We Won't Get Banned For This (NSFW)
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Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, it's a smut spectacular. Wikiless Wade loves Romulus Xenos, has a cunning canine, and leads the lads to cartoon character crudity. Me!

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Howdy everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm today's host, wait, because I won. I'm joined as always by my friends, Mark and Bob. Hello. Hi. Hi. Sorry, I just, my eyes saw something that I wish they didn't saw. I can't go back in time to... Who's butthole? No, it's not a butthole. Just, you know, sometimes I read the news from our reporters in the field and I saw a headline that just... Anyway, continue. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll see worse today. Uh,

If you haven't joined us before, this is the show where one of us hosts, the other two compete for points, and the winner gets to host the next episode. The game, the points, all that's determined by the host. Some might say it doesn't matter, but I would say it could. How goes things? It's been a whole since last time we recorded, since we recorded. I discovered how much the human body can sweat. That's what you were looking at just now? No, no, that's different. It's what I saw a picture of. It's a lot.

I'm sweating right now. Yeah, I'm going to go this whole episode with never saying what this title is, but I'm going to refer to it through the entire thing. I'm going to keep referencing it and trying to get you to, but I accept that premise. It's horrible. It's horrible, but I'm going to give you a point

point for whatever the word is i can't think of for holding your ground there's a word for that a staunch point you're being very staunch right now thank you thank you thank you there we go i like the word staunch bob i'm gonna give you a point for the word staunch mark i guess you get two points for being staunch i don't know anyway that's probably all the small talk points that anyone will get unless bob says something completely crazy wow okay well i'll just relax then i guess

I was going to not give any small talk points, but man, I gave in right away. I was going to build the story up a little bit more, but I just have like a really short story about how I'm an idiot. And I got to put that on display for one very lucky woman at the car wash. Uh, go,

Go on. So this is really not that good of a story. It just is like it's it's in my head and I can't let go of it because of how it played out. I got a new car recently. And, you know, when you get a new car, you get that paper license plate until you get like your real metal license plate and you put that on there. And I got the new car and it's been kind of like raining on and off and it's like pollen season or something. The car got really dirty.

really quickly and it's a dark colored car and so i was like ah well i'll just i should get a car wash i'll get a nice touchless quality car wash just rinse this bad boy off i don't know what i thought a paper license plate was made to withstand but i it didn't occur to me i just went to this car wash and i pulled in and it was doing the whole thing at the premium oh because

Because you're filthy rich. And it's one of those where you sit and you park and it washes and then the dryers are just like big blowy things and you drive slowly out and it blows your car dry. And I did that and I was like pulling very slowly trying to use all the dryer time. And as I got, as the back of the car went through the dryers and I thought I was done, out of nowhere, off of the back of the car and like in my mirror in the corner of my eye, I just see something go...

just like explode away as small. Just fucking what? I was like, is that an animal? What happened? Was there a bat under the car? And so I pull out a little and I park and I put my blink, my hazards on and I get out and I go into that paper license plate was not put. It was not screwed on with the little screws that hold the license plate on. It was not taped on with, I thought maybe it had sticky back. It was just wedged. There's a little license plate frame and the guys at the dealership were just like, Oh,

That ain't going nowhere. And so the moment the dryer touched the thing, it flew off in a hurricane of bullshit. And of course there's a line of people at the carwash, right? Everyone's car is dirty for the same reason mine was. And so I, that happened. And the lady is about to, there's a lady in a Mercedes about to pull into the carwash behind me. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait. And I go walking back into the carwash like an idiot. Just like, I need that. My license plate. But the lady is kind of just like, Hmm.

All right. I mean, you know, she wasn't mad. She thought you were just soaking wet and you need... I need the dryers! Hold on! Turn them off! And so I'm frantically... It's like a big drain in the middle, right? So I do my first look around and I'm like, oh God, it went down the drain. It went into the water and then it's gone forever. And I was just like looking and I was like, is it in the brushes? Is it... And this lady's watching me for a solid 30 seconds, which doesn't sound like very long, but when I'm frantically in a dripping...

nasty car wash, which the drips made my skin burn. Love that for me. And the lady's just sitting there. And at some point she kind of like opens her window and Pete and is like, Hey, what? And I come over to where we can talk. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. I, my license plate like blew off my car. I'm just trying to find it. And she's like, Oh yeah. Yeah. And I sort of ignore her and just go back to frantically searching. And she gets my, after another stretch time, he gets my attention again. It's like, Hey, I'm like, yeah, what? I know the license plate. I'm doing it. And she's like, is this it?

And it was laying like 10 feet away behind her car, like just in the parking lot. Real obvious. Like everyone else who was in line waiting, we're all like, I bet he's looking for that license plate that just blew over here while I'm climbing around the dripping chemical house. And I look for like half a second. I'm like, ha ha.

