The Trio fun recast
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Part two of our interview with Paige DeSorbo. We're going to kick it off right where Austin and Paige are trying to teach Craig how to say her last name. DeSorbo. Well, yeah, because it's a fucking S. It's capitalized. It's a freaking fracking S. All right, how do you say that? Paige DeSorbo. DeSorbo? Capital D, lowercase e, capital S. DeSorbo. DeSorbo. Anything with an S, I'd be like DeSorbo. Looks like Craig's giving you the lowercase d tonight after that comment. Ha ha ha.

Alright, Austin, we're just into part two. Let everyone know why they're here. Are we just going ham? No, we're just, this is enough for two parts. Well, then you don't have to record twice. Is that what that means? We don't have to record twice, but then you just have like a piece. There's going to be Page to Sorbo, part one. I'm never going to say it right. Page to Sorbo, part one. That was right. Page to Sorbo.

This is why girls get married and change their last names because guys are fucking idiots. Peace to Servo, part two. I don't want to use it on this because I might actually use this at some point in the future. You're talking about Saturday? What Saturday? Are we going to ask us a weird question? Would I change my last name? No, not that, but that's interesting and you definitely answered it. Yes, I'm in traditional and certain situations and that's one of them.

Do you hate how Paige Aldi Conover sounds? No. Aldi. It's your middle name? Aldi. A-U-D-I. A-U-D-I. I don't think it is. Do you know what Craig's middle name is? Altman. Yeah, interesting. You're the only other. No, yours is too. Oh, with an F. Who was that? It's Frederick? No, I thought it was something else with an F. Frederick? Frederick.

Frederick Altman Oddy. Yeah, I know Lawson's. Well, because after we lost the newlyweds. It sounds like he's the president of the United States. Frederick Altman Oddy III runs shit.

Austin, you look like a professional podcast right now. Yeah, you do. Look at this. That's right. Backwards hat, hoodie. And that cup. Set up with the fucking mic. Craig, I've never felt more at home. Fuck off, Joe Rogan. This is awesome. It's all about Austin Kroll in 2022. Listen, tell Austin about our penguin. Have you heard about this? Have you heard?

I'm going to pretend no. Oh. Wait, did I tell you? Who told you? Well, the only person who could ever tell me would be either you or Craig. Who do you think it was? Okay, so for Christmas, I...

Which this brings us into a conversation because if I ever bought, when I buy, when I buy Paige, if- Have you not bought my Christmas present? I'm talking about engagement rings. Oh. I would have to pick it up from the store and propose that day. Point of the story is- Is that you can't keep a secret. Can't keep a secret. If I buy gifts like now- Yeah. Then I'd have to tell her what they were. And that's how I am. Well, she did this. Yeah. Yeah.

So I was like racking my brain on what to get Craig. Obviously I bought him an entirely new wardrobe because everything that he wears, don't think for one goddamn second that I don't know when Craig shows up wearing something better than mine. I'm like,

Paige got you this motherfucker. Not the same sweater you've worn for two years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he comes wearing some like stylish, you know, sweater. If I see that navy plaid button up one more time. Dude. You mean the flannel? Yeah, the flannel. They're called flannels. Whatever. Whatever.

Well, whatever it's called, it should be in the trash. So I was like, okay, obviously I'm going to get him like some material items, but I wanted to get something really, really thoughtful and special. So I was trying to get this one gift, contacted literally the head of the company. I saw this sewing machine in the window of a store and it was clear like everything

clear sewing machine. So you could see like the inner workings of it. And I just thought it was like a very cool, almost like art piece. Couldn't find it, contacted the company. They couldn't find one anyway. Um,

So I'm thinking about like, what does Craig love that would be sentimental? And it is animals. So I wanted to adopt him a penguin, which I found out that on an episode of Vanderpump Rules, Sheena adopted her boyfriend, a penguin. Oh, no way. Yeah. That's why you did it? No, no. Before. But I didn't know that. But I don't think she didn't adopt it the way I did.

Cause you can adopt a penguin, like in quotation, a star. Yeah. Yeah. Where it's like, you're just kind of penguin. You're just kind of donating to the charity. So it's an African penguin. So I wanted a penguin that like we could name it. We would get like updates on it. So I found this website adopting a penguin. Yeah. And so they rate you and I got him a penguin egg and it will hatch in like 30 days.

And we will get picture updates and we will name it. He hasn't hatched yet. Oh, okay, Paige. I hate to break it to you. Mm-hmm.

Because I know Craig very well. Craig has already named the penguin. He definitely has in his mind. He knows exactly what he wants to name it. And he's not even going to ask you. He's just going to be like when it's hatching. Like it's it's it's something stupid. No, we named it together. I did not name it together. You had a separate name. Stupid. No. Also, you just said my name to the penguin. Is it Bubbles?

I thought Bubbles, but Penguin's got a different name. Why did I think that? You told me that? I probably told you that. I was like, that's what you were talking about at the gym. I already had a name. See, that's why we date, because I'm so similar. I was already like, I'm going to name him. What was your name? You were eating like... Pimento Cheese Conover. Oh my God, wait. Okay, that's funny. I mean, that's Penguin's name. It's gender neutral.

What about Bubbles Conover? That'll have to be our second name. That's their stripper name. So it's Pimento Cheese Conover. And then when he grows up. Penguin is not going to be a stripper. But you know what they do. Penguin will not. You come from a good family. You raised right. You have values. So I was giving our production drivers a handful of leaves and rocks this weekend just because it's really funny to hand people handfuls of stuff and they just like open their hand.

He paid our Uber driver in leaves. Well, it was a fake Uber driver. You're a fake Uber driver. But then I like, Lauren was like, someone was upset and I gave her a handful of rocks. And Austin's like, you know, that's how penguins flirt with each other. Is it? They walk up and they go. Penguins court one another, some penguins, and they give them like shiny. Oh,

And then they go And then they walk away Yeah yeah Oh my god I love them even more Yeah they're like Do you want to bang or not Here's my rock And then they walk away Oh my god And then they have a baby Imagine if Real life was that easy Are you guys going to have a baby tonight Is this Not tonight I'm feeling the chemistry here It's palpable No not tonight We'll have a fake baby We have a stuffed animal Named Remy

The world doesn't know about Remy. Yeah, we have a stuffed animal that we share custody of. It's really weird over here in the Conover home. I don't know. But yeah, so anyway, she got us a penguin. We have two years to go meet it in Sweden. If we don't meet it, they let it go. Yeah, they raise it for two years and then they let it out into the wild. So if you don't...

I mean, I paid the fee for the two years. I can't imagine that most people meet their penguins. Well, this is why I really did it, Austin, because I am a crazy girlfriend. So in the case that Craig and I ever do break up, he will be getting emails for two years about pimento cheese con over. And if he does have a new girlfriend, the penguin will ask, where is his real mom?

And she's not it. And so I want him to remember me just in case. Paige with the diabolical Christmas gift. Diabolical. I love it. I am here for it. And I will father that child and Craig Thompson's. Don't you forget it. I mean, Charleston, yeah. If I fuck over Paige, the formula of Charleston, the natural progression of things is you start dating her.

Yeah, I mean, don't even count in reality TV, just Charleston. Charleston and I will have an engagement party at some point that you'll be invited to. We'll be there, and they'll be like, this isn't normal. We can all fairly say that all reality TV aside, in Charleston, the normal progression would be if I...

If me and Paige don't work out, usually the guy's fault. Her and Austin will get married and I will be at the wedding with like a college chick. Yeah.

I mean, that's just Charleston. And then Craig will be like, yeah, that was my past. Don't worry about it. This is my past. Austin's ex would be officiating the wedding. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's the only priest in town now. No, I will say. And her fiance's over there being like, good job, buddy. An incestuous town, right? This is a weird town. It is weird. And New York City is weird for different reasons.

