Ask Us Literally Anything!
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This message is brought to you by McDonald's. Did you know only 7.3% of American fashion designers are Black? Well, McDonald's 2024 Change Leaders Program is ready to change the face of fashion. The innovative program awards a monetary grant to five emerging Black American designers and pairs each with an industry professional to help them elevate their brands.

I know specifically and distinctly how McDonald's can support and empower not just black Gen Z, but black people. My first job was McDonald's. I learned a lot there about customer service and how to relate to people. I still love that place and go there very often. Look out for the change of fashion designers and mentors.

at events like the BET Awards and the Essence Festival of Culture. And follow the journey of the 2024 McDonald's Change Leaders on their Instagram page, WeAreGolden.

Here's an HIV pill dilemma for you. Picture the scene. There's a rooftop sunset with fairy lights and you're vibing with friends. You remember you've got to take your HIV pill. Important, yes, but the fun moment is gone. Did you know there's a long-acting treatment option available? So catch the sunset and keep the party going. Visit pillfreehiv.com today to learn more. Brought to you by Veve Healthcare.

Hey, ladies. Hello, hello. How goes? Girl, it goes well. How are you, baby? You know, I'm making it. I am alive and amplified. Ooh, amplified. Alive and amplified. Ooh. I'm Sam Sanders. I'm Saeed Jones. And I'm Zach Safford. And you are listening to Vibe Check. Vibe Check.

This week, we are bringing you a Ask Us Anything episode. We're really excited to get into the questions we got via email, our Patreon, maybe a couple on Twitter or Blue Sky, who knows? A lot to get into. I'm excited. This is fun. Me too. I also prompted people on our Patreon, which, you know, at our Patreon, you can ask us anything, anytime, if you'd like, for $5 a month. But beyond that, I wanted y'all to be messy. Not the way you said it.

You can ask us for feet pics for $5 a month. Sam Sanders for feet pics. No, but speaking of feet pics, you guys could be a little messier if you'd like. So we're not doing another one of these for a while, but like get messy. We can edit on our side. I was going to say I enjoyed how un-messy our listeners have been. I'm with Sam on this. But let me flip the script for a second. Zach, what's the kind of messy question you would like?

Oh, I can't think of one on the fly. I want to do something about a man. Like, oh, I got one. I got one. Where's the weirdest place you've had sex before? That thing. Oh, I have a good answer. See? In college, I was an English major. I briefly hooked up a few times with a theater professor. Oh.

And we met not on campus, but in town. I guess community theater. He pulled an air mattress on stage. It was like late at night. Wow. Leave it to a theater. I know we're going to be talking about theater in a little bit. Leave it to a theater queen to set the scene. It was pretty fun. Um. With a cat.

More than once. Were you doing that? Yes, baby. I...

I... Oh, man. I... Wow. Okay. Well, to be fair, I'll answer mine. You don't have to bleep this. I would say the messiest place that I've ever hooked up with someone would be my high school best friend's home. I had a key to her apartment and I was house-sitting and I brought someone over there on the day they were returning. So if they had walked in, it would have been very complicated to explain that. I've done that all the time. See, I...

If I'm ever crashing at someone's house, I might be effing in your house. Zach, I've effed in your house. I've heard. I've heard. This is why you flipped the question. This is why you flipped the question. My blood is... I have... I'm awake now. Thank you for that. Alive and amplified.

All right. That's enough banter. Let's get to it. So you made a plane. We're answering your questions today. It's an ask us anything. But first, I want to thank all of you who sent us questions and a special shout out for those of you who have subscribed on the Pinocchio. If you want to join us there.

You can't. The piccolo. The piccolo. The pear tree. We're just going to go with it. Yes, yes. The pomegranate. Come find us on the pomegranate. Patreon.com slash Vibe Check. Listen, Vibe Check is a place where you come to learn that P can mean a lot of things. This is Sesame Street. There you go. Brought to you by the letter P. Okay, with that, let's jump in, shall we? Let's go. Let's go.

Okay, we are going to start off with a question from a Patreon user who goes by Virginia. Virginia writes, I've always been curious how making this podcast together has shaped, evolved, changed your friendship off Mike, and if it has any influence on other friendships in your lives, and if you have any lessons learned from doing this together as friends.

I love that. I love that so much. The first thing I'll say is when we announced the show, that it was our group chat and our friendship coming to life, I think people were like, oh, what's this going to be like? Is it going to be good? And then it's been great. It's been wonderful. But now friends of mine, some not even close friends, will jokingly, not jokingly, suggest that we launch a podcast on the side. And so I've learned. Are you serious? Yes. People have brought it up to me. I won't say names, but people are like, maybe we should do one too. We could.

We could call it side chat. Side chat or something? Side chick. But what I've learned is that not all of my group chats should be a show. And so, and I've really seen a lot of value in how we've really built this and have been very intentional about what we're doing, which we can talk more about. But yeah, I've learned that like not all friendships are meant for all things and that some friendships can be a podcast. Some are movie nights. Some are dinner parties. But I've really learned how to organize my relationships with people from the show. Yeah.

I think there are two big things that doing this show with y'all and having our group chat has taught me.

