PREMIUM PREVIEW: Herman Waits in Line
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This is Ria. Welcome to Little Stories for Tiny People. Sometimes I have a character who I really love and I want to bring back in a new story, but I just don't know how to do it. And then, years later, an idea hits me like a slop bucket to the head. That's what happened with this story. Our dear Herman is back.

And he is encountering more red tape. It's called Herman Waits in Line. Let's hear it. Take it away, Logan and Emmett. Remember, there are no pictures. You have to imagine the pictures in your mind. You can imagine them however you want. Okay, here we go. ♪

It was a beautiful day in the forest. Herman, a small squirrel no more than the size of a large chipmunk, was just finishing up the installation of a bird feeder he'd affixed to the side of his tree. He had spent weeks designing it and several days constructing it.

Once it was in place, he'd be able to sit in his little rocking chair and watch the birds. It would be the perfect way to relax after a long day. He could already picture the birds in his mind's eye, preening themselves after getting a snack. Herman had stocked up on seeds, so he'd be ready for... Hi, Hubert. Herman stiffened.

At the sound of his neighbor, Violetta, over his shoulder, Ah, hi, Violetta. I didn't see you there. He was about to remind her that his name was Herman, not Hubert, when he remembered what had happened the last time he had gently corrected her about something insignificant.

You've been here for how many years? Four? Actually, five. Oh! Oh, I'm so embarrassed. I can't believe I underestimated the length of time we've been neighbors. I appreciate you, Sherman. I really do. I hope you know that just because I said four instead of five years, it really... Herman had stood there, frowning, as Violetta had gone on for a full four... No, five minutes...

about something that could not be less important. This time, he kept his mouth shut and smiled. What do you have there, Hubert? Oh, this? Herman said, grinning. This is my brand new bird feeder. That's just lovely. I'm impressed you got approval. Herman blinked. Uh, approval?

"'Yes. I've heard it's gotten quite tricky to get approval for bird feeders. The forest is positively saturated with them, apparently.' Herman squinted at Violetta. "'But you got approval, so you don't have to worry about anyone taking it down in the night and slapping you with a fine. I heard Gerard was fined 38 acorns for an unapproved bird feeder.'

Thirty-eight acorns, Herman thought to himself. He quickly did the math. That would be nearly six percent of his entire stash. Approval, right, from the, uh, Department of Tree Structures and Alterations. Violetta peered at him, quizzically. No, from the Forest Structure Improvement Committee.

Herman glanced at his wristwatch. Oh, wow. I really have to go. Great to see you, Violetta. He slipped inside his little home, hearing Violetta's voice grow muffled behind him. Hubert, you got approval, didn't you? Tell me you got approval, Hubert.

But Hubert, I mean Herman, had not gotten approval. He didn't even know he needed approval for a bird feeder. It was preposterous. Ridiculous. It couldn't possibly be true.

Herman thought back to the last time a helpful neighbor had told him he needed approval for something he wanted to add to his tree. "Up, yeah. You're gonna need approval for that." His neighbor, Xavier, had said so authoritatively, but it had not been true.

Herman had not needed approval for the little overhang he'd installed above his door, which allowed him to sit outside during a sun shower and feel the misty air on his fur. Violetta couldn't even get his name right,

There was no way she was right about this. Still, Herman had spent too much time on his paw-crafted bird feeder to have it taken down in the night while he slept. He went to the telephone book and flipped through until he found the right listing. He braced himself for whatever was to come, took a deep breath, and dialed.

This call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes. Please refrain from cracking open acorns while this call is in session.

Then, something entirely unexpected happened. Herman had curled himself in his most comfortable leaf-stuffed armchair inside his little treehouse, fully expecting to spend all afternoon on the phone getting this sorted. But suddenly, there was a voice. Yeah, hello, this is Howie. How may I help you? Uh, hi. Is this an actual squirrel? Huh, of course.

"'How may I help you today?' "'I'm Herman. I live in tree 1287.5. I share a trunk with 1287. Anyway, I would like to install a bird feeder. Actually, I kind of already did. And—' "'All right. I'd love to help you with this. Holbert, did you say?' "'Herman.' "'Yeah, Mr. Herman. I'd love to help you with this.' "'Great,' Herman said, relief washing over him.'