You guys are, Charleston is actually just one big. You have 8 million people in Manhattan. Charleston is one big college. Oh, it's a, yeah. I mean, it's not a college town when you're in college. It stays a college town. Yeah. The amount of times I've heard you be like, oh, I went to college with her. And like. Or, or it,

It's so much. It's like Craig will see someone walking down the street and I'll be like, yeah, she and my buddy, she's on each other and she has a kid with this other friend of mine and they're still together. But like I hooked up with her at some point in that period too. I'm like, Oh my God, Craig, what? And he's like, I know, I know, I know. Literally the craziest stories I've ever hear, ever heard are from Charleston where

We were with one of his friends and she was like, oh, was that the guy that threw his girlfriend out the window? And they were like, no, no, no, different guy. And then they kept going. And I was like, you have to stop the story because I'm still paused at the guy that threw his girlfriend out the window. No, no, no, no, no. An ex-girlfriend of mine called me today, told me about another ex-girlfriend of mine. And I was like, why are you calling me? And she was like, I just feel that you'd want to know the story, you know, karma. And I was like,

Ex-girlfriend calling me talking about an ex. This is so much. This is definitely one of the weirdest cities I've socialized in. Austin and I being the same people is weird. Want to know the last time I saw my ex? The day we broke up. Like a normal fucking human. Hit something. What's that sound, Craig? Like... We'll be...

No, I was off because I was going to say that Austin and I, the fact that we've been more than one person, more than one of the same people is just crazy. And like I took Paige in a bar once and I was like, oh, she's probably not serving you because. Yeah, I was like, what's the deal in this bar? But now that's rimshot.

Anyway, no, it's wild. And then I ended up dating someone that Austin had introduced me to because they had met. Is this the craziest town you've been in? Because you did say that. The last time you saw your ex was when you broke up. Correct. This is what just happened. Like most people in the country. She's the craziest town. Also, you guys are so switch on and off. What, as friends? No, no, no.

As lovers? Oh my God, no. Well, also not as lovers or...

In this town, you will date someone and then have to be like, well, they've dated my friend or they've dated, like they've hooked up with my friend or like, it's just weird dynamics. And I can confidently say if my friend has even looked at a guy and been like, I think he's hot, I might make out with him automatically off to me. To girls. I agree. Hey, girls credit here. There's only like...

five guys that like girls to every one single girl okay so is that why you came to new york there's only five girls to one guy yeah five girls in one okay in new york it's that too there's more girls than guys this is actually genius because shep found taylor when she first moved here okay sharing up with anybody craig dates you who lives in new york city that you don't

You haven't hooked up with anyone that lives here. I've not hooked up with any of your friends. No, but you've hooked up in Charleston. What? Oh, my God. I had a boyfriend four years before I dated Craig, and we happened to one time come to Charleston. Craig can't forget it. Craig's like, ah, the stench of your sex is still reeking in Charleston. I'm like, what in the?

Cause he took me somewhere and I was like, I think I've been here before. And he was like, with who? And I was like, I like page and it's, you don't want to hear it. Okay. Yeah, you're right. I hooked up with some, look, I think you have to go out of town at our age to like find someone to date. I'm yeah, I would guess that she's a New Yorker and yes, Shep found Taylor right when she got here. Later. I have a beyond perfect example. Hmm.

Sierra and I roll into Winter House. We're looking at all the single eligible men within the house. Oh, this is nice. You were looking at me too. Shut up, Craig. She turns to me and says, I think Austin's cute. Immediately in my mind, you became disgusting to me. Like, it was just never a thought in my head. But no, but Austin will tell you that that's how I feel.

Is it? Other than one time. Is it though? Okay. Yeah. Is it though? We had, but if you like someone, I wouldn't hook up with them. Yeah. Well, yeah. That's just being a normal person though. So I don't get how people here just date everyone's friends. We're going to take a make out break. And we'll be right back. All right. And welcome back to part two with us.

The incomparable Paige DeSorbo. As Craig doesn't even know. As Craig doesn't even know his own girlfriend's last name. Austin, I'm going to tell you something. You have a very extensive vocabulary. Thank you. You've used some things in certain sentences and conversation that I haven't known what it meant, but I've never said it. You know what's funny? You'll never hear that from people that...

No, of course. Of course. Because for some reason they all show. Yeah. And Shep's like, oh, I use words that I don't even know what they mean. But everyone thinks I'm smart. Yeah. And be like, that's a good communication. I have used a word that no one knows what you're saying. I have heard Shep say some words where I'm like, if you think I know what the fuck that means. Right. And it's a good communication that I have to turn while he's yelling at me that I have to turn to Austin. Okay. Anyways, guys, welcome to part two. Okay.

Okay I hope you're still listening because we're still hanging out And we're doing all the things that we were doing In part one just Just a little drunker We've just recently found out Craig you gotta be on Boom boom was the key for that Exactly just a little drunker Taylor Shep's girlfriend Who's lovely And she's not just Taylor she's

Taylor. No. Fuck. She's not just Shep's girlfriend. She's Taylor. As Austin says, she's Taylor. That's right. She is lovely. She listens to our podcast. And I was like, wait, as a friend, you listen to the podcast? And she does. And look, we love hearing that, guys. So shout us out at theboysatpillowsandbeer.com. Shoot us an email with your listener questions. We also, now in our new studio, chat.

Should I text Taylor and have her be our first caller? She can call in right now if she'd like. Right now? Yeah, in the studio. Wait, are we going to do some advice questions? Yes, we are. I want to do a scenario situation. We got that. We got some Christmas stuff. And Nick, why don't you update this page with... Until then, here, let's get through some Christmas stuff. Wait, when a caller comes in, you're going to play Hotline Bling, right?

We are now. Yeah, we are now. Hey, Paige. Yeah. Well, Austin's working on that. Favorite Christmas movies. You obviously saw Austin and I argue several times. Yeah. Last winter. I saw it. About Christmas movies. How do you feel?

Okay. Well, I know as your girlfriend that you love a happy, lovely Christmas movie. Yeah, I want to know how you feel. Not just me. I know. Not just when you're in the fire with me. What you watch before me? So my favorite Christmas movie is actually called The Family Stone. I just watched it. Did you? Where the bitch dies. Nope. Not true. Don't you? The mom? First of all, don't spoil it. Oh, yeah. Why would you call her the bitch dies? How dare you?

Diane Keaton is a legend. That's right. And I kind of look like her. So fuck you, bro. It's one of the best, best, best Christmas movies. We have to watch that together. Oh my God. You haven't seen it.

I haven't seen it in years. Because Rachel McAdams in that movie is so fire. And Luke Wilson is kind of like what I aspire to be, like what we should all aspire to be at family functions where you're just like, I'm just chilling, man. I would say that you guys very much in your own ways have his personality. I want it so badly. I want to be Luke Wilson in the family stone. We need a new applause because I don't really like this one.

The reason I love that movie is because I wholeheartedly identify with Rachel McAdams' character and my mom fully identifies with Diane Keaton. So like you would make the visitor or the girlfriend, you'd be like, fuck you. I've done it and I'll do it again. Great. Can someone read me in on this? Because I haven't seen this in a while. So basically it's a family and... No, no, I get it. But like what are you guys talking about? Same thing you're talking about. Yeah, the family's...

It's the best Christmas movie ever. Rachel McAdams is the sister. Tells Sarah Jessica Parker to fuck off the whole time. Sarah Jessica, as the brother's girlfriend, comes in and is like, I don't care what you think of me. And Rachel McAdams is like...

Sure you do. Oh, that's exactly what she says to her face. To her face. She's like, oh, of course you do. Yes, she did. It's so good. And when that line played, my mom looked at me and goes, that's you. And I go, I felt it. I felt it too when you just said it. Craig, quit turning us down, you motherfucker. I'm watching because it doesn't matter how it sounds in your headphones. It's how it's being recorded. I would say that and For Christmases.

We just watched that with my family. This child is a blessing to the both of us. I will swaddle this baby. Unfit mother.

