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Rotatoes, how is everyone doing? I hope that you are feeling good and well and you're excited for this episode 2 part 1 of arc 4. Man, Teeths and Spidersman are just the most adorable pair in the world and you know honestly I'd listen to anything with Victoria aka Freya Black in it.
I just wanted to let you know that ARK 9 has concluded. As of right now, today, ARK 9 Episode 4 is up on the Rotating Heroes Patreon. So if you want to hear a reunion of certain...
and Vic Michaelis as you might have seen them in a very important people episode recently and uh that of me and Rashawn Scott stars of Burrow's End then you can go ahead and check out arc nine on the patreon right now it was an absolutely amazing arc in which Jin which is played by Sakoyama has to go back to school to learn a few things and infiltrate the infamous senior section uh
joined by two very mischievous and fun students from the school. It's a really, really fun arc. People have been loving it. So if you want to go ahead and check that out quite a bit before it will land on this feed, then you can go ahead and do so over at patreon.com forward slash rotating heroes. That's enough of me talking for now. Take it away. Best. Now presenting a rotating hero.
Welcome back to the Rotating Heroes podcast. I am the DM, the host. I don't want to say it with the most, but it rhymes. And here we are. I'm Zach Oyama, and I am joined today...
As always, so far for the second time by the rotators of the fourth arc. Going around, again, this is in person, clockwise from me, we have the swamp-loving hero who definitely knows what swamps are like, Squeege, aka Justin Michael. Hello. Hi, Justin. How are you? I'm good. Great. I'm excited to be here. Have you deciphered your dice?
I mean, it's a work in progress. Every time I roll it, it's a new, like, I have to look really close at the number. Really beautiful dice. They're really, I can't overstate how gorgeous they are. It's aesthetics over usefulness. Utility? I think that's the flavor anybody is looking for in Dungeons & Dragons. I don't want an optimized character. I want an interesting character.
True. Oh, that's true. I'm afraid I got deep. Wow. Wow. Continuing around, we have the former pageant queen turned wall-attacking barbarian, Teeths, a.k.a. Marissa Strickland. Hey, hi. Hello. How are you doing? I'm cool. Great. Great. How are you? I guess I maybe don't have to ask people how they are doing so specifically. I
It was sweet. I made it unusual. Marissa, you know, in listening back to the last episode, I think you possibly, you or maybe Grant O'Brien in the previous episode, rolled the most nat 20s of any episode, I think. I mean, it's...
They come out of the dice. I didn't know that. People say the dice tell their story, right? Oh, I've never heard that. What does it mean? I mean, people say. Which people? People. Well, they say. The ones that, the sayers. Oh, the little people that live in the dice that are like pushing it like hamster balls. It's like American gladiators inside the dice. That's cute as hell. Extremely ripped people rolling around in there.
We just want to have our own life and not roll dice, giant dice for these humans. Just tell your stories already. Well, wonderful to have you both back. Thank you. And then bringing us back around, you know, we're from the third arc in the previous episode. She is the half-elf herself, Freya Black, a.k.a. Victoria Longwell. Hello. Victoria. Oh. Victoria. Hello.
From everyone. How are you doing? I was going to say, if you didn't ask me, I was going to lose it. Okay. I'm glad I made that choice.
I'm great. Thank you so much for asking, everyone. I'm doing great. Went on vacation. I'm back. And I missed everyone here. Aw. Back in black? Freya Black? Yeah. Is Freya's last name Black? It is. Okay, because if I just, I don't know if that was just me trying to rhyme or I remembered something correctly. Is her last name?
Wow. Have you introduced me before as the half elf herself? No. That was so great. I was thinking of half elf and I was like, what rhymes with that? Herself. Herself. Oh, I love that. Today, this is the first time I ever wrote anything down for an intro at all. And you know, you can tell that most of them are just technically having written things down. How are you? Deeply thought out. Times three. Yeah. Good. Let's just start. First draft.
Well, I mean, it's wonderful to have you all back and excited to get into this second episode. And why don't we just keep going with a little recap, shall we? Last time on the Rotating Heroes podcast, Freya, lost and alone in the caves deep below the forest, found her new friends and allies in the form of two goblins, former Little Miss Gobville...
and definitely not Spider's Man, Squeege. The unlikely trio was ambushed by some horrible beaked worms and eventually made their way back to the wild underground town known as Empty Nest.
Once past the protectors of the nest, the weird zealot guards of the outer rim of the city, the trio discreetly made their way through the town to Squeegee's home, where his father, Daddy Longlegs, of course, helped them figure out their next steps. Daddy Longlegs explained that the only known way to the surface in this part of the underground, at least, was through a large iron gate forged long ago to protect Empty Nest from the surface.
