Arc 1 Ep. 2: Oops All Mayhem. PART 2
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of the second episode of arc one yeah the trials begin it's pretty exciting the uh uh how do you go about planning trials because i feel like it's quite a uh every dm seems to have their own like unique thing of like oh how are we gonna do the trials i think for this episode i can i can definitely remember uh thinking of video game stuff nice and thinking of kind of mario party

I usually go for Wario Party. Wario Party. So yours are unhinged. Truly unhinged and make absolutely zero sense in terms of any kind of semblance of narrative that's going on. I love it. It's just put the Wii controller somewhere and do a motion. Yeah. This whole podcast is deeply inspired by Shigeru Miyamoto, as you all know. Yeah, clearly. Yeah.

do you think, genuine question, do you think in Wario Party they just took all of the ideas that didn't get cleared for Mario Party and put them into like another game called Wario Party? Like all the ones that were too unhinged to be in Wario Party. They're like, that weird guy over here keeps thinking of strange ideas. Yeah. They're interesting. Like there's a use somewhere for them. Yeah. Uh,

It must be that. It must be something like that. So anyway, look forward to Arc 8. You could effectively call that the Wario to Zack's Mario. Yeah, yeah. Wazzack. Wazzack. Wazzack. Wazzack. Oh no. What have we done? Please throw it to your past self. Hey, take it away, past Zack. And now presenting a rotating era. Hello, Wazzack.

On the last episode, 12 townsfolk of Aberdeen journeyed forth into the obelisk, where they were split into parties of three and started their tour-slash-multi-tiered group job interview. One team, you might call it our team, Turbine, Astrid, and Brenda Elizabeth once again proved to be inseparable or at least fine enough with each other to proceed. Ha ha ha!

Inseparable. After checking out a canteen they couldn't purchase anything from, investigating some portraits of Barnaby, and saying a deeply emotional goodbye to Galfast the horse, they embarked on a tour through the Wondrous Facilitator. Following Barnabas's lead, or sorry, is Barnaby the best word for a single Barnabas trap? A single Barnabas would be Barnabas, but if it's the possessive of Barnabas, it would be Barnabuses. Yes.

Or in the Greek, Barnaboy. Yes. Okay. Following Barnaboy's lead, they started with his...

They started with his personal factory room floor, where they were confronted with the harsh reality that he's been working on a truly fucked industrial nightmare filled with machines gone completely awry and red-eyed robots gone rogue. The gr- The gru, as in, uh, despicable me? Sure, yeah. Banana. Papaya. Papaya. Zach, if you edit this, I'm gonna come to your house and give you a noogie. Fuck! Okay. No.

The crew began their first impromptu test within the facilitator. Be first to shut down their section of the factory. So that brings us back to where we are now.

Before he started. But yeah, Barnabas was like, all right, on the count of three, go. Astrid, you are first up in the initiative. Yes. As am I way present. Okay. God, you guys are so hard to bully. You just roll over. It's no fun. You just agree with everything that I say. Good idea. I'm sorry.

This is very uneasy friendship. I think that Astrid cares not for safety.

I think she's absolutely gonna go down the fastest path. - Cool, so Astrid, roll a D4 as you run across this path. And I'm sorry, does Longstrider, did you put it on everyone or just yourself? How does that work? - Just myself, unless someone feels like they need the speed, then I can cast it at a higher level. - I have got Misty Step. - My speed is only 25.

So I would take Longstrider. I mean, I wouldn't turn it down because I'm planning on using Misty Step and running. I can choose to cast it at a second level and then I can target one other person in addition to myself. You've already used quite a lot of spells though, right? I've used one of my second level spell slots. Let's just save it. I'm fine. I don't need it.

I rolled a four. So as you are starting to run on this path, a piston slams a hammer down on a sheet of metal next to you and then slams on you. Oh, God. Make a strength saving throw. I go into a rage? Yeah, you could have... I'll say you could be in a rage before this started. Great. So that gives me advantage on strength saves. Oops.

Oh, and I rolled a nat 20. Okay. I guess I'm going to say on a nat 20, you don't take any damage on that. I think that's fair. I think that should be the rule for everyone. Now roll another d4. One. Okay. Yeah. One is also, one is a pass. Yes. You miss all the things. Now roll another d4.

Two. Two? Okay. A Tesla coil comes out to the left of you and tries to shock this battery with electricity. Make a con save. Okay. So close to a 19. A 12. That is actually a pass, but you will still take...

