Taking Kendall Toole For A Spin | YMH Ep. 781
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Last week, we went on sale with the next leg of my 2025 tour dates, both in the U.S. and Europe. Tickets are available now for my November shows, November 8th in San Diego, California at Pechanga Arena, November 9th in Phoenix, Arizona at the Footprint Center. I also announced a few rescheduled dates. Richmond, Virginia is now Friday, January 10th.

Norfolk, Virginia is now Saturday, January 11th. Mount Pleasant, Michigan is now Sunday, January 19th. And St. Louis, Missouri is now Friday, May 16th and Saturday, May 17th. If you had tickets to the original dates, it will be honored for the rescheduled shows. If you can't make the rescheduled dates, refunds will be issued from your point of purchase. Tickets and all tour dates are on sale right now at tomscora.com slash tour.

Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

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Pull your pants up over your eyeballs. It's time for another episode of Your Mom's House. As always, I'm so happy to welcome my co-host, Christine. Christine Genza. How are you? I'm good, John Segura. It's good to see you again. It's good to see you. What's been going on? Well, you know, I'm still recovering, reeling, basking in the afterglow that is Fancy Chef.

It was unbelievable. It was really unbelievable. There was so much excitement leading up to his being here. And then when he was here, we were all in a frenzy. Yeah. We really were. Everybody was like texting me like, what are you getting here? You gotta get here. It's the only time we've ever identified a unique talent.

online, found somebody, and the time from identifying to having the person on the show was like, it was highly concentrated. Yes. You know what I mean? There's been times we've played people where you go like, oh yeah, and then it's like two years go by, and then we finally have somebody find that person in the wild or something, you know? But this was...

identify the person. I got to also, because I know the people at home were like, that is the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life and I feel the same way. I want to give credit to this incredible staff here because they worked really hard, first of all, just to get him to answer one of his three lines, coordinating the travel,

And then preparing everything that a fancy chef requires to come and cook at a place. So kudos to you guys. Yes, thank you so much. You guys did such a great job. You guys did an awesome job. I mean, it was outdoor stoves. Yeah. Well, we had to be ready for him to do what he does best, which is cook. Cook, yeah. And we all were just...

Blown away at the innovation and the creativity. Oh, yes. As he said, things that have never been done before. And truly, truly. Truly remarkable first time things were done that, um...

Yeah. Well, let's recap because I've been dreaming about his cream sauce that he put on the pasta. Oh, you mean the John Segura? That's the name of that dish. Right. So for those of you, I mean, I'm sure we have the recipe posted. We should do the, you know, where you show them how to make it. But the John Segura consists of...

First you make scallops and you let those kind of chill for a couple hours. Then you get shrimp and you cook those. And then as the pasta sits, you let the pasta sit. Usually like it to kind of, you know, want it to cool down and kind of just chill for a couple hours. Then in a saucepan, you do three large spoonfuls of butter, about half a bottle of extra virgin olive oil,

Two cartons of heavy creamer, half a bottle of red wine, just pick any one you want, and then half a bottle of champagne. This is such an extraordinary flavor, believe me. Hold on, you forgot the two jars of ready-made pesto. Oh my God, how could I forget? You put the two jars of pesto in, and then at the very end when you go, what can make this even better? You squeeze three lemons over all of that. Listen to me, your palate comes alive.

I have, I'm friends with a number of chefs. I've been telling them about this and they are all saying the same thing. What the fuck are you talking about? Because they don't, they've never heard of anything like this. Well, I've never had innovation like that before. Yeah, these guys. You know, what's neat about, and a lot of people, you know, you're just watching. I wish we could have taste division so the audience could taste what we tasted. When I took a bite of my shrimp,

Heavy. So much alcohol. So much alcohol. But I liked it because I got a buzz just off of one bite of shrimp, which is cool. Some people think, oh, if there's an overpowering taste of something, let's say alcohol, that this is poorly made. No. But not if that is the purpose of that. That's right. You know what I mean? Not if you're an alcoholic and then it's a dream dish. Yeah.

It's so good that you go, holy shit, I feel drunk. I feel like I'm eating food that's just been soaked in booze. And then you go, but yeah, but that's the concept. You got to open your, basically you're boring is what I'm trying to tell you. And then you try these things and you go, oh shit, okay. And also for those pussies out there who are like, I only eat olive oil.

Or I only do butter. Not both. Who don't like to mix the oils? Who doesn't like to mix butter, oil, and heavy creamer? That's awesome. And the pesto. Don't forget the pesto is also in oil as well. Right. It sits in an oil base. Yeah. There's a lot of oil. But here's the other thing. What if you're constipated? Guess what? Not after the John Segray or not. That's right.

That's just probably why he did it again. He's everywhere. Brilliant. Cause he may be have heard you talking previously on an episode about being constipated. There you go. Being like, I'm having, and then what if he was just like, Oh,

That's right. Can I tell you something that's interesting? I haven't been constipated in a while. Maybe it's because you ate the John Segura. It's definitely the John Segura. Also, not taking the Ozempic for the last couple, three months. That's probably cool too. I think there's a link between Ozempics and constipation. And you look great. Thanks. You look great. Thanks, kid. Your hair looks good. Thanks. I did it for you. And I'm wearing a goth tuxedo shirt. Look at that shirt. Do you love it? It's so ruffled. Can I tell you something? What?

When I was goth growing up, we'd have to go to vintage clothing stores and buy authentic tuxedo shirts from the 70s. But listen, they would all smell because there were some dudes' tuxedo shirt from the 70s, and so I would have to suffer through the bad smells. But now they're cool again. It's very cool. Thanks, pal. And what about the necklace? This is a goth item I bought on Etsy. Wow. I do all my goth jewelry shopping on Etsy. Wow. Yeah. All right.

All right. And the nails too, which I'm going to tell you the story about that. Now, what about you? Are you in a festive mood? Is that why you're wearing your black tee and your khakis? Or what is this mood for you? You tell me your inspiration board. I mean, it wasn't an inspiration board. It's just, you know, got to go. I'm busy. That's what this look is? Yeah. Not a lot of thought went into it. It was just grab a shirt, go do, I mean, you know. No, I know because like last week you were like, I'm so happy. I'm in a good mood. Yeah, I wore bright colors. You wore white.

Cream. Cream, yeah. Off-white. It was very bright. Sure. Everybody said that except for you. Everybody's like, you look festive today. Do you ever? He wears white normally, yeah? Like, doesn't Tom wear kind of cream, white, gray? Those are your palettes? Yellow? I wear yellow shirts. Never. All the time. He can pull up fucking clips of me wearing yellow shirts. Yellow? With two bears, maybe. Not with me. I've done it here, too. But you know what it just shows? You don't pay attention. No, I really don't. That's the difference. It's true. Why don't we play an opener for the show? Uh-oh.

Ready? Here we go. Hey, ladies, if you like a guy who will give your lower lips lots of lovin', I'm your man. That's what you chose? What's wrong with that? Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Pagitsi. Welcome to your mom's house.

God.

I'm your man. Why did you have to bum me out with him? I was having the best time with you. I'm having a better time now. But I'm not. I don't like these cool guys. I love these guys. Literally, I'm going to eat your pussy box and lick your...

I like it. Why does it make you so happy? I don't know. It's fucking cool. I guess it's just cool. Is it cool? Yeah, I like when they're like this. You know why? I like someone who's not scared to be sexy. Okay. All right. He's not holding back. Wait, I saw a clip of Bert telling you that he and Leanne are dirty talking in bed. No, he's, yeah. Well, he's like, I like, I like a little dirty talk. I was like, what do you say? He's like, I can't, I can't, I can't. I was like, just what do you say? He's like, ew. Like, whose pussy is this? Ew.

That's kind of, but see, that's like a dumb guy thing to say. Like, whose pussy is this? Yeah, you think we're talking about a physicist? We're talking about Bert. He's like, I'm confused. Wait, is it mine? This is my pussy? Yeah, of course.

Yeah, because I can't imagine him doing that. You know what I mean? I can't imagine him. He's like a brother to me, but whatever. I can't. Hey, this brings me into a question. You have to look at me to pay attention. It's very important. So I was hanging out with Duncan's wife, Erin, this last weekend. We were talking about what dudes like.

And I want you to be very honest with me and I won't be upset. I'm not going to get jellies. I'm not going to be weird. You can tell me the truth. No, no. I'm going to ask you something and then you tell me whether or not you really like it. Okay. But again, don't be weird. I'm not going to hold it against you. I'm closing my eyes so that I don't make judgments based on your look. I'll just tell you honestly. Okay. Okay.

So Aaron and I were out and we saw this girl wearing like the Lululemon, you know, tight pants, the whatever that shit's called, the athletic leggings. Yeah. And Aaron was like, oh my God, like you can see their pussies. And I've asked Duncan whether or not he likes it. And Duncan said that he doesn't. And look, I don't think Duncan lies, but I think.

I don't know that you're going to tell your wife that it excites you sexually, but you'll tell me because you don't have that level of concern for my feelings or...

You don't care. You know what I mean? Like you're way worse to me than Duncan probably has to Aaron. They're newlyweds. Do you know what I mean? They're newlyweds. We've been together for a thousand years. Okay. So just tell me the truth. When you see the Lululemon girl and you can see her pussy lips through the leggings. Got it. What does that do? What's she look like? Okay.