After being harshly rejected by the zealots outside the gate, the crew was approached by a shadowy figure offering aid to get through the gate. Much to Freya's shock, this figure eventually removed their hood, revealing themselves to be the only elf she had ever seen. That's where we are today. So, the three of you, and I guess Daddy Longlegs, see this...
cloaked figure in front of you who's taking off his hood and revealed his elf form. You would first notice that he has whitish silver hair that's kind of greasy, to be honest. Maybe not what you're expecting from your average elf. Not absurdly clean and beautiful in that same way. He looks like he's been
he's seen better days. Uh, despite the fact that he looks not great, he definitely seems, um, healthy in other ways. He seems mentally all there. Uh, but he is standing there in front of you. Freya, you see this elf in front of you. What do you do? So Freya gasps audibly first. Uh, and then kind of under her breath is like, uh, and, uh, Freya's like,
You've been waiting for this for so long. This is wonderful. Feels as though you've been quiet for quite a while. Well met, half-elf. Well met, yes. I've said that before. You've said well met before.
No. Okay. I haven't. It's not like a quiz, but... Okay. Are we going to be tested on this? None of this is on sort of an exam of any kind. I have a mental brain that's taking notes. You have a... Okay. Cool. And I have a physical brain made of spiders all over my body. And the spiders quickly form a shape of a brain and
- Like a Mars attacks brain. - Yeah, I guess it kinda looks like a Mars attacks brain. - Just sitting on top of your head, just an exposed spider brain. - Freya's really grateful for what Teeth and Squeegee are doing right now. She's like, "Thank God, this is good content." - Wow, okay. - Well met. - Well met, yes. I saw you all-- - Well met. - Well met. He looks at Daddy Long Legs, "Well met." He's like a little further away. - He's gonna like nudge Daddy Long Legs.
Well met. Dad. Yeah, well met. Okay, now that we've well met, I heard and saw what you were doing at the gate, and I hate to butt into other people's plans, but it felt like an opportunity for all of us to get what we want. I can help you all through the gate if that's what you seek. More than you know. That's so kind of you. May I confess something to you?
Yeah, sure. Not to get us off subject, I've never in my entire life met another elf. Oh. And I'm just so grateful to see you. It would be my honor and endless gratitude to receive your help. Well, I'm so glad that you could finally... That sounds very complicated. I...
You can call me Aggie. Aggie? Yes. Wow. I am, you know, I understand that you're a half-elf. I'm a full elf. Full. A different... There's, I guess, gosh, where do we even start? Oh. You've never met an elf? Never at all. Where have you been? Interesting. I've been in Fort Cutler. I was at a place called Fort Cutler. And I'm so sorry. I just...
I'm overwhelmed seeing you. I was at a place called Fort Cutler. I... I don't know of it, but yeah, anyways. I worship the goddess Zophine there. Oh, wow. Along with the abbess. She raised me. And it was a town full of humans. I've never had an occasion. Wow. Yeah. Well, I know of Zophine. And, you know, I'm from a city called Cal... Cal? Cal Luna. Cal Luna. Wow. And...
I don't want to overwhelm you with information, so I'll just keep it brief. - I'm already overwhelmed. - Over well met. - I've never said well met more times in my life. Can I? - No, well met. - Well met. - Well met. Listen, I want to be clear that I know you are all seeking my help, but I'm actually seeking your help as well. So this is sort of a symbiotic relationship, to be completely honest. - Can I ask? Do you need help washing your hair? - What?
Teeths. I don't know. He looks like he's had pomade in his hair for weeks. Teeths. Sorry. Is that rude? Teeths, is it? Yes. Hi, I'm Teeths. Oh, wow. Shiny. Yeah, whoa, blinding. Your spiders are all covering their heads. Yeah, now I got cool spider glasses on. But I'm not a spider's man. Oh, I don't know who that is. Listen, I have to admit, I have been stuck down here for a very, very long time, and
The caves below the forest are almost as dense and winding as the forest above. And it took me years to even find Empty Nest. And this is the only way I've ever seen up, personally. Supposedly there's other ways, but after years and years of searching, this is the only one I've seen. And yes, coming into Empty Nest, a lot of people here may be...
Maybe don't like me. I feel like I rub people the wrong way. What? You are very likable. You are so mild-mannered and kind. Yeah, greasy. A little greasy in there. I am greasy, thank you. And mild-mannered, yes. And that is probably per being a little defeated here. I think I came in a little cockier than I needed to be. Sometimes elves are known to be a little maybe dismissive of other people's love. Is that right? Yes, yeah. I mean, look, it's a...