Ooh, nine half to four damage. So you take four light. Great. Wait, sorry, your speed is only 25? Yeah. Okay, so you're near the end of it. You have 10 feet left of the platform. You look forward and you see this like...

warforged foreman just kind of like bobbing its head like around in circles like just it's it's fully haywire it looks at you it sees you coming out of that and says hey you don't work here i'm an applicant sir this is part of my interview so are you coming to take my job

No, absolutely that big. Your job is not a job that I want. It throws a javelin at you.

Okay, does a 21 hit? Yeah, absolutely. A 21 hits. Okay, it'll hit you for seven piercing damage halved to four or three. What is it? Halved to three. Halved to three. So you take three damage from a javelin that this robot throws at you. Great. Can I do a second dash to get to the end? Yeah, yeah, you can dash again and close the distance to the

Or, uh, yeah, to get off the conveyor belt. Yeah. Great, I'll do that. Uh, so you exit the conveyor belt and you're, you face off against this, uh, foreman bot. Uh, next up is Brenda Elizabeth. Okay. Brenda Elizabeth is going to, she's gonna follow Astrid.

And she's going to take that free dash. So that's going to be 30 feet, right? Yes. And then she's going to... Oh, I'm sorry. If you enter the conveyor belt, you would have to roll a d4 once you're on that platform. Once you're on that platform. Okay. Real quick, does everyone think that there's value to us trying different ones or should we just...

Or should we all go down the same one? I don't think so. I think it's like, yeah, based on what you think you can get away with and what risk you're willing to take. Okay. I think I'm just going to follow. Might as well be together. Two. Two. Okay. Two. Another Tesla coil comes out to the side of you and tries to shock a battery that's not there. Instead, you are the battery. Roll a con saving throw.

Okay. But plus three. I rolled a three. Six. Turban, you look forward and you see Brenda Elizabeth run under the platform and immediately get electrocuted so hard you see her skeleton. You take eight points of damage from that. Okay.

Okay. You've only gone 30 feet onto the platform. I'll say you won't, like, are you planning to use something else at this point? Yeah. Mechanically, if you were just to run across the whole thing, you'd have to make three of these saves. But if you're going to, like, misty step off or something, I'll say, like, after this one, you can fly past. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. So then my plan is to take the free dash, Misty Step, and then maybe Misty Step to the robot, and then use my movement to move even further down the next conveyor belt, and then try and thorn whip the robot. Cool. So if you Misty Step, you'll be off the platform. You're at the robot. That's right.

Yeah, and then if I used a free dash, wouldn't I still have my movement to then? Because I would be basically running away to then try and thorn whip him off. It's just that my movement is only 25 that I needed to take the extra dashes.

Oh, mine is only 25 as well. Mine is only 25 as well. Oh, okay. You can missy step in the middle of the platform and keep that momentum. And I think Brenda Elizabeth just rockets off the edge of it without, for whatever reason, that momentum stays and you just shoot out the end of the platform. Now you're on like a little platform with that robot. I mean, you're in a little section with the robot and a closed door.

So you have to get this door open before you pursue any further. Oh, okay. Then can I try to open the door? Yeah, there's a button there, but you can make a perception or insight check. Okay, yeah. I just crit. Nat 20. Yes! Okay. Okay.

You feel like this robot's jammed the door. I think you have to kill the robot before you can keep going. In that case, I use Misty Steps, so I can always use a cantrip, but he's not on a platform, so I was thinking he was on a platform, so I was going to try and rip him off, but he's not on a platform? No, it's just sort of like this is the end of that area. There's not free floating space on the ground or something. Okay, awesome. Then I will just create bonfire on him. Okay.

So Brenda Elizabeth rockets off this turnstile thing and just points at this robot soldier immediately. Yeah, what do you do? I think that my bangs are blowing around in the wind. My hair is tucked into my pants. And I say, death has come for you. And then I'd like to try to light it on fire. Cool. So you...

Light this robot foreman on fire for how much damage? It's five damage, but if he makes a dex save, he only takes half of that. I'm going to melt you into a metallic gel quill. He got a nat one. You light this robot on fire. His white button-down shirt that he's wearing flames up. I can't wait to doodle in your room. How much damage did he take? Five. And now it is...

Turbine's turn. Cool. I guess I'll just go the same route everyone else has been going to try to keep up here. I've got my long striders, so my speed is now 35. Everyone's been going the fast way, so I guess I'll go the fast way too. That robot's not dead, right? It's just a little hurt? Yeah, it's just a little hurt. It's still looking pretty sturdy. It sure is a little burned, but that's about it. It's shaken. It's definitely shaken. I think I really intimidated it. Well, it's like, it's not quitting time yet. Okay.

I've come to your job. Do not take my job. I'll take that. I guess I'll start by taking that free dash on the conveyor belt. Does that make sense? So I have to roll this D4. To just run across this platform, you have to make three saving throws. So roll a D4.

