Arc 6 Ep. 4: Party Crashing PART 2
01:20:26 Share

This season, Instacart has your back to school. As in, they've got your back to school lunch favorites, like snack packs and fresh fruit. And they've got your back to school supplies, like backpacks, binders, and pencils. And they've got your back when your kid casually tells you they have a huge school project due tomorrow.

Let's face it, we were all that kid. So first call your parents to say I'm sorry, and then download the Instacart app to get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes all school year long. Get a $0 delivery fee for your first three orders while supplies last. Minimum $10 per order. Additional terms apply.

Hey there, Rotators. As you can tell, I'm not in my normal recording setup today because we're having some work done to our house. So I'll keep this brief just to say thank you so much for listening to this episode of Rotating Heroes. I hope you've enjoyed Arc 6 as much as I did. We'll be back again next week with Arc 7. And don't forget, if you want more Rotating Heroes in your life, you can check out the Rotating Heroes Patreon right now in the link below. Go click it or whatever. Take it away, Persec.

At the top of the initiative, you see this pulse of power being pulled towards the gate from everyone. You see this sort of like green crackling light in the center of it glow and kind of shimmer and sort of change colors to be a little like darker and become more of like a purple. It feels like it is whatever's happening. They're feeding off of the people here.

but nothing has happened yet. After that, Nancet is your turn. And it's behind, it's behind like a, it's locked up. He took this, it is not locked up. It's not, it's not. It is exposed, but like also, you're looking, looking at the construction of it, it's not immediately clear if this is like something that's breakable or whatever, or easily breakable, but it is not locked up. But,

But Nance, it is your turn. You guys are at the back of this room. Roland has stepped in a little bit. He's probably like 40 feet away from you. So you probably could get to him in one turn. I haul off at Roland full speed to take my first of two attacks. Cool. Take your attack. Okay. It's a 10. 10 does not hit. Then in that case, I'm going to take my second attack. Well, so that's a 19.

Okay. That hits. Incredible. Okay. Then I'm going to Fury of Blows on that one so that I can go again. So I have two more attacks as a bonus action. Great. How many key points do you have left? Four more after this. So Fury of Blows, that was just a 15. That hits. Okay, great. So two hits and this is my final attack. 14. Two attacks. Hit. 14 damage. 14 damage. He's sitting there. He's like laughing at you all. He's like...

The great feast is here. There's nothing you can do to stop it. Ow! As you punch him twice. I bop him. This is such a privileged guy. It does feel like he is, like, surprised to be hit. He also doesn't feel not powerful. And so I think he was expecting you to miss, for sure. So you bop him and hit him for 14. After that, he is going to look right at you, Nance. And you hear this sort of, like, whispering. I don't know what else I'm going to do.

as he, like, his eyes glow with purple energy. Make a wisdom save. Tell me what you got. Okay. That is a 10. You feel these whispers in your mind. And they feel like these whispers, which this feels like a weird way to describe this, but they feel like they're getting hotter and hotter and louder and louder. And you take nine.

Nine points of psychic damage from this. That's just the start of this guy's turn. He's going to look out at you, John Daffodil, and say, I don't think your limp is real at all. Make a wisdom saving throw. 11. And with my aura of protection, I can add plus two to all saving throws. To 13? 13. 13.

You again hear these whispers in your mind. It sounds like you're not 100% sure of what happened to Nance, but something is happening to you in your mind. You feel this terrible pain in your head as your ears ring. Oh, it's just like Studio 54. You take 10 points of damage. Oh, no. And you have to use your reaction to move as far away as you can.

So you're gonna take 30 feet away from this guy. So you are now like 70 feet away from him. Start up. After that, he looks out at you. He's like, is this the best you got I can whisper in your mind? That was Roland's turn. Sago, it is up to you. I look at my friends and I see them acting unusually and that they were damaged. And I'm like,

The moment has gotten to them. They need the words of Sago Clegg. And so I cast motivational speech. And I say, my friends, I came here today to do two things. Eat and fuck strangers. But instead, not eat strangers. Instead, I have two new friends and I hope to eat some chili later. So later we keep eating.

But right now, we keep fighting! And I cast Motivational Speech, which increases their temporary hit points by five, and then five more for each level above fourth that I am. Mm.

I'm six level and I add five for each level above third. So that's five, 10, 15. I just want to point something out. This spell has a minute long casting time. Oh, so I have to like, it'll be like 10 turns. Do you think you would have done it before going into combat? Yeah, I think so. Because it seemed presumably you would have prepped this. Yeah, but it would have also affected their...

leading up to this because it would have given them an advantage on wisdom saving throws. So I don't want to like change the whole thing. Or I guess I could have started it before battle. I will say that, um,

Here, you are a bard, right? So your spell casting, you know, like what you use for spell casting is charisma, correct? Yeah. I will say if you make a DC 15 charisma check, you can cast this spell right now. That usually would take a minute. Okay. So you add your charisma modifier. It's an 11. Okay.

What do you add to it? Six. It was a low roll. Oh, okay. So unfortunately, I don't think that this will work. They just didn't hear any of the speech. You tried. You tried.

Is that my action? I will say that that is not your action since you didn't get to do anything. So let's see. Uh, uh, I'm sorry. I look up. He's more than 10 feet away from me, right? Oh, you can go. You can move towards him if you'd like. Yeah. So yeah, I go towards him and I cast earth tremor. Uh,

He has to survive a dex 14. Okay. And if he fails it, he takes one d6 bludgeoning damage and is knocked prone. Cool. I'm going to say that you can cast it kind of behind him so you miss Nance. Okay. And yeah, so it makes a dex save? Yeah, dex 14 is what he needs to be. Okay. Let's see. He does not. He rolls a 13. So he takes how much damage? Roll damage. A d6. Okay. Bludgeoning.

Nice. Is this a cantrip or is this a... It's a level three spell. Oh, only one D6? That's what it says here. On a failed save, a creature takes one D6 bludgeoning damage and is knocked prone. If the ground in that area is loose earth or... Oh, at higher levels, second slot or higher, the damage increases by one D6 for each spell slot. So it should be three D6. Amazing. Okay, great. So roll three D6. Tell me what you got. Another six. 17 damage. Wow.

this guy's been hurt. And he's also knocked prone. And he's knocked prone. He falls backwards to the ground. And he's like, I will rise up above. And he just falls backwards like, my butt. Um, uh, hits the ground hard, uh, taking a good bit of damage. Did you do anything else with your turn, Sokko? Um, and I, could I use a cantrip? No, that's an act. They're all actions. Um,

You can move in closer if you'd like. Can I use my bonus to look up at the glowing thing? Yeah. And just observe it and see if I, through history or arcana, learn anything else about its power. I'll give you this for free. It does seem like some sort of gate.

And it does seem like the energy coming from this people is powering it in some way. And it seems like it will do something soon. A gate? Yes. Like a gate to another dimension, you're saying? Possibly, yes. A gate in that sense of the noun. Yeah, not like to the back.

the backyard. I wasn't sure if there was like a magic word for Kate in this backyard. A portal to the back of the yard. You see through in grandma's waterings and flowers. Cool. Great. Do you stay where you are? You move any closer? You move like...

