high standards protect you from low quality experiences ft. I MISSED ME POD PART 2
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Hello and welcome to the Claim Your Power podcast, the ultimate show for all things self-love, spirituality, and personal growth. I'm your host, Kim Peretz. I'm a three-time author, content creator, avid traveler, entrepreneur, and matcha enthusiast. You are at the right place if you're ready to rediscover the love within, align with your purpose, and unleash your highest potential. It's time to claim your power. Part two.

Hello, guys, and welcome back to Claim Your Power podcast. Today we are coming at you live from the Spotify studios in Los Angeles.

This is a weird pinch me moment for me because if you've been following my podcast since I started, I always dreamt of being at the Spotify studios. And it's crazy that I'm here live right now with the wonderful Mafe from I Miss Me podcast. We are doing a part two crossover live at Spotify. And I'm so excited because we are going to talk all about Spotify.

high standards, protecting you from low quality experience, and I can't wait to get into it. So welcome to Clean Your Power. Thank you so much for having me again. We are so excited. We recorded an episode for I Miss Me as well, and we can just not stop expressing how excited we are. This is such a like...

Like a we made it moment for us, I feel like. So thank you so much for having me. Yay. Okay, so I have all my questions on my phone this time. And I want to start off by asking you, what does high standards mean to you?

I feel like, okay, the definition of a standard is the level of quality of something. And so high standards for me is understanding your level of quality, understanding that because you have a high level of quality, you deserve high level of quality.

level of quality things, if that makes any sense. And so high standards for me is just understanding that because you are a high quality person, you deserve high quality things, you deserve high quality people, you deserve high quality treatment, and sticking to that and making the promise to yourself that you will not accept anything less than what you know you deserve because you're a high quality person.

Yeah. And I think a good starting point to start off this episode that maybe you relate to because so many women...

women I've talked to about it is they say maybe my standards are too high or men tell them their standards are too high and let me just start by saying like your standards are never too high there's a difference though between I think high standards and like what your non-negotiables are versus your preferences so like say you want a guy above six foot isn't a high standard right that's a preference

But saying you want someone that's respectful, that's emotionally intelligent, like those are high standards, right? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and like what you said, that there is a very big difference between preferences and high standards. And I feel like high standards align more to the type of person and your values. The type of person that you are and your values and wanting someone who matches those. Because when you have high values, you want someone who matches those high values so that you don't clash or that you don't feel like you're asking for too much in what you say. It's like, it's so true. I...

I'm the pickiest person on earth. And I do consider myself that I have like high standards and I will not get into a relationship until the person like matches the things that I want, like all of them. And I've had conversations about this with my friends and they're like, you're too picky. Like your standards are like way too hard. It's like men in their twenties, like it's, it's going to be so hard to find someone like that in college. And I'm like, well,

Well, then I won't, you know, well, then I'll be single until I meet someone that like matches all of those things, because I know what I bring to the table. And I feel like this is so important to understand that this is one of the main reasons why it's so important to get to know yourself is to know what you bring to the table. And then after knowing what you have to offer and what you bring to the table, then be able to like accept, you know, then be able to like accept

the person that you want and the person that you know is going to treat you the way that you deserve to be treated. Yeah. Never think that your standards are too high because you haven't been able to meet a person that meets those standards because that is one of the biggest mistakes that we make is to then lower our standards and get heartbroken by the most basic dickheads. Dusty. Like crusty, dusty dickheads. It's like... Crusty dusties are not welcome on this podcast. Because we lower our standards. Yeah.

