Arc 2 Ep. 2 : The Saltbreakers Strike!
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Welcome back to the Rotating Heroes podcast, everyone. I'm Jasper William Cartwright, and today I'm not joined by Zach Oyama. Zach is taking a week off, so you just got me today, I'm afraid, and I'm here to introduce this episode, which is episode two of arc two. Very satisfying. I'm going to be talking about the

And you're getting a treat today as it's approaching the holidays. You're going to get the full episode today and it is a juicy and or thick-sode for you to be listening to. I'm very excited for this particular one. I wanted to do this as a way of saying thank you as well for listening to the show. There has been so many of you listening on this feed and

regardless whether you can or cannot sign up to the Patreon, that just doesn't matter because what matters is that you're here and listening to our show and that's amazing. It does so much to support the show as well as help us carry on making new stuff. So thank you so much for being here. We really, really appreciate it. We hope that you're enjoying the show. If you are, feel free to drop us one of those little five star, uh,

little things, doohickeys in whatever podcasting app you're using. Again, that makes a huge, huge difference just to help new rotators find us and revel in all of the joy and the fun that is Nancy Ray again. But of course, don't forget, if you do want to listen to new episodes of the show and you want to listen to...

ARK 2 through 7, you can do so right now over on the Patreon for as little as $5 a month. And you get all of that content plus all of the new stuff, including episode 2 of ARK 8, which is coming out today. So as you're listening to this, episode 2 of ARK 8.

We're almost certainly on the Patreon for you to go ahead and listen to. And it's a blast. We're over there with Rashawn Nadine Scott from Burrow's End and Erika Ishii, also from Burrow's End. And Zakoyama, who's also from Dimension 20. Anyway, this is enough of me blabbering. You want to get on with the episode, I know. Let's get into it. Take it away, past Zak. Presenting a rotating era.

Welcome back to the Rotating Heroes podcast. We're joined on Arc 2, Episode 2.

By the rotating crew of the second arc? I could restate this over and over again. It feels like I'm repeating myself already. So I will go ahead and restate it again. We are on arc two, episode two of the podcast. This is the second arc of the second episode of the second arc of

of the rotating heroes podcast this podcast of course the rotating heroes podcast uh you might recognize that voice as our only remaining hero from the first arc that's right everyone else died just kidding they're alive somewhere else uh you know him as turbine spizzle sink this is mike trout hello i said that like your nickname is mike

Yeah, like Mike, quotation marks Mike Trapp. Mike, Mike Trapp? Yeah. Trapp, how you doing today? I'm doing all right. You know, I'm ready to play some D&D. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Well, moving right along, we'll get into, I mean, let's go by the order in which Turbine met these people. Next up is Turbine's mom's friend, and that's Allie Beardsley. All right.

I can't wait to meet people as their mom's friend. That's going to be a big part of my life. I mean, an endlessly deep connection we all have with our mom's friends. Our mom's friends taking us to Rubio's. Oh, maybe that's just a SoCal thing. That's SoCal as hell, dude.

It's like Chipotle, but worse and more expensive. Is it like a Chevy's? It's like, I really don't know how to explain it. It's like a Baja Fresh. It's like, okay. Yeah, it's a Baja Fresh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it, got it, got it. Yeah. Whoa, I actually kind of thought that they were the same thing, but there was a point in time where there were two restaurants exactly like that. That's crazy. What a dream. Has anyone ever been to a Moe's? Do you know what I'm talking about when I say a Moe's? The Border Grill or the-

I guess it's a border grill. Like it's like a, um, no, I mean like, isn't that, I feel like Moe's has a sub, a subtitle that is like Moe's border grill or Moe's like, I think it's something like south of the border cooking or something like that. What is notable about Moe's to me is like, you'd get, you got there, you get some after high school, like just nothing else to do. You get lots of chips and queso, get a big burrito that was, would fall apart and wasn't,

made by some white teenagers who don't know what they're doing. Your voice dropped when you started describing this food. I implore the audience to slightly rewind and hear your voice drop as you start describing this food. Have you guys ever fucking gone to Moe's? No.

I don't know why, but the point of the story is that whenever you walked into the restaurant, they would go, welcome to Moe's. They would always yell it like Jerry? Everyone who would work there, busy, behind the counter, has to yell, welcome to Moe's. Any company-wide, not okay. Song and Dance, Cold Stone. Tip Tip Hooray.

Yeah, those sorts of places, like, not a nightmare for customers, but for, like, if you're an employee there, and it's like, just so you know, like, remember, no matter what you're doing, no matter who you're talking to at that moment, whose order you're taking, what you're doing, interrupt everything just to scream at the customer who just interrupted you.

It's upscale, casual. They're having fun there. You can get a beer there. They yell all the time. It's a good place. I like your description of it in that it reminds me of just being a teenager when you had a lot of spare time...

you had maybe some pocket change if you had a part-time job, but nowhere to go and nothing to do with it if you were in the suburbs. The stuff that my friends and I invented to do. The amount of time we spent just hanging out in the Target parking lot. It's like, why are we going here? I don't know. We just need a place to go. It's just away from home. Someone really took it to the next level in my friend group, and we would climb to the top of the Albertsons.

- What? - You could wheel a dumpster to get on one of those ladders that start really high up. - This is like a fucking Zelda quest. - And they have plugs up there, so someone brought a microwave, and we had a microwave installed up there 'cause it never rains in California, and someone would

drop down, buy some popcorn at the Albertsons and climb back up and we would all just be up there making popcorn and hanging. That's extremely teenage. That's the perfect teenager movie kind of thing to be doing. All virgins. I mean, I guess you guys already knew that with my description, but just all virgins. Absolutely sick. That's high school for most people. Yeah, definitely.

Well, moving on to our final rotator, the only other person here, I assume, who's been to Rubio's, the Loxodon Druid Grib, we have Jacob Wysock. We're there!

Oh, once again. If not anything, I will be consistent here. Okay. Jacob, what would you do in high school to waste time when you didn't really have any money to spend or anything to do? I mean, we were like a bus ride from the beach. So that was always a pretty big avenue. And then there was the AMC 20. And we would just go to Bed Bath & Beyond and make fun of stuff. I know.

Wait, you're just listing meme stocks at this point? Yeah. We go to the AMC, we go to the Bed Bath & Beyond, we go to the GameStop. Take out our blackberries and order something from GameStop for pickup.

It was a lot of just like rummaging. Is Bed Bath & Beyond a meme stock? Yeah. Oh, dang. It was for a second. It was involved. They made it. Yeah, it was a lot of just like riding around. I remember just a lot of riding around on a Razor scooter and being like, we're going to go from here to here and we're going to meet up with this person. And then we're going to go from there to there and meet up with another person. And then we're all here.

It's like, yeah, being a teenager is like being in an endless pub crawl with no pubs. Yes. That's a great way to put it. That's a great way to put it, dude. That's so good. Oh, shit.

I just remember in high school we would go to this bowling alley, maybe bowl two games if we had the cash for it. And then we would walk around the sprawl of stores there and we'd always go to Best Buy and there was this trick that someone knew of that if you go to Best Buy and where they had the CDs and stuff, they had these big square posters that basically a giant CD jacket cover but the same dimensions that they would like

advertise all the new albums with. And if you pulled it out of the thing, you could see if someone had signed the back of it.

And if they had signed the back of it, not the artist, but like a employee of the store, but if that hadn't signed the back of it and that was like going to change out soon, you could maybe keep it. So if there was like a cool thing. They did that at a movie theater growing up. All the time I'd ask and every single time they'd be like, no. But so. Oh, so the trick. You're not quite sure if the trick is real. I knew one person who had done this and unsuccessfully tried to do it like

almost every weekend for like a half a year. - Dude, they did this at movie theaters as well. You could ask them for the poster and the only one that I ever successfully got and I was ecstatic about was this movie with Nicole Kidman called The Interpreter. - Whoa. - And that was the only poster in my childhood bedroom for so long.

I was obsessed with the CIA. You had that in your bedroom, the interpreter? It was just Nicole Kidman walking up the steps of the Capitol, storming the Capitol, actually. That was the most shocking part to me about the Capitol on January 6th, was Nicole Kidman front and center. Was that Nicole Kidman was front and center in a red-headed wig. It's so crazy to think how...

Zach, like, how outdated your story is of, like, buying physical music from a Best Buy. CD jackets. Like, everything about it is just, like, none of this exists. Like, Best Buys are still around, but, like, so much of this is, like, I don't think any of this is still, like, it's not a part of life. Yeah. I didn't even really, like, like music that much. I was just... Jesus. Jesus, Zach. It was like...

That's a strong way to put it, but I think one of my insecurities as a high school student was not... All of my friends had deeper tastes of music with more at-hand knowledge of it, and my family wasn't up on music in the same way. My older sister's listened to Broadway stuff. I was just sort of guessing the whole time, and that was very apparent. So it was just like, yeah, can I get the...

I don't know, that new Blink-182 jacket? Can I get that Collective Soul CD cover? Where's your jars of clay? I don't know.

You said it, but I can definitely relate to that. Part of it was because I feel like a lot of people get their musical taste from older siblings. They'll do the hard work of bushwhacking through what's cool, and then it's like, all right, I'll show you the younger idiot. Here's what people are listening to. Here's what's cool. But when my brother was a teen...

He had this very brief but very intense sort of born-again phase, basically, where his entire social life revolved around Christian youth groups. Hey, it happens. And so the only music he bought was Christian rock. And so he's like, you've got to listen to this. And it's like, I don't know if I have to listen to this. I don't know if this is my... I'm glad you like it, but I don't know if this is my jam. Wow.

That's tough. Check out Michael W. Smith, man. Oh, my God. They were all those kind of names. Yeah. Well, I mean, let's praise God by doing a little recap of our last episode, shall we? Amen. Let's pray. Amen, Zach. Hallelujah. Amen, Zach. Hallelujah.

The last time on the Rotating Heroes pod, Turbine and Mops set out from Aberdeen in search of a beacon on the far side of the Sapphire Lakes in hopes of finding a secret to why the obelisk was tarnishing and failing at such a high rate.

♪♪

Elsewhere, the Loxodon druid Gribb was starting his day with a surprise. His mentor slash captain, the tortle Yareth Squalldancer, finally saw it fit for Gribb to be a crew member on the sailing vessel, the Seagrass. Eventually, Nansen Turbine showed up to find that their only option to get across the waters was to crew up on the Seagrass as well.

This required having to put up with both the drama of the gossipy crew members aboard the ship and the obnoxious upper-crest chartered guests, the Dugans, hailing from the rich, mysterious, and somewhat conniving part of town, Aurora Avenue.

The family immediately proved themselves to be as stuck up as anyone would have feared, but also Jesse Dugan Sr. seemed a little bit nervous about the trip overall. As the boat left the harbor and Gribb took in the sights of leaving Salonport for the first time, the rotators got comfortable with their roles aboard the ship and failed to make a couple of whiskey sours.

