Arc 6 Ep 3: Sloshin' and Noshin' PART 1
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Rotatoes! Hi, it's Friday, and you know what that means. It means we're back for another episode of Rotating Heroes, working our way back through the back catalogue of the Rotating Heroes podcast. If you're new here and just listened to this as the first episode, kind of crazy that you've decided to jump in at this point, but that is totally fine. Just wanted to let you know that all of these episodes are available right now over on the Rotating Heroes Patreon, and we are releasing new episodes every week.

And what is even cooler than that is that we have a bunch of updates, cool stuff, videos, etc. over on the Patreon. So it's just a great place to be. You should absolutely go and check it out. But we love you and appreciate you for being here. And I just wanted to let everyone know the cool news that we actually ended up recording too much content for ARK 12. And so we're adding a

episode. That's right, Arc 12 now goes up to five. So, Arc 12 featuring Mike Trapp, CoolVoltana, Zakoyama and myself. Very, very excited. It's a great arc. People seem to be loving it over on the Patreon. So, if you want to give that a listen and find out a little bit more about whatever became of that Turbine Spizzles Inc., then head over to the Rotating Heroes Patreon. New episodes releasing every week. Very exciting. We'll catch you

Next time. This is such a terrible transition. You know what I mean. Take it away, Pat Slack. Welcome back to the Rotating Heroes podcast. I am joined, as always, so far, for the third time...

- Why the rotators of the sixth arc? We've done from left to right, from right to left, from middle to left to right. So let's go to middle right to left for me. You know him, you love him as the master of the stage.

has his own master class coming out soon where he teaches stagecraft. We have, uh, John Daffodil, AKA Grant O'Brien. Lovely to be here. Uh, I just got asked by, uh, in multiple emails, someone starting like a knockoff version of masterclass and said, we'd love to have you involved if you want to teach comedy. Is that real? That I can't be, it can't be. I mean,

But you did get asked. Oh, the story is real. The company has to be bullshit because I am unqualified and anyone should be able to look at that. Swastiklass. Oh, this person's never taught? Let's get him in here. Very close to scare me. What? Oh, no. Oh, no.

Disaster class. Disaster class. That's what I meant. I mean, Grant, you know, maybe just film it. Let's see. Watch me do it. Watch me like trash it on this podcast and be like, I could use some cash. The anatomy of a joke really comes down to observation. So we're going to, we're going to talk to it. We'll talk about the game of the scene. Oh,

my god just do UCB's curriculum yeah literally like some people already do that in LA it's like come to my improv class that I'm doing not with UCB and it's like so you just stole the ideas and now you just started arguing it

I think there's, I feel like there must be a million things. Like I know martial arts is like a big thing for that. Like, and I'm sure dance is that. Sure. Yeah. Where it's just kind of like, oh, you're teaching like a knockoff version of like the original. My credentials are, I went through a program somewhere else. And now I'm kind of reteaching that program without the program.

It's hard to patent an idea, so now I'm stealing. Now it's mine. Yeah. I would recommend for anyone who doesn't care, go to a city where a thing is popular, take all the classes, then go to a small city somewhere else and just teach there and make a ton of money. Teach people how to make cheese. You've been to Columbus, Ohio, where I'm from? Yeah. You know about the local comedy scene in Columbus, Ohio? Well, you just heard some incredible advice from him. We have...

You know, local celebrity, a man about town, known for his food reviews, Sago Gleg, a.k.a. Dan Lipper. Yo, what's up, everybody out there in Radioland? What?

Get in the box. Dan, has anyone reached out to you recently for what has been, I guess, some sort of teaching or scheme sort of thing? Yes. Let me see if I can pull it up right now. It might take too long, but every once in a while I'll get a DM and they might be legit, but I've just like,

I don't get that many, but enough that I've just made a policy that I just don't really respond to strangers anymore. I don't respond ever. There's just too many weird ones. But this one seemed associated with... I mean, I'm not going to be able to... Oh, here we go. Let's see. Yes. I mean, this guy might just find something that... Maybe I'll respond to this guy. He's making a comedy channel...

Produced by Colin Mochrie. Okay. They're making improv comedy specials, hunting for talent. Ooh. Okay. Hunting. I mean, I don't want to drag this guy. You get there and you're being chased by Colin Mochrie with a blunderbuss. Yeah. Blunderbuss.