That's so true. Never, ever settle. And that goes for everything in life. Your friendships too. I mean, my friends, my close friends, they're like a high security system. Like I am not going to be like tell my deepest, darkest secrets to like random people that I just met. Right. And I think it's so important to realize that high standards aren't about like arrogance or ego or thinking you're better than others. It's about genuinely knowing your self-worth. And like what you said, like knowing what you offer to the table,

And not just that, knowing your gifts, your strength, all the qualities that make you you and realizing that people who get access to that have to match that energy. There has to be an equal exchange of energy and they have to appreciate that and bring the best version of yourself. And so, like you said, like I'd rather be alone for the next three years of my life and not speak to any man than alone.

settle and be in a mediocre relationship because it's way better to be alone than in poor company because then what you go through that mediocre relationship you break up you have a whole heartbreak you need to heal through whereas you could have used those three years to build yourself up to work on yourself your friendships your relationship with yourself until you're at a point where you can meet someone that matches that energy right a hundred percent a hundred percent

So I wanted to ask you, what is one thing that a past heartbreak or a relationship has taught you about yourself? I think that the most beautiful lesson that I've learned after getting heartbroken so many times is how capable of love I am. Because if I get so heartbroken, it means that I gave like so much of myself and so much of my heart.

And one of the main reasons why I'm so picky is because I know the type of person that I become when I'm in love. And I do not want to invest fully and become that person that I am when I'm in love with someone who's not worth it. Right. And so that is something that heartbreak has taught me is like learn who to give your love to. It's not wrong to love, but loving the wrong ones will lead to pain.

um so I think that's the most beautiful thing that I've learned about myself through like after going through heartbreak is how capable I am of loving you know like how giving I am how much love I have to give how much love I have to offer and how much helpful I can be to someone and

I mean, obviously, like, heartbreak teaches you so much. And it's taught me patience. And it's taught me just so many things about myself. But I think that that's been the most beautiful one is, like, I am so capable of loving, you know? And a failed relationship...

Like we said on my episode, a failed relationship doesn't mean that love doesn't exist. It just means that that person wasn't for you and you move on. But it should never make you believe that love is not possible, that love is not true, that you failed at love or that you haven't found love.

It just means that you don't align anymore. You just don't align as people. But it has absolutely nothing to do with love. And that is what heartbreak has taught me. Heartbreak has absolutely nothing to do with love. It's just more of...

energies like they match they don't match but it has absolutely nothing to do with love right because love is love and a heartbreak and an ending of a cycle or relationship is not necessarily the energy of love it's more like a cleansing or redirection in a way

and as you were talking I was thinking that for anyone who's like been like you said like in a toxic relationship or a toxic situationship or has been through a heartbreak I think after that initial one you start to realize what is love and what is attachment for sure and I don't know who needs to hear this out there but love feels like the most calm thing in the world and

And for anyone who's confused or who feels like has this pattern where you're always going for the crusty dusties or the toxic guys or the guys who doesn't appreciate you enough or that you become his mother and you do everything for him and you can't truly thrive in the relationship.

You have to ask yourself, what is your definition of love? Because there is a big difference between attachment and chemistry and love. Like you can have chemistry with someone, you can have attraction with someone, but maybe that relationship, you guys wouldn't thrive. Like your souls wouldn't thrive together. And something that my mom would always say to me when I was younger is love is not just an experience. It's also a choice.

And when a woman spends time with a lot of, with a man, like when you're intimate with a man, when you go a lot of dates, when you get to know him, his personality, because we also fall in love emotionally, not just physically. When we spend all that energy on one guy, we have to ask ourselves, is this a type of guy that we would want to be in love with? Right? Because love is a choice at the end of the day. You don't just randomly out of nowhere fall in love with someone. Like you look at them and you're like, I'm in love. Like it takes time. It builds up. It's an energy. You really want to start asking yourself,

what type of man or woman do I want to fall in love with so that you invest your energy in the right people and that you don't end up falling in love and being attached to someone who you know isn't right for you and you knew it from the first place, but you didn't honor yourself or your self-worth or your relationship with yourself and you got yourself to that point, like you said, where there's no going back. And so I think it's really important to realize that love is also a choice in the sense that

chemistry isn't necessarily enough right like chemistry fades love is about respect it's about being able to thrive to be able to be vulnerable to have loyalty consistency to have and make an emotional space for both people to feel safe like that's what real love is and so I think I heard on a different podcast like don't chase the butterflies chase the person and choose the person who makes you feel calm who makes you laugh who makes you feel like the

but your best self, not someone who gives you the cortisol hits and the highs and the lows and the fight or flight mentality. Cause I'm sure like you've been in that position too, where it's like, okay, you're not getting a text back. You're not getting a call back. And it's like, why would you ever want to even like, as a woman, I've, I've went through such a long journey in this and like,

