Jimmy Kimmel Hosts the Show
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.

Now we can go to the show. The truth is, Jennifer Lopez, if you've noticed, and I'm not a conspiracy guy, she gets married, then does a wedding about getting married. No, she gets married, then does a movie about getting married, then gets married, then does a movie about getting married, then gets divorced, one more movie about getting married.

Does that sound like it's possible? I see where you're going with that. There's a lot of machinations. You have a PR person, you know, FYI, it wouldn't be bad if you were seen dating so-and-so. That's true. Clicks and views, David. I know you think it's romance. Emily Ratajkowski is dating Eric Andre. Who is Emily Ratajkowski? She's on a real tear. Emily Ratajkowski. Yeah. Get with the program, Dana.

She should shorten that to Emily R. I think Ratatouille's too. How about Emily the rat? That seems kind of mean in a way. No. Calling her a rat. I'm just saying. Ratatouille was cute.

I turned down the voice of Ratatouille. No, you did not. We just stumbled into it. I went and visited Pixar. They wanted me to do the lead rat. And I said, during Bush Jr.'s administration. During the bubonic plague. A French rat. I thought, this is going to go down. I don't want to be the guy who took down Pixar. Next thing you know, 700 million.

700 M later. I don't make good choices. No. All right. We're going to talk about Jimmy Kimmel. First of all, how was your Christmas? Oh, yeah. That's nice. Horrible. Did you get sad eyes? You know when someone says, don't give me anything. And then that morning you see the sad eyes. I hate that. You mean because you didn't give me anything? Yeah. No, I don't need anything. And then you see the sad eyes. A lot of people cheat. They say no presents and then one person does it. You said don't give me anything. I just said, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

We're fine. My mom does a thing. She does two things. First of all, she gives you lazy bags, which are, it's a bag you get at the store with a piece of Kleenex and the presents in it. And I go, this isn't a present. This isn't wrapping a present. So it's a bunch of lazy bags. All you have to do is move it a quarter inch. I didn't know they had a name like Lazy Susan. Lazy bags. Yeah, I coined it, lazy bags. That's cool. And she goes, oh, it's only lazy bags this year, but it's fine. I'm 88. So she gave me that. It was great.

And then, you know, my mom was always like, oh, Davey. Cause when I go home, she goes ding dong. And I go, I just stare and she goes, get the door. And I go, oh, what? Okay. And she goes, I go, who is it? She goes, who is it? I go, I don't know, mom. It's your house. I don't know. Go check. And then it's like the neighbor girl who's nine. She made me a cake. She goes, Davey, she made you a cake. God, what a homecoming. And I go, oh, that's nice. Why'd you make me a cake?

Because you're famous. I go, oh, okay. And then I go, oh, give her a hug. Don't be like that. Invite her in. Talk to her. Say hi. Do some jokes from grownups. It's so hilarious. You're on. Totally on. You can't just relax at your own home. She goes, oh, go ride bikes with her and her friends. When did you get like this? I go, mom, I don't understand what I'm doing. You're going to go get on a bike without a helmet? Oh, don't pull your showbiz routine on us.

Anyway, I don't know what my showbiz routine, but Jimmy Kimmel, you had a good Christmas. I'm just going to assume. It was fine. And I will tell you, Dana, I heard a lot about this Farley episode. I heard a lot of feedback, maybe the most feedback we've heard on anything. I think so. What does that say? All positive, by the way. The most interesting thing was we were sent a email that gets sent in for the questions, the Q&A stuff. And we had a lot of response about people saying,

It made me quit. It made me quit drugs. That was very emotional. I got some of those links. Yeah. It was very nice that that was an offshoot of this, which was not really the intention, but it's nice that it hit people home. Because it was, as we sort of sold it, it was 90% fun and laughs. And then now and then you just got caught off guard. And it's a very real situation. So-

We got emotional. People got emotional. Yeah, we tried to treat it with respect and dignity and not make it. So apparently people really liked it. So that was cool.

It's very entertaining. And, you know, I'm going on my tour. My tour starts back up. The never-ending tour. And I'm going to Wisconsin. I'm going to Madison, where Farley's from. I'm going to Milwaukee. I'm going to Appleton. All the places I had heard about, and I don't think I've ever performed there. So looking forward to that and the others. Are you playing Green Bay?

I don't think so. I'm trying to rally Aaron Rodgers out, by the way. How is Green Bay? I've been there to one game. Mike Myers and I, back in the day, was touring together and we played, I think it was Green Bay. And they said, they said...

I say it like 60 minutes, not in series. Schwing. We saw in Wayne's World 2, I did that bit where Garth is just hanging out and he was having a conversation. So anyway, I didn't know what to say to my dad and a girl while I was schwing. Anyway, so that was like the only time Wayne and I got in a fight. Schwing, schwing, schwing. He would hit him like, you know, like,

Boneritis. But they told Mike and I, they love it when you say cheeseheads. So we're up there as Wayne and Garth, and we start going, you're a bunch of cheeseheads. And we start chanting it, and they started getting really, really mad and booing. Oh, they tricked you? Yeah, we had to cut the show short, jump in a car. Don't look back, Garth! You know?

Luckily you weren't playing Ratatouille. So don't say, hey, you cheeseheads, even if they tell you to as a joke. Jimmy Kimmel is going to do a, that sounded like a hard cut. Jimmy Kimmel is going to interview us today. He's a friend of the show. You've done his show a lot. I've done his show a lot. Guest hosted. He's a great dude. You've guest hosted too. And, um,

Jimmy, we thought of this weird idea where we get all these questions. So why doesn't someone interview us? It might slow us down from talking over our guests in the future. I don't think it will. I've practiced, you know, during the holiday break, I practice talking over. Like my wife would say something. I just jump in. She goes, what are you doing? I go, I'm just practicing talking over. I know. I took a cutoff class.

on the learning annex and i practice it at thanksgiving dinner i just stop everyone in their tracks and go so a story about me and they go actually the truth is i would listen i go during the holiday break you should listen to the podcast yeah every time i talked i said out loud shut the fuck up what are you doing if i hear a couple me on that thing i'm like even when they show those little beginnings like a minute of audio to promote it i go well can i just shut the

Because the guest goes, well, I like pancakes. And then I do seven minutes on how I like pancakes before they can answer and then they forget. So anyway, we never said we were good at this. We're going into season two with Jimmy Kimmel. But people ask, well, how did we get on SNL? What's our story? So Jimmy really asked the tough stuff. He digs deep. He mines a lot of gold, some silver and some sand. Yeah.

Up to you to decide. He came at it a little different, right? Because we feel like we've told this story on other podcasts, but he actually really worked hard. He had a stack of notes and asked us a lot of intense questions and asked us a lot about hosts, which was an interesting take. Yeah. At first, I didn't know if he knew he was interviewing us because it was like he was just sitting there and I go, does he think he's being interviewed? It wasn't like 60 minutes. Yeah. But I was like ready for the hard stuff. And it was really like...

Prince Harry and Meghan. Here's a tease. He embarrassed me accidentally because I won't say the name of the host. You'll listen to it on the podcast. Of a host of SNL. Yes or no, did they host? And I said no, and they had hosted when I was a cast member. But I won't say it, so you have to listen to find out. But that was all due respect to that person. I forgot. It's only I spaced out. Sorry. So listen to it. Here it is. We've talked enough. And here we are talking a little more.

How do we start? What's our theme? Our guest today is James Edward Kimmel. We've already started. We've been on for four minutes. Oh, we have? Okay. Well, I think we should establish that, first of all, I've never been on Saturday Night Live. I've only been to see the show in person one time, and that was in May of last year.

Other times I've been there, but I get stuck in the office with a bunch of agents and stuff like that. Just watch it on TV if they're here. And nobody's watching the show. Everybody's just talking to each other, and it's depressing. But I did get to go to see the show in May. So, of course, I'm a guest that people are probably super interested in hearing from. Did you ever harbor desire? To be on Saturday Night Live? Yeah, you could be update guy or whatever. Gosh, I didn't – I don't have – I never set my sights that high.

It never, ever would have occurred to me. I was just a morning radio disc jockey hoping to continue being a morning radio disc jockey. And what was your handle? Sorry. I was known as Jimmy, they called me.

Jimmy, and did you have an animal as a sidekick, Jimmy and the Bull or Jimmy and the Tomcat here at the... I was in LA. I worked in a lot of markets. I started in Vegas when I was in high school. Then I went to Phoenix. I worked at a radio station there, a couple of them. Then I got a job in Seattle, worked at a classic rock station, got fired there, went to a station in... I went back to live with my parents for a while, then went to a station in Tampa, Florida. Yeah.

I worked in Palm Springs, Tucson, Arizona, finally L.A. at K-Rock with Kevin and Bean. And I was the sports guy there. I was Jimmy the sports guy. You know, it seems like a lot of people on radio get fired. They jump around, you know. What a memory. Maybe the most.

Maybe the most. Yeah, I got fired a lot of times. And the worst thing about being fired on radio is you then have to move from the city. You don't just get another job at another radio station. You're pretty much done. Yeah. I got fired a lot, too. We'll get into that. You did? Everything I got. Everything failed and everything sucked. But these were probably childhood jobs that you got fired from, right? Paper out? No, this is like...

television shows oh yeah okay well i'm not you know what i appreciate you guys being interested in me but i'm here today to interview you guys because you guys interview all these people about saturday night live and you as far as i understand you guys were on saturday night live now i've not done a ton of research but you were what the jesus woman jesus woman was her original name yes right and david did you know chris farley hi jimmy goes i was at one show last year you guys weren't

I don't get what's going on. What happened? This is a fraud. She said, well, I'm sure that sure is special was her catchphrase. Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember that. Rhythmically, not quite good. But anyway, yes, everyone wants to know how do we get on the show? How do you get on the show? And how do you get on it now? That's what people ask me when they're leaving like a restaurant. Quickly, how do you get on Saturday Night Live? And I go, oh,

Do you have an hour 10? Because people want those quick. Quickly, how do you get into acting? You get those. But for 25 years after being off the show, I'd still get, even today. Are you still on that Saturday Night Live show? Do you really get that? Well, at least for 10 years after you leave, right? Yeah. Wow. People don't keep track. Yeah, people, you think the world revolves around you, and yet it, you realize. Yeah, and I told my mom, it's pretty obvious that I'm off the show. Good night. Anyway.

Come on guys. We have a crowd. You wouldn't think so. It's a lot of pressure when you've got a crowd. With no audience, there's no pressure. I know you guys have told these stories before, but I think it seems right to start with how did you get on the show? We'll start with David. How did you get on the show? I was born in Michigan. We're going to go way back. That's what I was told.

That had to happen before he got on the show. I think it takes so many steps to get seen by in front of someone like Lorne or his talent people. It was stand-up around here at the Improv Forever, Arizona first, then stand-up around here, and then we got to – I think the big thing was I got on an HBO Young Comedian special. And when you do that, that's something that's national. And then someone in the talent department saw it, and Rob Schneider was on it also –

So I was in the vortex of, hey, there's about 10, 20 people we should maybe look at this year. So we were brought out –

for an audition. Rob and I did it together and did a stand-up comedy club in New York. When you say you did it together, you did individual performances or you were working as a team? Yeah, and Rob and I weren't a team, but we, the same management and we were buddies and we knew Sandler, we knew Judd Apatow, we knew a lot of guys we were doing stand-up with who eventually, you know, like Sandler eventually got on pretty quickly after that.

So we went out, auditioned with another comic and did okay, not great, but they were looking at the writing and then they hired us as writer performers. So you submitted a packet of sketches? No, thank God, Lord Jesus. They were looking at the writing as far as the jokes that you were doing in your standup. Oh.

And Dennis Miller told me, you don't want to kill too hard, Spudly. It's a fucking red flag. Christ sakes, yeah. They want to mold you a little bit. You come in at 11, you know, they kind of back off from that like it's a hot plate. Yeah, he goes, Boy Scout Jamboree, all right? They don't want you to be a polished road hack.

