Arc 6 Ep 3: Sloshin' and Noshin' PART 2
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Rotatoes! I am full of cold so I'm gonna keep this hella brief but I hope you're doing well drinking plenty of water and not sick like me. We're here for the second part of episode 3 of arc 6 I hope that you're enjoying it as always if you want more rotating heroes in your life don't forget to check out the rotating heroes patreon where we are about to release the finale of arc

11 featuring Mike Trapp and Caldwell Tanner as well, obviously, as Zach Oyama. It's brilliant. You should check it out. I've really enjoyed doing it. I hope you enjoy it. You take it away, Bearzak. Deaths are happening. You roll up to the pier around 3 p.m. Next to the seagrass, this sort of big sailboat,

Nance, you did your adventure on in the second arc. You don't see Yareth up there, but next to it you hear this ting ting

And you go around the corner and there's Yareth on a little fan boat working on the motor. He's got grease on his face. Captain, my captain. Oh, if it isn't Nance. It's me. I give him a big hug. Oh, life is about dancing in the rain, of course. Of course. We both just kind of sway and dance. He does his little old man turtle dance. That's very cute.

Well, I feel like I didn't expect to see you for quite some time. We just finished our adventure. I thought I would relax with a little tinkering on my fan boat. Oh, I was going to relax by making a world famous chili. What? I just heard fan boat. I got excited. Yeah. Yes, I'm. Oh, hello. I'm. My name is Yareth Qualdancer. I'm the captain of the seagrass. And I guess this yet to be named vessel. Yes.

yet to be named you say yes um well i'm john daffodil local roustabout and man of the theater and i would be honored if you named this vessel after me uh make a persuasion check oh my god 19 uh 21 huh we shall call it john daft

He gets out a little bucket of paint and starts writing on it. And he's like, is there anything I can do for you? Yeah, we gotta ride this momentum. Gareth, this is our other friend. I don't know if you've heard. It's Zago Glagg.

Sago Gleg, I've heard you reviewed a very nasty port side burger around here. Oh my gosh, yes. It was one of my most popular episodes. The burger and the toilet.

Yes. I remember the burger in the toilet. Like the princess and the pea. It was a modern take. I eat a burger and I sit on a toilet and I see if I can feel the burger. And you always can. I always can.

Wow. Well, welcome. Welcome. Can I help you with anything? We're really... Well, we have a... I just don't know why you would put andouille sausage and shrimp on a burger. You don't know why? And also cream. It's just too many things for the stomach to handle. It was a lot. I don't agree. That sounds incredible to me. It would, John. A gumbo burger. A gumburger. A gumburger. Gumburger. A gumburger. Gumburger. Gumburger.

Oh, rolls off the tongue. Yeah, we really want to get to the, well, we have a bit of a dangerous proposition for you. We want to get to the Saltbreaker's Cove. Ah, yes. Every boat captain who's worth his salt knows where the Saltbreaker's Cove is. Rather dangerous if you don't play your cards right, but I'm sure I could take you there if you needed.

Some people say worth his salt and say no pun intended, but this guy just threw it out there and left it hanging. No pun intended! No pun intended! I meant no pun! He's actually a big pun master. Me? Yeah. Oh, well, when life throws a storm your way... Huge pun! Better if I poke it in the eye.

Wow. He pulled that one out. I didn't think that was going to go anywhere. I told you. I want to shake your hand. This old man is incredible. Get him away from me. I don't want to shake his hand. What? Why? I saw a video of a man. Let me shake your hand. I want to shake your hand. I don't want to shake your hand. Get off the plane. No, listen. I'd love to take you over there, but

The John Daffodil? The John Daffodil, finally up on open water. John reaches into his bag and pulls out a bottle of champagne and breaks it over his nose.

Is this like a mun split? Like a tiny bottle? No, it's a magnum of champagne. Yeah, John Daffodil really two-hand swings this. Breaks off the nose of the ship. Ow!

Listen, so mechanically, though, do like a little skill challenge to get this thing up to snuff. Looking at your skills, is there anything, you know, just sort of sell me on a skill you have in a way that maybe it could help fix up this boat. Okay. I'm very skilled. Oh, fix it up? Yeah, yeah, like it's...

It's almost there, but if you have anything that you could make an argument for why it would help. I'm very skilled on the bagpipes, and my playing can motivate people and excite them to work hard. Okay. Incredible. Sort of montage music. Yeah, yeah. Time. Gorgeous. I've never wanted to work harder. Make a performance check. Thirteen.

14. 14! Oh, okay. Yeah, 14's high enough that he's like, yeah, wow, this actually helps me. He starts tinkering away, just like hammering at something on the engine, fixing the damage of the magnum bottle that hit the front. Kind of dinged it out a little bit.

Any other skills? I'm interested, and follow me on this, I'm interested in my Find Steed spell. I wonder if I can find some marine life that might be able to tow the boat out into waters where it can work. I will say if you use a spell for Find Steed, you actually don't have to make a roll. I understand this game. So what do you find?

