Recapping Rogan's LIVE Special w/ Ron White | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
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100% Obviously, we have to address the fact that my regular co-host is not feeling his best. He's getting multiple treatments, and everybody's sending him well wishes. You know, I heard about that at the mothership. Yeah. Because I told him I was doing the show, but I didn't think that Bert was going to be on it.

And then somebody said, yeah, I heard that you were asking for prayers for Bert. And I'm like, oh, my God, because, you know, I love Bert. He loves me. We don't see each other every day, but when we do, it's an unbelievable hug. Great fun. So I was going to come in here today and tell you that I would be willing to sit in

For Bert until he got better, you know, once a week, right? How often do you do this? Yeah, once a week. Once a week. Yeah. I live, you know, not very far from you. That would be amazing. I could hop in.

I wear a mask or I could just come as me, you know, we could change the name to three bears. Dude, I love it. And we could just tape a three over that. So when you go back and you find out this is a dead end street, you can go right back to where you were.

That's great. So as soon as his hearing and vision and everything get resolved. So stick that in your pocket. Okay. I love that. Thank you, Ron. Like some extra cash. You got it, man. Thank you so much. And another thing, and I know people don't know this, but that you gave my son a job. Yeah. And my son actually has a degree in recording arts.

that I didn't think you would ever use because for a long time, those kinds of jobs didn't exist, but now they do. And so...

You gave him a great job with an amazing benefits package. He is legitimately funny and kind, easy fucking hang. Super easy hang, super nice guy. And there was that little stretch in his life where I was out doing stand-up while his mother was raising him. That was like maybe 30 years or so. And so...

You know, and so, and now we see each other quite a bit and we do get along great. We play a lot of golf together. He also beat me at golf for the first time in his life last Saturday. Or no, what day was it Marshall? Are you back there? When was it? Yeah. Saturday. He beat me at, uh, we were playing at, uh, where were we playing? Yeah. Barton Creek foothills golf course.

For years. He's been playing golf since he was five. That's a day that everyone remembers. The father and the son. Yeah, right. We didn't even realize it until we added it up in the clubhouse. We were having dinner after. It was just night hauls. And he had made an early quintuple bogey. But he fought back. And I was playing kind of shitty. And fucking he clipped me.

For the first time. Congrats, man. Yeah, it was a big deal. It was a big deal. You don't have to answer his calls anymore. Fucking great. Well, you're my only heir, and it's a lot of money. I keep picking up that phone. That's incredible, though. So you had beat him every time since you guys had ever played. Well, yeah, because it's golf. It's like violin, you know? If your dad's a...

Guy that plays violin every day. Yeah, he's pretty good. You don't play violin as much. It's going to be hard to beat him at violin. Yeah, sure.

But he got a little more focused on his violin and then he gave me one. And then we played yesterday also, which was a grudge match. I just wanted to beat his face into the ground and boom. When I was in college, this was sophomore year, one of the guys got me into playing racquetball. And it became this thing where I was like, racquetball is an intense... When you just start getting into it, it's an intense...

game to play. Also, incredibly cardio heavy. You're dying. And addictive. I was a long time ago. I fell completely in love with it. And that smack and a clean one and you're going for points. You're running around. And my dad comes up to visit

And just on some weekend, he comes to visit. And I've been playing racquetball all the time. And I go, yeah, I've been playing racquetball. He goes, oh, I want to play. And I go, well, you've never played. He goes, yeah, yeah, but I mean, I want to play. I go, OK. And we had played tennis before. But I mean, racquetball is a completely different sport, right? It's just there is some, obviously, like some stuff that translates. I mean, you're a racquet and a ball. But obviously, the game is totally different.

Dude, I'm like, yeah, this is how you do it. And he fucking beat me on the first game. I fucking threw a tantrum. I was so upset, dude. I was so upset that he beat me. I was like, this is fucking bullshit. I think I broke that racket. I hated it so much.

I got into it and I thought I was good at it. At the time, I weighed like 165 pounds. I was quick. You kind of have to to fucking be any good. Well, my dad, my best friend, Mickey McMillan, his dad was a coach in a college, but he played racquetball. Yeah. And he beat me so bad. And I thought I was almost unbeatable. Yeah. And he literally beat me so bad and I was so exhausted. He just toyed with me the whole time.

that I literally left there, I got in my car, and backed into a ditch because I couldn't just turn my head around and look to see what was behind me. I'm like, I'm just going to take my chances. I hope that's completely spent, gone. There's something just... I didn't think I'd tell a story about Mickey McMillan's dad today, but there we are. There it goes, Mickey McMillan's dad. You got the shout-out. The thing about being humbled...

by another man in something that you think you're proficient at, you know, that just happens with sports, especially. It's like, you're like, I think I'm pretty good at this. And the way another guy can just check you until you're like, oh, wow, I'm pretty not good. I'm bad. I used to do that in ping pong, you know, because I was pretty good. I had a table. I was pretty good at pool. I had a pool table. But if somebody that came into town and we were all playing a lot of ping pong and this guy from Kenya, right?

