Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
This season, Instacart has your back to school. As in, they've got your back to school lunch favorites, like snack packs and fresh fruit. And they've got your back to school supplies, like backpacks, binders, and pencils. And they've got your back when your kid casually tells you they have a huge school project due tomorrow.
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Who do I have in front of me? Wario. No. Sorry. That's not true. Sorry. I'm continuing the thing from last week. You're the Wario version of... Zakoyama. No. Oh, right. Sorry. Okay. Okay. One more time. One more time. One more time. Okay. Last chance. You are... Brenna Lee Mulligan. Fuck.
Jasper William Cartwright's in front of me. Oh, that's it! Absolutely. That's it. Wario-ing my day. That's it. Gosh, we're getting episode three of arc one. We're cruising, baby. I know, and I'm very excited because I feel like now people are going to have loads of stuff to listen to. Yeah. Can really get into it. There's more depth and flavor to this soup. Mmm.
You know, we've kept it rolling. We're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the thing with tomato soup or whatever. If you cook it longer, like the longer you cook it, the more flavorsome it is. That's what it is. Is it just tomato soup or is it? I'm not confident about that. So I don't know. I think it's a lot of broths. Okay. It's like a general broth rule. I think it's broth rule number one, if I remember correctly. Broth rule number one.
Keep it rolling, baby. Low and slow. Keep it bubbling. We're going to keep this pod rolling. And bubbling. And bubbling with Arc 1, Episode 3. Take it away, Passac. And now presenting the Rotating Eureka! ♪
Welcome back to episode three of the campaign of the Rotating Heroes podcast. We're back, baby. I am joined today by the first ARC crew again. We again have Emily Axford.
Uh, yeah. What do we usually say here? Usually, well, the one time we've really done it, what did we say? We didn't introduce our characters because they weren't introduced yet. Oh, don't we just say like, hi, thank you so much for having me. Yes. Everyone give me their polite answers when I call upon them. Hi, thank you so much for having me, Emily Axford. You're very welcome. Siobhan Thompson.
Hi, Zach. It's so nice to be here with you and my friends, Emily and third guest who you're about to introduce. Thank you so much. You again are very welcome. Thank you. Finally, Mike Trapp. Thank you so much for having me on. I know everyone's very busy. So I just want to thank you all. Seemingly speaking into the wrong mic. We can all hear it, but you're not actually going to pick this up. It's going to be so whispered.
I'm going to put the two mics together like they're kissing. I'm going to whisper into them. Whisper into his Zoom mic. Thank you all for...
Getting quieter and quieter. Thank you so much. The comedian in Zach loved it. The editor in Zach just went completely pale. I really enjoy when Zach has to be the responsible one because he has such big little brother energy that it feels like, you know that time when you're the youngest, but suddenly your older siblings
are like adults, but you have younger cousins, so now you're the oldest kid. That's the energy which I-- -I feel like I'm slowly going underwater and saying, "Please, please, please." -Truthfully, I've always surrounded myself with older siblings, so I never have to take that authority. -Oh, wow.
I think I collect younger siblings. I think as an older sibling, I just go around my life collecting youngsters to replace. Zach, it does have the vibe of like when you ever like play like any kind of like make-believe game with a kid and then something becomes like very serious where it's like, hey, it's like you can't put the teddy bear over there because that's actually like
That's the forbidden area. So we only put plastic toys there. And it's like, okay, cool. I don't know what these rules are, but I guess we're figuring it out. But I would like to think that it makes a little more sense and I have a little more authority than that, right? I don't know, though. I think we're all kind of... I mean, I think that the analogy is pretty fitting. Zach, I think teddy bear rules are all logical and fair.
I think if we were shooting in person, we would all be giving you noogies right now. And it's a shame that we have to. Thank God for the pandemic. I think I always say. Problematic message from Zach Oyala. And speaking of problematic messages, let's get right back into the recap of this episode. So these fucking unions are just ruining the country.
Oh, God. Okay, yeah, let's get back into the recap and then get into the episode, shall we? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The crew began their first impromptu test within the facilitator. Be first to shut down their section of the factory. Our group all chose the fastest, most dangerous route to the finish line, and after getting shocked, electrocuted, and set on fire, they bested the war-forged foremen and safely shut down all the machines, all while only making a few extremely anti-union sentiments.
With the first task concluded... I just believe in a right to work, you know, a right to work in this country. If I accept the pay that they're offering, then why shouldn't I work in this place? It's not fair. I like working at the weekends. This is all good. This is all good to me. Ha ha ha!