What swampy animal? I find four fat gators that we can lasso to tow us out to the sea. How does John Daffodil find these gators? What does he do to make this happen? John Daffodil puts his face underwater and imitates an alligator so that the sound carries into the inky abyss. And it sounds...

I think he's sick and I pull him back up. Get off of me! Get off of me, I'm busy! As he murmurs under the water, getting his whole mask wet, waterboarding himself, you see these fucking gators just swim up unnaturally fast. Yareth has some rope and he ties them up to the boat and he's like, this will do nicely.

Nance, what do you got? Okay, so I'm at this point, I'm really, I'm limber, you know, I'm caffeinated, I'm dry, I'm limber. And so I would love to use like some sort of like acrobatics check to kind of like get the fan up to snuff or any sort of like tying or moving. Yeah, like turning the fan to like kickstart the engine is a little hard and to require some dexterity. Roll an acrobatics check. Ooh, okay, that's a 10. Um...

Carl is going to give you the help action. Incredible. Oh, Carl, you're here. Yeah. You see Nance do this sort of like, you know, in every Marvel movie when they do that thing where they wrap their legs around someone's head and then like throw them to the ground. You do that with a fan blade and like spin through the air and just hit the ground hard. But the fan just. I take two steps, almost fall flat on my face. Carl bumps me up like a volleyball.

all with his two hands and then I fly and do something amazing. Incredible. Yeah, the fan's up and running and with that I say you will take off into the East Sapphire Lakes. The wind is whipping so loud on this fan boat. These gators just skipping through the water pulling you along. Majestic creatures.

Yareth is like, "Pretty fun on a fan boat, I'll say." "Isn't it?" "Quite a bit louder." "Speak from your diaphragm and 'tont be a problem." "Tont be a problem?"

To won't be a problem. Whoa. You set sail for a little while. I'm sorry. You set fan for a little while. Sago, John Daffodil, what do you think your characters' experiences are like on the water? We know what Nance has been like, but... I think John Daffodil stands at the...

prow of the boat with one leg. He looks like Captain Morgan standing at the very front of this fan boat. Like that American Revolution painting. Yeah, yeah. Looking out. Sargo is...

you know when you're on a vacation and it's like oh I packed too much into my day I didn't take care of my body Saga's kind of there where he's trying to have a good time but he's got like a migraine coming on and he's like I just I could drink all the water in the world I'm not gonna catch up to the amount I need to be hydrated anymore and he's just kind of

trying to spot there's like a little cooler that had like three bottles of water in it that's empty that you keep checking on uh you're in a t-shirt and so cold i honestly thought the sweet knees would be a little i kind of forgot it would be cold in the water it's like in a convertible essentially your your mains like don't you love fan boats sago i'm freezing so eventually after like

30, 40 minutes of riding around in this fan boat. You pull up to a cove. You pass a lot of coves that look pretty similar so far. It's pretty nondescript. It seems like by design their hideout isn't very obvious from the outside. They...

The earth lowers the fan boat speed, and it's a little quieter, and it's more of like a trolling motor now. As you start pulling in, you start seeing these spires coming out of the water that are these white spires that, as you look close enough, you see that it seems like they're made of salt, these columns of salt coming out of the water. Everyone make a perception check.

Can I ask real quick while we're rolling these? Was it possible on that trip that I could have used it to also make a short rest? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll say you guys could have all taken a short rest there. Sure. Only an 8. 11. Perception? 21. Wow. Sago's so out of it that you're like extra perceptive. You're just kind of like ignoring all of us. It's like real fight or flight energy. Oh, no.

Yeah, on a 21, as you start to enter this area, you see more and more of these columns of salt and rock. You start to see forms on them, kind of peeking out from the sides. Eventually, you do see what looks to be like a pole move. Like, it looks like someone was hanging on one, grabbed a pole, and pole vaulted to another. Ooh.

They're like kind of watching you guys as you pull in from a distance. They're watching you, but letting you pass. So I kind of like, I go. From your diaphragm, Sago. You quiet. From your throat. We'll be that way. We're being watched. We're being watched.

You guys are being watched. Eventually, as you start trolling forward, you get to the end of this rocky, kind of salty path, and you see, start to see torches lighting up, or torches guiding your trail. You see, like, broken up pieces of ships kind of scattered around, like they've, like, almost like the nautical equivalent of a chop shop.

And then eventually you see an area where there's like a larger pier area where their marauder ships are all parked, you know, are all docked here. There's towers looking over everything, and there's this big rocky cave system at the end of this area.

You see these towers looking over with big harpoon guns. It's very like Waterworld at this point. But there is an open spot for you as little boats pull alongside you and clamp onto the ship and take you in. Can I look to Yareth and see if he's like, this is all according to plan or oh fuck, we're totally fucked. Yareth is going to look to you and he's like, just play it cool, daddy-o. Oh, yeah.

