Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
You're listening to How to Be a Better Human. I'm your host, Chris Duffy. And this is our last episode of season one. We wanted to wrap up the first year of our show by looking back a little bit. And it has been a strange time to be making a podcast. It has been a strange time to be a human. Sometimes recording these episodes in a room alone in my house, it has felt hard to believe that other people actually hear the show at all.
And yet you do. I know that I speak for everyone who makes this show when I say that we are all so appreciative to you for listening and we are all genuinely blown away by the support and enthusiasm and the thoughtful engagement that people all over the world have made with our show. So for our final episode of the year, we asked you what stood out. And here are the top moments of how to be a better human according to you, the listeners.
We got your feedback through surveys, through reviews, through emails and through social media. And all of our guests had insights and lessons to take away. But the majority of folks on our social media said that their favorite episode on mental health was with psychologist Guy Wench. One of the things that I talk about that I think is really interesting is
is that when a lot of people are giving advice about what you should do in a certain situation, right? Go and have the confrontation, go and have the discussion, go and change the habit.
it is actually really, really, really, really difficult. You have to put yourself through significant emotional discomfort often to do the healthier thing than the unhealthier thing emotionally. It's much less comfortable. It's very uncomfortable for someone who's lonely to go to put themselves out there and be vulnerable, as we're saying you need to be. It is extremely uncomfortable and it feels risky. And people don't
Let other people know that it's going to be really difficult. This is gonna be uncomfortable This is gonna freak you out at first. This is gonna make you feel like oh my god What am I doing or this is the wrong thing or I did the wrong thing? And if you don't know that Then you'll stop doing it and think you are doing something or if you don't know that it's gonna be painful and feel very risky And you're gonna have moments in which you feel why did I do this? Then you will run away when you experience them as opposed to oh, yeah, I knew this was coming now I'll just take a deep breath and stay
For Lumono from Lusaka, Zambia, it was George Blair West who really gave them something to think about. Lumono said, "As I came out of a relationship with who in the back of my mind I thought was going to be the one, I began to realize that our relationship was still of incredible value. And I hope to take the value I found in building relationships with me for the rest of my life." And here's a clip from George's episode.
I'm a romantic, I kind of like the spiritual element of this idea, but what I find is that there are special people who come into our lives, but I don't think we have to marry them. You know, often we have intense relationships with people, we have this sense that there's some kind of metaphysical connection with them.
But I don't think that has anything to do with having to spend the rest of your life with them. I think people come into our lives to teach us very important lessons and very important experiences. But there is no reason at all why that has to turn into who you spend the rest of your life with. There's also this other element to it, which is we can fall in love with lots of different people. We've got that capacity.
And it's out of that group of people that we fall in love with that we want to choose who we've got the best chance of having a rewarding lifelong relationship with. I'm going to suggest that love is built around two things. The feeling of being accepted by a partner who knows you despite your shortcomings. And secondly, a commitment to personal growth in the other person as well as in yourself. And I like to sort of pull that apart if we can. You have to trust that if I share something personally
with you that makes me vulnerable, that you will not use that to hurt me later on. You will not disclose that to other people inappropriately, that you will keep my secrets, basically. So that's the trust element. And with that bit of trust, and we only have one way to test that, which is to start to put our toe in the water and see what happens. So then we get vulnerable and we share something that is something that we're anxious about people knowing about us,
And then the intimacy, which is the third part of this triad, then starts to build as we realize that our partner is still going to care about us despite declaring our vulnerabilities and our shortcomings. So that's the beginning of the first half of the way I would redefine love. The feeling of love that a long-term relationship is built on is a feeling of acceptance.
We're going to have more listener-selected highlights in just a moment. But first, a quick ad break.
How to be a better human is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. What if comparing car insurance rates was as easy as putting on your favorite podcast? With Progressive, it is. Just visit the Progressive website to quote with all the coverages you want. You'll see Progressive's direct rate, then their tool will provide options from other companies so you can compare. All you need to do is choose the rate and coverage you like. Quote today at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive.
Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Comparison rates not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. Hello, hello. I'm Malik. I'm Jamie. And this is World Gone Wrong, where we discuss the unprecedented times we're living through. Can your manager still schedule you for night shifts after that werewolf bit you? My ex-boyfriend was replaced by an alien body snatcher, but I think I like him better now. Who is this dude showing up in every...
Everyone's old pictures. My friend says the sewer alligators are reading maps now. When did the kudzu start making that humming sound? We are just your normal millennial roommates processing our feelings about a chaotic world in front of some microphones. World Gone Wrong, a new fiction podcast from Audacious Machine Creative, creators of Unwell, a Midwestern Gothic Mystery. Learn more at audaciousmachinecreative.com.
Find World Gone Wrong in all the regular places you find podcasts. I love you so much. I mean, you could like up the energy a little bit. You could up the energy. I actually don't take notes. That was good. I'm just kidding. You sounded great. So did you. And we are back. For listener Maria from Barcelona, Celeste Headley's experiences as an interviewer held big insights.
Maria said that Celeste's episode helped her to think about how to have better conversations and that the episode inspired her to improve the way that she talks to people. Here's a clip from that episode with Celeste Headley. You know, there's a number of ways you can improve your listening. One of the things, you know, when I do workshops, I have people play games all the time. But one of them is to start your sentence with the last word somebody used.
So, so if I were, the last word I used was used, you would say used. Well, that kind of, and you'd go on. It obviously doesn't lead to particularly smooth conversation, but as an exercise, it does get you under that habit of constantly tuning back in because you're waiting. The other thing is, is that when you're listening to other, to somebody else talk, listen for the
the meaning of what they're saying. Be constantly asking yourself, occupy your brain so that it doesn't tootle off. Occupy your brain in listening as though you had to then give an essay report on this is the meaning of this poem, of this spoken word poem. Listening for the underlying meaning of what they're saying really helps you to stay tuned in. One of the other principles that I talk about in the TED Talk is open-ended questions.