Give me this child. Vince Vaughn, also on my famous people list. Forgive her because she knows not what she does. Wait, Austin. Austin, you know that Vince Vaughn is on her famous person's list. He's high up there. He is high up there. I think it's cool too. Vince would bang you like a drum. Maybe you really respect personality and humor. I do. Why should she not love with me? I don't understand. You are my hottest boyfriend I've ever had. I go for personality, but you are the hottest.

Was that a, did you understand that? Yeah. Yeah. I heard it. What was that? She said that you have no personality, but you're hot.

What you can't see is that Paige and I are making side eyes. What you can maybe see is that I'm okay with whatever you just said. I'm going through some things. No, you're not, dude. No, you are not at all. And that's what's beautiful is that you two are fucking amazing. I love you both. Wait, okay, so that's a good one. That's a good one to put on the list. Obviously, you all know that I'm on holiday. She has to say, oh, oh, sorry. I thought we were talking about people we date. No, oh.

Oh, yeah, go for it. Who's the three on your celebrity list that you want to bet? No, no, no. Let's not go through them all. I think that was good to kind of pick one and then we'll go through another one. I think if I was thinking about it, I'd just say Margot Robbie if she was playing a girl from Wolf of Wall Street. But she's so unattainable, Craig. Only because of that accent. She's so unattainable. Oh, I hate it. Jordan.

Oh, Paige, why do I hate? I love it. God, Craig loves Jersey Trash. You woke up Skyla. All of a sudden, someone was like, what's your type, Craig? And I said, Jersey Trash, like Paige. And she was like, I'm not from Jersey. I'm not from all, but what did you think of that? I'm from Albany. You're like, wait, Craig likes me?

Can I have a straw for this? Oh, my God. You sound just like her. New fantasy unlocked. Tonight, Craig's like, talk to me like a rabbit. Oh, fuck. I'm going to pretend that I'm going home and then like coming to the back door and listen to her just talk. You and the squirrels. I'll just start scratching on the door and they'll be like, wait, this is the squirrels? I'll be like, no, this is awesome. I'll be like, no, this is awesome.

And then she's like, oh, Craig, oh, yeah, you want a straw? You want to be my friend? You want to be my friend? Aren't you married? We're not going to be just friends. Baby, you sound just like her. I know. It's kind of sickening. Well, you know this is how you talk for an hour. Do you know what? I've never been on a jet ski. Oh, my gosh. Hold on. Craig, Craig, what is one of your, like, okay, Margot Robbie, duh.

The male population thinks she's fucking 12. And like, you know, don't say like fucking, I don't know. I'll give you a regular one and then a weird one. Mila Kunis is my ultimate, like if I like had to pick one person in show business. Once again, did you give her a Z? Mila Kunis? Yeah, he did. I don't know.

Mila Kunis. I know how to talk. I like the girl from the newsroom and Office Christmas. The girl from the newsroom? Jennifer Aniston. No. That's a different show. That's a morning show. The girl on Holiday Christmas Party. The one with like the quarterback. Oh, Aaron Rodgers' ex-girlfriend who is dating John Mulaney. Olivia Munn. No, John Mulaney was married.

John Mulaney? John Mulaney was married for a while. What about the guy who was on Jungle Cruise?

Who the fuck is that? Obviously not the rock deal hole. Sorry. That was like a Mila Kunis thing, you know, from that 70s show. Um, Jackie is okay. My boyfriend in high school would literally only liked me because I was Jackie from that 70s show. What was the guy? It, it, it was John Krasinski's wife's brother on fucking the movie. Yeah, we need that button. Definitely. How do you not have that? Craig? I,

It's my first week. This podcast is a sham. You're a liar and a cheat. That's my favorite thing. I had to go to a college funeral. Unfortunately, we lost one of my best friends in college. What a way to change the vibe. This is where liar and a cheat came from. We were all staying at my friend's house. We needed a drink. He was like, you're not drinking in my house. Then my buddy yelled at me. Stupid.

You know, because I've been hanging out with Craig so much, now when something happens, I go... Of course. I drink Jager and Rebel Vodka. I get everyone Jager shots at the bar now. I skirt all my responsibilities. I am just like... Okay, so, all right. We'll answer this one thing, then move on. The holiday or... I love it, actually. And you can give us your reasons why. I don't give a fuck. Okay. Okay.

I'm going to say The Holiday because Love Actually is a certain type of structured movie where there's all little different stories. I don't like movies like that.

Like Valentine's Day. Yeah, I don't like that. I like one plot. It has nothing to do with some of the couples not getting together. No, not at all. It has nothing to do with the plots of each of the characters' storylines. It's more, I don't like many different things. My favorite line of Olsen's is, you know what? In the uncut version of Frozen, Craig? Elsa never plays with her. Elsa never plays with Anna, Craig. She never plays with Anna. And then he said Nemo died. Yeah, they never build this. Elsa never playing with Anna.

They never build a snowman. And guess what? Nemo's dead. I think that was the night that I was like, really? Yeah.

One of. Well, okay. We'll go with that. All right. Things, let's run through these break questions real quick and then we'll go to advice. Things happy and sad to leave behind in 2021. I don't know if I have an answer to that. I've never believed in the year changing as a good thing. Do you know that I still have the mentality that the year starts in September when school started? That's weird.

That's like that meme where it's like, do you ever wake up from a dope-ass nap and you're like, I missed the school bus, and you're like, wait, I'm 35 years old. See, she does that. I don't like the school bus. So she has school nightmares. I do too. Are you kidding me? That I missed my final. You know the girl trying to hook up with me in my dream? So Paige has really bad dreams about me. Mine was a girl that I have not seen since middle school, which...

I don't know what I've been taking before, but we were on a school bus and she was like, hey, just touch me. And I was like, I can't, I can't. I have a girlfriend. I was like trying to run off the bus to find you. But I was like, I haven't seen this girl and she still hasn't uploaded, bro. We have no service in here. What are you looking forward to on the new year? I am going to be lame about this, but it's not lame. I'm excited to travel with Paige on a non-filming trip.

We have a month or two that we can travel without filming. Yeah. Yeah, that's super fun. Cool. Goodbye. You're going to be with us for most of the fucking trips. I was going to say, every trip Austin's probably going to be on. Sorry, guys. Love you. Here's a real one. Dating long distance tips. Oh, I get this a lot on Giggly Squad. Austin, tell her what you said to me the other day.

Give me a hint. Does it not drive you fucking insane? Oh, okay, okay, okay. Because Austin's a very like, he needs like personal, not need, but he likes personal contact. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Affection. And Craig's response is really funny too. I'm going to tell you his response. Because I thought that I was pandering to Craig and then Craig kind of hit me with his response. So Craig said that he was going to come and see you

basically like on Friday night, but then we had to film something like on Saturday. So then he couldn't come until Saturday afternoon. And I, I texted him and I was like, that would drive me nuts if I couldn't like see my person when I wanted to see them. Yeah. And then Craig's response was like, I know that that would drive you nuts. Yeah.

I was like, okay, first off, fuck you. Yeah. I was trying to say that I drive you nuts too, but that's the response. Okay, that's actually a great point because before I got into a long distance relationship, that was my thought. I was like, I'm so needy as a girlfriend for physical touch. It's going to annoy me that if I just want to come over, I can't just come over. Right. Right. So you said for the first time,

Little while you're saying? No, I'm saying like before I got into a long distance relationship, that was always my mindset. Right, right. And then Craig and I started dating and I, well, we're also, you can't compare our long distance to other relationships long distance. We're on the same coast. We don't have a regular nine to five. I really can come down here whenever I want, but

But I actually love long distance. I think long distance... Makes the heart grow fonder kind of thing? Kind of. Because I love being alone. There's certain TV shows I want to watch. It's also because we have the flexibility to travel to see each other. Right, I said that. Yeah. I think that's one way that we don't have to like...

