A Post-Election Pep Talk
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Hi, financial feminists. I am recording this two days after the results of the presidential election. I just got back from a walk, the center shining.

I SAT Better than I thought I would, I think, because I was so exhausted from the previous day, and I have a lot of thoughts and feelings swelling around in my body. And I know loves that you do to, I know you do to. And originally, I was not going to record an episode because I didn't feel like I had anything to say. But I am coming to from .

the quiet about .

A M Christians not on SHE doesn't even know i'm doing this and. A lot of the things that i'm processing in feeling, I think, might be helpful for you to process and feel in here as well. A lot of what I want to say today is not new.

It's inspired from. A man ditman, whose previous guess on this show, who's a political strategist, is inspired by an episode of we can do hard things, which I really needed this morning. And Frankly, black and Brown activists have been talking about this shit for centuries.

So none of this is new, but are the things that I i'm holding on to that are really, really, really going to help. The first one, your hope was not stupid. I need you to know that your hope was not stupid, you feeling optimistic and hopeful, and maybe this can actually happen. And I think this will happen, and this will happen. And then all of IT crashing down around jail can lead you to feel like you were naive and that maybe .

you didn't .

know enough or maybe you weren't paying attention enough. That might be true. But you also might also be true that your hope is not stupid.

If you felt hope, if you felt optimism, if you felt excitement, even with an abstracts. And I know I did. That's not stupid.

I woke up on the morning after the election feeling like god, who was I to hope? That was so nave, that was so ridiculous. I gave all this time in all this money, in all this energy to something, and I didn't work out.

And what a fucking idiot I am. But that that's everything, right? Hope is everything. Even if IT doesn't work out and the moment we stop hoping. Is the moment that this world doesn't become fun to living anymore.

Hoping about any right, hoping about maybe they are crush likes you back, hoping that maybe your sports team is gonna win this year, hoping that you are exactly as powerful as you think you are. If you hoped, you are not stupid. If you hoped, you are not naive.

If you hoped, you are not an idiot. That is actually one of the most beautiful things you can do and is something that feels like a little light inside of us that we held on to when things felt really, really dark. And if we lose that hope.

Sounds so dramatic and sounds like a quote from lord the rings or some shit. But like, evil wins. Like if you lose hope, if you lose optimism, if you lose joy, evil wins.

The darkness wins, the shadow wins. So if you feel like that hope was naive, IT was not. The second thing is you might even be listening to the episode and I have some more stuff.

I'm going to say after this point and you're like tour, I can I can even do this right now or I can even do this right now. I'm trying to declare I can get do this right now. I spent all of yesterday doing absolutely nothing productive.

I spent all of yesterday knowing that I was going to get to the point of. Past grief, past despair, past denial and into action and anger. But I didn't not rush IT. I didn't rush IT. I was a mess yesterday from me finding out the election results because I went to bed at like ten forty five before pennsylvania was called, and I was just like, I need to go to bed and then I woke up every two hours being like, oh god, what happened and then I reassuring myself, note ork to live in blissed al ignorance for a little while longer and then woke up at six forty five to go check my phone.

And my partner said from bed, you don't anna do that and I was late well, that tells me everything and then just collapsed to the beden sobs and basically didn't stop stabbing all of yesterday like thee, like neighbors are gonna call someone to check on mechano sobs where i'm like not breathing and i'm like wheeling. I was not doing well yesterday. And if that's where you're at, I need you to process that.

I need you to work through that both because it's literally so mad, ally, the thing you need to do, you need to get IT out of your body, you need to process that, you need to move through IT, but also because we cannot be in this fight, you cannot pick yourself back up again until you fall in apart. Does that make sense? Like there's more work to do.

And you know IT, and I know IT, but i'm gonna be here waiting for you. And that's okay. We're going to be here waiting for you. We're gna wait until you're ready. So if you need a whale, if you need to smash fucked in pumpkins with a baseball bat, which, by the way, great budget rage room, especially right now there are some pumpkins out there that some girls y stores still trying to sell cool pumpkins, baseball, that red room boom.

If you are in the processing phase or if you think you're finding need to go back to the processing face because honestly, i'm not fine, but i'm i'm doing OK right now at this very moment. I might be crying later today. I might be raging next week.

I'm sure I will be because as we know, the stages agreed for not any year, they're going to go back and forth. If you're still in denial, if you're still processing, that's okay. That's completely okay.