First, it's that you're allowed to have slightly different communication styles with different people in your lives. I have learned over the course of this show in our group chat that Sayid and Zach have different communication styles. They're different and I can engage with them differently. And I think I've said it before on this show. So many times we're taught, treat people how you want to be treated. But the real way to do it is to treat people how they want to be treated and

And to understand more about how they work and say to yourself, I love you. I can meet you there. And I think the beauty of being in partnership with the two of y'all, knowing that you both are so different, it has broadened and heightened the way that I'm able to communicate, period. Doing this with y'all has made me a better communicator because I understand more fully what

how to think about communication differently with different people, if that makes sense. That was a thing that I wasn't really aware of before this experience. And so I found that really eye-opening in a beautiful way. And then secondly, I just think the best parts of both of you rub off on me. What I admire so much about Saeed, and I feel like you know this, you are the most emotionally honest person I've ever interacted with.

When it comes to your spirit and your heart, you cannot tell a lie. It's truth. It's truth. And you lead with an emotional honesty and truth that I see and I just love and I covet. You're not going to beat around the bush and you're not going to waste people's time. Who you are and how you feel is right there. And that emotional honesty is actually a kindness because you're not wasting time. We spend so much time

thinking that we should be doing what people want us to do and saying what they want us to say and being what they want us to be. You're wasting their time and yours.

And emotional honesty is the truest way to a real kindness. So learning that from you, Saeed, has been so good for me. That means a lot. Thank you, Saeed. Of course. I'm about to cry. As you were saying that, Sam, I was like, I feel that so deeply, what you're saying about Saeed. Yes. Yeah. Can I tell a lie? And then with Zach, what I love about Zach is...

the grace with which he moves through the world and the way in which he fosters every relationship in his life, like a flower he's trying to help grow. I've always been good with people, but Zach is very good with relationships and cultivating them and keeping them and nourishing them. And so thinking about that really intentionally and not saying, okay,

all right, I can just be fun to be around and saying, how can I be a good lifelong long-term friend? And what does that mean? And friend being an action word. I've learned that from you. And so I just see the way that,

You care for your people and your tribe. And I admire it so much. And I've tried to make that a part of my personal practice. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, of course. And agree. And agree. I mean, I guess speaking to the evolution, you know, we were three, you know, kind of long distance friends. Y'all know how we kind of got together. So I'm not going to run you back through that part of the lore. But, you know, I think it's true for everyone.

Many of us that have active group chats, but certainly group chats that really became vivid during the pandemic, you know, you were speaking across distance, you know, and we speak a lot about like the importance of that and you can still be vulnerable too. But, you know, I think the evolution for the three of us has been a deepening, both from doing the podcast, but also from doing the podcast.

the format of audio which really asks you to become an active listener it's a dialogue you're not just waiting to speak your turn you're not just waiting to like oh this meme is good let me hit send you know what i mean it is asking a little bit more of you and so that's been really rich for us but also life has changed so much since 2021 for the three of us so that sense of

Yeah, we were already friendship in color, but the colors are richer. There's more nuance. We've seen the three of each other through professional, personal, geographic changes. And it's been, I think, a real gift to be able to use the podcast to navigate that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The one other thing I would share about the influence on friendships, it's been a real joy when friends, as a poet, I will say, I notice this a lot and we talk about it, the sheepishness when someone goes, oh, I love the poetry. People drop their voices. I'm like, why are we whispering? Did you murder someone in an alley? Oh, you're just saying you read poetry. Oh, that's great, baby. It's kind of like that with podcasts. So it's fun when friends are like, I've been listening to your podcast. Okay. Yeah.

We love it. Next question. We'll do this kind of quick. This comes from Heather. Heather has given us a fashion question. What look do each of you feel best in? Can you give an example of, and let's say maybe your style that really speaks to helping you feel joyful, confident, sexy, powerful.

I have a rule that I will not wear something unless I feel good in it. And at my house, when like ever I'm getting dressed or Craig's getting dressed, that's the first question I'll ask myself for him is how do you feel in it? Is it making you feel good? Does it make you want to walk outside? So I think it changes on how I'm

sitting in my body. It changes on like also the weather and all these other practical things. But it's really like a personal thing that happens each time. But there are trends that have emerged over the years where I know that I love, I love a boot. I love a heel. I love to be lifted a bit. I don't love when, you know, folks who are male identified wear dresses as a joke. Like I don't love the joke of gender sometimes, but I love when a male identified person wears a dress that you can tell it's making them feel really good.

Because I know when that happens for me and it's thoughtful. And there are moments where like, and I can show this one on my Instagram. I wore this like black dress with this really big jewelry on it. And I kind of like existed outside of gender when I went to this event because there's like a comfortability and a confidence in wearing it. That's not so much about the stunt of the garment, but it's more about the confidence and the beauty of you feeling good in it. So for me, dressing is a very emotional process around how am I feeling internally? And how do I want to show that externally? But yeah,

Yeah. And then also I will say cowboy aesthetics before Beyonce. I've always loved a cowboy boot and a bootleg pant. Yeah. We love. Say, what about you? For me, you know, it changes. I love kind of like, kind of like Sam was saying, like the freedom, the emotions, you know, it changes. And so I think style works in tandem with that need for freedom. The need to say, I changed my mind. One thing I will say that's been very consistent for me though, for the last, um,

So for about a decade, Ise Miyake, I think I bought a pair of Ise Miyake slacks around 2014, 2015. And it was like revolutionary. If you've seen pictures, it's like the pleated kind of like rippled, often bright colors. There's always a sense of flow.