I would say I love it too. But if I did want to see, like you said, the other day, I just got on a plane and came. I will say to whoever asked my number one tip from, for long distance is from the jump. You have to have a plan of a certain amount of days is the cutoff of when you won't see each other. So like if you live opposite coasts and your plan is we will see each other once a month, you have to stick to that. I think it has to be structured, right?

And that's the only way to make... I don't know if our relationship makes a lot of sense though because I was about to say like you have to like be able to trust each other and all that stuff and we do but like we did long distance for three and a half months before we were dating. Like I don't know. I guess I don't know how to explain our shit. I think our long distance is very different compared to other people. She just kind of explained it kind of well to be honest in the sense that it's like...

some night she likes to like, you know, sit there and be like, Hey, I want to watch my, uh, I want to watch housewives. Sure. Sure. She wants to watch like, you know, housewives and, and, and, and so you guys have, and, and coming from someone who is, uh, a third party, like they have seen each other so much over the past, you know, a few months. So, so much where sometimes I'm like, Craig, you just left her and she's coming like in 24 hours later. But like, you do get those brief reprieves. And I don't,

And Paige just said that's important right now. It is. This is my real tip, is that you should figure out how to have... And Paige, you can cut this or not. You have to have a sexual relationship with, like, sexting. You have to learn how to sext. Yeah. I've said this on my podcast. Okay, cool. This is why it works. Yeah. Sexting is...

The only way to have that long distance relationship is if you can still have a sexual relationship even when you're hundreds or thousands of miles away. I have had girls write in and say, I've never sexted my boyfriend. And I have said, your relationship will not last. No. It's very important. Even if and when we live in the same city or the same home, I want to be somewhere and you text me. Yeah.

I can't wait till you get home because this is X, Y, and Z is what I'm going to do. I think that is an everlasting thing in a relationship. I just watch this porn and send it to you and be like, this is hot. Can I read y'all's text messages real quick? It's not appropriate. This is a family show. I bet not. Okay, here's the honest, truthful, and why I have a podcast if you can't be truthful. This is why Paige and I's long distance works is that when we're apart, it doesn't feel that we're that apart because we can still...

Turn each other on. Yeah. And we're open about like, I mean, so we had a girl, we had someone write in last week being like, I don't want my boyfriend watching porn. And I was like, well, that's just silly. Like, I think that's silly. I think that might be an age thing. Um, we're also doing a long distance relationship. Me too.

We're also doing a long distance relationship at 33 and 29. I think it's very different than doing a long distance relationship in your early 20s or mid 20s. And I think like you've said this before, it's a great way to find out what like each other like. Yeah. It's an icebreaker. I had a girlfriend once.

Call me recently. Who's been in a very long relationship. And we were talking about girl stuff. Like we were talking about your sex, what that means, your sex life with your significant other. And I think, and I'm being very open and honest and candid. I think like watching porn with each other opens like a communication gap.

of being like, what do you like? What turns you on? Or like, I really like this without even really having to talk about it. It's like you're clicking videos and like, oh, that turns me on. And then it opens the door for like other things. And in today's world with like, we can pick up our cell phone and like,

Our connection is in his, like long distance now doesn't mean what it did. No. A long time. We're not writing letters. Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's something. Damn, Craig. That would be so hard. Imagine trying like, like a newfound love where your heart's just like pounding through your chest and you can't see them until the time that you have like been like, I'll see you on Saturday at 9 PM at so-and-so's party. Like what? I,

I think it builds it up. I think it makes it better. Imagine that whole week. Yeah. Oh my God. Cause remember when you were in high school and you were like, I'm going to see her at the dance and I can't wait. And then you get to the dance and you're like, see, I wasn't, it's like they like could have come wearing rags. You'd be like, Oh my God. Awesome. So now it's a man here. No, because this is fun. The fun part of our podcast is also, and I are opposite on nearly everything except enjoying life. Um,

So ask us, like, tell us your challenge with like what we did the last few months or like what you would have known or wanted to know. Like, could you have... Wait, can I say what I think about Austin? Oh boy. I would love for you to say. Not in general. But I feel like you are the type of boyfriend or the type of guy to...

Find a girl you really like her and then it's excess. Like you want to see her all the time. You want to see her all the time. You want to hang out with her all the time. You want to do everything with her. Then you get to a certain point where you're like, I've done everything with you. I'm like, I don't want to hang out with you anymore. Now I'm bored. Long distance. Get out of my head. Long distance actually prolongs that initial feeling of like, I can't wait to fucking pull up to that restaurant and see them there. I'm not going to lie that.

Sometimes when we started to see each other, I know you knew too. If I'm laying on your couch all day for three days, you don't have to worry if I'm ever going to leave. Cause you're like, he has a flight on Thursday. Yeah. There's no pressure. There's no, yeah, that's the thing. It's not like, Oh, is she just never going to leave? Like it takes out a lot of awkwardness in the beginning, which I think ends up bonding you. Okay. Okay. So, so, you know, Paige said is certainly what I have done.

But because I've done that too, that's why I can like recognize it. That's how I am. And, and now, um,

I mean, just kind of growing and learning and seeing things that I do and don't like and what I do and don't want to be. And I definitely do not try to, like, overindulge immediately. Yeah. Right? And it's like, I still want to see the person. It's hard not to. It's hard. No, it's very hard not to. It's like, you want to see the person all the time. You want to talk to the person all the time. You want to be texting. But sometimes it's just like, and, like, I'm telling myself this, like, Austin, do not...

you know, like you don't have to overload. You don't have to overload immediately. I also think you two are similar in the fact that you like girls who, whether you know it or not, you actually really like girls who are very independent and who can kind of tell you like, well, yeah, you can do that, but I'm going to do this. And you like that. And I think long distance actually perpetuated that in us. Yeah.

Like you realize like, okay, well, she's actually not coming because she has to be in New York for four days. I would think that I would be fine with taking care of someone, but you living your own life is awesome. It takes a lot of pressure off of you. What do you think? And that, so the independence, of course, but that compounded with,

a woman who will not roll over. Right. And like, that's, you know, it goes hand in hand with independence. It's like, I'm going to tell you when you're wrong. Because people talk, that is a turn on girls and guys talk about like equality in a relationship. And like, I feel like guys say they want it, but they don't actually want it. And then when it, it's happening, you kind of, you enjoy it. Like,

You guys want to be in charge, but then once a girl comes in and it's like, well, no, this is actually what I'm doing with my life. And you can either like, yeah, you do too, whether or not you admit it or not, but that's what we are. That's true. When you said that you were just going to start designing the house, I was like, okay, well, that's good. And also like write in more questions about long distance because those are, we'll be honest to you about them. Um,

How are the new beers going? Just quickly if you want. Tell everyone. Not quickly. I don't know why I said that. Austin, tell everyone about your new beers. If you want to promote your damn self, here's your time.

Hey, Austin, just real quick. This is your time to shine. You have 30 seconds. What is this, your fucking podcast? You have 30 seconds until he plays a song. Okay, how about this? No, Austin, tell everyone the story. Oh, shit, did you hit that? Yeah, I did. Do you remember what it was? Yeah, I did, because you're a dick. Okay. And I already know what things work and you don't. That's actually one of the coolest, smartest things he's ever done. But look.

No, and like that was brilliant. I don't even remember him. But look, from the first day that we, I came and tasted your beer for the first time with you. And I said, just tell the story. Yeah, so I'm going to make it interesting. I promise you because I'm feeling it today. I finished this bottle of Whispering Angel and I'm on a beer right now. So I'm feeling very, very fine. And kind of what happened, and y'all are going to see this on Southern Charm this year's,

Craig came with me to taste the very first beer that I ever had made. And Craig was with me. And Craig does not like IPAs. He likes a lager, right?

