928\. The Abduction 🛸 (Learn English with a Short Story)
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You're listening to Luke's English Podcast. For more information, visit teacherluke.co.uk.

Hello listeners, welcome back to Luke's English Podcast. How are you doing today? I hope you're doing fine. So this is a story episode, which means that, as usual, I'm going to tell you a story and then use it to help you learn English. What is going to happen is that first I'll read the story to you. You can just try to follow it and understand everything. And then afterwards, I'll summarise it just to make sure you've understood the overall story.

meaning of what happened in the story. And then I'll go through the story again, line by line, and I will explain bits of vocabulary as we go. There's a lot of English to learn from this story, lots of useful phrases, regularly used expressions and vocabulary, which you could apply to a

This is the sort of natural, up-to-date English that is used today, presented in a story and then explained by me afterwards. The story is short. It's about...

1,500 words long, something like that, which is short. But this episode might be long because I'm not just telling you the story. I'm also going to analyse and teach you a lot of the language. The story itself will probably take about 15 to 20 minutes, and then the rest of the episode will be me teaching you English. So, short story, but long episode.

If you want to practice your pronunciation with this, you could repeat each line after me. You might need to use the pause button after each line. Or perhaps read the story out loud at the same time as me. That's shadowing. You could try doing this both with and without the story text in front of you. If the story is a bit long for you to shadow the entire thing, you could just maybe just focus on one part of it.

Also, you could record yourself...

reading the story and then compare your recording to mine and identify differences, identify maybe little bits of pronunciation that were problematic for you, certain sounds which were tricky, which you could then focus on, or you could just simply enjoy listening to the story without feeling the need to do anything else. It's up to you. As usual, there is a PDF for this, which contains the full story text and

and all my notes, my vocab notes and stuff like that. You can download that from my website. You'll find a link in the description, right? So let's get started, shall we? Yes. So first of all, a general question, a general question. So think about this. As you listen to the story, what kind of story is this? How would you categorize this story in terms of its style or its genre? So what kind of story is this?

And one other thing, by the way, the main character in this story is Spanish. He is a learner of English from Spain. So the main character is Spanish. And when he speaks, rather than me attempting to do some kind of Spanish accent, instead I'll just be reading those lines in my normal English accent. I think that would probably be best, rather than me attempting to do some horrendous Spanish accent, which wouldn't really be appropriate.

Anyway, so he's just going to speak in my voice. Maybe he listens to Luke's English podcast a lot, and as a result, he just speaks English without a particular Spanish accent. Anyway, let's get started. So what kind of story is this? Here we go. This is the abduction, also known as the bizarre abduction of Jose Martinez. Here we go.

José Martínez was an ordinary man living in a quaint little town on the outskirts of London in England. Originally from Spain, José had moved to the UK to improve his English by immersing himself in the language and culture. He managed to find work as a mechanic, fixing up old cars in a small garage. His life was relatively simple and uneventful, except for one major hurdle.

His struggle to understand all the different British accents and dialects which he encountered on a daily basis. And the food, of course. And the weather. And how expensive everything was. And the drafty windows. And the tiny kitchens. And the carpet everywhere. And the fact that there were always two taps on every bathroom sink. So when he washed, he either froze his hands in ice-cold water or completely boiled them. There was also the visa issue because of Brexit.

But except for all that, it was wonderful. One crisp autumn evening, José was closing up his garage, the sun setting in a blaze of orange and red behind the dark grey clouds. As he was locking the door, he noticed a strange light in the sky. At first, he thought it was a plane, then perhaps a drone, or maybe a ball from that weird game called cricket that people play in England. But no, it was something even stranger than that.

It moved erratically, zigzagging across the sky like a drunk mosquito. Curiosity got the better of José and he stood there, staring at the phenomenon, his mouth hanging open. Suddenly the light grew brighter and zoomed towards José at an incredible speed. Before he could react, José was enveloped in a blinding white light and felt his feet leave the ground.

"Oh, bloody hell!" he said, because that's what English people say in this kind of situation, and, you know, he was trying to blend in. When he woke up, Jose found himself in a sterile metallic room. He was lying on a cold hard surface like the world's worst spa treatment. At first he thought he was still in England. He was cold and a bit uncomfortable, like normal. Then panic set in when he noticed there was no carpet on the floor,

and he realised he'd actually been abducted by aliens. He tried to sit up, but his body felt heavy and his head was spinning like he'd just come back from a trip to the pub with his English mate Barry. A door slid open and two figures entered the room. They were humanoid but taller, with elongated limbs and large almond-shaped eyes.

Imagine a yoga instructor had had a baby with some kind of insect. That's what they looked like. Standard alien stuff, really. Their skin had a bluish colour and they moved with an eerie grace, like ballet dancers who took their job just a little bit too seriously. One of them approached Jose and placed a device on his forehead.

Jose felt a slight tingling sensation and suddenly the room seemed to spin faster. Oh, bloody hell, he said again. Do not be afraid, Jose Martinez, a voice echoed in his mind in English. The alien's lips didn't move. We mean you no harm. Who are you and why do you even have lips if you could do this mind-speaking thing that you're doing to me currently at this very moment right now?

said Jose, quite impressed with his own English, but also wondering if this was all a big trick and he was actually on a terrible TV prank show or something. He glanced around the room to see if there were any cameras, but there weren't any. All he could see was just weird alien technology all around him. ''Oh, Jose, what have you got yourself into this time?'' he muttered to himself.

"We are the Celara," the alien replied telepathically. "We've been observing your species for centuries. We have chosen you, Jose Martinez, for an experiment that will benefit both our kinds." Jose's fear slowly began to subside, replaced by curiosity as well as a bit of annoyance.

"Look, if it's about my visa, I'm in the process of renewing it. Honestly, I just need to..." But the Celara didn't let him finish. "We have developed a technology that allows us to share knowledge through direct neural transfer," it explained. "You will be the first human to receive this gift. We will give you all our knowledge, including everything we have learned and observed about the English people and their language."

In return, we ask that you share your Spanish culture and language with us. Um, I'm from Barcelona, said Jose, and, well, haven't you heard of Duolingo or podcasts? But the Zilara continued. Please, we ask you to share your language and culture with us, and that you let us examine you.

"'Huh?' said José. But before he could go any further, the alien activated the device on his forehead. A flood of information surged into José's mind. Grammar rules, vocabulary, idioms, and all the nuances of the English language. Every accent, even the Liverpool one. It was overwhelming, like that time Barry tried to explain the rules of snooker after they'd drunk seven pints of Guinness.'

Plus, José hadn't actually given his consent for any of this, which seemed a bit wrong, like some kind of space crime or something. However, as the minutes passed, José felt his understanding of English deepen to an extraordinary level. He could now speak, read, understand and write English with impeccable precision, and could probably give grammar lessons to Shakespeare if he wasn't dead. Shakespeare, I mean. José was still alive, of course.

In fact, at this moment, he felt more alive than ever before. Days turned into weeks as José adapted to his new environment, the discomfort of his initial abduction wearing off with time. The Zilara were fascinated by human culture and José shared stories, music and literature with them, along with his recipe for how to make the perfect paella. He even told them a couple of jokes he'd picked up while living in England.

although the Zillara showed no signs of having any sense of humour. "Hey aliens, want to hear another joke? Barry told me this one," said José one afternoon. The aliens just stared impassively until finally one of them said, "Yes, please give us more examples of your fascinating Earth humour." "Okay guys, look, you're gonna love this one. Just promise not to probe me if it doesn't make you laugh, alright?"

The Celara looked at one another. 'Never mind,' said José, 'here's the joke: What did the Spanish fireman call his two sons?' The Celara stared at each other, nodding their heads. They seemed to be conferring together, trying to find the best answer to José's question. One of them replied telepathically: 'Our research indicates that the most common male names in Spain currently are Martin and Mateo.'

No, no, no, no, no, no, said Jose, chuckling. The Spanish fireman called his two sons Jose and Jose B. There was no reaction from the Tselara, but Jose couldn't stop laughing at his own joke. Get it? Jose and Jose B. Hoses, right? Firemen have hoses, and he's a fireman, and his first son is called Jose, and then Jose B., and...

But the Zilara didn't laugh. Instead, they just looked at José, with their heads cocked to one side, unblinking. "OK, too much wordplay," said José. "It's all right. I'll keep it simple. Here's another one. Ready? What do you call a Spanish guy who's lost his car? What do you call a Spanish guy who's lost his car?" The aliens continued to stare, unblinking at José. One of them turned his head slowly to look at the others.

"'Spanish guy lost his car. What's his name?' said José, his eyebrows raised. The aliens didn't respond. "'Carlos!' José laughed out loud for a while, enjoying his own joke a bit too much. The Zilara remained silent for a while and then thanked José for introducing them to more earth humour before politely leaving the room."

In return for everything they learned from him, the Zillara taught Jose about their advanced technology and interstellar navigation, which he thought was a pretty fair trade, even though he was quite sure he'd never actually use interstellar navigation unless he decided to start an intergalactic Uber service or something, but he didn't want to.

Despite their differences and the fact that they'd basically kidnapped him, José found himself growing fond of his captors, appreciating their wisdom and the peacefulness of their society. Despite their complete lack of humour and their insistence on probing him as part of their research, which we probably shouldn't talk about now, one day the Zilara informed José that it was time for him to return to Earth.