You guys are sort of like in the center of this room at this point. I feel like I should move based on that question, but I don't know where to move to, so I'm just going to end my turn. Okay, cool. No worries. After Sago, nothing happens this turn. But after that, Daffodil, it's your turn. You're 70 feet away. Wait, are you immune to fear as a paladin? I'm not. I'm immune to disease. Right. But I want to try something, and I don't know if it'll work.

As a paladin, I can channel divinity. And as one of those, I can turn the unholy. And as an action, you can censure fiends and the undead.

Each fiend or undead that can see or hear you within 30 feet must make a wisdom saving throw of DC 13. Can I try to turn some of these people that are spellbound? Would we call them undead? Turn the rock! Turn the rock!

So that spell, for our sake, you think that something about that feels right right now, right? I would call, just because undead, they feel zombie-like to me, these people. These people do. They feel zombie-like to a degree, but they also feel innocent. And there is some sort of undead presence there.

fiend-like presence happening here, but you don't see it immediately in front of you. You have a feeling like something like this will be helpful soon, but you don't think that doing it on these innocents will be

helpful in this moment. But I do have divine sense and as an action you can detect good and evil until the end of your next turn. You can sense anything affected by the hallowed spell or know the location of any celestial fiend or undead within 60 feet

that is not behind total cover. Can you, let me see what you can do with this turn where you can move in closer because you're a little out of range. That's true. Okay, I'm going to say that after that spell ended, it's no longer affecting you. You can move, you're 70 feet away. You can move a certain amount of distance forward. You move like, I think 30 feet forward. 25 feet. 25 feet forward. And you can use your divine sense.

That takes your action. You're not able to do anything else this turn, but it does. Is that useful enough right now to know where all this is coming from? I'm trying to think. Or do I just keep attacking this guy? I think part of you thinks that... Roll an insight check and we can do that instead of like... Dirty 20. Without using a spell right now, you know...

could be from a number of things, but like on a dirty 20, I think you have a pretty good sense that it's from this gate. Okay, so I probably don't need to worry about finding the location of it right now. No, no, no. All right, then in that case, I'm going to attack Roland for my action and I'm going to do that

With Divine Smite. You're still pretty far away from this guy. Okay, I'm going to throw. Let's see, what's the best one? Yeah, I'm going to throw a dagger at him. Okay, cool. And you can throw two because of... With my bone, with my, you know, double trouble. Yeah, with double trouble, you can throw two. I cast double trouble. It's kind of cocked, maybe? Twelve. If it's cocked, you can reroll it.

15. Okay. Yeah, dirty 20. Cool. And nine. Cool. So the dirty 20 hits. The nine does not. Throw the dagger and roll damage. Cool. Cool. Look at the Irish. So I rolled a three. I rolled a one plus two. A little dagger flies through there and just like...

Cut's rolling in the arm. He's like, ow, what the hell was that? So you move 25 feet closer to him at least. So you've closed distance a little bit. He's down on the ground. After that, back at the top of the order, you see this portal just kind of pulse with this energy.

that is lighting it up from the people around. As it starts to grow, eventually you see this sort of skeletal hand reach out through it and just start pulling itself out. You see a straight up skeleton kind of writhe its way through and fall to the ground in front of him. You see two skeletons pop out and just hit the ground like,

kind of writhing around. That is going to be like 60 feet ahead of you. But that has happened. They haven't done anything other than arrived on the lair action at the top of the order.

Nance, it is your turn. I'm close to them, right? You're closer to Roland, but you do see those skeletons pop out. And he is down, I should say. Okay, then I can attack with advantage. Yes. Okay, I take my first attack. 14? 14 does not hit. Oh, 15? Yes. Oh, yeah, because you have that plus one. Yes, yes, yes, it is. That hits. So first attack. All right, then the second attack.

Oh, another 15. Both hit. Okay. So my two attacks are with the cursed sword that I now know isn't cursed, so that's amazing. Nice. 16 points of damage. 16 points of damage. Yeah. And I think I'm just going to spend another key point and in this case do patient defense. That gives me the dodge action as a bonus action. Okay, cool. So I'll just be dodging. Great. After that...

Nance, you have just used that ability to take the dodge action. Something about this moment felt important to you to do that. I'm going to roll something. What is your AC right now? 17.

Even so, having taken this dodge action, you feel an arrow zip through the air and hit you right in the shoulder. You have been hit by a sneak attack from someone. - Thorak, bitches. - You see this pale face, salt faced dwarf hanging off of balcony on the side, looking down at you. - Fuck.

- This bastard. - Oh! - And it hit. I could've done something cool. - Did it hit you? - Did you say it hit me? - I did say it hit, but you have a reaction and it is an arrow. - That's what I was thinking, but I think, let me double check.

Oh, when you're hit? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was only if it misses. Oh, absolutely. I take my reaction and I use deflect missile. And you can undo some of the damage, right? So, yeah. So I roll a D10 plus nine. And if I reduce the amount of damage that you're about to roll to zero, I can catch it and use it to throw at someone else. Gotcha. I think that is going to be necessary to do because this is going to hurt you for a lot if you...

So at the very least, you can at least reduce some of this damage. Okay. Bad roll. 15 damage to you. Okay. Plus nine. So that is, I need to roll a six or higher on this D10.

Done! Oh! Nancy, you felt something was going on while you were fighting. You were beating up this man on the ground, but something about it did not feel right. And you take a step back, have this sort of patient defense. While feeling this, you thought you heard something, and as you almost felt it touching you, it did touch you, but as it touches you, you're able to spin around, snatch it out of the air, and throw it back at this man. Roll an attack. Yes! Not 20.

Oh, no. Look at that. What a key roll. Hell, yeah. Roll damage. Okay, but I have a question. Yeah.

So with deflect missiles, it says if you reduce the damage to zero and have a free hand, you can spend a ki point to make a ranged attack. As with a monk weapon, with the range, whatever. Does that mean I get to choose who it hits? Or I'm just sending it back to the same person? Yeah, I'm going to say you have to throw it back at the same time. Okay, okay, okay. All right, fine. Yeah. Okay, cool. Well, I crit. So then that is...

Are you struggling to close deals? Cold outreach is wasting the time of both the buyer and seller at every stage, especially when sellers are using shallow and outdated data. Your organization can overcome these challenges with technology that translates comprehensive, high-quality buyer data into real-time insights.

These deeper insights empower sales reps and teams to adopt the habits of top performers, which leads to better outcomes, like more pipeline, higher win rates, and larger deals. We call this deep sales.

And we've built the first deep sales platform with the next generation of LinkedIn Sales Navigator. Right now, you can try LinkedIn Sales Navigator and get a 60-day free trial at linkedin.com slash trial. That's linkedin.com slash trial for a 60-day free trial. Let LinkedIn Sales Navigator help you sell like a superstar today. Just go to linkedin.com slash trial and get started.

Achieving a gorgeous grin from home isn't a total mystery with BiteClear aligners. Just don't be surprised if all of your sleuthing friends start asking, what's your secret? Begin by ordering your at-home impression kit today for only $14.95. BiteClear aligners are doctor-directed and delivered to your door.

