Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Forget the frustration of picking commerce platforms when you switch your business to Shopify, the global commerce platform that supercharges your selling wherever you sell. With Shopify, you'll harness the same intuitive features, trusted apps, and powerful analytics used by the world's leading brands. Sign up today for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash tech, all lowercase. That's shopify.com slash tech.
This episode is brought to you by Experian. Are you paying for subscriptions you don't use but can't find the time or energy to cancel them? Experian could cancel unwanted subscriptions for you, saving you an average of $270 per year and plenty of time. Download the Experian app. Results will vary. Not all subscriptions are eligible. Savings are not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required.
Whoa. Landing an account this big will totally change my landscaping business. It's going to mean hiring more guys and more equipment and new trucks for the new guys to drive the new equipment in. I don't know if I'm ready. You can do this. And Ford Pro Fence Simple can help. Our experts are ready to make growing pains less painful for your business with flexible financing solutions that meet the needs of your business today when you need them. Get started at FordPro.com slash financing.
Welcome to Claim Your Power podcast, your all-inclusive roadmap to self-love, mindset, spirituality, and personal growth. I'm your host, Kim Peretz, and you are at the right place if you're ready to tap into the knowledge, advice, and inspiration you need to become your higher self. It's time to claim your power, baby.
Hi guys, welcome back to the pod. If you're new here, this is Kimmy and I am your host. I'd love to ask you to subscribe to the show so you never miss a new episode from me and also leave a review of your thoughts on the podcast because it really helps your girl out. It helps other women find my podcast and my show and I'm just super grateful for all of your love and all of your messages and all of your support and I can't wait to get into today's episode.
Today we are talking about one of the most awaited topics that's always in my DMs, that's always in my Q&As, and that is how to stop caring what other people think, okay? We are going to get into the nitty gritty of how to stop seeking external validation, finding your own inner peace, inner power from within, and how to use that power to change your life, fuel your self-concept, and level the fuck up.
Let's get into it. So I have compiled a list on my phone of all of my notes, all of my pieces of advice, all of my mindset shifts that are going to help you shift from a people pleaser who constantly seeks external validation to someone who knows their value, who knows their worth, and sees
seeks internal validation from within. So I'm going to share with you all of my tips, all of my tricks. I honestly recommend you take out a piece of paper, take some notes, or tattoo everything that I'm saying to you on your forehead because trust me, these are the things that I wish I could tell a
past version of myself who was so scared of taking the leap of doing the things that she loved, of putting herself out there because I was so attached to what other people were saying about me and how other people thought or perceived me. So the first thing that you need to realize about other people's opinions is what other people think or say about you is virtually just none of your business.
Stop putting your nose in other people's business because the thing is, everything is a mirror. So what somebody is taking the time to think and judge and criticize and perceive about you is actually their state of consciousness, not yours. You have to get yourself to a place where you put your opinion, what you think about yourself, how you perceive yourself on the pedestal and not what other people are saying. Because the thing is, there's always going to be haters.
there is always going to be haters okay if you don't have any haters you're probably not being your most authentic version of yourself and honestly the more authentic you become the more you put yourself out there the more you take up space the more you go after your dreams and goals you're going to also attract
the duality of that. You're going to attract negative people who are going to reflect to you doubts, judgment, criticism, but it doesn't mean that those people deserve your power and they deserve to live rent-free in your head, okay? What you need to do right now is raise the rent.
And kick those opinions and kick those people out one of the greatest mindset shifts that i've had to personally make on my own journey Especially when I started the podcast. Okay guys, I started the podcast. It had four listeners. I was still in school I was constantly caring about what other people thought of me about my peers about what they're gonna say and people did make fun Of me. Okay when I was trying to be something they were saying that she's trying to be an influencer She's trying to be a podcaster people would like send my content around in school. They would make fun of me. Okay, and
I had this epiphany moment one day where the coin dropped and I realized that I know my vision and I know my dreams and I know who I am and I know where I'm headed and other people's opinions are not going to be the thing that's going to get me there. Okay, get that in your head. Their opinions are not going to be the things that are going to get you there.