All elves are maybe different, but as a people, we are. Of course, of course, of course. Wow, never met an elf. Never met an elf. Once again, I should say complicated. Look, he motions for you all to follow him, like kind of further away from the gate. You pass him like,
like one of those ranch hands taking some, some of those beetles kind of up towards the other way from which he came from. And, uh, he like motions for you to follow him kind of almost near where, uh, squeegees, uh, houses like into that neighborhood and follow you down one of those streets. And he says, um, no one here really wants much to do with me, but I think person sleuthing, I've found a way through the gate. Um,
The big gate? The big gate. That leads to the freak nest upstairs? That's what we call it, the freak nest. Down here's the empty nest and anything outside of that is the freak nest. Obviously, something went up. A lot of freaks are up there. We don't mean that in a pejorative way. We're just afraid of everything up there. He looks down at the ground with a thousand-yard stare, remembering a lot of stuff. He's like,
You're not wrong. Oh. Are you sure you want to go up there then? Look, I have a lot to do up there, and it seems like you need to go up there as well. I very much need to get up there. Do you two want to go up? No wrong answers. I don't know. Well, have they ever seen a tap routine up there? Have. Just in general. Do you know if anybody up there has seen a tap routine? You know, I don't.
I would say some, maybe. I don't think a lot of people have. Teeths, I can categorically guarantee you that no one has seen a tap routine like yours. Okay. Up there. I gotta go.
I don't know if I can go, honestly. I'm pretty mild-mannered, but I think I know a hero who'd be down. Awesome. Spidersman, heard of him? That's great. Can you get him? Yeah. Do you need him right now? Not right now, necessarily. You know what? Yeah. Okay. Everybody, you got to turn the other way. Okay.
Everybody's got to turn the other way because he doesn't like appearing when people are looking at me. Everyone turns around for five minutes. Dad, you too. Okay, well, I'll just...
Turn around for my son. I love my son. All right, my pretties. And so like, while they're turned, I just like all the spiders kind of like just shift around on Squeegee's body and form what the closest thing that looks like a, you know, a skin tight spider. A costume made of spiders. A spandex, but spiders. The spiders are really latching on to you, aren't they? Hey, turn around. Oh, sorry. Is it not done?
All right. Okay, great. Oh, Spider's Man. Hey, nice to meet you. I'm going to just roll to see if he notices. He's like, where did... Oh, are you Squeegee's friend? Yeah, I'm Squeegee's friend. We kind of have a symbiotic relationship like you were talking about earlier. How do you know that? That me and Squeegee do or that this guy? That he was talking about a symbiotic relationship. Because you said the word symbiotic. Were you listening from nearby? I...
No. Very tiny numbers. Yeah, very bad charisma. Okay, yeah, that's an 11, though. 11? He's like, hmm, okay. Oh, okay. I think I know what's going on here. I wasn't. God, I'm really tired. Speaking of being tired, I...
I don't want to alarm you, but he looks at Freya, who has battled for four episodes straight, it seems like. Oh, no. I think, you know, this can wait for tomorrow. In fact, we'll have to do a lot tomorrow. But I think you need, you seem like you need to rest. I need rest very badly. Oh, no.
I came, I ended up down here after a long battle and I could sorely use it. Okay. But I want to do whatever help you need. Look, I will, he like walks up to this sort of house that looks...
a little abandoned. It almost looks like maybe there were some kind of squatters or something somewhere inside, but like, uh, there's like a bit of a, like stable house garage, like area in the back. And he like kind of moves this door off its hinges out of the way. Cause it's like, you know, it's like kind of a rotting like door situation. And he's like,
I'm going to make preparations for tomorrow, but why don't you get some rest, come back tomorrow morning bright and early, and I will pick up the plan then. Do you live here? This? Oh, yes. I'm here for now. This is sort of a base of operations, if you will. Ooh, okay. Well, um...
- You know, I have a better house upstairs. - Oh yeah, I'm not judging. - No. - I just, you know, it was creaky and freaky and I was like, uh-oh, but if-- - There's not running water, if that's your question. - I mean, where can you get running water these days? - Well, there's some running water underground, right?
Well, I'm going to go to bed. I cannot thank you enough for what you're helping us do. Hey, don't thank me yet because I will need your help soon enough. But come back tomorrow morning after you've rested and we'll pick up the plan there. Okay, I'm going to go to my hideout as well.
Sure, whatever. That sounds normal? Not Squeegee's home. Okay. I see. Squeegee's having a sleepover tonight with a couple of friends. Okay. Well, he looks at Freya one last time and says, and no matter the circumstances, an elf always holds their head high. And he just sort of squeezes through this doorway, kind of stuck, like little bits of the rotting wood just kind of break off and kind of crumble on his face. Okay. Okay.
And closes the door kind of roughly behind him. Like, hold your head high. And then he's inside his place. How do you feel, Freya? I feel... Can I roll to see if she thinks he looks actually great? The elf, if she's like, actually, he looks perfect to me. He looked great when he walked through. Yeah, sure. Would that just be a perception check, I guess? Insight, I think. Insight, okay. 15. Yeah, he looked a little dirty. Okay. He looked like he kind of hit his face in the door a little bit.
I feel like perhaps the rest of my life is starting right now. He didn't look perfect, but I have no basis for comparison. And some long-held questions I feel are about to be answered. I'm so grateful to you both.