It's a very like all dangerous What that stuff always means is okay we're making this awesome improv thing is what it means like hey We're gonna pay you bare minimum to act and write the script So we don't have an idea yeah, and we want you to have an idea We're just thinking maybe you could like pull something off. We don't know what yeah But we are gonna only need you to be the one pulling it off

Yeah, with no real creative direction at all. It is completely exclusive. You can't do anything else. I shouldn't drag this guy. This thing might end up being great. No, don't watch this. We're both going to jump on these things. And, you know, rounding out from center to right to left. The perfect way to describe this. Maybe you might even say clockwise. Oh, we'll go clockwise.

We have the double down monk herself, Nance Ray, aka Allie Beardsley. Hello. How are you? I'm great. I'm great today. You're great today? Yeah.

Has anyone reached out to you? No, but I don't know if you guys are getting these and it makes me worried if you're not. But my friend and I have both gotten multiple phishing emails that's very like triple translated and about like someone has like watched us watch porn through our camera on our laptop.

And the wording of it is so crazy. Like they never say you were masturbating, but it's like you, your digital habit. Like it, like it's so like words that you've never heard. And it's like, your whole contacts list probably doesn't want to know. Like, yeah, I said, yeah,

You're sweating and sneezing. I have to use your bathroom. Yeah. And those messages are super shame based. Yes. They're like trying to really make all the wording is very, it's like, yeah. One of them was manual override. Yeah.

And then they want to be paid only in Bitcoin. Like they're saying that they're going to release some sort of video to your whole contacts list. And I was just like, my friend got it and she sent it to me. And I was like, this is so crazy. We were laughing so hard. And then I got one. And then I got another one a month later. And I was like, what's going on?

I've been lucky to not receive that. The thing that I got recently that was in this vein was an Instagram message that was like, hey, we're rolling out some new NFT. What's the cost for a shout-out? I got that. I definitely got that. Dang. And it was, you know, it does feel like... There's no way they're not listeners. They're absolutely listeners. It's just like a person that has...

When you click on the profile, it doesn't necessarily scream expert at NFTs and online. It's video game footage. What would scream that? What would make you confident? Maybe, okay, this is what it would really be. Sure. A lot of followers, some of which are like, you know, people I know or something like that. Some sort of articles about this person and all of these things.

aren't actually the marks of experts. Like, we've seen, like, what's fucking Theranos kind of things, like, before. Maybe, like, anything about that type of project before. Sure. Rather than, like, Fortnite. Not 97 followers and an Avi that's a skull. Yeah. So it's like, you know, if that was you, good luck with your project. I just...

these are just constructive criticisms. The thing with me about the way I'll never get caught up, knock on wood and something like that is I am more scared than I am desperate for free money.

And I'm pretty desperate for free, quick, easy money. But I am so scared of everything. Of like, you mean like buying an NFT or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Losing what little money I have scares me more than not making more money. Yes, exactly. Crypto makes me so anxious. Yeah, I was just going to ask, are any of you like Dogecoin people?

I wish. You hear about those like people at College Humor were jokingly buying Dogecoin when it came out. And then it became like fucking a thing that Elon Musk is tweeting about 10 years later or whatever. And it's like, oh, I bet like I wouldn't be surprised if someone who worked at College Humor in 2010 became a millionaire off of a bid. Over this time. Yeah, totally. But I also don't know anyone that happened to. I'm pretty sure that that didn't happen.

And that's my feelings on crypto in general. Yeah. There's like stories of like adjacent people who it's like they're retired now. Yeah.

and I'm kind of like, man, I wish that was me. But also, I'm never going to put $2,000 into a thing I don't understand. Yeah. Which might end up sucking in the future. This was very like... I can't even get a 401k going because I'm too scared. You're like, I think they just take it. I think they just run. Charles Schwab.

Yeah. Not trustable. Can I say something? Charles Slott. Oh, here we go. I'm shocked that you're not into crypto. I am in crypto. I'm sure of it. That's what I was about to say. That's what I was about to say. Quarantine was like a financial literacy time for me, I feel like. And there's one, my friend sent this guy to me who's like,

much bigger abroad, but he has an English language channel. He shrinks when he gets here? Yeah, he's giant abroad. And he's like, oh, 5'7 when he gets here. No, but he, and it was very like investing with like parameters and stuff. And I really responded well to that because I felt the same way. I was like, I'm not going to take any risk at all, but it's very like 50% of your money goes to savings. Like whatever is this 10% you put in like a risky way.

whatever like crypto and I just started doing that and it adds up and you're like, oh, whoa, I own 70 zeros and one of a Bitcoin. - God, yeah. - You're like, oh, cool. - This is such a, maybe exposing myself too much, but gaining financial literacy at all makes me feel my mortality.

