What's the Worst Holiday Food?
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And so I says, I says, you bring me some figgy pudding right now or I'm calling the manager. I says, I says, no, no, I won't go until I get some. Bro, you're not really making the Yuletide gay. Chill. This is a hot dog is a sandwich. Ketchup is a smoothie. Yeah, I put ice in my cereal, so what? That makes no sense. A hot dog is a sandwich. A hot dog is a sandwich. What?

Welcome to our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, the show where we make the gayest Yuletide. I'm your host, Josh Ayer. And I'm your host, Nicole Inaidi. And today, Nicole, we are discussing what the worst holiday foods are. We are hurtling towards the Christmas, the Hanukkah, the New Year's. It's not really New Year's foods. The equinox? We're talking about Christmas foods. That's where we're at right now. And we're a room of three Jews. Yes. And Eliyahu Hanuvim's coming later. Okay.

We're saving the seat, baby. But I reckon I was the only one in here that grew up celebrating Christmas. I think you might have been the only one. Yeah, I was. And I will say it was more divorced from Christianity as my parents were divorced themselves. My dad was just kind of like a white guy from Pennsylvania. Mm-hmm.

So Christmas for me was mostly about eating peppermint-flavored thrifty ice cream. Oh, damn. Towards then. And then also making our traditional Christmas feast, which was always –

Just mostly bad. It was Thanksgiving, but there was ham instead of turkey. Ham, yeah. I was going to say, were you a ham family? Yeah, yeah. We were definitely. You look at me and ask, were you a ham family? You know we were a ham family. Of course. I just had to make sure. My diet was 85% ham growing up, and the other 20% was Johnsonville bratwurst. Wow. I know. That's why you glow at night. It really is. Radioactive. Yeah.

So many nitrate salts curing my— My flesh is pink. My flesh is just corned beef at this point. Yeah, it really is. You could shave me into a sandwich on some rye. But today we're going through the worst possible Christmas foods. Nicole, what do you know about Christmas food? I know that there's a lot of warm spices in Christmas foods. There's a lot of cloves, cinnamon, nutmeg. That's like kind of a through line through sweet and savory things.

That's pretty much all I know. And lots of peppermint. There's a lot of peppermint. And like dried fruits seem to make a large... It's a large presence of dried fruits, which I noticed. You are speaking to the Christmas tradition of fruitcake, which for us...

I think that was more... It's like Brussels sprouts, right? Brussels sprouts became like a cartoonish villain. Right? You would be watching Rugrats growing up and be like, oh no, Brussels sprouts or whatever. I thought it was always broccoli. Broccoli was more gross than Brussels sprouts because I think broccoli was more commonly known than Brussels sprouts. Interesting.

But both of them, they get that bad rap, right? They do. They're stinky. Was it George W. Bush didn't like broccoli? You know what I mean? I don't remember. You guys don't remember that? I don't remember, George. The one thing I remember is the Bush presidency. I remember he choked on a pretzel. He choked on a pretzel. A guy threw a shoe at him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, invaded a bunch of countries. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, kick a fool again. That's a nice little J. Cole sample. Oh, God. And now he's out there just painting.

Anyways, like that same image that Brussels sprouts and broccoli had, fruitcake got that image. I don't think I'd ever had a fruitcake until, like hack stand-up comedians would talk about how bad fruitcake is. You send it to one person, they send it to another, and then you got a 30-year-old fruitcake. You ever had a Christmas fruitcake? I did. It was recent, though, like maybe like two years ago. What did you think about it? It was a dense, wet, but dry fruitcake.

Slice of dessert. That's what I want. That is my ideal dessert. So tell the people what fruitcake is because there's different definitions of fruitcake, I imagine. Yeah. Or is there only one? I would say there is like a traditional fruitcake in so much of...

What might be looked at as like traditional Christmas foods, a lot of it's coming from like the British tradition, right? I agree. Yeah. Lots of UK stuff. Lots of UK stuff. And so a traditional fruitcake, to me, it is a very dark, dense batter that is just studded with a ton of –

Those cherries that are inexplicably green. The green and red cherries that don't look normal. How do the cherries even get green? Food coloring. I know it's food dye, but like... I think they bleach it. You have to use the whitest... You bleach in cherries? I think they must be bleaching the cherries in order to make them green. That's great. And they're boiled in sugar for so long. If you boil fruit in sugar for long enough, it's almost like the sugar completely...

Encapsulates. This husk of a fruit. It's actually a really cool technique. Yeah, it is. And I love those dried cherries. But you take that, sometimes you soak it in rum or brandy or whatever, and then you mix that into the batter. And then, like you said, it's generally baked or it'll be baked in a water bath. So you're kind of steaming it. So it's kind of like a British pudding.

Yeah, pretty much. It is a British pudding. I think British puddings are like cooked more with water. I think the water bath in a fruitcake is just to stop it from like cracking on the top. But it does get it that like dense texture. So dense, yeah. There's tons of molasses in it. Ah.

I love it. I love it. I think it's one of those situations where, like you said, we've been told that it's disgusting, so we've always framed it as disgusting and gross. But if you ever slice into one, it's like boozy. It's like a boozy, soaked, delicious dessert. I'm getting drunk off cake. But like what started the idea of soaking cakes in liquor like that? Because that's kind of crazy. I'm glad you asked. Like drunk cake. So.

So, you know, we have all the flavors in the world now. Yes, we do. You go to a grocery store and you see they have strawberry-flavored cakes. They got, you know, German chocolate cakes with the cocoa nut. You can literally get birthday cake-flavored cake, which I think is a very strange thing. But you have access to every flavor in the world. You do. You go back even 100 years, especially 200, especially 300 years ago.

