#2178 - Sam Morril
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Last night was fun. It was a good night. Really fun. Yeah, it's a fun place, man. Yeah. A little Disneyland. Yeah. It also is like a throwback. I'm like, I left Kill Tony on Monday. I was like, I haven't had my shirt smell like cigarettes in a while. Yeah, all those guys in the green room were smoking cigarettes. I had one. I don't smoke. It's very contagious. But I was like, I have one. What the hell? What the hell? Yeah, that's a what the hell room. Yeah. This is a... I mean...

It's one of those things like you create something with this intention and you kind of hope that it'll work out good. But that place almost sort of made itself into what it is. It's got an energy to it. I think it's also because of that building. That building was made in 1927.

And everybody's performed there. Willie Nelson performed there, Stevie Ray Vaughan. Like you look in the wall, Black Flag, all the walls inside the green room, all those posters, those are all bands, Misfits, all bands that performed there. Wow. Because it was a rock club for a long time. The whole thing, but it's a big venue though. I don't know if it was two different rooms. I think at one point in time it was just one room. And then I think with the Alamo Draft House, they turned it into two rooms. Then it was a movie theater for like 10 years.

And then when they went under, we had the two rooms. Then we just adjusted everything and changed a lot of stuff and turned it into a comedy club. Yeah, it's cool as fuck. But it's got, that building's alive, man. Yeah. Like you walk in the building and you're like, this fucking building's alive. It feels like everyone's a comedy fan too when you walk in. It's pretty cool. Yeah, you build it, they will come. It's like the field of dreams. Yeah. Not for everybody. For you it is, but not for everybody. What do you mean? Well, I mean, a lot of people are building comedy clubs. They don't come.

Yeah, but they don't do it that way. You did it right. But we did it. I swear to God. I mean, it sounds stupid. I don't believe in fate necessarily. I don't not believe in fate, but I'm not like one of those people that's like preaching it.

If I wanted to believe in fate, though, I would believe in fate because of this. Because it's like every... You ever drive and you just hit every green light for whatever reason? I can't drive. You don't drive? I have a license, but I'm dog shit. It hurt me as a young comic because Joe List would always shit on me because we did a road gig, I want to say almost 15 years ago together, where I got us the gig. It was co-headlining, but it was a casino run, and the thing was you have to split the driving. Yeah.

It was like 30 hours of driving total. So he's like, can you split the drive with me? I said, of course. And we got, I already fucked up because we flew into the wrong city on the wrong day because of me. I was such a fucking young idiot. So we flew into like Michigan. It was supposed to start in Wisconsin. And he was like, you fucks, we're prorated. I was like, I fuck this, we're prorated. And then he was already mad at me. And then he's like, all right, it's your turn to drive. And I started driving. He was like, what the fuck is happening? This is horrible.

And he always quotes me as saying, like, no, I'm not a bad driver. I just can't turn well. And he was like, yeah, that's a bad driver, you fucking idiot. So he tells this story about me all the time being like a city. He calls me a city hick. That's like he started calling me that. But yeah, I can't really. I have a license. I passed the test, but I'm dog shit. It's not that hard, though. I know I'm that bad. I don't know why I'm that bad at it. That's so weird. You're so smart.

I would imagine you're smart to talk to. Oh, thank you. I'm a bad driver. You're good socially. Thank you, man. You too. You're easy to talk to. So I would imagine you'd fucking be able to negotiate the distances between vehicles and turn the wheel. I bullshit my way through a license. I failed two tests in New York. They were in the Bronx. And then I got a driver who I made her laugh out of the gate. And I was like, I'm in. Okay.

Like I just said like I suck at this I failed to please don't fail me and she laughed and I was like I'm in I'm gonna and I hit something and she passed me Wow, I don't remember it was so I it was a cone or something. It was like okay something minor. It was minor Yeah, it was a kid. It was a big deal drunk Kid but she was like you got me got me to laugh man I can't imagine not being able to drive because it's just like it's free driving is freedom. I

Yeah. If you can't drive and there's a car there, like what the fuck? It's also freedom to have someone else drive you though. If that still happens. That's true. If everything goes sideways and there's no more Uber and no more Lyft. Yeah. And you have to figure out how to work a stick shift. I'm in trouble. Yeah. You're in real trouble. Yeah. If there's a, if there's a civil war, it's going to be hard to hail a cab. Yeah. If there's a civil war, where are you going to go?

I think I'm gonna cave pretty early. Are you? No, I don't know. I don't know what I'll do. Come here. Really? Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm welcome here? Yeah. All right. Yeah, for sure. And if it goes sideways, you want to be in Texas. Yeah.

Because this place is already ready to be its own country. But why do you guys want me? What do I bring to the table? You're funny. That's all you need. I'll take it. Good guy. Good guy. Funny. Good to hang with. That's all we need. I have one bad set, though. There's going to be a talk later. We've got to cut this guy. Nah, we've seen too many good sets. I'm not buying it. One bad set, you just need a pep talk. That's like Theo Vaughn. Oh, I did a gig with him once. We did a gig in Edmonton together, and he was so in his head when I was like,

They were like obsessed with you. What are you worried about? But he, we got, we had to cancel the fuck. This was crazy. It's that we're in Edmonton and there was like a,

wildfires in Edmonton and this is how different personalities we are like I'm fucking in my I'm like oh the show is gonna be canceled we're not gonna be able to perform out here this is like bad air quality and he's like nah man it's cool and then within 10 minutes the agents called and they were like the city shut down you can't and this was like right after COVID so I'm like we can't perform indoors we can't perform outdoors like can we do fucking anything and

And they were like, "Will you stay an extra day?" And we're like, "Of course." And then we were like, "The air will be better, right?" And they're like, "It's the next day, 10 times worse." - Wow. - It smelled like a casino. - Jesus. - But outdoors. - Were you in New York when they had that orange smoke in the air? - Whenever something bad happens in New York and I'm not there, I feel like a traitor.

Because I'm such a city hick. But no, I was like, I think the second time I did my own tour bus. So I was like really pumped to be on the road. And I saw that. I was like, I'm a piece of shit. That's Canadian smoke too. That was Canadian smoke. That was weird. The orange thing was weird. It's like end of the world. There's a lot of end of the world shit happening lately. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot. The orange thing was weird too because there was this great conspiracy because there was some missing chemicals.

There's apparently missing chemicals, like serious amounts. Does it always have to be like a comic book? You know, it's always so fucking creepy. Well, the whole world is like basically some bizarre movie now. The Trump thing, the shooter, all the stuff that's coming out about the shooter now, the more you read about it, the more you're like, what? Yeah.

Yeah, it's like a BlackRock thing too, right? Yeah, he did a BlackRock commercial. They knew that there was a suspicious person 10 minutes before Trump went on stage. They still wouldn't let him go on stage. They saw him on the fucking roof and they didn't engage. They saw him on the roof with a rifle. It's a bad Secret Service right there. They wouldn't put Secret Service agents on the roof because they said there was a slope to the roof and it would be dangerous. Right.

It's more dangerous if the ex-president gets shot, which he did. They let him get off. The kid got off three shots. And apparently there was one that we saw that hit his ear. And you see the bullet. Like the photographer got a bullet flying by his head. But apparently there's another one of a bullet going by his left side of his head.

So it went by the right side of his head, hit his ear, went by the left side of his head as well. Because the guy got off three shots. Yeah. And he just missed Trump every time. There was the one shot of him like turning his head. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? It was that close? Dude, it's so crazy. Yeah. It's so crazy. And the fact that they had such poor security guarding him, like they did such a terrible job. My uncle's convinced it's bullshit. My uncle's like, there's no way this is real. I don't think it's not real, but.

Look, here's the deal. I'm not accusing anybody of anything. Just want to be real clear. But they have organized assassinations before. Sure. And when they organize... It usually starts a war. Assassinations, it looks just like that. And when they organize assassinations, one of the things they like to do is have some fucking loser kill the president, and then they kill the fucking loser, and...

That's a wrap. This kid kind of like stops all the leads. Everything's like, where's he go? So they have his phone. They say they can't get into his phone.

Bitch, I know you read my text messages. Yeah, why are you taking so long to break into this shit? How can you not get in that kid's phone? It's always shady, right? They always die instantly. Like Kennedy assassination too. Like a nightclub owner kills Lee Harvey Oswald. I'm supposed to believe there's a nightclub owner with a heart of gold out there? Runs right up and shoots him in front of cops. Yeah. What is this, the end of Shaft? Yeah.

What the fuck is going on? Andrew Schaaf. No, it's like, it's ridiculous. That was the end of Superfly. The new Schaaf ended like that, too. The end of Superfly. He tells them something stupid like that. It's cinematic as fuck. It all feels like a movie. Yeah, it seems like a bad movie from the 70s. Yeah. It's weird. That's how every 70s movie ended, by the way. A guy just gets shot in the face. Right, there's a lot of that. Every movie, you're just like, it's like a guy gets shot in the face, and then the credits, and you're like, I guess this is...

The guy on the roof is just bananas. That roof was 150 yards away. And if you're a good shot with a rifle, hitting a human being at 150 yards is quite easy. I don't know if his rifle had a scope. I'm assuming it had a scope. Someone said he was using iron sights. But he wasn't set up in advance. He just went up there, right? He had a range finder.

Okay, so the kid was walking around the whole perimeter of the area with a rangefinder, which is instantaneously, if you're Secret Service, you see someone with a rangefinder walking 150 yards from where the president is, you tackle that fucking guy. You don't let that guy get on a ladder. Yeah, this is your Super Bowl. What the fuck are you doing? He brought a ladder. Yeah.

The guy didn't just bring a rifle. He got through there with a rifle and a ladder. I don't know what kind of rifle it is. I don't know if it's the kind of rifle where you could disassemble and reassemble like an assassin, like screw it together. Yeah.

But whatever it is, all of it stinks. Every part of it stinks. And every person who talks about him, it's like the classic incel, like never spoke, never. This was an old bit of mine. I was like, that should be the reason. If you want a gun, you have to be a good conversationalist. You better be chatty. Because that's like every person who does these shootings things or assassinations. It's like they're the quiet, creepy fucking dude. Yeah.

It's very strange. The whole thing's very strange. There was also photos of him where he had long hair and wore lipstick and looked like a girl. I think that was bullshit, though. Yeah, I think that was bullshit, too. But that's a problem. Like, everything's bullshit now. Yeah. The commercials, the Black Rock commercial, and then there's some videos of him in high school talking about having a 10-inch penis. He looks like he's just having fun with his boys. There's a video of him saying he has a 10-inch penis? Yeah, but it's like he's joking around. Like, I have a 10-inch penis. You know, like that kind of thing.

Weird dude. Just a weird kid. Yeah. But how did he get in the BlackRock commercial? What happened after that? I don't know. I mean, if I was the CIA, let's just let's not even say CIA. Let's say if I was some shadowy intelligence agency that did these, you know, undercover operations that are a little sketchy.

I'd like to find kids like that. That's your moneymaker. That's how you do it. If you got a plan, you want to do something, you get some guy that's basically got nothing going on in life. And then, you know, you mentor him, become friends with him. Maybe that guy's dad is an alcoholic who beats him. You know, maybe his mom is a fucking junkie. Who knows? Maybe he's like his life is terrible and you can provide mentorship.

and you can provide, you know, just camaraderie, something like, wow, I wish I was a secret agent. You know, and then you tell this guy, you tell this kid, hey, you know, you can help America. Yeah. We can work you into the program. You can be one of us. So now you are saying conspiracy. Listen. You're entertaining it. Conspiracies are real. Sure. They're real. I mean, whatever the fuck happened...

Dallas, Texas in 1963. It's not what they tell you. That's one thing 100% you're gonna be sure that is there is no objective Journalism with no slant not leaving anything out whatever happened with Lee Harvey Oswald and the Motor Kennedy and having some beef with the CIA and some weird shit over maybe Bay of Pigs or something, right like they immediately

How about Alan Dulles, who he fires? Yeah. He fires, and then he gets assassinated, and Alan Dulles is running the Warren Commission? He's a part of the Warren Commission? It's shady. So much Kennedy shit over the years is so shady. The shadiest. Yeah. The shadiest. He's the biggest indicator, the biggest piece of evidence that...

someone from somewhere organized together to kill that guy. It wasn't just Lee Harvey Oswald. Although I'm of the opinion that Lee Harvey Oswald was also a part of it. Yeah. Because everybody wants it to be binary, right? They want it to be one or zero, yes or no. Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone or he was just a patsy.

But that guy clearly was also doing something with intelligence agencies because he was able to go back and forth to Russia He learned Russian. He married a Russian woman. He came back to America And he was also living very well when he was over there He was spending money that like you're not making this on whatever per diem or shit you're making over there like he was like Going to nightclubs and shit. Yeah, yeah

Yeah, the whole story sucks. Yeah, the whole story seems like he was some sort of undercover operative like he was getting paid out Yeah, and then I think that's how they do it. They make you think you're a part of something and then they pin the whole thing on you and

And then, you know, I think there's probably multiple shooters. I think there's probably... The grassy knoll thing seems super legitimate. Also, have you ever looked into how many people who are witnesses that wound up dying in mysterious manners? Yeah. Fucking crazy. It is like, we make fun of Russia for that shit, but...

Listen, we do it too. Of course. We're just a better country and we're cooler. For sure. I'm pro-America. Let's get real. Let's be, yeah, come on. America all day. All day. But like if you read, I was reading a Putin book and literally every chapter just ends with a guy, like the light going out in his hallway and getting shot in the face. And I'm like, this seems like a pretty fucked up rise to power, you know? Oh, Putin had the most fucked up rise to power. That woman who just wrote the book on him, Masha, what's her name? You know? Did she wind up missing? She's, I think-

either on trial or going to prison for saying something anti-military in Russia, which I'm like, all right, you know what? Know your audience. Yeah. Maybe don't say that. She wrote a book on Putin? What a gangster she is. It's pretty badass. That's a crazy move, man, to know they're going to come get you and you write that book anyway. Yeah.

Yeah. That guy might be the richest man alive, you know? He's really rich. They don't know how rich he is. His place is crazy. I always hear that there are always rumors that he's not doing well and then nothing, but there's always stomach problems. Didn't he have like a stomach cancer? That's all rumors, right? Yeah. But also, how much access to medicine does that guy have? You know, I mean, if there's a way to cure something, that guy, they're going to get it to him. Yeah. And you have to think that Russia is not captured by the pharmaceutical industrial complex, so he probably has access to all of the...

Off-book medicines that the FDA won't approve and they'll try all this stuff. That's like the good shit Yeah shit that probably works right now. Yeah, it's like what Kobe used to go to like Germany for knee operations He's like they won't do this to me in America. He would go there for Regenerkin. Yeah, I've had Regenerkin done Regenerkin It's like a very advanced form of platelet-rich plasma

And I had a bulging disc in my neck and they that one doctor was like trying to convince me that I need to get surgery He's like we got a trim that disc you taught you scolded me for doing this. I did something like that Yeah, well, I almost did it and I know too many people have done it. That's why I was like don't do it. I

You can't do it. But you helped me a lot, by the way. I think I told you this. Yeah, how's your neck now? I'm great, dude. I'm fucking awesome right now. That's great to hear. I saw another clip of you recently where you were talking about getting older, how you have to just lift weights for your health. I was like, all right, I got a trainer from my dad. I'm like, you guys are getting older.

Lift weights. Yeah. I didn't do it, dude. I would just play basketball. I was like, I'll just hoop. And then I started to have fucked up neck problems and stuff. And you gave me that neck thing. I forget what it's called. The iron neck. Iron neck. Yeah. But then I just started lifting shoulders. I have such bad shoulders, man. So I just... You're holding your neck up. You got to...

Yeah. If you don't do anything, there's no muscle there. Your muscle only exists if you have a reason for it. If you stop you like if you get a cast, if you break your arm, your arms just shrinks out because you're not using it. Yeah. Your body only uses muscles like it only has muscles where you use them.

And if you stop using them for a long period of time, they just fucking shrink. Yeah. It's a weird thing. Like your body, like if you have to be bedridden for two weeks when you get up, you're weak as fuck. Yeah. Your body's like, it's just, it doesn't maintain itself. Yeah. Except the dick. The dick is up every morning. Seems fine. The dick's rocking, dude. But if you get older, it's more extreme because now your body's producing less testosterone, less human growth hormone. You're not getting as much sleep. You're not repairing in your sleep. Yeah.

And if you have bad diet on top of that, then it's all compounding over the years and getting worse and worse and worse. Your body doesn't have the nutrients to repair itself. And, you know, with all this atrophy, then you start getting people that bend over to pick up a package and blow their back out. Yeah. And, like, how did you blow your back out from just bending over to tie your shoes? That's the thing, too, practical strength. Like, if you're, like, lifting for, like, if you're doing, like, deadlifts, you're like, all right, that's like picking up a box. This makes sense as opposed to people that are just trying to look. Like, I don't give a fuck about that. I just want to not.

Yeah, you just want to not be old. And, you know, you could do a lot of stuff with just like chin-ups and push-ups and bodyweight squats and Hindu squats. And, you know, there's a bunch of different things that you could do that are just – but the most important thing is you've got to do something. And it's not just walk around. And really even cardio is not enough because cardio doesn't – you don't strain the muscles to make them strong. You need to do that. It's a requirement for people just like brushing your teeth keeps you from getting cavities.

It's the same thing. Yeah. You just have to think about it that way. And most people don't. But also think about it. It's like a compounded benefit because you get the benefit of that. But then you also get the mental benefits. Like if I'm not feeling good, if I'm like a little out of it in my own head, a good solid workout. I get out of there. I'm like, everything's fine. Dude, I did it this morning. I was like, I didn't want to do it. I was hungover. I didn't want to fucking do it. But I just light. Just go light. And then you get out of there and you're like, oh.

Yeah. You feel so much better. Way better. That's my message to the world. Please fucking do something. I think we're designed for it. I think that's what...

That's what kept us alive for hundreds of thousands of years before we had agriculture and we organized cities and we developed the stockpiles of food where you didn't have to work as hard and then everything just shriveled away I think everybody had to do physical things and especially cities like this You can just get in a car and just not walk like at least in New York I do find myself like I walk most places so I'm like I'm doing something but not enough, but it's something and

It's better than nothing. Yeah. But it's definitely not enough. Yeah. No. You got to lift a little bit of weights. Yeah. And, you know, people, the problem is people have like lifting weights in their head, a lot of people, especially like very smart people that have had bad experiences with jocks, you know, in their head, lifting weights is like some douchey vanity thing or a bunch of bros or bumping chests and, you know.

You can't think about it that way. Just because dumb people do a thing doesn't mean the thing is dumb. No, it's actually smart. The thing's actually very smart. But intellectuals, a lot of very intelligent people don't exercise. Yeah, Bill Gates does not look good. I don't know if you'd call him an intellectual. But you know what I mean, like a guy who has a lot of... Sure. A lot of... A lot of resources. A lot of resources. Yeah, but then Jeff Bezos does look good. He looks very good. Yeah, he looks like he's Jack now. Yeah. Mark Zuckerberg looks great. You know, it's just...