Can I ask really quickly? And you don't have to tell me if it's like, no, no, no, you don't get to know. But like the like middle path that you don't get the free dash. That's just since I have over 30 speed now, I could just run and then dash and reach the end there, right? Yeah, you wouldn't get an action though. Right. Yeah. Because that would take your action. Right. Okay. And that still has like, you would still have to make, I'll just tell you to save. Got it. I'll stick with the fast way. Get that extra action.

All right, so I'm rolling the d4 three times. Yes, tell me what you get each time. Here's the first one.

A four. So a hammer slams down, smacking you. Make a strength saving throw. It's okay. I got electrocuted. Okay. I'll make a strength saving throw. Brenda Elizabeth's impossibly thin hair is standing straight up. I look like one of those electricity balls. Like a whole person, human height. This is a look. Okay.

It rips out of your pants that it was tucked into and straight up. I got to get those strands back in there, but it's cool for now. What'd you get? Sorry. 12. 12. Okay. You pass. Okay. But you will take half still, unfortunately. Sorry. You take three damage from this. That's already half. Oh, and make two more D4s. Next D4. I'm rolling. That is...

It's shit. That's a two. Cool. Another Tesla coil pops out of the side. These Tesla coils have been getting you guys. And instead of a battery. It's a good makeover. Instead of a battery, it just hits you in the side. I guess you're way shorter. No, it just touches your scalp. Electric Kitsu. Make a con saving throw. Con. Cool.

That is an 18. 18, you pass. But you'll take half. That's another three damage. All right. And now one final one. All right. Here we go. Just like, Turbine's just running. Ow! Ow! Ow! You look like a little toy soldier now. Like, you have like a little battery attached to your head. That shit, that's a full.

Okay. Another hammer smacks you in the side. What did you do to hammers, Turban? They're fucking after you. You told me to look so easy. Hammer time.

You were like, you thought you were going to look cool, but you just got hit by everything. Yeah, make another saving throw. Guys, I know machines. All right, I rolled a 15. 15. You pass, but you're going to take half. Wow, I rolled a seven three times in a row. So you take another three damage.

All right. You've gone 10 feet past the conveyor belt. You've closed distance with the fight happening in front of you. Cool. So I'm at where the door and the robot are. Yeah, you've joined everyone else. Cool. You said the door is broken? It looks like this robot has jammed the door in some way. So you feel like maybe the answer is having to do with...

We have to kill the robot. Brenda Elizabeth shouts to Turbide and she says, Hey, hey, I actually already, I fucking crit on an event. I mean, I freaking crit on an investigation check and we got to kill the robot if we want to open the door. Okay. I can't just cast mending on the door and try to fix my way through? You have a feeling that won't work in this situation. Fair enough. Fair enough. No, that's fair. You can spend your turn trying that. I don't know.

Cool. I'll go ahead then and I will... I'll rapier this little... This robot here. Turbine, you pull out a fucking... You know, a sword and...

Attack a robot. Watch out for my hair. I've never cut it. Cool. So I got a 17. A 17 hits. So roll damage. We'll roll that damage. That damage is six. Not nothing. It was only hurting five at this point. So it's still kind of sturdy, but it's taken a significant amount of damage. What do you do as you hit this robot with your sword? Nettles.

It's like, yeah. Just, it's like, I know how machines work. And I just like, start like, banging, like, just banging on this machine. It's like a finesse weapon, but it's still just like, Now that's a noise. And then, The robot's like, ow, fuck.

And then, I ask Astrid, "That's a noise!" I go, "Thanks Astrid!" And I give her Bardic Inspiration. Thank you! Cool. So Astrid, it's your turn now and you have Bardic Inspiration. I say very boldly, "You will remember the name Astrid Starborn tonight." Cool. With my Warhammer. My name is Formanbot. Remember my name. Oh shit, he seems nice.

Oh yeah, I'll do a reckless attack. Do you have reckless attacks or is that... I do have reckless attacks, but I did not roll very well. Does a 12 hit? A 12 does not hit. Great. Is it a D6 for the bardic? It is a D6. Okay, that's a 6. So an 18. 18 hits. Great. And I'm doing this two-handed. You have a warhammer, right? I have a warhammer. So this... So it's...

This rich kid princess dwarf comes up and slams down. It's a bejeweled warhammer. What is this? It's absolutely encrusted with gems. And I rolled a 14. Cool. 14 damage? Wow. This guy's looking really hurt. I know machines, and I can tell this machine is pretty hurt. It's like its whole jaw is swinging off of it, and it's like...