I know what you mean. I was hoping I never had to pay attention to any of this, but now I'm like, you really have to in a way. Yeah. That sucks. I haven't thought of it that way. You have to make decisions that are like,

So when you're 65, you get this money. But if you maybe are about to die earlier, that's one way you can take the money out. You have to start thinking about that stuff. I can't think that far. I can't think retirement. That is very depressing. But you can take out all of your retirement savings for a first-time home buyer. Oh, yeah. It's true. Tax-free. It's a 401k, but I've just put money in it being like, maybe one day I'll be able to get an apartment. Yeah. Hell yeah.

I will consider crypto the first time someone who describes it to me does not sound like they're on cocaine. Your money is flying out the door, Dan. Only goes up. Knock, knock. It's fate. Matt Damon's the hero.

Well, I mean, I'll probably have to cut out half that. No. Come on. This is why they listen to this show. We can pick up the crypto convo in the arc bark, baby. Oh, obsessed. And getting rich, baby. We're all in leather dusters talking about it.

Well, let's get into it. Last time on the Rotating Heroes podcast, our heroes followed a jester cultist to Bumper Street.

A Bourbon Street-esque place where debaucherous fun was happening and unfortunately lost the man they were chasing in this area. After searching around for a little bit, Nance's old co-worker Bexy found them and they discovered that the answers they were looking for were most likely in a horrible old man's club slash bar called The Ship Shaped.

our heroes devised a brilliant plan to sneak into the bar, going to a nearby novelty shop and procuring five masks of Sago Gleg's head and just sort of going in dressed like that. Upon entering the bar,

They realized that the upper echelon clientele were in a VIP area in the back of the bar called the Captain's Quarters. These people were marked by epaulettes and they had to go through the bar and see if they could find epaulettes from different patrons at the bar. Eventually, they were able to track these down, but not before Sago Gleg had to confront his long-lost love and her new nasty boyfriend. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Upon finally entering this back area, they were able to confront Tibbs, the man about town who seemed to have all the answers.

I forgot to take my Zyrtec last night. I have Zyrtec if you want. Do you have a Zyrtec? No, no, no. You don't have to right now. You're right in the middle of your intro. I have a Zyrtec. I keep making faces. It's me trying not to sneeze. I looked up and Grant was going like, he was making, yeah, the I'm not going to sneeze face, which is like. And making eye contact. Yeah.

- I hope Zack knows I'm trying not to sneeze. - Let's all do that. - It's a face that without making any noise sounds like that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Visually eeing. - Well, in the captain's quarters, they were able to track down Tibbs, the man who had all the answers. After John Daffodil was able to make a impressive nat 20 investigation check, he discovered that there was cabbage on his feet.

leading them to believe that this was the man they were chasing all along. Oh, what did he do with that? Was it cool? Was it smooth? He did a pretty smooth, cool move. Effective. It was effective. No. After yelling that there's cabbage on her feet, a confrontation began, and Tibbs was assassinated by a...

a saltbreaker dwarf in the crow's nest above the bar. This dwarf escaped from the bar into the street, into a parade. Our heroes chased him down, but were unable to track him down completely as the streets were in full swing at this point.

Upon exiting the bar, they ran into Roland Volks, heading up the cornucopia float of the parade. He threw out silver pieces to create a distraction, seemingly, for the man who was trying to escape. He revealed himself to be a mysterious and unsavory presence in this town that may or may not have something to do with the cultist behaviors that were happening around them, and that's where we are today. I totally missed that with him.

that he was doing it on purpose. And what I want to know is, is he doing it because he's working for that man or because the man is working for him? I'll say that we're back at the parade. It's pretty chaotic here. You're unable to track down any leads at the moment. There's a little coffee shop around the corner that's a little quieter if you guys want to talk. Oh, let's pop in. I need a red eye.

I bet they sell chicory coffee around here. Oh, great. Hi. Wait, what is... Is that the alternative that's, like, caffeine-free? Chicory coffee. It's a gnarland street. Oh, no.

You see John Daffodil sort of take off following the smell line around the corner. Like Pepe Le Pew. Roasting chicory. He sort of rounds the corner into, yeah, just like a nice little coffee shop. It's got a little chalkboard sign outside that says, chicory coffee here. Oh, my God.

I'm going to get me some beignets. In the neighborhood, you have to blend in. Oh, boy. We're all expecting more of a wedding room there. Yeah, you enter this bar. There's a little table at the back. It smells deeply of chicory and beignets. I'm going to get me alligators. This is all going to be cut. I certainly hope not.

Doing an Ed Orgeron. I'm doing an Ed Orgeron.