Just as he'd thought, Violetta was mistaken. He imagined mentioning it to her later and... But unfortunately, I cannot help you with this matter over the phone. Excuse me? The office. The office? Yes, sir. You'll have to visit the office in person for this matter. Bird feeder approvals are no longer provided over the phone. I've had a few unfortunate incidents. Unfortunate?

Unfortunate incidents? Herman wondered what kind of unfortunate incidents could possibly be associated with getting approval for a bird feeder. But instead of saying that, he said, So just to be clear, I do need approval to install a bird feeder at my tree?

"Oh yes, you do not want to put up one of those without approval. They've been taking those things down left and right." Howie prattled on for a while about the office and its location and details about what documents to bring. "Make sure you have all your documents. If you don't, you'll just be stuck." Herman barely heard the rest. His mind was elsewhere, with the birds.

All he wanted to do was watch the birds gather as he relaxed in his rocking chair. Was that too much to ask? Good luck, Herman. Uh, thanks. Herman glanced at his watch. 11 a.m. Howie had mentioned the office was open until 5. He had plenty of time to dash over there and sort this out. Mr. Herman, you still there? Herman had lowered the phone.

One more millimeter and it would have been hung up. The call lost. Yes, Herman said, pressing the phone to his ear. Just some advice. Go to the office first thing in the morning, okay? It opens at nine, but go early. Try to be there first. Will do, thanks. That was nice of him, Herman thought. He didn't have to say that.

That night, before he went to sleep, Herman draped a brown tarp over his new bird feeder, the same color as his tree. At least it won't be taken down tonight, he thought to himself. The next morning, Herman woke up bright and early. He had his usual cup of tea and three sunflower seed biscuits sitting in his rocking chair outside.

He pulled down the tarp from his bird feeder and watched as a little chickadee landed on its ledge and nibbled at the seeds. He spent a few minutes rocking back and forth in his chair, enjoying the beautiful fall morning in the forest, watching birds alight on his feeder. It was so peaceful.

Not for the first or even the hundredth time, Herman felt a great swell of gratitude for his lovely home in the heart of the forest.

One of his neighbors, Milton J. Skunk, wandered by and stopped for a chat. Are you free for lunch today? I've got my new picnic table set up and I'd love to have you over. Herman considered the offer for a moment. After getting the bird feeder situation sorted out, his day was completely open. I'd love to join you. Good idea.

come by when the sun's at its highest. Looking forward to it, with a skip in his scamper, Herman went inside and watered his plants, all sixteen of them,

fed his pet ladybug, Killarney, and collected his folder of documents, checking it three times to make sure he had everything. There were a few items he considered leaving home, thinking he couldn't possibly need them, but in the end, he took everything. Better to be overprepared.

He scampered out of his tree, hopped on his bicycle, and made his way across the morning forest. He even sang to himself as he went. It would be a fantastic day. He'd be first in line at the permit's office, quickly check that off his list, then meet his friend for lunch.

The office opened at nine, but Herman rolled up on his bicycle at 8.52, a full eight minutes early. When he came to a stop near the entrance of the office, he saw a line of animals. His eyes followed the line from the door of the office through the trees. It just...

Kept going, Herman wandered past it to the front of the office, thinking there was no way this line was the one he needed to join. After all, the office wouldn't even open for another seven minutes. But when he approached the door, a mouse wearing a uniform vest and a name tag that read Philbin...

shooed him away. "Back of the line, please. Back of the line." "I'm here to get approval for a bird feeder. I was wondering..." "Good luck, buddy. Back of the line," the mouse said, continuing to wave him away. Herman turned and looked at the line, which seemed to have doubled in length since he'd arrived a minute earlier.

A knot settled at the bottom of his stomach. He turned to look at the very first animal in line. It was a gopher. The gopher's eyes met Herman's. "Been here since 4 a.m., buddy." "Great." Not only was Herman not first in line, he was not a hundred and first in line.

When he finally found his way to the very end of it, he was 237th in line.

Herman had never been to the Forest License and Permits Office before. He did not know that had he told the workers his plans for the day, they would have thought them to be hysterically funny. He says he's going to check it off his list. He actually scheduled a lunch date.

All he knew was that as early as he had arrived, he was already much too late. There is so much more to this story. You can hear the full episode by becoming a Little Stories Premium subscriber. Visit littlestoriespremium.com to join. And thank you, as always, for listening in.