Their opinions are not going to be the things that are fulfilling your dream life. They're building your dream business that are attracting the good things into your life. Other people's opinions are not going to be the ones doing that for you. You are. Your actions, your consciousness, your vibration, your energy, your inspiration, that's what's going to get you from where you are to where you want to go. So stop taking criticism from people that you don't want to genuinely be like. If you're
you don't look at a person, you think, wow, they are so magnetic and they're so radiant and they're so motivating and they've got all this going in their life and wow, I want to be like them. If you don't look at a person like that, then don't take their advice. Don't take their opinions and don't take their criticisms because people can only give you advice and they can only judge you and they can only criticize you from their state of consciousness. And let me tell you something. I have never in my whole life, my whole existence,
met a hater that was doing better than me. Okay. People who are doing better than you will never have time to hate on you. A master podcaster is not going to hate on someone who's trying to start a podcast. They're going to know what it took to get there. An Olympic athlete is not going to
hate on someone for trying to be an athlete and trying to fulfill those missions and goals. A billionaire is not going to make fun of a 16 year old kid trying to build his first business. Do you get what I'm saying? Someone who's already doing better than you doesn't have time to make fun of you and doesn't have time to hate on you. They don't have time to criticize or to judge you because they're off doing better things and fulfilling themselves. So let me tell you something. I
hater will never, ever, ever be doing better than you. So if someone in your life is hating on you, judging you, criticizing you, and you care so much about what they think, just realize that they're hating on you, not because you don't have potential, not because you're not good enough, not because you're this and this and this. No, because they are intimidated and they see your potential. They see your light and they don't want you to recognize that.
What you have to do, what your job is, is to recognize your own light, to recognize your own power, no matter what room you're in, no matter who you're surrounded with, and realize that other people's opinions are none of your business. And also other people's opinions are not facts. Okay? Get that in your head. Like say it louder for the people in the back. Other people's opinions are not facts. They are subjective to their own experience.
It's the confirmation bias in psychology. What you believe, you will attract. You will notice in your external reality that confirmation. So if somebody feels insecure, if somebody doesn't believe in themselves, if somebody's living in a fear mentality or a lack mentality, of course they're not going to recognize the light within you. Of course they're going to try to judge you, hate on you, criticize you because they don't recognize their own light either. There are tons of people out in this world that don't even like themselves. So why should you care if they like you? Yeah.
I always tell that to myself. Like there are tons of people out there that have no relationship with themselves. They don't even like themselves. So why would I care if you like me?
Like you need to make peace with the fact that you're going to be misunderstood in some moments in your life. Sometimes you're going to be the villain in somebody else's story. Sometimes people aren't going to believe in you. Sometimes people are going to doubt you, but that doesn't matter because it doesn't have anything to do with you. And also another huge mindset shift that has really helped me let go of the need for external validation is realizing that most people aren't thinking about you as much as you're thinking that they're thinking about you.
Like most people are so consumed with their own problems, with their own self-hatred, with their own judgment, with their own shadows, with their own triggers, that even if they're thinking about you and judging you, it's like five seconds in their mind and then they go back to what other people are thinking about them. It's like this loop. We're constantly in this loop, in this cycle of what did they say about me? What are they thinking about me? So you have to realize that nobody's thinking about you as much as you think that they're actually thinking about you. So instead of putting all your energy into that place, you need to start thinking about how you feel about yourself.
What you think about yourself, you need to put your opinions far up high on the pedestal so that even if other people's opinions are coming in, they're criticizing, they're judging you. They don't have as much place or stake in your life. One of the best analogies that I always give to people is the dog poop analogy. Let's say that you're walking around on the street right now, okay? And you notice some dog poop on the floor that somebody else didn't pick up.
Do you step through the dog poop and get your shoe all dirty? Or do you notice a dog poop? You're like, huh? Somebody left their dog shit on the floor here. You notice it, you observe it, but you walk around it.
That's the same mentality you need to have in regards to other people's opinions. You notice what they're saying. You notice the dog poop. You observe it, but you don't absorb it. You don't step into the dog poop and get your shoe, your new Nike's all dirty because of somebody else's dog poop. No, you walk around it. That's why you need to realize that other people are always going to have their opinions. There's always going to be someone hating. There's always going to be someone saying something that doesn't mean it's not going to be there. Okay.
