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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people with their money, with their work, with their reason for getting up in the morning, and with their relationships.

If you want to be on the show, give us a buzz at 888-825-5225. We've got an opinion on just about anything that's going on in your life, and our promise is we'll sit here with you, walk with you, and we'll figure out what's the next right step. I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend Rachel Cruz, and we're taking your calls. Again, 888-825-5225 on this special Valentine's Day episode. I know, the manufactured day of love. I know.

Oh, gosh. I actually like it. You don't like it? You like Valentine's Day? Yeah. Oh, wow. I would have thought you would have been like a skeptic, like a, eh, love is...

All year round. I like love. I do too, but not when it's like a holiday. Here we go. All right. Really? Are y'all like doing something? You and Sheila going out tonight? Dude, I got into my car today and there was like a gift in the driver's side of my car. Oh my gosh. The Delonis love Valentine's Day. No, we love each other. What about your house, Rachel? We went out to dinner last night. That's yesterday. Let's go to Emily in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Hi-o. What's up, Emily? Hi there. I'm good. How you doing? We're figuring it out. Hey, real quick before the call. Are you thumbs up or thumbs down on Valentine's Day? I think thumbs up. Yeah. You know why? Because you're a person with a heart. That sounds cool, Rachel. Yeah, I am. It's like the Hallmark. This is how Hallmark makes their money. Okay, Emily, we're here for you. All right, what's up, Emily? How can we help?

Well, my husband and I got married about a year ago. I've been single for 23 years. My goals were to have a house paid off debt free. I achieved that goal, had money in the bank. I discussed before we got married, his financial situations. Everything was brought out. He basically had a house. He didn't have a house at that point, but he had a car payment.

and he paid that off and so that was about seven hundred dollars and then he said he had was helping his um daughter with her student loans she's 36. his son is 33. after we were married

I found out a few months later that he was in debt to his two adult children, $86,000. Oh, gosh. And then after the marriage, we got – so that didn't go very well with me. And then I found out that he had racked up about $40,000 in credit card bills because part of the wedding, we just bought a new home.

He makes very good money. And then when I heard about the $40,000, that just blew me away. He didn't tell you about that when you were going through the $86,000? No. What a coward. And he didn't tell me that he was racking up these credit cards. We went on honeymoon. He lost his job two weeks before our wedding.

that was fine. He did put $200,000 on a house that we did purchase. In that time, we've had to move. We just sold the house, but I had paid cash. I had sold my house

Prior to this other host. So how can we help you? There's a lot going on here. I know. Give me some direction here. How can we help? Okay. I want to know is right now the credit card bills he paid off by turning in his stocks. So now that is a zero balance. How do you know? You know what? I don't know. You don't know. You have a man that you share a home with that you can't trust as far as you can see.

And he's so full of crap, his eyes are brown and he is just running through life, dragging you behind him. Right. Well, he makes, so he did the budget and after we went over the budget, we had about $900 left to live on and that's without paying our credit card bills. He makes $170,000 a year. How do you know that?

um, through his paychecks. I did look into that. I said, I need your pay pay stubs. I want to see what's coming in. I want you to pull credit reports on everybody in the house tonight. Well, well we did because we just purchased a house and his are in the 800, 800. So now that we, so we, so the thing is the one, his daughter who is 36, uh,

I guess we owe about $36,000 in debt to her bills. They are in her name. He's a cosigner. His son... And what was he using that $36,000 for, Emily, when he borrowed from that one daughter? Like, what was that for? Just lifestyle? Nope, nope. It was for her student loans.

They're for her student loans. Oh, okay, okay, okay. And then his son, I found out we owe $55,000 on, $55,000. Student loans. Student loans. And he's 33. And both were communicated to the adult children that he would pay for them. Evidently. Okay. Yes. And he says that's true too. The adult children say that and he said that.

Well, I'm not talking to the adult kids right now because I'm furious. Okay. Yeah. And the girl, she's a nanny and claiming that she doesn't make enough money to pay anything. Emily, Emily, Emily, Emily, your rage is misguided and it's not helping. No, I know. It's not helping. Yeah. You're not addressing the core issue, which is you married a man and right out of the gate, he lied to you to the tune of over $100,000. Yeah.

Correct. On multiple occasions. That's where this conversation has to begin. Right. And I don't want to look at it like that, but it's true.

And so you're running around mad at everybody, enraged. How much are you working? What are you doing? All of that is misplaced. All of that is your body trying to cope with the fact that you are connected to somebody that you don't trust. Have you sat down and said, hey, you lied to me. We have to rebuild this whole relationship over.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Absolutely. I told him that. And on top of this, let me tell you one more thing. He is a game collector, board games, and he probably has close to a million dollars in board games. Well, cool. He could pay this crap off then. That's awesome. Right. Well, when I asked him, so let me ask you this, I said,

He doesn't want to get his kids to pay for their schooling or take on responsibility for it, or he's still paying for his son's $89 phone bill, even to this day. And I said, how about if I get divorced and I get the best lawyer and I take half of your retirement, which he has about $800,000 in, and half of your games? Well, Emily, but now you're getting in the mud with a pig. I know. Don't do that. I know.

Be a person of dignity and respect. Stay above it. If you have decided, you know what? I can't be married to a man child like this. But until they make your choice. But right now you're just jumping in your cannonball into the mud with them. Yeah. And I would keep saying yes. And if you want to fight for the marriage at this point, though, financially, I would I would stay away. I would have a separation. I think that's a very healthy boundary to have at this point. And you guys need to go to marriage therapy. And all of this has to be resolved because to John's point,

The trust is completely broken, not just from the money side, but in other aspects as well. And so until that, until you feel confident that you guys are working as a team, then you can move forward financially together. But I'm so sorry, Emily. You need to give him a roadmap of what he can do to earn trust back. Sell games, have hard conversations with his kids, give him a path back. You need that and he needs that. This is The Ramsey Show.

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Welcome back. This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225 for this very special Valentine's Day episode. Yeah, and speaking of love, John.

The event that we put on that we both loved. Speaking of love. That we love so much. The Money and Marriage Getaway, you guys. It is back. We're so excited. So this fall, October 24th through the 26th, John and I will be spending a whole weekend with you guys here in Nashville focused on your marriage, focused on your money. It's a two and a half day. It's two and a half days full of details.

teaching you when it comes to communication intimacy and money and there's gonna be lots of q a we get to answer questions from you guys that was a great part of the event i feel like we had a conversation the entire weekend with you all um and we want you to walk away with tools that you need to build that deeper connection when it comes to your marriage when it comes to your money and so our platinum tickets are already sold out but there are a few vip tickets left and

which includes a meet and greet with us. And we just want to make sure you guys can get those before they're gone. So tickets start at $799 at ramseysolutions.com slash events. And it's still a bargain for a, 800 bucks is a lot, but two and a half days for a marriage retreat that we've not got one. That's rare. We've not got one.

one couple that's written back and said, we wish we hadn't done that. Oh, yeah. It's the opposite. You could just hand out cash in the back of a room and someone's going to be like, I can't believe that you... And not one person. Totally. It's been so remarkable. Yeah. So very, very cool. It was a great weekend. All right. So during Money in Marriage, we do lots of direct Q&A. So people leave feeling like, hey, we got our question answered or here's the thing we're struggling with or how do you all handle these things in your own homes? And it was a pretty...

intimate weekend because we had our spouses out there. We kind of opened the cupboard doors of our own relationships. So here's some questions that didn't get answered that they pulled together for us. Here's one. Let's see here. Pick a number between one and eight. Oh gosh, this is so scary. Let's go six. I grew up with very little

And now I have more money than my family ever had growing up. Controlling it has become an obsession. How can I disconnect from the childhood fear of not having money and focus more on being intentional with it? That's a great question. Yeah, that is a good question.

Yeah. So I would say this fear drives a lot of people. We I found this was in research for my book, Know Yourself, Know Your Money, how much the childhood idea that if money was a stressful point and whether that was verbally or emotionally, how many people I mean, they swing the pendulum so far the other way of like not wanting to be that like they're so adamant about it.

and so what i think you have to do is like you you you have to almost practice and live out these money habits day in and day out to remind yourself that you're okay that you're okay and it's almost like you can tell your head that but if your actions and your body don't follow it's um you're not living in that fullness right and so uh i would honestly you know you've probably created a budget because you're obsessed with controlling your money which is great

But I would force myself to spend some and to say, I'm okay letting this money go because as tightly as people hold on to money, sometimes it's hard just to open your hand, right? And spend it and let it go. But I think as you start to live that out and then you practice spending, you'll see I'm okay. I'm okay because you're spending on a plan. You're being reasonable about it.

But until you can actually go through those motions and that becomes part of your rhythm, you're not going to know it because you can know in your head all day. But until you actually live it out, you're not going to teach your body that you're OK. Yes. There's a there's a kind of a behind closed doors quote in counseling, which is the thing that kept you safe as a kid is what ruins your relationships as an adult. Right. If you learn to hide as a kid, it kept you safe from maybe an alcoholic parent.

And that makes it really hard to develop intimacy if every time something gets scary in your house or you get into a fight with your spouse, you hide. So very similar, if you develop this sense of control to get you out of a thing, it's that gazelle intensity. Cool. That's the thing that kept you safe. And probably this person worked really hard, has gone to college, has got a great job, has done all these things so that I would not be like them anymore.

And then they got there and they realized, oh, that tension's still there. Yes. Right? And so, okay, the thing that got you here, cool. You're safe now. Now you got to, like you said, practice something new. My friend Michael Easter here with Comfort Crisis, he has a line that I love and he calls it gear, not stuff.

And so him and I have had some personal conversations and he's written on this about, you know, the anxiety of clutter and too much stuff everywhere and just going to buy stuff to buy stuff. Right. Right. And so he categorizes stuff and gear. Like I need this backpack that's really great. And here's why. That's different than I'm just going to go to the mall and spend some money.

So maybe you make yourself a gear list. That's good, yeah. Like, I do need a pair of pants. There's like utility to the thing you're buying. They need to be nice because I don't want to buy another pair for five years. Then I'm going to buy a nice pair of pants. That's different than let's just go shopping, right? Yes, yes, yes. So maybe make a gear list that you're going to slowly get over the next year. And also I think generosity helps with this too. Like practice opening your hands and letting some money go. Intentionally, that's awesome.

