Your Rucksack Of Potentials
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We are discovering what we are, and what is the nature of Knowing or Consciousness? And what is the nature of Awareness? What is the nature of humanness or experience? or experiencing? Do I really want to realise that, that I truly am?

Am I that deeply called? and am I that excited to be alive?! That this life is an excitement of profoundly realising what I am is eternity.

And in this excitement I'm not, or doing my best, to not program in avoidance - of experience. I've played that game. I've played the game of moving to opposite dimensions - polarities.

I've done very well at it, thanks. I look in my school book of life and I've made a really good job of avoiding everything there is possible to avoid. I've got really good marks. But now I'm going to drop all that. Because I want to realise deeply and simply the ability to realise I'm love. The ability to remain profoundly awake.

The ability to master or love my mind, my self, my person as what I authentically am. My ability to be so full in the clarity of what I am, I stand alone in all my wonderful friendships. I stand sharing this amazing full aloneness. The discovery of what I am discovering in the beyond. In the up, in the down, in the out, in the in, in the centre, in the absence - of it all.

For me, for even producing this, creating this I'm moved by my many faces, and my many places and my many forms. And all the levels of evolving intelligence for I am a diamond with multidimensional bright facets of love streaming regardless of how it might feel on a level apparently called humanness. I am the diamond. Shining brightly. I am able to know this diamond, or at least I am growing to know this diamond whatever level I am, on any level of this - let's just call it - this amazing system of universal humanness. Which I, as the source of it all, is evolving and developing. And I am so clear that I can disappear into identification with creation.

I can not only just disappear into creation as a whole, I can disappear into a fragment of creation and call myself a creator - of that that I experience. I'll get so lost in it, that I may even experience creation as opposites. I may even develop opposition to these opposites.

I mean what a job I've given myself, to get lost in that that I create. But here is the real news. It's quite devastating this news! No matter how lost I get in it. I am always beyond it. No matter how lost I get in the knowing - objective (the objects, the forms of life) or the subject (the me-ness the I-ness) - I might discover I am awareness as a traveler. I am traveling awareness - I have a rucksack of potentials. On my back. And the weight on my shoulders is pretty amazing.

But i'm just going to dive right into this. Even lose my innocence. Even if I have to feel I am guilty. That's how serious I Am. Please keep your eye in your own knowing. I am realising what I am, who I am and how all this is in this full life. I want to enter it, discover it. Every nook, every cranny. Every feeling, every sensation, every word, every deed - every level of sexuality I want to discover What is that thing?

Every level of it.

Every level of brokenness I want to discover. I want to find out - do I actually change in brokenness? Or is brokenness just another expression of my infinity. And as infinite awareness one perception of brokenness on any level - personal, self - on any creative level sexual, mental, emotional -I want to enter and see: what is at the core of this?

I want to discover if what I am is really painting this. And that it is my will that is being done. As the unspeakable presence and essence of it all. For something in me tells me this is real. Something in me says I am so much more than my small self experience.