WWDTM: Stephen Smith
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Support for Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and the following message come from Dave's Killer Bread. Now with the new rock and rolls, soft and slightly sweet and packed with seeds and grains. Learn more at Dave'sKillerBread.com or look for Dave's Killer Bread in the bread aisle of your local grocery store. Dave's Killer Bread. Bread Amplified. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm your main squeeze. Ha ha!

I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Merrill Auditorium in Portland, Maine, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, Maine. It is so great to be here in Maine, famous for its pine forests and coasts and, of course, lobster. And in honor of this great state, Bill and I are both drenched head to toe in melted butter. LAUGHTER

Later on, we're going to be talking to the CEO of the famous Maine clothing company, L.L. Bean, because of course we are. But first, we want to hear about what you're wearing. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Sylvia from Washington, D.C. Hey, Sylvia. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I am fine. What do you do there in Washington, D.C.?

I'm a student at George Washington University. A student at George Washington. Excellent. And what are you studying there? Yeah, I'm double majoring in political science and religion. What?

Well, if you're going to be in politics, you're going to need God. So that makes good sense. Sylvia, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to the panel we have this week. First up, a comedian headlining Columbus Theater in Providence, Rhode Island this Sunday, November 19th. And the Comedy Loft in Chicopee, Massachusetts this Saturday, November 18th. It's Hari Kondabolu.

Next, a comedian you can follow on Instagram at Maeve in America. It's Maeve Higgins. Hi. And a humorist whose column on Substack is Take Another Little Piece of My Heart Now. It's Roy Blunt Jr. I'll tell you.

So, Sylvia, welcome to the show. You're going to play, of course, Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis right here is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I was born ready. Hey! You're going to go far in politics. Sylvia, here is your first quote. It is a man challenging someone else to a fist fight.

Right here, right now, stand your butt up. That was Senator Mark Wayne Mullen, who was part of one of many fights that happened this week where? In the Senate. In the Senate, in Congress. Very good.

Welcome to the Capitol Thunderdome. Senator Mark Wayne Mullen of Oklahoma was mad because a witness at a hearing, the head of the Teamsters Union, had tweeted mean things about him. So Mullen challenged him to a throwdown right there in the hearing room. The Teamsters said, bring it on, you know, while thinking to himself, oh man, I thought this was going to be the one day this week I didn't have to hit somebody with a wrench. I like the fact

that it was Bernie Sanders who finally called for ceasefire. Oh, yeah. He was so good. Yeah. He was great. I got the quote right here. Stop it. Stop it. No, no. Sit down. You know, you're a United States senator. Basically. And credit to Senator Sanders for, like, you know, keeping the lid on this fight. But let's face it. If Bernie Sanders...

can hold you back, you were not really going to fight that guy. They didn't even know how to talk. Stand your butt up? No, no, no. He said a lot of weird things. He said, for example, he said, hey, look, we're consenting adults. This is also true. And as he stood up, presumably to come out there and fight this teamster, he took off his wedding ring and everybody watching was like,

He's either going to punch this guy or cheat on his wife with him. Notice how there were no Democrats involved in this, right? Yeah. Because, well, no, that's not, let's not. Do you know why? Because in fight or flight, Democrats are the flight. All right? That's what this is. Wait, but don't you think the Teamster is a Democrat? Yeah.

Well, he didn't say. For the purpose of the joke, let's pretend he's not. Okay. Sylvia, your next quote is something you hear at the grocery store right after you just placed an item in the bag.

Please place the item in the bag. That failure is one of the many reasons many kinds of stores are now getting rid of their what? Their self-service checkout. Yes, their self-checkout machines. Very good, Sylvia. They came, it seems, just yesterday, and now apparently they're going and we are going to miss them. We are, because where else can you see a grown man scream, I did it!

Place the item in the bagging area. I'm so glad those self-checkouts are gone because I remember when it was just cashiers, if they didn't know a price of something, either they'd call their manager or they'd just make up a price. Right. Or if they recognized me, yeah, here's a free thing. And that's something self-checkouts don't give you. They don't see status. And that's unfortunate. Right.