With the first task concluded, our team was first on the leaderboard, and the last place team, including our one human mop, was sucked out through tubes out of the competition for good. The remaining nine continued the tour into an eerie boardroom with a digital oceanic view where they were confronted by the great hulking frame of Namfari, the RoboSphinx.
So that brings us back to where we are now. We're in this boardroom where this Robo Sphinx is sitting at the end of a table and addressing you all and says, like clears its throat and it like massive frame, just sort of like you can see the breath come in and out of it as it feels like, I don't know, maybe like it'll roar or something. And then it says, take a seat, please. And points to a bunch of rolly chairs at a big long conference room table. I immediately rush up and sit at the right hand chair.
I gallop to the left. Well, I guess I'll go to the middle. So you all take your seats. I'm trying to surreptitiously doodle the Sphinx while they speak. You taking notes? I like that. Yeah, notes. Okay. I don't know if I need to do a roll for this or anything. I feel like I'd be just super entranced by the workmanship of the Sphinx and just trying to...
Sitting as close as I can and really trying to look at any gaps in sheet metal, look at the wiring, get a sense of the gears, maybe poke a pen in there. I would like to co-conspire with Turbide, and if he gets too close and attracts the attention of the Sphinx, I would like to do a really loud sneeze that almost sounds like a horse's whinny.
The Sphinx notices that you're both too close to it, but is also trying to greet everyone else. Says hello to Raider and Beaconbok, eyes darting down at Turbine. I totally forgot there's other people here. There's eight other people in this room. Noah and the two other dwarves are just like... Instead of sitting on my chair, I just have one leg on it and I'm flexing at the Sphinx to...
Make it intimidated by my massive muscles. This thing is maybe 20 times bigger than you. Yes, yes, but tiny but mighty.
I also hold out my doodle of the Sphinx, angle it so maybe Bonk can see it. Bonk is still looking at this giant robotic Sphinx that is in front of it. Bonk is clearly entranced by this thing they've never seen before. He plays it so cool it's uncanny. Everyone's showing the Sphinx a lot of respect except for you three.
Barnabas stands next to Namfari and Beans. What, you sit at an end of a table and you automatically deserve respect? That's crazy. That's where Grandpa Brendan sits. So yeah, it is kind of the most important seat of the house. So Barnabas is still there and he comes up and stands next to Namfari and Beans.
He's like, so to say that I've had zero help at all would be incorrect. While I do have a lot of mechanical help around the facilitator, one of the few exceptions is a bit of a hybrid. One of the early Barnabas, the early Barnabases? Barnaby! Yes, Barnaby found Nymfari injured out in the world and nursed him back to health with a couple of life-saving upgrades. Oh, so he's like a cyborg. Yeah. I want to be a cyborg. You should make me a cyborg.
Grandpa Brendan has a pacemaker, so he's kind of like a cyborg. Hey, yeah. Oh, that's cool. I think cyborgs are pretty cool. He has his metal beard and arms that are whirring and stuff. Yeah, they're all right. They're pretty cool to me, I would say. It just kind of feels like a shortcut. Real tinkers kind of start from nothing. Okay, well, we don't have to...
Namfari kind of like tosses their like lion mane back and like shakes their like beautiful hair out and says, I guess you could say I owe these guys one. It does like sort of like this like kind of like full laugh. And Barnabas like smiles at him. It's like, that's why we made him the VP of creative here at the facilitator. And with that, I'm just going to let Namfari take it away. Barnabas kind of steps to the side of the room.
and lets Nenfari take over. Nenfari sits forward in his hulking frame, takes up much of that side of the room. He uses a mechanical hand to deftly unscrew the top of a bottle of water and take a sip. The hideous bottle of water, the biggest claw. One of those one-sip wonder bottles. So how was your drive? Oh.
Actually, a ride. You just rode here? Not too much traffic? Yeah, it was pretty good. It was all right. I mostly rode a horse, and there's not a lot of other horse-bound individuals. So actually, yeah, there's not a lot of horse traffic. Yeah, I'm actually in a pretty similar situation to a lot of horses in terms of...
space is being built for me. It's not always ideal. I just want to ask you something on that note, because you say it's a pretty similar situation, but I noticed that there's a pretty strict no horse policy in here, but you seem to be doing okay. Look, that was, I know what sign you're talking about. Yeah, the sign that's in the front. Bear in mind, no equine behind.
Yeah, exactly. Yes, yes. That's more about that actual factory floor rather than the entire facilitator. We have some work to do. And so that's kind of why I'm here to talk to you, actually. Have you ever been a hippogriff?