Are you in love? I just don't know. What do you mean? Because sometimes when two people meet each other, elves or otherwise, they fall in love. It's true. You could upside down kiss him. Spider's man, what? Look, as a superhero, the only way I kiss is upside down if I would ever kiss.
Daddy's long legs. Jesus Christ. Dad, you're supposed to be gone now. I mean, not dad. Squeegee's dad. Hey, why don't we... Squeegee was saying something about how everybody should go to sleep. Yeah, you guys go inside. I'll get Squeegee.
All right, whatever. I want to leave a little, like, Teeths reaches into her pouch and, like, grabs a little, like, crust of a cake and, like, leaves it on the door. That's very sweet. Yeah, you just leave this little, like, a napkin wrapped in a little scone. It's a very sweet gift.
After that, I guess you guys would make your way back to Squeegee's house just for a little slumber party. And as we do, Freya does hold her head a little higher. Freya, you feel more alive than I've seen in the last few hours I've known you. Yeah.
Thank you, Squeege. Squeege? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Spider-Man, he had to go fight the regular goblin. Thank you.
Well, I'll say that you guys make your way back to Squeegee's house and are able to set up shop there. Anyone have anything they need to do before they go to sleep or anything like that? I find any type of looking glass or anything that's reflective and surface and I smile at myself until my eyes get really tired and then I curl up.
Oh, yeah, it's like in the bathroom. Just in the mirror. Banging to brush their teeth. Daddy Long's like, sorry, one sec. What's that? Just wait a minute. Good God. The next morning, you all get up. You have a normal breakfast. Freya, you wake up feeling so refreshed. This is you...
have been bone weary for about two episodes now uh and uh you've never slept more soundly in your life as you guys start uh i mean it's hard to tell what morning is down here for you freya but you would all know that like there's just a certain quality to the crystal that that beams down that it's almost like it feels a little brighter in the day i mean obviously it's
Most of his parallel. It's brighter. And so you all make your way back over to Aggie's, you know, squatter residence. And outside, Aggie is waiting for you outside the front door. Once he sees you all approaching, he waves. And he looks at Teets and he's like, was that your scone?
- Wow, you got me. - It was delicious. - Oh, good. - I ate a banana peel earlier in the day. - Now what's up with that? - Well, I somehow one ended up in trash in the caves, so it didn't rot before it got here. Who knows what that banana peel story was?
A mystery. Yeah. But anyways, I'm working on some stuff in here and he holds out a piece of paper that has some of his little small elvish writing. It's very beautiful and elvish cursive, Lord of the Rings style writing. And he's like, these are the items we need in order to make our way to the surface. Are these items?
You're looking at it, and from what you see, it's three things. The first of which is a bolt of basilisk stomach skin, four crystal jars, and lastly, gunk tape. Now, teeths and squeegee. Some of this is, Freya, you're looking at this and you're like, what the fuck is any of this? Yeah, it's true. It's not just gunk tape that stands out to me.
So, gunk tape? Gunk tape. Gunk tape. Gunk tape? We use it in the theater. Gunk tape you would know and got, you know, yeah, in Empty Nest. It's sort of like this sort of, like the duct tape of down here. All of these things are actually familiar to you. You don't know gunk tape? No, I'm sorry, I don't. How do you adhere things to other things? Sap from a tree. Oh, that's smart.
Yeah, it's a similar thing. Maybe less gross sounding. So looking at this list, you would know that the basilisk skin, the bolt of basilisk skin, it's kind of a coveted thing around here. It's kind of rare and it's really... The skin itself...
is able to stand some really harsh climates and high temperatures and acid and things like that. You have seen this at the Fighting Ring.
I've seen this at the fighting ring. It's one of the prizes there. It's one of the prizes there. Fighters win it if they do well. They get the prize. And moving on from that, like the crystal jars, Teeths, you would definitely remember having seen some in the prop closet at Gobville. Crystal jars? I've seen them in the prop closet in the many theaters in Gobville. Oh my people...
need jars for their things and their acts. Were you about to say, oh my gob? I wasn't, but I love it. Just wondering. And lastly, you would know that while you may get some smaller amounts of it in like shops and stuff, if you want some concentrated gum tape, you're going to have to go to Razik's Scrapyard. So knowing where all this stuff is,
I think it's up to you which one you want to pursue first. I defer to you, my friends who seem familiar with these objects. I'm eager to help, but unfortunately lacking in knowledge. Yeah, well, I think we can go to any of these places. Do we want to meet some burly boys? Do we want to visit Gobville? Or do we want to talk to a scrap man? I'll be honest.
I've never been to Gobville. Oh, yeah. Okay, you guys are in for a treat. Come with me. I grab both of their hands and run my little feet down, my teeth flapping in the breeze. Oh, yeah, you have those really soft, flowy teeth. You see Aggie look back and he's like, I'll be working in here. Yeah, hurry back. Goodbye, Aggie. Thank you.