It's interesting to think of like, it's a high-end fashion brand. It's an item, but that was a breakthrough for me personally in terms of style and gender. Structured male clothing makes me viscerally uncomfortable. I did speech and debate, for example, in high school and college where I had a closet full of suits and ties and literally like the thought of a necktie, it makes me viscerally uncomfortable and it brings back like really unfortunate memories. And so, yeah, the sense of

flow, ease that comes with Ise Miyake brings me real joy. So I'll say that. - And it looks great on you too. - Thank you. - It does, it does. You know, I grew up in a black church where the men wore suits and colorful suits.

I also came of age at a time when rappers like Kanye West in that moment, college dropout era, were really kind of interpolating classic prep fashion. You know, polos with the pop collar stacked two or three. And always with the backpack. Exactly. And so a lot of what I wear is influenced by that. But also what I've gravitated towards in adulthood is taking those classic shapes and forms. I'm really influenced by classic prep and Ivy fashion, influenced by the business suit. But

But how do I make it work for me in a way that like allows freedom in my body? So you'll notice when I wear suits now, I don't wear a tie. I don't do that. It's conforming. I don't want that. When I do wear classic forms and shapes, I like them a little bigger on my body so I can really move. So for me, it's like, how do I wear something that feels classic and that I'll want to see myself in a photo in five years from now or five years earlier? And then two, how do I put it on?

look and say, I look all right, and then don't think about it again. For me, the perfect piece of clothing is one that I forget that I'm wearing. And that's key. Yeah. And, you know, I mean, it's interesting, religion, gender, you know, all of these ideas. But yeah, I think that's what you want. You want to feel good as you're climbing in to the style. And then it becomes the thing you don't have to worry about so you can be more present in the moment. Exactly. I also, I love playing...

With age, like I wear a bunch of cardigans because I'm into the grandpa of it all. Like my favorite cardigan is one that's like fuzzy on purpose. They made it look like it's already 10 years old. I love that. I love wearing things that feel like they're made for comfort and for rocking chairs and making them part of my everyday life. Like these pants. These are motherfucking culottes I'm wearing right now. I like it loose, baby. I like it free.

And we need to get to the next question, but I will say I have also learned, as I'm always in the highways and byways, I have enough clothes that I do dress differently in different cities. Oh, I love that. Because that's also part of the comfort and not thinking about, you know. That's also a great, like, story for you. Like, you know, I go to Miami and I'm this Saeed. I go to New York, I'm this Saeed. I love that. I think more people should dress as new versions or different versions of themselves in cities. Okay, one more quick question before we go to break.

Since you all travel quite a bit, what is your travel philosophy approach? Do you plan everything ahead of time? Are you more spontaneous, somewhere in the middle? What are your tips or recommendations to make a trip more enjoyable?

assume that your travel day might be the worst travel day and it's okay. And assume that everyone around you in that airport on that plane is having a bad travel day and treat them with grace. Yeah. Travel is not fun for anybody. Yes. And everyone's their own main character in a motherfucking airport.

Give grace. I don't care if it's a 45-minute flight, as we saw this summer, from Chicago to Columbus on travel days. I assume the only thing that I can assume will happen is travel. Anything else that I'm able to do that day is a bonus. There you go.

But no fancy dinners. No, oh, we can make it to this three o'clock. No, no, no, no, no. Anything else is just going to be a bonus. You have to give it up to the universe. You're going to get there when you're going to get there. And that's not in your control. And that's how you breeze through it. You know, people always, I'll be at an event in San Francisco. I remember this happened recently, but my plane was taking off in an hour because they had not told me the right time. It was a work event. And I said, you know, there are more flights. You know, I'm going to get there. And if...

If I get there and I make the flight, great. If not, I'll hang out or I'll figure it out. But like, don't pre-solve some of these problems. Just go with it and don't hurt yourself trying to make it fit. If it doesn't fit, move on. It's

It's going to be fine. Also, stop assuming the airline and the bag attendant and the flight attendant are out to get you. They aren't out to get you. They're doing their job. They don't care. They're just trying to work. Yeah, they're working. That's the other thing. These people are at work. We forget that. These are their nine to fives. Treat them with some dignity, please. I think for me, I am not a fastidious planner, but I do. I have a vision of intention.