Treatment costs thousands less than braces. Plus, they offer flexible financing, accept eligible insurance, and you can pay with your HSA FSA. Get 80% off your impression kit when you use code WONDERY at Byte.com. That's B-Y-T-E dot com. Start your confidence journey today with Byte. So then that is 2d6 plus 4. 11. 11 damage. I'm going to say...

No, I can't. No, he's powerful. Okay, great. You catch this arrow. You turn back, throw it. I'm going to say because he was up in this little tower thing, you hit him and he was so surprised that he is going to fall out of it and hit the ground 15, 20 feet for another four damage.

Where is he in relation to the skeletons? So it's kind of triangulated from the center of the room. He is like basically on the other side of the far left table. You guys are basically in the center and then the far end of it is where the skeletons are. Oof, far away. Yeah, we're triangulated. It's tough to hit everybody at once. Yeah, but at least we don't have him open.

like a crow's nest. Yeah. Well, you really ruined this guy's turn though. Fuck yeah. He, Sneaky sneaky. Oh,

Oh, no. After his turn, Roland's going to stand up. You see him sort of just rise up. Like a vampire. Unnaturally, like a vampire, just sort of soundlessly, effortlessly just stand back up on his feet. Weird. The fuck? Rich people are weird. He's going to touch himself and begin to float into the air. Excuse me.

And he, you see, you see, we all saw you touch your chest, but in the podcast world, all they heard. He's going to really touch himself. He's going to begin to touch himself and float and rise. He will levitate in the air. Having touched himself, cranking it. He's cranking. Someone is cranking this sort of stagecraft.

Yeah, you see him rise 20 feet in the air. Nancy, you'll actually get an attack of our... Well, actually, you use your reaction to do this, so you do not. I'm plum out of reactions in general. He floats in the air, but, Nance, also, how are you doing? I only took one hit, and I'm currently dodging. Okay, but at the start of his turn, before he flies out of the air, he's going to look at you and make a DC 15 wisdom savings.

This kind of bypasses that because it's not a physical attack. I've got plus three. You once again feel those hot whispers in your mind. Can I help? Is there anything I can do to help? You're a little far away at the moment. I think you get two extra on that saving throw if you're near. Or is he too far for that? I think he's too far. You're just like five feet or something. You have to be within 10 feet. And even then that would have been 12 to 15. Motherfucker.

Yeesh. You take 12 damage. As he floats in the air and does his tune, he floats and is just like, you cannot ruin tonight. It is the night of the great feast. He's rubbing his butt a little bit because he heard it. Why is he, what's up with him and his sexuality? I fell on my butt very hard.

After that, it is Sago's turn. You see this man floating in the center of the room. You see that guy to your left, the saltbreaker. You see the skeletons coming out of the gate in front of you. Okay, cool. All right. I'm overwhelmed by options here. The first thing I do is going to be a big risk, but I look at the rock. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Go on. Go on. And I try to cast Suggestion on him. And I cast... Are you in the voice of Vin Diesel? No, no, no. It's a friendly voice. It's Jason Statham. It's like, oi, mate. You must defend the lion in the gnome...

And the witch in the wardrobe. You must defend the lion and the witch and the human nan at all costs. And he has to survive a wisdom 14 saving throw unless there's any reason that I can't cast that on him. There is no reason. There is no reason. A wisdom save? Yeah, 14. Okay.

I'm going to say he chooses to fail this. He chooses to fail. He likes the suit. He likes the suit. He likes the cut of the suit. And he looks at you. You're fixing the wrist collar. Tugging it out. Doing that thing. You look at this man, fully naked. What he, I guess, assumed was an orgy. Uh.

You see his eyes light up. You can tell that he sees his friend, Jason, Jason Statham in front of him. He looks at you and he looks up at all of this. He nods and he goes, it's about drive. It's about power. You have an ally who's going to go on your turn. Hell yeah. Yeah. He's going to go on your turn.

Let me make sure I have an appropriately leveled character for this. He looks like The Rock. He is not as powerful as The Rock, I should say. Because this would be... He's professional wrestling, so he's only used to fake fighting. Yeah, yeah. He pulls out a long sword and he's in it, naked. LAUGHTER

Big dick. Just a big dick. It's back to back with you.

You feel his butt on your middle back. Oh, God. Okay. This one got away from me. So on initiative eight, Sago and the rock will go. You see these skeletons click, stand up and look out at you guys and run towards the center of the room. They can only get to you, but they can't attack this round.

Can I use a bonus action or is that my whole turn? Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah. If you had a bonus action, go for it. I'm going to use a bonus action. I'm going to give Bardic Inspiration to a Nance. So for 10 minutes, Nance can add a D8 to an ability check, an attack roll, or a saving throw. Oh, yeah. That would be great. It can be added after the roll but before knowing the outcome. Respect.

Amazing. After the skeletons enter the room, they're close to you now, Nance. Daffodil, that is your turn. You see the rocks, naked body, eye level. You see the salt breaker in the corner. You see Roland floating there and these skeletons charging in. You're still a little far away, so you might need to close distance a little bit to do anything. But yeah, that's what's going on.

I'm looking for that. That was the most insane thing I've ever seen. I'm looking through my actions. I'm looking to see what I can do here. It wasn't clear if you knew where you were. There was a brief moment where Zach was explaining everything and I thought you might have just been looking through your Twitter. I'm on my Dungeons & Dragons app that I won't say unless they're paying you.

All right. Am I now... I think now I'm close enough to...

I'm trying to decide what the most effective thing to do here is. Do I want to try to turn these skeletons with my Turn the Unholy action and order them as their new master to attack Roland? Or do I want to, since I can attack so many times, twice, and I can do it with Divine Smite, am I close enough now to use a melee weapon?

within one movement you can get close enough to the skeletons in front of you to fight roland's floating in the air 20 feet uh then yeah you would have to do some trickery to get up to roland yeah and the salt breaker is going to be a little too far away to attack this turn okay so let's think here and i will say that these skeletons turn the unholy is more just like you get them to run away uh

I don't become their new master. Yes. I thought maybe I'd become... When I heard that, I was like, that's not worth it. I thought I could maybe become the master of these skeletons. And I'm going to command them to attack Roland in the air. I've really turned them. I'm going to turn the undead and make them gay. All these skeletons...

You know, these progressives. All right. Let's think here. Well, then I think maybe the thing to do then is to... And you can heal people, too. That's the other thing you can do right now. Boy, it's a smorgasbord of potential. I'm laughing because one of my actions is grappling pin, and I thought about how funny it would be to just grapple one of these skeletons for their turn.

I think, yeah, I think I'm going to attack the skeletons with Divine Smite with my first attack. So, yeah, for Divine Smite, when you just do a regular attack, and if you hit, then you can just say, I attack. Then I get an extra 2d8, which is a lot. So do it like regular attacks, and then we'll go from there. Seven. That misses, but you get two attacks in a turn. Yeah.

18. That for sure hits. So I'm going to attack with my...

So I'm going to, I'm going to attack with my rapier. Okay. Uh, which is one D eight plus two piercing. And I'm going to use divine smite on the attack. So you're adding two D eight. Great. So I rolled a seven plus eight plus two. It's 17, 17 damage. So I'm going to say you, uh, sweet. You see John Daffodil. Um, are you still wearing your mask or are you? Oh, absolutely. And John Daffodil has, uh, the train for Shakespeare with rapier combat. Uh,

So he has this very grand rapier that he knows exactly what to do. He like swings it by his side and very quickly gets ready. Oh God. You finally uncork it. You take your swing. Uncorking, uncorking, uncorking. Dwayne, the rock Johnson goes, he's uncorking his blade.