It came and moved down the street and he would just see us playing ping pong out there. And then we, there was one bar in town that would let us have a tournament and get a couple of trophies. It literally, I mean, he let us know this slowly, but he could beat me from his knees left-handed.

And just nothing I could do about it. I mean, nothing you can do. The effortless thing. I thought it was good. You ever seen the Olympians play? Like world-class people play? I love to watch those guys. It doesn't look like, it doesn't even resemble ping pong games that you participate in. No, no, no.

zero bearing on it whatsoever. Like, the ball can go fucking 10 feet off and the other dude will just swing it back and it'll land at the corner of the other table and then that guy will return it and you're like, this is insane. I think it's crazy fun to watch. It's so fun to watch. I'm thinking about starting a league. A ping pong league? Yeah, a ping pong league. Not for me to play in, but, you know, I think it's more interesting than they're giving it credit for. I think it's undersold. I think it's better than bowling.

You know, and I think it's better than tennis because you can get a whole room full of it going on at the same time. You can get a lot of it going. I think once it grabs hold, gets a little bit of traction, people are going to be talking about me and this day that I sat on this podcast. I believe you. Professional tennis league, which probably exists already. People don't stop fucking talking about pickleball. It is nonstop conversation. I've never played it. Have you? Never played it. My neighbor played it.

built a pickleball court. They're out there at 7 a.m. playing tournaments. My neighbor has one, too. Like, all day. He's like, you've got to come over here and play. I'm like, yeah. And I've never gone and played. But also, everywhere you go, the conversation about pickleball, what I find fascinating is that people are all talking about this thing and that tennis diehards really fucking hate it. Because tennis clubs are now...

converting their courts and they're like every one of them every one of them i got it i got this thing at this at my 67 uh year old uh approach to living is i got one set of knees yeah what am i gonna do with them uh-huh and uh because they're not that great but they're pretty good and uh i do a lot of charity golf stuff and most of the charity golf tournament celebrities are athletes

And they're all, you know, older guys that are retired and they get up, man. Every one of them is just, and they all played football, you know, all their life. And I'm like, get up. I'm fine. I need way better than theirs. And it,

and one of them asked me about it one time and i said i think that smoking pot and watching cartoons is really good for your knees and that's what i did while you were playing football in high school yeah that's no joke i was on the golf team and uh i was the worst guy on the golf team but i was still on the golf team and you know and i've been playing that game ever since but anything else you know directions change back back and forth golf's hard enough you know and i want to play for a long time so

One set of knees, baby. What are you going to do? They're still working. The fucking hardcore. Like, my uncle played tennis, racquetball, and handball. He loved handball. Dude, two knee replacements and a hip. Like, once he got old. Like, yeah, I mean, just banging on that, like running around. And then all these guys now, there's these, I guess you see it more. All these people that do like these fucking hundred mile runs, like the ultra marathoners. I'm like, how are you? Like, it's amazing. It is amazing. It is amazing.

Physically, it's amazing. Mentally, you have to be among the mentally toughest people on the planet. You can push through on a 100-mile run. But what's going to happen to your fucking body when you're 67? And that ultimately is what decides how smart you were during your life. Yeah. How did you spend it? Yeah. Well, I decided I would just learn how to run 100 miles without stopping.

Was that right? No. Yeah, not really. That wasn't the point of this whole thing. No. The whole thing was just to be nice. Yeah, I know. Yeah, but I could do it. I remember, what's the... It's like about the way I drank. Yeah. I drank like it was a fucking sprint. Uh-huh. But it was a marathon. It's a marathon. You know, it wasn't a how much can you drink in a short amount of time. It's just enjoy your life. Take it easy. Have a cocktail. Have a cocktail. You know, with your friends. Don't fucking... What?

Get it all down my throat. Like Bert Kreischer. Yeah. Bert Kreischer. Bert drinks. What's all that madness? Bert drinks like he's going to get caught. You know what I mean? He drinks like he's trying to get rid of it. Yeah. Like, oh, now somebody's got to drink this. The cops are on the way. And you're like, fucking put it down now. It's like, no, you don't have to drink like that.

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Oh, just that guy. Do you remember? Excuse me. It might be I might have misgendered someone. Eddie Izzard? Yeah. Eddie Izzard did this thing a few years ago. Because I think Eddie Izzard identifies as a woman. That's why I said that. Well, he's a cross-dresser, right? Not now. I'm pretty sure if you look that up. Oh, I'd be curious because I don't think he's...

