cover of episode How to stop overanalyzing romantic relationships

How to stop overanalyzing romantic relationships

2024/12/23
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Life Kit

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Allison Raskin
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Marielle
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Allison Raskin: 浪漫关系会让我们变得脆弱,因为它需要我们展现最脆弱的自我,比生活的其他方面更注重外表,更容易导致被拒绝的不安全感。浪漫关系的风险很高,因为它与社会信息联系在一起,即我们应该始终拥有伴侣,拥有伴侣是自我价值的象征。因此,它会激发出我们在生活的其他方面不会体验到的部分。 约会不是为了寻找输赢或被拒绝,而是为了寻找彼此的兼容性。在约会初期同时与多人约会,避免对单一关系过度关注,并避免强求不合适的关系。减少与朋友分享约会经历的频率,可以降低约会的重要性,避免过度焦虑。 焦虑、抑郁和强迫症会以多种方式影响性生活,例如焦虑会影响当下的专注力,抑郁会影响性欲和快感,强迫症则可能对性行为中的某些方面产生触发。了解你自己的大脑以及你的症状如何影响你享受和连接的能力,并在舒适的情况下与伴侣表达这些感受。与伴侣沟通性需求的方式取决于你们关系的性质,如果是短暂的关系,可以直截了当;如果是长期关系,则需要提前沟通。 健康的关系让你能够做真实的自己,不会感到被评判,伴侣会理解你的心理健康史,并愿意学习了解你。如果一段关系让你感到焦虑、沮丧或不安全,那可能不值得继续投入。持续不断地质疑一段关系是否正确,可能是关系强迫症(ROCD)的一种表现。关系强迫症(ROCD)是强迫症的一种亚型,会导致人们不断地思考自己是否在正确的恋爱关系中,或者伴侣是否足够爱自己。区分对伴侣的合理担忧和ROCD或恋爱焦虑症状的关键在于担忧的内容,合理担忧基于现实,而ROCD的担忧则往往是关于未来的不确定性。 焦虑、强迫症或抑郁症有时会让我们在一段不合适的恋爱关系中停留太久,这可能是因为我们无法处理分手,或者害怕独自一人。分手时,应该以道德和负责任的方式进行,专注于自己的行为,而不是对方的反应。 分手后,要优先考虑自己的需求,关注悲伤而不是被拒绝的痛苦,并积极地疗伤。被拒绝感并不可怕,重要的是关注悲伤,并善待自己,积极疗伤,而不是沉溺于负面情绪。 Marielle: 浪漫关系会让我们变得脆弱,因为这需要我们展现最脆弱的自我,并且它比生活的其他方面更注重外表,更容易导致被拒绝的不安全感。不要指望一个人能满足你的一切需求,即使是独一无二的伴侣,你也需要生活中其他人的支持。要关注你对约会的信念,并重新思考你对约会的看法,不要将其视为输赢或被拒绝,而是寻找兼容性。保持约会关系的客观视角,并有意保护你的心理健康。 分手后,要优先考虑自己的需求,关注悲伤而不是被拒绝的痛苦,并积极地疗伤。如果你的行为符合道德和价值观,那就足够了。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

Why do people often become more insecure and anxious in romantic relationships?

Romantic relationships require the most vulnerability and intimacy, which taps into societal pressures about having a partner as a measure of self-worth. This high-stakes environment can bring out insecurities and anxieties that people don't experience in other areas of life.

What is the book 'Overthinking About You' about?

The book, written by Allison Raskin, focuses on navigating romantic relationships while dealing with anxiety, OCD, and depression. It provides advice that is also applicable to those without these conditions, as relationships can trigger anxiety even in people without pre-existing mental health issues.

Why is it important to reframe how we think about dating?

Reframing dating as a process of compatibility rather than a competition can reduce the fear of rejection. It helps shift the mindset from seeing dates as pass or fail to understanding that relationships evolve based on mutual compatibility.

What is the benefit of dating multiple people at once?

Dating multiple people can prevent overfocusing on one relationship and reduce pressure. It allows relationships to progress at a more natural pace and prevents premature emotional investment.

How can anxiety, depression, and OCD affect sexual experiences?

Anxiety can make it difficult to be present during sex, requiring extra effort to connect with a partner. Depression can reduce desire and impact self-esteem, making physical intimacy challenging. OCD can manifest in various ways, such as discomfort with bodily fluids or contamination fears.

What is relationship OCD (ROCD)?

ROCD is a subset of OCD where individuals obsess over whether they are in the right relationship or if their partner loves them enough. These thoughts can be exhausting and may harm otherwise healthy relationships.

How can you determine if relationship concerns are valid or a symptom of ROCD?

Valid concerns are based on current behaviors, like lack of communication. ROCD concerns often focus on future uncertainties, such as 'What if we run out of things to talk about in five years?'

What should you focus on after a breakup?

Instead of focusing on the rejection, it's more helpful to grieve the loss of the relationship. This allows for healing and prevents self-criticism or fear about future relationships.

Shownotes Transcript

Romance makes us feel vulnerable, and dating can feel high stakes. We talk about how to keep things in perspective and take care of your mental health in relationships.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoices)NPR Privacy Policy)