We Ruin The Holidays - Christmas Special
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Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. It is not Christmas yet, but it's only two days away and my little son here, I let him open one of his Christmas presents early. I'm playing Pokemon Violet on the Switch. And he hasn't spoken to me since. Can you stop touching me, Mom? Okay.

Um, but you know, I'll do anything for my little boy. I just critical hit the Hackservice and the Elite Four. You know, having, they always said having a little boy would be hard. Shut up, mom. Shut up, mom. You're being a bitch, mom. Boys will be boys. Fair. Wait, boys will literally be boys. Like, the thing is, boys will push you, kick you, spit on you, fucking shove your face into a pile of dirt, like,

There's something about a boy being a boy like that. That's just boyish behavior. I don't know why Drew has to switch, actually. I went to the bathroom before we started. When I came back, he just had it in his hand. Well, I have it because I'm in the Elite Four, and it's a very big moment for me in Pokemon. Right.

But fine, I'll put it away. I'll put it away. Holy shit. Put your fucking toys away. We're at the dinner table with our family right now. Yeah, family fucking sucks. But we were, before we started the episode, we were talking about this like video popped up on my feed of like one of those like TV evangelical, Evangelion, like,

uh TV pastors that like do sermons in front of 25 000 people every Sunday 30 000 I mean even the TV viewership it's 150 000 people watching every Sunday and they are loaded because those pastors pocket all of the money that is donated to them and one of the video I'm watching was like this dude talking about like

um i don't know the full context but i just know that he was like talking about like buying houses and that his first home was 14 000 his second home was 89 000 and then he like cut himself off and was like actually that's crazy because this watch is 89 000 and everybody in the audience was like huh like what are you saying and he was like i'm not saying that pridefully and like honestly like i have things watches that are and he's gonna go on to say more expensive than this but then he was like actually never mind and just like moved on but like

Those people are scamming you. They're scamming you. They're pocketing all the money you donate to the church. I was thinking like, it's kind of like, it's just celebrityism in like a different sense. It's like how you would like buy something from somebody you like and like even if it's maybe not good, you'll buy it off of them because you're like, I just like this person and it's like, I'm supporting this person. It's literally that for those people.

Because I feel like, because I was saying to Drew, I was like, that's fucking crazy. They feel like they're getting closer to God, though. That's the problem. It's like when they donate to these churches, they're donating to spread the word of Jesus. Yeah, they feel like they're donating to like, oh, if I don't donate, the church will close and then I will have nowhere to go. Yeah. Yeah.

Consume my fate but these people are taking their fucking money and flying around on private jets all week low-key should we be priests? I was about to say like we should turn up and like we should change up and be they're gonna see all my photos from when I first moved to LA and I thought that the only way to keep relevant was to have my tits out and they'll be like no you're done. No, they'll definitely support you for anybody's allowed in the church and

Right. Me when I'm lying. Me leaving the church because I wasn't allowed. But also it's crazy to think because like this is our Christmas episode. It's crazy to think that this is like super religious. Like everybody has their like...

What is it called? Holiday? No, the little, the Jesus, like, it's, I think the word, I don't want to say it because someone's going to make fun of me because I think I'm going to say it wrong. The nacimiento, I think that's what it's called. It's like, like Jesus and them. Oh. Like the people. Like Jesus and Mary and it's like the baby with the lambs. The... Wait, I can reverse translate it. What is that called? Holy shit. Don't say it when you find out because it's going to piss me off. Oh, okay.

It starts with a T, right? Wait. Fuck. They're screaming at us in the comments right now. I know. It's like baby Jesus in the manger. It's the nativity scene. Nativity scene. Nativity scene. Damn it. Okay. I was like, I don't think it's nacimiento. That is the word. But when I looked it up reversed, it just said birth. And I'm like. The birth of Jesus. But it's like the birth of Jesus. Wait. The precious moments. Birth of Jesus. The little babies. Jesus Christo.

But yeah, it's crazy to think that it's like a holiday. Remember the fucking Starbucks cup pandemic? Oh my God. Of like nobody. The red cup and like you're worshiping Satan. It's like on the same level as like Xmas. Like people be like, you're taking the Christ out of Christmas. Bitch, no, we just want presents. Like.

like also like i'm sorry but christmas is way too long of a word xmas is lit xmas is like we need to make an r a horror movie oh oh oh listen to this x but it's christmas thing and it's xmas didn't um the hot guy from stranger things literally just do that movie david harbour

- Oh, okay. - We literally did like that. - When you said hot guy, I was like, which one of those youngins do you think is hot? Because like, that's not our vibe. - Girl, trust me, I only date people twice my age. - What the fuck was I gonna say? Oh, oh, it's a naughty Christmas. That's what he did. I think it's called like naughty Christmas. Every time I see it, it looks like a parody though. And I was like, why is this sexy ass doing that? Why is your sexy ass doing that right now? - It's insane that fucking Lana Del Rey

actually rotted out my fucking brain. Like, I've been thinking about that a lot recently. Like, being young and, like, liking Lana, the pipeline is insane. Like, the Lana to having an awful gauge of what relationships are, pipeline is a very real thing. And I won't change it for the world of me. But, like, I don't know. I just was thinking about that. I mean, like, I think it bettered my life in a lot of ways.

Right. Yeah. But also like, okay, there's something to be said, though, because like Lana does have an impact and she fully did because like, she like normalize those things. But like a lot of people who like feel like that and have like the ideas we do of relationships. It's comes from like more than of our upbringing than anything. Okay. It's from my mommy and daddy issues. Yeah. Like so like she she was just the soldier brave enough to say it. Yeah. Right.

- Okay, no, that's-- - Well, shut me-- shut me down. Shut everything I say down. Well, no, it's not to shut you down. It's-- that's me-- I was just making a joke. That's my guarding Lana coming out 'cause I'm like, "Guys, it's not all her fault." Even though-- okay, fuck that star. I'm gonna freak out. Um, even though, yeah, I mean, it made, like, the things we thought-- like, it, like-- - It just validated everything I was thinking. - Yeah, it, like, romanticized it more, which was, like, gnarly because...

There was no reason for me to be my age being like, yes, I'll wait for you when I'm 18. It's going to be so fun. I should not have been driving the second day I got my license to a city of... Never mind. We won't get into that. I saw this...

of Simon Cowell, like the X Factor judge. Mm-hmm. Um, tell me why someone is wearing his skin. Like, someone skinned him. Wait, is there a new video of him? Yes, someone skinned him and put his skin on and they were like, we need to upkeep, like, Simon Cowell. Um,

It's like that one Young Thug video of him stopping the fashion show with his blunt and fixing the collar. I love that video. Literally, but he didn't do shit. He just was kind of wanting attention. He just touched him. Like those fucking waiters from last night we'll get into. But someone is wearing Simon Cowell's skin and has been for years. And I think I'm the first person to say that. I could be wrong, but this video that I saw of him is insane. It...

actually scared me. Like it sent... I always say on this show, two or three minutes can change your life. And it has. And maybe this time, it's going to be you. Fans were quick to point out his smoothed out complexion and bleach whitened teeth. Social media is going bonkers. Holy moly, I nearly didn't recognize him. Simon, is that you? It's melting off. His skin is melting off. And maybe this time, it's going to be you.