I explained that in journalism, the rule is that if you put in a complicated question, you're going to get a simple answer out. You don't want the simple answer. You put in a simple question and that gets you the complicated answer. Get good at asking short,
open-ended questions, not, "Oh my God, you're in Texas. I heard that everybody's power was out forever. It looked horrifying. I'm so sorry for you. Are you terrified?" Then you're going to get either, "Yes, I was terrified or no, I wasn't." But if you say, "What was that like? What has happened over the past 20 hours? What do you need?" Very brief, short questions, then you will actually get more detailed answers from them.
So when I tell people about our show, I always emphasize that the show is called How to Be a Better Human, but I am not the better human of the title. I am just a person who is trying to figure out how to be a little bit better. And I love that you as listeners are trying to do that right along with me.
Jen, a listener in Glasgow, says, I am currently trying to be a better human by approaching those I disagree with and trying to understand their viewpoint. Even if I struggle with or continue to disagree with them, at least I will understand where they're coming from.
Okay, and it's not just our listeners. It's also the guests on our show. Despite having a wealth of insight and being experts themselves, our guests are also trying to be better humans too. Like my friend, poet Sarah Kay. I think right now I am trying to remember that we are still living through a global pandemic and it is hard and difficult
traumatic in ways we cannot even wrap our minds around yet. And there was a long period of time where I found myself showing myself compassion that I had never had before, where I would go, "Oh man, I'm not writing enough," or, "I missed all those emails."
And then I would go, Sarah, that's okay. Like, look at all this stuff that's happening. Like, take it easy. Everyone's behind on emails. Like, it's okay that you're not being productive right now. Go easy on yourself. And it shouldn't have taken a global pandemic for me to be able to show myself that compassion. And so I'm hoping that the world gets safer and healthier for everyone, but I'm hoping to not...
throw that compassion out the window as the world does get hopefully safer. Thank you to all of our guests for coming on the show and for delivering the amazing talks that have inspired each and every one of these episodes. And we're going to take a quick break, but when we come back, we will hear more about how we found these ideas and we're going to share an update on what is next for How to Be a Better Human. So do not go anywhere.
Warmer, sunnier days are calling. Fuel up for them with Factor's no prep, no mess meals. You can meet your wellness goals thanks to this menu of chef crafted meals with options like calorie smart, protein plus, veggie vegan or keto. And Factor has fresh, never frozen meals, which are dietician approved and ready to eat in just two minutes.
That sounds like a dream come true. I cannot wait. So no matter how busy you are, you will always have time to enjoy nutritious, great tasting meals. Make today the day that you kickstart a new healthy routine. What are you waiting for? Head to factormeals.com slash betterhuman50 and use code betterhuman50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month. That's code betterhuman50 at 50%.
factormeals.com slash betterhuman50 to get 50% off your first box, plus 20% off your next month while your subscription is active.
Support for the show comes from Brooks. My friends at Brooks sent me amazing new Go 16s that I have been running with. The Go 16 has made me feel lighter and more energetic when I run out the door in the morning. They have soft cushioning through a technology called the Nitrogen Infused DNA Loft V3. It offers just the right softness.
There's also engineered air mesh on the upper side of the shoe that provides the right amount of stretch and structure. It'll turn everyday miles into everyday endorphins. That sounds good, right? Let's run there. Visit brook'srunning.com to learn more. And we are back.
Okay, so I mentioned before the break that all of our guests have given insightful, thought-provoking talks that inspired us to speak with them on the show. Most of those talks were actually a collaboration with TEDx, a global network of volunteers who produce live events for their local communities.
That's how we were able to talk with people from events as far flung as Taiwan and Munich to Brisbane and Boston. And here is one of our previous guests, Juanita Mosby-Tyler, talking about her experience speaking at TEDx Mile High in Denver, Colorado. I felt like I was speaking from my heart and my experiences.
And I was very disconnected from how they would be landing on other people. I was really focused on the experiences themselves. And any applause that I got was stunning for me. Absolutely stunning for me that it landed with people in a way that they could receive. And it's just a moment that I will never forget.
I know you know this, that when you have grown up in the way that I grew up in segregation in the South, and you fast forward from that moment where you weren't even allowed in a building because you were Black to a moment on a TEDx stage where you're getting applause for telling those very stories, it's surreal and stunning and life-changing. And I think I am forever changed because of that moment.
So with that said, I want to say one more really big thank you to the TEDx organizers and the curators who helped us find these ideas and our guests helping us to put together this show and be a little bit better. Thank you so much.
And of course, another big thank you to you all for listening and for all the kind words that you have shared with us about the show. One listener wrote, my only complaint is that there aren't a hundred episodes yet for me to binge, which that is such a nice thing for you to say. It also feels like a good time for me to tell you that the show is going to be back for another season in 2022. So you may very well get your wish.
And in the meantime, we would love for you to keep giving us feedback on the show. We would love to hear what you like, what you'd like to see more of, and what topics we should cover in season two. This show is put together by Abimanyu Das, Daniela Balarezo, Frederica Elizabeth Yosefov, Ann Powers, and Karen Newman from TED and from PRX Productions. How to Be a Better Human is brought to you by Jocelyn Gonzalez, Pedro Rafael Rosado, and Sandra Lopez-Monsalve. I am your host, Chris Duffy, and that is a wrap on season one of How to Be a Better Human.
PR.