I have come to this place where I just want to be in my heel feminine in the sense that I want it to come to me. Like, I'm not going to pursue a man. Like, a man as a woman, like, you are the flower. You are the sacred energy. Like, and you chasing and pursuing and resisting and begging and just trying to make something work so hard is depleting you of your feminine energy. Because at the end of the day, like, if you're confused about a guy,

then he probably doesn't want it enough to make it clear to you because that's something that I learned about men is like men like we talked about this on your podcast they are so logical and when they want something they go after like when a man wants a girl like that girl's not going to be confused right and if you're as a girl if you're confused then take a step back and ask yourself okay if I wasn't putting in all this effort would we still have our relationship right right and

You said so many important things. One, love is peace. And so you're supposed to feel peace if you're in love. And if you don't, then it's not love. And I feel like that's been just such a clarity for me because I feel like I would stay in relationships because of the what ifs and of the what if if I stay longer, then maybe I'll fall in love or like maybe it is love. I just have to try a little harder. But it's like, no, no.

Like the answer is no. If it makes you doubt, the answer is no. And love is clarity and love is peace. And anything that doesn't bring you clarity and anything that doesn't bring you peace is not love. It's your ego just trying to prove itself that like you are the best or like you can't change a person, but it's not love. And that's something that has allowed me to detach from a lot of people and from a lot of relationships now. It's like,

If it makes me feel anxiety, if it makes me feel doubt, if it makes me question myself, why would I want it? You know? And so now I let it go. Like now, as soon as like someone makes me feel anxious or someone makes me feel doubts or once like someone makes me feel like,

I don't know where this is going. I like let it go because I don't want to be there anymore, you know? And it turns me to a whole like different person. Like when I, when I'm confused or when I'm like in doubt, I turn into this like whole completely different person and it affects your motivation. It affects like your daily life. And I just don't want to be there anymore. And so now it's just like, if it, if it doesn't bring clarity to me, I like, I'll let you go. Also what you said, love is,

the most beautiful feeling ever, but it will not always be enough to hold a relationship. And that is super important to understand. A relationship is composed of like the alignment of values and the alignment of like a lot of things. And it's not just love. But if relationship fails, it doesn't mean that there wasn't love. It just means that, again, your energy just doesn't align. And that doesn't mean that you

didn't found love or that you didn't feel love or that you know it wasn't there wasn't enough love because maybe there was but relationships are way more than just love and that is super important to understand so that people don't stop believing in love when relationships and and you see it all the time now on social media it's like if you guys break up I'm never I'm not believing in love again or you guys break up love is not real it's like no it has nothing to do like relationships are like a business

I know what I bring to the table. You know what you bring to the table. And if it's compatible or if it works for both of us, then the business is going to work. But if I bring things to the table that are

you might not necessarily need or use, or if you bring things to the table that I might not want, then their relationship is not going to work. I might love you, but your things on the table might not work for the type of person and for the type of future that I want. And that doesn't mean that I don't have love for you. It just means that you just don't align with the future that I want. Yeah. And that is super important to understand so that people don't get discouraged if our relationship doesn't work out. Love is real. Yeah.

um wait also I just wanted to add one quick point about what you said about people on social media sometimes when two people break up like that's love do you know what I mean like sometimes people break up because they have love for each other and they know they can't grow together and sometimes that's the biggest act of love yeah and I feel like that is the

purest, realist love is like understanding that because I love you, I have to let you go because I want what's best for you and I'm not what's best for you. Yes, that's exactly right. And I feel like, oh, I got goosebumps. But I feel like that is the biggest sign of love that I wasn't necessarily able to understand. Yeah. But now going through like my spiritual journey and understanding what love really is, I

It's just allowing someone to be. And if you can't be yourself around me, then I have to let you go because I love you. And I want you to experience love. And love means being. And if you can't be yourself around me, then I have to let you go, you know. And I feel like that is like one of the biggest ways to show love is like by letting you go sometimes. And I think it's super beautiful.