They had gathered the information they needed and, as promised, they would send him back with his new knowledge intact. They even promised to provide him with a new pair of trousers, as the others had been damaged during some of their research. "'Goodbye, José, son of a fireman,' they said telepathically, waving their long, graceful arms."

"'Actually, my father was an office manager,' said José, but before he could continue, the same blinding light enveloped him once more, and when he opened his eyes, he was back in England standing in front of his garage. The sun was rising now, casting a golden glow over the familiar surroundings. It seemed that he'd just been standing there in front of his garage all night, with his mouth hanging open. The whole experience felt like a dream.'

but the enhanced clarity of his thoughts and speech told him otherwise. His brain was positively fizzing with brand new advanced English vocabulary. José resumed his life, but he was forever changed. After finally getting his working visa and indefinite leave to remain in the UK, he became a respected author and public speaker, sharing his experiences through beautifully written stories and TED Talks.

He even started his own podcast, which, annoyingly, became even more popular than Luke's English podcast. But I suppose that's no surprise, considering he was the only human on Earth ever to have been abducted by aliens, who then shared all their knowledge with him, and so much more. José's command of the English language and his incredible anecdotes captivated readers and audiences everywhere.

Although he never saw the Zalara again, he knew their encounter had opened a new chapter in human-alien relations. He cherished his time with the aliens, despite all the probing, which he wasn't convinced was absolutely necessary. And every time Jose made paella, he couldn't help but chuckle, wondering if the Zalara had learned to make it too, and how they would find Saffron in deep space. The End

There you go. That was the story of the bizarre abduction of Jose Martinez. All right. So let me just kind of summarize the story in my own words. It's not really a very complicated story. Actually, that question that I asked you earlier, which was what kind of story is this? Well, it's supposed to be a kind of quirky, funny science fiction comedy, really.

So it's sort of a bit of science fiction, bit of comedy, I suppose. So to sum up the story, yeah, so Jose Martinez, Spanish guy who'd moved to England to improve his English skills.

and he struggled with the typical things that people struggle with when they move to England from a place like Spain, which includes stuff like obviously the language, understanding people when they spoke in different accents to him, and then all the other usual typical things that people tend to complain about, like the food, the weather, the... What else was it? The fact there's carpet everywhere everywhere.

which is less the case these days but certainly in the past English homes always used to have carpet just all over the place which if you're not used to living in homes with carpet on the floor can feel a bit strange it feels a bit dusty or a bit sort of maybe even unhygienic but it's nice and cozy in the winter when when it's cold and you you have to walk to the toilet in the middle of the night and you've got lovely soft carpet under your feet that's nice um

But anyway, he struggled with various things. We'll look specifically at what those things were again in a moment. And then one day... So he worked as a mechanic or something in a garage. One day he was locking up his garage and he saw a strange light in the sky. The light came flying towards him and he was sort of...

beamed up into an alien spaceship and he was abducted by aliens. You know, just, you know. We've all, it's happened to all of us, right? You know, you know when you get abducted by aliens. God, oh, so annoying, isn't it? Oh dear. Yeah, sorry I never got back to you about that email. Yeah, I got abducted by aliens for six months.

Oh, you too. God, it happened to my brother-in-law as well. It's a nightmare, isn't it? Anyway, so he got abducted by aliens and they kind of approached him. These weird, long, kind of standard looking aliens really came up to him and attached a device to his head, which allowed them to communicate with him telepathically. And they basically said, so we...

We're doing research into the human race. I mean, they never explain why, you know, what was their was their research? What about the data? You know, you need to surely there needs to be some sort of data protection compliance with something like that. But no, no, just they just unilaterally decided to do.

take as much data as they possibly could from the humans. And they wanted to learn about Jose's Spanish culture and language. And in return, they were willing to share with him all of the knowledge they'd gained about English. I mean, they could have just gone to Spain. I mean, there's loads of Spanish. I don't know why they had to do it in England. But anyway, maybe

You know, maybe they couldn't get a visa for the EU. Who knows? But... So, they flooded his brain with information about English, which obviously was amazing. But they also probably took lots of information about Spanish culture and language. And they had to probe him as well, which...

Perhaps wasn't completely necessary. If you don't know what probing is, I will explain it in the sort of vocab part. And he kind of grew to like them, really, spending time with them, even though it was uncomfortable at the beginning. He kind of grew to like.

be quite friendly with these aliens, kind of like Stockholm Syndrome maybe. And he even told them a few jokes, but they had absolutely no sense of humour and didn't get the jokes at all. I wonder if you understood those two jokes. I expect the first joke probably went straight over your head. The second joke is much easier to understand. I'll explain them. I will dissect those jokes in a little bit.

And then eventually it was time for them to send him back to Earth. And as promised, they did that. And he arrived back on Earth. But he was suddenly... What's the word? His knowledge and his use of English had been enhanced to an incredible level where suddenly he had mastered the English language. And he was able to then...

become a well-recognized author and public speaker doing TED Talks and writing best-selling books. And he even started his own podcast, which became annoyingly even more popular than my podcast. But it's no surprise. And that's kind of the end of the story. And he lived happily ever after. That's basically it. Yeah.

Now, I don't mean to suggest this is the only way that you can master English, that the only way that you can really master English is to be abducted by aliens who then use some sort of weird alien technology to flood your brain with vocabulary and grammar. There are other ways of learning, of course. You know, that's not the only way. I mean, it helps, but it's unlikely, isn't it? Anyway...

So let's now go through some of the vocab. Let's go through the story again, line by line, and I'm going to explain and point out some phrases from this, okay? Here are some phrases and bits of vocabulary that you can pick up from this. Here we go. The abduction, aka, aka, also known as. Okay, that's...

an acronym, aka means also known as. So this story is called The Abduction. That's the short title. The full title is The Bizarre Abduction of Jose Martinez. An abduction...

Well, we talk about an alien abduction, but to abduct someone is to take someone or kidnap them. It's another word for kidnapping, but someone can be kidnapped or abducted. But in the case of aliens, if aliens do it, we always use the word abduction. Aliens don't kidnap people. They abduct people, I suppose. Do they actually do it? I mean, is this...

I know there are lots of accounts of people saying that they've been abducted by aliens, and especially in the United States of America, for some reason, in the US, the number of alien abduction reportings is strangely completely focused on the United States for some reason. And there aren't that many. Why is it the aliens are only abducting American citizens? Hmm, interesting that. But anyway...

So an alien abduction, right? So Jose Martinez was an ordinary man living in a quaint little town on the outskirts of London in England. So we've got the word ordinary, which is, you know, not too complicated. Synonyms of ordinary would be normal, typical, usual, commonplace. He was just an ordinary guy, a normal man, a typical bloke.

Okay. An ordinary person, an ordinary day, just ordinary circumstances. For example, it was just an ordinary day at work. Nothing exciting happened or she's an ordinary person. There's nothing particularly special about her. Um, right. Just an ordinary person, not a superhero or anything like that. You know, um,

Ordinary man living in a quaint little town. Quaint. Quaint means attractive, cute, old-fashioned, with a specific style to it. So a lot of towns in England could be described as quaint. Little villages. If you've ever been to somewhere like the Cotswolds in England, it's full of these really quaint little towns with little rivers or streams running through them.

old-fashioned, attractive, cute, maybe, with a specific style to it. So a quaint village, a quaint cottage, a quaint custom. For example, we visited a quaint village in the Cotswolds that looked like something out of a fairy tale.

OK, then we've got the outskirts of London in England. The outskirts of London, we talk about the outskirts of a city. It means on the edge of the city, in the area surrounding the city. OK, so, for example, they live on the outskirts of the city. It's on the outskirts. OK, the new shopping centre is located on the outskirts of town.

OK, on the outskirts, on the edge of town. But we also say in the suburbs.

which is a similar thing. I mean, I suppose the difference between the outskirts of town and the suburbs, normally we think of the suburbs as a sort of residential area, which is outside the city, but in the area just outside the city. So you've got city, suburbs, countryside, probably. The outskirts of the city is just like this sort of like, similar to the suburbs, might be the same kind of thing, but just the edge of the city, basically. On the outskirts, on the edge of town, in the suburbs.

Okay. Originally from Spain, Jose had moved to the UK to improve his English by immersing himself in the language and culture. Immersing yourself in the language and immersion. Right.

to be surrounded by it, to be kind of fully inside it, to be immersed. He managed to find work as a mechanic fixing up old cars in a small garage. So fixing up here is a phrasal verb. It's quite interesting maybe to compare just the word fixing and the phrase fixing up. So to fix something is to repair it. So

So if you've got old cars that don't work anymore, you need to fix them so you get your tools and fix them so that they work again.

OK, but fixing something up means not just repairing it, but kind of completely repairing it, repairing it totally and maybe even renovating it to make it look new and presentable. So you can imagine if you've got an old, beaten up old car that not only doesn't work, but it looks kind of run down.

you would fix it up. So not just repair the engine and other technical things, but also make it look nice, make it usable. That's to fix something up. Okay, here's a quick quiz for you. Is it fix or fix up? Which one would you use? For example, this one. I found this broken old bike in the market. I'm going to and give it to my son as a birthday present.