All right, let's go out to Christian in Martinsburg, West Virginia. What's up, Christian? Hey, guys. I'm doing well. How about y'all? Outstanding, brother. What's up?

Yeah, so I've got a question for the two of you here. My wife and I purchased a vehicle in 2021 with a loan at a 3.99 interest rate. And we've been making monthly payments all on time of $275 a month. So we've currently got about $7,072 remaining on the loan. And timeline wise, it's looking like we'll be paying it all off in about 26 months. Sorry, sorry, Christian, $72,000 left.

No, ma'am. $7,072. Okay, okay. I'm sorry. No, you're good. What kind of car did you buy? I was like, what kind of car did you buy?

No, just a Toyota Highlander for my wife and the kids. Hey, that's about $70,000 these days. I know. That's not a cheap car. Well, I work in insurance, so I see those numbers, unfortunately, more and more these days. But part of the reason for my call here is I'm considering...

Just a Ramsey debt reduction strategy, and I've been looking at our finances. We have about $5,900 in a Robinhood account and about $10,000 in savings, and we're still really trying to build up the emergency fund up. So should we sell the stocks in the Robinhood account and take some from savings to immediately pay off the loan?

even if it means lowering our emergency fund, or is the monthly car payment low enough where it makes more sense to leave the money in the stock market and have more in the emergency fund? No, I would cash out the Robin Hood account, that $5,900. So yeah, I would throw $6,000 at this, take a little bit from savings. And that's the only debt you guys have, right? Yeah.

We do have a mortgage, but it's the only other debt that we have. So yeah, so that's what I would do personally. And then your savings will be down to around $9,000 or maybe $8,000 after taxes, if you have taxes in that account. But yeah.

Yeah, that's what I would do. And then take that savings account that you have that'll have around $8,000 and then build on that to your three to six months of expenses. So it's the Ramsey Baby Step. So you'd be at Baby Step 3 at that point. So that's what I would do. And that gets you guys, yeah, in a great position. Are you guys, do you have investments beyond this account? Do you have retirement, 401k or a Roth IRA? Yes, ma'am. We have a Roth IRA account.

that we're contributing to. And then I'm big on trying to help the kids out long-term with college. So we've also been making contributions to a smart 529 account. Good, good. Yeah, that's amazing. So great. So I would just keep all of that up. I mean, you guys are right there. But yeah, I would pay the, I would cash out and pay off that car immediately. Internalize that. You're going to be debt-free in about 45 minutes.

I mean, the idea sounds great. You know, having nothing but the home to work at. Listen, what a Valentine's Day gift when you slide across the table a zero balance on this car note for your wife. How much is the car payment a month? $275. Okay, okay. So it's not huge. Yeah, but you just got what's three times 12?

$36. Yeah, you got a $3,600 a year raise just now. Yeah, that makes sense. A little bit less than that. $3,500 a year raise just by clicking a few buttons on your computer. And if your boss said, hey, you do this and this and this, I'm going to give you a $3,500 raise, you'd be like, all right. Well, here you go. Merry Christmas, man. Happy Valentine's Day. Thank you guys so much. Great job. Happy Valentine's Day to you guys, too.

888-825-5225. This is The Ramsey Show. Call us with your relationship challenges. I especially want you to call if you have your spouse with you and you're wondering, is it their fault or is it mine? Rachel and I will solve it for you.

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Welcome back to The Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz. We're taking your calls on money, life, and especially on your dating and marriage relationships on this special Valentine's Day episode. Let's go out to Marissa in Columbus, Ohio. Hey, Marissa, what's up?

Hi guys. How are you? We're partying. What are you up to? Enjoying my day off. It's beautiful here today. Congratulations. That's, that must be nice. Rachel's my boss and we don't get those very often. What's up? We work. Well, hopefully you do get a couple of days off. You guys work hard too. But, um, my question is, so my husband and I were a little background. We're 32. Um,

We live obviously outside Columbus. We just bought our forever home. Like we had bought a starter house probably five years ago, fix it up, sold it in June, bought our forever house, moved in. So unfortunately we have a 6.9% or whatever interest rate. Our other house, we had a 15 year, like two and a half percent. So quite a shock adjustment, but in the long run worth it. So I guess we have no debt.

For context, my husband works in IT. He makes about $150,000. I'm a nurse, so I make about $80,000. And then we have a 10-month-old daughter. So we're just trying to figure out the best way to pay off this mortgage as quickly as possible while also enjoying ourselves a little bit. We live very well below our means, but just...

you know like that we have a financial advisor and talking with them about saving for our daughter's future and weddings and college and if we have more kids it's just like making our head spin um originally we had talked about you know of course once rates lower again you know maybe high fours low fives refinancing but then even that it's like you know we would still pay what we're paying now but like at the new lower rate to pay it off quicker but it's still going to take you

you know, 15 or plus years to pay it off. So I guess we're just trying to figure out the best way. How much is left on the mortgage?

Um, we have about 400, 400 left. Okay. Um, yeah, so I have about 50 in savings. My husband has about 75. Um, and then, you know, we have retirement accounts and stuff. And then, um, with our financial advisor through other like IRAs and stuff like that, we have about 30. Okay. Um, so yeah, it's just like, you know, we had talked about maybe if we do refinance, like just, uh,

putting whatever I make towards the mortgage and living off what my husband makes. But even then it would still, you know, take quite a bit of time. It wouldn't be like a quick couple of year process. Hey Rachel, before you walk through the numbers, can I ask Marissa, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Is this house worth it? A hundred percent. Yeah. Oh yeah. Cause you're like, you're doing a lot of, of financial gymnastics. Like you're spending a ton of energy. What about this? What about this? What about that? What if we did this?

And so I think it's just important to go stop for a second and say, is this still what we want to do? Like, we love this house. It's our quote unquote forever house, which by the way, no such thing as that. But like, this is a house that we love, but man, it has taken all the fun out of our life. Right. You're still all in on it. Yeah. You said you live far below your means. So how much margin do you guys have a month? Would you say that you put into savings?

Um, so I put about a thousand and then an additional 500 a month goes to like our financial advisor. My husband puts 500 a month and then. And this is like non-retirement, correct? Correct. Yeah. Just to whatever, like we've got various investments. Okay. Um, and then my husband's probably saved an additional 1500 on his end. Okay. Okay. So I'd say here, a couple of things, um,

Yeah. Number one, I keep hearing you say like my husband's money, my husband has this, I have that. I would challenge you guys to combine everything because you guys are working towards the same goal, but you're still on two separate roads financially. But if you put everything in one pot, you know, instead of saying, well, I have 50,000 and he has 75,000, like no together, this is what we have. Like there's, there's a, there's something about that unification that happened.

When you are unified That helps this plan go faster So what we found Marissa is that you are Trying to do a couple of things and well intentions Things so I would kind of Put some structure around them okay so I Would at this point you guys have A well over a fully funded emergency Fund I would say 50 grand is Plenty for you guys for an emergency fund You could probably even lower some of that

If you wanted, but I would look at that extra 75,000 and just have the conversation. Hey, is this something we would just want to put a chunk of that towards the house? I mean, you're gonna knock off almost 100 grand towards the principal in the house if you do that, like that's an option. And then from there, let's invest 15% of our income into retirement, nothing more, nothing less.

Let's put a little bit away for college. I would not worry about weddings and all of that. You're adding in a lot with a 10-month-old. So I know it's so easy to dream, but that's muddying up, kind of what John was saying. It just feels like you're trying to do all these things. It's kind of muddying the waters. So just look at what you really need to do. And so we'll put some money away every year for college, and you can kind of run those numbers and just decide per household what feels right to you. And then anything above that...

I would throw towards the house and throw towards the principle of your mortgage doing that. And then, I mean, Marissa, we find that people that follow this plan, they pay their house off in seven years. So it's not a two-year process. On average, it's about seven years. And so as you guys map it out, I mean, you make $230,000 and you have a $400,000 mortgage. So I'm like, golly, in four years, if you guys just lived on $130,000. Or three years. Yeah, you could pay it off. Can I tell you one hard thing, Marissa? Right.

Yeah. It sounds like you lean a lot on your financial advisor. If you get with the wrong financial advisor, you need to remember that they can be very self-serving and they will talk you into taking huge chunks of your money. You want to get a financial advisor that works for you, not the other way around.

And they'll look at you, the wrong ones will call you. Yeah, the old financial advisor we had definitely kind of, when we were younger, like took advantage of us. We were newly married. That's right. And kind of sold us on the whole life versus term life. That's right. And we ended up doing both. Yeah. And then, you know, we had paid $10,000 in, but only, you know, we're out, you know, we were out $5,000 or $6,000. Right. So we ended up switching to a friend. Good. Well, so... Yeah.

Follow Rachel's policy. Now, and I want you to know we don't have a financial stake in your success here. We're rooting you on. This is what we would do in our own house. Put 15% away and put the rest towards your house. And your financial advisor may be like, oh, you're so stupid. You're missing out. But 15% aside, you're going to be fine. You're so far ahead of the game with the people we talk to right now. And you owe what on your house? $400,000?

Yeah, we have 400. We just moved in in June. Okay, imagine this. Imagine this. What if you sat down and had a conversation with your husband and you put 15 from that pile that you call yours and you put 75 from him and by the end of this weekend, your mortgage is down to 310 already. Right. Right.

Yeah, we've talked about that because, like I said, we obviously both have our own accounts and then a joint account. So we were just talking about that last night. Like, what if we just put so much amount from our nest egg in? But then, you know, it's just like there's almost too much good advice because then his parents are like, well, you guys should just wait to refinance. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, they're wrong. Listen, here's what I want to be your guide. Solve for freedom.

What's the best interest rate? What's the best move that might happen in three months or six months? Hey, by the way, I'm looking to buy a house and everybody's waiting for these interest rates to drop. And they didn't the other day. Then everybody freaked out. And then the inflation report came out. Dude, everybody's just throwing darts with a blindfold on.

I want you guys to change your metric. Solve for freedom. What's the fastest path to our family not owing anybody anything? Forget the interest rates. Let's be free. And let's give that kid, your new kid, yeah, a wedding's going to be awesome to save up for. College will be awesome. Let's give their nervous system 18 years of parents who don't owe anybody anything. That's peace.