If you especially go back 500 years ago, before the Columbian Exchange, right? Like, you don't have vanilla. You don't have chocolate. People were still eating desserts. All you had was, like, fruits that were dried and hooch. Right. Right? Like, that's what you flavor things with. And the spice trade, right, has always been kicking around. Always been kicking around. And so, like, so you're like... You know what I mean, though? But, like, the reason spices were so important is because they didn't have...

a shelf of Duncan Hines pre-seasoned cakes. Spices became such a big status symbol because they were like, clove is the best thing I have ever tasted. In my life, yeah. And be like, what if we put some little rotten grape juice on it and some fruit? And they're like, oh my God, mind blown. Was it used as a preservation method, you think? Like,

soaking the cakes in alcohol? Oh, could have been. Could have been. Yeah, that's an interesting thing I didn't think about. Maybe, maybe. Because it is already just so dense and sugary. But even then, like refined sugar, like a lot of these things weren't actually commonly eaten. It was like for aristocracy. For special, yeah. That's the stuff that was like written down and so we kind of know about it. Right. So do you, so are we pro-fruitcake? Are we anti-fruitcake? Who are we?

Who are we? What are we doing? When I was thinking about the list of all of these holiday foods, and again, a lot of them, like the ultra-traditional ones that people say are disgusting are just British. Yeah. I don't know that there's one that I hate. I think I really love this canon of desserts, and I think we should get more into them as Americans. Okay. So Christmas pudding.

I mean, when do we have Christmas pudding? We don't. We've made it before. We don't have Christmas pudding. We don't need Christmas pudding. The Brits do it. I need Christmas pudding. I'm making a Christmas pudding. No, I'm not making a Christmas pudding this year. But I wish I would have done it for Thanksgiving. I wish I would have done a steamed...

It's a steamed cake is what the pudding is. Yeah, the texture is always really confusing to me because it's kind of in between. It's just like you said, it's a steamed cake. It's almost like have you ever seen those honeycomb cakes like those Vietnamese Thai honeycomb cakes that are made with mochi? Oh, yeah. It reminds me of that because those cakes are steamed as well. And it's like this weird it's like wet and dry at the same time. But I like that's very confusing for me. No, I mean, I think I'm a bigger fan of like a chiffon cake.

Like chiffon cakes. Why are you looking at me like that? I don't know. Chiffon cakes? You don't like chiffon cakes? No. Where's the dense? Where's all the nuts? You don't need dense. Where's the beef kidney fat? Oh my. Like the suet? Like I don't need my desserts to be cooked with suet. You know? I don't need that. For people that don't know, in a traditional steamed pudding, which is a traditional Christmas pudding, also known as a figgy pudding, you use something called suet, which you can buy. It's already sort of in pellets. It's pellets. Yeah. Pellet form fat.

But the fat is, I believe, is the fat cap encasing kidneys. And that is traditionally used in the desserts. And I have made – they make vegan suet now, of course. They do. Which is just kind of hydrogenated oils. But it's in that pellet form, which is what gives you like a rise in the cake. That texture, yeah. So it's like you're shredding butter into a pie dough, et cetera, et cetera. Hear me out. Go ahead. Just use butter. Well, I –

I don't know. I think there's something about the animal fat. I think there is something that is so enticing to me about that figgy pudding, which again, mostly doesn't have figs in it. I don't know. I just don't need it. I don't need it.

eat it. What holiday desserts are you into? Eggnog. You're a nog gal. I'm so into noggin. You're talking about virgin nog or like good old experience nog? You know, you know. Nog that's been nogged through the grass for a little bit. Lactaid nog. No, get the hell out of here. You're drinking lactaid nog on the phone? Well,

Well, yeah, I'm lactose intolerant and I want to feel festive, so I'm going to be drinking the lactate nog. But I will say, do I get a nice little glass jar of that yellow stuff? That deep yellow stuff? Yeah. But I love the lactate nog the most. There's a really fantastic local dairy called Brocadero.

Brogears. That's what I'm talking about. With the cow on it, that's like— The cow on it. Yeah. That's me being happy. This is the brand of milk in Los Angeles. It is local dairy. Actually, their milk tastes really good. It's so delicious. But it's sold in like the big glass bottles. That's what I'm talking about. You can like recycle it. It's really nice. Yeah, and they make the best freaking eggnog. It's so yellow. It's the most yellow nog I've ever seen. I will say eggnog is about as disgusting as a food can get while still being delicious. What's disgusting about eggnog?

Eggnog. You're drinking raw eggs. That tends to be a thing that people avoid. What do you mean protein? You've seen Rocky? Have I seen Rocky? Have you seen Rocky? I have not seen Rocky. I don't know. I was about to ask how many Rockies you've seen. You've seen none of the Rockies? Well, I have a favorite Rocky. What's your favorite Rocky? It's the Russian one. Yeah, Rocky IV. If he dies, he dies. I loved Bridget Nielsen and...

And Drago in that. It was phenomenal. Loved every second of it. Yeah, Rocky V was tough. That's when Rocky no longer is fighting. He's training Tommy the Machine Gun. Is that Michael B. Jordan? No, Michael B. Jordan comes in in Creed, which they are now up to three. Three Creeds. Creeds.

But like Rocky V, some people don't even kind of consider in the canon. Can I tell you what I do sometimes in the morning when I'm having a really bad morning? I like Rocky III because he has a robot. Go ahead. I listen to the song where he's running up the stairs and it really pipes me up for a good day. No, no, no. Where he goes, I am. No, shut up. I'm getting there. Where he goes, do, do, do, do.

Oh, yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. There is the crescendo and just the vibe of like, this is going to be an awesome day. Do you think I'm crazy? No, I do that with the Top Gun theme song. Okay, cool. I always choked my coffee. And then I'm like, I don't know if I'm supposed to be making love right now or being proud of America's fighter pilots. But I'm going to do both. I'm going to do both, baby. I'm going to do both.

Wait, eggnog is good. I'm saying they put that scene in Rocky to disgust people of him drinking the rye eggs and then we just do it for funsies. But what do you mean? Everything is gross whenever you think about it. I agree with that. And I'm saying I very uniquely love not only eggnog but like eggnog flavored things. When the holidays come around...

