, the pitch was good. It got her to acknowledge. It's just for some reason. But now we need to finish it. Yeah. For some reason she was like, shoes are the headline. Yeah. So, so Aaron, we're getting back to the end of this. Tell us what you're going to actually do here to get yourself out of this situation.
I am actually going to say like, Hey, Bob, Hey, Barb, you're clenching. Cause we have that kind of like funny kind of mentality with each other. That's why she said something about clenching. Cause she's wild like that for real. It's funny. So why don't we do this next time she clenches, tell her and let's see if it gets it better. Cause I've got a feeling we've, we've started to get towards a solution and
But it's going to be a multi-attack effort. So we started with the photo, but that didn't quite do it. But you said it got a little better. Yes. Now if we start commenting on it, I think it's going to get a little better. And then last, we could put the photo up and say, like, don't be a clencher. Absolutely. I really, I know it's the second time we've been confronted with it.
But I can't get over what she's doing back there. Yeah, I agree. I mean, it is shocking what is going on back there. Shocking. Like, you can't wear that style of pant and do this and think that this is not visible. Shocking. It's unreal. It would ruin my day at work.
It would. If I saw that level of clenching. Like this, it is so bad that the nickname clench should be what happens. It's like that level. So then what's defined what a clench is? So not just in terms of butt eating pants, but for the language of the show, what is a clench? When you're pushing too hard? When you're pushing against yourself too hard?
It's when you have fabric rammed up there and are flexed. I mean, she looks flexed. Yes, absolutely. It's like flexing, yeah. You know what it is? It's not just that she has a wedgie. It's that she's tightening her butt. It's like she's trying to show the strength of her buttocks off. Yeah.
She's the best. She's awesome. By the way, I'm turning my thing. From now on, wear stretch pants, give yourself a wedgie, and flex your fucking butt cheeks. This is what I was just thinking. If I worked with her, I would be like, this makes the day go faster. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I would be like, what in the actual fuck is happening back there? I wonder if the photo of that, just the quenched butt,
Should be merch. That is just called the clench. So anyway, Aaron, will you follow up with us? The clench is great. Will you follow up with us? Because I want this to work for you. So do I. Keep us posted. Holy shit. Absolutely. I will, guys. For sure. Thanks, Aaron. All right. All right. Bye. That is unreal. Bye-bye.
We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash heretohelppod to see our entire catalog.
We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix, and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostyke. Animations by Andrew Strzelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.
I'm always thinking of you, Mrs. Gingerbread. Touch my chunky waist.
All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod.
Hi, I'm Caleb Herron, host of the So True podcast, now on HeadGum. Every week, me and my guests get into it, and we get down to what's really going on. I ask them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life, a bunch of other questions, and we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge. Whether it's one of my sworn enemies, like Brittany Broski or Drew O'Fuolo, or my
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