That's a big factor. It's a huge factor. Of course it is. But hold on. So is everything, by the way. So hold on. So if it's a pig... Well, hold on. How about this? She's a normal, nice-weighted, fit gal. Just a fit gal. Yeah. Do you have to see the face before you look at the pussy lips? Okay. Well, because I didn't think you were going here because the thing that usually I think most men's minds go to when you talk about these types of pants is the ass. Because the pants...

But actually, this is why they exploded in popularity. The pants give the wearer a better ass. True story. So if you were going to say, do you like the way it looks on their ass? Absolutely. Yeah. It looks great. Yeah. Do I? I don't know. It's usually pussy lips, as you said, on those. I see the ass.

But if you see the lips, does it arouse you? Does it disgust you? No. I think more than anything, you're just alarmed. Seeing a cooch in public, you're just like, Jesus. I mean, you're just like, are you? No, you're not like, God, that's, but, mm.

Well, I don't know. There's some pigs in the booth. I don't think seeing a puss in public is not generally like, that's what I'm talking about right there. It's usually like, dude, are you fucking seeing this? That's what that is. Because, right. Because it's genitals. It's not like, you know.

You know what I mean? Like the ass, it's the shape, right? Just like breasts. You just see a shape and you're just like, oh. That's sex. It's the insinuation of what's happening. And you actually want them, they're covered. Yeah. So there's something mysterious there. It's not exposed. Yeah. So you go, that's sexy, right? But like, same thing if you were like, this woman's topless. You're like, do you like it? I'd be like, I guess. Also, she's naked. This is weird. We're in public.

You know, I just got back from a trip and I walk in to my office at home and the blinds have collapsed. They're on the ground. Is there anything worse than garbage blinds in a room where you live and now the horrible sunlight is penetrating the room you wish to have dark?

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But Aaron and I were talking about camel toe and how like when we were growing up, it's shameful. I don't think it, I think it's laughable and more a shock value than it is enticing. But nowadays girls like it's okay to have camel. Is it a thing now? Camel toe, Josh Zolo, you're 25. I don't know. I don't think girls are purposefully showing it. I think they are. Really? Look at any, look at any, they're showing their lips on purpose to

to get dudes to check them out. Yeah? It's such an extreme, though. It's so extreme. And he schooled my husband because he's a thousand years old. Schooled me. I mean, I'm sure, you know, they definitely exist, but I feel like it's one of those things that's, like, better in a fantasy. You know what I mean? Yeah. It'd be hot if you saw it in one of those Instagram profiles that, like,

fakes like it's not porn but it's like yeah this is porn i like it there too because i'll be like oh that's what's that yeah then you figure it out but again it's the mystery of like what's that and then you go and also he's right because in a photo it's a still image right and you're like she know wait you know you're doing the game and that's enticing in public if you walk around and you literally see a cooch you're you're you're kind of you're just gonna go like

Like, this is insane. That's what it is. I know. You also think this woman's mentally ill. You're not like, oh, she's probably cool. You're like, this woman's fucking crazy. Of course. If she's walking around with her pussy lips sticking out, you're not like, yeah, she's probably pretty chill. I'm just going to see what's up. That's the side effect of the Lululemon leggings is that if you, I'm telling you, if you pull them up too high and then you, oh, you got your rugi in there? Of course. Yeah. Yeah.

How many are there in your mouth right now? Because it looks a little puffy. Four. Four. There's more room now without that Invisalign. I have, I'm telling you, I remember when my father said this about multiple myeloma. I've been to the top and back now. I've been to the top.

And I know where it can go. That shit has been horrible. So it's been real. But you're free now. And I got a lot of support. I want to thank everybody. I got a lot of support from people who are informing people like you who have never experienced anything like it. How rough it can be to get in this line. How rough it can be to get them off. Yeah. And by the way, the maintenance, you know what I have to do every fucking night? I sleep with a retainer now. Right.

You're such a child. That's so gay. That's way crazier than what you're doing. It is. I know. Radiation is like, it's so good. How long does radiation last? Well, I go five days a week. How long does it last? Ten minutes a day. Yeah, and I'm sleeping with this shit eight hours a night. And you're like, oh, mine's worse. I don't think so. So speaking of, I went to this morning before this to do radiation. You gotta listen.

I'm listening. So there's the waiting room, the green room before. Yeah. And it's all oldies. Yeah. And the magazines are so suck. It's like, there's one good housekeeping. Bad magazines are the worst. I know. And there's one like French Southern living. And I'm like, wouldn't it be funny if I could just bring in some playboys? Cause there's a lot of dudes there and just see what happens. Yeah. Like, what would you want old people to read? By the way, look at that message.

Just got word from girls in the office. They all say camel toe is embarrassing and not on purpose, but those are good girls that we work with. Those are good girls, normal, good girls. Fair enough.

I'm talking about whores. Yeah, but all whore behavior is like, it's a whore. But I'm saying in the whore world, Aaron told me that whores do that. Sure, but those are, I mean, are you talking about hoes? This is a new phenomenon, but I'm saying camel toe was a shameful thing and now it's kind of, it is like out there. Okay. Because of the Lululemon pants, I'm telling you. I'm telling you, more than that.

More men are into seeing a great ass than being like, oh, I hope I can see her puss through those pants. I have to admit, when I see either someone's dick and balls through their pants or anybody's genitals with the women, it's like a special treat, like a dark treat. Like what you were saying where you're like, oof, I didn't want that, but I'm

It's fun. Like that's something to think about. You know what I mean? To think about? It's like a, like I didn't want that. I didn't know I wanted it until I got it. And I'm like, that's funny. It's funny? Yeah. Like don't you kind of like seeing inappropriate things? Yeah, I love seeing inappropriate things. It's the best. Well, yeah, that's kind of what I'm saying. If you see a puss in public, like you're talking about, the thing you're going to do is be alarmed and then you want to find other people to tell. Of course. So you're just like, hey, hey, hey.

Don't you remember the dad? Yes, of course I remember kindergarten dad. And I talked about him to everybody. Of course, the whole community knew about him. You're seeing this guy's dick right now?

For instance, your son Ellis and I, we were out in public and we saw this lady who was wearing a tank top that was the same color as her skin. So it looked like she was wearing nothing at all. Yeah, skin tone. And both of us, we were like, whoa. And I was like, is she wearing a naked shirt? Like, what is that? And the other day he's like, I saw her again.

She wasn't naked. I know what color her skin is now. Like he gave me an update like weeks later. It was so cute. He really, it resonated. And I'm so happy to pass that along to my son to start judging strangers. So how often are you staring at cocks in public? Well, only if they present themselves. I'm not staring all the time. How does a cock present itself?

When a gentleman wears sweatpants. Sweatpants. When I go to a basketball game with you. This has happened once in five years. I know, but that's what I'm saying. Well, I'm saying like biker shorts. That seems like a dick wearing pants. That one's a little too blatant. Oh. I liked it at the Olympics when that guy pole vaulted. The whole world liked it. That was amazing.

And the diver? The diver, amazing. But I don't like to see the actual genitals. Remember we were in Florida on the beach and that man- Oh, his balls were hanging out. I don't like to see them. It's the shape. The shape, yeah.

The hint of, oh, what's that? That's what I'm talking about. This is what asses and tits are. And then it goes too far. It goes too far. It's the same thing. Yeah, it's the same thing. What about like jean cock? That's fun. I love that. And I like that in Europe because they tend to wear tighter jeans. They definitely wear tighter jeans. Especially in Eastern Europe and you can really see what's happening down there. And you know exactly who's packing meat. Yeah. Yeah. And then I see you talking a little longer to the person. And I'm like, hey, what are you doing? And you're like, I just...

He's from here. It's just so interesting to learn about this culture. Whose pussy is this? Whose pussy is this? It's definitely a question. How can you never say whose cock is this? Whose dick is this? We've been together too long, babe. I know the answers. Okay, you want to come hard? Oh, no. I don't want... Why are you doing sexual today? Waf that up there. Get a whiff. Oh, oh, oh.

Stop. Stop. Okay, thanks. Okay, got it. Next clip, please. Okay, you don't like energy? That's fine. What if I put the Good Housekeeping cover on a pornographic magazine? That'd be rad. That'd be really funny. Yeah, that would be rad. Some old people are friendly. Most of them aren't chatty at all. It's a little bummer. What happens to you when you get old?

You just don't want to talk to anybody anymore. Yeah, I think it makes sense. You know why? In a general sense, you're just tired. Sure. You know what I mean? Like, right now, if you're tired, I'm like, do you want to do this and do you want to do that? You go, no. You want to go to dinner with these people? No, I'm tired. Yeah. But what if your whole day is tired? God, that sucks. They're just tired. I know. That's my enemy, though. I don't want to be tired all the time. Nobody does. But I'm saying that's what, when you're seeing someone who's like 80 and they're like, oh, God. They're just fucking, that's why they always nap. They fall asleep in every chair.

