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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah, I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.
Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,
Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's... Because they're naked? Well, it's like the 1800th time you say, on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there, I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it? This year, Dell Technologies' back-to-school event is delivering impressive tech with an inspiring purpose.
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I used to watch porn in the 80s and I'd see some guy with some mongo wang and some girl with dislocated jaw like an anaconda. I'd go...
And I go, is this even possible? Maybe I was mixing that up with a nature channel. I don't know. I won't even go there. I don't even know what to say. What color am I? Yeah, sorry about these bullet holes behind me, but...
We're working on the house or something. Jesus Christ. Some grassy knoll stuff going on there. Christ. Christ. Christ. Lots going on, Dana. If we're starting, let's start. This is started and we're almost done. Okay. Hi, everybody. I have a story about Rite Aid, which is, you know, obviously interesting. Which I love. Yeah.
That's already an eye catcher, ear catcher. Ooh, what happened to Rite Aid? Yeah, Rite Aid. Okay, I want to hear it. So I have to go to Rite Aid, Dana. You know, celebrities, they're just like us.
So, I don't even-- I'm getting toothpaste. I go to the biggest Rite Aid on Sunset. It's literally got 15 items left, and it's about an acre. -Fifteen? -I mean, it's got-- Don't do that. You can't abuse that. You can't abuse the look.
Go ahead. Okay. So you're going down the aisle and you're grabbing two people. I'm going down the aisle. Okay. Figuring out my hair. Okay, I'm going down the aisle and I see a guy walking in, huge dude with his shirt pulled up, right? He's obviously on some hard times. Maybe he's homeless or something. But he comes in and he says that there's two people working and he's talking to them. I don't know what he's saying, but when I walk in, they go, sir, you'll have to pull your shirt down. By the way,
I didn't even think they give anybody orders like that. You know what I mean? They usually don't say anything. But he goes, oh, I'm sorry. It's so hot. I'm drenched in sweat. But he's being very polite. That's all I know. It's a big story. Okay, he's being polite. So he's still meandering around. I go get my three things. It is like a war zone. There's no toothpaste. In a whole aisle, there's one toothpaste. So I have to take that shitty one. It looks like Crest. It's like coloring, but it's not. It's obviously some knockoff. But I say, fine. So I walk up. Is it Berk?
I mean, there's just not much items out. Yeah, there's nothing. There's none in that one. I did a video. Okay. Maybe I'm hitting him between stocking. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. So, but I get only three things. So I walk up, I get in line. Now the two helpers that work there aren't there, cashiers. Now my man comes up behind me with his stuff. I don't even know what he's getting. Midriff, midriff guy, Mikey Midriff. Oh, Mikey Midriff comes up behind you. Right behind me.
uh, rubbing his stomach, just being-- just killing time. And then I am scared, 'cause we're just standing there, and so I go,
I don't know where these chicks went. You know, I try to buddy. I say something like it's me and you against the world. Right. Yeah. I'm your pal. Yeah. Yeah. And then I look over and there's a, you know, thrifty has like an ice cream cone part. Oh, that you got to have an ice cream store inside or inside a Rite Aid. Yeah. Thrifty ice cream. Yeah. Right. So been there forever. They're in everyone. So she's down there helping some woman forever. And the woman's like, yeah, Captain Crunch. She's like, I'm like, that's not an ice cream. Come on. Like,
And I just want to get moving. So the guy behind, yeah, he's good. It could be an ice cream flavor. Yeah. And the lady's like, Captain, I'm like, they don't, we don't, it's not. But anyway, the guy behind me goes, shoot, I think I'm going to have to steal this stuff. I got to get going.
And who says that out loud? I go, yeah, man, I'm thinking about that, you know? And then I only have three things. I'm not going to bankrupt the store, but I'm like, I should probably, by the way, the whole LA is on the honor system. Now there's no real laws or rules. It's just like, there's nothing. You don't, you just leave. So he's being kind of cool, but they don't come back. So he says, uh, shoot. Hey, I got to take off. I got to go. I just got to steal it. And I go, cool. You know, I give him the thumbs up. Cool.
So he runs out and then he runs into a man and woman with their three kids. And he goes, Ooh, sorry, sorry, sorry. I just stole this. I got to go. I got, I'm in a hurry. So he goes in,
And then I thought in my head, yeah, I go, where's he going? Like, you know what I mean? He's got jury duty. Why do you got to rush out? I just saw you laying on the ground. He's got to get out of here. He's got to go. Yeah. Plus I thought he was there more for the AC because that's kind of why I was there, but he just kind of chilled. And then the people, I go, oh, are you okay? And they go, were you in bench warmers? I go, okay. So it was just a lot going on. So we took a picture of them. Anyway, that's all.
That's the whole thing. That's a good story, though. I think it's a good story. I like, just from a human level, that you kind of were chill with the guy. Yeah. You were warm to him. You know, he's probably hurting. And he was polite. Did he have no pack, four pack, six pack, or 12 pack? No, he was a little chunky. No, I'm not going to say that, Dan. I take it back. Let's not. Let's not go there. I think it was a mesh thing.
shirt he was going with, like a look. So I think you have to be pretty ripped to have that. I've been in line at Riot Aid where on the other side of the Riot Aid, someone is having a bad day and everyone's waiting in line to get their meds and we're all kind of, and then it's suddenly on the other side of the stores, Riot
- And everyone's like, - Everyone freezes. Will there be violence right now? - I need my medicine. - I have to, I get probably, I probably have about five prescriptions, do the math. I won't say which ones they are. And sometimes you get a prescription, they go, "Would you like to talk to the pharmacist?" And you go, "All right."
And they kind of meandered over. How you doing, Dana? Got any questions? No, I've taken it daily for 40 years, but how are you doing, sir? What questions would I have?