As Jesse Jr. tried to complain about his drink in a kind of down-to-earth, cool guy kind of way, a grappling hook shot out from the darkness and narrowly missed the ship. The crew turned to find three vessels with black sails approaching, all armed with grappling devices aboard. Our episode begins now with a roll for initiative and an incredibly exciting flag reveal. Yeah! Let's hear that flag. Okay.

No, that's great. 12. Oh, brutal. 9? 10. Okay. Can I roll for mop? Should I roll for cream, or where is she? You tell me. Do you want your dachshund to fight some pirates? No. We'll leave them underground. Underground. So you're buried, you dachshund? Below deck. Great. So looking at the initiative, I rolled for mop as well, just to get a bit of a...

lay the land on how this works. These ships are... There's three ships behind you. They're much smaller vessels, but they're moving at the same pace as the much larger ship you guys are on, the Sea Graf. To simplify things...

The seagrass is crewed up by Yareth and the other people who were the crew members aboard, Bexy, Lexi, you know, etc. And so they're going to take on the role of making the ship move. So they're not going to be in the combat, so to speak, unless something happens. So they're just making checks to keep the boat going.

So as that happens, the other boats are approaching at the same speed. And the previous grappling hook that shot out prior to you guys actually being an initiative was a surprise round. So they rolled initiative as well. Top of the order is Turbine, the guy who really wants to go first.

Honestly, set the pace. This is such an important, crucial moment. Shit, shit. So there's no one here yet, right? It's just a grappling hook and a bunch of ships that are, like, kind of pacing with us. Yeah, they're about 15... They're pretty close. They're, like, 15 feet behind the boat. There's three ships that are, like, right on your tail that have approached since you saw the first grappling hook go off. They were hoping to grab it and... I mean...

It seems very surprising that they actually missed. They rolled very poorly. It's getting darker. It's not actually like nighttime yet, but you see these three ships behind you with black sails. And I don't know if it's time for it yet.

Do we do a flag reveal? Wow. I can't wait. I can't wait. I mean, either. I can't wait. Turbine, make a perception check to see if you can find, spot a flag. Please fail. Please fail. 14. Turbine, you notice that the ship closest to you has not only black sails, but a little black flag coming out of the front of it. In the center of the flag is a broken salt shaker with salt spilling out.

Can you make a history check? Yeah. With disadvantage? History check with disadvantage? Yes. Okay. All right, let's try this. Oh, no. Seven is the lowest of the two. Yeah, you don't... I mean, it seems like a broken salt shaker. Yeah. All right. Very good. Well, can I...

There's three ships there? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, there's three smaller ships that are trying to board your ship or at least grab onto it. So you're looking at it. You can tell that there's like three pirates...

on each of the ships. They're really small vessels. Got it. Okay, I was imagining like huge. It's like, do I attack the ships? Is that what I'm doing? Yes. No, no, no. They're almost like, I would say a little bit bigger than rowboats, but they're keeping up with the ship because they have little sails on them as well.

Got it. Okay. And there is a grappling hook hooked onto our ship? It missed. So they currently aren't, they're like reeling that one in, but the other two have not shot their shot. Okay, cool. Can I, I guess I'll aim for one of them that tried to shoot, aim towards a boat that did not already shoot a grappling hook.

Okay. And can I see people on there? Can I target them? Yeah. I mean, depending on what you're using, they're close enough. Cool. Well, I might try to just light their boat on fire. So I think I'm going to shoot a chromatic orb with fire at them. I think that's how this works. Sorry, I got to remind myself exactly how this shit works. I will say, though. Yes. For... I looked this up just because I felt like this might happen. Um...

Unless the spell specifies that it will actively catch something on fire, it won't do that. So it might just scare them enough to think that they might catch on fire? Like distract them? Yeah, it definitely won't.

They won't like it, but it won't, like, blow their whole boat up. Okay. But you can't, like, in general, these boats have health as HP as well in armor class. Okay. I'm going to launch a chromatic orbit at the boat, I guess, or if I can see any figures on it. You can see people aboard. Okay. I'll make an insight check about that if you'd like. Sure. That is a 10.

It would be maybe hard to take down a boat in one hit. That's maybe what you would get from that. I'll aim for someone on the boat. I'm going to launch a chromatic orb at them. So what's the language of that? Do you pick one person? So I hurl a four-inch diameter sphere of energy at a creature that I can see within range. Range is 30 feet. Sorry, excuse me, 90 feet. And then I choose what type of damage it does and make a ranged attack spell on the target.

Cool. Yeah, you see three dudes on that boat. They have kind of like black smeared masks on with sort of like white, almost like freckles on their face that look like kind of like oxidized salt around their eyes. Okay. Yeah, they look up and see a little gnome casting magic at them and they look surprised. All right. So I'm going to do that. So I think I do this. I roll. Oh, nine to hit.

That doesn't sound like that's going to do it. Yeah, nine fully misses. Awesome. All right. Well, I hate going first. I don't know what I'm doing. Okay. Can I climb up to like a crow's nest or someplace where I can be like kind of like hurl shit at people but be a little safe?

Yeah, I mean, you can get... I think you can use your movement to get, like, basically up to the beginning of the crow's nest. I don't think you can get all the way up there. Okay. It's, like, a pretty large boat, so you have, what, 30? 25. I'm not that fast, but...

but I'll, I'll basically like try to get some, some, some distances here. Okay, cool. So you do that. You get like up to the main top level. Great. Uh, so that's, uh, it for turbine next up is grid. Great. So grips a little, um, I think this is really hitting the adrenaline for grip. You know, he's a normal guy. Uh, he's never been thrust into this. I think level of,

confrontation. But so he sees these people coming up and he lifts his arm and the bicep on this boy. You should see the bicep curl as he goes and he takes a quick look and I want to make a history check on the flag. Great. I want to see if it's something I've seen in the port before. No. Well, it's a 10.

You can make it with advantage because you are from here, from Solonfort. 12. Yeah, you've seen it around. You maybe don't know too much about that kind of world, but I think with the 12, I think you don't know much about it, but it feels like it's sort of a game.

That's all you really get with that. Okay, great. You said a gang, not a game? NG? A gang, yeah. It's sort of like a crime. It's something associated with crime in the area. And just not to be too repetitive, the hooks have not landed yet. No, none of them are attached to the boat. And how far away are they?

They're about 15, sort of like 15 feet in either direction. So a little to the left of the back of the boat, a little to the right, and a little to the center. Okay, great. This is foreign to Grib, but he's going to defend the boat that he works hard to keep going. And so he lifts his swole forearm, and he produces a flame. Wow. And he's going to chuck it at one of the drivers of the boat.

Cool. Which boat are you aiming at? If I'm looking, I guess the boat that would be to my right. Cool. So I think that's the same boat that that turbine went for. Doesn't I don't know why. I mean, just for the picture. What spell is that? Produce flame. A flickering flame appears in your hand. The flame remains there for the duration and harms neither you nor your equipment.

It can be used as a light, but I can also attack with the flame, in which you can hurl the flame at a creature within 30 feet. So you grip this Loxodon Druid. As the darkness starts to set in, a little light appears in his hand, kind of similar to what Turbine did, and you, a sweet boy, throw fire at a pirate. Leave my ship alone!

18. 18 to hit? Cool, that hits. 13 damage. Sweet boy Grib looks up, sees them, wants to protect his boat, throws a gout of flame that hits this pirate in the face and catches his whole head on fire, killing him. Oh!

This causes a rush inside of Grib. His heart was pumping from the adrenaline, and it almost feels like it stopped, and he can't hear anything. And then his heart starts back up again. That was something else. Yeah, Grib fully burns this man to death. Yeah.

Wow, Jesse Jr. is like, holy shit, I can't believe... What was that? I've never seen anything like that. Is this a show? Is this the entertainment for the boat? I almost did that. I almost did what he did. I did something pretty similar. I just whiffed it a little. I hear this voice from the upper deck that I can't really... I mean, I'm assuming...

Before I end my turn, I do point to the passengers and I just quickly get inside. They all nod. They know that they are going to make their way inside when they can move. Great. And that's the end of my turn. So, big turn from Grib, killing a man for the first time, I assume. Absolutely, 100% the first time I've ever killed a man. Okay.

Wow. Okay, so next up, Nance. You guys are all stacked together on initiative. Okay, first things first. Mama needs a taste. So Nance beelines to the bar, and she's going to need a... It's an energy drink, and in this world, it's called...

a double down. So she cracks open, she cracks open a double down and she drinks the whole thing. It's one of those big cans. And then I think I want, I'm just kind of, I'm getting into it. Okay. I'm upset. I'm like, no one, no more home invasions. No one's quite sure what's up with Nance, what's in her past. So I'm just going to kind of go, I'm going to go up to the edge of the boat facing one of the,

that hasn't fired yet. Can I do history check on the flag? Yes, you may. And you can do it with advantage. Nat 20. Yes. Natural 20. Of course, Beardsley bringing it home with another Nat 20. And with advantage, an 11. Okay, we'll go with the 20. Hey, a little anticlimactic, but maybe didn't need to pick the second goal, but you know, still good.

So, Nance, you look out and you've heard of these idiots before. The Saltbreakers are a local gang that has caused trouble here in Solonport for a while. A lot of them live a little further out from the city. They live on these little islands and kind of sneak attack boats as they leave. With the Natural 20, you would know that

They take all kinds of jobs that they can get. I mean, mostly they will be more like pirates and attack ships and stuff, but they've been known to be hired by richer families. There are rumors about that sort of thing, of them doing contract work for good pay. Okay, cool. I would like to climb kind of like...

outside of the boat and be kind of like hanging on the outside, you know? Okay. Towards, towards their, their boat. And I want to try to make eye contact with them in a way where if you looked up and then a middle-aged woman climbed out and was just kind of staring you down, it would intimidate you for sure. And I want to ready, I want to ready a reaction of, um, deflect missiles, um,

Cool. Well, I mean, it's a reaction, so you don't actually have to write it. Oh, right, right, right. Okay, cool. I just want you to know that if you roll for this grappling hook, I want to try to be able to catch it and throw it back at them. Okay, hold on. Let me double check something with it because it may not count as a missile. Oh, as a ranged weapon. Oh, yeah, here. It's, let me see. You can use your reaction. Or this specific grappling hook. It's a weapon.

Rather than... Got it. You can use your reaction to deflect or catch the missile when you are hit by a ranged weapon attack. The way that this grappling hook works, it's kind of confusing. It is actually considered a melee weapon. Oh, okay. Because it's more like a crane kind of operation rather than shooting out. I love that. Okay, scrap literally everything except for the double down. She drinks the double down. No problem.

I drink the double down and I just, I move in a way that is so wavy and flexible. You just did not think this woman could move that way. And I just kind of flow over the side of my boat onto one of the boats that has not yet fired. So they're like 15 feet away. Can you make a athletics check to jump to one of the boats? Of course I can. Big jump.