Okay, okay. We best play by their rules here. Okay, great. I look to John and I'm just kind of like, you crazy. Is he crazy? What is he going to do? Look, you never know who's going to come out of John Downsville when he opens his mouth. These little boats trawling alongside you, you see that they have the same salt.

freckled faces as the person that was the assassin that you saw earlier um so so so you know salt bae

Salt bae.

Eventually, they help you out of the boat and guide you into this cave system where there's this sort of atrium area. In here, there's a raised dais with a makeshift throne of sorts.

This barrel-chested man with a long beard. A bit on the short side, but this extremely intimidating presence with these piercing blue eyes. He's looking at you all. He's tatted up and he looks up at you, but then just continues to eat. He has this big pot of muscles that he's just eating. You can always, what's the word, bond over cuisine. Great equalizer.

Yeah. He does not look up at all when he says this, but he does. My man told me he saw the same captain, one of the same people we chased after a few nights ago entering our domain. I was surprised and curious.

So rather than just destroy your little fan boat immediately with our salt bombs, I thought I'd ask you face-to-face how any group of people could be so stupid. And then he looks at you and he's like, Wait, are you Sago Glug? Yes.

In the main. What? What? Yes. What are the odds? Pleasure to meet you. Why? Sago Gleg is here? You know me? One of my absolute favorite food reviewers. Wow, wow, wow. It's a pleasure to meet you. Yes, Sago Gleg. The nasty taco that you ate. Yes, from my episode, The Taco in the Toilet. Oh, my God.

It was a gumbo taco. It was a gumbo taco. Actually sounds pretty good. It's just so messy. Impossible. It's impossible to eat. It's impossible to eat. There's too many openings and ways for the gumbo to get out. But at the end of the day, quite delicious. And I'll eat all the nastiest shit. I mean, you know. I know. I know better than most. Let me offer you one of my favorites.

I carry this with me as a snack all the time, as an offering of peace. Lay it on me, man. What do you got? It's a churro. You carry a churro all the time? I just carry a little pack of churros. Oh, cool. Is it hot or is it...

Fresh? Well, it's not hot, but I can make it fresh for you right now using one of my prestidigitations. Prestidigitation? Prestidigitation is where I can heat or cool any item near me. So let me heat you up a little churro. Let's break churro together. Mm-hmm.

That would go great with the salt. A little sweet with the salt. Salt breakers holding their spears and axes and stuff kind of lower them instinctively a little bit. And I'd love to try your people's muscles or whatever snacks. Oh, you'd like to try some of our snacks, huh? Yes. Okay. Wow. Famous last words. He laughs to himself. He's like...

What are y'all doing here as he digs into a churro? I speak out of the side of my mouth. You didn't tell me you were just at war with these people. Would have been great to know.

You know, when the chips are on the table, I just didn't think they would recognize me. You are very red. I realize that I'm quite tall and I'm just kind of like a drunk waving woman. But you're so red, so I guess you've got to highlight it. You would remember a six foot three woman who can jump like 50 feet in the air. Who's like super sunburned.

I just thought I looked pretty different and sounded pretty different now from the sun. And I'm not recognizable at all. The turtle man. Old war turtle. He's like, well, yeah, what are you asking them? Well, we wanted to...

Ask you? We wanted to ask if you could help us get into the party this evening. We saw your man. We saw your man with his salt-crusted face. We saw your man with his salt-crusted face. Who did you see?

Who did you see? I'm afraid I didn't catch his name. I described what I saw. So you described this, like, dwarf... Salt-faced dwarf assassin that killed... Bingo. No, what's his name? Bibbity... Tibbs. Tibbs. Make a... We saw him kill Bingo Bibbity Tibbs.

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12. 13. 22. Especially on a roll that high, at the mention of bingo bibbity tibs and a dwarf saltbreaker assassin, you see this leader look to one of his second in command or something like his staff that's right behind him. They make a look of like, there's some sort of knowing understanding of this person, but then he looks at you all and he's like, I don't know who you're talking about.

Well, my friends, we've broken churro together. I would like to be as forthcoming as possible, if everyone doesn't mind. Definitely, yeah. We are kind of seeking some information about the Volks family and their party tonight. They all spit on the ground.

Fuck the Bulk's family. Yes. Good. We spit as well. So the enemy of my friend is also my enemy. That also works. Yeah. Yeah. I can agree with that. And we're trying to get into this party and we're wondering...

If we could be as forthcoming as possible, I'm going to be honest with you. I just saw you look at somebody knowingly when we talked about Pivoty, Tibidotibs. And the assassin. What's your association with this person? He looks at you, Sonic O'Glegg, and he's like, tell you what, we don't like to give information out freely here. But there is something I do want to see.

from Sago Gleg, one of my absolute all-time favorite food reviewers. I want to see him go head-to-head with one of my other all-time favorite food reviewers. From the darkness, you see a red chin strap appear from the shadows. Oh, Nathan Nosher. Hello, Sago. Nosher. Interesting to see you here. I came out here to get the famous Salt Breaker spices. Salt? Yeah, among other stuff.