Then that kid can rappel off and go do some amazing things that our culture desperately needs young people to get involved with, right? Let's solve for freedom, not for everybody else's advice. This is The Ramsey Show.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey good folks, the back-to-school madness is upon us. It's hitting us right now. We got travel and work and all these forms to fill out now and sports to travel to and on and on. My family's schedule is so packed and we haven't even begun talking about things like exercise and date nights and counseling and church and home projects. And those are the things that make our life even worth living.

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Call my friends at BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash DELONI today for 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash DELONI. Welcome back. 888-825-5225. This is the Ramsey Show. Let's go out to Kimberly in Seattle, Washington. Hey, Kimberly, what's up? Hey, are you still there? We're here. How's it going? How can we help?

Good. Well, not good, but maybe you can help me out with some suggestions. My husband just like about a week ago went to the hospital and was diagnosed with basically his liver is shot. It's beyond repair.

Uh, they gave him maybe a year, year and a half to live. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Yeah. And he struggled with alcohol, you know, addiction off and on over the years. And he, you know, he said, I knew that this was probably going to happen, but you know, when you're addicted, you're addicted and it's hard to stop something. So anyway, our situation right now is, um, he, uh,

He's working or trying to work because he doesn't feel well. And I've been doing the best I can to do Ramsey stuff without him not being on board, which means not very much. Anyway, I have questions here as to what we should do because this freight train is moving. Okay.

moving forward. Do you guys have kids, Kimberly? We own our own house. We have adult kids who are doing really well. Okay. Off on their own. They're amazing. How old are you guys? I just turned 60. He's a few years younger than me, three years younger than me. Okay. Anyway, and in fact, I just worked, I had a hospital bill. I worked, took a

grinding job to pay that the balance off because of insufficient you know insurance and just got it done so here we are with another hurdle um so i'm looking at we do own our own house but um because i haven't been had access you know i haven't had access to the funding i wanted to do to keep up on it it needs exterior repairs that are fairly expensive

as in roof gutters, some siding, and then paint after that. It's an amazing house. It's in really good condition, but that would have to be done if we were to possibly sell and downsize, if that would be one of the options we should consider. I don't know. We have a lot of stuff sitting around that my other half cannot get rid of anything ever.

So getting those options for getting those things sold and how to approach him on that, we'd have to have somebody come and remove things. Kimberly, let me hop in here. Yes, please.

You've gone directly and you've in quite honestly if you've been if you've been married to somebody who's struggling with alcohol for a long time you have been Responding to crisis after crisis and thing after thing forever, right? Amen and then so The way you said this I want to challenge you on it. Well now we got another hurdle. This is not just another hurdle No, it's big. This is the stop. Right? Yes, and so you have been working with somebody and

for a long time everything in this conversation has changed now and the conversation changed to changes to now we have a an hourglass we have a clock that's ticking and the doctors clicked it on for us and so we're not talking about how you feel if you really like this collection of bottle caps you've been keeping for like that that ship is over that ship has sailed out to harbor

We are now creating a life that I'm going to have to inhabit because you're going to be gone. Yeah. And that looks like making sure I got a home with four walls on it and I can pay bills.

Mm hmm. Right. And some of it you're going to I remember sitting with somebody that I care about deeply and I was helping them in their house was full of stuff and I was trying to help them throw that throw it away. This is several years ago. And I just finally stopped and looked at him and said, I need you to hear me say this. When you die, I'm going to throw all of this away. I can do it now or I can do it when you're gone.

And there was a long, long pause. And they said, you're going to have to do it when I'm gone. And I said, okay, I'm moving on with my day. I'm not going to spend another second here. I've already made that choice, but I'm not going to fight that in this moment. See what I'm saying? So I want you to... Right, because he was not even used to that idea yet. It hadn't even been introduced, right? Right. So here's what we're doing. We're reverse engineering this thing for the four walls. I hate to live like this, but this is the clock you've been given. I want to go 18 months and start working backwards. Okay.

What does life look like? And you don't have to do a roof and siding and gutter. You don't have to do all that at the same time. We're going to price each one of those things out. These things that we have to do so we can keep our house. These things that we have to do so we have transportation. You're going to have to have a job if you don't have any retirement. Yeah. What's the financial status, Kimberly? You said you own your home outright. So there's no mortgage or anything on it, correct? Yeah. Well...

Um, I was, you know, in the earlier days I was working to, you know, pay a little extra here and there because I'm the, you know, I'm the one that doesn't want to be in horrendous debt, a debt of any kind actually. And, um, he used to work a very, uh, a very good job. And part of it was, um, an investment account, um, that was like a retirement, right? And, um,

And he got to a point where he wanted to start his own business. He'd always wanted to do this because his family had done it and they had done it poorly and they fought and they divorced, but it still is a dream of his. So did he cash out the investments?

So over time, yes, he cashed out almost everything. So what's left? He threw into a business without knowing how to run a business. Yeah. Yeah. I hear you. Kimberly, you're going to have to set that aside because you got an emergency in front of you. So what debt? I know. No, no, you're fine. You're fine. What debt do you guys have? Any at all? Any consumer debt, credit cards, car loan? No. Okay. We have no debt. No debt. And how much money are you? Property taxes and things like that. Okay. Are you working, Kimberly? Do you work?

I was in order to pay off my hospital debt. Okay. Yeah. Horrendously huge. And I finally got that paid off. But it was very hard. It was just a hard job. Okay. How much? Very hard physically. Okay. Okay. So not in a great position to work. Okay. What was he making a year? No. What's he making now? Yes. To keep you guys...

Crap I should know this No it's fine 30,000 70,000 Yeah 30 something 30 something Okay And that's And that's Okay so And any investments Sorry I know you said He cashed out his To start the business Do you have any retirement No he cashed them all out Okay so there's no investments No retirement And does he Does he have life insurance No

Nope. Nope. Okay. Okay. So what I want you to do, Kimberly, is the silver lining from a financial standpoint, all of this is you guys have no debt. I mean, you don't even have a mortgage. So it's

So that in and of itself is like, that's a relief. So what John was saying, the four walls, I want you to go and do a budget, Kimberly, and I want you to stay on the line and we're going to give you Financial Peace University and Every Dollar Premium because I want you to start budgeting and I want you to know to the penny. Now I do have Every Dollar already. Oh, you do? Okay. So to know what you... Thank God for that. That has been like

Saving my emotional I'm so glad because I think if you have Those numbers in front of you Of the things you have to do you have to keep the lights on The cell phone bill Your insurance Food gas in the car You have all of that and that's what you're going to have to Look at Kimberly and say okay I have to At least make this

Right. When the time comes, I have to I have to at least make this. And then I would not encourage you to sell the house or even to put in a ton of repairs right now. I think you're fine. What I would do is I don't want to. Yeah. And I and I wouldn't unless your roof is linking or something. But like for now and then, Kimberly, when the time comes, I want you to grieve. I want you to go through that process and don't make a big financial decision.

until about six months to a year. And if in two years, three years, you decide to sell the home and downgrade, take some of the equity, you can do that. But don't feel like you have to make these big decisions today. Today, I just want your four walls covered between now and 18 months. I'm so sorry, though. I'm so sorry. That's the first hour in the books. We'll be right back on The Ramsey Show. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people with their money, with their work,

And with their relationships. This is a special Valentine's Day episode. I'm John Deloney joined by my good friend Rachel Cruz. And we're taking your calls on just about anything. But especially if you've got a question about your marriage, about somebody you're dating. If you have a question about who's right.

We'd love to take that one. You or them. Rachel and I will solve it for you. 888-825-5225. It's 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Los Angeles, California and talk to Madison. Hey, Madison, what's up?

Hi, my husband and I recently got married. We are debt free and about to finish saving our six month emergency fund. One of our goals is to own a home one day and we want to start investing, but we don't really know where to start. We want to be good stewards of what the Lord has blessed us with. What advice would you have for us? Should we even have the goal of owning a home right now? You want to buy a home in Los Angeles?

We live about an hour outside of Los Angeles. That's cool. So not right in the city. So if you start saving now, you'll be ready in like 2068 probably? You know, give or take a month or two. Madison, how long have you guys been married? We've been married for three months. Okay, congratulations. Y'all are awesome. Congratulations. How old are you guys? I'm 19 and my husband's 23. Okay, so great. And debt-free...

Fully funded emergency fund is right around the corner. How much are you guys making a year? Combined, we make $98,000 a year. $98,000. Okay. Awesome. And you're just renting right now? Yes. Okay. So good.

Yeah. I mean, I think owning a home is a great next step. I mean, John was joking that it's going to, yeah, not really joking, but kind of joking. It's more like 2050. I know. I know. Have you just priced out for the fun of it some houses around your area that you guys are like, oh, that would be a great spot to, you know, a great area or type of house? Like, do you have any idea on price ranges?

Yes, we've been looking a little bit. I don't know if we have like a price range right now, but I guess we were more wondering like investments or because we don't currently have any investments, you know, should we invest and save for a house at the same time? How should we do that? I don't know what practically does that look like? Yeah. Well, I mean...

Number one, you guys are young. So I want you to take a little bit of this pressure off of any of this, right? You have time to do both. You have time to save for a house and time for investing. So just, yeah, I want you to just know, okay, we are way ahead of the game. So any of this path that you're going to take, you guys are going to be fine as long as you're consistent with it. So what I would probably do, Madison, is I would open up some retirement accounts. If you guys, do you guys have 401k options at work? Does your employers match at all?

Yes, my husband does. Okay. And how much does his employer match up to? Oh, I'm not sure. Okay. So I would find that out. And then together, yeah, and this is after you're about to fund your six-month emergency fund. So we'll just pretend like that's done. And then moving forward, yeah, I would invest 15% of your income into retirement because you're not super serious about buying a house right this second.

If you guys had a house in mind and you were like, we have somewhat of a down payment. We want to save more. We have a goal in 12 months. We want to put this down. If it's very specific like that, then I would say you're totally fine holding off on investing. But it's just the idea of a house right now. So if you're kind of just in that spot, I would go ahead and start funding some retirement for the calendar year. I would both of you guys open up Roth IRAs and I would go ahead and fund 15% of your income into retirement and go ahead and just start that process.

And then here in the next, I don't know, year, two years, I mean, again, it's not a rush to go in and buy a house. Renting is okay, especially since you guys are newly married. Putting any level of that on you, it's a lot. So...