Hey, been going up any at this comedy store lately? Like, oh, these questions. He has some for you. Oh, yeah. Well, the thing is, I'm at a level of so-called fame that I can wander around a mall and wander around places with nothing. And then all of a sudden, someone just goes, hey, I love the church. I literally get scared. I jump. I forget that I was on TV. Yeah, yeah. That's funny. You sure got a lot of fans out there. I'll tell you that.
My pharmacist goes, do you know how to take these pills? I go, for a while, I've been putting them in my mouth and then drinking water with them. Is that still working? And he's like, yeah, you could do that. My guy picks up the bottle, shakes them near his ear and goes,
Hey, do you really need these? Really? Okay, now we're playing tennis. What else does your guy do? I go, like, if you have something that, like, if you have medication you have to take every day, I like when a guy goes, you can get 30 of these. I go, I don't want to come here. I have to come here all the time. Like, just give me stuff that I don't have to keep fucking coming back. Like, you, the fucking great lady that does it to you.
Oh, you want, I'm going to have to call Dr. J. Here's the thing that happens. So your doctor calls it in. You want one a day. So it's 30 for a month. Then you get the thing, you bring it home and it's 15.
And then you go back and they go, oh, the insurance wouldn't cover it. It was an extra $1.38. So we only gave you $15. Exactly.
I go, here's $10. This will cover the next five years of that. Just give me all of them. What sleep year? We gave you a 28. Well, if you get sleep medication, it's like a bank heist with certain people. It's like, okay, that's your one. I don't know if it's ready. All right, I'll wait. Okay. Dude, they tell me cough syrup, same thing. They go.
"Why don't you wait over there while we push the fucking bank robbery buzzer so the cops can..." I'm like, "I need cough? It's codeine, I'm sorry. There are people that need things for things still. It's not just abuse." Rather than just chugging codeine. Yeah, I love... By the way, side note, I love it. But I had bronchitis and pneumonia and the guy goes, "They don't like us to just give this away." I go,
I'm the exact person that needs it. You fuck like, give it to me. He's like, they don't like us just throwing this shit around. I go, well, I'm not little Wayne. I need it. I'm not putting it with my slurpee. Like I need to, I mean, I will anyway. It's just like a weird, anyway, pharmacies are funny. Pharmacies are funny.
Got him. Cut. We have too much to talk about. I will say I have to plug my gigs because I'm going to Denver. I want to give you permission. Let's have an edit and go, hey, David, so you don't have to bring it up. Where can your fans see you in the ensuing months? Danny, you know this is hard to talk about. I know you don't want to showboat or promote, but please just do it. I've got the Venetian coming up with Nikki Glaser. I've got Minneapolis, Indianapolis.
I've got Hartford, Connecticut, four in Florida, Boise. Look at this shit. Oh, my neck of the woods. Seattle, we got Providence, R.I. Oh, yeah, we got Kansas City. Oh, Denver, I'm filming something, so I got two that night. Jeez, I wish I had a map. I can't even keep track. October 11th, I think, yeah.
Anyway, other than that, that's all good shit. Denver, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay, pop quiz. Who wrote the song where the line is, I've been everywhere, man? Is that what he says? I've been everywhere, man. I hear that in commercials. I don't know. I know. I don't know. Well, it's like you're like Willie Nelson. I don't even know. I just know. I've been everywhere, man. You're like Willie Nelson. On the road again. Yeah, I know that one. Can't wait to get back to Indianapolis. Before we get to our-
But anyway, go see my friend David. He's a great staff. One of the funniest people in the Western hemisphere. And we have... My last question is about the Olympics because we got a few stories coming up. Then we have a guest at the end. Uh-oh, we got a guest at the end. Yeah. Yeah, good one. We can say his name. Should we promote it if this is the first part of this? Well, they can stick around and figure it out. It is Olympics...
or as my friend says, orientated. We're the first podcast in our quadrant to have the Olympic gold medalist.
- Yeah. - Cole Hawker. - Oh yeah, Cole Hawker. - And we, I'm a track nut, we do a deep dive. He's very charming. So listen to that, stay tuned for that. - Yeah, stay tuned, that's in a couple minutes. - Between that great thing though is us doing whatever we do for a few more minutes. - I will say in the Olympics, did you see, we did talk about Snoop, but Flavor Flav is sort of floating around. - Love that guy. - He's funny. I think they got him because is his big clock a stopwatch? That would be smart. You know what I mean? - Yeah. - Go!
Ka-ding. Yeah, if he modified it to look like an old-fashioned big stopwatch and was timing people, damn, that would have been fantastic. Yeah, and he's got a little clipboard. Oops, real gun. And the runners can read the result from 100 yards away. Yeah, while they're running. Okay, I'm doing pretty good. Also, he's very mysterious. He's like, does he have a social security number? Like, I don't know him because...
A guy kind of comes out of the woodwork, then he goes away, comes back. Not sure if he's rapping anymore or music. I don't know. But everyone loves him.
I just go by the premise that there's so much show business that no one knows what anyone's doing. If you told me Flavor Flav just did a European tour sold out, I'd go, oh, okay. Who keeps track? I mean, you just tell people. I should tell people that too. That's a great point because you just don't know. Yeah, he just sold out stadiums and you go. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that, man. So if you were going to not be David Spade and name yourself something, what would it be? Five seconds.
Spudly spud. Okay. Does it have to be like that? No, that's good. I'd be Dana the Dew. I'd be Big Dick McGee. Because that one, people want to try to figure it out. Like, is it true? Or is he just saying that? Mine would be, it won't fit easily. Mine would be, bring some WD-40. Ha ha ha!
Whatever that means. Okay, we'll do Poulet over right now. If I was Flavor Flav, would you, at a certain point, I'd get like an aluminum clock. It's too heavy on my neck. I couldn't pull that thing around, you know. I'd have the money to get a solid gold clock. He does have money, but. Oh, yeah. Well, please answer me this and tell me this. Flavor Flav must have a deal with Kool-Aid.
Kool-Aid flavor, flavor, flavor, Kool-Aid. Oh yeah. I want apple. I want cherry. How about flavor? Flavor? What?
What Flavor Flav do you want? You'll find out later. Yeah, that's it. Okay. For a seven-year-old, I want Flavor Flav because it just sounds different. Okay. I thought you were going to say Timex, like he should get a deal with a clock. Oh, I was going by the nickname. That nickname has nothing to do with time. He should have been called the human time machine. Flavor Flav is a cool name. That's a smart one to get. It's hard to get. Yes.
Yes, it is. Okay. Let's go do some headlines because we got to get to our guests. So I don't want to waste too much time. Let's do it. You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony, which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Yeah.
Just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, it, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, uh,
It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.
Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.
Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.
So get started today with a compatibility quiz. So you can find some and you can be yourself with. Get Who Gets You on eHarmony. Sign up today. All right. Give us anything. I have these things and we'll just say, okay, before they start, let me see.
Is this about the Olympics? They wouldn't do us like that. I'm clearly hallucinating right now. It looks like a legit fan. Okay, let's just see what it is. We'll figure it out. Sound up. We're going to talk about this when I calm down. But what just happened? I know that they did not advertise this as confirmed musical guests, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Snoop Dogg, and Billie Eilish, and then have those three artists zoom in.
on a Zoom meeting and put it on the screen, the small screen. I know they didn't do that. I know they wouldn't sell tickets in good faith to people here in Paris and say, come on in, we've got all these artists, and then show a small TV screen of them Zooming in. I know they wouldn't do that. I think they're in Malibu, Dana. I think, yeah. They wouldn't do that. They were in LA. We'll talk about this later. I love it. I like your attitude. They would not do this to us. You're selling tickets to a concert
at the end of the Olympics with red hot chili and Snoop was it? He's there. Snoop must've got some kind of supersonic jet. Cause you know, he doesn't play to make sure I'm not there for the advertiser. That is a bit of a bamboozle. And I don't like to use that word, but I think it is.
I'm clear what she just said. So they said, like, I'm going to Def Leppard in a couple weeks with Journey and Steve Miller. So I go to SoFi Stadium and they put up a big screen and they're doing a show in Paris and I'm watching that.
Oh, I got you. That's what happened. Yeah. They were all here in America doing the concert and they saw it on a Zoom call. Oh, on a Zoom. She goes, I'm watching a Zoom meeting with all these people like on a huge screen like,
Well, I got to give it to you, mama. This is what it was like. Give it away, give it away, give it away now. Continue. Dr. Dre, I thought it was very cool from just someone watching it on the TV. Yeah, I mean, I thought it was LA, but I didn't know they said it was there. Okay, next one. That's good. She has an argument. No, that's crazy. Funny. Okay, this is...
Oh, this is something about the Olympics. Oh, this is a cringe moment. This girl hurt her leg in the Olympics. Yes. And they come up to help her. Now watch how it plays out. Okay. Her legs hurt. Someone help her up. She's hurt. She's down. There are two people now. Coach may be helping her. Talking to her. Talking to her. Might be a fencer. This guy's helping. They need to let her sit down. They need to get her out of there. Three people. Thank God a guy brings a chair. Tells the coach, put her in this chair.
Oh, for me? Thank you. The uninjured man sits in the chair to illustrate how to sit in a chair? Yeah, maybe that's what he said later. I was just showing her how to sit. Why would the healthy guy sit in the chair? It must have been illustrative. They tap on the shoulder. He goes, oh, thanks, man. I'm wiped out. Oh, you mean for that broken leg? Yeah. Okay. No, I'm sorry.
- It was so quick. - I just looked so comfortable. He had bright yellow pants on. He couldn't resist lowering his butt into a chair. - God, if Spade saw a chair and I was standing for more than eight minutes, I'd be fucking, "Give me that, God." - Your thing is you're always trying to stand. You're always trying to stand up. - I'm always trying to stand, and when I'm standing, I need to sit. That's what a bad neck will do for you. You just want the other one all the time. - I think you gotta go to Rite Aid. You need some medicine for that.
That guy had to go. He goes, I got to get going, man. I go, he goes, do you have a, I go, what about me? And he goes, are you on a TV show right now? I go, I mean, he goes, not right now. I go, no, he goes, I got to go. You don't need to go. I got to go. There's your thumbnail. That's another good thumbnail. With the straw. I don't know. My eyebrow shoots up. I got to get some, I got to tame that down with some gorilla glue. Well, I'm on it. Okay, next one. I'm working our way to the guest.
Oh, this is funny. Wait. Oh, that the average Olympian in the Olympics is prettier than Miss Universe. I mean, Miss Universe is very pretty, but I thought this was funny. Miss Universe and the average Olympian. Well, I would say, and I don't know whether it's age-related, but there seemed to be a disproportionate amount of extremely attractive athletes. Wow.
And so, you know, I'll say from Heather's listening, you know, from the female perspective and the male perspective, it seems like you're winning the life of lottery. Yes, you're going to be super talented. You're going to the Olympics. You're going to get paid millions of dollars and you're incredibly good looking. Oh, OK. Thank you. Yeah, that's right. And there's pretty split that equal amount of female male.
great-looking people. It was more the great-looking Olympics. Everyone was like, all the runners, all the dudes, I'm like, this guy's a stud. One guy had a headband, he's cool. I'm like, god dang, they get it all, I guess. I got their sunglasses, they're taking them off. You know, I don't... They're taking them off. They're taking off his glasses, you know, what's up? I don't think they did it intentionally, but someone put up the sign, Orgy Village, and they took it down instead of Olympic Village. Oh, yeah, let's roll a clip from fucking Olympic Village.
You got more thumbnails than a thumbnail factory. I'm just trying to keep it live over here in my fucking Beirut wall. There it is. Does my hair make you happy? My hair isn't bad today, but it's a little messy. You know what it is? It's untamed.