Who the fuck is Ed Orgeron? He was the head coach. He was the head coach at Louisiana State up until this last year. He sounds like a fanboat captain. Obsessed. Obsessed. Well, yeah, you guys entered this bar and are able to hear each other better because, you know, it was just too loud out there. And we have the cover of a local. Yeah, completely necessary cover. Are you all wearing your masks? No.

I take mine off. I imagine it's pretty sweaty now. Yeah, same. You're just pouring sweat into my shoes. The person who works there is this kind of young person who, it's been sort of quiet here, is like, do you need the bathroom key or...

Why? Just sort of a lot of, no reason, never mind. Do you guys want anything? Yeah, I'm losing my buzz, so I would love a red eye, please. Okay, they make you a red, what's in a red eye again? It's just a coffee with an espresso shot dropped in. Yeah, just like sake bonds, espresso into your drink. Yeah, exactly.

I think, yeah, you are able to get your drinks and stuff and sit down at the back and just figure out what's going on. I do need that bathroom key, actually. I'm going to put a stomach situation in here. Saga goes and drops a bomb. He's a big tin can. He eats disgusting food for a living. It's way too close to this table that you're at. And it's got like a bad

door and there's no fan in there you go to hit the switch and it's just a light comes on and you're like what it's a bar it's like a coffee shop that maybe someone here used to work

1000% There's a big forest room in the background where people are literally fucking while you go in the back and try to collect the cups I forgot you weren't there That room was so dark My eyes would be adjusting and I wouldn't realize I'm literally staring at a couple who's like mounted each other and I'm just like I'm like oh I'm so sorry

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Get 80% off your impression kit when you use code WONDERY at Byte.com. That's B-Y-T-E dot com. Start your confidence journey today with Byte. Oh, God. Well, yeah, you are all here. Bex is like, well, I think I'm going to get out of here. Are you sure? Yeah, I mean...

I think I'm trying to party a little bit more and I'm not sure that I care about this so much. You know what? That's so fair. And Sago's taking a huge dump and I'm just drinking a coffee. So I get that maybe this isn't the party circle that you wanted. Madam, I'd move the moon to keep you at the party. She looks at John Daffodil. She gets a napkin.

She writes her number down and then slides it under the bathroom door. If you're ever in town again, Saga, I'd love to hang out. Sure, yeah. I'm just going to finish this pee and then... Oh, yeah. We'll just talk another time. You should leave before I get out of here. Always going over the top to talk about how it's a pee is so funny. Make a deception check. Oh, shit.

Deception 16. She got a nat 20. Oh my god. She's like, yeah, sure. I'll see you around. Okay, yeah, Bexy, text me if anything kind of, you know, if you see any more like salt breakers or anything weird happening or someone gets iced in the forehead with an arrow that we don't see where it came from. Sure, I'll definitely text you if any of that happens. Um,

Yeah, I wonder. Oh, well. Okay. I'll see you later. Okay. Bexy takes off. And it's just the three of you. Sorry, the four of you. No. Carl. He's still here. Freak.

He's like kind of nodding. He's like, Hey Carl, could you go get me another red eye? If you, uh, if you wouldn't mind. Sure. Thank you so much. I put the, uh, like there's just the phone number is torn out part of the napkin, but the rest has been torn off. Uh, I think they're on a toilet paper in there from your pee.

Yeah. Oh, cool. I have heard that about some people, just a little dab at the end. You got to dab at the end. Cool. Okay, well, what do you guys think we're working with here? I mean, I don't know. I was just trying to eat some good food and party. Maybe try some of y'all's chili, and now here we are in the midst. I've seen a murder. I've never seen a murder before. I've seen three today.

Two of them at the hands of you two. Oh. I committed a murder today. I wish I could say I haven't murdered before, but I kind of have. Who was that man on the float with the silver pieces? Exactly. I don't know. And how did we lose him in the fart cloud? Well, that was the other man. Yeah.

And it was a burp cloud. It was a burp cloud. And I was peeing. Oh, yeah. Of course. No, no. Yeah, of course. You were in there for a while. Then there was no toilet paper because you were peeing somewhere. Yes. I don't know. It all seems to be some sort of...

There seems to be what I could... My guess is maybe a sacrificial feast or some sort of cultish feast happening tonight. And it seems like it goes straight to whoever this man on the... Excuse me, kind cafe shop worker. The person sitting there just looks like making the... What's it called? The red eye. The red eye looks up. By the way, it's just...

I don't mean to chime in too aggressively, but it's just espresso that you pour into the coffee. It's been a while. I've taken a whole pee. Oh, I got a second one. Okay. I'm sorry to hear that. Jesus, I didn't register that. You're having two red eyes? I'm just having two red eyes, named after my favorite film of all time. You heard they're out of toilet paper, right? Oh, boy. But I just had a macaroni salad. Oh, God.

