ULTIMATE self-love pep talk ft. I MISSED ME POD
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Hello and welcome to the Claim Your Power podcast, the ultimate show for all things self-love, spirituality, and personal growth. I'm your host, Kim Peretz. I'm a three-time author, content creator, avid traveler, entrepreneur, and matcha enthusiast. You are at the right place if you're ready to rediscover the love within, align with your purpose, and unleash your highest potential. It's time to claim your power.

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the podcast. I am very extra excited today because I have my friend Mafe on with me today. She is the host of the I Miss Me podcast. And she is going to be talking about how to make your life better.

And you guys have been asking both of us to do this collab for quite a while and we're finally doing it. So thank you so much for joining me today, Mothra. I'm so happy you're here. Yeah, I am so excited to be here. People on my podcast love you and they always bring your name up. And we've actually talked more than just these two episodes. Like we always just end up having like the longest conversations.

And we have connected super well. Hopefully we can meet in person soon. But I love Kim. So I'm just so excited to be here. I love you back. I'm so happy. And I love that we're able to do this and combine our communities together because I feel like both our podcasts are just in such a similar niche. That's cool to just be able to come together. And

And I know on your podcast, you talk a lot about healing. So I wanted to ask you, what does healing mean to you just to start off the episode? I feel like and it's funny because I always ask this on my podcast and I think

just recently asked myself that question because I was like, I always ask it to people and I've never asked it to myself. And I feel like the word healing has been very like misconstructed because of social media. And I feel like people might misunderstand healing as just not feeling anymore or just moving on. And for me, healing is not

being completely okay or being 100% like, you know, over the situation. It just means like for me, being able to see the situation from a different perspective where it doesn't necessarily hurt anymore, but you're able to see it and be like,

I grew so much from this. So healing for me just means transformation. I don't really love using the word healing. And the only reason why I use it is because it's just easier for people to like understand the term, you know, but I like using the word transformation instead of, of like anything that you're quote unquote healing from. Yeah.

made you grow and it turned you into a better person whether you can see it right now or not you know you are going to be a whole new different person from whatever it is that you're again quote unquote healing from but it it's not really healing it's just transforming I feel like

Wow, I love that. I also think that reminded me I was listening. I don't remember if I read this or I listened to something but I really like Gabby Bernstein, and she was talking about how like she got interviewed and someone asked her this question of like, how does it feel like to become the best version of yourself, and she responded and said,

I'm not becoming the best version of myself. I'm just shedding the layers that held me back from being that me. It's like, you're always that person at your core, you have the love and the light. And it's not about like, this chase of like being the best version of yourself and like always leveling up and always healing. It's just about shedding the layers and the beliefs and

And the thoughts that have always held you back from being who you are at your core, which I think is so interesting, because I really think that relates to what you said about the transformation. Like, it's not really about like fixing, like you're not broken. It's just about taking the lessons and integrating them and then growing from them.

Yeah, for sure. I feel like it's more about on learning that about learning is just about like, peeling back all of the things that you've, you know, have been trained to believe, but aren't really true. And then just coming back, like, and that's the essence of I Missed Me, just coming back home to yourself, because at the core, and like you said, our essence is just like pure energy.

And that we have just like forgotten because of society, because of our maybe parents, the way that we were raised and society and our environment. And we adopt all of these beliefs and,

And we have believed that maybe heartbreak is painful and it's supposed to make you sad. But, you know, like all of these things that we have just like learned and learned. But for me, healing again or transforming is just like unlearning and just coming back home to yourself and to who you really are before the human experience. Yeah.

It's like a babushka. Do you know what a babushka is? Like, it's like those dolls. I think they're... Yeah, yeah, yeah. That they have a doll inside of doll inside of doll. It's like bringing up just a good visual for you guys. But I love that. Like, that's such a good way to look at it, honestly. So I want to ask you,

We talk a lot about self-love on both of our podcasts. What would you say self-love means to you? And I'm writing a book about this. I'm just so excited to talk about it because, again, I feel like a lot of terms have been misconstructed. And for me, self-love means being. For me, you don't have to learn how to love yourself. You just have to learn how to be yourself because you are, in essence, love.