Because when we, okay, let's pull back the curtain on podcasts, right? We were going to do what's the worst podcast because we've noticed that due to. Y'all love negative SHIT. We don't like being negative about food, you know, but if you put worst in there, people will click more. It's terrible. What's wrong with you? We don't like that we're playing. However, my own, my own, we already did best holiday foods. We were out of ideas, but my own personal predilections. There's like not a lot of foods that I hate.

Yeah, I agree. And the foods that I hate are because they're, like, uninteresting. Eggnog is interesting. I mean, what? You're emulsifying raw eggs with dairy, but a bunch of sugar and spices, fine. But aren't the eggs, like, cooked a little bit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You cook it, and pasteurization time on eggs is 1.45.

138, I believe. Is it? I believe so. It's 138 over time. Yeah, I mean, when you think about it, tiramisu has the same thing. It's just the proportion is a little bit different. You're adding mascarpone cheese. It's delicious. Eggnog is good. Stop being an eggnog hater. Whenever you have a whiskey sour, what do you think they're shaking up in there to make that beautiful foam? Guess what? It's eggs. What do you mean you're still consuming it? It's eggs. Have you had coquito? No.

I have not had Coquito. Is there eggs in Coquito? I don't know if there's Coquito. There are no eggs in Coquito. I don't believe. Coquito is a, it ends up tasting like eggnog, but there's no egg in it. But it has the same flavor profiles. But it's made with like coconut milk, coconut cream, rum. It's just a super sweet, rummy drink that's from Puerto Rico. And Coquito is absolutely delicious. Do you put liquor in your eggnog? Sometimes. Does it sell?

Does Southern Comfort 1 have Southern Comfort in it? I have not had the Southern Comfort brand. Or is it just Southern Comfort brand? I don't know. All I know is Southern Comfort. I didn't need an ID when I got it. Maybe it's non-alcoholic. Southern Comfort. I love Southern Comfort. I grew up drinking it from a... When you were 21. When I was 21, I grew up. I was just a small...

21-year-old boy. But Southern Comfort is not legally considered whiskey. It's whiskey with like a Y at the end? Or is it E-Y? No, no, no. Not that. That has to do with if you're in Scotland or not. That's the difference in the spellings of whiskey. No, it like legally, it's a whiskey-flavored spirit. It's so good. And so it's effectively a whiskey-flavored vodka, which I think is really funny. Bomb. Soco. We love it. We love Soco to death. I've never had their eggnog, but yeah, drinking like a little bit of liquored up eggnog as

As like a night cat. It's a good time. After you're already a little bit, a little bit slippy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fun. Just, it's like having a white Russian. You just can't vomit. You know, just make sure you don't vomit eggnog because that's gross.

I am craving a big slice of pizza and an ice cold Pepsi for lunch today. Nicole, what if I told you you have the power to make that happen? I do? Yeah, and you know how I know that? Because you're real, real smart. That's one of the reasons. The other reason is that I had the same dream that you had, except this was a couple days ago. We basically live parallel lives. But I was craving an ice cold Pepsi and a big old slice of pizza. And I was at the airport and I was coming back.

to LA. And so I like really needed some food to get me through that last leg of the journey. And I was on the plane and I opened my pizza and the flight attendant came by and I got the free chips and I got an ice cold Pepsi zero sugar. And I will never forget this borderline spiritual experience of eating that spicy from the pepperoni, salty, chewy pizza, going to the crispy chips and then resetting my palate with ice cold, refreshing Pepsi zero sugar, that

perfect amount of acid to just cut through all that fat in your palate. And then back to the chewy pizza, crispy chip, refreshing Pepsi, chewy pizza, crispy chip, refreshing Pepsi. And it made the flight so, so much better. My lunch was absolutely saved. I love story time with you, Josh. It's my favorite. But moral of the story is Pepsi makes your food taste better. Everybody knows that. So grab a Pepsi Zero Sugar for your next meal as food deserves Pepsi.

I'm Anna Garcia with True Crime News, the podcast. Every crime tells a story. Every story demands justice. True Crime News, the podcast covers breaking crimes, investigating high profile and under the radar cases. Every week we dive beyond the headlines, exploring the effects of violent crimes on victims and search for justice. We hope you join us as your weekly source for true crime news.

Listen to and follow True Crime News, the podcast, on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. Uh, mincemeat pie. What? Mincemeat pie. Do you eat that? Mincemeat pie. Um, I...

But there's no actual meat in mincemeat pie. I'm glad you asked. I didn't ask. I qualified. There used to be mincemeat in mincemeat pie. Yeah, like millions of years ago. Yeah. Actually, yes. Because again, I can't stress this enough. Back in the day, they didn't have Taco Bell sauce packets in your drawer to season up your meat. All they had was fruit and nuts. And alcohol. There weren't tomatoes. There weren't chilies. When all this stuff was invented, it literally goes back to the 1300s. There's so much fruit meat.

I like, but we love fruit meat. We love fruit meat. Prunes in our brisket and chicken. Yeah, apricots. I entirely agree with that. A lot of North African food. And so fruit meat is really good. It is really good. And so this was basically a fruit meat pie. But then eventually people, Puritans got disgusted by the idea of like half fruit, half meat. Those damn Puritans. That's what I'm saying. So they took the meat out of the mincemeat pie. And so now it is just a bunch of like

Like warm spices and currants and other things baked into a crust. And I love it. What don't I love? What don't I love? Are there still Puritans today? Like do people practice Puritanism?

I think, was Puritan like more of a kind of blanket term for actual religious denominations? Are Quakers Puritans? Quakers certainly still exist. I don't think all Quakers are Puritan. Maggie, do you know this? You went to schools. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think Puritanism was like an actual doctrine. I think it was more of like a blanket statement given to... Like the Enlightenment was just a time. Maybe. I don't know, man. I don't know. I don't know. Sorry. I didn't mean to confuse you, but I will never eat a mincemeat pie. Hell no.