Yeah, I would kind of look around and just kind of see where you guys want to be and maybe have it a goal by maybe next summer we're going to start really saving for a down payment towards a house. I mean, I would give yourself about a year. And again, be looking at prices, be looking at places around. But I would go ahead and make it a goal for this calendar year to fund retirement.

And then come 2025, if you want to back off of that 15% a little bit in order to put more down for a down payment, I would put no less than 5% down on a 15-year fixed rate with your payment being no more than 25% of your take-home pay. It's kind of our formula that we go by.

Sure. So run those numbers. And then in 2025, if you guys really start seeing, okay, that's the kind of house we want. This feels reasonable. We can save up and, you know, do a 10%, 5%, 15% down payment.

take some extra money. And if you have to lower that 15% a little bit during that time, that's okay. But I wouldn't worry about a house this year. I don't know. For me, it's easier to see life in calendar year sometimes. So like just for you guys, you've been married three months, enjoy this year, fund some retirements. And then in 2025, I would start looking and just say, okay, you know, I mean, that's where you guys are in the process, but don't feel like you have to rush into anything.

Perfect. Does that help? Yep, absolutely. Congratulations, Madison. You're way, way ahead of the game. That's fantastic. Let's go out to Naples, Florida and talk to Sandy. What's up, Sandy?

Hi John, hi Rachel, how are you today? So good, what's up? Well, I have a head versus heart situation. I actually have two, but my main situation is I could be debt free, but in a way I don't want to give up what I'd have to give up to be that way.

So I live in Naples, Florida. It's beautiful. It's warm all year round relative to the Cleveland area where I came from. And I moved here on a job transfer. I've since left that company. But unfortunately, I was laid off in November of last year. Small severance, which has ended.

I'm now living off of my savings. I've done okay. I'm single, 61, and I imagine I'm going to stay single. I don't see that changing. But I bought my condo in 2017 for $169,000, and I owe $122,000 on it at a rate of 2.89. The only other debt I have is a car at 0% for

for 60 months. I owe 10,000 and I have that 10,000 tucked in away in a savings earning four and a quarter. So my condo today is worth about 305,000. I could sell it myself. I have the knowledge and ability to do that. I could probably walk away with about 160,000

And I would go back home to go back home to my Cleveland area. I could pay cash for a very modest home or condo there. Where do you want to be? You want to be in Naples? I want to be where it's warm. Yeah. How much do you have in retirement? So I have in savings. And again, that includes my $10,000 for the car. I have about $34,000. I have $71,000 in two brokerage accounts.

And I have $387,000 in my 401k. Okay. And you imagine you'll be getting another job.

Yeah, I don't want to do that. That's the other. Sandy, you got to get a job. Yeah, you got to get a job. Yeah, you got to get this paid off. I mean, you could even throw the 71 at it. Pay off the car today. Pay off the car today. And then, you know, you're going to have to go back for a little bit. Your retirement's great, your account there. But I would work to pay off that condo. But stay where you want to stay. Yeah, don't sell your condo. Get out of debt. Solve for freedom.

This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. Hey, listen, if you are concerned about the economy and you just see your neighbor pulling into your nice middle-class neighborhood in a car that you, like, how are you affording that?

Why would you do, why? And you just wish people around you had the wisdom of this show. For no money, you don't have to send any money. All you have to do is like or subscribe the show. It puts the show up in the algorithms and it kicks it into the feeds of your neighbors, into their podcast feeds, into their YouTube feeds. It just sends the show everywhere. And the more people who subscribe and like, and I know it's a pain in the butt and I know sometimes you have to log in.

it's worth it for everybody. It puts the show in front of more people. And so for everybody,

It just doesn't cost anything to help out your neighbor. And share the podcast, though, too. I mean, I get my crime podcasts that I listen to from friends, even here at the office. And we'll send each other podcasts that we love. So if you love it. Or if there's an episode you think, ooh, my mom needs to hear this, send it to her. Or a buddy that, ah, this marriage sounds like yours. Send it to them. Be careful. And make sure to tell them that. Be careful with that. But yeah, that's right. Hey, let's go out to Honolulu and talk to the MAX. What's up, Max?

Hey, how are you doing? Thank you for taking my call. You bet. How's Hawaii, Max? It's nice. It's nice. You're not Max Holloway, are you? One of my heroes? No. All right. What's up? I was calling because something happened where my brother kind of holds a lot of anger towards me because he got fired from his job and I had to take it over.

And I'm getting ready to move out now and I'm worried it's going to cause like more family disconnect. So I'm just trying to get some help, like navigating the situation. Is it a family business? It's like, it's like a financial and family thing. I mean, or the business. No, it's, it's somebody we know that he worked for. What is it? What kind of job, what kind of business is it? It's a, it's a pool cleaning job. I take home like about like 50 years. So it's pretty good. 50 a year. And why, why did he get fired?

He had gone on a trip for an extended leave and I was covering it for him. And the boss at the end of it decided to fire him and offered me the job. Oh, man. So you did a better job? I don't know. It was just like he didn't like break a rule. You just out clean the pools. And the boss was like, I kind of want you instead. Yeah.

There were some issues with him, and that was a part of it. I wasn't sure if my brother would even be let back after anyways. Okay. So what is his beef with you, that you weren't ride or die? Like, yeah, forget these guys. Is that the beef? I think what happened was he's just feeling like he lost out on a good opportunity. He did. He wasn't a good worker. He wants somebody to blame for it, and it's me. He wants to blame me for it instead of himself.

All right. And I'm okay with that. The main issue is the money from the job helps financially support my family. It comes from like a single mom household. And I'm 19. I'm trying to move out and be on my own, which would mean that I wouldn't have the same amount of money for my mom anymore. And I'm worried that's going to create even more of a family disconnect. So I don't really know what to do. What's your mom do? She's a cleaner. She works like two jobs cleaning. Okay. How much does she make?

I'm not sure exactly. I think I went over it with her one time. Okay, how much difference does she need? Like how much are you covering the bills in the house? I'm contributing about, it was about $1,500 that I was paying off some debt on the water bill and then now it's like to about $1,300. I pay some of rent, I buy all of our food and I cover the water. Does she have other struggles, Max?

No, I mean, I think... Like with addiction or with mental health challenges? No, I don't... Sorry, what was that? I'm asking, does she have... Not with addiction or mental health. Okay, so... She just... Yeah. Why have you become the caretaker of your mom?

I think it's really expensive here, and it's hard to afford to live out here if you aren't making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. Exactly. The main thing is that my mom, I think she'd be fine on her own, but I have two younger sisters, and that's where I feel weird leaving. I feel like I'm abandoning them. How old are they? They're 11. They turned 11 yesterday.

Is it at a point where you need to sit down with your mom and have a hard conversation about the financial realities? So I have about six months ago and I've been keeping up. I told her six months ago, I plan on moving out in March. Okay. Um, and she hasn't really done any much action towards like figuring out another situation. So I don't know, like if I should just stay and keep helping so that we can stay, they can stay in their house.

Or if I should just go on and, you know, put my oxygen mask on before there's, you know. Well, I just feel like, Max, that, I mean, you've put yourself in a caretaker's role at 19. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's heroic, right, in one sense. I mean, you've really stepped up and helped your mom. But this will be your whole life unless something else changes. Yeah.

And I feel like that's unfair to you in your life, in your future family, to feel like you have to be the one to carry this burden. And I understand, obviously, why that is. But long term, I just don't think it's fair for you to play this role. Yeah, I think I've come to a similar conclusion. I just feel like I'm like... Sure. Yeah. What do you do? Does your mom, like, lose the house with your two little sisters, right? Yeah.

Yeah, and then it's like, where do they go? We have family here, and I'm sure they could move in with my grandparents or something. But hold on, hold on. Your mom also plays an integral part of this. If you told me, hey, my mom really struggles with addiction, and my mom struggles with some mental or emotional health disorders, then I would tell you, like, man, life handed you a mess.

And it's just, it might be a season, right? It may be that you're going to stay at home for a few years and see these, these young girls until they get older. Right. That's not the case. Your mom's making some choices on a daily basis as to where she's going to work and how much money she's going to make and what she's going to ask of her 19 year old son. And so you're making decisions for an adult and that's not your job.

Your job is, unfortunately, you've been cast in the role to make sure your 11-year-old little sisters have food and water, which is never your job, but here we are, right? And so, man, you're a man of noble character. But I want you to hear what Rachel's saying. Five years from now, what would be better?

For you to have started pool cleaning and also gone to get a couple of community college classes on the side, and five years from now you've got an associate's degree, and now you've got four employees of your own, and you're making $200,000, or you're still making $50,000. This guy had to lay you off because business got slow, and now you're making $35,000, and you're in the same bedroom in the same house, except you're 24 years old.

Like if you think on a longer time horizon, what's the best thing you can do for your family? It might be to go spread your wings and fly. I think so too. I think I just needed some like, I didn't feel like I was crazy or anything. No, you're not crazy. You're going to feel guilty. Because it sounds unkind. Yeah, it sounds unkind. You're going to feel guilty. Yeah, like it sounds like, oh my gosh, I'm abandoning my family. Yeah.

But what I want to relieve you of is that was never supposed to be your role. And like John said, if there was like a dire situation of something, that's another conversation. But yeah, I mean, like it's a grown-up problem that your mom, who has two daughters at home, should be the one calling the show and saying, I can't pay my bills. What can I do? And looking at her budget and all of that. And I think you can help guide that, Max, but you can't even change the way she handles money either. Because...

You don't have that ability. We don't have the ability to change people. Here's where I think you can get some peace in this transaction. Okay. Number one, you're going to feel guilty. Just know that's coming. Okay. You may have heard me say this on the show. Choose guilt over resentment every time. If you just stay there and wither, you're going to resent your mom and that's not fair to her. So choose guilt. The second thing is come up with a number.

and sit down and tell your mom for six months I'm going to send $1,000 home. I'm going to send $750 home and make sure that everybody's clear on when this money is coming and give her a ramp. You'll sleep a little better at night, I think, and it's going to be not just a cutoff, but it will be a peaceful departure. I'm sorry, my brother. Let us know if we can help. Thank you.

This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. Our question of the day is brought to you by Neighborly, your hub for home services. Nothing can ruin your Valentine's Day faster than a plumbing emergency. Honey, I flushed and it didn't go down.