So it will be, I,

I have a vision of the three of us in London, you know, the night before we go see Beyonce because we're going to do that. But I want to see the three of us like at a club, twirling, laughing, doing shots. That's the vision. And, you know, that allows for a lot of freedom because that image can happen at any point. And it doesn't, you know, and I haven't planned everything down to the detail. Or I have a vision of me spending the entire afternoon sitting in a cafe, drinking tea with a book and my notebook.

had you know that sounds like a Mexico City or Berlin you know that's kind of how I plan I need a lot of freedom and I need like I said earlier I need to be able to change my mind in Mexico I was only going to be there for a week and a half I was in a great time I looked at my calendar extended it for another two weeks they love it they love all right well thank you for those questions that last one was from Allison it's time for us to take a quick break but stay tuned we'll be right back with another question for each of us

This message is brought to you by McDonald's. Did you know only 7.3% of American fashion designers are Black? Well, McDonald's 2024 Change Leaders Program is ready to change the face of fashion. The innovative program awards a monetary grant to five emerging Black American designers and pairs each with an industry professional to help them elevate their brands.

I know specifically and distinctly how McDonald's can support and empower not just black Gen Z, but black people. My first job was McDonald's. I learned a lot there about customer service and how to relate to people. I still love that place and go there very often. Look out for the change of fashion designers and mentors.

at events like the BET Awards and the Essence Festival of Culture. And follow the journey of the 2024 McDonald's Change Leaders on their Instagram page, WeAreGolden.

Here's an HIV pill dilemma for you. Picture the scene. There's a rooftop sunset with fairy lights and you're vibing with friends. You remember you've got to take your HIV pill. Important, yes, but the fun moment is gone. Did you know there's a long-acting treatment option available? So catch the sunset and keep the party going. Visit pillfreehiv.com today to learn more. Brought to you by Veve Healthcare.

All right, we are back and we have a question for each of us specifically. First up, Zach. This comes from Paulina on the Patreon. She wrote, quote, as a theater enthusiast, I'd love to hear from Zach about how he got into theater production and the best and worst parts of being a producer.

- Wow, how do I answer this politically? - Let's just skip to the second part of that question. - Well, it was all by accident. It was not planned and it's been a wonderful accident of the past four plus years. How it happened was a friend of mine, who's a friend of all of ours, came to me and had pitched me building a production company with him. I was at Buzzfeed still, I had just left The Advocate.

I was really falling out of love with media and how it was currently built at that time. And we were approaching the next election and I was like, I just, I need off this ride. It's so terrible. It was Biden versus Trump. So I took a break and the pandemic hit and I was doing some like consulting work

working with this friend to build this company. And in the midst of all that, A Strange Loop fell into my lap. And I already knew about A Strange Loop. I'd seen it already. It was written by Michael R. Jackson, who I knew. And that was really the show that changed everything for me. And I just began it as a way to help a fellow Black

queer person who was wanting to make something in the world. And I had some time and I really believed in the show. And then it just all became much bigger than I ever expected. And then through that show, other opportunities arose. And this company that I started building with a friend, we got more projects and more things. So now I do things outside of theater and film and TV. So, you know, I just like kind of let the universe take me on the ride. But I did follow, you

I mean, to the earlier point Sam made about my investment in relationships, it was very much due to relationships. Like, I believed in these friends. I wanted to work with them. Something in me told me this was the moment to try this out. And I also listened to my body that was like, you don't want to be in this media rollercoaster anymore. So I jumped in. Yeah. So it's been great. But, you know, to the next part of the question, the best and worst parts of being a producer. I mean, the best parts are...

having people come up to you and telling you the stories of how they experience the work that you're a part of. So, A Strange Loop's been touring. People came to our live shows who saw A Strange Loop. And that's kind of amazing to be a part of something that is the same every day for weeks or months on end, where I was so used to being in media, where it changed every day. But literally, like, to be a part of a show that people go to and they all have their own experiences with it. So, that's the best part, just getting to help people have a deep relationship with some art.

And then the worst parts are just, you know, it's a system that's really broken and needs to be reimagined. And I think workers aren't taken care of as much as they should be. And it's due to larger economic forces. I think actors have a really tough life in front of them. They do eight plus shows a week. They're not paid always the best depending on where they fall. So there's a lot of labor stuff I have. But that's how I felt with media too. I felt like there were a lot of labor issues that needed to be fixed. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

The second one is for me. Emily from Patreon wrote, Sam Sanders, as a fellow dog parent, what have you learned from each of your fur babies? And what has your training experience been with both? What having a dog and now two dogs has taught me, I'd say the biggest lesson about human nature is that we actually crave on a fundamental biological level to care for something other than ourselves.

We want to care for something that's not us. It can be a garden. It can be a kid. For me, it's a dog. But we have this innate desire to show care and love and to tend to things that aren't ourselves. And having a dog and now two has shown me that. And it's also shown me that all animals, all creatures have that desire as well.

My two silly ass dogs, they want to take care of me. I used to get mad at them when they would bark at the house. And I say, oh, they're protecting the house. They're protecting me when they want to be next to me all the time. It used to annoy me. It's like, no, they want to be in close proximity because they care about me.

So just the act of having a dog, two dogs has reminded me of it. Caretaking, caring for others. It's holy. It's sacred. It is a sacrament and it's a blessing to be able to do it. So that too, I think having a dog just makes you leave your goddamn house. I walk the small dog like three miles a day. At least I'm out in the world and having this pretty ass dog with me means that I talk to strangers all the time because they think he's cute. And you know, I love small talk.