Yes. And another point that I was thinking about while you were talking is, you know, sometimes as a woman, when we're so used to like the crusty dusties and all of that, we have to retrain our nervous system and our anxious attachment to what love is because.

When you're used to like inconsistency and you're used to a guy never responding to you, never treating you, never being consistent with you and not bringing you that emotional space. When you finally meet that guy who's calm, who's loving, who's consistent, he gives you the ick.

he gives you the egg and you know why it's so bad and no but it's i think it's a good sign because then it actually points to the parts of yourself that maybe you have to work on and that you have to work on because sometimes like i'll have in the past like i would have friends and they would introduce me to this guy and they're like yeah this guy really likes me so this and this this and he's stable and she's like but he gives me the egg and i asked her okay why but did he do something right like you know sometimes guys do weird things like right i

Why are guys weird? I know. Sometimes, like, they do physically weird things that I'm like, ugh. But if they're consistent and they're kind and that's what gives you the ick, then that says a lot more about you than the guy, right? Right. And something... And I kind of used to be the same way in that sense. Like, I used to crave the roller coaster. Like, I used to feel like that was love. When a guy was giving me cold and hot energy all the time, like, okay...

I'm into you, da-da-da. And he was, like, handing me that. And then he would pull it back. And, like, that's a form of manipulation, by the way. Yeah. And whether they're conscious of it or not, sorry that I interrupted you, but it's literally how addictions work. Yes. And it literally has to do with, like, neuroscience and dopamine. Like, when someone gives you attention, you feel dopamine that goes to your brain.

obviously you want more and more and when they pull back they take away that dopamine so like logically you're gonna want to chase it because you want to feel that feeling again it's literally like coffee it's literally like anything that makes you happy it's literally like drugs like love can be a drug that it it can be and it's the worst one of all because like you don't know how to like heal it you know like drugs you can just like stop taking them but like nobody trains you how to deal with heartbreak right um

but it literally works like an addiction and this is why so many of us like chase that roller coaster and that pleasure pain cycle instead of just like peace and that that happened with me over the summer like i was so used to like these like inconsistent horrible men

And I met someone who was like very consistent and like it was always like good morning, beautiful good night. Like, sorry, sorry, I haven't texted you back. I've been busy. Like everything was like perfect. Like he literally like picked me up with coffee and like

got out of the car, opened his door and like a lot of people are going to say like bare minimum but like I wasn't, like you know, like when you're not used to it, it's like you romanticize even when they like open it. It is the bare minimum, guys. I know, it is the bare minimum but like when you're not used to it, you romanticize even a man like opening the door for you. So I was like, where did you comfort

And then he gave me the ick. I feel like for something... Okay, I feel bad looking back at it now because it's like he shouldn't have been giving me the ick. But at the same time, if it was meant to be, I would have felt it. And I genuinely did not feel like it was meant to be. Yeah. We were texting one day and he said something about like...

No, no, I remember. Somehow you always come on the podcast and it goes into like your deepest story. No, I know. No, hold on. He said, I'll cook for you in a Speedo. And that's the moment...

I know. I know. He was like, I'll cook for you. I can't wait to cook for you in a pink speedo. And I was like, yeah, this is the sign that I needed that it's not here. See you never. Like, that gave me the ick really badly. But, like, my point being that I was just not used to being treated with the bare minimum. And I romanticized it really bad. But it's, like, it's the bare minimum. Yeah, because sometimes...

When things are calm, it feels uncomfortable if you're used to chaos. And this goes so deep. I mean, if you want to, I think also the way you approach relationships is a lot about like your inner child and the relationships your parents had or like what relationships were idolized when you grew up. So like it's a very deep dive to like understand your triggers around relationships. And I think something we're all still working on as women.

But I think there's some ways that you can calm your nervous system and remind yourself, like when you feel the need to chase a guy, let's say you're into this guy. He initiated it. You're texting. And suddenly he pulls back. He's not texting you as much. First of all, I established this thing, this role with myself is when I'm into a guy like romantically, I don't text him.