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Go to neighborly.com slash Ramsey to find a locally owned Mr. Rooter Plumbing. If and when it goes sideways. Today's question comes from Ella in Minnesota. Ella, Ella, Ella Umbrella. What's up? My boyfriend of 12 years listens to you all the time. We have three daughters together, but he doesn't want to get married as he doesn't want us to pay for a wedding or risk paying alimony if we ever split up.

He thinks this is in line with the baby steps theory. What do you think? I don't think we've ever said that. This is the greatest question ever. I like that she blames it on the baby steps. And that the baby steps are just a theory. He thinks that. I think Dave just, his head exploded in the other country where he is right now. I think he just, like, he was like, I got a bad headache because somebody called the baby steps a theory. I love it.

Ella, you need to... We all are basically married. You're playing married. 12 years together. Kids together. Your boyfriend is a child and you all need to have a hard conversation because this ends, unfortunately, this ends in a pretty gnarly way. He is married to you. He lives with you. You all have three kids. You all have created humans together.

and he's holding on to this. Nah, nah, dude, nah, we're just dating. Just dating, dude, because I don't want to pay. By the way, he would pay alimony. There's a thing called common law marriage, and I don't know what the rules are in Minnesota, but he's going to pay. You can't just have three kids and be like, nah, bro, I'm out. Nah, dude, nah, I found somebody else at the bowling alley or wherever this dude hangs out. So, yeah, I don't think this has anything to do with the baby steps. I think this has to do with a man who is playing some kind of weird game

vocabulary gymnastics in his mind and pretending he's not married but he really is yep

Yeah. It just, it feels like a level of immaturity to me because I'm like, okay, pay for a wedding. You don't really even have to do a wedding. Let's just be honest. Like you're right. Go to the JP. Like you're fine. It's more the alimony or whatever it is. But to John's point, yeah. You're going to pay. Yeah. And no, in the baby steps, we would tell you like get married for multiple reasons, but get married. And so there's not a particular marriage baby step in the baby steps theory, but yeah,

Yeah, we would recommend that you get married before you start having kids and buy a house together. Because as this man did wisely point out, it makes things real complicated financially if you don't have a plan. And there's not business protections on the back end. Yep, that's right. Oh boy, Ella Umbrella.

You need to sit down and say we're getting married or else. Let's go out to Detroit Rock City and talk to Andrew. What's up, Andrew? How we doing? Hey, guys. Thanks for taking my call today. You got it, man. Thanks for calling. What's up?

Um, so I guess long story short, um, my wife was diagnosed with cancer back in July. Oh man. Because of that happening, I started going through mental health stuff on my own. Basically had kind of what is a manic episode and maxed out all my credit cards, not really caring what happened. And now I am stuck with regret and $15,000 in credit card debt. What kind of cancer, man?

It was ovarian cancer. So due to that, we're not able to have natural kids anymore. So we're looking at adoption and me being 15,000 in debt doesn't help with paying for adoption. Yeah. But let's do this all in order. You're as a family, y'all got hit in the mouth, right? Yep. How old are you guys?

We're both 25. I'm about to be 26. And did you go in for, hey, we want to start a family and y'all had a big exciting time and y'all planned it out and then you started trying to have a family and then she went to the OBGYN and found this out? Is that how that happened? Exactly. That's exactly how it happened. Okay. So you have to stop right there for a minute and just grieve this. Everything in your life is different now. The debt, we'll get to the debt, but we have to own this part. Now, did she have surgery and she's clear? Yeah.

Uh, yeah. So we just found out a couple of weeks ago, the PET scan came back good. Yes. So now she's just got to keep up with scans. Yep. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. I'm thankful for that. And so, um, you may have had with someone who classifies a manic episode or whatever, however you want to diagnose it. Here's what I want to give you. And I want to give you another picture to that. Okay. What if your body's just working perfectly? What if it just went on the, it just went into hyperdrive for a minute and you did some dumb things.

And now the smoke is clearing and we're back. Yep. Right? Yeah. So let's don't carry regret moving forward. Let's just pay this stupid 15K off and move on. You see what I'm saying? And I'm minimizing it on purpose. You did something dumb. Yeah, you did. Okay, cool. Let's solve this problem and move on.

This problem doesn't define you. That moment of cancer doesn't define your wife or your family. Y'all had these dreams of biological kids. It's not going to happen. So, cool, we're going to go down the adoption route. See what I'm saying? Like, we're just going to look at the next thing in front of us. I'm not going to carry old cinder blocks with me. I'm just not going to do it, man. Life's too heavy moving forward to carry old crap with us. Yep. How does that sound? Does that sound cheesy and lame, or are you hearing what I'm saying? No, I'm getting it. I'm hearing what you're saying. That's awesome. Yeah, because there's a level of...

what John's saying that, yeah, what, what you've done in the past, it doesn't have to define you, Andrew. And the thing is, in one instance, I'm like, you know, there is light because it's not like, oh gosh, I've struggled with overspending for the last three years. And now I've realized I have to face it. It came at a point of crisis and a point of pain. And that's how you chose to cope. And,

to keep yourself alive in that situation right I mean like yeah your body said numb numb numb and you're like all right yeah I just did it this way right and yeah and it wasn't you know the best thing ever no but you may not have had the tools to do otherwise so this is where we're at and so I think kind of just setting all that down and saying okay how do we move forward now um how much how much do you guys make Andrew a year

Well, she wasn't working throughout the whole thing. So I was bringing in about $45,000 a year. Okay. She's getting ready to go back to work and she brings in around $60,000. Okay, great. What do you do for a living? I'm a mechanic. Okay, awesome. And what other debt do you guys have?

We own a house. I think that's like 160. Okay. And then she's got some student loans from nursing school. How much are those? I want to say around 90,000. Okay. I'm not positive though. Okay. Yeah. Well, I want you guys to get on the same page on how much you guys owe total. And was there anything with the credit cards that you bought that you're like, hey, I can just turn around and sell a bunch of this stuff? Or return it?

Um, yeah, we kind of went down this route. I've already basically sold everything that I could. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I think when I began paying some of them off, but okay. Um, so yeah. And how many cards total? Was it three, four? I think it was like, I think it was four or five or five. Okay. All the payments are.

Just like piling up. Yep. Okay. So what I would do, Andrew, is I would split all of those up into four to five payments. Like whatever each card is, look at that and line them up smallest to largest and then throw her student loan debt in there too. And this is your family's snowball. Debt snowball. This is what we're going to pay off and have it all together. And then you guys sit down together and

You know, and Andrew, I think that there is something, I don't know if this is healthy or unhealthy, so John can correct me. But if I'm your wife and, you know, we, and, and just walk through all of that, you're grieving the fact that you're not going to be a mom. Now there's a little bit of that financial burden that's there of the 15,000 extra in debt. If I were in her shoes and you came to the table with a plan and said, okay, here's, here's a sample budget. We're going to do this together. But like, I just ran some quick numbers and,

we could save this per month we could be out of debt next amount and i and i'm gonna work extra i'm gonna put in an extra three nights two nights saturday per month that's gonna bring in this much more so we can get out of debt this much faster like there's something about the proactiveness andrew in you to run some numbers look at it and come to her with a plan not a finished plan but this is what we're going to do you're not going to tell her this is what we're going to do but you're going to say here's

Here's an idea of kind of where we're at. I want your feedback. But seeing the proactiveness from you, I think she will give her a level of safety that you want out as bad as you're saying with a plan. Hang on the line. We're going to send you every dollar app for a year on us, the premium version. And we're going to hook you up with FPU.

This is the Ramsey Show. Welcome back. 888-825-5225. It's 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Fresno, California and talk to Jason. Hey, Jason, what's up, man?

Hey, I just basically just looking to see if you guys think that I'm in a position to be able to buy a new car or a new-to-me car. I know that's not usually a good thing to be doing, but I just feel like I'm kind of in a position in my life where I can do that, and I'm wondering if you guys think so too. Or I guess, you know, how much is enough when you're wealth building? At some point, do you go get something that you enjoy? Because, you know, life's short. I just...

Yeah. No, I think it's great. And we love cars around here. I feel like people think we just like hate cars and tell people sell cars all the time, which we do because usually people can't afford them. But we have a good car. So we're not mad at cars. So what's your what's your situation? Do you have any debt?

I do. I have about $140,000 worth of debt on a rental property. But it does cash flow, but it is cash flow positive every month. And the interest rate is so low on it that I bought it luckily in 2020 when interest rates were super low. And I just feel like I've had some advisors in my life that have said this. Oh, I'm sure. Totally. How much do you make a year? Right around 400 grand a year. Nice. Jason, what do you do?

So this is going to be a weird one, but I actually race cars for a living. And that's another question that I had because it's such a high risk occupation. If it's not a good idea because of that as well, because any moment I could get hurt or something crazy could happen with that.

Um, yeah, I mean, I, I know there's like a Netflix documentary about like Formula One racing. I don't know much about racing. Um, okay. So can I just like ask, I'm just curious, is it like sponsorship deals that you get? Are you, are you, do you win races and there's cash prizes? Like how are you making 400 doing this? Correct. Yeah. Your second, your second guess there is exactly how it works. Okay. Okay. Very cool. That's awesome. How old are you? Yeah.

I'm 27. 27. Okay. That's great, Jason. Do you have a primary residence that's paid off? I do, yeah. I do. Yeah. So you have no other debt other than this one rental property? Yeah. I have another rental property that's paid off as well. Okay. Good for you. Yeah. I mean, I would make it a goal to pay this rental off as soon as possible. I mean, I think having...

Just paid off properties, you know, to your name is amazing. So I would work to to pay this off. I mean, I'm OK if you keep it just because of your income is so great. So what kind of car are you looking at?

Or what price range? I want to get a... The price range is probably like right around 50 grand, which I've got some money saved up. Like I wouldn't have to... I wouldn't necessarily have to finance or anything like that. I do yearly contribute to a 401k and that's gotten built up fairly decent now. So I feel like I'm in a good place, but I'm always so nervous because I feel like my income could fluctuate depending on...

circumstances of like i said before and on top of that it's like i just never know like it wins enough enough i drive a you know basically the car i bought after i you know graduated from high school i think it was a rental car i bought it for 15 grand and i paid cash for that but i just you're awesome jason yeah how much how much money do you have just saved maybe just in a high yield savings or something

Yeah, so I did it in a high-yield savings, and that's probably the reason why I'm debating on doing this or not, because I don't want to take it out of there necessarily. But like I said, life's short. I've seen friends of mine crash in accidents and not be here anymore. But I've probably got right around $185,000 saved up. I think you can buy this car, Jason. Here's our rule of thumb. Our rule of thumb is if you have a net worth of $1 million.