Social media is going bonkers. Emergency intercom is going bonkers. Okay.

reporters need to shut the fuck up like why is he talking about that on channel 5 news right now like why is that like on the news dude that is yeah but you know what I'm saying like someone skinned him years ago he looks like um he wanted collagen and they put too much in him and now his skin is like bloated like you know when you burn a piece of your skin and it bloats up and gets really smooth that's what his face looks like you know what's crazy is that

I think Shrek was the downfall of Simon Cowell's career because he peaked there. When he did Shrek? Yeah. What did he do in Shrek? Didn't he just voice act one character? No, no, no. In Shrek 2, the cameo? Yeah, but it wasn't a part of the movie. It was a special feature of them all doing, and he was himself. And actually, the animated character was crazy. They made him sexy in it.

That's like the Mr. Beast Fortnite skin. Like, why did they have to sexify him? I don't know if you've given him a look, but like... No, see, because Mr. Beast, like...

- We mentioned him every single episode. - It has something. - We mentioned Mr. Beast every single episode. - Just like we mentioned fucking everything else every episode because we've lost things to talk about. - We've literally turned into like 11 year olds and what we do with our day. Like we wake up, we sit around, I go to your bed, I sit in your bed, we use our phones for a second and then I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go play Fortnite and then we play Fortnite

And then we watch if MrBeast has a new video. -Yeah. -Think about it. The whole iPad baby shit was not fake. Like that was--

That's literally what started it. That's like what jump started like extreme iPad baby behavior. Very real of us. But yeah, like he looks good there, but then you scroll up and you see him and he's melting. Okay, you can't compare the way he looked in an animated movie to what he looks like 30 years later. I don't know, man. But yeah, Mr. Beast, he's got something there.

His last video scared me. - I don't have to explain it. - It freaked me the fuck out. - I was so high. - But he's got something there. I was literally so high while we were watching that, it was freaking me out. Oh my God, also good news, I got so high that I got scared of everybody. - So I-- - Twice. I hit my limit. Wait, what was the second time?

- I don't know, you thought I hated you or something. - Oh no, that was the same night. - No, but there was another thing that we were doing the next night that you were like, "I got scared again." - Oh, I think I had a dream about it. Like it was like that deep for me, but I don't remember. But I got so fucking high and I did, but what's annoying is I didn't mean to get this high that night. We went to Big Bear as a crew, like our squad went to Big Bear. - And it was so fucking cute and fun. - It was so sweet. - And we did Secret Santa with each other and Inyo was the only one who didn't get a gift.

Because your secret Santa forgot. But they showed me the gift they did by me. The craziest thing is I told that motherfucker months before what to get you. And it was that. And he didn't get it until we left. Last minute. I was like, I bet he didn't even have it ordered while we were there. Probably. I guarantee that's what happened. But I hope I get it before I leave, which I don't think that's going to happen. Because I leave in like two days. But...

That was so funny though. I'm actually going to just out him. It was Christian. It was Christian who didn't get my fucking gift. And when we got there, we put all the gifts by the fireplace. I was like, oh my God. And then I did a count. Why the fuck do I have monkey pox? Girl, that's ringworm. No, it's just my eczema. Yeah, it is because I have one right here.

I had a dry spot on my arm after Big Bear. - I always get it. - Or we got scabies in Big Bear. - I always get it right here. We need to normalize, talking about eczema. And I get it on my arms really bad for some reason. And then I was getting it on my thumb too. - Oh, I'm getting it on this finger. Do you see? It's like scabbing over.

I was so scared. I was like, oh my God, I'm gonna be one of those people that like hit their 30s and didn't have eczema at all in their life. And then like their entire face gets covered in eczema. - Oh, that happens when you're on like a steroid, which is actually terrifying as fuck. And I'm so glad that like I never got put on a steroid. And if you have eczema and you were on a steroid,

you were in my thoughts for real. Count your days. Count your days. But it was fucking Christian who didn't have my gift and we got there and I counted all the gifts and I was like, oh, a gift is missing. Somebody didn't bring their fucking gift. And he like looked at me and I like could tell by the way he was looking at me that it was me. And then like I made another joke about it and he got, he got like so like embarrassed that he, I felt bad. He got up and like went to go take a nap and I was like, oh,

And then that morning on our Christmas morning, when we woke up to no, we didn't wake up to a white Christmas. It was the next day. But when we woke up, I like did the headcount. I went out to Orion and I was like, it's fucking me. I'm not getting a gift today. And she was like, yeah, I didn't know how to tell you. You're like, it's you. And then I was like, it's you. It's you. It's all you guys went to CVS or something and got me a bunch of little cute gifts. So I still had. Oh, actually, let's talk about that as well.

Tell me why me, Josh and Lucas were like, oh, like, let's like surprise everybody with coffee and like Starbucks treats in the morning. And we'll go and like, we don't know what everybody wants, but like everybody will just be so excited to wake up. Everybody will be so excited to wake up to a coffee in the morning and a sandwich from Starbucks because like,

you know who wouldn't be excited? We came home, we brought the coffees, and I went upstairs and I was like, "Enya, Enya, it's Christmas morning and we got you coffee! We got you coffee because we're so nice." And the first thing she said was,

Does it have oat milk in it? Okay, to be fair, I had just woken up and like, that was literally my first words of the day. She said, does it have oat milk in it? But I was so grateful and I did drink it. Uh-huh, uh-huh. But yeah, me, Josh, and Lucas were like, oh, since Indiana's not going to be able to open anything, let's just get her something. And I wish I brought my fucking gift that I got you so you could have opened that because it's the best gift I think you've ever gotten in your entire life. But I haven't given it to you yet. I believe that. Well, your gift comes

Well, you have two gifts from me. You have, like...

They're all kind of in the same world, which is really annoying because my problem is I hyper fixate on one thing and I'm like, this is this person's thing right now. And then like, usually it bleeds into something I've wanted before. And like, then I'm like, I'll just give it to them because then I get to see it and like whatever. And it's really dumb. It's not like the craziest thing ever, but I was like, the other things that are going to come after Christmas, I think you're going to literally be like, oh my fucking God and love. But the ones that are coming before you leave are like, whatever. Okay.

Oh, wait, I'm going to open something before I read. It ended up shipping before. Hopefully. I have to see because you leave Saturday. But what was I saying? Oh, yeah, but it was me who didn't get gifts, but Drew went and got me little things to open, and it was really fun. And Lucas helped him pick it, and I could fucking tell because Lucas- Lucas's brain is insane. Lucas is actually a caveman. Lucas is literally like-

Like, it's so funny because Lucas is the duality of man. Yeah. Like, he is like... Smart and dumb. Nice and stupid. Yeah.

Like he's like just like he can be so emotional. He is so emotionally intelligent and wise beyond his years when like if you have an issue and you like talk to Lucas about it, he literally is like so comforting, knows what to say, is so good with words. I had a moment with him and Josiah in the hot tub when it was just us and I was like, damn, this motherfucker like...

is so smart, like emotionally smart. 'Cause like I was saying in a couple episodes ago, or maybe even last episode, I was like, I've been like reframing my mind. It's like cognitive behavioral therapy where you're just like,

Like if someone cuts you off in the traffic and like instead of honking and get mad and flipping them off and saying, fuck you, you're just like, dude, actually, you know what? This person probably is either having a bad day or they're in a rush or something. And you can just like change your frame on that. But Lucas was kind of explaining that in like a better way and was just like all these people that you have in your life that like

This wasn't at me. It was advice he was giving Josiah. It was like, these people you have in your life, it's so easy to resort to having negative emotions and wishing the worst onto them, but just don't do that. He said it in so many other words, but it's not my...