It's just a thing that people usually concentrate on one aspect or another. If they're like really into physical fitness and really into athletic shit and training and sports...

Generally, they're not as well read on like international politics and environmental issues and like it's you know It's one or either you're like socially conscious really kind of aware of the world understand exactly what's going on in Gaza or you know You know how much creatine you should take every day You know which branch chain amino acids are gonna produce the best results and you know what peptides are the best for healing It's like we put things into two different boxes. You do like really into your body or you're really into your brain and

But I say you got to be into both because if you're not really into your body your brain is not gonna work as good You're not gonna have as much energy. Yeah, especially as you get older. Yeah, dude. Yeah, it's real. It's it's the hangovers get worse. I

They do. It's fucking hot. I didn't even have that much last night. Oh, yeah. I know. I had like maybe two drinks. Yeah. Two good-sized drinks on Tuesday. And then Wednesday morning, I woke up. I was like, oh, I feel like shit. For two drinks. I know. They're stout. It's probably really like legit four drinks.

When you're pouring them, it doesn't count. But I do that too. That's what we do at the Comedy Cellar, and you guys do it here too, I saw. Liz, who manages the Comedy Cellar, will drink martinis out of a pint glass. And I'm like, that's not a drink. That's not a drink. That's like eight drinks. Yeah, it's multiple drinks. Speaking of drinks, Jamie, bring over that fucking Buffalo Tray, sir. Let's drink. Yeah, having a bar is interesting.

Yeah. In what way? Just that it's too much access? I just go there and I see all these people just drinking. It's like, this is, I have a bar. Like, what the fuck happened? I know. I have a bar. It's a cool bar. It's a great bar. Lovely people working there, too. And it's just such a great hang, especially because, you know, generally we're there mostly just with comics and waitstaff. Thanks, sir. And you've got to do that thing you were talking about yesterday about the, you know. Where's your glass? Oh, here we go. Let's go. Thanks, dude.

Yeah, well, cheers to the fucking club being awesome, man. Cheers to you, brother. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. My pleasure. Yeah, having a bar is fun. It's really nice. It's nice. It's a good place to hang. What you don't have here is something I love about, and look, I'm a New Yorker till I die. I'll never move. But what I love about leaving a bar in the winter and just like the cold air hitting your face when you shit face, I'm like, oh, that's just like-

It's almost like getting slapped by the fucking earth. Yeah. I love it. And there's a few bars where you just leave a dive and you just feel like, fuck, I feel like a- It gets cold here in the winter, surprisingly. Yeah, it gets you. How cold? Well, it snows. Really? It snows every now and then. Yeah. It snowed real bad one year. The first year we moved here and they closed everything down. It was hilarious. Nobody knew how to drive.

And they don't have any plows. So they don't just do anything. They just wait till it gets warm. Like this is the dumbest approach to snow management ever. Fuck. Yeah. So nobody knew how to drive. And you would see people in like Corvettes going sideways through intersections. It was just everyone sliding around. What the fuck?

Yeah. So every year it gets below 30. It gets in the 20s sometimes. Yeah. Trying to find this is Jewish shit I'm going to do. I might pop an antacid with this because I've been drinking coffee all morning. Does that help you? Yeah. Ulcers and shit. Oh, you have ulcers? Oh, dude. I just read something about that, that they think ulcers have to do with some sort of stomach bacteria now. Yeah. They used to think that it was like the lining of your stomach was getting eroded by stress.

And now they think it has something to do. I think stress hurts it. Oh, it has to. I hate to sound like a Jewish stereotype. I think stress hurts everything. I think stress hurts your immune system. It hurts the way you sleep, which fucks everything up too. It exacerbates everything. It just makes sense that things come up with stress. But I think they have some new theory about the creation of ulcers that's different. I think it has to do with microbiome.

Yeah, I had to get put under and they were like they did the well the x-ray thing and they're like that's a fucking ulcer It's a big ulcer. I was like alright damn, but so what do they tell you to do like eat wise just didn't do God it sucks. It like everything's bad. Basically. You're like can't like I'm like, oh, how about coffee though? Yeah, you can't have coffee. I'm like, well, how about alka? It's also I have a drinking pod with Norman. So I'm like wife to work I have to go do my thing and I'm like, you know, like what do you mean work? I'm like why drink on my podcast and they're just like

what they're just like you fucking idiot and i was like yeah no i just can i have one they're like drink clear liquor like they're like i'm bargaining with them that i can still drink that's hilarious and then um so then we did that and uh but then yeah they're like no acidic foods no spicy foods i'm like this is like all my favorite shit like acidic food is the best food and uh

Yeah, so I just had to chill for like two months with that. I was boring as fuck on the road. My friend Gary Veeder tours with me and he's so annoyed because he wants every meal to be like a fucking home run on the road. And I'm like, you can, I'll get whatever you want, but I can't. He wants to like share stuff so we can try more things. So he's just getting annoyed that I'm getting like plain ass food for two months. Oatmeal and chicken breast. That's everything I was eating. Really? But you feel pretty, you feel weirdly kind of good aside from this like stinging in your stomach.

You've never had one? No, no, I've never had one. Damn. Yeah, I'll get ulcers. It's such a weird thing. And it sucks because all my friends who have had them are just like pieces of shit. Oh, really? Yeah, my friends, like I've had them. I'm like, yeah, you're like a fucking drug addict. This sucks that this is who I'm comparing myself to, you know? When did you start getting them? I got one years ago on the road in Montreal and I went to a doctor and he was just like very French, a matter of fact. Like, no, no, no, uh...

No alcohol for 11 days. And I was like, 11 days? I was like, how the hell? I was a young comic. What does it say? Once commonly thought that stress, smoking, and diet were the principal causes of stomach ulcers. However, the Heliobacter pylori bacterium is now known to be responsible for the most...

How do you say that? Duodenal ulcers. And 60% of stomach ulcers. The H. pylori bacterium also prompts many symptoms of indigestion. Treatment for stomach ulcers includes the use of antibiotics to kill the infection and acid suppressing drugs. Yeah, I take a Pepsin a lot. Also people that eat a lot of like... Antibiotics. It's interesting because antibiotics kill all the good bacteria too. Yeah. So that probably compounds the problem. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm probably on borrowed time here. Antibiotics are tricky. My friend Gordon, Gordon Ryan, he's like the greatest jujitsu athlete of all time. He had staph so many times that he was basically on antibiotics for a whole year, and it ruined his stomach. Like, his stomach is fucked. In what way? He has the craziest stomach issues, like some buildup of...

like fungus in there and he's always ready to throw up. He has a hard time putting down food. He has crazy stomach. I should be laughing at this, but it's crazy. It just sucks. Well, also when you see the guy, the guy looks like a Greek god. Yeah. And you're like, there's nothing wrong with that guy. Meanwhile, his stomach is completely fucked and it's all started from...

You're not supposed to take antibiotics for a year. But all these meatheads are doing jujitsu in this basement in New York City and everyone's getting staph infections and they don't want to stop training. So they just keep taking antibiotics and keep training. That makes sense. And then, you know, years later, you're dealing with this stuff.

Like, I don't know how the fuck any doctor prescribed him that, or if he just self-prescribed. It's just even crazier. Well, if he's, like, a famous athlete, I mean, he probably... I don't think he was that famous back then. Like, he wasn't as known back then. He's very known now. But...

All you need is one doctor to be a fan. Yeah. I had a doctor back in the day. He was like, I love you on Conan. I'm like, can I get muscle relaxers? He's like, sure. I mean, I wasn't doing well, but he had seen me kill on TV. So he's like, this guy's cool. So I was just racking up pills from him. That's hilarious. He's in the Philippines now, I think. He's not even in America anymore. Oh, boy. He's on the run. This guy fucked up. He's on the run. He's on the run. But for a while, dude, it was beautiful. A lot of guys go to the Philippines and come back with wives. Yeah.

A lot of older guys. Yeah. A lot of older guys go to the Philippines. They're pretty women. Yeah, pretty, young, super happy to not just be eating noodles. Let's get out of this fucking country. That's the pitch. I would do like some just regular protein and yeah. Well, when you find out what most of the world makes in terms of money, you're like, you know the number, like with the 1%, if you're in the top 1% of the world.

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Yeah, I don't know. $34,000. Oh, shit. Yeah. If you make $34,000 American dollars, you are in the top 1% of Earth. Crushing life, man. So all these people that talk about the 1%ers, hey, look in the mirror, fuckface. It's all of us. It's literally all of us. We're all ridiculous. We're talking about people in America. Life is good. This inequality of wealth. What about the world? Yeah. What about the whole thing? Also depends on the state you live in, though, because-

Oh, yeah. 34 in some states ain't getting you far. Oh, it's not getting you far in most. Yeah. In most states, it's not getting you far. You know? I mean, it's certainly not getting you far in New York and L.A., but just, you know, just live anywhere. Good thing I make 35. Yeah, nice. Yeah, dude. I mean, people aren't walking over here for no reason. You know? They're walking across that border because where they are is so bad. It's so bad, you can't imagine it. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a good place. I love America. It's the best. I'm a big fan. I'm a big fan. I like even the cities I think I won't like. Like, I did a bit of my new special about Springfield, Missouri, and all the feedback I was getting was like, man, it was so nice you talked about our city without shitting on it. And I was like, yeah, I had a great time.

I will have a great time in any city for a night or two. Well, I think now in particular, because of the internet, there's more aware, cool, sort of in tune people everywhere. It used to be like back in the 80s when you would go do gigs on the road, like...

You're in the middle of bumfuck Ohio. Like, it could be a terrible gig. They don't know what the fuck you're talking about. No references. Everybody's dumb and drunk. It could be horrible. But somewhere in the 2000s, that really changed. Yeah. You started to see when you go on the road.

Kind of go to anywhere and if they're finding about you online and then you know They're finding about that your tickets are for sale online Then they go there like these people are tuned into the world. They just happen to live in Lexington, Kentucky That's a great city great. I love great place dude. That's fun. I've had some good times there fucking Louisville the racetrack I want to go to the duck have you been to Keeneland and Lexington, Kentucky now Oh, God, that was Keeneland. It's like their horse racing thing you bet on the horses and

Everyone is so well-dressed, like seersucker suits. That was my opening line in the city. I was the only person there that didn't look like a villain in Django Unchained. They're all so well-dressed with their mint julep and their drink, and I was like, I fucking love this. That is cool. Not to mention the bourbon in that town is so fun. You just get...

You just get fucked up and you feel good. It's like a nice quality. You go to like a random pub there and you look at their bourbon menu and you're like, what the fuck? There's like a diner menu. That's funny. It's beautiful. Yeah. I like Kentucky. Kentucky's great. Underrated place. I've never been to the Derby, but everybody tells me it's a trip. I read Hunter Thompson's.

The Kentucky Derby is decadent and depraved. Have you ever read that? I haven't. Fucking amazing. It's good? Great piece. Yeah, it's just talking about how fuck these rich monsters are there like letting their hair down and getting crazy at this horse race derby with all their nutty hats. And, you know, the women have to wear those bizarre hats. But it's a scene. It's a scene. I have a buddy who goes every year. He's like, you got to go. It's fucking incredible.

- So his wife go and they get dressed up, they do the whole thing? - Yeah, that's what I love. If it's new to me, I wanna do it. - Did you say Formula? You were saying Formula in racing? - Well yeah, I just started watching it a little bit.

And it's here now, right? Yeah. You should come. You should come. I might, yeah. Do the weekend. Really? At the club when it's in October. It's really fun? Yeah. If the weekend's not booked already, I'll find out if it's booked. Yeah. Yeah, dude. It's amazing. It's so fun. First of all, they're so fast. When you're sitting right next to the track, you're like, holy shit. They're going 250 miles an hour. Dude, I know. I had a friend who was driving me. He's a very wealthy friend I have, and he was driving me in a McLaren.

And he was, like, showing off in L.A., going fast. And I was like, what the fuck? Are you trying to kill me? He's like, dude, we were going 50. But it feels like you're going, like, 150 in those things. Especially if someone knows how to drive. Oh, dude, he's good. I mean, but those...

Those racers are fucking incredible. They lose like 20 pounds a match. Yeah, it's nuts. It's super physical. Yeah. It's super physical and it's all about the reaction times. I mean, those guys, the G-forces they're experiencing going around those turns, they have to have stiff necks. They have to have stout necks just to handle the forces. I respect it a lot. It's one of the things I didn't really get until I watched that documentary Senna on that racer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, wow, this is like knowing the angles and knowing when to turn and just it's all...

any sport, if you're thinking you fucking lose. Right. And there's a, there's a, a basketball analyst, Walt Frazier would always be like, he's aiming his shot. You know, you can't be aiming your shot. You got to trust the muscle memory. Right, right, right, right. Anytime you think in sports, it's fucking over. I was just reading that Agassi book. It's so good. I didn't realize how good it, my friend, Matt Ruby was like, you got to read the Agassi book. It's hilarious. He's so fucking, he's a good writer. I'm sure he had help, but like,

It's well-written and he's just talking about like, you know, he's so in his head and he's like mad. He's playing someone like Pete Sampras who's like, he's like, I wish I was this, this dull, you know, like this guy's like a brick wall. He doesn't feel shit.

Meanwhile, Agassi's like going to see Broadway shows. He's like an emo guy. He's getting, he's an interesting dude. He's like, you know, so angry, like from his, all these guys had abusive dads. Right. But he's, you know, he's, he's so rebellious and angry. His dad's forcing him to play tennis that he's at this like tennis compound. They're forcing him to get better. And he's crushing everybody because he's a prodigy, but he's doing it in like mascara and a pink Mohawk and an earring. It's like a fuck you. Yeah.

It's so funny. I mean, he's such an interesting guy. I had no idea. I just didn't. I don't know tennis that well, but I mean, I respect the fuck at any sport that you turn on. You're like, this is kind of great to watch. Oh, yeah. Tennis is insanely difficult to do at a high level. When you watch those guys moving and volleying back and forth and all the different setups. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Angles and speed and mind games because you're on an island.

man. You're not, you're not like, it's not a team sport where you get like a high five every once in a while. You're alone. That's why they're like cursing to themselves. Like you see Mack and we're like breaking a rack and you're like, I fucking get that. And you have to be an insane physical shape because you can't get tired and not go for the ball and the heat and the different courts and the clay and grass and clay is so weird. Oh, it's the weirdest. That's the weird court. You're playing on clay. It rains. You're like, so it's mud.

Like, what are we doing here? This is so fucking weird. But yeah, no, he's there's a story about him when he was nine and his dad is such a fucking grifter that is that his dad, Jim Brown, the football player, sees him as a kid. And he's just like looking for a game for money at this country club. And he's like, let's let's play someone. And everyone says no. And Agassi's dad's like, he'll play you for money. And it's like he's fucking nine. You're you're pimping out your kid for money against the best running back. Maybe.

maybe ever and he's like no I'm not gonna play your kid for money and he's like I'll bet my house that my kid will beat you and Jim Brown's like I don't need a house how much money you wanna play for and his dad goes how about 10 grand it's like they're life savings he's putting this on his son who's 9 years old and you know then he sees Agassi hit the dad goes to get the money and he's like fuck this kid's kinda good and

And he goes, "How about I just play you, you know, for fun and then we'll decide how much." Agassi whoops his ass like 6-3, 6-3. And he goes, "I'll play for 500." Agassi whoops his ass, takes him. He's nine! Wow. Against a fucking Hall of Fame athlete. And his dad, it's like his dad did it. Imagine like you're thinking about your family's mortgage and your siblings and their future and you're like, "If I lose, we're fucked."

Imagine doing that to a kid. Of course he's angry and broken. I don't know. We talked about Tiger Woods before, but any athlete who...

That good they probably had a fuck. It's like a porn star you had a fucked up dad basically Yeah, if you get pushed that hard I mean if you get pushed that hard to be the best of the best as a child that means you're missing everything else You if you want to be the best of the best there's no way you're going to birthday parties No way you're sitting at home watching cartoons. Yeah, no you're going to training in the morning you getting coaching weirdly though Hitler's good childhood Really and he was one of the best

Also heavy meth user. I think meth can erase all good parenting. Yeah. All good parenting goes by the wayside when meth gets to the equation. Some people are just, I bet one of the best, I mean evil motherfuckers obviously. But yeah, some people, it's weird when there's like a serial killer and he's just in it for like the love of the game. You know what I mean? Because every once in a while they're like, no, he had a good childhood. Didn't Ted Kaczynski have a good childhood?

Think he did no no he didn't no he didn't Ted Kaczynski was like a nerd, but like I don't know no no no no He had a bad thing happen to him when he's a baby He was sick, and then they took him away from his parents, and he's brought to a hospital We had no physical contact for me. Yeah for months and months It was a part of the documentary on Netflix about him It's his brother talks about it and then after that like brother was a good guy though Yeah, his brother was a really good guy his brother turned him in yeah, so

He was a sociopath from the time he was like he was getting no love at all as a baby for like months and months at a time I forget the length of it whatever this illness, but they basically kept him in a crib and when he cried that was it No one come comfort him. No one picked him up, but that's what a lot. So my sister did to her baby That's never ever zero zero minutes in any day was anybody touching him for weeks and weeks and weeks and months and months and months on end and His brother said he came out fucked up from that then

he's in Harvard. He's a genius. And they put him through the LSD studies of Harvard. That's right. Yes. Which is also some CIA, MKUltra shit. Wormwood, that shit. So they put him through these LSD studies at Harvard. And part of the studies were humiliation. And to see...

how he responds to like severe humiliation. So they should just scientists like, look at this fucking pussy. I don't remember what they did, like how they did it, but it was like coordinated, organized humiliation and just psychological warfare to just to see what kind of response it has on this fragile. Now we know. Yeah. Well, now we know. So then he goes to Berkeley, becomes a professor and saves up his money just to live in the woods, live in the woods and kill everybody. He's making technology. Yeah. What a fucking weird guy. Meanwhile, he has a point.

Like his point was technology is going to destroy the human race and it's going to eventually take over us. And he was right. He's right. It's happening right now. It's about to go on. He could have gotten his message out in a different way probably. Maybe he's a little heavy handed in his approach. Yeah.

I'm like this motherfucker was onto something or we he was undeniably brilliant but in the documentary his brother talks about like say if like he asked a girl on a date and the girl said no like he would just like write the most evil vicious letters to her and harass her and he was a crazy person before the LSD studies and then the LSD studies they just cracked him yeah

Damn. Yeah. No, I remember there was a story about him. Like he made like a little, like he, he used his intellect. He made some kind of, uh, like firecracker to show off to a girl in high school. And she was like freaked out by it. And I'm like, holy shit. What a defining moment for a guy who becomes pure evil and uses explosives. Right. To kill scientists. Yeah. Technology makers. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's um, so we are part of our history is those experiments that they did on people and I'd like to know how many of them turned out real bad Like how many of those people that were involved in the Harvard LSD studies went on to become psychopaths? Yeah, how many lives got ruined because of that? Well, who was the guy as Errol Morris made the documentary on Netflix about? The guy who was in the L his I think was his dad No, someone's dad was in the LSD studies and they absolutely threw him out a window. I

Like he knew too much and they threw him out a fucking window. Yeah, 100% they do that. And it's like, imagine you just grow up and you're like, my dad was murdered by the CIA. I mean, it's pretty fucked up. It's very fucked up. You want a cigar? I'm not a big cigar guy. No? No, but I'll keep drinking with you. All right, I'm just thinking about popping a cigar. You want to be rude? Fuck it, if you have one, I'll have one. All right, let's go. What do you got here? Project MK Ultra, did CIA scientist Frank Olson jump or was he pushed?