I found this broken old bike in the market. I'm going to give it to my son as a birthday present. That would be, I'm going to fix it up.

Okay, not just repair it, but make it look usable, make it look nice and make it usable completely again. Another one, they're in the spare bedroom before the baby is born. They are in the spare bedroom before the baby is born. So they're going to have a baby and they are sort of preparing the spare bedroom, maybe redecorating it, getting it ready for the baby, right? So

So that would be, they're fixing up the spare bedroom. Okay, and it's in the continuous form. They're fixing up the spare bedroom before the baby is born. How about this one? I spent the afternoon in our dishwasher, which had stopped working the night before.

So you can imagine someone with their head in the dishwasher trying to maybe repair a part of the dishwasher so it works again. I spent the afternoon fixing our dishwasher. And again, that is an ING form. I spent the afternoon doing it. Spend time doing something. So I found this old bike. I'm going to fix it up. They're fixing up the spare bedroom. I spent the afternoon fixing our dishwasher, repairing it. So that's fix versus fix up. Let's keep going.

So his life was relatively simple and uneventful, except for one major hurdle. So relatively simple. His life was simple. We understand that. But his life was relatively simple. So relatively adding this adverb before the adjective simple, it just means it was simple when compared to other people's lives.

So it's kind of like saying fairly simple, reasonably simple, quite simple, relatively simple compared to everyone else's lives. It's just one of those grading adverbs, you know, which is quite nice. It's quite expressive. Instead of saying his life was good, you know, or his life was easy, his life was simple, his life was fairly simple, his life was relatively simple and uneventful. Okay, um...

Uneventful, meaning without any major events, right? Fairly quiet, not full of drama. Quiet, peaceful, nothing much happened, really. His life was uneventful. An uneventful life, an uneventful day. How was your week? Uneventful, really. Okay, it's not particularly negative or positive, just means nothing really happened very much.

His life was relatively simple and uneventful except for one major hurdle. So a hurdle is an obstacle which you have to get over. Like in athletics in the Olympics, running, you've got the running events, track and field events.

Running around the track, you've got the normal sort of 100 meter sprint or 200 meters or 400 meter running races. But then you've got, let's say, the 400 meter hurdles. And that's when there are hurdles on the track that you have to jump over.

So these things, these barriers or obstacles that you have to get over, these are called hurdles. So a hurdle is basically an obstacle that you have to deal with, a thing that gets in your way, a problem that you have to deal with in order to continue. A major hurdle is a big hurdle, a big significant obstacle. So his life was basically pretty simple except for one big problem which he had to deal with, one major hurdle.

His struggle to understand all the different British accents and dialects which he encountered on a daily basis. Okay, that's fairly clear. He encountered these accents and dialects. To encounter something is to essentially meet them, to come across them. You know, you meet a person...

but you encounter a problem, right? In this case, he encountered something. He encountered these different accents and dialects, okay, in his daily life. He would meet people and they would speak to him and it would be difficult to understand them. The difference between accents and dialects, accents are the ways people in different communities pronounce a language differently. So accents are all about differences in pronunciation. So you've got accentation,

Different accents in London. You've got, you know, sort of a Birmingham accent, a Liverpool accent, Manchester accent, West Country accent, Welsh accents, different Welsh accents, different Scottish accents, different sort of Norfolk and Suffolk accents. So many different accents all over the country. Just differences in pronunciation. And dialects are the ways that different communities use different words in a language.

So that's dialect. It's about differences in vocabulary usage within different communities of that language. Dialects are also often considered to be just like non-standard varieties of a language. OK, so right. Basically, all these different versions of English that he encountered, the sorts of things that you don't understand.

typically get in the average English language course book that you might study with in your home country. Often the English that you get from those is a sort of standard received pronunciation, but when you actually go to the UK, suddenly you realise that everyone is kind of... so many people speak a version of the language which doesn't quite match the one that you have been taught. So these are the things he encountered on a daily basis.

And the food. Because, of course, people typically complain about the food in England, you know.

And I'm fed up with hearing about it, to be honest. You know, when I meet people who say, oh, yeah, I went to England. Let's say people from somewhere else. I went to England as a student or I spent a year in England. Oh, yeah. What did you think? Oh, it was great. And then they always have to tell me, oh, except for the food. So why do you have to tell me that? And why do you have to give me a TripAdvisor review for my country? I don't know why.

um, you know, oh yeah, thanks for, you know, people feel the need. They have to feel the need to tell me that English food is, is no good. I don't know why I don't even agree. You know, there's plenty of really good food. You just have to know where to find it. Um,

And I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that information as well. If people tell me that, like, oh, great. Okay. Next time I'm back in England, I'll make sure I tell everyone. So everyone. Yeah. Yeah. I know you're really enjoying that sandwich, but I think you'll find that it's disgusting. Yeah. I've been told. Yeah. We need to we need to sort it out. Apparently. I don't know.

So there's the food, the weather, of course, as everyone knows. People always assume that it rains all the time, which is not true. And how expensive everything was. Well, this is true. In the UK, amazingly, everything is incredibly expensive, especially in London. And the drafty windows. Drafty, a draft, is air that kind of comes in through the window. If the window isn't perfectly insulated...

right, then little bits of cold air might come in the window. And if you're sitting next to the window, if you're sitting next to it with your back to it, you might feel like a little cold air on the back of your neck. And then suddenly you're, you're, achoo, you're coughing and sneezing and you've caught a cold because there's draft, there are drafts in your home. And, um,

This is another thing that visitors to the UK, or at least students living in the UK and studying English that I used to teach for many years when I was teaching in London, this is one of the most common complaints that people would complain about. The drafty windows. It's kind of true. I think the thing is that, especially in London, a lot of the houses have got these old-fashioned windows which date back to the Victorian period. These sash windows, these old windows

really sort of grand looking old wooden sliding windows. They're actually a good design in many ways. And people who have windows like these old fashioned windows in their homes don't really want to replace them because first of all, it's very expensive to replace them because they've got like complex systems in them.

And also because those old windows are actually a selling point. If a home's got the original Victorian windows, that is kind of a selling point that it means that there's value in the property.

And the tiny kitchens, yeah, and the carpet everywhere. I've mentioned that carpet all over the place, which some people find strange. And the fact that there were always two taps on every bathroom sink.

Yeah, this is another typical complaint, which I have talked about a lot on this podcast over the years, that people complain about the fact that there are two taps, typically in British bathrooms, and not one single unified tap. That's the point, that they are separated taps.

that, of course, a lot of kitchens in other... Of course, a lot of bathrooms in the rest of the world have a mixer tap where you can, you know, mix the water that comes out of one single tap. But typically, if you've been to England, you might have seen this, that you get one tap on one side for cold water, another tap on the other side for hot water. And...

You know, what are you supposed to do in that situation? Either you're getting ice cold water from one side or you're getting boiling hot water direct from hell on the other side. How do you deal with that? And what you're supposed to do is put the plug in the plug hole and fill the sink or the basin full of water and then wash your hands and face in that water. Some people perhaps understandably consider that to be unhygienic because it means that, you know...

If the bowl is not completely clean, then that could be a bit dirty. So, I mean, as an English person growing up in England, this was never an issue for me. And I just never thought it was a problem. And when people started to complain, when I was teaching English in London, meeting people from around the world, and I would say, you know, what's different about England?

And this is one of the most common complaints. Why do you have two taps in the bathroom? And I would kind of say, what do you mean? Why do you have two taps? One for hot, one for cold, obviously. But then they would explain, no, but you know, we can't do it. We don't understand how, how do you live like this? You weird English people. Um,

And I suppose what I always did is either I would wash my hands and face in cold water, which was fine, really, you know. And when people complained about that, I used to think, God, you're so soft, aren't you? Everyone from the rest of the world, you're so soft, just a little bit of cold water. You're like, I can't take it.

But I kind of understand now. So, I'd either do that, just washing cold water, or I'd fill the sink and just make sure the sink was fairly clean. You know, and growing up in my house, my mum always made sure that things were clean. So, that wasn't an issue. But I suppose if you're in shared accommodation in London with a bunch of other students, then maybe that might not be the case.

Or I would actually turn on the hot tap and use the hot tap to wash my hands and face. And by the time I'd finished doing all that, the water would be too hot, right? But while I was doing it, the water would be slowly heating up. Because you know often it takes time for the hot water to heat up. It's not instantly boiling hot. It kind of goes from cold through to quite warm, to warm to nicely warm, to a bit too warm to boiling hot, right?

So I would manage to wash my hands and face in the time it took the water to get too hot. And also the other thing you can do is you kind of like mix it in your hands. So you get a bit hot, bit of cold, bit of hot, bit of cold, and then use that. So it was never really a problem, but I understand why people would complain about that. Here I am again, talking about two taps in the bathroom for the millionth time on this podcast. So...

The fact there were two taps in the bathroom when he washed his hands, when he washed, he either froze his hands in ice cold water or completely boiled them. Hi, it's Eugenio Derbez. Did you know that with Boost Mobile, you can cut your phone bill in half this tax season? Yes, half. Buy six months of service and get six months free. That's a full year of service paying half. That sounds good, doesn't it?

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There was also the visa issue because of Brexit.