You fucking kids coming in here to take my job. It's not our fault. You're not good at it. He's just like his jaw is hanging off. He can't really respond. It actually is his turn. You see that this robot throws the clipboard down and like Wolverine's its arms out and arm blades come out of it. And it takes, it's going to take two attacks on Astrid.

Oh, and I attacked recklessly as well. Oh, shit. I forgot. Okay. He rolls with advantage. And that one in an eight, but he adds five. Does a 13 hit you? My AC is 17. Whoa. 17 AC. Okay. So the first one misses and then a 19. So that will definitely hit. So you take...

eight damage halved, I guess. Great, so four. So he swings wildly with one of these arm blades and misses, but spins around in kind of a cool way. It's a little upsetting that he actually did something cool to you. And slashes you in the arm with this arm blade. And he's like, I will defend my employment to the end of this. Next up is Brenda. You don't seem like you love your job, dude.

I think, uh, and he's looking kind of, he's looking pretty messed up. Okay. Brenda Elizabeth is going to activate yet another starry form. Brenda Elizabeth is going to activate her Archer form. Once again, whatever she does, any of these, she looks like a kid in a Halloween costume who's a little too old to be trick-or-treating, but put a lot of effort into her costume.

So she takes out a beautiful form of an archer. It looks like, I mean, like the cover of a romance novel. And then she's going to use her bonus action to make her little arrow attack on him. Cool. Yeah, Brandon Elizabeth suddenly is wearing this beautiful costume. Is your hair still standing up from that?

It's still fully forming this very... The strands are so thin that it's just like little dots pointing, making a halo around her head. Yeah, somehow your Robin Hood hat, the feather in it is standing on the top of it. Cool, make your attacks. I think, okay, does a 15 hit? 15 does not hit. That is it then. That is all Brenda Elizabeth can do. Oh no.

Oh, no. So that's Brenda Elizabeth became an archer, missed her shot, unfortunately. It's okay, because I get to stay this for the rest of it. Oh, sick.

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Oh, sick. Turbine, it is your turn. This thing's looking real fucked up. Really fucked up? Yeah. Okay.

then what I'm going to do is, it may not need it, but I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to cast True Strike on this guy, which if he lives, then I'll have advantage on my attack on the next turn. He's really fucked up. You could probably just do something. You could probably just hit him.

And fell on. Yeah, okay. Let's just do that. I'll just fucking hit him then. Let's just hit him. Let's just attack him. All right. So, yeah. I just keep weighing and trying to weigh on it with this rapier here. So, I'm rolling that. And that is a 21, which I assume that hits. That for sure hits. 21 hits. Cool. So, here that is. That is 11 damage. So, Turbine...

I think you, uh, you, you somehow pop up onto the head of this, this robot foreman, uh,

Just like digging the rapier like into like any gap I can find and just wiggling it around. You somehow find purchase into like the area of its neck where it's like a bunch of like wires and shit and just like stab deep oil shoots onto your face. You hear like a crackling of electricity. The foreman bot just crumples to the ground. It is no more.

And then as it crumples to the ground, the door itself swings open and you see the next section. So you see the door open and you see the second and final section of this factory room floor. And as you open the door also, the machines behind you all just kind of slowly shutter to a stop. So you've stopped half the stuff. We've freed so many toys from being made.

No toys on my watch. You're Barnabas on an intercom. The toys are fine. No longer. No, these hideous toys. We had what you told us to do, and it was destroy the toys. That's what's in the notes, right? Not at all. You need to take your own notes, it sounds like. Did any of my bonfire create a sort of liquid molten metal that I could put into a quill and write with?

Make a luck check. It's gonna be an eight. Okay, so there's some like rusted flakes on the ground. Brenda Elizabeth tenderly scoops up the rusted flakes.

Okay, great. I still have my movement, right? Yeah, you can move into the next area. All right, before I do that, I'm going to use a bonus action to give a bardic to Brenda Elizabeth. Thank you. Cast the love around me. Just like dripping oil and stuff. Just like, yeah, yeah, try to keep up. Try to look extra cool, but really look at just not cool at all.

I look at Astrid and say, he's something else, huh? Yeah, Turbine, the oil is kind of slicking your hair back a little bit. You still have that stupid long helmet. I forgot. Or the hat, right? You have like a really tall, obelisk-shaped hat.

Yeah, it's the big old hat. Cool. That's a bonus action. And then I'm going to go ahead and run into this next room. Great. It's a very similar situation in this section. You see the exact same thing with the different paths. Okay, so we got a foreman again. You can't tell what it is, but you see a little bit of make a perception check.