Yeah. So I didn't want to... I don't know. You didn't want to butcher it. But he... And I just did. No, I... Girl, hey. That ties back in. Lucas is just, like, so intelligent, but is the craziest person to be in a room with, especially because of what he finds funny. He's a freakazoid. And it's awesome, but...

Basically, Orion gave me an edible and I was just like, Orion can like handle her weed like a fucking champion. But I, as we all know, cannot. And she gave me an edible and I had to eat in all day and we had just driven up to Big Bear and I was like, whatever, like this isn't going to be too bad. You literally are in your substance abuse era. Like it's been like 17 days in a row.

no but I'm like I'm done because I did it yesterday I you know what it was it's because also I've been in my social era so I keep accepting to go out but then I feel this weird social etiquette where I'm like yeah I'll do it but then when I'm at home and then the days I am home all day I'm like I didn't do anything all day I'm gonna get high as bones for fun but I need to chill because like it will be a problem and guys I recognize that in myself yeah um

And I wouldn't allow it to become a problem. She's just a girl having fun. She's a pretty girl having fun. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl ending my year with a bang. Since I didn't do anything super... Bang, bang. That song. The Jessie J song? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something is wrong with your brain. How does it go? You think there's a ghost in the room and I said bang, so you thought of the... It's Jessie J. Wait, wait. Is that Jessie J, Iggy, and Ariana? Bang, bang.

There's also a Miley Cyrus song that says bang bang. Oh, Bangers 2 coming soon. I know it's probably just a rumor, but I've heard through the grapevine. I'm thinking it was Iggy Azalea when it was Nicki. Oh, whoa, you're over.

You know what it was? It's because there's like a... Wait, no, no, no, no. You're over. Wait, is it a Katy Perry song that has Iggy? There's like another song that has a trio of girls in it. Is that Miley's song? I don't know. I know Miley has like... Oh, but Bangers 2, I've heard through the grapevine that it's actually real and it's coming soon. But I'm probably just being lied to because I am a liar and people like to get off on lying to the liar.

I've heard from credible sources. That would be fucking awesome. That's like how I remember I kept hearing about like Skye's album. Then it didn't happen. Just a single. And that was very heartbreaking for me. But she gave me this edible and then we had like gone to the grocery store and gotten food and I hadn't eaten all day. And I didn't think anything of it because since I had been like upping my tolerance, I'm like, this isn't going to do anything to me. Like, I'm fine. And

Mind you, I hadn't eaten all day. So like literally within 30 minutes, I was like incredibly high and we sat down to eat pizza. And the way it was sat the tables like Lucas, Josiah and Christian were here. Orion was here. Drew was there. And Josh was like on the other side of the table. And all of y'all were talking about a book Orion had read that was like this weird thing. And I think she started talking about Sylvia Plath killing herself. And I'm like, damn, bitch, you you and Sylvia Plath like, damn. But Orion was which is honestly such a like

character trait that I feel like everybody would be like oh is Orion actually like talking about those bitches yes she is in like a very real way at the dinner table and like acting it out in the oven yeah and I'm like oh my god you were crazy and she's like talking about Sylvia Plath and then

Josie and Lucas are getting into a fake argument that like feels too real because I'm getting high and Christian is high and he's watching and he's like, can't tell if they're joking. And like, we're all one can tell. No one can tell if they're joking. And like, I'm just sitting there and I was like, oh, I'm getting really high. So then I was like, I need to eat. Like, that's what's happening is I haven't eaten. So I'm like way too high right now. The other thing I just remembered what it was. It was Josiah's like scary character that he was doing. I know he like gets it to like this. No, no, no. The Scottish character.

when we were trying to like translate it. - Oh, that was the second thing. That was the second night. - That also greened Christian out to a point where he literally threw up. Like Josiah's like so good at like being awful that he can physically give people physical reactions to his like actions. It's crazy.

like I'm not kidding if Josiah dropped everything right now and like seriously pursued being an actor he would be huge because he is like way too good he like transforms it's really nasty and he he is like born to be a performer because he can get in front of everybody and just start doing this shit and he eats up the attention that it gives I know and it makes him stronger yeah he feeds off of it um

But yeah, like the first night, that's what was happening. And then Christian like was getting hot. So he got under the table and took off his clothes and started grabbing things from the table while we were sitting there eating and talking. And I was really trying hard. And I was the only sober one. So I was like kind of silent. And then you thought I was like angry.

I thought he was like really mad at me. And then like, dude, it was just so much. It was like everything was ramping up too much. And I literally was like, dude, all I need right now is to sit on the fucking couch with Orion and look at her iPhone. Because since I don't have TikTok, I can look at Orion's TikTok and we could just sit there. And like Orion is somebody who like I could be like belligerently high and like greening.

But Orion or like you too, but you'd like feed into it sometimes and I can't like I can't do it. Like you'll be like you're too high and then you're like, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But like you can't even do that. And like it's too much. You're greening out, aren't you? You're acting so fucking weird. You're silent. Your eyes are so red and you're so high and you're acting so weird and your breath is so loud. Like what the fuck? Damn, your breath is so fucking hot because you've had it like your mouth closed for like an hour because you're silently greening out. Yeah.

But I was like, I just need to sit at the couch right now. And then finally, like, I'm not kidding. An hour goes by. Like, and it felt like the longest hour of my fucking life. And I was doing a good job of not fully greening. Like, I was like pretty silent, but I was trying to talk. Also, Orion showed me this fucking family she likes, like on Instagram. And I was so convinced it was a cult. And it was, that was freaking me out. Cause I was like, you even brought me. And I was like, no, it's just like a weird family. No. And it was freaking out.

bring you out. I was like, this is Colton.

Cultish! This is a cult. This is a cult unfolding and it's happening on Instagram and we're like just we're being trained to like ignore these things. It was all too much. I know exactly the spiral you were going down where it was just like oh my god like the government really does try to normalize this shit by putting it onto our phones and like and then you think it's okay to see a cult and then blah blah blah blah blah. And then it's like wait why do I think it's like more normal to be like on my iPhone with all my friends than it is to be like in the middle of the woods like with fucking

18 siblings and then I was like wait but that's weird because that's like yield in time like why would you do that like and then I was like but those people could have so much more like and I was like but why do we need more like I was literally in my head that's fucking lit that's like lit that you were thinking why do we need more yeah I was literally like I was like I was like but what is my incessant need to have more like why do I need to like have all these things I've been trained to need more and want more we have everything we need we need

It's real. That's very real. We have each other and that's all you need in this life. I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I can't believe I miss reading ads. I miss the taste. You're home. But I will never forget

Wait, ask me where we're going. Where are we going? Home. We're going home. We shouldn't be doing this. We shouldn't be doing this. Going home? Yeah. But I will never forget. I think it was, like, my most, like...

It was like an awakening in my brain, I feel like. It was my gnarliest green ad I've ever had. Well, other than the one where I literally hallucinated that I was being reborn over and over again, and I was like a... Whatever. I was like a cell in my mother's womb. It was fucking crazy. I'll never, ever forget that. But...