And he was there to taste it. And so I just recently came out with a wheat and a lager. And Craig was like, yeah, Craig might have been the very first or one of the very first people to taste it. I did. I was. And it was just a really cool, like full circle moment to like, I popped a beer for Craig and I was like, taste this and tell me what you think. Yeah, I came out with two new beers. It took me a long time to do so.

but it feels very good. Your packaging is adorable. Thank you very much, Paige, because it makes me happy. I will say, I came home from Winterhouse and I had a Trap Hop crop top on, as one does. Yes. No way. I love that. And my dad said, my dad said,

He obviously like didn't know what it was. He just saw Trap Hop and he thought it was immediately something sexual that his daughter was wearing and was like, what is that? Take it off. And I was like, this is Austin's beer. And he was like, oh, okay, fine. What's your dad's name? Gary. Do you think he loves him through me now or just through seeing him on TV? Or now that he knows me, it's like...

Not to offend you, but I don't think my dad thinks about Austin ever. No, you're just asking him questions about the beer. This was a year ago when I said my friend Austin's beer. I don't think that registered in my dad's brain. That was sweet enough for me. Yeah, yeah. I thought you meant like now. No. If I said, if I call my dad right now and said my friend Austin, he'd say who? That's not true. That's not true. Him and I are boys and he knows my boys. Ha ha ha.

Oh, my God. All of a sudden, all of a sudden. No, I'm not kidding. My dad and Craig are boys. I've never had a boyfriend that my dad has ever liked. And him and Craig text. Austin, she said that he would like if the boyfriend was leaving, like at the end of the trip, he would just walk into his room and not say bye. But we hugged. Austin's not listening to me anymore. I am listening to you.

Yeah, my dad has never taken a boyfriend seriously. He's always thought I've been like playing pretend and like, yeah, let Paige do what she wants. But now I have to deal with your mom who's like, I love, so I love your parents, obviously, you know that. But she's tough on me. She's tough. And like as soon as I'm like, get a little loose, I'm like, yeah. She's like, hey mom. And she's like, I am not your mom. Shut up.

You're here on a technicality. Yeah, you were. Did I tell you what they said? I didn't really get to tell you, Austin. Who's they? So Paige's dad and I, like, big... Oh, this is a funny story. So I got a little too loose on Thanksgiving. It better be funny, Craig. I got a little too loose. So I was saying, Mr. DeSorbo. So I was saying, Mr. DeSorbo. Yeah, same thing. It's better. Yeah.

All right, so we go up to Paige's for Thanksgiving, and I'm saying Mr. Sorbo, Mrs. Sorbo. Apparently I was saying it wrong the whole time. Who knows? So we get to Thanksgiving dinner, and me and her dad are just hitting it off.

having fun. And the plan was to fry a Turkey and he kind of took over the frying of the Turkey like duties. Cause we laughed. We were like, see ya. So at the table, I'll go, Gary, is this your first Turkey? And he's like,

Paige's brother. Called him by his first name. I called Paige's dad by her first name. Everyone thought I was talking to like her brother, Gary. And then they saw I was looking at like big Gary and they were like, that's Mr. DeSorbo to you. And I was like, oh my God. And I freaked out because I was kind of drunk. And I texted Paige, but she didn't have her like phone looking at me. I was like, I just blew everything. I go, I literally looked at her dad and was like, hey.

Hey, Gary, this your first turkey fried? And like everyone was like, what the fuck? He was like, you're gonna be the second turkey I've fried. But my dad has very similar humor to you guys. We're like...

Like he will joke with you by insulting you and like calling you out and being like, you're a fucking asshole. But so he thought it was funny, but he, he has a full on accent. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. No, we're Albany. I remember seeing him on watch it up in slide, but, but I'm like trying to remember what his accent, if anything was, I don't think, I mean, we're,

Upstate New York. So then Mr. Gary. I forgot Mr. Gary. I'm glad. I was like, Mr. Gary. I think I'll call him his last name because you don't know what it is. Mr. Gary and I just hit it off. Like, he got me so prosada. Like, these Italian meats I liked. It was great. But then Miss DeSorbo, which she will be Miss DeSorbo to me. Well, it's Mrs. I'm Miss. Oh, my God. I can't even get that right. I'm just going to be like, Paige's mom. Yeah.

I was talking about how, because Paige and her brother have always wanted to turn the basement into a movie theater. And I was like, oh, my brother and I have always wanted my parents to get a hot tub, but my mom thinks they're gross. And her mom looks me straight in the eyes and goes, I figured you'd think hot tubs were gross now, too. After Winter House. Oh, I get it. And I looked at my mom and I was like, is this bitch? Which one is it? I forgot. I think it's blue.

Yeah. My mom has a great way of being in a conversation. And I picked up on this at probably around age nine, that she will be in a conversation with someone and she will be low key insulting you.

And people won't really realize until they walk away from the conversation. So there were a few times where she said some things to Craig and I looked at her from like the side of my eye and was like, I really like this guy. So reel it the fuck in. I love it. And then she was like, and she called me after Thanksgiving and she goes, Hey, just want to let you know, we really, really do like Craig dad. You know, he's, he let it all out there. He really likes him. He told him he really liked him. I don't want him to feel so comfortable. Yeah.

And I want him to know we like him, but I don't want him to mess up. There you go. And I said, mom. And I love that. That is classic. And I love that. That is classic parents holding the boyfriend's feet to the fire. Yeah. And they're not going to relate. It was pretty funny. You're not a part of the family yet, Craig. They want you to know. And it was on like the last day of our trip. And I was like, oh, okay. I don't know what to say right now. And she's like, yeah, just be sure. You know what? I have mad respect for the DeSorbos. Yeah.

I don't even think your parents know. I can't say their name yet. Um, okay. So we are going to go into fan questions, which I know page is excited about. And Austin and I are always excited about, but it's always good to have a female perspective on these. And, and, and, and it's, it's to me, great. I want to even read the ones from last week, but you already touched on it. Okay. So first fan question, actually, we're going to take a quick break, uh, before getting the questions. Uh,

For me to get yelled at by Miss DeSorbo. And we'll be... Welcome back to Pillows and Beer with my bestie, Alston Crowe, and Miss Paige DeSorbo. Which now I doubt if I even say my girlfriend's name right anymore. All right. First fan question. And we love these, so keep sending them in. It is theboys...

At pillowsandbeer.com. Oh, that's cute. That's so cute. Yeah. The boys at pillows and beer or N? And. Yeah. The boys at pillows and beer. How'd you guys come up with the name for your podcast? I don't know.

I'm going to let you guess. I'm going to let you guess, Paige. No, I get it that that's both of your things. And I love it and it's cute. But was that the first one? Or did you have other options? Honestly, when we first did our lives...

And I was told, and I'm going to give Craig props on this because I was totally fine with the whole thing, like, you know, pillow talk. I was like, pillow talk is funny. And like, it makes sense because like, you know, Craig and I are talking about it. I feel like so done. One of us. Yeah, so done before that. And then it's never been done. And then Craig, and then Craig was like, well, that's like too focused on one. So let's do the whole thing. Yeah, I didn't want it to be. Got it. And it literally was just like, let's not overcomplicate things. Let's just name it.

Craig does pillows and I do beer pillows. I love it. And the picture that comes up for your podcast, like on,

Apple is very cute. And the thing about that too is that when we were in the Bahamas, I'm not going to go into everything, Craig, but when we went to this one bar in the Bahamas, I just kind of had this vision in my head. I was like, because Craig was like, we drink Whispering Angel at this bar. And that's what we do. We drink like nine bottles, you know, in a city. It was awesome. With like, you know, 12 of us, of course, like a bunch of us there. Five bottles for 12 of us. Okay, fine. It was like nine bottles for like five of us. For like two of you.

No, we were in a group that day. And I was like, Craig, that pier over there is set up and what we're going to do is we're going to take this bottle and you're going to jump on my back and we're going to take a funny picture. It's very, like you can see both of your personalities. That pier got destroyed in Hurricane Dorian too.