Oh, and just go sadly, like pick it up in front of the whole line of people and why and walk back. And she's like, ah, my mom always said I had good eyes. I don't

I don't know what to say to that. Internally, I'm just like, oh, I'd suck. Thanks. See ya. Anyway, I got the license plate back. And that was when I discovered, I went to go put it back on. And I was like, how is this on here? What? Nothing. It was essentially the same way you put like a form on a clipboard at the doctor's office. That's how my very important legal registration was held on the car from the dealer. So thanks for that.

Also, it's blue now. It was a white piece of paper, but now it's a bright blue piece of paper that says my life. So it's like, cool, right? That's cool. That's fancy. I'm sure the cops will love to pull me over and ask me questions about why my white license plate's all blue and whatnot. Yeah, I don't know if you can criticize their placement method too much because I don't think they anticipated anyone would be foolish enough to take their temporary license plate through a car wash. It could have, it would, I drove on the highway.

on the highway. It held up a long way through until the mega jets hit it. So I'd say like that's when you got eight like inflatable tube flailing arm man jets pointed at you. I'd like to see you stay in one place. I don't know if you could sustain that. I think at least all my clothes would be blown off. He did, man. He was in there for half an hour looking for it.

I could cling to anything with those stupid fans blowing at me. No, I just, I drove that car on the highway. It was raining out. It was windy out. I don't know. I acknowledge that it was stupid that I didn't think of that and went through the car wash. But like, if it blew off anywhere else while I was using the car, it was definitely gone forever. I'm not pulling over on the highway to find that thing. It's just gone. What speed does the air blow in a car wash versus? It's approximately the force of an F5 tornado. Yeah.

Well, I guess I didn't expect you to drive through a tornado. He got the premium, man. He got the premium. Extra blow. Anyway, if you ever want to feel like a top tier moron for just a small number of people, and especially mostly the one lady who was right there watching me the whole time, just go ahead and do that. It's real fun. It's a great experience. It doesn't ruin the rest of your long day filled with errands at all.

That's good to know, because it sounds like it would. It burned my skin. I didn't, like, touch a lot, but I was sort of, you know, looking and it dripped on me a little bit. It burned like acid until I got to the store and washed my hands in the bathroom at the grocery store. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. That reminds me of Alien Romulus, which I went to see, which is very good. Oh, because the acid. Because you're, like, dripping like acid on your skin. I was like, like xenomorphs.

Very good movie. I enjoyed it. Mark, I don't know. The whole time Bob was telling his story, all I could think of was your sweat. I don't know if you told the story about your sweat, but I was just like, man, they should have traded places because Mark needed to walk through the car wash. Yeah, well, it's my experience in Texas. I don't know why, but I only catch it at the extremes. I don't know if you guys remember when we filmed Heist in Texas at the sewage treatment plant. I do. It was toasty.

It was toasty. Thankfully, your scenes were at night. Or underground. Or underground, where the sewage was. Very clean sewage pipes. It was fine. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just like the standing water all around you that had been filled with tampons and poop. Really unpleasant. But.

look great. I wasn't there, you know, there, but every time I go to Texas, one scream or the other, when I was filming, you know, iron lung originally, I don't know if it's a spoiler or nothing, but there's a lot of blood in the movie. Right. So the first time we're filming, you know, I'm in the blood. Right. Uh, and so the thing is you think blood's warm, really cold. It was really, really cold. I almost got hypothermia multiple times because of that. So that it's either one extreme of the other, where it's extremely hot or extremely cold. Um,

And this last time I was just out there again doing something else. And we were in this warehouse for three days straight with no air conditioning in the Texas heat, not a cloud in sight. You know, that's the really unfortunate thing is like it's the hottest day. You're in a metal building. You're like, oh, hopefully a cloud will pass by.

Now, clear skies for all week long. Nothing clear. Nothing going to ruin your picnic here. It's just going to be hot. So it was 106 degrees inside the warehouse and we were in there for 12 hours and it was really... That's too hot. That's the kind of temperature where you go in the sauna for five minutes at 106 degrees and then you come out and get in an ice bath and your body is like, ooh, that's nice. Not 12 hours. 12 hours is too long, Mark. Oh.

really sweaty. I don't think I've sweat that much in my entire life. I was so I sweat so much. I was physically exhausted by the end of the day. My whole skin was tired. And I think it's just because like I don't sweat too much normally. I probably should get more variety in my life than constant 72 degrees inside and air conditioning. But man, I was lucky that my sweat glands still worked because it was extremely hot. Closest I can relate is probably we did the boiler room wug scene. The boiler room wug scene.

Yeah. That was pretty... I think it was a boiler room. I don't know what it was. It was hot. There were a lot of hot pipes. They're really good in Texas about finding the abandoned asbestos-filled structures because they look so good on set because as you're walking around... They look awesome. Yeah, you kick up the asbestos and it creates this nice fog in the air. It looked like you'd walk in and immediately die. It's like, man, what a great scene for this. I know, right? Yeah, but it looks great. You know, you can't deny it looks incredible. But yeah, it's...

