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Welcome back to the Rotating Heroes podcast. I don't know if I should do that in this part. Would Pass Zach be mad at me for doing that? Ask your heart. Yeah, he'd be pissed. He'd be real angry. Hi Jasper, how are you doing today? I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good. I'm sort of coming to the end of my America trip and I'm like, oh wow. Wow. I can see the light at the end of the
We've done a lot. We've done a lot. There's been a lot going on. It's been a really wild few weeks, and I'm so excited for you to get a little bit more into arc one of Rotating Heroes, because this is so good. This is still one of my favorite arcs, for sure. I think just because it was like such a youthful vibrancy about your DMing in this as well. It's just, it's so wonderful, and the crew has got great energy. Yeah. It's great.
Yeah, I mean as we record these new ones it's fun to look back at the old ones and see how young I was and how youthful and how how spirited this new this first crew embarking on this journey was. And then it all went wrong. Well, it definitely gets darker I think. Yeah, a little bit. But we're keeping it light with the second episode of arc one.
Well, perfect. Why don't you throw over to past you? All right, past me. You know what to do. Exactly what you already did. And now presenting the Rotating Heroes. Oh, my God.
Welcome back to episode two of the Rotating Heroes podcast. Thanks for coming back. I'm joined by the same crew from the first episode on this first adventure. First off, we have Emily Axford. Hi. Yeah, I play Britta Elizabeth. Okay. As snotty as ever, it sounds like. Oh, I mean, I can talk like myself. Oh, wow. I thought you had a cool...
Next up, we have Mike Trapp. Hello, I am Turbine Spizzle Zink. And then finally, Siobhan Thompson. Hello, I am playing Astrid Starborn, everybody's favorite rich kid. You know how everyone picks a favorite rich kid? Everybody has a favorite rich kid, and this is everybody's. You collect cards.
This feels like very good branding. I would love a rich kid trading card pack. I think that would be extremely funny. I would love to burn them. Richie Rich, Astrid Starborn, Little Kid Batman. Whoa, I got five cards just named Trip. Trip the seventh? Weird. To get back into it, I'll give you all a little recap.
So, um, as this uneasy friendship formed, the peaceful vibe of Aberdeen was shattered by the otherworldly horn blowing from none other than the long, dormant nearby obelisk.
I remember playing piano. Piano was me, right? Yeah, Brenda, you know how to play the piano, right? Yeah.
Brin Elizabeth, excuse me. The trio found themselves on the sign-up sheet, along with nine other lucky townsfolk, and proceeded to enter the obelisk where they were greeted by none other than Barnabas Glenfin in the flesh, and also a little bit of metal?
So that brings us where we are today. Have we rested or are we still down our slots and stuff from last time? I wasn't anticipating y'all taking a rest, but you're not like hurt yet, right? You just had, you just use up some slots. I mean, Brenda did take a ton. I mean, sorry, Brenda Elizabeth did take a ton of damage. Just kidding. You got kind of kicked in the face by a couple of horses, right? Yeah.
So after you signed up, you were greeted by Barnabas Glenfin. He is this like almost like Inspector Gadget looking elf. He's got kind of a metallic looking beard, metallic points on the ends of his ears and like kind of whirs and stuff. Like you can tell that there's like gadgets hidden within his suit. He's like kind of like a little awkward for lack of a better word. He looks a little uncomfortable in his own skin.
Brenda Elizabeth, being someone who is also the same way, does not clock this. He seems really comfortable with himself. A really normal guy. Astrid has found 18 different ways to bully this person already. His eyes dart at Astrid as he knows that this is maybe coming. You and the rest of the applicants follow Barnabas onto the obelisk itself and you enter a large...
Turbine once again screams a high-pitched squeal that everyone around him just kind of immediately cringes from. My poofy bangs sort of catch the wind of that scream. Just echoes of vibrations looking around everywhere. Your bangs have somehow less weight than normal hair. It's so light. I only have her bangs. Really damaged hair. Yeah.
Am I on the horse still? Yeah, you're leading the horse, I would say. Gelfess, the horse. Well, yeah, you, the other contestants, Gelfess and Barnabas, all step into a large copper atrium shaped like a massive teardrop light bulb.
And in the center, up in the top of the dome, is a bizarre warbling chandelier spinning in the air. The chandelier consists of floating metallic orbs, a copper one, a silver one, an iron one, etc. And they're all held together by some kind of powerful electromagnetic force that spins it on an axis like a neutron.
You notice as you come in, like your footsteps aren't really making much noise for the metal that you're walking on. It's like should be clanging, but it's somehow dulled. Can I listen to Galfas' clomping feet? Yeah. So you're looking out for his feet clomping. Yeah, I just want to see. No, obviously it could be loud. It's like. It's quiet. Really muffled. The hooves are muffled. He's got horseshoes on and everything.
I, like, kind of get down on all fours and just start, like, banging on the floor to see what it does. Yep. This alloy actually stops the traveling of sound waves. You know, metal often is much louder than this, so you don't have to bang on it that hard. I'm banging even harder. I smash it with my hammer. Okay, please stop.
It can take it, but maybe we shouldn't. I start playing my concertina into the floor. I prance around doing my horse gallop to see if I can make a gallop noise. Okay, so I think we've proven our point. Everyone, everyone, try banging on the floor. Everyone, now if we all jump in perfect unison, we can make a sound. Raider is just punching the ground. Fuck.
I can't hear it. I tried to convince everyone to stomp at the same time. That's a stupid idea. I have a good idea. Everybody stomp at the same time.
Good one, Astrid. Whoa, good idea. Yeah. The one human there is like, whoa, that's actually a pretty sick idea. And just kind of hops with his sandals. And it's just kind of like flopping. This horse is chill as hell. Yeah. Yeah. Like everyone else is like a halfling, a dwarf, or a gnome. And there's just this one kind of bohemian van life looking dude there with...
He's just kind of sketching everything he sees. Like, wow, pretty cool. As you continue to walk in, these little warring drones that you caught earlier are flying around like bees, all carrying like wrenches and sprockets to different... They all look really busy, but it's kind of unclear what they're doing. They kind of smash into each other in the air, but keep going endlessly, doing whatever tasks they have. You hear this like kind of clockwork sounding machine before you see it, and...
a brain in a jar with arms and legs. Kind of looks like maybe like Mr. Mime or proportions wise, like Mr. Mime or like that, like little like bladed hand thing from Thor Ragnarok. Like just like runs up. We don't have a TV with the grandpa.
Yeah, you'd be completely lost on this reference. So cool. You see just like a little guy with like a tray of coffees and a tray of waters, like just like roll up with like bubbles coming out of his little brain jar and like little like steam coming out of his butt. And he's like, coffee, water. Can I lean into this little guy and say, I'm really sorry, my friend, but we've all been offered a position here. You might be losing a job.
I'd like to buy the robot. And just the water is fine with me. It hands you a coffee. Okay. I don't want to be rude. I drink it anyway. Wow.
It kind of regards you, Astrid, and then looks back at you, Brenda Elizabeth. Hi, Brenda Elizabeth. Brenda Elizabeth for short. It has no facial features to speak of because it is just a brain, but a bunch of bubbles come out and it looks up at Barnabas and looks back. I just wanted to give you a heads up. You might be looking for a new job, and I know that that could take time. It nods. My grandmas and grandpas have really been through it with the job process. The...
You can tell the brain in a jar is wondering how many grandparents you might have. Something about the wrinkles in its forehead might be suggesting that. And then it scurries off. Six grandpas, four grandmas.
Barnabas says, well, I mean, that's, this is kind of the problem. That's Bubbles, my current assistant. Uh, he's been here probably as long as I have, you know, he does an okay job, but I think his faculties are a little limited. I mean, we're hoping to generally have more help. You see Bubbles actually run back and like whisper something to him. Like it has like a little voice box on its neck that it is able to communicate with like very, in a very limited way. And, uh, uh,
regards it and is like, oh, okay, I'll be right back. Feel free to explore the space and we'll get the first step of the interview slash tour process going. So they continue on but leave you in this cool atrium. Is there anything small in pocket size? I feel like I would just immediately be like grabbing like souvenirs, you know, like, oh, cool. It's like any like little screws, any bits of anything. It's just be like, oh, okay.
shove it in my pockets. There's like some of these little like helper drones have smashed into each other. I'm like, there's like a sprocket or two on the ground. Oh, hell yeah. But beyond that, it's like mostly kind of sparse. It's like it's akin to like a fancy hotel lobby where there's sort of a front sign in area. There's there's some seating area to the side that looks maybe like you're waiting for someone to come down from their hotel room or something. And then like a little canteen.
