Aubrey O’Day: Overcoming Toxic Men (ft. Diddy, Trump & Pauly D) (FBF)
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What is that daddy game? IT is your founding father, alex Cooper, with call. Abo day, welcome to call her da di.

Thank you for having me.

I am so excited to have you here. I remember watching you in two thousand five on the biggest show on mtv at the time making the band. The show was essentially the original x factor.

People were additionally IT was thousand of people. And they put the best people together to form a band entity, cane, which is the band that you are part of. People need understand that like this show and this band that was created.

IT was the first reality show that followed. Singers, yeah, like I was. I was before american ideal.

I remember watching the show. Abi, i'm not kidding you. I was. And I think the entire world was enema red by you. You were so popular, what do you remember about captivating that many people at that time?

So it's funny data because I don't even I can't even like associate with that. We were so removed from everything when you're in pugh's world and everything revolves around puff. We didn't know we were just working so much.

We would be IT like six morning radio. We take a flight to the afternoon, my space event, and we'd be at night on our tour. We do an after party and we'll be back on a plane six next morning show. We hustled like that for years.

So you didn't even understand like the gravity of the situation, which was like you were the girl in the band and the band had become so successful and everyone was obsessed with IT. You didn't even know that. No.

I mean, I didn't know the extent I knew that we I could see what we were, the numbers we were selling. I could see us charting things like that, but I didn't know we had such an impact.

Got IT. And again, to give people contacts like you didn't have an instagram .

account at the time. There nothing. There is my space.

There was of my website. So lets go back to the audition process, okay?

So lets go back to the audition process. OK, do you remember the first day? Like, what were you wearing? Did you have to wait in a line? Like.

can you try to remember that day? okay. So I was A, I had just taken. L said, I wanted to go to columbia and study international law of a family of attorneys.

And my mom called me the day before and he said, hey, I think you're gonna miserable being a lawyer. There's a glass ceiling. Your far too creative and then he said, um the guidance p di was uh doing a competition show on making the band.

He wanted to start the like an international grow group on television and and he works looking for girls that saying like Christina and dance like brittney and the next morning I woke up and I called my boyfriend in college and was like, hey, can you take me to this addition? I'm scared to drive that. And he was like, I can am working and sounds like no problem.

I wasn't meant to be. And I got, I went on to campus. I was going to my policy class, and then he called me is like, hey, they like, let me go for the day.

I'll take you. So I jumped in. His car was wearing outside. I had on to class to go to class in. And I went to this addition. There were girls wrapped around like whether we were the forum or some a big theatre and I was like, there is no way. I got out the car and everyone was singing with ney Better than witney and I was like, there is no way. And then um the this producer that i'm now very close with SHE pulled me out of line and he was like, tell me about you label blah we had a little interview and then he pulled me to the top of the line and I went in.

auditioned why do you think he picks you out of that lineup?

God, probably because of the way I looked. Maybe yeah, that's what IT always is. First, you mentioned the named .

di and it's crazy to me and I know it's probably crazy you, but there maybe people that are watching this right now that bucking a who did he is at the time? Daddy gay, if you're listening. He was the executive producer of the show.

And he, on top of that, was like one of the most infantile people in hollywood. He was a rapper. He was a mogul.

He was so fucking powerful, and he happened to be the one that was running the band for you. What was your first impression of didi? And how did your relationship evolve over time while you were in the band?

My first impression was he stole the oxygen out of the wrong. I've only met three men in my life that stall the oxygen out of the room daily. Trump, you have.

Everyone else is noticable, but not in the way they are. I mean, literally, the oxygen was out of the room. He just stole everybody's breath.

He's very like powerful and intense. He didn't at that time say much. So you're always like hanging on every straw.

How did IT evolve? Obviously, we had to think six seasons of making the best. So we were together with him for a long time.

He he taught me, um not taught me. He forced me into a work ethic that I respect to this day, because I can do anything on no budget. If you put me in a pile of shit, I can turn that shit into a castle.

Like I, I learned how to be like a really like street smart, to be a hasler. Do I think the method that he went about teaching us that was healthy? Absolutely not.

And you know, after six years, two double platon selling albums, we were broke. I didn't have a dime to my name. And so for, I mean, like we had six seasons on making the band, I think we made like four thousand dollars at the most.

You're talking about a show that that had the same numbers as a jersey shore or a hills or whatever. And we weren't making anything we were like and we didn't even know that we could we didn't know that we could negotiate our contracts. We didn't know that we could say we're not coming back until you pay us correctly.

Nothing when you talk about died is interesting too, because I remember watching the show and I remember that he does come off so powerful. Obviously he is so powerful, but you you guys would argue like you were the one person I felt like in the band that had some ability to go at him. What do you remember arguing about with city?

What would you guys? Everything, everything. But kind of how that worked was i'm obviously like the most vocal and fearless probably out of the girls in those two categories.

So IT was natural for me, but also I didn't group idea. Lizer saw I spoke to him like a business partner, and i'm vocal when I don't think businesses being handled correctly. So I was vocal.

Another reason I was vocal is because I learned quickly being in A A muli multiracial group that like the black women, when they would come forward and speak about something that they weren't satisfied with. IT was, they were angry black women. Whereas if I did IT, IT was so cute that the little White girl was trying to have a little little comment to us.

So IT was received differently. So we started to kind of learn how to protect each other. And so, like, I would speak up for things that the group wanted because IT IT was like acceptable when I did IT.

And then when we've been in the studio, the White girls were not being put on tracks ever. They weren't even being auditioned for the track. They were, we were to sit there.

So I started to like comfort, and I said, hey, i'll go to di every time and take that bullet if you guys say to them, hey, obtaining this part dupe, because, you know, I can. So they would protect me in the studio with producers. Literally, they would get out the booth and be like obi gonna, take this now and not even give them .

a chance to have to say watching Young women navigate the music industry with a model that's running all of IT. IT was vaccinating to see the dynamic. And if you go back and you watch some of the clipsed from the show, the way the women OK you and your bandmates were objectified would never happen today on on television. Can we talk about that? Because I remember a scene where they're talking about your body and you're too big here, or your too this, or or your two slady what do you remember about the objectification?

Um oh god, I think to this day all of my band members are extremely affected by IT, whether they understand what they are affected by or not. We were put in these boxes and everybody had to label. And as women, I think that's one of the most frustrating things that we face because we don't know women that I women are so unique and beautifully drawn like no one woman is any one thing.

But there is just such a desire to put women in boxes. You're there a pretty one. You're the this one. You're the talented one. You're so like everybody had always felt so much pressure.