If you want me to explain that again, let me know in the comments and I'll figure it out. But I've explained it in a past episode, but there's new people here that probably haven't heard that. But fairly recently, I think last Christmas, I gave you my heart. I almost did that, but I was practicing not cutting you off. Yeah. Wow. See what happens when I like practice manners? I just shouldn't. But I...

was greening the fuck out. I was with all of my family and I had brought weed to Texas with me and I was like, let's like all get high together and like I'll be like comfortable because I'm with my family. And I got high and it was actually really fun for a little bit. And then Madeline and Steven put the most

terrifying TV show I've ever seen in my entire life. It was like this dude doing magic. And like, I was watching this TV show and I was like, oh my God, like, no, none of this is real. Like, this is literally like Netflix was made by aliens, like who think they know humans and like it's putting shows on. And when you're not high, you're in this like dulled state. But when you're high, you're like awoken and like, you know everything. I was like borderline, like actually bipolar manic in this moment.

because I literally was like oh my god I've broken through like I'm God like I know everything yeah you were just experiencing like mania yeah exactly and I was watching this show and them doing magic and I was like no all of this is fake like none of it is real like this show isn't real and then we put on another Netflix show and like I had that same lens and I was viewing it from that same like

um, lens and I was like, oh my God, this isn't real either. Like none of this shit is real. Like we're all being fed fucking garbage to keep us at bay because once we aren't watching Netflix, like we're going to be like figuring out, yeah, we're going to break through the fucking breakthrough and realize we don't have to order the thing on Amazon. We can make the thing. It was so gnarly. And then I like looked at my mom who was also high. Then I started freaking out about like women and like how they like

are so scared to age and like just shit like that. And I was like, oh my God, like that is crazy. And then I was like, dude, also men are afraid of it as well. But it's just not fucking talked about. Wait, what is it? Book of Simon? I said just like Simon. Simon Cowell. Oh,

That's literally him. Like he's literally like so terrified of aging. But yeah, I just was like panicking and I was like, oh my God, everything is going wrong. Did you hear anything I said? Yeah. Why did I look like I was like, he did not look like I heard everything.

you said, but then like, see, this is why we can't talk about these kind of things. So now I'm like greening out, but I'm dead sober. But like, while you were saying that, I was looking at this cup and I was like, this cup is like to mimic somebody hand painted it, but a machine did it. And if you look closely, you can see a machine did it. Like you can see like it rotated on something for like a brush to go by. And that was just freaking me out because now I'm like,

oh my god like nothing is real it's all filler and plastic and electricity and robots and empty space so no yeah that's how i felt that's how you described how you felt watching that show is how i felt watching the mr beast episode because that was the second night when i got really high and we were watching it i was like what the fuck is this like he's literally dropping like

burning meteors onto a house and we're watching it and we're eating it up and it's so weird but like I'm obsessed with it and I wouldn't change it for the world and I like love all the stupid content I feed myself because like there's nothing else to do really like what like I'm just like not what am I gonna do like

be a scientist like I don't have that in me like I'm not gonna give anything to the world other than this so I'm like I can just eat my little stupid content and move on and it doesn't have to be that deep but yeah basically I greened out and then I I came back to because me and Orion looked at her iPhone and then like some of the high had worn off so I was like just a peaceful high but then the next night uh Josiah did a really scary accent and I was like

I was like, this is too much. So then I had to go to sleep. It was like Scottish. It was crazy. It was really scary. But I have like recently decided that I'm no longer mentally ill and I'm no longer depressed and I'm no longer self-aware and I'm going to be happy and I'm going to live a happy life. That's all it takes. I've just decided that. Just,

Just now or like did you think about it? I've been thinking about it for a while. And I was just like, oh, you can choose to not be mentally ill. You can just smile. You can just smile and that goes away. Yeah. Well, what's awesome is I thought I wrote down like awesome stories to tell, but it was like things I've already said, I think. So how about that? Well, we got stuck in Big Bear as well. We were...

being kind of greedy and we were like, oh, we want to see snow. And like we were going up and it wasn't supposed to snow. And then when we got there, we realized, oh, my God, it's going to snow the day we're leaving. So that the night before we left, we were all like, you know what? Fuck it. Let's stay and book another night so we can play in the snow and we have time to do it and everything. And so we did that. And then we woke up to snow and it was really fun and cute. And then we had to leave the next day.

And it kept snowing. It started like storming. Yeah, it was like locals were like, oh, it's only saying you're only going to get like six inches, but it's going to be more like three feet. And we're like, yeah, fucking right. There's no way the forecast is always true. Nope. It kept snowing and blizzarding like whiteout conditions and like

We were trying to go down the mountain and kept getting fucking stuck and it was really terrifying. But yeah, we made it down and we're alive. It was awesome because me and Orion were just like being annoying and we were like, wow, where are the real men in the room? Like, who's going to get us out of here? What's annoying is that

all the straight men in the house made me and Orion fucking shovel the driveway, put the fucking chains on, all this crazy shit while they were all inside drinking coffee. And I was like the only other person that helped with Christian. And they literally came outside and would watch. And that's another thing. I was always like, why are like middle of America like dudes so fucking jacked and big? And it's because they have to shovel snow all fucking winter because my back is

literally was the most sore it has ever been and I have like worked out my back for like the last three months and I could not believe it because it's so much fucking work and that's how they're all gonna be it's like actually insane also how dangerous the snow is like I can't believe some of you bitches are like driving around in that all the fucking time also it was so eerie because when I went to go

Christian got the wrong fucking chains for his car, so I had to, like, drive to go get new chains. The first time I went, it was snowing so fucking bad that we got stuck, like, in this little, like, slope where it was, like, you go up a hill, down a hill, up a hill. And I basically got stuck in the middle. It was me, Josiah, and Christian. And Josiah is so fucking useless in situations like this. He is so useless. He literally just stands around and, like, laughs and is like, oh, my God. Which...

I guess some would say is actually helpful because if I'm freaking the fuck out, like it is like a little comforting to look over and see this fucking pinhead like doing a dance. And I'm like, okay, fine. Like, it's okay. We're not going to die. But my car kept fucking sliding around down the hill. And I was like, cool. I'm going to kill my friends in my car right now. And Christian literally got out and pushed the car up a hill after a very sexy Swedish man.

helped us put the chains back on my car. And like, why is it that when a man helps me, I'm like, why am I going to have sex with you? Like when a man is nice to me, I'm like, wait, why? When a man does manly things, I'm like, yeah, like this man, like also he's a freak of nature. And I think he was a ghost because. But that's me as a straight man. Yeah.

Yeah, I know. Like, no one was even going to question that. So, like, you didn't have to, like... Like, we know you're straight and we believe you. I saw someone on the Reddit saying, like, I've been a fan of them for three years and I still don't know if Drew is gay or straight. Bitch, I'm straight. Yeah, you're straight. I know I made that comment, like, a few episodes ago. But suck my balls. You just have to remind everybody because sometimes it's easy to forget. It's easy to forget where you come from. Yeah, but in high school...