But except for all of that, it was wonderful. Just in case you don't know about Brexit, how could you not know? I mean, I haven't talked about it for a while, but I did a long series with my dad of episodes when Brexit was happening. Can you believe it's nearly 10 years ago? It's like eight and a half... It's about eight years ago that...

The Brexit referendum happened. Basically, this is where the UK had a referendum, which was... I won't go into it. Don't get me started. But the UK had a referendum. I mean, I won't go into what I think about it.

UK had a referendum on membership of the European Union and 51.8% of people voted to leave and so that was it and then we left the EU but I still don't really know what the advantages were supposed to be. Let's not get into all the politics of it but it was a bloody stupid idea and one of the problems is that now

Now, freedom of movement is really difficult, which means that if you're an English or British person, you can't freely go and... You know, our freedoms and rights have been reduced quite a lot. You can't now just go freely into Europe and travel and work there. You have complicated visa processes that you have to go through. Similarly, the other way around. If you're from the EU and you want to go to the UK and stay there, you've got a much more complicated process of applying for different kinds of visas and blah, blah, blah.

That's Brexit. It's just a little bit of Brexit. But so except for all of that, it was wonderful. One crisp autumn evening. So crisp. This is interesting. In this context, the word crisp is being used to describe the weather or the climate or the air. There are different definitions of crisp here.

either to describe the texture of objects or materials or to describe the weather or to describe a feeling of clarity, a sense of things being clear. So the general definition of crisp would mean firm, dry and brittle to the touch, like crisp paper. This paper is quite crisp and

This is quite crisp paper. It's quite firm and dry. Crisp potatoes, you know, like potato crisps. When you eat them, they crunch. They're quite dry and brittle. So that's the texture of crisp texture. In terms of weather, crisp weather or crisp air is cool, fresh and invigorating. A lovely crisp morning.

And in terms of clarity, when crisp refers to clarity, we talk about it being clear and precise in sound, in appearance or in style. Clear and precise. So crisp audio, crisp. You know, one of the things I like about Jose's podcast is the crisp audio, meaning it's really clear. Crisp handwriting, very clear, perfectly reproduced handwriting.

When describing an autumn evening, crisp refers to the cool, fresh air often experienced at that time of year. The temperature is often chilly enough to make you feel clear and invigorated, but not freezing cold. It also might suggest a sense of clarity in the atmosphere. Imagine cool air, vivid colours, blue sky, freshness. You know, that's a crisp autumn evening. José was closing up his garage...

So, we had before, we had fixing something and fixing something up. We now have closing something and closing something up. So, closing something means, as you know, like, you know, to close the door, securing it, finishing it. We closed the contract. I closed the episode. Closing a door, closing a window, right? Closing up is the same thing. Finishing it, securing it. But also...

adding up there suggests an extra sense of completeness in the case of the garage that means that the whole garage is closed right not just closing the door but the whole thing is closed he's turned out the lights he shut down the equipment he's finished all his work he's tidied everything away he's put the tools back in the boxes he's locked the door business for the day is ended he's

He's locked the place up. He's closed up the garage. Right? You see the difference? We often have 'up' in phrasal verbs: fix something up, close something up, lock something up. The particle 'up' in a phrasal verb often conveys a sense of completeness, thoroughness or bringing something to its final finished state.

Okay. For example, use up, eat up, to use something up, to eat something up, to listen up, to clean up, to break up, to tear up, to lock up, to dry up. Right. I'll go through those quite quickly. So to to use something up, for example, we used up all the sugar while making the cookies. I used up all the ink in my pen when I was writing. I used up all the ink in my pen while I was writing notes down.

while listening to Luke's English podcast. The episode was so long, I used up all the ink in an entire pen, meaning to consume all of something until there's none left. Eat something up or drink something up. Come on, eat up your dinner before it gets cold, means finish eating everything on your plate. Come on, drink it up. There's a good, there's a good boy. Or drink it down as well, we also say, meaning it goes all the way down inside you.

Listen up means, now listen up. It's not just listen, but listen with your full attention. Now listen up, I've got something very important to tell you, right? Luke's English Podcast Premium is available at teachaluke.co.uk slash premium info, okay? To clean up means to tidy everything, make something completely clean. For example, after the party, we stayed up late,

to clean up the mess. When my son has played with all his toys and they're all over the floor, we sing the clean up song and we say clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere and he's supposed to clean up with me but it's generally just me. Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere or maybe just me then, okay.

You clean up all the mess. To break up, end a relationship completely. Not just break, but break up, suggesting it's permanent. They decided to break up after five years together. Tear something up means to rip something or tear something into small pieces completely. So to tear something would maybe just be once.

But to tear something up is to tear it into tiny little pieces. Tearing it up into pieces, right? She tore up the letter in frustration. She tore the letter. So she tore up the letter. You know, it's like, dear Sophie, I'm sorry, but I've decided to leave you. I've fallen in love with another person. You know, well, that's the end of that then. Tear up the letter into tiny pieces, right? That's to tear something up.

Right. Lock up, secure something completely by locking it. Don't forget to lock up the house. So that's to lock up the house, right? You know, everyone's got that many locks on their house, haven't they? To dry up, meaning to become completely dry or to exhaust the supply of something. For example, the river dried up in the summer. So all the water went away.

Went completely dry. The river dried up. My inspiration, you know, you might say your inspirational motivation could dry up. Hopefully my inspiration or motivation for doing these podcasts will never dry up.

Okay, so that was closing up. Jose was closing up his garage, the sun setting in a blaze of orange and red behind the grey clouds. The sun sets in the evening and it rises in the morning. So that's sunset and sunrise. A blaze of orange and red. A blaze is a fire.

So in this case, it's sort of a metaphor to describe the colour of the sky, a blaze of orange and red. OK. Mm-hmm. Then we have... Next, we have... As he was locking the door, he noticed a strange light in the sky. OK. At first, he thought it was a plane, then perhaps a drone. Zzzz.

or maybe a ball from that weird game called cricket that people play in England. Oh, cricket. No one understands the rules, do they? Actually, they do. Second most popular spectator sport in the world. You should know. And whenever I say that, there's always someone who goes, yeah, but that's just because it's popular in India. It's like, why? And that doesn't count. Why? Just because it's popular in India, they're still humans. That still counts. Yeah.

Right? That's wrong, isn't it? Anyway, but no, it was something even stranger than that. It moved erratically, zigzagging across the sky. If something moves erratically or if something is erratic, it means it moves in an inconsistent way, in an irregular or unpredictable way. You know, like an alien spaceship moving unpredictably this way and that way. I don't know. Is that how alien spaceships move? I don't know.

Maybe if the person doesn't know where they're going, if the alien's like, oh, over there, no, no, left, left, left, left. Or the alien's like, oh, the GPS isn't working, the sat-nav's not working, that way, no, no, turn left, oh, no, no, no. Where are you going? I told you, you didn't tell, you know. Can't you read a map? There's two aliens arguing in a UFO. The UFO's moving erratically. Yes, zigzagging.

It's a movement in diagonal lines to move diagonally. That's zigzagging, right? You know, like the way you're supposed to run when you are being chased by a crocodile. Did you know this? Well, next time you're being chased by a crocodile, just remember that you're supposed to run in zigzag lines, so diagonally left and right. The reason being that crocodiles are not very good at turning.

And running, they tend to prefer running in one single direction. And if you turn, they're like, oh, for God's sake. And then you turn left and they're like, oh, all right. I can't be bothered. I'm going back to the river. So next time you're being chased by a crocodile, make sure you run in a zigzag kind of fashion. Yes. Curiosity got the better of Jose.

Curiosity, we know, the feeling of being curious. What's that? Oh, I'd love to know more about that. What is that? I'd love to have another look at that. What is it? Should we go over and have a look? What is that thing anyway? No, but what's, but really though, what is that? Right, that's curiosity. But curiosity got the better of him.

If something gets the better of you, right, to get the better of someone, it means that a feeling becomes so powerful that it takes control over you and then guides your actions. So something becomes an impulse which makes you do something. It got the better of me. So, for example, his emotions got the better of him, meaning like his anger got the better of him. So he decided to stop the car and get out and have an argument.

Curiosity got the better of her and she looked up his profile on Facebook. Anger got the better of me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I snapped. I didn't mean to snap. OK, it's just that, you know, when you said that thing, the anger got the better of me. Fear got the better of her and she decided to stay in.

Her curiosity got the better of her. She opened the mysterious box. He wanted to stay calm, but his anger got the better of him during the argument. I tried to resist, but the temptation got the better of me and I ate the cake. His fear got the better of him and he decided not to take the risk. So in this case, curiosity got the better of Jose and he stood there staring at this phenomenon with his mouth hanging open. So a phenomenon is just like a

a thing that happens that might be significant or extraordinary, right? Just a thing that happens, right? That could be out of the ordinary. He stood there with his mouth hanging open. So his mouth was open. Like you would do if you saw an alien spaceship UFO thing in the sky, you would probably go, what's that? Is that a UFO? Oh,

No way. You would probably stand with your mouth hanging open and you would look quite stupid. And the UFO, the aliens would be like, what about him? What about him? Should we abduct him? And we're like, no, he looks like an idiot. Look at him with his mouth hanging open. What about me? Yeah, that's why I've never been abducted by an alien.