Same. Do you know why? Because it gives a false sense of intimacy. And so I decided that I'm not going to do that. Because sometimes when you meet a guy, let's say you meet him at a coffee shop or like at a bar, and you talk to him and you barely know him. And then he DMs you on Instagram. Suddenly, like you're having all these deep conversations, but you don't actually know him. You're not sitting with him in person. It's like this false sense of intimacy. And I decided like, sometimes I would meet guys who ask me out and they want to start conversations on Instagram. Like, you know why? Because...

Our subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between what's actually happening and what's not. And so when it's so... Heartbreak led me to neuroscience because I was so hurt. I felt the need to understand my brain. And our subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between what's actually happening and what's not. So if you're having a deep conversation through text or just getting to know a person through text, even if that's the bare minimum...

subconsciously you think that you're actually having that conversation in person and so your brain gets attached to a person of like this is my comfort person because we've been talking so much and we've been having all of these deep conversation and it's like no you've been texting and that's the bare minimum but subconsciously you've been having like the deepest conversations in person right so I that's why I don't text I hate texting if I if I have to tell you something I'll call you because

it's actually like more real, but I don't want to get used to, like, I don't want to be hurt over you because my subconscious mind believed that we were actually close, you know? Hey there, it is Ryan Seacrest with you. Do you want to make this summer unforgettable? Join me at Chumba Casino. It's this summer's hottest online destination. They are rolling out the red carpet with an amazing welcome offer just for you.

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It's about me, I guess, is I'm someone who's very emotionally independent. Like, even if I'm in a relationship, like, I want to be present with you. So when I'm with my boyfriend, which I'm single, by the way, but when I have a boyfriend, when I'm with him, like, I want to physically and

be present, be with him. But when I'm like in the kitchen or I'm in school or I'm working, I don't want to be texting all the time. Not that I'm against it, but I think there's, there's a line you want to draw because social media, it's become like very dystopian, like how much social media is part of our lives. And I think it's also slithered its way into the dynamics of relationships. And so for anyone who has anxious attachment,

Or gets really attached easily. Or tends to put guys on a pedestal. Like I know certain women that will meet a guy. They'll know him for literally two days. They go on one date. And then he doesn't answer their messages. And they go crazy. Suddenly like their whole self-worth goes down. They doubt themselves. And...

If that's something that a pattern that you have, that person is just coming into your life to trigger that for you and to show you. Because I used to have the same thing. I would meet a guy, he wouldn't respond to me. I'd be like, oh my God, I'm not worthy of love. I'm never going to find love. And it's like, that's not true at all. So you need to calm your nervous system and your little devil friend when they come out to play. And you need to remind yourself like something that, I guess this is deluded, but I always tell myself like,

love will find me like I don't need to do anything outside of me I don't need a chase I don't need to beg I don't need to resist I just need to be me and if I'm ever in a position that I feel like the need to chase I try to remind myself and say you know pause what a pleasure which we talked about on Mafe's episode about the Kabbalah and the concept of pause what a pleasure and saying pause

I can take a step back and it's safe for me to be me. It's safe for me to be in my feminine. And the right guy will match that in the masculine energy, right? And I wanted to ask you actually leading into that, what do you think are the traits of a healthy masculine versus a wounded masculine? This match is so good, by the way. The matcha? Yeah. Spotify, shout out to your matcha. I know, for real. Yeah.

Quick matchup break. I feel like when a man... I feel like it is very important for human beings in general to know themselves. Right. Because when you know yourself, you know the things that you have to work on. You know the things that you have to heal. And you know what you have to offer. For a man, because it is so hard for them to get vulnerable...

