UNPHASED & UNBOTHERED: how to overcome haters, judgment and negativity.
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Hello and welcome to the Claim Your Power podcast, the ultimate show for all things self-love, spirituality, and personal growth. I'm your host, Kim Peretz. I'm a three-time author, content creator, avid traveler, entrepreneur, and matcha enthusiast. You are at the right place if you're ready to rediscover the love within, align with your purpose, and unleash your highest potential. It's time to claim your power.

Hello everyone and welcome back to my podcast. In today's episode, we are talking about how to be unfazed, unbothered, and how to master your mindset against negativity, jealousy, and hate from others. So in today's episode, I'm going to be teaching you step-by-step how to overcome other people's judgment, how to sidestep negativity, and how to build confidence

confidence amidst other people's judgments or amidst other people's doubt. So this episode is your one-stop guide to turning your haters into your motivators, to turning the judgment or the criticism or the jealousy or the envy or whatever negative energy that you have been receiving from other people and turning it into your personal power. So get out your notebook, take some notes, and let's get into it.

The first thing that you have to realize is that the most valuable currency in your life is your attention. So if you do not like something in your life, if you do not like someone in your life, if you don't like something that's going on around you, the way to claim back your power from that situation is to remove your attention from it.

Because where you put your attention on and where you invest your energy is where everything grows. So if you resist something, it's going to chase you. The more that you give attention to negative people into your life, whether it be people that you know or people on the internet or random strangers, the more that you give those people your energy, the more that they grow, the more that they get power and the more that they win.

The first step that you have to realize in order to remain unbothered and unfazed by other people in your life is to stop giving them your attention. When you give something your attention, that's where your energy expands.

I'm going to be teaching you something called the art of indifference. And this is the idea that nothing actually matters in your life unless you give it power to matter. Other people's opinions don't actually have any weight over your life unless you give them the power to have an effect on your life.

Other people's judgment or hate towards you doesn't actually dictate anything in your life unless you give it the power, unless you hand them the key that allows them to do that to you. So if you want to remain unfazed and unbothered and actually master your mindset when it comes to jealous, negative haters in your life, you have to stop giving these types of people your attention. Why?

When you give these types of people your attention, when you overanalyze, you think, oh my god, what if they said this about me? What did they feel about this? And they said this and la la la la la la. Like, no. You have to get yourself to a place of indifference, of being unfazed, unattached, and unbothered. Because if you know yourself from the inside out, then somebody else's inadequate words or actions or opinions does not have any power over your life. Because the truth is, nobody knows you better than yourself. Some

Someone in your life does not know you better than yourself. And let me tell you something. If people in your life have the time and energy to send hate, negativity, or bad energy towards you, you should start feeling bad for these types of people. You should have compassion for these people because these people do not have a life. Confident, successful, happy people do not have time nor energy to spend talking about other people or bringing other people down.

Insecurity is loud. Confidence is quiet. People who have to spend all of their time and energy bringing other people down, judging other people, criticizing other people for doing something, for being this way, whatever it may be. These types of people do not have a life. They are losers. So why should you give losers the time and the energy to dictate how you feel about yourself?

Do you also realize that in order to actually get haters, you actually have to be doing something right in your life? Because it's the law of duality. The more that there's light, there's also going to be darkness. The more that there is success, there's also going to be people that are triggered by that.

And so if you have haters in your life judging you, watching your every move, not clapping for you, criticizing you, talking shit on you, realize that you are doing something right. And so if people are talking about you all the time, they're overanalyzing you or they're bringing you down, you are so relevant into their life. Do you realize how much compassion you should actually have for these people? Because meanwhile, you're living your life, you're going after your goals, you're developing yourself, you're leveling up and you live rent-free in other people's minds.

Because a part of them feels so triggered by your light, by your energy, by your presence, that instead of actually taking that as fuel and inspiration to work on themselves and to level up and align with that version of themselves too, they have to nitpick you apart in order to feel good about themselves.