Because I'm always just, uh, like that. Anyway, suddenly the light grew brighter and zoomed towards Jose at an incredible speed. So the light grew brighter. So grow, we know grow meaning get bigger. But sometimes if something, sometimes the word grow means become, right? So the light grew bigger. Other examples, after listening to episodes of Luke's English podcast, my vocabulary has grown stronger.

I've grown more confident over the years, meaning I've become more confident. I liked the first series of The Walking Dead. Here's another example. I liked the first series of that zombie TV show, The Walking Dead, but it grew boring after about series six or seven. I mean, how many times can they repeat the same storylines over and over and everything seemed to happen on one single stretch of road in the Georgian countryside? I mean, just like it grew very boring.

So that's to grow brighter, to grow better, to grow stronger, to grow more and more boring, meaning become. The light zoomed towards Jose at an incredible speed. So it zoomed, meaning it went really fast. If something zooms, it means it goes fast, usually in some kind of motor-driven machine. They zoomed past me.

Zoom is, I suppose, an onomatopoeia. It's one of those words that sounds like the things it describes. Zoom, right? I zoomed down the road on a motorbike and then I crashed into a tree and died. The end.

It can be for other things too, not just motor-driven vehicles. My kids zoom down this road on their skateboards, making so much noise. My son and his friend spent the morning zooming around the back garden playing games. I don't know where they get their energy from, just running around the garden. Look at them zooming around in the garden. Also, Zoom is that famous teleconferencing software as well, a Zoom call, a Zoom meeting. You

You know, that's a company's name, Zoom. Why did they call themselves Zoom? I suppose it was to evoke a feeling of efficiency, speed, clarity, you know. Zoom is also a thing you do with a camera. You zoom in on something and zoom out, zoom in and out, zoom in to get closer, zoom out to get wider.

So maybe that's what the company Zoom were looking for, something about zooming in, getting a detailed view, but also things moving quickly and efficiently. And also Zoom is quite a snappy, memorable word, isn't it? Before he could react, Jose was enveloped in a blinding white light to be enveloped in something. Now, you've got the word envelope, an envelope, right? Do you remember envelopes?

Do you remember these things? I've got some envelopes in my room which I'm probably never ever going to use. I wouldn't be surprised if I lived my entire life without ever using up my supply of envelopes that I have on the shelf over there. Envelopes are things that you put letters in. Remember letters? Things we used to write on paper. That's right.

Yeah, I'm being stupid, of course, but you write a letter, you fold the letter, you put it in an envelope, and then you seal the envelope closed, put the stamp on it, put the address on it, and post it, right? Those were the days, weren't they? Not really. It was annoying. You know, it would take ages. It would take days for a message to get to someone, you know.

Imagine that. Because these days you can just type to someone, hey, what are you doing? And then instantly they reply to you. But in the days before texts and emails and stuff, you would literally have to write a letter. Dear Mr. Stevenson, what are you doing? Yours sincerely, Luke Thompson. In the post...

Six days later, you get a reply. I've got my letter from Mr. Stevenson, my friend, Mr. Stevenson. I'll open it with my letter opener. You open it up and dear Mr. Thompson, not very much. You're sincerely Mr. Stevenson. He's not really doing anything. All right, well, I'll write to him again. Would you like to come over and play PlayStation with me, Mr. Stevenson? You know, it just would take bloody ages. These days, you can just do it on WhatsApp, can't you?

Anyway, so that's an envelope, right? But to be enveloped is the verb, right? An envelope contains a letter, right? The letter is inside the envelope. The envelope is around, surrounding the letter, covering it. In this case, Jose was enveloped.

inside this white light. The white light was all around him and he was inside it. He was like the letter in the envelope. But in this sense, the white light was the envelope and it enveloped him. So envelop is the verb and envelope is the noun. But you can see there's a difference in word stress. Envelop, envelop, that's three syllables stress on the second syllable. He was enveloped

And envelope, the noun, the stress is on the first syllable. Also, enveloped. This is one of those ed ending verbs in the past form. So many of these, but this one's got a t sound. So, he was enveloped. Depending on what your first language is, you might be tempted to say he was enveloped. But nope, it's enveloped.

He was enveloped in a blinding white light. So, blinding, okay. Blinding, a blinding white light. A light that is blinding is very, very bright and it means you can't see. What's that? A blinding white light. I can't see. Wait a minute. Jose Martinez. Who's that? I can't see you. Switch off the light, for goodness sake.

You know, Jose Martinez. Who is that? I can't see anything. Jose Martinez. I can't see what's going on. Should we just leave him? He seems to be an idiot, this one. Okay, off they go.

That would be a shorter story. A blinding white light. He felt his feet leave the ground. So, you know, he felt his whole body went up in the air and he could feel his his feet come off the ground. He started floating. His feet lost contact with the ground. He felt his feet leave the ground. Right. Oh, bloody hell, he said.

Because that's what English people say in this situation. And he was trying to blend in. So to blend in, another phrasal verb, if you blend in, it means that you are the same as everyone else. So you're not obviously different. You don't really stick out. So to blend in, to mix with everything else and become part of everything else. We use it in other situations as well. For example, if you are cooking, you would blend ingredients together. You know, you blend egg and cream when you're making a quiche.

You put the egg in a bowl, you put the cream in the bowl and you mix it. You whip it or you blend it all together. You might use a blender, which would be a machine. You put the ingredients in the machine and then press the button and it blends all of the ingredients. That's blend. To blend in with something is to kind of like mix in with others. OK, so.

When talking about something that people do, blend in means to be the same as everyone else so that people don't notice you. In this case, Jose wants to act like British people so he can integrate into society and to do the same things that the locals do. All right. This is a bit like me when I wear a stripy T-shirt in France. And I always have one with me, you know. I've always got a stripy T-shirt with me in my bag so that if I ever need to blend in, I can just put that on.

and start smoking a cigarette, maybe grab a baguette and I'm fine. And no one knows that I'm English because I've successfully blended in. And if, if I'm still not sure, then, you know, I just go on strike, maybe get stuck in a traffic jam, start talking about food, and then I will blend in and everyone assumes I'm French as long as, well, I can't start speaking about food. I have to just eat, just eat some food. Um,

go shopping for some food. As long as I don't speak, then I can blend in quite comfortably. When he woke up, Jose found himself in a sterile metallic room. Sterile means clean with no bacteria. For example, a laboratory should be a sterile environment. Unless, of course, you are actually growing bacteria there. But you know what I mean. An operating theatre where surgery happens, that should be sterile.

The instruments used by the doctors, the scalpels and stuff, should be completely sterile. All the needles and swabs, those wooden things that doctors put in your mouth and stick on your tongue, and they say, ah, say ah, ah.

They put a wooden thing. That should be sterile. If they put a thermometer in your mouth, the thermometer should be sterile, especially if it's been used by someone just before you. And especially if you live in France, where they tend to check your body temperature with a thermometer by putting it in your bum. Yeah, they love doing that here because apparently it's more accurate. Right. Yeah. OK.

Yes. Metallic. So he woke up in a sterile metallic room. Metallic means made of metal or something similar to metal. A metallic room, a metallic taste. You can have water. You know, this water has a sort of metallic taste. If you keep water in a metal container, then the water might end up having a metallic taste. You can hear it have a metallic sound. Clang, clang, clang.

a metallic sound, a metallic colour. For example, a car can have a metallic colour. Do you like my car? It shows metallic blue for the paint. It looks nice, doesn't it? So that's Metallic Metallica, heavy metal band. At first he thought he was still in England. He was cold and a bit uncomfortable like normal because it's cold and uncomfortable in England, isn't it? No, not always, actually.

Then panic set in when he noticed there was no carpet on the floor. And, you know, he knew he'd definitely become very English there. If something sets in, it means it takes effect. It starts to happen. It becomes noticeable. It's a feeling. And then the feeling gradually arrives and then it stays. So the feeling sets in.

Jose suddenly started to feel panic. Panic set in. Other examples of set in. Jane, in terms of feelings or emotions, Jane suddenly realized she'd lost her phone. As the reality of the loss set in, she began to cry. Oh, wait a minute. I can't look. My phone. No. Okay. Um...

Unwelcome or persistent conditions could set in. Winter set in early this year. The cold set in early this year. Negative developments. If untreated, the infection can set in and become more serious. The infection can take hold and get worse.

Yes. And he realised he'd been abducted by aliens. So there's that word again. We say abducted by aliens, not kidnapped by aliens. Yeah, this is when you need Liam Neeson, isn't it? I mean, they need to do... Sorry to talk about Taken and Liam Neeson again. But they need to do... I mean, we still haven't had Taken 4 yet.

But obviously they need to bring in a science fiction alien element into that, don't they? Taken 4, you know, where his daughter gets abducted by aliens. I don't know who you are. I don't know which planet you've come from. I don't know what you are. I don't know what you, I don't understand your language. I know you have my daughter. If you give an, if you let her go now, that'll be the end of it. That would be good. I would definitely watch that.

Pew, pew, pew. Liam Neeson is Brian Mills. Taken for. Taken to Mars. And Cinemars knew you from Friday. Yes. So, moving on. He tried to sit up, but his body felt heavy. To sit up. Now, it doesn't... So, what's the difference between sit and sit up? The up part here refers to...