Fuck that word. Vulnerable from men because it is so hard for them to be emotional. It is very hard for a man to like sit with himself and be like, what do I like? Like, I can't... But how sexy is it when someone is like emotionally stable? No, it's the most attractive thing ever. Like when you meet a man and he knows himself, like that is... And he can like express his emotions. And he can express his emotions. He can talk about spirituality. He can like be vulnerable. He can like cry. Like, and that's what...

a healed, like masculine, like is like you were asking me, like, that's my answer when he knows himself so much to the point where he knows that being emotional is normal for human beings. I think it's masculine when a guy can be emotional. I mean, he doesn't need to be weeping, crying every second of the day. Right. But and it's masculine because he understands that the right woman will get it, you know? Yeah. And I feel like that's what

a healed masculine is. It's like understanding yourself, getting to know yourself and knowing that part of the human experience is feeling and being emotional. So there's nothing wrong with it. Yeah. And also I think another component is a healed masculine man knows what a healed feminine woman can offer to his life. Right. And he knows how...

to create a space for a woman to thrive. Because when we talked about this on my podcast, but when a woman is with the right guy, like she glows, she thrives, she evolves, like she's her best version of herself. And when a guy's with the right girl, he's the same. Like he glows, he's going after his goals, his dreams. And like when two people can do that for each other, like that's the most amazing thing. And I think as women, we have this like mentality

mentality that like we demonize men I know and it's so sad to like

And this is such a mistake that I've done because of how hurt I've been to generalize men and say that all men suck. It's not true. Men are amazing. I know. When they know themselves. Yeah. The men who do the work on themselves... And it's not just going to the gym. I know gym bros that are the most... Guys. But it's more like men who get to know themselves, who have some connection to...

spirituality, maybe it's in their own way, but who have high morals, who are emotionally intelligent, respectful, consistent, loyal, those traits, that's what makes a real man a man. And I think something that doesn't serve a lot of women is like this whole feminist boss bitch, like, I want to be independent. Like, I hate all men mentality. Like, that is

disconnects you so much from your feminine energy because like we live in a dual world there's men and women and we both need each other to thrive and when you demonize men like that's not fair to them because there are amazing men like I can name you

Tens of men in my life. That are like. Would help me. Like. My cousins. They're all guys. They all help me. They help with my car. They build me furniture. Like. Amazing people. That it's like. It just holds women back. To demonize men. And I feel like. In the back of like. Very subconsciously.

Every single woman that like hates men actually like wants to find someone, you know? Oh my God. Yes. Every single girl that's like, I hate all men deep down inside. She like really, really wants a relationship. It's just like you haven't been able to find. Yeah. And that makes you angry. And I say that from experience and I know it is true because I felt it before. It's like, I don't want to know anything about men.

But like I do. Yeah. But like I do. But like secretly I want a boyfriend. Right. Yeah. No, it's so true. And I think that's part of the inner work women have to do is realize what are your subconscious beliefs around men? Because men are awesome guys. And when you're with the right guy, you thrive. And I think that's something really important that we talked about on your podcast that I want to kind of extend because on Mafia's podcast episode, we talked about breakups and getting over them. And...

You asked me a question about like moving on and sometimes people use that as a way to kind of numb their pain. And I think it's really important to work on yourself as a woman to the point where you don't take your old baggage with a different man and then bring it on to a new relationship. Because just because one guy wasn't loyal to you and didn't treat you well,

Does it mean that once you do the inner work on yourself and you're consistent with yourself and you love yourself to the point where you're not going to settle for a guy like that anymore and you finally attract an aligned guy?

You don't bring that baggage onto him. You don't project that onto him so that you both have a fair chance of creating a solid relationship. And if you really think about it, like men have the same to say about women. Yeah. Like if you hear about like heartbroken men talking about women, they're all the same. Yeah. They're all crazy. They're all the same. They're all crazy. They're all toxic. It's like we both have like generalized views. It's not just like...

Like women thinking that men are shit. It's like some men think that women are shit. And like, it's more of like just finding the right healed people. It's not like women or men is just healed human beings and unhealed human beings. And I think also when you change, you know, as within, so without. Nothing changes unless nothing changes. When you change your internal beliefs about men, you start attracting way different men. The men that I used to attract and I would meet were like the dusty crusties, like worst men.