Have I specifically? I don't change into other animals. No, met one, not been one. I've met all kinds of hippogriffs. Astrid, we've got to table this and talk about this later. I'm desperate to know. Feels like you're lying. I'm pretty smart. Why would I lie? I don't know. Maybe you're trying to impress everyone here. It's not even a big deal for me that I've met lots of hippogriffs. I'm impressed. It's normal.
I'm incredibly impressed. Did you touch their rear quarters, which are a horse? Astrid's so cool. So again, this is a bit of a board meeting. It feels like you guys are just having a conversation. Brenda Elizabeth is doing that kid thing where you slowly start hunching down in your chair. Can you sit upright? Can you sit upright? I am sitting upright. It feels like you're getting lower. Maybe.
Okay, well, let's just, I'm just going to launch into it. Turbine's just playing with the height of his chair. Trying to figure out how the mechanism works. You're so tiny. It goes from being able to barely see the top of your head to just no one's in there. Yeah, I don't like that I can't see over the table, but I also don't like the feeling when my legs are just dangling, so I'm trying to find the perfect middle. Okay.
Hey, well, you know, coming up with solutions is what we do here at the facilitator. Oh, right. We're here for a job interview. Anyways, I'll keep launching into it. One of my strengths is powering through stuff. We're open to getting into new platforms and new spaces here at the facilitator. I've worked here for a long time. I'm really proud of the contributions I've made to this place. As he says, there's a projector screen comes down next to him. He spends...
setting it up. It's input two. It's input two. Yeah, input two, I think, is your problem there. I tried that, I thought. No, I think you did input one and input three, but I... But the yellow with the red and the red with the yellow. Yeah. I'm colorblind. So...
While there are many wonders inside the facilitator, I'm proud to say I've created a number of them myself. Some might say these classic Namfari hits speak for themselves, such as it presses a button on the remote for the projector. You see that weird ball that was creating the paintings outside that has a paintbrush on it. This is the brush ball. You see the brush ball painting a huge portrait of Namfari, the Mechano-Sphinx, and the portrait of his hair looks extra coiffed in the mechanical parts.
The mechanical parts of his body shine extra bright.
The de-domesticator, Nymfari operates a purple Honey I Shrunk the Kid style machine that shoots a laser at a chocolate lab. The dog is hit with a purple beam and after a blinding light is like a wolf in the same spot. It's like the coloring of a chocolate lab. I get in the way of the beam. Pretty cool, right? This is a projector. It's not really there, Astrid. I knew that. Common mistake.
So, yeah, the projector is projecting an image, but that would not be the same as the laser within the projector image. I get it. And one of my favorites, presses the button again, you see Namfari standing there with four mechanical boots on as several Warforged robots around him fall over as, like, the ground shifts. Little magnet boots.
We saw those at the gift shop. Oh, yeah. We're moving them to market. And that's the official product name? Little Magnet Boots? Yes. Great. We've always known that. Okay. You know, my father is very influential in the town, and a lot of people take fashion advice from me, so...
Well, maybe it would be really good for you as a marketing thing for me to have a pair of little magnet boots. Interesting. You know what? Let's talk later, actually. So this is why I brought you all here. This is what this specific trial is or, you know, stage of the job interview. We're looking for new ideas and we want the next great idea person. So let's hear it. Pitch me. Also, though, I have to admit that.
I'm a bit of a stickler. I'm a bit of a hard ass. If I don't like something, I won't mince words. So pitch very, very carefully. Okay, I think I'm already ready. Uh...
Noah raises his hand and says, what about a block of wood that you can't break with an axe if someone throws an axe too hard at it because they're really strong for a kid? And Amfari looks at Noah and kind of grimaces at the idea and says, I don't know.
I don't know about that. And as he says this, he snaps his fingers and you see Noah's face look confounded for a second and a little beam of light comes from his head and starts swirling around Namfari and turns into a little rock. His intelligence has been permanently lowered by one.
So just pitch carefully again. A statue printer for whenever you want a statue of yourself, but you don't want the bother of finding a good sculptor. Let me just get into like the mechanics of this real fast. Sorry, I could be clear about this. I still think mine is good. Great. Um,
So you guys can pitch ideas to Nampari when you pitch what I think is an actually good idea. Or if you want to make an insider perception check, you can. You may or may not get advantage. And with your idea, you have to roll a persuasion check. Okay. Okay. This is difficult because Brenda Elizabeth does not have good, does not read the room well.
So if I am to roleplay this accurately, I will be setting myself up for failure with a minus one to persuasion. And I'm absolutely 100% going to do that.
