141: Comedy Can Be Fun (Season 1 Finale)
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And we are kinda back, one more.

episode of our first season. Yeah, that's right. But this is the first big season. We started this as the beginning of this was Gareth came and visited me at a kids park where I was with my kids. I was there already. I just happened to you stumble upon me. Jake Johnson? What are you doing, brother? Yeah, Jake goes, do you have kids? And I said, no. Ha ha ha.

I just like watching them run. I just like watching the kids play. And we talked to the idea and I said, well, let's do this. Let's do 10 on spec. And if I got to pay the producer a payment, if the premise doesn't work, then we bury it. Yep. And then we got the shark. Yep. We started doing them and it was really fun. I think

I think it was not, it wasn't totally right away because the beginnings, they were really serious calls. Yeah. So I remember the beginning, we were like, you know, people were talking about like real relationship problems. And we were like, this is not us. Took a minute, but they were right away. We were like, this is a good way to be funny. Yes. And helpful. You know, I mean, really, we were just like, that was the thing was, I think like, obviously we didn't,

I thought we would be good at doing this kind of a show together. And very quickly, we were busting each other's balls and finding some good advice as well as ways to mock each other. And Zoe was our first guest, right? Yes. Wow, crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. But yeah, so I mean, that's really like... We talked about it and right away, we just started...

enjoying it. We started doing it. We had a great reaction. And then I think as we went through it, we just were like, we're going to take a break and we'll see what happens. So if you're listening to this,

In 2027. Whoa! And there's six more seasons. Yeah. But one thing we've talked about off air that we'd like to say is how much we appreciate all the listeners, how much we appreciate all the emails, how much we appreciate the community, the people who have stuck with it and cared and made it really fun and pushed us to keep doing it and

Because without you guys, honestly, we're just, we're three dudes doing a Zoom. No, it is the show. This is a happy hour during the pandemic. It's a sad one. Without question, it is, that is what is great about the show is there's a community based around us.

trusting us to hear your problems and making them public. And all the comments, honestly, had been something... Gareth isn't a big comment reader, but Shark and I are. So this show has evolved in a choose-your-own-adventure kind of way where all of a sudden guests and how we do the guests...

What has been so fun is getting the analytics and seeing the numbers, seeing what people respond to, what they don't, and being able to make changes quickly without studios, without networks, without financiers, without anybody really besides the three of us making those decisions. That has been such a fun part of it. And the...

The way that this base has responded and continued to tell us what they like and what they don't like has made it really fun to kind of move with everybody. It's really what is the best part about doing a podcast is that you can pick what you want to do. I mean, you and I both have a foot in the other world, and it's different. It's just different. 100%. So if you're listening to the... Oh, go ahead, Shari. I was going to say, and with that...

you know, something that you guys pushed for that was super helpful for me too, was like, let's hire really talented people to work with us too. So shout out to AJ, John, Josh, and Caitlin. They've helped so much behind the scenes, making this show really, really good. And so I know that the three of us are like extremely appreciative of like everything they did behind the scenes too. So that was really, really helpful. It became a real team. Yeah. Yep.

I think probably Caitlin was the beginning of it when she emailed the show and then we had a Zoom with her and we hired her on the spot. And then all of a sudden she's running our social media and blowing it up. Yep.

Our show has more followers than I do. And that happened quickly, fast. But like, that's an exciting, that was a really exciting part of it. And then when the New York Times reached out to us via email and I was like, Ooh, this is so nice. We're like, it's not through publicists. It's not through a project. We're able to kind of do this during the strike. It felt like, Ooh, this is really exciting. I see why people get really hooked into the new world.

where you're like, oh, it's really exciting and it's really fun. Yep. So listen to the show, share the show. And also, truly, thank you for being part of it because it's been really fun. Yes. Appreciate it. And appreciate all the tattoos people have gotten. So really enjoy it, share it, and without, for the last time in a little while, adieu. Adieu.