So the girls that weren't considered the pretty ones ended up getting tons of plastic surgery and changing their whole look. The girls that were considered the pretty ones never really felt like worthy and talented to be a room. And IT took project after project for me to feel like I could say, i'm a singer.

I'm a real singer. I produced, I write. I do every I can. I shoot all of our videos.

I mean, I went like overboard with dumb blind just because I was like, I needed to get everything out improved to people like what my worth was right? But but as far as like looks, so a lot of body shaming. I mean, everybody in my group was tiny.

I was a hundred pounds when first did making the band. I had no boobs, nothing. I was always late. My mom was a late bloomer, or I was always going to be a late bloomer.

But like then when my body started to change in front of the world, then people still take photos of me at seventeen and then photos now there, like, god, look at what happened to her. And like, you guys can't take a photo at seventeen and put in next to a thirty eight year old photo like IT. There's obviously gonna have been all kinds of changes in that .

period of time. What happened to entity him?

Why did the band break up? Um did he fired me on the six? I think he was the six at the very anty fired me. Why not for the reasons he said on TV.

What did he .

say on TV? On TV was like to sum IT up quickly was like your wine. Now I was hanging out with kim cardi an we were best friends. He thought I was like, uh, he basically like, told me was going in a whole direction. And I needed the light cut ties with everybody.

So that was the public facing commentaries.

Wild toe rebellion, you'll never work again was kind of like the last few, the last few interpretations of me. What the truth was is what probably what you can imagine. I don't, I don't know.

Legally, what I can say, I can't. It's everything. You could imagine why somebody would want to fire somebody.

Can you .

give us a little I wasn't willing to a do was expected of me, not talent wise, but in other areas.

and were other girls doing. I was the .

only one that was in those types of positions.

wow. When you look back on that, how does that make you feel?

You know, I have such a love hate with IT all, because I don't think I would have been able to be so successful in so many other areas had I not been trained under di. He was the hardest person that you can work for. And IT was torture and not the work part of IT.

But the other stuff, mind games, like just all the girls, were so divided in the men, in the people running IT, were had their hands in IT moving everything. There was a lot of betrayal. There was a lot of lies.

There was a lot of when you when you're Young and impressive, and you're just we understand our beauty as women through the eyes of the people observing us well, who's observing us men. So we learn our beauty through a man's eye, which is is very subjective. So it's it's difficult when you're that Young to understand your worth.

Is a woman through the men that I was around and that was very traumatic. I don't think any of us have healed from that that he would be like you're not hot anymore. Like what happened? You don't have anything like, you don't have any curves.

You're looking like just you're not looking like I can't get people to think that you're my good looking person. And there was no me too at that time. There was no protecting anyone at that time. You signed a million india in a million contracts that took away all your rights. So you really were Operating an an environment that you had no control in.

One was last time you spoke to him.

I had seen him a few times after, but i've never really like SAT down and had a conversation.

What do you think you would say to him if if you did get that opportunity?

You know, I I battle with this because there are parts of me that they are just like you have so much you couldn't have just paid us properly. You couldn't have we wrote songs on both albums like you couldn't have just given us are publishing. You couldn't have just been fair to us a little bit there.

There's something really wrong that we were there for as long as we were and we had no money that we couldn't buy a home. We were on tour for years at a time. We would leave tours in debt to the label because they were recouping things, but we never saw what was being recouped. And by the time we went to go after IT, that boy was bankrupt.

What do you feel in a personal level toward him, and like how he handled being in a position of power and in the dynamic between the two of you?

Well, I think it's him. And a lot of other factors like they decided what how I was gonna viewed, that's the production company, that's the network and that study. So once once you are presented to the world in a certain way, I had to spend many years, like in all kinds of twisted webs.

Yeah trying to like, you know, I got that like sexy girl card. So then I was getting playboy offers the crazy thing as as i'm a huge nerd. I never was sexy.

I never was cool. I didn't have sex until I like junior, senior college. I wasn't like sexual.

I wasn't anything. I just loved working and I loved being on stage. So like all of a sudden to play that role was like weird. And I took IT on and owned IT as mine because that's where my opportunity, the action of opportunities that was getting at that time and that has likely set a course for me in life. Um that is very specific and not necessarily authentic to me.

Did your bandmates have any idea of the real reason that you laugh?

Some of the bandmates saw everything that was happening behind the scene. Some of the band mates were part of IT. Some of the band mate, we were very, very disconnected. By the end, the hand had gone in IT had stirred the pot.

Everybody was protecting their landing zone and then there were some that just had no idea that all that was happening that just got like blind sided and then ran away and disappeared because they didn't like IT. Um so like did everybody know? I think now in life we are all very aware of the things that we went through um we each went through different levels of IT. But I would say then I don't know then was everybody was in some type of competition with each other.

So when you left in the cane, where were you mentally during this time of your life?

So when he fired me, I just stood up and said by and I looked at the producers and they were like, everyone was just standing there like, in shock. The producer like, drop is fucking clipboard. Everyone was just like, what the fuck.

No one knew that was happening. So they like, let me leave with my microphones on. They didn't even take IT off like nobody knew.

And I just walked out. I gotten a cab. I was being honor during fashion week is in some like one of the most fashionable whatever.

And I was, and I was sitting in the car with my assistant and I was like, i'm really scared. And SHE was like, I am too. But this needed to happen and now you're really enough to fight.

And for the next, like six years, I don't even know what I was doing, except my head was down and I was fighting for every end. I had to take opportunities that I don't necessarily love. I had to play into ideas and concepts about me, because at that time I wasn't going to say, this is exactly what happening.

This is this and that's that. Like, I don't think I had that voice developed yet and and I was just scared. So I just knocked on every door, I stood in front of every person, and I just kept building opportunity after opportunity. But yeah, that I was definitely like I don't even remember the trauma. I've had so much trauma since then, but IT was my first big heartbreak.

I know you've been open about parts of your relationship and the struggle with your mom. Can you explain with how you're comfortable like what the abuse of dynamic was?

I think my mother had me. This is just my opinion. I think my mother had me because he felt like he was in complete and missing something in life.

I think I was that thing that was supposed to make her life content and full. You should never have a child if that's the mentality that you're in. So when I wasn't fulfilling her life, I was puni shed and I was a new sense and I was abused.

So um you know, there are all kinds of things I can remember. I can tie IT back into situations in relationships later on in life, but there was always a abandoned ment factor. And there was, I was pretending all the time I was going to school with wealthy kids that were super put together and had great parents and nAnnies and whatever the fuck else.