You are the guy who is screaming right into the scanner, don't you know who I am? I saw you. At the Barnes and Nobles. But it's also like you can get free stuff easier. Right?

Oh, my God. You're right. That is, Maeve, you are right, because for a lot of people, it was a chance to get a little edgy and do a little light shoplifting, right? I told the machine these organic bananas were regular bananas. Yes.

No one will take me alive. Stolen Brussels sprouts taste sweeter. It's true. It's true. Okay, Sylvia, your last quote is a sales pitch. A tender poetic ode to first steps. That was a major fashion brand that this week announced a brand new perfume for a whole new audience. Who is it?

- Babies? - Yes, babies! Very good, Sylvia. You were born ready. It's perfume for babies. It's called Chanel number this many. For only $230 for a three ounce bottle

Christian Dior is offering Bon Etoi scented water for babies, also known as Wait, stop, don't drink

I love this idea. Do you? Yeah, because how else are you going to know which babies are the jerks? Oh, the ones wearing the $230 jerks. Who's a member of the bourgeoisie? Who's a member of the bourgeoisie? Where do you apply it on the baby? Well, that's the funny thing, because normally everybody goes up to a baby and they smell their scalp, right? Because they just have that great baby smell on their scalp.

What do we do now? It's like you're going to pick up somebody's baby and smell their pulse points? I guess you just spray it in the air and then you waft the baby through. Yes, exactly. That's a classic way. You don't want to be overwhelming. If you really want to do it well, you spray it in the middle of the room and toss the baby to your spouse. I mean, I could understand if it was like baby-smelling perfume. Like?

Like a perfume that smelled like a baby that you put on a baby. That you put on a grown-up, I guess? Just not like a baby? Does it smell like a baby? Yeah.

It would be a shame to have a baby that needed baby smelling. It would be a real shame. I don't know. We do everything for him. We feed him. He has a little puppy thing that he hugs. He just doesn't smell like a baby. I got to say, okay, fine. We live in the world we live in. Baby perfume, it's fine. But what is this Ozempic Junior? Ooh, ooh.

Nothing worse than a chubby baby. We all hate those. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't want to pick that up and eat it at all. Bill, how did Sylvia do on our quiz? Sylvia's in Washington, and she's not crazy. She got a perfect score. Congratulations, Sylvia. Wow. Good luck to you. Thank you. May you do as well on your exams as you did here. Take care, Sylvia. Can I tell you about my baby?

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Hurry, some exciting news for astronomy buffs. This week, with just a pair of binoculars, it's possible to look up in the night sky and see what? A constellation. No. Mars. No. Was it Venus? No.

Jupiter. It was not, in general, a planet. I will give you a hint. It wasn't a planet? Pluto. Pluto, right? I'll just tell you, it was tools, a toolbox. Last week, an astronaut on a spacewalk doing maintenance on the ISS accidentally dropped her toolbox and it floated away in space. And because this box is so reflective...

Anybody with a pair of binoculars can see it orbiting overhead, right? Wow. Can you imagine having a really bad day at work, making a bad mistake, and everybody on Earth can see it? Hey, hey, do you see that light crossing the sky up there? That's the quarterly report that Phil accidentally deleted. It'll be there for generations, I guess. But what does it do to your horoscope when your moon is in Venus but your toolbox is in Capricorn? LAUGHTER

That is a sexy horoscope. It really is, yeah. Yeah. And did she, you don't think there's a chance she did it on purpose to like leave her mark in the sky? Like my dad was in construction and we can see a tower that he helped to build. Yeah. And I mean, just not from space, just.

From our house. Yeah. And that's even so special. That's true. The only problem is it won't last long because, you know, the orbit's going to decay and we're told they will re-enter Earth's atmosphere and burn up, which is actually kind of good because traditionally, if you wish, on a shooting toolbox, your kitchen renovation will come in on budget. Sun rising, guys would fly high, give up in me.