It's salt based, but it's a special salt. It's sea salt. And I struck up a conversation with these folks. They're pretty nice guys. And well, seeing as you've never done my show before, you've always refused to do the show. I feel like today might be the best time for us to go head to head and do Nathan's nosh off.

Well, you see this captain just like giddy looking back and forth at the just the drama unfolding in front of him. Nathan, are you going to the Volks's party tonight? Oh, yeah. Let's just say I got invited.

And by that you mean you got invited? Yeah, I got invited. I received an invite. I don't know. RSVP did the whole thing. Yeah. I had my people talk to their people. Oh, great. So let's just say, yeah, that's okay. My pride will not allow me to do Nathan's noshes, but I will do Sago's squishes. Squishes.

Whatever you call it. I love the name. Sago Squishes. Visceral. Visceral. I can just picture you biting into a gumbo taco. Call it what you want. We're going head to head right now.

I fear you. I fear you not. I fear you not, Notcher. I fear you not. Absolute Dutch language structure. No, I fear you not. I fear you not. I eat toilet. I eat toilet! You see this captain smile and he's like, oh, I can't believe I get to watch this in our very own chamber. Nathan comes up to you. Everyone backs away.

And they leave the center of the room to the two of you. And he was like, call it Sago's Squishes or Nathan's Nosh Off. Whatever happens here today will play by these rules. In this show, I don't know what you want to say, but when we do Nathan's Nosh Off, it's a show with nasty foods and even nastier questions. Travel the world eating the grossest crap imaginable. I'm here today to try some Salt Breaker Slop.

you will just mechanically tell this will work out.

Uh, you see these two men, uh, bring out these flights of food and put them to the side of you. Uh, they, they take off little like silver platter lids on the first thing. Um, you see this like dried King seagull. It's like a raisin. Uh, and he said, uh, sun dried seagull. Okay. Um, you guys will roll initiative and, uh, every round you'll eat something, but also fight each other. Uh,

He pulls his sword out. He looks to you and he's like, let's do it. Roll initiative. It's like survivor plus hot ones.

18. Okay, you beat him. While he's describing the rules, the whole time I am also at the same audio level being like, welcome to Sango Squishes where we eat the... No, I don't know. Squishy stuff. You squish, you what? Sweets and eats. That's pretty good.

The first thing you see is this disgusting sun-dried seagull. He looks at it to take a bite. How this will work is you will roll a constitution save as you eat this. Okay, great. I believe... Oh, how close are you standing to this? I'm right next to him. So you will get the benefit of your aura, which is, I believe... So you're getting a plus two from this.

No matter what. Two more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. If you're within distance. So you feel the presence of John Daffodil behind you a little lower than you. You are touched by sort of this plasticky mask on your ankle. Um...

You both rolled the same thing. So mine's a 12 now with his. Yes. And that is enough to pass this first one. You see him taste it and he's like, and it like was a little worse for him. You take two damage from this. Two damage. And now it is your turn. Nathan is in front of you wielding a little short stored weapon.

Does short rest heal any hit points? Yeah, you should be able to roll your hit dice. Okay, cool. Is that four? So basically, you should be at full health. Okay, great. And so now it's an attack? Yeah, or whatever you want to do, but you guys are fighting slash eating in this foodie fight. Great. So when I see him kind of...

Weakly like have more trouble with the food than I did I I look at him and I cast Vicious mockery I unleash a string of insults laced with subtle enchantments at him and if you could hear me He must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or take one before psychic dammit and have disadvantage on his next attack move

Ooh, okay. So he can see and hear you. What do you say as you do this? Looks like Nathan's nosher can't handle the least nasty of the neats. Everyone can tell by the way I said neats, the N was in parentheses. So it's eats. The neats. So he rolls a save, is that right? He must succeed on a wisdom 14 saving throw.

He succeeds on the throw, but he still takes damage, I think. What I also wanted to do there, if it's possible, was also use Unsettling Words, which is a bonus action that I can spend one of my Bardic Inspiration, and he must subtract a d8 that I roll from his next saving throw. Oh, okay. Use that. Yeah, yeah. That's really good. A d8 from a saving? Wow. Yeah. It's just two.

That was enough to make him fail. Right. You see him like, it was pretty nasty to me. Everything is preference. Everything is preference. Sorry, I can't hear you through your ugly mouth. It's a normal mouth. Great work, Sago. So he takes four. I'm really feeling John Daffodil's. Four damage? D4, sorry. Okay, roll that D4. And disadvantage on his next saving roll. Wow. Two.

So he's been hurt a little bit. He got hurt a little bit from that. He's like a little, you can tell he's embarrassed by this. After that, he looks at you and his eyes crackle with lightning. And he's like, okay, now I, you know, it's my mouth looks normal. And he's going to hit you with the Thunder Wave.