And when I watched my mom get beat by, my step died. And then obvious, we were living in a car, then we were getting food stamps, then we were living in the back of a mechanics shop. And I could hear my mom hooking up with the guy like, I went through these like really wealthy times, really low times.

But at school I needed everybody to see me a certain way, which is also something that prepared me for. Who I became in the industry is very easy for me to put on that aspirational role. But and and like like that's that's kind of where I learned IT, I would say, because I never let anyone know I was being beaten up at at school.

I never let anyone know any of the chaos that was happening. I did come out here in there when certain things I developed ocd, and I would spend my nights like, my mom would pass out drunk in the shower, and i'd spend my nights like laying down. Next i'd figure out how to pick her luck with A A bobbi pen.

And i'd go and lay down and get, take off my clothes and lay down in the shower and put my finger under her nose so I could make sure I felt breath. And I would just sit there like this under her nose all night until SHE wake up, you know, from being drunk and hit me and tell me to get the fuck out. And then I was like, thank god my mom's alive.

There are so many themes, like you said, of putting on a brave face, making everything look like IT was everything's fine, but also getting used to the survival mentality and the role of just having to, like, take care of yourself, but also trying to like, please everyone around you and make sure everything is okay.

And at then of the day, there's one other element. Two is wanting my abuser to like me, to love me. Because I started with my mom, and I really did want my mom to love me, I probably will always feel that way until i'm dead.

Let's talk about some of the romantic relationships because yeah IT is, yeah IT is. And I appreciate you sharing and being so open Operate because IT is interesting to here like IT IT, all of our lives are all connected right to what happened to us in childhood. And then for you to have a dynamic with duty of someone that is abusing their power, and you want them to love you, and you want to do everything you can to make sure they love you.

And then now getting into the romantic side of things. So before Donald trump was the president of the united states, he was the host of a reality show celebrity, apparently. Ce, and you were contested on the show.

You then started dating Donald trump s. Sun, Donald trump, june, or, and he was married at the time that you were dating him. So IT was an affair. How did that relationship began?

I think he probably found that with me during the show, probably both of us um I was the last woman standing on the show. I was the Youngest contestant ever that time and I probably ever um and I was impressive in a way that people weren't expecting. So um I think he enjoyed that.

He's A C P. O. sexual. He loves smart people. So he I think that's kind of how we both learn each other. And this like very intense environment where your mind was constantly on the chopping block, which I absolutely loved, because I I would rather have my mind on the chopping block than anything else.

So he was on the show at the same time as you, yeah, got IT. okay. So you going started to fall in love while you're on the show. You have said, and you said today that Donald trump doing your is your soulmate. What was your relationship like?

Happy, funny, interesting. We both have similarities in child told with the relationships we had with our parents. So we kind of like we're able to those little like vulnerable pieces of us, those little holes were able to let, connect and protect each other.

Um I think that he was able to be who he really is with me and I think that his life in the other area required him to be something he wasn't. And for me in that situation, like I said at that time, I understood the marriage to be a certain thing that wasn't didn't stand a chance next to what we had. So I never was threatened by IT and I never felt guilty or I didn't hold myself to any accountability until I saw my best friend give birth.

I saw what a woman's body goes through. When I saw that, I felt to myself a little bit accountability for vasa, and I felt shame. And like I needed to really rethink the narrative that I had been using in regards to that relationship. IT.

was there an explanation essentially to you from Donald trump junior, to be like, we can do this because, like, art is outward. You're saying IT was kind of like, because this marriage is actually really more impressing a business transaction. And so I have room in my life for an actual real al romantic situation and .

and I told my family and friends and they would think your they would think the usual thoughts you're being lied to in the situation. So I would go back and tell him and then any black OK, well then let me in front of your parents, let me sit in front of your friends, and or let me talk to them.

And he did. And what would he say .

that he loved me, that he wanted to be with me, that he was making plans to do that, that he would explain to them like he didn't really talk in depth about his marriage, probably to protect his family, i'm sure. But he would basically get them to a place where they understood that marriage and r is is much different than marriage at that level, whole different set .

of rules like it's an agreement, it's a contract, contract. Would he talk about his wife to you?

yes.

In like how did that make you feel in those .

conversations here? Anything that you have ever said about his wife made me feel very comfortable in our relationship.

Did SHE ever reach out to you? yeah. How did that .

conversation go? IT wasn't nice. I got to see a whole another .

side of her. I was IT because he found out. Or do you think show is new?

I don't know, because I am not her, but I I believe the the type of anger that was being displayed was potentially likely because he had found out something because i'm .

thinking like if he was meeting up with your parents and stuff like how yell c how or your friends like how open was this relationship so in the .

very beginning, I basically just told them like, um if we're going to do this, i'm going to be comfortable in this type of setting. I'm never going to be hit in brought up to your room by a fucking security guard having to like hide and maneuvre like we have to be open and together and we would literally be walking down the roles holding hs and he wasn't the president sign and I wasn't famous enough to pop az chasing me and we would just live very Normally.

What emotions come with being the other woman and having an affair? Like what were you mentally feeling during that time of your life?

I was so in love and so happy that I don't know that I ever focus too much on this other woman idea, because I didn't feel like I was.

Why did the end?

They basically gave him a choice of staying with me or staying with the family.

and did here to you like that to you, potentially.

Our last conversation, I taped IT, so I listed, i'd listen to IT back with my theriot. Haven't listened to in a long time, but there was a lot of explaining of things then. And then Michael l, kind of explained, IT was happening on that back .

end in this guy. Michael, yeah. Can you explain who he is?

So Michael cohen was like a very trusted per attorney on the inside that would, you know, they would depend on to clean up masses for them.

He was the trump family attorney.

I believe so. I don't know what the technical realities of that were, but you know, he kind doesn't want to be seen as this raydon of in fixer type guy. And he knows that I didn't experience him like that, but he was fixing something at that time.

So I was interesting to get his perspective, but he was like, you always worked with me and you always did anything. I asked you to keep IT out of the press, the family, and to protect the man that you loved. And don was not strong enough.

He wouldn't have. He didn't want to leave you. And I asked you to to leave him and to go away.

And you did. And i'm like thinking to myself, I did the fuck. I don't know. I didn't remember that I did that.