So the physical benefits of having a thing that makes you explore the world is a beautiful thing. And then I will say the third thing that I've learned from dogs is that you can communicate a lot without ever saying a word. My old dog Zora was in the room for a lot of really big life moments for me in my adulthood. Zora has been around when several members of my family were dying or close to death and she was a soothing presence. She was there when I first brought a man home to meet my mother.

I want to say she was there when I had the last formal kind of coming out conversation with her as well. The dogs were there during breakups. The dogs were there when I got news of job suffering. And it's like at every moment, these dogs non-verbally could sense my mood and my emotion, comfort me accordingly. And so what that has taught me is to think about how I can be a friend and

and be a comfort to others without even having to say a word. And that's been a great big lesson. Last thing, the experience training them both has been night and day. As I mentioned before on this show, Zora was quite easy. Wesley's been quite hard. And the lesson of that is like different folks have different strokes. Not all dogs are equal or the same. Neither are all people.

Having to learn how to navigate two dogs that are the same breed but very different characters has taught me that you meet people where they are and they can be different. That happens. So I'm sorry, I've rambled, but that's my big dog takeaways as of now. That was beautiful. It was so great. That was beautiful. You know, I haven't had a dog in my adult life, but I've spent years with friends who have dogs. And ever since I was a kid, I had a dog. And the love that you have with that animal is so magical. And when I did...

The book I had come out a few years ago, When Dogs Heal, which is about HIV-positive people and their dogs. When I would sit down with these families, it was just so profound how these dogs were like their ship in a storm all the time. And I just see that with so many friends who are going through something. Their dog is that thing that helps them get through it. And I feel like that's what it's been like for you for a while. Oh my god. I love how pets...

alert us to our humanity and to like as as sam was saying to connection and you know sometimes it can feel like a burden um but it is also a need and and the way that enriches you and i think you know such an important human lesson of this human era is that we live in connection with other beings

And we need to honor that in how we live. Not taking them for granted, not only seeing value in terms of what they can do for us, whether this is plants or animals, but understanding that we live in connection with them.

with them. Well, and it's like the only life that dogs know is a pack life. All they know is community. They're always seeking to form a pack. They always want to be in community. And it's like, that's a good reminder. Dogs don't like to be alone. And actually, neither do we, you know? Anywho, we have a question for you, Saeed.

Yeah, this one comes from Charles, who both patron and emailed. Okay, we love persistence. Charles asked, can you walk us through your relationship to Buddhism as a Black queer person? So Charles points out that, you know, Buddhism in particular compared to like Judeo-Christian faiths, you know, has like a kind of

pop culture aspect in the United States that's pretty separated. And I guess this is true with Hinduism as well, right? All the Eastern religions, you know, yoga, karma, these words are just kind of thrown around. And so we asked about that and like, how do you approach

Buddhism as a holistic spiritual practice that holds the full spectrum of feelings as a Black person as opposed to a pill to soothe and take whenever. Sure, sure, sure, sure. So I was raised Nichiren Buddhist. My mother started practicing in her 20s in Memphis, Tennessee. My Aunt Janet introduced her. My Aunt Janet's still very much a part of my life and continues to practice Buddhism. I have not consistently practiced Nichiren Buddhism in

like a little, it's been like 15 years or so, but I'd still draw from it as a life philosophy. It still very much informs my writing and

And yeah, a lot of how I moved through the world. The big influence both for Nichiren Buddhism and what I still draw from is Nichiren Daishonin's writings. He was a philosopher in the Kamakura period of Japan. So this is like for him, 1270, 1280. And he was exiled for his beliefs. They were pretty controversial at the time. So he would write letters to his disciples and those became the writings. And so just some examples of...

A woman disciple writes to him at one point during this period and are like, and at the time it was very connected to priests and temples. And she was like, you know, the priest will not let me come to the temple when I'm on my period, basically. Yeah.

And they're telling, you know, women are dirty, da-da-da-da-da. Again, this is 12, this is like the 1280s. I want you to remember that date. Because Nichiren Daishonin firmly says back, they're just trying to get between you and your enlightenment. You can pray wherever you are. Incredible. Or, you know, Nichiren Buddhism would emphasize an idea called Esho Funi, which is the oneness of self and environment. That our environment reflects our internal state. Mm-hmm.

And this can be an individual. This can be a community of people. And it can also be the broader natural environment. And so as my mom explained it when I was a kid, and this was actually a very apt metaphor, she was like, you know, when you're feeling good, Saeed, and things are going well at school, your room is clean. I don't have to tell you to clean your room. It's just together. And I tend to notice when you're not feeling so great. Right.

Can I tell you? This is something I've held on to for years and someone smarter than me told me years ago. I can tell what shape your life is in by the shape of your bedroom. Yeah.

It's simple, but it means something. - Right. - I feel the same with closets. Like my closet, once it's like the most chaotic, I'm like, oh, I'm not doing well internally right now. - It's a helpful signal. And also, and this is so helpful because the point of Ashofuni, it's not like a passive acknowledgement of this dynamic. It acknowledges that inner transformation can lead to outer transformation. So obviously you're feeling better, more alert to your environment, your personal environment. You can change how your room looks.

But also, let's say, you know, and we've all been in this situation. You're insecure. You're struggling. Da-da-da. Everyone at work is the worst. Oh, everybody da-da-da-da-da. And if you're able to kind of change it, suddenly you're like, you know, some of my coworkers are kind of cool. You know, and I just had a good interaction with that manager. Like, it's possible. And the last thing I'll say, because this is a nitpick for me, karma.

In the Eastern faiths, this is, you know, it's a little different, you know, from where we go from different forms of Buddhism to Hinduism, for example. Karma is very different than how it's used here in the United States. Here we think of karma as you reap what you sow. Karma is a bitch. It's very revenge. You were mean to someone last week, so next week, you know, you're going to stub your toe. That's not actually how karma works. Karma is almost like a measurement of time.

It's an understanding of the totality of our actions over the course of multiple lifetimes. It is not about what you did last week. It is about the totality of the actions you've taken over your many, many reincarnations. Mm-hmm.

And so that's just like something that I wanted to express. It's so much bigger. So yeah, so it's obviously like very much of, you know, how I think, but this actually kind of perfectly takes us to our next question. Yes, which is for all of us. And it is from Rabbi Megan.

Megan wrote, quote, what is your religious life like today? What, if any, spiritual practices have you found that bring comfort and meaning to your life? Zach, you start us off.

So I was raised Southern Baptist. I was deep in that right there, baby girl. I don't even know if I realized you were raised Southern Baptist. That is so specific. My favorite Southern Baptist fun fact, the Baptist were all the Baptist, but the Southern Baptist broke away to maintain their stance on slavery. Yes. The Southern Baptist didn't want to let go of slavery. Yes. And so they split off. Yeah. Which is like, it's wild. When I think about my own personal life, like,

Like, I grew up in Tennessee, and there are still churches that members of my family go to that are the Black church on the property of the white church. So we go to separate buildings to this day. Yes. Which is wild. What? Yes. The Baptist story. The history, baby. I didn't know about the— Separate buildings. My grandma took me to the Southern Baptist Convention. Separate but equal. But I didn't know about the property.

and you can see each other and like this one church I remember going to as a kid the white church was on top of the hill and the black church was on the top it's even like a visual conversation so I've let go of a lot of those beliefs as I've gotten older but I do very much you know I do believe in some higher being higher order of things I don't know if there's like a

person in the sky, but I do find a lot of refuge in the connectedness of all of us and that a universe is pushing us. A lot of the things I talk about at home is just, it feels like we're all stardust living here. I do very much believe that we all are part of the larger cosmos around us, and we are kind of a momentary expression of consciousness of the larger universe, and we are experiencing ourselves around us. And I just feel so connected to everyone in that.

Which is why I'm probably so obsessed with interpersonal dynamics because I do feel like we are all one.

connected. So, yeah. So I just, I don't like read a book or go back to texts like the Bible. I mean, I grew up reading the King James Bible, which, you know, King James was homosexual, which I love. It's a great science fiction text. Oh, it's so good. And if you want to watch a good TV show, Mary and George, which is about King James and his lover. So,

Anyway, but yeah, I'm much more of a spiritual person. I let the universe guide me at all times. And I put a lot of faith in the universe. So yeah. What about you, Sam? Y'all know I grew up deep, deep, deep, deep, deep in the Pentecostal black, very evangelical church, charismatic Christians, speaking in tongues, faith healing, all of it. I was in the church band. My mother was a church organist. My whole life was built and formed around that.

And so when I finally left home and left church, two things really remained clear.

I never wanted to let go of the music and the language of the music because I found it beautiful and I found it very black and I loved it, right? So I still sing in the language of my church. I still, even if I don't believe in their conceptualization of Christ anymore, I love gospel songs that mention Jesus because that is a language of what I knew in my youth and it's familiar to me and I love it. And two, I still believe in a higher power

what I call it on any given day changes. But I think my religious life today, if it is one, it's all of my beliefs about Christianity, theology, God, religion, everything has fallen away except for the one simple idea. If there is a God and we are all made in the image of God, and if God to me represents beauty,

It is a right, a privilege, and a duty to look for the God and the beauty in everybody else. That's it. The only thing that I would say is religious about me or focus on a higher power is the belief that all things possess some kind of beauty and that on a good day, I'm looking for it. I had so many moments in...

my youth, growing up in this rules-based church culture where I just thought the worst about the rules and everything. I'll never forget, my father was not Pentecostal with us. He was Methodist. After he died, I thought for years that he was going to go to hell because he wasn't Pentecostal.

I had to let that shit go. I had to let it go. And I think what I found in adulthood is a higher power, a God, whatever you want to call it, that is not focused on rules, but it's focused on the appreciation of humanity and beauty. And even on my worst days with the people I feel the worst about,

My belief allows me to say to myself, there's something beautiful inside of them or something beautiful in this experience. How can I find it? I love that. I love that. Yeah. I guess, you know, Nietzschean Buddhism really is centered on the law of cause and effect. Thoughts, words, and deeds are causes that have an effect. And I like the openness of that, of the intentionality that what I'm thinking, saying, doing will have an impact on

on myself and on people around me. And it asks of us, like, and I love that Sam is like my search for beauty. Okay. So then what are the causes? What are the seeds you are planting from moment to moment that will allow that beauty to thrive, you know, and, and, and it can be open, you know, for all of us. And I think particularly, you know, to the other person's question, that's a black queer person as someone who believes in science, um,

who believes in education. You know, I always found that really important, the idea that there was this consistency between the law of physics and the spiritual law I was enacting in my life. And I found it continued to be helpful. I love it. Also, Gag, this is taking you back to Louisville, Texas, middle school playground. God don't like ugly, and that's why you go into hell, you ugly bitch. Like, you know, oh, I loved it. I loved it. Let's weaponize. Oh, God.