And you're about there. Well, and that's a brand new car. Is this a brand new car, the 50,000? I mean, so if I bought a brand new, it'd probably be about 50 to 60 grand. I could probably get a used one for 45K, 40K, but I want something that's newly used. Like I wouldn't want like a demo vehicle or something like that. I'm just, I'm not interested. Like if I buy this vehicle, it's not going to be one that I'm going to go get another one in two years. Like I'm going to keep it until the wheels fall off or at least until it's really...

really old um so i just feel like if i want to i want to go get something that i want and so i'm gonna get it no i hear you jason go get a car go get a car and pay your pay your rental house off yeah live on live on 200 and pay it off this year here's here's your greatest hedge against something coming and by the way you bring up a great point brother and i just want to hit this you make four hundred thousand dollars a year racing cars

And people are going to look at you and you think this like, man, I'm in a job that anything can happen to any day and I'm out of a job. That's true. And there are people who go to $400,000 a year jobs at their hospital or at their law firm and they think I'm in a secure job. They're not. And we know this because we talk to them all the time.

where the hospital lays them off or they have to go on furlough or the law firm downsizes or whatever's going on. And so I think there's this illusion, Jason, that everybody, there's some jobs that are super stable and some that just are kind of fly by night.

everybody needs to look at their risk portfolio and say, hey, am I just hanging out in the wind? And if you don't owe anybody any money and then you can't race anymore, awesome. You'll have two paid off rental houses plus your property plus a nice $50,000 car that you can drive for the next 10 years. Bro, you're set up. You could go work at a grocery store for the rest of your life and you'd be all right.

Yeah. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, that's true. I just always get nervous. I watch my parents grow up and struggle at times, and I just never want to be. I'm only 27. I'm probably going to get engaged pretty soon, and I'm always in this constant battle in my head of,

Do I go spend money and go get a car or do I have, you know, do I keep building wealth to the point where, you know, I never have to worry about money and my kids are going to be okay forever. And I'm just, yeah. What I would say, yeah. And what I would say to you, Jason, is you can do both of those things. Right. You can do both. You don't have to pick one.

and I think understanding that giving needs to be a part of your plan too. You need to be saving, which you're really great at, and you need to enjoy some of this, right? You're working hard for it and risking your life literally driving this car. So be, you know, those three things have to be part of your plan. I want you to be giving some. I'm

I want you to, the saving is there and go and spend and enjoy. And I think that this is one of those things that you have to build into your rhythm to know that you're going to be okay. You can spend some money and you're going to be okay. And the amount of savings with the rentals and yeah, and what you have in your income, your retirement,

Retirement, all of it. Yeah. Dude, just so you know from where we're sitting, the fact that you make 400 grand a year and you have a paid for house and you've come up with a number of about $50,000, that tells me that you're being super, super wise because that's just a small percentage of your income and you got cash that you've been saving up and saving up and saving up. And...

Most of the time on this show, we have people who call in and they make $28,500 and they have a $50,000 truck. Right? Yeah. And so that's not you. You're a wise kid. The only thing I would tell you is I know you got a killer interest rate. It's amazing. And everybody around you is like, bro, you should invest the gap and then you can take home 7%. You're the one that goes to bed at night knowing, hey, this could all go away tomorrow and I still have a house note over there. Yeah, yeah, right. So just get rid of the house note.

Yeah. Okay. Solve for peace. You've been solving to survive for a long time because you watched how your parents live. You've done that. You've solved to survive. Now let's start solving for freedom. Let's solve for peace. I'm not going to owe nobody anything because I'm freaking Jason. I'm a race car driver. Right? Like it just sounds cooler, right?

Yeah, I appreciate that. I'm proud of you, brother. That's so good, man. That's awesome. Congratulations. Well done. Yeah, thank you very much. I appreciate the advice, too. And that was going to be my next question about the rental property. And yeah, it makes total sense. If I'm you, I pay that off today and I go buy a car this weekend.

Yeah, those are your two goals. And then you can just drive around town in your new car looking around and wondering how many other people who are 27 at the stoplight next to you have three paid for houses. And I'm going to tell you, very, very few of them. Very few of them, man.

Wow. So great. It's amazing. I know. That is so, so impressive. Yeah. And even with the rental conversation, always remember people, it's a part-time job. It's a great investment when you get to that point of Baby Step 7 to diversify and have some other things you're investing in. Investing in real estate is a great one, but just do it with cash and do it slowly. But Jason's in a great position to be able to completely pay it off. That's another hour in the books right here on The Ramsey Show. Stay tuned. We'll be back soon.

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people with their money. We help people build wealth, do work they love, and create incredible relationships.

I'm John Deloney joined by my friend Rachel Cruz on a special Valentine's Day edition of the Ramsey Show. We're taking your calls on money, life, work, marriage, all of it. 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. And real quick, before we go to the phones, join us in Nashville for our brand new Total Money Makeover weekend on May 10th and 11th. It's an entire...

Awesome weekend. There's millions of you out there who've been listening for a while and you're still sitting on the sidelines. No more sitting around. Some of y'all found us on YouTube and you've just been binging the show. It's time to come experience this whole thing live. It's time to take action.

action. In just one weekend, you're going to get a crash course on everything we teach about money. You'll hear all brand new stuff from Ramsey personalities on budgeting, beating debt, investing, and more. No matter what baby step you're on, this event will light a fire under your butt.

to keep progress on making your goals. There's a fire under your butt. That's such a Dave line. There's going to be a lot of fire under your butt. I think Dave wrote that copy. There's going to be live Q&As all throughout the weekend, so bring your questions. And there's something different about our events. They're actually fun. We have a blast. You'll have a blast.

Early bird tickets are just $99, but they're only for a limited time. If you want to get the best deal on tickets, this will be it. And the Ramsey Events Center only holds 2,400 people, and people will come from all over the planet. So there's limited seats, so you don't want to wait to get your tickets. Get your tickets now at ramsesolutions.com slash events. Light a fire under your butt. I think you made that up. I didn't even see it. No, it's in there. Look at this.

No matter what baby step you're on, this event will light a fire under your butt. Fantastic. My booty. I need some Preparation 8. Let's go out to San Antonio, Texas and talk to Keith. Hey, Keith, what's up? Hey, good afternoon to you, too. I'm calling because I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to get my wife actually gazelle intense and not ish.

Okay. How have you tried? Is she there, Keith, by chance? No, not really. Oh, man. I was like, this would be a fun convo. I want to hear her opinions on you, Keith. No, I'm just kidding. Well, a little bit of what's going on is right now I'm in between going from my primary job to my side hustle. And

I've pretty much let her do everything financially as far as paying the bills and everything else. I rake in as much money as I can. Hey, Keith. Hey, Keith. Hey, Keith. Do me a favor. Talk directly into your phone, brother. I thought I would. I am. All right. There you go. It was just all mumbled. Yeah. All right. So she's been doing all the money stuff?

Yeah, she's been handling the paying the bills and everything. And I do commend her. She does keep up with everything. I mean, we are not late on anything. And, you know, things are getting paid, no problem. Where I'm having a hard time is I'm putting in minimum 60 hours a week between my main job and the side hustle. And she just has her one job and that's it.

And between the two of us, our net take-home pay is $100 to $110 a year. And $78 of that is just from me. And it's just real hard when... Does she take care of the house? Yeah, and that's why I'm also having a hard time is...

Have you guys sat down and done a budget together, Keith, and said, hey, here's how much we make as a household every month, and here is what we're going to agree on of like, hey, yep, we both feel good about this, that this is where the money's going. Have you all done that? Well, for the longest time, we've had a budget. We've got a crazy detailed Excel spreadsheet we've done. But that's not the problem here. The problem here is that you don't think she's pulling as much weight as you, and you're starting to resent her.

Why? Well, it's not so much that she's not pulling as much weight. It's that she's not fully committed to getting the debt gotten rid of. That's why I was asking, though, Keith, if you guys sat down together and said, OK, here is exactly where our money's going and we're going to agree this much money extra is going to pay off debt. We have in the past, but then

things slap us in the face known as life and and uh we fall off of our baby steps and and then next thing you know we're just back into the normal uh people life okay but in that answer you said we so that sounds like both of you but on the other time you're telling me it's her that keeps doing this well no no no

For like, I don't know, the last six months I've been trying is where I'm at right now. Okay. And I don't think she's gotten out of the last funk we had. Okay. Yet. How much debt do you have, man? Without our mortgage, it's about $73,000. Okay. And what is it? What's all the debt? The biggest two are...

How much are all those? Oh my gosh, what'd y'all get? What'd you buy?

There are credit cards that we've had for a while, and it's whether it be her van needing a new engine, my truck needing an engine rebuild, or rear end replaced. Okay. Okay. So I'm going to just call a little bit of a flag here, and I think it's both of your issues, Keith. I mean, you may be putting in more hours, and I think... I'm not going to...

I'm not going to argue that at all.

And when you come together... I literally just cut mine up. Okay. Yeah. I thought I had some charges on there, and I called the bank and said, cancel the card, kill the account. Yeah, then y'all need to have a sweet, romantic Valentine's night tonight where you both sit down and lay it out. And honestly, and tell her where you're at. Like, tell her not just this is what I want to do, but it's like, man, I'm so tired.

I'm so tired. I feel like I'm working so much and I don't feel progress. Not a blame on her, but of the habits you guys have created together as a family. And it's this point of how are you feeling about that, right? I mean, where's the fear in it? Where's the, you're scared? I mean, like you guys talk about where you're at in life because this isn't working. She knows it's not working. And you guys get into these ruts at different times and suddenly you're out of the rut. She's still in it.

But it goes back and forth is what it seems like. And it's kind of like, hey, let's paint a picture for our future and what we want together. That needs to be the conversation tonight, Keith. Welcome back. And guess what? Money and Marriage Getaway is back this fall, October 24th through 26th. Me and Rachel are going to be hosting. We're running it back.

The Money Marriage weekend that was such a hit. We are running it back and we are super excited. Platinum tickets are gone. They created some VIP tickets. They had to move some tables around because those were gone too, but they've added a few more. And ramsaysolutions.com slash events. One of the key parts of the Money Marriage event. And by the way, a couple of couples showed up and they were engaged. They're about to be married.