There's a lot of smoke and whirring machines. It's like a bit of a mayhem disaster in here. I got a 19. So you look ahead of you through the mashing machines and stuff. You find a little hole where you can see, and you see this bronze figure. Almost looks like a dwarf, except that it's bronze, with a flaming head. Just kind of talking to itself like, We should go on strike. This is all bullshit. I didn't do that.

Are we squashing a union? Unionizes! My father's greatest enemy. So far we're firmly anti-toys and anti-unions. Yeah. Oh no, that's not what I mean. Someone was worried about their job and we beat them up and then...

Again, these are robots. I'm going to take the reckless path again because I got hit a lot last time, but I didn't get hurt a lot. So I'm going to go ahead and since I do have that long strider, if I have that extra dash, then I can make it all the way to the end in this section. So I'm going to go ahead and do that. Oh, yeah. I'll say that there was a little bit of a distance before you got onto the path. So I don't think you can get to the very end.

- Well, 70, okay, let's see. You have 70 movement with that dash? - That's right. - I guess you can make it all the way to the end. You will take these three D4 rolls. So make your D4 roll. - I will. Here's the first one. Blam, that's a three. - Okay, I think that's our first time getting a three. - A little bucket of molten metal just swings by and just scalds your arm. - Collect it for my quill.

So yeah, it spills like essentially lava on you. Make a deck save.

Okay. My dex is actually all right. Let's see how this goes. That is a 13. 13. That passes, but you will still take half. This is... Oh, you've got three damage again. I rolled a six. This doesn't... Oh, no, never mind. It doesn't matter. Okay, three more damage? Yes. How are you looking? I'm at 24 hit points. Okay, cool. Here's my next d4. I'm rolling it.

That's a one. Okay. That's a pass. You didn't get, nothing happens. Hell yeah. And then here's my last D4 that I'm rolling. It's another molten metal. Yeah, yeah. This is, you see a bucket swing by with molten metal and then, oh no, not again. But to your right. I try to like put my hands up like it's going to do anything. Yeah, you put your hands up and to your right, a little like furnace opens up and spits flames on you. And then,

Looks just like the gnome in the portrait with the blasted out face and the white teeth. Make another deck saving throw. Okay, that is a 12. Okay, that passes. You will take four damage on this one. Four damage, okay, I'm down to 20. You exit the end of this conveyor belt and this bronze muscular creature

dwarven figure. You would assume it's a dwarf if it wasn't fully made of metal with a flaming head and a flaming hammer turns to look at you. It's just fucking ripped. It's a really upsetting image. And he's like, hey, um...

You've come to take our jobs? You guys are scabs coming in here. No, actually, I think you guys should start a union. The clipboard guy in the other section, he asked me to come get you and said that you should go take a look. Make a deception check, I guess.

- Sure. That is a 12. Oh, he got a 13. He was like, "I know you're working for the man." And now that is back around to the top. Astrid, that is your turn. - Great. I'm also gonna go Path of Recklessness. - Cool. - So I'm D4'ing it? - D4 it. - Three.

- Three is a molten bucket hits you. Roll a deck saving check. Do you have, you don't have dangerous sense yet, do you? Or do you get that? - Yes, I do. So I have advantage on decks checks that I can see. - Yeah, you see this molten bucket for sure. - There is definitely a bucket. - I got a 12, which is good 'cause the other one was a one. - Cool, that passes. You will take half. That is three, so you take one damage.

Take one damage. Great. And then the next D4 is a two. Okay. Two is, I think. Oh, yeah. As you take a little bit of like molten damage, another Tesla coil pops out of a weird direction and hits you and shocks you. Make a con save. Great.

All these saves are actually pretty good for you. 12? Yeah, you pass. You take half. You take five damage from that and roll one more D4 as you are entering the end of the platform.

God, another three. Okay, another bucket of... It's metal palooza. Bucket palooza. Hot bucket hits you. Make a dex check. Riddell is going to cross her fingers to get a bucket. Ashton, I had this thing where a bunch of buckets came out. I just thought that maybe I should warn you about it. Too late! Yeah, make them with advantage. And it's another dex check? Yeah, and you have advantage, right? Fifteen.

You get hit for six divided by two, so three. Because you passed. Yeah. Great. And then...

I guess what I'll do is crossbow this guy. Oh yeah, so you're at the end of the platform. You're not quite off of it yet, right? I'm not quite off of it yet. So it's just one guy, right? You see this like flaming headed dwarven figure. But yeah, it doesn't look like... When you look at it, you know that like this is not human in any way. It just is made to look like a dwarf. Astrid, I see you're getting inspired by me. Twins, huh? Twins! Twins!

