cover of episode How to support a grieving friend

How to support a grieving friend

2024/12/5
logo of podcast Life Kit

Life Kit

People
A
Avi Wisnia
D
Dr. Mikael Harris
J
Julia Furlan
M
Marissa Renee Lee
Topics
Julia Furlan:在支持朋友的过程中,作者自身也经历了困惑和失败的体验,这凸显了支持悲伤者并非易事。她分享了自己未能及时送出慰问品的故事,以及由此引发的反思。她认为支持者常常会给自己施加压力,认为自己需要做些什么、说些什么才能帮助悲伤的朋友,但实际上没有什么“正确”的做法。 Avi Wisnia:作为失去兄弟和父亲的人,Avi分享了他对悲伤的理解和感受。他强调了倾听和回忆逝者美好时光的重要性,即使这会带来悲伤,但这些回忆仍然是宝贵的。他认为悲伤没有时间表,在任何时间点表达对逝者的怀念都是有意义的。他分享了朋友在关键时刻给予他支持的经历,这让他在悲伤中感受到温暖和力量。 Dr. Mikael Harris:作为一位心理学家和悲伤治疗师,Dr. Harris 强调支持悲伤的人不是为了在恰当的时间说出恰当的话,而是要成为一个见证者。她建议不要害怕提及失去的人,谈论失去本身能够帮助悲伤的人。她还建议避免使用陈词滥调,以及以“至少”开头的安慰话语,因为这些说法会轻视悲伤者的痛苦。她建议表达“我能想象这有多难”比“我无法想象你经历了什么”更能安慰悲伤的人。 Marissa Renee Lee:Marissa 作为一位悲伤专家,分享了她对悲伤的理解和经验。她建议在慰问短信中,明确表示你关心对方,但不需要对方回复,这能减轻对方的压力。她还强调了在悲伤时刻,提供实际帮助的重要性,例如送餐、帮忙处理家务等。她认为即使关系不深,一个小小的举动也能让悲伤的人感受到被关心。 Julia Furlan: 在节目中,Julia Furlan 分享了她对如何支持悲伤朋友的经验和见解,并采访了多位专家。她总结了支持悲伤者的四个要点:见证悲伤、避免陈词滥调、提供实际帮助、持续关心。她强调了在悲伤时刻,提供实际帮助的重要性,例如送餐、帮忙处理家务等。她还强调了即使关系不深,一个小小的举动也能让悲伤的人感受到被关心。她认为支持悲伤的人是一个社区的任务,每个人都可以扮演自己的角色,并分享了朋友在关键时刻给予她支持的经历,这让她在悲伤中感受到温暖和力量。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

Why is it important to bring up the loss when supporting a grieving friend?

Bringing up the loss allows the grieving person to talk about their loved one, which destigmatizes grief and helps them process their emotions. Avoiding the topic doesn't make it go away, and acknowledging the loss is a meaningful way to support them.

What are some unhelpful things to say to someone who is grieving?

Phrases like 'At least they're in a better place' or 'This happened for a reason' can feel impersonal and minimize the person's suffering. Avoid cliches and focus on being specific and authentic in your support.

What practical support can you offer to someone grieving?

Practical tasks like delivering food, taking care of household chores, or offering to handle logistics can make a significant difference. Grieving individuals often lack the energy for basic tasks, so simple acts of help can be invaluable.

Why is it important to continue offering support over time?

Grief is a long-term process, and the initial wave of support often dwindles as life moves on. Continuing to reach out, even months or years later, shows the grieving person that they are not forgotten and that their loss is still acknowledged.

How can small gestures make a difference in supporting someone who is grieving?

Small, thoughtful actions like a mix CD or a care package can be deeply meaningful. These gestures show that you see and care for the person, even if your relationship isn't extremely close. Authenticity and thoughtfulness matter more than the size of the gesture.

Chapters
This chapter explores the initial reactions and feelings when supporting someone grieving a loss. It emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the loss and being present for your friend, even if you don't know what to say. It highlights the messy nature of grief and relationships and the importance of acknowledging that complexity.
  • Witnessing grief is crucial; don't avoid the topic of loss.
  • Acknowledge the complicated nature of grief and relationships.
  • Simply being present and sharing memories is helpful.

Shownotes Transcript

When a friend's loved one has died, what do you do? Send flowers? Condolences? Distract them? It can be hard to know how to support a grieving friend. You want to be there for them, but you also know there's not much you can do to heal their pain. This episode, reporter Julia Furlan talks to grief experts about the most effective ways to show up for someone. And she shares insights from the times she's supported her own friends through their loss.An earlier version of this story incorrectly stated the name of Dr. Mekel Harris' book as Relaxing Into Grief. It is actually titled Relaxing Into the Pain: My Journey Into Grief & Beyond.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoices)NPR Privacy Policy)