Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
100%. Turns out top-tier medical treatment does work. His neurological issues have been resolved. Congratulations on that. Do you know why is it? Okay, well, listen. Okay. Guys, we're making changes to this show. We are. We're making changes to this show. There's no more previews at the top. No more previews at the top. Number one, you will never see me cry. I will never cry. From now on, from this point on, in any podcast, I promise...
I will never cry. If I start to cry, I'll walk off. I'll walk off set. Really? I will not let anyone see me cry. Do not watch the next three episodes of BirdCast. Three? Three in a row? Yeah, anytime a musician starts playing, I start crying. Any? Any song. Really? Yeah, it was just powerful. Yeah, I hear you. I'm done crying. I'm done crying. I'm going to start grounded. Yeah. You're never going to ever hear me say, what's the phrase no one likes? I just had the best night of my life. I've already had them all. Yeah.
They're all done. So they're never going to happen. We're doing an event tonight, and I think it'll be okay. Yeah, I think so too. So no previews at the top. No previews at the top. You're never going to cry or say you had the best night of your life. Yep. I'm going to talk very grounded in every story. They won't be interesting. They're going to be just like it happened. No exaggerations. Very minimal exaggerations. Okay, very minimal exaggerations. What did we do? We reduced our...
We moved to Ash from the top of the show because... Oh, we're gaining weight too. We're gaining weight. We're getting fatter. I'm going to get fat again. I'm done. Listen, if you can allow me just to get jacked for my special. I'm going to be ripped for my special. Okay. I'm going to be ripped. I'm going to fucking go hard. I might get on Winstraw. Nice. Yeah, I know.
I just think... Can I tell you the only reason I want to do it is? I feel like every special looks identical because I have the exact fatness on all of them. So I want one on the thumbnails. Some would argue you got fatter in some of them. Yeah.
Did you hear that, guys? Yeah. I'm trying to tone down my laugh, too. All the things you don't like about me, I'm changing. I don't like them about me either, okay? By the way, I've listened, too. Look at this bare wrist. He took an Uber X here. I did. I did. I actually did the Uber with the...
person next to me. Pool. Uber pool. So I get it. I get it. Listening. We're listening. Reduction of ads. What else? I'm trying to change but I could never take an Uber pool. Oh yeah. It sucks. I could not take an Uber pool. It sucks. Have you taken one? Yeah.
I've done it. I also have had an Uber driver talk to you. That's the fucking, what are you doing in town? And you're like, oh, Jesus Christ. Where are you from? And you're like, I'm from Austin. And then they keep telling you their story. This guy told me the story. Did I tell you this? Where I got in the car and he's like, where are you from? And I was like.
He's like, oh, yeah, I've been there. I was like, cool. He's like, where are you from? And then he's like, well, I live in this place. I hate it here. And I go, oh, that's interesting. You know, where do you like it? And he's like, oh, there's this town in South Carolina called
And I go, oh, yeah. He goes, it's a dream. And I go, really? Tell me about it. And he's like, well, there's like a, you can just sit and there's just bar after bar after bar. And you can just go to every bar and there's live music. I was like, oh, it's interesting how other people's perfection is not yours. I was like, that sounds like a fucking nightmare to me. And then he was like, yeah, I was also just in Dallas. And I was like, oh, cool. And he goes, yeah, man, fucking JFK was not.
a one-man job and i was like can you pull over um then he went into a whole like a whole spiel about how the cia was involved and there's seven shooters and i was like uh how far are we from the destination it's just total fucking conspiracy guy and i was like great great yeah it's interesting man he's like i can hook you up with the guy that took me out there i was like i'm good
Crazy guys driving you is definitely... That's the one thing I think about touring life that you realize one of the most inconsistent things
because you're always in a car with somebody, are that drive, you're like, I should just have a rental car and drive myself in every city. It's really crazy how much you're willing to roll the dice on your life and let a person who possibly didn't grow up in this country, knowing these road rules, drive you on the interstate in a fucking Corolla. All over the place, man. And you realize, first of all, sometimes it's even a car service and you're like,
you start to know, you're like, you're a terrible driver and this is your job. And they don't know where things are and they're not following the rules of the road and they're either driving like way, like we've had multiple times, I don't know if you have, we're in a
Sprinter van or something. And we're like, Hey man, could you slow down? And they're like, what? And you're like, Hey, you're doing 85. Like, could you slow down a little bit? Or they're going 45 and you're like, Holy shit. So the whole thing is it makes me fucking crazy when someone else is behind the wheel. So I have started renting cars in some cities. You like driving. I like driving. I don't like driving. Yeah. I hate driving.
I had an uber driver my favorite uber conversation ever was the night of the election for Trump and Biden no no the first one who do you run against the first time the Clinton Hillary Bill Clinton Hillary and Jesus I can't believe I drew a blank I know I can't believe we've had so many fucking presidents in our lives have we yeah had that many five more than five
10? Name them. From my birth? From my birth. Your birth is before mine, so. By a year or two. Seven years. Seven. No, it's not seven. It's seven. You just turned 45. Happy birthday, by the way. Did I call you on your birthday? I don't think so. Okay, happy birthday. So glad we're done with that fucking bit. So, Jimmy Carter's the first one I remember. I remember Reagan. I remember Reagan getting shot.
Yeah. I remember Reagan getting shot. I remember John Lennon getting shot. I don't remember that. I do. And then Reagan, Bush, Clinton. Bush. Bush, Obama, Trump. Yeah. Biden. And Biden. And Biden.
And so on the day of... We're doing the End of the World podcast at the store. And I get an Uber to go there because we're going to get lit. And I said to the guy, he goes, where are you? I said, we're going to the store. And I said, yeah. And he said, what are you doing? I said, a podcast. It's about the election, End of the World. And he goes, yeah, when is that? It was that day. And I said, it's today. And he goes, yeah, who's in that? And I said...
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. He goes, yeah, yeah, I'm going to get around to voting this week. I was like, good. You know what? Wait until the end of the week when there's not a lot of lines. Yeah, yeah. Go Friday. Fucking idiot. The best is when you bait an Uber driver into being sexist. Yeah. When you can tell they're not from this country and they're a little older and they're from a stand. Yeah. Or the stands. And you're like, fucking women drivers. Buddy, don't tell me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck. Well, they know. They know. They're like...
Also, like if a woman, if you're with your wife and she talks and the guy's like, fuck, do you let her talk for? That's a good one, too. Like the time we told the Marines to tell our wives. Oh, yeah. We were in Hawaii and it was Pearl Harbor tour. And then we got so we got the naval tour on the water. And then we had the Marines take us out to some, I don't know, the tour of their base. And they were showing us, you know, their their range and.
And then they were like, let's, uh, they, Oh yeah. You were like, I have daughters. And the guy was like, well, he's like, I got one, but I got a son. Yeah. He's great. We got one rule here. If it's Brown and it moves, shoot it. Like, wow. We're glad we didn't have Russell Peters come with us on this.