I I didn't remember that I I knew that we would keep IT out of the press, but I didn't know that like, I was part of stepping away from IT. Also, I think I remembered as like abandoned men and I was like overnight. And there was nothing prior to that that ever would have told me like he was the one was pushing. He was the one that was calling me saw mate. Well before I even thought of him that way, he was the one with the I love you and the being together and having a baby and everything else like he was the one driving .

that is so interesting to hear you talking about this because it's literally like what you see on T, V shows.

Like I get we're going right on of them if no one knows what that show is like, he's a fixer of people and like hollywood and politics and so to hear you talking about like one day you're having this affair but IT doesn't feel like an affair because you're being told, yeah the wife I have it's more of a business arrange men and like it's not actually real love but this is real love to your rope. You're infatuated ated. You're in love, you're happy. And then one day I just ends and I don't know, cause I don't know if i'm reading this wrong. And so i'm sure maybe other people can be confused like ddd, trump wasn't the president that time, but when you ended, your relationship was IT because he was currently about to be running.

Those discussions were being had from what I understand.

okay. So I was kind of like, everything needs to look good.

We need to start. They had a, they had a good amount of, they had a period of time where they were cleaning up all the masses. And my goal was the man in charge of doing that.

And in the eyes, you were one of the masses to .

somebody there. Yeah, how does that make you .

feel like being a part of like almost like the politics? I mean, then we went on to see IT, we've Donald trump, like all the things that have been hit in and with the women and you were in the middle of parts of valley. I just make you .

feel I feel sadness for who he became. I'm a liberal. I am a social justice wire.

I'm very outspoken when IT comes to my feelings about protecting underdogs, giving people a voice that don't have as big of a platform and so on and so forth. I have a bleeding heart for people and an impair like I. I have all these attributes.

And if done was who he is now, that wouldn't be something that he would likely be attracted to. And I wouldn't have been attracted to what I see now. So I tried to tell people, like you believe that I am who I am, right? Like you believe that I am like steady.

And this, I am over spoken in life about the way that I feel about things, to a point where IT turns people off because I don't stay politically correct about anything. So you can imagine i've been that way since I was a child. So if he were the person he is now, I wouldn't have liked him and he wouldn't have liked me.

So you're basically saying like it's a facade in a character that .

he is to play A I don't know, but I think so when I first started seeing IT, I was so sad for him because I felt like he's sold out um and he was so interesting and I think could have been so successful breaking away from that family just being him he's gotten into the lane where he's such a joke they kintail him the q in on crowd as his fan base and he's just playing into that nonsense so loudly and I part of me sometimes thinks he believes that he's very smart.

He could likely talk himself into many places. There was one part of him that I probably could have doubted and nothing else but this one part. And the one part was his defensiveness and weakness in needing to please his father.

He was just so weak in that area. And IT was always like coming up in these discussions in a very defensive manner. So and I didn't see him behaving that way with any other topic.

So I don't know if it's for the love of daddy or because he wanted to have this like platform that he now has. He didn't do anything good with that though. So what's the point having yet?

Did you meet his siblings?

I met, obviously, I met the whole family. I can only give you my opinion.

of course.

but. There's a lot of competition. I don't know how much they genuinely like each other that could have changed by now.

But at that time, and like there was a they were always raised in this very competitive environment. So like can competitors have moments where they become friends or have respect for each other? sure. But there was a lot of rivalry occurring. Michael also witnessed a lot of IT in the same manner that I did.

Um IT just also wrapped that up because it's interesting. In the beginning of the interview, we were talking about people that can, like, suck the air out of the room, right? We talked about IT with dd. You mentioned you have, and trump was one of them that you got to be in a room with him before he was the president of united states when he was hosting his reality show. What was your experience with him?

He was, well, okay. So in the very beginning of that show I was being like very fashion forward. So I was doing like different unique things with my hair and warning be.

And then they were gona fire me. One night I was between me and like miss universe, I think, or something like that, a pretty girl versus that, not pretty girl in his eyes. And he was making that blatantly clear.

My hair and makeup were like behind the scenes, watching the cameras, and got to hear the entire dialogue, and then told me later I was the only one with my own hero and makeup so they shouldn't have been in that backroom because they would tell me everything um but I got to hear the conversation about um keeping the pretty girl over. They're not pretty girl but the not pretty girl was smart. And the pretty girl wasn't a smart.

And from what I understand, that uncle was defending me, dawn was defending me, but trump did not like the way I looked. And then I was approached by the two female producers and they said, hey, you're the Youngest person we've had here. You're running circles around everyone, but trump doesn't think you're pretty.

So I needed to part your hair down the middle and push your tits out and wear a tight dress. And so I started doing that. You see in in the show I was like wearing suits, and my hair was in all these, like dynamic things. And then at one point, all you see after that is parted down the middle.

How interesting to go from what we've said earlier was you never felt like that, like black bimbo, but you played the part when IT became more evidence through making the band. You were like the beautiful one. But then I became more fixated on your look.

So you'd play that up more, did you? And then you go on celebrity of prentice and you're you're wearing suits and changing your hair up, which probably, i'm assuming made you feel more like take me seriously for my brain this is not about my looks. We're here for a job and then to find out Donald trump is like, I want to see her fuck in hits in her hair, looking so she's hot and then, alves, you have to go right back to that black bomb shell role IT was .

very hard for because I respect to those two women so much. And I want to be behind the scenes and be a producer at some point and think that i'd be like probably more effective there.

And seeing two women like we're at the height of the game, they were working for one of the biggest people, biggest production companies around and they were like still telling me, hey, listen, this is what you need to be as a woman and and I remember going home and like, I cried a little and I was like, I hate this industry and I hate like, I was on such a high, was winning everything. I was like, excel and killing and I thought, like, finally, in this zone where people are like paying attention to my mind because I ve never been like attached to my looks. I didn't even really think I was that pretty. I never have been like, oh my god, this is my money maker. I don't care about IT at .

all and then wants to change your locks.

I was the last girl standing down. Yeah so so like what do I think about him? I'm pretty easy to manipulate if that's work. The mentality is um I think that likely there are other people that are running things in behind the scenes, potentially one of the kids, I think that he was like a creeper old guy that just wants to see in big max. But the intense like presence that he has in the room was there, but the conversation never aligned with that.

So IT wasn't someone like, as did he could prove himself when he would have that type of energy, right? And you have now, I don't know. I was only around him when I shot playboy, but he had that same energy.

