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This season, Instacart has your back to school. As in, they've got your back to school lunch favorites, like snack packs and fresh fruit. And they've got your back to school supplies, like backpacks, binders, and pencils. And they've got your back when your kid casually tells you they have a huge school project due tomorrow.
Let's face it, we were all that kid. So first call your parents to say I'm sorry, and then download the Instacart app to get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes all school year long. Get a $0 delivery fee for your first three orders while supplies last. Minimum $10 per order. Additional terms apply. What's up, Rotators? It's Jasper. I'm back. I hope that you are ready to find out what awaits our crew at Fort Cutler and what remains of the Cutler clan.
Boy, it's such a good arc. Love it so much. Hope that you're enjoying it! If you are enjoying it, a little favour if you don't mind, leave us a review! Like us, review us, helps new people find us and helps people find the majesty that is Ako Yama. And his DMing, which not enough people have heard. Like, because everyone needs to have heard it, and because everyone hasn't heard it, therefore not enough people have heard it. So...
leave us a review and let other people know that the show is here and it's amazing and it's great. And if you want more of it, you can check it out on the Rotating Heroes Patreon. But I think, you know, that's enough from me. You want to get into this, so let's get into this. Take it away, past Zach. Now presenting a Rotating Heroes
Welcome back to the Rotating Heroes podcast. I'm joined, as always, so far, for the seventh time with the Rotators of the Third Arc. Um...
I'm just going to go around the order and say just hello to everyone, see how they're doing. It's been a minute since we've recorded, so I just want to just get some fresh takes of just how people are feeling. Let's get some raw emotion here. You know I'm as the Loxodon Druid. Grib, we got Jacob Wysocki. What's up? Soft. Soft, what's up? How's it going? I'm good. I'm good. I'm...
I love to hear that, Zach. I love to hear that you're doing well. That's excellent. That's good news. This is the best foot I could have started off with. I'm excited to be here tonight. This is great energy. Let's keep going. To me, this is the best energy a person can have.
Forward, abundant, plentiful. Just feeling like someone's mad at you, but they don't say it. It's like, you know what you did wrong, so I'm not going to say it. Thanks for showing up. Got it. It really honestly is making me sweat immediately. Oh, I'll stop. Thank you. Thank you. That was, you know, I probably could have started on a different foot, but I'm glad that you're here. I'm glad to be hanging out with you. Glad to see what you do with your new staff that we're going to talk about. Ooh, I can't wait.
Great. Well, let's continue the raw emotion train all the way around. We have the Clank Queen herself, Freya the Unforgettable, aka Victoria Longwell. Victoria, from everyone, how are you doing? Oh, hello. I feel good. I think I like the Clank Queen. I think that's fun. Sounds cool. I like it, even though...
My armor does make me noisy and not as sneaky. It's just like owning it is cool. Yeah, but I'm good. I bought a light quilt for my bed because the hot weather is coming.
And I'm feeling good about that. Yeah. You know what's weird about my sleep is that I do like the idea of like weighted blankets, but then it just gets too hot. And I don't know if I could ever do a weighted blanket in the summer sounds like a recipe for dying. Just seems too hot. That'd be too hot. Palpably hot. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, I hope that goes well. Thank you. It comes tomorrow. We're sponsored. This podcast is sponsored by the idea of light quilts. If you go out there and get one, use promo code RHPOD. Light quilt. Harish Pod. Harish Pod. And finally, you know I'm as...
Sort of fulfilling his destiny, meeting all his family. Sort of the next Cutler in line after his brother. We have Rufus Cutler, a.k.a. Devin Field. Happy to be here, Zach. Raw emotion flowing through me. Feeling vulnerable. Feeling open. Feeling... Are we good? Are we good right now, Zach? Who are your guys? These are the Marc Maron jokes. That's all I have.
Okay, great. Well, excited to be here with you all. Jacob, forgot to ask if we're good. Jacob, we good? We've never been bad. Okay, good. I'm feeling in an emotional state.
after this where I might at some point today just like start doing some standup, but where I'm like perched on the edge of a stool, you know? So I'm like kind of sitting, I'm like mostly sitting and, and my, I'll segue into it by going like, I don't know, you know, stuff like that. Sort of a gargoyle hunch. Yeah. Kind of. Yeah, exactly. Sort of shoulders inward, holding the mic kind of Kurt with a curled fist knees up.
rocking back and forth devin i i don't know a ton about stand-up so forgive me if this is a bad happy to educate you oh my god have you ever oh let's kick back and learn no i mean this is a subject that hasn't really been discussed on a on podcast so i i'd really be happy to break down for you how it works yeah have you ever organically sat on a stool in the middle of a set
That's a good question. I don't think so. I don't think so. I think I would be, I'm too self-conscious about, I think the amount of times I have sat down while performing standup would be like less, less than three, you know, and it would only be. So you did it the three times like.
Yeah, it would have only been to like illustrate something like I would never just start there. Yeah, I don't know. Not my speed. Part of that is like I haven't done as many like headlining shows where I would be doing like an hour or like 45 minutes or something when I think it might be more natural to like spend some time when you're doing like a 10 minute spot at a bar. Why are you lounging? Yeah. You're already tuckered out with his knees. What's going on?