Thank you. You're running so fast. Sorry to leave without saying goodbye. It's all right. Time is of the essence. Well, good
Goodbye. You tear off towards Godville. Teeth knows exactly where Godville is. It's a little closer to the hustle and bustle of town. It has this sort of off-Broadway feel from the main drag of shops and bars and casino kind of stuff around town. As you get closer to where Godville is, you hear a little thump every now and then.
It's not rhythmic sounding, but it does sound like a drum. Just dum. And as you turn the corner, you see Gobville sitting there. It's this small Adobe-like structure like the rest of the buildings you've seen. But it has this wooden sign that has a hand-painted in cursive, the Gobville Theater. As you get closer, you keep hearing this dum. Can you smell the creativity? Is that what it smells like? Yes.
mean there are some restaurant refuse areas nearby too so you know don't step in goop don't make a big deal if you see a celebrity okay and a celebrity is a person who's famous that you don't know
Just so you know, Freya, that's what a celebrity is. Oh yeah, Freya, that's what a celebrity is. Okay. I promise to be discreet. I mean, I can smell the creativity. I can feel the creativity. Oh, you stepped in something. Oh, thought I had an idea for a musical. Oh! Yeah, Spider's Man. Turn on the dark. Hi!
Oh, God. You guys. Wow. I can't wait to see the for sure successful production. Oh, yeah. It'll go really well. Nobody will get hurt. Gosh, I have a story for the arc. Well, as you get closer to this vaudevillian theater, you enter and see there's like little show posters on the side for the Gob Stomper and the Gob's siblings sing along.
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- Oh, okay. - Of course. - Does everybody share this opinion? - Oh yeah, everybody thinks this. If you don't, you're kind of a dingaling. - Cool. As you step into the theater, you see this younger little small goblin in a dress going on stage, like trying to tap dance going, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. - Teeth whistles.
What a beautiful whistle. Are whistles different down here than in the forest? Absolutely not. Okay. That's how I whistle. Okay.
Freya sort of does an eye gotcha at a switch. At the back row of inside the theater, watching this pretty horrible performance, you see this older looking goblin with tiny binoculars. It's not even that big of a theater, but he has binoculars. Little goatee, curling mustache. He has a little small drum. This would be, of course, your mentor, Glenn Bucket. And he hits the drum and he looks at the person on stage and he goes...
that's bad. And a shepherd hook grabs them by the neck and yanks them off stage. And he turns back to CU3 and looks at T.E.T. and he's like, do my eyes deceive me? Is that little Miss Gobville from 32 years ago? Oh my God. Everyone. Oh my God.
Oh, she hasn't lost it. Of course not. Teeths, you know, Glen Bucket tries to scoop you up in a hug, but he's so much smaller than you that he just sort of reaches his arms up like a toddler. He turns around to the front row. You see like a couple other goblins in training trying to like work on their craft. Look back as Glen Bucket points to you.
He's like, well, class, it's time for a real lesson. This is Teeth's, and she knows a thing or two about performance. I could never get on stage. And screws up. Whoa, whoa. What a treat. Teeth, before you perform, can I ask you something else?
What brings you to the theater? - Well, honestly, these are my new friends. - Okay. - Well, I guess not new. This is my one new friend, Freya. I've been friends with you, Squeege, for a while. - Yep, I'm an old friend.
Okay. But we're kind of on a mission. You could think of it like an adventure story. Oh. If you remember those storylines from Gobville shows past. Oh, do I ever? An adventure story of the stage. Yeah. You know, Gobzan and Jane.
Oh, yes. Gobzan and Jane. Yes. The classic goblin tale. I heard that Gobzana is actually named after Gobzan. It's true. It was authored. Gobzana was a city where the author of Gobzan and Jane lived. Yeah. Gobzan. Let me just... I just want to make sure I'm clear with everyone. Gobzan is, of course, the story of the little goblin who got lost in...
the jungle? Yeah. And was rescued by... Found himself. Found himself. Wow. I mean, it's an incredible story. Yeah. It swings from stalactite to stalactite. What do they have in jungles? Sounds like somebody I know. Spiders, man. Which I gotta ask you some questions after this. We'll sidebar later. Yeah. Thankfully, we should talk. Yeah. Well...
Okay, well, nice to meet you. What are you doing here? So, I was just giving you a dramatic preamble. My favorite kind. Glenn! Freya's eyes are just wide for all of this. Glenn, I'm going to break it to you. I'm going to get to the brass tacks. Real deal. Making it square. Making it easy. I need four crystal jars. The prop closet.
Is that what you're seeking? Yeah, but I mean, I can't resist the stage. Yes. Well, that's funny you should say that because in order to bequeath anything from the prop closet to you, I have to honor the code of Godville, which is a performance must be performed. And while we're here and he looks over into the audience where the students are,
But I wrote back the motions to another goblin sitting there. And he's like, but while I have this unique opportunity here, our students here were going to get a lesson from the reigning Miss Gobville.