I just remembered while we were in Big Bear, I was on Instagram because there wasn't really much else to do because we were kind of stuck inside and it was like nine degrees. So I was like scrolling through Instagram and this motherfucker that bullied me in high school for liking Miley Cyrus and Beyonce and Lana Del Rey and shit would always be like, you're so fucking gay. You're so gay. Like, what the hell? That's weird. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

This motherfucker came out and is, like, a gay man now. And me, a straight man looking Beyonce. I know. Isn't that funny? Like, he was projecting something onto you that, like, wasn't even true. Like, it was all him. So you, like, you won in the end because you were able to maintain your straightness. Yeah. But, yeah, I was just like, damn, it, like, really is a pipeline. Like, everybody that bullies someone for being gay in school, in high school, is, like,

-You're gay. -Genuinely gay. Yeah, you're gay. You're gay, so... It's actually, like, so sad. But that's, like, most bullying. Like, kids who, like, are bullying kids, it literally is, like, either out of, like, insecurity or, like, problems at home or they're actually the fucking killer and scary and, like, get away from them. But, like, I feel like that's more rare. It's usually, like, problems at home...

and then insecurity and projecting. That's why I was fucking mean. I was so insecure. I was so fucking insecure. I was mean because I was scared of being bullied. I was like,

I was like, I will bully before I am bullied. And that is how my life will go. Also, if you're somebody falling for the LED acne masks, like just stop because I don't think that's real. Like the big masks, somebody, I forgot what I was watching, but somebody was like, yeah, like the like LED lights are really, really good for acne and like anti-aging. Who said that?

Girl, it's really... Where is that from? It's literally there. Yeah, like, that's, like, not helping you. There's probably fake scientific articles out there that all you bitches are following for, but I do not believe it, and I will not believe it. Like, literally read, right? You can't convince me that. It probably has something to do with fucking UV or some shit, and, like...

I don't know, it does not. - Like go outside. - Yeah, literally go lay in the sun challenge. Like you'll get all the same light rays, but whatever. Yeah, it doesn't register with me either. There's a lot of skincare scams that like everybody is falling for. Like drinking water, you don't have to drink water. I've only drank Pepsi for like the last like 14 years of my life. - No, Drew, you have to drink water. Like that's not like a scam. Like that's been around for like centuries. - Hello, I'm still here. I literally have not had a cup of water in 14 years, so.

True, that's really... What color is your pee? It's like red. I posted it on literally the emergency intercom IG before. It's like red and orange. Red and orange. Yeah, but I have... What does it smell? Can I... Should I get a... It smells like just straight up Pepsi. It's like it's opaque at this point. Ew, it's cloudy? No, like opaque. Some cloudy piss. Yeah, it's like dark. It's dark. Um...

But yeah, just you don't have to drink water or stay hydrated. No, don't listen to that. That whole fucking drink a glass of water and stay hydrated. Like the high horses that those bitches that were tweeting that were on is insane. Like they really thought they were being like, you really are telling me like the basic human necessity right now. And you think you're eating. You're like, drink water and take a shower. Yeah. Oh, you're sad.

- Have some water babes. Have some water. Oh, you're dehydrated. Hey, you look really dull and like shit right now. You should fucking take a shower and just water. - That's literally what they're fucking saying to me.

But the LED lights, I just don't understand and I don't believe that. And I'm like, okay, like you just look like you're fucking like cosplaying the purge right now, but I'll let you live because you think it's... Also, it's always the bitches who have always had clear skin saying shit like that. Like, you've never had acne. What the fuck are you talking about? That's the weird shit is like so many people online who are like, how I keep my skin clear. You've never not had clear skin. Yeah, it's just like wash your fucking face. Bitch.

Bitch. You don't wash your face, though. I don't. You don't wash your face, you don't wash your hands. I was watching this thing yesterday that it was like this YouTuber who was like getting back at scam callers and like one of the things he did, like it was like he was just pulling pranks on them. And one of the things was he had somebody plant a soap that had like a blue ink in it. So when you washed your hands, it stained your hands. Oh, at the scam factory? Yeah, at like the scam call place. And he was like...

at the scam factory. And he was like, - Joanne the scammer. - I know. - That fucking arc was lit. I'm watching all of those. - I think she's still up. Like I think she's still posting, but I don't know, I don't follow her anymore. But basically the whole thing was like, you could see who washes their hands after they piss. And I'm gonna do that in our house because Drew will never have blue hands. - You'll see, you'll all fucking see. - You come out of the bathroom and your whole body's blue. You're like, I fucking took a shower, bitch.

- We should dye your hair blue. That was mean 'cause you should not do that. - That is the most hateful shit you've ever said. - No, wait, why should we dye your hair yellow today? - Wait, why should we just go put deodorant on? - Wait, why should we brush our teeth in floss today? - Yeah, why should we put deodorant, brush our tongues, take a shower? - Wait, let's go to the dentist. - Yeah, oh, I have a dentist appointment.

And I'm so excited for it because I get high as fuck when I go to the dentist. But what if you don't have any cavities to fill? Oh, trust. I will find out a way to get on laughing gas. I will find out a way. But that's literally just what fucking whippets are. But yeah, if my nine-year-old brain can figure out

It puts the pieces together that, "Oh, if I have cavities, I get high as fuck." Dude, that's how I know I'm a real fucking addict. At nine years old, I was addicted to laughing gas, but whatever. At nine years old, I was addicted to loving my family and being a good person. So you need to get your fucking priorities straight. Wow. Your "wow" is really good. Wow. Wow. No, yeah, wow. No, yeah, wow.

It is deathly sad. We freed the kids from the coal mines in 1920, and now all the kids do is play Minecraft. There is an inherent and incessant need for children to be in the mines. It's in their genetic codes. Send them back. Send them back to the mines. You know what?

really fucking annoying is while we were cleaning the snow off of my fucking car drew was dead silent and i was like he is pissed right now and then he broke the silence to start that thought and he was like i gotta write that down i gotta i gotta i gotta flesh that thought out the inherent and incessant need for children to be in the minds send them back to the minds

Why were they doing that? Like, why were they putting kids in the mine? Because they're like the canaries that like, if there's like a toxic gas, they like, the canaries die first and the children die. No, it's because they're little and they can get in the small spaces. That's why they're like chimney sweeps too because they can fit inside the chimney. I'll never forget, there's this one man who works at a cafe in Paris that we went to and I literally was like, why do I feel like he lives somewhere

in a home where he's the chimney sweeper like he gave me that vibe like he gave me the vibe that if he came back to the table to give me my coffee that he'd have a little bit of coal on his face and he was really nice and like kind of sexy but like something about him i was like i feel like he lives in like a dripping home does that make sense like he just had sad eyes like he felt like he like was transported here from like the 1913 bro

Okay, I was like, damn, like that is such a funny thought for me to come up with the minds one. 100% definitely saw this at some point. So because I was like, there's no way. Yeah, because that's a really funny joke. That's so funny. That's a really funny joke. And there's no way you would say something. underscore Pat. R Y C. Supreme Patty. Yeah, but it is put.

i was at patrice dad daddy no one 18 and younger is allowed on their profile so proceed with caution i hate that i hate that so much um but yeah i've also been thinking about um elon musk um and this is really hard for me to admit but i was blinded and i was wrong he's a freaking freakazoid freak

And I can't even actually believe that I ever looked at that man and was like, oh, he's an innovator. Like, he's actually doing things because he's literally not. Like, he's not doing... It's humanly impossible for someone to run that many companies all on their own and make up all the ideas and shit.

- Literally, he's just-- - No, he's literally just a sheep in wolf's clothing. Yeah, he's just not chill. But also, the other thing is, is with the whole Twitter shit, he's just rage baiting everyone. Like, y'all literally just need to stop falling for rage bait at all. Everything is rage bait to increase the numbers on Twitter. He says this insane shit so people go and interact with him so he can go to the board meetings and be like, "Look, like, this is how much Twitter has risen since I bought it."