Oh, that's interesting. Brenda Elizabeth looks down at her rainbow gel quill and she wonders if in a place that's so metallic, if she might be able to find a metallic gel quill. I guess you can make a perception check. It doesn't...
initially look like that there's anything specifically in this room that's like that, but you know, there's a lot of possibilities here. The chandelier with the weird baubles and stuff. Can you tell me again, what does it look like? What's the deal with the chandelier? There's nothing so obvious to gleam other than that it's like a futuristic looking technology. You do notice that each orb that's floating around is a different type of metal, seemingly.
but beyond that, I did get a 23 on my perception check for a metallic gel quill, but I willing to use that for general information. You would prefer. Yeah. Yeah. Well, um, you're it's in a general sense, uh,
You're looking around. Also, I forgot to mention on one end, there is a series of portraits and a large ball that has a hand and a paintbrush and little like palette. Currently painting. Currently painting a new portrait, but there are like six or seven other portraits to the side of it. I, of course, stand in front of the drawing board.
magical drawing hands and have it draw a portrait for me. I'm very used to standing for my portrait. I can stand very still. It just sort of
Is she holding her breath to make a statement or is this a fit or? It does kind of start drawing you into the portrait. What are the portraits of? The portrait is of a wise looking elf that has a kind of golden crown built into its head. It's just, you know, posing for the portrait itself. And below it, it says Barnabas the Golden.
To the right of that is Barnabas the Silver, and it's a similar thing with a kind of built-in silver monocle. Then there's Barnabas the Iron, and it has a metal iron jaw. But it's a series of Barnabases. Barnabai. Barnabai, if you will. Do they share features? Do they look exactly alike? Do they look related? Do they look...
but from the same genetic material. They don't look mutated. They do look related, though. It's not overly... It doesn't look like twins or whatever going on. It's like, you know, as it goes on, they kind of look less and less related. Interesting. So the first and last one, the most recent one that he's painting right now that now has a bit of Astrid in it, does not look like the first guy. In fact, it looks pretty different.
Okay, interesting. Are there any family pets in these portraits? There are little tiny robots throughout them, but kind of a sad lack of animals, you discover. I touch Galfas with a quivering hand, pondering such a lonely life. I also touch Galfas, just because it seems like right for the moment. So, you know, again, you're a gnome, so you're kind of touching the ankle tendon of this horse. Yeah.
I'm a halfling, so I'm right down there with you. So you're just kind of touching its knee, I guess. This is a full-size Palomino horse. I guess you do notice that in one portrait, like the last two, there's Barnabas the Copper, and then there's not a label on the most recent one that he's painting, is a red-headed elf that has a little...
brunette child elf on its knee that's just sort of like making itself part of the portrait and there's like a little gnome in the background that's got like a blast full of soot in its face with just like white teeth i love the idea of photobombing a portrait they had to sit for days it's just like uh but like uh
The most recent one that is being worked on right now is unfinished. I mean, you only see what you presume is the Barnabas that greeted you and now just a piece of Astrid in the photo as well. But yeah, if you want to explore anything else. Yeah, I want to explore this canteen area, see what snacks we can get. Can I do an investigation? Yeah.
I'm not the smartest. I got an eight. I mean, I have a 23 perception check for a metallic gel quill. So you could use that probably. Yeah. Brenda, can you get me some snacks? Okay. I use my perception check in service of Astrid. So, okay. So we're milking this perception check. Okay.
We wander over to the canteen where it's almost like, you know, in like an old Super Nintendo Zelda game, there's like a little counter with three things on it. Yeah.
It's that. And there's this robotic upper half of a kind of bartender-like guy. Kind of old-timey bartender, but animatronic. It's like something at Disneyland. Washing the same spot on the bar over and over again with a rag. It's like, what do you do you for? I'm so sorry, but we are currently...
probably going to get your job. I just am trying to warn everyone that you should probably start looking now because we're being considered as applicants to work here. It's a big thing where humans, where biological life forms are taking robot jobs. It's really a thing that not a lot of people are talking about right now.
I mean, obviously he needs to be replaced. He's watching the same point in the bar over and over and over again. Yeah, that one point is really clean, but what about the rest of the bar? It's just a hole. It's polished to perfection, this one little spot. The rest is a mess. You can tell he's imagining this sort of...
this like black mirror episode that you described as hauntingly looks forward. - Do you, sorry to ask you to do, to ask a favor us, the people taking your job, but do you have any snacks? What snacks are available?