Let's weaponize the face. Ain't no beauty around here. On that lovely note, let's take a beautiful break. Don't go anywhere or we're going to call you ugly. We'll be right back with some more rapid fire questions.

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Listeners, we're back and we have some rapid fire questions. So we'll be as quick as possible with these, but you know us, we like to gab a bit. So prepare yourself. All right. First up is from Aaron. Aaron writes, what is your favorite regional chain restaurant? It could be from where you grew up or maybe something you discovered on a trip. Sam.

Bill Miller Barbecue. Oh, he was ready. Yeah, I was ready. So in the South, it's Whataburger. They have their own proprietary ketchup. It's a little sweet. Love it. But my all-time favorite is really a Texas chain, Bill Miller Barbecue.

I've never heard of Bill Miller. Is this like a San Antonio area? It's in Texas. Maybe just South Texas. I don't know if they're up there where you are, but it's good. So their barbecue's fine, but their breakfast tacos, baby. So I worked at Bill Miller Barbecue my junior and senior year of high school. And after I stopped working there, they introduced a breakfast menu. They make their own flour tortillas in every restaurant every morning. Oh, I know. It smells good in there.

It smells so good. And it is like, Abuela made this for you, buddy. It is fucking amazing. So the breakfast tacos at Bill Miller make me happy every time. Saeed, what about you? Yeah, I would say, I think it's still specific to Texas. La Madeline. Oh my God, I love that place. Yeah, it's like a French fast casual. Fast casual, yeah. Like I don't even think they're open for dinner. I think it would actually be kind of weird to go there for dinner. They have a tomato soup.

If I'm ever in the DFW airport, because there's a La Madeline somewhere in there, if I have time, I try to find it. Their quiches are really good. And they have this dessert that my mom would make, actually. And I think she did it once to troll me after she realized that it was the first time I snuck out and went to a party where people were drinking.

And I think my best friend Casey was saying, we were hungover and trying to hide it. Y'all know that story. And she was so nice to make strawberry Romanoff, one of the desserts, at Madeline's. And it comes in this big glass and has all these fresh strawberries topped with this whipped cream that's mixed with cognac. It's so simple, but it's delicious. Yes.

But you do not want that if the taste of alcohol makes you. I love La Madeline because there was a La Madeline down the street from my college, University of the Incarnate Word in San Antonio. And one of my classmates, Julie, she had a part-time job there. She'd call me every now and then and be like, we're about to close down. I got a bunch of rosemary chicken. Come get it. Oh, yes. Yes.

I ate. I ate. Thank you, Julie. I'll always love you for that. She fed me. Love LaMadeleine. And I think I talked about this earlier this year when we were talking about like chain restaurants and, you know, going away. LaMadeleine is a perfect example. It's designed to look like a French country house. There's a lit fireplace. That's always, you know. And so I also associate, you know, with my mother, you know, a single parent.

There were times we were close to getting evicted and everything. It was a real treat to be able to go. And so the sense of dignity, and I think this is kind of part of style too, you felt good to be in that space. And I remember that. Zach, what about you?

Okay, so I have two. And the first one I'm going to say is Waffle House. I get so hyped about a Waffle House. The scrambled eggs. The hash browns, bro. The hash browns. How they are able to scramble cheese into the eggs is like a specific type of skill. Gravy on the hash browns. Ham and onions in the hash browns. Come on now. Also, the workers there.

could be better than the Secret Service on fighting back and protecting people. They are God's strongest warriors. They're also always about to fight each other. Every Waffle House, they're always in conflict. Also, there was a funny map going around for years where it showed where the general nuclear blast zones, the highest rate of where you would die in a nuclear blast were. And Waffle Houses always fell outside of those big blast zones. So,

look ordained. But yeah, whenever I'm traveling, if I have to stay overnight at an airport hotel because I missed my flight or something, there's always a Waffle House. So I love going to that. And then the other thing is a new favorite of mine. I go to Utah a lot now. Utah. Uh, I go to Utah a lot, um, for family visits. Uh,

And for my partner's family. And I have discovered Cafe Rio. Have you all been to Cafe Rio before? No. Cafe Rio is that girl. She's like a Chipotle, but even better. They make fresh tortillas whenever you show up. They make it fresh. The trend is emerging. A better quality Chipotle, but they do a salad. And this is not...

a salad for like the faint of heart. The salad is built with the tortilla and then they do this like big sauce and they do all this meat. It's amazing. They do a pork, a sweet pork roasted. It's amazing. So that would be mine. When I'm in Utah, we are like running to Cafe Rio. I haven't been to Utah since high school, but, huh, it's good. If you must go, you know, go there. All right. And we just have one last question. It's from Auntie. Auntie writes, what's the most boomer opinion you hold right now?