So that's not even there. You with all the uplifting news, this podcast. I know. I'm just saying it's like very memorable. Just say it was a great day. No, you have a particular member when that got destroyed in the tsunami. Oh, seven. All right. So let's go to, um,

I'll just read them down. I'm not going to sort through them. We are moving to Charleston. Don't. And went to know the spots to meet couples in their early thirties. Oh wait, is this a swingers cup? Oh my God. We know all the restaurants you've talked about and Shem Creek, but are there places to look out for what golf courses, beaches, et cetera, to meet people in their thirties? That sounds like an ion question or a,

Okay, so Paige. Yeah, I know about it. I know about it. You do? Yeah. No, no, no. We've gone to a key part of YouTube. I've asked questions. Oh, shut the fuck up. I've asked all the questions. Okay, so Island is just like, for people that don't know, and maybe Paige knows but doesn't know, but it's not just that it's like a meeting couples in their 30s or whatever, but this community, when you drive through it, it's so cool in the sense that all of a sudden you're driving through this neighborhood and then there's like...

a tavern on the left. You're like, what? And then there's like a bakery on the right and then there's like a bookshop and you're like, and it's all within the community which is super strange. I drove through it the first time and I said, this is like a town that a movie would be shot on. This is adorable. Craig goes, well, there's swingers here. Okay, and? Square Onion is, there's nothing wrong with that. And I said, look up real estate in this town. Yeah.

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it. But Square Onion is my favorite. Yeah, okay, Ion. It's cute. Are they legitimately swingers, though? I don't know. If you're moving... No, they're just saying we're moving to Charleston. No, not them. Is Ion legitimately swingers? That's the rumor around here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the same thing with Daniel Island, but is that like a fact of life? Daniel Island is like...

Where you go if you have kids and you still want to swing. I don't know. Look, I get it. When people in New York ship their kids off to camp for the summer, Long Island goes crazy. Really? All the parents on Long Island go nuts. See, would you ever send our kids to camp? No. No, I wouldn't. I've never been. I wasn't a camp kid. Of course. See, I lived on the beach. So my mom is a school teacher. So she got our whole summer off. She took me to the beach every day. Yeah. My mom wanted me to be a teacher. What do you mean, of course? Where'd you go to camp?

Um, it was this camp called, um, camp Arrowhead. I know. I'd like one funny, like, um, camp for the misguided children of troubled youth. Um, no, I, I wouldn't send my kids to camp because I didn't go to camp and I went one time and I hated it and I just, Oh, here we go. All right. There's a really good one.

All right. We're just going to go in order. Hey, Austin and Craig. Hi. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

So I'm afraid that if I get her a gift, she will think of it more. However, I do not want to be mean and have her get me something, but her not getting anything. What would you? Well, I think that's kind of silly. If she's getting you something, then, Oh no, actually I'm going to let you guys weigh in on this. All right. I'll go first. Yeah. I'll go first. It depends on your intentions. This is one of the girls that he's hooking up with. And one of the girls got him a gift. Yes.

You know, it certainly depends on the message that you're trying to send her. And it clearly seems like you're not trying to send her the message of like, hey, you're my girl and I'm exclusively seeing you. So, I mean, God, at the expense of making myself sound like a scumbag, it's just like... If you don't intend to date this person, do not buy her a gift. That's right. That's right. I'll leave it at that. Because you're just...

lengthening out this like process before you go stir. That's what it sounds like to me. Oh my God. Aaron bought me a gift and it was like, now I can't wait. If this is a three week girl or a month girl, then I don't want to say it's her fault for getting you a gift, but like regardless of her gift, um,

If you don't have intentions of dating this girl, do not buy her a gift. That's my thing. Don't buy it. Like who cares if she bought you something? But is he accepting her gift? Who cares? I'm saying like if you buy her something, you're sending so many more mixed messages than you are by accepting that gift. Also, how do you reject a gift? Well, you don't reflect it in there. Like you take the box from him and launch it over. Or you say like, I can't accept this.

I feel like we're not at that level. Baby, it sounds like we're talking about someone. I don't know. No, well, you do know who would have your advice? Yeah. I have a story. Yes.

I was hanging out with a guy for a couple months. His name wasn't Craig. No, this was before Craig. Valentine's was rolling around. And in my head, I thought, damn, this guy's absolutely going to get me a gift for Valentine's Day. We've been hooking up for three months. Like, I know he's going to get me something. So I went out and got him something. He also told me he was getting me something. Valentine's Day rolls around. Did you want him to get you something?

I thought he was going to get me something small because it was like Valentine's Day. I was like stupid, but we were spending it together. Right. Nice. Loser. Loser. The Mike's picked it up. So Valentine's Day rolls around and I present my gift thinking I'm getting his gift back. This motherfucker never actually got me a gift.

just told me that he was. Paige, I would love to see your face after you got a guy a gift and he didn't give you one back. I got him a very nice gift. Why did you get him? Sweatshirt. $200 sweatshirt. Swaggy as fuck. This guy wears it to this day. I've seen it on Instagram. And I was baffled. I was taken back and I was like, oh, maybe I thought this was something different than it was.

Gave him a gift and he just didn't hand you anything back? No. Nothing. Nothing. I'm surprised you spoke to him ever again.

I look at gifts differently because if I like someone, I'm getting you a gift because like, oh, I saw this. I thought of you getting it. But you didn't like him. You were only doing it because you thought he was getting you a gift. He was getting me one. All right. So give some advice to those girls in their young 20s that don't know. Don't get guys anything ever unless you are their actual girlfriend. For Valentine's Day, you shouldn't even be giving a guy a single thing, maybe a card.

I don't think girls should give guys anything on Valentine's Day. I don't think so either. Except. But if she is getting you something, she likes you. I saw it. If she's getting you something, she really likes you. So I would say don't get her something, but then have a conversation on why you didn't. That holiday is something that would put a guy in power. What about girls shouldn't? I just don't think girls should be getting guys presents on Valentine's Day. I don't think so either. Yeah.

Okay, so let's answer the question, though. What do you think he should do? I think before that, it's only December. This girl is going to give, no, no, no. No, they're talking about Christmas. Oh, Christmas. So this girl's about to get him a Christmas present. One of the girls he's hooking up with. I say, if you give her a gift, you're only more leaning her on. I think your gift to her would be like, we're not going to date. Before she gives it to you, you say that.

Yeah, like we're going home for Christmas break. Like, look, I think you think this is something different. I'm like not at that stage yet. Did you ever have the balls to say that, Austin? I was a big ghoster before ghost was a term. I just was like, you knew why you were with me. I was a rebound guy for three weeks and that was it. This isn't going to be anything more than three weeks. You are what's wrong. I have no idea what you just said. So.

I think that what we said and what Paige said is that you, okay, Paige, you're so right. Do not buy a man a gift. Okay. The man, the man in this situation, if he buys her a gift, that is, that is the ultimate lead on. That is the ultimate lead on. Yeah. And, uh, you're obviously just going to hurt this girl because it sounds like she's not number one on your roster. It sounds like she might be like number two.

Number three or four. Number one on your roster, buy her something really nice. Yeah, buy her something thoughtful. Or not expensive, but thoughtful. Yeah.

Like, remember her favorite flowers or... No, I don't like flowers. What are my favorite flowers? Craig, that is crazy. Craig, what are my favorite... I can't say it because I have... I've kept a list of the things that Paige has randomly said for the last four months about shit she wants. And what are Paige's favorite flowers? Here, I'm going to give away one of your presents. What are Paige's favorite flowers? I don't know. Peony. Yeah. Okay. So I've kept a list. Everyone out there, send flowers to at Paige to Thorbell. Yeah.

Sometimes she gets flowers and she's like, thank you so much. Craig, I'm like, it wasn't me. Do you know I had someone do that to me? I got flowers from a guy and I texted another guy and I said, thank you so much for these flowers. And he said, you're welcome. And then I realized it was from someone else. And three guesses who I used to do that with. They'd be like, oh, thanks for the flowers. And I'd be like,

Okay. I will give you guys a spoiler because she got me a penguin. This doesn't compare to that. So we were walking around in Target one day, Paige and I, and she saw, and this is really stupid, but she was like, she saw a waffle maker and was like, I've always wanted a waffle maker. Fuck, Craig, stop talking. I want to tell everyone. You got me a waffle maker?

waffle maker? Yeah, because this is the tips I'm going to tell everyone. Start a note on your phone and when your girlfriend says these random little things like, okay, Paige can obviously afford a fucking like $60 waffle maker. She just has never bought it for herself. And so she said it and I started a note on my phone back in like September or October and I was like... You could have just given me the note and I would have been happy. I know, babe, but like that's the small like...