Astrid twins. All three of us are twins. They're like those annoying kids on Bob's Burgers that are like weird kids that hold hands that are just best friends and they don't.

You can't really make fun of others so strange. I got a 15. 15? 15 to hit. It clangs off of him. It doesn't hurt him at all. Damn. He looks at you and he's like, okay, great. You guys are all coming in here. I'm ready to lose it all right here.

He won. Rights, better pay. I spit on the floor. I want all these toys to be made right now. He's a lot to buy. Yeah, so it's now that Acer's turn. He's going to go up to Turbine, I guess. Why? Because you lied to me. Because you're the only one there.

And make an attack roll on you. He pulls out this flaming hammer and he swings it at you. And he misses wildly.

Cool. Nice. And that is his turn, I think. Yeah, yeah. That's all he can do. Next up is Brenda Elizabeth. Okay. Brenda Elizabeth, sparkling with a glittery electricity, is finally going to do what she made this build for. She is going to cast Guiding Bolt on this fucker at a second level. That's probably going to hit. Oh, does a 16 hit?

17 would hit. That's okay, because I have Bardic Inspiration! Hey! I got a fucking 6! Oh yeah, that definitely hits. So, that is going to be... 15 radiant damage. Holy shit! Now, my next attack will get advantage.

as this thing swung at you, you feel a different light behind you. Not this warm, horrifying, fiery light behind you. You see a... Glittery and jelly. A glittery jelly light with hair standing on ends. Shoot a glittery jelly light forward and strike. It's way more... It's a different daylight versus tungsten balance. You know, like...

A wider light hits this thing for a ton of damage. Then I'm going to use my movement to get within 60 feet of this creature. So I'll do the thing, right, where I roll the D4. Oh, yeah, yeah. So I get onto this thing. I got a one. Ass. You don't have to, you don't get hit by anything. Amazing. So I run as far as I can. And then I'm going to use my bonus action to now make a bow attack.

- Oh. - With advantage. - So you're still on the belt? - Yeah, so I'm still on the belt. I moved 25 feet. - Cool. - And then I'm in my archer form. I can ask a bonus action every turn, just make a ranged attack. - Oh, sick. Great. - Wow. - Roll your attack. - So I got a 17 plus six is 23. - Cool.

for another eight damage. - Damn. So this turn you've hit this guy for 23 damage, I think? - Yeah. - He's looking, he's sturdier than the guy before. - And I did my 25, I did my 25 movement. Does this have a dash property to it as well? Free dash? - Yeah, I think what makes sense is I say like every 20 feet of the thing, you'd have to roll a D4. So you've, if you've gone 25 feet, you'd have to roll one more this turn. - Okay.

I got a three. Isn't that the molten one? Yeah. It's so funny that you're excited for this. Brenda, Elizabeth, look out for the molten one. Yeah, a molten bucket swings overhead. I take out an empty quill just waiting for it. Yeah, this molten metal falls onto your hand, burning you. And yeah, it gets on the quill, I guess. And then is it a dex save or do I just take the damage? Oh, yeah, it's a dex save, so.

That's a four. There's no way I could pass. No, unfortunately. That's six damage. And so I moved a total of 50 feet, right? So I'm, because I had the free dash. Yes. Do I need to roll again, I guess is my question. Yeah, roll the third one, third and final one. It's another one. Cool. So you pass. So you bring Elizabeth on the edge of that conveyor belt. Next up is Turbine.

Do I have a sense of what kind of shape this dwarf guy is in? He's sturdier than the first Foreman Bot you saw. This is like the head. Foreman Bot Prime. He definitely is pretty hurt, though. I mean, Brenda Elizabeth's shots really fucked him up. But he has a little more health than that guy. Brenda Elizabeth smiles amicably.

Okay. Cool. Then I am going to cast Dissonant Whispers on him. As it's going to take the form with Turbine, it's going to be just the most horrible sound from his hurdy-gurdy. Just cranking up to this awful discord. What happens when you cast that? Okay.

Discord Melody, so target must make a wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, it'll take 3d6 psychic damage. It must immediately use its reaction, if available, to move as far away as its speed allows from me. Cool. Rolled a seven. So it fails this wisdom save, and it has to run away from you this turn? It has to take first 3d6 damage, and then if it has a reaction, it has to...

Try to run away from me. You roll your 3d6 and tell me what you get. That is 10. Cool. So it takes 10 damage? Yeah.

my ears my flip his ears are already on fire and he's like my flaming ears he's like buckles a little bit uh and he has to use his reaction to move away is what you said right that's what it's yellow okay so he uses his reaction to move away from you he can't leave the area because there's a closed door but he's like getting he's like backed up against the wall

Like a wrestler on ropes. Okay. Now it is... Is that the end of your turn? I think that's everything I am able to do. Awesome. So, Turbine, that was the end of your turn. You frightened this horrifying creature in front of you with your music. And now it is back at the top, Astrid. You see this weird flaming dwarf scared of the hurdy-gurdy.