But but yeah, I think, like, I think maybe Donald trumps was a lot of smoking mirrors. Where's did he is a very talented man. So so like the smoking mir's aspect of him, this was not something I respected. And then once I loved, done and learned about the whole family in detail, then I was like, yeah, this is no good. And then when they were running the country, I was like, this is really no good. And I would wake up every day just like there were certain things that we're happening that only I had information on like no one else had been in a moment where somebody was discuss that is now being seen at the White house with trump wearing the red hot. But I know what they were calling him behind his back A K A on.

Can you talk about about a tiny bit?

I can just say that, like there were conversations about people that I heard, and then those people ended up going hard and representing him. I saw cony in the White house, and I just was like, I can't be in this country anymore. It's too fake.

So you you're think you heard conversations from the trumps about kyi.

I heard a conversation that was like, I knew daw's feelings about people. And when I saw them like interacting, I just really felt like shell shock lake. Yeah, it's all fake.

I don't know whatever conney felt in that moment might have been very real for him, but I know what was happening like prior. So to me, I was just like this. This whole thing is so fake, and I don't even feel like I could at all make a dent and how bad it's scotland. And I just didn't .

want to be hearing, right? Does IT freak you out to be connected to one of, unfortunately, the most powerful families in the world? And like you were a part of something, you are sitting on a podcast right now. You've information like, does IT free? Q L.

no, but I have had a lot of people that were very concerned. There were a few really strange moments like, um you know, I obviously am the daughter of attorneys, so I have resets on everybody and my phone was wiped right after I said something very controversial and people around me were like, make sure you have proof of all the things you said just in case which I do but my as I was like looking for IT on my phone, my entire phone blacked out. I don't know if that's just magic, something accidently happened or if there's something um more senter happening but they were like moments where I was like, I asked Michael, I like, could they have had somebody outside tell me in prison was the guy who leaked what's the girl from a hunger games? Oh, oh.

Jennifer learn yes, he was the guy that that leaked them.

And how he would get them is by sitting outside of her apartment or ever SHE lived and like waiting for her phone to be on a certain mode where they could access the cloud or whatever. So like, there are people that park outside of your home and potentially do shit like that. So IT does IT like, beyond my comprehension, that something like that could have occurred in that moment.

I don't know, but for like a week I just was like looking everywhere paranoid. But I I don't believe that the type of people that could potentially do something like that, that are associated with them, care too much about what dated before being office. I thought like when when we started seeing all of daddies girlfriends come forward or one night things come forward, when I did not know anything was leaking, I was at the store getting lucky charms because I was shooting a fashion know, the campaign for fucking irish day.

What is IT costing him Patricks day? Because i'm irish and sounds like, oh, i'm going to put on the little like taking longer ery and go set in the bathtub of milk with lucky charms around me and do some really creative shape. So I was in the store looking like us going to get lucky charms, and I walked out and there was like flashes, like tons of cameras.

And I was like, I went back inside the store and I was like, bitch, get IT together. You are not that famous that you would not have luck in sixty people taking your photo like that was not about you get IT together. Take the ego down.

So I walked outside again and I was, and I was like, okay, bitch, that was about you. I went back inside the store. I got opened my phone, which was on silent.

I had like footing six hundred messages of everyone being like, get inside. Now I had, no yeah. And just like that, like I I they were lined outside of my house to the point where I would have my neighbors go give them packs of beer.

They would be sending medium like arbery were not leaving. We've been told not to leave. I've been out here for a week. I have a wife and children i'm trying to get home to. Can you just fuck and walk outside and let us get a god dam photo will split the money with you.

And just to clarify for everyone, that is what we are saying. Why was this happening?

Because the fair had been put out into the media.

Do you think that you would ever get back with him if you SAT in a room with him, found out he actually is still the same guy? It's just all a persona.

I have mixed feelings about that. If i'm being completely honest, my god is to say no because once you've gone as far as he's gone and said the most ridiculous ship that he's said, it's embarrassin and it's not something that even respect. And if that's what you did in order to get your platform or whatever of this is power move is not very powerful, it's kind of lame.

So my god is to say no, but have I ever been loved like that by anyone else know? And I don't have. Don't talk to my mom.

I don't talk to my dad. I don't know any other family members outside of them, really. So i'm just like lona walking the earth, looking for people that become my people one day. And because I was in this industry and so many intense things happened to me throughout that process, like I didn't really get to have those twenties and thirties where you find your group of girlfriends and i'd try to tell people nowadays, unlike i'm thirty eight like I can't just walk up to a group of your like cake eyes can I join the group like it's not onna work like that and and everybody tries to just act like that a possibility and I need to speak IT but i'm not walking up to to a fucking group of thirty eight year old women and being like .

cake and I join and I get that and I get them. Why there is this like, want to have such a romantic relationship that that person's not just gonna know the person you having sex with. This is like your partner in your best friend.

And so I appreciate you sharing the details of your relationship with done because you gave them like really interesting concrete explanations as to like what IT was behind the scenes. One of your other relationships was with poli d, the DJ from the jersey shore. Whether any similarities between your relationship with Donald trump, junior and polity.

No, zero, you've said .

in the past that your relationship with polity was incredibly toxic. What kind of abuse did he put you throw?

So i'm careful about this topic because he's got a daughter that I care for. So I don't um I don't necessarily clarify all of the things, but um I can just simply say IT was flocking miserable and am happy that it's over.

And and if i'm taking accountability and able to talk about IT now with like a bird ee perspective, I was very sick to allow what was happening to happen um and because of all kinds of unprocessed trauma that occurred in my childhood and after that for long periods of time in the industry, I think at that time I was like i've never sacrificed my career for a man. So i'm going to now because I wanted, I want to get married enough children, so that with the combination of how he is meant that I I went in knowing I was gone to sacrifice. And everything that he wanted me to be was expected of me.

So I was sacrificing so much that I laughed. My backbone IT started small. I just was controlling things like, I can show my leverage on the internet. I have to be follow everybody because we can only follow each other. I unfollowed like hundred thousand people.

And IT was expected to be done by a certain moment, like IT was just things like that, where I was like, this is really insecure and wax, but I want to compromise, I want to know, be in this place. And kind of this idea, do you want to be a whole or wife, was always presented to me. And that's was the bottom line to forcing me to change everything that I was.

And he kind of paint set like, oh yeah, I don't. My rules are simple. Don't be a whole, be loyal man. Really, the rules, the rules were much more intense. And there were punishments that the rules were not followed and they were very like Polly in my mom, have direct similarities like in a sick way.

the push pull of the love and then but it's like there is no actually pushing poll. It's you're constantly having to give to that person. And if not, there's no and work .

around there like a stories that they're telling about their life and themselves that I know we're not accurate. So it's like being around somebody that does not have the same awareness that you do, self awareness that you do. There wasn't sincere on my until I that's right on the time where the internet like phenomenon and instagram and these couple goals ideas started happening right? Like um valentine's day, the car dashes have run that holiday for everybody unless your fucking man has got Kenny and a individual roses plug into a fucking days, he aid shit so so then you just look at your man on valentine.