Hey, that's a 15. Great. Wait, which boat are you going for, by the way? You easily can clear the distance. I'm going to go to the left. Okay, so you fly off to the left boat. So spry. Everyone looks up. The way that the boat is rocking on the waves, it's kind of like when those weird kids will do the thing where they keep a ball perfectly still as they roll it in their hands on the quad.

Yeah. Where they just like keep the ball perfectly safe. I'm contact juggling with every surface around me. As the boat rocks, Nance is perfectly still going forward. Yeah.

Just my legs are moving to adjust, but my head is exactly the same. It's like a slack line or something. Yeah. Nance lands both feet perfectly standing on the front of this little smaller boat that's approaching, and these saltbreaker pirates look up and just, ah! They're not expecting this just towering woman to land on the front of their ship. Yeah.

I land and go, who the fuck are you? We're just here to get the man. Who sent you? I don't know. You can tell these aren't in charge. They look like they're just following orders. I know. Unfortunately, Nancy Ray has questionable morals. I'm going to attack the first one I see with my short sword. Okay, here we go.

Ah, that's a 12. 12? Okay. That's with adding the modifier and stuff? Yeah, I rolled a 5. Oh, but actually 12 does hit. Oh, cool. Okay, cool. So I just kind of slackline over to this boat. I say, who sent you? They're scared, and I slash at the first one. Cool, so you hit this person. Yeah, roll damage. 8. 8? You almost killed this person at all.

You just like deeply wound this man who's like, I don't know. But he's like, you know, he's an evil pirate as well. So it's, it's okay. Great. Generally. Okay. I say Nance gets to work. And then I, I do kind of like a roll, a tumble on the ground. Mop looks up at it from the main boat. And he's like, what happened to her? Uh,

So you roll. I don't know mechanically what that means, but do you have a bonus action you want to do? It's just a flourish. There's no mechanics. Just imagine me in the same spot. Do you have two attacks? Yeah, I could if I wanted. No big deal. I could if I wanted to, but I don't want to right now. Flurry. Flurry. Can't if I fucking want. Sorry. Sorry.

I'm busy eating popcorn on top of a roof right now. All right. That's a 21 to hit. Nine damage. Damn. Okay. Nancy Ray slashes this man, swinging left first and then coming back around to the right, just cuts this man's head off. Everyone on the boat is like, huh?

I reach down and I ceremonially close his eyelids and I put a dog treat on top of each one. Okay, Nance, despite the roiling waves, is able to delicately place two dog treats upon the eyes of this man. Clearly this caffeinating drink has taken effect.

There's a lot of weird chemicals in this that have affected you very strongly. Yeah, taurine type 2 is the main ingredient. Nancy, do you do anything else with your turn? No, that's what I think about. Cool. Huge turn from Nance. That ends your guys' turn. Next up. I yelled down to Nance that I could have done a bunch of cool stuff like that, but I was still warming up.

Who's talking? I was just like... It sounds like the voice is on its way to a crow's nest. I don't know. I'm pretty cool. Mop is on the middle deck like, it just sounds like someone on a floor above me is talking from sort of like directly above me out into the ocean. It's important you know it's just warming up. I'm pretty cool.

Yareth is steering the boat, yelling back to you like, good spirit, young man. They can't hear you. I'm pretty sure. Well, it's important you know that I could have done something as cool as either of them. Even with Gryff's big ears, it just feels like there's a breeze.

it's tickling your ears after nance uh you look at the central vessel chasing after you a pirate a guy who seems a little bit more in charge uh looks over at nance um he is going to hop over to the boat that nance is on and well actually first sorry uh nance you'll look over and you see this sort of uh

guy who seems to charge he looks over at you and he's like wow can't believe that happened and pulls up his crossbow and takes a shot at Nance so that's a missile if you want to try to deflect it yeah that's fucking right I do let me roll for that attack

Okay, so that is a 14 to hit. Does that even hit? No, 17. Nice. Okay, so he misses with that, and then he's going to take a leap to try to join you. Oh, yeah, he for sure clears it. It's pretty far, but he is able to, like, he, like, runs on the, like, this sort of crane arm of the grappling hook thing and jumps over to your boat and takes a swing with his longsword as well.

And that's only a 10, so he misses. He did a pretty cool jump in the middle, but he missed you twice. And so that's the end of his turn. I call out to him that that jump wasn't that cool. Yeah, it wasn't that... It's not as cool as you think it is. Who the hell is talking to me now? It's me! It's Turbine! I know!

It's me. I couldn't catch the rest. And I have a feeling that even if I would, I didn't know the person's name ever. It's important that I be known.

I see a little tiny dot on the top of the boat. So that's the end of the pirate captain's turn. Next up is Mop. Mop looks out, sees Nancy Ray jump across, and he is, I guess, inspired by this. He's also a pretty deft guy, a dexterous guy, I mean, and he's going to take a jump as well. Natural 20. Kill her, kill her, kill her.

You look up and you see Mop do, like, the end of one of those professional gymnast dismount things where they're just doing, like, insane spins, like, through the air, and he sticks it and sticks his arms out, pushing his chest out kind of, like, to really present himself as he lands on that boat as well. And Mop himself is going to take an attack on the pirate that just attacked you. I just imagine the whole boat, like...

The whole... Like, have you ever had, like, a toy boat and a bathtub or something and kind of, like, push it down a little bit, but not so much that the water spills over the edge? Just, like, the whole thing just kind of, like, sinks down, but Mop just perfectly still. Oh, yeah. Like, not phased at all. That's so tight. It just defies gravity, kind of. He's, like, one of those, like, suction cup dash toys. Yeah.

springs are on. He just rolled an attack on the pirate captain and hits for four damage. So that guy's incredible. Like,

That guy's on death's door. Yes, very, very hurt. Great. So that is actually the end of Mob's turn. Next up are all of the regular pirates. First off, I think the ones that are operating the grappling hooks are going to try to grapple on. Nance, you killed one of the people who was closest to the grappling hook. Amazing. Actually, one of his friends is going to run up and try to do it as well. So three grappling hooks are going to shoot out. First one...

13. First one misses. I think he's a little scared because you killed his friend in one hit or two hits. Second one misses as well. What the fuck? And the one in the center latches onto the boat. You feel the boat jerk as it slows down, now dragging this other little boat. Now that the boat is technically grappled by this.

The other five pirates are all just going to take cross... Well, three of them are going to take crossbow attacks at Gribb because he killed their friend. Come at me. Ha ha ha.

What's your armor class, Grib? 17. Damn. Okay. What's yours, Turban? 13. Protect the small baby. Protect small bean. Okay, one is going to hit Grib. Grib, you get hit for four damage from a crossbow bolt. Hits you in the arm. It rips into my strong bicep. What a feeling, what a feeling. I've never felt pain like this before. Grib is flexing his arm. I'm...

It's like there's a weird amount of showmanship to this, and Jesse Dugan Jr. is just like, this is awesome. The effects of this are incredible. He fully thinks this is just a stage show. The water effects are incredible. The other two are going to attack Nance. Hell yeah. Does a 12 hit? No, 17 armor points. Two misses as well. So pretty good stuff from you guys. I feel them breeze past me, and I go, you got lucky. Yeah.

These pirates are truly very scared. Never seen anything like it. They're like, what is your story? She's my mom's friend. Who said that? A ghost on the waters. Who is talking? Water ghost. Is there another friend of mine's kid out here?

That's the end of the first round. At the beginning of the second round, you see another ship pull in from this jetty to the side. And it is going to take a tack on the boat, or it's going to try to grapple onto the boat as well. It's part of this crew.

And it misses as well. I don't understand why. They have a plus 10 to hit. It's really not that hard. You said they have a plus 10 to hit. For this grappling, they do. But they're rolling...

Tremendously badly. And then the other two on board are going to take attacks. You see this fourth boat enter. The three dudes aboard look a little heftier. And one of them is operating the crane grappling hook thing, and he can't do anything else that turn. But the other two take out these hammers, and they just huck hammers at the ship at people on board. First one's a 16. Does that hit you, Grib? No. Wow. Okay. Okay.

Next one is going to take an attack at Nance.

And that's a 15. Nance, does that hit you? No. Hell yeah, dude. Jesus Christ. Hell yeah, dude. Jesus Christ. No, motherfucker. This sucks. This fucking sucks for me. What a chaotic fight. Just throwing hands, like flying through the air, hitting nothing. Yeah, it's just such a botched job. Before these guys came out, you heard them saying like, this is our chance. It's time for us to make a big impression.

We're the king shits around here. We're going to gain rank in our gang. And they run out and they throw some hammers that just plosh into the open. They're never going to forget us.

I think about how, how bad I am at throwing things. Just like throw, like I have no athletic skill. I'm just imagining like these like big buff pirates, like try to chuck a hammer and just like that straight in the water. Gets no distance at all. Oh, I let go too late. Shout live! And then just throw hammers that disappear forever. Um,

So those guys came in with a splash. There's now four boats. And yes, Turbine, it's your turn. I'll give you a lay of the land. Great. So if you're looking out from the back of the boat, left to right, left has the ship that has Nance and Mop on it with sort of the pirate captain and two regular pirates. So there's three enemies total on that one with two friends. The one in the center has three regular pirates.

that are all alive. The one on the right has two regular pirates

One is dead, burnt to a crisp. And then the new boat has entered to the right and is able to catch up because the one grappling hook has latched on and it's slowed down the boat enough so that this other ship that was coming off from the side can come in. It was like hiding just to maybe ambush further. Got it. Okay, cool. Will it take an action to try to get this grappling hook off the boat? Or is it a rope? Can I cut the rope? Can I pull it out? Or is it like...

like so strong that it's just like your little old turbine isn't going to be able to get this off. You would have to make a strength check that might be slightly hard for turbine. You could use, I guess it's technically... Is it a rope or a chain that's like, that is like grappling, that connects the hook to the thing? This is sort of a chain that is attached to like a claw machine grapple thing. Got it.

that's like digging into the wood of the ship. You think that it would take an action to actually remove it. Okay, cool. Um, I want to remove that, but I also want to do this other thing. So I'm going to try this. Uh, Turbine just saw everyone just kicking ass and it's like, okay, you, you think, well, Turbine can, can do that too. Uh, so I am going to twin spell, uh,

a cantrip, which is my firebolt, and I'm going to try to light the two boats that don't have my allies on it on fire. The two boats, yes. And firebolt says it can actually catch things on fire. So it says, you hurl a mode of fire at a creature object within range, make a ranged spell attack. On a hit, target takes 1d10 fire damage. A flammable object hit by the spell ignites if it isn't being worn or carried.

Yes, you can do that. It may or may not fully kill the ship to have it on fire. I think you have a feeling that these are pretty sturdy ships, so it definitely will hurt it. But yeah, it may be a slower process than you want it to. I'm still going to try to do this. I'm going to try to light these boats on fire just because that feels fun.

