Jack's Encyclopaedia Xmas Special!
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Download the report today at podcastpulse2024.acast.com. It's the most wonderful time of the year, everybody. Welcome to the Football Ramble Christmas Jackson Cyclopedia Bonanza. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Luke Moore. I'm Jim Campbell. And I'm Christmas Donaldson. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho. ♪

Hello everybody, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone. Merry Christmas. Glad tidings, glad tidings. Yeah, good or glad, you're getting them. You're getting tidings. Because we're bringing them and of course... Pete, look at my tidings. Why are they wrapped so tight? Why are they wrapped so tight on your arms? Safer that way. It is of course the most wonderful time of the year.

And the rumours are true. The rumours are true. There'll be much mistletoeing. All that. And there'll be plenty of festive cheer for one particular rambler at the end of this. Because the Jack's Encyclopedia Christmas Cup...

is on offer today. It is on offer. But enough from me. Full of Warnock's advoca. Over to you, Pete Donaldson, the host that boasts the most categories. It's a category. It's the winner get a big kiss from Peter. A big Christmas kiss. That'd be nice. You can have a little Christmas kiss. COVID's done now. COVID. You need to be kidding.

let's get tongue in well I'll tell you what let's have one kiss with you and see if we like it and if we like it we can carry on it can spread it spread across the people I would say that when we we filmed like a Spotify wrapped congratulations didn't we Marcus and there was a bit of kissing in that so for those of you who had Football Ramble at the top of their Christmas Spotify wrapped tree you would have seen me and Marcus kiss and if you missed out this year imagine what we're going to do next year so you better listen to the Football Ramble every single day of your life blowjob

It's a simple game of categories. If you go too slow, I'll play Gary Neville making a noise, which will leave you seven seconds. Once again, Luke's ruining Christmas.

with that kind of chat. We've got... I think we're going to go for... Marcus is gone, Pete. I've got five rounds. Five? Five rounds. Why? And we're going to do every last one of them. Is there nothing else to do? Because it's not a lineal belt situation, I want to know who actually would win it if it went the distance, all right? You want the Christmas Cup winner to be exhausted, just totally exhausted. Exactly. Conference League of Jack's Encyclopedia. Eating cold cuts and drinking green ginger wine. Mm-mm.

it's Christmas time, baby. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All right, then. I think Christmas Day with you would be horrendous. I don't. What do you mean? I don't, Peter. I think it'd be great. I would better relax. Would you, Jim? Interesting gambit. I'd have to strip myself into a stupor, I think. Just picture this. You're at Christmas at your own home and Pete's

at large on the estate somewhere. You're not relaxing. You can't relax. I am with little Christmas reindeer little head antlers that I've connected to myself. Head antlers. And I've got one that he's connected to himself. Connected to himself. And you know, a lot of people will be working on Christmas dinner. I'll be slaving over a hot 3D printer. Making toys for everyone. And that's the great thing about having a 3D printer. And then cover them in gravy. LAUGHTER

Your 3D printed dinner. If you forget, if you forget, if you forget someone's present, just fire up the 3D printed bit and just knock one off. This looks like a PlayStation. They won't notice. It says Lego on it. It's 15 mousetraps. Right, Marcus, we're going to kick these off with you. Oh, yes, go for it. Don't worry, it's fine. He's a man of God. This is his best day of the year. To be fair. But me and Jim would like to register a complaint. He's back. Yeah.

He's been backing Jesus 24-7. You deserve it, Marcus. Exactly. Right, Marcus, every player who started in Chelsea's four-all Boxing Day draw of Aston Villa or against Aston Villa in 2007. Fucking hell! Oh, my God!

You're taking the piss. You must remember the game because... It's Christmas. Because three players were sent off. I can't remember a single one. Hardly very festive. Well, you're not going to do very good in this round, are you? It has to be Chelsea players. Chelsea's... Every player who started... No, every player who started in Chelsea's four-all Boxing Day draw over Aston Villa in 2007. So that's Villa players too, yeah? Yeah, 22...

I can't tell you a single fucking Villa plan. And you could possibly posit who got sent off, thinking about how they are in their usual kind of stuff. Surely John Terry's a man. You reckon? If he's not, then I'm an absolute stinker. He can't tell you.