Like do your what do we got this? What the fuck why can I get that shit? So like, so like every and then like, you know all the instagram girls that wish they were kim cardoza come forward with their fake relationships, and they all have matching outfits and their matching cars and the matching fuck and flowers.

If you really are in a happy relationship on valentine's day, you're flocking and eating chinese food in bed with your fat bEllies out laughing and watching some TV. You're not posing and fucking matching Jordans in front of cars that you know how long those photos take to shoot. It's miserable. And I faked miserable photos like as if I were in a happy relationship all the time with Polly. So I know what IT is.

I want to say really appreciate what you're saying because I can imagine it's exhAusting. I guess my only comment really, and i'm trying to think as interviewing you, why do I want to know this? And to be honest, it's because everyone looks at him is like this great guy, Polly d from the jersey shore and yet there's this dark side behind that, this abusive person and and and I guess i'm just wondering how does that affect to you seeing how he's so glamorized and love and he's the goofy guy and you were in a nightmare with him.

So I have two different feelings about IT. One IT IT sucks. I've never really been believed when I talk about IT to this day.

I mean, because I am being a little bit more specific about certain things, I am getting a lot of people that if you've been abused in any type of mental, mental abuse, physical abuse, if you've been an abuse of toxic situation, you don't just say, hey, I saw your interview a great job. They'll write me two pages of I had went through exactly what you just said. I went through exactly what you said here.

Go to your text messages and type and consequences on the search. And every single text message with the word consequences was from Polly. If you do this, this is what's going to happen and return to you. And it's usually cheating or whatever the punishments are, and usually because they wanted to do that. And there there's a whole gas sliding circle that gets you blocked in them in symbolism for the weekend. If I had just known to look for just a few things, if I would have known that these things truly mean that this person is not ever going to be capable of loving me, I would have produced, and I never would have wasted that time. And that's the one thing that i'm angry about is like the time wasted and and I have to be angry at myself for that because I could easily have left.

I appreciate when people come on in our really open because I know so many Young women right to me and ask me questions about, like, how do I know? Like what are the signs? Like what should I look for?

And have you been an abusive relationship mentally or physically?

I was in a mentally abusive situation where I was with, like, a serial cheater and IT was the gas lighting where, like, no, I love you. Like, that was not what you found like, on the ipad. And I and I I was like, essentially I was completely not able to talk to my family. I start talking to them. They were like, weird.

Our daughter go like what's happening and I didn't see you at the time because I was like, no, you guys just don't get IT like you don't understand and when I found out he was cheating the first time, I remember, like, you think you know what you're going to do and I like, it's me. Alex called her daddy girl, like, like, fuckyou. I'm out.

And I remember I didn't tell a soul and I just SAT in the room and I it's like embarrassing for me to look back and think about because I like, I now know, like, I couldn't have seen that that way in the moment. I was so her, I was so brain washed almost of like the love that I was gonna get back if I just stuck IT through. And maybe they'll get Better now, because now that I know when were going to talk through IT, it's the goals.

They set a goal, and you're going to have extreme happiness if you get to this flag. So you're running, running, running to get to that flag. In the second you get to the flag, they move the flag over here.

Then you're running, running, running because you know that happiness is coming. You know that they are going to be great. You know that this is this has the potential to be all these things you want and then the flag comes over here.

can you you mentioned, which I really appreciate, you said, had I known these certain things, I would have .

bounce what yeah so anyone that is asking you to dull your light, so like, um you know if IT came down to appearance, clothing, I mean, these things were so big and they're not anything to me, so I would compromise on them. But the second that you show somebody who has that mentality that you are willing to compromise to what they want, we will never stop doing that to you. You have to train men in the first month.

IT is highly important that you let them know exactly how the spoken relationship is gonna period. You need to train them. Maybe I take responsibility that I did not train him well enough in the very beginning and that I accepted a lot of the ship because I felt like I didn't think what they felt small to me.

In the beginning, they got bigger and bigger and the asks got bigger. But in the beginning, and by the way, maybe i'm just the wrong person for him and maybe every everything that I am free them out to the core because I am open. I am like very I don't play a character like he does.

I'm me all the time. There's no secret anything that happens behind the sea. I'm very open about all of my bad and good days, more so about my bad days.

Um so like I think that um if a man is trying to get you to change small things, don't think that it's going to stay small IT will get bigger. The isolation thing is a big thing. I wasn't allowed to hang out with gay men because gay is not really gay, gay or just straight men that wants to see some cities.

So I had to cut off with my makeup artist because I changed in front of him one time, and that was unacceptable. So I lost my favorite makeup artist. Like um people and and then solely, but surely like either you're being isolated or expected to always be where they feel safe that you're there.

And then like if I like I I didn't I couldn't have met friends. That was absolutely not happening. I couldn't like guys on instagram, like producers that I work with.

I just wanted gram me. I couldn't acknowledge IT when I did. I did not worked well for me. I was a big punishment that was horrible. So like there were all these like just slowly kind of stripping away these ideas.

And IT was always presented to me as, do you want to be a whole or a wife? This is what holes do. This is what wives do.

Well, if a man ever says that, you leave him immediately. Because there is no such thing as a whole and a wife. I know plenty of women that are freaks that are wives that are doing all kinds of wild shit. And I know plenty of girls that are sexually free and they are would make incredible wives .

yeah I appreciate you saying that ah because I definitely if i'm a man.

I hope my wife is a home come on god, if I if i'm married to approve my dicks going to go unseat my entire marriage .

yeah the x that I had experienced that we would always say that to me. You can't post that on instagram like you look like a slide like do you want to. My girlfriend and you you want to be a slot and like, I think you just like like someone's be key picture the other day, right? Why can I break? We were at the beach. Like it's very but I really think you did a great job of articulating IT, which is all of a sudden you start to make a little it's IT feels little in the moment, but it's a compromise, oh, I guess. But it's always you doing that and you never find yourself asking them and them actually .

changing for you. Yes, and that's where I feel I need to hold myself accountable. Because once I saw that he was never going to ever do anything for me, I was always going to be the expectation that I change, I should have.

But I was sick. I was lost in these ideas that I landed in this place with this guy that's successful, and i'm successful. And we're both these mtv babies, and we're going to have famous kids and we're going to post all the instagram photos.