And then our wives go, we're going to use the bathroom. And then they got lost. They took forever. And he goes, what are we waiting on? And I said, well, our wives. And you could see it in his eyes. When they come in, just kind of light them up about women. We were light on it. Yeah. And this guy, he's a character actor. Yeah. Because he fucking. Those guys are fun, man. God. Military guys, a lot of them know how to have a good time. If you had to do a boys trip based just on the occupation.
Based on the occupation? Five dudes, and you get to pick their occupation. Oh, I thought you meant like an occupation of a land. Like... Crow territory, crow territory. I was like, what are you talking about? You can pick one trip, just Gaza. Who would you take? I'm like, I don't know. No, no, no. This is a... Okay. Occupation. So you get five bros. Yeah. And they're from different cities. Yeah.
but they all have the same occupation. Cops, firemen, military, bartenders. Sure. Investment bankers, lawyers, doctors. What occupation do you think would be the funnest for a boys trip to Vegas? Okay.
To go with. Well, definitely one of the emergency services people. You want at least one of them. Someone who can perform CPR. Yeah, yeah. Paramedic, fireman. Those guys are fun. They have great stories. And you get in trouble with something, they're the ones that can get you out of it. You don't want cops. Cops fucking start flexing. I just watched the O'Day documentary. The one that's 3431? He really did it.
Like, there's no question about it. When you watch that, I never watched. Did you watch the 30 for 30? No, the five part. Yeah, that one. I watch that. It's one of the, by the way, I talked about this when it came, because when it came out, I saw it a few years back, whenever that was, it is possibly the best docu series of television that I've ever seen. And if you think you're like, well, I already know that story.
You don't know the depths of this story. It's so good. It was ESPN produced and it was originally released there as a, whatever, a five part series that was unbelievable. Made in America. Made in America. And now you can see it on Netflix, I think. Netflix. I downloaded it for my flight last night. It's.
so fucking unbelievable. The layers that this thing gets into, it's like, it really presents it to you from a different perspective. I've never seen something that good. I really swear. By the way,
He fucking, he completely did it. Like, I can't believe where was I going to question. Like, as you're watching this, you're like, no, no, no. You know, they've like tapped into some of the jurors now, right? And they were like, yeah, we knew he did it. Like the jurors are saying that. Are you serious? Yeah, they were like, this was like payback for Rodney King and LAPD and shit. Yeah. Well, I didn't realize just how bad.
And I mean this with respect to the police officers, because I do like cops. But just how fucking bad the LAPD was. Like how out of control they were. Like in the thing, the wild shit Daryl Gates said in public. Yeah. Well, it's hard to choke out a black guy. They're different. They're different. They're like different than us. When they did that raid and just like destroyed people's homes. Do you know what they said their defense for Rodney King was? Well, if we could have used a chokehold, we wouldn't have to beat him so hard.
And they were killing people in chokeholds. I mean, the track record for the LAPD at that time was absolutely fucking horrible. I got to watch the documentary on Biggie and Tupac now. Because I'm sure... There was a guy that was on Vlad TV. Yeah. Who said he killed Tupac. Yeah. He got arrested. He did? He got arrested like a month later. So he said that Diddy... My algorithm fucking sucks. He's like, Diddy offered me this money to do it, right? And the only reason Diddy...
isn't like really held accountable for that is that he never paid him so like if they had paid if there has been like a transaction of money like but this guy's like yeah he said to do it and he'd pay me this much so he did it this guy yeah keith d yeah keefie d that's him yeah he told that on vlad and like a month later they arrested him that's crazy yeah and he's been saying it for a while i think he even may have even written a book or something about it
Vlad's Nori Drink Champs episode is really good. Is it? Is it recent? It's kind of recent. Yeah, kind of like a month. But that interview is really good. You don't realize how deep into the scene Vlad was and is.
With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get. Somewhere between the store and your first month's bill, the price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets. With Mint Mobile, you'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again. When Mint Mobile says $15 a month,
When you purchase a three-month plan, they mean it. There are multiple people here who have told me that they could not believe this was actually the way it is. They have signed up and they're only paying 15 bucks a month. Say bye-bye to your overpriced wireless plans, jaw-dropping monthly bills, and unexpected overages. All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest network.
5G network. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash bears. That's mintmobile.com slash bears. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash bears. $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 per month. New customers are
on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Dad, you should shop Amazon for back to school and save some money. See, I'm currently obsessed with superheroes and need all the superhero stuff. Superhero launch box, superhero back,
But next year, it'll be something else. Maybe dinosaurs? I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller. But I can tell you not to spend a fortune and shop low prices for school on Amazon. Okay, good chat. Amazon, spend less, smile more. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else.
I think they mean us. Oh, s***. With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock.
Like, I mean, he was like a young DJ, I think out of Northern California, moved out to New York, started hustling. I mean, like, it's crazy. Like just how much, you know, it's crazy to me. It's like those, those, I say old school rappers, but I don't mean old school. They're, they're like our age. Yeah. Like Nori, um, uh, Cam, Mace, all those guys, uh,
you don't realize what a tight small community that was yeah they're all friends like it's insane to me as as as they all get podcasts and all start sharing stories it really is kind of like almost like when people talk about what was the store like back in the day you know yeah like they all just grew up together and like even vlad who i always thought was an outlier was not he was in the new york scene i just i didn't know i thought vlad was just an internet guy at first
And then all of a sudden I did a deep dive and I was like, oh, fuck. And then I did a show. I texted him after his drink challenge. It was really fucking good. Let's get into Diddy real quick. Okay. Are you following any of it? I mean, I would say I get some of the headlines. I'm not like super deep into it. I guess what I don't, what I haven't followed in the last few weeks was like, I remember the, you know, the, the feds raiding his place and,
And then they're like, oh, he's on a plane to an island. And then he was just like, no, I'm in Miami. And there's footage of him and just in Miami. Yeah. Then you go kind of that where I kind of tapped out of it was just more people keep telling stories about him, but I've heard nothing legal develop since then. I've heard wild stories. Yeah. People are saying incredibly crazy shit. Yeah. Dark shit. Do you think we got one of those in comedy?
That they're like the supposed Diddy? Probably not, no. That's usually like you have to have so much power to wield. Like he was a, I'll do the, like if you now have a deal, Burt.
Like, so somebody, there's not really that in comedy. You see it in Hollywood more because that's what the Weinstein stuff was like. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I'm a movie producer. So it's like, all right, I'll give you the part in this. But like now I have something over you, you know? So like, you don't really see that in standup. If you got a call from Diddy. Yeah. Today. Today? Today. And he said, hey, bro, I just saw you guys talking about me on the podcast.
You guys didn't talk shit. A lot of people were talking shit about me. Hey, game respects game. I'm throwing a party in Miami. I got a jet waiting for you. Okay, what time? In a heartbeat. Yeah. In a fucking heartbeat. You'd be shocked who I'd party with. But it's like, I think I'd party with some pretty... Well, a ditty party, at this point, you'd be like, okay, I'm going to go be a spectator. Did you hear Howard Stern's story about it? No.