Uh, yeah. What? I'm sorry to be rude. I'm sorry. I'm a little tired. Um, uh,

A float just went by. Do we remember this guy's name that was on it? Volk? Yes. Roland Volk. Roland Volk. Yeah, so we did Roland Volk was throwing money off the float. Do you know who Roland Volk is? I mean, yeah, I think they own like half the bars, the Volk's family. Like they own like a lot of businesses around here. I don't like... Was that one of their wagons I saw earlier? I don't know. It wasn't a Volk's wagon? Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

I thought you meant one of their big asses. Was that one of their wagons I saw earlier? I mean, I wasn't there with you, but yeah, they do like... Earlier when I saw a big ass, was that a Volkswagen?

I'm so sorry. I stuffed like three gold in the tip jar. Oh my God. Thank you. Yeah. No, definitely. I don't know. I think they do run in a lot of different... Yeah, they do a lot of shipping stuff as well. But all that stuff is back up pretty good. Would I know... Have I ever sold them a pooch?

You sold the Dell champs, which is a different family. Would I still have their number or something? Could I send them a, the Dell champs? Yeah. Yeah. You could like go over to, uh, a,

Aurora Avenue and talk to them. That's the street that they all live on. So like you, you would know that, that the Dell champs, they're like sort of competing families, but they're a little more straight laced. Like they may not have the answers, but they probably know a little more about the vault. I was thinking maybe, and maybe they would know about the party or something. I could get a little bit of info out of them. That's my lead, but I'm down. If you guys have other ideas, I'll tell you what, with the, um, since they're into shipping and,

And we've seen a salt-crusted face come by. I'm thinking there's something going on over by the water. Yeah, yeah. Maybe we need to make our way over towards the port. Cool. Well, Aurora Avenue is probably on the way there. I was just going to say, towards the water, we would get to these nice kind of areas.

Yeah, that makes sense for where you guys are physically in the city. Carl comes back with your red eye. Appreciate it. Thank you so much, Carl. Awesome. Are there any kind of snacks, deep fried foods here, some local flavor while we're here?

She looks around the counter and she's like, well, we have these beignets. These are fresh. I'll take a fried beignet. Okay. Are they real fresh? Roll a deception check. She's like, oh, you're from here. Yeah, they're fresh. Well, you know, they were fresh like at noon. Don't make your own lemon custard to put inside. I'll roll another deception check.

Yeah, she's like, we don't, unfortunately. She's like, I can tell that you're from here, but yeah. All right, well, I'll take four being here.

Oh, sure. She whips out a plate of beignets. Do you guys want these to go? Are you trying to get us out of here? No, I'm never eating our beignets to go. She's like clearly studying for like... What you're eating? Oh, just I have an apothecary exam. Yeah. Do you want some help?

No. Would you like some help? Do you know? Are you apothecary? Do you work in that sort of... I'm familiar with the term. I played an apothecary. I forgot to do the voice. Do you have to sneeze? No.

John Daffodil needs a Zyrtec. So you get your vignettes to go. She's like, we're closed. She locks the door when we leave. It's like 250. Did you clean the whole espresso machine? Is that shut down? Just this like curtain comes down. You can have some of my red eye if you want. I'm good.

She, uh, yeah. You see the lights go off and you kind of feel like you hear someone crawling. Someone's knees on the ground? She must be hurt.

She's like, I'm fine. I just, I like to crawl. Are you under duress? Are you saying those words under duress? No, I'm not. Leave. I help. I push him from behind. I give him the help action.

An attack? Yeah, yeah. That's just a standard roll, is that right? Yeah, you're like one of these, like with a sword. Oh, yeah. Eleven. Okay, you can't break the door. You just try to drop in the door. You see some guards around the corner go, hey, what's going on over here? I think this woman is under duress in here. We need help. All of you help us break down the door. Make a persuasion check. Does that look like 17? Yeah, it does.

Persuasion 26. These guards kick the door down. A woman sitting on the floor studying. I run in and try to make one last little shot of espresso. I'm drunken. I'm way of the drunken, you know, monk or whatever. And I just go off of caffeine, so I'm trying to get real liquored up with my espresso. Yeah, you're able to grab a bag of beans.

I'm just munching. And with that, you saved this woman. Oh, incredible. Hey, let's hang out with her for a little bit longer. All in a day's work, my dear. She's like, well, you're definitely from here. You guys take off to Aurora Avenue.