Now, if I were to go out with a guy like roses, nice restaurants, but not just like the jesters, like genuinely kind men with so much love to give who are protective, who are providers. And when you change your beliefs around that, you start changing different people you attract. Same goes for friends, you know? If you believe like all your friends suck, then you're going to have shitty friends. And then again, that has to do a lot with like energy and frequencies. Like when you're vibrating in a frequency of like...

all men suck then what do you think you're going to attract like do you think that by vibrating in a frequency where you're literally like attracting men that are shit you're going to attract like men like thinking that men are shit do you think that someone's gonna like walk into your life to like show you that no they're not like no you attract who you are and you attract your beliefs so if you believe that men are shit you're going to attract men like men that are shit and like yeah

As hard as it is to start believing it, if you want to start attracting different, you have to start believing different. Because think about it. If that's what your belief is and then you met an amazing guy, you probably wouldn't even notice him. You probably wouldn't even trust him. Or then again, he's going to give you the ick because all men are shit. Right. It's crazy. So let's talk about what do you think are some red flags of a dusty that women should watch out for? I think...

I mean, I can just name some superficial ones, like obvious ones. Like when they bring up their ex on their first date. Or when they haven't moved on from their relationship. When they start talking poorly about other women. Like what makes you think that they're not going to talk poorly about you if it doesn't work out. Or when they don't have a good relationship with their moms or their sisters. Like, oh my gosh, I used to talk with... I had a two-year situationship. Okay. And he would talk horribly about his mom. Like, I was like...

my jaw would drop like wow after the things that he would say about his mom and now I think about is like what made you think that he was ever going to treat you right if they right if the most important woman in their life is like yeah you know they talk shit about the most important woman in their life but what makes you think he's ever going to respect you but I mean there there's just so many again it depends on the things that you've been through and now I think that

I ask the universe for signs whenever I meet someone. And I'm like, if he's not meant for me, please...

let him do this or let him do that to show me that this is not the person for me and for me it's like opening the car door and it seems so basic and like so bare minimum but like as soon as he doesn't open the car door for me I know that that's not the one yeah because it's basic because it's basic and also I ask it as a sign like please like if if this is a guy for me

he has to open the car door for me. No, but also it's when you first meet someone, you're like on your best behavior, right? Right. So if on a first date, if on their first behavior, they don't behave, then can you just imagine like how they would be when they're comfortable around you? Exactly. So I definitely agree with that. I also wanted to talk about this concept about how you can't

force a connection with someone and this is something that I want to hear your perspective on but I was listening to this podcast I don't remember which one it was because there was like a clip on TikTok but the guy was talking about how you can't really force a connection with someone you either have the energy there or you don't you can create a stronger bond or a stronger attachment to someone but you can't force a connection so what do you think about that? I don't think that you can force a connection at all and I feel like

That is what happened with the guy that I was talking with, like, during the summer. He was doing everything right. Like, he was, like, everything was, like, perfect. And I was in so much conflict with myself because I was, like, this is what you asked for. Like, this is what you asked the universe for, and it's there. And I just did not feel connected to him. Like...

And that's when I understood that you just cannot force a connection. You can't force energy. I feel like a connection is about energy. And you cannot force it. You cannot... Yeah, I just don't... I don't think you can force a connection. You either have it or not. And connection is not chemistry. Yes. You can have chemistry with a person, but not connect. Right. And connection is more, again...

In an energetical level. Where you're able to have the deep conversations. But also have fun. But also like be playful. And be yourself. That's such a big component. Like the playfulness. Connection is about...

Being comfortable being yourself around that person and also that person being comfortable around you fully to like fully like I can be myself around you fully like I can, you know, be every single version I am of myself around you and I feel comfortable and I don't feel judged and I feel like that's connection like not being afraid to be fully myself.

And it has nothing to do with chemistry at all. And I feel like that's where a lot of people like get confused because a lot of people stay in toxic relationships and situationships and relationships and whatever. Yeah. Because they feel like they have a strong connection, but they actually have like strong chemistry. But they've never had a deep conversation like the whole time they've been talking. Right.

