we're losing our minds
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I'm Drew. I'm Enya. And we're just here to have like a beautiful time. Spread misinformation.

As I do best. I know. That is your... That's your thing. Yeah. For sure. My whole shtick and bit is spreading misinformation. All right. Well... What were we just talking about that I wanted to talk about? Naked attraction? Yes. Naked attraction. So...

There is this show that we have been binging. Like, I think we might actually be the fastest completion time of this show ever. Like, when we're just sitting in the living room, like, and we have homies over, we'll just be like, yo, have you heard of this show, Naked Attraction? It's like this old BBC show that, like, just gets naked and you see naked bodies on TV. And, like, everyone's like, there's no fucking way. Yeah. Yeah.

There is a show on HBO Max where you can just see naked bodies. But it's normal to them because they don't have insecurities about their bodies and shit. Yeah, also the standards of showing your body. I think the ideas of the naked body are different in Europe. Which is literally how it should be. Yeah. But we have just been told to be afraid of our body and stay dressed in clothes at all times because capitalism. Bye, Mark Larson.

- They make money off of you if you clothe your body. - So that's why we should all get naked. - Yes, yes, we should all be naked. - And that's our big takeaway from this episode today. No matter what conversation comes up, just know that what we want is for everyone to-- - Specifically women.

Oh, why not men? Actually, I agree. That show, I am not kidding. I cannot stress enough. When I'm eating and watching that show and it's all naked men on the board, I literally lose my appetite. It's really hard to watch and it's

so gross. It is literally so jarring. And it actually like, no, it makes me sick. Like I was eating and I was so fucking hungry. We came home and we started watching it with Josh. And I literally was like, Oh my god, I was like eating my poke bowl. And I had to put it in the fridge and eat like saltine crackers because eating like flavorful food while looking at those naked bodies like of those men was actually scaring me because like,

Ironically, I feel the exact same way about the women. I don't like... I just don't... It disgusts me to look at women. Is that because you just believe in, like, the not sexualizing women's bodies and it feels like... Yeah, okay. I knew it came from a feminist place. No, I will say, though, like, the... That show is really unironically good for, like, the male psyche, like...

and that's where I'll leave that because like there's a bunch of like normal fucking looking penises on there and all you see in porn and television and shit are like monster fucking giant hogs and then

I'm saying that like I don't have a monster fucking hog between these. I know because it's if anything, you are the beauty standard and you're hurting your fellow peers. Exactly. I'm slinging me, bro. I would I could say the same about the women, though, because like everybody on there like is just like your average person. And I'm like, OK, cool. I am not supposed to be.

shaped like literally an imvu character my body is normal like i am fine i am fine well i think all women should have like really thick thighs giant butt big boobs and like a four inch waist like i think women dude i think if someone had a four inch waist they'd be like perished like they would be like like okay i'm just like really confused with your like standards or like do you love them or do you hate them

I think they should be naked all the time. Okay, okay. I mean, that didn't answer the question, I guess. But yeah, that show is awesome. If you are not a child, you should watch it. Yeah, literally. But it did raise a lot of... People were like, get this shit off the airwaves. Like, what the fuck? This is demonic. Like, Americans were like, what the fuck is this? But it's just like...

I will say it does make sense for it to get flack because it is like at the end of the day, like it is crazy to just put naked people in front of you and be like, you're ugly. Your balls are gross. I don't like that. I don't like that. But OK, my one thing is they always describe Coochie as ugly.

Nice and tidy. They're like, that's clean and tidy. Like, oh, she's got a tidy little fanny. Like, I like that. I like that. It's neat and tidy and tucked away. Neat and tidy. Dude, I know. First of all, they said about every pussy that's on screen. Do they ever call it a gash?

I think that's like, I don't know if you're allowed to say that. Is that misinformation? I have heard that term. Dude, actually, some of the dudes on there, some of the dudes, when they get kicked off, they're like,

You know, she's not my cup of tea, but she's got a banging rack on that body. So it is a shame, like I will say. And I'm just like, whoa! I fucking shag you in the backseat. There was one guy in season six. Every time Drew does that, I have like an out-of-body experience. I like dissociate. Ew. When you do that, you seem like you turned into a robot chicken, like...

Like toy. Does that make sense? I don't like kids. Do people still watch Robot Chicken? I don't think Robot Chicken exists anymore. I don't think so. They watch Skibbity Toilet. That's the Robot Chicken.

Wait, what is it? You're so popular. How does it go? I'm gonna rizz you. No, it's a smile for the picture. You're so pretty. You're so popular. What's the rizzing version? Bitch, I don't know. And don't even fucking ask me that. You're so rizzy. There's like a W Ohio version. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You're so skivvity. You're so phantom taxed.

Okay. What does the Ohio thing mean, Drew? Only in Ohio. I know you know. Only in Ohio. Well, it goes back a very, very long time. And...

That's all I have to give to you. My name is Carmen Winston. My name is Carmen Winstead. I'm 17 years old. I'm very similar to you. Did I mention that I'm dead? You're really good at it. I was trying to tell Drew that that's what he should be for Halloween because we've been discussing. I know next week is the Halloween episode and we've been discussing what we are. I already know what I am because I'm basic and I'm silly and it's going to be cute.