Yeah, he's probably pushed. I mean, it's always one where it's like, was there a note? Right. And even if there was a note, they could have fudged that. The official verdict was suicide. Oh, he fell from the window of his Manhattan hotel room in 1953, died on the sidewalk in his undershirt and shorts at about 2 a.m. The official verdict was suicide, but a second autopsy raised questions, although not proof of a possible homicide. Olson's family and many others have been searching for answers in a hall of mirrors.

Dude, a woman jumped out the window in front of me once, splat, like 10 feet in front of me in Manhattan. Oh, shit. I was going home. I was in sixth grade. And I was trying to get the bus.

and I'm with my friend, I stopped to take out my MetroCard and right in front of me. How much you could have killed you? I mean, if I didn't stop, I'd be dead. It's crazy to think about. Your mind protects you. It's really fucked up when you experience something like that because I wasn't scared. I was just kind of like, oh, shit. I was like, oh, shit, there's a movie going on or someone's shooting a movie.

You don't, like, accept it as real, you know? Oh, wow. So you thought it was a fake body. Yeah, but it got me out of a history test the next day. I remember I called a friend. What did she look like when she hit the ground? Face first, didn't die instantly. That's the one thing I remember. Face first. Good. Yeah, face first, she was mumbling to herself. That was the most fucked up thing. After she hit the ground? Yeah.

It didn't kill her instantly. She muttered something like, I'm cold. And my friend's mom saw it, and she went into a store and got her a blanket. Oh, God. How far did she fall from? Do we know? I don't know. Probably, like, I would guess at least eight stories would be my guess. But, like, maybe five. Oh, my God. And she lived. Well, not in the end she didn't live, but she didn't die instantly. God damn. But I remember I called my friend's mom, who was, like, a major narcissist after this. And I just wanted to talk to someone because my parents weren't home.

and I was trying to tell him, and the mom just picked up the phone and talked about herself for like 20 minutes straight. No way. And then she's like, how was your day? I was like, I just saw someone die, and she's like, all right, well, Elliot's not home right now. I was like, that was it. Jesus Christ. It was a weird fucking call. Put that lady in the LSD studies. See what we can do with her.

That should be a punishment. Well, I think it shouldn't be. Yeah. We're talking again about like this kid on the roof with Trump. Like that's the kind you find someone who's all fucked up from life. And, you know, I do another whiskey. Sure. That's a very specific kind of person. You know, it's hard to make a real a total narcissist like your friend's mom who you just tell them about someone jumping off of a fucking roof in front of you and almost killing you and splattering in front of you. They don't even care.

I think she just didn't know what to say. I don't think it was malicious the way she's like, oh, I'm sorry. I don't think she meant bad, but I think she just wasn't equipped to give me anything. Some people aren't equipped to have real conversations. They just talk. They just talk and talk at you. I know. Yeah.

But if you find someone who's really fucked up, like if you were a part of a secret program, you would probably kind of want to be going to visit schools to see if you could find someone who's on the edge. Yeah. Recruit them.

You know, get him, especially if you're planning on killing them anyway. Like this, they knew that if this kid was going to go on the roof and shoot the president, they could talk him into going on the roof. Let's assume not even this scenario, because let's not be crazy. Let's just say, if you wanted to set up a scenario, we're going to have someone assassinate the president. You get some guy whose life is a fucking complete and total disaster. You either hypnotize him or you mentor him. You give him psychiatric drugs. You do a bunch of things. You get him to do it. And,

You know that once he gets on top of that roof and shoots the president, everyone's going to shoot him. And it's nice and clean. They never let those guys live. My question is, of course, but my question is, do you want him actually to kill Trump in this scenario? Yeah.

They definitely wanted him to kill Trump. There was also an Iranian... Don't you think... I find it a little irresponsible. Is this his gun? No, no, no. I was willing to let you guys keep talking. I'm sorry I interrupted, but I can't find a picture of the gun. I'm so put off when people like, you know, Lauren Boebert and shit are like being like, Biden hired... Biden hired him to do this. And you're like, stop...

trying to pour gas on the fire. Yeah. How do you know? We are so fucking lucky he's not dead. So lucky. The country, like, I believe in the, and I, part of being maybe an entertainer is like, I get to see a unified crowd. That's part of the beauty of being able to tour as a comic is like,

I get to see a room of people laughing together. And I always hate when comics are like going out of their way to divide a room. Yeah. And I feel the same way. I mean, more so even about politicians who I'm like, why are you trying? Why are you aiming for chaos? Like you really can kind of unite people if you give a good speech. Of course. You really can. Like you really can inspire people and unite people with the right words. Yeah. And the right, like the right real feeling behind it where it really resonates with people. And they go, well, you know what?

He's right. He's right. We should do it differently. We should relax a little. Get our shit together. Which is really funny. After the assassination attempt, Biden is like, we have to put aside our differences. No shit. You were just saying he was Hitler. I know. But also, they were making a big deal that Biden called Trump and that he was like, there's no place for this. I'm like, murder? Murder?

Yeah. There should not be place for assassinating people. There also should be no place for you using so much hyperbolic statements that you're saying that your opponent, if they win, it's the death of democracy.

Because they kept saying that over and over again. Both sides do that. Yeah, they all do that. Both sides do that. He's going to be a dictator. He's going to be a tyrant. It's the death of democracy. He's going to put people in camps. It all started when we started comparing every politician to Hitler because it gave us nowhere to go. Right, right, right. Here's the problem. Every cable news show, they thrive the way politicians are trying to thrive now. It's like chaos. It's like you are poisoning-

Every audience member who watches this shit cable news is literally they're pouring poison down your throat and the way they're set up They kind of have to do that because otherwise they're not gonna survive that well They're ready they would when Trump was out of office. They were dipping like a motherfucker huge dip huge dip huge dip Because he was he was giving them content. Yeah. Yeah the fear content. Yeah. Yeah, it's

It's not a good time for being informed. It's a very confusing time in terms of understanding exactly what's going on in the world. Yeah. It's real weird. Yeah. It's just real weird. You don't know what the fuck is happening. There's no official reports of things, and there's so many different things that are popping off. There's so much going on in Ukraine and in Israel. It's like, what's going on in America? And somebody just tried to kill the president. I couldn't believe that shit.

I was like this can't be fucking... When did the world turn into the World Wrestling Federation? I was in Italy. All of it. I was in Italy when it was going on. With the Trump thing? Yeah. Cop went on the roof. Yeah, cop went on the roof. He pointed a gun at the cop and the cop jumped off the roof. That's fucking crazy. You never see that in like an Eastwood movie. Yeah, the cop was like, I'm getting out of here. The cop jumping up and going, fuck this shit. This is, he fired eight times at Trump? Yeah. Really? Yeah.

This also says his father reported it missing with his rifle. Yeah, the father made a phone call. Did he give him the... So I know it was the dad's gun. Do they know if it was a gift or if it was he borrowed it or stole it? That says the son missing along with his rifle. So that was his son's rifle. No, it says... Well, it's hard to say what he's saying there because it could be saying the son was missing with his rifle, but...

But it could be saying the son was missing with his son's rifle. See how it says it? Crook's father reports his son missing along with his rifle. That could either be interpreted as Crook's father's rifle or the kid's rifle. Right? Am I wrong? No, yeah, you're right. Yeah. There were over a dozen firearms found in the Crook's household. So there was a lot of guns in the house.

How would you like to have that be your fucking kid? Oh, my God. They used DNA to identify him. Well, you could use a photo. I saw his face. But no, they said that FBI used DNA to figure it out. Oh, to make sure it's him? And they're not giving any explanation on exactly how they did that.

And people were like thinking how they ran a DNA test. I might've used like dna.com or ancestry.com or something like that. Oh, they definitely probably use those fucking things. All those databases were all compromised. I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have done it too. I, you did it too. I did it. Why, why'd we do it? Well, a drunk girl in a bar convinced me to do it. And I was like, yeah, I was hammered. I was like, yeah, I want to know how fucking, uh, Ashkenazi Jew. I like, who gives a shit?

I know, right? Like, clearly I have some Turkish in me with these eyebrows. I know what I am, basically. But she was like, no, you need to know. And she did it, like, on the spot in a bar. She ordered it for me. And then I was like, I'm a fucking idiot. Well, you gave away all your DNA to China, and now they can make a bioweapon that specifically targets you.

That's a new thing that they can do now. How does that work? Well, certain people have certain genetic, like people are different, right? Like there's certain people where certain genes impact them differently. Like for instance, the reason why some black people get sickle cell anemia is because their family has a history, their ancestors have a history of protection against malaria.

So because they've survived malaria, somehow or another, that gene manifests itself in sickle cell anemia, right? And people from certain parts of the world have genes that are more associated with alcoholism or have genes that are more associated with certain – so –

If they could find a particular vulnerability that you may have or that certain races may have even, you can create a bioweapon specifically. And this is all theoretical, of course, but specifically to target an individual person. But don't they kind of already know if that's your tendency, what race you are? Yeah.

I don't know. I mean, I think it's probably really like some people think they're one thing and they find out they're not like they do a Woody Allen film festival in New York and just nuke it. And I'm like, fuck, I walked right into that one. I think, but for the biological thing, I think it's like,

There's very specific things like you're different than me and I'm different than Jamie and there could be a Certain biological weapon that only targets Jamie's DNA and they can use it on him. I

See if you can find out whatever the fuck that is now. Because they're talking about this in terms of the vulnerability of selling our entire DNA database. Because apparently if you signed up for one of those, it's either DNA.com or Ancestry.com or 23andMe. One of those sold their whole database.

Yeah. By the way, you get the alerts where they're like, we found another family member for you. I'm like, I'm good. I'm good. We're fucking, we're tapped out here. I'm busy. Yeah. I'm about to change my number anyway. I'm in a blended family as is. I've stepped siblings. I'm like, let's cap it here. That's enough of bringing strangers into your life. But they tell you, what's funny is they tell you like-

random shit on those sites where they're like you prefer salty to sweet and I'm like holy shit that is true yeah yeah yeah but then sometimes you feel like you're talking to a chick who just knows your astrological sign and I'm just dumb and I'm like yeah I guess I am but there's certain things like cheerful the taste of cilantro some people it tastes like soap do you like it or not I like it me too yeah

Some people don't like – what does it say, Jim? It's potentially hypothetical, but this is what people inside the government have said about it. Okay. That's what it is, where you can actually take someone's DNA, their medical profile, and you can target a biological weapon that will kill that person or take them off the battlefield and make them inoperable. You can't have a discussion about this without talking about the privacy and commercial data and the protection of commercial data because expectations of privacy have degraded over the last 20 years.

People will rapidly spit into a cup and send it to 23andMe and get really interesting data about their background. And guess what? Their DNA is now owned by a private company. It can be sold off with very little intellectual property protection or privacy protection. And we don't have legal and regulatory regimes that deal with that.

The data is actually going to be procured and collected by our adversaries for the development of these systems. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, cool. We're all fucking stupid. This is flat-out Alex Jones stuff. Like, if you'd heard this five years ago, like, Alex, relax. Yeah. They're finding your own personal DNA, and they're developing weapons specifically designed to target you. I'll say for myself, they don't need to do much research. You could take me out pretty fucking easy. I think it's just...

to know that they have them for everybody. Anybody that might be a bit of a problem. It's creepy as fuck. Oh, it's very creepy. Even just like the, was it the Cambridge Analytica stuff? Just the stuff they have on you, you're like, yeah, this is like not good. It's just the tip of the iceberg. Yeah, but then I also think of it in like terms of podcasts. We're like, if we log this many hours, we're not going to get canceled because there's too much shit to pull from. Right. So I look at it the same way. I'm like, if you have this much of everybody...

Maybe we're all okay. Well, think about podcasts. If we said awful shit...

We have said awful shit in these little clips, but we've also said not awful shit. Way more. Thousands and thousands of hours, and we're comedians. Yeah. So people go, yeah, but what was the whole conversation like? Why did Shane say that? Why did Joe say that? Why did they say that? Well, it's because people now get it. Why did Shane call me a dirty Jew? Because the Knicks beat the Sixers. That's why. Suck it, Shane.

Sorry, dude. Go Knicks. In the moment, it had to be okay. But I think people realize that now. I saw him two nights ago in Nashville. It's like a video game getting away from Shane. Because you can't get away unscathed. I'm like, dude, I'm so hungover. I done killed Tony the night before. I was in Nashville. I'm like, please...

The big boss. Yeah. I'm just like trying to get away from him. He's like, you need one more drink to cover that hangover. I'm like, I'm good. But then he talks between him and Joe DeRosa. I'm like, this is like the two bosses. Yeah. And I'm like, Joe, you're 46. For fuck's sake, stop doing shots. You're smoking Marlboro Reds and doing shots. You're 40 fucking six. Yeah. And he's not a healthy 46 either. No. Doing marathons.

When we're in here with Do Protect Our Parks, Shane's always the one with the beer bong. He's like, dude, it's time. It's time. You see that big fucking meaty hand reaching across? The problem with guys like Shane for me are I still enjoy drinking and I like the buzz that builds gradually. I don't like just getting super fucked up. I like getting fucked up over the course of the night.

But I like building to it. Like, I like the build. Yeah. And Shane drinks like a 19-year-old. He does, but he drinks Bud Lights, which is the calculated move. You're going to drink a lot. That's the Stanhope move, too. I know. Stanhope goes to cocktails now, but for the longest time, Stanhope drank light beer. He goes, I like a light beer because I can just start it early, just keep a nice slow burn. Dude, you're pretty good at impressions. That's okay. That's not bad. If I talk to him, if I'm around him, I can do them better.

I love him. I uh, he was a I was such a fan of his I I still am but I mean I remember those like old albums like something to take the edge off and shit Oh my god that Bobby Barnett story Doug Stanhope like that's just it's just a I fucked the chick story Yeah, but it's not it's like got layers and there's Henry Phillips playing the bass in the background Yeah, Stanhope is like and he's so cool. He's such a cool fucking guy He really is that guy like that's not an act. He is like

Uh, Attell always says he's like the closest we have to Bill Hicks. Yeah. But he's a different thing. You know, he's just, he's his own thing. You know, it's like. For sure. He's, he's Doug Stanhope, you know. For sure. He, he, he inspired a lot of Stanhope wannabes. Oh dude, the mics. We all, I, so I'm a different generation of you in standup, but like, I remember the guys who were getting like, when I was coming up, the guys getting ripped off at the mics were Mitch Hedberg, Dane Cook, uh,

A little bit of Burr. There's some Burr. I mean, obviously, Lou. A lot of Mattel. I mean, I'm one of them. Let's fucking be honest. Like, we all know who we... I remember Norman and I would laugh talking about... He's like, I'm like a Norm Macdonald, Jerry Seinfeld thing. And I was like, I fucking was obsessed with Dangerfield and Mattel. So it was like...

You know, and then... Do you see the handwritten notes we have in the green room? I love them. Dude, I love the green room. Isn't that incredible? It's so cool. No, I love comedy history shit like that. But those are from his wife. His wife gave them to us. I talked to her on the phone. Because I was... After Whitney's podcast, she was driving me to... We were doing the same show. And she's like, do you want to talk to... She knows I love Rodney. So she's like, do you want to...

Do you want to talk to Joan Dangerfield? I was like, yes. So she calls me or she calls Joan Dangerfield and Joan picks up the phone and she's, I'm like, Oh, I loved your husband so much. It was like back to school. It was like my favorite movie ever. And I love his standup, his Carson appearances. I'm like, I, I'm obsessed with Dangerfield. And she's like, you want to hear a Dangerfield joke? No one's ever heard. And I said, yeah. When he was going under for a big operation, uh,

He was like, fuck, I might not make it. And if I don't have my mind, I don't want to be alive. That's all I have. I'm a comic. And he comes out of it. And the doctor goes, did you cough anything up? And he goes, yeah, 500 last week to a whore. He woke up with a fucking joke. So cool. I love shit like that. Back to School to Me is like the best...

comfort watch ever because it's like it's only every character serves to set up his stand up his wife's like you're impossible oh yeah and you're easy you know like it's all just perfect fucking jokes you're tall and fat yeah well you're short and ugly you remember the scene with I think about the scene because it's been ripped off so much but when they're getting it's like Burt Young is so funny in that movie too but when they're getting drunk at the bar it's like young Robert Downey Jr. who's like hilarious in it too and

They're bringing them pictures bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until someone passes out then bring us one every ten Like you can't be more fun than that. Yeah. No he was great I saw him live when I was a security guard whoa where I was security guard at Great Woods no shit Great Woods is a it's a concert place in Mansfield, Massachusetts and I was working security there and

And I was 19 years old. And I got to see a lot of people there. I got to see Bill Cosby there. Wow. I saw... I bet that was a good show. It was a good show. I saw Bon Jovi there. Nice. I was barely paying attention to Bill Cosby because I was trying to pick up this girl. I was doing a lot of chatting. I missed a lot of the comedy part. But this was before I decided I was going to be a comedian. So I only kind of... Good for you having to work to pick up a woman at a Cosby show. Yeah. Yeah.

Said a good example for the future. I didn't even think of that. But, um, so I was backstage, like, there was like this back area, and Rodney was back there, and Rodney was wearing a bathrobe. He had nothing on, but a bathrobe. Just naked, in a bathrobe, with slippers, and he goes on stage like that. That's how he'd go on stage. He'd go on stage, balls-ass naked, with a bathrobe on, and slippers.

And just murder. So he went through this phase of his career towards the end where he would go on stage in a bathrobe. And he's just balls naked with a bathrobe on.

It's so weird. And he would be backstage hanging out with people. His balls would be hanging out. He didn't even care. Apparently he had this giant dick and these huge balls. And they'd just be hanging out. And Rodney would just be smoking joints and hanging out backstage with everybody. Why is your 80 plus is that kind of adorable? 80 plus and super wealthy and famous. And he's doing this enormous theater. It's like this place where Bon Jovi does, you know, in Mansfield, Massachusetts. It's a huge performing arts place.