No, just stop interacting with it. Let fucking Twitter die. Should we just like blow up the Twitter offices since there's nobody in it? From the beginning. Yeah. We've been saying this. Because there's no one in it anymore. Wait, why did we low-key predict the downfall of Twitter? When? Oh, because... In like episode probably like 17 or some shit. Well, it's because we had an in and we knew he was going to buy it and we were like just waiting on it. Yep, yep, yep. But yeah, um...

I redact everything positive I've ever said about Elon Musk. However, I still want Neuralink and I want to be the first human with Neuralink. Girl, he's gonna give you Neuralink and just make you like a Twitter worker. He deadass killed 2,500 monkeys for that shit. -No, he did not. -Yes. And there's like a whole lawsuit being opened up about it. And doesn't it not work?

It probably works. I don't know. You not knowing if it works and still wanting it. You just like, you could just get a fake chip. Like, I think there's like, um, like, what are they called? There's like under the skin, like things you can get that like look like little chips. Yeah. So just get a transdermal chip so you can be. You know, the craziest thing is.

is vaccines. They literally put chips in us. We were talking about this with our friend the other night. They put chips in us with the fucking vaccines and it was all TikTok. It wasn't the liberals, it wasn't the cuckservatives.

It was TikTok because that bitch, that fucking app algorithm is insane. And it's a fucking chip under my skin, like measuring the levels of dopamine that when I have a good thought and it can fucking piece together the thoughts and put it under my for you page. Like it's crazy. It is sinister, dark sided evil. It's literally because it's just key logging and watching you, which I hate because I'm

I watch embarrassing things and I don't like... Like, I don't mind being watched. I remember I got into a huge... Oh, like a lot of porn. Yeah. But I... What?

What did you do yesterday? You came into the living room and I bullied you for three seconds and you were like, you get mean at night. I'm going to my room. Yeah, I was like, and it gets fucking mean and violent at night, so I have to leave. She attacked the size of my fucking penis, y'all. My big schlong. And I'm sorry because we all know that that's like a point, like how big it is, is an insecurity for you. Yeah, because...

I want a small penis. So when you say I have a small penis, it really hurts me because I yearn for that. You urinate for that. What the fuck was I just saying? We're not laughing at each other. No, no, no. I was about TikTok. It was like I... Oh, it key logs all the porn you watch. It key logs all the porn you watch. Oh, but I remember I got into the biggest argument with my ex about this at dinner once. Like he was just like...

"Oh, um, like, do you not care that you're being watched? Like, that is not okay. Like, it's not okay that we're being surveillance." And I was like, "I don't care because I don't exist." Like, and we got to the biggest argument about it and now I'm like, "Damn, maybe he was onto something." And, like, it is weird how, like, much we're being watched. I'm still kind of like, "I don't give a fuck if I'm being watched." Yeah, I'm like, 50/50. Like, sell my data, I don't care. The only thing I'm upset about is that they're selling my data and I don't get money for it. Because...

That's the only thing I'm like, damn. But like, there was like a bipartisan legislation introduced to Congress to ban TikTok in America or whatever. And like,

There are so many other American-owned companies that are doing the exact same things they're trying to get TikTok for, but since it's Chinese-owned, it's scary. They just want to, like, get rid of it because of that. It's security risk. But, like, fucking Facebook and Twitter and everything is doing the exact same fucking thing they're doing, just probably not as good. And they're not seeing any profits from it. But IG is, like, just as fucking, like...

- They have their algorithm picked out. - Like observatory. Yeah, because like literally, I mean, everybody talks about it all the time. Like you see your ads change within your like interests and it is key logging everything you do outside of that app because why the fuck am I on a website outside of Instagram? And then when I open Instagram, that's my first ad. It's because it's just watching everything I do on my phone. So that means it is seeing my tits. - Yeah. - Damn.

You've showed IG your tits, but you haven't shown me your tits in three hours. So let's fucking talk about that. Why do you need to see them every three hours? It's so weird. I need to see them every hour. Maybe even every 30 minutes, half hour. You don't like... Are you forgetting what my tits look like? Is that why you need to see them so much? No, I just like them because they're nice boobs. Then take a picture. It'll last longer. You have nice boobs. You have nice breasts. Thank you. Can I see your balls? Yeah. Yeah. Can you lift your shaft so I can get a better look at those balls? How about you lift it for me? Um...

But yeah, I don't know. I think Drake is gay and is faking that he's straight. And he's definitely taken Molly with all of his homies and had gay experiences and made out with each other as a joke or as a bit, but it's turned out to be real. And I'm just kind of like,

There's something a little sus about having 43 failed proposals. Let's talk about it. That's a little weird. - Any man who's like that hyper obsessed with women, I'm like, maybe you're looking in the wrong box. - In everything, you're looking at the wrong box, sis. You should look at a clock.

I don't know. I just really don't know. But yeah, I think Drake might be a little gay, but that's my opinion, not Enya's, because if Drake came into this house right now and was like... Honestly, I think I'm almost to that point too where I would like, yeah, I'd bone Drake. Even though he's like really embarrassing. He's just so embarrassing. That last album, like he said a lot of things where I was like, you were so embarrassing and you need to actually shut the fuck up.

- Dude, I love how you listen to music because you listen to it and you're like, I fucking hate this. This is the worst album I've ever made. But then you listen to it over and over and over again. - Okay, to be fair, because there are always like songs out of the albums that I'm like, this is lit. But then, you know what happens is because I don't make a playlist of it because I'm a cunt and a piece of shit. And I listened to things that I don't want on my Spotify.

on Apple Music. So I'm not making- - Can you not play, make playlists on Spotify or Apple Music? - You can, but I'm just like too lazy. So I'll like go in and cue songs. But as I'm getting ready, the album would just start to play. And then I become like a Forever 21 consumer in the terms of like, I'm in the store and I'm listening to it. And like, when you first enter the store, you're like, this is the worst shit ever. And then as you're like in the store for long enough, you're like, it drowns out and you don't like listen to it. - What was that store in Japan?

The Don Quixote? No, the electronics one we went to. Oh, book off. Yeah, it's like in book off. In hard off, there's like this like a thrift store that sells like strictly electronics, like musical instruments or whatever.

But it is insane. I don't know what the tactic behind this is or, like, what the reasoning behind it is. But there is a song that plays over and over and over and over again. And it plays, like, infinitely, forever. And could you imagine being a worker there? Like, at some point, like, I tuned it out. But, like, I don't know. It sounds... You start off every day, like, tuning it out, which has to be a lot of brain work. Oh, also, this is just a funny tidbit, but, like...

your gaydar being awful. - Okay, I wasn't gonna say that, but I was gonna say me and Orion showing each other our pubes, 'cause we were like, - Oh yeah. - We were like, "What do yours look like?" And we've seen each other naked, but we haven't given it a good look. - Yeah. - So we did that in Big Bear. - I was like, "Oh, I wanna join." - I know, you got jealous. - It would just be weird for me to show you all my pubes. Actually, at this point, no, it fucking wouldn't. - I don't think it would be very weird. I just don't wanna see it. I'm like, 'cause I'm like, ew, men pubes. - I also have not shaved in a very long time. - That's what everyone's saying.

like y'all need to get a grip you don't even give it a good trim no because i'm fucking celibate i literally don't need to true true but i do because it ends on christmas but i give it a trim because like sometimes when that shit gets too long it like makes my coochie sore and i think it's because it's like no mine is so long that it's like soft i hate that

- Well, no, like, I don't know. Okay, it's like when I'm on my period sometimes, sometimes like my vulva just hurts. Like it's sore for some reason and like- - I need a massage, it will help. Next time, just let me know. - I'm not gonna let you know. - Okay, this is something I've actually been thinking about for a while is when you're on your periods and like your uterus and shit hurts, just shut the fuck up. - Oh my God.