I'm confused. No, I don't think so either. I think Eddie Izzard would... And that's what I would have to say about everybody that is trans and is, you know, to try to give me a break too because I have a hard time keeping up with exactly... I mean, I have a friend whose wife is trans and I don't know what to say exactly. See, it says, see the sentence, she would keep using Eddie Izzard as her public name. That's my point. This is the point I'm trying to make. Eddie Izzard one time did...

uh i think it was 50 days in a row or 30 days in a row one of the two i'm sure you could find it where they ran a fucking marathon every day in a row imagine running a marathon and then the next day doing it and did it for like a month how many 27 days in a row dude come on i don't understand how somebody really is like mentally and physically capable of doing this i really don't

That is like one of those things where you go, I just don't understand how you do it. And what was the point? Eddie Izzard runs and runs and runs. It's just kind of a Forrest Gump thing. I want to say this. And Forrest Gump, somebody pointed me to this. They said it was, I had a massage one time and somebody said, did you have a happy ending? And I just said, Forrest Gump had a happier ending.

And then I got a blank stare. I'm like, remember, Genie died at the end? He goes, yeah, he was single and had all that Apple stock. Yeah. You know, that's not sad. No, that's a good day. Get over Genie. But anyway, it's kind of Forrest Gump-ish of him, right? Yeah, I want to say this was a... It was a tribute to Nelson Mandela. That's it? Yeah, Nelson spent 27 years of his life in prison, so he ran 27 marathons.

Just as a tribute? It wasn't a fundraiser or anything? I don't believe so. I don't respect any leader this much. This is insane. No. To go like, I'm going to go ahead and fucking break my body as a tribute to you. That's crazy. I bet Nelson would have said, throw in a fundraiser while you're doing it. Yeah, do that. Get some housing. By the way, scroll up to the text right here. Hold on, hold on.

On one day, ran a double marathon because they spent day five in the hospital. So I went to the hospital, so today I'll run two marathons. What the fuck is going on with Eddie Izzard? I just don't... I always thought Eddie was kind of a little fat. A little doughy? A little doughy, but that may have been the dress he was...

I don't know. I give up. I give up on trying to keep up. Yeah, I don't know. I really do. Practice forgiveness if you're a trans. You know what? I saw in New York. Practice forgiveness. If I don't get it right, give me a fucking break. Give me a break. I'm trying. I'm trying. I told you, my buddy, his wife is, was a man, still has man junk and...

And I don't know what to refer to her as. And I like her. And I think she's hot. And she has a penis. And I know he loves her. And I just want to know. I'm just... Is it... What do... And all I'm saying is you have to learn forgiveness. And you also have to...

get a little bit thicker skin because people are always going to make fun of that when they're confused and scared or whatever. So it's up to you to kind of let it run off your back a little bit. Gender is so fluid now, too, that you also have to learn to forgive yourself because I find myself, I'm like walking through the airport and I see brunette carrying a guitar case and I'm like, wow, she's pretty beautiful.

And I just get close. I'm like, oh, that's a guy. And then I just turn and I keep walking. And I'm like, holy shit. People are fucking morphing in to other people all the time. And you're like, I don't even know what I'm looking at. I'm sorry. Sorry. I was looking at mannequins the other day and I couldn't tell. It was the hottest mannequin. It was down in California. It was a beach bikini thing.

And it took me a minute to realize they were mannequins. They were so well done. I thought I was just staring at these chicks and then, and it took me another minute to care. I'm like, you know, I can't wait till you can fuck robots. Oh my God. That's all I want. That's yeah. That'd be great. It's all I want from them. Let me, let me live till I can fuck a robot. Yeah. A little robot. I mean, also like nobody can get mad at you for fucking a robot. You know what I mean? Like,

Your lady's not going to be like, you were with someone? Like, no. I was fucking a robot. I was in the garage. I was with Wheezy or whatever. I don't know what I would name my robot sex machine, but probably not Wheezy. That's horrible. Something sexier. Yeah, but like, I mean, that's not that far off, fucking robots. No. No.

No, and you know what? I was talking to Duncan Trussell, and he has these headsets that's, you know, the VR ones. Yeah, it's like you're actually having sex with somebody else. And his wife was wearing them too, and she goes, I felt like I was cheating. And I said, how do you know what that feels like, you know, if you're...

Did you cheat? Yeah. That reminds you of that feeling that you had when you did fuck around on poor Dr. Bear? He must have loved that. He did. He got to look that way. Yeah. Yeah. How do you know? No, those VR headsets are insane. Those are crazy, man.

Have you seen porn in them? I accidentally did. No? Oh, come on. Tom, accidentally? The accidental porn. I accidentally signed up at VRBangers.com for an account. And one thing that is fucking nuts is the way that it's filmed, anywhere you look,

It's like it's because the guy that they wear a camera specifically for. So anywhere you look, you're seeing this guy. This guy who did a great job is banging like three girls in a yoga studio. And you instead of just like looking at a clip, you're just like looking down at the other ones who are all playing the camera. And so it's so immersive. Yeah, you could definitely. It's a good thing I haven't used that in a while. Yeah.

I'd, I would never, I'd never leave the house. But also it was a great space program. There's a space app that you feel like you're on the fucking space station. It's pretty incredible. Are you fucking three chicks? No, that's why it's way more boring. Ooh, space. We're trying to sell tickets. Yeah.