Safety's a real issue on set. You take your swing. You see John Devinell lights with this really bright energy that you're not used to seeing with John Devinell. You fucking slash out, hitting the skeleton. It explodes in light. This divine energy does what feels like extra damage to this because undead stuff you do. I think you can roll one more D6, I think, or one more D8 or whatever it was. Okay.

One more. D8. Yeah, yeah. Five. Okay, so you did 22 damage total. Okay, so with that, you kill this one and you cleave into the next one. It is still standing but badly wounded. Nice. Barely hanging on. You cut off one of its arms. With a very deep, guttural. Does John Daffodil let out? That's in my head. The whispers in my head are chanting,

You see Carter has walked into the room. Daffodil. His spirit is being sucked out of his body. He had a drink. His nose is just like... Wimpy looking for hamburgers. After Daffodil, you see on the lair action initiative 20,

clicking out of the hole that the portal is growing and enlarging, you see four skeletons just plop out onto the ground. God damn it. We gotta close the portal. Yeah. After that, they're clicking, clacking, but like going to go on the other skeleton's initiative. Yeah.

I didn't realize more skeletons could come out. Yes. That's cabbage on your feet. Nance, you're up. Okay, I'm near the remaining hurt skeleton, right? Yes. Okay, I'm going to attack it.

Yes, that's 19. I won't even make you roll damage. You just punch the skeleton in the head and it explodes. Okay, then I want to do a full dash action. Like, yeah, or no. I want to use all of my movement if I can get to the portal with that. Okay. And if I need more, then I'll use Step of the Wind to go even further, but...

Okay, I will say that a full dash action is what for you? 80 feet or something like that? Oh, no, no, sorry. Just because I already attacked once. I'm just doing my second attack for the other skeletons. Okay, the four that came out, they're about 60 feet away. So I think you would have to use a step of the wind. I'll use step of the wind. Okay, key point. And then I get to dash as a bonus action. Okay, great. So you dash over there to the other four skeletons. Okay. Can I...

- You can use your other attack and then you can also flurry if you wanted. - Amazing, I will do that. And I also wanna see if I see anything like runes or something that maybe I can use to try to close this thing. Can I? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like roll an Arcana check. - Okay, great, seven.

Yeah, it's hard to tell. It's just like a little outside of your expertise. You know it has to do with these people, but you're not sure from looking at this object if you can do anything mechanically to it to make it stop. Okay. You do get the sense from where you're standing that stuff's going to keep coming out of this. Fuck. And there are three new? So there are four new ones. Four new ones, okay. Four are total right now. Okay, I attack one. Cool. Okay.

Oh, definitely hit. 17 on the dice plus 24. Great. Roll damage. Okay. So that is a... Is that the exact... Eight. Eight damage? Mm-hmm. This one's still standing, but you hit it. Okay. Flurry. Okay. And then...

Attack again. That's 11. Just roll both just to see if you hit on both. Okay. Whoa. That's 18. The 11 unfortunately doesn't hit, but the 18 does. Okay, cool. So six. Yeah, you kill one of them. There's three standing now.

- Okay, cool. - After that, running up to John Daffodil, sprinting from the side, you see the salt breaker, Kegbo, runs out with a weapon in hand. He is going to take a short sword attack on John Daffodil. - Ooh, John. - John's swinging the rapier in a very fancy, like not paying attention, really just showing off that he can twirl it. - He does hit you for nine damage.

and make a constitution saving throw. 18. Okay. He was going to try to poison you.

But you are going to take half poison damage. Oh, and it's only a one. So you take one damage. Okay. But you have a sense that could have been worse. Amazing. With divine health, I'm immune to disease, but disease is not poison. Yes, poison is like... There's like a condition that you're immune to. This is just like straight up a damage type. So it's a little different. So he just came up and slashed you. That's the end of his turn. What?

I've studied the stage, but I was in, well, I guess I was more in tech. He's like dressed in all black. Oh, geez. What are those? You're the worst kind of actor. The worst kind of actor is better than the best kind of tech person. You see all these people with a stupor like, like,

Like, almost coming out of it, The Rock looks at you and he's like, don't talk to people like that on set. Speaking of that, next up is Roland. Roland is still floating in the air. He's going to look down at you. Some piece of shit grip trying to get me to vape with them after the set.

After the set, you've worked much. He couldn't think of a single thing he was in. After the set, when I was on the set of General Hospital. You see Roland Vokes look down, and he's like, you were charmed. Now I'll make you go a little mad. And he casts a spell, or tries to cast a spell on The Rock, who rolled a 19 on the die, and avoids this. Nice. The Rock. Oh my god.

The rock and sock connection is working. - Wow, if The Rock runs for Republican office, we should all vote for him. - I agree. - That could have been bad, but it did not happen. It did not go through. - Because The Rock is so smart and strong and moving this country in the right direction. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all saying that. - In 2024. - I don't think he's a Republican. - I think he would run. - As a Republican? - Well, that's where he would win, so yes. - I think he's a Democrat.

What were you guys saying? I'm too depressed to continue this conversation. He's going to continue to float in the air. That was unfortunately his turn. And now he's floating so he can't do his aura because he's not within five feet of people. Waste of a turn for Roland. That said...

Keep rolling, rolling, rolling. Come on. We look at the corner. It's like, is Fred Durst eating over there? Yeah. In fact, you look over there. You see director of Charlie Bartlett, Fred Durst. He's eating some biscuits that are not solid. They feel... If only I wasn't out of suggestion spells, he'd be next. Soggy?

I'll tell you what, he can take that cookie and stick it up his... Stick it up his... Sago, the rock, it is your turn. How far away is Roland from me? He's like 20 feet above you. And what about Saltman? Saltman has entered the fray. He is close to you. He's like 10 feet away from you right now. Saltman.

All right, so the first thing I will do is use my bonus action to use a bardic inspiration to put unsettling words on Roland, which means I roll a D8 and he must subtract that number from his next saving throw. Ooh, cool. Incredible.

It's a six. Great. Wow. Crack six from his next save and throw. Okay. And then I use my action to try to cast charm person, which I believe at...

As a third level spell, I can try to use it on two people? Yeah, you can do it on multiple characters. Cool. Great. So they have to be within 30 feet. So those guys are both within 30 feet of you. Great. They have to roll a wisdom save? Is that right? They have to roll a wisdom save and they both get advantage because they know we're in battle, I believe. The wording is...

It does so with advantage if you or your companions are fighting it. So, yeah. Okay, I will roll for the Saltman first. And it's a 14. With advantage, he does pass. Okay. But now I will roll for Roland. And you would subtract D6 from his. Oh, shit.

Does he have anything that lets him? It's a wisdom save. Wisdom 14. Yeah. He is charmed. Okay. You see him just feel the charm condition come over him. So he believes us to be friendly towards him until any of us hurt him or until the spell ends. So don't hit Roland. Okay. Roland thinks we're on his side unless we hit him. Amazing. Wow.