No, I'm going to get into stand-up now, and I am only going to sit. Smart. No matter how short my set is. Yeah. In fact, I'm going to sit up. You could be doing a three-minute open mic. You're sitting. Yeah. Maybe I'll sit. She looks exhausted. Stay there while someone else comes. It's going to be my thing. I'm going to get into stand-up at 33. That's probably not that late. Rodney Dangerfield was selling aluminum siding until almost his 40s. There you go.
And that's what keeps me waking up. Stories like that. Jon Hamm. The Jon Hamm stories of it all. Oh, maybe it's just later in life. When did Jon Hamm do Mad Men?
Oh, Billy Baldwin didn't hit till he was 36. And look at him now. Billy Baldwin. I recently watched Backdraft. Jacob, you've been in movies. What's that? Jacob has been in movies. That's true. You've already done it, dude. Hey, hell yeah, man. Thank you. Anyway, I'm secret mad at all of you. Okay. Oh, dang it. I knew we weren't good, dude. Yeah, yeah. We could feel it.
All right. Well, now that the energy is perfect, let's continue with a little recap. Last time on the Rotating Heroes pod, after being rescued by the frighteningly powerful werebear, our heroes were introduced to the man behind the bear.
Low Ransden, not Cranston, who revealed himself to be Rufus's uncle on his mom's side. With the Red Rust Clan still hot on their tails, Lowell advised the Rotators to cut through the swamp while he led the enemy troops off away from them, also advising that the swamp is filled with lies and horrors.
Confused and tired, our heroes began a mucky journey through the swamp, careful to avoid some creepy lights, but unable to avoid a lizard kid ambush and some hurtful arguing about family. You can't see me right now, but I'm mouthing mom.
Towards the end of the journey, our heroes tried to sneak around a horrific shambling mound, but like we mentioned earlier, the Clank Queen herself caught the monster's attention and they had to do battle once more. Luckily, the monster was still injured from its previous fight with the Lizardkin, and our heroes were able to make quick work of it, procuring an ancient wooden staff that was stuck in the beast's back. Our heroes eventually found safety in Lowell's Bearden slash Warden outposts,
Before Freya could find a mirror, Lowell... I keep saying his name the way that I don't want to say it. I like that it's a little ambiguous. Before Freya could find a mirror, Lowell rejoined them and let them know a little more about what's going on in the forest. He regretfully revealed one major truth, that Zophine, the goddess of nature, appeared on this plane to sacrifice herself in order to save the realm from the massive war that was suffocating it.
This sacrifice created the Endless Holt, but also took her out of the game, meaning the force is relatively unprotected from all manner of malevolent forces across the known planes. After the grim news, our heroes updated Loel on the situation at Walden Keep, a place that only meant bad news to Loel. And that's where we are today. So it's still early in the day. You guys took a long rest like after you got there, like three or four in the morning. So it's like probably like noon-ish,
Lowell just had this conversation with you guys where he explained the severity of the situation overall with this world. And you just told him about Walden Keep. And he is... You look outside and he is, like, digging up the ground in a certain spot. You just see this, like, huge jacked dude, like, out the window just with a shovel just digging in one spot. Wow. Yeah.
You guys notice Freya just peeking out the window. A cup of coffee. Freya, what are you staring at? Huh? Yeah. You're staring with sort of an intense, there's a heat to your stare. I'm sort of just wondering what it's directed at. No, I was meditating. I was meditating. I was doing my morning meditation. Anyone seen what Lol's doing over here? You do a morning meditation? This is the first I'm hearing of this. I do two meditations every day, 20 minutes. You do TM? TM?
What's your mantra? She can't tell you. She could. She couldn't tell you. Thank you, Swamp. If I could tell anyone, it would be you. Oh, it's Cribbage. Sorry. Stop confusing them. Tell me your mantra. Yes, that's Swamp. Swamp. I can't tell anyone my mantra.
You know what my mantra is? No, don't tell. Telleth. I blaze. I blaze. I blaze. Well, you all know that's not my mantra. I blaze.
Should we go check on the manic lad digging? Yeah, what is he doing? Perhaps he just needs a pap on the shoulder, bring him back to reality. Should I do that? If you want to tap him on the shoulder, be my guest. Well, I think I'll try and pull him out of the trance. He is like, yeah, almost like has like a frothing sweat with his like huge mane of hair while he's digging. It's just like all back muscles, muscles.
In that way that people who are actually strong have. I exit and I walk up. Is everything okay? Is everything okay? Oh, yes. Sorry about that. It's okay. It's all right. He like wipes his forehead, sticks the shovel in the ground. You're pretty strong. Oh, thank you. You know, sometimes when you just stay active, you kind of, you don't have to do any actual workouts if you're just kind of keeping up. I lift up my shirt. Of course, you know.
Oh, trust me, I know. Oh. Rufus is watching from the window above and sees this, like, a pachyderm washboard. It's just this shredded, gray, 12-pack. Freya's watching, too, and she's kind of like, wow.
What the hell? Since when was Grim rocking such an insane body? I mean, this is nuts. I knew the guy had strong arms and, of course, giant elephant legs, but that core is insane. It is something. Don't tell him I said that. Don't tell him. I'm obsessing over it. We start comparing back muscles. I take my shirt off. Jacob, can I ask you a question about Grim? Yeah.
Something I literally was only the only time I've ever thought about this was between last session and this session. And I haven't even looked it up. Yeah. What is Grib's actual strength? Oh, it's not high. Interesting.