Do what you got to do.

I did IT, I did IT yesterday. I was an absolute reck. I didn't work.

I didn't do anything. I just, I just cried. I just, I was like, I can do this. I can, I can do this.

I just ask, regardless of where you at, that you take really, really good Carrier yourself, that you don't beat yourself up, that you don't say I should be over this by now, that you don't say me tory need suck IT up, right? Like just do what you got ta do. Do what you got to do, give yourself so much.

Grace will be here. This right here is in god is so important. I spent the past two years .

listening .

to probably. Anywhere from two to ten plus hours a week of news slash election podcasts as we got closer. That's all I was doing.

I listen to the run up, which is the new york times is dedicated show about the election. I listen to every single episode, and they started that coverage over a year ago, maybe even two years. I listen to every episode.

I was on social media every single day, both trying to consume any kind of content, but also getting very stressful in flames ory election content. And I called my partner yesterday in the midst of my grieving, and I said. I can do this, meaning the consumption for the next four years, every single day, every single which guy can't do that level of consumption.

On we can do hard things. They called IT the maga riptide. And i'm going to tell you because I think it's the perfect metaphor. When you're in the .

rip tide .

and it's swarm and swarm and swarm, you cannot escape the riptide if you're caught up in IT, if you're doggie paddling and trying to swim and thinking, oh, I need to stay in IT. The only thing that does is delete you if you're trying to fight the riptide. Well, in the riptide, the only thing is doing is depleting your and please go listen to the epsom because they have Better way of explaining this and Better with words. And I am.

but our nervous .

systems, our hope, our optimism, our very existences, our peace is threatened every time we get sucked into the riptide. And IT doesn't mean opting out. IT doesn't mean not engaging at all because that's a fucked in privilege, right? IT doesn't mean, oh, i'm just going to barry my head in the same and I act like my problems don't exist, right? It's actually one of the most radical things you can do.

And i'm thinking a lot about this because I I don't know about you. I cannot survive four plus more years of daily updates about what Donald trump is a is not doing. I cannot survive that again.

We did four years of that. You remember how bad I was. I was awful.

I can't do that again. I doubt you can do that to again, nor should you. That is not productive. That is not a, you know, being a politically engaged citizen.

That is just like cutting yourself over and over and over again, right? It's like putting your hand on a hot stove and being like, oh, that burns, oh, that burns but I need to keep my hand on here oh, that burns, right? Like the rip tide is not productive.

So I am not opting out because a complete opt out t is a privilege. I am disengage from the riptide because the media the media just wants to see a click and just wants to get your eyeballs so that I can sell more ads, whether that is fox news or ea cbc. I'm not lumping the mall in together, but I also kind of aam, they are here to make money.

They're not here to make you feel Better. The news is not here to make you feel Better. The news is here to get you to continue to come back like you're an addict. I have to disengage from the riptide.

If i'm actually going to opt in more effectively because and we've set IT so many times on the show, if you are depleted, if you are broken, if you are tired, if you are a show of yourself, how effective of a of a person, of a mother, of a caregiver, of a giving human, are you really onna be? If you are caught in that riptide and you're just swimming and swimming and swiming and suddenly you don't have any energy to swim anymore. What we do.

so. I came to this conclusion yesterday that I can't keep doing this. I can't keep listening and trying to get more information thinking that it's gona suit me.

What is at least when IT comes to down time, when has more information actually suit deal like I was sitting there yesterday grieving, trying literally on the floor, and i'm still on my phone, scrolling through the news APP and scrolling through social media, thinking, oh, this next videos is going to make me feel Better. Hope this next video is gonna give me some salvation and maybe for a second, but not long term, not even short term. It's like for a second, for a fleeting moment, and then I get more stressed than I get more freaked out.

So i'm coming to you as an individual telling you that I am didn't aging from the riptide. I am also coming to you as a business owner with a promise. This is you can hold me to this.

I will not be running her first hundred k. Our content that we post on social media, the topics that we talk about here and financial al feminist by engaging in the riptide. I'm gonna do IT.

I'm going to continue to try to keep you as informed as you need to be. We're going to continue talking about really, really deep good things to make you a Better human and to make you a Better financial feminist. But we will not be engaging in the riptide.