Hey, this is Jake. I am coming back into the intro at a later time. This was the Sharks' idea to put a little tag onto this because after all this talk of being done, things have changed. We have received and loved the output from the fans. We've gotten literally hundreds of responses.

saying, don't stop, keep going. And it's really meant a lot to us. It's been really fun. And so we got a great offer from HeadGum where we're going to come back and do 50 episodes. We're going to do a season two. It's going to be once a week. It's going to release on Monday. There's not going to be the video of it, but we are going to keep it going. So we're going to get back in it, have a lot more of Gareth and I

We're going to figure out the schedule and we're going to move forward. We're going to keep the show alive. It's going to start again towards the end of January. There's going to be a little bit of break and we are going to keep this thing going. So it honestly happened because of the base and you guys reaching out. And so we're going to listen. So we're very excited. Thank you for telling us to make it work. And we did. And so we will see everybody next,

end of january i think it's something like january 19th or 17th something in that zone and so have a great holiday we hope you enjoyed season one and we're going to start season two with a whole lot of me and the garf man and build this thing up and let's see what happens and see if season two felt any different than season one so without further hi hi welcome to the show

Wait, this is crazy. Hello. This is crazy. This is nuts. We shouldn't do this. All right. Next caller, please. Yeah. This is crazy. No, no, no. Can we get your name, please? Yes. My name is Kate. Kate? And Kate? Yeah. If you were in the jungle and you're having a fantasy, what animal would you like to see first? Mine would be a silverback. Mine would be a silverback. Yours would be a what?

A sloth? A sloth is a great answer. I thought you said slob. A slob, Jake? You mean the jungle or Cincinnati, honey? It's just Berg with his shirt off taking a one-hitter. There's a chicken burning. There's a chicken burning. So you would want to see a sloth. I think that's a great answer. I feel like they're just not threatening. Non-predatory. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, very chill. Kate, you like a chill sloth? Where are you from?

I am from New York. The city? No, Long Island. Okay. Gareth was just in New York State. Yeah, not Long Island. Kate Sloth. It's beautiful. Nah, I'm good. Kate Sloth, Long Island. What can we do for you today? So, I'm having an issue with my grandma. Who is it?

So her name is Janice. She's 86. So she's around the age where, you know, we're trying to ask her her dying wishes, where she would like to be. She's not married. She doesn't want to be like really with her parents. So we're like, where, where do you want us to put you when you have passed in the nicest way? And her first order of business was that we sprinkle her ashes wherever she's had fun.

which seems like a lot of work. But in the past, yeah, in the past two years, she's set on getting buried with my dead dog in my backyard. Her dead dog? No, no, no, no. My dead dog. She wants to go where your pet dog was? Correct. I think we could heighten that a little bit, yeah. Yeah. Was she close with your dog? A little bit. No. No.

Okay. Let's not put her with the dead dog. Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah, no, I mean, she was, yeah, it's like in my parents' backyard. She likes the dog, but I think it's just a little kooky to have her in their backyard. I agree. Agreed. Yeah, we're all signing off on that being not okay. No. Yeah. So Kate, Sloth, Long Island, grandma named Janice, 86.

wants to get sprinkled where she had fun, maybe brought up the backyard with the dog. What else you got?

So, yeah. So the main issue is that now the dog thing is like that's what she's hellbent on. And she really wants to, like, put it in writing that we have to put her body in our backyard. Now, sorry, it felt like we were talking about cremating. Yeah, but we are talking about full on talking about the box. We're to me. That's criminal. Yes.

No, no, no, no, no. You're not putting a 114 pound woman in the dirt. No, no, no, no, no. I got my first pitch. But yeah, like full ashes, not just a little bit, the whole thing in, in my backyard. Okay. So then what is the, so that seems pretty clear. Janice has staked her claim. She wants to, is it, is it her son or her daughter who lives there? Is it her, is your mom, her connected to Janice?

Yes. Yeah. So she wants to be in her daughter's backyard. Okay.

Okay. Correct. Yeah. So, so my question is she's coming for Christmas and we kind of have to break the news to her that we're not going to do this. Why? Yeah. Why? Sorry. Not let's devil's advocate it. I'm already. I'm on Janice. I'm on Janice's side. Why? It's Ash. Agreed. Yeah, that's fair. No, that's fair. I personally would not care. My mom is hell bent on no. So I'm kind of stuck between no,

convincing my mom that this is fine or getting Janice to choose a different route. So I'm kind of stuck in the middle here. What's your mom's aversion? I mean, it's her mother's ashes. That's it, basically? Yeah. Yeah, they're not like the best of friends. So I think she doesn't really want her in that close proximity, I guess. Wow. That is a strange... This reasoning is...

I mean, we're digging so much we might find dog. Yeah. It seems so. The issue is that your mother and Janice have such an estranged-ish relationship that that's why your mother doesn't want her in the yard.