I've got a hungry Fred. The offerings we have are, and you see him point back, he has preloaded phrases, it feels a little like, he points to a red potion looking thing, and then a slightly larger red potion, and then these metallic boots that look like they have magnets on the bottom. So no key lime pie. These are our offerings. Yeah.
I can see why they would have replaced this guy. I'm just saying, if I was there, I'd be moving up a key line pie. Raider's like, give us key line pie, you asshole. Key line pie, you idiot. Do you not know what I'm talking about?
Can you tell me about these offerings? What do the potions do and what do the boots do? This is a minor healing potion, a regular healing potion. And what did I say these were called? I didn't have a name for them. So these are little magnet boots. Little magnet boots. Okay. I'm assuming in a metallic place like this, you could use them to climb the wall, stick to the ceiling, skirt that chandelier up there.
Mostly not. How small are they? I have remarkably dainty little feet. And how magnetic are they? He realizes you're asking, like his Siri-like brain realizes you're asking about the little magnet boots and says, the little magnet boots give you advantage on deck saves while in the obelisk. And also once per day, you can cast levitation. Oh.
I mean, who needs to levitate when you've got a horse, right? I look around the entire canteen. Gullfess is like kind of far away from you at this point. Those boots look pretty good, but I'm not very rich. Oh, do we have to buy them with
With money? Yes, these are available for purchase. Yes, I'll buy them. I spent all my money on Pink and Bog to get into the festival. Is there only one pair of boots? He nods. Well, I'll buy all of the things, and you haven't... I gave her the horse thing, and you haven't had one yet,
So you have the boots. I'm already pretty dexterous. Like, I don't know if we need to make me crazy dexterous. Fine, I'll take them. You're so rich, you deserve those boots. You know, you're right. I am so rich. And I deserve to be so rich and to have these boots.
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I'll get one of those potions, those Code Red healing potions. I believe I have zero money. It would not make any sense for Brenda Elizabeth to have any money, so she smiles and stands alongside everyone. Okay.
As you all ask for certain things, the bartender, canteen operator just says, great, that will be seven credits. I give him some of the gears that I picked up. Yeah, do we have credits? Are credits what we pay for in the outside world, or are they obelisk, special obelisk money? It seems like maybe unique to the obelisk. I slam my feet down in frustration. Okay.
What's the exchange rate? I demand the Bureau to exchange. Where is it? It just kind of looks at you like unthinking. It doesn't really have much to say, but as you... Eat this bartender. Ha!
As you slam your feet down, Barnabas comes back through like a circular door that appears in the wall. He sees you stopping. He's like, can you, are people just still stopping? Are we still trying to make noise? No, we got some other stuff done, but we've returned to stopping. Okay. I just want to welcome everyone to the facilitator. Each of you has proven that you're highly motivated and ready to put in the work at this demanding and rewarding job.
I'm honestly impressed by the work each of you did here. Astrid, I'm still thinking about how you scared off that mob. That was wild. I'm taking word for word notes. Yeah.
Like the kind of like really unhelpful notes when you're like first in college, you don't know how to take notes. It's just like trying to capture every single word and nuance. I'm doing childish notes, which are you take one word and then doodle the hell out of it. So I just write facilitator and like cover it with doodles and vines. I'm just assuming that these guys are taking notes and I'm good. Yeah. They're definitely taking notes for you. Some a little better than the other. All right.
Barnabas looks at you taking notes and he's like, ah, you kind of remind me of somebody I used to know. And he points to that portrait with the little gnome with soot covering its face. What was his name? Who's he? We don't have to get into specifics about this guy right now. You're going to tell me I remind you of someone and then tell me nothing about them? I've got to hop on turbines down here. What am I supposed to take with that? You can't hold out on this one.
That's supposed to mean something to me, the portrait. Uh, that's just a, that was a known name, Tradix, who used to work here. Um, he, you know, had the same sort of enthusiasm. It seems like you have, uh, and I just think you've built a great obelisk here, Mr. Uh, Mr. Barnabas. Oh, thank you. I mean, I didn't build it. Uh, I, I've just, um, I'm currently the chief of operations here. And, uh,
I like it a lot, and I've come to learn how to operate it. I think it's time for me to admit that I need a little help from someone with maybe an outside perspective. I'm an outsider. Yeah, okay. That's kind of why you all are here. You're all outsiders. So yeah, we're ready to start whenever. Okay, yeah. I mean, we're actually going to start...