And that feels true to Turbine trying to prove himself after seeing everyone else be super cool. So let me just click some buttons here. He's also still kind of buzzed. Yeah, he's still a little druggie. I can fucking do this. You don't fucking know. So I, let's see, I will use a sorcery point to twin spell. And then I'm going to cast this firebolt, which is just a cantrip. Okay.

launch those fire rolls. It's two separate rolls, right? Yes. So the first one is a 25 to hit. That'll hit. Great. Better. And that does 10 damage. Which boat are you going for? Whichever one is... Are they all basically the same or has one taken damage? Yeah, it's basically all the same. Out of curiosity. I'll aim for the one that has grappled onto us and one of the older ones just for the sake of

being specific, as specific as I can imagine this. So that was the first one. And then I'm going to, you know, use my twin spell and attack the second one. That's a 16 to hit. That hits. Great. And that will do... Ooh, 17 damage. Wow. Okay. Do any of them light on fire? Yeah. I mean, the...

Both these ships catch on fire. It's not like you lit a fireworks factory on fire. The deck of the ships have fire on them and it's like...

It's something that will distract. It'll definitely cause them to... It needs attention. Okay, cool. And then I think that'll probably wrap it up for me. I did an action. I did a bonus action. I don't think I need to move anywhere, so I will just keep chilling. But I'll be like, yeah, pretty cool, right, guys? Right? Pretty cool? Who did that? What is that? Is it a type of bird? Is it a night bird? Pretty cool! Pretty cool! Ha ha ha!

All the pirate bandits are like, the night bird. They do some kind of religious sign. And they cross their chest. The tales of the night bird. Sailor's warning. Night bird in morning. Sailor's warning. May we dry out further and further become salt.

So yeah, that ends Turbine's turn. Grib, it is your turn. Great. Grib is... That adrenaline is still pumping, especially after the arrows just thrust deep into his arm. Grib, it's getting sexual. Okay, cool. For sure. I can take it back, like, what, two notches? I just want you to know more than anything. Okay, that's great. Maybe it makes more sense to try to push through to the other side. His heart stopped beating.

like make it so sexy that you just you sort of like it's like you know you just sort of it's like a fish in water you don't like cartoonish almost yeah yeah yeah i'll be i can push it beyond um i can push it through the other side why not i'll break on through okay uh please don't i'm going to please i'm going to cast uh uh

I'm going to summon my Wildfire Spirit as an action. You can expend one use of your Wild Shape to summon your Wildfire Spirit, which is a primal spirit bound to your soul. And I can summon it 30 feet from me, so I'm going to summon it on the ship that has the three pirates on it without any of our allies, in which they're going to have to make a dexterity saving throw. But if I may, may I describe what my...

spirit looks like. Yes, please. I put a lot of thought into this. This is Grib's guy. As we know, Grib is a gardener. He's got the wildfire. This is his guy that helps him slash and burn, putting the nutrients back into the soil. Grib claps his hands together and this thing emerges. It looks like a Pillsbury Doughboy.

But instead of a chef's hat, it's a mushroom cap. It's an Amanita muscaria mushroom cap. So it's a little fungal man. He looks like he's made out of, like, he's molten. He's red hot, like a steel beam that is bending from the heat. It's almost like in Fantasia, the little, like, the little mushroom dancers. Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah.

Very, very much so, like Fantasia, the mushroom dancers. But it's a... I hated Fantasia. It has little digits. It's not armless, but they're very small. And it's got that sort of molten steel dripping sensation. So they have to make a dexterity saving throw as this emerges after I clap my hands together.

Yes. So these three pirates on this boat, their boat just caught on fire. They don't really know what's going on. And they feel like sort of this air dancing as what seems like the flames that were already on the boat twist around in place and form this molten fungal creature. And

they have to make a dex saving throw, is that what you said? Correct. So it's sort of in a weird, just like a sudden explosion next to them, this creature appears and they will make a dex saving throw. What saves? Their save is against my spell save DC, which I believe is 15. Let me double check. Yes, it's 15.

Oh my god. They all saved. No way. Yeah. I got a 15, 16, and a 19. Saving up all those gravel checks that they fucking whiffed. I know. I guess it's got to even out some way. But yes, so roll damage, though, because it's like they take half on a failed save, right? I don't believe... I'll double check, but I don't think that they...

They take half on a save. Let's see. Each creature within 10 feet of your spear other than you must succeed on a dexterity saving throw against your spell save DC or take 2d6 fire damage. Yeah, it doesn't say that they take half if they fail. Oh, true, true. Bummer. That sucks. Damn.

I mean, it looks cute and cool. Thank you. So it gets an action now that it is alive. Does it just go on your initiative, I would assume? Yeah, it's like it goes. Yes. Cool. Yeah, you can take its action. It will attack. It has a flame seed, which is a ranged attack.

and i will attack the captain cool so uh this fungal creature eyes these pirates on its boat but then looks off to the to its left towards the one fighting nance uh and makes an attack 13 hit 13 does not hit so a flaming seed flies over the shoulder of the pirate captain he's like jesus uh and uh

And Box looks back and sees this horrifying flaming fungus behind him. Nance is loving this. She's like raving out to it.

She has on like light gloves. That's my turn. Grib's not disappointed because this guy's never been in combat either. You're getting to know, like you've met, this is a creature that you've invoked before. Yes, this is like an old spirit bound friend and he's my garden helper. He's like an extension of my gardening process.

He looks up at Grib and goes, eh, sorry. He doesn't sound as cute as I am. Whoa. I missed, I guess. A little like, a little stinker. Oops. Oops. I guess I didn't hit anybody with my fire. I'm sorry that that's his voice, but that's kind of where we're at. That's where we're at, man. I get it.

After Grib, Nance, it's your turn. Okay. I have two perception checks that I would love to make if you will allow me. Okay. I'm positive I've seen Connor is Bexy's.

cutie. Yes, he is, uh, on the, he's not on the boat though. Okay. Yeah. I feel like I've definitely seen a bunch of pictures of him, probably more like of his skin than I would have ever liked to see a lot of shirtless pics. I think in the last little bit, you got, you got a good rundown. You got some, like some hand-drawn pictures of like, there's not a lot of photos. There's like one larger crew photo. Uh,

but just like more, more like expressive, uh, vibe drawings. Right. Right. Some charcoal drawings. Can I do a perception check and see if he is on any of these boats? I know it's probably hard to see, but just wondering if he's involved. That is 16. He is not here. Uh, then I am going to, okay. I look at this pirate and I look the captain, uh,

And I'm just going to kind of like, like look at him like really wild eyed and say, are you hiring? He's looking at you. His like, his ponytail was just singed by a flaming seed that flew out. You just killed like one of his friends. He's like, what? I'm not. And then I'm going to step in the wind. Jump. I'm going to jump away. To where? To where?

Back to the boat, and I'm going to attack the chain that's grappling the boat. Okay. All right, so they're going to make the three pirates around you will attack you if you step. Oh, I only get to disengage from one person? Well, step of the wind is movement, right? So this says, step of the wind, you can spend a ki point to take the disengage or dash action as a bonus action on your turn.

Oh, I get it. I think it's close enough that you could disengage. Yeah, I can probably just clear it. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Okay, I say, are you hiring? He's very confused. I absolutely bolt. No one can touch me. Scrambling back to the main boat. So you say, are you hiring? And Mop turns around and he's like, yeah, Nance, let's get in their heads, dude. And then you leave him by himself on the boat with all of them.

And jump back to the boat. I whisper, wanderlust. Yeah, I get back to the boat. Okay, this is my sexy second perception check. I want to see what the Dugans are doing. Do they look surprised? Do they look like they ordered this? Can I get a read on them? Yeah, make a check. Okay.

Nine. What I described already, like Jesse Dugan Jr. is the one that's like back where you guys are. And he just doesn't get it at all. He thinks this is a show. He thinks this is a show. You kind of can't really get a read on anyone else with the nine. Are they like on a different deck? They've been like shooed away to the back. Like Jesse Jr. is just sort of like kind of hanging back in that sort of like...

I can't tell this person that is my boss sort of what to do. Hey, maybe you could think about not being out here. It's pretty unsafe. Okay, then yeah, I'll just take my action to try to get this big chain daddy off the boat. All right, you can use athletics. Hell yeah. Yeah, that's a seven. Seven total? Yeah.

You can't undo it. Like, it's like you suddenly, you saw Mop's eyes, like, go big. Like, he was suddenly scared as you left him. And that got you in your head as you got, like, if you took this chain off, you know that he's gone. Fuck! This was supposed to be my resume for getting hired by the pirates. I was going to jump away and do something impressive. Mop looks up and goes, it's okay. I understand. I understand. I'm just going...

Do it, let's do it. Turbine's feeling much better about himself after his first horrific turn and then just watching. I say, Nightbird, give me strength. Pretty cool.

Amazing. So Nance, that is your turn. You end your turn ineffectually pulling at these hooks. Ass out to the pirates. Okay, next up is the pirate captain and he is staring down Mop. He's going to take two attacks. He's going to take a crossbow attack. That is a 14. Mop might actually be able to... Actually, he just fully misses Mop and then takes a long sword attack.

Natural 20. So that would be only 8 damage because he rolled a 1 and a 2. So Mop takes 8 damage. He's a Warforged man, so it's hitting his metal chest, but it still clearly hurts Mop a little bit. He's looking at Nant like, It's fine. I totally understand why you had to leave me. Fuck. God damn it. I'm a free agent daddy-o.

Straining against him. The bandits... Oh, actually, now it's Mop's turn. So Mop is going to take an attack on the pirate captain. That's a 16. He hits the pirate captain in the face, which will be...

seven damage. Mop takes the attack and he's going to take a step of the wind and also try to disengage like Nance just did. Good idea, Nance. Amazing. So he jumps away. Does he also ask for a job? Wanderlust. He does not ask for a job. He's like, I'm gainfully employed. I just like to keep my options. Yeah.

So Mop is able to leap across and lands next to Nance and says, like, nice plan to almost have me die. I understand. It was a nice trick. Look, daddy-o. I changed because I'm strained. I'm so strained. Just help me get this first. He has used his action, so he can't do anything yet, but he stands next to Nance, ready to look back at the boat.

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uh so so one of the the first hook misses wildly and the second one lashes on to like a post like it's gonna it's like on their well with the nat 20 um it seems like it might be a slightly higher dc to get that off will the fire affect any like give them like distractive give any disadvantage or anything like that

No, not really. All right, fair enough. These guys are going to still do that while pirates on each boat are going to use their turn to extinguish the flames. They're able to do that. And that leaves four pirates able to fire crossbows at the boat. Nance, they're going to take shots at you. I freaking knew it. I freaking knew they'd come for me. I freaking knew the whole time.

Well, voice reveal. Okay, so we got another nat 20 and a 19. The other two missed. Nance, you can't deflect a nat 20, I don't think. What is the language on the deflect missiles? So this just says you can use a reaction to deflect or catch a missile when you're hit...

by ranged weapon attack. When you do so, the damage you take from the attack is reduced by rolling a D10 plus nine. If you reduce the damage to zero and you have a free hand, you can spend one ki point to make a ranged attack. Oh, cool. Send it back. So the first one's coming at you and it's going to hit you for... And this is the crit. It's going to hit you for 15 damage. So...

Wow. That will... Yeah, so you can use your reaction to deflect it in that you'll absorb some of that damage, right? Mm-hmm. So that would only hit you for five. Well, that's the crit, right? Yes. Or you can use it for the next one if you want. I'm going to use it for the next one and try to get it to zero so maybe I can throw it back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this one hit you for... So you take that five points of damage. Or no, you take 15 points of damage. I took the whole 15, yeah. Cool. Strong. And then the next one's coming at you and it will hit you for...

that's only gonna hit you for three damage. - Well, it's plus nine, so I think I auto. - Yeah, okay, cool. So you auto catch that one. - So that one hits me, I go, "Ooh, Barracuda!" And I turn around and when the next one comes, I grab it. - Your butt was out, so you got shot in the butt with an arrow.

This guy really aimed it up and shot you right in the ass. I get shot in the ass. I say, ooh, Barracuda. And then I turn around and I grab it right as Gribb starts singing the bass line for that song. You both look at each other with the arrows sticking out of each other.

So I throw that back at whoever fucking shot it at me. Cool. So on the second boat, the other guy who saw his friend fire an arrow also fires it. You catch it, and Nance stares daggers in this man's eyes as you throw the arrow back at him. All right. So I stare him down, and I say, I'm coming for your job. God damn it. That's a 10. Yeah.

I throw it straight into the water. No! Wait, no, never mind. Sorry. Ten on the dice? No, no, no. It's a seven plus the three. So it's a ten-toed. It goes right under. It goes through the hoop of his earring. Cooler. That's cooler. You were so close. Honestly, cool. I get shot in the ass, and then I have a fucking swish through this pirate's earring.

It looks very cool and it's extremely ineffective. Did it go right through the hole? Oh my God. Yeah, so you missed this guy, unfortunately. And that's the end of the bandits' turn. We're going back to the top of the order. So now this fourth boat that came after you guys with the hammer dudes, it's their turn again. They're going to try to latch on.

That is going to hit. So they also latch on. So there's now three hooks attached to the boat. And now the other two who are hanging on the boat are going to try to board. They're able to cross the chain to the boat itself and land in front of... Who all is at the front of the boat right now?

I know it's mop. If I'm on a chain, would I get an opportunity attack if they're like passing me on? So it's sort of a wide one and they're on the right side of it. And you are closer to the other chain, which is a little to the left. So I don't think it's like within five feet. Okay, cool. I don't think I'm at the front. I'm at hot. You know, I was trying to get to the crow's net or whatever the highest ground on the ship is. Who's talking right now? I believe I assumed that I was in the back where the grapples were in the back. Is that true?

Is that what you mean? Oh, sorry. That's what I meant to say. The back of the front. Yes, that's where I am. This guy with a hammer who's throwing these hammers was like, now, of course, this is how I attack people up close. And pulls out this nasty looking hook and takes a swing at Grib. Hits for 17. Does Ty go to the attacker? Yes. Yeah, then he hits. Grib, you are hit by this nasty hook. It hooks into your arm.

and he hits you for, uh, seven damage and you're grappled. Um, okay, cool. Next, uh, the other Boston is going to go for Nance. He's going to take an attack that will hit. It's a 19 to hit. Um, and he's going to hit you for only four damage and you're also grappled. That's it for their turns. Um, you feel like the boat is like slowed down a lot. Like, uh,

It feels like more pirates are probably going to try to board soon. Turbine, that is your turn. You really haven't killed any pirates since the beginning. No. So...

Everyone's kind of just running around. I thought catching the boats on fire would do more. It didn't do much. It's a fucking sweet idea that unfortunately doesn't, as far as these boat stats, doesn't go as far as we'd like. That's fair, that's fine. Great, so I'm going to try to play cleanup on some of these pirates and I'm going to shatter the boat with three pirates on it and see if I can just, because some of these guys are kind of wussy, see if I can just fucking knock them out. Hell yeah.

um cool so shatter um they have to within a 10 foot radius sphere which i assume is everyone in that boat because they're kind of tiny boats yeah they're all clumped up together they have to make a constitution saving throw okay only one of them passed uh so i'm gonna roll for the damage here okay that is nine

half as much damage on a successful save so two of them take nine damage one of them takes uh is it half rounded up or half rounded down i think it's rounded down so two take nine one takes four that's right and are we counting the boat as being able to take damage from this a non-magical object that isn't being worn or carried also takes damage yes so that boat takes nine damage um so that boat is looking fucked up it still has like a not a um

So it's like a considerable amount of health. Uh-huh. Um, you don't think like one of those would do it, one more of those would do it, but not much more than that. Um,

But it might be more effective to just kill the guys. Yeah, for sure. Are they still standing? Yes, they are barely still standing. Two of them are basically close to dead. One is a little less hurt, but still very hurt. And that is also the boat with the flaming spirit on it. So I'll just say that you were able to ignore him. Okay. Okay.

then I will... I'm also going to quicken spell, I think. Just see if I can... Someone has to die here. God damn it. So I'm going to quicken spell, and I'm going to firebolt whoever looks the most fucked up who I just fucked up. Okay, cool. So one of those pirates who's just barely hanging on, got fucking chattered, looks up, and you...

Hit him with a firebolt, roll damage. Or attack him first. Does a 10 hit? A 10 does not hit. God fucking damn. Oh my gosh. It's so maddening. I'm so annoyed. It's so maddening. I'm so annoyed right now. Because you just want to be cool so bad. You know, there are just those times you just want to be so fucking cool so bad. Especially when you're drunk for the first time in your whole life. You want to be in middle school. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. You're hopping a fence. Can I use a luck point? Yeah, for sure. I'm sorry.

I'm so angry. This is so stupid. You definitely can't. Use the luck point. It's not worth any of this, but I'm going to use that luck point. I'm going to reroll that fucking firebolt. Motherfucker, you better fucking do this. Okay. Does an 18 hit?

Does an 18 hit? Yes. Hell yeah. Good. And then I fucking blast him with 13 damage. So you just fully incinerate a man. There's just ash where he was. That guy is no more. That's Turbine's turn. Next up, Grib, it is your turn. And your Flaming Spirit's turn. For my turn, I'm going to take... And by the way, his name is Zwam.

My fungal buddy. Zawam? Zawam. Z-W-A-M. Zawam.

So he's going to fiery transport. So he's going to suck up into a flame of fire, and he's going to plop down into the boat with the captain. So the three of them are going to have to make dexterity saving throws. Does anyone on the boat he just left have to do it? No, it's where he emerges. Okay, cool. So the flame on that second boat just sucks into itself and disappears, and boom, a little explosion appears on that boat on the far left.

Everyone has to make a dexterity saving throw, which I'll do. What do they have to make to save? 15. They all fail. Wow, cool. So they're all going to take 2d6. Roll damage, baby. Six. So they all take six damage.

Swab. Hey, that's swab. Cool, so those guys are pretty hurt. Pirate Captain's, like, way sturdier than the others, so he's, like, hanging on pretty well, but the other guys look pretty fucked up from that. Amazing. Now, Grib, what are you going to do? There's a... Somebody just has just approached the boat, right? Yeah, and you're hooked, by the way. A guy has grappled you, so you can't move anywhere unless you deal with that, unless you have a... How close is the person that has hooked me? Face-to-face. Face-to-face.

Okay, great. I'm going to cast Burning Hands on him. Can the flame come from my trunk? Yes, it can. Burning Handers. He has to make a dexterity saving. I'm wondering if you'll just automatically fail this just because he's grappled to you. Interesting. I mean, I'll make him...

All right, what's the save have to be? 15. He failed anyway, so it don't matter. Great. So, and then I'm going to just fucking blast this dude. I'm going to try and melt his skull off.

Terrible, terrible. 3d6 damage totaling seven. What a bad roll. That makes me mad. It's still a nice flamethrower out the trunk. It's cool. It's a cool thing. It's cool to imagine someone hooking you and doing that thing where you just pull them closer instead. Instead of trying to get away, it's like... And that will be the end of my turn. Burning Hands is a cone, right?

Yes, it's a 15-foot cone. Can I get both of them? Yeah, I'll say you can roll for the other guy as well. I'll roll. Oh, well, he's just got to make the save. He made the save, actually. Okay, great. But does he take half damage? On a failed save, yes. Okay, so, sorry, the first guy took how much? It was seven. Okay, so the guy grabbing onto you is hit for seven, and the one grabbing onto Nance took three damage. You were able to angle it so that it only hit them.

Grib, anything else with your turn? I mean, I think that's my full maximum. Oh, I used my turn to attack, so I cannot try and get out of the grapple, correct? Yes, I think you're still stuck there.

Perfect. That's it. So those guys are... The two guys that you hit are the kind of hardier ones, so they're not that fucked up. All right, so that's the end of Grib's term. Now we're at Nance. Nance, what do you do? You're grappled by this one guy who's got a hook in you. You got an arrow in your butt. What's going on? Yeah, I mean, I leave the arrow in my butt. I like...

the attention, I am going to attack this person who's grappling me with a short sword, or do I have to just try to break free of the grapple? Okay, so yeah, you can make an action to escape the grapple, or you can just attack it with whatever you want. I fucking love it. I'm going to make this melee attack. Cool. Okay, so...

A 20, but not Nat. Cool. That hits. And you want to take your second attack too? Yeah. So I'm actually, yeah, yeah. I'll do, can I do, I can do two weapon attacks, right? You can take two attacks and then you can also use a bonus. You can do flurry of blows if you want. Exactly. I'm planning on it. Yeah. So the second one is a 25 bonus.

Okay, so that's two hits, and you're going to do anything else? Yeah, Flurry of Blows, but I'm going to save that if I can. Okay, well, do those two... Roll damage on those first two attacks. Okay, so for this first attack to the person who's grappled me...

Damage-wise, whatever. I do five damage, but more importantly, I want to stunning strike them. That's five damage is for the two rolls? Just the first roll. So if I hit with a melee attack weapon, I can spend a ki point to stun them, and I would rather just use that on this first person and then direct my second attack to the person next to him.

Gotcha. Okay. So, yes, I get what you're saying. Roll. So he has to make a constitution save in order to not be stunned. Okay. Let's see if he can do it. He does not get stunned. Oh, fuck. Okay, cool. So next attack, I'll just direct towards him. So that's five for the first one. Come on, second one. Yeah. Ten for the second one.

You slash him again, badly injuring him. He's still standing, though. These are the two beefier guys. Oh, a beefy guy. The hammer boys. All right, cool. Then absolutely flurry of blows. I just get to make two unarmed strikes. Cool. How many key points do you have at this point? I only have one left after this. Okay, cool.