So it's a 15-foot cube originating from this person. Make a constitution saving throw. On a failed save, you'll take a certain amount of damage. 20 with the plus two that I get. Nice. Okay. So that is very good. But you still take five damage from that. Okay. Okay, wow. This is a real deal. I'm going to step up my attitude.

as he hits you with this, you don't get pushed back. Like you think that could have hurt a lot more, but you were able to, with the, with the strength of John Daffodil are able to avoid the worst of that. The tray is moved a little further along. They, they reveal the next item as he says this, he says, Mary fuck kill.

Tavern spits and dives. I have to pick, oh, of those three types of things. These are the nasty questions I was talking about. Marry, fuck, kill, tavern, spits and dives? Yeah. My show or each of the places? Each of the places. Oh, okay. What's a spit exactly? A spit is a haunch of meat on a, like a spit. Oh, fuck a spit. You'd fuck a spit? That's the right answer. Yeah, that's right. Uh...

Look, it's hard to choose between taverns and dives. Married taverns kill dives. What's the matter with you? That's of course the answer. I love dives. It's where the salt of the earth hang out. The people you can't get out. Salt, salt, salt. The salt of the earth hang out. Yes, this is my salt of the earth. Fuck nosher. Fuck nosher. So what's your answer then? Well, I would...

I would marry dives, kill taverns, then revive them and fuck up. - Nasty. What a nasty answer. The next silver platter is lifted revealing the next thing. It is calamari in quotes. It looks like to me this like just sort of fleshy, these fleshy like rings. You don't know what they are. Make a constitution saving throw. - It's like normal calamari.

- 16. - Okay. - 15, excuse me, 15. - You guys both pass this one, so you don't go blind. - Oh my gosh.

It is your turn. You chew this, that weird kind of cartilage-y texture. It makes more noise than you think it's going to. It's not good fried calamari. It's just sort of like, there is like maybe a rubberishness to it. It's gross. Oh my God. Your turn. Sun-dried pigeon, chewy calamari. Yeah, baby. Let's get glayed. Uh,

And then I look at this motherfucker and I give him a daunting roar and he must succeed a DC 12 or become frightened of me until the end of my next turn. - Ooh, okay. A DC 12? - Yeah. - And he makes this roll with disadvantage prove that last thing, right? - Amazing.

Two fours. He fails. What do you roar? This is your nasty ear? Scared of a little piece of squid?

You look around, there's a few guys like looking down ashamed. He was their nasty eater. He runs away from you scared and he yells back, "If you could only drink one thing for the rest of your life, would it be squid ink or Pepto Bismol?" That's your nasty question? You can tell he's pretty scared. I would take the Pepto Bismol and pour it down the toilet.

He told her that. Real men feel their nausea, heartburn, upset stomach, indigestion, and diarrhea. And then as I'm saying that, I give him a big stinking cloud burp. Oh my God. Wow.

Is that a bonus action? The other one was a bonus. Nice. So he must succeed a constitution 14 saving throw. You are fucking him up. If he fails, he spends his action retching and reeling. Okay. Yeah. You see him running away scared. Okay.

Everyone's looking at this guy. This guy is not putting on a show. He should have chosen a different job. He is not good at this. So he spends his whole action doing that? Okay, well, that's fuck this guy, I guess. Nathan Nosher's like, no, no, no, no, no. Throwing up on the ground. This isn't how I don't throw up. I can eat anything. It's somewhat of a waste of a turn for me, though, because I don't do any damage to him with that. So it's just kind of like a wash. Oh.

But that's fine. Okay. Well, the next item is up. They open the next tray. It's fried sea pickles. Those are those kind of sea cucumbers. So they're not actually- It's like a sea and then a meat. Yeah. It's like a living thing. That was like-

Slimy ass. It's like an ortolan. I don't know what that is. Oh my gosh, it's just like an ortolan. It's a little bird that you deep fry while it's alive. Oh, on succession. They deep fry it alive? Yeah, it's awful. It's an awful thing. Anyways. Fuck. Delicious stuff. You can taste the pain. Roll a constitution saving throw again.

- 19. - Okay, you pass. I mean, you both pass. So that would have been disadvantage on spell saves if you don't make it. So he's throwing up. I'm gonna say he can't eat right now. - So he skips one. - He skips one to the chagrin of the crowd. - Oh my gosh. - And they're gonna start throwing shit at him. - Yes. - He's gonna like skip, this is a big deal. - I would love to hit him with something as a crowd member.

Lay off. I've been there. Sometimes performances don't go the way you think they're going to go. Do I just have a heavy nickel in my pocket? He takes 12 points of damage. Jesus. That's the heavy nickel that did that. Yeah, great. And I look, when John Daffodil chimed in, I look at him and notice some bruises that have just stayed all around his body that are clearly from rotten tomatoes and stuff. It went in the shape of a...

banana that hit me. You see the kind of leafy part at the top of it? Why don't we lay off this guy? I walk over to him and say, just tune it out, just tune it out. You start coaching him. I feel bad for anyone on stage. Can I throw a monster the creature energy drink at his head? Yeah, roll a sleight of hand check first.