And one of the lights turn on this goblin. She looks like the person that would win Miss Godville this year. She's the total package in Miss Godville terms. Really tight person.
Pippy long stocking curls, curling upwards. A little creepy Annabelle dress that is just terrifying. Wide, wide smile. Some would say about as wide as teeth. How pillowy are the teeth? Oh, they look so pillowy. You can perfectly picture a nap that you're willing to take. Yes, sir.
Get away from those teeth. I can't tell you how many things I have to kick out of my mouth because they're trying to sleep. I'm sorry. Is that, is this Teeths? I've heard so much about you. Yes. Hello. My name's Bebe Scholls. Oh, Bebe Scholls. Yes. I'm sorry. You won Miss Gone Bill a while ago, right? Yes.
Two years ago. Wow. I'm only eight years old, so I don't know. 32. Wow. I know. Eight years old is a great age. I'll tell you that. You see, that's the age you mutter about in your sleep a lot. I say, eight is great. It's the year that I did everything. Glenn's stepson's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Cool your jets, everyone. Tell you what, teats, as per Godville code...
Only one person can get stuff from the prop closet today to take out of the theater. It's the code. It is the code. We all honor it. And all the students bow their heads in honor of this. They fully bow. They take full bows. Squeegee just kind of bows thinking like he needs to also. Of course. Freya does too. We're making a lot of noise. You've picked up on it. Listen, why don't we have a good old-fashioned performance off? Oh, what is that?
You see BB Scholes get up and she has two... She's flanked by two, like, best friend goblins that are kind of whispering to each other behind her. And he says...
we can do this. You, you all have to agree to the terms, either one person, two people, three people, whatever feels like the best performance and, uh, take the stage and give us your best either tap or whatever kind of performance you want to give. And we're going trios on this trios, duos, singles, whatever feels right for you. So, uh, this mechanically speaking, like everyone has sort of different, you know, performance stats. Uh,
We're going to take a group performance check off of you three or whatever the group is. I'm like negative one. Definitely all my charisma checks. Can't wait. Or you can choose any person. As the former Miss Godville, we'll let you decide the turn. Well, first, theater is sacred. So I want to check in with my friends first.
Would you guys like to perform or are you more of like the stage crew? Your choice. Neither is bad.
I have only ever performed in battle. I will say, though, having no under... Don't get excited. No, I mean, I just was imagining like, like lots of cool moves. Yes, they're cool, but I do try to not make noise. I'm sorry. I'm used to the theater where we noise. I greatly admire it.
These students are taking notes like noise. I do have to say, though, I've only received competition and ribbing and meanness from men, but I am seeing some meanness from this goblin, Bebe Schultz. You know what? This is the hard part of being a mature goblin, okay? Because sometimes there's little bitty goblins.
Like B.B. Scholl's, but I don't want to perpetuate that women are hating on each other, but this little lady, she really roasts my hide. Which is a theater term for when you put your butt near a candle. Students are writing that. Butt near candle equals roast my hide.
I suppose all I want to say to you is I would perform in whatever capacity would be the most helpful to you. You've been helpful to me and I have no pride. And also people forget me very easily. So embarrassment will be short. I think everyone I've seen meet you knows who you are. I don't believe you.
Yeah, so you can use any spells you want to use, anything that you think could be helpful for this. I personally think it'd be fun to all perform, but I'm open if people do not want to perform. I'm with Freya. I'm here to support you. If you want us to help you humiliate an eight-year-old, we are here for it. Okay, but I don't want to humiliate an eight-year-old. Show them up. I just want to best her. Best her so she'll never forget the day. Okay.
I can channel some divinity, I think. Great. Great. Could that make some lights or some special flowing? That's a great question. Lights and special flowing are what you need for a good performance, students. Okay. Students are at lights and special flowing. Good stuff here today. I have a friend who could be here in like...
No sooner than everybody turning around. That could help create a web for you to perform upon. Or, you know, he's got a lot of spiders that could form into different things. Maybe you want a hand to be dancing around. A spidery, spider's mage hand.
Wow. Okay. I'm thinking about this. What is going to look the best on stage? Do we want a lot of tap dancing spiders or do we want a hand that's using its two fingers like feet to
tap dancing next to me. Either way, you do want my friend? Yeah, I guess if you could get your... Okay, all the students, if you could all turn around. If everybody here could turn around. They immediately bow their heads down again. Just like a folded seat. Can't see anything. And then I quickly turn into Spider's man. All right, everybody turn back around. Swede is gone. That's called a quick change, students. Rhea, what...
What are you... Are you looking at any spells in particular? I'll tell you what. Really channeling divinity. Upon, you know, further thought, it probably won't work. We don't want spectral vines, I don't think. Spectral vines? That's what you don't want. Never mind. So what are you guys going to do? I would like to perform the tap of my life. That's my plan. Spider's Man, would you like to...
with your hands or have many spiders tap or do anything else. I'm open. I'm collaborative. Yeah, spoken like a true collaborator.