Hey, 14? 14. 14 to hit? Yeah, to hit a beefy. That hits. Oh, hell yeah. Okay, second one. Yeah! Okay, another 14. Lucky sevens. Okay, so two of those. And then this will be bludgeoning damage. So the first one aimed at him. Nine? Nine?

For a total of 23 damage? Nine. Nine. You did nine damage to him? Wait, 23? So if I did 10, five, and just now I did nine, I guess that's actually 24. That's exactly how much help this person had. Hell yeah. Awesome. So you turn your sword around and you just butt him with the handle of the sword. Dink.

He just shatters into a million pieces. He's like a man of glass. Death by hammer.

Hell yeah. Never expected this. And he falls over dead. But yeah, you can do that last flurry on the other guy next to you. I love this. Okay, yeah. I think I turned him up and I'm like, I think it's too late for these hooks. I think it's time to get on board. And I do my last little flurry of blows at the guy, at the next beefy boy.

Grib's BP boy? Oh, yeah. Mop says, what? I go, we just got to forget it with these claws, kid. I say, we got to rock it, mama. Did you become a mop? Yeah, so you take that last attack. Roll damage on that, by the way. I did eight damage to this next BP boy. Eight damage, damn. But how is Grib looking? Does he have two people on him and one of them has him hooked?

He only has one guy on him, and he's hooked him. But that guy's looking pretty hurt. Just with my drunken monk-specific stuff, if I do a flurry of blows, I can get an auto-disengage if I want it. So I was kind of considering, should I disengage from this last beefy boy and go over to Grib? If he needs help, if I think Mop can...

handle this beefy those are the only two guys on the boat so that guy you killed one and then one's pretty hurt okay cool uh so that is the end of nance's turn uh coming up is the pirate captain um

pirate captain is going to try to leap onto the boat he's going to leap to the boat to his right and then uh use the rest of his movement to get up towards grip uh let's see if he can do it first off yeah he barely makes it to the other boat and then he's able to like crawl across the chain uh and he and he comes up to mop and um takes uh two attacks um he's gonna um shoot an arrow at mop

And that is going to hit. And then his long sword's going to hit as well, so I'll roll damage for both of those. The sword hits him for 12 damage. He shoots the arrow, and Mop's going to try to catch it. Okay, so Mop is able to, like...

point blank, catch the arrow and throw it back at the guy. And that will be a miss. He throws it off the boat, but it didn't hit him. So it's such a funny combination to have the dexterity to catch an arrow in midair and just totally whiff the return. And then the big wind around, like throw it back and miss. I mean, it makes sense because one is a weapon that is designed to shoot arrows and one is just a thing you did in an instant second. Yeah.

I can imagine most of them are like throwing it, but it's just being thrown like sideways instead of like, you know, point first. Just being hit with a stick. It's like, oh, okay. It's like when you throw a football and it like wobbles and it sucks. Yeah.

- So Mop's not doing too hot, but he is still okay. He was able to deflect some of that damage after the pirate captain is Mop. So Mop is going to once again take an attack on this guy and I guess he'll, what the hell, he'll flurry of blows as well. So he only gets one attack, but that's a hit. And then he flurries, both miss. Okay, so that will be, he hits this guy for another four damage.

So that guy's taken like a good amount of damage. He's still the strongest one. So he's still standing. After mop are the bandits. So they're going to look up at the boat. I think at this point, they're all just going to try to, half of them are going to try to board and half of them are just going to shoot arrows. Okay. So three arrows are going to come out. One for each of you. 13 for turbine and not 20 for grip. Okay. Okay.

And plus nine for whatever dude. And a miss for Nance. So Grib, you're going to take six damage from this nat 20. They're still not that powerful. And Turbine, you get hit for eight. So that one really got you. Yeah, that did really get me. All right.

My companions. Sorry about that. And then the other three, they're going to launch themselves onto the boat. Let's see if they make it. Okay. Yes. Wow. Yes. And one guy splashes in the ocean and... Help! God damn it! While the other two launch aboard and are going to take attacks at Nance. Okay. These guys suck.

um hell yeah uh nance uh one is going to swing at you for a 10 that's gonna miss and the other one got a nat one so they both miss one guy fell into the ocean presumably when who has repost who in our like past seasons have had that what what that's a fighter trait or like a fighter battle master kind of thing okay for sure okay

That is the end of that round. Um, the beginning of the next round, the, the bosun hammer bros go, uh, one is still alive. One, one climbs over from the other ship. He's going to use the chain and he successfully makes it across. Uh, he is, uh, next to grip as well. So he's going to take a swing at grip with his, uh, nasty. He's, they call themselves the hammer bros attack with hooks. Close range does a 19 hit. Absolutely. It does. Um,

So that will be seven damage to Grib. I'm getting banged up. And he's also grappling you as well. So you got two hooks into you right now. They're like, we're never gonna let you go, buddy. That is his turn. And then the other one is going to take his hook out and take another attack at you. Not one. He misses. So you only have one hook in you. And he's like, well, I guess I...

I guess I let go of you. I guess I was the dog looking at my own reflection with the bone in the water. Can't win them all. Everyone knows what I'm talking about.

mop nods you can tell he didn't know uh but he nodded um after that uh that is turbine's turn there's a couple of pirates on the boat a few pretty injured ones still on their boats uh what do you do let's try this let's see how this does because i just want to take some people out of commission a little bit so i'm going to i'm going to reach into my jacket and i'm going to take out a little piece of

the screen from the obelisk that hit us when we were doing the snake thing. And I'm going to use that to cast Hypnotic Pattern. I'm going to try to take the...

Let's say the captain and one of these weak guys, because I think the bosuns are both pretty hurt, right? And I feel like just kind of freezing the captain for a little while seems handy. So I'm going to try to focus it on them. So the way that works is they have to make a wisdom saving throw. I'll make that wisdom saving throw now. They're not super wise. Okay.

Natural one for the captain. Okay. Wow. And a uncharacteristic 16 for the bandit. So, wait. So, what did they have to make? They have to make a 15. Okay. The bandit is totally fine. This weak little man was able to avoid it. You look at him and he's wearing two eye patches. The pirate captain looks up and he has failed his save. Okay.

Describe what happens. So I kind of shine that little piece from the thing, and I get memories of Astrid running through the same shit. It's like, oh, yeah, I remember how this works. And I see the captain just sort of glaze over, and he is charmed and incapacitated and has a speed of zero. Wow, incredible.

Hell yeah. Is that broken if he takes damage? The spell ends if he takes any damage or if someone else uses an action to shake him out of it, basically. Okay, cool. Gotcha. And then I'm going to quicken spell to...

try to take out that really... There's one guy who's still pretty hurt from my shatter, right? Yeah, he's pretty... He's one of the few people left on the bow slowly. He's breathing really ragged, trying to load a crossbow again. Like, I got you guys. Cool. I'm going to... I don't feel good about my rolls, so instead of firebolting him, I'm going to mind sliver him. So he has to make an intelligent saving throw. Natural 20. Oh, no!

He's like, "All I do is sit down."

Get out of my head, boy. Get out of my head. He feels the tendrils of you trying to access his mind, and he shakes it away. And he's like, no, I have a task. I must load this crossbow, and I must shoot that boy. And he avoids it. Infuriated, yes. That's in a Turbine's turn. Grib, you are up. You got one hook in you, one hook left you. The two bosuns are right in front of you. The...

You get the hypnotized captain behind you, allies all around you. It's getting messy. What do you do? I'm going to have Zwam teleport to another boat, whomever is the, I guess, the healthiest.

So on the boats, they're all pretty fucked up. So, and how many, can I ask how many times you can do this? Is this a spell? It's a spell and there is no, as far as I'm concerned, there is no limit. It takes you one of your spell slots. That's what it. No, it's, it's a, it's a wildfire. It's, it's its own. It's the wildfire spirits attack options. The spirit in each willing creature choose of your choice within five seconds.

feet will teleport up to 15 feet to unoccupied spaces. You can see the creature within 5 feet of each space of the spirit left. Oh, dang. Then each creature within 5 feet of the space that the spirit left must succeed on a dexterity saving throw. So it's not where I emerge. That's my bad. It's only where I emerge when I

conjure it the first time. And then it takes damage every time it leaves, which is not what we did the first time, but we will correct it. I think in general it doesn't affect anything. The same amount of people have been hurt by it. Great. So I'll... Yeah, I will have it zoop out so it does damage to wherever it is and it will land on another ship. Okay, so...

We flipped it. Now it does damage when it leaves. So yeah, let's just do that. Can I just put him on another boat with another single? Have him take out Sudoku, the person loading the crossbow who's so fucking wise that they nat 20'd on us.

Yeah. This guy is understanding the exact physics of his crossbow as Zwom appears next to him. But as Zwom left, a little explosion of fire hits these guys. They roll what kind of check? Dexterity, 15. Okay, one of them fails, and they take how much damage?

nine. Nine. Okay. So one dude is toast burnt up. The other guy's fine. Uh, and so I'm appears next to the super intelligent bandit. And then I'm going to, uh, I'm just going to just kind of Zerg it and really try and kill these beefy boys with another burning hands. So you can hit both. They seem pretty well off. One is unhurt. One is pretty hurt. Okay. I'm going to go ahead and just Zerg a third level slot. Um,

I'm pretty mad at this point. There's a lot of pain going through Grib's body, a foreign amount of pain, and so he's going to just give it all he's got. They have to make a dexterity saving throw with a DC of 15. One. The healthy one passes. The hurt one does not. Great. I'm doing my damage roll. 19 damage. One takes 19 and one takes half. Okay.

Okay. Incredible. So the hurt guy is incinerated. His hook clatters to the ground. Like 20 hammers hit the ground as well. The other guy... His jacket was full of hammers. Wait, they weren't beefy at all.

it was just he's looking at the hammers on the ground like his friend has been lying to him this whole time uh uh he um he takes a half of 19 so he takes uh that's nine damage um because it's rounded down uh he's they're they're beefier but he that didn't feel good uh he does not seem great and uh yeah my uh grib uh anything else that turn

Thank you. That's it. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you for your time. I yield my time.

Nance, your turn. Grib has just assaulted these men with fire. Okay. I would love to roll a perception check to see what they're looking for. I feel like Nance is really good at being like, where are their eyes going? They were looking towards the quarters of the guests. Are they trying to get there? I think they may be originally. It seems like their plan's fucked.

You know, because you guys killed eight of them already. Okay. So it's like... So it's just a simple... Nothing's that simple, though. Okay. I guess I'm just going to start attacking. I'm going to go for the last bosun who's left. And I am going to roll two short sword attacks. 18 for the first one. Now 20 on the second one. Hell yeah. Roll that, Dama. Yes! Bring the fire, you.

Okay, for the first one, damage-wise, it's not good at all. That's a five. So much for the hype. And then for the second one, I roll double damage, right? You roll double dice, so what you add to it is not double. Oh, okay, cool, cool. That's fine. Oh, way better. Thirteen. Thirteen.

That's exactly how much help you had left. So Nance just called Fox's guy. His head spins all the way around and his neck breaks as he falls off the boat. Okay, so there's just a hypnotized captain left here with us. And then if I look back at Mop, is there just someone next to him? So there's a bandit and a hypnotized captain between you and Mop. And then there are two people left alive on the other boats. Okay, I'm going to run...

I'm not going to touch the captain at all. I'm going to run towards Mop, who has the bandit next to him, and Flurry of Blows attack with my last ki point. You take that attack. Roll your attack. Okay. I would like to first headbutt him and then headbutt him again. Really feeling that double down. 18. 18.

Turing coasts, coursing through your bloodstream. 18 and then a 10, so I think I headbutt him, and then he's too far away for the second headbutt.

The first headbutt was too good. You headbutt him out of the way like Zidane from the French World Cup team. You crumple this man with a headbutt. Okay, five with a four. That's nine. You do nine. He's almost dead, but he hit the ground, and so you just miss with your wild second headbutt. Fuck me.

And that's all I got. You know what? I'm going to be dumb because I have one to burn, but I'm going to use a lucky point and see if I can land that second headbutt. Is that okay? All right. Because I headbutt him and I just want to...

Extend my neck. Get him out of there. 19. That'll hit. Hell yeah. Okay, cool. So that is... Yeah! Okay, another nine. Yeah, Nance misses the second headbutt, but keeps the momentum going and does a front flip, headbutting this crumpled man on the ground. His chest cavity explodes. He's fully dead. It's one of the most gruesome things anyone's ever seen. The hypnotized captain's just...

in a daze next to his friend, has no idea what's happened. Can you imagine coming out of that daze? Like, you go into a coma, basically, while you have boarded a ship with three, the enemy's hooked, you got a bunch of beefy boys around you, and by the time you come out of it, they're all dead. There's one smart, smart man loading an arrow. But my, my, my, my beefy boys! I want to check his pockets, but I don't want to wake him up.

Pirate Captain's turn is up. He is fully hypnotized still. He's not going to be able to do anything, so we're going to skip his turn. And then it's Mop's turn. Mop is going to look up at the Pirate Captain who's fully unconscious in front of him and take some attacks with advantage because he can. Oh, boy. And he's going to flurry because why not? So Mop hits three times. Hell yeah. Hell yes.

Mop hits this pirate captain for 16 damage. The man comes out of his stupor. He is really fucked up. Let me make sure. Let me do this math real fast. So Mop attacked the pirate captain? Is that what happened? Yes. There's like no one left.

Yeah, they could have, like, tied him up or something. Interrogated him. Yeah, Mop wasn't thinking. He just had been attacked by this man a couple times. Sure, no, that makes sense. Now it's time for me to show you my wrath. Mop, no! And smacks at this guy a couple times. Damn it, Mop!

And he hits him. This guy's really fucked up. He's still alive, though. He's not dead. After Mop's turn, the last of the bandits who are there, it's literally just two people on the boats. One is trying to get the other one's attention, like, what do we do? I think we should let these hooks go and get out of here. But they're going to take two crossbow attacks just because the guy...

The guy who got the nat 20 intelligence save loads the bow perfectly at Turbine. He's been dreaming of this moment for so long. The string snaps and you got a nat 1. Did not hit anything at all. The other guy does roll a...

He rolled a 14 on the die, so that plus three is 17. At Grib, Grib, do you... What's your armor class again? 17. Yeah, so he hits... That's going to be... These ties. Three damage.

I'll kick it. So that's the last... I mean, those bandits are just kind of hanging out back there, like, pretty hurt, just, like, not sure what to do. After the bandits, it's the Hammer Bros' turn, but they're all dead, so now we're up to Turbine. I'm just going to...

Firebolt one of them who gives a shit. Yeah. So you look at the guy who passed your intelligence save, who fucked up his shot, and make an attack? Okay. 21? Hits. All right. And then it does...

13 damage? Yeah, he had two health left for a while, so this man is toast. Burnt to a crisp. He thinks about all of his life choices that led him to here as you burn him to death. It's really fucked up. Great. I'll probably edit that part out. It sounded too dark. I will remember him.

And Turbine, do you have anything else? I'm going to take a bonus action to burn a second level spell slot and get two sorcery points back. Cool. Great. Into Turbine's turn, Grib, it's up to you. You've got the bandit in one boat left, and that is it, except for the pirate captains.

Yeah, is the pirate captain wearing any metal? Is he wearing like a breastplate or anything like that? He's got like studded leather armor. So it's like got little metal like pock marks almost on it. Okay, then I'm going to have Zwam do a ranged spell attack his flame seed on the last standing bandit. Does an 11 hit? Yes, it does. You hit that guy, roll damage. Five plus my proficiency, so eight damage.

Eight damage. This man is toast. A seed burns... A burning seed shoots through him and leaves a flaming hole in his stomach, and he falls over. After that, any other bonus actions or anything? Oh, actually, Grib, you have your specific turn. Yeah. Yeah, I have my turn, and I'm going to... I'm going to heat metal on his armor. So...

I choose a manufactured metal object, such as metal weapon or suit, that I can see within range, and the object can glow red hot. Any creature within physical contact of the object takes 2d8 fire damage when you cast a spell. Damn. So, yeah, that guy's got a sword, the little metal studs on his leather armor. And it's got to make a constitution-saving throw.

He rolled a six, so I'm guessing he fails. He starts tearing at his chest, trying to undo the latches that hold it on to the side. Great. So he has disadvantage on attack rolls and ability checks until the start of the next turn. But he takes damage, right? Yes. 2d8.

Nine. Nine damage. You did one more damage than he had. Oh, yeah. Yes. This man struggles to take off his jacket, was hypnotized, wakes up to see all his fellow pirates dead, and then just gets really hot and dies. Dang. Dang. Great. Grib takes a deep breath.

Now that it's all sort of over, um, Swam teleports and reappears at his side. Okay. Uh, and you guys now, uh, with the killing blow of the pirate captain, who's, uh, metal studs melt into him as he dies. Uh, uh,

Grib, you're standing over this pirate captain you just killed. We'll exit combat there. People come out of their different hiding spots. The different crew members were actually working on the boat to keep it going. They were able to get the chains and stuff off the boat and try to make everything right after the attack. I could use a drink. I'm going to cast Healing Spirit.

You call forth a nature spirit to soothe the wounded, and everybody gets to touch that spirit, and they can heal 1d6, and the spirit can heal constructs or undead. The spirit can heal a number of times equal to one plus your spellcasting ability modifier, which is four. So a total of five heals with a 1d6, which should be able to... Everybody can get, like, a heal or two if they need it. But I want it... I don't know. It looks like a nice...

Like a plant with a berry that you pick and eat. Yeah, Grib miraculously grows this tree on the back of the boat that has little berries on it. And you're all able to take some. Mop grabs one and chows down. He is kind of fucked up. Maybe Mop should take two? I don't want to, like, I mean... Mop can take two. Okay, I'll eat two berries. And then it's one...

And then there's one for all of us. Mop eats two, and then strewn amongst us. Berries are nature's candy. That's kind of like a van life. I snort my berries. Hey, I must agree with you. I love sweet fruit. I've got a huge sweet tooth. I love sweet fruit. Yeah. Jesse Jr. comes out and is like, so none for me? We're out of... You're saying, huh, okay. That's kind of weird. It's kind of weird that...

There aren't any more. I cast another one, but I'm pretty pissed about it.

Do you really? Yeah. Was he hurt? No, he was never hurt. No one touched him. I eat another berry. Okay. Yeah. So Jesse eats one. He's like, gross, it's fruit? Oh, thanks. Oh, great. I hate this guy so much. I just grab all of the berries. I toss the berries about to my friends who are hurt. Okay. So they're eight health?

I thought there were D6. You roll a D6. And the individual, I'm just having the individual roll. I'm not going to roll for you. I gotcha. I gotcha. My first one was four and my second was four. So I am back up to full health. Thank you, Grib. These berries are delicious. I'm glad you enjoy the fruits of my labor. Do you think these could make like a good mixer? Do you think you could like put these with something? Nance, what do you think? You could muddle it. Yeah, you can muddle anything.

You can muddle anything? You can muddle anything. You can muddle leather. Grib quickly sort of takes a knee. You see his quads flex as he genuflects down.

And he checks in with Zwom, and they're kind of just communicating with their eyes of like, are you okay? We saw a lot of shit that we've never seen before. Yeah, they communicate with their eyes. It feels a little bit like we're writing out Zwom's beautiful voice, but they... Oh, you caught that. Interesting. Yeah, it feels a little like that. And then he gives a moment for Zwom to say whatever he's feeling. You okay? Pfft.

You okay? Hey, are you okay? I... Miraculous. I think I'm better than I thought I'd be. Are you okay? You killed a lot of people. Yeah, I'm... I... Yes, I mean, I took... I have removed souls from this earth. Yes. Um... But sometimes you have to destroy to create...

That's very true. You do get the gist. The Dugan family kind of comes out of their quarters. Jesse Dugan Sr. is like, wow, they're gone? You guys take care of that? What was it? Did something happen? And like feigning like, whoa, what happened? I say, Finn. You're welcome. What'd you say? Finn. It's French for the end.

Oh, I thought we were on a boat, so I thought you meant like a fin came after us, like a shark, like in Jaws. No, no, no, it was all a show. Now go back to your quarters. All right, when's dinner? Can I do... I feel like he knows more than he's letting on. Can I do some kind of check to see if I pick up any weird vibes from him? I mean, you guys have already figured out that he's kind of weird. Yeah, I mean, it seems like he...

I would say that for free, it feels like he's withholding information, but he's also kind of in charge of you, so it's a little bit of an awkward. Yeah. All right. These are these salt shaker pirates. You ever heard of them? Salt breakers? Salt breakers, sure. I don't know a bunch about anything like that. Weird. Yeah, so just let me know when dinner's ready, and he goes back to his room.

Um, but as after that happened, Yerth comes up from like the deck of the ship, uh, and he looks kind of worried. He's like, uh, we've gone a bit off course running from these hooligans. I was taking evasive actions, basically leaving Solonport. You have to successfully navigate the rocky waters to get to the other side of the cove.

And on into the open waters and it's a very specific approach that I'm afraid we're a bit off of at the moment so I'm going to need everyone's help all the crew to the deck to help and he ties a little bandana to his head and focuses up.

Just so you guys know, we're going to do a quick round of survival checks to navigate these rocky waters. Oh, cool. I'll explain how this works. Can I just really quickly point out that Yareth looks a lot like a ninja turtle right now. He is just a turtle with a bandana. Yeah, what color is his bandana? His bandana is white. Oh, okay.

Unlisted turtle. Sort of a pure one. I'm a religious turtle. Are you confusing the turtles for Care Bears? What do you mean? I'm the pure one. The turtles pronounce... They love. Their power is love. The turtles. They love. They love. I'm like if Splinter was a turtle. Um...

Okay, so survival checks. So here's how this goes. Looking ahead of the boat, the sky is darkening. It's not stormy, but it doesn't look... The water is churning. It's a pretty unsafe area of water. You see little rocky islands throughout this stretch ahead of you, but it's kind of...

driving you forward. There's not really a way to go around it other than through it. As Yara said, it's not the ideal path forward. So we're going to make a couple of skill checks. And how that works is we have to...

get a certain amount of successes before three failures. Okay. The DC is 14. Let me know... And when I say skill, I mean, like, the skills on your character sheet. And another thing to know about this is you can only use one once. Okay. So, look at your skills, tell me what you think you would do, and make a roll. When you say, look at your skills, you mean, like...

Like, I'm going to be using survival check or I'm going to be using perception. You can use a spell if you want, but there's, yeah, it's up to you. It's, you know, obviously there's a cost to using spells that could come into play later. Nancy Ray will start jumping up and just kind of flinging from sail to sail, just, you know, really like arranging everything, retying sails, tightening them.

Cool. Like in, in the, like, uh, in the aftermath of all that, Nancy, uh, was able to like definitely, you know, using the dexterity of a six, three woman who has an arrow in her butt, uh, flies up and is able to retie things that came loose and just get the rigging all, uh, time. Mm-hmm.

Turbine, what do you do? Cool. So I'm going to... I mean, I see the fabric of the universe and stuff. Like, I know where shit is. So I'm going to just sort of, like...

I imagine I have, like, before that I was, like, before I became a sorcerer, I was a lore bard. I feel like I just know, I know the area and stuff. So can I do, like, can I do, like, history checks to, like, sort of, like, I know the bends of the river. I know how, like, the best, where, like, where deep water is, where shallow water is the best way to kind of, like, move through here.

Yeah, maybe we'll say that you have studied the local maps and things and you can understand where you are a little bit better. It's like you're helping navigate. Like an expert navigator, basically. Yeah. Kind of like use like a history check to kind of like sort of help navigate the ship. Awesome. Grib, what are you up to?

Um, I will be in the front of the ship and I will just be trying to like be the eyes in the front of the ship. That's barking orders. If something's, if the map doesn't help and something sneaks up on it, I can bark an order that we need to quickly move the ship in a different direction. Cool. Um, so yeah, so it's an athletics, a history of perception. Um,

You guys, if you have anything that you want, you have any abilities to like boost scores or anything, I would do that now. But if not... I have guidance, so I can just... You're guidancing yourself. All right, everybody make a d20 roll. First one for me is an 18. 21. 15. 15.

Awesome. So you guys are all on the different parts of the boat. Nance is flying through the rigging like, I don't know, Peter Pan kind of? Now, if I recall, over here, there's a little turn in the world. Peter Pan's got a bunch of maps out. He sees the corduroy of the universe, as he said.

On the left! On the left! Through the different calls you're making, you're able to navigate this first stretch. There's some rocky outcrops to the left, and the water's churning all around you. You feel like the boat's shaking a lot. It feels really dangerous. And then you guys are coming up to a

another bend of this rocky water that feels a little confusing. And if you could make three more checks. Sorry, you have to pick a new skill. Oh, new skill, right. Pick a new skill and do that. Great. So let me know what you're doing and how that affects the boat or how that actually works. I'm going to do... I'll do a nature check. I'm going to be looking at

the winds in the trees and the rushes of the water to see if we're coming up on a drop or a waterfall or anything. A quick descent. I'm flying up in the...

up on the bow, up on the stern, whichever one I'm on. And I think that Cream has come up from below death. - Naturally, this dachshund got from below death to the top of this. - It's been a long time. We're usually not separated this long, and she does have separation anxiety, and so I'm gonna use animal handling to have Cream come up and help me with the sail time. - Sure.

I will say that you can do that with disadvantage if you'd like. Not 100% sure how this would help the boat. The dog's helping, I promise. The dog. Look, Cream knows what they're doing.

Cool. Yeah, yeah. You could definitely do that with disadvantage. Cool. And then I'm going to get a little sea shanty going, making sure people stay on the rhythm, making sure, like, I don't know. Do we have oars or is it all sailing here?

It's all sailing, but yeah, the rhythm I can see helping the tasks at hand. Yeah, sort of like, kind of like helping to direct in a very musical and inspiring kind of way. There's a lot of morale issues probably in a situation like this. Yeah, sort of rousing. We haven't even gotten into the drama of Bexie and Lexi right now, but...

So I'm giving a sort of like stirring speech slash, you know, like keeping people up, going to do a little performance check. And I'm also going to make things right in the universe and make sure that Allie's able to do that check without disadvantage. Thank you so much. I was already brainstorming like, okay, one more luck point.

I see how things are. It's like, wait a minute. No, of course this makes sense. And I kind of like, as I'm sort of giving this stirring speech, I'm like, oh, Nance, Nance, Nance, of course. Like, you know, you should, if you move cream just like this, I think that'll really help. Cream is underfoot. Someone's like, did you just say move cream? What are you talking about? What are y'all doing right now? Cream balls. All right, cool. Everybody make their rolls. All right. I'm doing a performance check here. Oh, man.

I rolled a 1. That's a 14 for me. I'm going to tell you right now that was a 7. Okay. 9. A nat 1? I rolled a nat 1, and I got it to a 9 with the guidance and my pluses. Oh, I'm going to roll a luck check to not also fail then. Final luck. Final lucky. Okay, Cream. Come on, girl. Come on. Nat 20. A real nat 20.

Show it. A real one. Yeah, I mean, not like this. Not like this other one. Yeah. Okay. People always give me so much shit. I will say that with the Nat 20 and a Nat 1, the Nat 1 should have been two failures, but we're going to say that that's one failure. Oh, my. Wow. Thank you, Allie. So you all have one failure now. And everyone has to say, Cream saved the day. In like, one, two, three. Cream saved the day. Cream puts on a matching white bandana.

The skill it must take to tie a bandana to the forehead of an oxen. All right, you're right. Side of hand. All right, so you guys are almost out of the rocks right now. There's one more last outcrop almost directly in front of you. Yareth is spinning the wheel hard to try to turn the boat all the way. Make three more checks, if you will. These are your final checks. Cool. Cool.

It's so funny trying to figure out how to fit, like, deception into this. Like, how could I... There are ways to do, like, almost every skill. Can I...

So I'm, at this point, like, I've been singing. I've been trying to stir people. Shit's still going wrong. So I'm just going to, like, lose my shit at Yareth and just, I'm going to do an intimidation. Just be like, you got to get us out of here. You got to get us the fuck out of here. Come on. You got to save us. You have to save us. Oh, my God.

I gotta be honest. I don't know how helpful that would be in the moment. You think it'll be distracting? Is that what you're saying? I think there's a chance that would... I mean, you can do it with disadvantage if you would like, but I don't know that that would be... Fine. I'll stop maximizing all things like that. I think it's actually a good-ish idea. I'm just going to panic and I'm going to pray. Can I do a religion check to just pray that we get out of this alive?

For sure. I'm not as good at religion, but I think that that makes sense. Well, like, I think there's, like, you know, there's other crew members. Maybe they would appreciate feeling like something's looking after them right now. So, yes, you can do that. I'm going to leap down from finishing my job up in the sails and use just, like, an athletics check to try to pry these, what were they called? Grappling hooks off of the boat so that we can go quicker.

Cool. Yeah, I guess there's like a grappling hook hanging off the back still, and you are able to do that. Grib, what are you up to? I'm going to use Arcana to imbue magic of the people that are hoisting the sails, I suppose. Okay. Okay.

Yeah, I think, like, with your Arcana, you're able to, like, maybe the storm sort of quells in that area. Like, the wind kind of dissipates a little bit. But everyone make a roll and tell me what you get. Okay. Hmm. Not great. That's a seven? Thirteen. What are we aiming for here? The DC's fourteen. Fourteen? I might, I'm gonna, I'll use a luck point. Okay, hell yeah. I made it by one. Oh, fuck yeah. Okay, cool. Okay.

That is a 16. Hey, hell yeah. Okay. As you're skidding around this corner, which is... You're in the fucking water. It feels like there can't be corners. But as the boat turns out of the way of this rocky outcrop ahead of you, Yareth is able to swing the wheel around and get the sails going in the proper direction to barely scoot past this island. As the ship flies by, you hear this, like...

as a rock scratches against the side, but not as deeply as it could. The ship slows down as it starts to scratch into it, but as it just gets past it, you feel the rock kind of unlatch from the ship. You could have gotten stuck way more on this, but you push past it and are in the open water, and you look back, and you see a giant fucking crab on the island smashing its pincers, breaking rocks. It was so mad that you went past it.

I praise God. I praise God. What else is there to do? Oh, my God. Bexie looks at Turbine and is like, wow. I don't know if this is the right time, but it's been a really hard day for me. And I need you to pray for me. Okay. I pray for Bexie.

As you pray for Bexy, you'll look out and you're in basically the open water of the East Sapphire Lakes. And just ahead of you, in the distance, it's a very large structure that you can only barely see from here. You see these...

man-made structures that looks like sort of large locks in the distance. And that's where we'll be in the episode. Oh, large locks? Yes. Like canal locks? Canal locks. Oh, cool. Not L-O-X. And as we are drifting towards these mysterious locks that Gribb has no idea what they are, neither does Jacob, he starts patting himself pretty crazily, looking for something.

looks in his vest lapel and he pats and he pulls out his satin envelope and he sighs a sigh of relief and he goes to look in the envelope and we'll leave it to next episode to reveal what is inside the satin envelope what is inside Gribbs' satin envelope you must tune in you must tune in who knows what's in that envelope envelope reveal

Text Zach at the following number to tell him what you think is in that envelope. We're really playing with the stakes here. It's voice reveal, flag reveal, and then secret envelope reveal. I mean, the flag reveal, I can't imagine anything huger and more impactful. I mean, yeah, what I'm saying is we blew our load, you know?

Well, you know, next week we'll talk about blowing our loads. You always pick up on things I'm so angry that I said out loud. You always do that, Zach. My bad. My bad.

Yeah, next week we'll have another Arc Bark talking about this episode. And thanks for listening. That was a fun one. Thank you, Zach. Thank you, Zach. Thank you, Zach. Thank you, guys. I'm glad you didn't get killed by a giant crab. But we'll talk more about it next week. Bye. Bye.

Thank you for listening to arc two of the rotating heroes podcast. I hope that you've enjoyed it. If you have, and you want more rotating heroes in your life, you can listen to the rotating heroes podcast over our Patreon. We'll get access to episodes months early. That's patreon.com forward slash rotating heroes. You'll also be able to hear the exclusive arc box, which is where this crew talks about what has happened in the last episode. In this arc, we have Jacob Waisaki playing Grib, Mike,

Trap playing Turbine Spizzle Zinc, and Ali Beardsley playing Nancy Ray Gann. Your DM was Zakoyama, and this episode was produced and edited by Zakoyama and Jasper William Cartwright. That's me. Bye!