So the way this is going to work, the way this is going to work, I'm still writing facilitator. Yeah.
It's like the beginning of a medieval manuscript. The first letters all illuminated in gold foil. All the O's have hearts in them. There's like a dolphin leaping from the F to the R. So you didn't write anything else I sent down? You just wrote down Facilitator? I'm going to work on Draxus next because that's a pretty cool name. Okay.
It's Tradix, I think. It's too late. I've written Dragsmith. Okay, whatever. It doesn't matter.
Mr. Barnabas, how did you become facilitator? Well, I'm the chief operator. This is the facilitator. Well, he's taking the notes. Seems like you're not listening. He's taking the notes. I'm taking the notes. You don't need to correct her. I'm taking the notes. You know, I had to take over for the Barnabas before me. And, you know, it's been my lifelong dream to run this facility. So this is kind of a big deal for me and has been for the last 50 years I've done it.
But, you know, I think it's time to add to the roster. So to make things simpler for me, I'm just going to divvy you up to groups of three, and we'll see how well you work in a team environment. I'm playing this a little fast and loose, so you're going to have to roll with me on this one. The teams with the most points at the end of the tour will get the one-on-one interviews, and from there, I'm going to make my choice. Barnabas, may I quickly ask you any hint of what you're looking for in an applicant? That's a really good question. So...
We're looking for people who have the ability to quickly problem solve and handle situations as they arise, sort of improvise as they come. People who can creatively problem solve. People who have vision for what the future of the facilitator can look like. I have visions. You have visions? Well, that's going to be great. I handed my resume. Okay, thank you. I handed my business card. Okay.
Have you noticed that only you three are talking? Yes, because we're go-getters and problem solvers, sir. Okay. Well, yeah, I think that's a good point. I actually need, you know, maybe I need to be pressing that way. I start trying to bang on the floor again. Raider's like, guys, shut up. He's talking. I smack Raider. You slap him. He's like, ow, fuck. Back my rage out a little bit.
The human, his name's Mop. So I'm like, can we just keep talking? Or is it just like, what's exactly the deal here? I think it's like a free-for-all. Yeah, Mop, you could talk if you want, absolutely. I start doodling Mop.
I'm realizing a big problem that I have when I interact with living beings for the most part is that they don't respect my authority in any way and just kind of stomp all over me. So I'm going to do my best to power forward. And as he says, those little drones fly in, put little bracelets on each of you. You all have yellow bracelets. There's another team that has red, blue, green. And so those are like the four different groups.
Cool. You see that raider, Bink and Bonk are one group. Noah, the axe-throwing guy, is with two other dwarves, and then the human is with two halflings that you don't really know. I am absolutely, obviously looking at the other groups to see if I can, like,
be in the best group. Like I'm really judging everybody. I'm willing to drop these guys immediately to make sure that I'm in the best group. But for now, it seems like it's good. We'll see once we hear it. Barnabus, for no reason at all, says, so these groups are permanent. These are the way that these groups will be. That's good because once I make a commitment, I never turn my back on it. I'm steadfast and loyal. Best friends forever.
Drape my arms over. Wow, that's really nice. That's a great enthusiasm. Do you want to point out one thing? He looks at Gelfast, the horse. Yeah, you're free to point at Gelfast. Gelfast is okay with that. I'm allowed to point at the horse. Yeah, you said you do want to point at one thing.
Okay, well, great. That's awesome. You got your point in. Great. As he points at Gelfast, everyone make a dexterity saving throw. B, eight. Ooh, dirty 20. Ooh, a dirty 20 as well.
Gelfas kind of slips, but it's okay. But you notice that if anyone got under a 10, you just kind of fell over as it felt like the room kind of shifted in some way. It shifts in a way that reveals a new door. As you see this door, Barnabas points at Gelfas and is like, sorry, as we go on this tour, unfortunately,
I have to... And he points at this sign that says, not designed with equine hinds in mind. And so... Okay.