Because they're ready to die. You're just getting ready to die. But then you see those fit people that are 80 and they don't... Well, there's the fucking... You gotta be fit, bro. You just answered the whole formula. I know you gotta be fit. I know. I know. As you know, few things, I think you would agree, give me more joy...

than a black guy speaking aggressively, right? This is true. I know this about you. This has been the entire time you've known me, and especially when it's in the sports world. And I have a clip here that put a smile on my face this morning. This is a Little League football coach. These kids are 10. This is a travel football team called the Firehawks, and coach is getting ready for the game.

Nice. That's what's up, man. I get so...

God, when it's related to football too, it just, it puts me in the best mood. You're saying what puts a smile on my face? Sure, it's a nice ass and a pair of Lululemon leggings, but this makes me even happier. I think it's the greatest.

I really wish I'd had a little league coach like this. Yeah, for sure. Then you'd win. But this is what makes winners. Yeah. And there's also parents out there that are crying. Pussies. Yeah, I know. Pussies, crybabies. I actually, I cry when I see the opposite style coach. Just get out there and have some fun. Because it's okay if you don't win or lose. Nobody's a winner or loser. You know what it's about, guys? Just being active. No, it's not. And

Playing a game. Losers. That's what it's about. This is how losers are made. Of course. You know, I tell my children...

I do Soviet mom regimens on them too. And I say, what though? You want to be a warrior or you want to be cry baby American pussy? I raise you to be strong like Eastern European. Same thing. I talk to them. I don't scream like that, but I tell them, you want me, you want to be an American pussy boy? You should try screaming like this. See what happens. Actually, I've done it. They don't like it that much. No, no, they don't like that.

But I'll tell you, it's true, though, that you can't be like super. I'll give you an example. The last few months I've been like more tired, so I don't do as much as a mom. And I went to this trampoline park with the boys.

And I've noticed some moms like to get in the ball pit with the kids and be a part. I'm like, what are you doing? This is your one chance for them to fuck off and you get some quiet time. You know what I'm saying? And Julian was like, mom, you come with me. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. You go. You go. You go. I don't want to go. I'm scared. Fucking go, bitch. Yeah, you'll figure it out. Figure it out. And he did. You won't be scared in a second. No, and he had the best time. And that's what I'm talking about.

And they're happier because I'm ignoring them more. I'm happier because I'm ignoring them. The worse mother I am, the happier everybody is. You look happier. In a public setting, I know. You see these fucking dilettantes, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The first kid.

Every second they're hovering and you're like, God, what's up, rookie? Yeah. Take a seat. Go buy us some fucking coffee. You're new here. This is why you take them to a playground, to ignore them. Yeah. Go play. Don't play with them. The fuck are you doing? Get some scratches. I know. Get bruises. Our kids, we went for ice cream yesterday. We were at the playground and our two boys were on the floor wrestling each other. Wrestling. That's awesome. Yeah.

We were like, this is why you have two. They fuck off the entertaining. Ow, ow, ow. And you're like, yeah, yeah, all right, take it easy. Don't kill them. Who cares? And I have a rule. Whoever makes the other person cry is the one that gets punished. You don't get punished until somebody cries. When someone cries, then you're like, that's it. That's right. Your shit's getting taken away. This is right. What the, what, what? I didn't do anything. But this is how you should talk. That's my favorite too, is that kids go, I didn't do anything. And you're like, why is he crying? Yeah. I guess I hit him kind of hard. Okay, that is what you did. Cool.

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for 20% off your order. Once again, that's O-R-G-A-I-N.com slash YMH for 20% off and make sure you use our promo code YMH so they know we sent you. Hold on. What's up? Go ahead. Go ahead. I wanted to read this to you. This is apropos our discussion a few episodes ago of how is it that meth heads can be fat? Yes. Okay. Because there's...

Yeah, it's very, it doesn't seem like they should be able to be. Yeah, because meth is the whole reason you look hot. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Ta-ta there, retard. He got pretty heavy. Hi, Hitlers. I moved to Vegas in 2001 and began doing crystal meth.

I never knew people did meth so casually. Literally everyone was doing it. My friend's moms would sometimes just turn to me and ask if I wanted to get high while rocking their kid to sleep or preparing a bottle for their baby. Fuck. I fell in with some biker types and a guy I met would eat pounds of bacon when he would come down. He insisted he needed fat.

so that people wouldn't be able to tell he was on meth. He was into the idea that the Nazis invented meth. We know that. And they had developed protocols to stay healthy. He was super fat, but he would stay up for weeks at a time. Everyone else in his orbit was wasting away. It was crazy. Oddly, his plan seemed to work. He eventually ended up having a heart attack.

While driving his motorcycle like a psycho and died. Would love Dr. Mommy's thoughts on this guy's lifestyle. Touching my camera through the fence, you faggot. Yeah, well, it's a good question. Well, it makes sense if you come down after days and days of partying and then you just stockpile calories maybe. Yeah, I mean, that's what he's doing because like you said, he knew going into it, he's like, oh, these meth heads always are so skinny and wiry and then everyone knows. Yeah.

You know, they're gaunt. But like, if I load up on bacon, that won't happen to me. Well, is that what the Nazis did, Tom? I don't know that the Nazis followed that proto. Yeah, I think they... I mean, they had them fucking geeked out the whole time. Yeah, they were gacked. That's how they did the Blitzkriegs. All of it. Yeah, they were fucking...

They were just fighting, just tweaking all the time. I wonder what this protocol is, the Nazi protocol. You didn't follow proto, buddy. You're done. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, Fatsmoker did it. Herc, he was fucking. He was fat. He was heavy. Yeah. He was also, he had eaten dog food and drinking Pepsis all day. So maybe, you know. Eaten dog food. Yeah. He's just had all kinds of bullshit in his life.

He always had chips and fucking, yeah, I think he just ate whatever. We have to ask Dr. Drew. Yeah. He could definitely tell us. This is his domain, recovery and drugs and stuff. Good question. Yeah. Remind us to ask Dr. Drew this question, please. Will do. Yeah, because I had friends that did meth in high school and nobody was fat. No, they usually get real skinny. They look great. Stay up for days. That's what happens. Yeah. You just start withering away. Your body's burning calories. Yeah.

And your brain is going psychotic and shutting down from a lack of sleep too. Yeah, the combination of the two is a fun, fun time. All right, why don't we take a quick break and we'll be right back.

Ready in 5, 4, 3, 2. All right, welcome back. We are thrilled to introduce our guest today. You may have seen her in the saddle or out of the saddle. That's just inside talk. For a certain spin class you might take on what was where she formerly was. But now you can find her on her podcast, Wholeheartedly with Kendall and Gailey. Or check her out all over social media, of course, on Instagram at

at Kendall Tool. It's Kendall Tool, everybody. What's up?

What's up, you guys? Thanks for coming in. Thank you for having me. I have been tagged in this podcast so many times. And I'm like, do I clap back? Do I comment? And then I was like, just waiting for the opportunity to finally get here. So Kendall, I'm happy to be here. Well, let's fucking go. Let's get into it. Because I'm going to tell you. Fuck, it's great. Yeah. I'm allowed to do it here. This is a free place. Freedom. I'm going to be honest with you, Kendall. First time I saw you.

First time I saw your figure, heard your voice, saw my husband peddling to you. I had a little girl on girl hate. I was a little jealous. And I felt like you were trouble. And then... Keep going. But then, in all fairness, I did a dive on your socials. And I was like, oh, she's a real one. Like, you're a real G. And...

I don't know. I like your story. And I like that you like your dad and that you, yeah. So can you tell us a little bit about you and your story? Yeah, tell us your story. I have no problem with you, but go ahead. Tell us what your thing was. You're like, I liked you. We're fine. I didn't need to know. Well, because you're perfect, Kendall. And I like that you are. Far from it, though. You're so pretty. And you should be fitter than the people that are on the bikes. Do you know what I mean? That's why we have a problem with fat Barbies. Well, that's why I have a problem with fat Barbies.

We'll get into that later. We can get into that. Tell me your story. We hate inclusivity. Go ahead. Inclusivity is such a fucking joke. No. Watch, that gets pulled and I love it. Whatever. Let's go. Let's go. That's fine. But yeah, so my story, essentially, I was super fucking depressed and nobody would know. And yes, I get it. It's like, okay, here's the pretty white chick who has had all the privilege in the world and barely has a thought that goes through her brain. I get it. I knew how I came off, especially on the bike.

And when I got kind of cast for that job, I was like, damn, I am not doing anything to help anybody other than like, oh, look, look at her. She's that girl on the bike. She knows it.

And so, yeah, it was during COVID. And obviously, all of us were depressed and locked away. And I was in a studio apartment in New York and racking my head against a wall. Right. And I was like, I just need to talk about what I've really been through. And so full story, Cliff Notes version. I was suicidal my senior year of college, almost took my own life. Thank God that my mom, thank God for moms and dads. And my mom was calling me multiple times. But tell the story. It's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. So this is this is crazy.