- I was gonna say, stupid joke, like, just like, let me get in there and fucking like grab 'em. - That's what I was gonna say, but I was like, let me not say that. - Oh yeah, so instead the safe bet was to say, shut the fuck up. - Just stop fucking complaining. - As I've gotten older, why are my periods getting like, actually like, they're starting to hurt? - You have been. - And they usually, I used to never ever get cramps and this last one was like,

hard enough and like bad enough that I had to take like medication and that has never happened to me and I refuse to let that happen so I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do I'm either gonna kill myself or like get those things removed you either kill yourself or get killed so fucking right like that was like that was like the first piece of like comedy content that I consumed and I was like that is like so rooted in truth shocking like that that is on the same level as be bisexual lie eat hot chips yeah like that is on the same level

Probably a little higher, but like literally think about it. You either kill yourself or you get killed. Yeah. Your body kills yourself. Oh my God. Wow. Damn. But yeah, I got to stop saying I'm going to kill myself. I just. Why? Because I'm going to kill myself if I keep saying it. Right. Right. No, it's just a little violent. But I. Yeah. I'm trying to get all of the violence and hatred and anger and negativity out of my life.

I'm really trying hard to. We work together, babes. You can't get rid of me. I know. It really is so hard when you're so mean. If people were just nice like me...

Oh, when you, I was like, you mean the world would end? I was like, if everybody was like as nice as I was, like it would be so lit. But the world would explode. Also, I took that from you because you said it. You were like, why can't everybody just be nice like me? And you signed, so I was like, her. Like you thought about it and you're like, I'm not that nice. Like, yeah.

No, no, no. See, I would be nice. It's like the same idea as like addicts. Like when you're surrounded by people who...

that are also like doing drugs with you or doing the same drugs and you consider them friends and you see them all the time or like in my case like all of my friends smoke puff bars and i'm trying so hard to quit puff bars but then they come around and blow puff bar smoke in my face and i'm like oh let me hit that and then i get back on the wagon um or i fall back off the wagon it's like the same idea with like negativity and hatred for me like

I've tried to practice it, but then I get around Inya and Orion and see them hating on people and I'm like, damn, you know what? This is fucking fun and I like this. And I fall back on them. I still like, I just, I think everybody is a hater and the people who like act like they don't hate on anybody. I'm like, you're lying because like it is so within human nature to like be competitive or be like,

like easily upset or like just have like these weird bias that you maybe don't understand and maybe they're rooted in like again like i was saying like projecting insecurities and stuff but like i know that i am flawed so like i don't i will continue to be a bitch but also i'd like to think that it's like a lot of it is like there's a difference there's a difference like there are some people that are just hateful and fucking mean and like

-actually mean it. -I'm gonna hate you back. But every single person or, like, thing that, like, upsets us, like, it's not real. Like, we're not actually upset by this. Just-- Inya just needs something to be angry at it. That's what I've been saying lately, is that if there isn't-- if Inya doesn't have a person to be upset with, she will find one.

And we'll be upset with that person. But it's like upset like behind closed doors and like it never leaves like between me and Drew. Yeah, exactly. And that's okay. That's okay. I'm a little fake. You're a little flawed, a little fake, but we all are. But yeah, like trust me. I'm mega flawed. Trust me. Like I do believe that everybody is judgmental to their core, but I'm just like trying not to put that energy into the world. Why can't we be kind, guys? Yeah, literally. Why can't we be kind? Christmas. Christmas is in two days when this comes out.

Think about that. But right now, it seems so far away. And all the gifts that I got from my family have not gotten here yet. I haven't finished ordering my gifts and I'm going to get fucked. Wait, did you order them here to take there? Oh, no. But it's just two books and like a 3DS case and a 3DS. Oh, my God. We kissed. Holy shit. We just kissed. Wait, did we actually just kiss? You kissed me? Yeah.

I'm so sorry for touching your lips with my fingers. Because I know you fucking pissed and you didn't wash your hands. No, I shoved them up my ass earlier this morning and I washed my hands but I didn't get under the nail and there was shit under my nail after I was fingering myself all fucking morning. All morning? Damn, bitch. Yeah, it was a big thing. Like in the AM? Wait, tell me why I kissed a girl and I liked it. I know. And I liked it. Are you going to... I feel like she wouldn't... Oh, no. I was like, are you going to let the people know?

Should I? No, no, no. Let's keep it a secret. Your secret kiss. I kissed the girl on the second date. On the second date. The second date in a week.

I know. Do you think y'all are going to get together and I can just watch forever? I think we are in a throuple situation on the next one. Yeah, we are in a throuple situation, but it's okay. But we need to have this person on the podcast to talk about it. I know. So I won't go too far, but I'm a tease and no one can have me really. So I'm a throuple, like I'm the watcher. I'm the observer. Yeah, Inya watches me and her. And there's...

pegging involved but we won't get into that um i need to clarify that this isn't real but i did kiss a girl yeah he actually did and i got literally so horny when i saw it i know and tell me why and you got a little jealous i got jealous i was like i got jealous i was like should i join it i was like no no i can't i can't i'm just too prude and like i'm like i'm like

You got to do a few things for me before I get you on these lips. But it's crazy that me and Anya have been best friends for this long and we haven't kissed. I was thinking about that this morning. And then I was like, should we do like a New Year's kiss? But I'm like, oh, no, that's like too. But it is crazy how I never have kissed like any of y'all New Year's. I've kissed Orion. I've literally kissed like every single one of these motherfuckers. Yeah. Have you kissed Orion? Yeah. Yeah.

Damn, I'm the only one left out. I remember that. We all went in for a reach. She had a shirt on that her tits were at and we were all like, literally eight years old. We're

We're like eight-year-olds to get left in a room. Looking up boobs on the family computer. Airplane tits. Airplane the most searched porn things on the TV and going up to it like it's a presentation and pointing at it. So what is VMW or PMV? PMV.

What is rub? Yeah. Look, hey, look that up. Look that up. But there is this, there's this thing that like, I feel like everybody on YouTube has seen it. Like everybody who has access to an iPhone where it's like 10 boys and 10 girls get left alone for like 10 days without adult supervision. And they're just watched by a camera crew on like how they interact. And like,

how they move around and that's literally our friend group when we get left in a house. It's like 10 like boys and then like two girls who have morphed into boys in that moment and we're all just like literally playing hide and seek, hiding things from each other, leaving snack crumbs everywhere and then like going after each other to clean up and then immediately they're being a mess again. That was the most

angering shit is i cleaned up for literally two hours before i went to bed and then i came down in the morning and it was a disaster war zone i know the boys in our group do not pick up after each other they literally after themselves like it's crazy it is disgusting and if you're hearing this i love you with my whole heart but please fucking put a dish get a grip um

But yeah, I need to kiss everybody in the friend group now. Well, you might kiss next episode, so you'll just have to tip in. Tip in? Yeah. You know what it is? Maybe if we kiss, it would be too real. Don't do it! Get away from me! I remember doing this thing recently. Look me in the eyes.