I have been seeing you at the club for a while now. Uh, the mothership, it kind of brings you back into what you do, you know, and, uh, and remind you that, uh, you know, you get to, you get to hang out with some really cool people. And, uh, and if you're in the arts and, uh,

And we're in the arts. We are, dude. I got to tell you, in Fritch, Texas, they didn't talk a lot about the arts on career day. No? No, they did not. They didn't. It was welding mostly. Yeah. We really wanted a shot at that bass boat in the future. Did they offer anything in the arts when you were like, no, nothing? Not a thing. Not a thing. Not a gaffer, not a cameraman, and not a...

They, you know, they would teach you how to fix a lawnmower, which was way more practical, you know, than, uh, than being an actor. Yeah, for sure. If you're from Fritch, Texas, because your lawnmower was for sure going to break and you were for sure not going to have the money to get another lawnmower and you're for sure not going to get a part in a movie.

All those things have been mapped out cleanly. Yeah, but you might be able to fix this lawnmower, which is very much applied to your life. My kids started school again this week, kindergarten and third grade. And the third grader, I was like, how was school? He was like, great.

I go, yeah, what are your favorite classes? He's like, science. Oh, you like science? He's like, yeah, that guy's the smartest. He actually knows stuff. I go, okay. And then he goes, I like drama. I go, you like drama? Really? I was like, do you like pretending to be like someone else? He goes, what? I go, like, you know.

like drama is acting or were you acting he's like what are you talking about i go what the fuck did you do in drama he's like we got to throw a bunch of shit in the room i was like what kind of fucking class was this he was like yeah it was like just be like reckless he's like so that was fun because we got to like break stuff i go okay i don't know what kind of fucking drama class when you do your son's voice he's 66 years old that's how he sounds man he really sounds

That's what he sounds. Dude, the eight-year-old sounds like he smokes cigars, and the six-year-old sounds like a cartoon character. Oh, my God. Yeah. The six-year-old is like, I want to talk. He talks like that. And his brother's like, what's up, man? And he talks like a grown man. It's really fucking alarming. Oh, man, it would be. Do you know that feeling when you...

It's like you're going to shoot a special and you, you know, you're like, oh my God, I got to shoot it. Then you, you, you get into the confidence of like, I've done this show 200 times. Like I'm ready to shoot it. And then, you know, you shoot it and you have your, the taping that goes well. And you're like, there's my special. And then you get to the edit and like, you don't want to, I don't want to watch the edit. And then you have to watch the edit. And then you're like, okay. And then you're like, is this good?

And then you watch it like, you know, a few more times. You're like, I think this is pretty good.

And then there's that moment that it's about to come out and you're like, what the fuck am I doing? And it's scary. But it's scary because you care. Right. You know, I've always been a pretty good comic. Yeah. But I've always done the reps. Yeah. You know, I've always done the sets and I've always done what it takes to be a good comic. Right. You know, and. You did the work. I did all the work. So I was always happy to go on stage and show everybody all the work I've done and how fucking funny I am. And that's old hat. I've done it for fucking decades. Yeah.

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Welcome to Scam Town. It's a place where the true crime is stranger than fiction and the stories are filled with quirks and moral ambiguity. From James Lee Hernandez and Brian Lasarte, the filmmakers behind McMillions and The Big Con, Scam Town takes you through stories ranging from the strange to the unbelievable. Wild scams.

surprising heists forbidden love and massive explosions are just a little taste of what's in store scam town is an apple original podcast produced by fun meter follow and listen on apple podcasts let's buy a plane all right you want to do one again you know i had one for 15 i remember this well you know what's weird about and i don't know about you but i didn't

I got famous on the road. Yeah. Right. So I never had to go to New York or LA and spend, you know, like, like Tony Hinchcliffe, you know, who was at, and at the comedy store since he was a child. Yeah. Like a fucking teen. Yeah. Grew up there and wrote his first joke there and all that stuff.

But he knows so much about all the comics that came through L.A. because he knew every one of them. He was there a fixture, and a lot of people were, or they were a fixture at the Cellar in New York. Yes. And I was just neither one. So I never really knew a lot of comics because if you're a touring act, there's just me in an opening act. I don't have six guys in my show like some of these guys do. Yeah. Just an opener and me. And it's...

It's really, really, really, really strange. You still are doing the road, though. I did 36 cities, nearly all casinos, and I'm going to do about the same next year, but I'm going to spread it out a little more throughout the year. So I just have something to do. You were condensed this year? Yeah, front end loaded. By June, I was done and had four dates the rest of the year, and I just feel like that

you know i'm keeping my chops at the club so you know i feel like i should go out every once in a while yeah all year long yeah and just a light schedule because then it's you know it's fun i i went down to san antonio and helped uh open the shows for rogan how was that how was that that was that was fun i'll tell you the truth though yeah i was in costa rica and i had told joe like i'd heard about it two months before i said listen uh

I know you're going to do that Netflix thing in San Antonio. And if you want me to, I'll come down and open it for you. And he goes, that sounds like that'd be fun. Which is not the same thing as yes, right? Right. That's what I say when I'm saying no. Right. Sounds like fun. Yeah. Which it did. But I didn't say I'd do it. And so...