He said sarcastically for no reason. I was trying to incorporate what you wanted. You know, I was a solo act when I was a kid, and I've learned a lot growing up. Yeah, I'm going to use Spider Mage Hand, and I'm going to use your cool idea of the spiders will turn into a hand that dances on its fingers that are not feet, but they are spiders. Amazing. Freya, are you doing anything?
I'm going to bless the three of us. Wow. I'm going to sprinkle some holy water on us. I'm going to bless the three of us. Would it help if I gave you my bolstering magic, which would add a D3 to your attack rolls and ability check rolls? Yeah, potentially. Because, I mean, so I'll be... I think for this, that, like, the bless rolls, you will all roll your own bless. Okay, okay. So that should be... I don't think that would work here. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So cool. So I'll say that because you are incorporating some magic into this and like, you know, like there's this sort of paladin divine energy there as well as the spider's mage hand that, yeah, because this is like filling out the scene, you will do a group performance check. We'll do that with advantage.
we're looking it's gonna be contested against the airs so you guys roll yours first so with advantage a little performance 16 is my highest roll 18 24 whoa
So, Teeths, you walk past Bebe Scholls. I give her a side eye as you take the stage, flanked by Freya, who's barely fitting into this place physically, twice as tall as everyone.
takes the stage. You see the spectral form of a hand. No, wait, spiders. Or wait, a hand? Take the stage as well. You're flanked by this magical tableau as you take the stage and give a
All the students look on in wonder as they see a performance that can only come from, you know, hours put in on the stage. So Teeths, what does it look like when the three, yeah, you all please describe to me what happens as you take the stage. Well, Teeths steps out center stage and does like a little like, um,
hip shake. So it's like, it's coming. You know what I mean? Like, you know that some taps are going to come. It's like very like cool for a little girl, but maybe not great for a 40 year old. You know, like baby's gone bad. And so the teeth starts doing that and goes and starts tap dancing. And then
Then, so right after that, Spiders Man. The spiders have formed into like a top hat. And they kind of tip themselves as they turn into a spider mage hand and they scurry down and they start dancing on little finger legs in the same beat as Teeths is doing. It's like ta-ta.
There's a gross version of it. Like a Chips Ahoy commercial. Freya, what are you doing? Well, Freya's sort of like somebody might come out and dance with an umbrella, takes her shield and twirls it around. The shield shines with its light. Yes, exactly. And she sort of like steps in time. You see these students' eyes light up. Incredible.
Everyone is blown away by the tableau of teeths dancing with this sort of light behind it. And did you also roll Bless? So with Bless, what did you get? 23. Wow. 18. Wow. 20. Disgustingly high. Yeah, so I'm gonna... They have a... This is...
There's almost no way that they can beat you, but I... You see Bebe Shell look up like, I was wrong. You're eight years old. So bad. Can Teeths do one thing? Yes. Teeths is like, obviously tapping on her feet because that's how you tap. She jumps into the air, does a little flip, lands on her pillowy ass teeth and starts tapping on her teeth. Go on. Go on.
and then jumps back and starts tapping without missing a beat. - What contrasting imagery. Pillowy white teeth that you're tapped. - Why it's like nobody can do it. - No one can do that. You see the jaws drop of this group of students. Glenn Bucket throws his drum in the air. Okay, after this impeccable performance,
BB Scholes looks up at you and looks up at the three of you flanked by your friends. You better fucking get it right, okay? Yikes. Okay, well, why don't you guys watch this? And Teeth looks up at BB and goes, you got this, girl. BB hates that. BB does roll pretty well, but...
She is like giving her all in her performance. She's tap, tap, tap. It's a little more classic. There's no dancing on her teeth whatsoever. But you see one of her friends fucking eats shit on stage. Oh, no. And is like, I'm sorry. And Bebe gives her this sort of death stare and is like, you idiot. You know what? I don't even want to do this anymore. And storms out and looks at you, Teeth, and says, you know what?
makes eye contact with you and says, well, anything you can do, I can do younger and just walks out. As you see this little eight-year-old goblin walk out flanked by her friends. I don't even want anything from the prop closet and just leaves. And Glenn Bucket looks around
Another lesson for my students, we in Gobville should treat each other with respect. It's a harsh environment. Glenn, you couldn't say it better. You're saying it great. That was bad. Glenn looks at you and says, sorry about the tone of that, but what's important is you won. Anything from the prop closet you can take. Oh my gosh.
I just want to get up here and thank Glen Bucket because Glen, you have been a source of mentorship
for at least 32 years. Teats. Yes. We really have to be going. It's going to be like an hour. Okay. So honestly, I don't stop until the orchestra plays. There's no orchestra. We're in trouble. He thinks of his job. Oh, that's the bucket bang. I got to get out of here. Thank you so much. I couldn't have done it without my healthy teammates that came through and did actually better than I did. And I love you.