Ew! That's what they want. They want you to be negative. Pavlovas? Oh, I love them. Hold on, hold on. Where are we? We're in Australia now? Australia, yeah. This is a comment on Australia. I love pavlovas. I really like the passion fruit they put on top. And then it's fun because it's like a baked marshmallow. And then you put whipped cream on the top.

And it's named after a ballerina named Anna Pavlova, and it's really good. Did you like that? A lot of people only know the Sydney and Melbourne accents, but I'm from Tasmania and we love Pavlovas up here. Pavlovas. Then you go down to Alice Springs and you're more like here. Yeah.

Now you sound like you're from South Africa. I'm so sorry to all our Australian fans. The three of you that are left, I apologize. I think pavlovas... I know a lot of people that don't like pavlovas. I love pavlovas. I think they are maybe the greatest dessert of all time.

of all time. It's a wet meringue. It's a wet meringue. It's a fluffy wet meringue and the textures are so glorious. There's three different textures of meringues, right? You get like the American lemon meringue pie, which is just kind of torched a little bit marshmallowy, fluffy. Then you get like a baked French meringue that's just like... Like a dacquoise. Is that what a... Dacquoise. Is a dacquoise a meringue? Yeah. I thought a dacquoise was a pastry cream. No. What is a dacquoise? A dacquoise is like a disc that

That's put within like a fancy, not entremont, but like a dacquoise is like a disc of meringue that you put inside of like a fancy cake. I'm

I'm correct. Well, no, but a dacquoise is a cake that has meringue in it. Okay. Anyways, so the thing you're describing is a meringue. Yes. Yeah, yeah, correct. Anyways, so then there's like the pavlova meringue, which to me, a perfect pavlova meringue. It's like, it's that equal parts like crispy and then still a little wet. And then with like a berry sauce on it. Mm-hmm.

Pavlova is absolutely ripped. Pavlovas are delicious. Panettone. Panettone. This is the first thing I'll say bad things about. We already talked about this. I love Panettone. Don't like Panettone. I love Panettone and I will always love Panettone. I think when I say things are boring...

I think the thing that I don't love, a thing that I don't love across every culture is just kind of like a lightly seasoned or lightly sweetened crusty bread. I live off of lightly sweetened breads. Are you dipping the panettone in a drink? You're just noshing straight up? Well, let me tell you. So growing up, there used to be a…

sweet bread that my mom used to buy. And it was just a sweetened like loaf of bread and it was phenomenal. And then panettone is just a step above that because it has nuts and fruits and chocolate in there.

So I love sweet breads. Almost like pan dulces. Like I love that stuff. Like I love a good pan. Like I love a good concha. I love a good pan dulce. I don't love… I've never loved concha. I only love conchas if I have a big ass thing of café de olla next to me. I'm the opposite. No, I can eat it raw. And then I like it. But I'm dipping. I'm like… I'm using the concha as like a French dip for the coffee. I see. No, no. See, I love sweet breads. And this is why I love panettone. Yeah, panettone is very similar to like a concha. It's that texture. Yeah. Yeah.

There's a lot of pandulces that I do love, but it's always like the empanada de piña. I think it has a lot to do with your personality, what pandulce you pick from like the wall of pandulces. I always get the buttered bread.

You know the sweet bread that's smothered in butter and sugar on top? That is the sweet bread. Speaking of Mexican holiday traditions, it's tamale season. I was going to say candy canes. It's tamale. Yeah, I guess. People in Mexico probably eat candy canes. I don't know. But

But I would say tamales. And there is a somewhat divisive tamale case here. Oh, interesting. I would say tamales dulces. Oh, okay. We're talking about like the… The strawberry ones? The piña. There's one that's just got the raisins in it. But dessert tamales. And they will just like add food dye to the masa. It's bomb. It's one of my…

favorite things. It's almost to me it's like getting a blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese. Exactly. I know my people don't respect that but also like as a Jew I'm like I enjoy this. I like the chewy sugary mess. I love I love dessert tamales. They're one of my favorite things. I get them at my house all the time. That is a perfect one to one. Tamales are

So like bagels are to us is like tamales and I get it. Look at us bridging the cultural gaps here, man. I love the sweet. Have you ever had a sweet corn tamale? That is probably my favorite. With condensed milk on it? My actual favorite tamale of all time. With condensed milk on it? Yeah. Yeah.

It's been a long time since I've had a tamale. What else? Speaking of which, I love candy canes. I just don't like the shape because you can fashion it into a weapon. It's called a peppermint, dog. Huh? You just want to eat it. You're saying you want to eat a peppermint. Have you ever had the soft peppermints? What are you talking about? You're talking about the buttery ones? Yeah. Yeah, those are great. I used to eat those when I was a kid. What is my deep, like, inspiration?

intense obsession with butter mints. What is it? It's like texturally, like there's nothing like it. It's like eating a packing peanut, but you won't get sick and die from it. You know what I mean? No, that's circus peanuts. No. F a circus peanut. Circus peanuts are the best candy I've ever had. They taste like ass.

I love it. Ass was the best flavor, Nicole, they had before they started manufacturing like blue raspberry and all the candy flavors. It was bananas, gasoline, and ass? I hate circus peanuts, bro. Those are nasty. Candy canes are the worst design food. You know what I hate? You know what I hate? I hate the modern candy canes. The hell is the modern candy cane? The sriracha candy cane, the pickle candy cane, the yada yada.

yada yada yada. That's all they have. All they have is the gimmick. Nobody wants an organic candy cane. It's because the freaking shape, they can't do anything else but make that shape. What's the shape? It's a shepherd's cane. Is it religious? Yeah, definitely. A lot of this stuff is religious. I think it's the shepherd's cane because Jesus is known as Agnes Day, the Lamb of God. Am I making all this up? Because I was

thinking they did it to hang off of like the filigree on the tree well so the tree we know where the symbol the tree comes from right okay let me let me take a wild guess the tree is from paganism yeah 100% yeah and it's dancing around the tree yeah and the tree represents thank you tree the penis of god not the penis yeah the penis of earth yeah but it's like a fertility the tree is the penis of earth not like a peanut like I'm saying it's like phallic yeah of course like every oh

What? Every tree in history or ritual was just a phallic symbol, right? That's just how life went for 200,000 years. Can we corroborate this with any? Can you please Google this? Please Google this. I feel like Joe Rogan asking about the ancient Sumerian tablets with the alien drawings on it right now, but please Google. So you mean to tell me like Arbor Day is like Penis Day? Arbor Day is not Penis Day. Arbor Day is Pube Day. Arbor can also mean butt, you know, like Arbor Day.