I love doing Dennis because my IQ goes up and my vocabulary expands. Oh, fly on the wall, huh? Okay, that's a catchy moniker for something. Everyone loves those insects. And no offense, David, but Dana, it seems like it's like

your talents it's very obvious why you got the job i mean because david's a funny guy you know he's not doing stuff character no you're right it wasn't as easy as you would think based on my own personality or insecurity i mean it's a longer story but basically the brass tacks was i did a kind of cattle call audition at the punchline in san francisco al franken was at that one

And years later, years later, like eight years later, he said, yeah, I kind of blew it. I should have taken you, you know. But I was just passed over there. Uh-huh.

Then, I don't know the exact dates, but a few years before I got the show, then there was a giant 25 comic jamboree at the Comedy Store. Cattle call. Cattle call. No MC. Five minutes. Boom. Boom. In that original room, which is like a death room. Who else was there? Well, I remember who I followed at midnight. A very young, very energetic man by the name of Sam Kennison. Yeah.

So Sam goes on. I mean, he literally levitates the room. It's shaking. It's just scorched earth. That's Pete Kennison. Probably as good as it's ever been. And Sam was hoping to get on Saturday Night Live? Maybe. He hosted the first season. But then it's like, and now, and they never got my name right. Now, Dana Flankelabop. So I go up there and I die. I

I die of death. You know, well, isn't that special? I'm trying to do characters. Death, no. So then that puts me in a depression for two months. In those days, you didn't call. So you don't get it, even though you were good. I just bombed. You couldn't follow Kennison in five minutes trying to establish a rapport. And I felt very, very nervous, which isn't a good thing. So then, freakily, in 86, they were casting again because 85 had a rough year.

And my management team knew Lorne Michaels and so forth and so on. And so it came around to me and I go, okay, I'm not going to do it at the improv or the comedy store.

I'm going to do it at Igby's on the West side. It's gone now, but it was a hundred seat tight packed crowd. I'd played there a lot. I kind of had a following. So, okay. Lauren wants to see you. So I called Rosie O'Donnell is headlining that week. I'd never met her, but the owner said, do you want to, Dana's going to bring Lorne Michaels. Can you fit him in? So I went there, my wife and I are driving there and I'm as nervous as a human being can be. I didn't have the confidence I got later, but,

just thinking, oh man, this is it. You know, I auditioned a lot. I've been in LA a lot and we went to get some gas. Our car was out and there was no gas in the gas station. We just both remembered that for years. We don't have gas here. What do you mean? We don't, we no gas, no gas. You know, so it's just one of those things you remember when you're scared out of your mind. So I go there, I meet Rosie O'Donnell and she seems like her maturity and confidence, like she's 50 years old. She

She was completely fully formed. Just, hey, what do you want to do? So we kind of drew straws or talked about it. I'll go on first. But this time I get 40 minutes with a real audience, not an industry audience. And so I'm waiting off to the side, just like, well, let's see what happens. And I see, I don't know what order they came in. I think it was Brandon Tartikoff. I think Lauren second. The head of the network, Lorne Michaels. And I'm like, fuck. And then it's Cher.

What? And Cher. She got a vote? Because I didn't have enough pressure on me. She's a tiebreaker. But they walked from behind a curtain. Here he is, the head of the network, Brandon Tartagoff. And the guy who discovers all comedians, Lorne Michaels. And of course, ladies and gentlemen, Cher. She comes into her song. Do you believe in never? So she's singing and dancing. So anyway, I go up. At that point, I had turned down a pilot role.

a spinoff from Punky Brewster two years before called Fenster Hall for $30,000. I finally said I can't take the punishment anymore because I was being cast a lot as a cutesy nice guy. 30 grand a week. For the pilot. So then I just did stand up like crazy in San Francisco all over. So I was in pretty good shape. I would give my set like a C, C minus. But Lorne says later, I was already thinking about how to use you on the show.

So you'd have to believe that if Brandon comes to the audition and, you know, these executives don't want to go to anything ever and Lorne comes and then they say to share, Hey, why don't you join us? Well, they probably, you probably were in pretty good shape going into that. They gave me confidence. Uh, Brillstein gray, uh,

Mark Gervitz. Bernie Brillstein came to see me a month before this. Now, Bernie, if people are listening now, was kind of like a big, lovable teddy bear Santa Claus. In those days, he was probably 50, but he seemed like the old-timer of all time.

He saw me, and I'd seen people pass me over a lot. He saw me and went, we're not even going to give him to Saturday Night Live. He's a fucking movie star. That was a direct quote. But I go, I kind of want to be on Saturday Night Live. Yeah.

It's only my childhood dream. So I got, I had to let go of this management before who didn't want me to do the church lady. Oh, I got standing ovation, the comedy magic club. They got me in the back room and they said, you got to stop doing the church. It was only five minutes out of a 90 minute set at that point. And they go, you're coming off gay.

You're coming off gay. What is my, what was that? I mean, I guess so. They don't get on TV. But anyway, I was able to, yeah, they don't, we don't want them around here. So they, I was able to jettison that management company. I, that's all right. And go with Brillstein Gray and, and Guritz, Brillstein Entertainment Partners.

And that changed everything for me. And then the Igbys. And then I had to audition another time a week later or something. And I thought Jim Carrey was there. I know I met Phil Hartman. And we had to go do the audition, kind of like they do in 8-H. It was just 10 people and me up there doing schtick for everybody. And Lauren would kind of tilt you, I think, to test you. Do you think those terribly tense situations are...

that they want to see if you can clear those hurdles because ultimately you are going to have to be on the show live and you can't melt down. Yes, in that situation where you're kind of vulnerable up there, and I knew Dennis Miller. He was sitting there and Nora Dunn.

and Lorne would kind of dig at you a little bit. We've seen enough of that. Do you have anything else? You know, right in the middle of your audition. And I think it was a test to see when the red light comes on and it's 20 million, three, two, one, your life, your career, your family, all your loved ones counting on you, boom, can you deliver? So, you know, but if I could, it was just from the 10,000 hours in a club. Dana actually, a different path, obviously more built for SNL than me,

And when he went out, his first show was cold opening church. And the lead guy in a lot of sketches, I was worked in almost too slowly. So it was more frustrating to go year after year writing for these guys, writing, helping, helping, writing update jokes, getting in the background. So by the time I go on, it's not quite as terrifying, but still terrifying.

Still terrifying, but I'm sure for Dana, just that first time, even though he's a seasoned performer, it's way, way different. This is the only thing that really matters. More people see that first sketch than all of your stand-up combined in your whole life. My entry in there was 86, so that was pre-18 cast members.

So they purged the year before. We had John Lovitz, Phil Hartman, and myself as the primary men. And then we had Nora Dunn and Jan Hooks, the late great, and Victoria Jackson. How many? That was it? Six cast members? Six main cast members. We had Kevin Nealon as a feature and A. Whitney Brown, Dennis Miller. So then when I got on the first show that...

I was there for a month. I was at Lorne Michaels' house for a month, too, which is a whole other story. But I worked on the church lady character. But it wasn't—no one knew if it would work or kill or anything. Lorne moved you into his home? Is that because you were coming off gay? Well, I got—

It's just, I'm not saying you are gay, but you come off gay. See how it feels. I don't know. It's that thing of like, you know, people are going to wonder and it's good if like they really know where you're coming from. What? I need a decorator. He, I don't know if David spent time. I spent a month in Long Island at Lauren's house.

in in amagansett with with lauren and paul mccartney came over and all the chevy chase was there and i i'd never been on television he adopted you basically yeah you could you could have jack's room so i was in where jack nicholson would hang out oh you know i'm calling my friends back in san francisco i'm staying in jack nicholson's room paul mccartney and chevy chase are here how are you doing i'm

Wow. So just to go back a couple of steps, if I could. When you guys are like you're talking about, David, auditioning with Rob, who's your friend, and you're auditioning with 25 other people who are some of whom I assume are your friends. What is it like when you get that job and then those people you auditioned with and came up with don't?

You know, it worked a little different for us because I didn't really know anyone who didn't get it. Really? I met... Everyone you know got hired by Saturday Night Live? People wanted to get to know David. I was newer in town and just, you know, doing the improv and the comedy store said no to me, so I had the improv. And I didn't know that many people that were auditioning or got that call like Rob and I did, but...

I knew a lot of comedians, but there was one, he mentioned Brandon Tartikoff, who was the most powerful person in town. If you remember back then, he had Cosby show. Every big show was on and they said, he saw you do five one night at the show. He wants to meet you and maybe give you a development deal and make a show for you. And I was freaking out. I saw Kevin Pollak the day before and he goes, this is a huge, this will be your biggest break.

So they give me sides. I don't know if I told you this, Dan. Sides. They give me sides, which is a little bit of a script. I don't even know what sides are. And so I had to go to a coach and just say, hey, coach me to read this shitty script. It's just like one scene. They just have to see, like, I'm in the vicinity of knowing what I'm doing, and they're going to give me some money to try to make a show for me. So this motherfucking head of casting was there. So it was every big shot of NBC. I'm waiting, shaking in the waiting room of NBC,

And we used to call Brandon, call him tartar sauce. I go, is tartar sauce here? I can't wait all day. So I'm waiting. And then they go, his name was Dennis something. He comes up and he goes, oh, they're going to see you. It'll just be a second. There's one more person there having a meeting with him. By the way, we're not doing that scene anymore. We're doing this one. And he hands me a script. It could have been in Chinese. I don't know what the fuck's going on. I go, what do you mean? I read this one?

And I didn't have any coaching, so I was so new, I just walked in and read it to them. And then they go, thank you. And that was it. Nothing. I got nothing. No development deal, bad feedback. And I had to go in and do two years of classes because, and Rob was in it with me. And because I go, I don't know enough. And I thought I was Eddie Murphy, just like, oh, I'm just funny. What do you need really to know? And I knew, and I had to do so much just to start getting auditions again. Fucking Dennis.

God, that motherfucker. Yeah, it wasn't Dennis Miller. It was Dennis, head of casting, and I was just, it was like slow motion, switches the scripts. I look at this one. I probably turned it up to an anniversary. He's like, no, it's this way. Isn't it funny looking back now? Now you'd go like, no, I'm doing the other one. That would be the end of it. No, no, I know this one. But no confidence at all. Just like, do what you are told. I should have taken the two years of acting lessons. I once read for Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.

for Tonto and Son and they would pair us off. The gay kid? Yes. Yeah. And I was with this really good actress and they paired us off and then I'm, you know, Paul Newman was so charming and she had a little dog and he had red socks on and I bombed so bad that I ruined it for her. I mean, it was, and then I, we walked outside and I go, that was kind of weird and she goes, yeah, yeah, it was kind of fucking weird and then she got in the elevator.

Can I read with someone else? I was so bad, I destroyed other careers. It was not a good, but I did a lot of shit like that. Who did you leave behind, Dana? Who was your comedy friend? Well, I would say that Kevin Pollak, we did a lot of stand-up together, you know, great impressionist, great actor. He, the planets never lined up for him, but I thought he would be

They did elsewhere, obviously. Yeah, but that would have been a natural fit for Kevin. When you guys were in there, were you pushing for your friends? Not immediately. You wanted to hire people that you felt you could compete or dominate. You didn't want to hire anyone that good. You didn't want Jim Carrey in there. I don't know what to do with Jim Carrey. Is there some truth to that statement? Well, you have no control over that, first of all. I know that

It came down to, I think, for the final spot, you know, Lorne, as I remember, said, well, maybe somebody tall like Chevy, you know,

And I had been living with Kevin Nealon where I met him before I got on SNL. Somebody tall. Somebody tall. That's what I remember. And I go, I know a tall guy. Not even that funny. Just really tall. So Rick Overton was right in the lane. The great Rick Overton was right there. So Kevin flies out and with his kind of, his style, he was just standing in his height. God, was he tall. Still is. Yeah. He's one of the tallest comedians I've seen. Lawrence, you're hired. He hadn't even started doing his comedy. We want you because you're tall. Yeah.

But anyway, Kevin nailed it at just standing there. His stand-up is so casual, you didn't even know when he starts or he ends. And he killed...