So Grib is like one of those weird... It's a 13. It's a 12 plus 1. Grib is like a weird fitness rat who is totally lean or is totally shredded but cannot actually lift a giant heavy thing. Well, no, because Luxodons actually do... They can carry much more... They have abilities to carry more weight that is separate than their strength modifier. Okay. Yeah. Okay. They have a carrying capacity that's high.
Yes. And just like it's called powerful build. Oh, OK. Oh, OK. So this was on point. And 13 is not not. I mean, like you can have much lower strength. Yes. Yes. It was. I mean, I'll be honest. It's my dump stat, but I still think 13 is your dump stat. That's ridiculous. Yeah. Well, please know that my strength is 19.
Yours is 19. I'm at 15. What the fuck is going on? Jacked. I meditate twice a day. All of you have much higher... Like, 10 is supposed to be normal. Oh. And so you're all just a bunch of strong freaks. Yeah, man. And I'm showing my back muscles off to this guy who thought he had the biggest back muscles of the day, but he doesn't. Rude. Let's do just a raw strength roll-off for you and... Okay. Great.
you and uh lol um so i'm just gonna roll a d20 um add our strength modifiers so i have a plus four fuck roll to five yes baby i got a 16 okay so you're i mean you guys look out the window and you see grib's back muscles just popping a little more vascularly than uh lols my lats i'm doing that thing where you're like yeah it looks like you have wings because you like get your lats
You mean you're doing the thing that comedian Jacob Wysocki is known to do when he tries to make himself look larger on stage? Oh, you mean the get big routine? Well, Lowell is like, hey, man, awesome. I think that's great. But back to the more important things. Why are you digging this whole love? You see him just like pull out this big chest. Yeah.
and plop it on the ground um he had he just had clearly buried this for uh you know just to protect the contents of it and he's like all right guys come out here let's let's discuss rufus runs down how will we divide the treasure inside this chest
Freya jumps out the window when he says, come down here. Lands on her feet. Yeah, make an acrobatics check. Well, I guess she maybe doesn't land on her feet. We'll see. 18. Yeah, you see Freya just do sort of this dive out the window and roll as she hits the ground perfectly without making a sound. Unlike the armor, it seems like it would suggest making a clank, but no, it doesn't.
Uh, there's a surprising amount of grace there. Well, like nods, like, uh, impressed. So he's like, this isn't treasure for us. This is, um, after hearing your description of what's going on near Walden keep, um, we, it sounds like something that we have to move on right now. Uh, and he opens it and inside you see a couple of things. First you see, uh,
what looks like five glass vials. They have this bright orange liquid in them that almost looks like it's glowing. Outside of that, in like a little separate compartment, he takes out this bronze figurine. It's got like a hawk-looking creature on it that has like, as you look at it more, it looks like it has like a lion's body. And he holds it up and he says, I feel like the situation is pretty grave and time is of the essence, but...
There's a couple things that we need to discuss before we go up there. First off, I think... Well, I'll just show you. And he just smashes it on the ground. And as it hits the ground, purple smoke kind of billows out of it. And you see this sort of large cloud of purple smoke billow out. And then you see sort of flapping wings in here like an
Like kind of like a weird bird noise. And as the smoke dissipates, there's this large griffin standing there before you just kind of like kicking in place, like shaking its, it doesn't really have a mane, but like, you know, shaking its feathers out and just like kind of waiting for a command. What a beautiful creature. My God. Thank you. So this magnificent beast drinks this carrot juice that you have?
Is that what's going on? Not at all. This is not what that is for. In fact, I think this one is kind of strange in that it's coming from this magical artifact. I'm not even sure if it eats anything at all. I found this quite a while ago, but didn't have a great reason to use it yet. But this seems like the perfect time. This is not carrot juice. This is, in fact, a powerful alchemical explosive. It's almost like... He wouldn't know this word, but napalm. So I think...
What we need to do is buy people time if they're at the keep. I'm going to run up myself as a bear just because I can move a lot faster than you guys probably. And you guys, this one is... You can see that it's like a pretty large griffin. You don't... Maybe... You assume that you have never seen one of these creatures before. Maybe you've heard of them. But...
it looks big enough that all of you guys could fit on it, which is, uh, not exactly how they normally work, but like, it seems like it's just an exceptionally large one. He was like, you guys can write up on, uh, right up to the keep on this. And we're,
We're going to try to slow down these bugs. If they got the scent of the people, if it feels like they're almost like bees, right? People made them mad at this point. So they're going to keep chasing them. So you guys can use this stuff to try to slow them down. And then we can get into the castle and try to, uh, get those men out of there. There's gotta be some kind of secret way out. Uh, all these old castles kind of have that kind of thing. Um,
So we'll just have to figure that out when we get there, but I'm gonna run up but before I do that and Rufus he takes you to the side and he's like, you know, I wish we could have done this in sort of a way that honored the traditions and duty of this but I was gonna offer you a choice. Would you at all be interested in joining me and your family as a Warden of the Forest? The choice is yours.
And, you know, it's something that should be a joyous ceremony. It has a lot of duty involving it, but I was going to offer it to you today. We could do a plane ceremony. I get to be a bear? Yeah.
Yeah, that's part of it. You would get to be a Baron. I get to be a Baron. I get to be in a family. Yeah, you of course are a part of this family. You have your own family as well. Right. I guess that's sort of my... Jeez, that's kind of my question. Would I still be part of the other family? Do you know what I mean? Like, I just don't... Oh, God. I just don't know. So a lot of people have two sides of their family. Uh-huh. They're...
Right. Both of their parents or whatever kind of family. Right, so I kind of have to choose one is what you're saying? Well, as long as you're a bear warden, you kind of have to...
While you're in the forest, you have to honor the traditions of the bear wardens and the duty that accompanies that. But it doesn't mean you can never leave the forest. You just won't have your powers. So you're telling me that I could be accepted by my uncle and become a powerful bear and still be a member of my family and earn the respect of my father and brother by saving their lives? Yes.
Hey, buddy. Sounds like you can have it all. Wow. I always knew I could. I accept. And furthermore, I'd like to say one thing to you before you go, which is please come with us. Oh, I'm...
I'm going to meet... He has a whole plan. Maybe just come with us, though. I know. I heard the plan, but maybe stay close to me and we could talk more. I hear you. You know? I hear you. Yeah. Well, I'm going to meet you there. Yeah, people have told me that before and I've been burned. You know? So...
Really? Yeah. Okay. I've had a lot of social engagements where someone's like, oh, I'll be like, are you going to the fort dance? And someone will be like, I will see you there, Rufus. And I'll be like, okay. And then they're not... They just didn't show up to the dance? Yeah. They have dances at the fort? Yeah. They're very spirited and rousing knights of revelry with lots of heavy loot. And yet I was often...
sitting alone in the corner. So anyway, maybe it'd just be simpler if we all just got on this griffin thing together. Okay, why don't we just do the Oath of the Bear Warden, shall we? Sounds good. Wow. Okay. He takes his axe and he puts it on your shoulder. You see this like weighted... I mean, it's almost like a queen putting a sword on your shoulder, but like a huge two-handed axe by this giant person. And he looks at you...
Takes a breath in of the fresh forest air and says, Rufus Cutler, do you swear to fight for the animals, from the smelliest skunk to the most powerful wyvern, to make this forest a place for all? Do I repeat that in its entirety? Just say I do. Or I swear. I do. What was the last animal you said? A wyvern? A wyvern. A wyvern. I could be saying it wrong. Ha ha.
A wyvern? Is it like a chimera? Is a wyvern like a chimera? It's sort of a big flying beast. Yeah, just like a chimera. It kind of has parts of different kind of animals or something. Look, it's a big forest. There's a lot of stuff. Some skunks, some wyverns, et cetera. Maybe wyrvens, too. A couple more of these things, so we're just going to... I don't know if we have time for questions between every single one. Okay, well, maybe find out if there are wyrvens or not. Do you swear to preserve? To leave the forest better off than you found it.
The campsite rule. Yes, I do swear. Yeah. Do you swear to maintain a level of vigilance and preparedness so that we may always prevent forest fires? Well, yes, Rufus kind of wipes the tear away thinking of any forest fire, the responsibility of protecting a forest from a fire. Yes, I do. Because I and only I can prevent forest fires. You see, well, just kind of wipe the tear away. He's like, that's right. That's right.
You swear to swim as fast as the salmon, to climb as true as a squirrel, and to bound across foliage like the most carefree deer, to not just patrol the trees, but to truly live amongst them. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! And do you swear, if need be, if the heart of the forest is at stake, to lay down your life for the good of the inhabitants, both flora and fauna? Uh...
Freya locks eyes with Grib and mouths. I knew he was going to have a problem with this. I just shake my head. My eyes go wide, kind of Kenan Thompson wide, like what's going on? He's like struggling to hold his arm up with the axe. Yeah, sure. Okay. Rise, Rufus Cutler, son of Leifka. That's your mom's name. I forget if we said that in a previous episode. Wow. Leifka.
And accept your title as Warden of the Forest, an ursine protector of the Malgosian Kingswood, and all that title now encompasses. Yes. This is incredible. And he just grabs you by the shoulder, and Leonardo DiCaprio and the Revenant just start shaking you around. Oh, my God! You take... You take...
Digs six points of damage as he just thrashes you around. Who is he on the ground? Quiet Troublethug, truly. He, like, kind of shakes it off. He had briefly turned into, like, a bit of a hybrid bear form. And with that, sorry about that. You might want to heal up a little bit before we get out of here. But, um...
Soon enough, you will transform. What did that accomplish? I feel like you dislocated my shoulder. Good God. I probably did. He grabs your arm and just... Yeah. Sucked, right? Sucked. Yes. Absolutely sucked. Well, we should get going. Okay. Once you take off on the griffin, you know, you'll be able to see what you need to do, and then I'll meet you at the castle and...
You know, it's been really great to meet all of you. Thank you for helping us on our quest and congratulations on your transformation. I'm going to get on the griffin that I've decided to name Gungo Bars. Let's get on Gungo. Lol, it's been, well, quite something. Thank you for everything. You're welcome. I forgot to ask you, I meant to say this earlier, but do you dream? Do I dream? In the forest?
Do I dream of the forest? Do you dream in the forest? Oh, well, I hate to give you this detailed of an answer, but I do unless I'm on my period. But you have been in the forest. Okay, wow. But I haven't had a dream. That sounds right. Why? The dream eaters, they target the elves. Then he just takes off. What? Pretty cool. Oh, no. Pretty cool, honestly. God.
Just like one of these. I mean, this is constantly happening to me. I meet an important family figure and then they just leave. Somebody's been eating my dreams. Let's get on Gongobo. Wow, that's fucked up me.
Crib, it's not now. So you guys all pile onto gongo, boz? Is that what you said? Yep. Grib, is that two words? Gongo and boz? Yeah, it's kind of like a Babu Frick scenario. Cute. I'm not familiar with what you're talking about. Me neither, but it's cute.
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yes it's working yes wow uh and also i forgot to say you guys are flying over there do you want to before we get into it check out these items cribbage pops up is like are we gonna have a look at these little papers and stuff or uh that blue uh clown thing oh my god cribbage fine
I'm sorry, man. I just thought it'd be important to look at it. It is important. That was helpful. Thank you. Thank you. You have these papers that you stole from that officer tent. And they're kind of a mess. But everybody, give me an investigation check. 30, 20, 15. I critted.
You critted? Yeah. Okay. Which is cool because I have no modifier for investigation. Nice. So yes, Freya, this is all pretty foreign to you, but looking at it, for some reason you're able to contextualize this stuff that you've never seen before in a way that makes sense with that group of people. You remember them talking about like, you know, they have to collect something for, you know, like...
Maybe you heard the word offering at some point. You're looking at this and it looks like there's a map of this area of the forest when you inspect it closer. It's obviously a different kind of... It feels a little different than a map that you would have made at Fort Cutler. That's why maybe it was kind of hard to tell at first. But there's all these blue dots that indicate different points of the map that show kind of this Malgosian kingdom area.
And you can tell that on a Nat 20...
You can tell that the place that you just were at, that crash site, that is one of the blue dots. So it seems like you could probably deduce that there are other people out there with similar maps trying to dig up stuff and bring something to somewhere. Because you see in the center of the map is a larger blue dot, which marks this place that you would know as Malgos, but that was supposed to be sort of a lost city.
And so it seems like these Red Rust clan guys are congregating some kind of power there once more. You see a couple of names. You see Stukrid, Maldri, Vinuk, and above all of them, with a crown over it, you see the name Ansgar, which seems to...
denote some sort of pecking order among this clan of this like almost like post-apocalyptic dudes. You can tell just by the context of this map, like certain things like some kind of like almost like childish like writing in the margins like this person does not like the first several names. Like it seems like they're competition.
And yeah, I think that's why you would get on the papers themselves. But then there's this other artifact that I will say that the Nat 20 also applies to.
It's this like, I think I said it looks like a lightsaber last time, although it is not like a literal like laser sword or anything. But from investigating it, it looks like there are, it seems like reactive to different things like that it is nearby. Like it is like an extremely futuristic looking technology, especially for you guys who have like seen maybe like a blunderbuss and stuff like that. Like it's very like going from steampunk to alien technology.
I think on a nat 20, you would know that this is like,
some kind of futuristic survival, like multi-tool. I think that it seems like that. And so, yeah, make an intel, like I think on a net 20, I'll just say that this thing is very situational and you have to make intelligence checks in, in order to use it in situations. Okay. So it seems like, but it does seem like you have sort of a handling on it. If not,
an understanding of what to do with it right now. So I think that's everything that you would find from those papers and that artifact at this moment. And the name was Angar? With the crown? Ansgar. Ansgar. So, yeah. I think that's, I mean, nice rolls. I can't tell you why, gents, but that's, I just...
I inherently understand that that's what this all is. Any feelings on it? Well, I just want to go on record and say I understood some of that as well. Oh, yeah. And you had a dirty 20? Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't. So you got like some of it. I've just been taking my staff and turning it into a tree and then turning it back into a staff and then turning it into a tree and turning it. Yes, we should say, Jacob, let's talk about your staff for a second. Okay.
We talked about it on the arc bark. It seems like it is a, the staff of, uh, the woodland, but in our discussion, I did honestly realize it's a little more powerful than I was hoping it would be. Uh, and so, uh, to that end, we've done a little bit of zhuzhing, which we've agreed upon. You see that, that some of the branches are a little gnarled and like kind of burnt off in a way. Uh,
Basically, the staff cannot do Awaken like it normally would be able to, or Wall of Thorns. But it has some other abilities if you want to say what those are now. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's super cool. I can cast... It has 10 charges. They recharge every day at dawn.
Gives me a nice plus two to bonus attacks, plus two to spell attack rolls. And has a bunch of great little spells. Animal friendship, bark skin, locate animals or plants. It has a free pass without trace spell. Speak with animals, speak with plants, wall of thorns, which we said no go to. And awaken, which we said no go to.
And it also has this thing called tree form. You can use an action to plant one end of the staff in fertile earth and expend one charge to transform the staff into a healthy tree. The tree is 60 feet tall. And it's like a big tree. Yeah, the tree is 60 feet tall, five foot diameter trunk, and its branches at the top spread out to a 20 foot radius.
That's a huge tree. You were just making this giant tree? Yeah, are you burning through charges? I guess I didn't really... I thought the tree transformation was charge-free, so instead of using it on and off... We'll say that... Yeah. You were imagining it, right? Yeah, we'll just say, like, as we take off, I touch a big tree and it turns into a staff. I changed it last night and it's dawn, so it has fresh charges. Na-na-na-na-boo-boo, man. Na-na-na-na-boo-boo. Na-na-na-na-boo-boo. Uh,
Well, okay. So you guys are ready to take off. You approach... I'm sorry. I've immediately forgotten this creature's name. Gongo Boz. Gongo Boz? Gongo Boz Lerman. Gongo Boz Lerman. So you guys are going to take off into the Great Gatsby. So yeah, so you all pile on to the griffin. Mm-hmm. I'm sorry about my armor, Gongo Boz. And you guys...
It doesn't. It seems like not to care. Oh, great. It just wants to fly. When Gongo, the noise that Gongo Boz makes, it doesn't happen to just sound like him going like, Gongo Boz, does it? Yeah, does it happen to sound like that? Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah. You know what? Jacob, give me a lap check. Sure, yeah. We'll say over 10, it does. A two. Oh!
It goes, Bas Gongo. Okay. We're having fun. Yeah. Grim, it seems like this creature's name is Bas Gongo, not Gongo Bas. Bas Gongo? Perhaps I translated incorrectly.
I see. You see this thing kick off the ground and flap its wings with an incredible strength that, you know, you've never seen anything like it in this situation. And you've never been this far up in the air. And you see the forest below you start shrinking as you get higher and higher over the outpost, over the forest itself. And then almost at height with the mountains. You have that like kind of perspective warping effect.
moment where like, you know, when you hop on a plane and it looks like the trees are really tiny, but it also feels like you can touch it, like, you know, like that, almost like the Peter Pan ride at Disney where it's like everything is just super small near you. Love that ride. So you get whipped by this wind and you are up in the air. This is tremendous. I know we're doing a grave thing right now, but in this moment, I feel wonderful. In this moment, I feel...
And Rufus throws up over the side of Baz Gongo. Yeah, Rufus, you throw up. It's almost like you can't tell if this is a part of your lycanthropic transformation that is like post-vaccine haze almost or just being 300 feet in the air. Oh, boy. Oh, God.
I'm going to close my eyes. How's Gribb doing? Gribb's quietly taking it in, and it's one of the more beautiful things he's seen. And he's like thinking about how he's not alone because he's with friends, and he's fighting back a tear, and he's looking the other way so nobody can see that his eyes are rolling up.
And Freya's kind of situated behind Gribb, and in a moment of just sort of, like, overwhelming feeling of aliveness, she kind of wraps her arms around his waist and lightly rests her head on his huge back. And Rufus fukes again, and he...
But as he does, he does that thing where, you know, when you're like violently throwing up and your whole face is kind of like strained, you know, every muscle in your face is like tight. When he hits that point of the wretch, he feels as if for just a fraction of a second, a bear is growling. He feels like new tense muscles stretching his face. We can't be sure if he experienced that for real.
Rufus, you feel two little arms on your back holding you in a similar way. And Krivage says, like, this is so beautiful, man. Yeah, sure. We're so high up. Everything's tiny. Is this what it looks like when I'm walking near you? I don't know, Krivage. I don't know. Okay. So you guys start flying just directly north of where you were.
towards these mountains. You can also see in the distance across the forest the peaks of some buildings like really far in the distance that you could assume to be the edges of Malgos, that city that we're talking about. But as you get closer, you begin to see the mountain pass that your family and the forces of Fort Cullors must have taken.
As you're looking along the trail, you see clear signs of what happened here. There are signs of fighting back. There's blown out bits of trail. These guys are the better soldiers at Fort Cutler, so they clearly, while I'm sure overwhelmed in this situation, were not just dying. So you see all these makeshift blockades, and you see a few parts of the trail that almost look like
you know, you're really high up, but would maybe assume that there's some kind of like
last stands happening here where like maybe some troops stopped here to like let the bulk of the troops proceed without them. And as you get closer, you see this swarm of bugs heading along this trail, edging closer and closer to Walden Keep. Let's light them up, huh? Those bugs, those bastards, they've killed my brethren on this trail.
Freya, you're, I guess, in front of Rufus, right? Yeah. It just feels like you almost feel like a fever behind you. Rufus, you are warm. Warm with rage. Give me one of those carrot juices. Don't drink it. Yeah, along the trail, you can pass these around. I'll explain the mechanics of that in a second, but along the trail, you see these horrifying bugs leading up to the Walden Keep. You also see what signs of where waves of them have been killed by the keep, right?
So you see Walden Keep at the end of this mountain pass that you've heard so much about. It is... the pass narrows going closer to the castle. The castle looks like kind of like a traditional looking, like four big turrets of a castle, like two at the front closer to the side facing the trail and two kind of facing out just towards the forest itself with sort of a like almost like a nice big patio but made of stone.
There's sort of a central gated area where it looks like they would maybe keep horses and stuff. And then below that, it's like kind of masonry going down.
seemingly like a lower level to the castle itself before it turns into the mountain. So from above, when you're looking at Walden Keep, you see what looks like this bulk of the force of soldiers that are surviving. It seems like without getting an exact number, it doesn't look as big as you were hoping. You know, it doesn't seem like they've all lived. They...
are mostly on this gate firing arrows down at where the uh bulk of these bugs are pouring in kind of being bottlenecked uh along this trail it's like a helm steep sort of looking thing it's a little helm steepish but a little narrower at least um but you are above these bugs and looking down at them i'll tell you how this will work for this this little encounter um
you can roll a d4 the like winds are kind of buffeting you and roll a d4 to see what the wind conditions are and then you have to uh roll and that's on every roll and then you would roll a d20 and you have to get over a 15 to hit these bugs uh you have a plus six of the roll so you that means you have to get over a nine to hit them you can do whatever buffs you need but um
Roll a d4 first. A one, I'll just say what they are when you roll them. But a one is... How high up are we? You're a few, I would say you're probably 100 feet above these bugs at this point. And so you could be a little closer if you want, but you don't want to get too close because they will spit acid on you guys. Ugh.
And I don't think that's necessarily going to affect the luck of this roll, I guess, unless you have a certain spell you're using. This is not a situation where I could take one of these vials, notch it in my bow, and shoot it? What's your plus to hit? I mean, it's kind of a heavy... They're almost like propane tanks. I see. Okay.
Can I pitch an idea that I have and you let me know if it's good or bad? Yeah, yeah, for sure. I would love to try. Can we potentially up our DC or something if I were to use Gust of Wind, which is 60 feet high?
So I don't know if we could get close enough. If 60 feet's too close, maybe it's just like, you know, not a sure thing, but like bridges the gap that DC saved. Jacob, I'll say that depending on who is throwing what, when you're not throwing, you can use the gust of wind on things that are disadvantaged to cancel out the disadvantage. Cool. That sounds cool. So you guys have, I think I said five.
Let me know who's throwing what. Rufus looks down and sees these soldiers fighting in the keep, and he's overcome with...
emotion seeing finally laying his eyes on this struggle and he says give me one of those goddamn vials i i hand it over to rufus and give him a little bit of a look of like even though it's tough to see we made it brother and and rufus nods back with a kind of like a
It's a Mel Gibson-y look when he's kind of overcome with emotion. Wet eyes, you know, but a firm jaw. Yeah, the brow and the jaw. Yes. Rufus, the heat off of you is uncomfortable. Well, the heat off of these bugs is about to get off the charts. Yes. Drop it. And then I... Roll a d4 and let me know what you got. Okay, let's find out. Can I cast Guidance on this or is it going to blow?
Yeah, yeah. Or not on the D4, but you can cast it on the roll. I would say you can do Guidance or Gust. I'll do Gust. D4, I got a three. Three is no win, meaning a straight roll. So you don't have to, you don't have a disadvantage or anything.
And so you have a gust. Is that what you said? I have gust and I have guidance. Are you saying for, if I throw one, is that what you mean? Yeah, you can, you can throw a guidance on this since there's no disadvantage. Yeah. I'll throw guidance on it because I, so I don't waste the spell slot. 10 plus six is 16.
Hell yeah. So, Rufus, you say it's about to get hot and you throw this vial. It spins. It's like, you know, one of those circular vials with like a little like kind of tube-like top. So the liquid like swishes around as it spins into the pile of bugs. And once it hits the ground, you see this huge fiery explosion blast these bugs into the air.
dozens of bugs fly through the air. Pieces of, like, arms and legs of these little, like, you know, disgusting creatures fly through the air. You see, like, the soldiers who are on the wall of the keep look up and go, What the fuck is that? Yay!
They cannot tell what's happening. If you can't take the heat, get out of my forest. Incredible. Rufus, give me just a flat charisma check. Also, did I need to do the D4? With advantage. I didn't do the D4. You didn't need it. So now I'm rolling a charisma check, my weakest stat. Hey, throw that D4 behind that. Okay. I got an 8.
Charisma roll. And then a one on the D4. They're like, you see these soldiers look up at you and they're like, what?
Never mind. Who is that? They've been awake for days running. So they look fucked up, delirious, like, father? At this point, I kind of turn to my companions and I go, I have to tell you, I'm feeling a little conflicted. I'm concerned I may have started a forest fire. Oh, God.
I will say, you guys are looking at this path, and it does not seem like there are trees nearby. I'm concerned that... Anyone keep an eye out. If we see any brush or tree catch fire, let's keep an eye out. I'm impressed to hear you take this so seriously. Well, I and only I can prevent forest fires. Yes, that's right. Only you. Always prepare.
to stop Horus fire. Did you hear that? Did you guys all hear that? I didn't. Oh, okay. It was an auditory. Who's throwing the next vial? I will. Freya will. So she gets the vial and says, I know none of these soldiers will remember me and I am like a stranger to them, but I hope to be of some help and I hate to see these bugs again. Incredible. Roll the d4 and let me know what you get. A two.
Excessive win. Make a dex check to hang on. So give me your dexterity saving throw. 17. Okay, you're able to hang on. You bobble the vial. 17's high enough that you just maintain that. Roll a d4 again to see what you get, and then that sort of just starts you over.
- A one. - It's a crosswind. So you have a disadvantage on this roll. Jacob, you can use your spell if you will. - I'll use gust of wind. - Okay. - Cool. So that disadvantage is canceled out now and just give a straight D20 roll. - 16. - Another bomb sails from the griffin and smacks into this crowd of bugs, blowing them up. Bug pieces flying everywhere, a direct hit. - Oh yay!
Yeah, I mean, does Freya yell anything to these soldiers? Um, I'll introduce myself later. Freya, it's Freya. What the hell is this? Hell yeah, they know you. Freya sort of gives a strangled gasp and sheds a tear.
Incredible. So that's two hits. The more hits you get, the easier this next part will be. I guess I will drop next, right? I'll try and drop. Hell yeah. Give it a go. As I hold this, I look to my friends. This isn't going to make a lot of sense, but it's like we're sailing in the stars and we're saving the day. We're a bunch of starship frupas. And I drop the bomb on the bugs. Amazing. Grib, roll the d4. Ooh, a one.
It's a crosswind, so you have disadvantage on this roll. I'll use a gust. Cool. Burn that slot. Burned it. Cancel out the disadvantage. And then I roll a d20, right? Yes. A one. No! So you bobble this thing as you throw it, and it slips out of your hand. Uh.
You see it sail past them and just explode behind the mountain, not hitting anything at all. You see what appears to be maybe the beginnings of a forest fire. Grib! Terribly sorry. Grib, this isn't going to make a lot of sense, but today you have failed the Federation. I just shake my head in shame.
Hey, man, it's okay, man. From the very back of the griffin hanging onto the tail, you see cribbage flopping around in the air. It's all right, dude. Gang, should we give cribbage a try? I'll throw one. You want cribbage to throw one? I guess, right? I don't know. We have two left. Yeah. All right. Go for it. Freya sort of puts her hand on Grib's back and gives a little encouraging rub.
Cribbage rolled a four, which is a breeze that blows towards the bugs and will guide your throw. So he has an advantage. Come on, Crib. Let's see what he gets. 18 and a 19. Oh! So...
Cribbage just hits one of these guys in the forehead who blows back and just like explodes this third section of bugs as they pour over their brethren continuing on. But thinning out this herd in a very like kind of strategic place that feels like will hopefully help you guys get closer to the castles in a safer way and help the
soldiers out tremendously. So we have one more. Who's thrown the last one? Rufus pats Grimmage on the back and says, Grimmage, I always believed in you. Wow. Is your face leaking? Don't... No. I'll throw it. Okay.
Let the winds guide this explosive as it blows these demons straight to hell. Incredible. Roll the d4. I will. That's a two. Two is excessive wind. Make a dexterity check to hang on. So, Rufus, you are trying to balance with this bobble as the wind just smacks you. Roll a dexterity saving throw in your saving throws.
Ooh, 10. 10. Rufus, you start to fall off. Somebody, whoever is close by can make a- Yes, make an athletics check to grab him. Yeah, I'm going to just say make an athletics check or just another check that makes sense to you to try to grab him. For athletics, I rolled a 15.
Okay, you're able to snag Rufus's arm. You feel your arm like wrench as he falls off this griffin and you're holding on to grip. You have to hold on to grip tighter with your other arm. Rufus, you're just flailing in the air. Yeah, my shoulder. Rufus, your hand is burning mine. I run hot. You're on two days. You got your hands burned last episode too. What happens to the vial I'm holding?
Make a dex check to see if you held on to the vial. Oh, gosh. Another dexterity saving throw? Dexterity. Make a flat dexterity check. Or you can do an acrobatics or athletics check, I guess. No, I did the dex. I got an 18. Great. So you hold on to the tip of it, like the top of...
The cork is like almost... I'm holding onto the cork, which is itself starting to release the cork, but I'm just pinching it. Freya, I will say with that 15, you're able to pull Rufus back up onto this griffin. I'm sorry. What the fuck is his name? Gongo Boz. Gongo Boz, but Boz Gongo has been popularized to Boz Gongo. Gonzo Boz. Boz Gongo.
Boss gone, girl. A weary head shake from Jacob. Just like a humorless no. That is not correct. Don't bend my words. No. No, we can all riff on it. It's fine. We all get that fun.
All right, Rufus, you still have it. Are you going to throw it? I will say that you've been pulled back up. I've got you, my guy. Yeah, I'm going to use the raw adrenaline. Rufus is not someone who would take the hint that, hey, maybe sit this one out. Rufus is going to just charge forward.
And just hurl this sucker with everything he's got. Incredible. Roll the D4 again. Back at the drawing board. That's a four. Four. You get the advantage on this one as the breeze shifts and points towards these bugs. Roll with advantage. How do I roll with advantage here? Roll two D20s and take the higher one. I always forget. Here we go. Oh, they were both fives. But plus six, doesn't that make it 11? I can put guidance on it.
That's 11. So with the guidance, you could technically do it if you rolled a four. So let me know what you get. D4. Roll two. You see the vile sail past this whole crowd and just shatter into the mountain behind it, catching that mountain on fire. It's just stone, but you see this burning rock behind it.
kind of highlighting these monsters in a cool way, but yes, completely missing them. So you had three successes. So that's pretty good. You've successfully thinned the herd out towards the front. It seems like you would have to, at this point, go down there to help these guys.
We hope that you enjoyed that episode of Rotating Heroes. That was DM'd by the one and only Zach Oyama and the players were Victoria Longwell, Jacob Wysocki and Devin Field. Remember, if you're enjoying Rotating Heroes, then please go ahead and check out the Rotating Heroes Patreon, which is where you can get early access to all of the episodes. You can get them in full
full as well so not part one and part two and you can also get the exclusive talkbacks which is where the crew dissect and talk about everything that happened in obviously totally the most serious possible way so why i don't even know why you'd think anything else this episode has been edited and produced by zakoyama and jasper william cartwright which is me