You Awareness Remain - A Conversation
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B's response to a question on retreat around the wish and the difficulty to really surrender in meditation.

"When you really love God or What You Truly Are in the most profound, when you really get so clear that That is what you love and it Is You, you begin to understand that the immensity that You Are is too much for the worldly self. The first stage of this is to be true to your self and love your self and then while you're doing that, love others as your self.

  So you're learning more about What You Are and how all this that's taking place is nothing short of a miracle.  When you really see this, you know that it's not the ego taking over, it's the program you created to do your will instead of You living Your will.

When you really awaken, you will give up your will. You'll give up your will for your deeper Self-knowledge that You ARE The Self. That's a deep level of trust because then you don't go to manufacture life, you give it over to What You Are most deeply, most really, most brightly.

Lots of dying takes place and burning in the system and through it you begin to come Home. There are moments of immense love, immense gratitude, and then there are moments of immense terror, and immense fire and then there are moments of profound peace and clarity and it just keeps moving like some amazing puzzle. You're unveiling your self to your Self to realise What You Are."

From Easter Retreat 2020 Conversation S4 Easter