and then I see him 20 times, you know, and he doesn't say one more word about it. And he knows a million comics. So I figured he'd just rather have somebody else do it. I don't care at all. I just wanted to make the offer. And, uh,

So I assume he doesn't want to do it. And then I'm in Costa Rica and I go up there. I want to go to Rhythmia, which is my ayahuasca place. And I get up there and I really hadn't been paying attention to the drug, about the drugs I was on. And I was on the wrong drug and they wouldn't let me do the ayahuasca. And I'm on the board of this place. And they were still like, yeah, this isn't a toy, Ron. Yeah. You got to remember that this is a medical facility. And just because you're on the board doesn't mean you can,

party down and pop in and do fucking hallucinogens. Yeah. It doesn't. I thought that's why I got involved with this place. Yeah. I became with righteous indignation. What are you talking about? No, I understood. And, uh, and then, and then Rogan called and he goes, uh, he goes, Hey, Friday's going to be fun, right? Are we ready to go? You popped radio. And I'm like,

oh fuck, he wants me to do the thing in San Antonio. Oh shit. And I'm in Costa Rica. But I just found out I can't do the ayahuasca so I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be there. I got on a plane in Costa Rica and flew to Los Angeles and picked up

Genie and the dogs and then flew here and then drove down there and did that show and Wow and and which was fun You know - it's so much fun to do sets now that there's no pressure for me to deliver Yeah, I just get to go and that's one of my favorite rooms that What is it called the majestic? Yeah, the Jessica's is such a great room. It's a great room so I just get to go up there and blister a crowd for 20 minutes and

and go here you go yeah and uh that's just the funnest thing in the world to me that's very and with multiple were there like three of you opening the show like did you guys all do yeah ari maddy uh the guy from estonia the killer from estonia and uh tony and i was in the middle of that yeah so uh you know it was it was just glorious and then we went up uh

To New York, to Madison Square Garden, to where I watched the Kill Tony stuff there. And that was a hoot. Wow. It was just so much surprise stuff, you know? Yeah. With...

I noticed that when I got in there I said is that Marcus King on guitar just in the band I'm like I would have paid to see Marcus King in that building all by himself absolutely and uh and he's just a side note on the band uh people want to be involved in the show so bad so much yeah and uh and then Jelly Roll came out and sang uh New York New York and

and I'm like, wow, I'm just having a ball. And I thought I was going to be in the one the next night. And, uh, so I kind of mushroomed up a little bit and I was, I was standing out just a little in front of the stage, just watching it. And it was fucking great. I get a big smile on my face. I love this shit. Yeah. And, uh, and then I get tapped on the shoulder and it's like, Tony wants you to go up now and say what I'm not going on until tomorrow. Right. And,

I'm like, fuck it. Yeah, I'll do it. Let's go. I know what jokes I'm doing. I'll fucking do it now. And it was just glorious. And then they said a bunch of really nice shit about me while I was up there. And that was, you know, 18,000 people heard that. And then whatever million people streamed it. Yeah. And it's just, I do three or four minutes of material. And then I get this fucking, all this adulation and nice things said about me. I'm like, fuck.

I don't know. It's like a love fest. Yeah. It's so cool what's happening with podcasts and that one particularly. If you have an idea...

You don't have to. It's showing you just how uncreative TV executives really are. Truly. Because people left to their own devices know what's entertaining. Yeah. And if you'll get out of their way. And we keep saying that. Right. For years. Over and over and over. And they truly. Yeah. To justify their own existence. Let the person who's creative do it. And they're like, no, we'll have this other guy do it. Yeah. This guy knows these numbers. Yeah. And so.

So, you know, then all of a sudden the biggest media outlet in the world is a podcast out of fucking Austin, Texas. Insane. And...

So it's an odd thing. Yeah, it's so cool, man. I mean, first of all, this whole thing that Netflix has gotten into, I think more people are going to go back to it, is like we left broadcast TV, right? Broadcast became like, oh, that's of the past. And everything became on-demand streaming. But what they realized in this last year especially is that there's something about eventizing something live, right?

And that only traditionally happens on broadcast. And now that streamers are doing it, like the people are flipping out for an event like these live roasts and the live specials. Rock did his special live, Cat, and now Joe. And like the numbers are, like people are like, oh, I want to watch it in the moment that it's happening. That's still a thing for people. They still want that. You know, I just, I guess I'd,

I tried to talk Joe out of it. I said, Joe, that's stupid. Why on earth? I was telling him this in front of the Netflix executives. Yeah. It's ridiculous. What do you get from it? Record three. Pick the best one. Fucker. What'd he say? Huh? He goes, I don't know. He goes, it was scary. So I want to do it. Yeah, because it's scary. Jump out of a plane kind of guy. Yeah. And...