He was the best, man. My mom got me a DVD set of his for my birthday when I was a kid, and it was like, I loved it. It was like... Yeah, look, see? Oh, my God. See, he would hang out with... He's got a fucking sock over his dick. And he's just got the serious face. It's perfect. Oh, dude, look at the back-to-school robe, too. It's fucking perfect. Dude, the score for that movie, too, Danny Elfman, like... It's so cheerful. But, yeah, he, on the DVD set...

it's kind of sad. There's a set when he's really old and he's in Vegas and they're not good. The crowd's not good. He's kind of struggling. But there's a moment where he just is like, fuck it, and just rattles off like,

So many in a row so many great one-liners and they start to pick up and they start giving an applause break and just pauses he goes I know a lot of good fucking jokes It's such a triumphant moment. You're like 80 years old. He's just like fuck you. I'm a store I'm still a pro I met him at the laugh factory like many many years later after I'd seen him when I was a you know security guard I was uh, just just moved to Hollywood like 94 and he was there and he was still doing like a little bit of stand-up and he showed up and

And I met him there with his wife. I don't know if it's the same wife. He was always moving around. But he was, you know, it was interesting just to see him. It was just weird. Was he cool? Yeah, he was real friendly. Hey, what do you know? You know, it was like... He used to get fucked up at a comic strip. Yeah. Because his club, Dangerfields in the city, they'd be like, why are you always doing drugs here? He's like, what am I going to do, drugs at my club? You know, it's like, fuck you, I'm doing drugs here. But, I mean, that was...

I never really played Dangerfields. It was like a bad club by the time I came around. It was a bad club when I played it. I loved it. I used to... Mine has just always been a bad club. It was always a bad club. It was a good club when he did the Young Comedian special from there, when he did Rodney's Young Comedian special. Those were great. Amazing. Dude, I remember the lineup. Dude, it's like Robert Schimmel, Bill Hicks. Yeah, dude. Lenny Clark.

Yeah. Bill Hicks had a set on there that I was like, this is fucking epic. Robert Schimmel, I still remember the joke he opened with because it's such a good fucking joke where he opens with this joke. He goes, I heard a guy got arrested for animal necrophilia. How do you plead for that? I'm sorry, Your Honor. I thought the cat was alive while I was fucking it. That's a... To open with a fucking a dead cat joke and crush...

No, he was a beast. I love Robert Schimmel's stuff. Yeah, Robert Schimmel was amazing. He was amazing. Those old comedian specials really got me into comedy. Those were like really... Oh, yeah, man. They were the way you found out about, like Rick Dukaman. That's the way you found out about people. Oh, he was hilarious. Yeah, he was an L.A. guy that for whatever reason had never made it

You know, but he was funny on the Young Comedian special. I was like, man, this guy's good. I remember those lineups. They were just fucking beasts. Like, there wasn't a... They were all killers. They were good comics in there. Fucking Dice coming out with the smoke. Oh, yeah. Bob Nelson with the football helmet on. I remember that shit, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dom Herrera. Oh, I love him. Jerry Seinfeld. So many comics came out of those Young Comedian specials. It's like Rodney was the gatekeeper. Yeah.

He really cared about comedy, and he really wanted young comics to get ahead. You're doing that, dude. Yeah, I learned a lot of it from him. That's one of the reasons why having his handwritten notes on the wall of the green room means a lot to me. Because I kind of think about it the same way. I know about so many comedians because Rodney Dangerfield was generous, and he wanted people to know about great comics. He didn't feel threatened by them. He wanted them to do well. I still remember his intro for Bill Hicks on that special where he goes,

This next comic, he's so far ahead of his time, his parents haven't even met yet. Give it up for Bill Hicks. I'm like, dude, you found jokes in the intros? Yeah. That's how good he was. And it's accurate. But you're also like, you created this place. It must feel cool to see these young comics like...

Finding themselves. It's like fucking cool. Yeah, it is cool. It's real cool. I enjoy it. I mean, it's selfish too. You build a good culture. It is so similar to sports where like you see there can be a talented rookie, but he's on a team with no good vets and he ain't going to be good because you need, you need someone to guide you. I was very fortunate that I had good comics looking out for me when I was a young comic and the culture in New York is also strong. I mean like, you know, Colin Quinn and Dave Attell when I was young were like very like,

This is how you be a comedian. Yeah, you you keep turning over new shit and you keep like I love I'm on the early shows a lot the comedy seller and it'll be I'm usually like following either Colin or Jim Norton and they're so prolific Like they're just always taking chances They don't give a fuck and it you know, they give a fuck but they don't give a fuck in the right way whether like if this doesn't work I'm gonna make it work and like

They're doing... Like, Jim's new shit is so interesting. It's so good. I mean... But it's all, like, veteran leadership. And it all bleeds down to, like... Yes. And then we want to do that for the next generation. Like, I want the... I want...

I'm excited when I see funny young comics. Yeah. Yeah, me too. There's young comics at the cellar, like Maddie Weiner is a fucking killer. Like, she's a young comic who's, you know, there's like Ethan Simmons Patterson, Daniel Simonson. They're like young fucking killers at the cellar. And you're like, oh, fuck. I used to be the guy who would go up and kill. And now I'm like, fuck, I got to turn over jokes.

And then they're going to become like, you know, it's all good for the culture, you know? It is. It's good for the culture and it's good for us. It's good for you selfishly to be generous because those people that are coming up, the better they do, the more it's going to fuel you and you're going to do better. It's good for everybody. And you're right about like having like a culture of top comedians.

Keeps everybody strong and that's the club. I mean like last night. We're hanging out with Ron white is fucking Brian He's the best he's such a nice guy. He was very nice He made fun of me for being a Knicks fan, but other than that, he was pretty cool that kid Ari Matty from Estonia opened up. He's a fucking killer. Yeah, we chat fucking killer super smart Yeah, you know and that he's one of these young hungry dogs that's coming up and there's a gang of them at that club and

and there's people moving there from all over the place, like Tyler Fisher and all these other people. Tony Casillas? Yeah, Tony Casillas. He opened for me at Hyena's the weekend I got banned there. That's where we met. You got banned? I've been banned from a couple clubs. I don't get it. What did you do? My act. That's what my agent goes. What did you do? My jokes?

No, they were starting the show like an hour late every night. And it's like when you have a 1030 show and you're starting at 1130, I'm kind of like, guys, come on, fucking turn it around. And then they were doing like blowjob shots on stage. They bring people in the crowd. I'm like, dude, you just fucking please just bring me on. I was like, it's like I'm going on 1230 every night. Who's doing the blowjob shots? The club did that.

So they're like trying to encourage people to drink. Yeah, which I'm fine with. I want I want to make money. I'm fucking I'll drink on stage and be like, fucking have a drink with me. Right. I'll even do a shot with the crowd sometimes. I don't give a shit. But like you got to you got to stop delaying the show so much with nonsense. And I and then I remember I made fun of the logo, the hyenas logo, just like fucking having fun with it.

And he came in my room, he goes, "We're a fucking family business." And I was like, "I made fun of a hyena. What am I doing to your family? I don't know." It was a hyena and a tux and then like two weeks later someone sent me, they changed the logo. But I remember Tony was like, he was like, we had fun, we were laughing a lot. So how did that get you banned?

He I made fun of the club and shit on stage. I was like joking I was like blowjob shots starting out. I'm joking around I'm not being like harsh But like I'm fucking around and he was like he emailed my agent at the time and he was like if you don't drop Sam as a client I will never book one of your clients again and like, you know, I wasn't a huge and and he and he said

And he said, three clubs you own, too. So it's like, I'm like, oh, so now you're putting me in a position where I'm an asshole. So my agent called me like, what did you do? And I was like, nothing, you know, fucking nothing.

And then she was she was like not as supportive as she should have been to me She should have been like fuck you like he's doing his jokes, you know, but She was like this is what you do because I did I did something at the same thing at the Syracuse funny bone Which is what happened with this? How did it resolve it didn't I was just like I'm not gonna write him an apology I'll apologize if I do something wrong happily. I'm not like I don't have an ego in that way We're like if I fuck up I'll totally be like hey, I'm really sorry Did they have anything specific that they were saying to your agent? I did respect the club

Am I making fun of the Hi-Eta logo? It's like you do blowjob shots, dude. What are you fucking talking about? Disrespecting your club? Disrespecting our sacred institution. Dude, it always... Egos. What I like about your club is like, I always find as a young comic, you don't get the love you deserve at your home club usually. Right. Because they see you as like a door guy or like... Right, that's where you started. But...

Think you you do raise people up there, which I don't think is normal I really I think like New York Comedy Club in New York does that a little bit where they like kind of develop young guys I think is good, but I do think it's a right like comic strip is where I started dude They didn't really build I still have love for the club, but they didn't really build us up They kind of like took pleasure and keeping us down a little bit. Yeah, they would do like lottery shows to us They've recorded me one fucking week

Like you want to audition for the main spots. You got to be on like an America's Got Talent type show. And I'm like, you're fucked. By the way, just auditioning for the late night back then. I remember I auditioned. So you do a lottery. It's like over a hundred comics who, which sounds like nothing now, but in the day, that day it was like, you know? Yeah. And I remember I auditioned.

I draw six out of six. So you're going on after the regular show. It's like an eight o'clock show. The next show starts at 1030, same crowd. And I draw six out of six. I'm like, fuck, I'm going on at like 11. They're gonna be tired. I hope these comics don't suck. So they walk the crowd. And the guy who goes on before me has a fucking,

fucking nervous breakdown on stage. So he, I'm not making this up. He on stage, he goes, he goes, I fuck, I'm fucking bad at this. Oh my God, I'm fucking bombing. And I watched him walk 70 out of the 80 people for my audition. And I'm like, I got to go on for 10 people now. This is crazy. And I just went on and like the owner walked up to me and he's like,

I mean, the bar was low at that point. He's like, you didn't walk the last 10. Good job. But he was like, you didn't panic, so I'll put you on for late night. But then for the regular spots, they were like, you gotta... They fuck with you. My point is, your club, I feel like...

And some of the fucking with is good it is good because it makes you like how bad do you want this shit? Right? Yeah, but so I think to a certain point the hazing can be good, but also like it's a new generation You know it's it's different It's it the hazing is probably good because it weeds out the people that aren't gonna have the gumption to push forward and Get through bad sets and get totally and I says tell comics all the time be nice to club owners and

Because you don't want to be one of them I would always say that and then I want to become on one but I always said that because like they're different than us They like we need them that we're not gonna go do that. We're not gonna go open up a fucking club So you need these people so it's like there's an adversarial relationship Like you feel like they're fucking you on the money or they're not they're lying about it being sold out or whatever it is Where you're not getting what you deserve or but that's in the beginning Yeah, once you become undeniable then they have to pay you right but I

The thing is, it's like there's a separation between the people that do it and the business. And that's where all the friction comes from. In my club, there's no separation from the people that do it in the business because the people that do it own it.

And it's all of ours. Like the way I refer to it, I don't refer to it as my club. I refer to it as our club. This is our club. That's cool. This club is set up for comedians. It was never set up to make any money. The whole concept about it was I just want to make something where I don't lose money. I just want to break even. If I break even, I'll be super happy. It's not a money-making venture at all.

So the money structure is different. The comedians get most of the money and there's plenty of money for the bar and there's plenty of money for the waitstaff. There's plenty of money for everybody. It's just, you can't be greedy. And in most environments, the club makes most of the money and the comedians don't and

Until a certain level. Yeah, you know and then they get the door like big comics big names where they sell out anywhere And it's like a good thing to have them at your club. Yeah, and clubs make a deal, but they're still making money They're just not making an insane amount of money But my point was the comedians do all of the fucking work if it wasn't we're selling the comedians

We're not selling we're selling drinks to see the comedians, but that's not I don't think that's the normal mindset like I can't tell how often I'd be at a club and I hear the drink shake and I'm like I'm here to move drinks. Yeah, you know, I mean you just it's it's that's the business part That's because the people that own that business aren't comedians But it's funny that that's the best way to make a business is to make a business where you just do it the best way to Express the art form like and then there's a lot of great clubs - I'm like I'm not I don't want to sound here like I'm like I love club like I

Comedy Works in Denver. Hilarities in Cleveland. I fucking love them. Shout out Nick and Sam. Wise Guys in Salt Lake is fucking beautiful. Wise Guys in Salt Lake is fucking incredible. Acme. There's a lot. There's so many great clubs. I'm forgetting a million right now. Listen, I'm forgetting a million too, but I love them. And I love comedy clubs. I really do love just the idea. I really don't really respect comics who don't tour. I can tell when you're special if you didn't fucking...

tour with it. Right. I can tell if you, like, I did New York and L.A. and I was like, here, you gotta take that shit to Chattanooga and Knoxville and fucking... Also, when you're doing New York and L.A., you're doing, like, 15-minute sets. I know. But, you know, I mean, like, they do an hour there and there. But, like, you gotta just take it. You gotta sludge it through the mud. This is something I always talk about with, like, Gaffigan, you know, all those, like, New York guys. They'd be like, you gotta tour. You gotta... They really emphasize, like...

Cut the fat, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Cut the fat and then see how different people in different places react to it. Because your act is going to go over different in San Francisco than it is in Florida. I know. It just is. It just is. But both are fucking great. Both are fucking great. You know, like Tampa, for whatever reason, has been the side splitters. You know, they've always been fucking really good. Did you ever make up with hyenas? Never. I'd be happy to. I'd be happy to. If you're listening, hyenas...

I'm sorry for what I might have done. I don't know. You probably just gave them the right direction. Get rid of your stupid fucking hyena. Get out of here with your logo. If someone can make fun of it and it hurts your feelings, you got a dumb logo.

I don't give a shit either. I mean like it's like I know what am I gonna hold a grudge against hyenas? I don't know the grudge against that guy that one do you get dropped by your agent? I got gonna ruin your career pretty classless pretty classless man. That's such a shit move and I didn't have a lot of juice and like To be told like I fucked up him. I'm like a little bum that she told me I kind of fucked up I'm like, you know, I didn't you know, I'm like I

I'm not a diva, dude. I'm one of your dudes who will happily do 45 weeks a year on the road. I'm out there. I'm happy to do this. Yeah, you're making money off me, stupid. I have my back. Not a ton at the time, but I was out there working. Yeah, enough. Well, it's kind of think like it's like a young athlete. If they keep going, they're going to eventually make it into the majors and they're going to make money. I think of it in sports analogies like

That's just how I always, because I love sports. Also, sports is another thing like comedy. Like, there's no guarantee. You may make it. You may not make it.

it yeah it's hard instead of carrying an acl it's like drug problem drug problems girlfriend problems there's so many things that can go wrong with you mental health problems there's so many things can get wrong on the and also it's so not guaranteed that you're going to keep coming up with ideas oh dude i'm i'm this is my sixth hour of jokes that i just burned and i'm like i'm fucking tired i'm like my mind is tired like i i just don't feel like i have it i never feel like i have it

After this. It's really hard to keep doing this. But it's a constant process. It's a privilege to deal with this challenge, but it is fucking, like, I'm like, wow, I don't feel funny most of the time. You'll come up with it just like it always did. Like Shane was saying that after his last special. Now the stuff he's doing now is arguably the funniest shit I've ever seen from him. It's just how it always is. I like my new shit, but I don't really like it. It's going to take time. It's a five-year-old kid right now. It's not a...

It's not a 25-year-old man crashing through the front line. It is a five-year-old kid trying to entertain a fucking room full of drunks. Yeah. Ain't lasting long. Well, it's just you have bambi legs. Your jokes have little bambi legs. They're all awkward and shit. They're not moving that good yet. It's so true. It is...

It is cool, though, to... It's more fun to be in the creative mode. Because when I'm about to tape and I'm killing, I'm like, I'm a fucking hack. Because you know it works. Who gives a shit? Yeah, it's supposed to work. The challenge is too easy. Yeah, you're like, this should work. But then when you're struggling a little bit, you're like, this is fucking... This is comedy. Yeah, this is the... And then when you struggle and then you come up with a new punchline, a new tagline...

You know, I just added a new tag to one of my bits that makes me laugh. And it's like, it just came out of the blue. It's a good feeling. Sitting in front of the computer, I'm going over my material. I'm like, oh, like this. This is it. And I add that in. Then I add it on stage the next day. And then Tony's like, when did that come from? Yeah. Like, I wrote it last night. When your friend notices the best feeling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Norman watched me the other night. And he was like, that fucking Anne Frank line. I was like, it's a new line. The new stuff. Yeah. New stuff is a golden gift from the cosmos. Yeah.

New stuff's amazing. It's so weird when it hits you in the middle of the night too. You just wake up in the middle of the night. You're like, you just like stumble over to a fucking phone, voice memo, fall right back asleep. Yes. You got to do it. Oh, always. And it's 90% of the time it's shit. But that for that 10%, you have to just do it. There's been way too many times where I convinced myself that I would remember it and I didn't remember it. I know. There's a Seinfeld episode about that where he like tries to write it down. He's like, what the fuck is this? Yeah. But yeah, it's,

It's so, I mean, it's funny for what a sitcom sign for was. It would like tap in a real standup shit every once in a while. Oh yeah. I mean, it started off with him doing a monologue. Yeah. Remember that? That was the early days. Yeah. He would do a monologue at a club every time.

Yeah, he's great bits in there He's interesting now hearing him talk about stuff now cuz he's kind of realizing where all this woke shit is gone He doesn't care. No, it's kind of beautiful to watch him be like like someone heckles him He's like fuck you and you're like, oh my god. Yeah, Jerry versus heckler. This is entertaining Well, they're all going after him with the Palestine stuff now. So they're interrupting and he's funny really response But you know, he's it was a great clip. Oh my god. Stop giving Jews money. Yeah, I

But he also like, but he also is like, you know, he's talking about something like, it's just funny when a clean comic is getting heckled. Right. Cause I'm like, yeah, you were, you were probably heckling a bit about like sponges or something. Well, it just shows you like at this time in history, nothing is safe.

This time in history is so screwy that total complete compliance and adherence to every single letter of the doctrine is demanded. And even then they'll move, they'll move what it is. They'll move the boundaries. They'll move the, the, the goalposts. And then what you were saying a month ago is now problematic. And now you have to adhere to a new thing. Yeah. And I also just think like, it's, it's annoying that we have to go that way. Cause like, why can't we just all enjoy Jerry? Like, I guess that's what I think. Like, why can't we just all enjoy this? Like I kind of,

Even if you say something I don't like, I try to separate the comic from the whatever else. I could still listen to Cosby. That's interesting. Yeah. That one would be tough. I just have to fall asleep sometimes at night. No, no, no. I actually don't really listen to Cosby, but I do think I can. I do it with movies all the time. I don't.

I don't agree with like... Woody Allen. Roman Polanski or Woody Allen, but I fucking love movies. And I think Woody Allen's made some of the best movies ever. Yeah, he's made incredible movies. And he was a great stand-up. I mean, you know...

I can separate. Cosby's tough because what's it called? Himself? Yeah, it's tough. It's tough to separate, right? It also just feels dishonest because it's the cleanest shit ever and it's like rape. And this one lady was saying he might be the most prolific serial raper in history. Yeah. Like who knows how many people he did it to that don't come out about it. I know.

you know, how many people don't know what happened? It's also tough when the person who does this shit is so holier than thou. And so beloved. But also just so much like, you know, you need to do things this way. It's like those types of, so that is tough. But like,

But those are the type of people that are usually creeps. It's like male feminists are usually the biggest fucking piece of shit. Because they're putting on an act that they hope you'll respond to if you're a woman. That's true. That's what it is. It's a bait and switch.