You're unfortunately, he'll be safe in here. And Bubbles, the little brain with like arms and legs just runs up with a big pile of hay and throws it on the ground in front of Galfast. Brenda Elizabeth nods knowingly. She knew this was coming, but she still, you know, she knows that Galfast is their own. They're not hers. So she goes over and she's, you know, gives Galfast good pet. She says, you've been faithful.
but can you be patient? - It just looks like a action figure of a horse, just so still. It's not even perturbed at all. It's just like, at this point, I think your ability to speak with Galfess is faded. - Galfess, please don't give me that face, okay? I can't bring you in. - You had enough horses in here that you had a sign? You printed a sign specifically for no horses in here?
It's a really old sign. It's been here for a really long time. It's also, as someone who's a pretty modest person, it's a little rude to talk about equine hinds. I don't... I mean, does Gelfast mind? Yeah, the proper term is...
Equine badonkadonk. Equine badonkadonk. Okay. That's what they prefer. Well, thank you for taking care of Galfast. I appreciate it. And you know what, Galfast? If the world beckons you and you decide to leave, that is your decision. It's like eating one piece of hay. Just chewing on it. Galfast, don't give me that drama.
Galfast shits on the ground. Such a noble beast. You've chose well. Bubbles runs up with a little pan and scoops it up. Runs away really fast, like clomping around. Well, Barnabas, I think we dodged a bullet, but me and Galfast came to an agreement. I surrender the beast. Okay. Well, that's good. I put a hand on it again.
The beast will be here when you are done with the tour. I think it's just safer generally because there's weird stairs and other things that a horse could turn an ankle on. Anyways, we've covered this. I'm not sure what else I have to personally say about it.
I have a few words I'd like to say. You know, anyways, I'm going to move on. Barnabas walks up to this new door that has appeared. It's also kind of like teardrop shape. And he's like, looks a little nervous. And he's like, okay, so there's been many projects that the Barnabas, there's been many projects that the Barnabas, the plural for Barnabas, I doodle the word Barnabas for the rest of the day.
Yeah, you can write that down, sure. That they've all been working on in different facets. And this is actually my pet project. Kind of nervous to show it to someone before, you know, I'm kind of maybe a little more whimsical than the previous...
the previous Barnaby. I open up one of my doodles and I say, I think I know Whimsy. It's a golden retriever whose birthday it is. Wow, that's really good. Later on, can we talk about that? That's a really good idea. So yeah, in general, I like fun stuff. Me too!
Wow. We have a lot in common. Everyone's like, yeah, I like fun stuff. Fun stuff, yeah, wow. Bob, weigh in, huh? Yeah, I just said it. Fun stuff's pretty awesome. So it's like, this is actually my first pet project. It's the factory room floor where I make toys. So...
I think you'll find it pretty whimsical. And he opens the door. As he opens the door, you're immediately confronted by just hot air. It just like hits you in the face. I run in. There's like a cacophony of loud banging noises. Can I do an athletics check to make sure that I'm the first one in? I try to push Astrid to get in front of her. Okay.
Yeah, I do an opposed athletics check. I got a 12. I stand in the back and let the hot, stale air wash away. I got a 7. Yeah, this air is gross. It smells like burnt hair. You also hear this tremendous clashing and banging. And as you all walk in, yeah, Astrid, you're able to get there. No one else is competing in the same way that you were competing. I win. Yes!
Turbine fell down for some reason. You go enter there and Barnabas looks around and he's like, okay, this is maybe not good. It's maybe not supposed to be that bad. But, you know, things are going to happen like this. So we're going to see who can...
I don't know, solve this as quickly as you can. And as he says that, you look out from sort of like a higher up level of a factory floor. There's like a guide rail and you're looking down to four big, basically separated tunnels. And each one has conveyor belts with machines on them that are basically assembly lines constructing toy soldiers. Except for the fact that they are going haywire. They're smoking, there's electricity and fire and just like...
big hammering noises as whatever is going on here is going wrong. This is whimsy. I didn't realize that making toys was so barbaric. I no longer regret never having the money for them as a child. I suppose my grandparents saved me from some sort of disgusting process. Toys are excellent. This is not what toys are supposed to be. Yeah, you're actually pretty right. This isn't supposed to be like this. Yeah, make an insight check if you want.
-I have a minus one to insight, and I rolled a four. Boy, am I rolling poorly. -I have a 14 on insight. -I got a 16 on insight. -Cool. Astrid, this is how toys are made. This is normal.
I was kidding. This is how toys are made. I just wanted to test you to see if you knew. Big industrial factory. Why wouldn't you? But for Turbine and Brenda Elizabeth, yeah, I mean, this is... I think with an insight, I'll even give you this. What you immediately notice that everything in this place has felt so futuristic. This area feels like...