And also, he was prepared to do it, and he did it. And I could tell because I'm watching it live. He's going streaming from that room, and I'm watching it on TV in this room. Yeah. And I can tell Joe when he's having fun, his lips kind of turn up in a jokery kind of way. Yeah. And I'm like, that motherfucker's having fun. He's having fun. He is having fucking fun. He knows what's going on. Well, I told him nobody's more ready because he has run that set.

hundreds of times yeah hundreds of times yeah so like as far as like you know when you when you shoot you're like am i ready right and it's usually like you know you hear about there's people i know who did their just specials now after like 25 sets they don't like non-road working guys they're like yeah i've done this like 25 times and you're like what what are you talking about like and they're like how many times you do it like 250 times yeah and they're like oh really and you're like yeah

But he had, like, years of running this set. So, I mean, he was super ready. Yeah, and I think my last two, I think, I shot at this little theater in Atlanta, 800 seats. And you can go in there and do shows for a week and then maybe record, you know, four of them or three of them or something and see which one you like. And it's pretty fun.

Pretty safe way to do it. Yeah, foolproof play, yeah. But the Tony thing too, it's like we were talking about it, where he's just like so, he's been so persistent that this is the show. You know what I mean? Like he, I feel like in the years he's been doing this, that dude never took a Monday off

I don't think he took a vacation to do like, he was just always like, this is the show and building it piece by piece. The show really is about watching him be the captain of that ship. I think that's what the show is. And then, you know, you also get some guests that, I mean, some panelists guests that are also good at doing the same thing. But that's, but the best thing I, when I do it, I, I,

I'm not that good a guest on it, but I just try to stay out of his way. And then if I think it's something to say, I say it. But for the most part, I let him do what he does, and it works out just fine. It works out just fine, yeah. I see some guests try to kind of overpower him or try to be just over the fucking top on every fucking comment. You can do it any way you want to, but I like to just stay out of his way. But I saw it years ago.

at the store, and I was intrigued because it just sounds like a bad idea. When he told me, you know, come out with these comics that have never been done, you know, one minute. I'm like, huh? And then I saw him do it, and I'm like, oh, okay, I guess...

I guess it makes sense. But he never wavered one biota and was doing it for 15 people. And now he's just crazy. And I kind of believed in it, and I encouraged him to move to Texas and all that. And I believed in what he was doing, and all of a sudden I was right about something. Well, you definitely were. I mean, and that not wavering thing is that story you always hear from Hollywood about, like, you know, someone writes a script,

And they're like, this, this is what I want to make. And they tell you like, you know, like, well, I think Star Wars was like that where he's like, sure. They're like, the fuck is this? Something in space. Right. People were just like, you're, you're out of your mind. But when you're like, so believe in something, whether it's a podcast or something you wrote. Right. You really do. And like, then it's like everyone comes around later. Like Bohemian Rhapsody. Nobody believed in that album. No. And,

and uh but they did they believed in that album yeah but it was sure fun to watch and uh all the bombs going on it was so fun man rockets red glare big american thing that's very cool we we loved it we everybody had a great time the audiences were the audience was were great too in new york

i mean they were the audiences were funny they had timing they knew when to laugh at somebody it was really weird if you ever go back and have a chance to watch that that audience that first night had timing and rhythm like sharp yeah yeah just a cracking that's cool yeah it was great everybody killed everybody yelled that they went on the show that's cool man um i had to ask because it was just everywhere were you

a big fan of the Olympics? Were you watching it? Did you keep up on any of it? I did. You know, I watched it almost every night, and I thought it was... I thought the bronze medal... I still don't know where they're standing. Now they're saying they could give away three bronze medals for that. This is the gymnast? Yeah. Yeah, I don't understand the story. Well, the story was that she got her score, and then her coach said...

You didn't judge that with the correct difficulty level. To the judges. And they went back and they said, and they had already given the bronze to somebody else, and they said, you're right, we calculated it wrong. Here's the score. Now she's got the bronze medal, the American. And then the other team said, hey, you only have one minute to file anything wrong.

about this after the thing and that was a minute and four seconds. So they said, yeah, you're right. So then they took it back. So it clearly wasn't her fault. She did it and the judges got it wrong. They miscalculated it because of a difficulty level and

But then they didn't catch their mistake within a minute and four seconds. And now they're saying, and now the solution is give them both a fucking bronze medal and get on with their goddamn day. Let's not send one of them home crying. Yeah. Because they've both been crying. First she cried because she lost. Then she cried because she won. And then she cried because they took it away. You know, they're going to cry this poor girl to death. Is there an update on it? Do we know? I heard today they were going to give the seat.

If there's one thing to understand about the Browns Metal Saga, it's that it has barely anything to do with the level of gymnastics. Chills? Chills? Chills? Chiles. Chiles. Okay. Do we know? Okay. Scroll down. The International Federation of the Court officially, and as of this moment,

The other lady, Barbusa's score is credited as third place. And Child's score has been pushed back down to third. Okay. That's, I guess, that's just one article at this moment. I don't know.