I have a costume. Yeah, we have a costume for Drew, but I think we should keep an open mind if something else comes up. But I was like, he should be Carmen Winston for Halloween. But the only picture of her is... Carmen Winston? Oh, Winston? What's her name? Carmen Winston. Um,

But the only picture of her is a picture of a child who is definitely alive and just like it was back in like OG before AI because now if something like that happened they could just be like make dead girl whatever and like AI would make a new person. But it was back when people would just grab a random face and be like bitch that's fucking you. Dude it's crazy like all of the creepypastas I watched like a video of like

The original photos of, like, the creepypastas, like, you know, like... What is the Smiling Jack one? What is his name? I don't know, but that's what one of the... But basically, like, they're all just normal fucking pictures that look kind of beat that someone saw and then just edited the fuck out of. That's literally us with the golden bachelor, that girl. I was gonna say, like, that's us with a certain someone that we don't need to talk about. But yeah, literally...

It was the internet, early days of the internet, like forum internet was so crazy. Like, I want to go back. Take me back. We have been on a crazy reality TV kick. We never tap into reality TV and we just bitch. Oh my God. I don't know if anybody actually took what we said and went and watched Love is Blind. That like...

I could have watched 18 more hours of that shit. Like, that was literally the best brain rot I've consumed in a very long time. Yeah, it's just so drama-filled and messy boots and, like...

The reunion episode was everything I wanted it to be. There were some things that were left out that I was like, I want clarity on that. But it completely shifted my perspective on some people that I was like, oh, you're evil. But no, it completely shifted and I was like, no, I'm happy for you. Yeah, everyone I'm like, you're relatively normal, but...

JP is the killer. JP is the killer. If you're watching, you know what we mean. But that motherfucker is the killer. Okay, but we can move on. He's wicked. But I want to talk about waterbeds.

What were we doing? Like, literally, what was, like, why? I still have never touched or interacted with a waterbed, and that was, to me, a sign of luxury. Two things. One, a waterbed. The idea that somebody out there could afford a waterbed was a sign of luxury. Two, I realized that, like, this puts into perspective, like, my...

my family situation but I had a homegirl whose godmom was like 24 and bought a brand new Toyota Corolla and I was like fuck if only we were that rich like I literally was like

was like fuck I wish we could have a new Toyota Corolla and that car like it's like a 2010 Toyota Corolla in red that car was the like that was the sign of wealth to me that was what is it called like silent wealth yeah that was silent wealth to me I was like damn like that's crazy um

- Yeah, well, the only reason I brought it up was 'cause I like had this like deep, deep, deep seated like memory in my brain of me interacting with a water bed when I was like four or five.

And I realized that my mamaw and granddad had a fucking waterbed for like the first six years. They were freakily. No, that's what I'm saying. They were like freaky as fuck. And then I just like went on a deep dive of waterbeds and like everyone who had them when they were younger were like, it was literally the worst thing like I've ever slept on. Like literally imagine just sleeping on water and plastic. And like, so like think of an air mattress and like,

When you sleep on an air mattress all night, you sink into it a little bit. It's the same idea with waterbeds, except it's water and really fucking heavy. So you get like trapped in this like fucking like divot in the waterbed. And they were like, it was like impossible for me to get out sometimes. Like I would have to call for help to get out of my bed because I was like inside of it. And then they were like also like filling it up was really terrifying because like

You can explode the water bed or whatever. But yeah, I remember playing. I remember I was not allowed to fucking touch that water bed. Like I was not allowed anywhere near it because I was like a toddler and I would just jump all over it. Are water beds expensive? I feel like actually now that I think about it, they should be cheap because it's literally a big plastic balloon and you're filling it with the water. I think they were pretty expensive like at the time. Because they were just like gimmicky. Yeah, exactly. Best leap of your life.

But also imagine doing like S on that. That's what I'm saying. They're freaks. They're moving with the motion of the ocean. You know, that kind of vibe. Like they were literally like... It's not the size, but the motion of the ocean.

No one's ever said that to you because you've got that. Slang and meat. Hog, hog water. But yeah, I remember playing on it one time and I literally like it was the same night that I chased my sister around with a knife after watching Billy and Mandy. And... Jesus, dude.

Have I ever said that on the internet? Yeah, you have. I've said that on the internet. Because then your grandparents, your grandpa was like, you're never watching that fucking show again. It's evil. Yeah, I mean, it literally was. Like, I was watching clips back of it. It's like actually an evil show. Like, there's like an evil demon rabbit that's like, tough love. Have you ever heard of it? And he just starts beating the shit out of the kid. Like, he looks really cute. And then they'll do the zoom-ins and he'll say something evil. Yeah, and then. Wait, that's so mean. Donnie Darko? Yeah, basically. I've never seen Donnie Darko.

I've never seen Donnie Darko. You should tap in. I'm going to watch it this week, I think. But I was thinking about that. I was like, I've never seen any James Duvall movie. And I saw him at the Slow Dive concert and he was staring at me. And I was like, oh my God, I'm going to act like I know who the fuck he is right now. Like, stop.

We went to slow dive. And it was amazing. It was so good. Literally, and you like got me tickets because there's a lot of herstory there. Basically, when my brother died, we went back to Texas and you like came with me and we were driving up and down these streets, like literally going like 120 miles per hour, like literally so dangerous. Don't do that. I'm not bragging. It was literally basically a death wish. Yeah, I was thinking about that the other day when I was getting ready. I was like,

That's the kind of shit that you look back on and you're like, that is so immature and bad. I will say the roads were empty. It was like 3 a.m. I mean, it's buttfuck nowhere. Buttfuck middle of nowhere, Texas. These roads, we did not see a single soul on it for like the hour and a half we were driving up and down this road. But there are two songs in particular that when those songs came on, I was like, we listened to them over and over again. And it's Slow Mo and Star Roving. And...