It's a bait and switch, and it's the most manipulative thing. And one of the things you get from those guys, the creepiest of them, they will go after other men. And they go after other men publicly. I remember Jamie Kilstein went after me for a fucking rape joke in, like, 2013. I had a fucking rape joke that, like...

Got torn to shreds for by these like fake, you know feminist things I did I still remember the joke it was like I was I was fucking a black girl not a great job I was starting a black girl while we're having sex you get dropping the n-word. She was like no And I was like you guys are worried I was gonna say the n-word then everyone was like thank God rape joke So that was a joke that like that somehow that word is more offensive than me raping a person Yeah, so like the joke killed it would always kill and I had another one in the same set this woman saw me I said

The whole set was rape. No, I said my girlfriend never makes me wear the condom because she's on the pill Ambien.

Another fun one right there were two quick silly jokes to me right, but she wrote a hit piece on me tore me to shreds It was like it went like fucking it got shared cuz I I showed it to Colin Quinn I was a young seller comic at the time was like 2013 and I showed the collar and he goes the most fucked up part is she omitted the punchline from your jokes Okay, so she is trying to just show that you're a piece of shit. She's not even showing the comedy here Yeah, he says you have to write something so I wrote something and

then it got shared a ton like all these websites like Solange, Jezebel, Tour Me to Shreds they're like he's a nobody all this shit like just like cutting me down I was I had nothing going on

and they wanted me to go on like Kumail Bell's show at the time to like defend. And I'm like, my manager at the time was like, "I don't want your first TV credit to be defending a rape joke." And I was like, "I agree." So didn't do shit. But then like, here's the fucking best part. So I had a trans joke in my Netflix special that was like pretty pro-trans. I was just like being a contrarian. I was like, everyone's doing these like trans bad. I'm like, I'm gonna go the other way, have fun with it. Went viral. And all these people were like, "This is how you fucking do it, blah, blah, blah."

One person writes, fuck him. He made bad jokes in 2013. It's the person who fucking tried to cancel me in 2013 who is now a man. So she's now a guy. So that's the joke I did in the special. I go, but you know that people can change. Yeah, yeah.

So that's what I say. That's why I call my new special, You've Changed, for that. But I'm like, what is the... So you can be a different person, but I can't grow as a fucking human? Right. Exactly. The hypocrisy is absurd. It's absurd. And also, guess what? I am a different comic than I was in 2013. Not in like a fucking... I'm a better stand-up. I take... If I go there now, I hope it's a better joke. Yeah. But like, how come there's only room for growth on your side? It's fucking...

Absurd absurd. Yeah. Well, it's and I accept whatever you fuck you choose to eat your body do yeah Fuck you want with your life, but but the idea that like you get to do whatever you want But then everyone else is like a target to you is insane It isn't same but it just shows you the disingenuous approach things and also that the people that are involved in this sort of attacking people They're not enlightened for a lack of a better term not saying that I am but their their level of compassion

It's not for everybody. It's only for people that agree with them. You're a progressive, but only you can progress. Exactly. And it's also only people that agree with you 100%. But then, let's look into your own life. I guarantee you, you're a mess. I know. Well, these are the people that went after Shane, too. You have to realize. And the fucked up way they went after Shane was that...

I remember they went after Shane so hard. I remember I think it was CNN had a thing. They were like, people who were canceled this year, and it was Weinstein, Cosby, and Shane. Oh, my God. And I was like, this is like a SAT question, which one doesn't fit. Yeah. This is so fucking unfair. So, you know, uh...

I think that ship has sailed. I think it's for the most part over. And I think we're mostly laughing about it now. But now you see it with the Tenacious D guy. And now it's predominantly the left that goes after people. But now it's kind of, this was the right, where they're celebrating the Kyle Gass thing. I'm like, hey, man.

It's either all okay or none of it. It's the South Park guys. Either all okay or none's okay. Yeah. The guy said something on stage because he's signaling to all his liberal followers and he's trying to be cool. And he probably had no idea that that was going to get out to the rest of the world. He thought he was just saying it to his crowd.

And he didn't understand because he's like 60 years old. You know, you see that guy? He's old as fuck. I didn't see it. He's like a super old triple vax liberal. Yeah. And he, you know, he said something and it was a stupid thing to say. And then they had to cancel their whole fucking tour. Well, death threats. And I'm bummed that Jack Black canceled on him.

Well, they all cancel. Well, that's your friend, though. I mean, that bummed me out. I think Jack Black's hilarious. Well, he didn't throw his friend under the bus. He said he was blindsided by it and that he doesn't support hate speech, political hate speech. Yeah, I mean, but what is hate speech is my other thing. It's like you either made a joke. You either say it's a joke or it is actual. It's either a joke or it's not a joke. It is the definition of too soon.

Yeah. That's what it is. Sure. It was two days. And the joke bombed. Yeah. Right? I mean, it didn't hurt. It was like, oh, Jesus. I don't like, do I think it's a good joke? No. No. But also, like, why are you calling for, I don't like the calling for people's heads either. Yeah, I don't like it either. I think they're just delaying their tour. He's just going to take some time off and come back. He just wanted a vacation. No, I really think that's what the decision was. I think the decision was to stop the tour and then come back. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe.

Isn't that what they said? Tour's canceled. He's been dropped by his agent also. Oh, never mind. Whoa. Jesus. I was about to be like, you know what? Summer is hard to tour, but now, yeah. Has everybody been dropped or just that one guy? Jack Black hasn't been dropped. Yeah. You're a dumb fucking agent if you're dropping that one. Yeah, if you drop Jack Black, like, yo. At first, I thought Jack Black said it. No. When I saw the clip, I was like, oh, no.

I was watching Tropic Thunder the other day on TV. It's still funny. It's amazing. It's really funny. It's the last free movie. They don't do it anymore, dude. You can't do a movie like that. Someday, it'll come back around. I asked Robert Downey Jr. on the podcast. I said, do you think you can make Tropic Thunder today? He's like, oh, you could make it. I saw that. He's awesome. He's great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's a, you know, Ben Stiller,

Doesn't get enough credit for kind of just going for it with that shit. That was... In that movie, he just went for it. So did Tom Cruise. Remember when Tom Cruise played that fat agent with the fucking... It was awesome. I was like, I saw that and I was like, I want to see you do more comedy. Yes. I know you want to do your own stunts and you're like a fuck, you have a death wish and it's badass and stuff, but I want to see Tom Cruise in a comedy. Yeah. Listen, I know Tom Cruise is a loon.

But Tom Cruise because the fact he's a loon can kind of do anything mm-hmm I mean he like he played the vampire Lestat an interview with a vampire and all of Anne Rice's fans were protesting like why people did not want Tom Cruise to play Lestat, but he's great. He's great But if you didn't know Tom Cruise at the time was Top Gun He was like fucking blockbuster boy, and then all I was gonna play this homosexual vampire Who's like this? We're acting yeah, but it's

It was too beloved to them to the people like if you ever read interview with a vampire no I haven't fucking but he's more gay than he is a pool shark and he played a pool shark in the color of money So who gives a shit? Yeah, the pool shark wasn't believable, but he did but he did learn how to do it though That was more offensive to me

He learned kinda. Kinda. If I watched him play, I'd be like, come on. But you're good at pool. Yeah, that's the difference. I suck. But if you watch someone play guitar and you don't know how to play guitar, I don't know what's going on, right? But if you're a really good guitar player and you say, oh, he's not even hitting the right keys when that sound's coming out, this is bullshit. That's not how you play guitar. It's like seeing comedy in a movie.

Punchline. It's usually rough. Punchline with Sally Fields and Tom Hanks. Did you ever see that? Yeah, it's fucking awful. With the lockers. They have lockers? They have lockers. Yeah. They have lockers. I love Tom Hanks, but yeah, it's not fucking...

Yeah, it's not a comedy doesn't the only time I saw kind of work was when Sandler did it in the in the Judd Apatow movie like it's a Cassandra does stand-up though, right? He's a real comment. Yeah Yeah, you could do a movie with comedy in it like Louie did with with Louie, you know, you know, he's such a good show I sent him an email like a year ago. It was like 2:00 a.m. I just wrote him an email being like Man, I miss shows like this and I missed the representation in New York and I and I love how like

You make New York, like, disgusting and ugly, but also, like, kind of beautiful and a mess and, like, against you at all times. Like, there's a scene in that show where he misses—you know what I'm talking about with the flight? He misses the flight, and the woman's just typing in. He's like, what happened to the flight? She just keeps typing. She goes, it was canceled. He's like, why? And she goes, it crashed. And he goes, oh, my God, is anyone okay? And she, like, keeps typing. She goes, everyone's dead except one baby. Like—

That type of joke is so absurd and silly, but it got me so good because we'll get so angry when we miss a Connect flight and then everyone's dead. That was his mind. And he wrote a long thing back just being like, that was a really cool time in my life and how much...

You know we put into it that show I think is like brilliant you know he edited that show on his MacBook and in the music Yeah, and he added that show on the 12-inch MacBook the little tiny one hmm I'm gonna go why are you doing it on that he goes? I like doing on this little thing

Yeah, that show is, I rewatched it recently and I was like amazed at how well it holds up. It's a great show. It's a great show. And I remember when he did Lucky Louie. I like that too. Lucky Louie was okay. But I talked to him at the improv one night. We're hanging out and I was like, what would you do different? You know, because it was like falling apart. He goes, I would fire all the writers because I didn't want to fire them.

He goes, I just, I would have fired everybody. Well, he also was trying to do like a Jackie Gleason, like sitcom-y type thing. And his strength is being himself. Right. So that's, I still enjoyed it. But yeah, Louis is like on another level. Yeah. Well, Louis was him with freedom, you know? Yeah.

It's like if you take a guy like that, and you just just let him he's gonna do the best he can He's gonna do the best he can always yeah, just gotta let him do that and to get out of the way You're not going to give him good ideas. You're not gonna help I know you're gonna tag once for a joke and it killed him in immediately and I was like that's a good comic Right there. Oh, he's great. He's good at comedy. Yeah, I did King Kong joke Yeah, he gave me a great tag once well King Kong's wife giving him shit and

I had a joke where I said, it's a joke that I did in the joke, in the movie The Joker. I say, I did a million jokes for that movie and this is the one they used. But I said, you know, men and women look at sex differently. Men look at it like...

Women look at sex like buying a car. You're like, can I see myself in this long term? Is it safe? Is it reliable? Could it kill me? And I say men look at sex like parking a car. We're like, there's a spot. There's another spot. Oh, I have to pay? Never mind. And Louie goes, you should add handicapped. Hope no one sees this.

I had a handicap line, but his "hope no one sees this" hit harder, and I was like, there we go. It just worked. "Hope no one sees this" is so much more fucked up and funny. Oh yeah, yeah. I had a handicap line, but it worked, but this one then killed, and I was like, he's good. And I never, I don't really normally take tags, but when it's Louis, you're kind of like, let me try it, and then it was too good to not tell. Too good. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta take it. Yeah.

But it's like so fun when you have a joke and people think it's over and then there's, you know, there's one more line, especially if you're doing like, you know, a tough crowd and they're like, and then they're like, all right, they have to like give it up a little bit. That was good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's always great when you find those too when you got the beginning of a joke And it's kind of doing okay in the early days of the joke you just started trotting it out You're fucking with it and working and you like god There's something there and then you find the next thing and boom you open up a new door Yeah, you have a whole new door that is attached to the premise that has a bunch of new angles you can take Yeah, it's fucking it's a it's a great thing. It's like you have a toy that you find it You're like oh, I didn't know it did that yeah, it's so cool Louie said he's gonna take a year off and

And so he's basically taken, I think a year and a half. I think he took it. I mean, I saw him. It's almost a year, right? Yeah. I saw him, uh, at the cellar and he was, uh, he was trying some new stuff and it was funny. And it was recently. Yeah. He's always funny. Okay. So he's back. Yeah. He saw, I, I hate when a comic like that's in the back of the room and I'm fucking around just trying to find, I'm like, God damn it. And I get up and I go, Hey Lou, he's like, what's up man?

Yeah, damn it. I was fucking around. Yeah. I love that when people are doing that though. I know you're funny I'm not gonna like if I see someone have a weird set where they're working on new shit on everything Oh, Sam sucks now, you know like that would you'd be an idiot for thinking that yeah I guess we're always in our head a little bit, you know always yeah part of it once you think you're not Once you think you're awesome. You're fucking done. I had a set once where I switched the order of things and

on the spot for some strange reason. I decided to try it this way and it worked great, but I realized that

As I was into the set that I missed a giant part of one of the bits because I switched it around and it didn't fit anymore and I couldn't add it anywhere else. And so I was in my head for it, but I was still killing. Yeah. Well, I was in my head and then after it was over, I'm like, I got to listen to this. It must be fucked up. But no, it was the recording was great. Yeah. I was listening to him. This was all like a self-

inflicted mind fuck because I knew that there was more to the bit but they didn't know there was more to the bit I know they just thought but you knew there was more exactly and that it's annoying though when you leave and there was more meat on the bone I hate that feeling the worst I mean dude

It happens a lot when you do like well, let me try Sometimes you try to flex you know Let me open with an abortion joke and see if I can dig out of this hole and it misses and you're like oh fuck now They hate me, but I do it all the time like I I have a new Hitler chunk I was doing at your club last night, and I'm like let me open on this and they're like now you can't open on the Hitler joke

You gotta earn it. Give him four minutes. Yeah. You gotta get him to trust the way you think about things. That's why I love late night sets still, even though they're like so... I mean, but I like... Not even that many comics do them anymore, but when you watch an old one and you're like, oh, a guy had... You had to open on this joke for a reason. Like, there's this comic in New York, Nick Griffin, who's like... He was like the master of the Letterman sets, I thought. His Lettermans... He did like 11 Lettermans. They're all...

flawless, you know, and every opening joke was perfect. He had a joke where he goes, they say to live every day like it's your last. So, uh, I've been crying a lot lately. That's a great fucking joker. Uh, you know, uh, he goes, I hate, there's another one he opened with. I always look at the opener cause I'm, I'm fascinated by, he goes, I hate these celebrities, Lady Gaga, you know, Oh, the press, uh, the press is bothering me. Oh, cool. Visa's bothering me.

That's like, all right, you're self-deprecating out of the gate. It's a quick joke. I like the quick laugh. Yeah. Yeah. Visa's bothering me. Want to trade? It's like a great line. Yeah. The construction of a great joke.

And starting off with a great joke is so important for opening acts. I always tell that for guys on the road, like if they've never done like a big theater before and they're coming with me, I'm like, listen, go out there, say hi to them. Don't rush. Don't rush into your first joke. Yeah. But when you commit, that first joke's got to be a banger. Yeah. Because they don't know you. And it might not get the laughs you think it deserves because the audience isn't warmed up yet. But you've got to accept that. But you've got to start out with a banger. Even if they're not laughing hard, at least they're like, okay.

Okay, like they might not be laughing but they might have a smile on their face. Yeah, you know and then literally warming them up Yes, you're warming them up and that's why I appreciate comics who warm up crowds with jokes and not just like bullshit I have a respect for people that whatever way you warm up however you get them cool But like I toured Gary Veeder and it's just killer deadpan one-liners They're all just like deadpan and I'm like this is he's low energy so they have to listen and for me that sets the table for

where, you know, every joke is fucking killer. Dude, I have to piss or I'm going to break. Let's take a little break. We'll be right back. Yeah. Ron moved out here in like 2017 or 18. Yeah. And I call, I mean, he was always at the store too because he had a, he had a condo in Beverly Hills or excuse me, he had a house in Beverly Hills. It wasn't a condo, it was a mansion. And, um,

He just said, I'm fucking moving to Texas. He goes, I love it here. I travel. It's in the middle of the country. Easy to take a flight to anywhere. People are nicer. No traffic. Food's fucking great. And that kind of put the seeds in my head. That was like the first seeds in my head. I was like, did you not like L.A.? No, no.

There's too many people. I think you get around too many people. It's not good for your head. I think too many people like that, people become, they become a problem rather than a resource.

You know, there's too many. They get in the way. They're in the way of things. Too clogged up. And I think it creates anxiety. When you're stuck in traffic all the time, I think that's bad for you. I wanted to just... Also, I didn't trust it. I felt like it could fall apart at any moment. It was always like... I was always waiting for the next earthquake or the next fire. I was evacuated three times from my house from fires. Yeah. Last one, two houses in front of my house burnt to the ground. Right in front of my house. What the fuck? Yeah.

Yeah, the wildfires were crazy. Yeah, it's fucking scary, right? Fucking scary. When you see them coming, you know, I came home from the comedy store and it was like one o'clock in the morning and me and my wife were looking out the window at the fire coming over the hill.

And we made an early call. We said, look, if we're wrong, we come back. The house is still here. But let's just get the fuck out of here now. I'm like, that's too close. They weren't evacuating yet. I'm like, let's get out of here. And so we got all of our shit and we got a hotel in Beverly Hills. And then next thing you know, it swept through our neighborhood. That's fucking horrible. It burnt 40, I think 40 houses in my neighborhood.

Christ dude is crazy. That's awful. I'm seeing my neighborhood and then in the neighborhood July or what I don't remember what it happened. I

I want to say, I don't know. I mean, LA is dry. It's dry. All it takes is a good wind and fires. But it happened three times. Three separate times we had to get evacuated. Yeah. It was weird, man. And when you see it, when you see the walls of flame that are from the left to the right, everywhere you can see is flames. You see houses going up.

It's spooky, man. It's spooky like a horror movie. And then you realize, I talked to a fireman once. This is one of the reasons it freaked me out. I'm wearing an LA Fire Department shirt. It's a badass job.

Fucking tough people man. Yeah, those those fucking people they don't get nearly the credit that they deserve So I was talking this guy and he was telling me he goes dude one day he goes it's just gonna be the right wind and Fire is gonna start in the right place and it's gonna burn through LA all the way to the ocean and there's not a fucking thing We can do about it. I go really he goes. Yeah, we're just we just get lucky and

He goes, we get lucky with the wind. Jesus Christ. He goes, but if the wind hits the wrong way, it's just going to burn straight through L.A. And there's not going to be a thing we can do about it. Because these fires are so big, dude. You're talking about like thousands of acres that are burning simultaneously with like 40-mile-an-hour winds.

And the wind's just blowing embers through the air. And those embers are landing on roofs. And those houses are going up. And they're landing on bushes. And those bushes are going up. And everything's dry. And once it happens, it happens in a way where it's so spread out that there's nothing they can do. There's nothing they can do. Yeah, you just have to evacuate, right? Nothing. Nothing they can do. They just got to get out of there.