Well, I'm going to call some people, get that straightened out. Oh, and it looks like right now, scroll down a little bit, that he says according to a video that's time stamped, he began his inquiry table 47 seconds after the score was posted.

followed by a second segment 55 seconds after so maybe that's within that's the argument that's within the minute within the thing wow that's dramatic though man so now they're just gonna mail her one i mean surely they'll end up giving it to her because they'll realize that's the right thing to do and then uh she just gets it in the mail instead of going to the ceremony you know all right well there it is everybody there you go take a bunch of pictures

Plus, she already has gold from the team stuff, right? Yeah, they did win a team gold. Yeah. All right. Well, fuck, man. Did you watch the shooter, the Turkish shooter that went viral? The guy? The Korean girl? No, no, the Turkish guy who didn't wear any eye stuff. You know what? I didn't watch much of that. It just didn't come on. Yeah, I saw her because they were going, that Korean girl, she was so sexy with that.

But I had never seen that eye configuration before until I saw it on that Korean girl. And that was hot, hot, hot. You liked that? Yes, it was. Look at it. I mean, just kind of like a robot you might be able to fuck. Not to keep bringing up the same subject. There's Wheezy right there. Yeah, right? There's Wheezy. A little wheezeless. Yeah.

That's awesome, man. Yeah, I watched... I couldn't believe how...

I'd never seen anything for three-on-three basketball. And I was in a hotel gym, and it's on. And you know that as somebody scores, as it goes through the net, the other team grabs it, throws it to the top of the key, and they're like... So there's no pausing in it. There's no checking the ball. Is that actually played anywhere in the world? I've never... I couldn't believe it. I was like, this is an Olympic event? I had no idea. I always thought it was the full court five-on-five. But like...

They were like, it is like rocket. It's incredible. And they have to sub out the three at a time. They sub out three and three because everyone's dying on the court. They can't maintain. How big are the teams? I think they each have seven.

So you can do like three full. And it was the same as our Olympic basketball team? Some of those players were on the. I don't think so. Totally different players. How'd we do? I think we didn't win in that at all. That's horrible. Yeah, I think we got our asses kicked in men's and women's. But we won both golds for traditional. Right. Yeah.

our our birthright fucking cut him up he did but that was fun to watch holy shit where everyone was saying we finally get to see what it's like to be a Warriors fan for the last decade right just like this is bananas this guy's shooting from three people in his face fucking a half court he's just

Going in. It's crazy. He's a real jewel. He's brilliant. It really is fun. And I did watch a little bit of it. Because as a kid, the thing that was like the biggest that I remember, like watching Olympics as a kid, was track and field. So I got to watch a little bit of like... Kerry Richards. Noah Lyles, is that his name? Yeah. Watching that was fun. Yeah. He got COVID and he went out partying afterwards. I'm like...

Somebody's got to... He needs a better PR team around him. Probably. You got to go to that event disguised as someone else. I know, right? But he was really feeling himself after winning by five one thousandths of a second. It was called wrong. I saw it wrong, but he sure did. He fucking won at Fastest Man Alive. You can't take that away from him. You can't do it. That was crazy. That was crazy. I like watching that stuff, too. I really... And pole vaulting. I mean, there's a big dick joke on pole vaulting, but...

When I was a kid, pole vaulting was my favorite thing because it was just really a guy's going to get over that thing with a stick. I mean, it was something that you can imagine. That could be really difficult to do. And the two biggest dicks of the Olympics were both French. They were both French cocks. And one of them was a swimmer? One was a diver and one was the pole vaulter. The pole vaulter's dick was...

knocked him out of the event, right? Because his dick caught the... Well, the diver's dick's going to make a splash. The diver's dick. It's going to make entry more difficult. You know what they were calling the diver? They were calling him Baguette Baguette because he's a French diver and he has a monster dick.

And he seems like a very, like a humble person. Like a normal dicked guy? He's a humble personality guy. And then he looks like he has three dicks tied together in his Speedo. And he's just like, fuck, I just don't know what to do with all this dick before I dive. It's really crazy. And then the place that you learn about it is on Twitter. You open it up and they're like, check out this guy's dick. And then you realize you're in a gay Twitter thread because they...

gay Twitter is its own thing. Like it really takes their, they, they don't hold back at all. Yeah. This is the guy here. I mean, he's just like, I don't know what to do, man. I just, I'm trying to dive. Everyone's talking about my dick. I have a huge cock today when I go out there in this bathing suit. Apparently he also got a, I think he got a massive underwear endorsement after this, like from the Olympics, you know?

Some underwear company was like, hey, we saw your huge dick. Do you want to wear our underwear? And he was like, yeah. Can I get millions of dollars? And they were like, sure. Fuck, yeah. Yeah. That's got to be an amazing feeling. That phone call. I guess so. You know, whatever.

