Deep Dive
Why did Marsha's relationship with her stepson and his wife become strained?
Marsha's relationship with her stepson and his wife became strained because she expressed that she did not want to be a full-time babysitter for their children. This was conveyed in a manner that made it seem like an expectation rather than a request, leading to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
What was Marsha's initial stance on dating someone with young children?
Marsha was very clear that she did not want to have children or date anyone with young children. She specifically sought a partner with grown children, which is why she started dating her current husband, whose children were already in their 20s.
How did Marsha's husband respond to the babysitting request?
Marsha's husband understood her position and agreed to talk to their son about the situation. He even offered to take days off work occasionally to help with childcare, showing support for Marsha's decision.
What advice did Dr. Laura give to Marsha to resolve the family rift?
Dr. Laura advised Marsha to apologize for the way she conveyed the conversation with her stepson's wife, emphasizing that she should take responsibility for making it sound unpleasant. She suggested Marsha and her husband visit the family, apologize, and ask for forgiveness to restore family cohesion.
What was Dr. Laura's opinion on Mary's decision to work and rely on others for childcare?
Dr. Laura criticized Mary for prioritizing her job over her children's well-being, stating that Mary should take care of her own kids instead of relying on others. She believed Mary was inconveniencing her children and disrupting their routine for her own needs.
Shownotes Transcript
Millions of unpaid family caregivers look after their loved ones, a true labor of love. This season, Halion, maker of brands like Advil and Centrum, has supported three caregivers with $10,000 from renovating their homes to make their loved ones comfortable to taking on extra shifts at work so their family can rest easy. Each individual goes above and beyond in the way they care.
Hear the winner's stories now by visiting BeThereWithCare.com. Contest ended November 15th. Official rules at BeThereWithCare.com. Time now for a refresher from my Dr. Laura Call of the Day archives. Remember, you can hear my live radio program weekdays, 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111.
Marcia, welcome to the program. Thank you, Dr. Laura. Sure. I'm trying to figure out how to make this simplistic. When I was talking to the screener, I think I made it complicated, so I'm trying to weed out information that's not needed. I've been married to my husband for 10 years, second marriages.
And when I was dating after my first divorce, I was very adamant. I don't have children. Didn't want to have children and didn't want to date anyone with young children. Started dating my husband and he had grown children, like 20. So no problem. We've been married 10 years. So you thought, go ahead. True, true. So, yeah.
We've had a great, you know, good relationship with the son who is married and they have two children, eight and 10. A few weeks, well, but last year, the, I'll call her daughter-in-law, even though she's not really my daughter-in-law. Don't call her daughter-in-law, just say his daughter.
His daughter. No, actually, it's his daughter-in-law. Oh, it's his daughter-in-law. Okay, the wife of the son. Got it. We'll call her Mary. Thank you. Tell me about Mary. Okay. Mary got a job last year. She used to work in the school district, and so when she was working, the kids were there, and then they'd go home, no big deal. She got a different job last year, and at that point, for after school, she was still working.
with her job. And at that point, the grandma, my husband's ex, volunteered to take care of the kids after school on a daily basis. So they would be picked up from school by her. And that was the way it's always been. And I would occasionally they would she would ask me if I could take them after school. She had appointments, things like that. No problem. I would they would come to the house.
No problem at all. I did it whenever they would need me to during, you know, times. A few weeks ago when school was canceled, I happened to run across my daughter at her job and she said... Your daughter. Okay, don't call anybody your daughter. Mary, Mary. Mary, okay. I ran across Mary and she said, the school's canceled now. We thought you could give Grandma...
a break and you and her could trade off taking care of the kids after school. And I just said, grandma needs to call my husband and discuss this.
At that point, I didn't want to get into her, in with her about doing that. I didn't want to do it on a full-time basis. I don't want to do it on a full-time basis. I just recently retired last September. And I have things I do. I love my routine. I love my life. I love not having a schedule. And that's what I still want to do. I felt very...
How she put it to me, it wasn't a question. It was a expectation. And so when my husband got home from work, I told him, I said, we're going to have a problem here because this is what they're wanting. And I don't want to do that. I don't want to be on a schedule like that. I have no problem filling in like I was filling in. No, no big deal. And he goes, fine. I understand. I'll talk to the son.
He called my son. The son said, I understand. I don't blame her. That's fine. And at that point, my husband said, I will see if I can take a day off work here and there and help out. And he said, fine. Well, nothing was said until we never heard back.
My husband stopped at the house one day to talk to the son, and he wasn't there, and he told Mary to have the son call him. The son never did. He texted him back like two days later and said, don't worry about it. We have it figured out. He'll take some time off work. He never did call my husband back and actually talk to him about it. And...
Then there was like a week of nothingness between them, and my husband stopped by their house again, and he happened to be home then, and he said, what's going on here? You know, I can help out. And the son is now saying, Mary's saying, that she never said that to me. She asked me to do it, and she never said it in that manner, which she did.
And now we feel we're being punished and being kind of cut out of the kids' lives because of the choice that I have made.
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Millions of unpaid family caregivers look after their loved ones, a true labor of love. This season, Halion, maker of brands like Advil and Centrum, has supported three caregivers with $10,000 from renovating their homes to make their loved ones comfortable to taking on extra shifts at work so their family can rest easy. Each individual goes above and beyond in the way they care.
Hear the winner's stories now by visiting BeThereWithCare.com. Contest ended November 15th. Official rules at BeThereWithCare.com. After 50 years on radio, you could say that my life is something of an open book, but StoryWorth is helping me assemble the personal stories that I want to share with those closest to me. You can know a person your whole life, but not be aware of some of their most interesting and profound thoughts and experiences.
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No, it's not about your choice. No, it's not about your choice. It's the way you conveyed the conversation you had. That was a mistake. So you need to go there and apologize and say, I made it sound like something it wasn't and I apologize. You're the only one who can fix this. No, this isn't just you. Nobody was upset. His son was not upset until he spoke to his wife and the, quote, manner in which she spoke to you was brought up.
That only could come from you. You made a mistake doing that. So drive over there with your husband when you know everybody's going to be home and apologize for making it sound like she was being unpleasant. And you say, I apologize for that. I made it sound that way and I apologize. Just own it, apologize, and be done with it. But own it. Don't say, if you took offense, because obviously everybody has.
Look, the bottom line with me is that Mary should take care of her own damn kids. She shouldn't be phoning them over to anybody so she can have her job. She had a job in which her kids did not have to pay a price of not being with mom.
And not pay a price of going to two different places every other day. She's inconveniencing and upsetting her kids and their routine for her own selfish needs. But that's between you and me. It's nothing for you to repeat. But the way in which you conveyed, you even did it with me, the way she said it, that was a mistake to do. I know you hate it when people say, even if. Madam, the answer is yes, even if. You screwed up. Fix it.
I don't care if she said it in the most snotty way possible. You should never have conveyed that opinion because his son is going to protect his wife. Right. I understand that. Yeah. So make this better. Eat dirt and make this better. So this family can be cohesive again. Eat dirt. Make it better. Even if.
And I mean that, even if. Right, right, right. You're the only one who can fix this. I shouldn't have said that. I apologize. Please forgive me. Always throw that in at the end. When you throw that in the end, people melt a little. Okay. You're absolutely right. She had an obnoxious attitude. I think she's probably obnoxious, trying to dump her kids on everybody else. Nonetheless, we can't say that and stay connected. We have to eat dirt. Right, yeah.
That's what I needed to hear from you with that part. I did this, I'd have to eat dirt too. So do it for me. Do it for your husband, do it for me. Just eat dirt and end up with, please forgive me. Because that's the only way this is going to get solved. Otherwise it's going to be a rift forever. Right, and then your marriage will end. Because he will not tolerate not having his kids in his life. He will not tolerate that. Right, right, right. So there's a lot to be lost here.
Eat dirt. Won't kill you. Okay. Thank you, Dr. Laura. All right, sweetheart. Sometimes we just have to eat dirt. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.
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It's time to get the world talking about black lead brands. We all have our favorites, but we can't give them all to ourselves. So if you're feeling like a black opal beauty, tell somebody. If the lip bar is giving you a lip for every drip, let them know. And if your hair is doing the do, shout that out too. Join Walmart in shouting out your favorite black lead products. Creating a new world of choices at walmart.com slash black and unlimited.