No one's going to see me fAiling. And I did what I really wanted before I started dating him was to get out of the industry. I did not want to be a celebrity, did not want to be arborio day, did not want to do any of that anymore.

So like I thought, how can I not be that person? yeah. And still not have anyone look at me like I failed or fell off. I didn't continue to fight for the goal, the dream, but I didn't want IT anymore and I couldn't. I didn't understand that. So like I saw being with him as a nice resting place of like no one will ever have seen me fail or sweat and and I ve just walk into this little life that was glamr ized and people wanted to watch IT.

I think that makes a lot of sense. And even going back to how you started saying, like I don't have a relationship with my family and only child, I really wanted to get married, wanted to create a life. I think that everyone listening and watching you have to be easier on yourself when you have that high incited yet, it's always twenty, twenty years old.

Well, but in the moment, if you have things that you really want within yourself, you're gone to make compromises, sometimes in another healthy way to try to make IT fit into the idea of what you wanted to be. And so I, I, I appreciate you taking accountability, but I do think it's like accountability of like an understanding, but not being too hard on yourself because those situations, when you get in IT with someone like that, they are so fucking good at what they do and you add no fucking chance. Imagine Polly d .

the guy who doesn't know a book that never had an intellectual conversation with me a day in his life is the smart guy that is so good at doing what he does. IT blew me the flock out of the the park, like, I just did not see this guy ever being able to have mental control over me. And that is something that a lot of successful women have experienced and then do not talk about because they are in shame of that.

Because I do know what it's like for me to tell my intellectual friends that Polly added a number on my mind. I get IT. It's .

embarrassing. Yeah, I .

understand that.

You didn't have sex for three years after breaking up with Polly. d. What happened?

So in that relationship, there was the first cheating person. I actually don't remember he was, yeah, I think he was the first. The girl who said that offset gotter pregnant during cardigans marriage with offset, this girl came forward and said, offset gotter pregnant and that was like this horrible thing that cardio had to go through in front of the world that girls like.

I don't know her nickname, she's like called the black widow or something. It's like Younger generation ship, but she's SHE fucked ed people's boyfriends and then comes forward to the media. So he was the first person I actually experienced her before SHE did that.

Cardie and SHE had text messages. SHE had everything, D. M. Whatever to prove to me. Um and IT turned out that he had fuck he had hooked up with her but not when he said they hooked up and he had like screen manipulated the data or whatever um and I was able to get her because um Polly had a dig piercing that he took out during something that he did and I was like, don't put IT back in now that you've had IT out I don't like IT and so SHE was saying that were after that part that he had he was like, I was like, oh, can you just tell me what his degrees looked like and SHE was like, I don't know but when I was clean cleaning in my mouth I could taste IT ba ba ba and I was like, okay she's lying so the first one was a lie um and but he was reaching out to her again but did they have sex or anything during that time? I don't think so so then that kind of showed me IT played games with me because somebody did lie.

So was everybody lying because there were many women after that so what happened was is in the beginning there were videos of one of the situations. After that, all of the phones are taken from the girls that go up to the sweet after the party, and they'll put in like buckets or whatever at the door, and assistance have them. So after that, I could never have any proof.

There was never anything on video that I could actually undertake proof with, like I had prior. But the phones were being taken at the door. So, so I would, these girls would come like clock work.

I was arguing with cocktail waes, with tatoes all over their faces, about whose push is Better. I mean, IT got so ignorant and cheap, I I did not feel beautiful. And because I was not able to look beautiful because he didn't want make up, he didn't want outfits, he didn't.

I couldn't be invading suits. I couldn't have anything sexy on like so I could never show up like aubry a how to show up like the down, like head down, not looking anyone, not being flat and romantic and loving to a child, to a woman, to a older lady, to a guy. I'm just a natural fluid.

I have that energy um I couldn't be any of that so I just had to shut down and like kind of movie while all the girls that you folks are looking at me and I would just feel like why can't I be be these girls that you're going and hacking up with so what I started to do was just have like extreme amounts of sex with this man so that I thought his dick would be so tired that he wouldn't want to fuck anyone on the weekends and and then I also made IT IT like a thing that like he could not drink anymore, because that's usually when things were happening. So that hat that was cool for a second. And then one morning I I went into the bathroom to go to the bathroom.

He would leave IT like four, five a to go to a gig. And he was having his pupils in the shower. And I was like, okay, that's not.

That's not right. So I like peach, my head in sham. I K, where are you shaving your dick right now? You're going on a gig for two days. Why would you need to have your dick shaved? And he was like, gaza always have achieved that. My girsha has been hurry for the past, walk in two months, and now of a set in your shaving in all off when you leave the passing that IT goes in.

I couldn't take IT any was so angry and like, it's one thing if I just happened another time and IT was happening every weekend and I was like, there isn't anyone on earth that has this many coincidences at a certain point everyone in my life was like, opery, you're not going na have proof because they're taking the phones and this is definitely occurring. This is not Normal. And his thing to me was always, i'm a celebrity and everybody wants to be with me.

And girls lie all the time and they talk shit. And you have to be strong, and you have to know your place, and you can't fucking react like this. So IT was like all of these games, and I would be so tired.

And I would just pray that didn't cheat, not even because I gave a fuck about him anymore, but just because I would ruin my entire week, and then I would happen again on the weekend. I was just in like turmoil, in chaos. I had very few times where I could, like, lift out of IT and try to believe in him.

But I was still searching his bag every time he wasn't in the room. I D find condoms and IT. Why do you condoms and you're fucking bag? Like IT would just be thing after thing after thing. And I was just like, I just couldn't ever feel comfortable. And this like I was just over utilizing my body and sexuality to in all kinds of different ways and things to get him to not want to do that.

Where you at now with working through the trauma of just that whole relationship.

Why I think after I mean, was I was I went on for a while. So by when I got out of IT, I went straight to touring and making albums that was not processing IT. I was also taking extreme amounts of, so any time i've felt pain, I just suck in ambient.

So once I was taking like sixteen ambient a day or more, I I just know I was gna die. I felt like I was becoming, and I didn't really care. I like talk to my friends.

They all were like scared and sad. And I was like, you guys can go fifty one and fifty me. You can put me somewhere, you can call somebody and try to get something to happen, but i'll just it's not ever going to be anything you have control over stopping.

So don't feel guilt over IT. I just have done everything I want to do in life, and i'm sad and I did at all, and I never found a place of happiness. And i'm alone.