Not caring about what other people think is not being immune to other people's opinions altogether. It's just about recognizing that there will be other people's opinions, but your opinion about yourself and your self-perception is far more important. You absolutely have zero control about what other people say about you, about what other people think about you, about how other people perceive you. So instead of putting all of your energy into that place, start putting your energy of the things that you can control.
Like how you see yourself, how you perceive yourself, how much you love yourself. That's where your energy needs to be going in your life. Personally, I always come back to the idea that what other people have to say about me is none of my business, okay? If I spent all the time that I spend working on myself...
on other people's opinions, on what they think of me, of overanalyzing, of marinating, of just giving my power away constantly, I would genuinely not be the person that I am today. I would not become the version of myself that I am today because I was constantly giving my power away to other people. You need to be able to recognize when you're giving your power away to other people by overthinking, overanalyzing, overcompensating.
compensating, people pleasing, doing things to fit into other people's narratives or agendas or image of who you should be. You need to take your power back. You need to take your energy back and recognize that this is your life. And something that I always tell myself, okay, if this was like the last day of my life,
Do I want to spend this day feeling bad about myself, letting other people's opinions of me dictate how I feel? Or do I want to live my life to the fullest? Like if this was your last day and you didn't give an ounce about what other people had to say or how other people perceived you, then how would you act and start being that version of yourself? And maybe you need to take certain actions in your life that are going to help you get there. For instance, when I started social media,
I had a lot of fears. I had a ton of fears of what people would say about me in my hometown, how people would perceive me, if people would send my videos around. It still happened anyways. I had a lot of fears, okay? And so I had decided of my own...
Feel your max with Brooks running and the all new ghost max too. They're the shoes you deserve designed to streamline your stride and help protect your body. Treat yourself to feel good landings on an ultra high stack of super comfy nitrogen infused cushion that takes the edge off every step every day. The Brooks ghost max too. You know, technically they're a form of self care Brooks. Let's run there. Head to brooksrunning.com to learn more.
free will, then instead of letting these fears dictate me, I'm just going to take an action that's going to be supportive to me, to the version that I want to be so that I can have more courage. So in that instance, what I did is when I started TikTok, for instance, and I had maybe 200 followers on TikTok, what I had done is I had removed TikTok.
access on my TikTok account to people from my hometown that I knew were bad energy, that I knew had negativity towards me, or that I just felt uncomfortable around, instead of just every single time I'd post a video, I'd be like, oh my God, I'm scared that I'm on their For You page. No, I just block them. I just fucking block them. And
That was such a power move on my end. And some people will say that's weak, that you had to go and you had to block people. No, like I needed to do that at that time in my life. Now I could care less. I literally could care less. Anyone could go stalk my social media. This is who I am.
Take it or leave it. But at the time, I was not this higher version of myself. I was much more insecure. I had a lot more fears coming up at the time. It demanded a completely new version of myself. So I had to take some sort of action that helped me get there. So for instance, if you're wanting to post on social media, if you're wanting to start a podcast, a YouTube channel, if you're wanting to start a business, whatever it may be, and you're scared to put yourself out there, then remove access for the people who you're scared of.
Genuinely take your energy from them in that moment. It's not a source of weakness. It's a source of strength. You're taking their access away so that you can continue doing what you desire.
and at some point you can unblock them at some point you'll forget about and you won't care but you just have to start acting now and you have to start taking those steps now that are going to help you get there maybe that's not what you need maybe you care about what other people think about your body or your looks so instead of going outwards and blocking people from social media what you can do is do some affirmations you go inwards you meditate you work on your body image on your self-concept
But you have to recognize that this is your life and this is your responsibility. So you need to take the action steps that are going to help you be the version of yourself that you seek to be. Because again, their opinions are not going to be the things that are going to build your dream life. Other people's opinions are not going to be the things that are going to build your dream life, okay? If other people's opinions are not giving you peace, purpose, or profit, then they don't deserve time or attention or energy from you, okay? Raise the rent and kick them out.
And I remember there was a version of myself that cared so much about what other people thought of me and I would be so consumed about and I would spend so much of my time and energy trying to pinpoint and trying to dissect myself and dim myself and lower myself so that I could finally fit into the version that I think I should be around other people. And one day I just woke up and I said, fuck it. Like, I don't want to live my life like this.