Howard Stern was saying that they had an outside party and an inside party. The inside party were for celebrities, and the outside party was for celebrities that Diddy wanted to show up but weren't celebrities enough to go inside, and he wouldn't let them inside. So they were like, I want to go in the house. And they were like, no, and it's Howard fucking Stern. Maybe inside was the circle of trust, right? That's people that he felt like... Do you think he's gay? I don't know if he's gay, but...
Because I don't know enough. I've just heard a lot of people say that he fucks guys. I mean, so I don't know. I don't know how to phrase that. There sure are a lot of people saying that. I heard a guy tell a story about how he was like walking through the halls of a party and that
That he could hear Diddy and some guy in there. He's like, you just hear cheeks clapping, you know? You hear nuts slapping on his ass. I heard a dude just wiling. I was like, good story. That would be a great door to open. Oh, my God. Just flying to see Diddy going, shut the door. Yeah, and he's not, you know, I think we forget that, like, I'm not saying that he's gay, but you forget that not all gay guys are effeminate.
You know, that's like the old stereotype. Some really are. Some, of course, really are. I like those gay guys better. You like when they're a little swishy. I love it. Like Lil Nas X. Yeah.
But he's not... No, I'm saying there are some like, hey, that's a really deliberate gay voice and way of being, right? Yeah, I know what you're saying. No, he is. But I'm saying there's gay guys you've met that are the extreme of that. Like when you see two dudes with cool groomed beards holding hands and you're like, whoa, I didn't clock that. And you're like, I see it, but I don't see it. Then you see the fucking...
There's the really super jacked gay dudes that you're like, wait. And then you see that they have gaunt like cheeks and you're like, oh, he's got HIV. Okay. Okay. Boys weekend. You get to pick what type of gay guys you get to go to Vegas with.
Boys Weekend. What type of gay guys? Yeah. You want to mix it up, right? No, no, no. You can't. You got either got bears. Bears. You got or you get like the investment broker gay who you can't really clock it until you show up at his house. Those guys are the darkest, though, because those guys are really hiding who they are. Yeah. Like when they when they're you have no idea like the the
the emotionless eyes, and you're like, I didn't know that guy. Those guys are the scariest. They're off. The Wall Street guys, no way. Yeah, I want very effeminate. The effeminate ones would be very fun. The bears you fall right into. I would be in fucking...
Fucking chest straps with a fucking harness in the center. Because you would be shirtless first, they'd be like, oh, I think he's the leader. I think you're right. I was going to go. I would go like very effeminate, toe-sucking gay like that. Like, did you see Gerard Carmichael's new special? No. You haven't? No. Oh, you should watch it. Why? It's pretty fucking. It's like, well, listen, I'm the wrong person. I like things.
that I don't understand why I like it, but I like it. I feel like I like being a voyeur. I like seeing things that aren't the things I'm into or I do. I like watching them and trying to figure out why you're attracted to it or why, or why they're doing it sometimes. So what's it, what are you saying in that? Uh, Gerard car. First of all, I don't know. I don't want to sound like I'm talking shit about Gerard Carmichael cause I'm certain people are probably talking shit about Gerard Carmichael, but like he,
Like his parents... Once again, I'm talking about a comic and I don't like talking shit. So I'm trying not to talk shit. But I'm trying to say what it is. I think Gerard would be cool with me saying what it is. His parents are not cool with him being gay. Right. And his mom tries to pray it out of him a couple times. I think he's from like small town Carolina or something. Yeah, something like that. But he is...
unquestionably who he is like he is yeah like putting on different outfits having boy i say boys but younger guys than him come over to his hotel room and he's hooking up with them on camera and this is in the special and it's not a special it's a documentary he's doing on okay on max i think okay and um and it really is like he brings in tyler the creator and apparently apparently he's in love with tyler the creator and apparently they must have had a relationship in the past
And he brings Tyler, the creator in to address his feelings for him. And you can clearly see Tyler is not a hundred percent comfortable with the fact that there's cameras around or that they're doing this or that they're sharing these feelings. And Tyler seems like a dude who's just having a good time. Like it seems like a guy who's like, yo, I party, I have fun. Yeah. I hooked you up, hooked up with you, but you're not, I'm not, I'm not ready to looking for love. I'm looking to have a fucking good time. And you can tell he's on it just by the way he eats his French fries. You're like,
You can see him looking at the cameras like, yeah, are we done? Yeah. He's like, yo, hit me up. We'll hang out. And then you see him hit him up and Tyler just kind of ghosts him. But it's, it's, I don't know why I'm into certain things that are so different than me. Well, I think that makes sense. But, but most people, like if you look at most people's algorithm, it defines them. You think so? Yeah. Like you, you look at, uh, I had Tom, I went into Tom Papa's boring ass fucking algorithm and it's how I took his phone and I,
I went through it and it's, I mean, I love you, Tom, but it's like bread baking. It's a funny cat videos. It's a, it's not, there's no, you don't get an insight to the serial killer in him. What are you, what's in your algorithm? I, I don't know how, I don't know how to represent this because once again, I feel like because I'm a comedian, people think I'm making fun of it, but I'm not. I'm just fascinated by like people who show their lives and,
so intimately and and and Unabashedly and it's not it's and it's an absolutely nothing to brag about but they're putting themselves out there Like there's this woman. I know I've told you about her cat paws 77 777 7 3 7s and she she's a security guard in Nashville and she works the night shift and
She does live streams every now and then. They're like 35 minutes. But mostly what she does is she shows her meals and her meals after she gets off work. She drinks Black Velvet. By the way, I'd love to sponsor her with Porosos. I'd love to send some Porosos to her. I'd love her to drink our stuff. But she shows her meals and her meals, you know, I got to be honest with you, I feel like
She puts herself out there in such a vulnerable way. Yeah. And it's wild that someone would do that. And so I follow her. So you like that it's genuine and it's not, most people on social media show like an aspirational life, like, hey, here's me on vacation. Here's me going to like an awesome event or here's me, you know, doing something different.
amazing, look at my five-star meal. And this is somebody who's like very much not doing that. Living paycheck to paycheck. Yeah. And you can tell. She shows you her grocery list, what she bought. She buys stuff that's sometimes expired. She tried out Mountain, different types of flavors of Mountain Dews. Do you think you're drawn to it because it's just so...
unusual for someone to be that honest about that things aren't great for them like maybe maybe i think i connect with her in a weird way that i would be doing the same thing if i was her there's a thing about you would i would be that's what it is i think i would be doing the same thing and i do it and i think i over i think i overshare in a maybe what could be deemed uh
a gross or flashy way. Like I'll, I've never, I've never not posted if I'm getting on a private jet because I don't know. I just thought, I think it's cool. And so I'll be like, yeah, I'm getting on a private jet. I think it's cool. I don't do it very often, but when I do it, I post it. Yeah. And so I would be doing the same thing she was doing. There was really upset when you do that.
