Our New Year's Resolutions for Football in 2025
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Happy New Year, everybody, and welcome to the Football Ramble. It's 2025, and we've got some New Year's resolutions for you. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Andy Russell. And I'm Pete Donaldson. I was still going, lads. Oi. Oi.

You deserve that. I deserve that. Happy New Year, everybody. Pass me the figgy pudding, Andy. How about that? You should have finished your figgy pudding by the 1st of January, for crying out loud, Mark. That's very slow eating. Yeah. Oh, I see. You kept turning against me, are you?

2025 is the year of angry men. I hear that. It's the putsch. I hear that he sort of puts his hands into the figgy pudding and just keeps it like little pep, little doses of pemmican in his bedroom underneath the pillow. So you can munch, munch, munch when everyone's eating. Also like those hand warmers you get on the Alps. Yes, exactly. And like Mr. Burns, I pickled the figs myself. Um, well, it is 2025. And of course we, you know, um,

We've got some New Year's resolutions for you. We will be back tomorrow on Friday with your regular ramble, but we thought we'd give you this little stocking treat before tomorrow's big present. Tomorrow's big present. Today, though, is all about New Year's resolutions on the Football Ramble. We've written a few and we want...

to see things done differently in 2025. We want to be the wind of change to blow in and knock people off their feet. Exactly, Peter. Exactly. And... Go on. A bit less breathy. I mean, those guys are all about 65 now, so I think breathy is good. Yeah, exactly. That's probably what they sound like. Don't talk over somebody doing the wind of change. Doing the wind of change. That's a hell. Don't do cocky park!

Andy, next line. Listen to the wind. You know it's... Take me to the middle of the middle of the boy. I can't sing that high anymore. I've got polyps. Oh, no. Terrible. Can I have a New Year's resolution for a polyp man to remove my polyps? Stick it up your polyps. I'm kind of glad it stopped because I thought the opening to this was getting a little bit Reform Party broadcast, to be honest. Lucky you are.

Well, Andy, let's move on very quickly from that. We did ask the listeners to get involved with their New Year's resolutions as well. And of course, it could be a rule change, something to genuinely benefit football. It could be a different tournament or league format. And let's be honest, A22 would be in your corner if that was the case. It could be slapping Salt Bay with a restraining order from football. Nothing's off the table here. So we've got our own. We've got some of yours. Let's get going.

cracking Pete Donaldson would you start 2025 in a way that we want to see the year carried out in full I'm going to make football better Marcus sexier that is my quest not necessarily oh you know how like violent hooligans are back

In a big way. Did they ever go away? Did they ever go away? But they're back. Everyone's wearing their Stone Island tops. Everyone's taking drugs and running around city centres with Santa hats on, it seems, just before Christmas. I think that during football matches, when it's all getting a little bit too spicy and the men, always men, are becoming problematic, we...

Put the key in the ignition. We turn on the big truck that we've got piped up to the home end in the stadium. And we pump the stadium full of carbon monoxide. And everyone is forced to calm down. There are four trucks for each side of the stadium. And they have, from the exhaust, piped the exhaust gases. Couch.

Catholic converter or not, I don't really care. Into the vents, into the air con. If the stadium has a roof, make sure that's open. Yeah, exactly. Well, hot pox. Depends on how spicy they're getting. Could have done with a closed roof Wembley that time. Yeah. In the Euros. I mean, this is very reform UK, isn't it? Well, I don't know. I mean, the environmentalists would probably have a problem with it.

Oh, well, you know. Do we ever listen to those guys? But would it not be better for the body to absorb that carbon dioxide rather than it be pumped in the atmosphere? If it's in your cells? We're trying to go green. Pump it into hooligans. Pump in your dirty V12 engines into your hooligans. And everyone just calms it down. In fairness, Marcus, football and football clubs famously have a very, very tiny carbon footprint. Exactly. Exactly.

The problem, though, is, Peter, though, that a lot of these people don't actually do this in the stadiums. Right, they do it outside. So you've basically got public streets. Cars are famously mobile. Just chase them around. Chase them around, just firing exhaust gas at them. Yeah.