Coming up, improve your image with this one simple trick. It's our Bluff the Listener game, Paul. 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Roy Blunt Jr., Hari Gandabolu, and Maeve Higgins. And here again is your host at the Merrill Auditorium in Portland, Maine, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you.

Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Amy Quinn calling from down east Maine in Sullivan. Sullivan, Maine, down east.

And I know you mean you're like on the southern coast of Maine, right? Is that where down east is? No. This is like the deep south of New England. Okay. So we're actually north of where you are right now. So you're on the central coast of Maine, but you call it down east to keep people from finding you. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, or some sailor made something up. I don't know. Well, welcome to the show, Amy. You're going to play our game on what you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Amy's topic? Image rehab. Improving a tarnished reputation is pretty hard. Look at Drew Barrymore's apology video during the WGA strike, the recently opened Mark Wayne Mullen Center for Peace and Reconciliation. Awesome.

Our panelists are all going to tell you about somebody doing their best to restore their reputation in a creative way. Pick the one telling the truth. You'll win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Yes. All right. First, let's hear from Hari Kondabolu. Spirit Airlines has long been seen as the greyhound of the sky, a cheap air carrier for those with a small budget and an even smaller will to live.

Long a punchline, Spirit has decided to change the narrative by offering something every passenger will appreciate. A passenger lounge. A space for all Spirit customers to relax before being completely unnerved in the sky.

At airports across the country, you will start seeing spirit lounges, a.k.a. tents set up outside the airport with 12 folding chairs around a circular table. There will also be five old elementary school chairs with the desk attached and a sign that says Business Center. This is Spirit's biggest promotional campaign since their punch card idea. Fly three Spirit flights and get the fourth for free.

The problem with this was most people don't fly Spirit more than once. Spirit Airline, trying to fix their rep for no-frills flying, opens their first passenger lounge in a tent outside the airport. Your next story of improving an image comes from Maeve Higgins.

Heard the latest buzz? Bees are taking back the narrative. They are sick of being busy and determined to end their workaholic ways. Guess what? One worker bee stated in the Wall Street Journal. I'm more than just a worker bee. I'm also, uh, well, oh man, what? He was interrupted by his queen. Listen, I'm a wellness girlie and I've never worked a day in my life. And look how many boyfriends I have. Ha! I can't even tell them apart.

Bees have started a slowdown at work, with Manny now napping in flowers and kicking a tiny ball around the hive instead of collecting pollen. Stores are worried about dwindling honey supplies, with one irate store owner reporting that whenever he called his usual supplier, he was told to mind his own beeswax. The worst part is, he said on MSNBC,

That's exactly what I'm trying to do. But with these GD lazy bees, it's impossible. Bees telling the Wall Street Journal they no longer want to be seen. Quiet quitting. Exactly. As workaholics, you know, as in busy bees. Yeah, that's definitely the real one. LAUGHTER

Your last story of reputation rehab comes from Roy Blunt Jr. Big chicken, that is to say, major chicken processors are widely accused of treating chickens inhumanely and also of stuffing them with antibiotics. From Purdue chicken comes an inspired response. A new product that brings chickens and folks closer together while making a PR point.

Purdue will be selling its chicken feed, slightly adapted as Chick's Mix, for people. Chick's Mix does contain a dash of human-friendly spices, but no antibiotics. This enables Purdue to publicize its pledge that its chicken feed, unlike that of its rivals, also contains no antibiotics.

Don't you feel the food chain getting cozier? Crunch, crunch, crunch. All right. So here are your choices. Which is the real story?

of somebody trying to improve a reputation. Was it from Hari Kondabolu, Spirit Airlines setting up their first passenger's lounge, a tent outside the airport? From Maeve Higgins, bees tired of that busy stereotype go on a work stoppage. Or from Rai Blunt Jr., how Purdue proves their chicken feed is perfectly healthy by making a version for people.

Okay, well, I hate Spirit Airlines. You hate Spirit Airlines. I'm going to go with Mace.

I am required by law to have you confirm that. She said what she said, Peter. You're going to choose Maeve's story of how bees themselves... It's very well sourced. ...are protesting the stereotype that they're busy all the time. And they've related this in interviews to major media outlets.

MSNBC. MSNBC. Just confirming. That's what you're choosing. It can't be Spirit. Okay, let's go with the chicken. Okay. Okay.

Alright, your choice then is Roy's story, the chicken. About the chicken feed. Alright. To bring you the real story, we spoke to a reporter covering it. To the Purdue Chicks Mix, it's essentially chicken feed made from corn, wheat puffs, and all three spices. That's right. That was Jordan Valensky, a writer for CNN, talking about Chicks Mix, Purdue's chicken feed for people.

Congratulations, Amy. You got it right, but I want you to know I will spend the rest of my life regretting talking you out of Maeve's story. Because it would have been a glorious moment. But you have won. You've earned a point for Roy, and of course you have won our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose in your voicemail. Congratulations, Amy. Thank you very much.

And now the game we like to call Not My Job. You can live in Maine for years and never be accepted as a true Mainer, but you can dress like one. For that, you need to go to the legendary outfitter L.L. Bean, founded by one Leon Leonwood Bean in 1912 up the coast a ways in Freeport, where it is still based. Stephen Smith is the company's CEO. We are delighted to have him here. Stephen Smith, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you very much, Peter. Okay.

Now you are, if I'm not mistaken, only the fourth CEO of the company? That's correct. Is that right? And you're the second one who was not a member of the family. That is all correct. Right. How did you convince them?

to accept you coming as you were from the outside? Yeah. So I never expected to get the job. And the job was, I was recruited. I was working, actually living in China at the time, in Shanghai, and was recruited through about a year-long interviewing process. And they kept asking me to come back through those sort of, I guess, nine months of interviewing. And I made it through the process. And I, you

Yeah. If I were you in your position, I had a chance to interview for the head job at L.L. Bean, I would, of course, dress head to toe in L.L. Bean and show up. Which I did. That was the thing. But I was going to say, I'm a clumsy suck-up, and, of course, a professional like you would never do that. But you did that.

I definitely did that. Yeah. I was a suit-wearing person in my other job. Right. And I actually would get here a day or two early, and I'd go up to the store, and I'm a freakish size, so I'd have to go and buy, make sure I had stuff that was, you know, that fit, that was a little mean. Just because it's radio, maybe you should describe your body.

Thank you for that. Yeah. Or rather than describing your body, let's do something much more straightforward and say, what are you wearing? Yeah, I'm wearing 100% L.L. Bean, but I have, you know, 36 inch inseam, so like I got to go ahead. Okay, Julia Roberts. So you said that when you came out here to interview, you went to the L.L. Bean store and you bought

I bought L.L. Bean Clothes. I made sure that I always had something new when I came through the interview, for sure. Really? And of course, you always made sure to remove the tag, because that would have been embarrassing. Always, always. And I never returned it. Really? And I never returned it, too. I always kept it. Oh. That's important. Yeah, that would have been... They were watching for that. Absolutely. I'm sure all the other unsuccessful candidates... Hari. Hari. Well, okay, about that. So, as some of you might know, I'm a Bowdoin College graduate, right? Right. Okay.

And so because of the policy where you can take something you bought at L.L. Bean and at any point return it and you can get a new one, we would go to thrift stores and get as much L.L. Bean as possible. Yeah, we're not from here.

Yeah, we used you. We took your natural resources, L.O. Bean. And we'd get all this new stuff. Did you know we were doing that? Yes, and we have you on film. For sure. I actually understood that L.O. Bean was famous. Like, no matter how long you had your boots or your shirt, whatever, if it popped a seam, if it leaked, whatever, you could return it for a new one. And you had to stop that because, and I think I can say this, of Hari Kondabolu. Yes. Wait, you stopped that?