Huge move from Sago. What does Sago say to like win over Roland? Hey. What? You like gluttony, baby. I do. I love gluttony. I love excess. I'm all about gluttony. Keep eating is my catchphrase. Keep eating, you're one of us. For the dark goddess. Hey, I love goddesses of all shapes, sizes, and colors, baby.

Okay. Yeah, he is charmed. The spell is still active, but he is charmed. After Sago... Which spell is still active? Whatever is going on here is still active. Oh, wow. But he is not actively attacking you.

And then the rock takes an action. The rock is going to come to him. He's going to go in on the salt breaker. He's like, it's about drive. It's about power. We stay hungry. I don't know the next line. We stay hungry. Something, something. Power, I'm guessing. Lifts a weight and just yells, focus. Get after it. He runs after the salt breaker and he's going to take an attack on him.

Definitely hits. Nails him. Any specific move he does on him as far as... He takes his long sword and he does what? The

The people's champ? Yeah, he has the people's elbow. The people's elbow? Yeah, he goes back and forth. And then he elbow drops him, but he has a sword. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see him, you see like using the ropes of like two drunk people and like slamming them into the table, bounces back and forth and drives his elbow, holding a long sword into the salt breaker and stabs them in the back. Jesus. It's visceral. The rock. The rock.

Scorpion King! After that, it is now the skeleton's turn. Nancy, see these three skeletons pop up around you. They're all going to take attacks on you. They all get attacks? What if I'm just vibing? You're just vibing? Well, you're going to add a plus 10 to your AC. Does a 15 hit? Nope, 17. Only one hits. Yes. Wow. You get hit for only four damage.

As they're like swinging around you, you see Nance kind of like matrixing around the skeletons. Cream! Cream is like trying to bite the bones. After the skeletons go, Daffodil, it's your turn. You're face to face with the saltbreaker, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, the person in the IMDB is tapped. His...

The Saltbreaker in front of you, what do you do? So I think the most important thing to do right now is to figure out how to close that portal. But I also, but the Saltbreakers are right here and so, and I'm in danger. So I suppose, I suppose I need to attack the Saltbreaker. I think that's the thing that makes the most sense to do. So can I use Divine Smite once per turn or just one time?

You get a number to the number of spell slots you have. It takes a spell slot to use. Well, then that's the only spell I've used so far. So you have plenty of them left. So I'm going to use both of my attack actions to attack the Saltbreaker. And I've got a 15 and I've got a 1.

Let me double check. I'm not 100% sure. Oh, 15 better hit. Oh, oh, oh. 15 does hit. 15 does hit. Okay, good. So 15 hits. Yes. All right. So I can hit. I'm going to hit with Divine Smite again. Okay. He is not technically. He is like a part of this evil organization, but he does not have like the evil within him that would give you an extra D8. So roll the damage.

You know, regular Divine Smite. Okay, great. So I think that's three. That's three d8s. 16 total damage. Ooh! Incredible.

Kegbo gets slashed with another holy strike from John Daffodil. John Daffodil is doing a monologue from Hamlet at the same time. This like gets him pretty good. He's like bleeding profusely. You've really injured this guy. To be.

or not to be. Boo. Boo. You suck. He's inches away. You suck. I could act. Do it. Give me a one word suggestion. Dentist. Here we are at the dentist. Fuck.

There's nothing that wrong with that one. A new one! New choice! That's the end of Daffodil's turn at the top of the order. Unfortunately, you know what I'm gonna say, baby. Four more...

Skeletons click out of this whole... Gotta close that portal. There are seven. There are seven skeletons in front of you, Nance. Can I do an insight check to see if... If I pitch you a hypothesis, will there be a higher chance of you answering? Yeah, if it's a little more targeted, that makes sense. Okay, insight check to see if we kill...

If we kill Roland, does that end? Does that close the portal? Yeah, make the roll. 20. Yeah. You feel like it has to do with he is the one powering this operation. But if we hit him and don't kill him, then we're going to break the spell. He's under a spell right now. Yeah, right. He's on his side. But you do know that it's still going. Yeah. Yeah. Even though that spell is on him. It's a bit of a trade-off. It's a gamble. And I'm feeling it.

But it's not my turn, so... What do you guys think? We've got to close that portal. These skeletons... Yeah, now we have seven skeletons. There's going to be a lot of skeletons. Roll a perception check. Okay. Twelve. You're so close to this portal that you can see it, like, you get a peek into just this, like, rolling hellscape through the hole, and you see through the dust and dirt this sort of, like, stomping...

That feels heavier and heavier. It feels like something bigger is coming your way. Okay, should I just attack Roland? Okay, yeah. He's up in the air. Is there a way for me to reach him? So you're the furthest one away from him. And the way this will unfortunately work is that you'll take...

Just to throw out some options, a little, being very, very, probably showing my hand a little too much. You'll take a lot of attacks of opportunity if you move right now. You know that Roland's turn is coming up. You can wait for after his turn to attack him. Where he may come down from the air. Well, no matter, like, if you attack him now, he's going to do his next move after that. You know what I mean? Oh, boy.

it so you can wait in the order for one more and let everybody else you can save your you can wait in the initiative order till after that amazing yes um okay so i will hold my action and get ready to pummel roland cool uh for like after i would say i'll hold my action until these two are about to attack back to back and then add like a third attack all in a row to maybe get

Get him. And then I'm wondering if I can do one object interaction. Sure. This feels kind of like gun on the mantle in the first act. We very explicitly said that John Daffodil put a bunch of banana peels in my bag. So can I just drop those on the ground? There are like seven bumbling skeletons all around me. Can I just put the... Okay, great.

I just got to, like, Mario Kart, drop a whole bunch of banana peels around me. Yeah, a bunch of banana peels hit the ground, plus one piece of turkey, sliced turkey meat. And Cream is furious. Not an unslippery thing. Wow.

Hey, Nance, can I talk to you for a second? Uh-huh. I was saving those. I'm so sorry. Daffodil will get you new banana peels. Nance looks like the wacky inflatable tube man dodging skeletons. Just because the plan is to make chili, and it kind of sounds like you're not that committed to it. I'm just going to throw ingredients. After Nance, Kegbo is going to look up at you, John Daffodil, and he's going to take an attack.

- Is he prone? - He's not prone, he was just hurt. - After people said, "Oh, he's prone, dude." - He hits, so you rolled a 19. And make a constitution saving throw. - Dirty 20. - Okay, you passed that, so you're only gonna take half of the... Okay, first off he does five damage, or six damage, regular damage, and then you're gonna take three poison damage. - Oh boy.

Got 15 hit points left. Okay. Sean Daffodil, this is not theater combat, unfortunately. These are really connecting with you. And I'm certified in stage combat by the Society of American Fight Directors. Incredible. That sounds real to me. You say that to a man who's in a stupor who still knows how to look away.

I'm certified in broadsword and I'm certified in hand-to-hand combat. The rock looks at you and is like, act like you've been here before. Yeah, that's the end of Kegbo's turn, unfortunately. Roland's turn is up and he is charmed, but he can make a save? He can do his thing and live his life, but he just thinks we're friendly. Okay. Or I'm friendly, specifically, maybe. He can maybe use a spell that would help him that doesn't necessarily hurt you. Yeah.