I guess if you were going to have those sort of cars chasing fans around, they would have to be endorsed by the club. You know how in the 1980s... Wolfsburg would be on top of this, wouldn't they? Yeah, they really would be. In the 1980s, like...

who used to have cars sponsored it would say, you know, Ian Rush drives Vauxhall Vectra from such and such garage in massive like sort of Alan Partridge-esque letters on the side of a car. Yeah. And yeah, it was a good carsman. Marcus Rashford. He's written off a few in his time. He could sponsor one of those cars. Andre Wisdom. Andre Wisdom, yeah. Okay. Interesting. Well,

Yeah. So watch out, hooligans. Watch out, hooligans. You're about to be quietened down somewhat. Andy, the news resolution for you, although I fear Pete may have taken your one. Yeah. What I would like is there to be stronger penalties. Stronger? Stronger penalties for footballers and football managers who use the phrase football club.

in their interviews. You know when they go... It's not a phrase though, is it? No, it really is. It really is. It's really emerged over the last five or six years. Should they say football company, Andy? Yeah. Football PLC. Is that what you want? Well,

Where they come out and say, it's what's best for the football club. If the football club decides that we want to buy a new strike, we know it's a fucking football club. We know we're watching football. Just say the club. Is it just, is it kind of disassociating the chairman from the situation effectively? Do you know what I mean? Because most of the time he's talking about the chairman. Sometimes he's talking about the fans, but he's never talking about himself.

Is it the word football that's annoyed you in there? No, it's the superfluous use of the word football. But you said stronger penalties. I don't think there are any penalties for that at the moment. No, well, there should be very strong penalties. Strong penalties. Like what? Being, you know, little tube? Yeah.

A little tube in the presser. Getting the exhaust pipe driven. You'd know as well, wouldn't you? You'd be watching it. And he says football club and suddenly you'd see this smoke from the side of the screen going, oh, he's in trouble. He's back in trouble. Maybe if instead of having a Jim McLean figure in front of the camera, you had them behind the camera. Now you're talking. That would need to punch you on the nose. Dundee United fans know what you're talking about there. I was going to say that I think, and I moaned about this recently on the pod,

If you were going to take a penalty kick...

You can't do the stoppy-starty nonsense. It's already in favour of the taker. We know this. The thing is, it's not a rule that's changed. It's that the penalty takers have decided we are going to take the piss here. And you're not going to stop us. No, exactly. And they haven't been stopped. No, I would get rid of that. That's something that I would do. Completely agree. But I guess my counterpoint to that is absolutely,

how do you counteract someone who's gaming the current rules like Robert Lewandowski? That's very, very hard to stop. I would say take it again. He would... Yeah, but he would say... Yeah, again, Robert. Robbie. He would say he's not stopping. It's a continuous motion. And I would say he was. And I'd say take it again until I'm happy. Do you not understand how this works?

Oh, no, I didn't break the rules, Your Honour. Yes, you did. Get inside. And until you stop doing that, you're going to remain there, you pillock. That's what society's based on. I'll tell you what, I'm looking forward to you refereeing every Barcelona game from this year. I think that would be great. Give me the chance, Andy, I would. It'd be good. I'd stick up for the little guys. I'd be like, Espanyol, you still out there? Well, don't worry, you're going to enjoy this. Sticking up for the little guys. You're a referee in El Clasico.

Ah, well. I am open for business, Andy, and I'll leave it at that. Nice, nice. Any more resolutions from anybody before we move on to the listeners? Peter, have you got anything else? Well, I'm going to stick one at the end, but I was, I went to see Southend Hartlepool before Christmas. Oh, did you? And the thing about National League level is that everyone's pretty good at football.

football and the problem is that does cancel each other out so it's a very attritional kind of midfield mulch at that level I find and it was a goal of straw You like it when one team dominates the league Well

Yeah, I do. I like the Man City. You just want an audience down. But I just don't like midfield yomps where people are just passing it. No one's really making any mistakes. And the body shapes are the same. You missed the flair players of yesteryear. You want a bit of risk taking in there. I miss a small winger. I missed Stephen Halliday. I miss Mick Tate in the middle. I miss Keith Outchen up top.