Hot. That's gross. I've only ever been to Texas during the hot parts. Specifically, mostly Austin. It's really gross. I'm sure it was plenty humid inside too, which just makes it even better. It was your own humidity, I guess. Maybe that is better. You made the humidity. So it smelled good. Should have done your blood scenes now because then like could have got your blood boiling. Wait, point. Don't do that. Don't give yourself a point for that. I'm the judge. I got myself a point. I deserved it.

the same way i deserve an ice cream after i go out and do one errand yes oh okay dude are there times where i'm like i got three errands so i gotta run to the bank i go to a store i'm gonna get ice cream you did the first of three and you're like i'll get my first ice cream and then we'll go to the bank no i do all three

that's good thinking though bob god that's so genius i'm gonna give you a genius point we deserve it wade you're not wrong i don't incentivize my life enough i should i should gamify it it's good to try food rewards to uh positive behaviors there's nothing wrong with that like

like dogs dude dogs my dogs man okay real real quick side note here man dogs oh them am i right so they've been on a diet for a while right because ginger was at an unhealthy weight we had to get her weight down we got her weight down right where they wanted it right around 16 16 pounds then we had to leave and they stood over at my mom's their dogs have access to their food

and treats all day, all the time. Like the food is down. They don't overeat. Their treats are out. They'll like nibble on a treat and they'll go hide it somewhere, save it for later. I don't know what happened in the breeding pool for our dogs, but they don't. There's no conservativeness with food. If it's out, it's gone.

So they go over to my mom's house and I'm pretty sure they clean out every bowl. They find every treat hidden anywhere in the house over the last six years and devour it. We get them back and Ginger's belly is just like bloated. Presley is like laying around kind of like one of those towels, the reject towels in the South Park Towelie episode where it's just like, kill me because they're just so stuffed. My sister feeds them well, but like they don't get overfed by intentional methods. They just find everything else to eat.

They go to my mom's and it's like Disney. They keep gobbling all this food. Did I tell you guys that Ginger learned how to open a Velcro sealed bag? That's impressive. This little dachshund has learned how to tip over a giant bag of food, rip open the Velcro and climb inside. Well, that sounds nice. But also how? With her mouth? With her...

I haven't seen her do it. You need to get this on camera. The top of the bag is just covered in like little teeth marks and we've had to move it to where it's out of their reach. So we had a bag that didn't seal properly. Keter's hopped in it and we literally saw him in there throwing food out to the dogs. And now Ginger knows how to open the Velcro. Keter's is secretly scheming to get rid of the dogs. Keter's is in the bag like, eat fatties, eat heart disease, heart disease.

I don't know, man. It's wild the way that they are about food. They are ravenous. So we went to my mom's the other day and Ginger just the whole time is just staring at us whining. She gets fed for three minutes. She's like, all right, finally. What?

It just starts up again. It's like, I don't know what happened. They are, we have three ravenous animals that are just like uncomfortably hungry and I think they're going to kill us and eat us in our sleep. You know what I always say to Lexi when she gets too uppity. Sounds like somebody's aiming to become an outside dog. Ha!

Do you say that? That sounds like something you really say. I say that a lot to her. She's getting old and cranky. She just like doesn't listen. Like she'll literally if you walk into the room and she's shitting in the middle of the floor, you can look at her and be like, Lexi, stop. Come here. And she'll just be like.

Hang on. Like, she does not give a shit. She is that kind of old cranky dog. If I was in the middle of taking a dump and someone was like, hey, you, come here, I'd be like, hang on a second. I think if someone came in and screamed at you, you might like pause for a second and try to figure out what the deal was. It just depends how deep you are into the release. You know, if the ship is half out of the back of the bigger ship...

you're a ship your poop is a ship you're equals you're both ships just one of you is bigger than the other yes i think i blanked out halfway through this conversation because i have no idea how we got to this point dude that is how i am on this podcast virtually all the time i don't know what happened either all right mark awaiting it point bob i did give you points for great storytelling with your car wash um anything else you guys want to talk about before i jump into the topic topic no that's enough

You're gonna wish you had. So the other day I was doing a stream. My friend Patrick had his birthday yesterday, but he did a stream Sunday. We were playing, what was it called? Not Overcooked, the other cooking one. Undercooked. Sidecook. Legend of the Hidden Cook. Played up. Oh, okay. I don't know how we got here, but we got to a point where he said something about cheesing me or something because he was trying to make tacos, and that led him to think of a character. Okay.

I don't know how good this image is going to look. It's going to be very small here, but I'm going to share a character with you. I'd like you to meet Dikachu from the hit movie Strokemon. Oh, I get you. I see where this is going. Is this from Mark's Smasher Pass video? It could be. How about Spungenob?