And I know my dogs will be safe with my assistant. And I just was like, okay, if I went to sleep and didn't wake up, I wasn't like making plans to do IT. But I just knew every time I had to take more APP ills to fall asleep, that like, maybe this one more pillow just allow me to be put down.

And that's when I went to bully and I took me like two months to stop taking on medication. I went to an iowa I punch caroj is like fourteen days of like intense basically like indian medicine so you would be everything's natural, you grow everything that you put on your body. You grow everything that you eat um and you're doing big ground you doing um like I wm half ice space.

I was doing Ricky healing data, healing breath work like all of these things for the entire time I was gone were just like building myself back into a place where I was comfortable and I left and I didn't have wages make up nothing. I was safe to walk around there. There's not people taking my picture.

I didn't have to worry about leaving the home and having some photo to altered where I look crazy. So I I felt free, but I will come in the mirror every day and be like i'm so ugly, like I just could not feel pretty until this woman. One day my beem teacher gave me a compliment.

She's like, you're so beautiful and I was, in my mind, I was like, oh god, what is this bitch and then I was like, we, this is in a bitch. He gave me a compliment. SHE doesn't want anything for me.

I'm not in alley and i'm not in the industry, so I can receive this as truth. And then I went in and I likes noticed that I had pretty skin. And that was the first time that I remember saying something nice to myself in twenty years.

And from there I started to build a foundation of self love. And then once you have self love, you can have a bad day. But it's never really that bad.

It's really interesting, as i'm putting all this together and listening to your story, like someone always say something to say about your body and the way that you look aubry. And so there's this fixation and I I remember um in the pendered c in August of twenty twenty photos, daily mail, photos of you walking your dog in the middle of a global pandemic and people had negative things to say about how you're locked. What do you remember about the day that those photos were taken and .

the feedback? So I was at home, those photos were like SAT on for weeks likely altered because I did not look like that. But I was at home and my best friend came to my door and he was like panicked and I was like, what's I was just taking ambient.

I don't even know like what I was doing except ambient um and I was like what's going on and she's like, I open the door and she's like, well, they did you dirty and then SHE had her son with her and her son was like, mom, everyone at my school was calling her fat today. And SHE doesn't even look like those photos. I like what you guys talking about.

And then SHE was like, there are some photos that are released about you and it's bad. And I was like, what? And SHE showed them. I think I saw one of them. And I throw the phone away, called my lawyer.

Myler ers, I take a photo in the mayor with your name and date, whatever, and all getting them taken down to prove what I really looked like. I was going on in the stories and posting my body, which is just fucking like degrading, Frankly. But I, I SAT with her and her son in my living room, and I was like, is everyone laughing at me? And he was like, yeah.

And I was like, so like, is Polly sending IT to his friends? And they're like, writing should on IT. And sending IT is like means because, like humans, friends used to do that about that good people.

And I take courting them and I was like, um are they like passing the photos around laughing at me and he goes one hundred percent and I was like, so like, is dawn embarrass that he loved me and that it's like out in the world and he was like, probably and I was like, so like everybody that wants to see me feel that's like been waiting for me to be a fuck up. Are they laughing at me and she's like, this is literally the best day of their life and I was like, wow, that shit heard so bad. There was nothing I could do.

There was like, no way to get IT down once. It's everywhere. And and and all I was getting was just like extremely the the articles that were like coming out, or like a photo when I was seventeen.

And those photos like nothing in between, no reference. And also I did not look like those photos. I don't know exactly what the situation was because I never was able to reach the photographer or understand any of IT.

But beyond all of that, to me my first thought is like, what does that matter if I looked like that, right? What the fuck is that matter? I've never come forward and told anybody to fucking starve himself or beyond dieter or look like me.

I don't even care about my looks like that. I would be more mad if I I came out as a Karen or a racist, or some wild shit during covet that would kill me. Uh, fat is nothing to me.

Who cares? But IT was that everybody was associating the way they saw me look at those photos to me being a failure and losing IT. All those were the connotations that were being, like, told with those pictures.

And then, of course, everybody saying, you're lying on on your instagram and this is what you really look like. And then, you know, everything happens from that. You lose your brand deals.

That photo I just remembers seeing IT and you're right. It's like, okay, so what if that really was the photo? What if IT, let's pretend that was an alter. Like, so are we making fun of someone because you are all saying that he looks over way.

I mean, I literally got messages from girls that were like, I really do look the way you look in those photos. I, an obese loser two. And I was just like that when I stopped posting videos on my end on my story, because I was like, I don't want to get into having to pick sides as to whether I look good or bad according to the world. Like I didn't want to have to pick sides because then i'm telling a narrative to girls that potentially look like that photo that they aren't good enough and I did not want to do that and I did not want to act like i'm trying to disassociate with IT so deeply that they're something wrong with IT.

What do you hope people .

take away .

from this? Or like, understand about you if if people have a misunderstanding about you? Like what would you say of to them that you wish people understood about you?

I would say stop focusing on me and focusing on yourself because when I judge people and I don't like people, it's because I don't like myself. The way you think about other people is a representation of you and your mind and your place in life. IT has nothing to do with the other people.

And once I learned that lesson myself, which I extremely guilty of for most of my career, once I learned that myself, I give people the space and respect to just be who they are, and I withhold judging them. And I tried to find empathy and compassion for them. And in doing so, I have a happier life, I have more peace, and I make other people feel good.

Now, instead of feel like shit, and everybody had made me feel like shit growing up, and then I made people feel like shit once I got some power, which is the cycle that most people play in this industry. The second you get something, you treat other people, you make other people come up the way you did. And I try now.

And by the way, that doesn't mean that i'm going to be without opinion. I have opinions about everything, and I will let them be known. But I usually nowadays talking about overall ideas of what i'm seeing happen in our society verses like hating an individual human which I don't .

yeah I really appreciate that and I do feel like everything you just said IT 还是 SHE is shown through this interview the way that you talk about yourself， the um insight that you have and the ability to hold yourself accountable but also be able to discuss what happened to you. I have a lot of respect for you, and I can't wait to see what you continue to do. Congrats on your music.

All the things that you're working on. Its only fans too. That's what I was to say.

Orbis on only fans. She's thriving. So you definitely subscribe because you put your music video on fans.

You can only I fly music video for my single, so it's on only fans. If you subscribe, you get IT for free.

Abo day, thank you so much for coming and call her dad.

Thank you. This is great. This great podcast, this is my favorite interviews so far. Thank you. Thank you. You're great.