And if you'd eaten shit, I would have also been happy, but I'm really happy you didn't.
Us two, I think. Yeah, definitely. No, yeah, you're speaking for me. Spider's man. Incredible. You know, Glenn lets you into the prop closet and is like, any serious actor's best friend in the prop closet. Take notes, students. And Freya, you peek in there as well and you would see these four large crystal jars. Perfect. It seems like exactly what you're looking for.
I pick them up with reverence. Amazing. So it's getting a little later in the day. So you grab them and scoot on. So you have the crystal jars. Cross that off the list. Now you just need the basilisk skin, stomach skin, or the gunk tape. What do you guys want?
- Both seem equally important. What's the story with the junkyard? Is it a junkyard or scrapyard? - Scrapyard, yeah. - Scrapyard, yeah. - Let's go there. - Yeah. - Okay. - See what's up. - Yeah. - Oh my God. Can I just say thank you guys again for that performance? It was really cool. It was really cool. - Teets, you're very talented.
Yeah, I am extremely impressed. You know, if Spider-Man Turn On the Dark ever becomes an off-off Gobway, Gobville production, I would love for you to play Spider-Man.
You're reading my mind. I don't have those powers. You all head on across town to the, like, sort of the edges of town to Razik's Scrapyard. Teeth and Squeeds, you definitely know this place. You know, when you were grabbing scrap earlier, this is probably where you would have sold it. It is closed up here. Uh-oh.
- Frickin' rat. - He's off duty. - What's his name? - Razik. - Razik. - Razik's off duty today. The whole place is locked up. You're on the outer edge of basically a goblin equivalent of a chain link fence looking into this scrap yard. Very junkyard-y vibes. Everyone make a perception check. - Natural 20. - Ooh. - 18. - Also good.
got a six okay freya it just looks like a bunch of weird goblin stuff it's hard to really tell this is a scrap yard freya wow or spider's man thank you that's who i am right now uh spider's man uh eve on that nat 20 tc would see a lot of this as well on an 18th but it's you're looking in there's just piles of scrap everywhere kind of stacked up almost like crush cars or something um
It goes on almost like 200 feet away. You see this sort of little ramshackle house at the center. Outside of it, near that, that's where you would know for his concentrated gunk tape would be. He makes it out of bugs and stuff. It's almost like a horse glue kind of situation, but made out of gross bug parts. He has a vat of it right there, right outside his house.
outside on the chain link fence. You would, you two would know this well. He has a sign that, that reads, don't fuck with me. I've been to hell. And, and good goddess. I think he's into some infernal pit or something. Honestly, Raskin might be a tiefling. I don't know. Closer to the house itself. You see this monstrous looking beast.
It's a Doberman-esque looking dog, but much bigger. It is only Doberman-esque and that's just kind of the body type it has, but except it has like a more hunched back where like it feels like there's something to its jowls that are like in canine, not in human, but in, you know, like just a little monstrous version of that.
Whatever this animal is, is sleeping, but smoke is shooting out of its nostrils. You see the vat is near that, but you also notice on this Nat 20 that it's got a chain around it. So there's a length of chain next to it tied to a collar on a post, but about, let's see, about 60 feet away from the dog is the gunk tape vat itself.
I think this is a don't lick doggy situation. Here's the thing. Spider's man, me, is very stealthy. I'm very good at wall crawling, some might say. That's what Spider's man does. Great. I am not very stealthy because I want to be seen. And seeing you just work. Shush! We're trying to be stealthy.
I'm also not very stealthy. My armor prohibits me in that way. However, I'd be right behind you, Spider's Man, should you need any help. Okay. Me and my great swords. Can I do Bolstering Magic and touch him so that he gets a D3 to all of his ability checks? Yeah, totally. Yeah, take whatever preparations you want and cast whatever spells you want. But...
The tape's about 160 feet away. The dog is about 200 feet away. Dog is sleeping. But just to throw it out there, every turn you take, just because it's a junkyard filled with junk, anything can happen in a junkyard. There's going to be a luck check that's going to go up every round. Oh, no. So on top of the- A luck check. Are you kidding me? Fuck. Zach.
Sorry. So we'll have you roll a nat 20 every turn you take, and that will be the luck check. So I got to roll a nat 20 every time? No, no. I mean, you roll a d20. That was a fuck. All right. So let me know what your plans are and what you're going to do.
Well, I hope that you enjoyed that episode of Rotating Heroes Arc 4. Your rotators for this arc were, of course, Victoria Longwell as Freya Black, Justin Michael as Squeege, and Marisha Strickland as Teeths. If you want to hear more Rotating Heroes in your life, then you can get more than you can probably handle over at
Rotating Heroes, Patreon. You can find the links in the description below. We have got a bunch of really exciting things coming, like potentially merchandise. If you want to be a part of that and help us get there, you can either join the Patreon or just drop us a little five-star review in whatever podcasting app you're using and help new people find the show. That's it. Bye!