I don't like how dirty his holes are. Yeah, that's really unpleasant to look at. Actually, it looks like someone really worked hard on that costume, but no. Spungenob, I'm assuming Sandy Cheeks kept her name. Yeah, that one kind of works. That one doesn't need any adjustment. He's motioning at his tie for some reason. Oh, yeah, his tie, yep. Don't scroll any lower. Nope, stop. Hold on. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I just had the whole podcast flash before my eyes. Thankfully, I had this image saved. I know. We could blur that in post, but don't. Yeah. Listen, editors from here on out, we're going to play. We're going to play podcast roulette. You just don't censor anything ever.

in this episode. Don't you dare. It's just like Ethan getting banned for showing up a vagina on screen for like, for like a minute. Did you see that? No. Oh, I sure did. Did you see what JP tweeted at him? No.

Hey, at least you don't have an excuse to not find it now or something like that. Yeah, yeah. So, Bob, he was going Wikipedia, like, hide and seek, whatever it's called. I don't remember. You try to go from one topic to another through hyperlinks only. So he's trying to go from something to clitoris. And so he gets to clitoris, and he's like, yes, I did it! And then he looks away. I don't know what he's doing, like, on his phone or something. And...

It's Wikipedia, so the image for the article is just a vagina, some lady spreading her legs. Like an actual lady spread leg, shaved. It is. And it's like, there's like a circle, you know, where the clitoris is, and a zoom in, and it's like, it's this close up, and it's a closer picture of just the clitoris. And he's just like, boop, doop, boop, doop, boop. Off to the side, the chat's like exploding by, like, Ethan! Ethan, no! No!

And then 30 seconds go by and he's like, oh no! And the slowest scroll you've ever seen down. Just like, oh! Oh!

And he scrolls down to another anatomical drawing of the clitoris. He doesn't like close it. He's like, thank God I'm still safe on this clitoris page. And I get that there's nothing obscene about anatomical. To be fair, that's like science-y. That's pretty science-y. But it's like there are certain Wikipedia pages that are just straight on. I bet the page for penis is just a big old penis. That's very, very Ethan-y.

Yeah, I think he got, what, a three-day ban for that? Which, after his eight-day stream, he probably was going to take three days off anyway, so it works out. It was a 14-day stream, I think. I know you were curious, Mark. The Wikipedia page for penis does have pictures. Not humans. Oh! Bob, you want to see clitoris? Oh!

They're including the entire animal kingdom over here on the penis page. Is this where you used to go, Mark, when you would text me? What? You used to text me animal penises sometimes randomly. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Almost exclusively. It was one occasion. You don't make this like I did this as a hobby and there was a reason for it. I don't forget what the joke was. I'm having a different memory of this. It was, I, there was a rainbow penis specifically. I remember that one. That's,

the one what do you mean you remember that one there was no others i thought there were more i remember more how long in your mind had i been sending you penises oh man like six months six months bi-weekly it was one time one day

My memory might be skewed, or maybe yours is. Someone here doesn't remember it. You might need to blur my glasses out the entire time I was scrolling those pages on my computer. No, no blurring. No blurring. I love how the penis article says not to be confused with peanuts or penix.

Wait, what's P-Nicks? P-Nicks is a Cornish language family name originating in Cornwall. People named P-Nicks, Amanda P-Nicks. P-Nicks is also the Atlanta Falcons draft pick quarterback back up there behind Kirk Cousins. Oh, isn't that also where the Arizona's basketball team is located? In P-Nicks, Arizona? God damn it. Ah, I get it. I don't know why I didn't connect that. That should have been obvious.

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Well, speaking of all this penis and weirdness, I just want to talk about the internet. Maybe porn, maybe not specifically porn, but my God, dude, I didn't know this character existed, but we went down a rabbit hole between Strokemon and Spungenob. So you just want us to find all the...

porn parodies we can. The worst, just the worst characters. They don't have to be porn characters, but I imagine most of them are. There was also a character, I don't know if this is a real character in the games or in the universe or not, but I searched for Bowsette, which apparently was a big internet phenomenon at one point that I missed out on. And I saw some images of Bowsette that I didn't need to see. Was that the name or was there was another name, right? It was like a female Mario Bowser character. It was because the crown...

turned anyone who wore it into a version of Princess Peach, which is just such a weird thing in general. I think that people forget that there's some people in Japan that are a bit strange, just like there are everywhere. But I don't see how anyone could have made that completely innocently. Nothing about the Bowsette images I saw were innocent. It was a lot of tails and holes.

What? Why were there tails? Bowsette had a tail. Why does Bowsette have a tail? Does Bowser have a tail? He's a turtle, dude. What do you mean? No, Bowser does have a tail, but it's like a little, it's like a little turtle tail. That's what you grab in Super Mario 64. You grab his little tail nub.

Wait, I'm so sorry. If you look at Bowser's tail, there's one image there that's just... Here we go. I'm sorry, it really caught me off guard. Oh, man. Oh, no. You see it? I think so, yes. Just the YouTube video, something is wrong about Bowser. Yeah, yeah, I see. What? Oh.

But I don't know why I'm thinking of Bowser from like Mario 3 or something. Oh, even then he has a tail. Okay, so he always has a tail. Okay. He does have a tail. He does have a tail. I guess it's because my first introduction to Bowser was like Super Mario World where he was in the world.

weird clown thing, which I never really understood what it was. You know, the flying clown thing. You never see his lower half, really. So I guess I and he's and there's other art where he's from the front mostly. So I never noticed the tail. But yeah, he does have a tail. Wow. And Mario 64, you do grab it. I don't know why my brain was like he doesn't have a tail.

I guess disclaimer to everyone out there watching and or listening. A lot of these searches are probably not the safest for work or anything because your eyes will never be the same after seeing some of the things I've seen. I don't know. I just Google about that and I'm like, all right, I get it. I get it. Look, I get it.

Look, I get it. Okay. That's fair. Do you think the same about Sponge knob? I get it. He has a lot of holes. They're a little gunky looking, but he has a lot of holes. Can I ask for some tips on this is what, what do you Google to find these things? Wade, what do you put in there? Honestly, here's what happened. Uh,

Bird brought up Strokemon and Dikachu. I was searching because Patrick was like, you know what? I'll make an emote. If we can find a good, like, safe for work emote or picture of Dikachu, I'll make it an emote. So I was like, I'll try to find you one. Somehow searching Dikachu or Strokemon, just Spungenob was one of the random images there. And then I brought them up. And then I think Bird, once again, he's very knowledgeable on porn parodies.

brought up uh bowsette and i just searched bowsette at that point so i don't know what you do to find i mean i just signed weird search weird porn parodies weird parodies i don't know oh i've already got tab after tab what do you mean i'm way ahead of you all right mark might dominate this one i apologize all right yeah apparently i lack the skill set here to succeed at this okay i'll start off easy because it's like there's there's triple x-men that's that's an obvious one

Yeah, I wouldn't have thought of it, but yeah. Okay, so it's weird because there's a Scooby-Doo porn parody, but it's just called Scooby-Doo. Is that Scooby? Oh, there's Scooby-Doo. No, it's just Scooby-Doo. You know, Scooby-Doo instead of a dash is a dick. So it's like, oh, there's whore rat.

Like Borat? I feel like that one was already pretty, I mean, yeah. Fap to the Future? Yeah, I see that one. That's pretty good. There's a couple here that are like very not adventurous because it's just Star Wars XXX and there's just Austin Powers.

triple x and it's like there's avengers a porn parody that's not they have clever names you gotta have stroke them on dickachu i thought this was just one that people just said because it was obvious but apparently edward penis hands is a real parody that makes sense oh no oh god i don't like scrolling this already

It gets bad fast and you never know. The triple exorcist. That's pretty good. Bob's boners. Bob's boners. Still, still starring H. John Benjamin, surprisingly. The exorcist? The exorcist is like the last,

the bottom movie that would make me think porn. It's look, man, I don't know what to tell you. You want to see the cover? Head spinning, vomiting. Someone's like, what if she was naked? I have a, I have one that would probably compete with that for doesn't make you think of porn, not by Quentin Tarantino, but by, uh, Dirk Yates, drill bill. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Do you think someone's going to make a ginger dead man? The ginger head man? Ginger head man. Yeah, it writes itself. It writes itself. Wait, wait, there's one. It's honey. I blew everybody. That's it.

Oh, wait, I've got another one. Wade, does this compete for wouldn't think of porn when you watch the original material? Evil head. Yeah, that's up there. Wait, I've got another one. The Texas vibrator massacre. Oh, but what about night of the giving head? Ooh. Is any man's penis safe?

Well, actually, this one was kind of sexy in its own ways, I guess. But the tagline on the cover is too much for me to not say it. The Penetrator. I'll come again. You know how he says that in the movie? Yeah, yeah. I'll come again. Okay, wrap your heads around this one. Glad he ate her.

Oh, I didn't know they would do war movies too. Hey, we've got Shaving Ryan's Privates. Yeah, I've heard of that one. That's a classic. All quiet on the breasts in front. Sorry. There's Ben in her. Ha ha!

Bird, this is all of your fault. Everyone watching and or listening, I apologize for my topic, but if I had to suffer through this, you all do too. Oh, wait. Raiders of the Lost Arse. That's pretty good. Is this what you wanted us to do, Wade? Are we doing it? Sure, man. I mean, I was thinking more of like the cursed characters, but you know, I'm enjoying the title so much that at this point, I don't care. I'm just going to start giving out points like it's candy. Oh, Spankenstein.