Yeah, I mean, pitch away if you feel like it. We're already, we're in kind of an interesting middle ground where we already have one extremely bad pitch. Okay. Sorry, sorry, your name's Noah. And Noah looks up, he was just staring at the ground, like, slightly stupider than he was before. Like, what?
Brenda Elizabeth puts a incredibly rigidly straight hand into the air. Uh, yeah. Okay. And it's only quivering a little bit. Uh, Brenda Elizabeth? Okay. This is something I've been thinking about for a really long time. It's a market that has not been addressed. Um, I think that it would be a saddle for a dolphin so that a horse could go see the ocean. Okay.
I'm sorry, you're saying a saddle for a dolphin so that a horse can see the ocean. So the horse can ride the dolphin. So the horse can ride the dolphin. Because a horse deserves a day off. You know how mobs like to have bubble baths? A horse deserves a day off, people. A horse deserves a day off. Wow, what an excellent idea. So there's a bit of two inventions in one.
Elizabeth stands up, takes out her trapper keeper where she already has elaborate doodles of this. I know that you did ask for a visual aid, but I happened to come with one. I'm sorry. I do need the visual aid because it seems like the first invention is a saddle for horses to ride something else when most saddles seemingly are for riding horses.
Yeah, but you know how you like to be, it's like you have a job, but you don't want to be defied by it. I think horses feel the same way. If I may, Brenda Elizabeth.
For too long have not horses been subjected to the saddle? For too long have horses not been our beast of burden, working nonstop? Are we not in favor of the working man? Should not the horse get a chance to ride a different saddle? Should not a horse get a day off? Horses are better than the working man. I've never been disappointed by a horse, and I'm disappointed by working men all the time. Hey, yeah, I agree. Okay, so...
If you guys aren't Astrid and Turbine, give me a persuasion check to be able to offer a help action. I got a nat 20. You got a nat 20? All right, I'll roll my persuasion. Ooh, I rolled it. I got an eight. Okay.
So, Brenda Elizabeth, for some reason, Nanfari looks at... I would think as a beast that is occasionally mounted, you might relate to the burden. Oh, Nanfari looks at this and is like, well, while I'm on all fours a lot, most people know that if they try to ride me, I'll rip them in half. Yeah.
But, you know, something about this Astrid girl is really convincing me. Turbine, cool it a little bit. All right. I lower my chair. Wow, he's just an obelisk cat now. Brenda Elizabeth, you were going to...
I think you eventually got somewhere that actually is convincing and shows a need. So you won't roll with disadvantage. But now that Astrid has helped you with the nat 20, I will say you get an advantage. Okay. Come on, Brenda Elizabeth. Please let your doodles do it justice. I got a three and a two. Which becomes... So a three minus one is a two.
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-Woo! -Woo! -Woo! -Turbine's just listening to Brenda Elizabeth pitch, just like, "I think she's doing it." -Brenda Elizabeth stands so tall and proud. -I hate to do this. I hate to even say this, but I don't really like it. It's not really for us. Navarro snaps his fingers, Brenda Elizabeth.
You feel something sort of tiring your brain a little bit. Like you feel your clarity leaving you as a little beam of light zips from your head and starts, hardens into a rock and starts floating around. I'm sorry I said you. I chased the rock.
I raise my hand. Mr. Sphinx, I just want you to know that what you took from me, I put everything into this pitch. Do you see how many pages I've doodled this? It felt like fate that I was meeting you in this moment. Kid, I appreciate the effort, and I know that this is not the... We're happy to hear other pitches. You just...
I think you might just take it. Let's if anybody wants to make an insight or perception check, they can. Sure. Insight or perception? Yes. I got a 12 perception. I have 21 perception.
Ooh, okay, Turbine. You're looking at the way that Namfari is talking. They're sort of relishing their own words. Some of the stuff in the slideshow really showcase the best side of themselves. So something about that feels like it might be helpful going forward. So I'm down to hear other pitches. A sphinx plushie. It just looks...
Just like you, I would want one of those as a trendsetter. Yeah, think of all the Sphinx plushies you can get. You can get Sphinx looking all cute. You can get Sphinx riding on a dolphin. You can get Sphinx riding on a horse riding on a dolphin. Let's kind of get away from that. Okay, sure. Well, whatever. Fuck me, I guess.
Maybe you should sit and ask me a riddle. I would want that. Nanfari is really pondering this, really hearing what they want to hear. Roll. I mean, whoever has the best charisma maybe should roll, or if you want to boost this in whatever way you can. I have a plus two. I have pretty good charisma, but if this fails, do I get punished for it? Is that how that works? Whoever says it will get punished for it. I'll roll. I got a 15. Okay, so...
You got the lowest score possible to have a good idea. -Yes. -Meeting the odds once again. -Okay. You're on the board. -Okay.
I got something. Okay, so your group has a good idea. If you think you can beat it, I'd love to hear it. All right. Clear my throat. Sort of stand on the table. Wait, maybe you should. How about you stand on the chair and then I'll pump it. So after giving the speech, you slowly rise. Mr. Nymfari.
You have heard of an invisibility cloak. And what I put to you is a visibility cloak. This is a cloak, a cloak that will draw attention to you and make you look your best possible self. I want it. Don't tell him about it. We'll make it ourselves. As much as an invisibility cloak hides you, a visibility cloak attracts attention to you. So you're saying people will...
Want to look at me a little more? I'm saying people will have to look at you a little more. Turbine, don't tell them how you're going to cover it in bells. My secrets! I'm sorry, hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, bells? There's going to be bells on it? Gold bells. What? Oh, shush, I shouldn't have told you. Gold bells? Guys, come on. We can't deliver all our secrets. Next we're going to be talking about all the wind chimes on there. We're getting a little busy with it, honestly.
Look, it's still a prototype. Glitter and sparkly bits. Don't tell them how close to the dark. Close to the dark? Shut up! Do I have to put it out in the sun all day to make it charge up? Does it need to be under a light for the daylight? I mean, just for a small amount of time. Yeah, roll with the advantage. Is it just a charisma roll? It's a persuasion check. Let's see. One.
is a total of 18 and one is a total uh let's ignore that one laughing
It was advantage, right? Yeah. Yeah, okay, 18, 18. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant to say disadvantage. What's the other one? Wow, that's a, let's talk, let's talk. Still got it. Well, I think we're locked in for ideas for you guys. Raider and Bink and Bonk give their presentation. Raider's like, so you know how sometimes in a town there's not a bully? And
It feels like there should be a bully. I'm nodding really hard. This is an app called Bully Finder. It fills the need, social need, Ian, Bink, and Bonk are able to get through as well. With those scores, that would put you guys in first. I'll say that the rest of the crew wraps up their bad ideas. The dwarvish crew weren't able to top. They were too shocked from Noah's bad idea.
And they're just like, we're just going to call it. We don't want to. I think we don't need the job. I don't think we need the job. I like to read. I'm worried that it will affect my. I think I would like to send a really glittery, ornately written note to Noah and just say, I feel you. Your idea was good and you are valid. This is good because Bunk will see that you're flirting with somebody else.
That's a grub, man. This is a grub. Yeah, use Noah to make Bob jealous. Noah's like, it takes a really long time to read it because he is now dumber. You already have like a lower intelligence. That's a B, not a backwards D. Can you put us in those tubes? I want to go home.
uh barnabas is like okay um that sounds good uh we'll send you right home and the rest of you let's uh return to the lobby for the next stage of this the holes appear in the ground again and the three doors fly out the bottom and out of your life out of the rest of the rounds um
Now I'm far as like, okay, well, great ideas, everyone. I'm going to be on vacation for the rest of the week. I'm going on a ski trip. Oh, so mounts can ski, but they can't dolphin back ride. Look,
I know what's important about this idea to you is that you love it, and I'm never going to take that away from you. It's not a good fit for us, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't pursue it in some way. So does that mean Brenda Elizabeth is cool to pitch it around to other places? Yeah. Do I have the option to do that? You could see that. Okay.
And Ambari is like a little like, well, I don't want someone else to have it. Yeah, you know what? Let's set up a meeting next week. Let's set up a meeting next week. Okay, cool. I could do that, yeah. Julius with four skis. Just walking with four skis on. Just constantly tripping over himself. It's like when you see a video of cats wearing socks and they don't really know how to do it.
They're going too high up. It'd be more cost efficient to do two snowboards, but it would make you question, like, which is it? Like, front legs on one ski board? Or is it, like, right side on one? Yes. Going down the mountain side. Yes, if it's Sphinx snowboards, is it like this or like this? I think it's one front paw, one back paw, and the others are pushing. Oh.
- Oh, that's good. - I have to admit I'm not a snowboarder. I'm more of a ski guy. But I appreciate what you're thinking about. Great minds, guys. Good stuff. He leaves. You three, Barnabus, Bink and Bonk,
and raider uh return to the lobby uh there's a new addition uh to the lobby at this point several of the monodrones are like putting the finishing touches on these pods they look like you know like like google or something where like they're like nap pods but otherwise the the room looks pretty much the same is galfast still there galfast is not in here okay
Gafis was here earlier, but he is not there now. Okay. I immediately jump into one of these natpods. I will jump into a natpod as well. Natpod? A natpod. About the way I'm saying it is making it clear. Sounds like you're saying natpod. Natpod. This is the natpod after the natpod. Okay.
Yeah, so as you approach them, you still have those bracelets on, and because you had the ideas that were perceived best, you all got an additional four points. So your bracelets are now all glowing with eight points on them, or eight credits, I should say. Oh.
The canteen is open that you saw earlier that you couldn't buy anything from. And there's also these nap pods. And you can inspect them or whatever before you use them to kind of figure out what they do. Yeah, let's look. But actually, before we do it, I think I should say to Turbine and Astrid, thank you so much for supporting my idea in an uncomfortable moment of rejection. I thought it was good.
I thought it was very bad, but me saying that in front of other people would have made me look bad, so I had to support you. Okay. I think every idea has a kernel of something good in there. You can just keep working at it. I think there's something there. Really? I don't think it's a kernel. I think it's a full bag of popcorn. If you were to create a saddle where we could ride dolphins. No, it's not for people. People have enough mouths. Monsters have none. Bonk walks up and is like, hey, um...
I really liked your idea, but I'm sorry, can you explain it again? I don't think I did. Okay, so it's a saddle for dogs.
That a horse would go on top of the saddle rather than under it. Or a dolphin so that a horse could ride the dolphin into the sea because they never get to go into the sea otherwise. Sort of like a jet ski for a horse. Can you help me visualize it a little bit? Where are the horse's legs during this? The horse's legs are dangling on either side of the dolphin's slick body. How is it attaching to the saddle?
maybe you could take its bridle, the horse's bridle, and attach it to the saddle. I think horses are a lot bigger than dolphins. Will it kill the dolphins? Well, yes,
I guess maybe it could be a pony and a big dolphin. You're right. You know what? This is actually the first bit of constructive criticism. Maybe I should be doing it for baby whales instead of dolphins. This also feels like it's a down-the-line problem. We could start building this, and then you can figure out the size issues.
Also, I mean, if it's just for fillies and colts, which are smaller than a full-grown stallion or a bear, then maybe that's fine. They could get out their youthful desire to see the ocean and then not go again. Like a Shetland pony. A Shetland pony riding a dolphin. Or maybe you build some device to make dolphins super big. I think my friends are calling me. I gotta go. Okay.
I turn to Astrid and Turbine and say, "I think that went really well." Big old thumbs up. I absolutely pick a wedgie. See, Bonk trying to talk to Bink and Raider, clearly trying to explain it and shrugging. Lots of hand gestures. Yes, they all look really puzzled. No one looks mad or mean about it anyway. They're just generally trying to understand.
Elizabeth stares at her Crocs but does not feel shame Barnabas approaches and says by the way I don't know if you're worried about Galfast but he is upstairs this room felt a little unwelcoming to animals so I just it felt like we have this
sort of protected green area on the roof that's perfect for like thinking or taking a break or i imagine if you're a horse it's good for eating grass and um i start updating my schematics of like my my like fan map of the obelisk to like it's like okay there's a green area on top and that's what this is he leans into bruno elizabeth to like tell a secret and it's like i asked bubbles to set up some of those horse jumps for him up there i think it's going to be really nice
I really appreciate you taking Galfast's comfort seriously. Oh, yeah. I mean, I am nothing but a ho, so I'm trying to be a good ho. You're nothing but a ho? No. I said ho. What? Damn, I. This is supposed to be our boss. I would never call you a ho, sir. I would never. I respect hoes. I think it's a good thing. Why are you talking? You're children. What?
I shouldn't say this. I really shouldn't say this, but you guys are my favorite. It feels like it's crossing a line for this process. You guys are doing pretty good. Just don't fuck it up, okay? He walks away and Raider's like, hey, Barnabas. He's like, Barnabas waves at him and keeps walking.
I have a question that maybe you're not allowed to answer or I could do some kind of check for it. Do we have a sense because all of our bracelets, our bracelets have been recording credits, not points. It's so this is confusing. It's points and credits. So like it's representative of your place, but then also gives you the credits to spend. So you're spending the credits won't like put you behind them in any way. That's what I was wondering. Yeah, they're like separate categories.
Okay. So do we collectively have like eight credits to spend or do we each have credits to spend and spending it will not reduce our place in the order? Is that correct? Yeah, I think that is the correct. I think it's kind of like a bonus, right? It's kind of like here's some spending money because you're in first place, not you're in first place because you have the most spending money. Yes, yes. It's not a pool between your team. Okay, so should we canter over to the cantina and see if there's anything we could purchase? Yes.
Yes. Let's canter the cantina. Just to point it out, the nap pods cost four credits. Cost four credits. Yeah, that's what I assumed. Can I do an investigation on these nap pods? Yeah, yeah. You guys can all roll an investigation if you want. Maybe somebody who is more intelligent than me can do an investigation. My investigation is pretty good. I got a three.
I have a total of 17. Okay. Yeah, from what you've gleaned from it... I got a nine. This will effectively give you, in the time of a short rest, it will give you a long rest. Oh, hell yes. So you can get all your stuff back. Yes, I would like that. What are the offerings and prices at the cantina again? So you guys wander over to the canteen. Canteen or cantina? Either way. All right.
The cantina, Moss Isley. Listen to some jizz music. Yeah. So they have a couple of things. They have minor healing potions, regular healing potions, and one set of little magnet boots. The little magnet boots are four credits. The minor healing potions are two, and the regular healing potions are three. Do we have eight credits altogether, or do we have eight credits each? Yeah.
And you've all spent four if you do the nap pod. Is there more than one pair of boots? There's only one pair of boots. Oh, I see. Well, obviously I buy the boots without consulting the rest of the team. Okay. Wow. I love your initiative, Astrid. I wish I were more like that. Well, to the nap pod. To the nap pod.
So now that you have those boots, you have advantage on dexterity saving throws on metal objects. I actually already have advantage on dex. So maybe somebody else should have the dex. I don't know if it would be an astrid. Wait, you have a dex advantage because of barbarian. I have advantage on dex effects that I can see if I'm not blinded, deafened, or incapacitated. Got it. Emily, how's your dex?
My dex is actually pretty good. Why don't you take them? I mean, mine's pretty good too, but I have a plus three to my dex. For my dex saves, I have a plus four. So you should take it. The second part of it is that they also allow you to cast levitation once a day. Oh,
Astrid immediately is like, shit! Turbine, you get these little magnet boots. They're kind of like a shiny chrome look, but it's kind of soft sneaker material. I give four credits to Astrid. Let me buy those off you. Thank you, Turbine. I am definitely looking at those shoes like, if we get to a point where we're going to levitate, I'm going to rip them off his feet. Ha ha ha!
If I have one of them, can I cast half a levitation spell? That's interesting. I think that would be like, what's it? Yes. Yeah, I'll say if you have one of the boots, you can cast Feather Fall. We're locking it in.
Now there's only the minor healing potions, regular healing potions, and the little guy working there is like, "I'm sorry, we still do not have key lime pie." I guess I will use my money to buy two minor healing potions, but I'll give them to Astrid because I believe both Turbine and I have cure wounds and stuff.
-I've got some healing stuff, yes. -Here, Astrid, I know that you're probably particular about what you put on your person, but if you hang on to these in case your turbine goes down. -Yes, that's an excellent idea. I'll take a slice of key lime pie, please, and I wink at him in a way that's like, "I know you have some hidden for special customers." -He pulls out a slice of key lime pie. How did you know? -I knew it.
This is four credits. I pay four credits for a slice of key lime pie. So yeah, instead of healing potions, you get a slice of key lime pie. And I eat my pie in the nap pod and I get crumbs everywhere. All right. It must feel nice to be Astrid.
So you all do your naps. You take these weird naps in these pods, like you have a weird tech job that keeps you there all day. And once you finish your naps, Barnabas enters the room again and stands in the center of the room and motions for you guys to come over. Radar, Bink, and Bach follow him over, and you guys follow as well. And he's like, okay, now it's time for the final stage of the interview.
Making it this far is a victory in and of itself. We'll certainly keep your resumes on file should anything open up. If you don't make it further than this, you'll be the first people we call. People always say that there's no file for the old resumes. Everyone's too lazy to keep that on hand. Turbide, don't talk back to adults.
They just say that to mollify you. You're absolutely right, and I have said that many times. There's no file! You're a part of the hiring process, Astrid. Yes, obviously I'm a part of the hiring process. So you guys get, like, you're in the center of the room, and the center platform starts rising up out of the ground. Like a chair! Yeah.
This is an elevator. It's not like a chair. All right, sure, whatever. A chair-a-vator. Where's that space? A chair-a-vator. I'm not beginning to wonder if hiring people is a good idea. Really back myself into a corner with these prospects. Hey, don't wonder. You pay us to wonder for you. Yeah. Okay.
All right. Well, the center platform continues to rise. It's like rising into the air, like to where he was describing earlier. It's seemingly going up to the section of forest above. It's moving kind of slowly, but as he continues to talk, it continues to rise the whole time. As you approach that weird chandelier from the, you know, from the initial introduction of the place, it kind of scoots to the side and lets you past and you continue to rise through the ceiling slowly and slowly going up and up.
Barnabas continues to talk. Can I do like a check just to see if I can tell anything about the chandeliers we've passed? Uh, yeah. Is it purely decorative? Is it just like a door or is there something cool about it?
I roll 23. When you look at it, you definitely feel like there's something powerful with this object. You also know that it seems to correspond, the different elements seem to correspond to those portraits you saw earlier. There's a silver one, a gold one, an iron one. Can I ask Barnabas, excuse me, Barnabas, what does all the metal mean to your people, the Barnabai?
We're lovers of science in general. And we just thought it was a cool way to, as much as I understand, because it started long before I was alive, started just as a way to denote yourself and kind of ceremoniously pick something that you felt represented yourself.
Do any Bartabai share the same metal or once a Bartabai uses it, it's no longer available to future Bartabai? That is true. That's why it's gold was the first and then silver and then so on and so forth with not necessarily worse metals, but different metals, if that makes sense. Molybdenum. Sorry? Molybdenum. That would be like a shitty metal to put at the end.
-Yes, molybdenum. -Turbine, stop talking back to adults. -I'm just saying, you'll run out of medals eventually and probably molybdenums towards the end. Who gives a shit about molybdenum? That's what I'm saying. -To be honest, I actually haven't chosen a medal for myself yet. -Do you have any top contenders? -Don't say molybdenum. -Molybdenum is up there, I guess.
Maybe copper. No, you can do better than copper. I can't, honestly. I see the way the hierarchy works. Yeah, you really can't. Yeah, it's sort of everything else is clean. As you continue to rise, he's like, well, now it's basically time for...
Our last our last task when you work in an open concept office things can be a little distracting Oh, and people get sick more often, too Yeah, I mean I'm around robots mostly so I don't really catch what they have Imagine they can't have viruses though nice You know and I have I actually have caught one with one of my arms I
so what my point is there can be so many shiny cool things around it's often hard to stay on task turbines just looking everywhere a little tin owl flies by on a surfboard with reading a book and it says learning is cool dudes so what was I saying
You were saying that when you work at an open concept thing, it can be really distracting. Yes. Sorry. I was looking at that owl. So my point is it's important to showcase that you have discipline and now begins the final trial to see who is disciplined enough to work here. As Barnabas says this, he holds up two shining gold eggs and
and throws them to different sides of the platform. The one side has Bink, Bonk, and Raider, and the other side is the side that you guys are on. As he does this, large walls shoot up from the ground, encasing you in sort of your own separate arenas. You're in like what feels like a 50-foot area. This is like a huge platform that is going up. Just so I can...
fully visualize the space here we're enclosed in walls and there's an egg that's just been tossed down into the center of it it's like it's all ground level for you okay and and i think it's a little more confusing just because i'm creating a second arena for them it kind of that won't affect you at all so what i think i was still imagining us on the chair evader too so i thought he tossed eggs over the edge again it's not a chair it's just an elevator okay it doesn't look like a chair though
The way it goes up and down, you know? Like a chair. Some chairs kind of do that. Anyways, um...
The final task is simple, and this is a creation of mine that I'm actually pretty proud of. Keep your mind clear while you stay on task and protect the egg. As you see the egg sit in the center of the area, little tiny holes in the edge of the arena open up, and you see little iron cobras sneaking out of the edge, coming towards the egg. Everybody just go ahead and roll initiative. Ooh. Ooh.
Okay. Brenda Elizabeth coming out strong with her initiative roll. 17. 22. 15. You know, sometimes you roll a two and a three with advantage and other times you roll a 22 initiative. So. Gonna roll the snakes initiative. All right.
Thanks for listening. Don't forget to get all new episodes months early and hear the exclusive arc barks over on our Patreon. Zach Oyama was your Dungeon Master for this episode, and the characters were Emily Axford playing Brenda Elizabeth, Mike Trapp was Turbine Spizzles Inc, and Siobhan Thompson is Astrid Starborn. This episode was edited and produced by Zach Oyama and Jasper William Cartwright. Bye! Bye!