Yeah, my face looks like I slept on it for a couple of days, but it's waking up. It'll wake up in a couple. I try not to look at my picture. I'm just focusing on you. I took all the mirrors down. This is my only mirror. When I'm on Zoom, I go, what the fuck? Okay, next one.
We're getting there, Dana. We're kind of... It's all right. Oh, this is what you do when you're rich. Mark Zuckerberg made a statue of his wife in his backyard. Wow. Money to burn productions. It's gigantic. She's tied up in kelp. She's like an Adonis or something. That's her hair or something? I'm going to call it $10 million for that. I would do it for him for $10 million. I'd find some...
old green statue from like Avatar, you know,
- Did you see that Zuckerberg, you know, he had the robotic kind of Chia Pet hair and sort of the glycerin face all smooth. And now he's got all kind of frothy hair and is wearing casual clothes. He's having a midlife crisis at 38. He wants to go back to 17. Go ahead. - I want to look better all the time and I want to get enough money to where I look great. And everyone just goes, "What happened?" I go, "I don't know, nothing. I just look way better."
Well, they got all kinds of stuff. Dude, that ship he has, that huge monster 3,000 foot warship. Zuckerberg or Bezos. Yacht. It's all the same. They go out and each one has a pharmacy on it probably and a Pilates studio and a surgical center and urgent care. And a small army and a helicopter. Yeah, helicopter repair shop. Bowling alley. All the accoutrements. Some of my buddies went on those yachts this year and they're like,
You wouldn't believe it. It's unreal. They just like famous people walking around because they get paparazzi. Well, I put this out. Any Saudi prince that wants David and I to come to their party and just hang out and be charming, we're there. And we'll do a 20-minute set at night. We'll double. We'll do a 20-minute set. We're not cheap, but we're less than Beyonce. Yeah. Okay, next one. Okay.
We're like a real professional show. Okay, is this funny? Let me see. It is kind of professional. That's not okay. That scared me. I don't know what this is. Okay, here's the video. A kid with a... Oh, he eats this fucking hamburger. Oh, gross. That's how wide he can open his mouth. That's like an anaconda eating an elk. Is that...
- Real? No, so people listening to this, he opened his mouth like alien in the first and second Alien. He had a second set of teeth. I mean, he dislocated his jaw. You could have put a football in his mouth. - Exactly. - What? - I used to watch porn in the 80s and I'd see some guy with some mongo wang and then some girl would dislocate her jaw like an anaconda.
And I go, is this even possible? Maybe I was mixing that up with a nature channel. I don't know. I won't even go there. I don't even know what to say. What color am I? That wall is dark green behind me, so that shows you everything. I have blinds and things. Go ahead. Okay, next one. I'm the color of my room. It's all brown. You look good, though. You look crispy.
Okay. Oh, this is a good Farley. Okay. You know, Farley was on Leno. I don't think I saw this clip when it happened. Yeah. I went on with him a couple of times, but this one, Shannon Doherty was on SNL and she was great. Very striking. Very pretty. That's cool. Lots of fun. Did a great sketch with Sandler called The Denise Show.
was just very game. So they're somehow on Leno together, and of course Farley interrupts her the whole time, and it's hysterical.
Yes, Chris and I did Saturday Night Live together. Oh, sure, that's right. Of course. And we had so much fun, and I thought he was such a nice guy. And then I ran into him much later at a True Lies premiere, and he had no idea who I was. That's not true! You know something? I was blind drunk! Blind drunk? That's racist! I like that. You know, it's the women, they come, they go. Yeah, I know.
He keeps grabbing it. You know, he would go for you because I understand you're cooking. You like doing the whole cooking thing, so... Who wouldn't go for her? She's gorgeous. And she cooks. Oh, do you have a girl shower scene? Hello! Pause and rewind two words. Pause and rewind.
How fucking funny. What a talk show masterpiece of Farley just can't stop screaming and
-Maybe wasted, but... -His scream and the rhythm of it, it's like Kenison had one and Chris had his own. -It's unreal. -Boys are so good. That deep, crazy voice. It's rough and raw and the commitment of it, it's just... You can't not laugh when he's doing that. I have to say, almost every girl who came on that show had somewhat of a crush on him because he was so hilarious. He'd grab you and go back and he'd get nervous and grab you and then yell something stupid and feel stupid.
Couldn't take it. Oh, yeah. He was always undercutting himself and self-deprecating. And he kind of leaned down and that's Dana, the lady. Grab you. Hey, lady. Choke you to death. Never called me Dana. Never called me Carvey. Just lady. There's the lady. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He would be great around. Oh, anyway. OK, go ahead. We'll get to that. OK, go ahead. What's the next one?
Okay. Oh, oh, this is the one I told you about last week. Okay. We can end with this one. This was Suni Lee, who I think is so adorable. And she's talking to herself, but we couldn't do it. We found it. This is the one I was telling you. She's going to do an Olympic. A lip reader says what she's saying. As she's nervously waiting to do the pummel horse or the balance beam, right? Yeah. Or the floor. Okay. Okay.
You got this. Last one. Listen for the beat. Get this one over. It'll be good. One thing at a time. Isn't that cute? Wow. That gave me chills. Me too. I don't know why I liked it so much. I thought she's just thinking and she's got the whole stadium. Everything boils down to that one Olympic run you're doing, whether the floor, whatever, but
I think, you know, like with golf, you have five minutes between things. They have so much time to wait. It's not like basketball, go, go, go instinct. And to try to be in the moment, not get in your head, try not to try. It is the fucking Olympics. That's why it was sometimes hard to watch, you know. The only thing that matters because the heartbreak is too, you know, it's too rough. You don't win, you don't.
and you're like i did all this and yeah and it's just that for us sitting on a couch having a beer we're just like in awe of the bravery to put yourself in a position to fuck up in front of a billion people so you already want to give them a hug anyway but i think that some of them do have sports therapists uh that they work with and i think that there's a post script if it didn't go well so
So it'd be like, okay, sure. It didn't go well. You fucked up. No one really thinks beyond the Olympics. I mean, like, Oh, like it's, that's the goal. So even the next day, you're like, I won, I didn't win. Like,
Am I going to do the four years and then try it again? Or do I start to figure out my life now? It's very complicated. Your family, everybody's either there or there's parties in the States watching you and they want you to win so bad. I feel like you're letting them down if you don't. Well, let's introduce, why don't you introduce our boy? Because...
You turn me on to this guy in the Olympics and tell the crowd about it. If you watch the Olympics and watch track and field, there were some amazing things. And one of them was the 1500 meter final with Cole Hawker, Jacob Ingebrigtsen. It was an amazing race and Cole Hawker scored an upset.
and won the gold medal. And he's still kind of flying high from it and trying to process what just happened to him. And I'm kind of a track nut, ran in high school, a little bit in college. And so it was fun to interview him and get some interesting insight into how do you manage the pressure? How do you train yourself?
to sprint when you're exhausted there's a lot of pain involved so it was a charming charming person and enjoyed it we enjoy it yourself david yeah that's it i thought he was a super cool dude yeah absolutely great guy we haven't interviewed him yet we're about to right now okay yeah yeah we're i can't i can't i can't wait to hear what he says yeah toyota's national sales event is happening now meaning it's a great time for a great deal on a dependable toyota truck
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Well, first of all, congratulations. I've seen a few of your interviews online and stuff, so I understand where you're at. I just wanted to say as a fan, because I'm a track nut, you know what a track nut is? One thing, because I have a little email chain with my brother, both ran track. We're all from pre, we're all from Frank Shorter era. And during the Olympic trials, they had a shot of you in full stride.
And I thought to myself, whoa, he's running different. Something's going on. The authority or the arm carriage or something. So in the thing, everyone's a curve versus Inger Britson. We're going back and forth. I said, Cole, I said, watch him dark horse. I didn't think you would kick. I knew you had a kick. Can he kick off 247?
Yes, he can. That was new information for Ingebrigtsen. He can kick off 247. That even blows my mind. Yeah, I think that was new information for everyone, including myself. I knew based on my trials race, the way I ran it, I had...
you know, it was a three 30 rate. We're getting into the nitty gritty, but it was a three 30. I totally understand a 52 last lap. Go ahead. Exactly. And with the 52 last lap, that's far from evenly split. And so I knew that my PRS weren't, uh, like, you know, equivalent to what I thought I could run. And then
Yeah, I knew I was going to have to have the rest of my life. But it was definitely a shock, a big shock to, I feel like, the world, but not as big of a shock to me. Not to me, not to me. But the pace shocked me, you know, that he would take it out at 54. By the way, let me just quickly do...
for you because you'll only will get it my my uh is it jacob or jacob jacob income britson jacob yeah jacob sorry impression how did you think the race went i'm sorry you're the only person um i thought it uh it was a good race it um
It was a fast race, maybe too fast. But we'll go back. We'll go back. He speaks in three-word sentences. All right. And now here's Josh Kerr. Sean Connery has a distance run. Ooh, the hits. I saw him. He looked at me, and I knew I had him. I had a lot left.
But apparently not enough left for that little upstart. Those are spot on. And Jared Yagoose is just enthusiasm. He's just like, this is an awesome race, man. That guy just exudes joy. And you're kind of – you're like –
You know, you don't put a lot out there as you keep it close to your vest, but you are kind of like the silent assassin. Yeah, well, those are all, for as niche as impression that those are, those are spot on. 28 people are having a joyous moment. Here's my impression. The pole vaulter that hit his wiener. Picture this. This is the bar. I'm going to stand up for this one. No, I'm kidding. This is brilliant. Yeah.
No, even if the bar is this big, mine still doesn't look big enough. So I can't even do the impression. Spade was obsessed with the wieners hitting, pole vaulters hitting. Yeah, everything else. But I have a real question for Cole. All right. This is, well, one is, I only have two because Dana's a super runner. You could have one question. You could have two questions. When I'm watching, because Dana told me to watch this because he's a fan of yours. And he says, watch this race. And I'm like,
Toward the end, I mean, you're sort of in the back. You come up. I'm putting it in real layman's terms. You come up. You're getting closer. Closer to the front. Everyone follow me? Striking distance. There's a difference. Striking distance. It looks like you're going to make a move and you got boxed out a little bit and then you faded back and then you saw like a hole and you came on the inside. But I thought that fade back, it's too late to do one of those fade backs because you
you were giving it something and I thought, oh fuck, there's nothing left. And then you pushed on the inside. I was like, oh my God, is that what happened? You push on the inside and then you kind of caught him off guard or something. I don't know what happened. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's why I think the race is like resonated so well because everyone can understand it. It wasn't, it was just a really good race. Like even if you don't know anything about track, but yeah, I ended up
on the inside, which like I was talking to reporters directly after the race and I actually didn't remember if I passed on the inside or the outside, which kind of surprised me that I didn't remember and just showed me that it was instinctual, I guess. You were in some other place. Yeah, yeah. But
But the interesting part for me is that it just, cause this, this is, I gotta say, I think the greatest 1500 meter world-class race and Olympic final, I think for layman, I mean, it was, I had people in the room, not track fans going crazy, but it seemed like Ingram Brickson was a little bit sharing lane one. And so you, you, you ran up him a little bit. So you, you broke stride. So technically, uh,
You're a 327 40, probably without that. I'm sure. I know you've thought of it. Oh yeah. I thought of it. So then if for people don't understand, it's the worst thing can happen to you. It was like a half break, a full break. You don't get the gold. It was just like a quarter, a half break, but still. And then he drifted maybe thinking he was going to make a move.
on on kerr and then you got that little squeeze and then yeah the whole thing happened like that but it was just mind-blowing to watch yeah yeah i mean i did notice after the fact and coming down from everything i'm like there's still half second in there um which is saying a lot considering it was about a three second pr already um but yeah those little
Anything stopping, especially at the end of a 1500 at that pace is can be detrimental. You know, I just wanted to ask you this because there's always winning the race and then there's, and there's winning the Olympic gold, but now you walk around as a three 2765 guy.
And that is its own high. Of course, it's not. The goal is the goal. But it's a trip to have a PR in for a world class athlete to PR that big. Three seconds is an eternity.
And you did it in the Olympic final. I don't know. What are you, I I'm doing all the talking and you're nodding, but go ahead. What do you think? No. Yeah. I mean, that's what you're, how you're breaking it down as kind of, you know, the same thoughts I'm, I'm having about it. Um, but I guess like,
again i i knew a fast time was coming i mean sub 330 has been my goal since uh 2021 since the last olympics i ran 331 um and i was you know the goal is always to win but then in the back of my mind being sub 330 is um you know that's like a league of its own and
for anyone that's not a super nerd of track, you know, it's sub four, which is a big deal in the mile. Um, and then the 1500, the equivalent to sub four is probably around three 43. Yeah. Um, for the 1500, um, just to kind of give some perspective and on, you know, sub three 30 is a, I don't know how many guys have done it, but it was a big goal of mine. And, uh,
The past two seasons were interrupted training by injury, which, you know, that's half the battle in this sport. And the year after the Olympics, 2022, the previous one, I was sidelined, you know, completely for about
a month and a half. And that was leading up to the US trials. And so I didn't even make the US team for that year was a world championships. And then the next year was another world championships in Budapest, which is this past year. And I had to start my training about two and a half months later than I would have liked to with some Achilles stuff. And so what I'm saying is like these past two years have been interrupted and
I made it to the world final last year with very truncated training. And I just was like, if I can get this uninterrupted,
I know how good I can be. And that was just the name of the game this whole season. And I, you know, it's pretty much day by day, week by week and, and track and field and trying to stay injury free. And I kept stacking those days and weeks and I made it to the U S trials. And I was like, I told myself I've done everything I could to get here. I've stayed injury free. And so let's see what I got. And I had the race of my life. And then the same story can be said about the Olympic finals and just the
I think that big jump in time, again, is a shock on paper. But I knew with this uninterrupted training, I was fitter than I've ever been by a long shot and that those times were coming. The past three years, I haven't missed a workout. And it's just not really an option at this level. It's not, oh, I don't want to get out of bed today. But the options are those little...
fine details where it's easy to skip those, especially if you have a great workout and you just want to lay in bed. But the smart thing to do is go get a massage, go have a really good meal, all that stuff. Well, your new best friend, Ingebrigtsen, he talks about overtraining and running your race before the race, which is also a disease that can happen. You're just training. You're not tapering as well, and you want to train, train, train.
So you must have come in very, very rested. You know, you peaked at the trials and then you had like a few weeks, you know. I don't know. Is this fascinating to anybody? Because to me it is. I want to go back to the race for a second, though. What Josh Kerr said, he said the pace was so fast, he said, I went to sleep like he literally and he lost his hearing.
going out in 151. So I don't know if you'd go into try to go. Did he, did he mean he went into a zone, but he said it was so fast. I just decided to go to sleep and he's, he's running 54 second pace. Yeah. There, I mean, you feel it for sure, but, um, I feel like his game plan, which was pretty obvious probably just don't give, you know, Inga Britson anything, not don't give him a centimeter and, and,
he could having that person in that race plan and ingebrigtsen immediately going to the front he could probably flip off his brain and uh yeah just his job was to not let him do any separation and leading that race i mean for people don't understand i mean it does take more energy so you kind of if you're watching it you know ingebrigtsen's one of the all-time greats but you're like huh i've never seen him do this it was a little warm little breezy
It gets very lonely. I don't care who you are up there, you know, in the front. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And like,
I mean, everyone is in agreement. Like it takes like a lot of balls to go and do that with caliber. He's kind of, he's in a good way, kind of crazy, but in a wonderful way. Exactly. Cole, are you allowed to wear any shoes you want? I think as a regular person watching, is it half be a certain brand or can you just say, these are my favorite running shoes or do you have to switch to some Olympic shoes? I'm sponsored by Nike. Oh,
Oh, okay. And that's what, is that what it was there? Yeah. And so at the Olympics, at least like team USA is sponsored by Nike. But yeah,
They say you can wear whatever shoes you want. Oh, that's good. That's good. Yeah. They're not going to mess with everyone's little. I thought they would. I would be like, oh my God, here's your shoes. And you're like, I like these old ones, whatever they are that really work for me. Cause it's so, like you said, everything matters. So you have to be comfortable. You have to feel like you're running the right stuff. Okay. That's a good question. That was a good question. Spade. That was really, that was really good. I have a question. Okay. Go ahead. You know, Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program.
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This is another super dumb one. No, no, these are good because I'm so in the weeds. The $400, the $800, and not the $1,600.
That is a good question because I myself had to look that up. I like that. It does sound like an odd number because I didn't know what it was. I'm like, how far is that? It doesn't seem to evenly... It doesn't make sense. The best answer I could find was that they wanted to do four laps, but to start on a straightaway. But
The 800 doesn't do that. The 400. So that really doesn't check out. But that's the answer. We already had our fact checkers. I know because if you're born under the mile, you're always trying to equivocate to a mile like or even a metric mile. Right. And I figured out the pace Cole was going if you could have sustained it.
for another 100 meters, your sort of metric mile would have been like 340 or something. Yeah. Something crazy, you know? What happened to yards? Did they go away? I mean, is the U.S. the only one that cares about yards anymore? Because they really are gone. In the pole vault, they go, or high jump, it's 2.641. I got to do on my phone. That doesn't sound high to me. 2.6 something? Yeah, and I'm on here eight feet. That's not even three whatevers, you know?