I was going to say maypole is the maypole just dancing around the maypole just like penis, penis. Yeah, yeah. Maggie just Googled penis Christmas tree. Well, okay, Nicole, you – I said is Christmas tree penis. I don't think Christmas tree is penis. I don't think that.

Rocking around the peenest dreams. Evergreen symbolized life in the winter and the return of the sun. But like, yeah, that's, dude, it was always phallic, man. Are you sure? No, not at all. What are you,

misinformation or are you spitting? Where does the candy cane come from? We're too Jewish to understand this. We know all about what a menorah means. You know, I tell you all about the menorah. We need a righteous Gentile in the house. Someone get Tali in here. I don't know, man. I don't know. But I will say this. I have always wanted to decorate a Christmas tree and I did it once. And let me tell you,

very traumatizing yeah what happened to you you know well this is when i dated an irish catholic guy and his mom like opened up the ornaments and immediately started crying because like she went deep into like her nostalgia and like her family and she was just crying and just making the tree look pretty and i was just sitting there like this is fun this is new for me it was weird it was a dark time

Dark time in my life. I'm on a Christian blog right now. And we're looking at the origins of the candy cane. Some say it's a J to represent the precious name of Jesus. Jesus?

Which as we know in Hebrew is Yehoshua or in modern... Josh. Josh. So, um, I do have a holy name. You do have a holy name. But where's the... I'm Miriam. Who's Miriam in the Torah? Miriam is Mary. So Mary and Josh. We're Christian adjacent, roughly. We don't mean any offense. No, no, I'm saying... We're just trying to understand your customs and why you must eat the candies that are sharpened into shivs to celebrate your Lord on Christmas. Um...

You know what the best holiday food is? Divisive again. Divisive again, Nicole. You divisive never. Divisive again. Never. It's all the ice cream flavors that come out.

All the ice cream flavors that come out, they are the best. People hate them. Like rum raisin? Well, rum raisin is one of the best ice cream flavors. I love rum raisin. You know what I love? I love black. Speaking of thrifty ice cream, you ever had black cherry thrift? Have I ever had black cherry thrift? That's my favorite. I think it's my favorite. But have you ever had their like, they come out with like a gingerbread. Any like gingerbread, man? Gingerbread, that's the real answer for best. Oh, gingerbread is the best. That's the best in the world. But it can also be the worst. It can also be the worst.

You know? You like a hard gingerbread or a soft gingerbread? Hard. Hard. Like a cookie? I want a ginger snap. Oh, really? I like gingerbread that's cooked in a loaf pan that you slice and is soft and gorgeous. That's also good. There's almost no... When you said gingerbread can be bad, I agreed with you because I didn't want to fight. But I don't think I've ever had a bad gingerbread. Why don't you want to fight? Here's the problem. Who are you? Can I... Shutting the laptop. The problem with gingerbread, this is where it gets bad. This is where it gets bad. Gumdrops, also awful. Worst Christmas thing in the world. They steal your crowns out of your mouth. Okay.

They steal them. They steal them. The little gumdrop goblins that come out. Most gingerbread in America is not sold as food. It's sold as construction supplies. Yes, it is decor. It is decor. That's some bullshit. What? That is bullshit. Why are you mad about it? You should make a good-tasting gingerbread for me to eat, not a bad-tasting gingerbread for a child to play Legos with. Okay. Let him make a Lego house. Let me eat the good gingerbread. Get your kids' hands on my gingerbread.

Are you okay? Frosting like mortar. Just give me good frosting and good gingerbread. That's all I ask. It is. That is like legitimately my favorite sweet treat is a ginger cookie. Molasses ginger cookie. But a ginger cookie is different than a gingerbread house. Because they had to construct the cookies to be bricks. Okay. Yeah. And walls.

What do you want from them? Make a gingerbread skateboard. That way you can just make circular good gingerbread cookies to be wheels. And then I can eat it and have a good time.

Green bean casserole. How do you feel about it? I don't. I have no feelings towards it. Zero feelings towards it. Oh, God. The opposite of love is not hated is antipathy. I have antipathy towards green bean casseroles and I'm tired of them. I love it. I want to modernize it. I was thinking about doing that for my Thanksgiving. I don't think you need to modernize it. I don't know. I could modernize it. You don't need to. What are you going to do to it? What are you going to do to it?

I was thinking about doing like a dynamite. Sounds so dumb. I know. It really is. Well, on that note, happy holidays. Happy holidays from your favorite podcasters that love you and don't love each other. Again, I'm really sorry if we did any like hardcore sacrilege during this. We're just trying to understand. I don't think we did. We're just trying to understand. We're just trying to understand the culture. And, you know, I think that's really beautiful. Are you going to have a Christmas tree in your house?

Julia got... We'll talk. A Hanukkah bush? We'll talk. Yeah, we're going to do something. My brother has a Christmas tree with a Star of David on top. Okay. A Hanukkah bush. Hanukkah bush. Hanukkah bush. I've been growing up my Hanukkah bush for the last six months. Happy Arbor Day!

Josh, would you consider yourself a good gift giver? No, not at all. Man, do I have an idea for you. How about you give the gift of language? Rosetta Stone has an incredible language learning program that I think you should give me and a bunch of other people as a gift this holiday season. Nicole, would you consider yourself an unselfish person? Depends on the day. Depends on the day of the week.

The best part of asking for gifts is making them exclusively ones that you would want. But I think that is a really, really good idea. So Rosetta Stone, they got 25 languages offered like Vietnamese, Irish, and even Latin. And it's so convenient to use. You can access the app on your phone while you're on the go or on the computer at home if you don't want to practice your accent in public. Rosetta Stone immerses you in the language you want to learn since there's no English translations. So you really learn to speak.

Thank you very much.

Today, a Hot Dog is a Sandwich listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. Visit rosettastone.com slash hot dog. That's 50% off unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Ciao, ragazzi.

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Before we get to your casserole opinions, we want to read your opinions about us. That's right. It's everyone's fourth favorite segment. It has dropped from third after the introduction of trivia to now fourth. This is Review a Review. This is Sam underscore WiseXC, which I believe stands for cross country. Subject, thanks, I love it, five stars.

Listen while running. Oh, you're right. You're right. Yep. Wow. Okay. I don't know if this is Sam saying that they listen to it whilst running. I believe so. Well, this could be sort of an invocation to the masses of you should listen while running. If I were to run, I don't run. But if I were to run, I would imagine I would listen to something with like 140 BPM.

Some people do that, but sometimes I find myself when I'm doing cardio, I really prefer listening to something with a narrative, with a podcast, something where I can completely immerse and forget that I am running. When I'm lifting, I need to listen to heavy music. Uh-huh.

Because then I'm like, that locks you in. But for me, yeah, cardio. I do a lot of zone 2 cardio. I don't know what zone 2 cardio is. 135, 140. Oh, is that like the scale where it's like green and then orange and then red? Yeah, yeah. So this is almost like if you're doing like a list cardio, which is low impact steady state, which I've been doing a lot more of. I'm getting older. I used to do a lot more HIIT stuff.

A lot of Tabata-style... Oh, my gosh. Tabata or Fartilec-style workouts. The Tabata classes at Equinox. Yeah. But, yeah, no, again, Zantacardia, which is cross-country, you know, what's your mileage? You have to, like, you know, 80, 100 miles a week. Sam, let me know what your mileage is like right now. But I love that you listen to it while running. It's very cool. It makes me feel good. I would like to listen to techno and house when I run and EDM when I run. We were talking about Infected Mushroom the other day. I used to run to the song. They had a song that was, like...

We're gonna run, run, run to the city of the future. Take what we can and bring it back home. So ridiculous. Yeah, and that was a good running song. Well, on that note. I'm gonna give this a five. That's five. That's perfect. Proud of you for running. Proud of you for running. I hope you wrote that while running. And that's why it was so short. Written while running. Yeah, yeah. All right, Nicole. I heard what you and I had to say. Now it's time for another way of kids rattling out there in the universe. It's time for a little segment we call... Opinions Up.

We do call it that. Before we get to that, Nicole, you brought up a good holiday food. Chestnuts! They're good. We like them. We like them. Especially, I had chestnuts roasting over an open fire for the first time when I was in France. France! France! What a good snack. What a treat. I had a lot of roasted chestnuts when I was in Japan, actually. Interesting.

Delicious. Chestnut. Dude, a chestnut pastry cream is maybe my favorite flavor of dessert. There's like a weird savoriness. It's phenomenal. It is so good, man. Make chestnuts happen. I love chestnuts. Make them happen. Ready to get to that first painting? Born ready.

I'm Lindsay from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, and growing up, we used to just take dry spaghetti noodles, like angel hair or whatever, and lick the end of it and dip it in the iced tea powder or lemonade powder, and it was awesome. Yeah, that's it. Love the show. Thank you. Okay, this is like a weird...

crazy fun dip situation. Yeah, this is like what I imagined fun dip was in like 1838. Like the Dust Bowl. During the Dust Bowl, yeah. They're like, we need the children to have a fun treat so they stay quiet in church while we pray for God to end the ravages on our land. Yes. And,

And they would make iced tea powder. Yeah, or like some sort of drink. Yeah, but it probably had like cyanide in it or something. Yeah. They were like, oh, a little bit of cyanide is good. It stops the farmers from cramping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you would dip it in that. That's what that sounds like. Yeah, it sounds like Dust Bowl pandemic sad food, which I understand why you like it. Also, shout out Lehigh Valley, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Got a bunch of cousins up in the Bethlehem and Mayes area. Jesus was born there.

I sure was. Well, well, well, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. I believe, I think I'm right about this. I think they do a ton of reenactments of the manger scene. Oh, like nativity scenes. Nativity scenes. Ah,

love nativity scenes. I've never, I don't think I've like been to one. I've been to one. But the majority of the camels in America are owned by the Amish folks. Okay. And their main industry is renting them out for nativity scenes. That's beautiful. Up in that area, which I think is hilarious. And then a Saudi farmer came there to try and start a camel milk business. Oh, yeah. Desert Acres, is that what it was called? Maybe, maybe. Yeah. So anyways, shout out to Bethlehem and the Lehigh Valley.

uh greater area okay i just one tangent i recently saw um the south park episode the um the not the scientology one the mormon one and it was really funny that's a good one that's all i wanted to say it's a good one what are your mormon christmas dishes i don't know probably like spaghetti pie tacos a lot of potatoes and cheese probably funeral potatoes

Maggie, next opinion. I think those are for funerals. I think Christmas potatoes are hash brown quiche, Utah scones. Okay. Green jello. Oh, jello, jello, jello. Josh and Carl, me name Gronk from Wood. We have no big food. Me take bug, small bug, squish. Uh-huh. You put bug on meat.

Cook meat in fire. Interesting. Meat tastes like bug. Yeah. Eat good, you try. I try. Love show. That was awesome. I love that our fans have the ability to be themselves and be a little silly and be a little goofy. Do you know how awesome it is that people have the comfort and ability to do that?

and have us listen to it on a public show. That's beautiful. I actually have a couple cousins out in wood. And so, Gronk from Wood, just shout out to the general wood area. And what I think they've done with Meat and Fire is great. I'm really glad. Did you hear about the bug? Well, I heard about the bug. I want to get to the bug later. Your cousins told you about the bug?

about the bug? Because it's funny about the bug. The bug, it's not, I'm not saying it's common to take away from your specialist, but no, that is something I developed in the area. It's like the Altoona style pizza where they put the American cheese on it. Bug meat fire. Bug meat fire. But I will say that Gronk developed fire because that's a great way to kill disease. Well, not themselves, but fire in wood, typically they just put bug on meat raw.

Bug on meat raw. No. Because bug flavor meat, we know that, right? Bug, squish, flavor meat. Yeah. But the fact that Gronk used fire, I think that's actually the most significant innovation because a lot of people die of E. coli in wood. And so the development of fire at Gronk, I think that was a really spectacular move by you. And I hope it catches on in the greater wood area. What he said. I think my uncle taught at Wood Community College.

Oh, with CC. WCC. Nice. He taught Squish. Oh, well, apparently Gronk is valedictorian of Squish. Currently on a date, having a debate. Is queso a sauce? I think queso is definitely a sauce. But no, it's just cheese. They're on a date. Queso is like the actual dip. No.

It's a sauce. Please answer this at some point. Thank you. Bye. Oh my gosh. Josh, I love that our fans have the ability to call us when they're on a date. Is queso a sauce? Yes. Yes. It is a cheese sauce. What else would it be? When you say queso, when you say capital Q queso, you're not referring to the one, they use the term in the Philippines as well, but you are not referring to the Spanish word for cheese. You are referring to chile con queso. Or just queso dip. Yeah. Yeah. A dip is a sauce.

What? A dip is a sauce? I think it can depend, but... I think... Because queso is like... Now I'm second guessing. Because if you were to make like a cream cheese dip that has... But queso, when it's hot, it has a saucy consistency necessarily. Right, right, right. Even when it cools down and it turns more solid, so does gravy if it's made properly. Right, right, right. That doesn't mean that like gravy is still not a sauce. But could you use the function of saucing something with a dip?

Yeah. Yeah, of course. Like a cream cheese. Like let's just say holiday season, cranberry dip with the cream cheese at the bottom and the cranberries on top. You could use that as a sauce because it is –

It's not liquid, but it is moistening the food that you are eating. Well, let's look at like a spinach artichoke dip. That could be used as a sauce. But that would be tough to call that a sauce, right? Do you think so? Yes, but it could be the function of it can be used as a sauce, right? Pasta, like a plate of pasta, you put spinach artichoke dip on it, you mix it up. Yeah, you're right.

But I guess we would never call that spinach artichoke sauce, right? We pretty exclusively call it spinach artichoke dip. Yes. Queso, you are primarily dipping things into it. You can also pour it on stuff. That's what I'm thinking. If you have a plate of nachos. This pourability and viscosity of what makes something a sauce or a dip. I don't think necessarily. I think it might come down to function. Well, I think about ranch a lot, right? Ranch dip versus ranch dressing.

Oh, those are two different things? A ranch dip will generally have a heavier sour cream base and it's thicker. Oh, wow. I never thought about this like that. And so you've done things. But I would argue that queso is a sauce masquerading as a dip, whereas spinach artichoke is a dip. That can masquerade. Because of its thickness, that can masquerade as a sauce. Okay. Right? Pleasure doing business with you. Thank you so much. Enjoy the date. Yeah. I hope you quised.

I like when dates kiss. Do the old back alley kiss. Take him out back to the alley. I love a good back alley kiss. What? You know what an alley kiss is? Like an alley behind the bar? No. You ever made it out in an alley behind a bar?

Have I made out in an alley behind a bar? That's like one of the best makeouts, dude. No. The best makeout is in the corner of a bar. And everybody's watching. No, don't do it in the bar. Go to the alley where respectable folks go. But seedy things happen in an alley. When you go to the alley, that implies that more will happen. No. More has never happened in the alley for me. You just want to time alone and talk.

But then like you're like a fence and there's like a mean dog at the fence. You're really setting the scene, buddy. Big alley guy. What's up, Josh and Nicole? My opinion is that peanut butter is the worst nut butter out of all. Whoa. Whoa. Any nut butter and you put it against peanut butter. Whoa. The other nut butter is winning. I do think peanut butter tastes good, but if you've had any other peanut butter, any

Any other nut butter is better. And if you want an especially delicious one, go to Costco, pick up the mixed nut butter next to all the peanut butters. It's got cashews, almonds, chia seeds, flax seeds, pumpkin seeds. Delicious. Yeah. Peanut butter is the bottom ranked. Okay. Yeah. Okay. You know what?

You know what? That's rude of you to say because there are probably peanuts in the mixed nut butter. That's what I'm thinking. So you're just like hating on the nut for no reason. I love peanut butter. I prefer almond butter. Pistachio butter is great. Cashew butter is fine. Do you want to rank all the nut butters right now? Do you want to do that right now? Have we not done a whole podcast about that? I don't remember. It's hard to remember all the things we've done. I'm trying to find the ingredients list of this thing, but it's so hard to find. I don't.

Yeah, I got it. There are no peanuts in it. And they probably do that for peanut allergies. Oh, there's no peanuts in this? I don't believe so. Oh, it says almonds, cashews, pumpkin seeds, chia seeds, flax seeds. Yeah, there's no peanut. Probably for allergies. Can I tell you what I think the issue is here? Is that I don't think it's that other nut butters are better than peanut butter. I think if you're a company in 2024 making other nut butters...

you're probably doing it better than the legacy peanut butter companies. Sure. Right? But I mean, I love Jif, but it is like, yeah, it has that ultra kind of processed, ultra smooth taste. So if you're something that wants more than that. Laura Scudder's. God, Laura Scudder's. I love Laura Scudder's peanut butter. No, there's a brand called Wild Friends that made this like chocolate coconut peanut butter and it was still a little chunky and had the texture. I think give peanuts a chance, but give more like modern peanut butters

Chance, I think they have the best texture to butter. Yeah. I think like a lot of almond butter, cashews I think do a good job too. But like I've had like raw walnut butter and it just like sucks. Not good. I've had Brazil nut butter. I have reached the ends of the earth for pure nut butters. I think what you want, I think what you want is a curation. Because you're talking about this Nutso 7 nut butter. Yeah, I think they just want an all-around nut butter.

But they're putting a lot of different things in there. You get the flax in there. That's like emulsifying it. It's probably really good for you. It's probably really good. Have you ever had the Earth Balance creamy peanut butter with coconut oil? No, it's nice. Oh my God. It literally is like fudge. It's one of the most delicious like nut butter spreads I've ever had in my life. I love nut butters. Pistachio butter. Yum. So expensive. Wild Friends is out of business.

I'm sorry. Dude, Wild Friends. That sucked. I'm sorry. You were far and away my favorite brand. So I guess I'm a free agent now. And I am Gia Keely and Erica. I would tell people to try One Trick Pony peanut butter. That's some of the best peanut butter I've had. The texture is phenomenal and it's salted to perfection. I love it very much. Can we stop talking about nut butters? Dude, this is bumming me out so much. I'm sorry, man. They were just like two friends.

Oh, man. What do you want to tell them? You want to tell them something? Maybe they're watching. Yeah, I want you to know that you may, at a time in my life when I really need comfort during the COVID shutdown, I remember I would just like,

I would make myself a peanut butter, banana, honey, or peanut butter and jelly sandwich every single day. And I got really into trying all of the peanut butters that I could find in the store. And that was something that kept me going every single day. I was like, I can't wait to eat my little comfort food. And then I bought Wild Friends peanut butter. And I had several different varieties that you had. And they were all good. But some of them were really, really memorable. And I look back at that very fondly in my life. Sorry, I crashed. It's okay.

Yeah, Wild Friends, RIP. Didn't think I was going to get emotional. Hey, this is Matt from the Southeast PA.

The chicken pot pie that you buy in the store is not chicken pot pie. It is a chicken pie. Chicken pot pie is made in a pot with broth, chicken, potatoes, carrots, and two-by-two flat egg noodles. Now, you might think to yourself, that's what my crazy uncle calls chicken and dumplings. Well, he's wrong, too. Chicken and dumplings is a chicken stew.

with a biscuity leavened dough dropped on top to cook in the boiling water. Thank you.

Okay, there's a lot going on here. This is... This man's correct. Oh, okay. This man's correct. Are they? This is a Pennsylvania Dutch thing. Well, of course. It always is. I know. It's always a Pennsylvania Dutch thing. What are we going to do about them? They always have these crazy wackadoodle ideas that are the antithesis of what they are. And then we all got to suffer for it. Come on, Pennsylvania Dutch people. When you get the banquet chicken pot pie, there's no pot. It's a pot.

It's just a chicken pie. There probably was at one point. It's just a chicken pie, but I'm saying, no, the Pennsylvania Dutch. So what this looks like is like he's saying chicken and dumplings, but then if you have Southern chicken and dumplings, you're like, those aren't dumplings. Those are noodles. What this is, this is Nicole. This is pie dough effectively that is cooked in a pot. This is a pot pie. This is not a pie. You are correct.

I'm not going to like stop saying one. When do I talk about chicken pies? Only here. Only here. It's not a food I think about very often, though. I kind of want to make one now. I really want to eat chicken and dumplings right now, actually. The fluffy biscuit topped one. And chicken and waffles.

That's chicken in a cream sauce poured on a waffle. That's what I grew up with. Oh, yeah. You had Pennsylvania Dutch chicken and waffles. Yeah, everyone thinks they're disgusting and I love them. The picture... It's not a very beautiful food. Yeah, there's... We need more good stock images for Pennsylvania Dutch. Well, I'd say food in general.

My problem is I don't have a strong opinion on this. I'm glad you do. I do love all combinations of soupy, brothy, chickeny, vegetable-y, dough-y stuff. So I'm just happy to eat it whenever it's in front of me. If I have a bowl of chicken and dumplings, I'm a happy girl. Or a chicken pot pie. Or chicken soup. I just love it all because I believe that happiness is in the eye of the bowl holder. Yeah.

Oh, that was so endearing and adorable. God, that was so good, Nicole. Thank you so much. I think that really shows your growth. It's not a podcast, so it's not a friend, but it's just a person. Yeah, that's incredible.

These stock photos are so bad. Let me see. Can you flip your laptop? We need to. Oh, that looks abhorrent. We need to make a bit. I know someone that got rich making a stock photo website of marijuana plants. You want to do that, but for chicken? All Pennsylvania Dutch food because we don't want to. Okay. All Pennsylvania Dutch food. Do you want me to be a part of this?

I already shook your hand once. I already shook your hand. 50-50. I shook your hand once during the pod, and that's enough touching. We're going to be rolling in the dough.

The pie dough. God, on that note, we are so effing back, baby. On that note, thank you all so much for stopping by Hot Dog is a Sandwich. We got audio-only episodes every Wednesday and a video version here on YouTube on Sunday. This is a script Nicole wrote, but this one will not have a video version. We had to give our editors a wee break. You know what it is. So our editors have to take a wee.

And we are... No, three weeks. I tried my best to say this in a way you would say, and this is how I would say it if I were you. Do an imitation of it. Do an imitation. And on that note, thank you for listening to A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. We got new audio-only episodes every Wednesday and a video version here on YouTube every Sunday. But, but, but, this one will not have a video version. We had to give our editors a wee break. You know what it is.

That's a pretty good name. Okay. If you want to be featured on Opinions Like Castrols, give us a ring and leave a quick message at 888-BagPod1. I'm Corky Romano. You sound like Corky Romano to me. Who's Corky Romano? Who's Corky Romano? Chris Kattan, SNL Classic. You guys on some cookies? I sound like Chris Kattan to you? Well, Chris Kattan, I think, is doing an imitation of you. It's not his natural voice. Happy holidays. We'll see you next time.

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