I always say kill them with success and bury them with a smile. If someone in your life is trying to bring you down, trying to lower your energy, the way that you outdo these people is you stop giving them your power and your energy. You take away all of your attention from them. You cut the cord.

and they become irrelevant because you want to know the one thing of human nature, everyone wants to stay relevant. And when somebody realizes that their opinion or what they have to say about you is not relevant to your life and has no effect to your life, that drives them crazy. You also have to realize that if you are the type of woman who invests in herself, who works on herself, who takes care of herself, you're going to trigger a lot of unhealed people.

And just make peace with that and keep radiating your light no matter what's going on around you. Because haters and jealous people are actually people who secretly wish they could be like you. They see something in you that they don't think that they have in themselves. So instead of doing inner work of sitting with themselves, of having some self-awareness, they actually take the time to pick you apart and

to be victims, to focus on the external instead of going internally and asking themselves, oh wait, maybe I like this part of this person and maybe instead of bringing them down, I can actually look inside themselves and ask myself, why don't I believe that I'm worthy of being like that too? This is what haters are. Haters are not personal. And people always say, yes, yes, it's personal. No, I am telling you,

Haters are not personal. Meaning that if somebody else is projecting their own pain or triggers onto you, that's not something that you have to absorb. You can observe it. You don't have to absorb it. The better that your life will get. Practice detachment from the haters. And when you feel yourself going outside of you, taking energy outside of you, asking yourself, what is this person saying? How do they feel about me? La la la la la la.

Take that as white noise. Come back into yourself and remind yourself of who the fuck you are.

Who you are. Because nobody knows you better than you know yourself. And when you know who you are, nobody can tell you who you're going to become. When you don't know who you are, then you give people the free pass to tell you who you are, to walk all over you, to dictate how your life should be. But when you know yourself truly from the inside, when you love yourself, when you are falling in love with who you are becoming, no one can come in and overstep that.

Why? Because your inner strength and your confidence is so strong and it's fueled from the inside. It's not dependent on other things. It's not dependent on your looks, on your accomplishments, on your clothes, on your money, on your car, on how many friends you have and how many people like you. No, it's dependent on your soul, on your spirit. It's coming from inside of you. This way, nobody can ever take it away from you. And let me prove to you something, okay? Because haters, it's never, ever, ever personal. It's always something that's reflecting inside of themselves.

When I was, I think in the fifth grade, I was kind of a shy girl because my parents were immigrants. I was just learning English at the time. And I didn't really have too many friends. Like I had my few friends. And then I had befriended this girl. And I really, really liked this girl. I really wanted to be her friend. And we became friends. And then she did like a flashback.

180 and she started to turn all of my few friends against me. She started to spread rumors about me in school. She started to bully me to the point where I was so depressed as a 10 year old that my parents had to take me out of that school and move me to a different school. Like that's how bad it was. Okay. And so my inner child, my fifth grade self,

I ended up taking all that bullying that was happening to me when I was a child and I actually internalized it. And I felt like I was unworthy and I was doing something wrong. And it was something about my energy that I was putting out. And for so many years, I actually felt like that. I felt like I deserve to be bullied. I deserve to have hate sent towards me because of me just existing. It was just this awful limiting belief that I was carrying for a lot of my childhood years. And then when I was, I think, a junior in high school,

This girl that was bullying me in the fifth grade found my Instagram account through some other girl and she had messaged me like a three paragraph message telling me how sorry she was for bullying me that she had felt this insane jealousy towards me when we were in the fifth grade because I was beautiful and I was happy and

And I was likable and approachable. And mind you, I was so young back then. And she had shared with me that her parents were going through a divorce at the time. And she saw me and she just saw all these things that she wanted to have inside of herself and she didn't. And so she lashed out and she turned everyone against me when we were kids. And she bullied me and she criticized me and she judged me.