And so if we are love, we don't have to learn how to love ourselves. We just have to learn how to be ourselves. And that is ultimately what I talk about in my book, because a lot of people think that self-love is a journey that you have to take. And it is not really a journey that you have to take. It's just a pause and be like, oh, I am already love. So there's not really anything that I have to learn. I just have to I don't have to learn how to love myself. I just have to learn how to be myself.

be myself, you know, be myself with everything that myself has. And I feel like in order to do that, we have to learn how to be with ourselves instead of being by ourselves. You know, when people say like, I'm just learning how to be by myself. It's not about learning how to be by yourself. It's learning how to be with yourself, you know, and then start building a friendship and then discovering that you're actually pretty cool.

with your flaws and with everything that you have and that's how you learn how to be yourself and then be as consequence you learn how to love yourself you know but love comes after learning how to be yourself and I feel like that's that's self-love it's not about face masks it's not about journaling it's not about hot girl walks obviously if that makes you feel peace and if you like doing that then do it you know but that's not what self-love ultimately means and

I think it is so much deeper than that. For me, love is just energy. You know, love cannot be created or destroyed. And energy cannot be created or destroyed. And because we are all energy, we are all love. And so in order to, again, love yourself, you just have to be yourself.

I love that. That's so powerful. That reminds me of how when people are in relationships and you end a relationship, you develop this mentality of, I have to be by myself. I have to learn how to be by myself and dah, dah, dah. And it's like, okay, we're human beings. Like it's okay to want to be in a relationship. It's okay to want to experience love. It's not about

um, like now or never, it's not black or white of like, oh, I'm by myself. I'm alone. It's about learning how to, what you said, like be with yourself amidst everything around you, whether you are in a relationship, whether you're single in your career, in your friendships, like whatever it is, it's just about knowing who you are deep at your core and not letting anyone in your life overstep that, not letting anyone in your life tell you otherwise.

You have to know yourself so deeply that when somebody comes into your life and tries to tell you who you are, they have zero power over you. It's like if someone came up to me and was like, Kim, you have brown eyes.

Hmm. Do I have brown eyes? No, I know I don't have brown eyes. I know I have blue eyes. So I'm not going to be triggered. And I'm just gonna laugh it off. And that's like, easier said than done for this example. But when you truly know who you are, you know, your traits, you know, what makes you happy, you know, your boundaries, you know, what brings you good and peace into your life. No one can take that away from you, because you're so settled into that mindset. And I think that's

That's kind of the trick is not about trying to prove yourself to other people, but instead just like trying to prove yourself to yourself and developing trust within yourself, because I think so many people trust.

break their own promises and that's something really big that I noticed even about my own life it's I would set certain goals for myself or certain boundaries and then I would break them to myself and I would break my own promise to myself and then I would be upset because I didn't have self-trust so I think a lot of self-love comes down also to trusting yourself and your instincts and

and what you want out of life. And even if somebody else doesn't get it or doesn't accept it, that's them. But you don't let that, like you don't let somebody else's inadequate words or actions stumble upon who you are and your own growth. Yeah, I love that. And also, like you said, it's

it's learning how it's knowing yourself, but also enjoying that self as well. You know, it's not just like, okay, I am this, this and that, but also feeling proud of being this, this and that, you know, I know that I'm, I am caring and loving and passionate, but I love being caring and loving and passionate. You know, it's like falling in love with

with the things that you have, you know, it's not not just knowing the things that you have, but loving them, you know, so that you only accept people that love them as much as, as you do. And not only accepting people that want to get to know you, but that want to get to love you for the things that you have, you know, and that I feel like that's, that's self love for me.

Yes, knowing who you are. And that way you can also match to other people in your life. So it's not about like, it's not from a sense of arrogance or selfishness. It's just

You know who you are and you know what you have to bring to other people in your life. When someone walks into your life, when you have all these amazing traits and you love someone, you open up, you give those people those traits, but not every single person deserves that

right off the bat. People have to not prove themselves to you, but kind of show you that they're consistent and will be gentle with your heart and respect you and love you. And that's not even high standards. That's just the bare minimum, guys. And not just for relationships. I'm talking about friendships too. I have walked away from the past from friendships that didn't serve me because I didn't feel like we had an equal exchange of energy, for instance. And I really think it's important to know that

When you truly embrace who you are and you embrace your strengths and you know what you bring to others and how you light up your own life, you're not going to settle anymore. You're not going to let people who don't see that come into your life and just like waltz all over it because you know what you bring to the table. And it's not from like, you know, the toxic sense of like, I know what I bring to the table. It's like, no, you know what you bring to the table and you're not afraid to eat alone if somebody else eats.

doesn't reciprocate that energy and I think also by having that type of energy of like I

I love being by myself. Like I'm not scared of being alone because I'm never really alone. I have so much love inside of me and so much guidance outside of me. I think that's also how you become a magnet to so many aligned people and aligned friendships because you're not in a place of neediness and attachment. You're just whole and you feel complete on your own. And so you can just easily attract people

everything else into your life. Like example, just us that we met two years ago, I would not have met other, I would not have attracted like other creators like you into my life because I have like still deep friendship wounds where I felt like,

I other young people in our age, like aren't on a spiritual journey. And like, I don't know if you felt this way to kind of like the black sheep, like kind of the odd one out. So that's how I felt like a lot of the time, like not, not now, obviously, but a couple years back. And so I didn't have these types of like connections with people. And it's crazy how once you start doing the inner work and you tell yourself, okay, like

I know who I am and the right people will flow into my life. It's suddenly you start meeting so many aligned people that you can collaborate with and form friendships with and work with. It's because you're embodying who you are without judgment to yourself. Yeah, I love that. And I think that's going to be super helpful for people that maybe are scared of spending time alone. And that was definitely me at some point. I just didn't want to be alone. And I would do everything myself.

It took for me just not to spend time alone, whether it was like keeping toxic friendships or relationships or just holding on to people and to things that didn't want to be there anymore. And it wasn't necessarily because I wanted them in my life or because I couldn't see that they were toxic. It was just because I didn't want to spend time alone. And then I kind of just had to ask myself, like, what is so wrong?

Like what, what do you really think that you're that bad of a person that you just don't want to just be by yourself? You know, like, and if you are scared of spending time alone, you can't complain about the judgment that other people have towards you because subconsciously you believe, you believe that about yourself as well. You know, you slept through your alarm, missed the train and your breakfast sandwich cold. Sounds like you could use some luck.

I'm Victoria Cash, and Lucky Land is where people go every day to get lucky. At Lucky Land, you can play over 100 casino-style games for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Go to LuckyLandSlots.com and get lucky today. No purchase necessary. VGW Group. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply. For me, I went through a breakup almost three years ago.

And, and I had a lot of anger and resentment towards him for a very long time because he called me out on a lot of things. And I was like, I'm not, I'm not the person that he's saying that I am. I'm not, he would, he, I feel like he,

He told me that I was very, like, possessive and just so many things. And I was like, I'm not that type of person at all. Like, I am not what you're saying at all. And I was like, well, then why are you scared of being alone if you're not the person that he's saying that you are? You know, like, if you think that you're this person

you know wonderful person then what is so wrong about being by yourself and then I was like oh shit then maybe I am so mad at him because he's right you know and so if if you you know if you don't feel like you have things to work on then what is so wrong about being with yourself you know if you're scared of being alone then it means that you have things to to work on

And I love that you just talked about that and you were so vulnerable and have so much self-awareness. I think that's what we need more of in these types of communities. Because honestly, I feel like all the wisdom, for instance, that we share on our podcast, it's because...

we were in the exact same place that maybe somebody else listening to us right now is in that place. Like we were in the exact same place. Like we know exactly who we're talking to because we walked that path. So I think it's so amazing that you can just be like, yeah, maybe I was angry at myself because I had those traits and he was,

reflecting that to me. And maybe if it wasn't for that relationship, you wouldn't have had that whole journey with yourself and become the amazing conscious person that you are today. And I really related to that. Like I even think

Looking back, like in my relationship, which was like I had a breakup a year and a half ago. When you have a relationship for a while, like when you're in a serious relationship, I think it's really important after a breakup to kind of like sit with yourself, kind of reflect on the type of person that you were in that relationship and how that relationship was in its whole. And something that I did in mine is like,

I realized that I was in a very much wounded feminine energy a couple years ago when I was in my relationships with men and

It wasn't until I had like a really big heartbreak and so much of a self-love journey that I awakened to that fact that, oh, I am like in my masculine energy a lot or I'm in wounded feminine and I lack self-worth and self-respect. And I didn't even know that at the time. And it wasn't until like you kind of get this wake up call from the universe, like knock, knock, knock.

Guess what? You have some inner work to do. And then you realize that. And so I really related to that because now it's like you can take those old parts of you and you can alchemize them and integrate them into a newer aligned version of yourself because I don't know if you can relate. And me three years ago was like, girl,

What are you doing? What are you doing? So yeah, that like, it's amazing to be able to look back. And I feel like for anyone listening, just know that you're a masterpiece.

And a work in progress at the same time. And it's fine. It's that's how you grow and you don't have to be ashamed of any past things, or the way you used to operate in your life like yes you have to have self awareness if you ever hurt someone in your life and you have that realization I think it's always good to go back and

you know, send them love and apologize and all of that. But don't be ashamed for your past because you are not your past. You're your future. And it's what you do with your past and how you integrate it that really defines who you are. Not only self-awareness, but like you said, a lot of self-grace and a lot of self-forgiveness is required in order to like fully, fully love yourself because you cannot love yourself with resentment towards yourself. You know, those two just do not go hand in hand.

you, you can't love someone and, and hate them for, for the things that they did. You know, you either love someone or you don't, you know, love, love has no opposites, but the feeling of love doesn't have any opposites. And so if you want to truly fall in love with yourself, you're going to have to like fully forgive yourself and, and have a lot of great grace towards yourself. Like you are still going to make mistakes. The only difference is

with making mistakes with the only difference that comes with making mistakes with love towards yourself and with not is that you are able to forgive your mistakes when you love yourself. You're not able to forgive your mistakes when you don't. So it's not that you're going to stop making mistakes. It's just that you're going to be able to to live with forgiveness towards yourself. The way I kind of like to see it in my life is that

I imagine it's me talking to a child. Kids make mistakes all the time. They fuck up all the time. They do stupid stuff all the time. But adults forgive them because they didn't know any better. And there's, I think, a big difference between, you know, being intentional and conscious about like your terrible actions versus genuinely not having the wisdom that maybe you have now. And so you made mistakes in your past.

And I love that. And I think it's so true. Like self forgiveness is self love. You can't forgive if you don't forgive yourself, you can't love yourself. Because you're kind of putting parts of yourself on the back burner. And

In order to truly love yourself, you have to look at your shadow sides too, especially. It's easy to love yourself when you see everything you like in the mirror and everything's going right in your life and everything's perfect. The real challenge is how do you love yourself and how do you show up for yourself when it's hard? That's the real challenge. How do you treat yourself? How do you speak to yourself properly?

When life isn't perfect, when there's setbacks and hardships, that's the real challenge. It's how you rise once you fall. I love that. So do you have a piece of advice for someone that is struggling with loneliness and wants to overcome it?

I feel like I always like referring to this quote that says, you are never going to feel lonely if you like the person that you're alone with. Wow, I've never heard that. Yeah, it is so true. You will never feel lonely if you like the person you're alone with, you know?

And for me, I like to look at it as and I made a video about this a few days ago of like, I love my best friend or I love my sister and I would never say no to spending time with them. You know, I would drop everything and I would never say no to spending time with them. And I can't imagine like a scenario where I would be bored with them or where I would just say, oh, no, you know, I love them and I want to spend time with them. Why do I not want to spend time with me? You know.

If I love my best friend or if I love my sister and I want to spend time with them and I don't want to spend time with myself, then I must not love myself. And that was a very big realization that I had. And if you don't love yourself, obviously you're going to feel lonely, you know? Right. But again, if you like the person that you're alone with, you're never going to feel lonely. And so for me, that was my realization of like, okay, then I have to start building a friendship with myself so that I can eventually enjoy being alone.

with myself instead of being by myself. And I guess the foundation to every single relationship that you build in your life, like whether it's a friendship or a relationship is just to get to know a person fully, you know, you can't love someone if you don't know them. And you can't love yourself if you don't know yourself. And I feel like

a lot of people don't know or understand what it is to get to know yourself because we're with ourselves 24 seven. So it's like, what do I have to get to know if I'm not, you know, I'm not someone who's separate from myself, then I don't have anything to, to know. And that's true. Like you're only one, but there are a lot of things that we subconsciously believe that we don't necessarily know that we subconsciously believe. So I feel like the foundation or like the beginning of,

not feeling lonely anymore when being alone is to get to know yourself. Like that's the beginning of everything. It's not, you can't, again, you can't love someone that you don't know. And so you're never going to be able to love yourself if you don't know yourself and knowing yourself starts by asking yourself questions in general of like, why do I feel the way that I feel? You know, why am I so scared of being by myself?

Like, what are those beliefs that I have of being alone that have made me believe that being alone is such a bad thing? You know, because I feel like we grow up in a society that tells you that being alone is wrong. You know, that being alone means that you don't have any friends, that being alone means that you're weird, that being alone means that you're not a good person. And I feel like because we grow up like that, then being alone when you're old is like,

I'm weird. Everyone hates me. I don't have any friends. And it's like, no, first of all, erase that thought or belief that you have, but also start asking, like I said, start asking yourself a lot of questions. You know, why do I feel the way that I feel? What from my childhood,

might have wounded me, you know? What did I not like from the way that I was raised and why do I think the way that I think today that might have come from my childhood? Again, it requires a lot of self-awareness, but you can't have self-awareness if you don't ask yourself questions, you know? And so I feel like for me, it was a lot of like just self-conversations that I had, whether it was just like talking or

to myself or recording myself on my phone before I had my podcast or just journaling. And that's ultimately how I began my spiritual awakening journey was by just having conversations with myself. And then one question leads you to another and to another and to another. And then you learn how to answer yourself with a lot of grace.

and you learn the person that you you learn to get to know the person that you're alone with and then you discover that the person that you're alone with is actually not that bad you know you can actually be friends with the person that you're alone with yes and I feel like it's still something that

You don't just like wake up one day and you're like, oh, I know myself. Like, no, always peeling the layers. Like, there's always parts of yourself that I'm discovering about myself. And to touch based on what you said about like, how society says that you're weird or strange, if you kind of feel alone when you're younger. Yeah.

I have to say that I think that if when you were younger, you were kind of the black sheep, or you were the person that thought a bit differently than other people and didn't have many friends, it's a good sign. And I know that sounds weird at the time, but I think it's a sign that

you're not a follower, you're your own leader, and you have things going for you in your life. And I know when you're young, like, I don't know. I know I have a lot of teenagers that listen to this podcast, like people still in high school. And guys, like when I was in freshman year in high school, I had one friend, Muffet. I had grew up with no friends. I literally had no friends freshman year, I would sit by myself.

at lunch on the grass at my high school. I had one friend and it was so bad at some point that I would cry to my mom and my mom once a week felt so bad that she would come and sit and eat lunch with me.

And I like look back at it now, like as an adult, and I'm like, oh my God, like that was so sad. Like that was such a sad era in my life. Props to your mom. Yeah, props to my mom. Wow. But honestly, like now as an adult, I think that was just me saying that

I'm not settling in my life and I don't need to have like fake friends that I know aren't there for me and I know aren't consistent with me. And so it took me a little longer to like find my tribe, but I did end up like towards the end of my high school finding right the right friends and

now as an adult, I have amazing friends in my life and I have an abundance of friends. Sometimes I feel like I can't keep up and text messages. Yeah. So for anyone listening, if you feel like the odd one out, if you feel like people don't understand you, you're not, it's hard for you to make friends. It's not necessarily something that has to do with you because I think it's so easy for us to like

blame ourselves and get caught up in the cycle of shame and guilt. But when you're at that age range, sometimes it's just you have to like learn to be alone. Like I look back and I realized that that phase in my life strengthened me so much. I learned how to be alone from such a young age. At such a young age, I was what, 14? And I learned...

to be alone. And it wasn't easy. But I think it strengthened my relationship with myself so that when I did get older, I had standards for my friendships. And I wasn't just gonna

keep people around that weren't serving me. I don't know if you were late, like if you were ever in toxic. I don't know. I'm trying to figure out if I relate or not, because I also grew up with like no friends. I grew up with no friends and it was like concerning like my parents. And it was always like this inside joke at home because my my middle sister has always been the type of person that just has like so many friends. Like you just see her always with this like friend group. And and she has always been like that.

um and I had always been the opposite of like and and they would always joke about it um like who are you gonna invite to your birthday party if you don't have anyone I'm like but like I grew up with no friends it's like it's not even funny but I feel like

it did made me insecure, you know, it was not something that I was proud of, you know, and now today, I know that I could live the rest of my life with like two friends or like no friends, and I would be fine because I genuinely now it's like, I run out of social battery, you know, now it's like I have to be alone after spending a certain amount of time with my friends. But back then I was like, I wish, you know, I wish I had friends, you know, but back then it did made me

insecure. And I feel like it was like my breakup was like my ultimate, you know, breaking point of like, I, I have to learn how to be with myself instead of by myself. But then again, looking back at my childhood, I feel like I grew up with no friends because I

I was that type of person that was trying really, really hard to make friends. And I feel like when you try hard is when you push them away. And I was that person that would like adapt their personality depending on the person that you were with. And that's so exhausting because ultimately you're one, you know, you are you and you have

again, your traits, but you are just one person. And if you're that type of person that is trying to change up their personality depending on the people that you're with, it's like eventually all of them are going to match the one that you truly are. And some people are going to like it and some people are not. And I don't know, the people that I had around me at the time

did not like it, but I look back at them now and I'm like, I didn't even like those people. Like I was trying so hard to be liked by people that I didn't even like, you know, but then again, that was just because I didn't know how to be with myself. I, and I, I feel like it was just my, my subconscious beliefs about myself. I grew up, I don't know if I've told you this, but I grew up playing tennis and I,

And sports are very beautiful. And like sports, I feel like are necessary. Like my kids are going to play sports like forcefully because that's something that my parents told us, like me and my sisters, like you have to play a sport growing up until you move out. And that's what we did. And I and I am so thankful that I was an athlete growing up.

Because I feel like it built me as a person. Like I am the person who I am today because of tennis. But also I grew up as a very competitive person that didn't like losing. And that when I lost, I was just so hard on myself and I hated myself so much. And I feel like

obviously I know that now, but back then I didn't know what that was doing to my subconscious mind and to my aura and to my energy. And I just hated myself. And so obviously I was attracting people that hating that hated me too. You know, like I was just reflecting my self beliefs, but at 13 years old, I just didn't know that. Um,

But yeah, I mean, I don't know. It's probably something I'm still trying to figure out. But all I know is that looking back at it now, I just didn't even like the people that I was trying to be liked by, you know? And I feel like that's a very good lesson for people that might be listening of like, why are you trying so hard to be liked by people that you don't even like? But all I know now is that it is way better to be surrounded, like to be alone than being surrounded by people.

you know, the wrong people because you're ultimately a product of your environment. Hi guys, I just wanted to drop in mid episode and let you know that I have created my own digital self-love guided journal, which you can download right now. So if you're interested in doing the inner work, diving deeper,

getting to know yourself through scripting, I have created the guided journal for you. It is amazing and I know that you guys will love it. Go ahead and click the link in the episode notes and you guys can download it on there. I've also been getting tons of messages from you guys asking me for my spiritual book recommendations or music playlists and all of those good things.

And guys, I have the solution. You just have to join my Patreon community. I post on there monthly book recommendations, monthly manifestation playlists, bonus monthly podcast episodes, which I personally think is the best part, and new moon insights where I do an Oracle deck reading and I talk about the energy of the month ahead.

So definitely join my Patreon community for Claim Your Power. I know you guys are going to love it and there's so much good resources on there. Without further ado, let's get back into today's episode. It's so true. I think your subconscious mind really reflects everything that happens in your life. And while you were talking, I was thinking like of my life and kind of what my beliefs were when I was younger.

And I think something that held me back also with my friendships is I had a really deep victim mentality where I knew I was different, but I was like, oh, I'm so different and nobody's going to like me because nobody's going to understand me. And I have no friends and that I'm like, I just kept telling myself that narrative for so long. So I just kept attracting people who didn't care about me.

who didn't want to be my friend, who were inconsistent. It's because I felt that way about myself and that's what I was believing. And it's crazy how the second I changed my belief and I was, okay,

I'm going to attract the right people into my life because I know that the right people are just going to flow into my life naturally. And I don't need to chase or resist or beg people to stay in my life. I just love knowing that the right people are going to come into my life, even if it's one person. And I didn't need much. And I just started telling myself that I was like, okay, just one person even that is aligned with me. Like I bless that.

And I just started being more open because I think when you're in this victim mentality, you kind of close yourself up to the world. And I think if anyone's relating to what me or Mafe said, I think it's just really important to no matter what you're going through, to just stay open in your energy because so much good can flow into your life. But so many times we block it. And something that I started doing recently is in the mirror. I started in the morning just telling myself,

Universe, I can't wait to see all the miracles you have in store for me today. And I'm so grateful for all the good things that have yet to come. And I just send that energy out there every single morning. It's so easy. It takes like, what, 10 seconds to do? Yeah.

And I think it's really intentional and good to do that because it keeps your energy open. So many of us walk around so closed off, believing the worst case scenario, believing in the worst in people. And like, what if you just started believing in the best? 100%. And I feel like if you assume the worst in people immediately, then you probably subconsciously believe that maybe not. It's not that you're the worst, but that people...

meet you and they assume the worst about you. You know, it's like, why would you feel that towards people if you didn't feel that a little bit towards yourself? So, I mean, everything that we do is a projection and like vice versa, like the way people treat you is also a projection of the state of their relationship with themselves.

But start changing your beliefs and stop blaming people for the lessons that they have to bring to you. And I feel like that's what's brought me peace. I feel like over the years of not having resentment or hate towards anyone.

And just understanding that everything, you know, happens for me and not to me. So there's lesson in everything. And so now I really just don't take anything personal. I either take it for me to grow or I'm just like, it's just a projection of their insecurities and I have nothing to worry about. I relate to that so much. And just recently in my life, like I won't go into too much detail, but I just, a friend stepped out of my life

And I noticed that the way that I responded to it this time was so different than my past self. Because in the past, when someone walked out of my life, I always needed an explanation. And I was like, why? And I would resist the situation. I would get hurt. And I would have resentment. Just like things that really held me back and kept me at a low frequency.

And when this friend stepped out of my life, all I could think was, thank God, like, this person stepped out of my life because they're meant to because if they weren't meant to the universe wouldn't have removed them from my life. And

I'm not going to resent. I'm not going to be angry. I'm not going to gossip. I'm not going to try to dissect the situation. I'm just going to accept it for what it is and not what I think it should be because things are always working out for me, not to me. So you can thank that person for stepping out of your life for the lessons they serve and you can send them off their way with love so that that karma and that energy doesn't come back to you because you

And it's like what you focus on expands. So if I were to sit now and, you know, gossip with you and focus on and be angry and try to understand everything, that energy is just going to come back to me. And I don't want to be a catalyst for that energy. I want to be I want to call in more love and invite in more peace into my life.

And so I think it's so important for anyone listening, whether it's romance or friendships or coworkers, like whatever it is, anyone in your life, when somebody steps out of your life and you don't understand it, sometimes you don't understand why things happen in the moment, but then after the fact, you're

in hindsight, you have so much more clarity. And it's only after you have like that growth period that you can look back at something and be like, oh my God, this is why this happened. It's even like with breakups. I don't know if you relate, but when you go through a breakup, the last thing in the world that you want to tell yourself is this is happening for me, not to me. Like, da, da, da. Like, I won't even think about this in a year. Like, you're just in so much pain. All you can think about is that person.

But then you have so much growth and so much involvement and you transform. And then you look back after a year and you're like, oh,

This is why this happened. And you don't even resonate. It's like you keep leveling up and the people that are holding you back are just not going to grow with you. And it's because they're on a different path. They're just on a different journey. They're on a different step and bless the people, you know, who keep growing with you and the people who aren't that's okay too, because they have free will. It's their journey. They serve their purpose. And the only thing that you can do in those situations is follow

send love even if deep inside of you you have hate you just send love anyways like you because when you send love out love comes back to you but if you send hate out to somebody else that hate's gonna come back to you too for sure I feel like I I just stopped questioning the ending of relationships in my life

um and I've been through again relationship breakups of of all types of relationships I feel like they all for me relationships are just like spiritual assignments for personal growth and that's just how I like to see them relationships period like whether it's

A lot of people go through family problems like, thank God that that has never been me, but relationship breakups or friendship breakups, whatever, whatever relationship it is that you're going through. I feel like I just stopped questioning the ending of them because I also came to terms and made peace with the fact that there's no need to understand in order to move on. There's just you just have to accept that.

There's no need to understand why things are happening or why they left or why things ended. You just have to accept, you know. I feel like looking for the reason why will only lead you to more questions as to why. And I feel like the universe just removes relationships for you to learn how to accept and to surrender and to trust. I...

I just noticed this pattern of like, whatever it is that I try to force will eventually break my heart. And I feel like this year I've just been through so much relationship, emotional pain that I'm just like, okay, you know what? I'm surrendering. Like I, I know I've learned my lesson. I learned my lesson and I'm just like, whatever I try to force will eventually break my heart. So now I just live in this constant state of just like,

to surrender when you remove someone is just to make space for someone better. And it's not even the universe removing them from your life. I feel like this is what a lot of people don't understand. You subconsciously remove them because your energy doesn't match anymore. You know, it's not the ending of a relationship or it's not that you're a horrible person. Your energy just doesn't match anymore. And so

Because of that, you just can't be together anymore. Like they just can't be in your life anymore because your energy doesn't match no matter how hard you try to make it work. And so because of that, I just started saying to myself, like you either have two options. You either lower your energy to keep them in your life

Or you accept that your energy doesn't match anymore, you know, and you work on yourself and then eventually you're going to attract people that match your energy. And hopefully and obviously everyone's immediate reaction is I don't want to lower my energy. So I just have to let them go, start working on myself and then trust that eventually the universe will bring someone that matches my energy.

What's sad about a lot of people is that a lot of people will choose to lower their energy to keep someone. But then again, it requires a lot of self-awareness of like, you cannot bring anything new and new things and better things cannot happen in your life.

If you keep consciously deciding to keep people that, you know, are just not meant to be in your life and are lowering your energy and your frequency. Yeah. And can we normalize people not being in resonance with you anymore? Yeah. That's a positive thing. I mean, it's not in the moment. It doesn't seem like it, but it's happening for you. Someone's not in resonance with you anymore and they're being removed from your life and

just allow it, accept it. And it's happening for your highest good, even if it doesn't seem like it. Cause sometimes you just, what you said, you don't need to understand everything. Sometimes no closure is closure. And again, something that I really learned in my life this past year, which I always feel like when we talk, we're kind of on the same, like life lessons.

I felt like in my life, one of my biggest lessons this year, when I see the signs for something or someone and I feel like something's not aligned with me anymore and I stick around in those situations and I ignore my gut and I ignore my intuition, then it doesn't make the situation or the problem smaller. It just makes it bigger. And then the universe removes it by force. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, it's either going to end because you decide to end it or it's either going to end because it's going to end and it's going to break your heart. And I made an episode about this. It's called let go or be dragged. Like you either let go because the universe is showing you that you have to let go or be dragged and get dragged and heartbroken and shattered and lose yourself. And eventually it's going to end.

regardless so I mean you either let go when you have when when you're meant to or you're gonna have to let go when you have to because you have no other option let's normalize having to let people go like let's normalize like you have to outgrow to grow like there's no growing staying in in the same place yeah something that I live by that really helps me is

choose the path of least resistance. It's Abraham Hicks. Listen, the outcome, if something's not meant to be in your life, nothing that you do will make it stay. No begging, no forcing, no chasing. If it's not meant to be in your life, nothing that you do will make it stay. And that same goes for the things that are meant for you. Nothing that anyone else does or tries to, you know, put themselves into if it's meant for you, they can't stand in that way.

So you choose a path of least resistance and you go around life having that in mind and you realize that when you try to force things or chase things, it's not going to bring them closer to you. That thing's going to run. And then you're going to sometimes the universe will remove things by force because if something's not right for you and you stick around, it's going to harm your life. Then the universe has to intervene. 100%. 100% agreed.

I saw that you said on your podcast, kill your past before it kills you. Can you talk about what does that mean? Yeah, I mean, I we've talked about the power of now. And I feel like that the moment that that book came into my life and everything that was going on in my life at the time was just like a spiritual awakening. By like, is the reason why I am who I am today. But I

I learned this, he talks about it like at the end of the book and it's like you have the only way of not fearing death is by dying before you die. And I feel like the way that I interpreted it was surrendering to life, you know, like dying to life as horrible as that sounds because again, death is also...

a topic that we fear a lot. And ultimately, all of our fears come down to the fear that the human being has of dying. But for me, it's just like surrendering, you know. And I feel like the main reason why we suffer today or the biggest heartbreaks that come to us today is our past, things that we did in our past that we're not necessarily proud of.

Or memories or someone who's heartbroken is heartbroken because of the memories or because of the version of the person that they were with that they remember, you know, all of our heartbreaks come from our past from things that we've been through, or from things that we wish we went through but didn't.

or things that we wished happened but didn't, just the past in general. And I feel like to be able to live at peace today and to be able to welcome a new future, you know, to be able to work towards a different future from the past is just to kill the past. And I feel like killing just means forgiving and accepting of I cannot change my past. I forgive the person who will

I was when I didn't know any better. I forgive the version of me that was unconscious, but I'm just not that person anymore. You know, I don't resonate with her anymore. I want my future to be different than my past because I'm not the proudest of my past. And because of that, I choose to kill it.

before it kills me and it keeps haunting me down and memories and thoughts just keep, you know, continue to break my heart because for me, it's just a waste of time, you know?

It reminds me of the Taylor Swift song, like, sorry, the old Taylor can't come to the side. It's just you don't want to let your past influence your future. So you learn the lessons, you take what you can take, and then you leave everything else in the past in the trash. And you just take the positive things out of it and the wisdom and you, you move forward, the only path is forward, you don't see people walking around backwards on the street.

Also, you don't throw away the trash and then you check it a few days later, you go to the trash and like, check it, throw away the trash and you literally don't think about the trash ever again. You know? Yeah. It's like you would go in the trash, you would find that old plate with a few scraps. Yeah. What the fuck? Try to eat it for dinner? It's like, no, move on. Go get yourself a new five course meal. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's so funny.

It's so important. And I love that so much. And I'm so happy that you joined me on the podcast and shared your wisdom. I love talking to you. You're such a beautiful soul.

I love talking to you and like on and off the microphone, like people don't understand, like we can talk about for hours and hours and hours. I love her. She's the best. And I hope you guys like this collab. And if you guys liked it, messages, because maybe we can do this again. No, for sure. We can even make like a series or something. Ooh, guys, we're brewing right now. Stay tuned. Do you want to tell my listeners where they can find you?

Yeah, you can find me on Mafia en Suarez. As Mafia en Suarez, literally everywhere, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube. I also do like beauty content, lifestyle content for my personal brand. I have a podcast and I am the host of I Missed Me. I Missed Me podcast on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube. I Missed Me podcast on every platform.

streaming platform. And I also have a clothing brand, NoNameProjectCO on Instagram, TikTok, NoNameProject.CO if you guys want to check our hoodies out. I'm plugging myself in. Thank you so much. Thank you so, so much for the invite. I love having these type of conversations and talking with you. I feel like, oh my gosh, like I'm so grateful for you and for this connection that we've literally built over the past few weeks.

I love it. I love her. I love her guys. Beautiful souls. Thank you so much for joining me in today's episode. As always, I will talk to you next week. Bye.