I will not be poppy on here on our intros and being like you see what don't tempted last week and i'm doing this both so that you know where my heart is that but also was an accountability thing for me because if I tell you I have to stay accountable to IT, i'm not going to do that. Our companies not going to do that. I'm not going to be sharing posts on stories anymore of every inflaming thing that don't trump says about training people or every inflaming the thing that somebody in his cabinet data said. Not because I am not informed, not because I am buried my head in the same end, but because I have actual .

work to do.

My actual work is you. My actual work is to make sure that I can help as many women as possible, have as many choices as possible. That's my actual work.

The rest of IT is noise. It's not productive. It's not helpful. IT just makes me suffer and makes you suffer and makes rest and resistance a whole fuck and lot harder. And that's not an accident. The mago riptide is not an accident when we get sucked all, and we're only hurting ourselves in their communities and the people who really, really need us. So what does .

this look like .

this morning? This is nothing to these podcast. I'm just telling you what I didn't aging with.

I unsubscribed from the daily, which is the neuro times daily show. And sometimes it's about don truth. Sometimes it's not.

But I don't, anna, take the chance. I know I need to go cold turkey or i'm not. It's not to work for me.

I am subscribed from the run up. I don't know what they're doing more episodes, but I don't need more election content. I love pod save amErica and I love the host.

I love their movement. I I don't subtribe and who knows? I might come in and score three episodes and click on ones that feel right and listen to them, then that's fine.

But for right now, I I don't need more, I don't need more information. I don't need more consumption. I don't need more analysis.

I don't need more. God, can you fucking believe a Donald trump's today? I don't need any more of that.

I am going to and follow. Any accounts that feel that way? That's almost all news accounts.

And again, I know that is very easy to hear me say this and be like tories completely disengage. I'm not people managed to be well informed before social media podcasts. Like if it's big enough, i'm going to hear about IT.

I'm not gonna hear about IT. I'm just removing myself from the rip tide because it's addictive. Social media is addictive.

The trump news maga riptide is addictive. It's addictive and it's not productive. IT is not helpful. IT only Spikes my courters all Spikes. My nervous system feels me full of a general, and then I have nowhere to put IT. I would rather spend my limited energy and time and effort on things that I know we're ongoing to make a difference.

Then the the noise, i'm also going to make sure, and I do this already, that I am auto donating to the sorts of organizations I want to see more of. It's going to it's onna happen without me having to think about IT. That way you continue to stay engaged.

I have my auto donation, a plane, parent hood. I have my auto donations to, uh, shelters in pacific northwest that support women getting back on their feet. I have my auto donations to the environmental protection agencies.

I think that the E P S like the, you know what i'm trying to say the like protect the rainforest, you know? And I am in engaging with you are and with the people in my immediate community and not just her first hundred k community, but like my friends, my family, I am really engaging. To pour into that community and again, black activists dancy in this forever.

Because that's where I most needed, and that is where I could be the most productive, is doing this work at her first hundred cay, is taking good care of my friends, is taking a care of my team. Is thinking about how I can get more involved locally, how can I volunteer? How can I donate money or time in a concrete way to the organizations that I know are making a difference that I can see and that I can participate in on? We can do our things? They talked about this a lot, so please go listen to that episode. But they were talking about how any resistance movement .

starts .

with community and starts with what you can do and pour into the community. That's a roundy right now. Disengage from the noise distingue ing from the mag of riptide, disengage from all of the shed that is only meant to keep you stressed and anxious and with a activated nervous system, and instead .

reengage in the .

things that you can actually make a difference then. I can do four more years of participating the mega pt tide. I thought I was the right thing to do, right? I thought, oh, it's may be well informed.

And fine, i'm i'm not going to shame myself for that. I was really well informed, and I had to continue being well informed with a shit turn of boundaries. Because A A media ecosystem that is just .

there to get .

me to watch more and to get me to click more and to get me to score more is one that I have participated in for a long time and I can not further participate in, at least not to the same level. I am opting out of the riptides so I can opt in to the things that actually make a difference, that actually take care of myself, so I can show up as the best version for you, the listener, our community, my own personal community, for my city, for my neighborhood.

So ask yourself, what am I giving energy too right now that does not give me energy back even things that are well produced or well informed again, like, i'm sorry, i'm picking on pods amErica think fantastic, but like that a three times a week podcast about Donald trump and how terribly is, is not going to be helpful for me. It's just not that's not going to be helpful for me and i'm getting really honest about that. In instead, I am making concrete steps to engage in different ways. My final thing. Community is all that .

we have and all that .

we've ever had really. And again, black and Brown activists saying this forever. We don't have a government .

that .

works for us even if we did get a democratic president.

The system does not work. We know that I of course, I knew that while i'm campaigning for commoner Harris.

I also know that.

And while we work to change the system that exists. The most radical thing we can do. It's to be the fullest, best bad test rested version of ourselves. So that we can show up for our communities.

I. I'm tired, like all you. I'm tired. I'm tired of. Begging people. To believe that my safety is valid.

I'm so tired of begging people that the safety of the people I love. Is valid. I'm so tired. So tired. And yet this is where we're at.

And one of the other things I loved about the episode, we can do hard things as I they discussed feeling like, oh, I just, when is this person coming to save me right? Oh, come on, hair has got elected. We'd be saved, right? And I get none of us fully believe that again because we know that we live in a system that's fuck. But I felt that way a little bit I imagine you felt that way a little bit oh, if common hairs gets selected or if we get the majority in the senate or if you know this governor in my state gets elected.

We're going to be saved or.

At least you know it's going it's going be fine.

We can't wait for somebody to save us, especially when we're dealing with a bunch of other people who are actively voting our rights away. We can't put .

all of our hope .

in an already broken system into one person or one party or one thing. Community is all we have and I know that sounds um depressing and IT kind of is IT is we've all known where in a broken system, right? That's not new for me.

I'm doubling down though on community, doubling down on. Making a difference in a way where I see the needle move. I'm making a difference in a way by just existing as the best batters, full version of myself.

And that is how we change our world. That's how we change.

People's perception of others in the perception of the world. I saw I was with gilbert speak a couple is going to twenty nine loss. Gillman t is the author of e pray, love big magic.

SHE is one of my, I call them like my spirit momma's like the wise, wise, wise women that I listen to a lot and i've never met a scope er but I know he worked deeply and I just anyway, that's about IT SHE was asked i'm trying to member the exact question that was something like. What do you want to be remembered for or like what is the goal of your life or something like that? I'm sorry, i'm trying to get through this without crimes from trying to take a deep breath. SHE said.

I want to be love .

in the room. Our answer to that question I got is your leg. See what you want to be known for.

What is the purpose? Your life's purpose? SHE just said, I want to be love in the room, meaning that if you enter room with her in IT, IT is warm, IT is kind, is IT is inviting. If you encounter a situation that does not feel warm and kind and inviting, SHE is still love in the room. And i've thought about that answer .

a lot since I .

heard that in twenty nineteen, but have been thinking of a lot of about IT the past couple days. I just wanna be love in the room. I just want to be capital l love in the room. That is my only goal with my life, with my work, with my existence.

Anything that is currently keeping me from being love in the room that has to go, anything that's keeping me tired and broken that keeps me from being love in the room has to go IT has to go because I will not survive IT and I cannot show up as love in the room for myself and for everybody else. Me not processing grief does not allow me to show up to live in the room. Me becoming pessimistic and hateful because i'm angry and i'm so frustrated and i'm so pissed off and I mad that I had the audacity to hope that is not love in the room.

so. When I inevitably hit road blocks, when the maga ripped, tired, wants to sweet me back in, when I start feeling stupid for hoping again. When I start bottling up my frustration or my anger or my sadness or my grave. My refrain, my mantra, over and over, another again, is going to be, how can I be love in this room? How can I be love in this room?

I am so honored. To do this work with you and to do this work on behalf of you. We said this before the election, and we will continue to say this. We're not going on anywhere. We're gonna here.

We are going to remove ourselves from the rip tide so that we can show up as the best company, the best versions of ourselves and for me personally, the best leader I can for you all. We know this works far from over. And we also know that one of the most radical things you can do, especially if you're a member of a marginalized group, is to take the best fucking care of yourself.

You can. To rest, to feel joy and to feel hope, and to pour into your community and allow your community to pour into you. And if that court on quote, all you do that is more than enough.

Because you're love in the room. Thank you for being here. And I hope you take really, really good care of yourself today. and. I pledged to you that this will be a place or you can come back to to learn how to be love in the room, to learn how to process your anger and use .

IT to continue .

developing into the fullest version of yourself, so that you can show up for yourself and show up for others. I am rapping you in the biggest titus tug ever. I appreciate you, and I will talk to very, very soon.