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At Sierra, I discovered top workout gear at incredible prices, which might lead to another discovery. Your headphones haven't been connected this whole time. Awkward.
Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. Ladies and gentlemen, the guest of the year. We've never podded together. Tim Dillon. Never. Ever. No, really? We've done a lot of stand-ups. Because he canceled on Tiger Belly three times. You've canceled on me multiple times. No, that's insane. You've canceled. Bobby, you've canceled. That's fucking insane that you would even say that. Tim, Tim, Tim. Everybody knows Bobby never cancels. Also, Tim, this too. I've canceled more.
You canceled first. I canceled first and I've canceled more. You have canceled that. Okay. I'm more wrong. Okay. But you know, the game tag where you tag and then you run away, right?
I didn't start the game tag. You did. I fully take responsibility for canceling first. Okay. And then let me ask you this. But I believe if I had not canceled first, you would have canceled. That's correct. That's what you believe. That is my belief. Okay. It's my belief. It's a belief system. Yeah. You are the cancel king. You cancel. But we both can't. By the way, the funniest thing ever is when me and Bobby are both on a lineup and neither one of us goes. All the time. Happens all the time. That is very funny. I get a call from a producer going...
I had Tim and Bobby cancel. Are you around? Oh, we never show up. A lot of times. We don't. Stuff happens. Yeah. Well, sometimes I call you. Well, one time I called you and I go, are you going? And you go, I'm not going. I go, I'm not going either. Yeah. That one time. You both do that a lot. One time I sent him a COVID test. I sent him a photo of a COVID. Of the COVID. By the way, years after COVID. Years, years.
Many years. Young kids didn't even know what it was. I was sending him a picture of the COVID lines. But he didn't send the promoter that test, but I did. So he said that I had COVID to the guy, right? But then I actually sent him the test that he gave me to him. Right. Brilliant. Saying that I have it. So it makes him look like he didn't have it. Correct. Yeah. Right. Good move, Bob. I mean, you know.
Yeah. But the thing is, me and Bobby will lie and then get found out. And then we don't care that much. Well, it doesn't matter. We don't care. We don't really care that much. So it's, you know, we're going to go. No one's going to get that mad. That's the problem. It doesn't matter. But we're being used. That's right. We are. It feels like we're being used. It's like some guy that never said hi to me before. Yeah. He's not, hey, can you do my show? Yeah, you'll put me on the flyer. Right. That's why. And they'll use your name to sell tickets. Right. So then I don't show up. Right.
One promoter, and I'm not going to say who. Can I guess? You can guess after I've said this. One promoter literally said, I can't pay anyone tonight because my father has Alzheimer's.
I swear to God. And then that person said, that was the way, and I was like, okay, I guess. God damn. Well, yeah. Have you canceled? You canceled. There's times I have to cancel. Why? If I'm just like, if I just can't make it, if we're doing too many pods and all this bullshit, I'm never going to make it. You'll cancel because you're tired. How?
True. Yep. Preach. Every now and then, Emily at the store will call me. She'll go, are you close? And I'm at Nobu Malibu, and I have a tuna roll in my mouth. You're that far. You're that far. I go, oh, ah. Yeah. Yeah.
I'm right down Sunset. You're the most nightmarish person to follow. That's not true. 100%. It's very nice of you. I've heard you say this before, and I really appreciate you saying it. I've texted Emily that. That's very nice of you to say. I have the proof. But I feel that way about you. I hate going up after you. When you're on, dude, it's unfollowable. Well, that's... Sometimes you're off. When you're off, I like it.
But when you're on, dude, oh my God. When I'm off, I'm off. But if I'm on, it's good. But you're funnier when you're off because you get angry. By the way, I agree with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree with you.
But I love you. I feel like we have a similarity in that sense. Just energy-wise. Yes. Yeah. Because sometimes we don't want to do it. What's going on? No, I'm listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do enjoy it. What's going on, dude? Sometimes we don't want to do it, and we have shorts or sweatpants on, and we're on stage, and we're angry that the audience came. I know. And that's the best time. You're moody girls. You're both moody little girls. Also, he also contemplates things afterwards sometimes. Yes. So he'll go, maybe I should open my own club. Remember that one time? Yes. No, I was...
That's what you call having my mental illness? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A full mental break? Yeah, because he was trying new stuff. You know what I mean? I get you. The main room can be packed. Just wasn't working. There's a pressure. Sure. Right? Tim's the only comic that's tri-coastal. Tim moved to fucking...