You know what it is? Like this is outing myself for a lot, but I have a really big kink about my head, like the back of my head. And I think that's what it is. Like it feels like too real. Like this is really outing my, but like I'm not crazy, but it's like, it's like my, like my head being like smushed. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. So when your head, when you're like holding the back of my head, it's like way too real. I think everybody is subtly homophobic and they don't want to talk about it. And we'll end there.

Yeah, I think everybody, I'm gonna add to it, but I think everybody has, like, subtle things that they don't realize they carry because, like, it's, I mean, nobody, especially, I mean, this generation, we've, like, we grew up and learned so much, but, like, we were not raised on that information. No. So there's a lot of learning. But I'm not homophobic, I just, like, mm-mm. I'm not even gonna make that fucking joke. Hmm. I'm just, like, oh.

Me when I see a gay person *burp* We haven't laughed all episode and that's like- Nooo Is it melting in? Oh f*ck you Oh wait that's gorgeous This is my f*cking expensive ass candle *burp* You have a really good fake throw up I think that's what it is Me when I- no, don't see me Me when I- Me when I see someone with acne *burp*

- That's really mean. So you to me when I was 17. No, literally, what? - Me to my back right now.

- How did I like go from having like acne, like cystic acne to no acne and then cystic acne again. - Because all acne is hormonal and y'all are falling for the scam that is skin care. - No, it literally is because when I started having really, really good sex with this person, I started getting really bad acne. And then it just became fucking mid and I fucking tossed it to the curb. - I also have this theory that if a baby is born with a head of hair,

They won't bald in life. That's not true because I know some people who had a lot of hair and then they balded. Is it not like you're my... So basically my kid, because of my dad not balding, my kid won't bald. Yeah, it's your mom's dad's hairline is what you'll have. And I don't believe that though. But I'm not balding and I should be balding if I was going to be bald.

Maybe it'll just be an older thing and then you get to be Oscar Isaac. If you're like a 20-something-year-old man and you're balding... I think balding can be sexy. Oh, oh. Take that. Balding is sexy. You and me both. I'm like, hey, can I touch your head? It's just that fucking shit we were talking about in the beginning of the episode with Lana. Like...

- The extreme need to be taken care of when you felt lack thereof in your childhood. Even though I, like the thing is I was taken care of like very well, but I still have like so many issues. - I literally just like, I agree with what were you gonna say? Sorry. - I was gonna say maybe it was because we were too tended to for like a period of time. So now we like really crave that. Like,

I crave to be like taken care of in like... Yeah, I think for me it's... There was just a lot of bullshit regarding a specific parent that was going on and I didn't get the attention that I needed from that person. So now I seek that attention and validation via my sex life. Yeah, I like don't think that I necessarily like...

Have a real... No, I know I have my reasons. I know my reasons. And I don't fucking care because it feels good. Yeah. And I like what I like and I'm going to get what I want. I know. Wait, the way I'm going to get what I want... I know. Wait, are you actually going to break your celibacy for...

Christmas or oh my god you should do it for New Year's so that you could be like I didn't have sex all of 2022 which is like kind of a stretch but like when it's like that small of a lie it's not a lie anymore that is tea I'm gonna see how I feel when I get there because I'm not gonna like go seeking it yeah like if it happens it happens but you are so brave is coming right now to drop off a courage bagel

- Yeah. - Are you kidding me? - Only half of one though and it's for me. - Bitch, why would you tell me that? - Because I'm lit and you're not. - You know what is annoying is-- - No, but we can share it though. But they put cream cheese on it and Zamar doesn't want cream cheese. Dude, it's crazy that we live six minutes from Zamar and six minutes from Petra, but yeah.

It's crazy that I live in your head because you're such a fucking hater and you can't get over it. Not me living in y'all's fucking heads rent-free, bitch. You're dumb. You're done. Yeah, wait, I live in everybody's head rent-free. That's the thing is like people want me. Okay, well, thank you guys so much for listening to this episode.

I hope everybody has a hop, a hoppy, oh, a happy holiday season. If you don't celebrate, I hope you're having a good week, a good end of the year. If you don't get to be with family for whatever reasons that may be, I hope you are around your chosen family. You're going to be so lonely, I bet. I hope you're around your chosen family. And if you can't be around your chosen family, just know that love will, true love will find you in the end. True love will find you.

- We'll find you in the end. - And I know the holidays can be very hard for some people, so I hope that we were able to keep you company. - Yeah, it's been getting there for me lately. I've been having a difficult time with the holidays.

Yeah, but you're seeing, you're heard. There can still be happiness within your loneliness. Peace and love. And if you're with your family, good luck. And if you're with... Okay, let's do some media. Mediocre.

So I've been listening to selected ambient works volume 2 by a effects twin Specifically got it 1 3 13 and 20 those are really fucking lit songs and I've also been listening to the powers that be by death grips Billy not really say hey kid and but

The craziest thing is that Death Grips is going on fucking tour again. Wait, when are they coming to LA? In May, and I'm going. They're doing, I think, the Palladium or some shit, and I don't want to be in the fucking pit because I'm scared of being in the pit. So I think I'm just going to spend a little bit extra money and go sit down. But also, like, it's a fucking Death Grips show. Yeah, you want to move around. I should be throwing ass. I'll go with you. And then...

what's the fucking song um the song you had playing in the cabin i really loved the eyes are a mosaic mosaics that's like my favorite that's my favorite fucking album and i don't but i don't think it's in the set that christian got me because i was like oh i need to buy that he was like it's in the set and i was like i don't think that's in the set because i remember when i was looking but i'm gonna see but that's like oh that album is so good that album see swallow me and

reminds me of like summertime which sucks because it's like a really good winter album but that album kind of reminds me more of summertime than winter time but it felt good listening to it all the time my listens for the week Alone in Kyoto by Air Shown by Bal Greasy Petit Fil d'Amour right sing Shown and then

Who just went and sucked me off with no problem till all of it's gone. And you know what I'm talking about, little mama, you're grown. Greasy. Hater. The Pure and the Damned by Iggy Pop. Yeah. I want no tricks point never. The Pure always act. That's like really the only Iggy Pop song I know. The Damned always act. Oh my God.

And then, of course, I've been listening to SZA's album. Like, duh. S.O.S., Blind, Far, and Forgivelous are my favorite songs. Forgivelous is so good. Not enough attention on Forgivelous. I know. Like, I need a rap album from Alone in Kyoto. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm just adding it to a playlist. Because we just gave really fucking good media. This one?

I was playing it in the car on the way down. Yeah, yeah. I was just cascade by William Basinski. But I think some of these I've already said, I've been like, kind of just listening to things. I just found a really good album, but I'm not going to give it to y'all yet. Because I like to like, have things for myself first, and then I give it to y'all. You get me? Asleep from the day by the Chemical Brothers.

Okay. Well, thank you guys so much for listening. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. And you know what? Sometimes it's not about the gift you get under the tree. It's about the gift you get with the people you're around. And their hearts. The gifts of them. Yeah. Right. Damn. I'm so smart. Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye.