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Welcome back to the Rotating Heroes podcast. I am Zach Oyama. I'm sitting here across from... Jess William. Cut right. Sorry, I cut you off. No, no, no. I'd rather... I can't believe you got it right. Oh, I got it right? Okay, good. Thank you. I was so... I was really, really, really close to saying Dwayne the Rock Johnson, but I didn't. I mean, I wish. I wish, dude. Oh, you wish I was Dwayne the Rock Johnson and not me? No, I want you to be you. I just felt like you valued my friendship. I wish you were as strong as Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Me too, actually. That's a good...
Amazing. Do you actually think your life would be different if you were that strong on a daily basis? Yes, absolutely. I can't even calculate the ways in which my life would be different. Sure, sure. Do you think you'd break stuff by accident? All the time. I think I'd break stuff from my sides. I think I could knock stuff over. Yeah. It's so wide. My shoulders would be breaking the sides of door frames. Every door. Do you know I used to, this is a fun fact, I used to have an Afro that was so big I used to brush doors. No, no, brush them.
That would be wild if it broke. Oh my gosh, I have to see a photo. I will, I'll share a photo. Uh,
And I don't know, if you go on the Patreon or something, I'll post the picture on there so you can see my giant afro. But yeah, it was so big that it was like, it went past my shoulders and I'd sort of, if I walked close to like the edge of it, I could brush the doorways. It's pretty wild. That's incredible. Well, speaking of big, we're talking about big steaks here. We are talking about big steaks. The steaks have gone up. I believe things are getting real. Sirloin fillet. Sirloin fillet? Steaks. Yes. Yes.
Sorry. I'm used to hearing filet here in the States. Sorry, now what? Well, I mean, gosh. Well, I'll have to ask you more about the different cuts of meat. Yeah, we'll do that on the Patreon. That feels like very exclusive Patreon content to me. But hey, let's take it away with the second half of...
arc one episode three take it away past zach nice and now presenting a rotating in our last episode we started with the riddle or rather pitch meeting of the robo sphinx where brenda elizabeth immediately pitched an idea she knew to be incredible
Ha!
Upon realizing that Galfast the horse wasn't in the lobby, the remaining contestants followed Barnabas's... Can you help me out? Barnabas's... Barnabas? Barnabas or Barnaboy? Barnabas. Is it one Barnabas? Barnabas. It's one Barnabas's plural form. Oh. Barnabai. Barnabas. Barnabas.
Wait, one Barnabas's plural form? That's a contradiction. I mean, one Barnabas's possessive form. Barnabas's. Barnabas's. Barnabussy's. Barnapussy's. Barnapussy's, yeah. Uh...
Upon realizing Galfas the horse wasn't in the lobby, the remaining contestants followed Barnabas's lead to the elevator with promises of finding Galfas in the small forest atop the obelisk. On the way up, though, they had their final challenge. So you're in this enclosed area. It's almost like a stop sign shaped room that you're in. Noctica.
- An octagon. - I prefer stop side shape. - What would you call an octagon if there were 12? - A dodecagon. - You're in a dodecagon, baby. - Hell yeah. - As these little snakes slither out, Brenda Elizabeth, you see these iron looking cobras. They look kind of like the stuff that was made in that previous factory room. - Like the toys?
They're a little more clockwork-y rather than futuristic looking. Okay.
but they are slithering out eyeing that egg. So far, you see three snakes. And these are coming from all sides? Yes, they're coming from three different sides. Can I do an insight check on these creatures to see if I can ascertain what threat they might pose? Sure. And maybe an insight check on the egg to understand what its needs are. Oh my God, I just crit. I crit on my insight check. Awesome. Yes, yes.
Brenda Elizabeth, this all makes perfect sense to you. Of course this would be the final trial. You're looking around. You see these little cobras coming out. You see Barnabas's fingerprints all over this. He's just made a fun game. Okay, so it's not an egg and sperm analogy then.
It is not an egg. I've been reading some growing and changing bodies ever since my ripening. And so the visual is there in my head. Ripening. Look.
The old Brenda Elizabeth would, of course, let her hormones get the better of her. But no, this is a more stable, definitely a very adult- Brenda Elizabeth really appreciates being described as stable. You know that these snakes are just-
You know, these snakes are just trying to grab the egg and get out of there. They'll probably attack you or do something if you get in the way, but that is their goal. Okay. If that is the case, Brenda Elizabeth does not actually, Brenda Elizabeth will, no, Brenda Elizabeth is not going to use one of her starry forms this turn. Instead, she's going to cast entangle on these snakes. Okay. I did describe it as they're in different corners, so you'd only maybe be able to hit one if you did entangle. Okay.
But does it look like they're coming out from different quarters? Like there will be a procession? Yeah, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to do my star report.
I'm going to go into by dragon form. - Cool, Brenda Elizabeth shines brightly as a floppy dragon. - No, you know what? I think I'm actually gonna do, so sorry, so sorry about this. Sometimes when you go first, it's nerve-wracking. Yeah, fuck it, I'm not gonna do that just yet. I'm just gonna go ahead and try and kill one of these snakes. I'm gonna cast Heat Metal on one.
- What is heat metal? - Choose a manufactured metal object such as a metal weapon or a suit of heavy or medium metal armor that you could see within rage. You cause the object to glow red hot. Any creature in physical contact with this object takes 2d8 fire damage when you cast this spell. Until the spell ends, you can use your bonus action on each of your subsequent turns to cause this damage again.
If the creature is holding or wearing the object, it takes damage from it. The creature must succeed a constitution saving throw or drop the object. If it doesn't, then it basically said, I'm casting it on the creature just to do 2d8.
fire damage. Cool. Awesome. I guess, yeah, it can't, because there's no attack or anything. It's like, usually you cast it on a metal object, so I don't know how it works when it's a metal construct. I imagine it, wait, did it say a constitution saving throw? It says if a creature is holding or wearing the object and takes damage from it, the creature must succeed on a constitution saving throw or drop the object if it can. Man, well, fuck these snakes, I guess. Uh,
- So you cast it on one of the snakes? - Yeah. - Yeah, do you wanna just roll damage, I guess? - Okay. - With that insight too, do we know, are these like purely metal snakes or these cyborgs like Nymfari? - These are just metal snakes. - Just six damage, six fire damage. - I will say though that you feel like more are coming, just to throw that out there with that insight. - There's 12 sides, of course. - Yeah. - And there's something up with these walls.
Okay. Cool. Well, six damage and I could keep that glowing red hot one. I can keep doing the damage as a bonus action. Okay. So one of these snakes has taken six damage. He's still kicking. He's just like, you know, like his little tongue is sticking out all melty. Like,
I'd love to put that in a coil. A little gout of flame comes out of its mouth. Looks kind of cute. Oh, no. Are you baiting me to not fight these? Not at all. No, I'm honestly not.
So yeah, you do six damage to one of these snakes. Next up on 20, the walls begin to shimmer and look almost like a kaleidoscope. They're like almost entrancing you as you stand in this platform. It's hard to look anywhere but there. Everyone make a wisdom saving throw. Is this an illusion or a charm thing? Because I have advantage against those. What does confusion count as?
- Frankly, I don't know. - It may or may not be, I am not sure. - And I'll also do a quick rules check here. I have gnome cutting, so I have advantage on all wisdom saving throws against magic. Would that apply here? - I'll say that this is like, this like, artificery stuff is like basically magic. - Okay. - Brenda Elizabeth does not have advantage, but she could roll a natural 19, which gives her a 25. - Sick.
I just have such bad wisdom. Charm person, crown of madness, hypnotic pattern, dominate person, dominate monster, dominate beast, animal friendship. Okay, so I don't have a button. No problem. I rolled a six. And I rolled a 16 with a plus one for 17. What do you think? Okay. Brenda, Elizabeth, you were expecting something weird to happen and we're a little more prepared and I
Turbine, you also, you know, with your numb cunning, knew something was happening and that left you a little more prepared. Astrid, you at this point were a little bored. You were excited for these snakes to come, but they're moving a little slower than you were hoping.
When the wall starts shimmering and you see in the walls just sort of like cool colors and lights that just sort of blend and just refract from each other, you have to roll a D8. Let me know what you get. Oh, I see. Okay. I got a seven. I'm just thinking about getting this wallpaper for my bedroom. Okay.
Okay, so you use your action to make a melee attack against a randomly determined creature within your reach. Oh no. Oh no, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
I think it's only Turbine, right? Oh, no. Oh, yeah, Turbine. You did a read about it. Okay, so maybe it's Turbine. And the snakes are not close enough to us to be... They're, like, at the edge of the room. They have not gone. How far away are they? It's a 50-foot radius on this platform. And how big... These are, like, traditional cobra-sized snakes? They're, like, little... Yeah, they're not huge. Well, luckily for you, I haven't gotten into a rage yet. Oh.
That is lucky for me. Or Brenda Elizabeth. Or Brenda Elizabeth. How do I, do I roll a D2? I thought Turbine was just next to you. Oh yeah, I can just do Turbine. I rolled a 12. What's your armor class? My armor class is 13. Oh, I miss you. Thank God. Nice, nice. Ow! I'm just like distractedly looking at this wallpaper and just swinging my...
Just aimlessly, not really looking around. It's like you're holding something, you turn your whole body. Yes. It's like a slapstick routine. I just want to see if the light is happening all around me. This black and white movie is happening right here. It's crazy. So Astrid thankfully misses you. Astrid. Yes. I'm not sure if this makes you lose your turn. You don't lose your turn.
Oh wait. Oh no. It does. The creature uses its action to make a melee attack. Oh but I can still do a bonus action then when we get to my turn. Yes if it's your turn. Cool. Okay so now it is your turn. Great I go into a rage. Just don't get confused again. I go into a rage and I
in front of one of the snakes. I get between the egg. -You plant your feet in a path of a snake, beckoning it forward. -I'm still close enough to the egg that I can move around, but I'm clearly going up to it. -You're playing defense on this egg pretty well. -Is the egg on a little pedestal in the middle of the room? -Yes, it's on a little platform.
It looks like a fancy, what are those eggs that people have? Like a Fabergé. Like a Fabergé. Fabergé. But, you know, a little more copper and it's made of metal. Cool. Now it's the snake's turn. They're all going to use their movement to try to get as close as they can to the egg. So they're taking dash actions forward. Does that snake take damage now? Or is it on your turn? I think it might be a bi-turn. Although, let me see.
If it doesn't drop the object, it has disadvantage on attack rolls and ability check until the start of your next turn. Takes 2d8 fire damage when you cast a spell until the spell ends. So I'll use a bonus action. Cool. So they close distance. Brynn and Elizabeth, I think, yeah, I guess you would get an attack of opportunity if you wanted. Really? I think everybody gets one because y'all are all still sort of in the way of snakes. The egg. Okay, then. I'll go for my Sibitar.
that's gonna miss unless their AC is 10.
Their AC is unfortunately not 10. Cool. I swing wildly. I follow Astrid's lead. I'll take mine. Oh, I crit. Yes. With a nat 20. Sick. Okay. So roll double dice on that. Oh, it's double dice? For a crit on a weapon attack. Yeah. So like, whenever die, it says you roll that twice. Okay.
Okay. And then add whatever the modifier is. That is not double. So that's eight. Turbine, you look at this thing. You remember earlier when you were fighting those Warforged things, you're just trying to dig into the circuitry of the shit, and you stab a snake with a sword. Cool. It's still kicking, though. Okay. Astrid, another. Golden at one. Wait, even with rage? Yes.
Oh, wait, I'm raging. You're right. Oh, God. Wait, are you taking a reckless attack? Yeah, I guess I'll make it. Can you reckless attack on? I don't think you can do it on no reaction. I don't think you can. Yeah, so I rolled a net one. Never mind then. Okay, so Astrid, once again, whiffing hard. I just smashed my toe with my wallhacket.
Astrid, try not to think about your wallpaper in your hotel room. God, if I was wearing those boots.
So we are entangled with the snakes. All the snakes are alive at this moment? At this moment, yes. Will this cost me an action? Can I do a history check on these walls to see if I can understand them? As an artificer, I can get... Let's see, where is this? With my artificer's lore, I can add twice my proficiency bonus to history checks related to magic items, alchemical objects, or technological devices. Can I use that to get a sense of what's going...
with these walls if there's any like special weakness. - Yeah, I mean, it is what it is. Like they like, they create this sort of confusion effect to dismantle them would be probably take a lot longer than you have. - Okay. - You could try to do that, but you would be leaving the egg and snakes to do their thing. - Do you have distance spells? Because you have those boots that have levitate on them. - Most of my spells are healing. I could grab the egg and just hover, but then I wouldn't be able to do a whole lot of damage.
But I think that's a good, like, Hail Mary. You could definitely do that. Okay. So I won't worry too much about that then. All the walls are doing this, like, confusion thing. It's not like I can just, like, try to break one and...
they'll all like be like taken out of commission again it just feels like it's going to take a lot of effort to break these walls or do anything with them okay it would maybe lower the dc i'm trying to think of what would happen with it but uh i don't know that it that that depends on you actually effectively breaking it well then what i will do i think is i will
I guess it just makes no sense to keep stabbing this snake who's already at the end of my weapon, especially because I think there's going to be more snakes and stuff coming up. I might save some of my big guns for right now. I think it's a good idea. I'll just try to attack this snake again. Keep digging into the gears there. So I'm rolling that. That is a 14. That hits. Cool. Roll damage. That is nine points of damage.
Ooh, so you did eight and then nine? Yeah. Okay, you just...
- Fucking fillet this whole robotic snake. - I would be like a kid eating spaghetti, just digging the rapier in and twisting it so it just pulls all the wires out. - Oh, snake spaghetti. - Ew. Yeah, you fucked this snake up. It is no more. There's still two snakes around. Do you do anything else with your turn? - Yeah. Who wants bardic inspiration? - It seems like maybe Astrid could use it on a saving throw or something. - Yes. - Sure.
So I'm going to, as a bonus action, I'll, I twist the state guts out and then pull out my hurdy-gurdy. So many twisted things.
I'm just twisting everything. He's like doing like one of those like challenges little kids do on a playground where they're like trying to rub their tummy and pat their head. But one is killing a snake and one is spinning a hurdy-gurdy. So I give that card of inspiration to Astrid. Cool. We're now back at the top of the order. Brenda, Elizabeth, your turn. As my bonus action, I would like to activate my heat metal again on that one. And I already rolled the damage and I got 14.
- Hell yes. So you did 14 damage to this guy? - Yeah, 14 plus the original six. - So that snake is like climbing up to the egg and it's already like white hot. - Don't scramble the egg. Don't scramble the egg. - Grimaces like with a cute little smile and explodes.
And then acid explodes. And then that concentration spell is gone. I think I'm going to cast. Tell me, will I hurt the egg if I cast entangle around the egg? No, I don't think you will. Okay, then I will cast entangle around the egg. Does entangle do damage? It doesn't do damage. It makes it hard to move around there and they can get stuck.
Grasping weeds and vines sprout from the ground in 20 foot square, starting from a point within range. For the duration, the ground in this area is difficult terrain. A creature in the area when you cast the spell must succeed a strength saving throw or be restrained by the entangling plants until the spell ends. So the one that's there has to do a strength save or be restrained. Okay, cool. So you cast that and it will roll that.
Ooh, that's pretty good. It rolled a 17. What did it need to roll? That's more than my... So this buff-ass robot snake flexes, dodges this somehow. So he passes, but now the area around it is difficult terrain, so maybe future snakes will have a difficult time. Do any of us have to make a save there, too?
You wouldn't have to do a strength save to be restrained, but it does mean that it's difficult terrain. Okay. But I'm assuming that we move faster than snakes. So hopefully it will be. Sure.
That becomes difficult terrain. Cool. You got anything else for this turn? That's all. Cool. So after your turn on initiative 20, three more snakes enter the room and the wall shimmer once again, a little brighter than before. Everybody give me a wisdom saving throw. Once again, my wisdom is so bad. Oh, that's going to be a fail for Bread to Elizabeth. That is also a fail for me.
Did you add your bardic inspiration? I mean, I got a four. I don't think bardic. I got 11. Okay. Everyone is confused. Everyone failed. So on your turn, you'll have to make another wisdom saving throw or do something with your turn. Pretty colors. You know what? You're right. It is beautiful. Wow.
Don't you think that things look cool in my ceiling? Is it just me or is this like a magic eye? I feel like I could see dolphins. Yeah, if you keep looking at it, you can see other things like through like another level of it. Yeah. I honestly, I don't want to beat a dead horse, but I see horses riding dolphins in the ocean. Wow. Wow.
Barnabus is like, "What does that look like?" Yes, so what's happening here? You already failed the check, so roll a d8 and let me know what number you get. Okay. A five. Okay, the two through six creature doesn't move or take actions this turn. So just sit there staring. Next up is Astrid, you also failed. Yep. I got a five.
Do nothing. Also sit there still. Just like it's so pretty. I know, I know. It's like...
Is this crazy? Do you feel like you can kind of taste it? Yes, yes. I do, yeah. Like, just by looking at it, it feels like you can kind of taste it a little bit. It tastes like bubble tape, you know? Yes! Yeah, right? It's a bubble gum that comes out like tape. I haven't had bubble tape in so long. Yeah, and it gets kind of like chalky and brittle. It's really chalky. Yeah, it's like hard bubble tape. Yeah. Ugh.
Grandpa Brendan's bubble tape is always hard. He buys it from the dollar store and everyone knows that kid. He's gone bad.
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As you are confused, you see this bubble tape grab the egg, hoist it off the platform, and begin to move away. No!
Remember, it's difficult terrain. It's difficult terrain. Oh, okay. So I was already going to say that they can only move half their distance while holding the egg because they're snakes. Now I can only move a quarter. So if it's taking a dash action, which is supposed to be 60, now I can only move a quarter of the speed over. For how? For like 15. 15 feet? Is that what you said? It's for 20 feet, I think. For 20 feet? Okay. Let me see. Intensify.
Tinkle says on the ground, a 20 foot square starting from a point within range. So maybe my math is bad, but I think it moves 15 feet with the egg.
Oh, sorry. I thought you were asking what the range was. Oh, no, no. Or just how big the entanglement is. Yeah, the entanglement is 20 feet. Okay, so with a full dash action, it's only able to move 15 feet with the egg. So it's 15 feet away from the center, trying to take it to one of the edges. The rest of the snakes close in on that snake and that egg. So the three new snakes have tried to join forces. What do they have to make for that strength saving throw? They
- They don't have to make a strength saving throw. It's just when you cast the spell, but then once they get in there, it is difficult terrain. - Okay, cool. - The point was to slow everyone down more so than restrain them. - Next up is Brenda Elizabeth. You are still confused, unfortunately. - I'm confused. Let me see what I do. I rolled a five. I also do nothing. God damn it. I had such a good strategy to get this away. - Absolutely brutal. - Oh God.
We're not a wise bunch. I will say this isn't like the normal condition. You guys come out of it as you every turn. But after your turn, the wall goes. The wall goes. So everyone give me another. Oh, God. I think I'm going to pass. I got a 17 on that one. 17 pass. Oh, no. 18. 12 plus 6. I rolled another 4. Sheesh. Oh, my God. Sheesh. I crit. Oh, okay. Yeah.
Turbine, you crit on this. I will say because you have crit on it, you no longer have to worry about the effects of the confusion. You understand this well enough. Wait a minute. This is just lights. Ha ha ha.
I can't taste this at all. Yeah, I'm crossing my eyes and I can't see the magic eye anymore. No, I can see it. Just keep trying. Turbine, it is your turn. So how far am I from the snake with the egg? I think you're about 15 feet away from that. And I'm on difficult terrain too, right? Yeah, you could go, you could spend more movement to kind of go around it. Has this snake been hurt at all? The one that's holding it has not.
None of the snakes that are alive right now have been hurt. Okay. We're doing a bad job against these snakes. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Okay. Here's what I want to do. A difficult terrain that halves the speed. Is that right? Yes. But they're right on the edge. They're within five feet of the edge. So you could probably like get there easily. So I have a 25 speed. Is that enough to get to the snake if I get like past the difficult terrain and then not have halved? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. I think if you kind of go around it, you'll like approach it from the side. You should be able to get there in 25 feet. Cool. Okay.
then I'm going to run up to this snake. I would like to try to just take the egg and levitate away with my little magnet boots. I want to double check the wording of levitation just to make sure that we can... Oh yeah, I have no idea if this does what I want it to do. You can move vertically up 20 feet and remain suspended there for the... Nice. Yeah! Cool. Okay, so are you going to use it?
Yes, I don't know, but do I need to roll anything to take the egg or there's just dumb snakes and I can just I can pluck it up? I think it's an imposed strength check, right? Okay. Do you want to try that before you use the spell? Yeah, because I want to be sure I can actually get this egg before I try to fly away. So I am rolling strength. Is that what's happening here? Yes. I am very weak. Maybe the snakes aren't that weak. Shit. Shit.
What did she get? I got a three. Oh, no. Oh, dear. They rolled a 14, so this snake is able to hang on to the egg. She's just tugging on this fucking egg. Turbite, he saw what you did to his friend, and he didn't want to be turned into snake spaghetti. I'll let you cast a spell or do whatever else if you want. Is that too lenient? No, because that's just an object interaction. Okay, cool. I think it would be.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking of it as. Yeah. Okay. Shit. All right. How tall is this room we're in? It is extremely tall because this is an open elevator shaft above you going up to presumably the top of the obelisk. Got it. And do we have to worry about this egg breaking or just being stolen? You don't want to damage it, probably. I might not do that plan then. Okay.
Can I, instead of trying to steal the egg, can I just like grapple the egg and like try to like basically like hold on to both the snake and the egg to keep it from going any farther?
So like a grapple check? I guess. Instead of trying to actually take the egg and run away with it, can I just try to hold on to this? If the snake is holding on so tightly to the egg, either hold on to just the snake or hold on to the bundle, you know? Yeah, you can do that. I will say you will pull the higher of the snakes. So it's up to you. Oh, no!
Do you want to make a grapple check? How close are these snakes to me? They're all right there. They're like right on top of you. Yeah, if you have some kind of Rage damage, I don't have any area damage spells stocked today. Okay. Are they within a 10-foot radius of me? Yeah, if you're right there, they should be. Then what I am going to do, I will cast Shatter.
which like all my spells takes the form of a musical instrument so a sudden loud ringing noise painfully intense so I've got what do I have my concertina and that does each creature in a 10 foot radius sphere centered on the point must make a constitution saving throw so I'll make those for the snakes Nat 1
19. 19. Jesus. Seven. So two of them fail and two pass. So on a failed save, those creatures take 3d8 thunder damage. Cool. And the ones who succeeded take half as much damage. Do you want to roll that?
Oh, sure. So I'll roll the failed ones first. So here's the first 3d8 for the first failed snake. First roll. Shit. That is... Oh, no, that's a 7, not a 1. Okay, that's 12 damage. Cool. Damn. Fucked up that snake. It's still alright. Alright, the next 3d8. That is 13 damage. Okay. Okay.
And now these are the halved ones? Now these are gonna be the halved ones. I don't know if we marked which one is the one that's holding the egg. The one that's holding the egg, I was saying took 12. Okay, that's 20 damage. Oh no, sorry, halved is 10. And then the last one, we're all in 3d8. That is 16 halved to 8.
Okay. Yeah, you badly fuck up all these snakes. They're all still alive, but all really hurt. Very sick. Astrid, you're still confused, I believe. So you're just standing there. Okay.
Yep, I'm just maybe touching the wall a little bit. So you just sit there and do nothing. The snakes are going to go. They're going to try to pull the object out of the arena. They still have five feet of difficult terrain. So, Trap, I'll say this. You get a reaction to try to do something to the snake that has it. Okay. What can I do with a reaction? It's just an attack. Well, that seems like the thing to do then, yeah? I guess I'll just do this.
I'm trying to see if there's like any way I can buff this, but I don't think I can. All right, I'm gonna try to hit it. 15? That hits. Yeah! Yes! All right. Okay. Turbine is doing everything. No! Four damage?
You need to do three to kill it. - So once again, Furbine rips this snake into pieces. - This snake spaghetti gross. - So like I said, their movement is halved by carrying it. As you kill that one, another snake comes up to pick up the burden of the last one. It can only move 30 feet without the difficult terrain. So 25 feet with the difficult terrain. It was 15 feet from the center, 25. They're 20 feet away from the edge.
After they move or that's where they are? Okay. So the three remaining snakes are sitting there 20 feet away from the edge of the room. Okay. Okay.
Or I'm sorry, it's 10 feet away because I said this is a 50 foot radius. Oh no. Oh God. Is it Brenda Elizabeth's turn now? It is Brenda Elizabeth's turn. Okay, Brenda Elizabeth would like to cast guidance on herself and run over and try to steal, to try to take this egg back. Sick. Brenda Elizabeth, you run into the fray with all these duplicitous snakes that are trying to take this egg.
-Okay. -They look up at you with their cute robot eyes, smile. -16 on the dice, plus two, plus two, dirty 20. -Nice. -Eight on the die. -Okay, now I'm going to grab it and then I'm going to misty step all the way back.
Oh, shit. Turns like, what direction? Like, towards the center? Back to the podium. Wow. Holy shit. Hang on. Is it guidance? Misty Step is a bonus. Guidance is a cantrip. You can cast a spell and a cantrip. Damn. Holy shit. And I go to the podium and I'm like, Turbine, come here! Turbine!
That's the end of your turn, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Three fresh snakes come out. How many snakes are in there right now? Huh? There's six snakes total right now. Okay. Three badly injured, three fresh. Okay. And you guys are in the center of the room. We have one more shimmering wall effect appear. Everyone make a check to see if they're affected. Okay.
Do I still have to do this with my- You don't. A 16 for Brenda Elizabeth. I rolled a two, which turns into a one. I'll let you give Astrid a hellbent. A hellbent. Thank you. And Astrid, do you still have that bardic inspiration? If that pushes you over the edge? It doesn't look like it does. Astrid. Can I give Astrid my save? No. Because I'm just-
this egg to try to pass it off the turbine I don't have to do anything I just really like this wallpaper I just really like it it's really pretty Astrid is seeing all the nice things she would like to have and uh once again sitting there wow the wallpaper is a metaphor for materialism oh wow and this is a metaphor for fertilization
I don't think it is. The snakes all shake their head, like confused. Like, no, no, no. No, I've read the growing to maturity books. Turbine, it's your turn. You see the six snakes from the outer edges of the room eyeing the egg once more. Yes. Okay, cool. I think I need to know what I need to do. I just want to check the mechanics here. With the little magnet boots, is it an action to cast that levitate? Or is it just like, that's just like, I can just click them on and they do that. I believe it's an action. Let me double check. Okay.
Yeah, it would be an action. And then how does that spell work? Can I just keep hovering there for a while? Am I limited there? It's concentration up to 10 minutes. Okay, cool. So I think I have the movement to just run back towards Brenda Elizabeth, grab the egg, and then just float up away from the eggs. Like a mother bird, just keeping my little egg safe. Cool. Cool.
You get the egg from Brenda Elizabeth and float up. The snakes just look up at you. There's nothing they can do. With that, I'll say we'll end the combat. I'm just picturing like a really low angle shot of just like really unflattering double chin selfies of Turbine and Brenda Elizabeth. No, don't take the picture. Not like this.
It's like the end of a roller coaster when they take the photo unexpectedly. Yeah. So with that, you have successfully stopped these snakes from stealing the egg. The combat ends. Turbine, you're just floating. You're having the time of your life. I'm burping for no reason. Disgusting. Charlie the Chocolate Factory. That's what I'm saying.
I really liked it without context though, too. As you begin to float off, Barnabas appears again and he says, wow, mine's like a steel trap. Truly impressive stuff. Bastard, next time maybe. What?
I got a baby. Do you sell these walls? Huh? Do you sell these walls? We are thinking of offering these walls. Yes. Ashton just becomes a wallpaper burnout. She's just like so chill. Muscles that have been tense her entire life are suddenly relaxed.
While you're on the elevator somehow, having just won this competition, Barnabas is like, Vader, Bink, Bonk, you guys did a great job. We have your resumes on file. Like I said, we're going to keep you for next time. That's a lie. I think this is the end of the road for today, though. I single out just Bonk and I say, good hustle, Bonk. He just nods at you and says, thanks. Hey, Bink.
Maybe later you can explain that idea once more, because I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head all the way around it. I would love to slowly walk you through my doodle book. The whole book? Okay. All right. A hole appears in the side of the elevator shaft and sucks them all in, and they are gone.
As you reach the top, it feels like you're going to slowly just smash into the ceiling. Turbine, you're just kind of floating above the ground, just like kind of hitting the ceiling. My hat is just to hit those ceilings, spinning slowly like an upside down top. The ceiling slides open at that point.
The elevator rises through and you find yourself in this small thicket of woods at the top of the obelisk. Despite being so high up, it seems protected from wind by some kind of technology or magic. It's so high up that people would never have been able to see it from the ground. At the very top of the obelisk? Yeah. So cool. Make a perception check. Cool. I am perceiving... A 12.
12. That is a 19. I got a 5. That's true. I crit once. I did crit once. It was not an important crit, but I did crit. So you guys are at the top of this elevator. You look around. Turbine. You notice this. Galfas is not up here. What? What? Can I do some kind of nature check to see if there's any hoof prints or horse scent on the wind or anything? Yeah.
Yeah, make a... I don't know. I could do investigate or nature or whatever. Whichever of that makes sense. Animal handling? Yeah. I'll do investigation. You can all make these checks now. Oh, I can? Yeah. If I told you all. Galfast, Galfast. Where's Galfast? Okay. I only got a seven. I did roll really well on this. I got a 25 perception or a 25 animal handling. Galfast has never been up here.
There's no hoof prints anywhere. It doesn't even smell. I turn to Barnabas. I hold him by the throat over the edge, daggling him over the edge. Where's Galfast? What have you done with him? As...
I know I would have to do a couple of checks to maybe make that happen. Barnabas is like, I don't understand. I gave specific instructions to bring him up here. I thought he'd love it. I mean, there's all these trees. You could jump over stuff. Are you the boss or does someone work above you? I can I do a check to see if he's lying? Yeah.
Yes. Yeah. 60. He doesn't seem like he's lying. He did tell someone to bring Galfast up here. Who did you tell to bring Galfast up here? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I told Bubbles to bring him up here. I thought that this would be fun for him. And I am in charge. He is very nervous when he's trying to describe himself as being in charge. We did see some of your employees were trying to sort of...
I, for lack of a better word, unionize against you. -Can I do a perception check to see if he's in charge? -Yes. -Where's Bubbles? -I got a 13. -Something about him saying he's in charge feels wrong or he feels like he's shifty about that idea. -I grab him by the neck and tackle him over the edge. -As you grab him by the neck, his-- -I suppose it makes more sense to you. -I have a plus four to intimidation.
-Yes, make a strength check to grab him by the neck. -Can I do an athletics check? -Yes. -Great. I'm going to use that body inspiration. I got a 10 even with body inspiration and plus six. -Can I do the help action because I was prepping myself to do this motion. -I learned this from Brenda Elizabeth. Okay, there we go. I got-- -Yes.
-At 19. -As you grab him by the neck, he rips fully out of his metal suit. He was the little gnome, Tradix, from the painting. -
The one with soot all over its face that I poorly described. He rips out of the body. The metallic beard falls off his face, revealing he has a much smaller head than it seemed like he had before. Little tiny metal points on his ears fall off to reveal he has slightly less pointed ears. He's a chinless wonder. That's why he had the beard. He grew the beard because he doesn't have a chin.
I have a chin. I just wanted to present. I just thought when the last Barnabas died, this place nearly completely collapsed. I had to step up and do something. And as he says this, a cold, unfeeling voice eminence from the facilitator itself. And it says, as you said, the facilitator can do just about anything. It's echoing all around you. It's coming from something within this place. Yeah.
I stamp on the floor again. You guys are banging on the floor. Wait, does this mean there's no job? I thought there could be a job. I was defeated, but I was not killed. And my plans were not completed. But now they are too far along for you to stop us. You hear this very scary voice emanating out as it says that. Ooh.
And Barnabas is just like, "What plans are you talking about? I thought I was just, you know, here to create wonders." And this other voice says, "Why would I let an outsider know? I only let you live at my son's dying request. At first I thought your charade was an embarrassment to the part of my line. I ignored it as we tore it away, but when our plans were jeopardized, he for once actually became helpful. But now the time is nigh.
Your ruse is once again wholly unnecessary. As he says this, everybody make a dex check. Okay. Ooh.
Can I see this? Do I have advantage against it? You feel the whole obelisk rumbling. Okay. And do I have advantage on this because I have the little magnet boots? Yes. I rolled two 11s, which is 14. 11 both times. I got a 17. Wait, you rolled two 11s? Because I also rolled two 11s. I rolled two 8s, but it buffs up to 11. Oh.
As it said, this whole ruse was wholly unnecessary. The elevator falls out from under you and you all start to fall. And that's where we'll end the episode. We don't even have our dex checks, pal.
-You son of a gun. -"The chair-evader, it's going down." I'm sorry that the job didn't turn out to be what I said. -I'm much more distracted by Galfass' disappearance. -Yes, where's the horse? -Oh, I'm sorry. -#WhereIsGalfass, let's get it trending. -Or just where's the horse? -Where is the horse? We gave you all the clues.
Actually, he didn't give you any clothes, really. Well, that was all for this week. Next week will be a talkback where I feel like I'll get a little yelled at. For a change. I have a feeling it'll just be me reassuring you that it was funny to dock Brenda Elizabeth's intelligence. Oh, God. I feel so bad about that. No, it's funny. Immediately was like, you guys really want to get rid of your intelligence?
All three of us already have such low intelligence that getting rid of more of it is on game. If it makes you feel better, because it was my whole intelligence and not the modifier, I didn't actually lose a point from the modifier. It's very funny to have an idea so bad it makes you dumb. Yes.
Okay, well, we'll end it there. Thanks for listening, and we'll be back next week. Thanks for listening. Bye. Bye. Thank you. Thanks for listening. Don't forget to get all new episodes months early and hear the exclusive art barks over on our Patreon. Zach Oyama was your Dungeon Master for this episode, and the characters were Emily Axford playing Brenda Elizabeth, Mike Trapp was Turbine's Pizzles Inc., and Siobhan Thompson is Astrid Starborn. This episode was edited and produced by Zach Oyama and Jasper William Cartwright.
Bye. Bye.