And I think Lorne in those days did it a little bit like a sitcom. Like, you want these different flavors. Like, Phil had his lane. Lovitz had his lane. I did my thing. Then Kevin. Well, if you have sketches, you go, okay, who's going to play the dad? You know what I mean? That's a legitimate thing you don't think of. You go, Phil's a solid dad every time. Game show host is going to be Phil. Right. If no one else is around. He was the glue. I think it was my nickname. It doesn't have to be. We called him the glue.

because he kind of held the show together. He couldn't... I called him the sticky stuff. Oh, common problem. He needs some glue on that microphone. Oh, no. I've always had mic problems. By the way, when I got there, it was me and Robbie, and then we were suggesting maybe writers, Fred Wolf and some other people, and then Sandler was, I think, our first one we kind of pushed, because Farley and Chris Rock came right after us. So we did four shows together,

I remember Dennis goes, Dennis is like tough love, dad. He goes, you better get something on or they're going to get rid of one of you dudes. I mean, fucking, you don't bring a guy back. You can't write for shit. I'm like, four shows? And I thought, oh, that'll be easy. Meanwhile, you can't even look like you have a decent scripted read through. Everyone's like, it just so stands out as shitty, you know, until you know what's going on and you're competing against all these great writers. So we come, we have four, then we do the summer. We do come back. But when

when I walk in, that's Rock and Farley. So now those guys get to be our crew. Sandler gets there maybe three months later. So about pushing for Sandler, I would just say, yeah, this guy kills and he does well. I didn't know, I had barely any influence there, but just one more voice saying he's great and then Sandler sort of

parlayed every strong movie has in that. So you're saying you made Adam Sandler, you are responsible for his career. Yes. We call him Sandu or Sandman. Yeah. Toyota's national sales event is happening now, meaning it's a great time for a great deal on a dependable Toyota truck like the Tundra workhorse by nature powerhouse by design combines raw capability with premium comfort and advanced tech to fuel your wildest adventures.

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What was it like? I still think it's crazy that Adam Sandler was released from that show. I mean, is it fair to say he was fired from the show? I didn't even know that, honestly, until like a year ago. Because Farley and Sandler were so big on the show. Yeah, did you hear this? I heard he was fired, but sometimes I think things just peter out like...

Had he done Billy Madison? Was he kind of on his way? He had done big movies and so had Farley. It was time. I should have just gone, but they were going to something and I wasn't. So I said, I'm going to stay another year. But then that felt like I was... But you were invited to stay another year. And it seems so crazy, especially... That I was and they weren't, yeah. No, not that. But that Adam Sandler was unquestionably one of the most popular...

He got fired for being too big a star? I don't know if he got fired. I don't really know. He says he got fired. Do you want to get on the mic for a second, manager? Did he get fired or have you heard Mark? I believe he was fired.

And Farley, too. But it seems insane. But I'll tell you, Adam was a man with a plan from day one. I mean, even before he started to score on the show, he started doing stuff with Robert Smigel. And he goes, yeah, he's a great writer, Carvey. I'm going to put him in all my movies. And I was like, what? You just got here. Adam had, for whatever reason, he had Frank Sinatra confidence. And I asked him once, where did it come from?

He said, my dad would always go to the little league game. Adam was a pretty good player, but he'd go, his dad would go, look at that kid. That's a ball player. That's a ball player. And then his mom, when Sinatra would come on, she'd say, you're better.

You're better than Sinatra. So he had both sides. If you can try to create someone with that drive and talent. Yeah, yeah. It's funny. A lot of comics, they do it to prove their parents wrong, but it sounds like Adam had the entirely opposite situation. You're not a good baseball player. You're a human god. I don't know. Maybe for people out there with a baby. You need one cheerleader, hopefully. My mom was a huge cheerleader, and my dad was gone.

Anyway, Dana, but you don't have any daddy issues. My dad, unfortunately, stayed. And there was a monster in the neighborhood, and it was dad. My dad, when I told him I got a radio job in Seattle, which is a big market, and this is all I wanted. I was in college at the time, not really going to class at all. And I said, I got a job in Seattle. My father said, I'll pay you $200 a week to stay here at home. Oh, wow.

Because he didn't think radio was classy enough. Or he missed you, dude. I don't know. They just didn't want me leaving the house. And luckily I said, no, I think I'm going to move and be an adult. How old were you? I'll take my hundreds. I was in college. Oh, college. And your dad was, don't go. I'll pay you to hang out with me. Yeah, they didn't want me to leave. Oh, we can watch TV, Jimmy. I'd still be there. Double your salary. Making $800 a month. But you came from a loving, secure family, all things considered. Yes, very much so. That explains a lot. Yeah, yeah. Well, you seem like a well-centered, happy person.

person we're wounded little clowns I'll tell you what I had five years of therapy I need five more I'm a powder keg it sounds like though he's a human you found you found a real father figure in Lauren who I still can't believe he moved you into his house sit on my lap he must have taken an extreme liking to you you would sit on my lap I would sit on his lap and we'd be the puppet

Can you imagine moving someone you just auditioned and hired into your home? I don't like you guys here right now. You know, he, he, I guess he did take a liking to me when I first met with him alone in a room. He goes, but there's someone here and he goes off on things, you know, someone you want to have dinner with, you know, when it comes to the cast, someone who came in, I thought they're like really, really talented, but there was something about their shoes. And,

And then I looked out of my shoes. I guess they passed the test. But he literally said I couldn't have him because of those, you know, high-top kids on a grown man don't work. Has he, to your knowledge, allowed anyone else on the cast to live in his home?

People have gone there for... Gone there is one thing. Well, I moved in there for a month, but Whitney would come and go. I don't know if he stayed there. Chevy Chase. Whitney Brown. Do you remember him? Yeah, A. Whitney Brown. Really funny because the night that Paul came there and nervously played a song for us, it was Chevy, Lauren, me, and Whitney, and then Paul and Linda. When you say Paul, you mean McCartney, not Schaefer. No. No.

Could be either. I thought I'd play a little thing for you. I don't know if it's any good, you know. And he leaned into me right as the song started. I guess he had a CD. He goes, sometimes when you're writing, you try so hard to live up to whatever, you end up ruining the fucker. This is him saying it to me right as the song goes on. So he's very vulnerable. The song plays. There's a pause. A. Whitney Brown goes, sounds like Julian Lennon.

Sounds like Julian Lennon. And Lorne said Paul would still mention that years later. This is a fellow who thinks I sound like Julian Lennon. Is she going to be around, you know, because I like to be on the other side of the table. Celebrities don't hang out with regular people. Well, we're all wounded. He couldn't have said anything. Sounds like Julian Lennon. That's crazy. So anyway, that happened. I went to dinner there once. So, you know, I don't know if you remember this.

When we, for Howard, I did the Beth's cat charity. Oh, yes. You did the benefit for the North Shore Animal League. So Howard and Beth came and Lorne and some people were there. Some celebrities. Of course, we're talking about Howard Stern. Pepperdine, Howard Stern. And so doing this charity show. But I was extra nervous because it was very small. And there was a lot of those people in the audience.

They don't see me do stand-up, and it was kind of scary. So anyway, there's Lorne, and then they see it empty. They go, should we hold for Jack Nicholson? I go, oh, no, he's not coming in the fucking front row, is he? So...

They don't hold. Now my whole set, I'm like, where the fuck is Jack? He's missing my Southwest bit. And so then afterwards, Lauren goes, dinner at the house? And I was like, oh, the one Dana stays at? Well, I was staying there. So I go, Dana's not there right now, is he? It was called Dana's room later on. So I go over and we have dinner. And then there's an empty seat again. And then Jack does come in.

And sit down. How was it? I missed it. Yes, it was two hours ago. Yeah. It passed the meatballs. So he ate and it was very fun. So that was my big Lorne house, but it was a timer on it. But he didn't invite you to stay for 29 more days. Tired? Just that night.

I have bunk beds. Does he keep the room as you left it like my mother has? Very nice. It's like two single beds and one morning I came in and he was making the bed. It's just I want the pillow to sit right. Dana's soccer trophy. I go, Lauren, you don't have to do this or I feel like I'm your dad. You're only 10 years older than me. Well, it can happen in different countries, third world. There can be a 10-year-old father. Did you...

Who was better at pitching sketches to Lorne? Out of us? Yeah.

I don't remember really pitching. You didn't really pitch? Well, we pitch him in the meeting. We have all the other writers. So you're really trying to- Lorne is there or no? Lorne is there. It's Monday evening. Everyone's packed in his little office and there's usually a nervous host sitting in a chair. So it's Lorne and the host facing this way. Lorne behind his desk, host in a big chair. Everyone is sitting on the floor, chairs, couches, standing jammed, boiling hot. And then Lorne just like has a, you know, certs or a Twizzler and he goes-

David, anything for Tom Hanks? And then he just goes through. And then you go, oh, and you have a little legal pad and you go, I was thinking maybe you play Sully, but you're just at a... Do you work harder on the Tom Hanks pitches than on, let's say, Kyle McLaughlin? Well, I always do fake pitches because, right? Because...

If you pitch it in the room and then the idea, the bubble's been burst, you want to save it for read through. It's an oral strategy. So it'd be like, I'm going to be a dancing popsicle with John Lovitz and we sing a song. And that's just a fake pitch. And then people laugh. And then you go, that's the fake one. But then sometimes the host comes around to your room later and goes-

are you the one working on the dancing popsicle bit? And you go, oh, uh, no. And they're like, I love that. And you're like, that was a fucking fake idea. And then you go, Michael Jordan, relax. Yeah. You're not gonna play. Were you guys both there when Michael Jordan hosted the show? Oh, yeah. Was he in that Monday meeting? Yeah.

Yeah. He had to be. He did the whole run of the whole thing. Were there any buffer people who were like, oh, yeah, Michael's not going to do that. Michael will do that. Or was it just Michael? I don't really remember. Are the buffer people allowed in those meetings? Because we deal with buffer people a lot. Sure.

And the buffer people often do a disservice to the people who need to get the laughs on the show. Like where they never hear the actual idea because it's turned down before it gets to them. He can't do that because he was divorced in 1975. And you're like, eh, this doesn't really have anything to do with that. I think he would think it's funny. Let him decide. Well, the really fascinating thing for me that week with Michael Jordan was that, you know, it's a fish out of water, the greatest player ever. But he's got a lot of sketches.

And we're about to go out on the live show in a sketch, and he's got some heavy dialogue. And you're behind the slats, the band's playing, the audience is there. And I could tell, you know, he had the script in his hand for last-minute jamming. And I could tell he kind of had cotton mouth. It was a little tense. I said, Michael, just go out there and read it right off the cue card. Christopher Walken does it. Don't even worry about that.

And trying to calm Michael Jordan down about anything was a unique situation. Sting, too. Sting would be like, how's my hair? We're going into an elevator sketch. How's it now? I like Sting in the elevator. He looks good. How about now? It looked better before. Fuck! Who was the most nervous of the hosts? Rosanna Arquette. Rosanna Arquette was most nervous. I don't know.

She was a little emotional. She was great, but I remember you'd hear that someone was sobbing somewhere. Uh-huh, yeah. And whatever host was... Full nervous breakdown. Was broken down. With Steven Seagal, you would just go by his office and you'd just hear... And all you'd hear is, ah, ah, ah.

Ah, ah. It's some woman having an orgasm, right? No, that's all you'd hear. You'd go by. Ah, ah. And they'd come out and fluff up. I hope there was a woman in there. I think sometimes Friday night is the night to collapse. If you were even on the show, even when I went back to host, Friday night is the night when the hosts go, you're joking. The sets aren't even all built yet. And all the lines are different from reading through. We haven't even rehearsed all of them once. The show is tomorrow. And that's if they cry or have a...

a breakdown because they go we can't do this and everyone's like it happens so rarely it seems like it should happen more oh every almost every saturday night especially the dress shows would go longer and longer where you're still doing the practice show and it's like 10 45 and the real show goes on 45 minutes i go if they're gonna put up an old movie tonight we're never gonna make it this is the worst when you start hoping for an earthquake or something

Anything. That's a preemption of some kind. Jim Downey, who had such ADD, he would write really, really well, like at 11, like right outside the office. He needed to get right down to it. He needed to be, no, you cannot procrastinate for one more second. You give you five gems at like, or they'd say it's in the cards.

When you're going on to a set, it'll be in the card. So you're going to live read. That's how I order dinner. I do. I look at the menu and everybody orders. They come to me last. I'm like, oh, okay. I'll have the Branzino. I have to order now. Yeah. Time's up. Yeah. That's how it is. Some of these people, I'm looking through a list of some of the people who hosted the shows when you were both on. And some of these people like,

I have no business hosting a show like this. I mean, really, I think this might have been right before you were on, David, but George Steinbrenner hosted the show with Morris Day in the Time. Wow.

Oh, I love more Stan the Tom. They do funny combos like that. Steinbrenner is a New York institution, and that's what – Lorne, if you're New York-centric, someone from a play can get it. He loves New York, and his friends are from New York, so he likes to go, we got the lead from – but there was a run there where we had –

The second or third lead from some shows instead of the first. Here's the secret of the show, in my opinion. I figured it out yesterday. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, it's good. So you're watching this billionaire owner of a baseball team try to do sketch comedy. And he sucks. Not his fault. I find that really compelling to watch live and watch people ball. Do you find it disheartening when Kim Kardashian is on and she's funny and you go...

Well, okay, where are we now? I saw her monologue and said, what the fuck? Yeah, like, what are we? Are we ventriloquist puppets? Well, here's the thing. When you become that famous and your comedy bit is all about the entire audience knows what you're talking about, but she landed that beautifully and Chris Rock did say, monologue of the year.

About Kim Kardashian. Yeah, it was really good. And it was just crushed. Also, it's out of nowhere, so you get extra points. She scored so hard, a part of me did die. Yeah, right. That's kind of what I don't like about what those celebrity roasts became, because it went from being a bunch of comics goofing on somebody they presumably knew to

to famous people reading lines a bunch of mean comedy writers handed to them. Meanest, angriest comedy writers. Yeah, yeah, the meanest, angriest. What I don't like about that show, but Jeff Ross is great. The show's kind of brilliant, right? But I watch it. Well, some people like Jeff Ross. Yeah, he's a master at it. He's a master at it. But I watch it and I'm like...

ha ha ha the person who's being roasted is ha ha ha with relaxed eyes kind of ha ha ha ha and then at some point you see the shot where there's wounded pain behind whoever is being roasted you mean Chevy right you're talking about Chevy was the original he was the fountain wasn't he the one where I watched and I said oh these guys don't even know him and it was it went from Dean Martin roast none of them knew him where it was fun and they were like Don Rickles would go Dean we've drank together and they'd do a little joke it was like

sometimes you wake up and your hair looks messy. And then I was like, ah, but it got so rough over the years, but they don't know each other. So you just, Chevy's looking down at some guy he doesn't know. And they're like, Hey, you fucking asshole. Look over here. And they're like, are you talking to me? And then you're like, how are these people have any business talking to a huge star like this? And then really taking their legs out.

Well, yeah, although I think it maybe says something about the person when his friends who are funny don't come to roast him. So maybe it means like they're like, oh, man, he's not going to take this well. Or maybe they're just like, I don't know. Have you been roasted or do you want to be roasted? No, no, I've roasted, but I have not been roasted. But you always get roasted while you're in the vicinity. Yeah, if you're in the room and I've done like five or six of those times.

you get roasted. And yeah, sometimes, I mean, sometimes you get like,

like uh i don't know uh jeff ross was in the elevator with drew carrie and uh drew said uh it was one of the early early roasts he goes so who's who's on the who's roasting tonight and he goes uh it was the night before he says uh uh jimmy kimmel adam carolla and drew carrie goes anybody funny and jeff of course reported this to me immediately and i stayed up all night writing the most vicious true carry jokes i mean i i've laid him i tore his the skin off his

body and hung it on the wall. See, that's why you're a success. That's why you're a successful. And he was like, Jesus Christ. He didn't know where it came from. He was probably just joking, you know? I remember old Pam Anderson when I go, she asked me to do it. And I said, I'll send a video in. I was the roast master of that. Okay, I think I sent a video in because I'm changing my life.

I think, I think. I sent a video in because I go, I don't know in the room, I just don't want to really be there because you get caught in the crossfire. And I think that was one where they go, speaking of anal warts, Andy Dick is here. And the spotlight goes, and he's like, what the fuck? I'm in the audience. I didn't know I could get it. I,

I was in the parking garage and I got wounded. Suddenly a light comes on. They call you at home. Yeah. Was he ever funny? You know, I'm like down the block at Sardi's. Speaking of when you're talking about Saturday Night Live and how one guy has to be the dad, one person has to be a mom, et cetera. That's kind of how those roasts are in that like, you know, somebody's got to be the slut. Someone's got to be old. Somebody's got to be over, you know. And who is the mic dropper of consistently?

I mean, Norm Macdonald got famous for going against it with his corny jokes, which was hysterical. But Ross is the ultimate, right? Yeah, sure. He's the roast master. Martha Stewart got some good ones in on that one roast. Yeah, but that's annoying, right? I mean, she doesn't remember any of those jokes. She thought they were recipes. You say this, and it will kill. The context of it. Some of these people...

Jimmy Smits and World Party were on Spade's first episode. That must have made quite an impression on you. He was skilled. He was good. I don't remember tons about that one. Most shows is really depressing because you go to read through. My first read through I did Life Alert. I wrote it for Jan Hooks. I didn't know you should probably put the host in. I just thought you can write for the cast, the host. You learn later if the host isn't, it's got a better chance. Because the host is partially picking.

So I write it for Jan Hooks, who is like a host because she's so great. And it was like an old lady that was sad because Life Alert, she was lonely, so she'd keep calling Life Alert.

I have fallen. I can't get up. Then they come over and she goes, I put my hand in the toaster and it's on dark. Hurry. And so they, anyway, then she just wanted to hang out with them. So it does, it was fourth in read through, which is another thing. Early in read through out of 44 sketches is good. You have attention for about 10. Yeah. And then people doze off until like the last one they wake up.

So fourth is good. It gets a lot. I'm a new writer. It doesn't get on. It gets close. And then after that, I kind of really whiffed. I had to have Conan, Oda Kirk smile. I keep asking him, how do I write this? How many are too many sets to write? The script is 48 pages long. They're like, no, no, no. It's got to be tighter. So I'm just

Freeballing it I don't know one thing Who helped you the most With editing those You know those guys You know Rob and I Would sometimes write together And then We were both You know Don't know shit So we're freshmen And then I would say Downey You wanted his attention the most

Smigel, Odenkirk, and, you know, Jack Handy wrote so brilliantly, but it was so different out of my vortex. Yeah, in his own lane. He'd take a bath on Sunday and be all done. And, you know, and I can't go to... He would. These are your, you know, the turners are there who are great. Everywhere You Turn is a great writer slash competition because...

X amount of sketches get on. I can't be, if I get one in, it's a fucking miracle. And then you got Mike Myers writing and Dana, Kevin Neal and Dennis, everyone around you, Sandler, Farley. So rock, how can you be as good or better? And that's, that took a long, long time. So I didn't, some of those early shows, the point was,

Long story longer, I just, if I wasn't in after read-through, you're sort of done. I'm a writer mostly, so I'm just walking the halls while people are very busy around me. And that's crushing. I love the athletes and the old movie stars the most. Really? Robert Mitchum and I were in a Jack Handy sketch. It was right before the show ends. And neither of us had any idea what the sketch was about. We were beekeepers in Indonesia or something.

That was really cool. This is very different to say I could see totally you loving the old movie stars, but then it's weird that you loved also the guys who are real amateurs. Well, Gretzky was so charming, so Canadian charm. And so we're sitting in a sketch where we're playing movie stars –

We're rehearsing, and we're Hollywood people advising Gretzky how to play hockey better. And I was Travolta. You have a thing like everybody, the whole team just runs at the net. Somebody goes right at the net. You were Barbarino is what you were. That was my substitute, yeah. And I did it once on stage in Denver. I'm going, yeah, I'm going like that. And then he was there and tapped me on the shoulder. Really? An impression tap. Was he wearing the pilot outfit? Yeah, he had the whole look on.

Gretzky and I had a sketch that we were going to be water skiing with our shirts off at the end. And so I was just teasing him. He's a great athlete. I just go, well, you know, because I was training at that point for a movie called Opportunity Knocks. I had to have my shirt off. So I was pretty fit. But I was just kidding him like, well, our shirt's going to come off. We'll see what you got, you know, kind of thing. Right. So then I thought he'd be just built as a professional athlete. So he'd take his shirt off, and he's just emaciated on top of it.

I look like Schwarzenegger compared to him. He's just all legs as a hot, as the greatest hockey player. There's nothing on top. So that was, that was a little thing that happened. Yes. Athletes bodies have changed. So never taunt an athlete to take their shirt off. Cause you might be more fit than them. Yeah. Yeah. No, wouldn't that be the worst? I don't see that happening to me. Um,

being more fit than an athlete or even Robert Mitchum for that matter. How would you handle watching yourselves on the show? Did you watch yourselves on the show? And if so, when did you do it? Did you like set the VCR on Saturday night and then go home and watch it on Sunday? Couldn't watch it. Never wanted to watch it, David.

I'd watch Dana. No, but Dana, you could learn from these guys for sure. I sort of had to figure out my own lane of what I did. And I would watch. You would watch yourself. Watching myself was tough because you could get a VCR. I still can't even listen to my own stand-up. I can't watch the specials. You just do it and you walk away and you say, I'll just go by feedback. If people like it, it works or it didn't. I feel this one worked.

I feel this one was soft. And then you'll just go from there and try to get better. But with...

I don't even know what I'm saying. Well, if you needed to watch your blocking or you had something you're curious about. But I just wanted to feel good out there. And I didn't want to go, oh, I thought it was better than that. But our friend John Lovitz, I guess he wouldn't mind saying that he did enjoy on Monday, he'd get a VHS tape. He's on the 17th floor down the hall. And he would watch all of his sketches and just laugh so loud. You'd hear John down there.

That's acting. That's great. I want to see it again. He had an assistant rewind it. Rewind it more. I want to see my entrance. John will hear this. Get to know me. But you could say that was good homework for John. He was obviously one of our all-time greats. Great, yeah. So he loved to watch himself. The best thing is when you get, Farley comes off stage and you go, oh, fuck that crowd. And he goes, what the fuck, dude? I killed. That's not your fault. And he goes, well, what are you talking about?

My most humiliating one, which I never watched, was me and Matthew Broderick, we were all in diapers. We were like babies with bonnets. This is on the show? On the show. A sketch with big diapers, bare-chested with bonnets and suckers, and I don't even remember what the sketch was. I like it already. But we just ate it. I mean, dead silence. And then the commercial break, we're still in the diapers, and the thing, we have to walk through the crowd. And I kind of waved at the crowd, and they looked away. Yeah.

They look down. That's stinker. They want to be wave men. Hey, what's up? I'm in the diaper and the bonnet. There are certain things in comedy bits that it's funny because they're based on other comedy bits. And I think the bonnet is one of them. It's based on cartoons from the 40s or something. I've never seen an actual baby in a bonnet. No. But we think, okay, yeah, you're a baby. You're going to be in a bonnet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't protect you from the sun. It doesn't do anything. It's like a...

Like a hairband? I don't know. But we were in bonnets and diapers. This year, Dell Technologies' back-to-school event is delivering impressive tech with an inspiring purpose. With every qualifying purchase, Dell will donate to ComputerAid, who equips solar community hubs with tech and AI literacy skills to empower remote, displaced, or disconnected communities around the world.

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which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, yeah.

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

So get started today with a combat, a compatibility, a compatibility quiz. So you can find some and you can be yourself with get who gets you on eHarmony. Sign up today. Did you ever go completely blank? And I know there are cue cards. And by the way, I do want to ask you something because one thing that has bothered me consistently about Saturday Night Live for like, I don't know, the whole run of the show is

is the placement of the cue cards because so often, like you'll be sitting at the anchor desk or whatever and facing forward because that's where the cue card, but you're supposed to be having a conversation with the person to the right of you. Why doesn't the cue card guy just move over a little bit and make it just a tiny bit more natural?

Jimmy, Jimmy. Yes. Calm down. That was on my notes that I was going to ask today. What the fuck was with the cue card placement? Am I the only one noticing that? It's a big problem. People think you're too married to the cards, they used to say. So Wally, our card guy, maybe he's still there. He would, you'd have three sets ideally, but sometimes you all have to decide where you're going to look at the cards because if you go back and forth from the person, the cards, that's when it looks weird on camera. Well,

Hold on. There's two things. There's update forward and then sketches. So go on about the sketches. It's different. I don't know. But update, you're looking like if Dennis is update host or Nealon and they look over to me, I think there should be some over there, but it's not looking at me. It's all you kind of grab them with your eyes and try to guess, but-

It's very hard because if you miss... And you also forget what color you are. If I'm green and I go... They go, 10 seconds and you go, am I green? What were you? I was red, I think. They have different colors and the host is always black. Oh, and it's not consistent, right? Yeah. Because on our show, on my cards, now we use teleprompter, are black. And then...

Guillermo's blue and then that's all of us. There's only two people. Guillermo has lines? I thought he had one. He's funny. The cue cards would tell you what the eyesight was like, not to pick on John again, but like I'd have like 10 lines on my cue card and John would have like two and the letters would be like a foot high.

But he didn't want to wear them in the sketch. But I would say that in sketches, if I'm looking at you directly, I can kind of go, well, I don't know, and look over my shoulder and grab the line from behind me as well. Phil was the best at this. At Update, I thought there was one pivoted, but generally speaking, you don't want to get in a profile with Dennis Miller. You want to stay forward as much as possible. Why's that?

Well, because there's no camera going to cover you there. Because you're in the center of the studio. There's an audience there. You want to just face forward. I would do grumpy old man or characters where I was just going to rant.

And so I just went right at the cue cards. That's why I was so potent about it. Sandler was great at that with his guitar and everything. Did you ever see anyone read someone else's line on the show? A line on the cue card that was not for them? Well, when you would be in Toontz's The Cat, it was a driving cat. It was a cat with Victoria Jackson, who's adorable. But she'd often just space out. Like I'd say my line, oh, where are we going to go? And her line would be, we'll get there pretty soon. Three, two.

I'm just kicking her leg. Five, six. Oh, how? We'll get there pretty soon. So she would adorably space out. Yeah. I remember one time we were walking out for my first sketch I wrote and Farley would do jokes around the set, you know, how are you? You know, he'd just do stupid shit. How are you? And then one time he said, uh,

I told this girl, why don't you lay me down in the tall grass and let me do my stuff? I go, okay, let's put that in there. And then we were thinking of stuff for him. And then he goes, I swallow a lot of aggression along with some pizzas or something, whatever. So we put that in there because he was like the chubby guy in the sketch, shockingly. And then we're walking out on air, not dressed. And he goes, I go, remember, say that one, just like you said it, Bob. And he goes,

I go, what's that? He goes, that joke was in stripes. I go, that joke was in stripes. And he goes, David, it doesn't matter. And he grabs me really hard. It's all guilt. David, it doesn't. I go three, two. And I go, what do we do? So he just does it. And he's looking at me like, like holds his face. Like, because I go, you. And then afterwards I go, you waited all fucking week.

And he goes, I think we had a week. It was all week. We wrote it. He went to, it was live. No one knows anything. It's in stripes. They can't trace it back to me. I go, I think they can. I think they watch the fall. I know. He goes, you're the writer. I go, you fucking. This is crazy. Listen to this lineup. A week to week to week, Steve Martin and James Taylor. This is, you know, this is to me, this is, it's as good as it gets. Uh,

Followed by Rob Morrow and Nirvana. Nirvana. Followed by Chevy and Robbie Robertson and Bruce Hornsby.

And then the next show is Susan Day and C&C Music Factory. And then Jason Priestley and Teenage Band Club. Let me tell you something. Susan Day had one of the best sketches. I saw it the other day. Someone tweeted it to me. It was the Partridge family battle the bands versus the Brady Bunch. And it was an all-cast sketch. So she's Lori Partridge, and we are everything.

I was David Cassidy. Yeah, David Cassidy. We had all the wigs on everything, and it was just like this epic sketch. Probably was Ruben Kincaid. Written by Melanie Hutzel. Did she write that? Well, yeah, or at least that was her idea. She played Jan? She played Jan Brady at, you know. Right, on the Real Life Brady Bunch or something? Yeah, she brought that character to the show. So that was a killer sketch. Susan Day was cool. The best I told Dana when I watched it, I was the drummer. I didn't know I was in it, you know.

And I'm in the drummer. I go, where the fuck am I? Because Sandler's up there. He's like, it's time for a change. He was Peter Brady. And so, and then I hear my voice. I go on the drummer. And then I go, they don't even have a courtesy cut to me. It's just like a wide shot in here. Hey guys, we got to start rehearsing. And I go,

Fucking pan over, do something, move out of the way. So I see myself inching my head around Dana and go, hi there. Like just because I go, which camera's got a red light? I got to have someone back in Arizona know I'm on and in this guy. I got blacklisted from The Tonight Show because of Susan Day. Why, what did she do? Because of Susan Day. Because of Susan Day. Do tell. Not directly, but we were doing a Carson that week and she came on as Susan Day and

And it was written, I didn't write it, I don't want to say it, but it was written that Johnny didn't realize the Partridge family wasn't still on the air. How's that show going for you? Danny Bonaduce, he's a real piece of work, isn't he? He's a handful. And that did, and I don't blame, did not sit well with Johnny. Monday after that show, he didn't reference it, but he said, Ed, they think we're senile. Did you know that?

They think we're She-No. It's time to go. So anyway, that was kind of a strain. Did that bum you out? Yeah, I didn't want to. I loved Johnny Carson, and I didn't want to be... Most of my stuff was benign and friendly. I loved being in that character because of the earnestness of it. But Carcinio was a truly...

I mean, it was a somewhat brutal parody of two different people at once, which you don't ever, I don't know has ever happened before. Which Johnny recognized and said that to Leno. You know, they're making fun of Arsenio as much as they're making fun of us. So he was smart. He got it. Okay. But the Senile thing was a bridge too far. So I wasn't asked back. But before that, I was on his show all the time.

And I was on the best of every year. I'd do a montage and I'd come on. He's dead to me, Dad. He's dead to me. Jimmy, when you look at that list, it made me realize that from when I started and every Monday meeting when you go in there, it was a weird thing that I would think some people had a star thing. Like you would see them sitting in that chair and they would talk and the way they handled themselves. I literally walk out of there and go, that's a fucking movie star. Like it hit me. And some people...

were just blank to me. Like they just got on that week. We have names. I know. I don't want to say names. Who are the movie stars? I will say the movie star, you know, like a Sharon Stone is easy. That's easy. Comes in dressed up, gorgeous, sits there, knows how to handle herself. There's a, my second show or third show was Alec Baldwin's first black turtleneck. I just watched hunt for red October. He's a star. I come and he's got blue eyes, black hair. And he's like, how's it going? Nice to everyone. Super cool.

Everything about it, he was into the comedy. He would go pitch ideas to people. I just go, this guy's a fucking stud. He's a movie star. He had the hazel blue eyes, like weird blue eyes and just super built. And now and then someone would come by and they're the fourth lead on Melrose Place. All right. But they were okay. And they did fine. They did their best. No, I think Laura Layton. I don't want to make fun of Laura Layton, but we weren't getting the biggest stars for a year there. I remember there was a year where we started sagging where-

You know that show. Oh, that person? No, Grey's Anatomy. They play the janitor. Well, the janitor's friend. That guy's hosting. And so you go, oh, so it's not quite who you think it would be from that show. And then we picked it back up again. But there's people that you see that you go, I get it.

There are some people that are, it's, that's one of the, I think this would be a great game. Did they host SNL or not? Now, obviously you guys have an advantage, but. I don't know. Okay, here's one. And well, you should know because you were there. Lightning round. Yeah. Did Sinbad ever host Saturday Night Live? I'm going to say no, because it's so obvious he should have. I don't.

I'm going to say yes. And you were on that show with him. Oh, Jesus. Was I? Dennis Miller, Jimmy goes, Dennis Miller goes, I was on fucking star search for Sinbad. We go to the final round.

And I'm doing my best quality high-end material. Sinbad gets up there and goes, you ever have underpants so big and old it's just a rubber band? Four stars. You're moving on. And Dennis is sitting there with two and a half going, what the fuck just happened? He goes, you know what? That's funny. It can be a rubber band.

man. Booty's so big it drags in the sand. That was his closer. Booty's so big drags in the sand behind her. I did a corporate with him and he fucking blew me out of the water. He destroys it. One time I was doing this theater I don't remember where and the stage right before I went out and go Simba had crushed here last week. I couldn't believe it. Did he do local references? Oh he did all of them. You know my first ten minutes. Moved in here a month before. But yeah you don't want to follow Simba. Go ahead keep going. Tony Orlando

I'm just going to say yes now because I don't remember one. I think we had Don hosting when I was there. No, I just made that one up. I don't know. I don't have a- We don't get the main guy. I just thought of this idea. I wish I had the whole list, but- Rob Morrow was on Northern Exposure. Yeah, right. It was a big deal. It was. It was. And Nirvana. I remember Nirvana. I remember Kurt Cobain sitting in the hall with Courtney Love out of the dressing room, just sitting in the hallway by the page desk, and they camped out there. So you just walk by getting ready and-

They're just there fiddling around. I go, okay. Do you have much interaction with the musical guests? Because at our show, there's much more interaction with the celebrity guests than the music guests. But your music, when I go to the show on your show and I like the music, they're at a stage away usually, right? Yeah, there's a satellite. There are two different stages. So I don't really see them. But with this, you're allowed to talk to people. I'm sure they don't love it, but-

They don't know everyone, so they treat everyone like they're important. They don't know that I'm some bullshit new writer. But you can go watch rehearsal during dinner, and they do their songs, and then they go eat dinner. So I did set, and I ate with Nirvana both times because they were younger, I was newer, and didn't know much the first time they came on, same with Pearl Jam. Second time, knew them a little better, liked them a little better. Very interesting. Everyone's sort of on the same playing field and cool to each other. Yeah.

So we had a great time. Now, one time I think Cranberries were there. This is stupid, but Marcy Klein was there. And they didn't, sometimes they don't do their hit song and you get frustrated. Right. Yes. And so there's a deal with the record company. I don't know. It's above my record. So I just stand there watching them and I'm like, fuck, they're not doing Langer. And I go, all right. So I watch. And then Marcy goes, do Langer. But they're recording it. And so, yeah.

She just goes, she's smoking. She's like, do linger. And then we're just rehearsing. So the guy goes, you know, starts playing it. And then she's like, fine. You know the singer? She's Irish. Yeah, she passed away. I didn't know it, but it came through because she goes, she was kind of walking through it. If you... And she's like...

It's just your attitude. It's tearing me apart. It's hurting me every day. I was like, oh, she's Irish? I never heard it in the real song. But when she was half-assing it, I go, I love it more. And then Marcia gave me a cassette of that.

She goes, we taped it. I was like, oh, fuck yeah. So they should do the best of not even dress, the best of rehearsal. The best of forced rehearsals. Well, I'm going to tell you, if you're a fan of a band, because I had a guy who was a, Bob Shrug was his name, Eric Clapton fanatic. So then he comes out to New York. He's in the bleachers on Thursday. You're seeing Eric talking, talking to his band. He's playing the song. He's doing this song. It's hours of immersive stuff into your idol. So that just changed his life. And then when he came back in the show on Saturday, Eric Clapton, he walked by and

He was on 8H, and Eric remembered his name. You know, hello, Bob, how you doing? So that's just a really intimate thing. What about for you guys musically? Now, obviously, Paul McCartney at the—

I remember Neil Young getting on. He was doing... It wasn't Old Man or something. One of his incredible... And I was done with the show that night. I went to the side and was watching him in a chair playing 10 feet away. You have moments like that where you're kind of like, damn, this is an incredible show. Would you have bands that then...

started playing at the after party? Did that happen regularly? I think Clapton, it was good night, and then I think he played another 20 minutes, and I know that McCartney did. I wasn't there for that one. Didn't McCartney do an extra concert? McCartney, when he was on our show, did 17 songs. Shut the fuck up. After the show? After the show. God, kill. 17 songs. And the next night, Justin Timberlake was on the show, and he was not feeling well, and he comes to me and he goes...

And we were like You gotta do You know we Closed down the boulevard We were like You gotta do at least Five shows There's a lot of people Songs You get a lot of people Out there And he's like I said He goes How many did McCartney Do last night I said 17 He's like Fuck

He's like six, seven years younger. There's only one McCartney. Isn't that the best though when they seem to enjoy what they're doing? Because so many times that's not the case. And so many times you see them, they're reading their lyrics off a teleprompter and you go, I know the words to this song. How is it possible that you don't? I told Dana that I have a long story about it in my hilarious stand-up act. Is it on Netflix now? What's the name of it? That one's out, but this is for the new one. What's the name of your Netflix special? What is it?

Hey, buddy. Gervith, what's it called? It's called Coming Off Gay. Oh, no, wait. That's...

You know the name of your Netflix show. I can't even think of it. What's it called? Oh, Nothing Personal? Nothing Personal? I thought it was Hey Buddy. So I do this Haiti, you know, the short version is I do one of those Sean Penn Haiti benefits where, you know, you bid on things. Yeah, right. It's like Justin Bieber in a hot air balloon ride. You know, that's like always really good. Hey, win a rocket ship to Mars with Elon Musk. I'll do that. You know, that sounds fun. But everyone's rich and it's a lot of peer pressure. And so I see tickets to McCartney front row and Springsteen.

And I go, this is, this is like up my ass, something I would do. So they go, it might go to, the estimate was 10 grand. So I go, I tell my table, I've had a little couple of knocks in me. I go, loud mouth soup. I go, Hey, uh, I might bid on this one. It might get up to Mike buckle up. And they're like, is this guy with you? So I'm just talking to people that I have money.

And then they go, so I have my paddle up and Sean's smoking on stage. He goes, all right, the McCartney tickets, here we go. And he goes, I put my thing up. He goes, starting at 50,000. I go, what the fuck? And they go, Spade. And I go, no, no. I go, wait.

it on this, it was going to go increments. Like it would go like a thousand and there'd be an increment. And then I would go and what's going on with the increments. And he goes 50 and it's, and they're all looking at me. I go, no, it's just funny that it's 50. I don't care about the money. I just think it's funny. And then they go 60 over here, 70, 80 spade. I go, all right, we'll give me a second. Um, it was 50. And I'm, I mean, talk about a markup. I think, cause I'm like the face value is probably a hundred, 500, let's say. And then I go, that's,

Okay. So, you know, you know, you could have gone to that for sure. And I'm like trying to be great guy. And I'm like, actually, I don't even know gun to my head where Haiti is on a map. I'm just, I'm like, there was an earthquake, but was it that bad? And then, and then they go and everyone's DiCaprio's like, who's the cheapest guy? I'm like 80, 80, 80 is great. And then they go 90, a hundred spade. I go, it hasn't been one fucking second. It hasn't.

It's a pinball. Are you raising your paddle? Yeah, I'm like this. He keeps asking me because I'm spending. But your paddle's up like that. No, it's down. Now I'm stepping up. Your paddle's down? Yeah. Probably the only person whose name he knows in this auction. So you really have a disadvantage. I see Charlie's glaring. I go, I'm getting it. It's 100. It's zero to me. 100 is literally zero. So then he goes, the biggest fucking scam in the business is I go, I'm at 100. And then they go 125. And I go to my table. Nobody fucking move.

This is going to go away in a second. Someone's going to bid. I'm off the hook. And then he goes, Spade. I go, no, no. I'm the 100. I won. 125. I go, this is illegal. And then everyone goes, Spade, Spade. I go, 125. So I won that and I fixed Haiti. The good news is Haiti is fixed. And Sean Penn is your best friend. Yeah. I mean, and then I walked out of there like a bomb went off. I was like, eee.

And they get over there and they go, Amex. The biggest scam is when they get you all the way to the top and then they go, okay, we're going to give away three of these. Especially when you're the one doing it. It's like, oh, really? I got to have dinner with three different parties? Okay, all right. I'm an asshole if I say no. I went to McCartney and you get to go to rehearsal and stuff. And then I didn't really want to get up in his grill. And I didn't even tell him when we interviewed him because I felt bad. But I felt like he'd want to pay me back.

And then I met him, and he was super cool that night. But I don't know if he even knew. I think he was just being nice and hurt. I asked to meet him. Did you guys do that thing with Paul McCartney where you didn't talk about the Beatles to be respectful? Well, that's still something I have nightmares about. When we interviewed him on this show, I'd sent an email to him

you know, just sort of to his assistant saying, well, assuming he doesn't want to come on, maybe he doesn't want to talk about the Beatles. You can talk about your friendship with Lorne and when you're on SNL. So I went in with that notion and we were trundling along. And at one point I brought up Get Back. Right.

And then we were into the Beatles. The documentary. And that's all he wanted to talk about. That's the funny thing is I think people, and I think most people probably assume, yeah, he's talked about the Beatles and death or whatever. But he has no problem talking about the Beatles because I think he knows you want to hear about the Beatles. It's very unselfish of him to tell you things about. He's talking about John. I mean, you don't want to ask about John. You don't want to ask about things that might...

make him feel weird. Yeah, well, you know that, I'm sure, because with Farley and it's... By the way, zero people have a problem with it. Zero. They go like this. Really? Remember? Who was that guy that died that you were really good friends with? I always feel a little bit weird about asking about that because I know it's a heavy subject. It's not just funny stories. We're doing sort of a special on him and the thing is, I don't want to dine out on Farley. I did movies with him and I...

I kind of didn't want to separate myself from, but I just want to not feel like,

the beat i don't want to feel like i would suggest this and maybe this will make you feel a little better what would make chris farley happier than hearing you tell stories about the funny things and a lot of his other friends that's true i would want people to say funny things and i wouldn't want anyone to feel awkward about talking about me and and so chris was obviously a huge part i mean one thing i didn't tell dana is i used to have a phone machine and in the old days when it was

Actually, the weird part when it went from cassettes to digital for a minute, and then they were kind of just on your phone. But it's a physical machine. And so I realized once everyone's leaving such funny messages that I kept them. And I go, I just will have this for life. Maybe it'll be an album, maybe something one day. But it's Farley. And these guys, when you have a phone machine, they just do. It's like a show. It's like Sandler. It's like Beaven here. Hey, Deboe. Hey, DeDea.

yes, oh, yes, oh, yes. You know, just whatever. And then Farley goes, Dave's man, how's it going? Good, good. I says, I says, I says, I says, I says. He just keeps going. For like two minutes. Yeah. And then there's Norm and everyone. So it's like the best of the best. I delete the ones and I had 33. And then someone that was working on my house goes, hey, I moved your office around. I go, what do you mean? I ran in there. They unplugged it and says zero. And I go, wait, how do we? And there was no way. Oh.

And it still bugs me to this day. I go, it was the best that you'll never get back. But I think the reason Paul doesn't mind talking about it is because the Beatles songs is like a wave that was cresting. And I think they're even bigger in the last 10 years.

than they were 30 years ago. Yeah, for sure. Because it was too much, too much incredible music, 200 masterpieces. And then it was just sort of Paul doing his stuff and they kind of got lost. They were always huge. But now I feel like it's this 10.0. And then he decided at one point to do the songs that were traditionally considered Lennon songs. He opened up with Day in the Life. He's doing Strawberry Field. So he's at peace with it. But I didn't know that, but we did get into about 30 minutes of The Beatles, which was great.

David, you told me a long time ago, you're on the show, that celebrities would get upset with you. And I think we know, everybody knows the stories about Eddie Murphy or whatever. I've never heard that. But about jokes that you would make during Weekend Update. Hollywood Minute. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. Hollywood Minute. Did you have any, besides Eddie Murphy, did you have any uncomfortable jokes?

- Run-ins, meetings, did you start to not go places? - Well, it was gonna be a problem with publicists and people. And then like anyone, talk shows, you do jokes about people and you sort of forget them that day. But you run into someone and then you get a weird vibe and you go, "Oh wait." And you have to rack your brain and go, "Oh boy." So the only one I remember sort of more vividly was

Cameron Crowe at the show and I'm over by the 8-H desk and then I, well, and he goes, hey, David, Cameron Crowe. And, you know, it was back with Fast Times. He did Fast Times at Richmond High or whatever.

He's done a ton of shit. So I said, oh, hey. And I shake his hand. And it was like slow motion. He goes, you know my wife? Or do you know my wife? And I go to shake her hand. And I go, in my head, I go, he's married to someone famous. And it was Nancy Wilson from Heart. And she just stared at me. And she goes, you were talking shit about me and my sister.

And it just stopped and I go, what are you going to do? You know, you make a Hollywood Minute omelet, you got to break some eggs. And so I didn't know what to do. I go, yeah, sorry. And then I just sort of drifted off. And the worst part is I love Hart. And I made fun of so many people that I liked. It just, it was a desperate move that I was kind of good at at the time of doing that move to stay alive on the show. I mean, Lorne,

It was probably two to three years in, and then I did a Hollywood Minute, and they laughed at read-through, and then Lauren goes, good, you found your voice. He said it at read-through. And he just said it because I sat right next to him, and I was like, what does that mean? I didn't really know what that meant. And then-

It worked and then about a week later he goes, "Maybe Hollywood Minute this week?" I go, "Are you fucking shitting me?" 'Cause he's never told me to do a sketch. He's never, I was just scraping to be in sketches. And then that kept me on a few more years. I didn't want to do that one too much either, but it was a good one to go to. And then I started, of a straight, like someone you don't know, young blonde kid from Arizona,

out of the business, just taking people's legs out, but saying what people were kind of saying, you know, what they didn't want to say because it was all People Magazine. There was only magazine with People Magazine, I think. And so they were like so fluffy to celebrities. So it was interesting to hear someone say something kind of negative. If it was a clever way, like when you go, uh,

MC Hammer, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. It's over. You know, mean. Yeah. Julie Brown, wubba, wubba, wubba. My career's in trouble, trouble, trouble. So all those were kind of funny. You do 10 jokes and then- But remember this, and Sandler had it with-

where he'd do it off the side, this and that. Then he's at home base, he's doing the subtitles, and he's having pictures. So Hollywood Minute is like, okay, Hollywood Minute. And then you would have the picture of the person, and you'd be right down the lens. So that just really serviced you as a comedian. Once the crowd bought into it, then they're looking forward to it. Then I do that a few times, and then I get to a level, then Tommy Boy came out, and then Black Sheep. And then suddenly I'm in that sort of...

area of being known. And then to me, it wasn't as interesting because I go, part of the fun was

It's a nobody. And then I go, I'm in this. I know careers are fragile. I get why people feel like shit sometimes with these jokes. I don't like mean jokes about me. So I go, eh. So it faded out, and then that was just toward the end anyway. Yeah, suddenly you feel like maybe you're not punching up anymore. Yeah. They're your friends. Now you know everybody in Hollywood. Yeah, and then you see them, and then you go, I can't do that person. I did one about Aniston I felt bad about, and then I just said, this is getting stupid. Hmm.

MC Hammer hosted the show while you guys were there. He did the reception. He was. No, not really. He didn't. No, he did. No, he did. Well, he did. And I remember, I remember I was kind of in my heyday. I was kind of cocky. So the writers came over and I was doing, I was coming in at the end of that sketch. David. Oh yeah, I did my first where I go and you are, that was my first sketch that actually worked.

Five to one. Was I... No, Phil was Jesus. Was I an alien or something? He wasn't. He wasn't that one. The first one was MC Hammer. You came in as an alien, I think. An alien. I didn't know who anyone was. And then when it came back again, it was first Sketch Up. I think it was Roseanne. I think it was...

You feel as Jesus. But I remember MC Hammer is there and the writers are off to the side and I was just kind of kidding around. I go, what do you guys want? You want a big laugh when I come in or you want an applause break? I mean, you know, what do you want? I'll put on whatever you want. And MC Hammer coming from the streets, he just thought that was the greatest. You can't touch this.

I gotta admit, that song was fucking catchy. It's unreal. Yeah. I mean, come on. Dude, I think Vanilla Ice came on. I was rocking out as much as anyone. I mean, that song, there's some toe-tappers in that room. Yeah, although the parts that are actually catchy were written by someone else and then just wrapped over, right? I was willing to look the other way. You were, okay.

But then you couldn't do commercials then. Then he did a Taco Bell. You can't touch this. The Burrito Supreme. And now anyone could do a commercial. You can't eat all this. I missed it. The 90s, I had left a lot of money on the table. You can't do that. You're Bob Dylan. Yeah, that changed in a big way. Not yet. Dan was supposed to do, isn't that a special deal for a Big Mac? And he was like, it's too clunky. I could tighten that up. Oh, I had Church Lady for a Taco Bell. I had them all lined up. Yeah.

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That's right. You need good people, Dana. You do, David. And newsflash, LinkedIn isn't just a job board. LinkedIn helps you hire professionals you can't find anywhere else. Even those who aren't actively searching for a new job, it might be open to the perfect role. In a given month, David, check this out, write it down if you want to, over 70% of LinkedIn users don't visit other leading job sites. So if you're not looking on LinkedIn,

You're looking in the wrong place. Well, because they get what they want from LinkedIn. So why look around? On LinkedIn, 86% of small businesses get a qualified candidate within 24 hours. That's one day according to my calculations. That's right. And LinkedIn knows that small businesses are wearing so many hats that might not have the time and or resources to hire. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. They're constantly finding ways to make the process easier, even though it's easy already. Yeah.

They launched a feature that helps you write job descriptions, make it even easier if you want to post something, you know. That's right. Quicker. 2.5 million small businesses use LinkedIn for hiring. Listen, post your job for free at LinkedIn.com slash candidates. That's LinkedIn.com slash candidates to post your job for free. As always, terms and conditions apply. You know, Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program.

If you want to learn a new language, which no time like the present, it's always fun to learn when you get older. I know. And it's not learning a language when you're older, you know, over the age of 20 is difficult. You know, I mean, all the high school Spanish I took, grade school Spanish, you know, all I can say is hola.

And hasta luego. So it goes out of your head. So now you have Rosetta Stone, David, tell them about it. Well, Dana, you know, more than anyone trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users in 25 languages. Uh, I mean, my gosh, they have Spanish, French, Italian, German. I don't think you can throw them a curve ball. I think they're going to know what don't they have the language you want. Yeah.

It immerses you in many ways. There's no English translations. You understand? I know no English. You need a Rosetta Stone for English. No English translation. So you really learn to speak and listen and think in that language. That's the whole idea of Rosetta Stone is that it sticks to your head. It sticks to your brain. I learned German out of a book. It just doesn't stick as hard. So this is the way to do it. Just don't type.

Designed for long-term retention. There's a true accent feature. It gives you feedback on your pronunciation. Yes. And, of course, there's desktop app options. There's an audio companion and ability to download lessons offline. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so that's great. Lifetime access to all 25 language courses Rosetta Stone offers for 50% off. A steal! Oh, my gosh. And I do think that the off-label thing that...

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I did a Super Bowl commercial when I was way earlier than I should have on Passanel. Because I had no money and they offered me a Diet Pepsi commercial. And then Gervitz goes, all right, it's all set. We just got to run it by law. And I go, why? Well, you know, we just contract contracting. I go, no, no, no. Well, it shouldn't be a problem. And then he goes, ah, he killed it. I go, he killed my Super Bowl commercial? It was after John and I did ours? Yeah.

It must have been. Yeah. Did you mention that? Mark, what are you doing? We're going to talk to Mark after this. Can I tell a Super Bowl commercial in 10 seconds? So John and I are doing, we did one, it really crushed it. We're doing the second one. And it's a series of like two second shots. We're filming in New Orleans. We're everywhere. And it's a quick thing from American Express. And our catchphrase was, yes, that.

So we're in a stadium in Miami, and we got to wear Hawaiian shirts for a two-second shot in the stands. So I go in. There's 300 Hawaiian shirts. To pick from. So I pick one and come out with a Hawaiian shirt, and I'm sitting there. And John goes, I'll go get my Hawaiian shirt. He goes in there. He's in there for like a half hour. He comes out, goes over to me, and goes, can I wear your shirt? I swear to God. I go, John, there's 300 shirts in there.

Can I wear your shirt? You got the best one. You got the best shirt. Of course, I wouldn't take it off. No, of course not. It was the best one. That's how I teased John. Of course, I got the best one. I know I got it. We both know I got it. I can imagine you were super bummed about not being able to do that commercial. I think it was $250,000, and I...

Was making about $1,500 a week on the show. Is that right? You were making $1,500 a week? I was wondering about that. Do you ever get paid a lot to be on Saturday Night Live? I think I started at $4,500 and maybe left at $1,200. I was $900 because I was just a writer. So $900 a week to write, and then I got a $1,500 bump if I was on, I think. But I was fine with that. So I did that, and then it got up to...

Then like the second year was like $3,500 a show. And then the next year, $4,500. So it never got like astronomical. Yeah. Well, I mean, it sounds, you know, obviously it's not a lot for show business. When you're dreaming of riches. And you're living in New York. And LA. There's nothing like it. One thing I'd like to just insert at this point is that for people to understand that David Spade and Rob Schneider were in the ether of stand-ups. And Dennis and I both knew them.

and thought they were kind of the best guys out there. I mean, I did a lot of stand-up with Rob Schneider, and I met David before and would see him at the improv. So some people go, how did you know David Spade? Why are you doing this podcast? I go, I've known him since he was 28. And he was another one to whisper to Lauren in the talent department, like, he's good. Do you remember when you met?

Yeah. Well, I was living with Kevin Nealon and Bob Duback in a house. Did you ever live with anyone who isn't famous? They weren't famous then. But my wife and I had to save money to buy a house. She was working, writing speeches and was working for an assemblyman out in the valley.

And the rent was $300. We had a hot plate and we lived above the garage. And the dryer had no heat on it, but they just roll it for like all day long. It would roll to dry. It was just a roller. So it was just, it had this little carport and Nealon was across the way. And then I got on, pulled him in, but I met David there at that house, just hanging out. Because I was a stand-up, met Nealon and loved his stand-up, loved Dana, of course. He's the best. Dennis Miller. Yeah. And then,

Dana wasn't at the club as much as Kevin was kind of grinding away, but Dana was sort of someone I didn't get to see a lot, but I just thought was great. And then Kevin goes, hey, I got SNL. Do you want to rent my room?

I'm gonna be gone. I said, yeah, I need it. He heard me saying I needed a place. He goes, well, I'm gonna rent my room out. So we made this deal and when he came home, he was very nice. He stayed on the couch. He let me keep the room. He didn't take his room back. The fucking Dana Carvey lives above the garage in my own house. So I'm like, holy shit, I get to see him. Dubac's a comedian. There's a writer living there. And then, and Kevin. So when they'd come back, I would get to hear stories, not even thinking that would be somewhere I would end up. I was just like shitting that these two famous guys that I think are great are

are somewhere where I get to talk to them. And so that was, you know, I go back to Arizona and be like, I feel like

I remember I saw Judd Nelson at a keg party when I was visiting LA and I felt like I was in show business because you're in the vicinity. So you ran into someone where someone that's been in a movie was, I'm getting warmer. And that's how you think. And so I go, oh, I'm fucking talking to Dana and Kevin and I'm at the improv. So I'm getting at least closer to what I hopefully will do. Yeah, I was, I, Dennis Miller, I knew from the clubs and then he got on SNL.

And then we went to play the Comedy Magic Club, and we're driving back, and then he tells me about the pressure of SNL. Christ sakes, Carm, it'll eat you up, tear you apart, man. I mean, there's no gig like this on earth. Honest to God, I go home crying most nights, you know? You sure you want to do this thing? It's not good for you. Don't wish too hard. But it was incredibly told to us, this is a pressure cooker like no human being has ever, ever been in.

And we got it anyway. Does the pressure, does it ever wane? Do you feel as you get more comfortable? You feel steadily sick.

Like you have mild COVID the whole run. Really? The whole six years I did it. You know, Dennis, we'd walk in the room. He's in the writer's room. He did update, you know, but he didn't really want to be in sketches and shit. So he would just sit there and we'd walk in and he would, we're the new guys. So he'd haze us. Chris Rock, angry black guy. Is that it? He'd go around the room like a shooting gallery. Tim Meadows. Tim Meadows.

Black guy, not even angry. You're the nice guy. What's that all about? You got nothing. Farley, fatty, fall down. Anything else? Santa, the cross-eyed guy. What's next on the docket? Spudley, zero. Dana, push him off a building.

And Farley would beg him, because I was with Dennis once. We'd say, hey, Kyrie, let's stop by with the junior varsity. And they're all lined up, and Farley's like, come on, do it! And then he would do his shooting gallery. But everyone is laughing their ass off. I get it, I get it. Christ sakes, they're not buying that hand contorted guy. But anyway. What about the last show, your last shows? I remember it.

That was probably the loosest I was. I think after about 80 shows, I got way more comfortable because I was having so much success and Wayne's World was cooking and everything. My last sketch that I remember, I played Prince Charles, now King Charles.

who shrinks himself, scientists shrink him down to the size of a tampon so that he can live in the trousers. And I didn't know later there was a royal in England watching this crying because it was very cruel but hysterical. He gave a speech to the nation, I shall be going to a place that's very dark. I shall be shrinking into the size of a tampon so I can live in the trousers of my... Sounds like a Jack Handy or Robert Smigel, I don't know.

But that was— But what about—okay, so that's your last sketch, but what about, like, at the party afterwards, was it—was a toast made to you? Was there special attention given? I just left in the middle of the season. You didn't get a dance or Lauren clinking champagne glasses. There was no official goodbye. Why did you leave in the middle of the season? That was a really stupid decision. Oh, okay.

It was because I got so hot off the show, like too hot, too hot for my own good, because Wayne's World, all the political stuff, Ross Perot, Church, everything is cooking. Hans and Franz had a movie deal. So then there was this stupid movie for a lot of money, and I thought, well, I have to leave pretty soon anyway. I'm at a peak here. Where do I go from here? And so that's why, and the movie was starting at such a time, but-

It probably wasn't the best choice, but anyway, it happened. But I got too hot off the show. And so I got offered things that I had no business doing. If I had a little less heat— You remember something that you decided you had to turn down because you were on the show?

Well, I turned down a lot of things. You mean I had to turn down... The one that kills you. No, not really. I love doing the show, really. I was developing Hans and Franz the Girly Man Dilemma. Hear me now. Wrote that script with Conan and Neal and Smoggle and myself. And then I had Tucson, which I wrote with Bob Odenkirk, which was a really funny Western for me and John Lovitz. So I had those in development. And then...

um they were just trundling along so then it was taking time and then you're offered these movies for generational wealth type amounts and probably not a good idea but too much heat how about you but finish out the season i left um and when you leave i think the next move is back then the networks would probably let you try your own show you know like

It's Spady. Right. But that's a big gamble. And there was Just Shoot Me was a Brillstein production that was almost- How much time elapsed between Just Shoot Me and your- I think it was the following year we did the pilot, yeah. Oh, you started in 96? So I was out of there in 96. We did-

The pilot was already shot and in New York with Laura to be on the lineup. You know how that works for the upfronts. Right. And they called her that night and said, we're not going to have you come out and fly back home, which is so weird. That happened to me once too. And they said,

We want to add something to this. So Mark and Brad Gray showed it to me and they said, do you think you could fit into this? And it's a fifth lead, but you could make, it's a guy from Larry Sanders, Steve Levitan. And so we all talked and I thought, you know, I think this is safer. I'm with funny people, but there's no way they're funnier than what I just came from. So they were just great actors and they were funny too. So it just mixed well. And then I got to do that. But I did a movie, like Dana was saying, I did a movie Lost and Found during that

And if you do one movie, no matter how much heat you have, it didn't work well. And that...

That lost all the heat in movies for... I had to build up over Just Shoot Me, get up for an Emmy, up for a Golden Globe. Was Julie Bowen in that with you? Sophie Marceau. Sophie Marceau. Because they assume, even though you're thinking they'll understand because someone is directing it, writing it, producing it. I'm just doing the best I can. I know the train has left the station and we're dying here. But it's like David Spade's Lost and Found. And it didn't work. I mean, Sandler told me right before it came out. He goes, hey, because he knew more about it. And he goes...

You got to beef up your marketing because it's not testing. It's not tracking well. It's not going to open big. And I'm like, you already know this? It was a couple of days before. He was on Waterboy at that point. It was fucking huge. So he said, try to get your guys this. Anyway, it was too late. Didn't do well. I couldn't get another movie for three years. And just you and me had to do well. Like I said, up for a Golden Globe, up for another one, up for an Emmy. And then after all that heat, you get another shot at it.

And so did another one and then that worked better. And then it kept me around. But like Dan was saying, if you do one movie doesn't work perfectly, you're

it can evaporate so much of your fucking momentum. Yeah. It stops you. And it also can go the other way where you suddenly have more momentum than maybe you can handle. Yeah. I mean, Trapped in Paradise with John and Nicholas Cage. And that one is a long story. It's a whole novel in itself, but it was still born. And then I'm reading Dana Carvey's Trapped in Paradise.

Like Alfred Hitchcock presents. I'm like, what the fuck? I was, I was wandering in the snow for six months in Canada. I didn't know what my lines were, but Nicholas Cage was fun to work with. He is a character. Do you think back on those days as like, uh, now that you think back on them in the same way you think back on going to school?

You mean SNL? Yeah, your classmates. I would say that, yes, if you go back to your high school on a Sunday afternoon and just walk around the high school and maybe see some of the old pictures, whatever that feeling is—

When I go to SNL, if I'm up on the 17th floor, I'll be walking down the hall and I'll see me and Phil from 30 years ago and other pitchers. And so it's very, it's nostalgic. It's melancholy. It's very odd. But mostly as time goes on, you just feel very grateful for it. It was the linchpin for me completely. Nothing would have happened. Yeah. So it's just such a lucky thing. I see the same thing. You go back in there and you get like your heart drops. You're like, fuck, you're walking into 30 Rock going...

Every time I walked in here, I was sick to my stomach. Like every time you're like, here we go. So even when you're just visiting or whatever, I only went once when I wasn't hosting or something and it just gave me the same weird feeling. But I look at the photos and it's just like, oh my God, there's so much going on here. And sad, you see Phil who passed away, you see Norm.

uh obviously chris and you just go shit jan and all the people you're with and you're just like lucky to still be around lucky that i had this and you see lauren and lauren is really fun to see because as tough as it was it was a lot in your head like he's thinking about you every day going i'm gonna squash this bug and i'm like he doesn't give a fuck he just wants the funny sketches beyond you guys fight it out we're putting on a good show and then that's just the way it's always been and uh

And now it doesn't really matter. And then it's very fun to see him. I think just having been on it is so surreal because as a kid dreaming of this secretly, I wasn't in theater arts or anything, but watching variety shows, you know, flip

Wilson and laughing and all those old fashioned ones and then seeing Steve Martin on it. And they were badass pirate rock stars. The first cast I was in college and they were like, damn. And then five or six years later, suddenly I'm in their chair. I, I just felt like, don't we need someone besides me that the minute I got it, I really felt incredibly nervous that I was going to be

the one to ruin the show, that the show, I'd actually turn the lights out. The switch is over there, 8H. There, you just press it down because you're the one who fucking drove it into a ditch. Yeah. And that was the fear, but fear drives you. So I would say...

It's still – I remember George Bush Sr. saying to me because we would hang out years later and stuff. We were friends. He goes, I can't even believe I was president. I can hardly understand it. Really? Like it became a surreal thing to him 15 years later. I know I was in there. I pressed some buttons, made some speeches. I didn't – Very hazy speeches.

Hazy. Hazy. You don't think about the lead up when you see somebody. I remember seeing you on Saturday Night Live and just going like, oh yeah, there's Dana Carvey. He was born to be on this show. He came out of the womb doing characters and of course this makes

perfect sense, but never do you think of the struggle. I've never heard anybody say anything like that about a president because I always assumed the guys who wind up president with one notable exception are planning for it when they run for the student council in the eighth grade. They're thinking about it way back then. He was a unique character. Because once you hit the president, then it's over. Then he's like, this is my whole life. And then now what do I do? I've only tried to get to this, to be a president. That's the thing. So afterwards...

If it's 10 years, I mean, he's like-

But for me, I did not have the confidence, even with, I learned later as I went along, I'm a fish in water. This is actually really, I got much, much better. I'd never done sketch comedy until the very first cold opening, which I didn't even know I was in on the very first show.

I just, I, when every time I got a laugh when I was doing church chat, I wanted to turn to the audience like a standup. I had to force myself to stay in the scene. So I needed to learn how to do sketch comedy. And I became, uh, fell in love with it of having Phil as a partner and Mike Myers and Kevin Nealon and stuff. So that, that part, instead of being a standup, it was just fun to be part of a kick-ass A team. Like everyone's great on the show. And leaving the show, like I didn't go to college that much. And, um,

I mean, I'm super smart, but it's not. Scottsdale Community College, right? Were they the Pirates? I went to SEC, the Artichokes. The Artichokes. Went to Arizona State. Me too. I went there too, yeah. By the way, Bill Hader moved from Oklahoma to go to community college in Phoenix. I was like, what? This is where the kids who didn't do so good in high school were here. I'll see you later, Dan.

I'm going to Scottsdale. That's like fame, the academy. They're like, three made it. Now, 300 million didn't. But he wasn't aware of you guys going through there. No, no. But I don't think it seemed crazy to him until I reacted strongly to that bit of news. You went to the community college down the block from my house. You traveled to go there? Everybody-

I'm going to leave, Ma. I'm going to leave you now. Like I was saying, I don't really have friends from college, but I do have friends from high school, and then I have SNL people. Yeah. I feel the same way. I don't – yeah. I saw Chris Rock. I talked to him yesterday. I talked to Adam Moore. But there's guys, because the podcast that you get to talk to for an hour, like Bill Hader, where I would see him at a party and talk for two minutes, but to get the bullshit –

Is really fun. And it's sort of reminiscing about us and about whatever we talk about, but that is nice to get someone trapped for an hour. You just get to catch up with Bill. The, the, the, the revelation was how, how much nervous energy at around that show. I mean, really full of fledged panic attacks, all kinds of, all kinds, because he was so great on the show.

you know, right up there with anybody and just so nervous. And man, I don't know how he hit it, but it was a really big deal. And very interesting to hear about. You wonder what the toll, like when at the end of it all, I had a blocked artery like three years later. So, you know, besides my genetics, where you go, do I have long SNL? Yeah.

No, I would go, they'd say three, two, one. I'd be bushed because I did so many in ones and the whole show's riding on me and I've got nine minutes of dialogue and my heart would be just pounding out of my chest, but you have to try to relax. I couldn't pick up things. My hands were so sweaty and I couldn't pick up pieces of paper.

in the early days for sure. It was just too fucking nerve wracking, but we've, it's not just like, I mean, ultimately it's like, you want to be funny. That's the, that's the number one. You want to be funny, but also like, yeah, as you mentioned earlier, like sometimes,

The future of your whole family is riding on this. Oh, yeah. What am I going to do if this doesn't work? And if I didn't kill in the clubs, then I didn't get to the middle act. If I didn't kill there, I didn't get to headline. And then the middle act's trying to knock me off. I came in with the mindset of a stand-up. Like, I don't want to just get laughs. I want to levitate. I want to destroy the room for better or for worse. That was my mindset.

where I was thinking all the time or else I'm going to get fired or I'm not going to be in the show at all. So you had to really, really strategize about that. And if people, parents, relatives, when you say you're a standup,

That's all good and well. It's not as impressive to go, oh, I just did Gut Busters and we filled up the Late Show Friday. Oh, I'm at SideSplitters in Mississippi. And they go, great. And then you go, oh, I got on SNL. Then it just perks people up. It's something they know. Something works. They can easily explain to their friends. That and going on Johnny Carson. I got on once. He's been on a lot. That's the surrealness of when you go on television, Carson or SNL, how it affects everyone you know.

And then it's starting to happen and you're starting to get famous and someone's asking for your autograph. All of that is like you're like in a dream state in a sense. It's like, wait a minute, I got on SNL? I'm actually doing well? What? I still haven't wrapped my – I can't believe I was on SNL. Yeah.

It's all crazy. It's crazy stuff. I love talking to you guys. That was a lot of fun. Thanks for letting me. You will get paid for the extra half hour. Okay, well, okay, good. I have no sense of time. I don't know how long we talked too long. I had no idea. Appreciate it, Jimmy. We loved it. That was fun. Thank you for doing this. We know you have another job.

But thanks for doing it. We also have a studio up in Santa Ynez above Santa Barbara, and we'd like to invite you to drive up there and interview us. Just all over the country. Well, we'll get a couple of microphones. We'll tape the whole drive. But anyway, no, thanks for coming. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. Jimmy Kimmel, ladies and gentlemen. Christ sakes, this guy is everywhere.

Hey, what's up, flies? What's up, fleas? What's up, people that listen? We want to hear from you and your dumb questions. Questions, ask us anything. Anything you want. You can email us at flyonthewallatcadence13.com. All right, guys, we got a question here from Dave Castaneda. Castaneda, I think.

Dana, not now. Not here, not now. We're trying to start the year off. I want to say, if I'm reading better than you, what's it say about your eyesight? I've got sunglasses on.

Dave, did I get that right? Yeah, there was an L in there. Castaneda. Love you both and I love the podcast. This is a great question. Oh, it keeps going. I like this guy's opinion. In your post-SNL years, have you ever come up with a sketch idea? Yeah? And if so, what do you do with them? Garbage. Do you ever share the ideas with current cast members? Just wondering. You two are the best. No, you don't share. I like when they begin with a compliment.

You don't share them because then they would score and get laughs. And where would you be? No, I know. I did for a while, I would call them in. I would say, I actually did it recently. Dan Bula is a writer there that I like. And he's the only one I really talk to that's a writer. But I do like that idea. It was very hard when you left because the pressure was off. So you'd sometimes go, oh, here's a good angle on what's going on in the news or here's...

Funny commercial parody. I'm sure it was dog shit. But, you know, sometimes I comment. I don't think it's ever come to fruition. Even when you go to host, I don't know if you did this, Dana. A lot of people come with, a few people come with a writer. Like they get nervous. Yeah. Like if they're a comic or they're from a show, they say, I'm going to bring two of my guys. Jamie Foxx or someone, you know. Yeah, yeah. And it's such a different kind of animal to go write a sketch and fit in with all what they're doing.

They're not really against it there. They just, it's so hard to make it work, but they, a host understandably gets nervous.

And they go, these people know my sense of humor. I think I did it when I went there. I think I went in with a sketch idea. It doesn't always make it to the finish line, but they definitely do it. So the question is – I – Yeah. After – I did it with Bill Hader and he does that – he did that Italian guy, right? That thing. And then he had Fred Armisen. I thought I would go in and be like the 100-year-old.

patriarch who would just be like, but then I would mime out violent things for the guests. You know, and I just didn't call them and say, you should have someone else do that. Jason Sudeikis could have crushed with that. Oh, you didn't call him. Oh, I thought you were hosting. If you hosted, you could have jumped in on that. I know. I was a little shy about it. The one that I thought of fairly recently was the world's first sociopath.

Which is like there must have been social paths during primitive man times. You know, during the hunter-gatherer stage. Hey, you guys, what are you doing? Oh, we're okay. Are you hunting or gathering? Don't just sit around. Either hunt or gather or get the fuck out. And then it's like later on he goes, where's Bob? I don't know.

What's that hand coming out of the ground? It's Bob, I think. What'd you do? I hit him with a rock. Am I weird? Am I strange? I have these compulsions of killing things. Am I weird? And the guy goes, no, not at all. I mean, sometimes at night I just cut myself. I don't know what that means. Maybe some sort of free obsession anxiety.

Well, you know, Steve, I mean, he always waits till the grapes rot and then drinks the juice and dances around for hours. I don't know. Are we weird? Sounds like I'm... Anyway, so I didn't send it to SNL. You didn't send it to four-part play. But I do. I had that on stage because I can only do sketches in small rooms. I killed it one night. Had it perfect. I'm a little rusty, but...

But I love SNL. But generally, if we had a friend there, it directly – like remember when I had left and I told you to do Hollywood Minute? Yeah. I called – I actually did one for Sandler. I thought it was really good for – I can't remember it now, but I said, oh, I think you'd be good at this. But by the time I think I called, it was the midweek. And after that writing starts, it's just too hard to start from scratch.

But anyway, he did fine. Okay, thank you for your question, and let's see what sunglasses we have on next week. This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Available now for free wherever you get your podcasts. No joke, folks.

Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.