We did stop that. You're telling me I have a suitcase full of youth's L being closed for no clear reason, right? If you have a proof of transaction, we would accept it. If you came with a proof of transaction. What if you maybe just forgot in the self-service checkout, you forgot to pay for it, but you did use it for many years and it did get damaged through wear and tear, then what are you supposed to do? If you've yelled at the machine enough,

I guess I'll have to take my business to REI then. Oh, brutal. Oh, brutal.

I don't go outside to do stuff. I'm not wearing REI. Can you see me hiking? All right. One last question. Because you guys, obviously, you're a clothing business. Even though you're established traditional look, you must be coming up with new stuff to try to put out there. Have you been ever presented with an idea by one of your employees, one of your designers, that was just an obvious disaster?

Two answers for that. Sorry. Okay. So first is no. From anybody inside the company, no. Because when we're at, they're really good and really serious. So they, but I get tons of customer recommendations of products. Do you? All the time. And what are they like? So I get, I mean, probably the weirdest one. I do think it's a product now. So, but a woman sent me

architectural drawings, specs, and a mock-up of an item that a woman could use to stand up and pee on the hiking trail. Oh, is she weak? Yeah.

But it was before that existed. You're telling me. So this is, I, my man's right. This product, known as a she-wee. And it made it through our mail room. Did it really? Made it through the mail room. And it got to your desk. It got to my desk. Right. And you said, are you crazy? Yeah. Right. Yeah. I mean, Beth. And now that these products are out there everywhere and women are happily peeing all over the place. Right. Free as a bird. Yeah. Do you regret your choice? I don't. No. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

Well, Steve, it was a pleasure to talk to you about your remarkable business, but in fact, we have asked you here to play a game we're calling... You can't spell jelly bean without L.L. Bean. Oh, clever. It's true. So you are, as we have established, the CEO of L.L. Bean. So we're asking you three questions about the tastier but far less cozy jelly beans.

Get two out of three right, you'll win a prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Steve Smith playing for? Amy Ruzero of South Portland, Maine. There you go. Awesome.

Ready to do this? I think so. Okay, why not? Yeah. Yeah? You told me I have to. I did. You did. Here's your first question. Years ago, Jelly Belly, the company that makes most jelly beans these days, tried to develop a pizza-flavored jelly bean, but it was terrible. They eventually, though, found a use for that flavor. What was it? A, job applicants at Jelly Belly have to taste one, and if they can guess what it is supposed to be, they're hired.

B, they were making a special gross series of jelly beans and needed a barf flavor and it was perfect. Or C, they just used thousands of them as gravel for the CEO's driveway. Number two. You're right. That's exactly right. Jelly Belly came up.

In fact, that's right. In fact, this was for a line of prank jelly beans that they called Bean Boozled, right? The company faced a big problem when working on another flavor in that line known as Stinky Socks. What was the problem as they worked on the Stinky Sock flavor? Was it A, the Stinky Sock smell permeated everything the scientist was wearing and it didn't even come out in the laundry? No.

Or B, the smell went through an open window and ruined a company-wide picnic. Or C, the scientist kept getting distracted thinking her 16-year-old son had showed up at her work. I think it's two again. You think it's... The wafting smell that ruined the picnic? It ruined the picnic. Actually, it was A.

The smell got on everything she was wearing. She even had to throw out her leather boots. All right. Here's your last question. If you get this right, you win. Uh-oh. And depending on who's listening, you get to keep your job. The Brax Candy Company is responsible for one of the worst reviewed jelly beans of all time.

I guess in passing we should note there are jelly bean reviewers. Which of these was this terrible failed jelly bean? Was it A, beef taco from a late night taco truck flavor? B, an Avengers tie-in called Captain America's Morning Breath? Or C, a limited edition clam chowder bean? Oh, God. I'm going to choose...

Day. Day is the answer, yes. Apparently they had an entire late night taco truck collection of jelly bean flavors and one reviewer, again, jelly bean reviewers, described it as, quote, what it would taste like if you put Mexican seasoning on a can of dog food. Bill, how did Steve Smith do in our quiz? Well, he won. Two out of three, Steve. All right.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Stephen Smith is the CEO of Maine's own L.L. Bean, founded and still based in Freeport, Maine. Stephen Smith, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Stephen Smith, everybody. In just a minute, a filthy, disgusting solution to your Wi-Fi problems in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We will be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Roy Blunt Jr., Hari Kondabolu, and Maeve Higgins. And here again is your host at the Merrill Auditorium in Portland, Maine, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you.