Oh, God. With your beignets and coffee beans in tow. You all make your way to Aurora Avenue. It's a little ways away. Conveniently close to downtown, but still far enough away that the rich people can be out of the riffraff. It feels like they're...

that kind of part of town where like you notice that there are like a lot of people around here milling about because it is sort of this party time of the year and it is a bit of a touristy street and that like it's really beautiful and this house is really old and there's all these old trees with the moss hanging down but there are there's a lot of city guards here too like just like clearly trying to make this sort of

intimidating presence to stop people from doing anything that might be unsavory or whatever. They're definitely in the pocket of like

the rich people around like they're they're like stopping people that don't seem rich and stuff like that like it it's sort of a gross vibe here in a bit of a different way than the bumper street crowd you clearly see just as you walk down there's just like very there all of these houses are huge but there's this one very big house that's especially grand and there's a bigger

kind of cop presence with these guards here and then you look inside and you notice that there's more of what seems to be some sort of private security detail as well. They look like mercenaries inside guarding the outside. And it looks like they're setting up for some kind of party as well. And this is the Dalsham's house that we're at? This is the Vulk's house. A little further down is the Dalsham house as well. But yeah, as you walk around make a perception check.

13. Yeah, 13's high enough that like

I don't think you've noticed that much more than what I was just talking about. You do notice that the guards around their house kind of spread out to like, you, you do see some of them on either side of that house as well. Like on the neighboring houses. Oh, okay. But if you are, if you're headed to the Dell champs house a little further down. Yeah. I think I have an idea for that. Okay. Um, can we, okay. I think, uh,

I can talk to this other family and maybe find out something about the Volkses. Can we go up and just kind of, like, knock on the door? Yeah, there's, like, a big gate, but there's, like, you know, like a buzzer kind of situation. So you ring it, and...

You hear a voice that you recognize as Dan Delchamp, who is the person you sold a dachshund to in the past. You hear a little... Quiet. Come on. Hello? Hey, it's me. It's Nancy Ray. I sold you your little... Chauncey. Yeah, I sold you Chauncey. Oh, my God. You know, I hate to bother you, but I was wondering if I could come in and just ask you a couple of questions. Um...

Yeah, sure. Yeah, I mean, we got a little bit of time. Sure. He opens the door. You hear the gate kind of swing open and invites you in. You guys head in. It's like an almost equally grand house. It's definitely a little smaller than the Volks's, but he has you into like, he like greets you in their sort of like front atrium area. They have like a little pitcher of tea and some like,

rocking chairs in the front porch as well. Well bless your heart for having us in here. We are so excited. Yeah, roll a deception check. Come on, baby. Okay, he's like, what? Oh, don't mind her. Is that little plastic mask trying to trick me? Why do you put the mask on your face?

Great. He's like, yeah, what's up? What's going on? So I feel like my mouth is like puckered from all the caffeine I've had. Like crazy dry lips. So I...

Well, you know, I, as someone who is so close with animals, and really they're kind of like my children, I really like to do my due diligence when I'm looking at new owners, and I just got such a good feeling about you guys, the whole Volks family. Well, we're the Dell Champs. I mean, the whole Dell Champ family. My question is- Don't get me started on the Volks. Well, that's my question. The Volks want to buy a puppy from me. And-

I just, I don't get it. I don't get a good feeling about the Dell champs like I do about you. I'm sorry. We are the, excuse me. Yes, definitely. Don't mix me up with the Valks. I'm so sorry. I don't get a good feeling about the Valks. Well, you're, you're, you might have what some people call intuition because these guys are bastards. Yeah.

No way. I don't like them. Me and my family, we carry ourselves with a bit of respect. We have honor. And maybe that means that we don't make as much money as people like that. But they're into some unsavory stuff. Nothing that I could ever really get them in trouble for that I know that much about. But I don't like them.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, I guess they're having some sort of big party tonight and they wanted me to bring 10 dachshunds with me. And I don't know why they would want that many. If you know what's good for those dachshunds, you'll leave them at home. To be honest, I'm going to that party tonight. I don't really want to, but it is sort of like the social world we live in. I kind of have to show my face there. But yeah, it's some sort of big party.

Big thing, I don't know. Wow, yeah, what else? You know, I was thinking about going myself, but I don't want to go if I'm not bringing any dachshunds. Well, are you invited? Yeah, this was the night that they wanted to meet the dachshunds. Make a deception check. And I gotta bring those dachshunds. Ooh, okay, okay, okay. Eleven.