It's the way I miss my rolling tray. Missed on a sleight of hand check. Oh, man. That one? Yeah, you get nervous and whatever you do, you throw it at the back of Saga Glex. No! Oh, fuck, Saga, you're doing so good. Sorry, I meant to hit the other guy. I'm sorry. I'm your best friend of the day. Hey, I've known you for years. Saga, you take four points of damage from this thing that's in the back of the head.

I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was your best friend of the day, though. That's great. After that happens, you see Nathan Nosher. Is he done throwing up now? Yeah, it's one turn. He wipes his mouth. He looks up at you, anger in his eyes, and he goes, fried sea pickles, huh? Well, at what point did you know it was over with Fiona? There's a hush over the crowd as this happens. Well, no spell needed.

And I don't even... I try to think of a comeback and go, I knew it was... It's Ibo Knightly now! Make a persuasion check with disadvantage. Disadvantage, for sure. Oh, no, that was a three without the... Yes, a three plus... So, seven. There's like... A few people are like... There's...

Saga, I'm so sorry I hit you with that can. That can turned everything around. I'm so sorry. Saga, it is your turn. John Daffodil has, as a paladin feature, laying on hands to restore 25 hit points. You look around, make an insight check as you do this. 17.

So, you know, you have that aura, which is a little like, it's a little sneakier, but you feel like if you interfere to that degree, they won't be happy. Okay. Yeah. That's like actively helping in a one-on-one fight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So John Daffodil knows, can read a crowd enough to know not to do that. Okay. Okay. But it is. Hey Sago, just so you know, I could lay on hands right now.

I'm not going to because I'm worried about the audience. You might like, there might be a moment that is now you can read the room. Can Nance just start break dancing to try to distract everybody?

- Sure, yeah. I'll allow you a break dance and you can make a deception draw. I would say that though, you might want to wait for a more dire moment, but. - Rowdy. - Great, so it is. - I just felt the fight turn and I wanted to help. - So it's me? - Yes. - So I cast Suggestion now and he has to succeed a wisdom 14 saving throw. - Okay, he fails.

And I suggest a sentence in his brain. All these salty losers are scum. And I go, I don't say that. Actually, I just suggest that in his brain. And now I just quickly look at my phone sections and see if I have anything.

Yeah. You probably can't cast another spell because you only do one spell turn. But yeah, if you have any other bonus actions, he already failed the role. So you don't have to do like a, you know, whatever that thing is. And attacks would be actions, right? Not bonus actions. Pretty much all of them would be actions. Yeah. Uh,

And so for my bonus action, I just kind of like, because I saw the room turn, I'm not trying to get the energy back and trying to get my mojo back. And so I just look at everyone and I go, hey, who thinks we should key in? Make a persuasion check.

uh 14 or do i add two to everything yeah well no it's saving throws sorry it's a 14 uh there you hear the crowd go yeah i remember that like there's like a recognition more than like loving it like yeah keep eating and uh you see nathan like struggling with this like he still got some throw up on his face and like he was like trying to like collect himself and then like this like suggestion like pops into his eyes and he looks up and what was it

He's like, "All these salty losers are scum." He goes, "All these salty losers are scum!" And he's gonna take some more attacks. Wow! What a miss! Wow! Okay, he takes 10 damage from that. Which is a considerable amount of damage for this man. He's not looking great. Okay.

After that, he looks up as these, like, yeah, they're pelting him with, like, you know, salt, prawns, like, some mussels and stuff. That guy throws his little, like, the empty, like, pot that he was eating all the mussels out of. Nathan Nosher is like, ow, ow, ow, ow, and looks up. It is his turn now. He's going to look at you, and he is going to cast his second level spell.

He looks up and he goes, get nasty! And you see words echo from his mouth. Like this painful, intense ringing erupts from his mouth towards you. He casts Shatter on you. This is a second level spell. Make a constitution saving throw. 12. Does he get plus two? Yeah, plus two. That just passes. But you are still going to take 3d8 divided by two. Wow. Oof.

You take six points of damage as he casts his second level spell on you. After that, the Saltbreakers lift this sort of final silver platter top. And you see this sort of just a small piece of kelp that's like, you know when you go to like a hot chicken place and it's like really densely covered in spices? It's covered like that. And he goes, the Saltbreakers famous salty kelp spice.

So spicy, you're only supposed to use a tiny drop on a pot of chili. But this is a whole kitten caboodle, baby. Chili. Roll a constitution save. What if they lifted one of the things and it was your milky chili? Okay, you're going to take 2d6 from this. He also failed. He took 4 damage. You take 4 as well. He's looking fucked up.

And after that, he goes, when's the last time you even really, really, really ate toilet? Be honest. As you feel the spice filling your nose starts running, your ears are smoke coming out. Woo! Woo!

And in my mind, I do feel that ever since Fiona left, I have not truly eaten toilet the way that I used to. But in my opinion, this should get me down, but instead it motivates me as I look into the eyes of my cucker. And I say, you're right. The old Zago is dead.