In just a minute, it's our weekly excuse to just all sit back for a minute and listen to Bill Curtis intone some verse. It's our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Roy, President Joe Biden's summit with President Xi Jinping of China in San Francisco this week got off to a great start.

when Biden gave Xi some important intelligence that what was happening next week. Something, in fact, that Xi should have known himself. Thanksgiving. No. That may not be celebrated in China. I don't know. I think it's a global holiday. Yeah, probably. Anyway, it wasn't that. I will give you a hint. This is true. One of the real headlines about this was quick buyout.

Buy her flowers. Buy her flowers. Anniversary. Close. His wife's birthday. His wife's birthday. President Biden reminded she that it is Mrs. She's birthday next week. That's kind of intrusive, I think. I wouldn't. Well.

I know, I know. Well, he was, appropriately, he was very diplomatic about it. This happened at the APEC Leaders Summit, and Biden told Xi to say happy birthday to his wife next week, and he noted that he himself and Mrs. Xi shared the same birthday. That's how we knew. Now, of course, it was a terrible mistake for Joe Biden to remind anyone that he is about to age again. But it turns out,

that she had totally forgotten about it. So Biden saved the day. And we are sure that she's wife is going to love her present, a genuine 2023 APEC Leaders Summit name tag.

If he did that wrong, that could be offensive. Yeah. Hey, it's your wife's birthday next week. Tell her I said hi. It just feels... I bought her this bra. I gastricized.

Interestingly, this was a mutual exchange of information because she told Biden that Jill Biden was planning a surprise party for him next week. And when the president asked she how he knew that, she just said, spy balloons. Okay.

Those were the birthday balloons. They were. Those were the birthday balloons. Maeve, as I'm sure you know, Taylor Swift and the football player Travis Kelsey are dating. They seem like a serious item. But this week, some of Taylor's fans, a little worried, they did a deep dive on Travis's Twitter feed. They went back years. And they found out that a decade ago, quite shockingly, he said certain things that were what?

Misspelled? No. Although, yes, actually. I'm going to give it to you. They were completely lame. Yeah, they were totally fine. Doing a deep dive on an athlete's old tweets is always dangerous. You could always end up thinking, I didn't know you could be racist to Elmo. But this week, Concerned Swifty searched through Travis Kelsey's tweets, and they found that before he was really famous, he was just a dork.

In 2011, he tweeted, I just gave a squirrel a piece of bread and it straight smashed all of it. I had no idea they ate bread like that. Ha ha, hashtag crazy. He was probably nine years old. No, he was young. He was 24 and he had never seen a squirrel

That's hashtag crazy. It was kind of refreshing to go that deep into someone's past and not find anything bad. He's really nice. And this next one, again, entirely real. Happy Easter to all. Hashtag shout out to Jesus for taking one for the team. That's great. That is great. That's what Jesus did. It's true.

He was like, I die so you can live. Yeah. I'm a squirrel. Yeah, I don't think that was the squirrel one. But yeah, you know. Oh, this is a different tweet. Yeah. Imagine his reaction if he got to see Jesus eat a piece of bread. He would have gone nuts. Hashtag wild.

Coming up, it's lightning fell on the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us live most weeks at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. And we'll be at Carnegie Hall in New York City, December 14th and 15th. By the way, the rumors are not true. The show is not black tie.

Also, check out the Wait, Wait, Stand Up tour with shows coming up in Burlington, Vermont, and Rochester, New York on December 1st and 2nd. For tickets and information for all live shows, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Matthew, and I'm from Basalt, Colorado. Basalt, Colorado. I know that place. It's gorgeous. What do you do there? I am the food services director for a local elementary school. Well, there you go. Thank you.

That's great.