Correct. Yes. And she feels like this was her dog, like her kind of soul dog. No, my mom. My mom. Okay. Gotcha. Gotcha. So my mom doesn't want her with the dog. Holy shit. I got to jump in. Is all this real? Yeah, unfortunately. So this is wild. So your mother doesn't want her mother's ashes near her dog? No.

Yes. Yeah. Correct. And also in her backyard. Yeah. All right. So here's what we got to do. We got to pitch to you pitches that you can pitch to Janice so that Janice doesn't have to get rejected, but she could get, I used to call Gareth option one.

because whenever we would make a bet he would always say yes to option one this still happens by the way i i hear the first pitch and i go hey you're not gonna beat that and then i go he goes and then there'll be a pause and he goes what was going to be the second thing i go something that gave you a bigger advantage second thing's vastly better and i'm like i had a way better idea but we already shook on option one so what we need to do is we need to

you need to present Janice with something that she signs off on and goes, that sounds fun, fully forgets about the backyard. No 86-year-old woman needs to hear that her daughter doesn't want her near her dead dog. Yeah, it's such a weird rejection. I think Jake's right. I have a nuclear pitch that I'll save till the end. You want to start with it? Just see what happens? See if it takes us on a weird alley? I think you could lie in one direction.

You could lie to Janice and just be like, yeah, we're going to put you in the yard. Then you don't. Ghosts. Ghosts. Ghosts. Spirits. You never know. She's the haunting type. You just look, Gareth. We could all say we all know what happens when we are on the pier, but we don't. Here's my lie in the other direction. You tell Janice your mother's going to reject it, but don't worry. You're going to put the ashes in the yard when your mom's not around. Love that.

I was thinking about that, but I'm a really bad liar. So I would tell my mom, yeah. Okay, so we can't do that. Kate, give me three things about Janice that's unique. She's a horse girl. A horse girl? What, like a centaur? You know that's not it, Gareth. Hey, but comedy can be fun sometimes. Yeah. Love is horses. Big horse girl. Yeah.

First of all, I got to thank everybody in this crowd tonight. Every one of you is I love. So she's a horse girl. Okay. Yeah.

She's very bougie. Like she likes like fine China. She likes nice, nice things. I like this. Okay. Okay. Yeah. By the way, Kate, you're firing off. Great example. Yeah. These are great. Okay. Thank you. Horse girl. She's bougie. She likes fine China's. What else we got on Janice?

Um, she doesn't love people. Is she single? Is she Kevin? Does she like her hens?

Does she like that? Does she have a twitch about pens? Does she have a hedgehog? She has a fucking hedgehog, which still blows my mind. Okay, so she doesn't like people. So you're in Long Island. Are there any barns near you?

Yes. Yeah, there is. And she actually used to have her horses on Long Island. Okay. Do you know where is the place that she used to have her horses still open and available? It is. Yes. I don't know if the,

stable area is open to the public but my dad it doesn't have to be kid Jake's told his story before yeah it doesn't have to give the cliff notes you essentially snuck your father's ashes into Wrigley Field you didn't ask for permission to put your dad's ashes in Wrigley Field you did it

Yeah, I threw out the first pitch and then I walked by home plate and I he was in my pocket. So it's very easy to to get a scatter deal guy. Yeah. You could get a monocle, go down there and pretend you're interested in buying. You should also you could also do is break in in the middle of the night or just I mean, again, it's ashes. But you want to do it. So here's here's my here's my first pitch.

I liked Gareth's lie. I thought it was going to be crazier, but I think it's a good pitch of just saying to your mom, I didn't do it and then do it. But if you're going to tell the mom, then you're creating a lot of trouble. You don't need to do that. So here's what I would pitch. I would say to your grandma, Janice, here's what I'm thinking. I want to put you in a very expensive bottle. So not this fucking trash bag, not a barf bag. I want you in fine China, the nicest one you've got.

It might be, Garrett. You never know what the body's going to put in it. I like that. I just love the idea of being like, not a barf bag. Yeah, not a barf bag. What was your great line? Comedy could be fun. Comedy could be fun. But I would say you're putting her in something very expensive, very nice, like a little case.

And then what you would love to do with her permission is bury her where her beloved horses once were. Because you would love the image of her riding on those goddamn stallions. I think that's a great image. With just a skirt on. Okay. It's weird. I like it. It's weird, obviously, at the end. Yeah. Cut the end. I think that's bad, but I like the rest. Cut the end. Yeah, yeah. The end is super, I don't know. Cut the end. Cut the end.