Those are the weird things that like, and she said a few other things over the months that I'm not going to give away. But yeah, so like a waffle maker. I was like, yes. Like, you know, people can buy whatever they want. Like Paige can buy whatever she wants, but she's always wanted a waffle maker. And in my head, I was like, why the fuck haven't you bought one? This Valentine's Day guy was, I always wanted an air fryer. He said he was getting it for me and he never got it. Paige, I don't want to hear about the Valentine's Day guy ever again.

This guy sounds like he's a real loser. Yeah. He's actually a really nice guy. Fuck. Hope he's doing well. You know what? I want to hang out with him. You would actually really like him. He's very funny. That's what he's doing now. He's killing people. I'm going to start a podcast with him. Paige, I don't want... Baby, thank you for my waffle maker. I love it. No, I can't return. I can't.

Craig, but I want waffles too. Just give it to me. Come over for breakfast. All right. Y'all recently discussed weddings and size. There was an article out about couples downsizing the weddings that got postponed during the pandemic. We are doing that. How do you go about inviting 100 plus people? Oh, so that means they had already sent their invites out and then they have to renew it? Here's my answer.

I think because I'm a part of two of these weddings and I know that I'm not invited to the second one. Mm hmm.

Well, what? Okay. I'll just tell you. One was Lala and Randall, which for multiple reasons, I'm not invited, but I knew I wasn't invited. You can speculate why. And Stassi and Bo. I was invited. What happened to Lala and Randall? So I, you're not going to have, she's the next girl you have on your podcast. Well, we have had her. Oh, you have? Yeah, we have. But I want her again. Yeah, you need her now. So Stassi and Bo are a good example.

I'm friends with them. I saw him in LA recently. I was invited to their big wedding, like out at Lake Cuomo or whatever, like Italy. Yeah.

I knew that once COVID happened, unless I received a new invitation to their new wedding, that I wasn't invited anymore. Yeah. So I'd say that any fucking mature person knows that like, unless you receive an invite to the new wedding, you're not fucking going. That happened to me too. And it was one of my girlfriends from college or from high school. And I didn't bat an eye. No, it just makes sense. Yeah. Now you're going to have people give you shit. Like I just had a friend of mine, like,

He acts like a catty little bitch. And I like, it was stupid, which I can't wait to tell Austin about this. I feel like weddings are so different now. It's awesome. Would do. Okay. What's your take on it? If you don't get invited to the new after COVID wedding, do you assume like if you got invited to the wedding before COVID, do you assume that you're invited to the Africa of a wedding? I didn't. I was like, I have to put in three more years of friendship to these people to get invited again.

And alive. I also doesn't even remember he got the first invite. Yeah. I was like, I didn't have my assistant yet. It wasn't on my calendar. Unless I'm in your wedding party. I don't give a shit. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Sorry. What was the question? So the question was, how do you go about uninviting a hundred plus people? I don't think you uninvite them here. This is what I would do. You're going to invite them.

Your wedding in Rome? Go abroad and get married and then come back and act like you got rescued from sea like fucking Tom Hanks. There's so many questions though. Does she have a new date? Does she have a new venue? Your invite

We were supposed to get married last year and you were invited too. It's done. It's all and done. Yeah. All you say is that now I'm inviting. You don't say anything. If you don't get a new invite to the new wedding, you don't come to the wedding. No. Hey, I'm sorry you didn't get to come to the wedding that never happened. That's it.

I mean, no, you don't say that. I'm just saying like you have their invite on the wall. Whoever contacts you and says, hey, I realize you didn't invite me to your like post-COVID wedding and has like does a stink about it. Un-front them in real life on social media. Let's give them a constructive because this question's

I respect this question. A constructive answer for me would be you send out new invites. Yep. That's it. And the people that get the new invites to the new wedding come to your wedding and that's it. And you don't say shit to the other people. Because look, if Bill and Stassi never invited me to their new wedding...

I would never say a fucking word about it. No one has that nerve. Man, that would have been really fun. But damn. And then you move on with your day. Yeah, because you have your own life to live. Yeah. Yeah, but what if DJ and Paulina have a fight? Well, that's different. We're going to that. Yeah, we're going. I'm sorry. Before Craig and I even started dating, I was like, yeah, I said to Paulina, I was like, I'm coming. No, man, just like, if you break up with me, I'm still coming. Yeah.

Deny me this pleasure in life. I will dress up as a server. And I will serve you crab cakes. And I will be at that wedding. I will be there. All right. So these next four questions are really good. So we're going to take a quick break.

Real quick. And then we're going to come back and answer these next four questions and be done with part two. I love how Craig is talking himself through everything. And we're going to be done, I think. And on the top 100 today. We have Wait by Kid Lavoie.

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Vermont. Still Vermont. Individuals other than Kyle. Craig. Craig and Austin. Jason on the tables. Best two-os ever. I think that that is in the front running for our podcast, Craig. Yeah, that's good. I miss you. Hi, Craig. Why don't you read a question? Question four. Random question.

Not all random. Do you like to be the big spoon or the little spoon while cuddling? This is awesome because it will affect all three of us in this question. Wait, before we do this, what's that rap song where like the beginning of it is like, we got to call her on line number one. And it's like Chris Brown or something. That should be the song before you do questions. I know what you're talking about, but I will never remember that.

maybe it's like joel santana joel's north carolina no wrong that's pd pablo pal take your shirt off twist it around here that's pd pablo pubs joel santana played warrior oh man was pd pablo the one that was like yeah gasolina

That was the Macarena. No, Gasolina. Gasolina. Oh, no, no, no. What'd I do? I combined two songs. And I know my Gasolina. Oh, yeah, I did. No, no, no, no. Yeah, you're right. I did that. Yeah, that is what I did. All right, here. I'll start off then. True. I do not like being the big spoon other than the girl that I love and making her feel happy.

being comforted the thing is is that I sleep on the left side of the bed so my right arm is always gonna go fucking dead and I absolutely fucking hate it so unfortunately like Paige will have me come over to hug her I hug you way more in the middle of the night oh my god this is so sweet I can feel her get so like she'll go limp comfortable and be like Craig's here

And unfortunately in my head, I'm like, I'm uncomfortable. This is only, this is short lived. And as soon as I think she's falls asleep, I have to somehow maneuver my body away from her, which she's like, Oh, I actually, as the girl love being the big spoon. Really? I feel her come over and she does. I'm a big spoon morning girl. I'll grab her right arm and I'll be like, so like if Craig is,

not facing you. You're like, and you'd go over and you, during sleep hours, we're on opposite sides. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're sleeping. Yeah. Normal people. Yeah. So if you fall asleep and you wake up on top of your partner, then grow up, grow up. Yeah. That's the first time you had sex. You virgin. Yeah.

Or like you wake up and you're like, get off me. Like, I mean, like, no, there are times where I'm like, I'm hot. Yeah. The fuck off. No, seriously. It happens naturally. It's like, it's really nice at first. He sleeps hot. She is like, my, my thermostat is set lower when she's here than when she's not. Because my bedroom, um, I like to be the big, but what do you do with your arm?

You ever have like a baseball injury and you're like younger? Well, like what you do is that normally I like for it to be my right arm that's underneath. Right. And around and up. Up. And like it's on. Up is key. Yeah. Up. Thank you. Jeez. Yeah, but then you just sit there with your elbow. No, that's not entirely true. It's up like this. Yes, it's up like this. And then what you can do is you can grab the hand and you can hold it. Oh, yeah.