Yeah, he's like... He actually rolled pretty low. He's like, okay, well, you know, they'll be pretty... That security detail seems pretty tough. I feel like, you know, it's such a... You know, when these parties are this lavish, you get a lot of people trying to sneak in and stuff, and they, like...

I feel like they would kill somebody who tried to sneak in at that party. So, yeah. You know, I seem to have lost my invitation. Hey, sorry, what are you doing? Me? I'm just trying to get a little sweet tea and some biscuits and gravy. Well, of course I'll give you sweet tea and biscuits and gravy. I don't know why you're trying to trick me or whatever. Thank you kindly. He pulls out, like, a plate of biscuits and gravy.

It's a standard snack for house guests in this area. John Daffodil has been putting a silk handkerchief on each of us while talking. On you? This tiny man. He's on our face. Well, he's like, well, I don't have an invite for you. It's just me and my family's invite. But yeah, I don't know. I think I wish I could invite more people that I like. Is it a big food orgy? Is it a big crazy food orgy with salt breakers? Food orgy?

I don't know. I think there's, you know, I bet there's a lot of food up there. I haven't really, I don't know the last time I participated in an orgy. Oh. But, you know, I think. Yeah, definitely, Dan. It's been a bit for me. I hope it's not an orgy. I wasn't prepared for that. Bring in my whole family. And a bunch of dachshunds.

Well, I'll tell you this. I don't know too much about what they're doing, and I wish I didn't have to go, but I kind of have to. Me too. Business, business, business kind of stuff. Yeah, I hear you. Me too. I wish if I could skip it, I would. Yeah, I don't know. I don't care.

I don't know why you're trying to... I am so stressed lately, let me tell you. Did you mention Saltbreakers earlier? Yeah. Well, I don't know. I had some dealings with those guys, trying to get them to track down some dude that I'm being a little forthcoming right now. Probably should have had a couple of, you know, hard iced teas. Yeah.

Well, whatever. I did hire the Saltbreakers to track down the Dugans because they ran out on me a little while ago. I think they, you know, the Dugans I used to work with, but they got, you know, kind of

I would say tricked by the, the Volks's into working with him. So no way. I don't know. It's, it's all bad. I, I felt bad hiring bounty hunter pirates to go after him, but they kind of left, they kind of endangered the trade situation I had with the Cutlers. But in any case, this is too much info for you guys right now. I'm probably going to go, uh, drink until this party. Oh, great. It's a couple hours from now, but, um,

He's a world-class drunk, but he's hell on stage. Thank you. Yeah, we were just wondering if you wanted to watch a little one-man play by our friend here. Do you? I, uh... Curtains open. I gotta go. I'm rolling persuasion. 17. Uh, fuck. Okay, whatever. So I'll say John Daffodil does an hour-long play for this man. Before

Thank you very much. Great. Can I say that entire time? Can I roll like animal handling and can I be trying to teach the dog to steal a wristband from someone at the party and bring it to me outside? Uh, yeah. Roll, uh, animal handling with a disadvantage. I have plus three. Okay. That's a 15. Not 20. God damn it. 18. 18 is pretty good. Uh,

Were you training this dog that belongs? Yeah. But she was born in my home, okay? She would remember the smell specifically, and all of my clothes still smell like my home. Okay. Well, this dog nods at you. A mix of gravy and dog placenta. This dog nods at you. Before you guys leave, Chauncey looks at you and winks. Whoa.

Dogs do that sometimes. You don't know if this dog has the capacity to know to do that fully. If an hour was enough time to train a dog. Tonight I'm going to be outside going, and see if Johnson brings me my wristband. Eventually though, eventually Dan is like, well, you know, I...

Yeah, how does he say, I'm going to let you guys go? I'm going to let you guys go. It seems like after he had talked about the Saltbreakers for a second, he's like, yeah, they're kind of weird folks, the Saltbreakers. I don't know that it's easy to track them down because they don't live in town. They live out kind of in some kind of weird cove or something that I don't know how to get to. But if you knew someone who was like,

I bet like a boat captain from around here would probably know how to get you to over there if you wanted to track them down or talk to them or whatever. Yeah, I mean, if you're trying to learn more about the Saltbreakers or track down any of those folks, I don't know how to get over there because, yeah, I did my dealings around town. But like any good boat captain around here is worth the salt. Like a fan boat? Like we need a fan boat captain?

I don't, you know, or another kind of captain, if you know any captains around here. I've always wanted to write a fan book myself. I hope it's a fan book. I bet it's a fan book. Because, I mean, you know, for the swamps, it's only a problem. It's the best way to get around efficiently, the swamp. It's a saltwater lake. It's not a swamp. It's adjacent in a lot of ways. Fans work on those? Yeah, yeah. If there happened to be one, I got to go. Yeah.