I blew it in the end. I was going to say topless. Yeah, whoa, but maybe you didn't blow it. Now you definitely blew it. Now I'm cooking with gas. No, you're not. No, the stove's off. I'm ruining it. The stove's off. What do you think of that? I like that a lot.

Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I feel like she could go for something like that too. Just like a, a really nice kind of like little cozy second home. Yeah. She can ride off to the next existence. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. I like that. I don't know how I could bury her at the stable that way. Like incognito. Of course you can. Okay. Kate,

It's not a body. You're not going six feet deep. I mean, really. Here's how you bury ashes. Take them in a cup, throw them over your shoulder. The wind takes them. They're buried. And by the way, there's nothing ownership can do. No, they're not going to go back in the barn. Okay, I'm cool. Hey, all right. What are you going to do? Suck the ashes up with a straw?

it's over it's there everywhere the dirt it's quite literally trash now it's ashes part of your so when you say you don't know how you could do it kate are you thinking six feet in and in a coffin what do you think is the tricky part of burying at literal ashes i'm thinking like if i had her in a nice container then burying the container kate how big is this container in your eyes

Um, like a couple feet, maybe? Oh, big. Very big. Yeah, a person does not turn into too much. You know what I would do, actually? I would put it in a container and pour the container out, take the container home. Here's what I would suggest, just to pitch on that. Nice container, something classy. She could fucking shop with you for this thing. Half...

on where we're talking about at the horse area, at the stables, and then keep half at your house. Keep half at your house on a mantle. It's nice. Keep her in something nice. Yeah, it's interesting. What do you think of that, Kate? You don't want to have her around, do you? Yeah. She said she's the haunting type. Yeah. She doesn't like people. Yeah.

Yeah, she also, I mean, it would be at my parents' house, and my mom obviously wouldn't like that. My dad also suggested that we put her in the horse poop area of a stable. What's with that pitch? Is there shade on that? Yeah, there's a meanness there. Nasty.

Yeah, yeah, that's a little fight. I think this is, all right, I'm going to pitch one more thing. Just because you're on Long Island, so the water is a possibility as well. What if we did half stable, half the nice china thing you have, seal it up, and just drop it off the boat one day when you're going? Does Janice like the water? Yes, I like that. I like that idea. Okay.

Cause then you got a Titanic's down to the bottom and is kind of like, by the way, and then you get the, use the nice China. So yeah, then you kind of stable as you just throw it out and then you drop the other half in the water. What do you think, Kate? You're going to pitch this to Janice.

Oh, 100%. Yeah. And I like I'm going to pitch to her that she can pick out her own container because I think she would like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do this really fast. Let's hear how you're going to pitch it to her. Does anyone need to be Janice for this, Jake? I don't think so. OK. It could be interesting to just have someone there to just kind of react. I don't think so. OK. OK.

Gareth would you like to play Janice oh uh I guess if you think we need yeah for sure cool either way I think we need it yeah yeah I agree all right all right and what was what's Janice's ex-husband called um there's a few but um Angelo would be the main one did Angelo pass on yes he did what did Angelo do for work

He was an artist and a psychiatrist. Of course. The big two. And an actor. Bingo. As we all are. I've always wanted my shrink to act. They do. They act like they're interested. That's right, yeah. All right, Kate, let's hear the pitch. Okay. Hi, Grammy. Oh, hello, Kate.

Hello. So, you know how we were talking about you being buried with Lucy? In the yard. Yes. Yes. Yes. In the yard. I was thinking that, you know, we're going to sell the house one day and then I wouldn't I wouldn't be able to come visit you if you were here with Lucy. So.

I was thinking if we set you a comp set where you used to have your horses and then we could pick out maybe a nice... Stop. Hold on. We got to start this over. It's not a me note. I was very... For me? Yeah. Yeah, but you don't start with the negative. Well, Jake... Jake, take... As a salesperson, if you're trying to sell a 1999 Corsica, a Chevy Corsica...

You don't go, I don't have the Malibu available, but you don't even want it. You know what I do have is a 99. You're going to go looking at you. I know what you want. You're going to get out of here. Step into the role real quick. Corsica it up. Okay. You want me to be Kate? Be Kate. I'm Janice. Is that okay with you?