Yeah, you can't force connection. When it comes to love, sometimes you think that it's the right time to meet someone because you said, oh, this guy, like I thought that this is what I asked for. Sometimes the universe sends us something that is very close to what we wanted, but not exactly. And that's just not in love. Like I noticed that about like opportunities or friends or different like life experiences. Yeah.

And I think it's really important to always realize that everything comes back to you. Yeah, for sure. Like relationships are reflections of you. This is something that I was listening about in the Kabbalah and he was talking about this idea that

If you're 20% yourself, like if you're 20% connected to yourself, you're going to attract a relationship that's 20% of what you want. If you're 80% connected to yourself, you're going to attract a relationship that's 80% of what you want. But if you're 100% connected to yourself and...

100% is about perfection. It's more just about awareness and acceptance. So you can be at 100% without being perfect. But this idea that when you're 100% connected to yourself, you can attract a relationship that's 100% aligned for you. That makes sense. And this is why it's so important and not just a cliche phrase that people just say, like, love yourself before you can love someone. It's like...

They don't just say it to be like Pinterest and like aesthetic. They say it because the amount of love that you have for yourself is the amount of love that you will attract from whoever you meet. And accept too. And accept. And it's like, if I want someone who loves me fully...

And I attract what I am. I want to love myself fully. You know, it is like very much energetical. Like if I want someone who loves me completely for me, I have to do that for myself first. Because if I attract what I am, then I want to be 100% love. Right. Because I want to be 100% love. Right. And also like...

You want to be able to receive that love because I think a lot of women struggle with receiving, like receiving compliments, receiving gifts. No, I don't deserve that. No, don't say that. You know? And like, so if you don't fully love yourself, you can't fully receive the love that you desire. So it really all starts with you, like you said. And so for my last question, I want to ask you, do you have any like general advice for the girlies in their late teens, early 20s for dating? Don't.

Be afraid to be alone. Because I feel like fear makes us do very stupid decisions. Like fear is what makes us suffer. You cannot feel lonely. And I've said this before many times. But you cannot feel lonely if you like the person that you're alone with. And if you are craving relationships from this fear of...

I don't want to be alone or I don't want to feel lonely, then you do not need a relationship. You need to work on the relationship that you have with yourself until you don't feel alone with the person that you're alone with. And that means getting to know yourself fully to the point where you can start building a friendship with yourself, actually enjoy your company, and then actually get to decide who do you want in your life or not.

Not just because they're fulfilling a hole that you have within. And it was very hard for me to understand this. And I feel like the main reason why I had such a hard time letting relationships go is because I knew that once they left, I was going to be left alone. And that's kind of when I had to ask myself, like,

is it really that bad to be alone? Like, am I really that bad of a person that I just cannot spend time with myself? And when I realized that I actually didn't like myself, it was easier for me to be like, okay, I'm not craving relationships from a healthy place. I am actually craving relationships from a place of, I don't want to be alone. And I,

attracting relationships from a place of I don't want to be alone is going to make me accept the bare minimum and romanticize that and attach to that and keep that. And I genuinely don't want that for myself. And I feel like my biggest advice is going through that same process of do you like the person that you're alone with? Yes or no? If the answer is yes, then keep working on yourself until the person...

That comes into your life. Aligns with everything that you're looking for. And if the answer is no. Then realize that every single relationship. That you've been accepting or attracting. Is just fulfilling a hole that you have within. And it might not be the healthiest relationship. And so that is just. Relationships are spiritual assignments for personal growth. And someone. Someone.

who might not be the healthiest for you is just information for you to know the things that you have to work on. But it doesn't mean that you have to keep them. It's just information of the things that you have to work on and let them go.

Preach sister. Preach. Yes. Well thank you so much for coming for part two. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy guys. We are like on a high. I know. We're so happy we connected. I know we're high on Spotify right now. Spotify I love you. We're literally high on Spotify. For real. Sorry for the profanity. But I hope you guys all have an amazing rest of your day wherever you are in the world and

We love you guys. Bye. Beautiful souls. Thank you so much for joining me in today's episode. As always, I will talk to you next week. Bye.