Keith Houchin. Big, small, fat, thin, just that. And also, you know, a weird kind of corner hislop kind of figure who sort of pops in every now and again. But I, well, in short, at halftime, we were sort of, when we went to get a drink, we were basically pushed outside of the stadium, like to have a drink. And I just think that, this is a serious point, we should be allowed to have a beer while watching the football game.

because it is ridiculous that we don't and can't. It just introduces and encourages binge drinking and I think we should be able to drink again in the stands. Also, who's getting properly drunk on the sort of beer that they serve at football? Exactly. It's a very good point. And those prices as well. Woof. And also as well, if people do have a drink and then start kicking off, get the fumes out. Get the fumes out. You've got the fumes as an option. Don't make me start the engine. And you'd have Richard O'Brien, will you start the engine?

Vengeance, please! And then they're done for. While we're on Hartlepool, I'm thinking of treating myself to a bit of New Year's Day football later today. I'm going to Hartlepool versus Oldham. But what I need to know from you... What a fixture that is! A bit of local knowledge is great. That is genuine. At that level, that's a big fixture. It's very leaguey, isn't it? Yeah, it is. I want to know if...

me and possibly members of my family make the trip if they fancy it they may not but Andy no matter what they say you're going if they just me and Hengist it's going to be if I make the trip there will the chip shops be open on New Year's Day that's what I need to know Joanna's Fish Bar and Alec Road will be I think they're always come on the hard working Joanna's Fish Bar people and Andy will eat chips because they're vegan as we found out

Do you use the words wet fish shop, by the way? Wet fish shop? Yeah. No. Like a fish shop that sells wet fish rather than deep fried fish. You know what? I never go to them. We always call it the wet fish shop. I said it to Sarah yesterday. That makes sense, though. I said, I'll go and get some Christmas prawns from the wet fish shop. She went...

Do you mean the sea? It will not. Yeah. It bloody well will not. I want the driest of prawns, please. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. It's an interesting little, I don't know if it's an older thing or what. Weird. Yeah. Strange. Andy.

Can you go and visit my parents, please? Woodstockware, help us out. There you go. Pop by the wet fish shop on the way. I'll take them some chips. A final resolution, news resolution, before we delve into what the listeners have got to say. Okay, if I was to pick a serious sort of resolution, I would like the major leagues of Europe to commit to cutting to 18 teams.

Oh, I like it. Would they all do that? No, they wouldn't. Well, some of them already have. Yeah. So Germany's 18. Yeah, and France came down to 18 a couple of years ago. But I just think... You're giving a message to the Premier League, Andy. Yeah, I think it is because the volume of football currently being played is absolutely unsustainable, but no one's really doing anything about it. I think it's beneficial for the players,

is beneficial for the fans, actually, because we need some days off from football and we need it to still be special when we go to football as well. And I think we'll see a better quality of football because all the players won't be exhausted. All the players will be less exhausted if we actually do something about the calendar. I see. I see. Well, okay. Would it make the championship or second tier better? Would it kind of...

I don't know. There's too many teams. You can't stuff them all there, Andy. You haven't thought this through. Well, I have a little four-man league in between. Once again, Andy. I reckon the ones that I really care about are the Premier League and League Two. So I reckon 18 teams in both of those are like 100 in League One. Start another league. Start another league.

There you go. I mean, for me, my resolution, of course, something we're looking forward to this summer is the Club World Cup. I'd turn that into a 96-team tournament. And I'd have platinum and diamond leagues at the top. Right, okay. This seems kind of familiar. And then wooden and bronze. Right. You know, and then, you know, yeah. And all that bollocks.

So let's go to see what our listeners have been saying. The listeners whom we love. Now, this. The most common issue that actually listeners wanted to tackle was time wasting. Yes, okay. Incredible, really, that they still listen to us because they obviously don't mind time wasting in some areas of life. But clearly when it comes into football, that is an issue that they want tackled. This from Irish Kev.

on the discord he said I think the time should count down and pause when injuries happen like in college soccer in America so that the clock is stopped it has proved that it stops time wasting and when players go down they generally get back up quickly enough as there's no advantage to staying down unless of course it's a serious injury and then the