And then there were also a number of couples who were new empty nesters. There's a couple of couples who'd been married for decades and everybody in between. So if you're like, ah, we're too old or we're too young or we're about to get married or we're really struggling, there was a couple of couples that found out

some really gnarly things about their marriage on the way to the event and almost turned around and went home. So it's for everybody, everybody, wherever you are, whatever stage you're in. But a cornerstone is the Q and A is people coming and saying, okay, what about our family? And it's cool to watch all these couples lift each other up and to be like, Ooh, yeah, that is crazy.

And Rachel and I talk about our personal families, but we get a bunch of questions. We didn't answer all of them last year. And so we've got a few that are left here. So Rachel, I'm going to pose one of the questions that an attendee asked last year that we didn't answer live. All right, here we go. My husband and I share bank accounts and Amazon accounts. Do you have any tricks or tips to buy gifts for your spouse and keep it a surprise?

Yes. How do you trick Winston? People are always like, we need separate accounts because we got to buy gifts. I'm like, oh my gosh. Okay, so first, very easy. If there is a celebration coming up, a birthday, Christmas, you know you're going to be buying each other gifts. So go get a Visa gift card. Mm-hmm.

And go buy the gift with a V. They won't know where it's from, but they know you're going to be spending money. So that's one way. And then if you wanted an absolute complete surprise, which Winston did on our anniversary this year, he actually had a friend buy it and then paid him back. You know, it was like, yeah, here's the money. And I'll just Venmo you the day.

you know, I give her the gift. So multiple times over my marriage, my friend Todd and my friend John has bought a thing that I sent them and shipped to their house. Totally. And they hold it for me. Yep. That's right. That's right. Yep. I did that for my mom for a concert tickets to surprise him. Yeah. And my mom got them. And then my wife and I do a crazy thing. Um, and it's, it, here's how it goes. My wife will say, Hey, it's your birthday.

I just ordered something. Don't look. And I'll go, okay. Just because I know we're crazy, but we're adults. But she'll say like, hey, there's a package coming. Don't open it. And I'll go, okay. And then we... Yes, yes, yes. We've done that too. I know. So...

It's pretty easy to solve. How do we do it? I hear people be like, we don't want same accounts because if we want to surprise each other. And I'm like, oh my gosh. America. To live a full life together. America. Let's go out to Salt Lake City to the Utes and talk to brother Ryan. Hey, Ryan, what's up? What's up, Ryan? Hey, how are you? Are you okay? Are you cool, man?

That's my one-year-old baby. Sounds like you have a fire lit under your butt. What's up, man? Speaking of, yes. Oh, my gosh. So great. She chose right. She heard you guys. My question is for my family's happiness, and we can get into that, what is the math that would make sense to justify us moving to California? Yeah.

You're going to California. I know. Everyone's coming. I was like, that's what I'm living this way. You're like a steelhead. You're like a salmon swimming upstream, buddy. Okay, so what's the situation? Is it family? What is it that's in California? I mean, our love story. I met my wife there. We moved to Utah. I got a job. We bought a house when it was cheap. Wait, sorry, what? Go ahead. Go ahead.

Okay. And we bought it for real cheap and then now it's worth a lot. So can we move back? Is I guess the question because we have a ton of equity in the house and we spent four years there during grad school together and it was the happiest time of our life. And my wife said, please not on my grave. I do not want to move back to Utah. It's not the right place for us.

And, you know, we moved back here after grad school because we thought it'd be smart financially. And we've been dying to get out since. But everyone's telling us, don't do it. Don't go to California. You've got such a low mortgage payment on your house. Here's the thing. Other people don't get a vote. We don't feel happier. Other people don't get a vote, number one. Number two, there is a, it's like a counseling 101 principle that says,

Wherever you go, wherever you end up, you go with you. And so if your marriage is unhappy in Salt Lake City, it's going to be unhappy in Los Angeles. It's not the marriage, actually. I'm really fortunate to say that we are still madly in love 11 years later, five kids later. Then, yeah, my wife and I needed to move from where we were.

And we picked a couple of places across the country and I applied for jobs and Nashville was at the very top of our list list and it's been, it's transformed our lives. So yeah, I mean, geography plays a big role. Um, but my wife and I moved with a bunch of problems in our marriage and those didn't go away. We had to, we still had to sit down and overhaul the thing. Yeah. So how much did you say your house was, how much you could sell your house for in Salt Lake equity wise? What would you walk away with?

We think equity-wise we'd walk away at about $700K. Okay. And how much do you guys make a year? It's just me. $156K base and $10K to $15K bonus. Does that job go with you to Los Angeles?

Yes, it would. And we've been looking actually in three different counties and actually not Los Angeles County. Okay. Yeah. And have you guys, yeah, I mean, you've priced it out and I would kind of just get an idea, a standard of living of, hey, this is how much, if you can, you know, groceries, but I kind of just do a rough budget because here's what I don't want Ryan to happen is you move from Salt Lake to a more expensive area. And I'm not just talking California. This could be anywhere, right? You put yourself in a more expensive area and

And you get down the road a year and you guys have no margin in your budget. And you're just like, oh, my gosh, that money stress starts to wither on this romanticized dream of what we always wanted. And reality sets in. Now, you guys may be in a great. I mean, I would I would run the numbers. And if you guys feel comfortable in seven hundred thousand dollars is a great number.

That's great equity to be moving somewhere. That's at least 5% down on an Orange County home. Yeah, right. I'm just playing. But for real though, Ryan, I want you guys to be grownups in that sense to actually run the numbers and say, yeah, we will be comfortable and we will...

We'll thrive, right? And that's great. And that's great. But I do kind of piggyback on what John said that we can build something up sometimes in our minds and the way it plays out.

isn't always, you know, what we had hoped and dreamed that this thing would give us, right? So just remember that. But also I think that on the other side of the coin, sometimes moves are needed. And if you guys are not happy in Salt Lake, you know, yeah, find somewhere else in another city that you guys want to be. Yeah, I mean, we, you know, a little context, we grew up Mormon and now we're just Christian and we're like second-class citizens here. You know, and we're used to the sun, right?

And so we're stuck inside with our five kids, five months. Maybe it's time to go. I would also remember this. Sometimes loved ones, when we say, hey, we're going to leave, they give us advice and wisdom to stay and they find a bunch of reasons to stay. Here's what they're really saying. I love you and I'm really going to miss you. And I think it's important to acknowledge that and internalize that. I had a buddy that just kept saying like, man, if you move to Tennessee, this and this and this. And finally, he was just like, bro, I just don't want you to go.

And so I love the sentiment. I love that he loved me that much. And the best thing for me and my family was to go. And the sun is other places too. But it doesn't give you a pass on math. And so to hear you say, no, we've got 700 grand. We're thinking this through. Man, I say go for it. I say absolutely go for it, brother. Good on you. This is The Ramsey Show.

Welcome back. This is the Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz, taking your calls on money, work, life, relationships, your marriage, all of it. 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Green Bay, Wisconsin and talk to the J.I.M. What's up, Jim? Hey, guys. Can you hear me fine? Doing great, brother. What's up?

Hey, before we start, nice to meet you guys. Your show has been a friend to me over the years, and thank you. Well, you're a friend to us, man. We're grateful for you. All righty. Do you want the question first or kind of the situation that leads up to it? You are driving this truck, brother. You just go however you want to. All righty. Well, I'll just start with the back story here then. So ever since I started earning money,

the culture I grew up in, the kids give all their money to the parents till you're 21. Um, so I've been in that system earning money for the family and the farm. My dad was a severe alcoholic. I had to ask him to leave when I was 19 and three of my sisters younger than me were still at home. So I provided for them. They work too. You know, we all kind of pulled the money and paid the payments and all of that. Um,

And I stayed, I got married through that time. All the sisters, they married and moved out. And I'm the last one home with my mother. How old are you? Right now I'm 36. Okay. So I've been married for, this is my 10th year, to a wonderful woman. I got six kids. I've been supposed to have been getting the property, but there was just kind of a loose agreement. I'm ashamed to say I just never pushed it like to get a contract or something.

Um, so we had been paying the mortgage for the first four years of marriage and helping out with some other odds and ends. And my mother needed a new house. So during this time, about five years ago, I co-signed a mortgage. We got a small loan and I built a house that she could afford, but it still needs work done because we went as far as we could with the money and she moved in. And then I, uh,

hit a breaking point there. Um, just couldn't keep up with all the work. Well, through all this time, I was also helping my dad sober off multiple times and all of that, but I hit a breaking point. And I told my mom that I can, you know, I did all the labor for free and I donated a lot of material. I told her I can either donate time or, or I can pay you fair rent one or the other. I can't keep doing what I'm doing.

And I asked for a contract just for rent because every time I tried to push for an agreement, I know as far as future, you know, buying the property, I keep getting put off. So it's like, you know, fine. I need some kind of contract, something for my family here and no contract. She just demands that I pay a certain amount. Jim, it's time to go. Okay. It's time to go. You have six kids and they're watching their dad drown. It's time. Thank you, sir.

Um, if it, your, your mother is trying to play both sides of the fence here and I get the cultural aspect up and through 21. And I also get that you were put into a father role because your father was struggling mightily and you took care of your little sisters. You took care of your mom. You're a noble man and you've continued to do that. But right now as a 36 year old man with six kids and a wife of a decade going on decade number two, um,

Your mom is playing both sides of the fence. She wants to play mom when it's convenient and works out for her, which is, hey, son, will you come do a bunch of stuff for your sweet old mom? And you're a good son. You say yes. And then when it conveniences her, she wants to play landlord, which is give me my freaking money, man. And that toggle back and forth is killing you. And it's time to not do business with her. Just have her be your mom. And if she doesn't want to be your mom unless she's controlling your business, then

Then that's a choice that she makes. Yeah. But you're going to lose your mom over bad business and it's time to preserve your relationship with your mother and walk away, get your own place. Yes, sir. Okay. And you're going to look back and go, look at all the equity I lost. Look at all the time. Don't do any of that crap.

All that kept you afloat to today. We're just going to say, that was a rough season, man. And here we are. And at 36 years old, you're almost starting from scratch. You're going to build a legacy and you're going to change your family tree. And your kids, all six of them, are never going to experience what you went through, right? Hell no. There you go. This is what changing your family tree looks like right here. It's time to move out. Well, thank you, sir. I really appreciate it. Does that give you peace?