This is wild. So as parents, I will let you know, your instincts are totally on point. So I was doing everything great. I went to USC, loved it. It was hard school to get into. I was painting the ass to get into. Jeez. I was in film and all that. Oh, thank you. Yeah. It was, it was a grind and still I held it all together. I pretended like everything was good. I was cheering. I was like little, little miss Barbie, right. That everybody thought. And my life, like the color was just draining out of the day. Like I would front to everybody. I was good. And then behind the scenes, um,

I just, there was nothing. I just felt empty. Well, what prompted it? Was it, what do you think? I think it was a mix of, one, growing up in the film industry. Like, I was like a total failed kid actor. Thank God, in hindsight. You were. Oh, my God. So you were going to auditions and all that as a kid. All the auditions, all the no's. I've had, like, grown adults tell me I needed, like, plastic surgery and a no's job to make it in Hollywood. Hung out with all the Nickelodeon and Disney kids. No. Oh, yeah. That was your upbringing. Yeah.

What? That was your upbringing. Yeah, and being in that environment. But then I had really, thank God, really good parents and a very strong, frightening Italian mother who would threaten to whoop my ass if anything ever changed. So thank God for that, and that helped. But I think I just felt like I had failed. Like, I didn't hit this career goal by 18. I did this movie that didn't have the renowned...

kind of moment that it was supposed to going into college. And I was like, shit, everything I'd worked for myself my whole life, I'm failing. I didn't do it. You feel like a failure. Totally. Like full identity crisis. A lot of people have a little bit later in life. I had it like 20. So realizing I was about to graduate college, I had to get a normal job and be a quote unquote normal person. And I failed my dream that I worked so hard for, I think really ate away at me for a long time. And so it was just before Thanksgiving. Yeah.

It'll actually be nine years this year, which is pretty wild to think about it. But I just, I don't know what got into me. I just was tired of feeling nothing and climbed up to the roof of the building that I lived in. And there was like a fence line above like there, because you could be on the roof and whatnot and climbed over that fence and was moments before that.

had this flash of like what would happen like kind of like I hate to say like a Christmas girl and like make this sappy but kind of what would happen to my parents what what the outcome would be yeah and I saw out of the corner of my eye my phone which I had on silent was kept lighting up and lighting up and I looked climbed back over my mom was calling me

15, 16 times in a row. She just knew something was wrong. And we hadn't talked. We hadn't talked for probably three, four hours. I pretended everything was fine. I didn't have a plan to do this. I'd had these like thoughts come in for a while. And I picked up the phone and she's like, what's wrong?

And I said, can you come pick me up? Wow. And then the next three months. Did you tell her when she picked you up? No. No. So I didn't, I did not tell my parents how bad it really was till years later. Really? I was so afraid to tell them how close I was that I would, I was so worried it would end.

and create a problem for them at a deeper level. - Yeah, yeah. - That I just kept it in. - Did you get into counseling right away or did you tell them what you did? - Yeah, so this is kind of how I closed up my classes, which you know, like I always say, like they can knock you down, they can never knock you out. So where kind of that whole thing came from was one, my dad would always say it,

When we lived in Atlanta, we had a basement like you do when you're living in Georgia or the South. And he would put a punching bag down there. So I'd always hear like the chains going and he loved Rocky, all that stuff. So anyway, it kind of became a family motto. But when I was when I came back from school and this I browned out, I don't remember much of it. I was in such a depressed state. I couldn't shower. I couldn't eat. I got pulled out of school. My professors were like, your grades are fine. Like, we're just going to pass you for the for the semester. You're good. And I was like, I'm going to go to school.

And, yeah, my dad came up to my room and said essentially, kid, like we're going to have to put you in inpatient. I know you don't want to do that. If we do, it's going to push your graduation date. And I know that you're really scared of pushing that and you want to get out of college. And so he said, look, I need you to get out, get a shower and start doing the little things. And, you know, what's our what's our motto in this family? Like, what do we do? He's like, this can knock you down, but you can't let this knock you out.

And I get like emotional every time I say it. And, uh, and that was the turning point. And that was, so what was really cool was when I started teaching fitness and pivoted my career and all that. And,

And I just started closing out all my classes even before Peloton with that phrase. And now it's become, it's so wild. It's your phrase. Yeah, it's a thing. But Kendall, I'm sorry. But look at you now is that you were destined to be a star. And I think that wasn't the right time for you as a child. That would have been disastrous. And how amazing it is that what is meant for you will come no matter what.

what? Oh, 100%. And now look at you. You're about to launch everything and not that you're not already popular, but this is wonderful. So you made it there anyway at the right time. Yeah, and I think it's such a testament to the timing I had for myself.

I thought I failed and the bigger timing and what really the ultimate plan was. I needed to go through that incredible Valley. Like, yeah. Why should you have a platform if you're not doing something positive with it? Yeah. Especially in like all the noise and all the chaos that is today. It's like, I'm sick of just hearing random people talk about random shit and be famous for nothing. Yeah. Like I want, just tell me something, tell me something human. So I'm really grateful for the fact that that hell is,

created everything that I do now and so like you know I'm in the process of launching my own charity super soon and I'm really excited about that and doing more advocacy and mental health and good having real conversations and finding the funny in it because it's such a fucking weird existence and the duality of its wild and we have to you know not make it so serious all the time too that's fun I'm glad you're doing that um I'm so curious about this go yeah what is it like

for somebody, because you have, there's this roster of talent when you have any of the fitness tools, but like, let's say the Peloton bike. So you have a, like you said, you have a cheer background. Were you a cyclist too? Like, did you have that background? Because you watch these things and you're like, okay, so like, like I told you, I take a lot of classes now from Matt. Oh, I love Matt. And, and he's great. You know, he's always talking about his triathlons and marathons and you're like, okay, this, it kind of adds up. You're like, this guy's,

training all the time. And then some people, you don't know what all their backgrounds are, but how does one

What's the process of getting hired at somewhere like that? I have a feeling by your response that it's like, yeah, there's my dog right there, Matt Wilpers. Yeah. Oh, I love Matt Wilpers. Sweet guy. He's an angel. He's such a good human. Yeah. So look at Matt. He's legit. Yeah. I am a fucking poser. Really? I never taught a cycling class before Peloton. Seriously? I never taught one. I lied. I said I did. Yeah.

And then did you like... Fake it till you become it. Is there... Because like, okay, just all honesty, like when you start, you know, I started, I was probably...

20 pounds heavier. And so you're like, you know, you're doing like cycling classes and you realize, but then there's, you know, there's levels to this shit. And when I'm doing like a 60 or 75 minute, uh, a power zone class, you're like, this is taxing. Like this is really, and it's built to be that way. So let me not completely negate myself. Like I am a certified personal trainer. I understand how to build your body and I have a boxing background. Okay.

So I grew up fighting bitches. That was my cup of tea. That's cool. Yeah. So actually one of my mentors is a film director and he, I met him in college before I had this breakdown and he's like, there's, there's shit going on with you. He was like, you need to come to the boxing gym. I was petrified, but I was like, this guy's awesome. I'm not going to like let them down, you know? And I fell in love with boxing and then I would go there two, three times a week. He never bless his heart. He never charged me for private training at this gym.

Wow. And that set the tone for me and finding my power. Oh, completely. I will still say in anybody going through anything difficult, if they have the strength to go in and try boxing, I think it's transformational. It's awesome. It's phenomenal. Yeah. Will,

but is there like an, is there like a legit audition to the instructor? Yeah. So how this whole thing happened was I was teaching a boxing fitness class at a place called rumble in LA. Yeah. Yeah. So I was one of their founding trainers at the LA studio and I kind of fell into that. So,

The boxing trainer that was doing my private training with me at that gym when I was just learning boxing, he was opening a private small boutique fitness studio in West Hollywood. And I was broke because I worked for a very, very well-known social media platform and got fired because I wouldn't partake in certain behaviors.

But we can't say too much more about that. Because legal is fun. But yeah, so pivoted from there and had to completely retool my life. So I was like, I guess I'm broke as shit. I need to teach some type of a class. And he's offering me a job to be a boxing instructor. So I taught four classes at this gym. And then the owners of Rumble came in to my fourth class and were like, hey, you're decent at this.

you want to audition to be to be a rumble instructor lived in new york did that opened the la studio so after a year and a half of running the la studio and being one of the founding trainers there cody rigsby slid into my dms on instagram i was like hey do you want to audition for peloton i'm like

What is that? Yeah, what is this? And it's a bike. And I've taken three SoulCycle classes in my entire life. And then you were like, oh, I teach cycling sometimes. Yeah, okay. Yep, I totally lied because I was broke and I wanted to move back to New York. And I just had a feeling I needed to be back in that city. And you had spent your entire childhood auditioning. So how interesting that that totally was not foreign to you. And that's probably why you shined. I'm sure they auditioned so many people.

Yeah. There's a lot. Sometimes you take classes, you can take a class with just the instructor and there's no one there. When it's full of people, how are there people there? Do they sign up for that? Do they email in or something? It's aggressive. So to try to book into those classes, they fill up in like sometimes 30 seconds to two minutes. Wow. And there's 40 spots. And it's,

usually two to three weeks out. So people will drop everything. And they're like flying in to do it. Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay. They fly in like, and then we have a meet and greet after and it's, it's wild. You hear all the emotions. You're like, I overcame this. I just got married. I just divorced this smuck, like whatever, all this stuff you hear at all. And, and we all do classes together that way. I'll say this. It's cool. I am a cynical, sarcastic asshole. And I'm,

When I start these things and you guys are all like cheering, I'm like this fucking idiot. Like being all like, hey, you can do it. And then I'm alone at home and then after a few, you're like, oh no, this is actually kind of nice. You guys are so positive. I actually end up enjoying it. I'll tell you, here's my biggest pet peeve. You're taking a class.