That's obviously a different matter. The added advantage is that everyone knows when the game ends rather than arbitrary number decided by the referee. Now, this is something that we've talked about, and I think people will probably talk about it until that is brought in, or if it is brought in. It will always be a talking point. Andy, what do you think? I think Kev's got a great point, and I think the final point about the fact that stoppage time is just so...

made up I think when you have the level of precision you do with offside decisions and then for the ref to just sort of

do stoppage time off the calf I think is absolutely ridiculous but I don't know if Kev is pitching for this but to me the mooted idea of 60 minutes of actual playing time not even that would be actually quite a lot of playing time yeah and everything stopping when the clock's stopping when the ball goes out of play and all that sort of stuff like in basketball that to me makes a lot of sense I just I what intrigues me is how hectic it would be with matches like

finishing at various times and so on. At least at the moment, unless there's something major, you know, even with a couple of our decisions, you might get, say, six or seven minutes of injury time. But in terms of... I immediately think of, like, away fans, like, you know, trains home and all that kind of stuff. I just... I wonder if it would just be too...

No, you'd need a grip on how long roughly it takes, wouldn't you? Would you stop the clock only in certain circumstances? So if the ball does go out for a throw, are you stopping the clock then? Are you stopping the clock for a goal kick? Well, yeah, because people can take a really long time over a throw-in. I think you'd stop it for a goal kick as well. No, because you have a certain amount of time. If the ball is in your hands, then the referee will be like, come on, hurry up and take it. Whereas if it's an injury, the referee can't really say, come on, hurry up and get up.

You see what I mean? So I wonder if you bring... No, not really. A stoppage is a stoppage, I think. I wouldn't see a problem with that, to be honest. So games could finish like 20, 30 minutes later than what they've been finishing. But that's the point. That's why you bring it down to 60 minutes.

So you're getting actual ball in play for 60 minutes. That's a point. That is a revolutionary idea. No, it's not. I don't think it is nowadays. Andy, if football matches were 60 minutes long and they stopped the clock, that would revolutionise the game. Yeah, it would. But so many people are talking about it now. I don't think it's completely left. If you'd have mentioned this three years ago,

people would have said it's completely left field. You can't do that to football. It's completely changing the structure and nature of the game. I don't think people really believe that anymore. I think more and more people think that 60 minutes of actual playing time, which as you say, is probably more than you get in most games. Boy, it's definitely more than you get in most games at the moment. Is that what you're hearing on the doorstep, Andy? It would make a lot of sense.

You're hearing that, are you? Do you think that... What do you think about that? Like it's sort of a politician going dot, dot. Yeah, exactly. He said, I think most people think like that. Is that what you're hearing on the doorstep? I would say that like... Or more people think like that. But there'll be fewer times... I think you're probably right. Like fewer times for players to cool down. You know, if someone's like play acting, your body starts to cool down. That's how injuries happen. And, you know, I just think it'll just be...

a better situation for everyone. I don't know why like a Carabao isn't sort of going, getting special dispensation, but just running a competition like that for a bit and becoming a point of difference because everyone, nobody wants to be part of that. That would be interesting. I mean, Stevie Jackson. Give us the Johnston Paint stop the clock trophy. Now you're talking. Stevie Jackson, Blue Sky said, a throw in, not taken after 15 seconds goes to the other team. A goal kick, not taken after 15 seconds becomes a corner.

That's your ball boy doing it. I was going to say. That's your ball boy being silly. 15 seconds is less than you think. I think if you still want people to take long throw-ins, that's quite hard to turn around in 15 seconds. And I don't feel that that is an unreasonable stoppage to the game. But like I said, if the clock is stopped every time the ball is not in play, then that eliminates this problem. Okay.

If you're taking too long, pump the fumes in. Okay, what about this? Professional fouls was another one that people were talking about. Ryan on Discord said a professional foul should be a straight red card. Lots of people talking about this. We are quite anti-turkey on this show. He's talking about a professional...

what you would deem as a professional foul, like a deliberate, a very deliberate foul rather than dog. So yes, I think we've been pretty, or I've certainly been pretty straight on this. I think professional fouls annoy the shit out of me and the way they rotate them and stuff. I think it's a disgrace. Well, yeah. So Ryan says none of this taking one for the team bollocks, wiping a player out to stop an attack with no intent to play the ball is cheating and should be a straight red card. That's the best change football can implement without any issues.

Get more goals, get more goals. More managers fired. More legal work for the hard-working legal team. There you are, think of the economy. More kids crying. Brilliant. So it's not just wiping out. I mean, it is just a shirt pull or something like that. I don't know. I think that that would...

I think, again... It would take one weekend to side out. One weekend. Agreed. But then people would say, but it wasn't a professional fail. I wasn't trying to fail. Yeah, but it's not a legal classification, though, is it? It's just kind of like... I think it was. You're being a dickhead. I suppose fails and all that are open to interpretation. The thing is, you're looking for a future of the game where there is...

where everything is black and white and there is no discretion and you're never going to get that but we can dream though can't we no wherever wherever there is discretion wherever there is discretion you're going to get arguments so just like if we all got over that and dealt with it yeah

and just put our best foot forward rather than just... The whole problem of VAR, isn't it? The way it's been presented to the Premier League watching public, this is the solution that's going to... Well, Andy, I think we need a grown-up conversation about VAR. I've always said this, I think we need a grown-up conversation. Okay.

This is from LFC on X. Not their official account, I assume. Goalkeepers can use their hands in both boxes. So imagine this. Instead of Alisson scoring that legendary header for Liverpool, he could have just punched the ball straight into the net from the corner. High risk, high reward. That does sound ridiculous, of course. However, would you do it?

Would you go? Because the immediate thing is like, well, obviously you'd send the keeper off, he can punch the ball into the back of the net. Yes, but you do leave yourselves open at the back. I do not mind the whole, you're not allowed to pick it up and throw it in the net. That would be bad. That would be a bit much. But a punch...

one more one movement punch should be quite exciting no you see a punch I think that creates all sorts of danger especially at a corner maybe some sort of like open handed put back dunk that's too controllable as long as it doesn't leave a mark on the ball Andy it's volleyball isn't it really yeah spike I think teams would do this because how often if a goalkeeper comes up for a corner do you then see the team break away

It hardly ever happens. Hardly ever happens. Isn't that the movement where football's going to end up? Like most goalkeepers are going to spend most of the time in the centre circle? Maybe not that high, but yeah, maybe you might see a more sort of sweeper-keeper coming a bit more back in fashion or more teams playing that. But I mean this though, punching the ball in from corners. You don't do it in Arnawill.

That's why. Yeah, that's true. Last couple from Mike on the discord. Let players fight like in ice hockey. No more fake tough guys. Yeah. Throw hands or don't. I don't know why. I don't know when we were in New York for the for the for the big ramble shows a few years ago. We went to see some ice hockey and part of the game.

It is odd, isn't it? It's bizarre. I didn't watch it, but I have seen ice hockey in this country. What were you doing? You said you were watching the ice hockey with me. If you remember, Luke, Jim and I turned up like a day after you because you don't like to travel with us. That's true, yeah. I like to. And you then stayed on when we went back home to see Milwaukee. Well, Milwaukee saw me. I saw Milwaukee. We all had a great time. Um...

There is something about football, isn't there, that you know that players can't go really full tilt. See, in rugby, you can probably hammer someone, can't you? Even if it's obviously against a much more different sport. In football, it's all little flicks and jabs, you know, and those pathetic sort of headbutts. They're not headbutts. We've hardly ever seen a proper headbutt in football. There's a headbrush or a headpush, but there's not a headbutt. And people, it's all a bit... If you just go, all right, okay, fine. If you want to fight, then you do it.

I think that would sort out a lot of disciplinary issues. I suppose it's about getting money's worth for your red card. I can't imagine anything that you would regret more than, you know, you get sent off for a second booking for like tapping someone. You think, oh, might as well have cleaned them out. He went to sort of swipe his head and he said he flicked his head, his forehead with his open palm, just with his fingers. He was like, what was the point of that? If I'm going to get sent off, I might as well have whacked him.

Although, Shearer dodged that very nicely. I think that's an underrated part of that action. Yeah, it is. But, I mean, obviously, he would have got banned more if he'd actually properly... Well, I mean, it's one in the eye for the Christian Brock whole system, I suppose, isn't it? I would say that most footballers nowadays, they've got big old abs. Everyone's got abs. You cannot be a Premier League footballer and not have abs.

So I think body blows only. Because it's the one place I could probably absorb them. Yeah, no headshot. Nice punch in the stomach. And if you flinch, you've lost. Exactly. I think you talk about trying to, you know, professional fouls being straight reds and all the rest of it. If anybody starts on anybody, you go, right, okay, fine. You're going to do that. Clear the way. If you're going to do it, then fight. Fight.

And what would happen is the referee goes, right, there you are. I'll tell you what would happen, Andy. Get the vanishing spray and spray a circle. Indeed. What would happen is those two players would immediately kind of go, oh yeah, this is a bit silly, isn't it? And then everything would calm down. That's what I think would happen. And if they didn't, oh, what a spectacle. Or you would get somebody who, then you would know who the hard men are. All right, you've drawn the spray. Yeah, I'm up for this.

this is your first time at Ipswich Leicester you have to fight there you are and I think there's something in there I mean I guess you're encouraging players to be inventive I mean if it starts with punches allowed

obviously the nature of players, the nature of anyone involved in a game, they're going to want to take something to the next level. I mean, I remember I've talked about it with you guys before, that riot that I saw at Panathinaikos versus Olympiakos. Which you started. Yeah, that's the one. And where the Panathinaikos Ultras and the police were getting into it. It started with the Panathinaikos Ultras

firing fireworks etc at the police then there was a bit of a charge the police got involved with their batons and they were very much relishing it by the way it's fair to say and then various ultras started sort of ripping bits off fences and advertising boards to use as weapons

So you can always take it to the next level. It escalates quickly. Blimey, O'Reilly. This is the last one from Justin on Blue Sky. Every week, one randomly selected team has to start Jonjo Shelby in midfield. Yeah! That's what I'm talking about, Justin. He is currently playing for Turkish side. I mean, presumably with Yorkshire roots. Eyup Spor. Eyup Spor, yeah. Yeah, talking of people who,

might be into escalating fights their current coach is Arda Turan oh nice like it nice to hear his name is it John Joe's second Turkish side isn't it he moved that's right yeah it is he played for another one Andy I can't remember the name I won't try and pronounce it Chayku Rizispor yeah them but you don't need to mention Chayku because it's a brand of tea so you can just say Rizispor Rizispor yeah interesting what they're sponsored by tea yeah like Red Bull but less fizzy laughs

Feel upish but refined. What are your opinions on that side, considering you probably have quite low opinions on Red Bull sides? Because you're a team man yourself. Oh, no, no. It's different in Turquoise because you're allowed to be sponsored by a team and incorporate it into the club name. Right, okay. So it's not really a Red Bull situation. I hear that Troubon Spore was mouse traps. LAUGHTER

Come on. Very good. I think Justin's right. I think Jonjo Shelby is, and players like him, are coming back in a big way for 2025. The spreader. It's something we talked about in OTC, actually, when we looked at what will change about football in 2025, what's already started changing. The fact that more and more players

coaches want someone who's really good on the ball as a defensive midfielder now obviously John Joe Shelby he hits your sweet spot because as he's quite slow and he likes to tackle he likes to smash players as well so I think realistically he could play till he's 45 now with the way football's changing you know how old he is Andy?

I'm going to say 33. Oh, 33. 38? I thought he was a lot older than that, wasn't he? 32. 32. How about that? He could still do a job. He could still do a job for, I would argue, any team. To be fair, 30 is a bit of a shout-up.

Any team coached or supported by you. Love that, Justin. What a way to finish the show, everybody. And thank you for listening to the Football Ramble, part of the Acast Creative Network. Do join us on Friday as we look ahead to this weekend's football. And in the meantime, do follow us on X, TikTok, Blue Sky, YouTube and Instagram at Football Ramble. And don't forget to subscribe on your podcast app.

but have a bloody happy new year yeah that's something that we are instructing you to do happy new year all no we're demanding or if you're having a terrible day of it don't worry tomorrow's near hey there we are so thank you Andy Peter and thank you John Joe Shelby see you Friday the football ramble is a stack production and part of the ACAST creator network