And she basically had sent me this entire apology telling me how jealous she was at the time and that her hate was a total projection, that she's so sorry. And honestly, I look back and I have no hard feelings toward this person. I forgive them. I'm really grateful that I went through all of that experiences because it really, you know, strengthened who I am today. And I'm really grateful that this person now has self-awareness and they were able to apologize to me and, you know, close that karma between us. And I wish them nothing but the best.

But the reason that I'm telling you this story is to show you that literally hate is not personal. Do not internalize other people's hate or judgment towards you because it's always a projection of themselves. Because let me ask you a question. Have you ever met a hater that is doing better than you? Have you ever met a hater who is doing better than you? Because happy, fulfilled, confident people do not have the time nor energy to hate themselves.

It is just not on their to-do list. They do not have the time or energy. So realize that if somebody is taking the time and energy out of their day to think about you, where you're living rent-free in their head, to criticize you, to gossip about you, to spread rumors about you, like whatever it is, realize that they are not doing better than you. A lot of people think that when you receive hate or judgment from other people, when you are talked about or you experience any sort of envy or jealousy from other people around you,

You think that it's actually because you're unworthy or you're not good enough or da da da. Let me tell you something. If you are receiving hate in your life, it's because other people are recognizing your own potential and your own power before you recognize it.

And they don't want you to do it. They don't want you to live up to it. They want to destroy it. So people are hating on you, not because you're not enough, not because you're unworthy, not because you're doing something wrong, but because you're doing something right. And they recognize that. And instead of taking inspiration from that and aligning with that too,

They're triggered by it. They get defensive. They get overprotective of themselves. So they have nothing to do but externalize it outwards and hate and spread negative energy. And this is why I'm such a firm believer in the art of indifference. If you give your haters or negative people in your life your energy, you are giving them your power and they win. They win.

They win. When you give them your attention and your energy, they win. Do not let these people win. They have to become like white noise, like crickets, like a cockroach. They're just irrelevant. Irrelevant. When these people's opinions do not have any power over you, then they become powerless and they literally evaporate out of your life as fast as they came in.

But the problem is so many of us want to dwell. We want to overanalyze. We want to prove ourselves. And this is just not serving you. It's not serving you in the long run. It's stripping you away from your confidence, from your self-worth, and from your purpose.

You have to realize that the more glowing, beautiful, successful, confident that you become, the more other people in your life are going to show you their true colors. Because there are a lot of people in your life who do not have a relationship with themselves. Therefore, they don't want you to be doing better than them. Do you know how many haters I have in my life? I have haters online sending me messages every day. I have...

women in my life like around in my circle hating on me, gossiping about me and do you want to know what? I do not care because other people's opinions can suck a cactus. I know who I am and therefore nobody outside of me can tell me otherwise and when you get yourself to this place of indifference, of being unfazed and unbothered, then the haters just lose all types of power over you.

Do not let the people of your past, do not let the haters, do not let the jealous energy dictate the life that you have. Do not let the people who have hurt you, who have tried to spread you down with negativity, have power over your life that you're going to be unhappy. Because the best type of revenge towards haters is to keep leveling up, to keep glowing, to keep succeeding, and to keep being happy. Haters are people who are terrified of their own emptiness.

This is why when you look on online comments, you see like Bill887 with no profile pictures with seven followers commenting all these hate comments on other people's accounts. These are people that are hiding behind walls because they're actually hiding from themselves. Therefore, they have to externalize all of their issues, all of their triggers, all of their pain and trauma onto other people. Do not absorb it.

Recognize what is yours to take up and what is yours to just observe. Stop asking yourself and going down this rabbit hole of why did they say this? Why don't they like me? Why did they think this about me? What is their opinion of me? Like that is a rabbit hole that you will never get out of because let me tell you something. Some people will just hate you for the way that you carry yourself. Some people will just hate you because you're confident because you love yourself and they want to desperately be like that too. Some people will just hate you

Some people will literally just hate you because there's a small part of you that ticks and triggers them and pushes the button in the wrong way just by you existing. So if that's the case, then you might as well do whatever you want. You might as well be the person that you were always destined to be and you might as well embody who you truly are authentically because it doesn't matter what other people have to say or do. They don't know you. You have to get yourself to a place

where you truly are so indifferent, you are so unbothered that when somebody comes up to you and they say, oh, they said this about you or you see a hate comment or whatever it is. And so, and...

Like that's not my problem. Recognize that other people that are hating on you will never be doing better than you. They will never ever ever ever ever ever. A hater is never going to be doing better than you in life. I promise you. I promise you. This is why I believe that you should have compassion for your haters. You should have compassion for people sending negativity towards you because you

It could be worse, okay? Like if other people are projecting their insecurities and their bitterness onto you, like it could be worse. You could be them because should you ever meet their insecurities, meet their bitterness, and they're projecting it onto you, realize that if you were them, it would be a lot worse for you. A lot worse. So it's better to be the person that's getting all of that projected and actually taking that energy and fueling it.

And this is why I believe that you should not respond to haters. You should not respond to hate comments. You should not entertain any of these people that are gossiping about you, that are trying to bring you down because you give them energy. And when you realize that you don't entertain, you don't stoop to the level of the people that are trying to hurt you and you keep your head up, you keep your crown up so it does not fall and you stay pure with your heart and with your intentions, the universe blesses you. Do you know how many times

People tried to send, people in my life, not even online, people in my life tried to send hate towards me, tried to bring me down, tried to send negativity my way and I just chose not to respond to it. I chose to hold my head up high and I chose the higher route and pure intentions regardless. Do you know that all of these people's lives went downhill?

went downhill because these people were projecting this energy onto me. And instead of me taking it up and internalizing it, I sent them love instead. And so that energy parachuted, did a 180 and came back to them. So let karma do its thing. Do not respond to haters. Do not respond to negativity. Don't even stoop to their level. Stay pure. Stay up here.

and the universe will continue to bless you, and your haters will be watching from the sidelines. Shine your light, let the haters do the hate, and let karma work out their fate. It is not up to you. Stop responding to hate. Stop responding to negativity. Literally build up a bubble of white light. Like when you've noticed yourself experiencing negativity, letting other people's opinions tear you down, letting other people's gossip get in the way of how you feel about yourself,

Imagine a white bubble of light and call in your angels, call in your guides, call in God, the universe, whatever you believe in, and ask them to transmute any negative energy sent your way into love. Learn how to protect your energy. And I have a whole podcast episode on this, on how to protect your energy and on spiritual hygiene. And I really recommend you guys listen to it because especially if you're someone who is very sensitive, who's very empathic, you need to learn how to protect your energy against haters.

My friend and I, we always say that jealousy and hate will give you wrinkles, okay? Like people who are sending jealousy and negative energy your way, like that is on them. That is their shit with themselves. Like when they hate on you, it's because they see something in you that they don't see in themselves.

So don't internalize it. I'm telling you it is not personal. Take other people's hate as your motivation. Okay, like I am flattered when people hate on me or send negativity to me, whether that be online or people in my life. Like I am living rent free in your head. I am a trending topic in your life.

I'm flattered because I'm out here thinking about my goals, thinking about my dreams, thinking about what I'm going to cook myself for dinner, thinking about the trip I'm going to take, thinking about how I can make more money, how I can help other people, how I can empower and fulfill my purpose more. And these people are trying to bring me down and trying to diminish me.

Do you realize the difference? This is the type of mindset that you need to have about your haters. If you want to be that confident person, stop giving other people so much weight and start working on things that other people can't take away from you, like your dreams, your goals, your happiness, your health, your self-development. This is where you want to be putting your energy.

And realize that if other people in your life are putting their energy so much on you, then they don't have a life. And that's sad. And you should feel bad for them. And you should be flattered that you're such a trending topic in their life because obviously you're doing something right. Beautiful souls, thank you so much for joining me in today's episode. As always, I will talk to you next week. Bye.