Come and comer. Is this going to get us banned? I don't know if even just saying this is okay. I don't know either, but, uh, you know, we can talk about whatever we want. I went down this horrible rabbit hole of seeing, I don't know, man, dickachu and Spungenob were so fucking cursed to look at. Well, the thing is, I'm looking at some of these like video, uh,

cover arts and Edward penis hand hands. It looks actually like they went to great lengths to replicate the look of Edward penis hands. Cause no, yeah. The costuming is, is elaborate. That's, that's not terrible. That's not terrible at all. I don't want, I'm glad he doesn't have his penis hands in frame though, but the, the hair and the makeup, you know, that's not bad. Dude. There's an image of Edward penis hands eating spaghetti with his hands. Ooh, that's tough. Oh,

I don't feel like this one needed to be changed. I needed a ruling on this one. Very popular show. Very sexy. Did it need to be changed to Boob Watch? No, it was already pretty much there. Was it Baywatch? Already pretty much just about mostly naked girls running around the beach in their swimsuits and saving people and stuff. Pretty close. I guess you have to change it for like copyright reasons. I guess that's part of the thing is you can't. I feel like Titanic, you could just add like a D. You could have Titanic and Titan Dick. Titanic.

attendick that'd work right night at the coxbury what is that i don't know that movie no you don't know night at the roxbury you know the snl skit where they're like they're playing the what is love and they're doing this but yeah the who is that will ferrell and uh what's that who's the other guy is that the guy who plays mango is that a parody of something that's real i always thought that was just them doing a sketch night at the roxbury was one of those snl sketches that turned into a movie from that same era as like i see i see i see i see

There's a few that are like, you know, they're all right. Lord of the Cock Rings, Lawrence of Alabia. That's a thinker. Intercourse with the vampire. So it's like, you know, there's some that are, they're okay. I like the ones where the movie is so big that there are multiple. You have to sort of pick which one is the best one. There's a Ninja Turtles one. I don't know the name of it. There's, I've seen Sex Busters, which is pretty mid, but then there's Nut Busters, which I feel like is great.

way higher tier. Yeah, that's true. That's true. See if you guys can find the Ninja Turtles one because it looked probably terrifying. I don't want to Google that. Bob, you got it. I'm Googling it already. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I love that the first thing I find looks like an SNES cartridge box. Like it's got like the wide aspect art. Oh, I saw the cover art and I was like, what's so funny about it? And then I saw a clip from inside. The song still works even. You could use the same music. Yeah, I don't remember the song. 10 inch mutant ninja turtles. 10 inch mutant ninja turtles.

turtle power oh i found shredder oh i'm gonna close this tab there thank you yeah we'll go back ah the porn identity that's they can have a trilogy the porn ultimatum porn supremacy i think the list that i might have right now isn't movies that have actually been made it's just someone coming up with potential names for thing yeah that's fair

Then again, it seems like a lot more things exist than I would have thought. I see SpongeBob on TV. My first thought isn't, man, I would like to see him in live action with his dick out. Well, that's not your specific thing, but there are probably lots of people who have that thought. Yank my doodle. It's a dandy. This is so dumb. Will he bonk you in the chocolate factory? No.

oh my god do you think it's still like the founding fathers there's a founding daddies that's the kind of thing i really appreciate though is that they weren't just like willie dick yeah they were like let's really think on this one let's put some thought let's work on it let's workshop this and they got that makes me want to watch that i don't think that these are real i just googled that it doesn't exist so sadly come on it's it's there for the taking it's it's ripe

That's so good. I love that. What would be like one of the more horrific ones to exist? I just found it. It's starshit poopers. I don't want. Oh, God. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, do they fight bugs? I don't know.

All right. Well, I found a really painful mist. Makes me sad inside. It's an E.T. parody, but it's called E.T. Porn Home instead of the much more obvious E.T. Bone Home. Come on. This is what I'm saying. Think. Think about these things. Yeah. Come on. You're the future of porn parodies. You got to think. There's got to be some Star Trek, right? We've heard Star Wars, Starship, Oopers. The only Star Trek ones I've seen are just called like Star Trek porn parody. Yeah.

I've got this again. This is just a list of people coming. It's like sex track. The next penetration. Sex track to the wrath of cum. Sex track three. The search for sperm. No, but two has such a better one. The wrath of dong. Dong.

It works on so many levels. It's like the people who make these don't worry about the artistic side of what they're doing. Face jam? That doesn't even seem like it. Dude, there's a lot of Throbbing Hood movies. I think my list peaked at Come and Comer, and I don't think it's going to get any better than that. Throbbing Hood Men in Thighs? Ha ha ha!

This is just too much of a classic film to leave it off the list. Asa Blanca. I don't think this one's real, but you know, everyone's favorite period drama, Downton Abbey. How do you imagine you might pornify that name?

Wrong. Of course, you would go with Down on Abbey. Ah, of course. Of course. Is Iron Lung gonna get one of these, Mark? What's it gonna be called? Iron Tongue? Iron Tongue. Record amounts of blood. No, I don't want that. Iron Tongue. Record amounts of cum. I've got Big Trouble in Little China.

Oh, man. Yeah, see, there we go. That's tough. I don't think this one stars Will Smith, but he kind of looks like him. A laddick? I don't know. He ain't never had a friend like me. I think I'm running dry here. That's good, man. There's been a lot of... Wet. I didn't even think about all the fucking Disney movies. 20,000 legs under me. That's not bad. I found another clunker. Napornion Dynamite.