The kids are on their phones too damn much. After a certain amount of time on your phone every day, there are diminishing returns and sometimes adverse and perverse returns. There is actually a cap. And I used to feel like I was, you know, scolding people and finger wagging to say that. But I feel it in my own life. Once I'm on my phone for a little more than like four hours in a day, I feel worse, not better.

And I know some folks, some younger folks are living their lives completely plugged into their phone.

This is a hill that I will maybe die on. We aren't meant to spend our entire days on our phones. Fight me. And the younger kids are like glued to their iPads. It's interesting seeing young kids. Well, like in like restaurants that like parents are just like here. Yeah. Well, it's like I always remember these titans of tech. You know what they do? They don't let their kids use devices.

They take Sundays off as families. They know something. They made this shit. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I start soapboxing. You got there. Okay, Boomer. Okay, Boomer. Zach, what about you? Uh-huh.

Mine is a, I don't know if this is so much a boomer POV or a Kim Kardashian POV, but I do believe, if you get me drunk enough, that I don't think nobody wants to fucking work anymore. What does that say? I was going to say this for mine. It's true. Nobody wants to work. Because work is hell. I know. And people aren't getting paid enough.

I know. And that's the other thing. I totally agree. I was texting a friend today. Who's like having their boss is sexually harassing. I get the context of it. And like, that it's really hard to even find a job that you like or whatever. But yeah, I think the general vibe when I talk to you, fairly young people, like, and it's because of my own trauma. Like I remember talking to a 22 year old who was like, you know, I'm not getting paid enough in this job, which I was like, wow, that's more money than I made at 22 working that job.

And they were like, I don't know what to do. And I was like, well, at that same time of my life, I got another job. I worked two jobs at the same time. And they were like, I could never. I would never work two jobs. And I'm just like, what has happened? And I think maybe we're leading to a better place and a better relationship to work. But my trauma and my personal experience is like, why aren't people working more? Because I was working like a dog. And I still work like a dog to this day. I had my first job when I was 14. Same. They signed a farm hardship agreement.

exemption so I could work at McDonald's at 14 years old. Yep, I worked at the movie theater at, I think, 14, 15 or something. Yeah, I think I lied. I think I lied. I work at a grocery store. So my boomer opinion, and I'm right. Okay, so we were all in high school, George W. Bush. No Child Left Behind, baby. We live in a spinoff of the TV show Lost at this point. And let me tell you why. Because nobody's reading.

I think the average American's time spent reading content has decreased exponentially. Not just books. I mean, reading the article as opposed to just reading the headline. You know, reading the screenshot. You know, that's totally out of context. People aren't reading. I am stunned. And it is so interesting, the correlation between...

the less reading, the less in-depth private context people are taking in. You know, because it requires something of you. Like sitting, thinking, processing. The less people do that, the more loud they are about their opinions. It's incredible. It's wild. It's incredible to me. Also, it wasn't that long ago, Saeed, that you and I and Sam were growing up in our professional careers at a time where

So many op-eds were getting published. And we used to read like so aggressively, post articles, BuzzFeed articles. All of us were like consuming and tweeting and posting. And now people have just stopped reading the articles. And here's what I think is a big part of it. And I've said this before on this show. I think the general momentum of how we consume media on our phones, especially with the rise of TikTok,

We've moved from an internet that is mostly text and still image-based to an internet that is mostly video-focused. And the primary thrust of our time online is watching videos and not reading the goddamn article. I think the ratio of time spent, we just watch more videos now. And I mean, the impact of that, because I am someone who kind of rolls my eyes when saying I'm talking about young people on their phones too much. But here's an example that I came across recently. Shirley Jackson's The Lottery. If you haven't read it,

It's a classic short story. You know, easily one of, I think, one of the best, most lauded short stories from the 20th century. It's incredible. I thought every high school student read it. And someone who teaches college now, she was like, no. And I was like, what? What do you mean? And she said, well, you know, a lot of things are different in terms of high school curriculums. Instead of assigning entire books, it's much more often that students are getting excerpts of books we used to read. Excerpts?

What? So, like, I don't think it's the best book, and I am irritated by it, but, like, you know, where we might have read the entirety of To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, for example, students might now be reading a couple of chapters. That's wild, because we used to get summer reading lists. Things that we had to read while we were in high school. And it would be, like, 10 to 15 books. Totally.

All right, you heard it from the boomers. Listeners, as we said before, send them in. If you're on Patreon, you can ask them in real time. We'll try to answer them there. But this was fun. Y'all have fun with us? This was a hoot. I really enjoyed it. I also love how kind our listeners are with the Ask Me Anything questions. I know Zach wants more messy. I'm glad they're not too messy because we can do messy all by ourselves. Yes. Well, my thing with messy is like, I just won't answer if it gets too messy. You know, I'm like, oh, that's a good question for you. I'm not answering that. Yes, yes.

All right, listeners, that's our show. Remember, you can ask us questions on Patreon or send them via email at vibecheckatstitcher.com.

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