You coward, get back in. I'm not a coward, I'm brave. I run up to him and I once again say, you will remember the day, Master Starborn. Why do you say that to people you're trying to kill? This clearly glitches my brain a little bit. I hadn't thought about that at all. I'm so sorry. And I attack him with my war hammer. Cool.

Yeah, that hits for sure. Great. Ooh, that is a 16. Cool. 16 damage. As you hit him, yeah, you take nine fire damage from this thing. As you hit this flaming dwarf. But how much did you hit it for again? 16. Cool. He was like, I'll remember the name as you crush his skull and he doesn't say your name.

Does he die? He's dead, yeah. Baby, don't aim for the braid if you want them to remember your name. Can I take his warhammer? I mean, the flame goes out as he dies, but if you want, yeah, I'll say you can take it. Is it better than mine, or? It's the same, but worse. It's probably uglier, you know, like.

Oh, then I won't take it. I like the flames, but if there's no flames, I'll leave it. Yeah, as you hit him, his head and warhammer extinguish and he falls to the ground dead. And then that door in front of you opens and the machines behind you shut off. You have exited combat. You are through this little encounter. I'm going to keep my archer starry form on in case anything else comes and also to try to impress other people.

Cool. So as you exit combat, you see the other teams come through. Next up is Raider, Bink, and Bonk, followed by Noah and the other two dwarves. And then finally, like a really fucked up mop comes out like, wow, that guy was pretty tough. And like, you're halfway through.

are you on vacation sorry i just have been meaning to ask you are you on vacation well if you live a certain kind of lifestyle it's like kind of always like you're on vacation so interesting that's true brother that's true i'm not chained to like a desk if you know what i mean i would like this job but right now i guess that's what i was kind of curious about if you were applying for a job on vacation it just kind of like depends you know like i would take this um

As he says that, Barnabas comes down. He's like, great work, everyone. Thank you so much for shutting off all these machines. It did kind of get away from me. No more toys. Well, I mean, that's not the goal here. No more toys and no more unions. Yeah.

We are the good guys. The messaging here got really fucked. I'll have to work on that. So you guys got first. You got four. You see that your yellow bracelets light up with four on it. Raider, Bink, and Bonk have three on theirs, two to Noah, and one on the final group with Mop. Barnabas regards the group that came in last. He's like, sorry to say this, guys, but it seems like

we're just going to have to move forward with these nine. Uh, thank you so much for interviewing. Um,

It's been really nice to get to know you so well. I forgot, I don't know, what are your names? As the halfling, the two halflings who haven't said anything. Never mind. Sorry, your tall companion took the spotlight. My mom. There's sort of no point in you learning their names. They're not going to win. That's actually interesting. Yeah, in fact, they're actually, the process is complete for them. And he presses a button. Can I watch to make sure they don't get, like, killed? Yeah.

-Yes, but you watch as he presses a button on his wristband that opens a hole in the floor, they just fall through and he's like, "I'm just sending them back to the town." -Oh, could have just called up a cab. -Oh, cab, interesting, could be a good toy. -If we get the job, will you teach us how to make these trapdoors because that's very interesting to me. -Oh, yes, if you get the job, there's plenty of trapdoor work that we can have. -You have a big trapdoor that goes to the town?

It shoots out to the bottom and then they can go to the town. Oh, like an anus for the obelisk. It doesn't go all the way to the town. They'll be outside of the obelisk and then they can... Okay. It's not going to spit them out into the center of the town. They didn't just fall into some sort of oubliette situation.

-That's what we're concerned about. -Ublia, like a prison, some dark dungeon thing. -Oh, God, no, I would never do that. -Spikes. -You can make an insight check if you want. -Can you just real quick open up the trap door just so we could peek down, make sure. -I got a three to my insight. -Okay. -What does my three insight say? -I got a 10 on my insight check. -Cool. -I got a 21.

Cool, so Astrid, Turbine, yeah, this guy might fucking have chopped these people up in a weird prison at the bottom of this. Yeah, this is the fucked Barnabas. I can tell. I can tell by looking at him.

Brent Elizabeth, he's telling the truth. He was just sent back. I'm afraid I must defend this man's honor. What, the fucked Barnabas? You have my steed, Barnabas. The steed's in the atrium. We can go say hello to your steed. No, metaphorically, metaphorically. Oh, thank you. Hey, you know, we don't have to be this hostile towards the person who's interviewing. I make like a sort of like eye...