I don't know. I don't read comments. I don't read comments. Like genuinely, I don't. I'll catch one every now and then and it'll fucking bum me out. And I'll be like, oh, yeah.
And so I just don't read them. But yeah, I think people get upset. I think they'd also post pictures if they were getting on a private jet. So I don't really know what they're getting upset about. I know I got upset when Anthony Bourdain posted a picture of him getting on a private jet. You did? Yeah, we were all on Travel Channel at the same time. And I think I got bummed. And I think I might have texted probably Adam Richman or someone. And Adam Richman was like, buddy, there's a picture of you on a private jet like three weeks ago. And I was like, I did the same thing.
I did the same thing. I was flying on a private jet for Travel Channel. He was doing it for Travel Channel. And I was like, God damn it. Hypocrisy is the thing I try to fight at the hardest of minutes. Here's my thing. This is a deep dive. Do you have her channel?
It looks like it's down. Like this is what's coming up every time I click on it. No, it's not. Yeah. I mean, we were just looking at it. Maybe she's like private or something. Like only you can see her if you're following her. Can you see her right now? No, I found her. I found her. Can you pull it up right now? Yeah, of course. Well, just see if it works for you. Because let's just figure this out for one second. Yeah.
Okay, so we should just inform people what just happened. Okay, so go ahead. You were talking about the fact that this is an account that you really love because it's like this genuine look into somebody's life where it's not glamorous, but they're honest and they share what their life is and this is something that you enjoy. So then we went to pull it up on the YMH account and we were blocked. Yeah. And then I did it on my account and I'm blocked.
So we had to find an account that was not blocked. So we've all been blocked, but I don't know why we've been blocked. Can't figure that out. Well, I'm saying, I don't know specific, like what the, what sucks is now I realize I'm about to be blocked, but maybe you won't be because she's going to hear this. I hope she does. I hope there's a thing about life when it's, and I'm dealing with this in therapy, kind of how much of my life is performative.
you know? So like, I'll give you a small example. So I had a very busy day yesterday, very overwhelming started at 6am and it didn't end until I got in last night at midnight. I was having anxiety, but I was showing everyone I had anxiety. Like I wanted Leanne to feel it. Yeah. And so I was being anxious and I was like, and then I realized in the car when I was by myself, I didn't, my anxiety started to go away and I started wondering why,
Was I doing, was I being performative? I've noticed that I'm performative at times. Like I'll bring out my phone and I'll post a video and whatever's happening in my life, I can disconnect from it, get a video of me in the sauna and the polar plunger in the gym. And all of a sudden I get put into a better mood and it's, it's performative. And then all of a sudden I stopped
I stopped posting a lot on stories. I know that I still post probably more than most comedians, but I don't post like I used to because I was having a hard time connecting to what was real and what I was wanting people to see. And so...
So much of my life is for such a long time, especially when I got hot on Instagram, I kept using Instagram. So much of it was to show you I was okay. Does that make sense? Yeah. And with Cat Paws, I was wondering if there's something in her, but there's so little performance. What you said about yourself, first of all, is very insightful. I mean, that's really, that's very insightful. I think you should, you know. Well, that's why I'm terrified about these next nine months.
Because I don't know if I'm not promoting something or having tickets to sell or I don't have an hour to work on. I mean, my next hour is not due for another two years. Well, I think you're going to be. I know, but I wonder if you take away the performative aspect of me, where do I land in myself? And I think what's crazy and I wonder what fans think is do they notice it? And don't say like I noticed it now because you brought it up, Burt.
If you noticed it because I brought it up, that's okay. I get it. But if you noticed it before that and you were like, yeah, he's not being genuine anymore. He stopped being genuine. Do you think you've stopped being genuine? I feel like a little bit. In which way? I feel like I've... Okay, so when I started working on Travel Channel, I had a hard time talking to people on the street because that's not a normal thing to do. Yeah. To like cost someone and go, what are you eating? Where did you get it? How do you taste it? Yeah. Do you like it? And I...
lost that entirely that uncomfortableness of Intimacy of people when I started working the travel channel and it's why I took to Instagram so easily So I didn't have a problem pulling a camera up and talking to the camera. All right I have a problem ignoring the people around me putting them background not asking they wanted to be in the background and like Joe is not performative and I would at times pull my camera out with Joe and he would be like the fuck you doing yeah, and I would in my head I was like well if it's like I hung out with
I hung out with Chappelle for the eclipse and he's at the end of the day, he said, did you have a good time? And the only way I could quantify to him that I had the best time of my life was saying, Dave, I thought about taking my phone out about 15 times. That's how I knew I was having a good time.
How fucking sad is that? Where you're like, that's just, but that's just your gauge for it. My gauge for it is like, Dave, I wanted to record everything, but you didn't. I didn't, I didn't repost anything. I had a great time. Didn't post anything. Were you bummed too that you didn't post? No, I posted one thing and that's Don O'Rollins on Instagram during the fucking eclipse. Yeah.
Donnell was on Instagram, scrolling Instagram while the fucking eclipse was happening. And I was like, I'm taking a picture of this. It's the eclipse and Donnell looking at his phone. But like, but like it's, it's, it's, and I think someone like with cat paws or the people that I follow, and I don't want to like out all the people I follow, but there's something less performative about her and maybe more authentic. And, but you're saying that you've, you're becoming more,
Are you saying that you're becoming less, because you sound like you're saying you're becoming less authentic, but what you're really also saying is you're less performative, which is more authentic, right? I'm trying to become less performative. Okay. But I feel like I hit the crux. I can tell you exactly when I hit the crux. I can tell you the moment. I don't know if everyone knows it. So we're getting ready to go out there to do the road. Everyone meets at my house at like six in the morning.
I had partied the night before and I'm hungover. I think I just left the gym. Everyone showed up and they were like, what are you going to do now? What I really wanted to do was just go
go in, take a shower and come out. But I got into the polar plunge and did a three minute polar plunge because people were there. Were there. Yeah, yeah. And I wanted to show them that this is how I live my life. Yeah, yeah. If they weren't there, I wouldn't have done it. I understand that. And I, in the polar plunge, I went, how performative are you? The word performative hit in my head at that moment. And I went, my whole life is performative. My whole life. And when I spend time with the girls, they ask me not to be performative. They'll be like, dad, no phones, no nothing. We're going to a Dodgers game. Like,
be present. And when we went skiing, they said, no phones, don't put it on Instagram. And it was cool. I felt grounded and present and I felt of purpose. I felt of use to the girls and I get up and get them breakfast. But even as I get them breakfast, I want to pull my phone out and be like, but I'm killing this dad shit, you know, whatever the fuck that is. And it, and it's just, it's this inauthenticity that I think I've let permeate my life.
Because I have all these things that I'm trying to sell. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. And it's like hard to sell a summer festival if you're like not going like, hey, we're all going to have a great time. Yeah. You know, like. Yeah. These insights that you're sharing are insightful. They are. Like you're being like very introspective. It's why I'm taking time off. But can I tell you what I think you should do in your time off? Like. Sail to Hawaii and record it.
No, that's that's all can I tell you all I can think of is doing stuff to put on social media And that's it's like I want to say to Hawaii. I want to do it for me I want to say to Hawaii, but then I go I can't comprehend
not sharing that journey. I can't, it doesn't compute to me. Would you learn to sail or do you, are you a proficient? I'm a, I'm a fairly proficient sailor. I'm not, not, I can't sail. I can sail a boat, but I can't sail like a fucking gunboat. Like I couldn't, I'd have to learn, but that would be my, yeah, that's a very cool thing to learn. Yeah. It's an 18 day trip to Hawaii. That'd be very cool. You're like, I have to document this. I would, wouldn't you? I mean like, okay. And I, I put this to the fans listening. Would you, would you,
wouldn't you document it? Like at least for yourself, right? Because it is something we do have phones and we have cameras and we do want to film it. Why not share it? Why not? Because also in a weird way, I love following someone doing something. I love when
When like, like I follow a lot of sailors, a lot of sailors, like Vagabond, Sailing La Vagabonde is like my favorite one. I follow their journey. I watch them have children and they have two children now and they've been sailing the world for probably six years. Jesus. And, but it's like, I, that I lose myself in their journeys. And that's what I love about Instagram. It's like, I lose, I think about cat paws all the time.
Can we see one of the things she posts? Okay, ready? This is very simple. And this is the first one that really connected with me, was go to the second one, okay? The second one is...
I guess people were giving her shit. So here's another thing about Kat Walsh is she reads the comments and she responds to the comments. Yeah. And, and people were giving her shit saying that she lived in a one bedroom and she says, no, I live in an efficiency. Now here's what connects with me. And once again, I'm way oversharing when I moved out of our house that, uh, and moved to our new house, I had a really hard time showing that house cause I felt like it was kind of too big and I didn't for, uh,
The first three months, I wouldn't post anything around the house. And then it got to a place where I was like, well, I don't know where to post anything at. If I can't post being in my own house, I'm just going to have to deal with it. But I was self-conscious of it. The fact that Catpaw shares her efficiency and literally gives you a walkthrough of her efficiency, to me, was so vulnerable and so honest and so real. Is that the second one here? It's the second one. And just play that.
Okay. I have problems understanding the difference between an efficiency apartment and a studio apartment. Let's just say efficiency apartment, when you rent it, you get one solid room other than the bathroom. You get four walls, a floor, and a ceiling. Nothing else. Studio apartment, you get one room, but you also get a little kitchenette and possibly a little invert to divide the room up for a bedroom and not. But efficiency is basically this. My entire apartment.
And then my kitchen, like I said, sound burner, little griddle, crock pot, toaster one, fridge one, and toaster two, coffee pot. Bathroom, front door, fridge, and toaster oven. That's it, my entire apartment. You can see almost from the front door.
Okay, seems like people have so like she's defending as people were like saying you don't live in an efficiency Yeah, and by the way, I'm also fascinated by what she spends her money on like she spends her money on coffee Like she wants good coffee. She wants good coffee. Yeah, that's fascinating to me that she would She had one of the great she shows her breakfast. She had one breakfast roll down. Let's go down fucking love that breakfast scroll scroll scroll more and
And you do like you deep dive into the cat. I've watched every one of her videos. I've watched everything she has. She broke her foot. She has, here, go to the one in the middle. Go to the one in the middle. This is a typical cat paws breakfast. Breakfast, and yes, I just got off work. I'm having Baja Blast with black velvet, Aldi's dill pickle fish sandwich with American cheese, hash brown, garlic, turmeric, ranch dressing,
And then chips with honey mustard. Okay. So what do you think she blocked me? I'd be curious why you think she blocked you. Well, can you scroll and see if like, I want to see if any video, like close that. Does anything look familiar? Like did we play something from here? Oh, what pizzas did she get? Yeah, that foot kind of looks familiar. Go to the breakfast on the far right below the foot. That's her breakfast. And tell me if this doesn't sound kind of good.
pancake sausage on a stick hash browned with taco cheese garlic honey butter peppers onions on dave's killer bread epic everything bagel yeah and to drink skull crushing espresso from fire department coffee okay she spends her money on good coffee yeah um by the way can i tell you i'm also i'm i'm shocked because i would eat two of those plates
I would fuck that up. Yeah, that's pretty hearty breakfast. How'd she break her foot? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know why she blocked me, though. Well, I'd imagine your fans or the YMH fans would have fun in her comments. You think that's what happened? It has to be. Well, Catpaw's...
I don't know what happened. By the way, I want Black Rifle Coffee to sponsor her because she loves their coffee. And like, okay, here's the other thing. She's got 9,000 followers. 9,000? So is there a thing in her that wants to monetize this? You know, does she want to monetize her? I don't know how. I mean, 9,000 people follow her. That's a lot. It's a lot.
That's something. Single, not looking, 42-year-old female that enjoys outdoor activities, amusement parks, dragons, animals, watching TV, drinking, lives in Nashville. I almost fucking hit her up when I was in Nashville. Yeah. I wanted to meet her.
You have an interesting mind. I get lost in... I don't know. It's like... Well, here's what... We're talking about algorithms. I sent Zolo one of the things that I'm obsessed with. What's that? It's from Instagram, too. Let's see if he can... I am really into... Hold on one sec. We got to re-log in over here. Okay. I'm really into amusement park accidents. Like, because they just get... They get just...
put up in some places by anyone some traveler oh you're talking like traveling fairs yeah like things like that oh those are dangerous when you get into like third world countries and they're like get on the fucking do you know the ferris wheel you know the laws are different you're talking to an amusement park expert yeah you've been to i've been to almost all of them and uh the laws in europe are different if you get hurt the amusement park can sue you for getting hurt yeah
And in the States, it's not that way. There was one Six Flags, I think, in Louisville that ripped a girl's legs off. Yeah, there's a whole bunch that have had crazy things happen. Oh. And I see all the videos, you know? Like, check this out. Look at this thing going around. Oh! Oh, shut the fuck up. Jesus Christ.
It's like one of those where your body is hanging from this and you just hit metal. I saw one go, somebody last week go flying from one. This was like in Eastern Europe. Goes flying off one of these, lands 40 feet away, and then people just walk around and walk past the body just like dead on the ground. And you're like, shit, man.