I literally still to this day cannot listen to those songs without just like sobbing my eyes out uncontrollably. And at the concert, I was literally like boohoo crying and I've never cried at a concert ever in my life. And I was literally just so like, before I was like, I'm not even going to fucking cry. Like I thought I was the week leading up. But like when we were getting there, I was like, oh, like I feel nothing right now. I'm not going to cry. And I still crowed.

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore. And you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste.

I think we're literally like...

hitting the peak of it because like travis scott's tour like obviously bots bought all those tickets and everyone's like i'm not going to that shit like what and then last minute they're like i'm gonna go but like the resellers bought too many so the ticket prices are so fucking low for his tour which is like crazy that's like travis scott i know it's also crazy for resale tickets to like an arena tour those are usually so expensive yeah but

but just buy the ticket if you're really wanting to go just buy the tickets an hour before the show it's literally a cheat code yeah I know that's what I like want to get on is like buying it right before but then what if they're sold out but that's like really rare that like there's not even one person reselling a ticket like come on um okay another person I want to talk about is Susan fucking Boyle Boyle that like

Name sounds familiar, but I don't know if I know who Susan Boyle is. She's the... It's like Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover, like Underdog Story on American Idol, where everyone was like... Oh, I do remember Susan Boyle. Yeah, everyone was like... For the people who don't know, she was like this girl on American Idol or whatever one of those...

british got talent or whatever i don't know um she was like not the most beautiful woman you've ever seen and everyone immediately clocked her for it and was just writing her off and just being like dicks about it and then she got on there and sang her put her whole pussy into that song like susan boyle put her pussy into that performance like she ate down and um she

won over Simon Cowell who is melting in front of us. He is literally actively melting. We need to study him. I haven't seen a picture of him for 10 years, I don't think. His lizard skin is melting off of his face. Like his, it's really, really scary. How old is he? I feel like he's been 50 for like 20 years. I think he's probably 65. But yeah, she ate down. Bitch, I, my,

My brain just like did the thing where you like glance at something and it replaces it. And I thought it said he was 94 years old. His skin is melting. No, he's 64. But. Whoa. Yeah, dude, that's what I'm saying. Something is seriously wrong. Look at him. Look into that. Oh, yeah. He looks amazing.

But didn't she have like really gnarly, it was the X Factor, but didn't she have like a gnarly controversy or something? Or was that just like tabloids just making shit up to like ruin this woman's life who just got set in fame?

I don't know, but does she make music? She did make music. She stormed the Capitol. She was at the insurrection. Why was she there, bro? She's British. Dude, nobody knows. Damn, she has 500K weekly listeners. Wait, she's popping. As they tear your hopes apart.

Okay. Did I say tear your holes apart? Yeah, I mean, I helped write that about Drew. Wait, she eats... I dream to dream it's hard. Do you know that song? That's what she sings. Well, that song has 32 million streams. So there's people out there who listen to Suzanne Boyle. Suzanne Boyle. She was dealt such a heavy fucking card getting that last name Boyle.

Fucking Boyle. Some people have it so hard, bro. Like, literally. That's insane. There's so many people out there who make music who I literally don't understand, like, who... Wait, when you look up Suzanne Boyle, the first song that comes off is Anal Queen. Oh. So maybe she did rap about tearing holes apart. Like, it's like, Suzanne, Anal Queen, I Dreamed a Dream, Anal Queen! But, like, exclamation point. But, yeah, I think she...

Oh, wait, yeah, she went to a psychiatric hospital. Well, that's the episode. Thank you guys so much for listening. Thank you for tuning in. No, I also wanted to talk about perfume in middle school.

Oh my God. Like, okay. So we all know like the nasty stinky boys who didn't shower after football practice in the morning and just went to the locker room and sprayed like a disgusting amount of acts all over their body or links. Like they would go just like, I was a part of the problem. Like, shh.

Like, just doing it. And, like, I want to see the correlation to people who have, like, something wrong with them mentally and how much ax they poured on their body when they were younger. Because, like, that shit is suffocating. Like, literally, like, the fucking exhausting... You literally just said you were one of those people. So, the example is right fucking here. That's what I'm saying. There's got to be a correlation or a pipeline. So, now you are...

further proving your point because you are conspiracizing that the reason something is wrong with you mentally is because of your ax use. Yes. Yes. I mean, there is a whole thing

whole thing about what's that one burned a deodorant that men use the red one old spice old spice literally gives chemical but I've I've had them in high school I had chemical burns all over my armpits and they were like bloody and blistery and it hurt so fucking bad and I didn't know what was causing it and I kept using it until I saw like an article talking about it what

men are so fucking stupid because I literally, somebody I dated had the same thing. It literally had chemical burns under his armpit because of Old Spice. And he was like, dude, this deodorant just burns me. Like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I was like,

throw it away and get a different brand of deodorant like what is happening and i had to physically throw it away and go with him to buy new deodorant like why do men do that i feel like that's unacceptable that's a grown-ass man i was a child doing that let's get that straight let's get that straight motherfuckers are you fucking i thought you were 17 though so you're yeah this was high school three years ago

That's what I just said. Have you graduated already? Yeah, I got my GED. Oh, so you dropped out and then you got a GED? No, I got my GED early. I did a bunch of AP in college. I'm actually a senior in college right now too. Wait, so when did you start college? Oh, that's super impressive. When I was freshman, I had started taking AP and dual credit classes. But yeah, men are so annoying for shit like that. Like,

Bitch throw that shit away and move on like what is wrong with you when I was when I went to middle school I went to a new middle school after sixth grade and I was like the new kid I didn't have any friends and this one kid who's like the coolest kid in seventh grade was like You should come to my house after school today like you're sick and I was like, okay tight like I made a friend He's cool. He has clout. I go to his house and then immediately he's like, oh

Dude, like, do you know that you can make bombs out of aluminum and bleach? Oh, I did that all the time. The shake. Like, yeah, I did that. So for the next like three hours, he's just like building bombs. And then he's like, dude, I'm bored with this.