Today, a new Sago is reborn in the salt area. The salt area? And I eat more toilet than ever. Toilet, toilet. And I start kind of dancing as they're all cheering, but I can't really see anything from here and my nose is running. I'm curious, can I cast Healing Word on myself? It's a bonus action. You can make an insight check if you want. Okay. 11, 13. 13. It's a bonus action, right? Yes.

I think you can. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say he's looking pretty low just to throw that out there. I don't know how low you're looking. Yes. But yeah, if it's a bonus action, you could still attack even. Yeah, cool. So it's a d4 plus 3, and that's a roll to 3, so 6. I heal 6. Nice. And then I look at him, and I just get my claws out. Oh, nice.

And I say, "Baby, you think you're messing with this kitten? Well, this kitten's got claws." Like, I'm trying to think of a food thing there and I just can't decide. - That's right, baby. - A guy, a salt breaker from really far away goes, "Crab claws!" - "Crab claws!" - "Crab claws!" - "Who thought you were messing with the kitten, but this kitten has crab claws?" - That one guy's really like, "Use it!"

That was not a good attack. Perfect. Nine. Yeah, you miss with the claws. You're workshopping your own material. Fuck. I don't think I have anything. So that's my turn. All right. After that, you look up and he's going to try to taunt you.

So he's going to, first off, take a short sword attack on you. He just is, like, frustrated and takes the sword out. He swings wildly with it, misses completely. But then he looks at you, kind of steps up to you, gets in your face, and he's like, can't wait to go to this party tonight. With Fiona, of course. It's going to be quite the event. As he taunts you, you have to succeed a DC 12 charisma saving throw. Ooh.

Yeah. Oh, no. You have to get at least a 12. Oh, I have to get at least a 12 on a charisma save. 10 plus the two health plus six. 18. Nice. Easily not intimidated by this guy who tries to, like, get up to your height, but he's, like, way shorter than you. And I use QQ. I use my stomach to just bug his little stupid face. Ha ha ha.

You have his snot on your, throw up on your chest. After that, like you have finished all the food and now it looks like it's just a one-on-one fight. It's your turn again. And I will, let's see. I'll just attack again. Okay. And I will do another claw strike. Great. I'll say, this kitten's got claws. Grab claws again. That one guy in the back.

And it's a nat 20. Yes! Roll double dice for that. Double hit dice? Or double what? Damage dice. D4 plus two slashings. So I rolled D4 twice. Two D4s. Plus four slashings. One.

Actually, you don't double the die. So seven damage. Seven damage. Nice. Okay. Yugo Sago. As you say crab claws and slash into this guy, you see him just like absolutely like...

- Would you kill this man? - So I go, what is going through your mind? Do you feel like you wanna stoop that low? How do you feel? - In my heart, I want him dead, but I know that I'm also a performer. I know what the people want, and they do not wanna see me kill someone in front of them. - So you slash him. He stumbles.

and falls to the ground. Still alive, but defeated. And I, like, there's some leftover of that spicy dust on his plate, and I lick it off the plate. Oh, cool. And then I drop the plate on his body. The crowd erupts. The plate shatters on his chest. He looks up at you, breathing heavily. You hear this, ah!

The crowd as the salt breakers go nuts Nathan looks up at you does this sort of like finger motion to you to come here because he can't get up because he's so hurt Do you? I do, yeah. He goes, all I ever wanted was to be you. Well, you can't always get what you want, Nasher. The only thing you're gonna be. That guy in the back is looking at you and goes, crab claws! Is crab claws. And I pull some butter out of my bag.

Yeah, you've been carrying around a gallon of melted... He was like, he opens his mouth and he starts sucking down the butter. No! And I look at the whole crowd and I go, keep eating! Make a persuasion check with advantage. I'll do it.

Sorry, 25. Yeah, with that, everyone goes nuts. They literally throw money at you all. And I was his acting teacher. You see, yeah, someone comes up to you and is like, I'd love to know more about your theater and tries to sign up for classes. John D'Avito pulls out a black and white composite headshot of him in many different poses and hands it to him.

He's like, is that $20? How much is this? When you look at it, it's not like the common characters you would see. It's like very, very mean characters. A lizard.

it kind of looks like kids like face painting birthday like ad beautiful bride oh my god uh yeah these guys like wow cool i can't wait to learn that um uh after the show the the sort of leader of the salt breakers takes you all aside he's like wow an absolutely incredible show um

My name is Zumb Seawriter, by the way. I'm sort of the leader of these parts. Zumb? Zumb. Zumb. Incredible. Zumb. Zumb. Zumb. Listen. Zumb. No. Zumb. Zumbody. Zumbody. The world is going to roll. Oh, here we go.

Listen, that was quite the show. Okay, I'll give you what I want. I'll give you what you want. The dwarf assassin was a saltbreaker, but he is no longer a part of us. His name was Forak Kegbo, and he was one of our best killers. But in our dealings with the different families in Sollentport, he was somehow seduced by the ways of Roland Volk's

We've since stopped working with that creep. We used to go, there was a time when we would smuggle for him though. And then we would take stuff to, you know, from the ports, from, you know, stuff we, we, you know, privateered from other ships and sell it to the Volkses. Not at their house. They do have their own dock though. But the secret is that they own the houses on either side of them. So they can, there's tunnels, I think, between them.