You feed kids all day. What's wrong with that? I enjoy that work so much. It's the best job anybody could ever have. I believe you, Matthew. Well, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you'll be a winner. Here is your first limerick. I've got news, but I'll wait till I leak it. I feel bubbly inside while I keep it.

Only I'm in the know, so I've got a nice glow. I feel great when I'm keeping a... Secret? Secret, yes! Very good. According to a new study from Columbia University, secret-keeping is a huge mood booster, so grab your sister's diary and get to reading. So, is it your own secret, or somebody else's secret makes you feel good? Well, I'm not quite sure, but it has to be a secret that you can't tell.

And since these people were just told this secret, presumably pertaining to somebody. Oh, so like if you knew that like a bunch of kids were going to Disney World. Yeah. But you didn't tell them, but just you knew they were going to go. Right. That's a good example. That's a nice one. And you'd feel like so glad. And then, but if you told them, that's bad? Well, if you told them, presumably you wouldn't feel quite as energized and up. Right. And what if you told them, but you had made it up?

And you felt like, well, it's pretty funny. Yeah. Wouldn't that be a lie? Right. That's the word. That's the thing. I'll ask Columbia and we'll get back to you. All right, Matthew, here is your next limerick. Once the filling amount was a dream. Now my Oreos ain't what they seem. Their cookie shrink inflation is causing frustration.

The company's skimping on... Cream! According to the Wall Street Journal, Oreo fans around the country suspect the Nabisco company is trying to cut corners by putting less cream filling in each cookie. Less cream? What are my teeth supposed to latch onto as I scrape them down to the bone? Imagine trying to cut corners on a round cookie. Yeah.

All right, Oreos may or may not be skimping on cream. But meanwhile, the other company has gotten away completely with changing Chips Ahoy to Chip Ahoy. All right, here is your last limerick. With my files, I can't be a bridgen. And my Wi-Fi starts lagging a smidgen.

I tie hard drives to birds. Though the choice seems absurd, they go faster by carrier. Pigeon? Pigeon! Yay! If you are complaining about your Wi-Fi, the Washington Post has advice for you. In some places and in some situations, it is actually faster to send data by carrier pigeon.

It's true. So going forward, please do not text me. I would much prefer to be pigeoned. That's actually what Spirit Airlines is doing for the internet now. By the way, and here's a fun hack. If you are reduced to using pigeon to send files, you can double the speed of your pigeon transfer by releasing a falcon right after. Bill, how did Matthew do in our quiz? I didn't think he could do it. Hmm.

But he got all three right. Congratulations, Matthew. Matthew, well done. Congratulations, and good on you for the good work you do. Thank you. Take care, Matthew. Bye-bye. Thank you. You too. Thank you.

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Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Roy has four. Maeve has two. Hari has one. All right. I'm not quite sure how that happened, but nonetheless. Hari, you are in third place. That means you have to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank.

Though he called their meeting a success, President Biden was quick to point out he still considered blank to be a dictator. What is the Prime Minister of China? Yes, Xi Jinping. This week, the fifth national climate assessment said the U.S. faces substantial economic costs from blank. Climate change. Yes. Shortly after the second GOP debate, South Carolina Senator Blank dropped out of the presidential race.

Tim Scott. Yes. We also would have accepted who? This week, a Scottish ultramarathon runner was banned for 12 months after she was proved to have blanked during a recent race. Done cocaine. No. Used a car. On Thursday, it was confirmed that Jimmy Kimmel would once again host the blank. Oscars. Yes. This week, a Florida family was shocked when their ring camera caught a bear stealing their Taco Bell delivery off their front porch and then blanking.

Vomiting. No, coming back a few minutes later to steal the sodas too. According to the family, their ring camera, this was in Florida by the way, caught the bear walking up to their front porch, putting the bag of food in its mouth and leaving. Then a few minutes later, the bear came back and took the sodas. Remember?

Remember, the first rule of hiking, do not get between a mama grizzly and her crunch wrap. Bill, how did Hari do on our quiz? He got four right. That's eight more points for him. A total of nine puts him in the lead. All right. Maeve, you are up next. Fill in the blank.