I don't believe it. How's that be what I'd have written down? Oh, dear. I thought going first would be an advantage. I can hear some scratchies. I'm going to go for an even bigger banker than John Terry. You've got to go for him. Peter Chet? Surely. He's in there. Well done. Well done. I'm going to really push the boat out and go for Frank Lampard. Go for Frankie. You get your Frankie. Everyone's in there apart from John. Everyone's in there. Um...

Ashley Cole?

Are these signed by then? He was and he was sent off. Correct. Well done. Ricardo Carvalho. Oh, nice one, Jim. Oh, I like it. He was also sent off. Bonus points for that. Well done. Are you sure Terry didn't play? It's gone. Leave it. I feel like I've gone out very early in the hopefully. You have. You have. Go make yourself an avocado. Get yourself to quality strength. I might as well go and watch the King's Speech. I'm going to go for your friend and mine.

Did he eat drogba? Did he eat drogba? Did not eat drogba, player. Oh, he didn't. He certainly didn't start. Chance for Jim. I'm going to go for Cloud McAlealy. Oh, none.

No, no, no. Yeah, that's a poor game. Also, he's not a cloud. He's Claude. Claude. It's because it's to the tune of Dude Looks Like a Lady. It's better as Cloud. Cloud, Cloud, Cloud McAlealy. No, surely Claudie McAlealy. Yeah, maybe. Either way, he wasn't there. So I'm back in. Everyone's back in, aren't they? I'll tell you something now. I never know the rules. I don't mind saying this to our listeners.

I do this show and I've done it for a long time. I can't tell you a single person that played for Aston Villa in 2007. The ramble started in 2007. Exactly. Think back to your celebrated kitchen that we hear in every press release. Yeah, fucking hell. I've had one cold. Could I have another? Joe Cold? You can have a Joe Cold. Yes! Well done, Lucky Moe, back in the gym with you. Can I have another?

other one please dad Andy Cole wrong I am going to go for Michael Essien Michael Essien he was in there yeah well done the man with the excellent statue okay okay 2007 four roll Aryan Robin I think he might have gone by then no one cares what you think you're out pal it's unlucky lucky man mind you John Terry wasn't there for that day but he probably wore his kit so there's no yeah

So if you start with Luke, we need one from you. That's all right? Yeah, it's absolutely all right. I'm going to go for Paolo Ferreira. Oh, you don't hear much of him anymore. He does sound like a Christmas chocolate. Paolo Ferreira? He's in there. He's in there. Congratulations. Could someone have said Gabby Agbon-Lehore for a correct answer? Yeah, he was on my list. No Villa players were mentioned, were they? He could have been, yes. He definitely was in there. You could have had... Well, I'll just list them. Alex Shevchenko, Ashley Cole, sent off as you had. Ashley Young, Pizarro, Lampard, Aggy...

Bon La Hort Gareth Barry of course that was probably a good one Joe Cole John Carew Martin Lawson Mike Lessien Rio Coca Nigel Olive Melberg

Ferreira, who we got in the last round. Petrček, Cavallo, he was sent off. Salomon Kalou, Scott Carson, Sean Maloney, Wilfred Boomer and Zat Night. Who do you reckon got sent off of the third? Zat Night. Zat Night got sent off, correct. I did fleetingly think Salomon Kalou. He could have been sent on. Well done, Jim. Great start to the Christmas Cup. Well done, mate.

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Right, Lukey. Yeah. Every team to wear a red home kit in Premier League history. It's Christmas. Every team to wear a red home kit in the Premier League. I'm going to go for Liverpool. I think that's a safe bet. I'm going to go for Arsenal. Good boy. Manchester United. Manchester United.

Okay. Does it have to be fully red or could it be a prominent red? As long as prominent red and another colour. Prominent red is in there. Sunderland. Correct, Lukey. In many ways, Marcus's question is allowed you to sort of get through it. Yeah, I had a few short ones on here but I thought I'd go for that one now. Yeah, yeah. So in the same spirit, I'll go for Southampton. Southampton. I will simply not utter their names. He's in there. Sheffield United. Oh, it's nice. Oh, it's nice. It's the same thing again. I like it. I like that. Do you like that? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Those tricky trees, Nottingham Forest. Nottingham Forest. Lovely. Barnsley. Oh, nice. Nicely done. I had them. I had them. Ooh. It gets tricky a little bit here. It does get tricky, don't you think? I think we've had like nine already, so. Yeah. Can I have Cardiff City? Ooh. Ooh.