It's more literal than we've had before, like close up, lock up, you know, all those things. Sit up here means sit in an upright position. Okay? So, you know, the only time we say sit up is when you've been lying...

lying down or lying back, and then you go into a sitting position, an upright sitting position with your upper body vertical, but you're not standing. So we might as well say sit. He tried to sit, but what it really means is he tried to go from a lying down position to a vertical sitting position. He tried to sit up. That's sit up.

But funnily enough, to sit down, as you probably know, means to go from a vertical position to a sitting position. So sit up is from horizontal to sitting and sit down is from vertical to sitting. Yes. God, it's useful, isn't it? This podcast. I mean, you know, where else are you going to learn these things? Sit up, sit down, sit down.

In a dictionary, no doubt, or any other language learning material that teaches that sort of thing. What am I talking about? Okay. He tried to sit up, but his body felt heavy and his head was spinning.

His head was spinning. It means his head was going around really, really fast. A bit like a basketball on someone's finger. You know those cool people who can they get a basketball and then they spin it on their finger. Aren't they annoying people who can do that? And I'm like, oh, yeah, that looks easy. No, the basketball instantly falls off. I've never managed to make a basketball spin on my finger before.

Anyway, to spin. His head was spinning, so he felt dizzy. He felt kind of disoriented. Right. The door slid open. Slid is the past form of slide. Slide, slid, slid. So a door slid open. So because doors on alien spaceships or UFOs, they never have normal. They never have doors like that, do they? On spaceships.

Yes, what is it? Gzligar 3. We have observed the humans and we think that an abduction may be possible. Thank you, Gzligar 3. You can go back to your post. Like no alien UFOs have doors like that. It's always some other sort of sliding door every time.

So, "A door slid open and two figures emerged." Two figures entered the room. So, "figures" here means the out... a figure is like the outline of a person's body. So, we can call a person a figure when we can't quite see them clearly. We can just maybe see their outline. So, you might say, you know, "There was a figure in the distance." "I saw two figures in the distance." "I saw two figures walking up the dark street."

You could also say people in those situations, but figures suggests body shapes. It's a bit more specific. And obviously in this case, these things were not people. They were kind of

Things that looked a bit like the shape of people in a way, but they weren't people. So two figures. Figures also can refer to numbers. We say facts and figures. A figure can also be a number as well, right? Figures can be numbers on a document or spreadsheet or something like that. So figures can be numbers or like the shape of someone's body. They were humanoid, but taller. Humanoid means sort of

Looks like human, same kind of body shape as a human, or maybe acts like one, but isn't human. Looks like a human, but isn't human. Arms, legs, head, body, you know, that sort of thing. So a humanoid, human-shaped, let's say, with elongated limbs. Limbs are arms and legs, right? There's a B in the word, limbs, but the B is silent, like in climb, okay, and comb, right?

that you use to comb your hair, climb, climb a tree. All those words have got a silent B in them. And limb, elongated limbs, arms and legs. Elongated means long and thin, narrow and slender, right? Longer than normal. They're with large almond-shaped eyes. Almond-shaped eyes, shaped like an almond, obviously, but that kind of, you know, like alien eyes shape.

They're almond shaped. And notice the pronunciation of almond also has a silent letter. In this case, the silent letter is L. So that's almonds. It's not almond. It's almond. Other words with a silent L while we're on the subject. Calm, you know, calm and quiet. Calm, C-A-L-M, calm. Palm, the palm of your hand. That's the soft palm.

underside of your hand, the side that you use to hold something, that's the palm of your hand, P-A-L-M. The yolk of an egg, that's the yellow part of an egg, is called the yolk, Y-O-L-K, but it's pronounced yolk. Walk, to walk, W-A-L-K, of course, and to talk, T-A-L-K. Talk could, would, and should all have an L in them, but it's not could, would, or should, it's could, would, should,

And folk, like folk music, F-O-L-K, folk, and the word half. Half, quarter, eighth, half, H-A-L-F, but pronounced half. Okay, let's move on. I've got to hurry up a little bit here. Imagine a yoga instructor had had a baby with some kind of insect.

Had, had, yes. This is possible, normal and frequent. It's just when we use, when we conjugate the verb have in past perfect. To have, in this case, to have a baby. But imagine a yoga instructor had, had a baby. So it's past perfect with the verb have. Okay, it's normal, common. For example, I decided that I had had enough. Enough, enough.

I decided that I had had enough. That's how you pronounce that. Or I decided that I'd had enough. Just often in spoken English, the auxiliary had gets contracted to just the d sound. I'd had enough. I decided I'd had enough. I decided I had had enough.

when I stood up, I realised I'd had too much to eat or I had had too much to eat. After we'd had a break, after we had had a break, after we'd had a break, we got back to work.

Okay, so that's what they looked like. Standard alien stuff, really. Standard alien stuff. Just the typical, normal, standard things you get from aliens in this kind of story or film. Nothing particularly original here. Just standard alien stuff. Tall, kind of blue-coloured things with almond-shaped eyes and nose. Sliding doors. A lot of sliding doors everywhere.

Their skin had a bluish colour. Bluish-ish. I've explained this before. Here we go again. Ish is a suffix that we add to words, often adjectives, to mean approximately or kind of. Something like. OK. So that is the suffix ish. We use it with adjectives. It's new-ish. It means it's quite new. It's a kind of bluish-greenish colour.

Right? It's sort of blue, sort of green. We also use it with approximate times and numbers. She's sort of 30-ish, right? She's about 30 years old. Let's meet, what time? About 12-ish, around about 12 o'clock. So that's ish. They had a bluish, their skin had a bluish colour. And they moved with an eerie grace. Eerie means strange, weird, odd, bizarre.

A little bit creepy, maybe. Ooh, like the way the aliens moved so gracefully. It was almost like a bit strange, a bit creepy. An eerie feeling, an eerie noise. She heard the eerie noise of the wind howling through the trees. An eerie feeling. He had the eerie feeling that he'd met this stranger before. You know, haven't we met before? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm sure I've met you before.

Well, actually, now that you say it, I am your father. Dun, dun, dun. No! So, eerie feeling. And they moved with an eerie grace. So, a quality of moving in a smooth, relaxed and attractive way. A bit like a ballet dancer or a ballroom dancer move with such grace and elegance.

ballet dancer. Notice that the T is not pronounced. It's not ballet, but ballet, a ballet dancer. Okay. Okay. One of them approached Jose and placed a device on his forehead. One of them approached him, meaning moved towards him and placed a device. Placed in this case means put it in a specific place, in this case on his forehead. Okay.

He placed this device on his forehead. The forehead is the front part of your head where if you play football, that's the bit where you head the ball, right? In a game of football, you hit the ball with your forehead. Or if you are...

sort of exasperated by something, you slap your forehead. Oh, God, not again. And you slap your forehead with the palm of your hand. Oh, face palm. Oh, my God. Normally, you smack your forehead, right? So one of them placed a device on his forehead, and

OK, moving on. Right? That's a tingling sensation. You might get it in your legs if you've been sitting in one position for too long. OK?

Like whenever I go to a Japanese restaurant and I have to sit on the floor after about 10 minutes, I get a tingling sensation in my legs and I have to stand up. I've got to stand up. I can't sit like this for too long.

very inflexible, when my legs go dead from sitting on the floor for too long. If you hold out your arm in front of you for a long time, the blood eventually drains from your arm and you might start to get a tingling sensation in your arm. So generally it just describes a sort of strange sensation in your body that could be due to a loss of blood or a loss of circulation, or it could be fear of

or it could be excitement, or it could be some sort of electromagnetic signal or something like that, or alien technology, right? So I imagine, I mean, it's never happened to me, but I imagine that when an alien places a brain communication device on your forehead and switches it on, you would feel a tingling sensation. And you might think, God, I hope there aren't many radioactive devices

sort of waves that come from this. I mean, I thought mobile phones were a problem, but this thing probably is going to fry my brain, isn't it? Excuse me. Sorry. Could you could you. So if you've ever been abducted by aliens and they connect mind reading technology directly to your brain and communicate with you telepathically, telepathically, let us know in the comments section if that's ever happened to you. Did it give you a sort of tingling sensation?

Let us know in the comments section. Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid, Jose Martinez. A voice echoed in his mind. Echo, echo, echo, echo. Echo is when a sound repeats, probably when it bounces off different surfaces, a bit like when you're in a cave.

and you shout, hello, hello, hello, hello, right? You hear the voice bouncing back. Presumably the voice, in this case, the voice echoed inside Jose's mind because presumably his mind is

His brain is quite empty or something and the sound just bounced around inside his skull. This is what it's like inside your head because there's nothing in here. Either that or it's just the effect of the mysterious technology. I don't know.

"We mean you no harm," they said. "We mean you no harm" just means we don't intend to hurt you. We don't intend to harm you. This phrase is definitely used, this is definitely the phrase to use when you encounter a frightened creature or a species from another planet. You can just say, "We mean you no harm. We come in peace." Why does my voice sound like this? I don't, this is what it sounds like in space.

Now, you know, we are from Earth. We mean you no harm. We come in peace. Now, please take me to your leader. Show me all your resources so I may take them back to my home planet of Earth and use them for our own selfish purposes. You know, if you do meet some sort of simple, primitive civilization from another planet,

Just say that and you'll be all right. Who are you? Why do you even have lips, said Jose. Let's move on. He thought he was on some sort of TV prank show. A prank show is a practical joke show. A prank is a practical joke, like a little trick that you would play on someone for fun. Like, for example, swapping the sugar for salt or vice versa. Swapping the sugar...

in the cupboard for salt and then watching your brother put loads of salt in his coffee and filming his reaction when he tastes it and nearly throws up everywhere all over himself because it's so disgusting and then laughing about it and putting it on the internet for everyone to see.

That would be a prank. Pranks aren't always filmed, but that's a prank. A TV prank show is one where people play pranks on each other and it's all filmed with hidden cameras and then they make a TV show out of it. You know, the kind of thing. Oh, Jose, what have you got yourself into this time? So to get yourself into something means to cause yourself to be in a certain situation, to get into a difficult or problematic situation.

The sort of thing that you would say if you found yourself in a tricky situation and you kind of... it's your fault that you got into that situation. "Oh, what have I got myself into now?" Imagine meeting some strangers in a pub

getting to know them a bit and then they invite you to their home for a game of cards and you say yeah okay and when you arrive things are all a bit strange and there are other people there and it seems they've been having some kind of strange party and doing things and they want you to join in and you think oh god how did i become part of this i just want to leave and you escape to the toilet and you stand and look in the mirror and think to yourself oh god what have i got myself into this time um

Not that that's ever happened to me, of course. I mean, you know, it's just an example. Yeah. We are the Zillara, the alien replied telepathically. Telepathic means being able to communicate with other people just using your mind, using special magic mind connections and not words or physical signals.

So just telepathic communication. If you suddenly hear a voice in your head like this, it means that someone is communicating with you telepathically. Yes, you left your Bluetooth connection on and I've been able to hack it.

Yeah, so that's telepathic communication. To reply telepathically, yes. To be honest, if this kind of telepathic communication technology ever gets to Earth and is introduced here, then my job as an English teacher is finished, isn't it? I mean, I'm done. This is why I think that we should be very hostile and aggressive against aliens. We need some hostile, aggressive, anti-alien policy on Earth.

to prevent huge job losses for TEFL teachers whose jobs are already under threat from AI technology. The last thing we need is aliens coming in with telepathic mind readers.

I think Jose should immediately inform the army about his alien encounter so they can send special space commandos from Earth into space to track down the Zalara and then shoot their spaceships with laser rockets and blow them all up just to protect my job. But it's not going to happen, is it? It's not going to happen. Who cares about teachers?

Anyway, we've chosen you, José Martínez, for an experiment that will benefit both our kinds. "Kinds" here means "kinds of people".

This usage is a bit old-fashioned. It's a sort of old-fashioned sounding language referring to people, types of people as kinds. Just kinds, not kinds of people, but just kinds. It will benefit both our kinds. It's the sort of thing you hear in science fiction, especially Star Wars, especially The Mandalorian for some reason. You know, you hear that people are always talking about he's not of your kind, you know, and we need to take him back so he can be with his kind. Right.

I need to return the child to his kind or your kind aren't welcome here or you are the last of your kind. You know, it's the sort of thing you hear in that sort of science fiction stuff. In normal English, we would just say kind of people. I need to return the child back to his people or your kind of people are not welcome here or you are the last of your kind of people.

You are the last of, you know, our English teacher. You are the last of your kind. AI developments and alien technology have made all of your kind redundant. You know, that's the sort of thing that's going to happen in my worst nightmares. What is it, darling? Oh, I had the dream again. Oh, not about the aliens. Oh.

Jose's fear slowly began to subside, subside, go down, become less strong. OK, look, if it's about my visa, I'm in the process of renewing it to be in the process of renewing something, meaning you're yeah, you're currently trying to renew it to renew your visa, renew your passport, make it new again.

i'm currently in the process of renewing my visa i'm you know um working on getting it i'm basically i'm doing the paperwork gathering the documents um the zillara didn't let him finish we've developed a technology that allows us to share knowledge through direct neural transfer transfer of course moving information from one thing to another like bluetooth or something wi-fi or just emailing someone um

a document with wetransfer.com. Direct neural transfer, neural relates to the body's nerve systems and the brain. So direct neural transfer is moving information directly from one brain to another brain, a bit like using a Wi-Fi connection or Bluetooth to transfer a PDF from your friend to, from your friend, transfer a PDF to your friend rather than sending it by email. You can just talk directly to someone by direct neural transfer.

Let's move on, move on, move on. A flood of information surged into Jose's mind. Surged means quickly rushed in. To surge means to move in quickly. Also, it could be a noun. A surge or a sudden rush of something. An electrical surge. Water surged into the boat. OK. And suddenly he was aware of all the nuances of the English language. Nuances are small, subtle details. OK.

If you know all of the nuances of English, then you know all the specific subtle little details, rules, meanings, words, and you know them in a very detailed way. You know all the subtle nuances of the English language. It was overwhelming, like, whoa, this is a bit too much.

Like that time Barry tried to explain the rules of snooker after they'd drunk seven pints of Guinness. So overwhelming is too much, too much information and it's confusing. Snooker, as you may know, because it's popular in other places too, but is a British game. I think it's originally British, I think, involving using a long wooden cue to hit balls around a large table with pockets in the corners and the sides.

That's the sound it makes, the satisfying sound of playing a game of snooker. Oh, it's a lovely sound, isn't it? The rules are quite complicated in snooker. You know, it's more complicated than playing a game of pool, which is that smaller version that you find in pubs and stuff where, you know, you just have to pot the balls with the stripes or the balls with the spots on it. It's an American game. It's more simple.

snooker is a lot more complicated and you've got red balls you've got a yellow ball a brown ball a green ball a blue ball a pink ball and a black ball and you've got to pop them in a certain order and there are specific rules it's not as complicated as cricket but it's a bit complicated so if someone tried to explain the rules of snooker to you after you drunk seven pints of guinness it might be a bit overwhelming like what hold on i don't know what's going on what are you talking about

Plus, Jose hadn't actually given his consent for anything, any of this. So the aliens were doing all these things to him, but they never actually asked him if it was okay. He never gave his consent. To give your consent means to give your permission or agreement that something can happen, especially something that involves possible risks to you. So you have to give your consent to doctors before they do surgery. If a child goes on a school trip, the parents have to give their consent. So...

The aliens seem to be experimenting on Jose. They've abducted him and they're sharing all their knowledge with him.

And taking all his knowledge as well and apparently probing him as well, which is very suspicious. But he didn't give him any permission for this. He didn't give them consent to do any of these things. In normal circumstances, that might be considered to be some sort of crime, depending on the circumstances. Another reason why we should send space commandos to track down things.

the Zillara. Liam Neeson needs to be fired out into space in order to hunt down the Zillara and find them and blow up their spaceship. However, as the minutes passed, José felt his understanding of English deepened to an extraordinary level. He could speak, read, understand and write English with impeccable precision. Precision is the quality of being precise, meaning exact, specific, accurate and careful.

Surgeons doing an operation on someone's heart need a lot of precision for obvious reasons. So they don't, whoops, slip and, oh, whoops, oh dear. You know, they need to be very precise. They need a lot of precision. Impeccable precision means perfect with no mistakes at all. Okay. Yes. Days turned into weeks and the discomfort of his initial abduction was,

So to wear off, it means it becomes less strong in its effect. The effects gradually disappear. Common collocations with wear off include pain. Pain wears off. I broke my leg, but after I took the painkillers, the pain wore off. Drugs or medication can wear off. But when the painkillers wore off, the pain came back. Excitement can wear off. When I was a child, I used to get so excited on Christmas Day.

I'd be so excited, we'd open our presents, but then eventually the excitement wore off and the next day I would be left feeling with a sense of sadness or emptiness as the excitement of Christmas eventually wore off. So the effects of something can wear off. The effects of alcohol can wear off. Discomfort can wear off. Okay, let's move on. So he tells them some jokes about

Right, the first one is difficult to explain. Okay. What did the Spanish fireman call his two sons? How am I going to explain this one? Okay, let's just take it bit by bit and I will dissect the joke. What did the Spanish fireman call his two sons? And we're thinking, no idea. Spanish fireman? A fireman is a firefighter. Someone who, if there's a fire, they come and try and put the fire out with water. Okay. Okay.

A fireman. What did the Spanish fireman call his two sons? And you're thinking, I don't know. The Zilara, of course, don't understand the whole concept of jokes and they try to answer the question. They're like, well, you know, we understand that Martin and Mateo are common Spanish names. And Jose's like, no, no, no, no, you don't understand. The Spanish fireman called his two sons Jose and Jose B.,

So, Jose is a common Spanish name, Jose. I'm probably pronouncing it wrong, but Jose sounds in English like Jose. So, right, Jose is the first name. The second son was called Jose B.,

So it sounds like the fireman called his two children Hose A and Hose B. A hose is a thing that a fireman uses to fight a fire. It's like a big tube full of water and they use it to shoot water at the fire. You have a hose in your garden which you use to put water on the garden, right? That's a hose. He called his two sons Hose A and Hose B.

Oh dear, I'm not going to waste more time trying to explain that. Either you get it or you don't get it, but I'm sorry if you don't get it. Let's move on. The next joke is maybe you're like the Zillara and you just no reaction at all. What? What is this earth humour?

Jose then told them another joke. First of all, actually, the aliens look at him with their heads cocked to one side. If you cock your head to one side, you change the angle of your head, meaning you make it lean to one side as if you don't really understand something. So if you're looking at someone who you think might be a little bit strange, you might cock your head to one side and

"Are you okay? You're a bit weird, aren't you? What is this strange joke?" "Hmm? Hmm?" Like that. "Too much wordplay," said Jose. Wordplay is when you play with words, maybe making rhymes or using double meanings with words to create other meanings. A lot of jokes or puns involve wordplay. Wordplay or puns can be difficult to understand if it's not your first language, depending on the pun, of course.

Spanish fireman called his two sons Jose. Okay. And the next name, Jose B. Oh, I see. Oh, I see. Jose B because he's a fireman. Jose, it means it's not Jose the name, but Jose and Jose B because he's a fireman, right? Yeah. Not the best joke ever. I get it, but... Next one is what do you call a Spanish guy who's lost his car? Carlos. Carlos.

Right. I mean, I don't even need to explain that one, which probably makes it a much better joke. Jose says, Spanish guy lost his car. What's his name? Said Jose with his eyebrows raised. When your eyebrows are raised, if you have eyebrows, I do have eyebrows. I promise. I promise I do. It's just the hair on my eyebrows is quite, what's the word for it? Fair? Fair.

and not exactly that thick. So I promise I do have eyebrows every now and again on YouTube. People write, what happened to your eyebrows? Did you shave your eyebrows off? I don't know why people would write that. What's the purpose of writing that? Like, of course I didn't shave off my eyebrows. Stupid question. Anyway, to raise your eyebrows is when you make your eyebrows go up with a certain look on your face, a sort of surprised look,

or a look of expectation. Spanish guy lost his car. What's his name? Huh? What do you think? You'd raise your eyebrows to create that open expression on your face as if to show that you are expecting an answer. What do you think? You know, but the aliens didn't respond. Carlos. Ha ha ha ha. Very funny. The Zillara taught Jose about their advanced technology and interstellar navigation. Interstellar means between stars or through space.

So they taught him all about this and he taught them about his Spanish culture and gave them a paella recipe. He thought it was a pretty fair trade. A fair trade is a good exchange where two things have equal value or a pretty good deal for him. I'll give you a recipe for paella. You tell me all about interstellar navigation. Pretty good deal. Fair trade.

He was pretty sure he would never use interstellar navigation unless he decided to start an intergalactic Uber service. Intergalactic means between galaxies. Interstellar, between stars. Intergalactic, between galaxies. Intergalactic, planetary, planetary, intergalactic, another dimension, another dimension. Sorry, that's for the Beastie Boys fans out there. Um...

Right. Despite their differences and the fact they had basically kidnapped him, Jose found himself growing fond of his captors. If you're fond of something, it means you like it. You have warm feelings towards it. I quite like these aliens. OK, they're, you know, they don't seem to have emotions and they keep probing me. But, you know, they're all right, really, aren't they? I'm quite fond of them. I'm going to miss them.

to be fond of something. Your captors. A captor is someone who is holding someone captive. So kidnappers, abductors. The Zillara captured Jose and then they are his captors. It seems that Jose has Stockholm Syndrome, where kidnapping victims actually develop a relationship with or an attachment to their kidnappers. So he's grown fond of his captors, but should he really? I don't know.

He appreciates their wisdom. Wisdom means they have a lot of knowledge about the world. They're very wise. They promised they would send him back with his new knowledge intact. If something is intact, it means it's in one piece and it's not damaged. It's in its original state. Other examples of intact. Our house was burned down, but ironically, we found the toaster on the floor intact.

Another example, it's hard to come out of a scandal with your reputation intact. My undefeated record as a boxer is still intact. Did you know that about me? That I have an undefeated record as a boxer. I've never ever been defeated or knocked out in a boxing match to this day. My boxing record is intact. Never been defeated, never been knocked out in a boxing match. I have also never actually had a boxing match or indeed never

any experience of boxing at all, but I do have a 100% undefeated record, which is still intact to this day. What else? Jose was sent back to Earth.

Back to his garage. The sun was rising now, casting a golden glow over the familiar surroundings. Your surroundings are the things which surround you. So the place where you are. In this case, it's the streets, houses, trees of his local area. That is his surroundings. Okay. Familiar surroundings. Um...

The enhanced clarity. So the whole experience felt like a dream, but the enhanced clarity of his thoughts and speech told him otherwise. If something tells you otherwise, it means it shows you that things are different. Otherwise meaning not like a dream. Okay. So it felt like a dream, but then my enhanced speech told me otherwise means told me that it was not the case.

His brain was positively fizzing with brand new advanced English vocabulary. Fizzing is like when you open a can of fizzy pop, like a famous cola brand, like a Pepsi. No one ever mentions Pepsi. I'm going to mention Pepsi. If you open a can of Pepsi, why you would do that, I don't know. But anyway, does anyone actually drink it? How did Pepsi make any money? I don't understand. And then you listen to the can. It's fizzing, right? Fizzing.

If your brain is fizzing, it's full of activity, right? Why did I sound like Liam Neeson? It's full of activity. He's very serious, isn't he, Liam Neeson, in those films? I think if he opened a can of Pepsi, he'd say, this Pepsi is full of activity. Can you hear it fizzing? Maybe that's why his daughter desperately wanted to go to Europe and get away from him.

Anyway, because he's so boring. Anyway, his brain was positively fizzing with brand new advanced English vocabulary. So, so much advanced English vocabulary. It was like a freshly opened can of Pepsi full of English vocabulary, which is no doubt how your brain feels at the end of listening to this podcast.

an episode like this it's just like wow my brain feels like a freshly opened can of pepsi if you got this far into the episode leave that as a comment you could mention a popular soft drink brand and say that your brain feels exactly like a freshly opened can of seven up pepsi or some other brand that you would like to advertise for some reason don't advertise them

This episode is not sponsored by Pepsi at all. In fact, I would go as far as to say Pepsi's disgusting, isn't it? And in fact, all of those soft fizzy drinks, they're all disgusting and horrible. Have a cup of tea or just a glass of water. Just drink water. This episode is sponsored by water. Drink water every day. In fact, that reminds me, I need to drink some water. I didn't have my normal water break during the episode. Here we go.

Water consumed. I've got coffee, which I didn't finish. Here we go. Right, let's wrap up this episode. Jose finally got his working visa and indefinite leave to remain. Indefinite leave to remain is a status that you can get from the British government that means you have the right to stay in the country permanently. It's called indefinite leave to remain. It's indefinite because there's no end to it.

If you apply for residence and are accepted, you might be given a status like this. You can find out more at www.gov.uk slash browse slash visas dash immigration. Trying to be useful. He even started his own podcast, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. His incredible anecdotes captivated readers to captivate people, hold their attention so they can't stop listening or reading. A bit like you right now with this episode.

I've captivated your attention.

He never saw the Zillara again, but he thought about them sometimes. He cherished his time with the aliens, meaning he held it very preciously, like Gollum with the ring. My precious Gollum. Oh, I love it so much. He cherished his time with the aliens. That was a wonderful time. I just had a fantastic time with the aliens. Maybe not like Gollum with the ring, because that's got such sinister overtones.

But if you just had a lovely ring that you really liked, you would certainly cherish it. Oh, I love this ring and I'm never going to give it to anyone because it was my birthday present. But it's a lovely ring, isn't it? Um...

Every time Jose made paella, he couldn't help but chuckle. To chuckle is to laugh a little bit. If you can't help but do something, it means you can't help doing it, meaning you just, you always do it and that you can't stop yourself doing it. You know, I can't help but smile when I think of the time we spent together. Hmm.

He couldn't help but chuckle. Every time he made paella, there he is making his paella, and he'd go, oh, those aliens. I wonder how they're doing. I wonder if they ever learned to make paella. And why did they have to probe me so much? I never explained the word probe. It's been a sort of a weird undercurrent subtext through the story, right? I don't know if you noticed that. The fact that at various times, the aliens did experiments on him, and they probed him. To probe...

It means to send something deep into something. Now, you might send a probe into space. A deep space probe would be like a small spaceship that would go out into space and it would like... Send back information to Earth. A deep space probe going out into deep space, sending back information.

But aliens, apparently, according to some accounts of alien abductions, the aliens will probe humans. They have technology that they kind of send into their abductees, maybe in the bum, I don't know. But that's probing, sending things inside the human body in order to gather information.

I mean, they did have to give him a new pair of trousers because these other trousers got damaged during one of their experiments. So I don't know how they were probing him. It's probably best not to talk about it. But anyway, that's what probing means. Yeah, it's probably best not to talk about it. I hope Jose's all right and that he...

You know, if you've ever been abducted by aliens and you got probed, then, I don't know, there may be a service that you can contact if you've been affected by any of those issues. I'm being very glib and stupid about that, sorry.

Well, that is the end of this ridiculous episode. It became quite ridiculous, didn't it? That's all right. Bit of fun. I hope you enjoyed that story. Leave your comments in the comment section. How's your brain right now? Let us know in the comment section. Thank you for listening to this episode. And I will speak to you next time. But for now, it's just time to say goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Thanks for listening to Luke's English Podcast.

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