No, I don't think so. I think he just has to punch himself, right? He has to punch himself in the peepee as hard as he can. In the peepee. No, my peepee. You said the three of them, right? You three are his allies? Yeah, I mean, the wording is just that he considers me an acquaintance. Okay, okay. I think I'm going to... He is not going to be hostile towards you, but...

I think he's going to look at John Daffodil. Oh, no. First time anyone's done that voluntarily. He's going to make a spell attack on you. John Daffodil, you take eight points of damage. And you see him heal for a little bit. You see sort of the same sort of energy that's coming out of people gets sucked out of you and goes into his mouth and breathes it in.

Breathe with me. So I'm down to seven hit points. No! John Daffodil looks rough. After Roland breathes in, it continues to float in the air. Yeah, he's still 20 feet in the air. Nance, maybe you could get up there. But after Roland, Sago, The Rock...

- Are up. Nance also, depending if you are in this turn as well. - I'll let you guys go first. - The first thing I shall do is use a bonus action to cast Healing Word on my friend, John Daffodil. - You might not need it.

Because I have Lay on Hands, and I can add 25 hit points. So I wouldn't... If you're going to run out of spells... Okay, I don't know if I'll need my bonus. So maybe I'll use it at the end of this turn. Oh, sure. Before I get the chance. That's not a lot. So I've got no distant real moves here.

But I could... Have the rock throw me in the air. Yeah, I could have the rock throw me. Or I have my claws or unarmed strike a rapier. Can any of those reach him just as a standard attack? Not 20 feet in the air. If you had some help, maybe. I look at the rock and I go, I've got to get up there. LAUGHTER

It's fucking crazy, man. Launch me, baby. It's about drive. Launch me, baby. It's about power. Make an athletics check. I'll make an athletics check for him. It's your puka shell necklace, right? Damn, tough day. I'm sorry. I made an athletics check for him. Oh, you made one. I didn't have to. Great. So he's able to launch you 20 feet in the air. Jim Ross is in the corner. He's going into the air.

My God! Good God almighty! He throws you 20 feet in the air. Oh my gosh. What do you do? He is broken in half! Uh...

Before he launched me, I pull out my rapier. And so I run and I hop as his hands like... He like lifts you up. He lifts me and pushed me with his beautiful buff rock arms. And even his way too strong neck and head are pushing me. And I take a rapier stab. Cool. Roll an attack. Great. Oh, yeah. Come on, baby.

All right, 19. That hits. So that's a D8 plus two piercing. Hell yeah. Five damage. Five damage. Okay, hits him a little bit. He comes out of the thing as you slosh him. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah, he's just like, you're not actually my friend. And he looks at you, he's like, how could you? We were supposed to eat together.

After that, it's the rock's turn who has just helped you do that. The rock picks up a short bow that who knows where he got it from and takes a shot with it and actually is going to hit. Nice.

God, and does eight damage. Nice. Better than me. He's looking worse for wear, but still fighting. That is the end of this. In this flurry of a turn, I do use my bonus action to give Bardic Inspiration also to John Daffodil. Cool. Which is my last of my Bardic Inspiration options.

Nance, it is your turn. I would like the rock to throw me as well. Cool, you can run up and just kick off the rock's head. I love it. So sorry, bye. You're going to take seven attacks of opportunity, though, if you move. From? The skeletons that you have. Even with the banana peels? Are you factoring them? Are you factoring them? Now, Zach, are you factoring in the banana peels? Unfortunately, yeah. What about a luck check? It's going to be more for their turn, which is coming up.

It is actually next. I think it's worth it. Let's hit this round. How far away is he from me? He's like, you would have to take some sort of bone. You would have to use a key point. I have a dart. You have a dart, but you have, I'll say that you have a sense that you're not going to kill him with a dart. Okay. I take all the attacks of opportunity. You take them? Yeah. Okay. So Nance, surrounded by these dudes, you're going to take... That's Nance's music.

Who let the dogs out? Nance, Nance, Nance. Who let the dogs out? My God. And Nance, you are down. Nance, you are a skeleton. You only get hit twice. Nance, you take nine points of damage. Okay, okay, all right. Okay, I book it.

you are able to jump off the rock man you sprint down this hallway straight down the center of the room you kick off the meaty neck of this man and fly through the air roll your attacks all right first attack uh is an 18 hit second attack oh it's like a 26 hit okay uh then that is 2d6 and then i'm going to add eight

And you added that plus one to the damage side, right? Oh, no, I haven't. Oh, and then I'm going to add ten. Yeah, good call. So two D6 and I add ten. Oh, no. If he's attacking with the cursed sword. Six plus ten, sixteen. Nance flies through the air, taking her, in parentheses, cursed sword and slashes twice at Roland. He's like, yeah! Like, still floating through the air, like...

badly wounded by this, extremely badly wounded by this attack. But Nance, as you hit the ground, you see that he is still floating in the air. I'm going to roll a concentration check because I should... So in this brief moment,

The rock has launched Sago into the air. Sago stabs him. Then the rock turns, hits him with a bow and then launches Nance into the air. The rock is all over it. Surprisingly incredible ally. These skeletons are going to go. Roland is still up flying through the air there. So Nance, you threw a bunch of banana peels and Turkey on the ground. I added that for some reason.

Seven attacks of opportunity happened. Seven dexterity saving throws are going to happen. Nance, you dropped all that shit. You got all these attacks happening around you. You see them all chasing after you. You turn around. You see these skeletons running after you. Three of them do eat shit and fall and have to get up. I'm going to say... And how big are they? They're gigantic, right? Yeah.

In my head, they're gigantic. You're small. Yeah. John, these are gigantic skeletons. Just as gigantic as the people in your group. Horrified. They took a little bit of damage as they fell and only were able to go half the distance. The rest of them got basically to you guys, but were not able to attack this turn. Oh, shit. Okay. After that, Daffodil. It's your turn. Well, I have to, and I think it's...

My action, I have to do lay on hands for myself or I'm done, so I'm toast. So I'm going to... John Daffodil's going to give himself a hug. Kagbo looks at you and he's like, I thought theater was supposed to be brave. You thought theater was supposed to be brave? Yeah. Why? Just because you're on stage and it's scary. Are you scared? Do you get stage fright? No. He's bleeding out. Good. Well...

John gives himself a little hug and he goes through his... John, I hate to say this to you, but you have divine smite. You definitely do the most damage out of all of us. Hmm. That's true. We gotta kill them. All right. Well, that's true. All right. So John's giving himself a hug and he looks into the air and he sees Roland and he sees him sort of shaking his head and shaking off the attacks he's had. He's hurt. Yeah.

And so, and so John Taffadil, quite selflessly, might I add, looks to the rock. Classic thing a selfless person says. Looks to the rock and he says, hey, and you know, I also did a couple of days on ballers. Do you remember? Three. Three.

I remember everyone on the set of Ballers. You know, Elizabeth Warren loves that show. Or she claims to, to try and make herself seem, you know, you know, I read her book in a scene once on that show. That sounds about right.