You can. They wore a red kit for one season because their owner went mad. Vincent Tan. Yeah, Vincent Tan. Well done, Marcus. Is he still kicking a ball with his high trousers? Remember his really high trousers? Yeah, I do. How could one forget? I'll go for Middlesbrough. Nicely done, Middlesbrough. Yeah, very, very good. In the cell net. Oh, we'll go for Bournemouth. Oh, yeah, it counts. It counts. It does count. Bournemouth, eh? It does count. How about that? Um...

I want you to give me this. I want Crystal Palace. That's got red in it. You can have it. Thanks. Absolutely. You can have it. All right. Putting pressure on him as well. You've just got to bully him a bit. This will test you. Swindon Town. Oh, lovely. Yes. Lovely. I went first as well, so you guys need to get one now. Yeah. Well done, you. Thank you very much. Appreciate that. It's tricky now.

against him it's Christmas we ain't got time to be mucking about we'll say fuck it Christmas we've got loads of time never got more time how many left Peter how many left I want to watch all the Harry Potter movies three left you've got three left three left three left eh bloody hell oh god West Ham Claret is red that counts fuck off you're not having that you're not having that they're famously the Claret I won't say that team from Birmingham then oh come on red Birmingham yeah

Plenty of play for. It's only round two. Chelsea are playing

line has been written. That's a point to me, right? That is a point to me. I had Brentford as well. Oh my God. You have Brentford, you could have had Stoke City, you could have had Charlton Athletic as well. So one for Jim, one for Luke. Next round is beginning with Jim. I just feel delighted to not have zero points. I'd be embarrassed if I had zero points right now. I want to feel that delight. Jim,

I want to know the answer to this. Every club that's been bottom of the Premier League at Christmas...

Every club that's been bottom of the Premier League at Christmas doesn't include this season because it's recorded for Christmas. I think we know it's going to be though. Not much before. Not much. Not much before. We're very close. We are very close. Okay, well I'm going to go for Sheffield United. You are going for Sheffield United. Yes, 2020 and 2023. Derby County. Obvious. Derby County, 2007-2008. Um...

Do I embarrass myself one way or another? I'll go for West Bromwich Albion. Twice, 2004-2008. Hmm. I will go for Norwich. Norwich. Yes, they're in there. 2021. Very changeable, the league, isn't it? Portsmouth. Less so in recent times. Portsmouth, 2009, correct? Correct. That was the other one I was going to go for. Uh...

I think that the season that Pala de Cano got involved, I think Sunderland might be. Oh, that's surely something. Twice, 2005 and 2013. Back to Jim then. All square. Southampton? Surely. Absolutely no pride down there. Oh! Good on him. That's like a trophy. You can't let him for anything, can you? Exactly, yeah. I always let you down, Jim. Come on, Marcus. Let's get you through this group. Because I've got nothing.

God blimey. Cool. Cool goodness. Goodness me. How do I go with Charlton Athletic? Nice. Unlucky. So I need to get one. Do I have to get one for the point? You do have to get one for the point. I think. We've gone for five, so it's not a massive victory. I've got two down here. Swindon Town were terrible one year, very early on.

That's the round two. Looky more well done. I'll tell you what. Swindon have delivered for you today. Twice. Oldham as well. Was that one out of touch? Yeah, was that the same season though? Oldham, no, no. That's impressive stuff from Luke Moore. Who else is in there? Villa, Barnsley, Blackburn, Bolton, Bradford, Fulham, Hull, Ipswich Town, Nottingham Forest three times, Reading, Sheffield Wednesday, Swansea City, Watford, West Ham and Wolves. Mm-hmm.

Aston Villa in there, surprisingly. All right then, we move on to, who do we start with? There we go, Marcus Speller. Every stadium that Andy Brassel has posted on his Instagram page in 2024. Surely, if I go out to this, Borussia Dortmund, come on. Westfalenstadion, Borussia Dortmund is in there. Signal of Doona Park, baby.

I mean, I feel the same way as Marcus here. Surely Plough Lane. Surely that's got to be on there. Got to be. Yes, AFC Wimbledon is in there. So I'm going to follow a similar pattern and I'm going to assume Bayern Munich's Allianz Arena is in there as well. It's in there. Bayern Munich. Correct. Paris Saint-Germain. Yeah, got to be. I've been there with him. Yeah. Parc des Princes. Parc des Princes.

I know this for a fact as well and you can't tell me it's not right. Leon. That was the one I had. He loves Leon. The Groupama Stadium. Correct. What the hell is Groupama? Stupid name. The one Bayer Leverkusen play at.

The Bear Arena, Jim. That's the one. Yeah. Right. Gets tricky now, doesn't it? It does. St. James' Park. Oh, very good. It's got to be. Yes, please. Yes. Correct. Marcus, that's excellent. Really, really good. Now, I was hoping to keep this one back to get my point to get the win, but I'm really running dry now. I know this has to be true. Union Saint-Gilles. I couldn't think of their name. Because I went with him. He went there recently. Stade Roy des Bois-de-Marne.

I couldn't even tell you what it's called and I've been there. Oh, dear. FC St. Pauli? Oh. The Milenter. Yes. Correct. Well done, Jim. Broaden your horizon, guys. It is 2024 and there was 32 of them. Fucking unbelievable. It's quite low for Andy. Yeah. Where's Brassel been? He's done a wee in every one of them. I almost guarantee it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Come on. Fenerbahce. He talks a good turkey game. He does. Napoli. He's definitely been there this season. But has he taken a picture of it and has it found its way on his Instagram? The Stadio Diego Armando Maradona, correct? Jim, I need you to win this. Yep. I'm done, aren't I? I'm out? Yeah, you're out. I'm going to go with the one Lille play at. The one Lille play at. The one Lille play at.

Oh, yes! Timothy. Oh, no, Luke Moore. There it is, the Christmas Cup winner goes to Luke Aaron Moore. I'm delighted. You should be. You did very well there. Very well. To be fair, on the little play-out system we've got, the only two buttons were Andy Brassel wins and Luke Moore wins. LAUGHTER

I'm kind of glad that Luke won there. I saw that and I kept my professional integrity. I had another one. I had another one as well. He actually went to Heysel Stadium as well. Did he do that? I guess so. Yeah, where else did he go? He went to Liverpool, Anfield, the Spartans, Ainslie Park Stadium. He went to Crawley. He went to Cardiff. He went to Fulham, Eintracht Frankfurt, Arsenal, Barcelona, of course, Everton. He went to Everton.

He went to Everton, he went to the Johan Cruyff Arena for Ajax slash Netherlands at West Ham. Salford, of course, Leipzig, Salzburg, Sunderland, Roma, Tynes Castle, Hearts, the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, the Wankerdorfs, of course, young boys. LAUGHTER

Valley Parade, Bradford, Wembley Stadium and Weatherby Road, Harrogate Town. There we are. Plan for pride now though, right? Yeah. Are we doing one more round? As it's Christmas. Yeah, as it's Christmas. Come on then. It's Christmas quiz. We're out of punch up. We've got to do another one. You know what? I'll give you the tiebreaker as well. Two more rounds. Two more rounds. Why not? Jim, go get the sherry.

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Jim, every football player or manager past or present to appear on the High Performance Podcast in 2024. Not including archive episodes. Oh my God. You might as well just say name and past or present. Sean Dyche. Sean Dyche. He's got to be on there. He loves it, Dyche. He loves it, but it's wrong, unfortunately. For fuck's sake.

What are we doing around this? We're going into the Tiger record. Michael Owen. Gotta be. He's massively up. He must have done it before that. You got one for us, Luke? Luke could just gobble it all up. Paul Scholes.

This is a great testament to us. We clearly don't listen to you. I thought you did and I thought Luke's got an advantage here. We go round again. Do you want to go round again? Okay, alright. Someone's got to get a point from Jake. Surely. Alright, the first person to get a point gets the little bonus. Sudden death. The first person to name one. He's got to go round. It's sudden death. I've never been in agreement before. Jack's encyclopedia. David Beckham. No way. Come on. They'll probably win the game eventually. It'll be annoying when they do. Be part of his rehabilitation. Ha ha ha ha.

He doesn't care anymore. He's joined the Stella company. First person to name him gets the point. It's a sudden death mark. Come on. Great bonus round this. Reach out and grab it. Grab that ring. He's a Norwich City fan. I'm trying to give us all a clue to put us out of our misery. I don't know. Darren Huckabee. Poor.

Really bad get for them. The Huckabee zone excludes him from Hyde. Oh, that's true. I'm quite proud I haven't got any of these. I'm focused on May and I think Nicky Butt might have been on it. Nah, no way. Nicky Butt's a man of few words. Good God. He's not going on that. Jim, name a footballer who may have done his legacy over. Managers as well. Managers as well, couldn't it? Oh, Gareth Southgate. No way they're getting him. Come on, he's too busy. Frank Lampard. Gotta be. Oh.

Do the other ones. All right, I'll do the other one. Christine Lampard. Oh, I meant Steven Gerrard. Steven Gerrard.

You think he would have been? John Terry? Oh, maybe Tezzabelle. They all go to Simon Jordan's now. That's the problem. I think we should go round managers for a bit. Yeah. Get on the manager. Get on the manager. Go on, Marcus. Barely, Marcus. Ian Holloway. Good one. It's a good one, but it's not good enough. He's too silly. He won't have silly people on. Sam Allardyce. Sam Allardyce. High performance.

My goodness. Robbie Savage? Oh, surely. No, too silly. Too silly. You're serious men who, you know, manage in a certain way, play football in a certain way, tweet in a certain way. I kind of want to say Sean Dyche again. No hints, Pete. Come on. We've got to get this fair and square. It's a testament to Jake's amazing product. I have a funny feeling that Rafa Benitez went on it. Oh, I like it, but it's wrong. Well done, Rafa. That's why it felt funny. Yeah. It was wrong.

The stocking on these footballers has gone quite a little high, I know. Neil Warnock. Too silly. Truly too silly. Eddie Howe. Ah, definitely Howe. Too busy. Too busy. They're not getting Howe. Too big a name. It's a sweet spot right there. I just can't find it. Howe would definitely want to go on, though. Right, come on. Hyperfog's a sort of pleasure player twice, and Howe probably did it on the way up. Graham Potter. It's got to be.

Yes! Well done! Great point! Right, straight into the tiebreaker. This is taking way too long. What a dreadful point to win. Luke and Yuki can have it. Go on then, Luke. There you are. There you get your toy. Every reindeer currently owned by Father Christmas. That was the tiebreaker. Well, going first is a distinct advantage. Well, I've got to go Rudolph just to stop you guys having it. Do it, you baldy bastards. Is it Blitzer?

No, no. No, no, it's not Blitzer, actually. Cupid. Good one. Yes. Blitzer. Constantly bumming. Yeah, Blitzer sounds warlike. Blitzer's correct, yeah. Of course, Bogey. Gizit. I've got the seven dwarves in my head. LAUGHTER Shit. LAUGHTER

Oh, brilliant. Do it, you baldy bastards. Come on. That's my only sound effect I've brought this Christmas. Do it, you baldy bastards. Is it, um, canter? Is that one?

Am I close? I didn't know that one. I went first. I've got Dancer and Prancer. Dancer, Prancer. Dancer, yeah. Dancer, Dasher, Prancer, Donner. Sometimes it's called Donner. Do you know what? I nearly went for Donner. I was like, I'm not in Donner. No, Cupid's good though. I didn't think of Cupid. Comet and the delicious Vixen. Vixen, eh? Well done, guys. That was a lot of fun.

Comprehensive. Lovely little Christmas treat. Oh, you'll always have the Jake Humphrey point. Can't take that away from you. But that's a high performance point. Exactly. Has that nudged me over the line? Mark is the real winner, everyone. Such a high performance point. And your prize actually is to go on Jake's show. Is that it? Do it, you hairy bastard.

Marcus is no longer not able to sit in the comfy chair. We've got that point. Oh, I love the comfy chair. There we are, everybody. We've got half an hour out of that. Thank you and apologies for listening to the Football Ramble, Jackson's Encyclopedia, Christmas, Bonanza. Of course, all of that is part of the ACAST Creator Network.

If you are looking at social media over the Christmas period, do follow us on X, Blue Sky, TikTok and Instagram at Football Ramble and do subscribe on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy Christmas and thank you, Luke Moore. Happy Christmas to you all. Thank you for all your support throughout the year and we'll see you on the other side. Thanks, Jim Edward Campbell. Merry Christmas, everyone. Hope you're having a brilliant day and just...

wonderful lives yes and thank you Pete Donaldson Christmas smooches if you observe absolutely right and thank you of course as we're all indebted to the man at Jake Humphries have a lovely Christmas who was born on Christmas in Norwich in a stable in Norwich surrounded by unfortunately confinely wise men the football ramble is a stack production and part of the ACAST creator network

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