Was there a common theme to the kind of items that they were wanting you to privateer? Well, over the years, they've just... A lot of security elements, some sort of magical stuff we didn't understand. We found this big sort of metal, I don't know, thing, this sort of metal rectangle thing. We found that in the lake and we gave it to them. They've been doing some sort of weird stuff for a while now. Was Forak...

acting a little strange before you two parted ways? Did he seem a little, uh, like a newly zealotous? Indoctrinated. Yes. Hmm.

It was not a vibe for us, you know, because we're about the salt life and you became significantly not about the salt life. Salt life, salt life for sure. Just look around and see that they're all wearing lots of salt life merch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Salt bae, salt life. Old guys rule. Everything is a... Everything they're wearing is a bottle opener. You hear a lot of...

He was like, well, you know, but we don't work for them anymore. But that one house to the left, this is a particularly interesting hidden entrance that I bet you could figure out how to get in to their party. Tell us everything. Let's just sort of, in the basement, you can go over to their basement and then come up. Excellent. Awesome. But yeah, you should be able to park at the dock of the neighboring house.

fairly easy i wouldn't take this loud fan boat unless you use the trolling motor

Right. And to get on a boat with a little more wind protection. That doesn't seem like as much fun, though. Part of the fun of a fan boat is you really... You like it? You like being on a fan boat? It was not the best for me to say. The idea of it was a lot cooler. Hey, buddy, get ready to go on a boat at night. And speaking of that, it is night and the party is happening soon-ish.

You know, not to be absolutely sacrilegious, but should we check the pockets of the gross guy just in case there's like an invite that we can have as like a backup plan? Yeah, what's he up to right now? He's just laying on the ground covered in, what was it? Butter. Butter. Butter that he was talking about.

You know, it's nice to have backups. I think we got a good plan going, but he was so disgusting and bad, you know? Yeah, you find an invite. It doesn't have a plus one or anything. You think that the plus, there's not like they, and whatever the plus one situation was, they all have their own specific to them. Okay, great. So she could still get in. So we're not messing up her gorgeous night. I can do a Nathan Nosher impression and use this invitation if it comes to it. Oh, great. Let's see that. Hi.

Oh, great. Well, don't you talk to me about that. Two things I never heard him say. Two things I never heard him say. A bit of a Templeton from... A bit of a gay horse. Well, I don't know about what you're talking about, but I'd love to. Yareth is over there licking Nathan Nosher and is like...

Pretty good butter. Okay, let's get out of here. Oh, yes. All right. Zom comes over and gives you a big bag of spices. He's like, for your troubles, you're an honorary saltbreaker to us after that. Authentic saltbreaker spices from Zom. What a world. It's mostly salt. It's salt. We're doing salt. There's some other stuff in there. Okay.

But after that, you guys all get in the fan boat and speed off towards Aurora Avenue, specifically the Vaux estate. And with that, we will end the episode.

freezing on a thing. Wow, yeah. So fucking cold. Really quick, we are listening to a song called Aurora Avenue, which sounds a lot like Yellow Card's Ocean Avenue. On Aurora Avenue. Not only were we listening to it, Saga was playing it on his... If I could go to the box...

The folks this day, I would be better. And here comes the electric violin. It's like going to a beach instrument. John Davidoff singing. Electric bagpipe. These alligators are popping in and out of the water. We're so happy. They've all got their little hair swooped over their eyes. One's wearing a vest. The captain has a drum kit he's planning on wearing.

He's strumming his shell as a turkey. Well, that was the third episode of the Sixth Arc. Stick around for the Arc Park next week and then the exciting finale after that, the week after that. Let's go around plugs one more time. Grant. Follow me on Twitter at Grant OB. Ooh.

Nice. Beardsleeve? You can follow me on Twitter at my secret side Twitter that has literally six followers, Allie5U. Really? Allie4U is taken. You're giving out your all? Yeah, I mean, there's a bunch of weird shit on there. It's not private. Did you see the look on my face of like, I don't understand this at all. You're like, why is this happening? It's secret, but now you're telling everyone about it?

You have to lay a little faith in how many people listen to this. It's really fun to tweet something and one person likes it. Oh.

Dan. At Allie4U, it's all pictures of Allies all over town. I told you about that. Allie, Allie, accent free. At DanLipperCool on social media, the ManDogPod for Improv and Conversation Podcast, and BigGrandeWebsite.com. Hell yes, I'm at exactly. Let me know about your NFTs. Thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with the ArcMark. Bye. Bye.

The last thing that gets heard. What was it? I said, yeah, you're nice fucking too. Thank you so much for listening to the Rotating Heroes podcast. I hope that you are enjoying Arc 6 with Zach Oyama as your DM.

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below. But until then, we shall see you next week, Rotators.