Let's get you up there. Yeah, why don't we go ahead and get me up there. And so John Daffodil with two attacks, one with Divine Smite, or two with Divine Smite. Let's find out. Here, John Daffodil, an eight and a 12. Oh, that's just on a D12, though. So roll a D20. Oh, jeez. Which is kind of in that 20. 15. Eight and a 15. And you can, if you end up needing to, you can add Bardic Inspiration. Yeah, you can add a eight. Oh,

Do I need to? You can't know the outcome. Oh, all right. Then I'm going to add Bardic Inspiration to... We know that a 15 will hit. A 15 will hit. All right. Then I'm going to add a d8 to... Okay, so I've got to get a five or a six for this to hit. Six. Yes! Yes! Can I use Divine Smite on both of those? Absolutely. That'll be both spells? All right. So, John Daffodil...

On the way up from launching to the rock, in midair, spies... One of these other people under a spell also had a rapier. And John Daffodil, with incredible skill, kicks it with his foot, grabs it with another hand,

crosses them both in the air, as if in midair on the way up to the rock, and offers divine smite to them both. - And many people, a few people remember this from his production of Henry IV Part II, where over 40 shows he never got this move down correctly. And would try it repeated times, Prince Hal, and say like, "Shit, let me go again." - With one rapier, he does 20 damage. And with the next rapier, he does 10 damage.

So 30 damage total. John Daffodil. Hero. Don't put fucking words in my mouth. You see... It almost pains me to say this. John Daffodil, you see the rock picks you up in the palm of his hand.

sort of just sort of in the center of the palm of his hand and throws you in the air. Yeah. John Daffodil finds this other blade, carries it through the air, swings out with both arms in a very natural way that almost feels like, yeah, he's rehearsed this move over and over again, but he really gets it down, right? Born to do it.

You see as both his swords light up with this crackling theatrical energy. A spotlight hits it. Someone has a follow spot and just points it at him. Somehow when the saltbreaker fell out of that little thing on the side, he pulled a rope and it made this light kind of spin into this moment. And it just sort of lands on you, reflects off your blades as you...

cut off Roland's head in the air. I'll even let you, as you come down, cleave into the Saltbreaker, if you would like. I would like. Jon Daffodil, you come back down. One blade spins into this man, killing him as well. Roland and the Saltbreaker are dead in this turn. You see these skeletons sprinting at you.

de-animate and fall to the floor. As you see, coming out of this portal, pushing its head through a truly giant skeleton, pulling its face through as the portal disappears.

Half of the skeleton face falls off into the room, just clatters to the ground. As everyone who was eating comes to, not knowing where they were, Roland's body hits the ground. You guys are out of initiative. Wow. And as he lands, he takes a pose and says, not to be.

I hit him. Can I do seven damage? A guy next to you who's like, hey, where's my rapier? What does not to be mean? You look out at all these people who are coming to...

See a lot of confusion in the crowd around you. You see Dan Delchamp like, what the hell happened here? I was just going to pop by. Hello? Is everyone okay? Like checking in on people. You see this age-appropriate theater counterpart, Noam, come up to you. He's like, were you doing a show? All the world's a stage. Yeah.

And all the men and women merely players. Crit. Nance kills John Duff. Through the chaos, you see Fiona standing there like, what happened? Sago? Fiona. Yes. What are you doing here? Have you seen Nathan? I was supposed to meet him here. Oh, I've seen Nathan. Nathan.

I don't love to gloat, but I humiliated him in front of everybody. Did you eat toilet? I always eat toilet, baby. Fiona, I've been a dog. I've been a pig. This show of extreme mindless gluttony has shown me that there's more than eating, boning, and disrespecting all those around me in my own body.

I want you back, Fiona. I want to be your man for real this time. Make a persuasion check with advantage. 12. Do you think he's really changed? Saga? Yeah. Yeah, I think that this scene has been a lot for him to watch all these people mindlessly eating all this food in front of him, and he's been affected. Fiona looks at you, and she's like, you idiot, and takes you and swoops you down into a kiss. LAUGHTER

You look around, you see all these people recovering. Yeah, some of these people here are rich assholes, but I wouldn't consider many of the people here straight up evil or anything. You see sort of these, it seems like the cultish members have like slunk to the shadows and run away and you are looking around. There's still these piles of food everywhere. I'm going to say you were just able to find the ingredients you need. They're not cursed anymore.

They're not cursed anymore at all. Fresh ingredients. These ingredients are fresh. Parsley, flat leaf, shallots. Cream? My dog. You find Nance's dog cream as well as a little glass jug of cream. Well, I'm going to need a few. You find a couple of glass jugs of cream.

Is that ground pork? You know, I'm going to make you start. 17. Yeah, you find some ground ground pork. OK, I'm going to say you guys get all the ingredients and Carter comes up to you. I was like, wow.

We really did it. Colin! Are you okay? It's actually Carter. Definitely. So I'm sorry. My nose is pretty banged up, but I think I'm going to be okay. That's good. We were all worried. You guys? Well, we're going to take off, but it was so good meeting you. Awesome. And I go, hey Carter. Yeah? Have you met The Rock? Oh my God. Are you The Rock? Nice to meet you. Um.

So nice to meet you, Carter. They're just both standing there as you leave. As you leave, you get back to, I'll say you make the long trek across town to Nance's place. Nance, there are two crock pots set up. Shasta and Rhonda. You know, we'd be able to get an Uber if anyone wanted to drive these days, but no one wants to work.

Yes, because everyone got insurance. Yeah, it is. Shasta and Rhonda are there like, all right, I guess we'll start making chili at 11 p.m. Yes, we will.

Let's all do a shot of Jaeger. I'm just going to say, let's do a... Nance, I will say you can use wisdom and you can use charisma. Let's have a straight up roll off. All right. Best of three. Okay. Can I explain my recipe too? Yes, please. And Sago, you're the judge of this. Let me know if you would...

As the judge, as they describe their ingredients, let me know if one or the other would warrant advantage or anything like that. If you want to give any bonuses to anything that feels like more upsagos. So I'm wisdom? Is that what you said? You're wisdom. John Daffodil is charisma. Okay. My incredible chili. It's really more of a cowboy pie. It is turkey meat. We were talking red beans. An incredible array of spices all sauteed down into a pan.

Now we're putting it into a dish, a pie tin. Then I layer on a jalapeno cheddar layer of batter of cornbread. Jalapeno cheddar. - Wow. - Over the top. Put it in the oven. - Real lean meat. - A little bit. - It's a real lean meat to use for chili.

Listen, Daffodil, if you don't shut the fuck up in my kitchen. Shasta's like, I'm sorry, I've known him for a long time. It's okay. I feel like I have as well. It's been two days. And I'm not hearing all this that's being described to me as I'm peeing in the bathroom. Yeah, you're just peeing. Are you just dabbing? Yeah. Deception is a 16. Yeah, make insight checks. Yeah.

Oh, only at 11. 14. Fiona's like, you idiot. Okay, and once the pie comes out of the oven, this is my claim. This is why I'm famous around these parts. I frost it like you would a pie or a cake with sour cream. A thick, thick layer. I say that gets, that whole pie gets advantage for creativity to me. All right, here's my roll.

Well, do you want to hear it? Let's hear it. That's right. Socks. Disadvantage. All right, let's go. I love introducing a nickname in the last five minutes of an episode. With your fucking cream. I do want to hear what's up. All right, so chili is a peasant food. It's one pot. It could be anything. So I take shallots.