I'm sorry, do you want a job or not? Oh, I want a job here, and I'm keeping my eye on you. Why do you look like Robert De Niro? Keep my eye on you, fuck Barnabas. You haven't mentioned that I'm wearing a Robin Hood costume. Oh, yeah. Wow. Look at that. We should get into costumes here. We could do that. Yeah.

So as you guys exit this area, Barnabas opens this next circular door and you come into a new room that has sort of glass walls that overlook. It looks to you like it couldn't possibly make sense, but it overlooks like the ocean. You can make an inside perception roll if you want. It's going to be a 16. I got a nat 20. Yeah. So this is like a digital like...

background that is making this area look like where they want to be. And so you see this glass pit looking area that Barnabas leads you all into. Pit's the wrong word. It seems fine. I point my eyes at Barnabas and go, ah, pit here. That's good. Get him back for pointing at my horse so much.

I personally support torture of all workers who aren't working hard enough. I think this pit is beautiful. I'm learning a lot. And that's what I'm, I am learning a lot about this outside perspective because sometimes, you know, the last 50 years I've been inside here and I'm realizing that, uh, I did not quite think through how this could be perceived. So these are good notes. I'm not rejecting any of this. As you enter this glass area, uh, Barnabas says, this is, um,

where the majority of the ideas are born here. I'd like to introduce you all to one of the few other not robotic beings here, or not fully robotic, I should say. This is Namfari. He's one of the few creatives working at the Facilitator. You see, like, darkness pass over you as, like, something flies over your head.

And you feel the ground shake, which is kind of hard to do here with the ground that absorbs. Yeah, we've investigated this ground. Yeah, we start jumping up and down. So you all are jumping up and down for some reason as this hulking figure. Brenda is very still. Brenda's super still as Elizabeth.

Brenda Lisbon super still has turbine and Astrid hop for some reason, as this hulking figure hits the ground with a massive force that shakes the room a little bit. Uh, you look up to see huge wings outstretched that fold back in. You see a human face with a human chest, uh, and, and,

huge lion-like arms and legs, and this big creature shakes its mane out. But as you look at it closer, you see part of its face is robotic. It has a camera-like eye that moves around like it's fucking Mad-Eye Moody or something. It's got two robotic legs, and one of its wings at the bottom has metallic feathers on it instead of regular feathers. It's a part sphinx, part robot.

Robo-stings. I am still Robin Hood. I'm still concentrating on my starry form, but I do take out my sketchbook to doodle this magnificent creature. Ask us what riddles you would like. I'm a straight A student. Astrid has no idea that her dad is paying for her grades.

That's interesting. This Meccano sphinx shakes its mane out and says, Hey guys, let's get the meeting started. Oh, I was hoping I could guiding bolt you.

Oh, cool. I like your problem-solving energy. And that's where we'll end the episode. Yay! Great. Very fun to, you know, electrocute everyone so many times. That was the second episode of this obelisk campaign. You know, stick around next week for the, as we're now just calling it, Baby the Argyler. Yes!

Yeah, Ark Park, baby. Zark, Zark, Ark. It's sticky. It's kind of sticky. The Zark Ark Park. Yeah, it's not alienating, that name. It's not alienating to us, and we're all that matter. Yeah. We are doing this for us, and other people are just putting a little glass up to their ear to the wall and listening in on what we're doing. Yeah, you little creeps. Oh, creeps. Listen to us play. If you're listening to this, you are a little brother. Yeah.

Well, if anybody wants to plug anything, please, you know, thanks Emily Trapp and Siobhan for hanging out. Anyone have anything they want to plug? Just the Great British Baking Show is really fun right now. Any TVs? Yeah, that's what I should say. Any episodes of TV that anyone wants to plug? I've been playing the video game Hades and it's really good. Ooh, I guess what I would plug is the good things happening in the world. Yeah.

You know what's been on my mind lately? Good things happening in the world. I don't know when this is going to come out. You shouldn't say plug. Just like, does anyone have anything they want to say? Thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with the arc bark. Emily says this, that I should say this. So, you know, thanks for listening. Bye, sweeties. I do it better. I'm so sorry. Oh, I didn't do it right. Bye, sweeties.

Thanks for listening. Don't forget to get all new episodes months early and hear the exclusive art barks over on our Patreon. Zach Oyama was your Dungeon Master for this episode, and the characters were Emily Axford playing Brenda Elizabeth, Mike Trapp was Turbine Spizzles Inc, and Siobhan Thompson is Astrid Starborn. This episode was edited and produced by Zach Oyama and Jasper William Cartwright. Bye! Bye!