Maybe one day Turbine would be able to do this. It's like of that level of engineering versus what you would expect to see in this place. It's a bunch of kind of clockwork-y looking things. It doesn't look futuristic in the same way other stuff looks. Turbine, do you think that the part of... I say this very quietly.
Do you think that the Barnabas, the current elected Barnabas, is not as good at technology as the previous Barnaby? I mean, this looks like shit. Right? It kind of sucks, but... I mean, this looks like shit, right? It looks like junk.
I mean, I don't know. What are you guys talking about? I think it looks very good. I think you're very good at things. Oh, wow. Thank you, Astrid. I don't know what they were talking about. Were they agreeing with you?
I think it looks really good. Oh, okay. I guess just the thing is you promised us whimsy and you said this would be really whimsical and this is kind of like sort of industrial. In fact, this looks rather dangerous and Brenda Elizabeth is going to take her very, very long thin hair and tuck it into the elastic waistband of her stirrup pants. That is not a bad idea.
I just would hate to get it. What are these toys? Can I... May I please have a toy? Well, these are unfinished and honestly, I think...
Some of your concerns are correct. This is not going right. We actually probably should shut this down. So this will be your first task, I guess. You see that there's like four different major aisles and they're all completely separated. It feels like each team will take a different path. And he's like, well, you know, how about this? The first team to get in will get four points, three points for the second team so far.
It's like Mario Kart rules. As you look at the paths, I'll just tell you mechanically how this will work. You see in front of you three distinct paths forward. So from fastest to slowest, you see a factory assembly line conveyor belt moving away from you towards your goal. The only problem with that is that the machines on it are completely haywire, just slamming together a little toy soldier, but completely shattering it and melting it and electrocuting it as they put it together. Sick. This path will give you a free dash action.
Second, there's the walking path next to that conveyor belt and machine. There's no movement penalties or bonuses here, but it's still close to the fucked up machine, so it still seems a little dangerous.
And then last, the slowest route is to factory conveyor belt moving towards you. It's not broken at all, but since it's moving the opposite way you want, it'll act like difficult terrain. Like trying to run up a down escalator. Yes. Or a moving sidewalk going the other way. Right. If you've been in an airport. Cool. Sure. Sure, boy, once or twice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how? No, I only use horses. We've all been in airports. Planes are horses of the sky. Yeah.
Sometimes I wish I could take a moving sidewalk all the way to my destination. Yeah.
After these three options, the factory floor dead ends in the middle at a door where a slightly more advanced looking Warforged robot seems to be going haywire. It's presumably blocking you from the back half of the factory floor that looks similar to this. You see that its eye sockets are glowing red and the wiring underneath its metallic surface glows red as well. Almost like sinister looking veins. Yeah, red glowing. That's evil for sure. A yoked robot.
It's not a good sign when things are glowing red. Traditionally speaking. Uh,
Does he see best, though? He's gone rogue. Yeah, something's gone rogue here. What you see in the first aisle is the assistant foreman. I don't think you can see past that first gate, but he's kind of looking around, just holding a clipboard that he's breaking in half and then picking up another clipboard and breaking it in half. And something happened where this thing has created this mayhem somehow. Okay. Okay.
How long is our aisle? Each section is about 60 feet. If it's a race, maybe I'll cast Longstrider on myself, up my speed here. I think all of you... Yeah, yeah, let's do it right now. Everyone roll initiative. Yeah. Great. You kind of can't see what the other... Like, you see Raider and Bank and Bonk kind of get ready. And you see the other people trying to, like, get ready for their tunnel they have to go through. Um...
It seems like the same bullshit over there. Sure, yeah. I rolled a seven. I rolled a four, but I have a four, so I have an eight. I got a dirty 20. Cool. There she is. Turbine, I think you got the long strider in before he started, but yeah, Barnabas is like, all right, on the count of three, go. Go.
Thanks for listening. Don't forget to get all new episodes months early and hear the exclusive arc barks over on our Patreon. Zach Oyama was your dungeon master for this episode, and the characters were Emily Axford playing Brenda Elizabeth, Mike Trapp was Turbine Spizzles Inc, and Siobhan Thompson is Astrid Starborn. This episode was edited and produced by Zach Oyama and Jasper William Cartwright. Bye! Bye!