That's good. That's a wonderful life. It's too much. It's a wonderful life. All video game porn parody movies of things that didn't even exist necessarily. Well, this one did exist. Womb Raider, obviously. What about Clifford and his big red dong? It'd be like a furry porn. That's a children's book. Yeah, come on, man. I thought SpongeBob was a kid's show, but here we are. Oh, SpongeBob is for adults. Oh, okay.

My bad. But also kids. But mostly, okay? Man, I really should have not Googled some of this stuff. Yeah, this is forever on our computers. Google just like was watching and somewhere in the algorithm, Google was just like, huh.

Well, we gotta start showing this stuff now. I have one monitor that still has Spongenob zoomed in, and then my other one here says 10-inch Mutant Ninja Turtles still, so... Yeah, this was a hell episode, but it was one... I had to share this with you all because of the pain Bird put us through. I don't know if you saw Dikachu, but, like, it was Gash, Kachem, Fisty, Cock, and Dikachu...

And there's a gif of like, Dikachu making some horrible face and Team Rocket just getting covered in wetness. It's not good. Team Rocket's getting off again! And we're back! Alright, I was getting grossed out. Nah, yeah, right. Okay. That's not gross at all. Anyway, yeah, I think that's about it. I don't think there's any more out there. No? No more ideas? No.

What's missing? What's missing? Is there something specific that you think is missing? No, no. I'm just asking you guys. You're trying to lead us somewhere here? No, I'm trying to stir some creativity here. No, there knows, you know, speaking of alien Romulus, are there any xenomorph fired films? I hope not.

Okay, I got- I gotta show you- I'm gonna show- I'm gonna share my screen. The risk of everybody here. Hey, we can't blur things. Be careful. Is this a porn parody? I can't tell. Everybody get ready. Hold on to your butts. And we're gonna get banned in 3, 2, 1. No, it's just like-

It's just what I don't know. It just says paranormal parody. I don't know if this is supposed to be like one of those comedy parodies or if this is some sort of porn parody. I just don't know why this is the cover art. Paranormal parody is some funny shit. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll want a cut up bitch. Uh huh. All right. That's it. That's all I got. Well, yeah, thankfully that one was not. I don't know. I don't know what we just saw, but yeah, that existed.

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All right. What genre are we missing? What movie or shows cartoons? What are we missing? There weren't any animes listed like my hero, Akadee's nuts or something. I don't know. I don't think they make them about those. Oh, well,

Why are you disappointed? All right, don't worry. I'll find it for you. I thought nothing was too sacred. Well, I'm not making these, man. You could. Is there a universe, an alternate reality where I went down this road? Yes. Is there an alternate reality where you went down this road? 100%.

What about Bob? What about Bob? It's possible. I'm not going to say never. He was sick that day, but he showed up for some of the funny ones. Yeah, I wasn't feeling so good. But no, you know what? I you know what? We hadn't really included much of the entire episode.

I'm trying to think of a good... It's too late. The MCU porn parodies. There's like a whole MCU of parodies out there that definitely... Captain America and his little soldier? Scarlet Witch versus Doctor Strange versus, I guess, is a way to look at it. Also, there's a crossover that they made happen that Marvel would never be brave enough to do. Spidey Pool. Oh. Right? You know what that reminds me of in a weird way? Do you remember when YouTube...

had this like infection of videos that were coming out that was everyone dressing up as like Elsa and Spider-Man and then doing really inappropriate weird things to each other exactly yeah and I think I've forgotten about that until just now but I think people forgot like that was also a big part of why adpocalypse happened is because there was this huge thing where it's like all

all of these videos were coming out that was marketed as like kids content. And it was just like really extremely bizarre. It's like worse than what AI generated stuff would come up with. Just the strangest thing about Elsa's pregnant with Spider-Man's baby. I never, I never went and watched that because I was interested in what it was or whatever, but I thought about it a lot because I just like, I saw clips and I heard of some of it and I was like, who, who thinks of this?

who is sitting who is out there writing i mean it is writing even if it's confusing writing stories like this what's happening there were also flash games i remember watching a video that went down like the rabbit hole of like terrible disney flash games or something and there was like elsa's pregnant but like her baby's a goblin and you have to remove the goblin or like you have to remove things from her feet or like oh oh yeah that's triggering some kind of memory

yeah there's like you need to stitch up elsa's wound or some weird shit like that yeah just very gross stuff that is that for some reason just appeals to certain people it's as a kid i was on new grounds a lot and so there were some strange games like that but i feel almost to a less degree it's so specifically bizarre those games that they make now you'll see like advertisement for them on tiktok or something and it's just like

Does anyone want to play this? There was a clip from a JonTron video years ago where he was playing some kind of like bootleg Lion King game. And when you got game over, Simba would like hang himself. That was the game over screen. God. There was some fucked up shit that people have...

parodied or put into like there's all kinds of weird stuff man that's a that's a whole nother rabbit hole from my weird little sponge knob i don't want to say my weird little sponge knob can we can i change that can we wade's weird that's the title of the episode wade's weird little sponge knob no i don't want that to be the title can we i'm on board with that i think that's good editors fix all of this this whole episode in post please somehow we told them we told them they can't censor anything so set it out loud loud lied out lied

With my mouth voice. What else did you want from this, Wade? This is for your pleasure. What are we doing here? I think I need to end this episode unless you guys have any other ideas or offerings to bring to the table. Nope.