It helps. Yes, sir. It helps a lot because I needed an outsider's opinion because the only people that I've, you know, asked are connected to the situation and they. Yeah. It's too muddied. Yeah, it's a mess. They want me to stay there so that they don't have to deal with the situation. That's right. And I think it's time to take your brothers and sisters and say, I am handing this baton to you. I've done it for 36 years. It's time for you all to step in.

And by the way, your dad, you can love him. It's not your job to sober him up. In fact, you can't sober him up. Only he can, you can walk with him. You can love him, but don't give him any money. I agree with you there, but I'm, I was trying that for a period, but he got tired to the last time that I did it. And he moved somewhere where I can't pester him. Okay. All right. I've let, let him go. I've let that part go. But the,

The other part of this is he's still legally married to my mother. Cool. Then he can deal with his legal obligations. Yeah, it says, Jim, for you guys, what does it realistically look like? Because the home you're living in was your mom's old home. Is that right? Was I following that correctly? No, I built my own house. I pay taxes on it and everything, and I still have to pay rent for it. Because your mom is on the mortgage. Right.

Or the house you built for your mom is the one she's living in? No, no. I built a little shed that I live in. Okay. And then I built her a new house that she's living in. And the old house is junk. Okay. It's rotten. Where do your six kids live? Oh, they live with me and my wife. We're in our little shack. We're comfortable. We don't need a whole lot. Jim, what do you do for a living, brother?

I'm a construction worker, and I was growing the farm business at home. So I'm not a construction worker. I have my own construction business. How much do you make a year? What's that? How much do you make a year? Well, the last two years, my take-home pay that I paid myself as a business was $32,000, but I've made some big changes, and I'm expecting that to double in the next couple years at the least. Good for you. Good for you. Hey, Jim, I want it to triple. Okay.

Well, you work too hard and you're too good at what you do and you care too much. Those are three great traits for a leader. Well, thank you, sir. Okay. But you're going to have to scratch and claw, but I don't want y'all living in a shack. I want you to get your family a home. Yes, sir. That's, that's my plan. That's, that's you guys. You're confirming what was in my mind. I just, I wanted, I wanted to, like I said, see that here, that outsider's perspective,

Just make sure I'm not... You're not crazy. What? You're not crazy. You may be around some crazies, but you're not the crazy one. Jim... That's the feedback I've been getting. I want to give you step one of your healing adventure, okay? Yep. It's Valentine's Day today. Yes, sir. I want you to take your wife out. Just y'all two. No kids. I want you to figure that out.

No kids. She doesn't get the babysitter. You do. And it may be you're one of your older siblings, or one of your older kids. But listen, I want you to take her out. I want you to look at her across the table in a restaurant and say, for the last decade, you have watched me put everybody else first. That ends now. From this point forward, you're my wife, and I put you first. And we're going to make this thing right. You're a good man, dude. It's time to focus that energy on your wife and your six kids and give them a home. We'll be right back.

This is the Ramsey Show. Today's scripture of the day is Ecclesiastes 4, 9 through 10. Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls down and has no one to help them up. Catherine Hepburn says, love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only with what you are expecting to give, which is everything.

Speaking of this Ecclesiastes verse, where if one falls down, one can help them up. That's James. James Childs. I fall down at this job a lot and James picks me up, man. Trying to get bonus points from our producer. I love you, John. Well, I appreciate you

You live this scripture out. It breathes in you. I'm honored to know you, man. It's awesome. Let's go out to Sylvia in Minneapolis, Minnesota, which is a word that he worked with me on for a long time. What's up, Sylvia? Not much. Everybody else calls it Minneapolis. I used to always call it Minneapolis. And then one day James came in and was like, listen, you have to learn how to speak and read.

And so it's Minneapolis. What's up, Sylvia? Yes. So I have accrued about, I think, what, $35,000 in debt. And I am 31, so I really want to start working that number down so that I'm not on a paycheck-to-paycheck budget or just being stressed out about finances all the time. Yep.

Totally fair. What's the 30K in? What kind of debt? So 12 or 13,000 is in a car that I have right now. I pay 380 on a payment monthly. Also, I have student loan debt. I think they are about, I don't know, roughly about 18 of it. Okay. And I've got about three or 4,000 in credit card debt. Okay. How much do you make a year?

um 40 000 roughly 40 000 okay yeah what do you do i'm an assistant property manager okay awesome um yeah do you have any money saved um i don't um but we are of course in a like tax time um so i have some things that i plan to put away with that coming how much of a refund will you get

I think about $4,000 or $5,000. Okay, that's great. I mean, great in the sense that that's your money that you'll be getting back that you can use really intentionally. But that is one thing you could do is go in if you have an HR department and adjust your

your W-2 and be able, your paychecks and don't take as much out in taxes because this big refund means that's money that could have been working, you know, for you. Yeah, you loaned the federal government $4,000 this past year. They're super grateful at no interest. Yeah, so adjust that so your paychecks are a little bit bigger, which will help with your cash flow. So that's one thing to do. So yeah, so with this, I mean, if I were you, I would...

park $1,000 in a starter emergency fund when you get this refund. And then I would throw the rest of the credit cards and cut up your credit cards too. Don't even give yourself the option to go back into credit card debts. Just get rid of them. And that'll feel good. I mean, that frees up. That's like, okay, now you have your car payment and your student loan left. And when you look at this equation,

Sylvia, when it comes to just like the basics of starting all this out, really there's two ways that money flows. Money flows in, money flows out. And so looking at your income, seeing, hey, what kind of side hustle can you do?

As you're getting out of debt Because upping your income is going to be a real key part Of getting out of debt faster So this is probably going to look like Working nights Are you married? Kids? What's your family situation? I've got one child I'm dating someone right now That I was Outside of that How old is your son or daughter? My son He's 13 Okay

Cool. So yeah, so that may look like maybe one Saturday a month and a few nights. I mean, doing what you can realistically to be able to bring in some extra money. So that's the income side. And we talk to people all the time, Sylvia, that are, I mean, they're on this process and they're making 13, 14, 2,000 extra dollars a month realistically of doing some extra stuff. So really get creative on that end and then be looking at your expenses. And I want you to do a budget. And at the end of this-

Taylor's going to pick up and we're going to give you every dollar premium, which is our budgeting app. And in that app, there's a lot of education to be able to teach you. Here's how to do a zero-based budget. But I basically want you to take your income for the month.

And you're going to list out everything you spend money on. And Sylvia, you're going to be nixing some expenses. A lot of them. Some things that you're... Subscriptions, no vacation, no out to eat. I mean, I really want you to challenge yourself to really say, okay, we're going to cut a lot of this.

And that's going to free you up with some money. And so, you know, the beautiful thing is if you I'm going to make up a number, Sylvia, I don't know what it will be for you. But let's say you can bring in an extra fifteen hundred and maybe you find an extra five hundred in your budget to cut. Right. That's two thousand dollars extra a month.

And even that being thrown at your car, you're going to start to see that chip away. And what ends up happening is when people feel this progression of, oh my gosh, I'm winning. I'm actually getting traction. I'm actually seeing a positive result with my money. It's a natural instinct in us that you naturally will say, okay, I can pick up two more hours here and make a little bit more there.

oh yeah, we can cut the grocery budget another hundred bucks here. I mean, you start to really get this momentum started because for the first time ever, maybe for you, Sylvia, you're actually going to feel in control of your money because you're going to be doing a budget and you're going to be working your way out of debt. And when that car is paid off and you may even look at, I mean, you could even look at selling the car. Have you Kelly Blue booked at all? I'm curious what it would be worth.

I have but I think it's about It's less than half Of what the value of the car Or how much I still owe on it now You're pretty underwater And it's not a We always say if it's more than half of your take home pay You have too much car So you're not at that point I mean it's $13,000 versus $40,000 So you're at a manageable spot

It would have been beautiful if it was worth $16,000 and you could sell it and just get rid of it and get a $3,000 car. But with this, so again, it's kind of just this new way of looking at your money and it's going to feel different and it's going to be hard sometimes.

But I think for you, Sylvia, there's going to be some peace in it too because you're actually going to have control over your income. You're going to have a plan on where you're going. And I think you're going to see progress really quickly. So, Sylvia, can I tell you a wild story real quick? Yeah, absolutely. When I was 13, my mom, who had never gone to school, she'd never gone to college, she took her first community college class.

And then she took another class the next semester. And then the semester after that, she took two classes and just kept going and going and going. And when my mom turned 57, she graduated with her PhD. And at 63, she was tenured as a professor. But here's the important part of this conversation. At 13, 14, 15, and 16, I had a ringside seat to watching my mom

work really, really hard. And I remember her coming and putting the laundry soap on the washer and says, your laundry's on you now, buddy. I got homework. And I started having to fend for myself with frozen dinners and stuff like that. She would make meals on Saturdays and I had to heat them up. Here's the thing. I look back

And I have no excuses on being a good dad, on learning new crafts, on changing as the world changes underneath me because I watched my mom blaze a trail. And your 13-year-old is going to watch you do this, and it's going to change his family tree. Yeah. You see what I'm saying?

This isn't just you getting out of debt. Yeah, you are going to change his life because he's going to watch mom and he's going to be annoying. I got to do my own laundry. I got to do. Yep. Because mom's working another job and another job. Yeah. I'm so proud of you. Yeah. Hold on the line. Taylor's going to pick up and we'll give you Financial Peace University, our nine lesson course and every dollar premium because we want to give you as much.

as many tools as possible, Sylvia, because this is possible for you. Truly. And like John said, what your son is going to experience and the example you're going to set for him, it changes everything from this point forward because you chose to do something different. Big time shout out. We're so proud of you. So proud of you. Taylor, Austin, Joe, our fearless leader and handsomest guy around, James Childs, and even Zach with the YouTube crew. Thanks to you, America. We'll see you soon on The Ramsey Show.

Hey, folks, Dave Ramsey here. You know, budgeting doesn't have to be boring. You just need a budgeting app that's made with you in mind, and that's EveryDollar. The EveryDollar app has helped millions of people work the baby steps and take the stress out of planning and managing their money. Start budgeting with EveryDollar for free right now. Just go to RamseySolutions.com slash EveryDollar and download the app today. That's RamseySolutions.com slash EveryDollar.