I just can't imagine saying yes to any of those fucking rides. I've ridden some of the most wildest fucking rides you can ever imagine. Yeah. There's one in, uh, I think in Utah, the guy just built it. He just built it in the middle of the fucking field. A guy by himself, a flying Eagle. See if you can find flying Eagle in Utah, Utah. I think it's soaring Eagle, maybe flying Eagle amusement. Okay. The flying Eagle zip line. No, that's in park city. Uh,
uh is that it yeah soaring eagle it's in the middle of a fucking field and that's not it that's the zip i'm getting confused i've done so many this guy just built it's a tower right i almost bought when they cost three million dollars that looks like a tower in the middle there uh
Yeah, Logan, Utah. That's it. Logan, Utah. It's just a tower. They cost $3 million to build. I was going to build one, invest in one, and build one in Florida because it's wild. His drop seat is just a saddle, right, and a lap band. No arms, no restraints, and they drop you like fucking 300 feet, and you come up out of the belt, and you fall crazy. He's got another one where you get on like another saddle, and you sit on the ground, and it just shoots you up in the fucking sky.
And then he's got, uh, there is soaring Eagle. You can buy these and he, he'll put, he will put them up for you. Okay. Jesus Christ. Um, let me, uh, switch to this real quick. We are just over a week away from our 5k. For those of you that put it up that have not yet signed up, you still can go to two bears, five k.com. But here's kind of the, one of the cool things is,
We have a whole bunch of people coming to do this in person in Pasadena, part of the greater Los Angeles area. You can register to run. You can come for just the party, by the way, or you can virtually participate. If you virtually participate, you're sent a shirt and these badass fucking medals. These fucking medals are awesome. Leanne scouted the location, and she was fucking through the roof. I'm going to FaceTime her. It's very, very cool. She said...
I think the track, you go out and back, so you'll be able to see everyone running with you at one point. - That's so cool. - And then-- - There's a party. Everyone wondering who's at the party. - Real quick, you're on Two Bears. Can you describe the Two Bears location for the 5K at the Rose Bowl? Can you sell it to Tom, who hasn't seen it? - Oh, it's so cool. - Hi, Leanne.
You register in the parking lot. You have to run over like a little bridge and then you run up the street on one side of the Rose Bowl and then kind of hook back down the same street to the finish line. It's tree-lined streets, really beautiful run.
And then the after party is inside the Rose Bowl on the field. The stage is on the 50-yard line. We're going to have a recovery center. We're going to have cornhole.
Tell about the Polar Plunge. The Recovery Center will have a Polar Plunge. We have four Normatex stations for the boots for recovery. We have a DJ. Dave Williamson's hosting. There's tons of food and beverage outside the Rose Bowl. We have some great photo ops underneath the big Rose Bowl sign that has two bears. Awesome.
Under the sign. It's going to be amazing. I walked through yesterday. It's going to be so great and so much fun. There's 1,400 people running. That's incredible what you guys did. It was incredible. And there's more people signing up, actually. So we might be at a crazier number. And tell them there's no time limit. So if you're someone who just wants to get outdoors and get out in the sun and see your favorite comics or celebrities and just enjoy the Rose Bowl, you can also, it's like, tell them about that, Leanne.
There's a spectator only ticket. You can purchase at the same link, twobears5k.com, and you can just come and spectate if you want. If you don't want to run, you can also walk. There's no time limit. It's only, you know, 5K is only about three miles, lower three miles, and it's flat. It's pretty flat. Cool. Yeah, we're excited. What celebrities do you have booked, Leanne? Do you know any of the hot names? Well, Jelly Roll is coming. Whitney Cummings is coming.
Gosh, I'm on the spot. I don't know. I haven't looked at my spreadsheet lately. We have invites out to so many comics. There's a bunch confirmed. I know. Stavi's doing it. Yes, Stavi's doing it. Thank you for filling in my brain. Yeah, I know. A bunch of comics have said they're going to come do it. We may have a soft commit from a drummer from a certain band. She does know who he is. Yeah, yeah. Don't say anymore. Don't say anymore. All right. I love you. Great job, Leanne.
A soft commit, soft commit, soft commit, soft commit. Got it. All right. Love you. Um, so yeah. Are you garbage guys are coming? Uh, they stay there. They're posting content of them running. I love it. I love it. Well, here's the thing, because this is Kevin ran a lot faster than I thought. Are any of the barstool people coming?
I don't know. Because, you know, Frank the Tank, I think that's his name. Yeah. Bigger dude. Yeah. Knows everything about baseball. Yeah, yeah. You know, he's getting in shape. I did not know that. Yeah, he's losing weight. He's doing great. I follow his journey. I follow fucking so many people. Anyone who's losing weight, I get really into. This is one I want to ask you because this is what you're – you could really birdify this right now or you could try to be grounded. What's your 5K prediction for yourself? Okay. Okay.
So we're doing Newbert, right? Yeah, Newbert. I got on the treadmill today to see how fast I could run.
run a mile. Okay. And I ran a mile in 10 minutes, but I walked at certain points. So what I was doing was running as fast as I could, getting my heart rate up, and then I'd walk. So I'd run a third of the mile and then walk a fourth of the mile. Yeah, okay. Run a fourth of the mile, three quarters of the mile, walk a fourth. You'd run three quarters of the mile? Yes. Okay. And so I would like to
I would like to keep up with Packer. I know these races, and I know that your adrenaline carries you through that first mile so easily. So easily, yeah. And your adrenaline is, honestly, with the whole group, you get pulled with them. But I don't want to go through and run it and not enjoy the fun of the run. Sure. Like, I want to run with people. I want to keep up with certain people. I want to slow down and keep up with people. I want to make an event. I was actually thinking...
and I don't know if it'll work because of how me and you need to host it. Cause I think we have to get there early and kind of organize it and talk on Mike and make sure everyone's having a good time. I would like to go out with the first group and then go out again with the celebrity group at the end. Really? Yeah. You're going to do it twice. I was thinking, I mean, I definitely run six miles, but like, I mean, I ran,
a marathon with no training so I can definitely do it but I want to do it as much I want to be with as many people as possible I know at one point they're like why don't we just put you guys on a golf cart and you go off to the first group and cheer them on and stuff and I was like I bet I could run that one and then run again maybe I definitely want to run with Jelly Roll and he'll be running I think in the last group and so I was thinking of going out with the fans on the first group I think Cam Haynes is in that group I bet Cam Haynes could run it
Every fucking heat. Well, of course he could.