And the ground pork. And I don't cook them at all. I don't saute them. I just pour heavy cream over them. And then I put all that in the oven. What do you think? A bowl of shallots, cream, and ground pork cooked all together. That's right. Roll it up. It definitely doesn't get any benefits, but as a man who eats...

This is my disadvantage. As a man who eats toilet, that is up the alley of certain things I've had in my life. And this is my last big feast before I clean up and stop doing as much of this gross eating. Oh, wow. I use turkey. It's actually kind of good for you. Yeah, but it's too lean to cook into a long cooked dish. There's not enough fat content. That's what you said. All right.

Now, are you rolling with advantage or are you rolling with disadvantage? Oh, disadvantage? I'll give you just a standard roll because I like the... Yeah, that's right, because of Sogs. One roll is a disadvantage because of Sogs. And all three of Beardsley's rolls are with advantage? Oh, let's do just one as advantage. All right, first roll. That is an 11. That's a 12. Okay. Oh, but with advantage. Okay. All right.

Yeah, it's still a 12. Depending on how much time has passed, Beardsley does have my bardic inspirations. Oh, it definitely took more than 10 minutes to get it out. Five, eight. All right, so my first is a five versus... Twelve. Twelve. Okay, so Beardsley, you take the first round. Incredible. All right, now these are just flat rolls. Now these are flat. Flat rolls. Did I mention, did I mention I'm also going to use some of the salt we got from the salt people. Okay.

I'm excited. It doesn't change much. Are you still in the bathroom? Yes. Ten. Six. Yes! Well, best of three. Best of three. Yeah, I said it. Unless you crit. Some sort of miraculous twist. Yeah, yeah. Let's just do the third one. If someone crits, maybe that counts as two. One, two, three. You can re-roll. I got an 18, though. That's a 21. Five. Amazing. So... Yes!

So John Daffodil follows around a pretty shitty chili. Seems like he didn't cook anything. Even starting with it's a peasant food was so God-descended. It's a peasant food, so I don't do any work. Yeah, so they don't have... They don't taste...

For shit. And he definitely did not like... These salts from these mines are really flavorful and specific, and he just salted it like it was regular salt. That is intense.

- I feel like I'm used to everyone wanting more and more of these pies, so I've made three and I'm just churning them out in the kitchen. Just letting people get slices. - It's about three in the morning when you guys are finally eating the pies. Shast is like pissed. So fucking hungry, come on.

Chardonnay? No, shot of Jaeger. Oh, shot of Jaeger. You got some peanut butter on my chocolate situation here. Put a little Jaeger in that Chardonnay. Let's do Chardonnay-ger bombs. You just put Jaeger in my shot of Jaeger. Chardonnay-ger bombs. Chardonnay-ger. Chardonnay-ger bombs.

Yeah. What's your what's your verdict? Shasta looks at you. So I was like, so, I mean, ants has done a pretty good job. You're going to throw it in a book or anything. Well, this has inspired me to a brand new idea. I've tried all the local flavors from town to town, but I haven't had the actual authentic home cooking all over these lands. And I'm thinking not just a book.

but a show all about home-cooked meals wherever you go. Submit your grandma, your mom, your dad, your grandpa, your son, your uncle, whoever cooks in your family, and I'll eat your meals, and I no longer eat toilet. Wow. I eat it. That could be the gay, tall Martha Stewart. That's right. You want to include the two of us in this, don't you? And of course...

the cover story of that book would have to be this delicious chili. - Which one? - From Nance Ray-Gan. - Incredible. - Huge applause from the three people in this room. - Huge, the dogs are all wagging their tails. - Thousands of scamping feet. The next morning,

After celebrating all night, you get a knock at the door and it's, you know, it's maybe it's go time. Maybe not, but it's go time. The shotgun drops in my hands. I put it down. I take out a short sword. You open the door and Dan Dell champ is there. He's like, Jesus, sorry. Oh, hello. Hey, sorry about the hour. But, uh, you know, uh, we all, you know, people from town on Aurora Avenue, um,

Wanted to just say thank you. Like, yeah. On Aurora Avenue. They wanted to thank you and we just...

We just got you this, and it's kind of a lot, but also because of the weird magic that happened there, I understand if you don't want it, but here. And he hands you a piece of paper, and he's like, so we don't want to bother you guys. It smells good in there, but we can talk about this later if that's all good with you. Are you under duress?

No. No, get in here. Get in here. You don't have to go anywhere. He crawls away. I look at the piece of paper. You find that the town of Solonport has given you the deed to those three houses on Aurora Avenue. Oh my god. I turn to you guys and I say...

You guys, we did it. And I give each of them a house. Wow! Oh my god!

A place to open my theater. I will never move out of this house with my two incredible roommates. So I will be Airbnb-ing out of the house. Shasta's like, wait, hang on, hang on. I will take one of those houses. We are not moving out of here. This place is incredible. I don't think you can decide that for me. The smells, the sweats, the dirt. Well, I hope you two enjoy your house. I'm going to. I'm going to enjoy it even more with a dachshund.

I came here yesterday to buy a dog. You know what, John Daffodil? You can have me. She's very special. And you know what? If you want another dog, it's always kind of nice to have a couple dogs that keep each other company. And you can have this other dog. That's one of my prized possessions. This is Quill.

Inky and Quill. Oh, that's so sweet. No, just Inky. Okay. Okay, yeah, Inky's good. That's all I need. Thank you, though. Inky's a little mangled and Quill is a show quality toxin, AKC certified. Are you sure? I think so. Okay. Have a little bond. Great.

With that, in this perfect moment, as John Daffodil takes his new dog, Inky, to his new home and everyone celebrates with more chili for the rest of their day, we'll end the arc there. Yay! Woo!

That has been arc six of the Rotating Heroes podcast. One more time. Incredible job to everyone here. Beardsley, I mean, congratulations. Do you have anything else you want to plug or anything? Oh, nothing much coming. Check me out online.

Perfect. Say what's up. Say what's up online. Great. At Ali Beardsley. Ali 5U. At Ali 5U. Grant. Check me out on Instagram at Pictures of Grant. At this point, you've won $50 million off of the national championship. Oh, yeah. That's so great. That's right. Yeah. There's $50 million on the line for my futures bet on Georgia winning. Perfect. Perfect.

at Dan Lippert Kuhl on all social media and check out the first four season of Ballers on Blu-ray now featuring Dwayne The Rock Johnson and Man Dog Pod and Big Rondo website for more podcast stuff beautiful I am at Zachary on all social media thanks for listening we'll be back with the artwork next week and bye bye

Thank you so much for listening to the Rotating Heroes podcast. I hope that you are enjoying Arc 6 with Zach Oyama as your DM.

Ali Beardsley, Dan Leppert, and Grant O'Brien. If you're enjoying the show, please take a second to leave us a review. It really helps new rotators find the show. And of course, if you are in desperate need of more Rotating Heroes content, if you want to hear more of these incredible hijinks, if you want to hear the latest episodes, if you want to get the arc box where we talk about the episodes, then there is only one place to be, and that is the Rotating Heroes Patreon, which you can find a link to in the description on the show notes below.

But until then, we shall see you next week, Rotators.