Eric Adams. No, you wish, George Santos. Trick question, there is no state of New Hampshire. Dollars.

Yes. I'm going to say yes. It's inflation. US dollars. Close enough. Same difference, babe. On Thursday, New York Yankee pitcher Garrett Cole won the 2023 Blank Award. I want to say baseball. Again. Yes. Yes. I'm through there.

It's a baseball award. It's called the Cy Young. During an interview this week, NFL sideline reporter Charissa Thompson admitted she sometimes blanks during games.

Oh, she sometimes gets concussion? No. No, she sometimes makes up quotes from coaches. You know what's hard? Tracking down a coach to talk on live TV during a game. You know what isn't hard? Lying. So this reporter for Fox Sports claims that during her sideline reports, when she couldn't talk to the coach, she would just make up what they might have said.

I mean, how far away from the truth could she have been? It's always going to be, you know, execute, game plan, something, control the tempo, something, something, something, hustle. I love my players. They're good boys. Yeah. Bill, how did Maeve do in our quiz? She got two. That's good, actually. She did not get two. I did. You did not. Sorry, fair and square. Which gives her four more and a total of six.

But not as many as Harry. No, you're right. All right, then how many does Roy Blunt need to win? Three to win. All right. Roy Blunt, here we go. I feel my work is cut out for me. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, a Michigan judge denied a request to disqualify blank from the state's primary ballot. Oh, Trump. Yeah. On Thursday, employees of Starbucks staged the largest blank in the company's history.

Strike. Yes. On Wednesday, the UN Security Council approved a resolution calling for humanitarian pauses in combat in blank. In Gaza. Yes. This week, a woman in Tasmania had to call off of work when her car was blocked by blank.

By a devil. You'd wish. No, it was a 600-pound elephant seal named Neil. On Wednesday, the FAA approved a second test launch for Blank's Starship rocket. What's his name? Musk. Yeah, or SpaceX, the company. This week, Jim Harbaugh, the head football coach at Blank, accepted a three-game suspension from the Big Ten. Michigan. Yes. This week, a flight departing from JFK had to turn around and make an emergency landing after a Blank came loose on the plane.

A pilot. No, a horse. Shortly after a takeoff, a horse flying cargo on a flight from JFK got loose from its stall and started running amok in the hall. It's a good thing, too. Otherwise, the horse would have spent the entire flight complaining about how little legs room it had. Bill, did Roy do well enough to win? Roy is the champion this week.

Good job. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict, now that we have perfume for babies, what will be the next new specialized perfume? But first, let me tell you all that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks, our public address announcer,

Thank you.

Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the next new specialized perfume? Roy Blunt Jr. Anti-Cologne perfume. For when your uncle shows up at Thanksgiving, reeking of canoes.

Hari Kondabolu. Try white cubic zirconia. It's for singles in their 40s to let the dating pool know they've lowered their expectations. And Maeve Higgins. After the baby perfume, it's going to be perfume for toddlers. It's called Get to Steppin'.

Well, if it happens, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Roy Blunt Jr., Maeve Higgins, and Hari Kondabolu.

Thanks to the staff and crew at the Merrill Auditorium in Portland, Maine. A special thanks to Corey Morrissey, Thomas Wilson, and the entire staff at Maine Public Radio for making this all happen. Thanks to our fabulous audience here in Portland. And thanks to all of you for listening at my home. I'm Peter Zagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.

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This message comes from NPR sponsor Capital One. The Capital One VentureX business card earns unlimited double miles on every purchase. Capital One, what's in your wallet? Terms and conditions apply. Find out more at CapitalOne.com slash VentureXBusiness. On the TED Radio Hour, MIT psychologist Sherry Turkle, her latest research into the intimate relationships people are having with chatbots.

Technologies that say, I care about you, I love you, I'm here for you, take care of me. The pros and cons of artificial intimacy. That's on the TED Radio Hour from NPR.