I bet he could. Yeah. I bet he will. 50 and 80 mile runs. I bet Michelle Wolf, Wolf could run every fucking heat for sure. Yeah. So, so you don't, you're not going for a time then. I'm not going to go for a time. I want to enjoy it. I'm really, I'm really excited about this in that, you know, it's, it's the way our stupid brains work is we came up with this as a Lark and then everyone started going, this is a great idea. And then I jelly fucking changed it. Yeah. Yeah. Jelly changed it because he said it on the Nelk boys that, uh,
That you know I'm gonna run that 5k and all of a sudden that took off and then he started really losing weight He's lost over 70 pounds. Yeah, he looks he looks great. I went to dinner with him and he was not eating rice Yeah, he was eating clean. I didn't drink he was like yeah, you know, you know, I'm trying to get in shape and he's really doing the work That's awesome. So and then and now the People magazine wrote an article about it. They did Yeah, he is the largest artist in the country right now. He lost 70-something pounds and
As he prepares for the 5K. I remember his first video he sent me where he was like, Bert, and he's covered in like dog hair. Yeah. And there's crumbs on his chest. And he's like, tell me this gets better. It sucks. I think it sucks, by the way. So I fucking, I was training for the 5K on Thanksgiving Day. And I broke my toe exactly seven weeks out. Yeah. And then they go to heal a broken toe of the big toe.
they're like yeah probably four to six weeks it healed in six weeks so I didn't run because you can't run for it to heal and I did it and I fucking man I was trying to get through that and it was adrenaline carrying me through it
But I've been training for this one and I fucking hate it, dude. Really? Yeah. I don't, I don't, you're going to love the event though. No, I think the event will be fun. I'm saying like, I don't, it's not like it's a joy for me to go for a run. I made run that first one with the first group and stream it live so that people can run with us. Okay. So that they can go get on the treadmill at a certain time in your, in your hometown and run it with us. And I'll, and I'll have my camera filming when everyone running with us. That's cool. Um,
Having said that, I definitely, as I was running today, I could feel my lower back hurting. And I was like, fuck, man, I'm getting old. When I would run before, I never had any pain. Some of that's probably hamstrings, too. I'm so tight. I don't stretch. I think stretching is stupid. I don't know that it's stupid. It's stupid. Yeah. So, okay, this is very, by the way, super grounded. I know. I just hope to have a good time. Not the best time of my life.
Just a good old-fashioned fun time. I will probably over drink and I'll notice that. Do you think you'll spend a lot of time at the after party? What bird are we at right now? What bird are we in? Because I don't know who he is anymore. Yes, and it'll be sad. I think people will feel bad for me. Is that what you're supposed to say? People will go like, God, he's drinking too much. So you think you'll hang out? I'll have seven doubles, but I'll tell you it's four.
I guess I'll have a few drinks after too to celebrate with you. Just a couple. Just a couple? Just a couple. Dude, I'll be over drinking at our event. Sounds like we're going to have quite the party afterwards. And I'm going to eat a lot. And I'm going to go hard. And my shirt will be off. And I'll be flexing my shoulders. These are all the things that I'm... What am I? You're okay. You're good. Yeah, you're good. I'm trying to be honest and non-performative. Trying to be grounded. It's really...
I like it. I won't wear a Rolex. Good. No, I'm going to wear a Garmin Sapphire 6X.
keep my heart rate track all my running yeah I'll track mine I don't mind I fucking hate it I'm gonna wear Cam Haines' shoes are you? his shoes are fucking awesome he's sending me a new pair too I will say this I got shoes that were sent to me not by him by somebody else and I ran in them the other day and I was like oh man like my feet hurt running in them this sucks so I switched to another pair such a difference when you wear one that
that actually is a good fit for you there's a sweet spot for shoes like especially like if you can break them in just before a race so you still have kind of new shoes but your foot's used to them yeah that's the fucking best it's a nice i did that when we went when we did the marathon i went out i was so fucking obnoxious of course all on camera and i was like i was like i just got brand new shoes for this and everyone's like you're not supposed to do that yeah yeah i was like did you guys stretch i didn't stretch i'm gonna take a shit on the course and they were like you can't do any of this you can't do any of this
I love tweaking those people. My favorite pair that I run with are hot pink. Like they make a white one and then they made, and they ran out. So I had to get the hot pink ones. I think I'm going to wear those. What's your prediction for the 5k? So here's the thing I realized is that I did the, um, I did it in November. I think I ran in 30, I think it was 32. That's really fast. Yeah.
10-minute miles are legit. Yeah, but that's a little over. And so I think, look, honestly, I would just like to do better than I did then. I'm trying not to make a bold prediction because your brain goes into like, go for this time. And then I'm like, no, I should just try to do better than I did in November. Yeah, I would like to do sub 10-minute miles. Yeah, me too. But I think that's almost... I know I can run sub 10 minutes for mile one. And I know I could probably...
Keep that going for mile two. Like, dude, the endurance. I mean, I've learned so much about my fucking cardio in this training. Oh, well, you have been talking to me about, like, keeping your heart rate in a certain zone when you train. I didn't realize how bad my cardio was. So at first...
Yeah, I could run them a mile fine. Right. And then I'm like, oh, you know, run in zone two or like maybe tap into lightly into zone three. That's like keeping your heart rate 135, 145. So I thought, oh, for me, that should be like 10, 1030. No. No.
My heart rate cuts into like the 160s when I'm running at that speed. Well, you know what I noticed? That is, is that if I can get my, if I get my heart rate up to 160, that like if I push it real hard, that it does drop and lower after a while. Well, for me, I just was like, oh, I, this is not going to help me. So to train, I've been doing these fucking slow ass runs. We should make campaigns to a blindfolded.
Yeah, we should give him one leg or something. There's got to be a blind person to go do our 5K. I'm sure, yeah. You should run with a bell in front of him, I think. Is that how you do it? I think so. I saw a video. I didn't know what I was watching. I know I showed this to you. And it's a guy and his wife. Mm-hmm.
He's like go and she starts running like a fucking lunatic down the beach. He's like you're doing it. You're doing it Yes, and she looks like a fucking lunatic and I was laughing so fucking hard. She's the way she runs She just is running like screaming I sent it to Isla and I go look at this fucking moron and then I wrote back dad. She's blind and
He took her to the beach so she could feel what it's like to run. And I was like, oh, I'm such an asshole. You didn't realize. I didn't realize she was blind and that he was allowing her some open space to run. Allowing her. Did he keep her in a cage? No, but I would do that for Leanne. If she were blind? I don't know if I'd be a good caretaker if something happened to her. Yeah. What if she were like severely disabled tomorrow? Like define it like bedridden.
Yeah, she needs... Okay, here's a question. This is the question. She needs care. And I'm so sorry that I interrupted. I didn't mean to interrupt. Please finish your thought. I think she needs, you know, she needs to help being fed and like, you know, she can't really get around without assistance. So like when you come home, she's like, oh, wait, can I eat? Can I do the road still? Sure. As long as you have a caretaker at the house. Yeah. Okay. Here's a question. Push is bedridden. Mm-hmm.
In a coma. Doesn't look good. In a coma? In a coma. Okay. Did you guys sign a DNR? I don't remember. Do not resuscitate? Yeah, I know. Luckily, Leanne said pull the plug. She did? Yeah, she's like, pull the plug. Yeah, Christina's big on that too. Don't let me just sit there all fucked up and sick. She's like, just smother me, shoot me in the head or something. Yeah.