Perfect, yes. I'll tell you what I was going to do, and you can do it if it feels right. At a certain point, when Jenna starts talking too much, you can jump in as Angelo and say that you've always loved her and you want her back. Perfect. It was going to be a way to just derail the call, but maybe Kate can derail us. Yeah, but you cannot broadcast your derailment. I was very subtle. You were at first, but you were building. That was my 10th.

Hey, Janice. By the way, Kate, what do you call her? Grammy. Grammy. What do you call her? Grammy. Yeah, he's got it. What do you, Christopher Walken in Annie Hall? It's Grammy. Call me Grammy. Grammy. My name is Grammy. It's me. It's Janice. Comedy can be fun. Comedy can be fun. Grammy. Yes. So I have a wonderful idea that I wanted to run by you that we're all very excited about. Oh, yeah.

Stop. Oh, I was. I wanted to see if you were as excited about this as us. Okay. She is changing every line. Well, because I just had to drop walking. Come on. Stick with me. We were thinking, do you know where you had your horses?

Oh, yes. The stables. We were wondering if it was okay with you if we could bury your ashes there because we know how much you loved it there and we love thinking of you there with your horses riding in a skirt and topless and just really enjoying it. I had a top on.

I always wore a top. Grammy, you're getting lost in the weeds of the pitch. I think you're the one who's a bit lost. I am. You pushed it. What do you think? Comedy can be fun, but there are limits. But it has to be appropriate. It is.

Grammy, what do you think about that? And then what we were thinking, if you wanted the other half, is we could actually get really fine China and throw you in the East fucking river. The end fell apart, but everything up until then sounded pretty amenable. What do you think? I don't, I don't know if you throw me in the quote East fucking river. Sorry, that's me, Angelo, honey. I'm back, baby, for what's mine, Janice, in your mind, baby. The acting painting shrink.

Let me tell you what I love about you, honey. You are a horse in a skirt. Topless mama. I knew it was Angelo the whole time. I want to throw you in the East River, baby. And I'm going to jump in after you. I'm digging the dog up and tossing it in after you, baby.

Kate, what do you think? This one kind of went off the rails a little bit, but what do you think for real about the pitch? I like it. I think that's a better idea. Just don't even mention the dog. Go positive. Go positive. Yeah. I think that's right. Let's try it. Yeah. Okay. Will you follow up with us?

Yes, that's what I was going to say. Give it give it a pitch and honestly follow up. Let us know how it goes. And I am not opposed to the idea on that follow up if Janice needs to have a little more pressure applied to having her join the call. Ideally, she doesn't. Yeah, but but let us know how it goes, Kate. But I think that's pretty good. She's a stubborn lady. But but I'm going to I'm going to try my best. Yeah.

All right, Kate. We appreciate it. Good luck. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. And by the way, RIP Angelo, we lost a real one. We did. Truly. Yes. Thank you. Thank you so much. It means a lot. All right. Bye.

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hello hello welcome to we are here to help oh my gosh okay hey shocking hi how's it going good how's it going with you good pretty good i'd say so far what's up um not much just was you know sitting eating some soup and then i got a message that you guys are looking for calls what kind of soup

Italian wedding soup. Yeah. Sure. Well, let's do this. What's your name? My name will go by Kara. Kara. And where are you calling from? Denver, Colorado. Denver. And what do you do for work? What's your day to day Kara? That actually is going to tie into my story. So let me think if I, sure, we'll share. I'm a graphic designer. Cool. All right. So Kara graphic designer from Denver. What's the issue today?

So I am pretty close with some of my coworkers. It's a pretty small company. And last weekend, actually only a few days ago, the night before Thanksgiving, me and one of my closest friends who's a coworker and one of our other coworkers all went out dancing. And we're dancing, having fun. And my coworker's friend points out my tattoo. I have a tattoo of a bow tie pasta noodle on my like elbow, like my inner arm.

Give Gareth two months. That's pretty good. I like that zone.

That's kind of where we're going with it. I guess everyone likes the idea. Why would you not get an elbow pasta there? I mean, it just. Oh, wow. You actually know exactly where this is heading a crazy way. I will say, if you actually want to know, one of my friends once asked me as an icebreaker question, if your sexual identity was a pasta noodle, what would you pick? And I picked a bow tie.

So I then got it tattooed, of course, right? Why would your sexual identity be a bow tie? I mean, she's kind of beautiful. She's got a little kink in the middle, rough around the edges, but she's got a really beautiful face.

Unfortunately, mine would be angel hair. But I'd love it to be a lasagna noodle. Lasagna is the best one. I'm a lasagna sheet. I just lay on top of yours, and then there's another one of me, and then there's another one of me. You're talking to three short angel hairs. Okay, so keep going. So you've got a bow tie. Yeah.

Everyone's kind of making their jokes about what their noodle tape would be, whatever. And I joke like, oh my God, we should all get matching, whatever. And also to be clear, me and this coworker are not that close. Shouldn't get matching tattoos. Definitely not. I would not say so. I would say pass unless you're very close.

Yes, and that we are not. But if she's listening to this, love you, girl. I guess there

Then, you know, we go home. We have a good night, whatever. And the next day I look on Instagram and she says, you know, so excited. Love a spontaneous tattoo day. And she has gotten an elbow macaroni noodle in the exact same spot mine is in. Oh, wow. But posted on Instagram. Didn't text me. Kind of weird, right? Yeah. Very. Absolutely weird. Yep.

I'm really glad that you guys agree. So she went sober the next day? Yes, the next day sober. Yep, strange. Okay. So then I guess the question being, tomorrow is Monday. I go into work. How do I handle it? What do I do? But is she expecting you to have a new tattoo or she's just matching the one you have? I think she's just matching the one I already have. Kara, there's nothing you can do.

You got single white female. Yeah. Do you remember the movie? Are we pretending that you've seen it or are you pretending or do you want to be surprised by it? Okay, I guess maybe what I want is like maybe to be surprised, but mostly when it comes up inevitably, is there a kind of joke I can make or like a comment that isn't confrontational, but it's kind of playing with the fact that, oh, you copied me a little bit.

Is there anything I can say? I hear exactly what you're saying. You know what you could say? We need a good answer. You know what you could say? Oh, you know what we could do next? We could jump off a bridge. Yeah, that's good. That's a good one. I like that. Right? Now, it's a little bit mean. I don't know if you want to get mean with a coworker. Or you could go, oh, what if we got like a, you know, but there's something in the zone. I don't even know if you want to do this, Kara. And I'll tell you why.

You're entering a weird situation. It's weird. It's a little, it's a little red flaggy. And look, if this was just a random friend of a friend at a bar, you could do a mean joke. You're stuck at work. It's true. And guess what? She's my supervisor. Oh, I love you girl. If you're listening. No girl. Love you. If you're listening, love you. If you're listening, love the tat. So cute. Besties for life. Yeah. I think honestly on this one, we gotta be careful.

Yeah. You don't want to lose your job. You don't want trouble. She saw the attention you were getting with the noodle elbow. She just took it. She's trying to, she's trying to be you a little bit. I mean, that's the greatest compliment of all, isn't it? I agree. That's a good attitude. I think you need to have a reaction of, of,

Oh, wow. That's great. Actually did it. Wow. I think you've got to pull off something like that because if she's your supervisor, you don't want to make a big deal out of it, but you don't want to make her feel weird. But it is weird. And then you got to go like, I guess we shouldn't wear short sleeves on the same day. Yes, I like I like I like your pitch of like,

All right. Well, I probably shouldn't tell you every idea I have because then you'll do it like something. Yes. A slight bit of mustard on a thought I think could be helpful. Yeah. And go like, wow, I can't believe. Or you could go like, wow, that's amazing. You copied my tattoo. Yeah. You have a pasta tat. I don't know what to say besides that's a good place. You know, you could say.

That's a very original place for a tattoo. Yeah. That's why I did it. Yeah. It's fucking weird. But I think, yeah, I think you want to find that right tenor of. But it can't be too mean. Nope. She's a supervisor. Gareth, what are you thinking on this one? If I got a tattoo of a dog on my left arm. Oh, I'd love it, buddy. I love it. What would you really say?

It was a very similar. But I like you. I know you. I'd like it. I'd like it because I like it. By the way, I like her too. I know, but I'd like it because for you, I'd be like, wow, that is so out of the realm of anything I thought Jake would do. That's awesome. What if I got a perm?

Love it. Oh, I love it. Oh, do it. So then maybe, Kara, lean in and have Garrett's vibe and just act like you love it. Because who cares? I think you do that. I think you do that. And then deep down, it's really weird. But just celebrate it and be the Noodle Twins.

Oh, God. She's not in your group of friends, right? You guys just work together. No, she's not. OK, so I think if she was in your group, it would get a little bit much where you're like, fuck, I don't want to be a noodle. I got another pitch. Go for it. Get a fake henna tattoo on the other elbow. Oh, this is excellent. Of a different piece of pasta. Oh, my God. Do that. By the way, make it make it huge. Make it like make it like. Yeah.

Yes, get a lasagna sheet on the other. On the neck. Cover your neck across the neck with a lasagna sheet. Get a henna of a pasta somewhere else and show it to her and be like, guess I just stepped it up as I'm in the pasta lead. Or henna around it with marinara sauce with chunks of meat. Or put a Chef Boyardee henna around it.

like something like that and be like, Hey, looks like you got to step it up to meet me where I'm at. Or, or don't say anything. Just have a, have a fake tattoo on the other arm. This is the way to have fun with it. Yeah. This is the way to have fun with it on the other arm. Now that the noodle tattoos are over,

On the other arm, get another thing that's food based so that she could say an egg. Yeah, I might get that, too, and go like, great. And then when she has it come the next day with yours off and go like, oh, no, no, mine was. And I would never get an egg. Come on. But I really think you do this. We're entering a wild zone. I think I do that. We are.

I mean, I've got a source of hen artists, so I've got a lot to do, but I would just get another bit of food, like react how you're going to react. Oh, that's great. And then be like, I guess I'm going to have to step it up to be the like,

you know, food tattooed person in the office and then in two weeks or in the new year, come in with a henna tattoo on that other elbow of an egg, of a sandwich, of whatever. And don't say anything and just see what happens. Here's my real pitch to you. That's my real. Yeah. My real pitch is just say I love a girl and move on.

I think you're right. I mean, I think you might be right. Because I think this could get really weird. I think getting a copycat tattoo with a co-worker, I think that's a strange move.

It's weird. We're dealing with a weirdo. There's no doubt. I think it's a strange move, and I don't think it's a move you want to be like, I'm going to poke the bear. Yeah, I don't want to mess with it. I think we go right on. He copied my noodle tattoo. And I think it's going to get weirder when you come in in the new year with a shrimp on

on the inside of that other arm. By the way, to get a fake shrimp on the other arm and not say anything is very funny. And if she copies the shrimp... Just get a shrimp. Just get a hen of shrimp.

See what happens. I might get a hen of shrimp. I mean, maybe I'll sit on it for a few weeks and see if it's still stewing. Don't sit on the shrimp. Come on. It's disgusting. You'll get sick. No, no, no. Get it. Keep it fresh. You'll get sick. Trust me. You don't want to sit on a shrimp. You got to sit on a shrimp for a couple of weeks. Trust me. Trust me. Do not do that.

comedy can be fun comedy can be fun but I would say Kara you either get a fake shrimp see what happens or what I would do is I would go oh my god girl I love it you got a noodle like me and then

Change the subject. Well, listen, like you said, Kara, you have a couple of weeks. So sit there, noodle it and then come to your decision. And Kara, just to be clear, when I said noodle it, you made a sound. And was that because I deflated you with my corny humor?

It just felt like you made the comment just to get the joke in there, but I appreciated it nonetheless. Okay, perfect. Well, now you know how Jake feels every single episode. For sure. Well, thank you guys so much. Let us know what happens. I will. Let us know what happens. I will. Thank you.

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It's me. It's not the shirt. I have the other. Hey, everyone. It's the shark. The original call from this next follow up aired on March 7th. It's called Spraying Mess, and it is the first call in the episode. So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy. Hello. Hello there. Welcome back to the show. We know you're a follow up, but we have no clue about who you are. So what's your name and what was your first call, please?

My name is Connor. Oh boy. Say no more. Say no more, C-Dawg.

All right, Connor. So just to update the audience, I'm sure they already know you always find yourself in weird Airbnb situations. You're always living with elderly people. It's chaotic. There's been bathroom problems. There's been cooking problems where there's been shared space issues. However, I do feel like the last time we spoke, you jumped on a call to help with someone else's problem. I don't remember what it was. It was so-so. But your update was that you were kind of in a regular living situation. Am I wrong?

Yeah, so way more of a regular situation. Brought the roommate's age down to being 34 now. So much closer to an age gap. Okay. A baby. So what's the update? Yeah, baby. Yeah, no, that's the update. I got, I guess, more of a follow-up is now I'm working as a substitute teacher at a school in Salem. Wow. And the kids are...