So then he had like a brother who was, I guess like 10 at the time. And he was like, let's smoke bomb my brother. And I was like, with what? Like, what the fuck are you talking about? And then he was like, dude, I do this all the time. It's really sick. Stop this. We had Axe Wars too, where we would tape the top down and throw it in the room. Yeah, so he goes and he tapes the fucking axe can, throws it into his brother's room, runs around and locks the door. And his brother's like screaming. It's crazy. It was crazy. We would have Axe Wars. I'm now thinking like, what?

What did his brother end up going on to do in life? Literally inhaling, like, it's literally like inhaling a whippet, I feel like. I feel like it's the same, like, it has to do the same thing to your brain. Like, if you're just, like, suffocating yourself with something like that. Me and all my homies literally are all freaks. So, like, it makes sense. Because we would do the same thing. We would have axe wars where we would, like, build forts and then spray each other with axe and shit. Then it...

graduated to spray paint and then it became bullying and it's one of my biggest regrets in my life as i spray painted a kid and then he had school next day like mad max yeah like no i like i spray painted him like it's it's really it's not chill like we were we were like let's let's have a spray paint battle and then me and my friends like teamed up against him it was really really dark and like

Do you know him still? Yeah, yeah, we're still friends. Like, I literally apologize for all of it because I was like, I was evil, y'all. Like, it was really bad.

But yeah, we used to do the bombs where you would get tinfoil and then it's the works. It's called the works bomb. And then like there's like a chemical reaction where it like expands the bottom and like explodes. But we also used to shoot the cans of axe with BBs. And explode them? There wouldn't be. There might have been fire. There wasn't fire, no. But then going like...

I would get in so much trouble because when my dad would actually go and get me, like, a Victoria's Secret, like, body spray, and I would come back home and it was fucking empty because I would be in class like...

on all my friends going to the bathroom being like, let's go to the bathroom and put on our perfume. But really, we were just literally soaking each other down with it and we would literally start to smell like... Literally, some of that perfume reminds me of the smell when you leave piss in a litter box too long. It's literally pneumonia. It is a crazy fucking scent. And the fact that

Also, why did teachers get so mad about us using it in class? Like, bitch. Because you were literally gassing out the class. Like, you were causing problems. Like, that shit. That was my original point was, like, we get made fun of for our acts use. Like, y'all weren't doing the same fucking thing with that glitter perfume, like, in the back of class. It was such a vibe, though, the glitter perfume. Also, like, school in general just smelled like maple syrup, fart breath.

And then a mix of like the worst perfumes on the planet. It smelled like just breakfast in general. Like I hated that smell. I hated getting to school in the morning because I don't like the smell of maple syrup, especially that fake ass one that comes in the fucking like McDonald's little one. And school would just smell like that. Like you knew if a kid had breakfast at school that morning because they just smelled like a pancake. Like bitch, you smell like a pancake. Get out of my face. Like it was so annoying. French toast sticks.

Ooh, that shit hit. I literally, my entirety, I'm not going to talk about that. I'll tell you all that later though. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I just never ate in high school. Oh, I didn't either. I did not eat school lunch and I would eat two meals when I got home. Yeah. I would eat chicken nuggets every day. Your school had chicken nuggets every day? Why are you breathing so heavy? I would eat chicken nuggets every day.

Did your school have chicken nuggets every day? Yes. Seriously? Yes, and I would eat them every day. Actually, beautiful. See, when there was like a good thing like chicken nuggets or something, I was fucking that shit up. Or they would give us like fake ass McChickens with no mayo, no lettuce. It was just the bun and like a chicken patty and I would fuck that up. The shit that they gave us were like half frozen. Yeah, it was like hockey pucks. And you have to like de-thaw them in your car. My school had a Subway, a Chipotle, a Domino's, and...

A Chick-fil-A. You trying to think of something else to add on there? No, I'm not even kidding. But we had like dupes of it. Just at a mall. Yeah, no, we had like dupes of it. Like our Chipotle was like shitty like cafeteria food, but they would wrap it up into burritos for you and it was like $30. Wait, what the fuck is the layout of your school lunch like place? Of your cafeteria? The cafeteria was like this and then

along this side of the wall was like four different like lines that you could line up in and you would like so like burrito line was this side then the pizza line was this side and then like the regular lunch food was this side and then like the chick-fil-a and sandwich making spot was like this side but they had actual you literally went to high school musical like what the fuck they actually had real chick-fil-a sandwiches like but they would sell out so fucking fast i

That is insane. My cafeteria school was you get in, there's two lines and it's the same fucking slop shit on each side. And you just had to wait in line. And if you went to the front to like go see what there was before you got in line, you would get yelled at because they'd be like, get to the back of the line. So you had to wait in the line just to get to the front and see that it was like cold ass fucking green beans, like a shitty, like empty, like pizza that had like no

no marinara sauce on it like sausage pizza the little fucking nodes of sausage was like actually they looked like moles that were removed from the lunch lady's back like they were literally so fucking nasty like i can't and kids ate that shit up i was like you're freaks but the kids that ran to the lunchroom like i want to see where they're at today like they were about that shit they were all like the weirdos with like the roller backpacks but like

where are they? Like, do you know what I mean? Like they're all in fucking computer science. People who like needed to be at the front of the line. I'm like that shitty food is going to be there for the next 40 minutes. I had a roller backpack. Did you actually? Yeah, I did. In high school? In high school. But in fifth grade and this really big kid would always kick it really hard. I also, I brought like a teddy bear to school like way too late into my like elementary school years. And I had a rolly backpack with a teddy bear that would like his head would stick out.

And this kid would just kick the shit out of it. And the bear would go flying. That's sweet, actually. That is cute. Wait, what's sweet? You getting attacked or you being a, like... I think both are sweet because I'm the underdog and I'm the main character. Okay. No matter what. I don't know if you've ever watched a movie, but usually that's not how that works. The kid with the rolly backpack is not the main character. Not the main character ever. Well...

Have y'all because it's crazy that like schools make kids pay for lunch like there there was like nothing more humiliating Do you remember book covers? Did y'all have book covers? What do you mean? Oh, yeah, the nylon book covers. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god, dude That was like stretchy one Yes, that was like a currency in my school like and I remember like I was so fucking swagged out like That's when I knew that I was cooler than everybody else still am don't fucking play and

was when I had all the cool book covers and then I had that side satchel bag where my binders and books would sit in it. At my school, you would have got beat the fuck up because that is so embarrassing. No, I was Mew Mew coated. What are you talking about? I had the Mew Mew side satchel. That was the evolution though. It was the rolly backpack to...

The thing that you strap across your chest. I thought it was like a messenger bag or something. Yeah, messenger bag. It was like for a laptop. I didn't know anybody who had those, like who was like cool who had those. So my school was different. Well, I was cool. Yeah, I don't know. It feels like you remembered that because Kai was saying you got bullied and then you had like a moment where you remembered being bullied and then you brought that up.

The narrative has shifted where you were the person blowing people up a second ago and now you're... No, no. I was wicked. I wasn't like a normal bully. I was like psychological. I was like a psychological bully. I told this kid he had squades one time and they didn't like sob squirrel AIDS for those. Dude, I still feel bad about that. And then like the teacher sent me out to the hall and I was like, oh, I was devastated. And then like...

Yeah, I spray painted him. I threw like basketballs at him all the time. And then like, oh, dude, actually, I don't want to tell that one. That one's mean.

Well, what I was saying is, why the fuck do they make children pay for lunch at school? Because that is so gnarly. I will never forget going like... There was nothing more humiliating than getting to the front with your tray of food and then putting in your number and looking at you being like, you don't have any money and taking your tray away from you and giving you cereal and milk. And I was like, that is so...

is so humiliating like each time i would fucking cry and be so embarrassed and just like you're always in line with a friend behind you and like then your friend just goes and gets their food and now you're walking with like a thing of cereal and milk and your friend has all their fucking hot food and you're just like dude it's really gnarly like if you think about it like we would rather our children starve than fucking let them eat a two dollar meal that costs two max two dollars but like

what like actually also what are you gonna do give my tray to another kid they would just throw my fucking tray out like you might as well just give it to me like yeah exactly we had like i'm hungry we had really sweet lunch ladies like i love my lunch ladies like if like my parents forgot to put money in my account or something they would just be like you can pay me next time yeah they would let you go sometimes but like i was one of the

who would always be like, oh, I'm going to have money next week. Sorry. And they're like, you're not going to have money next week. No. And then... Broke. Broke. No money, no bitches, no swag. Broke. Broke. Well, I had a lot of friends who fed me, and I'll never forget that kindness that was shared to me. And it was a lot of friends who I had fallings out with, falling out with, and then I had to fight them anyway. So I will never forget. And you was fighting in middle school. And you got jumped in middle school. Bitch.

Bitch, I never got jumped, but I have got my ass beat. I got jumped. Yeah. You got jumped? Ten times. Bruh, shut the fuck up. Ten times all in a row, too. Every day. Oh my god. You were being sacrificed. I never got jumped. I never got jumped, but I did get my ass beat. Rightfully so one time. And it was by one of my homegirls. I said something I should have never said to her. And she had some height issues.

And she fucking beat my ass. And immediately after, we had a really good conversation. And it was fine. We had a very nice conversation that we never beefed again. That wasn't like fifth grade. I actually did get jumped one time very quickly. I was a freshman again at a new school, a new high school. And I was like,

Damn, so you were like new kid syndrome. I was new kid syndrome three times. That sucks. So I would carpool with this kid, Diego, and we shared a locker. It was like freshman year. And this kid comes up, and he shoves me against the locker. I think this was like a week into school or something. But he was in my PE class. He was really strong. He shoved me against the locker, and then Diego...

goes around the back of him and grabs his hat and throws it on the ground. I might have said this on the podcast. No, I've never heard this. But it was like the nicest thing that anyone's like ever done to me or for me. Damn, that's so sweet. Like out of nowhere. Like I didn't even really know him that well, but he just like,

Stood up for you? Yeah, he stood up for me and he grabbed his hat. He grabbed his fitted San Francisco Giants hat and stomped on it. And he was like, don't do that to my friend. And I was like, bro, that was so fucking sweet. We are friends. That's that Latin culture. We just stand up for the people we love. Why the fuck is his name Diego? Diego was not white. A white man named Diego. Damn, his parents were feeling themselves. They were like...