Yeah. Put that online for a good promo for a tour. Just you with a pillow. And you're like, guys, I'm heading back. And then she's like, I'm taking a nap. Yeah. No, dude, do you want to be kept alive? You want to be kept alive. Fuck yeah. I want to be kept alive forever. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Actually, get my blood work done every day and get me healthier. What if you're in a coma? Oh, cool. Work it out. Leave me in a coma. Leave me in a coma forever. What if it's a burden to everybody? I don't care. Yeah.
I made the money that's going to pay for it. It's my fucking money. Pay for me. I want you to drain your accounts, keeping me alive. Really? Fuck yes. It's the best gift I could give them. Why? Because they have me as like they could come in and talk to me, hold my hand, squeeze it if you can feel me, Bert. But you're just the whole time. Get my teeth done.
While you're out. Yeah, might as well. Get veneers. I want hair transplants. I want veneers. Get all the work done. Yeah. Get all the work done while I'm in a coma. That's for real. They should put that in a DNR. If they did like a facelift too so that when you do, your face is pulled back. I come out of a coma looking better than I did going into it. Nose job, everything. I look in the mirror and I go, wow, what happened? Yeah, that'd be cool. Wow, look at this. No, I would tell them to pull the plug on me too. For real? Yeah. Yeah.
If they're like, you're in a coma, yeah, I would just be like. Do you know what fucking wild thought I had the other day? What? I was like, I saw a video of you doing something dangerous, and I was like, God, if Tom dies, I could sell this vodka for so much money. If I died. Yeah. But what do you mean? Your wife has the. The branding goes up. If I die. Yeah.
The branding goes up? Oh, fuck, yeah. In memoriam bottles and fucking pour some out for Bert. Pour the whore bottle out. Buy another one. Yeah, that'd be fucking... Okay. That'd be wild. So you got excited that I was doing something dangerous? I was like, ooh, take the helmet off. Cool. Go for it, Tommy. I think that way, though. Isn't that crazy? I think morbid thoughts. Did you ever think like...
When you were a kid and you were like, I have a test today. I hope there's like a bomb threat or something so I can get out of it. In a weird way, you'd be like, I hope something really tragic happens so that I don't have to deal with it. Oh, yeah, sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would think that all the time. Have you watched Ripley yet on Netflix? No. Oh, I, no. I had so much hesitation because I was like, oh, the movie's great. It's a great movie. Incredible. Yeah, yeah. The Talented Mr. Ripley.
And so you're like, they made a series? Like, why did you make the series? And you watch the series, and it's great. Really? The setting, the writing, the actors. And then, like, it's really, there's this thing about, because you watch Breaking Bad, right? Oh, never seen it. You've never seen Breaking Bad? I hear it's good. It's really good. You're not interested? The guy from Malcolm in the Middle? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not into it. No.
There's this thing in some of the Breaking Bad episodes where an episode will start and there's no dialogue for like five minutes as a story plays out. But the story is playing out in what you would probably call just pure movie making in that you're seeing it come together just in pictures, right? The car drives up, parks at the side of the road.
plant something in the desert. Guy gets in the car, car drives away. Another car comes, sees what was planted. You're watching something play out just in pictures without anybody talking or telling you. And by not having the distraction of dialogue and showing you all these things, it kind of really engages you as a viewer, right? Because you're seeing the story take place. You're not being told the story.
the tension builds more. And in Ripley, there's so much of that where you just see him do all these. I don't want to give away, but you see him do things and long shots of like without tons of edits. And it's so masterfully done. It's like, I mean, it's like top tier filmmaking. Really? Yeah. It's, it's fantastically done. I think for anybody. Okay. So I can't watch a movie where like, uh,
say they bring in a nanny and the nanny's evil and she does bad stuff to the family yeah i can't and like she's like uh i can't watch any of those movies like there was a movie there's a movie called uh called the guest have you seen the guest the guest i don't know if i have seen the guest type in the guest it's it's uh it's yeah that's it that's it so i started watching the guest and it's about this guy who he goes to this house i'm i'm butchering it he goes to this house and he's
there because he served in the military with their son who passed.
and he ingratiates himself in the family. And you can tell there's something evil going on. I am the person that has to stop it. I can't watch it. I just go to Wikipedia, and I read what happened, and I go, okay, I'm done. Really? I can't watch it. Because it bothers you. It makes me uncomfortable to see him conniving. Like, if there's conniving in a plot at all, like someone's... I get out. Well, you'll get so much anxiety on Ripley. For real? Yeah. I mean, did you see the movie? No, I never saw the movie. It was about...
Matt Damon and Philip Seymour Hoffman, right? Well, those are two of the actors in it, yeah. Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow. Who's Ripley? It's Matt Damon. Matt Damon. So he assumes someone's identity, correct? Yeah, he's a... Immediately I'm out. Oh. I'm uncomfortable. There was a guy we went to college with who was a liar. Yeah, I mean, Ripley's a con man. There was a guy we went to school with in freshman year who...
was a liar. He told you about his life. I knew a freshman like that too, by the way. I think there's a lot of kids that go, I'm going to be fucking awesome here. Especially when you go to college, your first step away from where you're from. Yeah. And he, and I love this guy. He was so interesting. He spoke Portuguese. He was, was going to play soccer at, at the, at,
Pepperdine, but he chose to go to Florida State and all these crazy wild stories. Like there was an earthquake that summer in LA and he got really emotional. And then his people would talk to him. His story started to disintegrate. And my buddy, my buddy, Jeff figured it out first. And he was like, he's lying about all this shit. And I stayed friends with him and I let him lie to me.
Just liked it. I liked the lie. Yeah, and then I remember one time we ran into someone at who spoke Portuguese and I was like Oh, he spoke speaks Portuguese and he couldn't speak Portuguese and I got him out of it. Oh you did I was like no no no no yeah It's probably a bunch of different dialects come on the sleeve like I didn't want to call him on his lies cuz it made me uncomfortable and even at the very end at the very end he
tried to apologize to me, and I just was like, I just don't ever want to see you again. Like, I don't, just let you be in my head what you were. I don't even want to know. Start Ripley. Start watching it. For real? Yeah. I can't stand the, like, the con man people. That fucking makes me so uncomfortable. It's very well done. It's really well done. I think you should try it. Really? Yeah. It's really, really well done.
That would be, I wonder how fucking exhilarating it is to like. And you're going to be like, you're going to be filled with different emotions. Okay. Newbert's going to watch that. Okay. Newbert's going to watch that and be uncomfortable. Do it. Good. And be uncomfortable. All right. We got to wrap it up. I'm starving.
We can go eat. Let's eat something. Okay, we'll eat. And thank you guys for watching. Thank you for listening. It's not too late to sign up for the 5K. Meet us out in Pasadena. Have a great fucking day. You can make it. You can run it. If you're in the surrounding areas, take the day off. Have some cold drinks outside in the Rose Bowl with me, Tom. Music, food, drinks. It's going to be a fucking blast. It's not too late. Just get out there. Everyone can walk three miles. Trust me. All right. We'll see you then.
Tom and Bert. One goes to the top of the swamp, the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave.