Arc 3 Ep. 1: Bugging Out
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What is up, Rotators? Thank you so much for being here and listening to Rotating Heroes. For those of you that are just checking this out for the first time, this is a podcast started by the one and only Zach Oyama back in 2020, and it was originally released entirely on Patreon. This is the first time that we are releasing these episodes publicly, and I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for checking it out. There have been so many of you checking this out, and so I just wanted to jump on and tell you about all the other ways that you can get involved.

Because did you know that for the price of just one coffee per month, you can support the show, help us to make more episodes, and get yourself all of the arcs months in advance, plus the exclusive arc box, all for a price of a coffee. Like, it's so easy.

And then you get so much more rotating heroes in your life, including a bunch of behind the scenes stuff with Zach and me and the rest of the crew hanging out. Plus, you get to listen to all of the arcs so much earlier. You go listen to arc five right now with Brenna Lee Mulligan and Izzy Rowland. I mean, why wouldn't you want to do that? They play Awakened Wolves. It's so good. You can also check out the Rotating Heroes Discord. There'll be a link to that there.

in the description below so you can go ahead and jump in with a bunch of other rotators and find other people listening to the show so you can talk about some of your favorite bits. But listen, we appreciate you being here regardless. So if you can't support us with the Patreon right now, that is absolutely fine. We just appreciate the fact that you're here and you're listening to this episode because we love you. So if you want to help us out, you can do just go ahead and leave us a review or share the episode with your friends.

In fact, if you share an episode with your friends and you tell us about it, we will shout you out during our monthly updates episode, which are free to listen to on the Patreon. So you can sign up as a Patreon member for free and you'll get the monthly updates on there as well. So it's kind of like the best place to go and get all of your rotating heroes information is just on the Patreon as a free member, uh,

and that way you'll get all of the updates along with everyone else before we probably put it on social media, which we may or may not use. Sorry, Murph, for stealing your line.

But without any further ado, let's go ahead and bring in Arc 3, which introduces some of the most iconic characters in Rotating Heroes. It is an absolutely amazing arc, and I'm very, very excited for you to listen to it. We're going to kick things off with two full episodes. That's right, two full episodes. Because we want to get you all caught up as quickly as possible so that you can go ahead and check out the new stuff we're putting out

Like Arc 8, which happens to feature someone who is introduced in this very arc. Hmm, who could it be? I wonder. This is too much of me blabbering. So last thing I will say is a heartfelt thank you so much for supporting the Rotating Heroes podcast in any single way that you choose to do so without the amazing audience and people on our Patreon and people in our Discord and people

Welcome back to the Rotating Heroes Podcast.

I'm joined, as always, so far, for the very first time, by the rotators of Arc 3. The first one, you gotta know, if you've listened to the podcast at all, he is continuing on from the second arc, the Loxodon Druid Grip, played by the wickedly talented Jacob Wysocki. What's up?

Wow. As always, for the first time. It's an ongoing bit that is kind of morphed into I don't know what. But I think it's basically how I started the second arc as well. It makes me laugh. Jacob, how does it feel to be continuing on in this world? You know, Hollywood's a tough town. It's a really tough town. And a lot of the times you're not making the cut.

And that's what the hard work is, is dealing with rejection. And it's nice to have pushed past rejection and gotten into another round. Well, this podcast is Hollywood. That's what I always say. Rotating Heroes Handbook, Hollywood Handbook. Anyways...

We're going, well, it's great to have you back and I'm glad that you can feel like you're really making it in this town. Thank you for having me. And, you know, let's all introduce our two new friends and players joining us on this campaign. I'm going to introduce the people that they are and we'll get to know their characters soon after. Next up.

a incredibly talented, you know, you might say wickedly talented performer on the same Herald team as me and Jacob, the wickedly talented Victoria Longwell. Hello, Victoria. How are you doing? Hi, Zach. I'm good. Thank you so much for having me. Oh, it's great to have you. Just for our listeners at home to get to know you a little better is we'll have these like arc marks where we talk a little more as ourselves, but like

Is there just sort of a starting ethos, any sort of like bit of advice that you've got that really stuck with you in your life? Oh. Dying words, so to speak, that you wanted to give. Yeah. You know what? I think the idea that it's not but, it's and. Does that make sense? Yeah. Did it sound like I was saying but as in an ass at first? But I mean but like except, you know.

No, no, I get it. I totally get it. I'm on board. It's not but it's and. It's not but it's and. I want that on my tombstone. You're either talking tushies or you're talking insects. Insects? I get it. Thank you. Whoa. Okay. Ants. Well, speaking of insects. She said ants. Just kidding. Not insects. Let's move on to our final rotator of this arc.

You might say that this person is also, and I'm not sure how else to describe this, might say they're wickedly talented. Also on the Herald team, Yeti, with the following, you know, the past people I've mentioned, we have Jacob Weiser. No, I'm kidding.

We have Devin Field. Oh, sick. Oh, me as well, everyone. Hello. Happy to be here. Devin, is that the best intro you've ever gotten? Yeah. Well, yes. It's one of the longest. So in that sense, yes. Definitely a top tier intro. This is the person that I am. Hello. And this actually goes for both you and Victoria. Yeah.

uh what how about how many hours would you say have you logged in and uh dnd um victoria would you like to answer first yeah sure uh maybe maybe two 2.5 maybe 2.5 maybe 2.5 i'm gonna say about 4.5

4.5. So pretty light. It's good to get the .5s in there. Yes. We want to be accurate. Solid hours. Yeah, well, you know, it wasn't a full sit down. No, I mean, my personal experience with D&D is pretty limited, which is part of why I was really excited to do this. I hope the listeners will bear with me as I stumble through a world they know so well. You know, I don't know all the moves, but I played a lot of...

I played a lot of RPGs as a kid. I played a lot of RPG computer games and stuff. I'm familiar with a lot of the conventions of it, but I'm not as familiar with the specific D&D manual and the board game structure and stuff. It's exciting to dive in. Victoria, you do a lot of cons, right?

Yep. All the cons. Dragon Con. I'm on the con circuit. Yeah. I hit the con circuit pretty hard. Victoria cosplays as the VeggieTales. What was that? She cosplays as the VeggieTales. Is that a huge community? I'm not aware. I guess Christians. They're furry adjacent. A lot of carrots. It's the most popular one. Wow.

Amazing. Yeah, I mean, like, I think what is fun about this podcast is getting to have my funny friends on who are definitely good at a lot, like a bulk of the skills involved with D&D, if not experts at the manual or whatever, you know? I know. Some people really know it inside and out in a way that is impressive to me because it's dense. I know.

I'm excited to learn it more, though. I find it all... It's very beautiful. It's so creative and... So expansive. Yeah, and I like that world. I'm attracted to the world. Zach, how many listeners do you think...

we have lost in me just being like, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm going to be stumbling around. Hey, enjoy the next. I think we have it. I think we have. Yeah. Oh my God. After those people like, I think a majority of the podcasts and things that involve popular like D and D stuff, there are like, yeah, certain versions of that that have people who are like, I'm absolutely an expert player for sure. And then there are the more like,

comedy-oriented ones or just comedy-friendly ones that are definitely not that. A lot of them start with people learning how to play. -Cool.

Look, we're going to be bringing the comedy for you freaks, okay? So just relax, okay? And thank you. Thank you for taking my note and calling everyone freaks. Yeah, we have now halved the half that you already lost us. If they can't take me, call it freaks. If the quarter out there still listening, you are the wickedly talented quarter out there.

Oh, no. A bad start. Devin, there was a second where you when you said you don't all the moves and sort of almost a Trump voice that I got so scared that that would be your voice. Oh, no. Oh, God. Yeah. Well, that would really lose you listeners. Me doing D&D as Trump. That would. Oh, I would have to quit. I think I would have to quit.

I think it would sound a little something like this. -No. -Why don't we go into the recap actually? Instead of a recap of just the last episode, since we're starting a new arc, we're going to just recap all of arc two.

Last arc on the Rotating Heroes pod, Turbine Spizzlesink set out from Aberdeen on a journey to the distant shores of the Sapphire Lake. The mission was simple, locate whatever technology was activated at the source, and hopefully use it to stabilize the rapidly decaying obelisk. Along the way, he teamed up with his mom's friend, Nance Ray, and her gardener, the Loxodon Druid, Gribb.

To reach the far shore, they had to enlist as hired help aboard the Seagrass, a vessel chartered by the Dugan family going on a diplomatic journey of sorts to Fort Cutler, one of the few known human establishments outside the vast, mysterious, continent-spanning forest, the Endless Holt.

The trip was anything but relaxing as our crew had to best local pirates, giant crabs, and the feared drowned men, all while catering to the rich, undeserving Dugan family, who apparently had secrets of their own. Without learning the full story, our heroes found that in order to get out of an extreme gambling bet, Jesse Dugan turned a blind eye to some dangerous cargo with unknown intentions.

And this is something that I should say, I'll throw this in here, our new players don't know anything about. So they're just going to have to do their best to ignore this conversation. But through it all, our heroes weathered the storm and arrived at the much sought after shores. Turbine found the source of the beacon and hopefully the answer to the obelisk woes. Nance had enough time to get back for a Monday night chili event.

and through their heroism were able to get Jesse to rethink his position. A seemingly changed Jesse sent his family back to Solonport without him, while he made things right at Fort Cutler. Though when Mr. Dugan asked if he could hire one set of helping hands, Gribb volunteered after receiving a sign of sorts from the ancient familial seed residing in his vest pocket.

After saying their goodbyes, the odd pair set out from the small fishing port to the gates of Fort Cutler, where the spineless Jesse Dugan betrayed Gribb, blaming him for the more nefarious contents of his cargo. Our second arc ended with a flabbergasted Gribb staring up at dozens of archers with arrows notched. So we begin arc three at the edge of the Endless Hulk.

Outside the castle, down the road, in a small stone church that feels almost like an ancient moss-covered ruin. It's a tiny stone building with a few pews facing a raised dais and a small altar. Where in a normal church there would be stained glass windows on a back wall, instead here there's just an open window seemingly designed to frame the view of the forest.

There, a half-elf begins her day, taking in the majesty of the forest in front of her. Victoria, would you please describe and name your character? Yes. My character's name is Freya Black. She is a half-elf paladin, a tall, strong woman, truly muscular. Oh, wow.

With long, like forest green and slightly silvery, almost calf length tunic belted with her sword on her side. Wow. She got long silvery blonde hair, pale skin. Incredible. For a second, I thought you were going to say calf length hair. And I was like, wow, that's, this is, that is some hair. There's a, there's actually been another character with really long hair on the podcast. So I'm glad that wasn't the thing. Good.

Well, wait till you meet my character, okay? Yeah, so Freya Black, as described, goes about her morning routine of opening the church. Her rippling biceps hold a broom as she begins to sweep out the altar area. Doing all of the tasks that a church opening up, trying to invite would-be parishioners to join and serve.

experience the light and love of the forest.

As you go about making sure the altar's all tidy, there's like a little sign for your god. There's like an arrow and some like ferns and things. You hear sort of this weird creaking noise. It sounds like old wooden furniture, but then it also begins to sound like a really old lady trying to get up from bed. There's a little curtain to the side of the church. It's a small, like unadorned living space. With a lot of effort, you see it like kind of...

pulled open and there you see the abbess Willow Talbot she's like an ancient 90 year old woman she stretches and enters she looks at you and she's like oh my sweet child Zophine you don't have to open up the chapel for me I can do it no no stay in bed you're not to move let me help you I can move if I want to please let me move

She looks around and just kind of, like, throws her hands up with, like, you did all this stuff. Like, I wasn't, you know, I was supposed to do it. You know, like, in that kind of way that, like, when you help an older person and they're, like, they're, like, kind of putting up this sort of, like, affronted attitude. But she clearly loves that you're there. She looks around and says this. Well, um...

Thank you so much for doing this. She goes over to her oven or this like kind of wood burning stove and gets some like bowls for like to heat up like some porridge or something. Have like a little old lady, old church lady breakfast. She gives you a bowl. She's like, well, today there's a lot of busy work for us. Even though, as you know, our congregation is pretty much just the two of us. Pretty much everyone else here is...

is not really open to the light and love that sits before us in the forest ahead but um you know there there are there are possibilities of of people coming by anytime so it's always good to be ready so after my morning prayers i'm gonna go off to a council meeting today and you know i'm

I'm getting kind of older, and I just... I think it would be a good idea for you to join as well. You're going to have to be a part of those meetings one day after I'm gone, so... I think it's a good idea for you to know what's going on. You want me to go to the council with you today? I mean, are you busy? No. No. I just don't think they like me. No. Child, I... She looks at you, and she's like, What's not to like? You're absolutely...

You're just an absolute unit. You're powerful beyond measure. I know that these young men who, all these scouts who want to get into the sort of military arm here are frightened of you. You toss them around in the training grounds. But that's just, they're intimidated. It doesn't mean that they can't grow to like you. I suppose so. They call me Freya the Forgettable. They hate me. Wow. Wow.

That is absolutely horrendous. Because, if anything, I think it's first off completely untrue. You're the only half-elf here. Everyone else is a human. And then besides that, it's...

I mean, how could you? You're four inches taller than every man here, almost. It's getting me mad because it is so incorrect. Don't get mad. Don't get mad. I don't want your nose to bleed. Yeah, she shakes with rage. No. Mother Willow. It's okay. I don't pay them any mind, but it does sting. I just want you to know that someday these...

Poor young men were going to have to listen to you. Maybe not as the person in charge of all this. It seems like the cutlers are always in charge of this place. But the council has a lot of power. Even though there's only two of us, they have to listen to me from time to time. It is good because people like Pastor Margrave and their congregation are of the opinion that the forest itself is...

Sort of a frightening affair, and it's good to give the other side of the coin, the other perspective here. Of course, I'll do anything to speak for the forest, and of course, to be by your side. Yes, of course, she gives you the blandest porridge you've ever seen in your life. It's pretty good this time of year. I figured out how to not burn it to the pot. I would say three quarters not burned.

Yes, that's a better percentage than it's been in the past. I'm grateful. She begins to eat breakfast with you. You see a soldier, a younger scout, kind of walking by the open door. He pops in and says, hello, this is Philip, just like another young scout. He was just walking by and he's like, hello, I'm just...

Just wanted to, can I come in and just sit for a second? Oh, yes. Come in, of course. He's like a little awkward seeming, comes in and sits down. This is open to everyone, but it's kind of a rare thing for someone to come in. Why don't you roll an insight check for me? First roll. Let's roll. Let's roll. So I rolled a nine plus my advantage of three, so a 12. Okay. It is pretty rare for someone to pop in here.

And something seems to be kind of bothering him. He almost seems like a little sad. He kind of looks around for a second and he's like, maybe this was kind of dumb. And he gets up to leave. He's like, have a good day. Just kind of walks out. He's like, well, I got to go take a shift in the castle. So thanks for letting me pop by. Have a good day. And he's off. We lost him. He's gone forever now. Oh, God.

Yeah, the abbess goes back to her porridge. She's like, all right, I'm going to go pray. If you want to go train in the yard or something, go about your morning routine, feel free, and we can meet back up in a little bit. Of course. Sounds wonderful. Remember, if you hear loud sounds, which I doubt you will, it's all normal.

From you training? Is that what you're saying? From me training. Every now and then I hear you training and I think you've killed a man. Well, I just like to. It is helpful for me to have a narrative while I train. How are you forgettable? I don't understand. So we're going to cut away from the little church in the center of town overlooking the forest.

over to the main castle itself built into the side of the Kiptide Mountains. One of the turrets of the small castle nestled against the Kiptide Mountains, a man stares out his large windows out into the start of the woods below.

He is, for lack of a better word, Gatsby-ing hard as he sees the forest in front of him. Devon, would you name and describe your character? My character's name is Rufus Cutler, and he's, of course, first and foremost a Cutler, but secondly, he's a stout man, probably about five foot seven, but he doesn't let that hold him back, goddammit.

He's got a big barrel chest, big round head, big thick neck, big fat legs. Don't stop. And I'll say it, a big ass, okay? Wow, a lot rounder description than I was expecting. Well, it's all muscle, you understand. It's sinew and firm flesh. This is a guy who applies himself to the outdoors. He's a human ranger.

and a fighter. And yes, his flesh is firm, okay? Horrifying. Well, Rufus Cutler woken up a little later than the average person here. As a Cutler, he is...

sort of in this unofficial ruling class of Fort Cutler. It's not a monarchy, but his grandfather founded Fort Cutler and then his father after him took over Fort Cutler. And around that time is when the Endless Halt itself sprung up from nowhere.

50 years ago, this continent-spanning forest appeared out of nowhere, and although your family has ties to a larger city that was within the forest itself, they lost all contact at that point. So...

In some ways, your family was kind of like frontiersmen expanding the reaches of this nation. And then suddenly, weirdly, are almost all that is left of it. So it's this world where the forest has taken all of the modern world as your family knew it is kind of all that you know. You never actually got to experience what was once thought as the civilized world.

on your wall. You have like a bigger room than the average person because you actually get to live in the castle. You have your own room in a turret of it. You have a portrait of your grandfather who looks kind of a lot like you, but has these like hardened eyes that like feels like he probably killed hundreds of people in

in war. Uh, your, your father's portrait is next to him. He also looks similar. And your brother who looks like, like you, but you know, four inches taller. Uh, big deal. It's not a big deal. Some people are taller. Some people are shorter. It's about what you do with it. Really? Yeah.

Of course, of course. So, Rufus, you're beginning to start your day. You hear a familiar metallic knock at your door. It's sort of like, you don't have a metal knock or anything, but you hear this kind of scraping, kind of made to be almost purposefully annoying kind of scraping knock at your door. What do you do? Who's that annoyingly scraping at my door? I shout out. Oh, uh...

It's, uh, it's me, uh, sorry, it's Mallory Gunner, I'm, you know me, I'm the, you would know him, he's the man-at-arms of the castle, he's in charge of the scouts currently. He's like, Master Cutler, uh,

I'm saluting, but from outside the door. You can't see it, but I'm sorry. I almost forgot to do it, to be honest, because your dad and brother are out of town on their mission, you know, the larger mission going on. For God's sake, come in the room. Come through the door and have a conversation with me. Can I come in? I was wondering. Please, come in. You just said, who is at the door? Well, then it turned out it was you, and I thought, well, it would be a lot easier to have this conversation face-to-face than just through a door. Okay.

He squeezes, he like, he opens this like large wooden door. He's this grizzled looking man with an eye patch, like wild, you know, hair on the sides of his head, bald on top. His ear has been like kind of slashed through and some sort of wound and a scar along the left side of his face. He has a left hand is missing and he has a big hooked claw for a hand that he was clearly knocking on the door with.

Try to wake you up a little later. Good Lord, Gunner. Sometimes I forget you look like hell. Wow. I never forget. Well, of course. You live with it.

Listen, son, impeccable manners as always. I appreciate your candor in the way that you're able to shoot me straight like that. That is the mark of leadership in my mind. You know, as I was saying, with your father and brother out of town, it seems that you, of course, are in charge right now. So I was going to go over the really important business for you to deal with today as the acting leader of Fort Cutler, you know, of course. The leader, yeah.

Sorry, I was just letting that sink in. The leader. It's exciting, isn't it? To think of me as the leader gunner. You like it thinking of me as the leader, your boss. He kind of also stares off into the distance, um,

Gunner? Yeah, no, no, it's fine. He's a guy who has probably taught you the most in your life as far as how to use a sword, how to ride a horse, and all that kind of militaristic stuff that your father was kind of too busy to actually teach you, even though he knows how to do that. And he's like, yeah, you know what? I think one day you could be a good leader. And yeah, right now you are...

You're definite. You are. Let's get to that important stuff. How about that? Because I think by one day you mean today. And I thank you for saying that. It's very kind. Let's get to the business. I'm sure I'm going to knock it out of the park. Okay. Well, let's. Yes, of course. You should definitely go about starting your day with that big, important brunch that you were going to have. What's this now? Like eggs, bacon. You just load up. I will. Really important for you to do that. Okay. And then.

next important leader activity is you go outside the castle you just walk around show your face inspire the other scouts that are around obviously the bulk of our forces have have gone into uh gone with your father and brother on that mission but you know the guys around will will certainly be excited to see you so if you want to i think it'd be incredibly helpful for you to go about practicing your sword work with maybe one of your sparring partners partners

Gunner, are you all right? Sorry, I got stabbed in the throat 20 years ago, and every now and then... You can tell by looking at you that that happened to you. It's tough. I know. It's a big star-shaped scar on my Adam's apple. Every now and then it makes me say a word. That's okay. So, yes, go practice your sword work with one of your sparring partners. Show them how good you are at shooting a bow. Yeah.

So there's extremely funny jokes of yours. Yes, yeah, you're always laughing at them. You love them, Gunner. You can't get enough of them. Yes, yes, you're quite funny. Yes, thank you. But like effortlessly. Anyways. Yeah, just sort of natural. Just sort of a natural conversationalist. Sure, sure. Yes. He just nods. Look, then, you know,

That'll definitely raise some of the spirits around here to see the one and only Rufus Cutler, son of Cuthbert Cutler himself, just mixing it up with the scouts. Yes, that's right. They'll see my firm demonstration of leadership as they watch me eat a big breakfast and walk around. They'll know who's in charge when they get their eyes on that. Nobody doesn't like Rufus. You know what I'm talking about. Yes, nobody doesn't like Rufus.

Hooray. He also says, and also for what it's worth, there's a council meeting, but no need to attend. It should be rather boring. I'd like to attend the council meeting, Gunner. I think it's important that I probably chair the council meeting. I'd probably have to set the agenda at some point. Maybe I'll wing the agenda, but I should definitely be there for that meeting. Oh, okay.

- Okay. Are you sure it should be like pretty dry stuff? - Well, maybe I could just breeze in at the top, sort of lay down the law, say, here's what's going on. I don't want anything but, you know, X, Y, and Z, get out of there. Or maybe come in at the end, put a bow on it, sort of wrap it all up. One of those two. - Yeah, that would be a good idea. Make an insight check, if you would, with disadvantage. - A 17, 12 plus five. - Okay, 17 is still pretty high. - That's great.

an insight that is surprising to be honest. I think Rufus usually goes about with feeling like, yeah, of course everybody likes him, but something about the way that

Gunner was talking felt a little off and that he kind of seems slightly cagey about this meeting. And so, yeah, I mean, Rufus already seemed to make the choice that was that that that this would have dictated. But yeah, so Gunner's like, well, I mean, if you want to, you actually want to go to the I definitely. Yeah, I'm going to the meeting, Gunner. And you know what? I'm keeping an eye on you.

because, well, I might not be keeping an eye on you because of, well, I don't want to be rude, but you know what I'm saying. But I'm going to be watching you in the meeting. Interesting. Okay. Okay.

Classic leadership, I should say. Yes, exactly. Don't act like I'm strange for wanting to keep an eye on everything. I'm in charge here. Remember? Remember the part where I'm in charge? No, no, no, of course. We'll have you... We'll make sure that there's a very fine chair at the center of the table for you today. That is a requirement. Shall we get some brunch? Yes, I'm dying for some.

uh rufus and gunner go off to get some food uh that for some reason this fort calls brunch um it's universal we're gonna cut over uh you know we were at one of the highest turrets of the tower and we're gonna cut to one final character looking at the same castle but instead of a beautiful balcony looking over the massive forest ahead

We're going much, much lower to the basement where in a small dungeon, an extremely tired Gribb sits. Hearing the breeze filter through the trees and smelling all the different types of plant life around him. There's a small, extremely small window at the top of your cell. You could pull yourself up to look through it, but that would take a lot of strength and you unfortunately...

haven't been able to rest in the past two days. Oh no. Grib, can you roll me a constitution check with disadvantage? Yes. 13. Okay. You're like kind of dozing, but you managed to hold yourself up. There's a like kind of mean looking scout sitting there. He has a big pole on his hand and he was like, don't make me prod you again. Told to

Keep you awake. I can assure you I won't be needing another prodding. I love that this is also, I think, the first time y'all are hearing Jacob's voice. That's correct. Yes. Being introduced to Grib. And, you know, he's exactly as I imagined. Pretty cute. I mean, Grib sits up. His...

ripple in his tiny little vest. He's extremely tired, but this Loxodon druid is a tough character. You are able to look this man down as he tries to fuck with you, seemingly relishing this task he's been given to keep you awake. He looks at you and he says, you know, they told me that keeping you awake was how we keep you from...

using your magic on us. Whoever told you that's actually quite smart, and I'm pretty mad at them. Pretty upset that they'd say that. Now, what if I'm trying to convince... You've got the wrong guy. I'm a regular guy. I'm normal. You're not normal. You hear a knock at the door, and this sort of heavy dungeon door swings open.

Hobart, you smell like dirt.

I don't smell like dirt. You smell like dirt. You're a dirt. I have a nose. Really? Better than yours. You smell like soil. It's longer. Is it just longer or is it actually better? It's actually better. The length gives it more power. That's scientific. I am one. You can't deny it.

That's not true. You're not true. Philip, is that true? And Philip's like, I don't know. I don't know anything about... I've never actually met an elephant person before. And Hobart's like, I'm going to go take a shower and then I'll come back here and you can smell me. Yeah, I mean, you'll probably still be stinky, you dumbass. No, I won't, because I will have taken a shower. That's fucked up. Hey, poke him a couple more times for me. Gives that other guy the stick and...

Hobart leaves. I turn to the new guy. Hobart is quite the pill, is he not? Yeah, sorry about that. He's kind of an asshole. He's just like the worst guy to be on duty with, to be honest. He's really intense about, you know, his feelings on the forest.

And truthfully, like, I think it's kind of scary. I've been told that, or my parents told me that. This guy just kind of sits across from you, looking around, not really sure what to do. And you can make an insight check if you want. 26. This guy seems like a nice guy. He is a scout, and the scouts have to, you know, have seemingly a variety of duties, from just guarding the gate to, you know, doing weird guard duty, which is...

Seems like you've heard weird, hushed conversations when you got brought in. Like, they've, of course, never seen a person of your race before, like an elephant person, Loxodon. They do sense that you're from somewhere different. They don't really have a plan in place to take prisoners, but you remember a different voice that wasn't one of the scouts, sort of a more refined voice.

or at least upper class feeling voice say something along the lines of don't let him go to sleep until we figure out what to do with him. And so he's like, yeah, sorry, I'm just going to have to guard you for a bit here. I'm sure this is very exciting for you. Exciting? Yeah, you know, it is cool in some way. You must love your job. You must love it. Huh? You must love your job.

Well, you know, there was like a cool mission to go take Walden Keep, which is this, you know, kind of... Well, I probably shouldn't tell you, actually, I guess, because you're a prisoner. It seems bad. But there was a kind of a cooler mission, and a lot of guys got to go to that, and I'm here now guarding you for some reason. No, you missed the field trip. Yeah. Nobody wants to be the kid with the bad tummy at home while the field trip's afoot. What's that?

You know, you don't want to miss out on the fun. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, it doesn't feel like... I'm not like he's gonna... Yeah, you seem like a nice guy. Like, I don't know. It just feels kind of... I've just heard the other guy you came in with talking and he kind of seems like a weirdo. Is he still here? Yeah, they're like having dinner. I mean, they gave him like a pretty nice room and gave him some quarters and stuff and like...

He's doing well, but the way he was talking to people kind of put me off. Do you know where he's staying? Just probably somewhere in the castle. Hey, you know what? I probably should have told you. That's fair. That's fair. You got me. You got me there. You got me. You got me. Hey, quick question. Question. What if I had something proving who I was? You could maybe let me go. I could fall asleep.

You know, maybe if I had a piece of paper with my work orders, perhaps. I mean, something like that probably would help. But like between you and me, if you want to like kind of just I feel like it's really fucked up to keep you awake. So if you want to like rest a little bit. Yeah. I think you can fully go to sleep. No doubt. No doubt. I immediately go to sleep. Well, don't go to sleep. Sleep. Oh, shit. It works around.

Yeah, grid, you're going to get a little bit of a rest. Would I have my work order in my pocket? Would I have that letter that Yareth wrote to me to get on the boat? Just roll like a luck check since we've never really talked about it. I think over a 15, we'll say you have one.

I don't know for sure if that will be helpful. That's fine. 17. Yeah. 17. Cool. Great. So you hand him the work order. He looks at it and he's like, yeah, this seems legit. I don't really know what this is. I can go give this to someone, I guess. But yeah, I feel like you should be able to sleep. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I'm going to remember your kindness. Okay. Cool. He goes off to give that to someone. And I take a sleep. I snooze.

But before I snooze... You're like a British Columbian, Jacob. I promised a bit of a reveal. And I just wanted to remind everybody that there's going to be a tattoo reveal at some point in this episode. A tattoo reveal? An upper thigh tattoo reveal of Grib. Wow. Incredible. Incredible. Wow. Riveting stuff. And we're... Before he goes to sleep, know that he has a tattoo. Okay.

Okay, I'll keep that in mind. I wish everybody could have seen the way Zach grabbed his brow. Sorry, bro.

For those who are new to this podcast on this arc, pretty much just Victoria and Devin, every episode, Jacob has a patented reveal. He reveals something and maybe reveals something that's going to happen the next episode. There tends to be a reveal of the reveal to what the next reveal is going to be. It's pretty thick, and everybody does constantly tweet at me to keep it going. Okay, good.

Who knows? Maybe we'll kind of start our own reveals or something, you know, kind of competing reveals. I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen. That would really stress me out. But sure, go ahead. Yeah, you could do that. That sounds cool. Yeah, do it. So moving on from the dungeon, we're going to cut over to the main hall of Fort Cutler. It's a place where, like,

I think larger celebrations and meals and bigger events are had, but today it's being commandeered for council purposes. It's like a big empty hall and the main dais has this larger table that

Normally, Rufus's dad would sit at and his family would probably sit at, but today you have a variety of high-ranking members of the community. Rufus, you would know them as Pastor Margrave. He's this guy who's more of a scholarly type advisor to your father and family. He should be kind of like a progressive scholar by his education, but he also...

basically runs this sort of mega church down the hill that's on the opposite kind of safer side of the mountain they pray to this god of afterlife ronis it's really a fear-based church about how horrible the forest is after that you see an rather old woman with like a cowl uh she's dressed in sort of a dark forest green uh this is the abbess willow talbot who uh

we met earlier. She's a representative of the Church of Emerald Light, the goddess Zophine. You walk in with Mallory Gunner, you know, the head of the guard that is remaining in town. And a representative from the Fishermen and Farmers is also there. So you come in with your breakfast. What do you do? Surprised to see me? Good morning and welcome to the council meetings.

that I am in charge of. They looked as you basically did the thing that Aragorn does in the two towers. Yeah, I shoved open two doors and I was sort of backlit, kind of a firm dapple of light behind me and the sweat sort of whipped off my...

brunch. Yes, I was holding a nice eggs benny on one and then some more home fries and savory bacon strips on the other. Can you roll just an acrobatics check? Certainly. And that is a 21. Yeah, you lost your plate for a second, but then you flipped your hand under and caught it miraculously. Oh!

Everyone's like, whoa. As if you needed another reason to rest calmly in the protective arms of my leadership. As you can see, I'm incredibly dexterous and I am able to catch things as they fall. Should we get started? They were kind of mid-conversation as you come in. Roll an insight check. I certainly will. 12. They were surprised by your entrance. You can't tell if it was maybe just...

Maybe, like, there are some people that seem genuinely surprised that you are there. There are some people that maybe were scared at the loud noise behind them. I know some of you don't think very highly of me and were a little freaked out by the intensity with which I entered the room, so I just want to apologize for that. I want us to get off on the right foot here. Another guy is at the table. He's kind of dressed a little differently from you guys and everyone who lives in this town. He's wearing more, like...

casual, like vacation-y looking clothes, sort of like an open robe and stuff. And he's like, hey, how's it going? My name's Jesse Dugan. I think I met your father a couple years ago. Real nice time to be here. Very excited to meet you and do business with a leader as yourself. Hey, I like the cut of your jib. Calling me a leader immediately. That's something to keep an eye on. Maybe folks take notes. This guy's sort of the first one to do it.

Happy to see you, friend. You have a relaxed atmosphere about you. It's one I'd like to see more of around the council, please. So if everyone could just please kind of take a look and see how you can emulate this. Awesome. I mean, yeah, everybody is kind of a harsh vibe here. I have something to do with that, I gotta admit. And also, you notice that

Freya Black is also there standing behind the abbess of the Church of Emerald Light, who I don't know. How would you describe like I think you would know each other. I'm not sure we've fully nailed down how close you guys are, but it seems like you live sort of in the same little town, if not probably overlap that much. Sure.

So we're probably aware of each other's general roles. Yeah. Like, you know that she's involved with that weird little church that only has two people. It's like kind of this weird specter on the town. Freya, you know, whatever opinions you have about Rufus are, you know, your own, I guess. Like, so however you're feeling, please let us know. I feel like he's louder than I remember every time I see him. Great. So yeah, this loud man enters. He kind of has...

a weird amount of similarities to this Jesse Dugan guy. And he was like, well, this other sort of scholarly guy, Pastor Margrave, stands up and is like, well, let's continue the conversation if we would. It is good to see you, Master Cutler. We will bring you up

up to date on what is going on. I think we all know what's happened here, as explained by our good friend and ally, Jesse Dugan. It is plain as day. Jesse told us that this Loxodon creature joined him on his voyage. He added some items to his cargo that, upon inspection by our clerics and scholars, appears to be cursed weapons and armor.

and a case of extremely poisoned wine. This elephant creature did this to sow discord and sever the alliances with allies in Solonport because he is obviously a creature of the forest. - Now wait, excuse me, I'm sorry, I know I'm not a regular here.

Yes, I'm confused. What? Sorry. Do you have something to say? I feel like I was pretty clear. Simply that a creature being from the forest doesn't inherently make it evil. I would argue the opposite. That is exactly what my church believes. That everything in the forest is extremely evil. I know. And we believe your church is an empty, empty, dark place.

Empty? Empty. Tell that to my contemporary church service band. We have drum sets. We have a couple guitars. We have sort of a larger congregation than you could ever imagine. List all the possessions you have that you want. It doesn't make you right or full or enlightened. Okay, well, this is where we're going to have to disagree. I...

I love it. This is I'm excited that I came and got to see this. We got off right to a good start. We're arguing about the nature of church itself. Good thing I'm here.

Well, I will say this. As we all know, the forest is hell itself. We don't know that. How dare you? Rufus, roll an insight check again. Seven. I'm going to say you can do it with advantage. So just roll one more. Nineteen. You are up in this fort that your father has set up. The church is like, this other church is like a thing you're aware of that, you know, a lot of people go to, but it's like kind of like,

you've kind of outclassed yourself from going to church regularly is what it feels like you don't get that weird guilt trip that a lot of people would get and and a lot of you know this the like

less rich people in the town would uh feel like feel a little like that they get some kind of nourishment from that like your family has kind of been outside of that sure uh and also you have connections to the forest right i have an understanding of the forest a little so i'm not fully buying what he's selling yeah and so this is feeling kind of strange to you that he is spitting this stuff out uh and he was like well instead of

flames and fires we have the endless halt, a place full of vile terrors plagued by constant monsters and unlimited source of torment that upon its creation stole from us every last bit of civilization we had before this. So...

That's all I'll say. Listen to how scared of the forest this man is. The trees, the very trees terrify this old man. I'm sorry. I don't mean to shake things up so dramatically. It's just interesting to hear all of this thrown at me at once. I fundamentally disagree with huge aspects of your philosophy. Feels good to cut to the quick like this. Wow.

Wow. Everyone looks around. There's like, basically, Mallory sits up. He's kind of your closest ally here. And he's like, well, the force is extremely dangerous. We know that. We don't go in there. We used to go in there. And obviously, there are things that still exist from that world. Like, well, he falters under his words a little bit. He's like, well, like, you're...

Your mother was from within the forest, but, you know, she obviously, we don't know her full story. She is no longer with us, but... No, and that's a story that won't be told here today. Do you understand? We won't be talking about it. Do you understand me?

Everyone nods. They all fully understand. Good, good, good. I just wanted to make that clear. You sort of teed it up as if it was a story that was about to be told. And I want to firmly say, even as open as I have been, I'm going to put the kibosh on that right now. Okay. That is within your, we don't want to, we don't mean to talk about your family. The mom's off limits is what I mean. The mom is off limits. Okay. Okay.

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The only other thing I'll say is that while your father is out trying to take Wild and Keep so that we can have a better angle of the Force and understand it better and reclaim some of the territories that we once were able to scout before it got extremely dangerous and we could no longer send scouting parties in safely, that's happening right now, but I think we...

To the heart of what the pastor is saying, I think we have to respect that there are dangers in the forest. Oh, certainly. I'm not saying tromp off into the forest. Get your head bit off by something. I'm just saying we don't need to be terrified of it like it's, what, the devil? It's the forest. Oh, come on. Everyone's recoiling at the very mention of the devil. He faints.

Someone pick this man up. Get this man out of here. He can't get through. I'll do it. I bet you will. You're big and strong. One of the least forgettable people I've ever seen. Remarkable. What did you say? I said you're one of the least forgettable people I've ever seen. You're incredibly distinct. I feel like you'd stand out in any room. Does everyone agree? Do I have to put a motion on the floor for that? Mallory nods his head. A couple people are like, I don't know.

All right, we'll move on. Well, Pastor Markrave kind of comes to in this performative way. He's like, Mallory is like, well, I have a question. Do we do we even know that he's actually from the forest? It seems like he came from Solonport. That is on the other side of the world, which is like our civilized kind of friends. Some of our friends, I guess, are over there.

And Jesse Dugan says, honestly, and I just want to piggyback off what the pastor said, he is definitely an elephant man from the forest. And yeah, seems like there's no other way to look at it. I know he arrived with me by boat from Solonport from the opposite direction, but he did that because he, I think, teleported from within the forest miles away.

Jesse, I'll be honest, that makes little sense to me, but I must take you at your word. Must you? Must we? Freya, you can make an insight check if you want. Yeah, I'd love to. Oh no, I got a seven. The abbess is also gonna look at this and with her helping you, she's gonna let you roll with advantage. Nine. Nine.

okay yeah you don't feel like this guy's telling the truth but like it sounds logic you know uh it's uh i guess he teleported from the other side of the world but yeah they're they're uh they're arguing about it and he's like the pastor is like well he reeks of druidic magic and one of the guards found this in his pocket as well and he pulls out a little satin envelope with a round budding seed about the size of a chestnut hand that to me uh

Sorry, what? Hand that to me right now. Hand me the thing you pulled out. The thing in the envelope. I want to see it. Hand it to me. You're kind of far away from him. He looks at you like, are you going to meet me halfway? You come all the way around and hand it to me. I'll be here. I have the plates. You come here and I'll open it. Okay. He walks over and comes to you. Yeah, he gives you a little seed. Okay. I look at it. I don't know what this is. I'd like to speak to this elephant man and see if he could tell me what this is.

Yes. Okay. The pastor looks shocked and he's like, you're going to speak with the devil himself? I was going to motion that we should execute this man. So now you feel comfortable talking about the devil. A second ago, I couldn't say it without everyone passing out. No, stop. I won't abide in it anymore. Well, this is, I think he's not the devil himself. I think he is one of the demon or lesser devils. It's still extremely spooky. I'm ready to talk to him.

If he's in my charge, if he's in this castle, I don't see why I shouldn't mix it up, go right down there and hear it from his face. Okay. As you say this, they all look around. Make a persuasion check with advantage. 16. Okay. Mallory looks at him and he's like, well, he is the leader. He should be able to go talk to him if he wants, so why don't we do that? And Mallory looks at you like, oh, this is actually like...

you kind of get the sense that he is like, this is a good, this is a good choice. I wasn't impressed. Are you Mallory that I took charge? I see it. You're welcome. Mallory begrudgingly, like, like sighs and nods a little bit. Good, good job. Okay. Just, let's just go down there. So it doesn't seem like a larger group can go. Freya, do you think you would go with them or do you, do you think you, yeah. What would you like to do? I,

I'm convinced that there might be light in this creature. I don't know that, but I want to see for myself. And if he's bad, I think out of everyone here,

I'm the most likely to be able to fight him. Okay, cool. So Freya, Margrave, and Mallory, and Rufus all go down to the dungeon. On the way, you find Philip, the man that came to your church earlier. He's holding a little letter, and Margrave looks at him like, aren't you supposed to be guarding the prisoner? What's going on? He's like, he gave me this letter proving that he was working. He had a work order on the boat, and Margrave snatches it. He's like, this is...

This doesn't prove anything. This is just, you think a man who could teleport across the world couldn't create a piece of paper with some writing on it? And you guys can make insight checks if you'd like. Yeah, I will. I want to confront Margrave about this. 22. There's a lot of fear in this man that is not being rational.

Obviously, this seems like a legit piece of paperwork to you. Margrave, give me that to me. Margrave, give that to me. Give me that to me. Are you going to meet me halfway? I'm halfway. I'm all the way down the stairs. No, you come all the way to me. You keep snatching envelopes. And this time I noticed it and I don't care for it. Give it to me. Are you going to bring those plates down here? Please don't make me pass stuff back and forth between the two of you.

If you just pass things back and forth, it's an assembly line. It's a more efficient way for us to do this. Fine, fine. I'll come up. I'll be the bigger man and I'll come up and I'll grab it because this is important. What's this? It's like torch lit, like stone curving staircase into a dungeon, like almost pitch black, except for like a little torch. You go left. I'll go right. And then do you see if we can edge? Yes. Hold on.

See, you're so tall. You're so tall and strong. Excuse me. I don't love where your head lands on my body. Look, let's just get through this, okay? All right. Okay. As you guys are fucking around with this...

I didn't mean fucking around. No, we're fucking around. We're just fucking around. And alarm bell rings. You hear this loud bell ring from the top of the castle. You hear murmured screams. What do you guys do? Do I roll a perception check of some kind to see if I can figure out what the screams are? Like if I have any knowledge of where they might be coming from, what they are.

You don't really have any line of sight, but you know that the bell above your castle overlooks the four walls itself. Great. And if they're signaled, they'll probably ring their bell from there. You don't have an advantage point of anything right here in this kind of enclosed staircase. Well, then I guess I'd want to lead us out and up to a vantage point to look around and see why the alarm's been raised.

Philip goes back down to like guard the prisoner because he's like, he wants to make sure that the prisoner is still there. And then, yeah, you run out. Freya, what do you do? I think I accompany him out to check and see what's coming. You both run out to the top. You see guards running about, you know, trying to get to their like, you know, stations. The bell's ringing. You see guys on the fence and someone, someone is like looking over and he was like, it looks like one of the rear guard. And they see like,

on horseback riding from this mountain pass towards you guys. They're riding really hard. You know that this...

force of men with your father and brother left two days ago and these are uh three guys and they're riding back they look panicked their horses and and and them look like they've been riding all day and they look like they're on the verge of collapse as they get all the way up to the the gate uh roll a perception check i guess 20 16 cool so those are good enough that you would see like how scared these guys are they're also like looking over their shoulder like something's chasing them

And once inside the gate, they hop off their horses, like, fall to the ground. This man says...

Dalvin Bridge, it collapsed. Almost all the rear guard was on it, and we're all that's left. Mallory looks at him and says, like, what about the main forces and Cutler? I don't know. I think they were on the other side of it. He looks horrified, and he keeps looking back over his shoulder, and he's like, there's, like, something in the bridge. It was something that was, like, alive. And as he says this, roll another perception check. Ooh, four. Eighteen. Freya.

This man is panicked, looking over his shoulder, talking about something. The gate is closed behind him, but you start to kind of feel something in the ground. Do you feel that? As you say this, the ground feels like it's shaking a little bit, and then you see sort of this thing in the ground moving behind this man, and then it pops up.

out of the ground with ease like it's made to do that. This large insect-like creature with huge gross manacles, twitching antennas and a bunch of arms and legs pops out of the ground and sprays acid all over this man that was running away and just fully melts him. -Good God. -God is so fiend.

As this happens, you see another one pop out and attack another soldier, like take that other soldier off his horse. You see one heading for the castle grid. You hear a commotion outside. You can pull yourself up to the window to look if you'd like. Yes, I use my strength for my rest.

Yeah, you've gotten a short rest in in this amount of time. It hasn't been enough time to take a long rest, unfortunately. But you pop yourself up to look. Your biceps ripple as you do this sort of pull-up maneuver. You see the ground in front of you rumbling as it shakes towards you. And the wall outside your cell...

bursts open and another of these insect-like creatures looks at you and Philip in the basement below. Everybody roll initiative. I got a five. I got a 20. 14. I'm gonna roll for some other people.

So acting first in the initiative order is actually Philip. Philip is in this prison with Grib. This giant fucking bug pops out of nowhere. And he's like, oh, I'm sorry. Elephant guy, I'm so sorry. Don't get the bug to kill me. I'm sort of dumbfounded because this guy's like supposed to be a soldier and he like was just bragging about missing war.

Strap your boots in or jab, it's time to get dirty. Oh, so you didn't send this thing after me? No, I'm... Fuck off, mate. I'm a normal... You read the paper. I'm a regular guy.

I've been trapped. I've been bamboozled. I'm sorry. You're right. You're right. I am sorry. I'll fuck off. He's going to take two of his tacks on this thing. I'm not cuffed, right? I'm just imprisoned. You're just imprisoned. Yeah. Nice. So he just, he takes two swipes with his sword. That's a miss and one hit. And he's going to hit him for, he does seven damage to this guy. Slashing this like insect guy across his chest. After that, it is...

Freya's turn. Freya, you're looking around. You see two of these large, disgusting insects that are spewing acid in front of you. What do you do? Everybody get back. Stay behind me. And I want to attack them with my sword. So, yeah, you just go up to one of them in front of you and you can take a swine. Great. Yeah, I look the beast in its eyes and with all my might slash and I rolled a 21.

- Ooh, nice. You definitely hit and then roll damage.

Awesome. Freya, you pop this guy for seven. After that, like you slash them across. They're pretty sturdy looking bugs. It did something. You could like maybe even like chop off one of its tiny little legs, but it has so many and it's just this fucking creepy looking thing that was like popped out of the ground and spewed acid all over a guy. But yeah, it did hurt it though. After that, this thing is going to look at you and it,

It can't... Something about it makes you think that it can't quite... It just used its acid thing, so it can't really do it right now. But instead, it's going to try to bite you. Ah! What is your armor class? 18.

Fuck yeah. Okay, he rolled a 17. So he snaps at you. You're able to get your shield up, kind of block it as it tries to do that. Another one is going to try to attack Rufus. Okay, so I've got one of these things in my face. Now it is coming at you. What is your armor? My armor class is 15. Okay, they're rolling bad. It rolled a 12, so it snaps at you, and you're able to dodge this attack attack.

Grib, you look up as you see Philip in front of you fighting this thing. He slashed it once. He is actually... He's not going to dodge as it grabs Philip with its mandible and it starts squeezing him. And it does...

Ooh, 13 damage to him. Come on. Three of which is acid damage as it's like sort of seeping onto him. He looks really, really badly hurt. After that, Grib, it is your turn. I look at him and I go, this is the power of manifestation. And I summon Swam. What? And I summon Swam. Cool. Is that an action or a bonus action? It is an action because it's my wild shape.

Cool, you summon Swam. Does he appear next to the bug? Yeah, I wanted to put it behind the bug so when he does his splash damage, he's not going to screw everything up. Yeah, so you can kind of see the tunnel that this thing burrowed out of. And from behind where that creature came from, you summon your...

mushroom spirit that bursts into fire behind him and hits the guy for how much? He's going to have to do a dexterity saving throw. He fails. What did he roll? He rolled a six. Oh, great. Cool. For sure. So he's going to take 2d6. Cool. Roll your damage. Nine. Great. So you hit this thing for another nine damage. Sheesh. Okay. So when I summon him, he does his initial damage and then he takes his turn after my turn. So it's now Zom's turn.

So you use your bonus action to make him do a move. Yes, I use my bonus action to make him use Flame Seed, which is a ranged weapon attack. Roll your attack. God, it's a one. Your little mushroom spirit appears. You tell him to attack this bug, and he just...

and spits out sort of like a limp looking like unfiery coal. It just kind of pings off the back of this bug. Phillip is still grappled by this creature. After your turn, we are going to Rufus. Rufus, it's your turn. So now I've got one of these bugs right in front of me that just tried to bite me, but I was able to block. How close am I to this bug? It's face to face, baby. Damn.

right in front of its jaws. I'm gonna go ahead and pull out the patented Cutler family double hand axes that I have clipped to my waist. I'm gonna get those bad boys loaded and take a swipe right at this thing's mandibles, hoping to sort of cut into the cross section of its jaw. Yeah, that's your action and bonus action to just hit this thing twice. So roll your attacks twice. Okay, here we go. 11, 12.

And five. Eleven and five. Okay. Well, I think... I don't feel good about the swings I just took. I wouldn't either. Yes, they are bad swings, unfortunately. You had to drop your plates to take out your...

The damn breakfast got me hung up to drawing the axes. I didn't get a clean follow through. He's too full. I'm too full. This whole shit took me by surprise, I just want to say. Gunner is going to look at you and say, actually, Rufus, just twist your body a little more. And in that moment, he's going to give you a little kind of like, you feel his like commanding presence as he is able to chat with, you know, like kind of inspire you. Roll a d4.

So, okay, so that 11 turns into a 15. You hit it once at least. Thank you for your guiding hand, Gunnar. Always protecting my back. A loyal servant. I'm not a servant, but... My faithful servant, thank you. He's like clattering off of a different one somewhere. Yeah, so you can roll damage for that attack. Oh, great.

Ooh, five. Five. Okay, cool. So this one is hit for five. After that, Gunner himself is going to go on his actual turn. He pulls out his long sword and he runs up to the one in front of you and he is going to take a couple of swings. So he takes three attacks, actually. Cool. That's three hits from Gunner. Gunner is going to roll damage. You see Gunner fly up.

And he does an insane amount of damage to this guy. You see him just, like, take his... Like, he has one arm, but he pulls out this long sword, and he is able to, like... He is used to fighting with one arm, and he has just, like, huge... Just...

He has that thing where he's just had to use this one arm so much that it's like so bulked up that he is able to just swing heavy blows into this thing. It looks badly injured by Gunner's swings. This man's your servant? Again, I am not a servant. Yes, and a faithful servant at that. Okay. After he goes...

It is Philip's turn. Philip is in the grasp of this bug creature, and he is going to make a dexterity check to try to get out of this grasp.

Okay, Philip is able to squeeze out of this the mandibles of this creature. He is like barely alive and he's going to struggle away from it and just take a full he looks at Grim and he's like, I'm sorry, I have to get away from it and like and takes a full dodge action to run away. So he is like around the corner from it. It is now outside of the bars in front of you.

After that, Freya, it's your turn. There's still one snarling bug monster clicking and clacking in front of you. For the picture of this, there are several more out there fighting all the other scouts. These are just kind of the ones engaged with you guys. Right. Well, I'm concerned that my first hit didn't do much to this bug. Can I hit him and cast Thunderous Smite? Yes.

Yes, you can, for sure. Yes! Nice. You can see if you hit before you cast that. Okay. Also, with paladins, just so you know, you can stack the different types of smites.

So like if you have a divine smite, you can use that and a thunderous smite. Just something to think about as a paladin because that's a fun way to just do a ton of damage. - Hell yeah. I think I might only have the one smite right now. - Oh, okay, cool. - Okay, so I'm gonna hit with my great sword or I'm gonna try. I got a 24. - That will definitely hit. - Hell yeah. - Let me just double check one thing real fast.

So I looked at your character sheet. You also get divine smites. It's not technically a spell. That's why it's in a different category. You can use another spell slot if you want to use a divine smite on top of that. Hell yeah. Where do I find divine smite? It's on that page with actions. So it just means that you can add another d8. Oh, I'm sorry. You can add two d8. Okay, I see. You can do a total of...

2d8, 2d6, and whatever the weapon damage is in one hit. Okay. 23 plus 9. I'm at 30. What did I say? 23. I'm at 32. 32? Wow. So with that...

Rufus, you look over and this person that everyone has said is completely forgettable for some reason around you. I don't know why. Pulls out her greatsword. It's this massive blade that crackles with lightning as she jumps into the air, swings it down onto this giant bug creature that popped out of the ground. And then it seems like you're not an expert at this kind of thing. A different type of magic altogether happens.

on top of the thunderous looking magic, exploded with a different kind of light. And she cuts this bug in half, dealing one more point of damage than it had in total. So sick. I will remember everything I just saw for the rest of my life.

Incredible. Incredible turn from Fran. I think, yeah, you only have like three spell slots. I think you used two of them. So all that's above board and paladins are good. Hell yeah. Goddess Zophine is with us today. You see the Abyss from a little turret window of the castle like, yes. I blow a kiss to her. Hiding kind of just because she's on. Oh, thank you. Abyss.

After that, it is the bug's turn. One is dead. One is in front of you, Rufus, and it's going to take a swing at you again. It got really fucked up, so it's not doing great, but...

It seems like it tried to get its acid back and was not able to. And it swings at you. It rolls a... Does an 11 hit? I'm armor cost 15. No. So you're able to avoid this one more time. Something about the brunch grease has made you a little slippery for this guy. Couldn't get your mandible, couldn't get your little clickety-clackety claws on me, could you, you bastard?

It just clicks at you some more. It has no human face, but you can tell it's pissed off. After that, the one near Grib is going to see that the other guy ran away and looks to you, Grib, and it's going to see if it can... It is also unable to do its acid spit, but it's going to kind of... You know how bugs can kind of crawl through things? It's going to try to make a dex check to get through the bars and try to grab you.

Yeah, it is able to squeeze its upper body through the bars in this really unnaturally skinny kind of way, and it takes a bite at you. Oh, no. Does a 14 hit? It doesn't. Nice. Ooh, nice. Grib, it's just snapping. It was only able to get so far. It doesn't hit, but could you say maybe it's enough to, I don't know, chomp away part of my pant leg? No.

Yeah, Grib. It snaps at your face, snaps lower, snaps at your pant leg, cutting it open, revealing what? Well, first of all, this is the most massive thigh that you've ever seen. This isn't a chicken thigh. This isn't a turkey thigh. This is an ostrich thigh. This thing is thick. And then you see against the gray pale...

Would we say ostriches? The gray pale skin. You're an elephant. Yeah, that seems thicker to me than an ostrich. Okay. That's a good note. I'll take the note. This ain't no chicken thigh. This is a pea fowl. I mean, we're talking big.

This thigh, it's huge. It's huge. Against the pale gray skin, you see a red tattoo. And for those of you that have played classic Vanilla WoW, this is Ragnaros. It's just a tattoo.

of the vanilla Molten Core boss, Ragnaros. Wow. I mean, he's the king of fire and flame. He's the king of fire and mentals. He was fire and flame, lord of fire and flame, master of fire and flame. I can totally see how that is Grib's inspiration. Grib, sort of a wow guy, probably very online. Okay.

Reveals his tattoo to this bug that just snarls and snaps, trying to, it's best to kill him, unable to, though. Grib, it is now your turn. Grib looks down at his tattoo, and he looks at the bug, and he goes, it wasn't a phase, Mom. And, oh, no. He's saying that to the bug? To a large bug.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is saying it to the bug. Sort of doing a Jim Carrey Bugs Bunny take to this bug. Grib, Zwom pops around the corner and goes, nice. And this is why I love Zwom. Is that me? Is that a tattoo of me? No, Zwom. This little fat mushroom, like fiery squat guy, like.

Does that look like me? No, it's not you. Oh. I will cast... I'm between the bug and the soldier boy, right? So the bug is halfway through the bars in front of you. The soldier guy is around the corner safe. He's out of range, probably. Soldier boy is safe. Or safe for now. He was a soldier boy. Now we tell him you. Great. I'm going to cast Burning Hands on this dude. He's got to make a dex save of 15. Grib has...

barely slept or barely rested at all in the past two days this is the same day as the lock keeper fight for you in terms of real sleep uh but you're able to dig deep and find the like in you know the power within yourself to still cast a spell and you hit him with the burning hand so you can uh roll your tax uh he's gonna make a deck save uh he rolled a 19 so he probably passed he absolutely passes

And he will take... I'm going to give it to him with disadvantage because he's squeezing through bars right now. Okay. So that is a four plus two, six. Roll damage. 15. You just shoot this cone of fire in the face of this bug in front of you. You smell what you, I guess, assume is the scent of barbecued bug as it just takes this full blast of fire into its face. You still have a bonus action, right? Yes.

And Zwom's around? Yes. I'm going to have Zwom blast him. Okay, sick. So Zwom kind of crawls out of this little tunnel. He's like, I'm the tattoo. He's not, though. I think I'm the tattoo. My friend has a tattoo of me. Zwom really needs this. I'm going to get a tattoo of you. It's very fun, Zwom. And rolls in his attack.

What roll? I'm going to do his ranged attack. Seven, 14. Does a 14 hit? 14 hits. Yes, exactly. Roll damage. Okay, so I'm going to roll my damage 1d6 plus my efficiency bonus. Oh my gosh. So four damage total. I rolled a one. It's embarrassing. I rolled two ones tonight.

He is very, very hurt, but still alive. He looks up at you. You can smell his, like, cooked carapace. It's disgusting and snarling right in your mouth. After that, Grib, it is Rufus's turn. Rufus, back on the surface, you're fighting this one in your face. Your assistant of sorts, or serpent as you put it, really fucked up, and you hit once. What do you do? Okay, well, it's time for me to...

gather myself, gather my footing, swing my axes, twirl them around in both hands to reset them. Everyone knows that's what you do when you want to reset a weapon to get ready to attack. Do a quick twirl. Get them centered. Very Legolas. Yes, exactly. It's a very Legolas move. So now, yes, I'm going to swing both those axes again hard. I'm going to swing them down both overhead full. I hit my mic while demonstrating how to swing an axe.

It looks cool for the viewers at home. Really good. Well, the thing is, yeah, I wish we had video. If only. God, I looked so sick when I did the twirl and then swung them down as hard as I could. And hit by my...

And so I'm going to swing these. And then I was also going to do an action surge. Cool. So that would give you one more attack. You'd only get one more. So you could do a total of three attacks with that. Great. So then maybe I swing both axes down. And then on a surge, I swing one, pull one axe back and undercut swing it. Great. Roll your attacks. Roll three attacks. Great. We got five attacks.

We got one of the top two misses. Five. We got nine. So you see Gunner. So the nine, he can't even really do his thing to help you hit it. So you look at it's just a myth. Rufus, he says this plan out loud, of course, before he does it. Swings down. Everyone watches. I execute this axe attack.

The entire camp at Fort Cutler stops fighting, bugs included, looks over at you. And as you swing both your axes down, hit it, one pops out of your hand. The other one didn't do anything. And then you swing it back around to try to finish it off. And then it hits it and it pops out of your hand. Hang on. Okay. Okay. That one got away from me. Did he just say whoop?

I think he said whoop. That's part of it. Sometimes it goes like that. So, ha-ha. You heard your leader. Sometimes it goes like this. Gunner has got your back. Gunner is going to take three attacks as well. That servant is so good. Gunner's going to be actually cool. Yeah. Gunner is just expanding on what I already laid down. I walked so Gunner could run here.

Yeah, Gunner is going to take two more hits twice and kills this bug. Yeah, thank you, Gunner. You definitely softened him up with those three axes. He loosened the lid. That's right. After Gunner, it is now Phillip's turn. Phillip is like wounded around the corner from this snarling bug that is chomping at Grib's face. And he's going to just take a bow attack. He's not going to get closer because he's like...

got these horrible acidic wounds on him. He can actually make two ranged attacks, so let's see. He rolled a two and a four. So he is just in so much pain that he just, like he's never shot an arrow in the dark in a dungeon. And they ping off the side of this creature ineffectively. So after Philip, it is Freya's turn. Freya, you can make a perception check if you'd like. We got a 22. Ooh.

Yeah, you see that there's kind of a lot of shit happening all over the place. You hear screams and fighting everywhere. You do hear a scream coming from the castle itself as Philip screams fighting. You hear the bug yelling. You hear this British man yelling, fuck off. And you see this sort of almost Bugs Bunny tunnel all the way up to that wall. I'm going to say that like,

with your full movement on your turn. You know what? Make a nature check if you want. 19. I'm going to say that because this thing is burrowing into the side of the castle and you can see where it is, you can make a strength check to get in the burrow hole if you'd like. Because otherwise you have to go around the whole castle and that will take a couple of turns. Okay. So if you do this, you might have an ability to see this thing sooner.

19. Freya, you're able to like

Like, you jump up with your heavy armor and sword. You're able to punch into this hole where you hear just a screaming monster out of you. You see a flaming mushroom creature that you've never seen before. You can use your full movement to get... Let's see. Frey, you have 30 feet of movement. I'm going to say with 30 feet of movement, you can get to the point where you can see the bug, but you can't hit with your sword. Do you have anything else you can... Yes. Can I... Do I have enough room if I sort of...

muscle around to make space can i throw my javelin yes i'm gonna say you can do it with disadvantage okay because it's very hard to do because you're in a little tunnel that you have to like kind of avoid this mushroom thing um let's deal with this advantage okay uh so yeah 20 jeez you've rolled like a monster all night freya is swinging goddess sophie all right roll damage

Damage nine. Rufus, once again, you see... Rufus, once again, watching. Not calling for any attention at all. You see this half-elf Terminator pop through this hole in the ground. And from there, you don't see anything. But Grib, you hear something...

in the tunnel, maybe presumably more bugs, but then you see this flash of light and a spear stick out of the side of the head of the bug in front of you. It snarls for a second and then just hangs limp dead in front of you. As this happens, you see the rest of the soldiers around you

just kind of finishing off the few bugs that are left. There weren't that many bugs overall compared to the guard that is here, so it did take a minute, but they were able to kill all the ones that they could see. And with that, you guys are out of combat. Wow. Sorry I couldn't be cooler in the way that I fought everyone. I understand. I can see Freya, right? Yeah, I was going to say, Freya, you can crawl out of that tunnel into the prison cell if you'd like. Okay.

Really good show, old chap. Do you mean it? Do I mean it? Are you making fun of me? No, not at all. Why would I make fun of somebody that I'm just meeting? Well, because I know I'm pretty forgettable and kind of a blank and I just, you know. My name's Grib. I just sort of ignore the darker thoughts there. My name's Freya. A pleasure to meet you.

- Rufus, what are you doing up there on the surface? - I crawl in through the tunnel, kind of trying to avoid the gaze of the other men who have come around me. Just going, "I'm just gonna go handle this downstairs." I crawl into the tunnel. - They're like very much avoiding looking at you to a suspicious degree. - So I crawl down into the cell. So now I'm standing face to face with Agrib and Freya.

I just had to follow you down here to see if you dispatched that bug most excellently. Are you also making fun of me? No, I'm not. It was the most insane demonstration of combat skills with lethal effect that I've ever seen in my life. I mean, it was truly mind-blowing to watch. Let me shake your hand. She's suspicious. This feels like a razz.

But she does it anyway. A few seconds later, you see Gunner kind of crawl through and he's like, "Master Cutler, if what this man says was true before, that acid absolutely melted him. It seems as though your father's in danger."

My father and brother perhaps missing. If they hadn't returned with the patrol, we have no idea where they might be out in the forest. They could still be alive out there, Gunnar. Alive! I, you know, kind of hanging my head with the weight of maybe my father is missing and I...

My father and brother are missing, so I turn to go kind of lean dramatically on a wall. But I turn and I'm just face to face with Grib for the first time. I'm really seeing him in any kind of significant way. Holy hell! You're the prisoner I was on my way to see. You are undoubtedly the elephant man. I would much prefer to be just called a man. Fair enough. Let me shake your hand, right? Yes.

Yes, I have normal hands, but my feet look like elephant feet. Good, got it. I shake his hand and, uh, let me assure you whatever they said about me is not true. And let me assure you whatever they are about to be saying for the rest of the day about me is also not true. Although, very quickly, if you and I continue to talk, I promise I'll tell you my favorite fruit. Fruit reveal next episode. You're gonna learn Grib's favorite fruit. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Freya, what were you going to say? I was just going to assure them that nobody had talked about me to them, but that doesn't matter. I'm sure every, I think everyone is talking about you, Freya. That's all I was hearing. Zwom pops up and says, he's got a tattoo of me. Just, that's what people are saying. How nice. What is this? Yeah, I have, this is the first I've seen of this guy. That's where we're going to end the episode. Um,

Wow. On the tails of a fruit reveal, a favorite fruit reveal. It's what keeps people coming back. Sure. I'm curious about the mystery of the bugs, but I'm more curious about what kind of fruit this guy likes to put away. Truly. Definitely a sharper mystery. Uh, more and more in clear view of all of us. Um,

Well, that was our first episode of the third arc. Very excited to keep it up and continue and see what lies ahead for these three clearly best friends. So this has been the first episode of the third arc. Thank you to Jacob, Devin, and Victoria. What's everyone's Twitter handle if anybody wants to follow them? You can go and slap me a follow on all the socials at Jacob Wysocki. Great.

Victoria? Yeah. Instagram, Victoria Longwell. Twitter, I got to tell you, I think it's LongwellV. Okay, cool. And I'm at thatdevinfield on Twitter and Instagram. Wonderful. Does anyone have anything else they want to plug?

I do. I host a podcast with Greg Gallant called First Hand, and we're coming back for our third season. You could go listen to the first two and listen to the new one starting to come out on April 6th. Incredible. Yeah, and I am also hosting a podcast called Friends Talk Frasier and Feelings with Talia Tabin. We just started it. We got eight episodes out if you want to check that out.

Hell yes. And I just want to plug the idea of listening to just an old album you listened to in middle school. Oh, that's really nice. Just listen to an old album you listened to in middle school. Yeah, report back here. What would your pick for that be, Jacob? What's your middle school album you're tossing on? Oh, God, probably Freak on a Leash by Korn.

Yeah. Nice. Okay. Anyways. Well, we'll discuss more about Freaks on a Leash on the Arc Bark as these freaks are let off their leash. And we talk about this episode and whatever else comes up. Thanks for listening. Okay. Bye. Maybe. Maybe.