I don't like what has been happening. I don't know how else to phrase it, but I'm just generally off-put by it. You know, I didn't either, but this is, again, it's all Bird's fault. I want everyone to remember this is Bird's fault. We'll include a link to his YouTube channel and his Twitch stream in the... If you Google Wade's friend Bird.

Yeah, perfect. Wade and friends. And then Google Wade Spungenob. See what kind of fan art comes up. Really get that term up in the rankings. Wade Spungenob. Wade Spungenob. I don't want that. I think, I don't know if I'd rather have Dickachu or Spungenob, but it's neither is the answer. They're both pretty awful. Did you guys look at better pictures of Dickachu or Spungenob? No. Why would we look at better pictures? I'm just looking up titles. Bonus point right now if you look it up. Not it. I'm looking. Ah!

Ah, bonus point, please. I don't know if I believe you. You didn't ask for proof. You just asked me to do it and I done did it. I can see the reflection in your glasses, Bob. I could all day. I'm just going to have blurry glasses the entire episode. You're going to have to look close, editors. I saw some stuff today. All right, I'm going to share my screen. I'm going to share it. I'm sharing it. All right, here we go. Get ready for a sponge knob.

that's not what we were supposed to look at is it i know it's just this expression it's terrible isn't it she made me laugh anyway that's it all right goodbye all right well that's the promise there's your bonus point um so that's today's episode i have no idea what to call this uh probably need some kind of content warning on it because of what we talked about yeah for sure yeah 100 okay well i've spurned the listeners i've spurned

the watchers. Now I've spurned the advertisers. Who will Wade piss off next? What's spurn? What's spurn mean? To like reject or turn away or something like that. Got it. Interesting word. Thank you. I hope I was using it right. You were. No, I just it just struck me weird. I guess because we were just talking about I thought you were saying sperm, but that's the

It's just kind of sounds similar. I couldn't keep up with every point I gave because you guys were just naming stuff. But the ones I wrote down here, Mark, you got points for being staunch, hot. Honey, I blew everyone. Wade, don't know why my name is just written there. And come and comer. Bob, you got wet plate, Phoenix, Arizona, spanking Stein, staunch, genius, evil head and dog.

I got a point. Didn't write down for what? Probably a joke. You didn't deserve it. Mark, you were just banging him out at one point. Like you just had name after name. Yeah, I feel like you really under tallied for Mark there. I don't. He was just saying I was marking the points. I just couldn't write the names fast enough to keep up. Oh, so there's just a bunch of points that have no. Okay, so he's got 5, 10, 15. He's got 18 points. Bob, you've got 16 points.

Oh my god, that's a lot more than Jesus Christ. Hell yeah. You got 16, so Mark wins by two, but yeah, it was pretty close. And one of those points at the end, I could have just written this down, was show and tell. He showed that he looked at Nob. Yeah.

The internet is a strange, fascinating, beautiful, and terrible, awful, horrible place. And I think that we really covered the stretch of imagination of people today. The creativity of the world is on full display when it comes to adult entertainment. That's the lesson. If you haven't already, go follow Mark, Markiplier, Bob at MyScrub, me at Bird650,

And stay tuned for the next one. We have merch. I hope to God there's no merch from this episode. I thought he was about to realize. Oh, no, I said it on purpose. I didn't want to give a little speech anyway, but... Oh, that part. I did forget that part. I was in such a hurry to get out of here, I forgot.

It's your episode. I don't know why you're fleeing from it so violently. Oh, Bob, you go first. Oh, well, you know what? We had a lot of fun today. I feel a little bit like I might throw up, but not in a judgy way, just in a that's really not for me, mostly sort of way. I judge. I mean, you can judge. That's fine. I wouldn't harsh anyone's vibes to watch most of what we looked at today. Some of it I might be a little scared about.

But maybe there were some in there that I'm only pretending to dislike because I'm ashamed. Maybe. Who knows? That's why I deserve to lose. Tell me I deserve to lose. You deserve to lose. Tell me again.

No. Mark, you won this Travis Steven episode. How do you feel? Thank you. I'd like to thank my childhood browsing the internet unrestricted really enabled me to win this episode. I'd like to thank Wikipedia. I'd like to thank Newgrounds, 4chan. I'd like to thank the other sites that I'm not remembering right now. Couldn't be here without you. And all those hardworking...

Porn writers, I'm done. They're hard and they're working. Podcast out.