are we gonna name him um well i'm gonna name my child san francisco san francisco

the oh bro um well one time when i was on crutches and i was like first in line at this thing and like one of my friends who dated my sister in like seventh or eighth grade or something like just was like around with me and like just being a dickhead to me and just being whatever just

shooting the shit but I wasn't like having it so much smoke I was like this huge plume of smoke came out of Enya's box smiling I shot it out because I started to laugh at myself because I was gonna be like whoa you let your friends hit your sister like you let them hit that like that's crazy I did bro it was crazy I was lit did you ever get yelled at by your friends parents uh yes I'll tell about that in a second but then this kid I boiled over it was the first time I like saw red and I had my crutch and I just went

and like hit the fuck out of his shin like and I literally made him bleed out and he never fucked with me ever again but he had like a gash on his leg and he was a track runner and I like I was like go for the leg go for the leg and I just went and like cut his leg open and bruised it and he was like limping he was like bro what the fuck like why did you do that I was like don't fucking play when uh I was like probably 13 my best friend was really into skating and um

This is when you asked if I've ever gotten yelled at by like someone's parents, which by the way is like one of the worst It's horrible that can happen to someone it is literally Horrible horrible feeling and I still to this day when I think about it I get like oh fuck oh fuck like I get like nervous but yeah, my friend was really into skating at the time and his dad was like this like

Macho guy he like built everything he fixed up cars and boats and like he was a pilot and he did everything like he He was actually really cool. Um but he um

He was helping his son build a half pipe. We were building a half pipe for him. And I was a fucking skinny little scrawny fucking nasty twink. I was gross. I needed to eat a fucking burger challenge. And we were building this half pipe. And I came over on the day they were building it. And the dad was like, hey, Drew, come over here and help me. And I went over there to help him.

went over there to help him and he was like moving like giant sheets of plywood because they were almost done and they were stapling like the top on or nailing the top on

And I just could not, I physically could not hold my end of the giant sheet of plywood. And I was like dropping it. And I just like, I couldn't do it. And I kept telling him, he was like, no, you got it. You got it. And we had to walk like 30 more feet. And then I just like drop it. And then he like drops it on his feet and he gets, oh my God, he was so fucking mad. He was like, why didn't you tell me you were going to drop it? Like,

That could have really injured me. And he was reaming into me. And my friend was like, bro, what the fuck is going on? He took his anger out on me and snapped at me. And I just was like, okay, I'm going to go home. And I called my dad and waited at the top of the driveway and went home. And it was like...

I was terrified. He like scared the fuck out of me, but he's still cool today. He showed me, I see him all the time still, but yeah, evil. Wow. I personally would have gotten the police involved. I would have called the police. Me personally, I would not have handled it. Yeah, me personally, I would have beat his ass. I would not have let him talk to me like that. Like it would have been a fight. My worst one is I used to carpool in like middle school with people lived in my neighborhood.

And I was late every time. It was my bad, but whatever. And then one day we were like coming back and I was in the car, I was making like annoying jokes. And the driver who was like my neighbor's mom was like, you know what, Kai? Like, I really wish you would shut the fuck up because you're late every morning. You hold everyone up and like,

Like destroyed me. Like completely destroyed me. And then she was like, I want you to get out of the car and I want you to walk the rest of the way. And then I walked. But I needed this. Like I needed it. Like ever since then...

I have not been as late to things. I swear to God. No, it's good. It's really good. Again, I wouldn't have let her get away with that. I would have been like, you know what, bitch? You get out of the fucking car. And I would have fought her ass right there in front of her kids. I would have pulled her hair. I would have splashed habanero juice on her. Like, I don't fucking play with that shit. I guess, like, actually, I didn't hang out with, like, my friends. I was, like, in the kind of household that if I hung out with my friends, they would usually come to my house. Yeah.

But I never had any of my friends yell at me, but I had my godparents who I was really close with their kids. My godfather yelled at me, like, twice, which I also think I said this on the podcast, but...

we like i had a really bad habit as a kid that before the car came to a stop i would open the door and get out and he would always be like do not do that don't do that that's dangerous i don't want to run over your foot don't fucking do that and then one time i did it and he would like blast music in the car so i did it and he slammed the car shut he slammed the car like to a stop turned down the music and turned to me and was like what the fuck did i tell you about doing that and i was like

And he was like, no, we're going to try this again. And he pulled out of the driveway, went around the block and like had the music blaring again. Like he literally recreated the whole scene. And my ass never opened that door too fast ever again. I was like, that was insane. He had never yelled at me, never raised his voice, but he just like went in on me. He was like, and if I fucking broke your foot, then it's my fucking fault. And your dad's going to beat my fucking ass. Like, don't fucking do that. And like went in on me and then went back around. And then I just never opened the door too soon. That shit will change the trajectory of your life.

moral and ethical compass. Dude, when Adele yelled at me, I don't even want to talk about it. You knew Adele? You're from Granbury. You should definitely dive into that. That seems super interesting. We were just chilling a bunch. But she yelled at you? She poured acid towards me. It didn't hit me, thankfully. There's certain stories that I want to tell, but I think they would not be taken lightly. So I'm not going to...

- Um, yeah, yeah, yeah. - When we have nothing to talk about, we're like, let's go down memory lane. Like, let's talk about our childhood. - Well, I had so much shit to talk about. That was just a free flowing organic conversation, which is really nice. We can talk about how men are nasty and will always cheat. Should we talk about that? Should we get into that? - Sure. - Okay.

so a classic classic cheater oh are you saying that because of what we saw yesterday i don't even know what you're referencing i'm talking about something else but throw it in there no because if anybody's gonna watch love is blind you need to watch oh yes partially that but no steven fucking hawking cheating on his wife riz

Literally silent robotic Riz. Like, let's talk about that. He has robot Riz, but... But...

That motherfucker cheated on his wife and couldn't fucking move. Like he literally couldn't move and he cheated on his wife with one of his nurses. Like if there's one thing you can count on a man doing, it's going to be to fucking cheat. Like I can't. I literally fucking can't. That's in the trajectory of anybody who is like dating a man. Like you better believe at some point you're going to have to talk about the fact that he cheated.

In some capacity. It may not be hooking up. It may not be doing S, but in some capacity, he's going to look at a woman wrong or something. But like, oh my God, if Stephen Hawking can cheat, any man will cheat. Just think about that. Also, why was he on Epstein's Island? Let's really talk about that. What was he doing there? But anyways. Wait, what? He was on Epstein's Island.

There's pictures of him there. Yes. I didn't know that. There's pictures of him there, bro. What the fuck? Isn't that crazy? That is. That's truly insane. No one had any business being there, let alone him. He had no business being there. Like, why are you there? Dude, imagine actually not knowing what's up with Epstein and like being invited to an island like before that.

realistically a billionaire is flying me out to an island to ride jet skis if a billionaire came up to me right now and was like do you want to get on a private jet and go to my island I'd be like um yes and then 20 years from now there's just a picture of me posted up and it's like it turned out to be the fucking killer and I was just like in all my pictures I'm hella happy people were like look how happy she was she was fully involved what's that robot girl

What's that robot girl? Little Michaela. Little Michaela Epstein. Spotted on the island. Dude, Little Michaela met Epstein. She was on that fucking island. There's a picture of it. Dude, like, I'd be so pissed. Because imagine you went and it wasn't even that fun, too, and now you're involved. Bitch, I'd be pissed. Look, there's literally a picture of her and Epstein together. Like, this is crazy. And it's a printout, so you know it's real. Like, what the fuck? Yeah.

Dude, oh my god. Wow. I love the idea of you being posted up with Glenn Maxwell. I know. What's worse is like, you were probably a little drunk so the photos aren't even good pictures so you're gonna be like, like just post it up. Ugh, I'd be so pissed.

Okay. Guys, I didn't know. I just like heard free. I just heard Island and I'm like. You've been having a really hard week. You've been working your ass off and then you get this invitation. And you're like, oh my God, this is literally a godsend. Thank you so much. You're like.

You're like, yeah, the trip had kind of weird vibes. People were being a little bit weird. People would disappear for a few hours, but I just thought they were sleeping. It was a really big island. Feeling left out that you weren't getting invited to shit. Well, I'll leave us with one more thing, and then we can get into media and stuff. This is actually kind of a sweet thing. What's up with the Psyop corner? Oh, that's what I mean. Media and shit, yeah. But this one's kind of sweet. But I was just like, I forget where we were. Oh, we were at the...

Eve's Tumor Show and just like seeing all these people being like, oh, like I was watching you when I was like 13, 14. Brain rotted. You're a dangerous person. Love you. But if you're still listening, like...

Like, I don't know. I don't know where your head's at, but you scare me. We're just as crazy as we are. But I was just, like, looking around and thinking. I was like, damn, dude, we really did, like, all, like, kind of grow up together in a way. Yeah, 100%. I'm glad, like, I got to grow up on the internet. And it's just really sweet to just, like, hear stories of people being like, oh, yeah, like, I saw you when I was 14. And now I'm, like, graduating nursing school. And, like, it's so crazy. Yeah, it also scares me because, like,

That's like one of those moments where I actually have a concept of time because if like one of you comes up to us and it's like, oh yeah, I've been watching you since I was like fucking 12. And now I'm looking at the face of an adult. Like it's like, yeah, I've been watching you since you started on the internet for like 10 years ago. And I'm looking at like the face of another adult. I'm just like,

How are you ever 12 years old watching my content? I can't correlate it and it freaks me out, but in a sweet way because I'm just like, oh my God, that's insane. And then it makes me...

think about the fact that, like, I actually have an effect on people, which I don't want to think about because that scares me. But I'm a good person, so it's okay. Someone, like... One, we met, like, this nurse that was just like, oh, like, it's so... Like, y'all make me feel, like, less crazy because, like, y'all are fucking weirdos and it's just, like, really sweet. But I forgot who I was talking to about it, but someone...

I had the thought, but then I lost it when you were talking. But whatever. It doesn't matter. Let's move on. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. That's my fault. Let's fucking move on. Also, that just reminded me of we've literally said on the podcast before, like, if you are a doctor and you listen to this shit, I'm fucking scared of you. And then she was like, I'm a nurse. And I was like, you're crazy. Wow. You're crazy. But love. Live, laugh, love. She was awesome. Drew Siopcorder. Oh, my God.

Welcome to Drew's Psyop Corner. So this one's just a classic. You've already seen it. It's like three weeks old. She ate this. Let him cook that. Who the fuck's going to be doing the dishes? Kai. Scratching a bug bite feels like evil masturbation. That's a really good one. Having a crush gives me the same symptoms of psychosis.

Like delusions of grandeur, like really. Okay, this one is like a thought that I had that will probably be cut out. But I don't have it written out in true psyop form, so I kind of just like go into it a little bit.

but how do people with dementia and Alzheimer's still remember to be racist? Like literally on their deathbed, like they're still racist. Like it's so deeply ingrained into their fucking like racist, homophobic, like what the hell? Like how is that the one thing

that sticks like it makes no sense and then like you'll see videos of people like walking down halls with like their dementia or Alzheimer's out like mom and like they're walking behind her filming and the mom is just like

you fucking fat pig. Like, I fucking hate you. Like, why are you following me? Freak bitch. Like, I fucking hate you. Like, leave me the fuck alone. And then like the, the girl's like, Oh my God. Like how to, how to dementia people remember to be mean. Like, I don't know. Like, I don't even remember to just be evil, but maybe that's like a sign that like that person might have just had like a little evil in them. That's like always lingered. And like, that's just the part of their brain that still works. Like, I just don't understand it. Yeah. It's really crazy. Um,

Do I got any more? I think that's all I have. I'm trying to remember. I said something in the car that you were like, write that down. But I didn't. I simply didn't. Maybe I wrote it down. Because my funniness, just like you have to be there for it. And if you're not there, then like, I don't know what to tell you. You just weren't there. And now you won't believe I'm funny.

Daniel Roseberry from Schiaparelli is fine. You writing that down. I wanted to talk about it, but... Oh, yeah, you were supposed to show me people you found attractive, and then I was going to tell you if I, like, agreed with you. Yeah, we'll do that next episode. Okay. We'll do it with Josiah. Yeah. Drew said that my taste in... What did you say about my taste in men? I don't remember exactly, but it's just really, like, bizarre. Like, I feel like you could probably, like...

If we put, like, five people up, I feel like if you put five women up, I think you would easily be able to choose who I thought was attractive. But for men, it's just so obscure. That's the word I use. Like, her attraction is just very obscure. Like, it's, like, down to the minute detail, like, the nose bridge. Like, I've noticed, like, every single man, you're like, oh, he's fine, has, like, the exact same, like, bump in their nose. I'm like, and, yeah. Oh, Hannah! Oh!

Oh hell no! Oh hell no! Oh hell no! Oh hell no! Fuck, I suck at it, bro. My name is Carmen Winstead. I'm 17 years old. I'm very similar to you. Did I mention that? When I was 17 years old, three girls pushed me down a well. I got stuck down there. Send this chain email to 25 of your friends or she'll come and kill you.

My name is Drew Phillips. Media of the week. We need to hit up Lo Anthony. I need to scream. No, we need to hit up Lo Anthony to record us one of those. Do you think he would? I bet if we paid him, he would. Hell no. You don't think if we paid him, he wouldn't? There's some pictures of him that came out and I was like, oh my God, that is a straight man. But then there were some pictures that I saw that I was like,

There's a little gay in him. Like he's-- he really is a little gay and he's just repressing that shit. He's like scared straight. Um... We need to start a show called Scared Straight where it's gay-people conversion therapy. Oh, I don't think we need to though, so... that's crazy. I forgot what I was gonna say. Renegade, renegade, renegade! Oh, so when I talk, it's about a little f-- I was gonna start rapping. Yeah, I've been rapping a bunch recently.

rap album coming soon um my media of the week is what did we watch oh we watched the second exorcist um they made a movie about me and orion the second exorcist is literally about me and orion and our wing bots literally that movie's about you before you've had your coffee in the morning that's literally a joke drew made while we were watching it i said that and i said the wing bot joke when we said the wing bot joke at

at the same time. Did Orion tell you that? You whispered it to Orion and I, a second later, said it and she goes, "Drew literally just said that to me." So we had the same joke at the same time loaded up. - Well, no, I said it first, so. - Okay. Well, I'm speaking from personal experience, so like. - Bitch, me too. - But yeah, that's the only movie. - Yeah, I would throw your wing butt away, I'ma be honest. - Oh, have you been using it? - I put it on my butthole. I really did. - Hell.

Yeast infection time. My stinkaboot. BB time. My media of the week is, I think I already said this, the Abandoned Luncheonette album by Daryl Hall and John Oates. And I'm still listening to I Want You, like that album by Marvin Gaye. And, oh my God, the Troy song. What is it? One of Your Girls. That song is so good. Yeah, I've been listening to that one a lot. Look at you.

Look at you. Look at you. Look at me. One of your girls by Trice Vaughn. Look around the room. It's a fine day, Opus 3. Still listening to the 10 Tricks Point Never album. Still listening to Yabujan and Boards of Canada.

i don't have any specific songs to give you other than opus three i will say it's a fine day opus three is quite literally the best song ever made like are you sir you better not be serving cunt while i'm talking to you

You better not be doing your media of the week while I'm serving cut in front of the camera when I get there. You better not be serving cut. Why did that joke come back up? Like, I think you said it first. You said it. I've just been saying it randomly and then you like say it back to me and then I say it back to you and we say it four times in a row. It's the same thing as when we see something we're like, okay, me when I'm and then we just describe what we're looking at. It's the same thing. Oh, because we were in the... Me when I'm a hydro flask with a dent in it. We were in the...

Who is that? All right. Well, thank you guys for watching. Somebody, I saw somebody be like the way and you cut the podcast off every time scares the fuck out of me. Cause I'm like, all right guys, bye. Like literally. But, um, we watched the exorcist in 40 X and that movie would have been terrible if it didn't have 40 X. Every movie should be in 40 X. It's so fucking funny. It's like Disney world. Yeah, it literally is. It's a theme park, but yeah, I literally have nothing else to say. So fuck you. Bye.

Never to see it come.