It's fucking weird. Dude, one of the worst I ever bombed ever in my career. And I wasn't that good at the time either, so it was easy to make me bomb. But I had done one of those NACA, one of those college things. Those are bad. And I did well at the thing, and I got a bunch of gigs. And so I was really funny at the NACA show I killed. And so I got this gig, and I was headlining.

And J.B. Smooth was opening. And it was this weird gig in New Jersey. And it was in the middle of nowhere. And this is back way before navigation. So you would get a piece of paper that would say, take the 405 to this, take a right here, go down to the, you know. So you'd have to really follow the directions. And it was complicated. And I remember I left real early. And I still, it took a long time to get there. And I finally found the place and I was there. But J.B. Smooth was not there. And the show was supposed to start in like 20 minutes.

And so I said, "What do you guys want to do?" And they said, "Well, we'll just wait for them. Don't worry about it. Everyone's just sitting in the hall, like, waiting for the show to start. It's fine." So I go, "Okay, great." So I sat down and I started watching TV, and there's a show on about the Malibu fires.

And it is the most fucking depressing thing I've ever seen in my life. This guy who was a fireman, his act, I think his house was actually saved. The guy that was crying, but, um, he was just weeping because his whole life he had invested in, saved money to make this house and built this house and his house survived. But like his neighbor's house is fucked. His other, it's so random, which houses get burnt, which houses didn't. And there was this kid who was calling for his dog, uh,

So his kids walk into the street like rusty. Where are you rusty? The dog's dead as fuck, you know, everything's dead It's like you're looking at the most insane Wasteland of burnt homes and people weeping and crying and people died in their cars It was horrible horrible shit and then they come in the room. They still like JB is not gonna be here in time So we're just gonna have you go up first and then if he gets here, he'll go on after you I'm like, okay Yeah, and I went on stage like sad from

from the Malibu Fire and I was not funny at all. I couldn't muster funny. I couldn't. I remember this girl I was dating at the time, she was there with me and she was like, what the fuck was that? I was like, I watched the Malibu Fire thing. I was fucking sad. Now she's dry too. Yeah.

And then JB went up after me and murdered, murdered. He's funny. Because he came in loose and he was like, I got lost when I'm stationed. And he was just killing. Sometimes you just got to not watch the news. Never watch the news. But that's the thing about this cable news. I watch it. I'm just like, why would I watch this? I feel fucking horrible. You feel horrible and it's not helping you. And I mean, you really like you've got to be real careful about any input that gets in your mind before you go on stage.

Yeah. You shouldn't have an argument with your girlfriend. You shouldn't call your friend that owes you money. Yeah. You shouldn't talk to your parents. Yeah. You know, you have to be careful about what input... Like, that's why I like the green room at the club. You go in there, the music's playing, comics are in there. Good music, too. Everybody's hanging. It's a good vibe. Like, it feels good. And then you go on stage with a smile on your face. Like, wee. You have to. Yeah, that's what it's supposed to be about. Now, that... Dude, I...

I mean, we've all done those benefits where they're like, they'll be like, here, this is a benefit for, you know. I did a benefit recently. I didn't fucking think. I don't, I usually look what it's for, so I know it's a good cause, but I was like in a rush and I just showed up to a benefit and

you know, like, all right, I'll fucking, I'll kill it. We fine. I like within 30 seconds, I opened on a joke, drinking on muscle relaxers, like silence. And I'm like, okay, something's wrong here. Whatever. I keep powering through bombing my dick off. The crowd's looking at me like, who is this guy? This guy sucks. And I get off and the guy running, it's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And I go, what do you mean? He goes, it's a benefit for a guy who died from drinking on muscle relaxers. And I was like,

So I chose the wrong material and... How about let me know that before I go on stage? They sent something. I didn't read it. It was my fault entirely. It was completely my fault. But I... Yeah, I was like, oh, shit. But I've done those gigs where they're like...

Sometimes you do a benefit where you know what it's for and you buy, or they're like, you know, it's a, you know, a thing for a cancer benefit or like a Holocaust thing. And they show Holocaust footage and you're like, Hey, not a great warmup act. Yeah. Listen, I'll just give you money. Yeah. You want a check? I'll send you a check. I'm not performing. But if it's walking distance, I'll pretty much always do it. Just for the fun. It's like, it's easy to just walk in and do a set.

I've done some that were good. I've done some benefits that were fun and they were good, but I've also done some that made me go, I'm never doing one of these again. These are just not worth doing. I think comedy should only be in a comedy club. When I hear about people doing corporate gigs, I'm like, what are you doing and why are you doing that? Getting money. I know, but it's not... Are you going to notice...

Like, do you notice if you have, let's say you have $10,000 in your bank account, do you notice if you have $10,500? You don't. Who's getting paid $500 for one of those things? I'm just saying, so if you have, my point was, if you have $10 million in the bank, like some people I know that do these fucking things, and you get tortured for $10,000. Like Tony just did one, he got tortured for $10,000. He goes, it was the worst thing I've ever done in my life. I go, why'd you do it? He goes, he offered me $10,000. And it was...

And it was right down the street. So I just did. I go, you're not going to notice that $10,000, but you're going to feel that bomb. You're going to feel that. You might get a funny story too. I always think like, I mean, that's why I do morning TV things. I'm like, it's going to be bad, but it's going to be funny bad. I brought that up because that morning Joe one was amazing. Oh my God. That was hilarious. Cause you know what? The funny part is like, I wasn't even misbehaving on that one. They just hated me. And it was even funnier. Like he, he set me up in a way where he was like,

He clearly hasn't watched my shit, which is fine. I know he hasn't, but clearly a producer's a fan of mine, so they're giving him lines from my special to cue me up. So he cued me up for a gun baby joke, and I was like, I'll tell the joke. And I told it, and he just looked at me like...

Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, dude, well, what do you want? Well, I sent you that stuff on him. That's the guy that was gaslighting us. This is the best Biden ever. And if you don't want it, you don't believe me, F you. Well, he... You know what the thing about a lot of those guys are? Is like, as I said, it's poison, these cable shows. But instead of being like...

Sometimes you'll follow a comic and they're like a hack, but they know they're a hack. And they're like, I'm sorry, I just have to go out and do that. And you're like, oh, yeah, whatever. But he goes on and he acts like all these guys. They go on and they act like they're doing the Lord's work or they're Edward R. Murrow or something. And I'm like, oh, so you're going to do this and think you're... There's this type of liberal elitism where it's like... There's two types of older liberals. There's the type that is an old hippie and is like, oh, man, that was cool. You did that shit. And then there's types that look at you like...

Well, he wasn't a liberal. No. He used to be a Republican. Yeah. And then he got on MSNBC. Yeah, you got to go with the money, I guess. Change his panties. Yeah, but it was, that was a weird segment, but I actually get off on that a little bit. I kind of like when I know it's going to be bad.

I think it's funny because I'm just like, well, it's live. I can just do whatever I want. Yeah. It's funny to me when it goes horribly. Those are state-run propaganda shows. That's all they are. They're bullshit news distribution. And I'll happily go back.

I do enjoy it. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed watching him react. And it was a great joke. That's a good bit. It's a very good bit. Yeah. And watching him not respond to that very good bit. I'm like, you can't even admit that that's a good bit. That's what bums me out a little bit is like they kind of like...

Just fucking smile. Come on, bro. I know you're not admitting that. I'm not saying school shootings are okay. I'm just saying this joke works. Right. It's just a joke. Sometimes you can just smile at the fun of the jokes. But, like, I guess I think of those crowds and you think of those crowds. You're like, not only do you think I'm shit, you think you're better than me and I feel it. And that's a bummer.

Well, that position of being that guy in the suit with the fucking makeup on in front of the camera speaking the truth, that's an intoxicating power position. I guess. I don't know. Well, I mean, I don't know, but it must feel all right. It's an intoxicating power position for those people.

They want to be that guy that is the center of the news show and all the people are waiting for them to talk and there's all the cameramen and they're all pointed at him, makes him super important. There's people behind the scenes with clipboards. They're all looking at him. Those idiots like that.

It's funny because the producers were like quoting my bitch. They knew who I was and yeah, the regular people Yeah, and they were really cool and they so I'm sure that's who gave him that thing they were like talk about guns and babies and I was like you got it and I mean fuck god, but even Al Sharpton kind of chuckled at least I'm like I got something out of him even you know, give me something and

Al Sharpton's an old school grifter he knows a good joke old school yeah come on I mean that guy's entire career started on a false rape accusation yeah yeah get out there and do the real thing buddy did you see what he looks like now

He's lost all of his weight. He's like super, super thin. Oh, there I am. Wow, I look well. What the fuck is wrong with me? Let's hear it. Oh, no, it's earlier in this. This is the end. You got to go. It's way earlier. No, no. Go to the beginning. The beginning where he sets up the gun jokes, the funny one. Hey, they give me a nice plug, though. There's something.

presidential election and sam joins us now sam i i just i gotta start with this quote because it's most relevant it is it is oh no not go to the past the election here yeah this is whatever this is just me making a biden joke or whatever trump biden joke then yeah the next right there maybe parallel of guns and babies together but you do it masterfully explain well both are easy to hate but then you hold one and you're like i kind of get it you know we laughed at that yeah yeah

Both annoying on airplanes. If you date someone new and they have either, you're like, it could be a problem. And both will be in a school soon. Yeah, exactly. He did not like that. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's one that you can't, like, what do you do? What do you even say to that?

Yeah, but you know... He laughed a little bit. It was a little. It was more than I thought. A little. Give me a hint. It wasn't that bad, but Al Sharpton was laughing? Yeah, because I told him, I was like, I bet you're a Sam Rowe fan, just like playfully, and he was like, but I could be. Yeah, and then I was like, I brought up the thing about like...

Anne Frank, no, when Justin Bieber went to Anne Frank's house and in the sign-in book wrote, I think she would have been a Belieber. I'm like, that's how I feel about you and me. Did he say that? I said that to him. No, did Justin Bieber really do that? Yeah, yeah, he got a lot of shit for that years ago.

Whoa. Yeah, but come on. We're entertainers. We fucking get it. How old was he? He was a baby. He was young. Yeah. What the fuck is he supposed to do? Yeah, he just was trying to be shocking. He was in a shocking phase, you know? I think he meant it in good spirits. I don't think he was trying to be like, fuck her. I think he was trying to have fun with it, you know? Yeah. But...

But I said that to Al Sharpton. He was like, yeah. He went with it. I was like, all right. Well, the thing is, those places are not places for humor. There's no room for humor because they think they're saving the world.

It's like, but the world stays, and then you just annoyed everybody your entire career, and you didn't save anything, ever. You never changed anybody's opinion. You didn't. That's why I'm shocked they want me on these shows, because I'm just like, I'll happily go in, but I'm just shocked in there. I'm there just laughing in the green room, like, this is going to be bad. I know it's going to be bad. They need anything. But yeah, I went on the Ari Melba one once, and he just would set me up for jokes, and then look at me like...

So why is that funny? And I'd be like, are you fucking kidding me? Because it's a joke. I don't know. Clearly it's not funny. I don't know. But you're just rolling with it. But it's a big difference between being funny on a talk show in front of a person who's not ready to be laughing and then an audience. That's why I play with the producers usually. I'm trying to get them laughing. Because then if you hear laughs in the background, it's undeniable. But if I'm just bombing for one dude, yeah, it's fucking weird. Yeah, you want to play the camera guys. Yeah. The normies.

the normal people, camera guys in the grips. I love doing that shit though. I, all my friends are like, you're a psycho for going on morning shows. Cause like, yeah, Stavros and Norman are like, I'm not waking up at 7am to do this. I'm like, I will happily. You still do it? Of course. But few will have me. The last one that had me was, uh, in Salt Lake city, Utah. And they were like, they knew I do this. So they were, the guy came in the green room and was like fucking with me. I'm in the green room with my friend, Gary Veeder. I made him come with me. Cause I'm like, duh,

I can't do this. It's like a bank robbery. I need an Uber waiting for me because I need to get right out. But the guy was fucking with me in the green room. Like the anchor was like a handsome Mormon guy being like, oh, you're going to fuck with me? And I looked at Gary like, this guy's got like an edge. I was like, I was like,

Yeah, I guess I don't know and he's like yeah, let's see if you fuck He was like kind of being a dick and I was like, all right So then in my head, I'm like I'm gonna fuck with him So I went on there and it was like the week the diddy shit broke and I was like man How about that P Diddy and he and he was just like well, we're not gonna talk about that and I was like well anyway P Diddy I just kept doing it and he got pissed and his anchor the woman was cool as fuck She was laughing but he just kept being like well, you're well, you'll never be invited back and

Oh, no. Yeah, and I had to pretend I was upset that I was never going to be back on Good Morning Salt Lake. I was like, oh, no. But then, of course, after the segment, I'm leaving, and I'm trying to get out of there with Gary, but all the crew is stopping me, and they're grabbing me. They're trying to take selfies because they're like, we all hate him. So I'm like, oh, cool. That's hilarious. You ever see Segura when he used to do DJ Dadmode? I love it, yeah. I love it. It's fun. It's like, you know what?

It's such a fake type of TV that it's fun for us to go on and just be ourselves. Yeah. And it's, I love that shit. I love, I still have a weird fondness for like the comfort of that and then fucking with it. I don't know why, but I'll throw, sometimes I'll be like at home and I'll throw on good morning America. And I'm like, this is kind of funny how like,

I don't know. They're like cooking something. It's peaceful. I don't know. It's weird to watch some of those shows. Like I watch the view every now and then just because I don't know. I've never seen one episode. I've never seen it. Yeah. Yeah. You got to go for a walk after you see them. Just go. Yeah. I choose to know Whoopi Goldberg from the movie Eddie where she's the Knicks coach. That's how I choose to think of her.

Yeah. That shows... Never seen it. There's a bunch of those shows where you're just like, who are these people and how do they think this way? Yeah. But you need to know that those people exist and that there's a bubble and those people exist in a bubble and they all think they're right and they clap and there's...

No one disagrees with them. Yeah. Well, I would happily go on The View, man. I would love to go. I've heard of it. I think I'd make a nice little impression. I love the clip of Norm on The View. That's the clip I've seen. Yeah, Norm was great. Norm was really funny. When he's talking about Hillary Clinton killing people. It was pretty funny. I just like disrupting. I think the disrupting is really funny. It's very funny. Yeah. Norm was the best at that. He was. Yeah. I wish I knew him. I only met him...

and he was so nice the two times I met him, but he was... I met him on Last Comic Standing, where I got eliminated immediately. I had a pretty good set, but then I had a feeling they weren't going to move... I watched two comics in front of me fucking bomb and move on, by the way. But, yeah, I remember Keenan Ivory Wayans was like...

you were funny on some jokes and not funny on others. And I just like sarcastically responded, well, I loved all your scary movie films and, and it got a big pop. And he goes, I only did the first two. I'm like, it was a joke. I don't know. I'm fucking trying to survive here. And then afterwards, Norm saw me on the way to the bathroom and was like, I liked you shit on him. That was funny.

And that was like my one interaction with, and then another time I met him at Caroline's where we were doing March Madness style. Do you know what that was? It was like one-on-one. You had to do like 60 seconds versus 60 seconds. And I was in the finals. I think I lost to Dan Soder in the championship, which was like, I was happy to, I love Dan. So I was kind of like, it's kind of fun to even be in the finals with Dan. But Norm was hanging with us and he's like,

He said something, he's like, man, I hate this shit. It's like they take you out back and fuck you in the ass. And we were just like, yeah. We didn't know what he was talking about. We're like, it's Norm. Just fucking go with whatever he says. He's a fucking legend, you know? I randomly sat next to him twice on airplanes.

Wow. Yeah. Well, you guys were buddies, right? Yeah, well, we knew each other. We knew each other from the clubs, but just randomly, we happened to be in the same city, the same town, on the same plane, and he sat next to me twice. That's amazing. Yeah, it was amazing. And so, like, for three hours, me and Norm just talking shit and having fun. And one time, one of my favorite stories was he was on. He's like, yeah, quit cigarettes. Quit smoking. Fucking cigarettes are terrible. They're terrible for you. They kill you.

And so we're talking about cigarettes and we get off the plane and he immediately runs into one of the shops and grabs a pack of cigarettes. And he's lighting it before he gets out the door. Out the door, he's like, I go, I thought you quit cigarettes. I did, but we were talking about it. I wanted one, you know? I just...

I'm just kidding out myself. So funny. Oh, he was an animal legend. Yeah. Real legend. And even the way he went out, you know, didn't even tell anybody. Just went to Canada. Who the fuck would ever do that anymore? Like no one, no one. Everybody makes a big deal out of it. They post on social media, these tearful videos. I'm in stage four and you know, thank you for all your hopes and wishes and prayers. And yeah. And Norm was like, I'm just going to ride off in the sunset.

Yeah, you're so fucking funny. And you know, you see so many videos of him online now. Like, anytime anything comes up, there's always a Norm joke. And you kind of forget that he's dead, you know? Yeah. Because it's so funny. It's weird that it's like giving him... A second life. Kind of. Yeah. In a weird way, because I think...

It's really unfortunate. Some of these guys who are brilliant, they don't get their due until... Obviously, he was huge and he was a weekend update guy. Did so much great stuff and movies and all that stuff. But not what he deserved. Not what he deserved. I felt the same way about Greg Giraldo and about Patrice. I think a lot of those guys kind of didn't get the love they deserved until afterwards. I feel like if Patrice survived, he would be the number one podcaster in the world. That's what I feel like. I feel like the only reason why I'm number one is because Patrice isn't alive. Because he was...

smart but also hilarious but also did not give a fuck like did not give any fucks and would tell people to their face the most ridiculous shit that happened to be true and you know

And he was the master at it. He was so good at it. Like on Opie and Anthony, he was the best at calling people out on their bullshit. Yeah. And then having points. Him at his best was fucking. Oh, he was so good. But he did fuck around a lot, I think. Like I hear about, I hear stories of the seller all the time. They're like, God, we wish you would like try.

Because he would just not try sometimes. He just didn't give a shit. Well, it was also, that's a lot of the ways those guys would come up with material. That's a good point. Like, that was Damon Wayans' thing. I used to, Damon Wayans, in my opinion, I still say this to this day, the most underrated of all the greats. I think Damon Wayans is one of the all-time greats. But he kind of stopped doing it.

The height of his have you ever seen this HBO special the last and he's like murdering to the point of murder He was so good, dude But I used to see him at the store all the time and he would go on stage for an hour and a half with no material and

And he would murder. He films every set. He has a tape recorder in the back of the room, like a camera that's filming every set and he archives them all. So he has like every set that he's ever done since like the 1990s. Wow. And I saw him just a few years back. I want to say five, six years ago at the improv, same thing. He was starting to do standup again, had the camera out on stage, fucking around. And he, that's how he would take a bit and

and then put words to it and pump it up and change it, but he would come up with the initial premise out of nothing. Yeah. Like, there was no... He was...

