198: How to Win Friends and Influence People

2025/1/5

This American Life

AI Deep Dive AI Insights AI Chapters Transcript

People

Dale Carnegie

David Sedaris

Ira Glass

Jonathan Goldstein

Luke Burbank

Mark Weisenbeek

Topics

@Dale Carnegie : 《如何赢得朋友和影响他人》的核心在于理解他人需求，并通过真诚的兴趣和关注赢得友谊和影响力。作者在书中总结了历代伟大领袖与人相处的方法，强调要考虑对方的需求，并通过真诚的兴趣和关注赢得友谊和影响力。书中列举了大量事例，说明了如何通过关注他人、微笑、记住名字等技巧来改善人际关系。然而，这些技巧的运用也需要技巧，过度的运用反而会适得其反，让人觉得虚伪和做作。总而言之，Dale Carnegie 的观点是，赢得朋友和影响他人需要真诚的付出和对他人需求的关注，但同时也要注意方法和技巧，避免流于形式。 @Ira Glass : 通过对@Paul Feig 的经历的讲述，展现了《如何赢得朋友和影响他人》这本书的局限性。Paul Feig在运用书中技巧后，并没有获得预期的效果，反而让他感到困惑和焦虑，人际关系并没有得到改善，反而变得更糟。这说明，单纯地套用技巧并不能解决人际关系问题，真诚和自然的沟通才是最重要的。过度地关注技巧和策略，反而会让人显得虚伪和做作，适得其反。总而言之，Ira Glass 的观点是，人际关系的建立需要真诚和自然，不能仅仅依靠技巧和策略。 Paul Feig: Paul Feig 的故事说明了盲目运用技巧的风险。他尝试运用书中技巧，例如真诚地对他人感兴趣、微笑、记住名字等，但在实际运用中却遭遇了尴尬和失败。这主要是因为，这些技巧在成人世界中可能有效，但在儿童世界中却显得格格不入，甚至会让同龄人感到反感和不适。 Paul Feig 的经历也反映出，人际关系的建立需要真诚和自然，不能仅仅依靠技巧和策略。过度的运用技巧反而会适得其反，让人显得虚伪和做作。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

What is the main lesson from Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'?

The core idea is to genuinely focus on others' interests and desires rather than your own. By showing sincere interest in what others want, they will like you and be more inclined to support you.

Why did Paul Feig's experience with Dale Carnegie's book lead to fewer friends?

Paul tried to apply the book's principles in a way that felt unnatural and calculated, which made him come across as phony. His attempts to be overly attentive and analytical alienated his peers, leading to fewer friendships.

What was the outcome of Paul Feig's attempt to become class president?

Paul won the election, but he disliked the responsibilities that came with the role. His teacher and classmates became dissatisfied with his performance, leading to his impeachment and further social isolation.

How did David Sedaris's father react to him being hit by a rock?

His father demanded that David retaliate, suggesting he knock the boy down. However, David, who was not inclined to physical confrontation, felt his father misunderstood the social dynamics of his school.

What was the significance of Mark Weisenbeek's Superman costume?

Mark started wearing the Superman costume after his wife's death as a way to cope and bring joy to others. The costume became a symbol of his resilience and a way to connect with people, making their days memorable.

How did Superman offer to help Jonathan Goldstein in his relationship with Lois Lane?

Superman suggested that Jonathan become his part-time sidekick, offering to teach him skills and improve his image. However, Jonathan felt this was a way for Superman to assert dominance and maintain a presence in Lois's life.

What was the turning point in Jonathan Goldstein's relationship with Lois Lane?

The turning point came when Lois spent an evening talking with Superman, expressing concern over his depression and cosmic obsessions. Jonathan realized that Lois was still emotionally tied to Superman, which threatened their relationship.

Shownotes Transcript

People climbing to be number one. How do they do it? What is the fundamental difference between us and them?

Visit thisamericanlife.org/lifepartners to sign up for our premium subscription.

Prologue: Ira Glass talks with Paul Feig, who, as a sixth-grader, at the urging of his father, actually read the Dale Carnegie classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. He found that afterward, he had a bleaker understanding of human nature—and even fewer friends than when he started. (9 minutes)
Act One: David Sedaris has this instructive tale of how, as a boy, with the help of his dad, he tried to bridge the chasm that divides the popular kid from the unpopular — with the sorts of results that perhaps you might anticipate. (14 minutes)
Act Two: After the September 11th attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, U.S. diplomats had to start working the phones to assemble a coalition of nations to combat this new threat. Some of the calls, you get the feeling, were not the easiest to make. Writer and performer Tami Sagher imagines what those calls were like. (6 minutes)
Act Three: To prove this simple point—a familiar one to readers of any women's magazines—we have this true story of moral instruction, told by Luke Burbank in Seattle, about a guy he met on a plane dressed in a hand-sewn Superman costume. (13 minutes)
Act Four: Jonathan Goldstein with a story about what it's like to date Lois Lane when she's on the rebound from Superman. (13 minutes)

Transcripts are available at thisamericanlife.org

This American Life privacy policy.
Learn more about sponsor message choices.

198: How to Win Friends and Influence People 59:48 Share