Especially now that the Olympics are over and now they're all over there just bundle fucking each other, right? Yeah. You just got to pry those gymnasts off these fucking swimmers and divers. That's what they're fucking going for. Yeah. That broad shoulder. Well, this is the... This is like the...

the perfect male physique is like a swimmer diver, right? They're slender and muscular or whatever, and they're also incredible athletes. And then those chicks come off the fucking trampoline and they're just like, I need to work out some of this energy. So I have a lot of anxiety. You think you could dive off of the roof into my pussy? So there really is a gay Twitter? Or is there making that up? Well, it's when a topic...

takes off within any like subset community it becomes like so it's not separate but it's like you know people will say black twitter what they're just talking about is like a topic will take off and it's just dominant in the black community so like that top so um there probably is a gay twitter but um

In this case, it's just a bunch of guys being like, I wish I could see that guy's dick. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I'm one of those guys. Yeah. I want to see the dude's dick. I'm not gay at all. I don't want to touch it or anything, but I'm going to look for sure. I mean, I've watched porn. Yeah. I don't want small, half-flaccid penises. I want big, hard, throbbing cock.

in that fucking porn. I think the gayest I ever feel is when I'm disappointed at a guy's dick in porn. I'm like, look at this guy's pathetic dick. That is a pretty gay. It's pretty gay. I go, oh Jesus, you call that a dick? That's not a dick. I want to see a big old dick in her mouth. And then you're like, wait a minute, what? And then you find one and you're like, that's a cock. And you start talking to it. So I'll tell you the story.

And I probably should tell you it was... It was... Jeannie was out of town and I was talking to her on the phone. She said, I bet you're just jacking off a lot. And I said, yeah, of course I am. And she goes, well, why don't you send me a video? And I'm like, I am not going to videotape me beating off and sending it out into the fucking ethos. And then in the middle of the day, no reason, I decided to jack off and I realized this is going nowhere. Nothing I can conjure up. And I don't have...

porn anymore because they made it where you can't get porn in Texas unless you know that UVN number, which I can't figure out. Now I'm pornless. It affected nobody but me. You guys got to put a VPN on his phone today. Anyway,

So I know this is going nowhere. But my dick looked pretty good. My phone was there, and she wanted that video. So I got my phone out, and I got a camera on. I came in like three seconds of looking at my dick through a phone camera. A masturbation session that was going nowhere ever all of a sudden comes into an hour.

And I don't know if it's that it was hotter to see another guy's dick in my hand on a phone. I don't know what it was. I'm like, get out of there. Get out of there. We don't need that nonsense. Did you send it?

I did. I did. I sent it to her, and she was like, that's gross. Oh, man. Yeah. That's heartbreaking. I thought you were going to. You know, she didn't say it was gross. I just thought it was gross. I looked at it 15 times afterwards. That's sick. Yeah. Ron, you're disgusting, Ron. If you comment on the YouTube page, Ron will send you his three-second cum clip.

And that's a promise from me. It really does exist. So don't think we're making empty promises. We can't fulfill. Do you still have the video or did you leave it? I still have it on my phone. Well, I don't have it on my phone, but I have it on where I sent it to, Jeannie. Oh, I got you. So it's on her phone. So, yeah. So I can scroll down on that and get some. It's a really good fit. It is also brief. Yeah, yeah. And I thought I was going to be filming it for an hour, getting something to go. That's another thing is when I'm watching porn, sometimes I'm like,

you know, scene's kind of over, you're ready for the pop shot and they're standing over her and they're just like stroking and you're like, hey man, can you come already? And I'm like, I'm a little, like, let's get to it. And then they're just like, hey, you know, can I, you know, like, if I can pull your hair or like, they're just trying to like conjure up that, that, try to get that nut out and they, and they're really struggling and then I'm sitting there being like, just fucking come and I realize that I'm just like cheering for a man to come. That feels kind of gay. Yeah.

That doesn't feel as gay as the other one, though, right? No, the other one, yeah. Where you're judging the guy's cock. Yeah, where I'm like, look at this. That's just not enough. A mediocre dick? That's the thing, too. I'll watch myself do it. Yeah, I'm like, this kind of looks like my dick. I don't want to watch that. I want to watch fucking... What happened to this podcast? This was supposed to be good, clean Christian fun. That's what you told me when you talked me into this. And a few random cocks.

I know a good dick from a bad dick, but it's hard to tell. Pictures of vaginas, what would fit, what wouldn't fit. You've seen beautiful women that you're like, oh my God, and then you get with them and you're like...

I know that if I had a pussy, I would ruin it. I would buy everything you could possibly cram into it. Fucking every buzzer, twizzer, dildos the size of traffic cones. Just jamming it all in there. Just to see how big I can get. You used to have a really nice pussy, didn't you, Ron? I ruined it. Now it's where I keep my shoes. Yeah.

Thank you for coming in today. And honestly, man, I'm really happy that I get to spend any time with you. It's always fun. It's always good to see you. So thank you very much. Hey, I feel the same way, Tom. And we're best wishes to all of it. Of course, we all send our best to Bert and hope you make a full recovery. Yeah, Bert. And then, you know, if you need me for anything, you know, I'm right down the street. I definitely will call you. Yes. No problem. Thank you. Bye, guys. See you, everybody. Bert and Tom. Tom and Bert.

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