And it's fucking hard, right? So you're like, you're trying to like push through and you know, they're like, all right, you know, like you're ramping back up again. And your, your guide is the instructor. And it's like, you're in minute like 45 and you're like, fuck, there's like 15 minutes left. And the instructor starts with like, I want you to dig deep right now. Don't, and the instructor stops.

So the instructor stops and goes like, hey guys, I know right now you're probably like thinking about how it's hard, but I want you to just dig. And you're like, hey motherfucker, start pedaling. Thank you. We're trying to finish. It makes me crazy. I yell at the screen. As you should. So I will firmly stand on this. The only two times I've ever stopped in classes is

was during my mental health rides. And I did it because I wanted people to experience what it felt like to work really, really hard and stop. Because it was a metaphor for thinking of quitting. It makes sense. Two times I've only ever done it. Otherwise, I was an absolute animal. I would not stop. And that's why I can't do it. There's a certain instructor who I will tell you off mic that makes a regular practice of it.

and it's not Matt and it's not you but it's somebody who I feel like sending a fucking DM to myself. Like get your ass fucking peddling. Yeah, you're telling me, I just believe and I'm right there with you. If I'm asking someone to do something, I'm not gonna not do it with you. Dude, yes, like you're telling me to do shit? Well, it's also like why would you trust, it takes away our credibility, I think. A thousand percent. Like if I'm going to say this is gonna be great for your body and this is gonna be a great experience for you,

I'm much more of the link arms type of a person. We'll get up the hill together. And it sucks. I taught metal rides. Those things were absolute hell. They're brutal. I hated them, but I loved them too. This is the other question I have. How many sessions is a typical instructor teaching in a week? Oh, man.

On a really intense week. So we would have live classes with members. Right. And that was after COVID. We got people back in the studio. That's a whole ordeal, though, because you then get there early. We do our own hair and makeup. Or I used to because I was there. Did my own hair and makeup. We all did. And then you would teach sometimes one, sometimes two to three classes. Yeah.

depending on what the stack was and then you would do a meet and greet with everybody so you'd be out there it's like a three hour and it's just a lot of energy too it's wonderful but it was very emotionally tiring like five days a week like is it about three to five days a week depending on your schedule multiple classes a day oh yeah wow so i would probably i think on my busiest week i probably would have like anywhere 14 oh so you guys are getting after oh yeah yeah wait wait it's 14 classes per not per day per

No, per week. I was like, Jesus Christ. And meet and greets. And like... Be perfect. Jesus. It was a lot. It was a lot. No wonder Kendall looks like Kendall. Now, I'm not going to name any names on this sheet here, but how come... Just, you can scroll around. Let's see who's up. Oh, no. Oh, no. How come they chose to have heavier people be...

The aspirational. Okay. There's, okay, two things can be true at the same time, though. Like. Sure. I will totally, I, listen, the great thing is that you have a whole crew of people that either you connect to or you don't, right? It's like a whole cast of Avengers. So some people. It really is. Some people like Iron Man. Some people like Spider-Man. I think they're in front of the same thing. I don't know. I'm clearly not too well versed.

I will say the instructors are all truly like they are athletes. They can lift. They can pull. They're legit. There are some body types too that like are different. Like if you look at an Olympic weightlifter, they're going to be built bigger and different. Like it's a different set and a different suite of energy. Is there a weightlifting peloton that I'm not aware of? I don't know about that. I don't think we – some people train Olympic weightlifting. It's an awful lot of cardio.

of cardio. There's a lot of strength program though. It's a lot of cardio. Well, you know, you got to stay on top of your diet too, Jean. Oh my God. There is a thing though that I will say, I'm sure most people experience this.

You start some of these sometimes and you're like, nah, I don't like this guy. And you just, yeah, right away. It's funny. It's energy though. It is. And it's the same thing. Like you get like a similar experience in a boutique fitness class. Like, you know, your instructors are jam and you just vibe and you, you know, you vibe with people. You don't vibe.

with others exactly yeah I get it it's like life it's anything you know what I mean you walk into a room and you're just like nope you're like you suck I don't know why but you're terrible that's why I always like the real people like you and I love my home girl that got I'm sorry I'm blanking on your name right now she lives in Greece

Comic that became a trainer. Oh, I know who you're talking about. My girl, dude. Sorry, guys. It's been a rough year. Stacia Patwell. Stacia Patwell. Hell yeah, Stacia. Sorry, girl. Oh, wait. I don't know her. She's great, too, because she also has a story of like, hey, I was an alcoholic. I was like 20 pounds overweight. I had a breaking point as well. And I got into fucking fitness. Yeah. And same like when she teaches you, she doesn't bullshit you and go like, hey. Oh, she taught, too. Of course. She's amazing. She's never like, this is awesome.

She's like, this sucks right now. Let's fucking do it anyways. You can hate something and still do it. And I was like, dude, that's the person I like. Yeah. Just be honest with me. This sucks right now. Let's go. There's so many platitudes. There's just platitudes everywhere and it never connects. It's just so disingenuous. You're like, listen,

Working out is hard. Losing weight is hard. Getting healthy is fucking hard. There's no easy way about it, but it's the consistency and then it's committing to yourself and then it changes your brain chemistry because you're staying committed to a new habit and the habit means that you're empowering yourself. So if that's the cost of having a better life, I think it's worth it. I think it makes you a better person, but it's not easy. It is the whole thing. I mean, what I've learned personally is that it's,

It's just really about committing to things. Because a lot of people, and myself included, you have times in your life where you're like, oh yeah, I ate well Monday and I worked out Wednesday. And then on Saturday you're like, how come I'm not happy with my fitness progress? Because you did two things this week. You know what I mean? It's really about every day. Yeah, it's moving something every day. And it doesn't always, I think the other thing too is like,

you know, there's a great analogy about like athletes and how a third of the time you're hitting it. You're doing everything peak. You feel fantastic. Another third of the time, you just feel blah, mediocre, whatever. A day was a day. And the final third, you feel like shit. You think you're not making progress. You're negative in your head, all of that. Two thirds of the time, you're feeling neutral to shit. Like I think a lot of people think you're supposed to feel great about it every single day. But really the discipline comes from the fact

you're only getting that a third of the time. So the more that you can focus on celebrating that one third and understanding that that's not the expectation to have daily, it takes the pressure off of having to have a PR day every single day. That's just not realistic. - Sure, it's not realistic, no. And I imagine you're on top of diet too, right? Like you're probably a very clean eater? - Pretty much, yeah. Like I'm aware of what I'm putting in my body. I love cooking. I do actually, I put a lot of recipes on my Instagram and I've started putting them in the newsletter that I have, which is sick. But I love, I grew up with an Italian mom.

And I love my cheese and I love my pasta. But if I can make it a little healthier, I will. So I'll put a bunch of cool recipes up there and just find other ways to sub things out. Because look, there's a lot of crap in the food, particularly in America. And you have to be thoughtful of where you get the ingredients. Where's it coming from? Where's the cow from? Is he grass fed? You know, I eat everything, but just thoughtfully. We live in a country that doesn't prioritize food healthily.

health food awareness food like people don't know shit about and it's like we don't teach it you have to actually be curious yourself to figure it out and if you rely on just what is out there without any you're just eating garbage no it's so many chemicals it

But see, I didn't believe in this because I'd always be like, this is some fucking conspiracy bullshit. Get out of here. I just saw my oncologist two days ago and she goes, Christina, breast cancer is not one in eight women. It's going towards one in six women. Yep.

because of environmental factors, plastics and everything, the GMOs and the food. And I was like, you gotta be kidding me that now the cancer doctor is telling me this stuff. And she's like, and I go, what do I do? And she goes, go shop at farmer's markets. Okay, so make sure like you know where your food is coming from. You know, and you can do that here in Texas. There's a lot of farms here.

And there's programs you can, we sign up now for this box of fresh veggies and meat that gets delivered from the local farm. Yes, and it supports the local farmers who are doing the progress and actually farming in sustainable and more functional ways. Like,

It's not just churn and burn. Yeah. You know, and you look at the difference. It's gross. And there's like a really interesting thing where it shows beef cuts that are like grass fed or pasture or whatever and then farmed beef. And you can just see in the musculature of the beef itself. You're like, that just doesn't look right. The color doesn't look right. No. There's things that like don't like, I don't know if you've ever, like does this look right to you? Beautiful and nice by the show. I'm going to add this neck here.

Wait, what's on top? So that's a lamb shank on top of strawberries. Ranch. No, I have not seen that before. What's the orange part? Is that a mushroom? Honey ranch. Honey ranch. You drizzle everything with honey ranch, right?

You know what? I make a healthier version of it, so I find a way to do it. I mean, that's a six-star chef. Six-star? I love the gimmick of putting it in a martini glass or a wine glass. He created that himself. He invented that. Do you wash your chicken? I wash my chicken. I've got vinegar.