I don't want to be in this miserable cycle of every single action or thing that I do. I'm thinking about how it's going to generate a response from other people. No, I'm going to be authentic. I'm going to do what I want, what makes me happy. I'm going to be true to myself, prioritize myself, and then allow its mind for me to come to me.
So recognize that when you're trying to let go of this need for external validation, the way that you do that is you need to strengthen your own muscle within yourself first. You need to strengthen your own internal validation first because once you have that internal validation from within, you're your biggest cheerleader. You're the one hyping yourself up all the time. It's like a muscle that you're strengthening. Then their opinions change.
They're still going to be there, but they're not going to hold so much weight in your life because your internal power is so much stronger than before. You have to be your own anchor. Nobody's coming to save you. Nobody's coming to lift you up. And if you constantly depend on other people in your life to make you feel good, to make you feel worthy, to make you feel chosen, to make you feel enough, then yeah, maybe some people in your life will support you. But at some point,
It's not sustainable because it's not real. You need to be your own anchor. You need to be your own cheerleader. You need to be the love of your life. You need to be your best friend. You need to be the person who believes in yourself before others believe in you because that creates sustainability and that creates a good connection with yourself that is so strong that nobody can take away from you. And I promise you, when you develop that connection with yourself,
that is so strong that you're like, wow, this is me and this is what I believe about myself and this is who I am, this is my authenticity and this is what I love about me, then when somebody comes into your life and questions that, then instead of you internalizing it right away and asking yourself, okay, maybe they're right, maybe I'm not enough, maybe I'm this, maybe I'm this, you actually can observe that situation and recognize that this doesn't have to do with you. This has to do with them. When you stop taking things so personally, your life elevates, right?
Defensiveness is a sign of insecurity. If you constantly have to defend yourself all the time in front of other people's opinions, then you don't feel fully confident within yourself. I have genuinely made peace in my life that there are situations in my life where I'm sometimes going to be the villain in somebody else's story, sometimes going to be misunderstood. Some people in my life are just not going to like me. Also as a woman, girls, sometimes people in your life are just not going to like you because your light intimidates and triggers their own shadows.
If you are a woman who's constantly developing herself, and I'm sure that that's who you are if you're listening to the podcast, but if you're the type of woman who's constantly developing herself, you're constantly pouring into yourself, into your relationship with yourself, into your self-care, you're trying to evolve and grow and expand and become a better version of yourself every single day,
You're going to attract people who are intimidated by that. It just comes with a territory. And you have to recognize that that's part of life because we live in a planet of duality. There's light and there's shadow. And you have to be able to take it up with open arms and say, you know what? This is not mine to take up. Your opinions are not my responsibility. My only responsibility is how I feel about myself, how I perceive myself, how I look at myself in the mirror. And at the end of the day, when you get yourself to that place...
Your life changes for the better. So I hope you guys love this episode. Again, make sure to subscribe down below, leave a review and tag me in your Instagram stories. I'd love to see when you guys are like on a hot girl walk or in the car or cooking and you're listening to the pod. I always repost them. I always stalk you guys after and I swear you guys are all baddies. Every single time I go on your Instagrams, when you tag me in things, I'm like, oh my God, my community is full of spiritual baddies. I love it. I love you guys. And I will see you in the next episode.
It's time to get the world talking about black-led brands. We all have our favorites, our ride or dies, and the ones we can count on to help us live out our best lives. But we can't keep them all to ourselves, so if you're feeling like black opal beauty, tell somebody. If the lip bar gives you a lip for every drip, let them know. And if your hair is doing the do, shout that out too.
Because one shout-out leads to another, and almost half of black-led brands are discovered by word of mouth. Join Walmart in shouting out your favorite black-led products, creating a new world of choices at walmart.com forward slash black and unlimited.
Step into the world of power, loyalty, and luck. I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse. With family, cannolis, and spins mean everything. Now, you want to get mixed up in the family business. Introducing the Godfather at ChapaCasino.com.
Test your luck in the shadowy world of the Godfather slot. Someday, I will call upon you to do a service for me. Play the Godfather, now at Chumpacasino.com. Welcome to the family. No purchase necessary. VGW Group. Voidware prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply.