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Welcome to Claim Your Power podcast, your all-inclusive roadmap to self-love, mindset, spirituality, and personal growth. I'm your host, Kim Peretz, and you are at the right place if you're ready to tap into the knowledge, advice, and inspiration you need to become your higher self. It's time to claim your power, baby.
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of the podcast. I would love it if you haven't done so yet. If you go ahead and rate the show and leave a review because it really helps your girl out. I read each and every one of them. They fill my heart with love.
unimaginable joy and fulfillment and I am super super grateful for this community and how far it has grown and where we are heading and so I'd love to ask you to rate and review the show. It really means a lot to me and without further ado let's dive into today's episode. So today we're talking about a topic that can actually be very triggering to some of you guys and it definitely is triggering to a past version of myself and so I want to preface this by saying
Take this, everything that I'm saying, and really feel it out before you go and get triggered and ask yourself, okay, if I'm getting triggered by what she's saying, maybe there's a lesson here for me. Maybe this is showing me something deep about myself. And so today we're talking about how to basically stop being a victim and how to stop wearing your pain as a badge of honor.
And I want to start by talking about how split our society is. I think that we have gone from two different extremes where it's like, okay, we used to be in the society where nobody ever talked about their feelings and it was taboo and everyone was very avoidant. And now we have transitioned into a society that is overly in victim mentality where people
People basically blame all of their inadequate actions, how they treat others, their words on depression or on having anxiety and all of these things. And listen, I've dealt with everything. I was depressed for two years. I was a very, very overly anxious person. So I know the feeling. I know the feeling of struggling mentally and emotionally. And at the same time, I think that we have entered a society where
That it has become over the top where it's like you're avoiding, not you, but as a study, like we are avoiding taking responsibility for our life, for our actions, doing the inner work because we are so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so focused on the past, on what we can't control and so focused on one strict identity. Do you guys hear the birds outside my window? That was a deep confirmation that everything that I'm talking about is real.
So we are seeing a society where it's like teenagers are acting extremely violent, extremely brutal, extremely disconnected with themselves and their soul just because this and this happened to them in the past or just because they struggled with this. And
Again, I'm not here to discredit or invalidate anybody else's story or anybody else's struggles. Not at all. Not at all. Because you guys know that I believe that everything we go through shifts and shapes our life and that you should always have grace and be gentle with yourself. But I'm just here to shed a different light and say that at the end of the day, every single person, every single person on this planet has trauma.
Every single person on this earth has gone through something very difficult that shook them to their core, that hurt them, that traumatized them, that broke them. Every single person. And guys, you telling yourself a sob story, you staying a victim for the rest of your life does not help you grow in any way or form. And also, no one is coming to save you except yourself.
So if you don't save yourself, nobody is coming. Because the truth is like you probably are a victim. You are a victim. We are all victims of something. We have all experienced something hard in our lives, whether it been extremely, extremely difficult or even something small from childhood. We have all been victims. And so that's why the victim mentality is so common because really we can give ourselves permissions to be victims because we are victims. We have gone through certain things.
I'm a victim of certain things in my life. You are a victim of certain things in our lives. We can give ourselves permission to be victims because we are ones. The question is, does it help us? The question is, does it support us? The question is, does it help us grow?
Because being a victim will keep you stuck and small in the miserable cycle for the rest of your life. And not only that, when we are in victim mentality, when we wear our pain as a badge of honor and we're like, oh, we're like this and I have trust issues because of this and I'm anxious because of this and this and this. And you're not seeing that from a place of like, oh, I understand this about myself now.
I feel anxiously attached or I can't open up because of this thing that happened to me. But now that I'm aware of it, maybe I can put my energy towards healing it. That's the difference is we have people in our society that are saying, I'm like this because of this and this and this because I'm stuck in stagnant and I can never change because this happened to me when I was five years old and this happened to me and he cheated on me and he hurt me and I was with this narcissist and they abused me. And so I'm like this for the rest of my life because of what they did to me.
Do you realize how much you're giving your power away when you're living your life like that? Do you want to give your power away like that? I give you all permission to be a victim. You can be a victim. But the question is, does it help you?
Or is it better to be in growth mindset? Start asking yourself, you know what? This did happen to me. This did hurt me. I am a victim of this. And at the same time, I no longer choose to identify with that version of myself because I deserve to live a happy, full life. And I'm going to dedicate every ounce of my energy, time and emotions into making that happen for myself, no matter how much it takes.
That's the difference. Why do you guys think the most successful, amazing people have the saddest stories to begin with? Because they started with nothing. They were victims and they transitioned out of that victim mentality and they rose up and they used all of their challenges, stepping stones. That's why you see the most successful people have the most heartening stories because they did not stay a victim.
And that's the difference is there are people in this world that are going to be victims for the rest of their life. And there are people in this world that know that they are victims of their past, but they are also co-creators of their future. And that's the difference. Do not let the people who hurt you of the past have power on who you become.
Because when you do that, not only are you keeping yourself miserable, but those people win. And those experiences win. And those things that you went through, they win. And trust me, guys, I have had to do a lot of inner work. I have been in therapy for four years. I have taken a deep look at my wounds, at things I went through in childhood, at things I went through in certain relationships. And guys, trust me, trust me when I say that
When somebody, when my therapist first told me about the victim and growth mindset four years ago, I was like, girl, what are you talking about? I'm a victim. This happened to me. I'm never going to feel good again. And that, that, that, that, because this is what happened. This was my life. And I had to do so much self introspection to get myself to a point where it's like, you know what? I don't want to be a victim.
I don't even want certain people from my past to have and feel the honor of knowing that they hurt me because I'm better than that. And I rise up and I use my challenges and the pain from my past as a portal for my healing and for my growth. And guys, look where it has brought me. And of course, I'm still developing and I'm still growing and I'm still going to go through things in my life and I'm still going to get hurt because that's the human experience. But
Change the way that you see yourself and alchemize your past into an amazing future. Do not let the pain of the past hurt you. Stop wearing it as a badge of honor and stop telling everyone about what you went through and stop telling everyone about your pain. Because when you do that, you're keeping that old version of yourself alive. You're keeping them alive. And also not every single person that you just met deserves to know these intimate things about you.
tell them the new story tell them the new narrative where you love yourself where you're happy where you're confident where you're secure where you're respected where you're chosen where you feel good about yourself that's the narrative you need to start telling yourself even if you don't feel like it that's what I did when I felt like shit and I hated my life that's what I started telling myself I was very delusional I would tell myself a new story now first it didn't line up because I was this old version of myself that did not align with where I was saying that I was going but look where it has brought me and it can bring you there too
Stop wearing your pain as a badge of honor. Stop telling people what you went through, how they hurt you, how they did this to you, and this is why you feel this way. And stop throwing a pity party for yourself. I know that this is hard to hear, but sometimes you need that tough love. And stop doing it. Stop doing it and start throwing yourself a happy party. Stop throwing yourself an I'm proud of you party of, you know what, maybe I'm not exactly where I'm meant to be. I did go through these things. These things did happen to me. But you know what? They did not break me. They pushed me to be a higher version of myself.
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To heal certain karmic cycles, to look at deep parts of itself and respond differently. And your soul came and went through certain things in your life for a reason.
Now, there is a big distinction between you went through something for a reason versus you deserve something. So please do not take me saying you went through a certain experience in your life for a reason as you deserve to go through that. You did not deserve to go through that. You did not deserve to go through abuse, through any pain, through any trust, through anything. You did not deserve to go through anything painful that you went through.
But there was a part of you that needed to go through these things because if you did not go through these things, you probably wouldn't be who you are today. You probably wouldn't have learned something about yourself. And so I know that this is a very, very big thing to hear. But again, I really want to highlight that just because you went through something and it happened to you for a reason for your growth doesn't mean that you deserved it. Because again, you did not deserve everything that you went through. But because you didn't deserve it, I want to ask you this.
If you believe that you didn't deserve what you went through in your life, whatever it may be, do you also think that you deserve to sit and mope and feel horrible about yourself for the rest of your life?
Because if there's a part of you that knows you didn't deserve to go through all those things, maybe it's actually your higher self whispering and telling you, you know what? You're right. I do deserve better. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to feel worthy. I deserve to have a beautiful life for myself. And no one is going to take that away from me. No person, no thing, no trauma, no abuse, no source is going to take that away from me. Ever.
Ever. And that's where you need to get yourself to this place. And it's slow and steady. It's not overnight because it's about the journey, not the destination. But the second that you commit to yourself,
In this lifetime, I am no longer aligning with victim energy. Victim vibration is low and it keeps you small. And I had made that choice. I made that choice two and a half years ago that no matter what I'm going through for the rest of my life, and I'm only in my 20s, so I'm going to go through a lot more in my life. But no matter what I go through, I had decided that I am not going to align with victim mentality. Do I have moments where I feel like a victim, where I mope and I wallow? Yes.
Do I let those moments have power to dictate my future? No, not anymore. I do not align with victim mentality. I'm always looking for the silver lining. Even if it's not in the moment, even if in the moment I'm feeling all the emotions and the anger and the devastation and the pain, at some point I pick myself up and I look for the silver lining. And that is what you need to start doing in your life. The second that you take full ownership for your life,
is the second that your life changes and that you take your power back from everything and everyone that's ever hurt you. Because your ego will always, always look to be a victim. It's always going to look for the villain to blame or the situation to suffer from. Sometimes you have to take accountability for your life. Maybe you are not responsible for the wound, but you are responsible for your healing.
Because when you are constantly victimizing yourself, you're actually self-sabotaging yourself and you're villainizing yourself in a way because you are becoming your own worst enemy.
You are handing the key to your life to other people and other circumstances. Continuously holding on to the past and the old story has never, ever, ever gotten you a step closer to where you want to go. It has never gotten you a step closer to your dreams, to your goals, to your aspirations, or to feeling good. You need to start embracing your innate ability, and we all have this innate ability, to recover and to heal and to grow and to be strong.
That's the part of yourself that you need to start embracing. You need to start taking responsibility for your life because nobody else is coming to fix things. Nobody else is coming to make you happy. Nobody else is coming to make things better. And if you think that certain people in your life are going to do that, you are in for a ride because you're going to find yourself in codependent cycles. You're going to find yourself dependent, anxiously attached, begging for other people to make you finally feel good about yourself when the choice was actually yours and it was taking accountability for your life.
Because the victim mentality is disempowering you from living authentically. Embrace your past, face your past, forgive your past, process your past as long as it takes, even if it take years, but be committed to that path. That's the difference. It's like, are you committed to healing? Are you committed to forgiving? Are you committed to moving forward? Or are you committed to staying in the same story and staying a victim for the rest of your life?
Because you always have a choice. Evolve or remain. I know this episode had a lot of tough love in it, but I think it was such an important one. And it's something that I wish I could tell past version of myself. And I think it's so important, no matter where you are in your journey, to remember that being the victim and playing the victim actually doesn't help you heal and grow. But
It's actually life is not about the fact that you fell or the fact that you experienced things or the fact that you got hurt and none of that. It's actually how you rise once you fall. That's where your power is. Never forget that.