The Parent Project: How to Have the Talk with Your Parents (and Siblings)

2020/12/9

Retirement Answer Man

Frequently requested episodes will be transcribed first

Have you had the talk with your parents or loved ones? You know the one. Maybe it pertains to their driving or their finances, or it could be about their health or living situation. Whatever the conversation is about; it is uncomfortable for everyone involved.

What if there was an easier way that you could address these subjects with your parents? On this episode of Retirement Answer Man, you’ll learn how you can talk to your parents or loved ones about the matters that are so important to discuss as they age. What is a caregiver? Generally, when we think of a caregiver we think of a medical professional. (Someone other than ourselves.) However, a caregiver can include anyone who regularly looks after someone that needs help.

Caregiving can mean nursing, but it also means cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, etc. Most of the time the caregiver ends up being a family member. As a matter of fact, 29% of the population provides care for chronically ill family members and often those people spend 20 hours per week providing care. Creating an open dialogue is critical We often wait until a big event happens to address important subjects with our parents, but that isn’t the most effective way to address uncomfortable subjects. Instead of waiting until the last minute to bring up a nursing home or another issue, try creating little conversations before a stressful situation arises.

Starting a dialogue early with your parents or family member creates an open space to address difficult subjects before they come up. Learn how to open up this conversation by listening to this episode of Retirement Answer Man. What should these conversations be about? Now that you understand the need to have several smaller conversations with your parents rather than a big bombshell, it is important to think about the issues. What do you need to address? There are a number of issues that may arise: driving, finances, housing, health, safety, and cognitive abilities are all factors that may need to be addressed. Remember the earlier that you bring these matters up the better they will go. Tips for bringing these conversations to light It can be challenging to bring up issues that you have never had to address with your parents or family members. Everyone is on their own journey in life and aging can impact one’s ego and sense of privacy. It is important to be empathetic and understanding of their journey. Here are some tips you can remember to help you make the most of the conversation:

Choose the right messenger.
Use hypotheticals.
Test the waters with little things.
Bring solutions and resources
Don’t give advice, guide them to the answers
Listen - choose the right time and place
Be empathetic, not condescending

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