Oh my God. You don't do that? Hold on. Is he going to get in like every little orifice with the toothbrush? He's doing the backside of the brush, which is interesting. Why is he using the back? It's just a choice. Creative choice. Maybe he's afraid of the plastic from the brush getting into the chicken skin. You know what? Never thought that. Nailed it. Anti-plastic. Bless him. Do you like chicken?

I do love chicken. Not like that. I would not eat that damn chicken. Oh, you're missing out. You're missing out. What about... That's my favorite. Show me another. Do you like burgers? In a Teflon pan. Really great. By the way, you had no Teflon. Stainless steel only. Look at this burger. What should I cook in ceramic? Stainless steel. Stainless steel. I'll send you Rex. Look at this burger. Look at the size of this burger. What is that? It's his burger. It's his burger. Is he going to smash it? No, babe. It looks like a big...

Do you like the middle raw? Yummy. Do you ever indulge in treats like mac and cheese? I did last night, actually. Oh, my cilantro. Okay, is it? I have the soap gene, so I can't have cilantro.

Otherwise, yeah, we could ask them to make this for you without the cilantro. Yeah, no, I think that would be smart. Well, this looks like pretty authentic Italian. You may want to show your mom this. Yeah, show your mom. This is when Italians look at a video and just curse and throw their phone. Yeah, I think quite a few would. It's beautiful stir fry.

Fresh lemon. I would love it in a giant oversized martini glass. Oh, wow. You know the ones where they put like the towers of shrimp or like, you know, the dessert, the cheesecakes and stuff. Yeah, he does all kinds of cool stuff. I am. Sounds fancy. Also. People always asking the chef. Oh, wow. What's my favorite meal?

I love his outfit, though. I really do. I really do. Peanut butter and jelly. Peanut butter and jelly. You know, that's true. It's a classic. I put bananas on it, too. Wow. And also the choice to have thick cuts of bananas. I put bananas on my peanut butter and jelly stuff.

So, you know, they talk about in cooking like the perfect bite. Yeah. I think that's a fascinating. I'd be curious how perfect that bite is. Just the mushy textures just really get me going. I would do just the peanut butter with the banana. I feel like maybe it's too sweet with the jelly. I don't know. Wasn't that Elvis' favorite? Is it chemical jelly or is it like...

It's organic farm grown. Now, you are a, I would say you're a fitness influencer, right? Is that fair to say? Yeah, I'll take it. And we've had a few on the show. One, his name is Will. In this episode of What Does the Wild Naked Man Drink? You know him? I'm going to fill this beautiful mason jar with my beautiful Orin, which is medicinal.

Keep watching. Don't you look away, Kendall. Don't you look away. I'm watching. I'm looking. I'm looking. I'm committed. He's really sweet. Look at his skin. Doesn't he have beautiful skin? He really does. He's got a wonderful beard. You're the guy. Nice. Good for mental health.

We do. We do. Self-love is the only love that his platitudes are accurate. It's true. Self-love is truly the only guy, you know, he runs marathons like he's in good shape. I will say it's got to be convenient for 5,000 years. And then look, everything that's bad for us.

like injecting heavy metals and aborted fetal cells right into your body is made to seem good. And everything that's good for us, like drinking your piss, is made to seem bad. We live in an inverted clown world. So try it for yourself and be your own guru and do what feels good. Do what feels good. And guess what?

He emailed us again. He was on the show. And he wrote in, hey, brother. Oh, I love that. Thought you might enjoy my new cock meditation. This will help men grow their penises and their balls produce more sperm. With Tom injecting his testosterone, because I inject, I thought he might enjoy this the natural way. Love, W. That's Will. And here is his meditation song. I'm so excited. Yeah.

You have to repeat it. That's good. He gets working.

Affirmations work. They do. Wow. Look how he stood upright. It's working. Wow. This is amazing. I'm incredibly powerful.

How long is this? 25 minutes. I have unlimited energy. I would love to see the before and after of... My confidence is magnetic. Let me tell you, Will came in here, he wanted to come on nude, but he did concede to wearing underwear. Underwear only. Let's say a sock at least? On the... A little cock sock? No. No.

I mean, a little more covered. It was underwear. It was little tighty-whities. Also insisted on long hugs in his state. Hopefully nothing, everything was nice and flaccid. Yeah, for me. It was growing. And for you. For Enny, he really liked Enny. And he walked right past him, wouldn't hug. No hugs.

No hooks, Juanita. No hooks. Yeah, you were like, nah. Not today. Not today. But he does look really good in person and he's in excellent physical shape. He does. Very bright. His beard's impressive. His skin tone. His skin looks great. I'm so curious about the urine. Have you tried it? No, I can't say I have. I don't think I will. I'm assuming he probably doesn't consume asparagus, though, because I feel like that would be a really difficult...

Look how clear that is. I know. He's very well hydrated. You know, they'll buy all the supplements, very expensive supplements, yet they never have seen their bros naked. They've never worked out naked. They've never played naked ultimate Frisbee. They've never done naked wrestling.

And there's a reason why testosterone and sperm counts are at an all time low. It's because men are not getting that vitamin that Robert Bly, who wrote Way of Iron John, said is an invisible food that gets transfused between men through the ethers when they get naked and do, for example, ball cupping or ball tapping rituals where you tap your bestest bros balls and look at his beautiful mushroom head and said good energy into it.

Excuse me. Your bestest bros. Can he make a... I want a clothing line that says, cup your bestest bros balls on the shirt. I think you should. Gosh, that would be amazing. I don't think it's on brand for me, but I really think he could make a mint doing it. Listen to you. In my live workshops, we do a beautiful cock exercise. This is actually inspired by a guy named Darius Bashar. Okay.

Why is he thrusting? Basically, he does these workshops called Penis Wellness. So it's all about your relationship with your cock and like really learning to love your penis. Because if you love your penis, your self-esteem builds up, I find. Yeah. So what you do is you stand in a circle of a sweater guy. Makes me uncomfortable. I'm so uncomfortable for them. Don't be Peter Gazing. Wow. Are they going to?

Oh, they want to see more? No, we don't need to see more. Wow. Wow. That's why Annie walked away. Yeah. That could have been you, Annie. I know. Just hogging.

Hugs, cock gazing. They went swimming. Yeah, this is, wow. That's so gay. You guys are just afraid of how much testosterone naturally you can create by being with your bros and cock gazing. Why are you so afraid? I guess I'm just not man enough. Open your heart.

Well, anyway, this is also just to fill your mind. All right. You okay? Are you well? Yeah, with ideas for what you could do with your platforms. Oh, nice. For women, because Will doesn't do women things. At all. He doesn't do women either. Maybe I should. Yeah. Well.

I kind of got that vibe. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I'd be his type. If you have any menstrual blood workshops, I would like to make a mandala with my menstrual blood. Maybe paint it. Paint it. Yeah. Give it up as an offering. Water plants. I did know someone. And new glasses, I think, would be a huge, huge hit. Huge for you. It's so fun.

It's funny you mention that. Someone suggested it. Yeah, I think you should, Kendall. They're like, yeah, Kendall, build a platform, put it on OnlyFans. Just cycle in the nude. There was once I did wear, unfortunately, I wore a skin-toned

It was a Peloton apparel set and I wore it shadow boxing. And then I had a black, like the mic belt. And I looked and I noticed, I'm like, Oh God, I look naked. Yeah. I'm like, I literally look naked. If you start teaching your classes topless, you would be the greatest fitness instructor that ever lived. Listen to Christina. The most, the richest you, you charge a premium for just topless. You don't have to show your meow or your feet. Yeah. No,

Wow. Should we call it fit? Right, look at Zolo. He loves the idea. He's smiling. I love it. Listen, by far, I have so many male friends that adore you and would pay a premium to just see you do a topless. Oh, by the way. Let's see how I go. We could call it fit tits. Fit tits? Fit tits?

Fit titty. I mean, there you go. And all the women behind you, their tits are showing too. And you have all different size of sloppers. Yeah. And then do we cup each other's tits? Of course you cup each other's tits. And then we partner with Will and we build an empire. That's what I'm saying. You want to talk about your class filling up in two minutes. Fit tits will sell out way faster than you think. Real fast. Real fast. Guys, there we go. That's my plan. As a public person and you're teaching on the platform,

You know, we sometimes show marginalized communities people like this guy. Well, hold on. Okay, so he's just... What did he say? He's just putting a plea out there for someone to come visit him. Oh, bless his heart. I know, bless his little heart. But I want to know, did you get some perhaps...

unwanted messages as a teacher, as an instructor? Did you get some creepy messages ever? Oh, you know, I will say I have probably, let's just call it, I had a sea of cocks in my DMs. Wow!

It was like little, I would always make a joke too. I was like, Oh God, like, cause finally Instagram got to the point. I kept reaching out to them. I'm like, can I, I want to look at DMS from people who sometimes they say very nice messages about, you know, how classes helped transform their life or like a personal story. So literally talk about like dissonance, cognitive dissonance. I'm like,

tearing up at like wow you know I'm inspired you got me through my father's passing and then it's like dick and then it's like thank you dick like it's just like it was constant yeah there was a lot of them it's like your mom's house oh I hate that I'm looking for a white lady that's tattooed and dominant and be willing to put me in a dress and beat the shit out of me call me I'm the sissy of Fremont Street

Wow. You know those guys out there like that. Yeah, I feel like some of them have tried to contact me. Kendall, you're not married yet. I'm not married yet, no. You're still out there. Alex, you got competition, honey. The sissy of Fremont Street is just calling my name. Right? God. I'll make this brief. My name is John Laiu Shipman. I'm looking for girls for pussy. I'd love to eat pussy.

At least he knows what he wants and he's very clear in communication. I will give him that. You're looking for some action. You live in Missouri. Please call me at 157 or text me at 163. Wait, he has two different numbers? Yeah, most of the cool guys do. Two phones, one for the bitches and one for the hoes. Oh, snap. Remember that guy we played earlier today, the first clip?

Yeah. The angry horny. Oh, yeah. So the deal is, though, so there's different shades of horny on the show that we deal with. Yeah. This, to me, repulses me. Now, hold on. Let me finish my thought. Sure, go ahead. Because I sense the desperation. I'm looking for girls. But DM me. Here's five phone numbers. Here's my Snapchat. And he talks like this. Okay, but watch this next gentleman. He also has respiratory issues. Right?

Sometimes I eat pussy. You should be eating pussy with that. I'm like, well, you'll be able to breathe. We're going to have to take breaks, but I'll get you there. It kind of sounds like Clint Eastwood. Okay.

So hot, Tom. When I'm done eating you, we'll eat together. But yeah, so what's interesting is most of the time I play these fucking awesome finds and she reacts with total repulsion. Just contempt for these men. Because I sense this is desperate. It's unattractive. Yeah, it's not going to happen for him. No. But hold on. But then she had a totally different reaction. But

But see if you feel something different. Be honest and be open, Kendall. I'll be honest. Listen with your heart. Are you ready? With your emotions. Okay. I'm just going to sit back. None of us are going to say anything. We're all just going to look at you. Are you a bitch that loves seeing a nigga jack his dick off when I'm exhausted and tired from doing the act? Will you love the finale? Me or you? Busting my cum in your mouth?

Wow. It was, wow. It was a performance. It was? You know, I would say put a beat behind it and it kind of sounds like a sexy red song. Like, it kind of does. Okay. And here's the thing. Do you have the same repulsion to him and his energy as the two previous guys? I think there's a confidence that he has in

There's a confidence that he has. I'm not, I'm still repulsed. It's like, whoa. But I will give the man credit that he really stood on business with what he was saying. Like, he was like, this is what he likes and what it is. And you're like, it's contained rage is what it seems like. He's like, he's so intense. It's the eye contact.

And then I was expecting her to do the usual. And she goes, yeah, I'd watch. A video, not in live. No. Because I'm afraid of him and his intensity. But I'd watch him masturbate. I would. It would be okay. It's not the end of the world. I don't think, I mean, I don't enjoy watching masturbation.

Guys, J or Ds? Random truck drivers jack off? No, no, no. I had an unfortunate experience in Los Angeles where a homeless man literally did it. I'm like, I could go my whole life never seeing that. Every woman has this lovely experience in LA and New York. But I wouldn't watch the sissy of Fremont do it. And I wouldn't watch the, I'm looking for girls for pussy. Right? It's like the new version of looking for a man in finance. I'm looking for girls for pussy. 5'4".

120. He accepts all intolerances, guys. I'm sweating. I hate it. You can't look at it. You don't like this guy now. Because it's

Remember we were talking about that Barbie earlier? Yes. Is he on that? Oh, for crying out loud. Is he going to be a Ken? Right? He's not of sound. He's not missing chromosome, right? No. Right? Is he special? Is he touched? You know what? Let's switch this up, okay? I got something else for you. Totally different, okay? First of all, this is very funny. Okay. This message is to Cody Silker. And if you're not him, just...

Keep on scrolling. You got the energy? I challenge you. Yes, you. I love the mullet. To a mullet shake-off. I'll start it. Oh! Oh! Right? Hell yeah, dude. Wow. You come until the end of this week to duet. I am into this content. I need to see the... The duet? We don't have the reply. Did Cody not reply? I don't know. What the hell, Cody? Guys? I don't think Cody has replied. Wow! Wow!

The balls on Cody. Cody was owned. That's what it is. Yeah. Dude, you can't. That was a really good mullet and he had movement. This is specifically. It was like a layered one too. Yeah, dog. Yeah, the bounce to it. Yeah. And obviously like, I think if you put a mullet on me today, I would just be like. Nah, dude. And then he'd be like, oh, you don't know how to do it. How long has it been? Since I've shaved it. What?

I mean, I have a full head of hair. What, Kendall? No, no, I have a full head of hair. I just do this because I like it. It's an aesthetic choice. Yeah, I just think it looks better. Hair is so fucking gay. Oh, sorry. Do you want me to put mine back for you? It's been years, Kendall. No, you wear it well. Thank you, thank you. It's been years. I don't even remember. Okay. This, first of all, don't fucking act like you miss hair.

I don't. You know what? I never. It wasn't one of my things with dudes. Like when I was dating, I never even noticed if a man was bald. I really didn't. I don't care. I'll say this. Teeth are more important than hair. Oh, God, yes. Teeth are a big thing. You figure out what bothers you by what you put in. And I've been offered free hair restoration surgeries by companies. They're like, we'll do it for free. And I'm like, meh.

I don't care enough. Even you and the vibe. It's just not... I don't care enough. And I think... Yeah. Yeah.

Listen, you're in a good crew. If they were like, we'll give you a free body restoration and have the body you want, I'd be like, okay, I'll sign up for that. You're like, let's go. Emsculpt me now. No, I mean, look, a bald guy is a strong energy. You have Bruce Willis. It's very masculine. You have Mr. Clean. You have Will Blunderfeld. Yeah, the piss drinker. Piss guy. He's pretty bald. Yep, yep. And he is, I think if you're bald, maybe it's more of a struggle if you're bald and you can't grow facial hair.

That's true. That, yeah. I wonder. I'll say this. I look very, very sick when I shave my face. Like sickly? It's very sad. Yeah, you're like, oh, this guy's. Are you okay? He's in hospice care. Yeah, look, it's like, it's not, and I'm going to be doing it soon.

- I can't wait, I haven't seen your face in years. - I have a family friend, he never shaved his mustache and then for his 50th birthday or 60th birthday they did and it was a costing. It's so funny how for certain men that facial hair is everything. - You need it. - Yeah. - Okay, I don't know if you've seen this but I've been so excited to show you this. This is a real interaction.

Just see how this plays out. This is my wife. Wife? Yes, sir. Now soon to know the wife. What's that? I think that's so healthy. So nice. So healthy. This is so healthy. What do you mean? I mean that he's...

Oh no! Oh god!

I know you like it. Foreigners. This is not good Pashtun hospitality. Yes, sir. No. Great hospitality. I don't think so. What did you say? I don't think so. Why? Because you can't say this. This is not nice. No, it is general talk. Not so. No, this is rude.

So he's just on a train and this guy's like, this is your wife? That's a big broad for you. He's like, you don't match. Damn. But in every other country, they actively fat shame people if you're overweight. Remember the Koreans? You know what the Koreans do? Oh, wait, I heard about this. At the park, they have this, it's like an arch, right? And there are slots there.

Oh, I've seen this. Yes. And it has writing. And it's like, if you can fit through this, you're healthy. And if you can fit through – if it's this size, you're not healthy. And then if you have like a 36-inch waist, they're like, you're a pig. No. It's like public shaming. Yes, public shaming. Wow. I'm all for it, Kendall. I don't know. I don't know.

Because when I visit my relatives in Hungary or wherever, they'll be like, no, you're too fat. This is not good. They just tell you straight up. Yeah. Italians are the same way, too. Yeah. I think it's very interesting in America. We're the only ones that really... Oh, here it is. We're like, yeah. Wow. Oh, man. I guess like height...

height doesn't really attribute no they don't really care they're just like stay the same width yeah you can get taller you just can't get whiter there are no different body types here just be like this just be this period no but it is true in the in like my half my family is from Peru and they're like you get off the plane they're like hello fat ass they are super direct I would have not guessed Peru yeah my mom's Peruvian what's your dad? American okay yeah

I was like, yeah, I knew from Wow, because he doesn't look old. Well, you just don't don't look Latin at all. Yeah, I know. I would have guessed Irish. I have I do have a lot of super crackery. By the way, you're so white, Tom. What? And this is his festive outfit. He will. He said this is his good mood outfit. I like the colors. Do you like the colors? He chose your white shirt.

For the white guy. Do you like this fucking vampire look? I actually loved it. I complimented her on the way in. We got the memo. We got the memo. I'm wearing like soothing hair too. Oh, you look so good. Oh my God, I love your outfit. This is the Eddie Monster jacket. I love the way you did your hair. This is the fucking coolest jacket. It's badass. You're so jealous. I'm so jealous.

I was a little emo kid and I love all the weirds. I love Tim Burton and all that stuff. You look like you know where to get heroin. That's what you look like. Good. I wish. From Dracula. Yeah. Tim Burton. I had this thought last night. I was laying in bed. The waiting room, so I have to go to radiation after this, so I'm like a little nervous, but the waiting rooms are so depressing because they're always like,

and there's always old people, old guys with their bruised legs and their dry skin. And lots of moaning.

Lots of moaning. There's always grunts. And I'm like always the youngest one there and I hate it. And I was thinking today how much better it would be if Tim Burton designed the waiting room. Like, you know how in Beetlejuice? With like the weird like skinny, like tiny little shrunken heads. Yeah. And the stripes, black and white stripes. And like, yeah, I'm with you. I love, I've always loved Tim Burton's movies. I would pay for a themed radiation center. Yeah.

Like you already feel like that anyway. You might as well just commit to the bit. It's depressing. That's exactly what it feels like to go get radiation on your tits. You're just sitting there on death's waiting list. Christina has radiation from her

for cancer treatment. I just got even a more serious thing. I had my Invisalign taken off and I got to tell you, that shit sucks. I'm not going to lie. I had an, okay, I'm not, we're not comparing radiation at all. Yeah, we should. But you, go ahead. I cannot, it's terrible. I cannot relate to radiation. I, I'm not going to say I wish I could. I hope I don't have to one day, but I do have family that's been through it. And it's hell.

Tom, I feel like an asshole right now. No, no, no. But have you had a menstrual cramp? God, Christine, I'm so sorry. Yes, I have. Homewrecker. It's worse than cancer. Bullshit. It is. It is. It is. We definitely. It's painful. It's very painful. But you haven't had a menstrual cramp. So I don't know about that. Or given birth. I haven't done that yet either. God. Epidural? I'll put. But I still felt. It's not weak. It's not weak. I.

Give me the fucking needle is where I'm at. But no, Invisalign, because the sick part is they ache for so long. When they take them off and they're scraping. Oh my God, and they're scraping and suction and you feel the nerves shooting up in your mouth and you're like, fucking give me chemo. This is the worst thing I've ever felt in my life. These crybaby pussies, am I right? Yeah, you have no idea. You can never talk until you get Invisalign. Wait, so you're Hungarian? You know what, Kendall?

She is. I know. No, no, go. I know. I know. I deserved it. You know what? I deserve trouble. I, I, that was, I was tagged in that so many times. You're trouble.

Yeah, I know. I kind of am. No, you're amazing. We love you. We're so proud. I'm good for you. Do you want to show her anything? You want to show her these? No. Oh, my TikTok. Yeah. I do have to go because I got to go. Okay. So I don't know if you know my TikTok curations. I do like to showcase marginalized communities that don't have a voice. I give them a voice on TikTok. That's a certain way of phrasing it. I mean, I'm sorry. I'm your mom's house. Okay. Let's see. Okay. Here we go. Hey, Angel.

- There you go. Actually, we pulled that from Kendall's DMs. - It looked familiar, guys. Did I submit? - So I don't know how that makes you feel, but this is gonna be a roller coaster ride. - Okay, okay, I'm ready. Matthew and I don't drink, but we do drink when it's all inclusive. - This is our first drink of the night. - Oh no, I love these. - Coke with Malibu. Good suggestion. - This is our second drink of the day.

pina coladas I really don't drink that much at all anymore I did a little sober bit for a while it was good for my mental of course she doesn't because she looks there's no but I occasionally love a little cocktail a little spicy marg a little glass of wine

We don't drink, but we do when it's all-inclusive, which is actually the worst time to drink because they're putting the cheapest ass worth. It's the cheapest stuff. It's the bullshit. And it's all sugar. I'm like, no, no, no. Drink when you're in Europe. This is headache booze. Yeah, no, no. They're going to be spinning before they even get out of the pool. And dehydration. I know. Just cooked on the beach. We're having the candy corn soft serve summer. The sweet corn soft serve. With butterscotch shell and candy corn. Hi, everyone.

Just so you know, you're reacting completely the way you're supposed to. I will tell you, she reminds me. I love that they're spooky people because I vibe with that. So that's cool. Like I'm like, okay, sort of brethren. But she reminds me of Squeaky Fromm, you know?

Do I? I love True Crime and I read Helter Skelter in the fifth grade. Oh my God. It literally changed my brain chemistry. Did you watch the Lacey Peterson doc? Oh my God, yes.

He's such an asshole. He's such an asshole. He's such an arrogant prick. How about the sister being like, yeah, you know, we're trying to get him out. Here's my theory. I think she wants to fuck him. Her brother? Yeah. Really? Well, it's his sister-in-law. Oh, of course. She's in love with him. It's that weird behind bars charismatic. He's a total narcissist. He's a total sociopath. He's attractive, unfortunately. That's why. Well, that's how they can do it. That's how they do it. That's how the serial killers do it. So what's his face? Bundy. So cute. Yeah, but...

that you're watching because you know we all like remember this story like Hazel you're like oh I remember that story and then you're watching it and you get to see interrogation footage and it's it's the day it's the day that it's Christmas Eve and he's reported her missing and he's like yeah I went took the boat out he goes I went fishing I don't fish but I bought one today he's like I hope you guys you know I hope we find her and they're like

All right. So he's like, yeah. That would be Tom's confession. No. Hey, Christina's missing. No, I would not do that. Tom, your wife is missing. My wife? No. My wife. No. That's very Borat. That's better. That's better, babe. And then you look up and you go.

And then you text your side chick? Yeah. God, it is wild. The house is empty. I don't like it. Oh, God. Oh, dude. It's not nice. Here's the good thing, though, is you would haunt his ass so bad. Would I, though, Kendall? Would I? I'd just move on. In the afterlife? You'd be like, there's hotter men in the afterlife. Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's... Exactly. I've always wondered. I'm like, if you get murdered and it's a terrible way to go, like...

If you get to the other side, whatever's over there, is it like, listen, you came out. I'm sorry how it ended for you. Here's your pick of the litter. She's ready for the afterlife guy today. She's ready for Patrick Swayze in Ghost. Aren't we all? God. She's fantasizing. He is on the other side. Oh, for sure. Patrick Swayze. We dance together, the dirty dancing. Nobody puts baby in a corner. Nobody puts Christina in a corner. In a ditch.

Oh, I got it. Let's talk about this. No, you got it. Just say it. Who is it? Oh,

say it you it's on the tip of your tongue i like weirdos dark yeah dark weirdos i feel like you'd go for like i can't say i had a massive crush on jim morrison i was a weird guy like that kind i like that she's on my vibe yes yeah yeah yeah young but do you get to be young in the afterlife i don't want to be aged the age i am i'm like i want to be kind of like when you die do you die at like do you go to the afterlife i in in the age that you were that's

I hope not. Yeah. I would choose 28, which I think you're 20, 20, 20. Perfect. It's a good one. I'm past that now. Leonardo DiCaprio will no longer date me or date me. No, I don't want that. Oh my God. I'm, I know I should be put to pasture. She's an old hag. Gross. Okay. I got it. Sorry. We got to finish up. Oh no, no. Okay. I don't understand what's turning you off about this.

- This guy licked his fingers. - I can't, I just. - I'm like buddy, you are not Channing Tatum. He's trying to give matchmike vibes. - I'd rather cut both my tits off again. - Also the 2005 sunglasses are getting me. It's rough. - We're at the airport and check this out. I have this amazing buckwheat salad that I just made. What do we got? Look at this. I have my buckwheat salad on the go. Bunch of sprouts. - At the airport?

In a plastic bag. The plastic bag is what's throwing me with the latex gloves. And she has latex gloves as she travels. I'm going to throw up. I would call TSA and be like, you need to fucking arrest this person. But how did she get that through? That's more than three ounces of dressing. That's some bullshit. For your healthy traveling. Where are we at? We are in Miami airport. That's why. Yeah. That airport is fucking insane. I'm happier with. There's people walking by. Is that a Buckley salad?

Like, and here's my... What in the fuck? That is six ounces. Yeah. That did not... I'm gonna use my hands. The way she's, like, putting her... That's amazing. I think she might be in my... Lucy's... She is... Hi, sweetie. That was a great tag.

Hi, sweetie. Hi, sweetie. Just to everyone. Strong black coffee. Best drink of the day. There she is. Best drink of the day. Imagine if she talked one of your classes, one of your topless classes. I think I should hire her. Should I send her a recruiting message? Absolutely. Are you ready to be fit? Wait, what? Oh, this is definitely New York.

I want a sweet pussy.

Why does he have to hold his foot up? I don't know why he has to put the water... I think he's trying to get you to imagine that he's representing what he wants to see, which is a woman like that. I guess he's manifesting in that respect. And we salute you, sir, and all of the firefighters and FDNY. I'm sure they're proud to have you as the spokesman. Again, I think it could be a sexy red song. It could be. Watermelon Pussy is a really catchy track. Yeah, you're right. Her chapsticks. She has one that's called

Bootyhole Brown. That's really nice. Yeah. That's lovely. I do have to go. Okay. Kendall Tool, thank you for coming. Follow her at Kendall Tool. Check out the Wholeheartedly with Kendall and Gaylee podcast. Thanks so much for coming in today. Thank you, guys. See you guys next week.

Motherfucker, motherfucker, you motherfuckers and you assholes, motherfucker, motherfucker.

That made you feel bad. Yep. Not the fucking, that's my pee hole. That's where the spit comes out of, Mark. Nope. That doesn't freak you out? This does. This does. Yes. Wow.

Bye.

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