Yeah. Hate the metric system. Yeah. And they go, it's going to catch on, but that was in sixth grade. So it hasn't quite got on here, but I guess the walls are closing in. Yeah. America don't, don't play. Um,
Okay, my next question is... Yeah. Okay, so you're famous for your kick. So I'm trying to think the equation... Yeah, why? There's the mental-emotional part. There's maybe just like... Say you guys ran a 50-yard dash.
you for the big four you'd probably win that just the quickest fast twitch fiber like in just a fresh 50-yard dash you would destroy ingebrigtsen you're trying to set me up for it yeah yeah i know we just need you to say that sorry say it very clearly i wasn't that's my sense of humor but i assume you have foot speed but then you also have to have the vo2 engine
And then the part that's kind of, at least in high school, it would be sort of emotional or a little bit angry, not at any particular thing or the universe, but just like, fuck this, you know, 'cause you're really in pain and you wanna get to the finish line anyway. But I don't know, just talk about what makes someone have a kick like yours? What is the magic? Is there anything to it or just mostly just, I want a kick?
Yeah. I think like going back and seeing my form kind of develop, it's been pretty telling. Like the goal for so many races is,
that my coach or the plan, I guess, is just to be there with 200 meters. Because, you know, I found out and my coaches found out that I'm, I'm going to do anything, I'm going to turn my form to shit if I have to just to get to the line first, which is not ideal. But if you look at my high school videos, and my college videos, even a finishing a race, you know, my forms all over the place, I'm going side to side. And, and the idea is to keep everything moving straightforward. And,
um like just seeing that tells me i don't know something in my brain flips where i'll do anything to in my power to get there and as i've gotten stronger and fitter my form has followed and i've been able to stay you know aligned and that's also you know helps you go faster if you can do that i do think that and i observed that myself because i watched the race a few times and
Inger Britson has his certain form and Josh and you have your certain form. But then I do think it's OK in the last 10 or 15 meters to kind of go a little crazy and even go outside your zone a little bit, because it seemed like that you and Kerr were just neck and neck and then OK. And then you just kind of.
ran in a different way. You just-- It was almost-- You know, it's almost like, "I have to get to the line first." And Kerr stayed in his great form, Inger Britson, incredible running form. I think that's part of-- part of the secret--
of being willing maybe the last 10 meters just to like go a little crazy and don't worry about your form. Just get there first, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I think there's something to that. And you can even see, you know, the other American, uh, Yardin the Goose, he, yeah. I mean, his form, like he's fluid and looks, looks good in the race, but when it comes down to the last 10 meters, he's got something where he's
he can thrust his body forward or whatever. And he's always been able to just like get those last five, 10 meters and he almost got silver doing that. So like, yeah, both those guys keep in really good form or actually losing ground, you know, compared to me and- Yeah, you guys just went kind of crazy. And yeah, he- How much did you win by? A billionth of a second. No, you actually had a pretty good mark. It's pretty small, this Olympics. It's been pretty small, a lot of these. What was the second place?
I'm not sure on the exact- Probably 8-0, 327, 8-0, and you were 6-5. He doesn't deal with second place. Yeah. We just call it not the gold medal place. You mean the non-gold medalist? You're asking me a question about the non-gold medalist in this race? You're going to have to call someone else. What is, and this is off the subject, but I stupidly thought Olympic Village was like
as big as a Motel 6, but it's gotta be huge. Like there's so many people, like how big is that housing and are there rules?
It blew me away. Like, cause I figured this out and I went to Tokyo as well and I had no concept of, yeah, I thought it would be like kind of a couple of hotels. Like a hotel. I didn't, didn't even think about it. Yeah. Yeah. But these, it seems like it's the same, like almost copy and pasted, but they, they have it figured out to where they throw up these buildings and they're like the most bare bone apartment buildings. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah. You sleep on pizza boxes. Is that true? Yeah.
Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I think there's 10,000 athletes in total. So imagining, yeah, like it is like, there's at least 10 buildings that are each building.
you know like oh that's way more than i thought yeah so it is like a little village it's like a city there's no rules just get in there and show up at your race yeah i guess so so how long like you win the race you got the american flag and you're out there how long are you kind of out there did you do a full victory lap or you and
The goose. Oh yeah. How did that, you know, all, how long are you out there celebrating with? Yeah, that's actually a really good question. Cause I finished the race and it's,
you know, you don't prepare for after that. Yeah. Yeah. And so, like, I was running around and luckily, yeah, yeah. And there is a, I figured this out, that there is like a handler that's, his job is to see the top three and tell them what to do. And, you know, luckily the first people I saw were like,
like some of my best friends from college and they actually had the American flag and somehow I found it because they were going crazy waving it. And I went over there and got that. And then, yeah, this guy directs me. He's like, you can go this way. And then I started going too far and they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I was going into the long jump area. Yeah.
- I'm gonna do a full victory lap, just like that. - He goes, "Too much, too much, too much." - Well, I always wanted that. They always seem to run. - You've done enough. We know you won the race. Now get in the fucking tunnel. - They find a flag. I'm like, is there a vending machine or is there just someone that's assigned to hand you a flag for your country? - Or the little ones go, but the little ones are nice. - Yeah, even get a little baby one, get a pin. You got a little pin your way, anything.
And you and Jared are sharing it kind of, and he was sort of hogging it. You had to pull it away. Just made that up. Yeah. There is usually a USA track and field person whose job that is. And I think they want me to go to them, but
Again, I wasn't really thinking in that moment and just went to my buddies that I saw waving the flag. And luckily it was super high. They said they went on this whole excursion to find me a super high quality flag just in case I'd be in that moment. If not, they just leave it in the seats at the bottom. They forget about it. They're like, oh, he didn't win. What are we doing this time? That happens a lot. But no, that shows that they knew you. It's like a Super Bowl hat.
You were a dark horse. You were a contender. We're getting the flag for cold, you know, because they're believers that this could happen. Yeah. No, exactly. So did you cry? Because the Olympics, which I thought were amazing, how much you watched after doing your... I thought they were extraordinary because of the emotion of all of it. So I don't remember how you processed that or when they played the national anthem and the flag goes up. I mean, just the...