Craig. Shut up. Come on. You never do that. And that is. And then you're double. You're double. Absolutely. Yeah. You can have the key or sorry. You can have the hand like right around like the boob area and then one above the pillow area. Yeah. And you're like double hold it. Double handhold. Boom. Okay. But how long do you hold it? Boom. You're pregnant. Okay. Yeah. And boom. And boom goes the dynamite. You're pregnant. Yeah.

And what should we name them? Yeah. Right. You don't even tell your parents. Memento cheese. Conover. And yeah. And how long do you hold it? How long do you hold it? How long do you hold it? 15 minutes. Yeah. As long as I can last. I swear to God, I was about to say 15 minutes. Okay. If you put a time on it, then it's great. Do you want to know something so gross and like in love? We fall asleep a lot facing each other. That's true.

That's cute. That's shit. That's fine. Yeah. And then you can like, you know, and then it's like, okay, see ya. Paige doesn't like a lot of footplay, which I hate feet, but my out for cuddling is touching feet.

So like I'll move my foot over or my leg. You've started to like put your leg over mine, but I'll like touch your feet so that I don't have to like, no, you'll be on the other side of the bed and you'll just throw your arm over like, Hey, I'm still here. And you'll like hold my thigh. I like that. Like when I'm touching you. Yeah. But I don't like when you're hugging me. I will say that. What was I going to say? Um, question.

It's all different. Sometimes I'm big. Sometimes I'm little. Oh, this is what I would say. Isn't it really fun when you find someone that fits your shape? Austin, you know what I'm saying about this? Yeah. Like we've cuddled with a lot of people in our lives. Earmuffs. Earmuffs page. Who? When you find someone that just fits into your arms, like her head instead of like being next to your head goes on your chest. And so that your arm doesn't have to stick up in the air. It goes around her like, no.

to her shoulders and now she's cuddling on her chest. I think that has nothing to do with bodies. I think that has everything to do with just connection. Pheromones. Yeah. Such a pheromone thing. Okay. I've been wanting to say this word for a minute and she just kind of said it. Yeah. It gave me the segue to say that like somebody's pheromones, like clearly y'all are like, you know, I can't see them, you know, now, but it's like the pheromones, it's such a huge thing. It's like you love their smell. You love their everything. You're like,

I have had boyfriends where I have been like, your smell, like when you get back from the gym, makes me disgusted. Sure. I don't want to cuddle with you in bed. Well, you've never smelled Craig's before because he's never been to the gym until just recently. I will tell you something. One of our biggest text messages is me saying to Craig, I can't wait to fucking smell you this weekend. I love it. Like, I'm obsessed.

with his smell. Y'all are annoying me right now. That's actually the most flattering thing that you've said to me. But like, I came out from the gym today and it was fine. But I do think that there's a shape and like, I... Hold on. What happened when you came out from the gym today, Craig? Craig got in the shower. No. And did you get in the shower too? No. I'm a lady and I'll be treated as such. Well, I think you don't want to be treated as such. Something tells me... You didn't ask why I was late to the gym. Oh,

Oh, God. Okay. I want him to lift extra. Because you're always late to the gym, Craig. That's why. No, not recently. You were saying that, and I was like, I'm never late to the gym. And then I did it. Anyway, okay. Next question. So as we come back, do you like being a big spinner or a little spinner? Both. I think. Oh, my God. Are we still doing this? No, no. I'm just saying to answer the question, I think it's fun to touch in bed, but you've got to understand why the guy can't sleep there all night. Yeah. Or the girl can't sleep there all night.

Okay. Next question. If you send a girl, wait, Nick, finish writing that out. Yeah. I've been listening since episode one, since it's Christmas time, who has been naughty and who has been nice. Do you know that I have a conspiracy theory that we didn't go to the moon?

I think it's kind of accurate. It's not yours. It's a very well-known... No, but I didn't use... I mean, when I say mine, I mean I didn't used to believe that. Now I do. We didn't go to the moon. That's crazy. 19... The flag is flying. Wait, do you want to be added to our conspiracy list phone calls? Yes. Yes. Immediately, yes. So we got Cameron, Spencer... Call Spencer right now. Just call Spencer. Just fucking call him. Because no way, no way, we had a clear signal. Just call Spencer, dude. Just see if he answers. I'm going to say it.

A clear signal from moon to earth? No. No, we're calling Spencer right now. Fuck you. We can't even get a text in Craig's attic. Here he comes. This is epic. Yeah. Yeah, this is epic. His headphones are dead. You guys have to prank phone call people. Like, hey. You can star six seven. Prank phone call. I want to know what he thinks about the moon landing. Is Joe there?

Joe Mama? Is there a refrigerator running? Yeah, you got it.

Spence. Did we go to the moon? Greg and Austin and Paige here. Paige is joining our list of not conspiracy theorists, but believers. And she doesn't think we went to the moon. I'd love to know what you think about this. We love you so much. Call us back. We're podcasting now. You and Heidi. Love you. Bye. To say what I really mean...

I think we've been to the moon since. I don't think we went when they said we went. It was a fight with Russia. It was a race. And there was not a clear signal from the moon to our televisions. In what year is it? In the 60s? Yeah, I don't know how their transmission worked. Yeah, it did. I can't even send a text from this room right now. Oh, so all of a sudden we didn't go to the moon. Yeah, we didn't. Listen, the fact that the flag...

Was waving, wasn't it? And there's no atmosphere. Ooh, Craig. Ooh, Craig. I mean, you guys all know that. Yeah, we all know that shit. I think we were there, and then we faked a video instead of showing the real video we were there. You see this shit? Transformers were back there. That's Craig. Wait, this is funny. If you proposed to Paige, what color diamond would she be? I don't even know what that question is. Color? What are you talking about? It's a goddamn diamond. I don't want a color. It's a bunch of color.

Fuck. I don't even know. We don't know. We talked about this today. Yeah, we did. I don't know much about diamonds. She thinks my mom's ring is cool as fuck. Yeah, I do. I love your mom's ring. Anyway, Austin doesn't give a fuck. No, I don't. Do you not care about my future engagement ring? Listen, I definitely do. And I want you all to talk about it. No, you don't. Because we're going to end up in a store together. Just talk about it. People are going to be like,

I'm going to be like, Austin, what the fuck? I already know what's going to happen. I don't want to pick. Craig's going to text me from there. And I'm literally going to sit back. You'll never be asked. I will gather information about what you like and what you don't like. That's what I'm going to do too. I do not believe in the girl picking out her engagement. I don't either. But please call someone.

I will ask you questions like I did today. Oh, you know who's going to call? Who's going to call? Sierra and Amanda. Yeah. Yeah. No, because they wouldn't be able to keep it quiet. Yes, they would. No, they wouldn't. Yes, they would. Who you don't call is my mom. She won't keep it quiet. This is who I would ask is Cameron. I would ask Cameron. I would ask Cameron. It's a good one. And I would say like,

But I'm going to take notes from what you say, like today and stuff. We're talking about my encouragement ring. I know. Sorry, I was looking at this arm. You're right. Nick, I'm surprised you don't have any more guest questions, but Spencer would have killed it. Look, and then look.

Guys, this is so much fun. Thank you so much for having me on your pod. Even though Craig was nervous to ask me. I think you're worth money, right? You're valuable and I didn't want to use you as a free asset. Oh, bitch, I'm worth money. I dare you to ask Craig how much he thinks you're worth. How much do you think I'm worth, Craig? I'm on to our podcast. Craig, don't answer this question. It's a lose, fucking lose, dude. Lose, lose. Oh, my God. I would have paid you a couple grand to come on. Oh, my God, Paige. He only put you at a couple grand.

To come on a podcast, yeah. Yes, to come on a podcast. But I don't get paid to go on podcasts. I know, baby, but okay. Well, guys, it was a pleasure having Paige here. You'll probably hear her again soon. We'll see you next week. Paige, thank you so much. Paige, it's been awesome. And Austin with Pillows and Beer. We love you so much.

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