Silence it's crazy talking people who write on stage like that. It's to me kind of insane It's insane. It's insane he I mean I wonder if his film career made him kind of a must have put made him put stand-up on hold a bit cuz I'm in TV Remember he had a TV series when you have a TV series for those guys, especially that were in the 90s That was the golden carrot

That was the thing. You get a sitcom and that's what everybody wanted. So even if you don't really necessarily think that's the best thing for you, like you know you can make money doing stand-up and traveling and doing the road, those guys get tired. They don't want to do the road anymore. And then the sitcom job is so easy. You just show up and you're getting $100,000 a week. Yeah. $100,000 a week. To just fucking say words. Every fucking week.

It's not that hard. In his movies, he's a good actor. He was funny at that. I mean, yeah. I remember I did the Letterman show on Netflix, and he was baffled by the fact that I put out a free special. He was like, what? He's like, I don't understand. Because he came up in the era in the 80s where it was like, oh, I'm looking for a sitcom. That was my whole thing. So I was like, oh, no. We make money touring now. That's how we do it. Yeah. And so he was like, huh? He was so enthralled.

Intrigued by it. Yeah. Well, I remember when I was on a sitcom and I heard someone was doing the improv in Irvine and they did the whole weekend. They made 25 grand. I was like, what? Yeah. What? You can make 25 grand doing this? Because I was not at that level. I wasn't selling any place out. So I was never making that kind of money for a weekend. But I was like, that's what I make on a sitcom. Like it's the same money, but they're doing like stand up and I'm kind of their own boss in this little velvet prison.

You know, where I'm eating craft service and I've got my own dressing room. But it's a little weird. It's not what I want. Yeah. It's a fun thing to do. It's a great gig. And that gig was the perfect version of one of those gigs. And you were good at it. Super talented people. Thank you. Funny fucking human beings. Great crew. Everybody was great. The cast in your show was so good. Amazing. Super, super fucking talented. Phil Hartman's one of the funniest dudes.

Of all time, I think. Brilliant. Dave Foley, brilliant. Oh, man. Andy Dick, hilarious. Yeah. Maura Tierney. She's awesome. I mean, Candy Alexander, Vicky Lewis. It's like, they were all amazing. Steven Root, insane actor. So good. That dude's career is so cool. He's so good. Yeah, he's in everything, I feel. Everything I turn something on, I'm like, oh, dude, this dude's got more range than anybody. And he was the only guy on the show that was playing a character. Yeah. He was playing Jimmy James. Andy Dick was basically a steroided up Andy Dick. It was like Andy Dick on steroids.

You know I was kind of me. Yeah, I was like conspiracy theorists, and you know all that stupid shit But I love when they write that shit in yeah, well that show was really good at that They were also really good at letting people Improvise like Dave Foley was like a secret producer of that show because he would rewrite entire scenes Wow like we would get the script and then we would do our we would do a run-through right so the way sitcom works is

you get a script you do a table read and then after you get the table read uh tom seronis who is the director and the cast we would all go okay let's put it on its legs and and so we would start the scene and then you know dave would a lot of times go why is andy coming in this way why don't we have andy like hiding under his desk and andy because we're not supposed to be talking about him or he is not supposed to know we're talking about and then he pops up like oh that's a great idea and then like

Instead of that, how about he says this? And like Dave, you know, because he'd come from Kids in the Hall where they created all these insane sketches. Yeah. Kids in the Hall, super underrated show. Super underrated show. They were all so fucking good. Amazing. Yeah. And so Dave was so good at producing. I just saw him on Fargo. He's great in it.

He's great in everything. He's an awesome actor. He's a UFO nut. Is he? Total believer, which is hilarious because when we were friends, he was always like, why do you care about all this stuff? Why do you care? We were on the sitcom together because I was always into UFOs and all kinds of stupid shit. And he was like, what the fuck are you interested in this for? This is all nonsense. And then something happened. I forget what it was. And then eventually he saw one. And he had a UFO experience. He's a full-on believer now.

Which is fun. It's fun for me. I'm like, ooh, now you like them. This is exciting. Life's long, man. Yeah, people change. Yeah. I've changed. It

It's cool, man. It's cool you had that experience. You've had a lot of lives in comedy. I mean, to do the sitcom and then have your game show and then you're doing stand-up and the podcast. And it's like, wow, you can have a lot of lives in this shit. The thing is, I got super lucky for sure in a lot of these things. But also, everything I do is something I actually like doing, which makes it real easy.

Makes it real easy to show up for something like today like I wasn't thinking I gotta talk to Sam It was like we're gonna have fun. Let's go have fun. It's not as pumped. Yeah, it's it's uh, it's all good It's all a good thing So if you could find a job that you actually enjoy doing you'll probably excel at it and work hard Yeah, work hard and

Do your best, and next thing you know, it's working. But it's like all those things, you know, especially like working for the UFC and doing stand-up and podcasting. It's all things I like doing. You really...

UFC is like your number one sport by far, right? It's the only thing I really know. Yeah. In boxing. Boxing, not as much as UFC, but it's the only thing I really, really know. Yeah. Like, I don't really know basketball. I don't really know football. I kind of understand who's popular. I'm friends with Aaron Rodgers. I don't fucking even know the rules. I hope they do well. I'm not a Jets fan. I'm a Giants fan, but like, I want the Jets to thrive. Like, Jets fans deserve it. They do, and having him blow his fucking Achilles out. It was...

The beginning of the season? The most New York Jets shit that has ever happened. The fact that I'm like, here's why we're so New York Jets, because they still won the fucking game somehow. You know it's going to be a bad season. I was pumped for the Jets when they got him, and I saw him at a Knicks game, and I was kind of like, ooh, Aaron, it's cool he's in the building. He's a great guy. Have you ever met him? No, I've never met him, but I was kind of just like, wow, he's like...

I mean, I love football, so I love, you know, I always admired him as a quarterback. I just thought he was great. He's a cool guy. Yeah. I hung out with him in Vegas this last trip for the UFC. He came to the fights, and we all went out to dinner afterwards. He's just a fun guy to hang out with. Just genuinely cool. Yeah. Real easy, down to earth, like friendly to everybody, easy to talk to, cool as shit. Yeah.

I wonder when he's going to be 100%. Because we went to... My wife's a big football fan. Who's her team? Well, she likes a lot of teams, but she was happy for Aaron Rodgers being on the Jets because she had met Aaron, too. She had met Aaron when he was on the podcast, too. And so...

We went to see them play the Dallas Cowboys. My first time ever seeing an NFL game. It's fun. It's amazing. Yeah. And in that stadium they have in Dallas, the stadium is fucking insane. I've never been. Enormous television screens. There's no bad seat in the house.

It's fucking great. And we were on the 50-yard line. It was fucking awesome. But Aaron wasn't there because he had blown his Achilles out. It's a bummer. So I was like, I'll go to the game with you. We'll go to the game. We'll see my friend. I would love that. Yeah, I love...

I love, I mean, the only problem with going to games in fucking Jersey, it's like such a trek to get there. Like I go to a Knicks or a Rangers game. It's 20 blocks from me. I'm in and out, you know, even a Yankees game. Like I love baseball still. Like I still love, like I think baseball still, like I know it's had a tough run for the last 20 years or so. Let him get back on steroids.

I would love it. Let those guys get giant and crush that ball. Let's go. How cool is that shit? What kind of nonsense is this, keeping baseball players from doing steroids? That was two of the biggest problems in baseball was one, not letting Pete Rose in the Hall of Fame. He's the best fucking hitter.

In what, 50 years or whatever? So he likes to gamble. He also gambled on stealing bases. What's the next commercial? Fan duel, draft kings, and win bet, you fucking hypocrites? Yes! Yes, it's crazy. I get it. You shouldn't gamble on your... It's fucked up, but also like, let it go. You have to separate. We've talked about this before. Separate the fucking game from that. Bonds needs to be... Bonds is the best hitter ever.

Bonds is the best fucking baseball player I've ever seen. Personally. He was on the sitcom I was on. Barry Bonds? Hardball. Yeah. That was the first sitcom. The short-lived Hardball with Bruce Greenwood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bruce Greenwood and Mike Starr. Yeah, he was on it. And it was before the steroids. He was like normal-sized Barry Bonds.

His head got fucking... He got giant, dude. It's weird when you do so many steroids and your head gets big. Everything got big. His neck got big. His shoulders got big. He probably gained 100 pounds. He was fucking huge. It was cool, though. And Mark McGuire, same thing. Those guys got giant. Sammy Sosa. How fucking gross was it watching comedy?

Congress spend like 15 days on baseball the same year as Hurricane Katrina just because you want to shake hands with Raphael Palmeiro, you fucking fanboys. Yeah, also like who cares if they do steroids? Like why is Congress involved in this when we're in international conflicts? It was the crazy, because they love baseball. That's the thing. I just read this Joe DiMaggio book and every fucking, every, every,

politician is obsessed with Joe DiMaggio of course I mean he's an American icon but like they love baseball on another level I feel like it's such a historically American game like I am kind of obsessed with that era of baseball because it's like it was like this is I was reading a Lou Gehrig book and it was like oh shit this was like an immigrants game but it was like white immigrants that's how fucking American this shit was it was like they were like you're letting the Irish play Barry Bonds and Bruce Greenwood oh yeah he's good I like him

Man, look at him. He's a different dude. Yeah, that was normal size athlete Barry Bonds. But, you know, it was such a cool... I mean, the stories of Babe Ruth are like the coolest shit I've ever heard. Like, you can't... Like, he was the dude. He was like, I'm going to drink. I'm going to eat like shit. I'm going to gamble. I'm going to fuck a million women. And I'm going to be the best player in the game. But...

But not just the best player in the game. The best player the game has ever seen at this point, like by a mile. He's hitting 60 homers a year, batting like 370, and he's just living like a fucking animal. But then he had like this sweet side where like Lou Gehrig's like this kind of, you know, God bless him, was like this square. He was like a mama's boy. He didn't go out and party. He was like very shy. And Babe's like,

He's like one of the best players ever. I want to get to know him. He'd eat at Lou Gehrig's mom's place. He's going through a divorce. He's fucking everyone. He's like, I'll take a home-cooked meal. And whenever he'd have a great interview, he'd give him his props. He'd be like, is anyone touching my record? No. Except maybe this guy. He'd put them over. He was not just the best player and a fucking animal, but he was class. And it was like, I love that historical American shit. Yeah.

Look at him. Oh, dude, he's so cool. That dude, look at him. And he was fucking fast. Look at his face. That is a drinker's face, boy. Oh, he put him back. Holy shit. Oh, baseball in this era is kind of cool. And then you got the DiMaggio. DiMaggio never was cool with Mantle, which is fucked up. Because he just looked at him as a waste. He was like, you're a drinker. You never reach your talent. Was mean to him to his death. Really?

Till his death, like, was not cool to him. Wow. Because he was so... DiMaggio's so pure. Man, we're talking about the fucking Kennedys earlier. Blames RFK for killing his fucking Marilyn. Yeah, probably did. Probably. Probably did. And he blames...

You know, Sinatra for introducing her to the Kennedys. It's like all that fucking Italian shit where he's like, you fucking traitor. Yeah, he loved Marilyn. Apparently he left flowers on her grave to the day she died. But he left her. The day he died. He left her? Because she couldn't procreate. What? Italians need air. Really? Yeah. She couldn't procreate? Yeah. Oh, she had something wrong? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that part. So he left her, but he's like...

I mean, he's like one of the most badass humans ever. I mean, just like, it's crazy these dudes lost their career because they had to serve in the war. Like, isn't that just fucking insane? Ted Williams decorated fighter pilot because in his prime, Ted Williams has to go, and he's like killing dudes in the war because he's like one of the best in the Air Force. And meanwhile, DiMaggio is doing like, he's doing like exhibition games, but he still lost his prime because like we're at war and that's what you did back then. But like Ted Williams had like 2010 vision, so he's fucking insane.

Beast no shit. That's just the best hitter ever Ted Williams is also fucking murdering dudes Wow, that's crazy. Well that makes sense why Ted Williams is so angry all the time, too. Oh

You know, because those stories were always, they leave that out. He was always angry. I mean, he fucking had to go to war. Everyone, J.D. Salinger. That's right. They're all fucking damaged from the war. That's right. That whole generation were like, they're the greatest generation. They're pretty fucked up. Yeah. I mean, think about how many of our former presidents served. You know, Kennedy. That's what you did. Yeah. Yeah. George W. Or H. H.W. Yeah. He got shot down. No, the other one was cheerleading. Yeah.

Isn't it funny that we look at him now as like, oh, I wish our president was like that. Meanwhile, back then, he was like, it's embarrassment. I always said that once you start painting, shit's gone off the rails. Well, when it's over and you start painting, you're just trying to get away the horrible memories of all the people that died unnecessarily because of your decisions. I mean, if you're George W. and you're sitting around your ranch in Texas and no one's around, you're sitting there staring

sipping sweet tea thinking about a million dead Iraqis for some bullshit weapons of mass destruction that didn't even exist. Yeah.

You didn't need to do that. No, he would be the saddest guy to do mushrooms with. If you had to pick all the presidents to do mushrooms with, he would be the saddest because he would just start crying. Because he's got to be sensitive. He makes all those great paintings. Not great paintings. He makes all those paintings. He's got to be sensitive. He's an artist. He's an artist. Loosely, we're using that term. He's not out there shooting pigs out of a helicopter. He's doing sensitive shit. So you know he's thinking.

He's probably thinking like what did I do? What did I let that fucking Dick Cheney monster talk me into? Yeah, two terms two terms two terms and now we look back and go that was a sensible president You know what even look at those clips of Obama and Mitt Romney Debating you're like man that was like 12 years ago, and it was so civil not just civil like super friendly They weren't shitting on each other at all They're cordial

They were just trying to debate the merits of their approach to the world. McCain was the same way. It wasn't that long ago. I remember that clip where that woman was like, he's a Muslim. And McCain's like, no. He's trying to like, that's dead. That moment's over. It doesn't have to be.

I think it'll come back at some point. I think there's a limit to this shit and it's going to have to swing back to civility at some point. Yeah, I think so too. I hope so. I hope people realize the damage it's doing to us and that it's not helping anybody. But the problem is social media. The problem is it's like...

social media and people's ability to constantly berate other people and constantly engage in these squabbles online and try to Get people and post bad soundbites. Yeah, dunking on someone's killing I remember when I forgot her name But you'll know she is there's a Hewlett Packard woman who was running for president You know I'm talking about right?

She was running in, it was 2016 for the Republican primary. And at the debate, like she basically said that Trump called her ugly. And it was like this big, like we need a president who doesn't like speak like this.

Cara Carlton? Carly Fiorina, that's who it was. And I thought there was like this big moment where I'm like, yeah, you shouldn't talk to women like that. That's pretty fucked up. And then Trump immediately like got everyone. But I was like, once he destroyed Jeb Bush, it was like, yeah, the soundbites are working. So why are you going to stop doing this? Well, that's also his entire career was you're fired. Yeah. His entire show business career was you're fired. Like he was like the hard, get out of here. You're a loser. Yeah. You're fat. You're ugly.

You're a crook. It's very New York. It's kind of like a trashy New York guy where you're like, you fucking nobody. That's how... Well, politics is basically show business. And he was a professional showbiz guy. So he was way better at show business. Because politics is basically a popularity contest. That was the first guy that was an actual popular person that entered into the popularity contest and actually knew how to manipulate the media and got...

by saying ridiculous shit all the time, whether or not it was on purpose or not,

That's what got all these news organizations to start following him and that just made him more popular They thought they were exposing him like look what he said about the Mexicans, but nobody cared like this guy's wild This is so much better than what we're used to it's uh The problem is other people were just not used to TV right so they're just sticking to a script and when he goes off script He was more comfortable. Yeah, and he saw how it was like a fucking boxing match. They were just like what the fuck's he doing also He's like a comic

Like when... Who was it that asked him the question? Who was it? Megyn Kelly? Was it Megyn Kelly that asked him the question? Yeah, it was. At the debates, you said horrible things about women. You called them fat. You called them pigs. It was only Rosie O'Donnell. It's a punchline. Got a big pup. It crushes. Yeah. It crushes. And you see her just like, oh my God. Like...

What did I set him up? I lobbed one his way and he just knocked it into the parking lot. Basketball over the fucking... Over the plate. He just crushed it. That's his... His thing is so different. Call women you don't like pigs, dogs... She thought she had them here. ...and disgusting animals. Your Twitter account... Only Rosie O'Donnell. No, it wasn't. He's smiling. He was proud of that one. They're all clapping and cheering. Your Twitter account... Come on, you gotta hold...

Well, what do you expect her to do here? Thank you. For the record. Hold the laugh. It was well beyond Rosie O'Donnell. Yes, I'm sure it was. I mean, Jesus Christ. Yes, I'm sure it was.

Yes, I'm sure it was. It's amazing. Well, the guy's a character in a movie. Yeah. You know, and I said yesterday, I hope it's not a Stephen King movie. But, you know, remember the Stephen King movie about the guy, like he shakes hands with the guy that's going to be present? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Martin Sheen, wasn't that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a great movie. It's a great movie. Chris Walken? Yes, great movie. Yeah, that ending, that fucking oof. Oof, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stephen King's made some good fucking shit. Oh my God, get him back on Coke. Yeah.

Get him back on coke, give him Budweiser. And a wide range of shit. It's like, you're telling me this guy did that, Shawshank, and Misery? Yeah, Stand By Me. Stand By Me's great. I just watched it the other day with my family. It was amazing. Dude, that last line fucked me. It always fucks me up when he's like, none of us had friends when we were 12. I'm like, fuck you, Richard Dreyfuss. Yeah, this is the thing. He holds his hand and he realizes that he's going to be pushing the button. Yeah, they did a great SNL parody of this. Yeah, this guy's going to be Hitler. He's going to be the one who kills us all. Yeah. Yeah.

Pressing the button. Yeah, that's a good movie, man. That was scary as fuck. Well, that's what they're always trying to scare us about with Trump, that he's going to do that and start World War III and kill us all. But the problem is this administration looks like they're on the verge of starting us into World War III. And when Trump was in office, that didn't happen. And here's the thing that they need to address. Everybody keeps saying he's going to be a dictator. He's going to do that.

That would be more sellable if we didn't have four years of him actually being the president and doing none of those things Right. I mean the thing is you hindsight's everything right? Like you look back like people said the same thing about like everyone hated Eisenhower But then you look back and you're like these weren't bad times, you know, yeah, so with Trump by the with any look you

We all want to avoid World War III. That's, I think, I would hope. At all costs. Part of me is, like, maybe Trump is such a fucking narcissist that he doesn't want the world to end. Yeah, because he wants to do well while he's in charge. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Maybe. I don't know. For whatever motivation, whatever fuck it takes you to keep us from killing each other. He does terrify me. I don't fucking feel, like, safe with him as a president. Do you feel safe with Biden as a president, though? No. Of course not. The country's in shambles. Things are fucking bad. Yeah.

I don't feel safe with anybody as president. But I just... I don't buy their narrative. When you find out that, like, they lied about Russiagate for fucking six years and, like, all that shit. Well, that was the beginning of the end. That was, like, when you're... When that's your whole thing, like, the Steele dossier is your whole thing. Yeah. That was really the...