The one in your restroom didn't seem to be working after I took my pee. You took a pee and turned the fan off? During the hour-long performance, you snuck off and took a pee. I was peeing for the whole thing. Sorry, I missed the show. It sounded wonderful. Yeah, I noticed you missed the whole second half. I like to read while you pee. Yeah. There were some interesting books in there and stuff. Yeah, I'll check it out. Well... He starts walking towards the bathroom.

Hang on, hang on. Were you about to kick back and watch the game? Because we could join you. I think you guys got to go. Get the fuck out of here. He's really trying to get us out of here. Get out of here. All right, see you later. Goodbye, Chauncey. You're not moving. Goodbye, Chauncey. Cock-a-doodle-doo.

Chansi starts looking around, but you don't know if it fully gets like a pillow. I have hope. There's an at 20 and an 18. Come on now. You guys get out of here. Nance, you're thinking about it. Make an insight check. 18. Yeah, on an 18, hearing what he said and knowing that if you're trying to track down any sort of lead about the salt breakers, you do know a boat captain around here. I do.

Yareth Squalldancer, the Tortle Captain, is not too far from here. Incredible. Okay, you guys. I know a boat captain. I don't know if he has a fan boat, but maybe he would have access to one. Make a luck check to see what happens.

Oh. 18. You guys make your way to the sort of the poor area of town. It's a little ways away. Hang on, I can't help it. He really made us leave so fast. I wonder if he's being held hostage. There was a lot of security around there. And it's hard to tell. You hear a raw iron gate close right here and all the lights go off. Are you okay in there?

You see one on the upstairs and peeking through some blinds. Hello! His neighbor's using a soldering iron. Maybe we could solder our way through the iron gate. I think we might want to save this guy's life. Yeah, you guys break down this gate, I guess, and run in. Make an attack on the door. Four. No, nine.

Ten. Sixteen. Okay, Nance plows through this door. Oh god, I'm like, run, scram! Dan, are you okay? Dan, it's okay, we're here to save you! I'm fine! I'm taking- I'm fine. You sound like you're under duress. You hear him crawling upstairs. I'm not under duress, get the fuck out. Why is he-

I'm not home. I'm not home right now. Oh my god. Get out of here. Guards. Oh, there are guards in here. How do we know these guards are on his side? Make an insight check. They're definitely on his side. Okay. SagoGlag offers his apologies. There's just been a lot of duplicity going on around here today. I thought you were

- In duress. - I'm fine. I'm just setting for my apothecary exam. - Do you need help? - No. Do you guys know anything about- - Is there some game test coming down for everybody? - Is the end of the semester coincides with this party week, which is just terror on my social schedule. - I leave 20 gold for the gate.

Sorry we broke your game. That's all right. I appreciate it. I thought you were totally fucked in here. No, we're fine. We're fine. Yeah, we thought you were fucked, but it looks like you're fine. What was your favorite part of the show? Your show? Yeah. I think...

The end? It builds. It definitely builds on itself. That's right. Oh my gosh. You have one of these Amazon fire sticks. Do you like this? Get the fuck out. I was thinking about getting one of these. They're always listening. You don't want one of those in your house. They're always watching.

On a gnat one, a city guard throws a spear at you and it just goes into the wall and he goes, fuck. Oh, that guy's fired. Okay, all right. Let's go, let's go. That guy's fired. No, no, no, no, no. I'm so fired. I'm fucked. You hear him getting chewed out as he leaves. If you had landed it, you would have killed them, dude.

I was just, I got so annoyed. I think my leg kind of cramps from all the caffeine. I can't really walk. Yeah, Saga, you carry Nat solo into the piers. Well, how's your leg looking? We simply just have to keep moving.

You're all cramping up while you're to the beer. We're so dehydrated from drinking alcohol and coffee all day. Sugary alcohol and coffee. It's so early. And running around chasing people. Oh my god. Deaths are happening. Thank you so much for listening to the Rotating Heroes podcast. I hope that you are enjoying Arc 6 with Zach Oyama as your DM.

Ali Beardsley, Dan LePert, and Grant O'Brien. If you're enjoying the show, please take a second to leave us a review. It really helps new rotators find the show. And, of course, if you are in desperate need of more Rotating Heroes content, if you want to hear more of these incredible hijinks, if you want to hear the latest episodes, if you want to get the arc box where we talk about the episodes, then there is only one place to be, and that is the Rotating Heroes Patreon, which you can find a link to in the description on the show notes below.

below. But until then, we shall see you next week, Rotators.