Speak to the emotionality of what the hell you just went through. And it was just a few days ago. Yeah. Yeah. I, I kept kind of like waiting, you know, that night was everything was moving so fast and immediately after the race, it's, it's hype and I'm, you know, not,
thinking about everything that went into it. And so I'm just like hyper and like, happy, excited. Then we go to the medal ceremony and I kind of waiting like, am I gonna am I gonna get emotional? But not really. On the on the medal stand. It was right after the race, which not all the events did getting the my medal and they weren't right after the race. Oh, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was actually a cool thing. They did that. But I was more concerned with they give the get the tightest shot of your face if you're on the podium. I remember seeing other athletes like they're so tight on their face. And I got my buddy text me. He's like, he's like decent shave job. I don't think they could have gotten closer on his face. Yeah, man.
But I was more concerned with that than anything else. Cool and proud. Exactly. I'm like, what is the correct? What's the attitude you want to have? Yeah. Do you want to be bawling? Do you want to be sobbing or just laughing your ass off? Yeah. I'd say like the most, the most emotional I got actually was like, I'm in the airport and,
I'm not actually going to go back to the States yet because believe it or not, there's more track races, which is crazy. The Diamond League, yep. Exactly. But I'm in the airport by myself watching like my high school had like a watch party and my best friend neighbors had a watch party. I'm watching, they have a video of their reaction and I'm like, that's when I kind of get emotional and I'm just by myself. I can actually process what I'm seeing. Yeah.
Pretty cool. Sure. I would say it's very normal when emotions are so extreme in the moment to kind of, I wouldn't say go numb, but just sort of, you were sort of in shock. It's too much. Yeah. What I wanted to ask you just for yourself, because what I observe is when the race was so brutal and so violent and everyone went all out, but you came through
And it seemed like you recovered just because of the emotion in like three seconds. Did you even go down on your knees or anything? I mean, I think you went through a lot. Why don't you lay down? Yeah, that's another thing I thought of like after watching, but it's just the way, yeah, it's almost always like that where your adrenaline just can carry you. And I remember like me and my teammates always talk about how you can tell someone's fitness by
The post-race interviews, I didn't get interviewed immediately on the track, but if someone's really fit, it'll be two minutes after the race and they'll have caught their breath. It just like shows the fitness that you have to be at to be at this level. That's part of it. And the other part of just like, yeah, the crazy amount of adrenaline.
But just winning, the winners seem to always kind of recover faster. Yeah, exactly. Dana, anything else for this young man who, oh, by the way, what did you say? PR? What did that stand for, by the way? Personal record. Personal record. Okay. Can you tell every story again now?
because now that I know what they're like. No, start again. It's a PR. I'm just curious. I didn't hear that part. Sorry. These are random things. Have you watched... C. Prefontaine was this iconic, and if you go to... If you're in the Bowerman Track Club at Oregon, you know all about him. I'm sure you've watched the 5K from Munich where Prefontaine, who's 21, you're 23, runs the most charismatic and reckless 5K in history.
Have you watched that with British announcers? Okay. I watch it at least a few times a year. I don't even know how to make sense of it other than...
Pre Fontaine, he just ran. I don't know. He spent so much energy passing. He'd start, tried to break the world. He's sprinting. He's coming back. He's taking the lead. I mean, and now you've done a race that people are going to look at, you know, it just sort of the world's strange how things happen, you know? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, there's a reason if, if you follow track, you've heard of Pre Fontaine, he just,
Yeah, race like with passion as cheesy as that sounds, but you're just like, this is what I'm going to do. And if it works, then I'm going to know I gave it everything. And if it doesn't, then it's the same. Yeah.
And the British announcers, and the British announcers were much better at the Olympics here in America, or there was a British announcer. But for Prefontaine, when it's the last 50 meters and he's kind of dying, the British announcer literally says, and the chunky American is completely bankrupt.
- What a great show. - That's a good show. - The chunky American is completely bankrupt, that he'd hit that wall. And then you look at it later and go, what a brave race it was. And so it's a badass race, even though he took fourth. He kind of won the moment.
you know, somehow, but anyway, that's very inspiring, but I just want to ask you one more question. Why did you agree? Cause when you won, won the race and he said, who can we have a superfly? Can we, can we, uh, get Timothy Chalamet? No. Can we get Cole Hawker? And I thought it was be a joke. Like there's no way you were going to be able to have the time or the energy or I've ever heard of these two old guys, but anyway, thanks for coming on. And why did you say yes? Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. I want to let you guys know that I'm also a fan of both of you and, uh,
I mean, I've watched "Ethanol" and all the backlog stuff, I guess, but grew up watching- It's backlog. Have you seen "Wayne's World" at least? Or "Show Dirt"? I have, yes, I have actually. Oh, good. Yeah, I'm actually, yeah, I'm a pretty big comedy fan, funny enough.
Yeah, my agent sent me this, and he was like, this is pretty cool and unique. And I was like, man, that's crazy. So, yeah, of course. Yeah, thank you, buddy. Yeah. Well, we love it. It was great seeing you, Dana. Call me right away and say, you got to watch this race. I flipped it on. I was like, holy shit, this guy is... Yeah, you're very charming, and you're humble, and you're 23. So, I guess stay healthy, and we're going to get to watch... We have...
um, you know, four or five great 1500 meter and don't get me started on Hobbs Kessler. Who's 21. We just have an amazing, we had three of the top five. We just have some amazing, um, epic battles to, to go and you have to do them and go through all the pain and we get to watch, but it's, uh, I, you're still inspired and enjoying the sports and you're looking forward. Yeah. Cause 23 is very, you're not even in your prime. Yeah.
We're not in our prime either. You're entering the golden age. Anyway, so thank you so much for coming on and I'll be watching the Diamond Leagues. Good luck on those. Yeah. Thank you very much. Yeah. Thanks for having me. Keep up the good work. All right. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.