Undoing of a lot of cable news I think they thought they could get away with it because they have gotten away with it before which makes you think how many of the stories other than the ones we know about like the weapons of mass destruction and all the How many of the stories were bullshit? Yeah

How many of the stories that ruined the lives of countless millions of people? How many of those stories were bullshit? You can't go all in on a bad hand, and they did it again and again. And again and again. And you got to make sure you have a fucking royal flush. But, dude, they did it with me with the COVID thing, with the ivermectin thing. Well, they did it with you with a lot of things. They did, but the COVID one was crazy because they were all coordinated, calling it horse dewormer. Right. It's like every news organization was calling it horse dewormer and trying to mock me like,

Hey guys, I can talk too. Like, are you fucking stupid? Yeah. Like they, but their whole game up until social media and up until podcasts was they were the only ones talking. So they could set a narrative and no one could do anything about it. They could decide that you're a this or you're a that. And then they push that out there. And that was the end of it. Then you got labeled as this or that. But with podcasts, podcasts got bigger than them and they hadn't realized it yet.

By a lot. I mean, that's the thing is, you know, I saw your thing with Sanjay Gupta and he seemed apologetic, you know, but... Sort of. Sort of. Until he left.

Really? Yeah, he left and went and talked to Don Lemon, and Don Lemon was still saying the same, but it is used for horses. It is a dewormer for horses. He's my neighbor. I saw him drunk on the street the other day. Friendliest guy. I mean, he goes, I just saw Mark Norman at the Beacon. And I was like, all right. He was talking to you? Yeah, he said, what's up to me on the street? Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, and he goes, I just saw Mark Norman at the Beacon. It was a great show. I was like, all right. Well, I'm sure he's probably okay.

Yeah, he just seemed like a nice guy. He was stuck in a bad situation, a bad position that corrupts everyone. It's bad for everybody. Everyone on that network was terrible. They were all propagandists. It's weird to think about how fortunate the generations were when news wasn't constant. You got a break. Colin Quinn's got a great bit now. You go to the bathroom and you're like, what did I miss? Right, right, right. But that's fucking bad for the world. Yeah. I miss...

you know, even back in the day, like it was on twice a day, you know, it was over. You got like Simpsons reruns and you're like, all right, shit's peaceful. If you really wanted to go crazy, you'd read the New York times and you'd get all the news. Yeah. If you really want, but who did that? Very few people did that. Yeah. But most people that, you know, weren't terrified of everything, weren't reading everything that's going on in fucking Sudan and what's going on in Asia, what's going on here and there. And,

Now it's like we're being inundated by all of the bad news because the bad news is the stuff that really gets people captivated. So it's all the bad news of the entire world and none of the good news. It's like the most distorted version of reality ever. I know. And then you go out and you talk to people and you're like, are we that divided? I think that's kind of what I feel like just touring the country. I feel bad.

The interactions I have with people are good and solid. But we also have to remember those are comedy fans, which are the people that are going to be the most reasonable. The people that's looking for the humor in things, you know, not saying there's a trans genocide. They're not going to come to your show. The trans genocide people are not going to come to your show. So it's the people that are there, you know, they're kind of realizing like we need humor. Humor is a, it's an important part of civilization.

But I don't even mean just comedy. Like, you interact with people at, like, restaurants or, like, whoever you see on the street. Like, you know, for the most part, I've had, like, two fights on the road, like, arguments. And, like, it's fucking quick. It's usually, like, you know, over bullshit. It's not even... Gary Veeder and I are, like, very...

We're both New Yorkers, so it's like we can't help but do a confrontation. There was a woman being berated at my fucking gate. We were at the gate, a morning flight out of Columbus, and a woman was just yelling at a fucking TSA agent who was just doing her job. She had nothing wrong. But it was a woman with two kids with her, and she goes, you're an idiot. Wow, you're so dumb. And we're just looking at each other like, it's 8 a.m., we're barely awake, but it's pretty fucked up, right? And we're like, yeah, that's really mean.

And she just kept going, you're so dumb. I hope I'm going to get you fired. And then finally, we were just like, hey, I just go lady enough. And Gary goes, you're a nobody. Like, that's how he's like a New York kid. Wow. And she turns where she goes, fuck you. You're short to Gary. And he goes, you should see me without my shirt on. I was like, we had her. What are you doing? Why did you say you should see me? Because he works out. Oh, that's hilarious. But I'm like, dude, we were fucking with comics. We could kill this woman. What the fuck are you doing? Should have taken the shirt off.

Should have got down in his underwear. They probably would have arrested him for terrorism. But that was like the one time... But we felt fucking... We were laughing and the woman was like, thank you. But I'm like, when do we ever fight with people on the... Occasionally we do that shit, but most people are so cool that you meet. Most people...

Are like good people. And then like, how often do I miss like small towns? Like, like you'll go to like Appleton and like, they don't talk politics. They're like living in like 1994 and they like, it's like rude to talk politics, you know? And you're like, we keep that to yourself. And I'm like, man, I almost missed that point in time when it was like, you just led with other shit. That wasn't your whole, like, sure. We make fun of people sometimes who are like, these are my pronouns, but isn't it equally kind of annoying with people who lead with their political affiliation? Just as bad. Yeah.

I would say worse. Or their diet or their exercise routine or yoga. Or anything. Like some people, they're just always trying to define themselves to you. Yeah. And they always want to define themselves in a very, a nice way. So you're just one thing? Yeah. That's all you are? So I look, like I do kind of miss...

Those types of people who are like, hey, let's bond over something else other than the world ending. Yeah. But, you know, when people don't have any legitimate conflict in their life, they manufacture conflict. And they have to trauma bond with you. God. Yeah. I have PTSD from the last four years when Trump was in office. I can't do this again. I'm moving to Canada. Ted Williams killed people. By the way, I know. Exactly. Not to mention, like, I'm moving to Canada and I'm like...

That's worse. You think Canada just wants all of our fucking whiners? Yeah, listen, not only that, but Canada has ridiculous free speech laws. They have hate speech laws. They can come down on you for a lot of things. They seized up the bank accounts of people that were protesting the truckers. Oh, that was a fun time. The people that were donating to the truckers, they seized their bank accounts. Yeah, that's...

That's not a good place. Yeah, it's not a good place under this administration at least yeah, where do you go? They went sideways Canada was amazing place ten years ago you go to Canada ten years ago was awesome I was always saying that I love Canada. It's like 20% less douchebags. What do you what do you like in Canada? I love Montreal Montreal is amazing beautiful. I love Toronto. I love Vancouver Vancouver Vancouver is one of the most beautiful. I don't go to Canada anymore

Ever? No. You won't do a gig there? Not while that guy's president. Fuck you. Or whatever he is, prime minister. These people are fans of yours. They want to see you still. Fuck you. Get rid of that guy. I'll come back.

I just don't trust any of it up there. Yeah. I just think they're so far into tyranny right now. Like the laws that they're passing, the shit that they're doing, the erosion of people's rights. Like I don't want to support it. I think it's fucking horrible. Yeah, but I think a lot of people there just want to laugh. I think people need a laugh. Oh, yeah. They definitely need a laugh. They're in the middle of a full-blown communist takeover. Yeah. It's a scary spot. Yeah. It's scary.

But it used to be amazing. I used to say that Canada's 20% less douchebags. Like, the people are 20% nicer than most people that you meet in America. Yeah, they're polite. But that's why they get roped into all this shit. That's why they get roped into hate speech laws, because they want to be kind. They want to be good people. And they don't realize, like, compelled speech has a terrible ending. It always ends in communism, because someone has to compel that speech. Who does? The people with guns. And they tell you what to do.

And then you have violence that is enforced to get people to follow a doctrine that they may or may not believe in. Yeah, I think you just gotta be pro-free speech. I mean, for all the awful shit people can say, you still just have to be pro-free speech. That's Elon's take on it, you know? And that's what they're doing with Twitter. Well, the weird thing about Twitter now is, like, for all the shit people will say about Elon, I think, like...

Look at the other social media platforms. Everything gets... Anything... There's like trigger words. They'll be like, you said the word Nazi. I'm like, yeah, I condemn them in a joke. And they're like, well, it got buried because you said that. And you're like, cool. That feels like some Nazi shit. Yeah. I can't use irony. I can't be sarcastic. That's the evil of like, I think, when they bury... You are... It's a different type of censorship, but you are, you know...

You are burying certain trigger words that you think might be offensive and hurt ad sales. Oh, cool. Now posting a joke on Instagram is similar to putting together a set for The Tonight Show. It's all fucking...

You know this words not okay. Yes words not okay Twitter's actually the only place left if you think about it, which is really fucking weird You know, it's really weird because Twitter used to be the worst place for that Yeah Twitter was the place where the FBI literally like the whole Twitter files when Elon took over and they had Matt Taibbi and Michael Shellenberger and all these guys like When they went into it and they're like, oh my god, the government was literally trying to stop legitimate

professors at Stanford and people at Harvard and MIT from talking about their area of expertise. They were trying to label them as kooks and get them kicked off of Twitter. The whole thing was fucking bananas. And if we didn't, if he didn't buy Twitter. People used to get their accounts suspended a lot on Twitter. Remember that? Like that was a big thing. But now it's like, now it's more like Instagram. TikTok's ridiculous, obviously. I mean, there's, that one is like.

Good luck. Who the fuck knows? But even YouTube has kind of changed a little bit. I mean, YouTube is... Everyone's changing, is my thing. But YouTube is like, it's kind of shocking. Like, my issue is like, they keep moving the goalpost in, but there's no guidebook. They're not telling...

Any of us, what's not okay? They're just kind of making up the rules as they go along. They ban people's accounts. They don't even tell them why. It's kind of- Your account is violated our terms of service, and then that's it. And then you have no recourse. And you're spending a lot of time and money building up these platforms. And they're like, sorry. Yep. Fuck you. It's pretty fucked up. Well, especially now, during the election. Excuse me. During the election time now, they're really clamping down on that. And there's a lot of people getting shadow banned, allegedly. Yeah.

And then there was a thing that Elon just released where he said that European governments, they were saying that they would be willing to give them money to have certain platforms censor certain political speech. And Elon was the only one who said no. And he talked about it publicly. He said these other groups, these other social media platforms complied. And I'm telling you about this. You need to know. It's pretty weird because...

They just keep moving the goalposts in. I mean, it's bad. I see comics now kind of working toward the algorithm, and it is bad for entertainment and for art and stuff like that. And I get annoyed when comics are just shocking for the sake of being shocking and lazy, but I don't think they should be fucking silenced. Yeah, they shouldn't be silenced, but you're always going to have people that try things that don't work out, right? Especially in an open-ended art form like comedy where you're the writer, you're the producer, you're the editor, and you're delivering it.

So you're everything. You're the whole thing. And you're fucking around and you're trying to come up with ways. And maybe you're desperate. So you try to figure out a way to juke the system and try to figure out a way to get your stuff seen and heard. And you say things you might not even mean, but you think it's going to be good. It'll work. It's a little tool for you. And you're trying. And those guys, you know, they're not our favorite, the guys that do like stupid shit like that. But,

that's also like, they should exist. Yeah, they exist, but maybe they can get better one day. Like a lot of us sucked in the beginning and better now. And over time, learn, you keep working at it and it's an open-ended thing. You eventually figure it out. You were talking about last night, there's guys that it takes them a minute. Yeah. And it should take you a minute. This is like, I think a lot of the comics like don't,

don't hit their stride till they hit like 40. Right. Yeah, because you actually develop a nuanced take on life. You've had a bunch of bad relationships, you've had a bunch of bad business deals, you've been fucked over by clubs. That is good for comedy. Yes! Your life, anytime something bad happens to me, I'm like, fuck, it's a bit. Here we go. Isn't that crazy that like, it's such a beautiful thing that something horrible can go wrong?

I remember the first time I did your show, I missed, like, it took me three flights to get to a gig that I missed, and I'm like, that's like my opener in my new special, you know? It's like this long story, this hell travel day, and I'm like, this sucks, but you get...

We're very fortunate to have this outlet for that, you know? Yeah, and I think just me, if I didn't do it, if I never did comedy again, or if I never had done it, I still would love it. It's one of my favorite things to watch because it takes you away. It puts you in this place, and it's like a drug. Like, it makes you feel better. You know, when someone's on stage killing and you're laughing, you're like, ah! You feel better. It's an amazing feeling to laugh at something.

And to be able to do that for a living, we're the luckiest people alive, dude. I was just on Bert's Fully Loaded thing. It's so fun, dude. It was such a good group of people, and he turned it into an adult summer camp. He's bringing ice plunges. He brought a personal trainer. We're doing batting practice during the day. One day, Chad Daniels and I are fucking hooping dudes. I'm like, this is fucking fun. Me, Bert, Kyle Kinane are surfing. We're hungover. I'm like, we're going to puke in the water. But yeah.

I remember one night I'm just like watching Dave Attell on stage. I was like, oh, this is like the best. Like you just get to like,

He's like one dude that brings me back to like, oh yeah, it's so pure funny. It's not like anything, no agenda. It's just pure jokes. And you're like, oh yeah, hear that joke about like fucking, but me, I'm a Biden man, Hunter Biden. And I'm like, that's like a fucking great bait and switch, you know? Or the joke about like, I got hit by a guy on a city bike the other day. It was my fault. I was on the sidewalk.

And they're just like pure silly jokes and you're just like transported to like being a kid. I remember seeing him as a kid at Caroline's and being like, oh, this is what it's all about. Yeah, he's just trying to be silly. And he's the best at it. And he's another guy that just doesn't...

He's not a promoter, right? So he's not as popular as he really should be based on how good he is. And it's kind of up to us to let everybody know. I always feel obligated to let everybody know. When he was at the club and I went and I came and watched one of his sets. I sat for the whole set, which I don't ordinarily do. I came in on a night where I wasn't working just to watch.

It was fucking awesome. And after it, I just couldn't wait to do stand-up again. I was like, I can't wait to go on stage. He's so quick. There was one time, you know, I used to go through the audience in the bathroom at the Comedy Cellar, and three dudes came out at the same time all wearing glasses, and he goes, what is that, a nerd portal? Yeah.

To come up with that line off the cuff, I'm like, God, he's fucking good at this. Yeah, he's always fast off the cuff. Like, he does that thing at the end where he brings comics on stage. Terrifying. Terrifying. Because he also- Because he's Obi-Wan. He's Obi-Wan. He's the Jedi. And on top of that, he's loose because he's been killing for 45 minutes. Yeah. And then he brings you on stage. Yeah.

you know, so it's kind of unfair. Like, you're cold, you're in the bag, like, hey Dave, grab a mic. Okay, hey, Dave shits on you if you don't say anything funny. Yeah. Yeah, he's awesome. He's so good. Yeah, he'll fuck with you. He's great. I love that though. Like, when you're like, few comics were like, usually I'm watching it and I'm being like,

Good joke. I like that. That was cool. But he's like one of the only dudes that I'm like, holy shit, I'm just like giggling. This is so stupid. I feel like a kid. It's also all he cares about and all he does. He gets up in the morning. He reads the paper. He smokes cigarettes. He writes jokes. And when he goes to a town, he always has new jokes about the town. I learned that from him. He had like the local paper. I was like, local? What are you doing? Yeah. And then we'd like leave a diner like five minutes.

4 a.m. and he'd order a large iced coffee to go, I'd be like, what are you doing? You're out of your fucking mind. But, you know, yeah, he's just like, he's as pure a comic. It's like, we're so lucky to have him in New York because he just like, and he's so good to the young comics. I see the new, he'll be like, he'd call me and he was like, oh, I like following this new guy because he's like, he's got good stuff and he's bringing the heat. So he's like, you know, he's aware of it. Yeah, no, he's a,

He's a national treasure, like legitimately. And I tell everybody, if you get a chance, like go to his website if he even has one. He has one. He doesn't run it. I remember we were doing a road gig once and he like, as we're driving, I was like, how do you post this picture? He's like, oh, I don't do that shit. Like he has someone doing everything, you know? And it's always like,

hilarious because it's like he just writes the caption and sends a bunch so it would be him be like amazing weekend in like you know Hartford and he'll just be like this like angry in the photo it like never matches because he sends it to another person and

But, you know, he's... He still has a flip phone. Yeah, he has two. Yeah, he has an iPhone that he uses. But he only uses the flip phone. Most of the time when he texts you, it's like... It makes the same... He was sitting here texting someone. It was like... I go, what are you doing? He sent in Morse code. And I was realizing he was texting. I'm like, oh my God, you still text like that? Yeah, he's old school. Well, he went iPhone for a while and then he realized, I'm too in my head with this. I'm going to go back to it.

Yeah, it's the better way. It's better. You see it with him. The results speak for themselves. Yeah, you're not distracted. I mean, Aziz went to a flip phone, too. Did he? Yeah, he talked about it on stage. He was like, I got my brain back. He goes, yeah, I can't get directions or anything like that, but I got my brain back. He's in Europe, too. He's like, he's totally... Is he? Yeah. What is he doing? I think his wife is in London. I think he just moved there. I haven't seen him forever. Wow.

Yeah. Well, some of those guys, you know, they just like, they get hit hard once with a big cancellation. And you're like, what am I doing? No, he's, that's over. Yeah, but I know. But I mean, that thing changes like your, it just changes your outlook on stuff. Yeah. No, I'm sure. I mean, that was, well, when it's written on babe.net, you know it's legit. Definitely. When that's the only one to pick it. Balanced, nuanced perspective on who he is. Yeah, that was a weird one. Yeah.

yeah let's wrap this up my brother thank you very much for being here thank you so much man let's have fun tonight we're gonna have a good time I can't wait yeah it's gonna be exciting tell everybody your social media where to see your shit your special new special Sam Morrell you've changed on Prime Video I'm all over the road I got like Prime's doing a bunch of them now huh

I think a few. I think they did a Bill Burr one. I think Bill's doing his next one. Hulu. He's going Hulu. Oh, Hulu. You're right. A bunch of other people have done Prime, too. A few people have done Prime. Yeah, that was by far my best offer. Once I saw they treated people in the warehouse, I was like, I want to be on board.

So, no, they've been good to me. And then I got that. I got, you know, I'm all over. I got like Miami, Baltimore. I'm trying to build material back up. I'm doing a Euro tour. So all over Europe, like London, Belfast, all that shit. And I post a lot of shit on punchup.live slash Sam Morrell because...

What is PunchUp.Live? My friend Danny Frankel started it. He used to work at Facebook, and he hates censorship of comedians. So PunchUp is where I gather emails. It's like Patreon, but I don't take money. I just want emails so I can blast you when I come to your city. I don't spam you. It's just PunchUp.Live slash Sam Morrell slash sign up or just whatever. And I post gigs. I post bonus stuff that I won't post elsewhere because I don't want it to get like...

buried on some horse shit right and uh it's good he cares about comedy he's a great guy that's cool i'll check that out it's awesome all right beautiful thank you man thanks brother appreciate it all right bye everybody