I mean, kids are scary. Connor, I have an idea. Yeah. I want you to start doing a thing when you're teaching called hot takes. And what you do is you initiate a hot take. A hot take could be no food is better spicy.

And then you've got to argue that hot take and you've got to have three points. And what you're going to do on the days you substitute is you're going to write Mr. H's hot takes on the board. And then you're going to call on kids to get up and argue their hot takes. And whoever has the best hot take at the end of the class, the class is going to vote. You give them a piece of candy.

Well, if I was a student, I'd love that. Of course you would. No one's ever going to let me do that in my class. You're a sub. You're a sub. House money, baby. It is better. I've got kids that are doing TikTok dances in the middle of class, so maybe if I'm going to do hot takes, that could be something. A better use of their time. If you could get them hot taken and you could start being known as Mr. H's Connor H.

hot takes everyone comes in they're like there's hot take guy there he is yeah hey there's mr hot takes and you go walk in you go you go we're doing this mr c and then you go everybody's gonna get up one by one and you're gonna give a hot take so the first part of class think about your hot takes you can be in little groups talk about your hot takes you got to prove your hot take then who's got the guts to go first then random

Each person who goes up selects the next person. Popcorn style? Yes, popcorn style. Sure, popcorn style. And it's random, so you don't even get to, you just, let's go. Everybody has a hot take. The end, you vote, and Mr. C presents them with the hot take title. I do like that. You going to do it? Yeah, I'll give it a try. It is. Will you follow up with us how it goes? I got a feeling it's going to go great.

I'm happy you have that feeling. I'll give it a try though. Yeah. And then tell us this other thing, Connor, before we let you go, I was home. How are you doing? It's going well. It's going well. What's a Wednesday night between with you and this roommate who's cooking what's happening. It's a, usually it's a shared meal. Whoever wins the pickleball that day usually doesn't have to cook. It's kids life. You guys are doing pickle five days a week.

Whenever we get a chance, we got into pickleball once we moved in, and it's definitely gotten way more competitive. Great sport. Let me ask you a question about it. I've been playing a lot of pickleball. How good are you? Oh, excellent. Without a doubt. So in other words, Connor, the person who steps in the kitchen has to cook in the kitchen? What kind of racket are you using these days? Interesting. What kind of racket? Because, Connor, it's a big difference.

What are you rocking? What are you rocking, Jake? I'm not going to say it because I'm not officially sponsored yet. I got like a Jula racket. I'm looking at it there. You're talking about like a $14 one on Amazon. I'm talking about a $9 one. Oh, shit. No, these can go up to about $300. Oh, my God. The game's evolving, Gareth. That's crazy. It's a fun game. It's a great game. Have you played?

Yeah, I love it. It's awesome. Yeah. You and I would get really into it, wouldn't we? Yes. Yes, we would. Yes, we would. I just want to say really quick. You know we would. One of my favorite kind of behind the scenes things about Connor that no one knows about is when I like kind of co-book him with other calls, I will explain to the original caller, hey, is it okay? We have this guy who's kind of has these weird situations with his roommates. I think it'd be really fun to have both of you on together.

And every single time that caller will email back and go, yeah, I know who Connor is. Yeah, Connor. I know Connor. It's the most obvious thing to them. I love it so much. Well, Connor, we love your updates. Keep on rocking. And I would give Hot Takes a shot.

Because even though everyone knows you, Connor, it becomes very apparent you don't listen to this show. And for some reason, we just love you for it. I don't know what else to say. Connor, we appreciate you, buddy. You rule. All right. Bye, guys. Thanks, buddy. Bye.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeown. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com.

All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

Hey, hey, I'm Lamorne Morris. And I'm Kyle Chevron. And we're here interrupting your workout to tell you about the Lamorne After Podcast, now on HeadGum. That's right. Every Wednesday, a new episode drops, and we... Wait, Lamorne, what are you doing over there? It's nothing, just polishing my Emmy. Why? Because we're now the only official HeadGum podcast hosted by an Emmy winner.

Is that true? Probably not. But Jake Johnson's on HeadGum. Does he have an Emmy? No, but he has been a guest on The LeMorning After. Which might be an even bigger honor. I mean, and we have other amazing guests like Glenn Powell, Raven Simone, the cast of New Girl, and many, many more. Plus, we play games, we tell stories, we poll the fans.

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